Liz and Brace suffer through a sweltering studio—no AC, just fans—while joking about stripping down to ice-pack floaties and debating absurd seduction moves like "it jabba wonga" (a Bushwick worm reference). Brace skips Barbenheimer events due to illness, preferring air-conditioned theaters over their sauna-like setup, as they tease a chaotic episode ahead. [Automatically generated summary]
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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Can't Keep It On
00:03:58
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| Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and germs. | |
| Yeah. | |
| We are in a literal sweatbox. | |
| It's hot in here. | |
| It is so hot. | |
| It's so hot and sweaty. | |
| And guess what? | |
| Yeah. | |
| We can't have the AC on. | |
| We can't have the AC on because it shows up in the microphone. | |
| We have a fan going because we can't make it through the episode if we don't have it on. | |
| Let me ask you this, Liz. | |
| You see me right now. | |
| What else is voice you're doing? | |
| I'm just talking to you. | |
| I'm just talking to you. | |
| No. | |
| Please keep your shirt on. | |
| There's two buttons left. | |
| It's all good. | |
| Let me ask you this. | |
| You're at the bar, right? | |
| Or the club even. | |
| And you see a smoking female. | |
| Like she's smoking or? | |
| Either one. | |
| Okay. | |
| Actually, yeah, she's in a tight little red number. | |
| She's smoking a long Virginia Slim. | |
| A Capri. | |
| A Capri, a vagina slime. | |
| That's what we used to call it. | |
| That's the middle. | |
| Fucking disgusting. | |
| Virginia Slim's vagina slimes in high school. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That is, you know what? | |
| Here's a little hot tip. | |
| Don't ever tell anyone that. | |
| Go up to her. | |
| No. | |
| And ask her for what? | |
| No. | |
| You approach her, right? | |
| You got your fucking, so the top of your head obviously, the top of your head obviously, is kind of like a worm's tail. | |
| Excuse me? | |
| What do you mean, obviously? | |
| Obviously, the top of your head, instead of just ending your hair, kind of goes around your shoulder like a worm's tail. | |
| And you go up to her and you go with your tongue, just like flicking it, not in a sexual manner, in like a way that like it seems like that's your language and that's how you communicate. | |
| And you just hit her with, it won a wonga. | |
| What is that? | |
| That's exactly what she'd say. | |
| And then you do the fucking weird teeth and mouth thing again. | |
| You go, it jabba wonga. | |
| It dotta. | |
| And she's just staring at you wide-eyed, just like, what is he saying to me? | |
| That is so sexy. | |
| I don't think that's what the response would be. | |
| No, you get, yeah, believe me, I've tried this. | |
| And you just do the tongue thing a couple more times and then you take her by the hand and you lead her over to your homie's house. | |
| Now, in this case, your homie is a very fat worm named Jabba the Hutt, who happens to be sort of a popular Bushwick. | |
| I'm bringing this stuff up here. | |
| Ladies and gentlemen, I wish it was a cold open because it is hot in this room right now. | |
| Sam, we just started. | |
| We only just started. | |
| We're actually going to do, you're going to be listening to this episode and you're going to be like, wow, did I accidentally put it on one and a half speed or maybe even two speed or three speed? | |
| We're actually going to pre-speed it up for you. | |
| We're going to do speed it up manually. | |
| We're going to talk really fast through the whole episode. | |
| Get done real fast because we have to get done through all this stuff that we're talking about today. | |
| We have a lot. | |
| Because it's so fucking hot. | |
| It is so hot in this room. | |
| I, that I, I, I am thinking genuinely of next time bringing just a one of those bags of ice with me. | |
| Just kind of slather it on my motherfucking body. | |
| Yeah, you gotta do it real quick because it's gonna melt. | |
| It's gonna melt. | |
| That'd be crazy. | |
| You could put ice packs all over your body, though. | |
| Strap myself with peas. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Coming in here. | |
| I can kind of do it. | |
| Kind of like put them around your arms like little floaties. | |
| Yeah, or makes it wear a long sleeve shirt, make it look like I got crazy muscles. | |
| Yeah, totally. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, muscle shirt, but Iceman style. | |
| That's a great. | |
| Wow. | |
| We should make that. | |
| Hello, everyone. | |
| I'm Liz. | |
| My name is Brace. | |
| We're, of course, joined by producer Young Chomsky and a mysterious figure from the CIA known only as the Colonel. | |
| God, stop trying to make the Colonel a thing. | |
| It's not going to be a thing. | |
| People like it. | |
| I've tried to use the Colonel for a while. | |
|
Stop Making the Colonel a Thing
00:00:52
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| You don't say people like it. | |
| Nobody. | |
| People like the Colonel. | |
| No, people are going to say they like it. | |
| You just, because you don't like him. | |
| And this is true, Anon. | |
| Hello, everyone. | |
| Hello. | |
| Before we start today, Brace. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I have a little bit of a pop culture question for you. | |
| No, don't. | |
| Stop doing it. | |
| Stop doing it. | |
| That makes me mad. | |
| Did you partake in any Barbenheimer activities? | |
| No. | |
| No. | |
| Wait, why not? | |
| What do you mean, why not? | |
| Why not? | |
| I just didn't. | |
| I got going to the pictures every weekend. | |
| I've been sick as fuck. | |
| Yeah, but it's nice in the movie theater. | |
| It is. | |
| It's certainly a lot nicer than this goddamn hot box of a studio. | |
| But no, I did not. | |