True Anon Truth Feed - [PREVIEW] Episode 308: Jeffrey's Palace Aired: 2023-07-31 Duration: 04:51 === Can't Keep It On (03:58) === [00:00:00] Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and germs. [00:00:02] Yeah. [00:00:03] We are in a literal sweatbox. [00:00:06] It's hot in here. [00:00:07] It is so hot. [00:00:10] It's so hot and sweaty. [00:00:12] And guess what? [00:00:13] Yeah. [00:00:13] We can't have the AC on. [00:00:15] We can't have the AC on because it shows up in the microphone. [00:00:19] We have a fan going because we can't make it through the episode if we don't have it on. [00:00:25] Let me ask you this, Liz. [00:00:27] You see me right now. [00:00:28] What else is voice you're doing? [00:00:29] I'm just talking to you. [00:00:30] I'm just talking to you. [00:00:32] No. [00:00:32] Please keep your shirt on. [00:00:34] There's two buttons left. [00:00:36] It's all good. [00:00:38] Let me ask you this. [00:00:39] You're at the bar, right? [00:00:40] Or the club even. [00:00:42] And you see a smoking female. [00:00:44] Like she's smoking or? [00:00:46] Either one. [00:00:47] Okay. [00:00:47] Actually, yeah, she's in a tight little red number. [00:00:50] She's smoking a long Virginia Slim. [00:00:53] A Capri. [00:00:54] A Capri, a vagina slime. [00:00:56] That's what we used to call it. [00:00:57] That's the middle. [00:00:58] Fucking disgusting. [00:00:59] Virginia Slim's vagina slimes in high school. [00:01:00] Yeah. [00:01:01] That is, you know what? [00:01:02] Here's a little hot tip. [00:01:04] Don't ever tell anyone that. [00:01:05] Go up to her. [00:01:06] No. [00:01:06] And ask her for what? [00:01:07] No. [00:01:08] You approach her, right? [00:01:09] You got your fucking, so the top of your head obviously, the top of your head obviously, is kind of like a worm's tail. [00:01:18] Excuse me? [00:01:18] What do you mean, obviously? [00:01:20] Obviously, the top of your head, instead of just ending your hair, kind of goes around your shoulder like a worm's tail. [00:01:26] And you go up to her and you go with your tongue, just like flicking it, not in a sexual manner, in like a way that like it seems like that's your language and that's how you communicate. [00:01:35] And you just hit her with, it won a wonga. [00:01:39] What is that? [00:01:40] That's exactly what she'd say. [00:01:41] And then you do the fucking weird teeth and mouth thing again. [00:01:44] You go, it jabba wonga. [00:01:46] It dotta. [00:01:48] And she's just staring at you wide-eyed, just like, what is he saying to me? [00:01:52] That is so sexy. [00:01:53] I don't think that's what the response would be. [00:01:56] No, you get, yeah, believe me, I've tried this. [00:01:59] And you just do the tongue thing a couple more times and then you take her by the hand and you lead her over to your homie's house. [00:02:04] Now, in this case, your homie is a very fat worm named Jabba the Hutt, who happens to be sort of a popular Bushwick. [00:02:14] I'm bringing this stuff up here. [00:02:40] Ladies and gentlemen, I wish it was a cold open because it is hot in this room right now. [00:02:45] Sam, we just started. [00:02:47] We only just started. [00:02:49] We're actually going to do, you're going to be listening to this episode and you're going to be like, wow, did I accidentally put it on one and a half speed or maybe even two speed or three speed? [00:02:58] We're actually going to pre-speed it up for you. [00:03:01] We're going to do speed it up manually. [00:03:03] We're going to talk really fast through the whole episode. [00:03:05] Get done real fast because we have to get done through all this stuff that we're talking about today. [00:03:08] We have a lot. [00:03:09] Because it's so fucking hot. [00:03:10] It is so hot in this room. [00:03:13] I, that I, I, I am thinking genuinely of next time bringing just a one of those bags of ice with me. [00:03:20] Just kind of slather it on my motherfucking body. [00:03:22] Yeah, you gotta do it real quick because it's gonna melt. [00:03:24] It's gonna melt. [00:03:25] That'd be crazy. [00:03:26] You could put ice packs all over your body, though. [00:03:28] Strap myself with peas. [00:03:30] Yeah. [00:03:30] Coming in here. [00:03:31] I can kind of do it. [00:03:32] Kind of like put them around your arms like little floaties. [00:03:34] Yeah, or makes it wear a long sleeve shirt, make it look like I got crazy muscles. [00:03:37] Yeah, totally. [00:03:38] Yeah. [00:03:38] Yeah, muscle shirt, but Iceman style. [00:03:40] That's a great. [00:03:41] Wow. [00:03:42] We should make that. [00:03:42] Hello, everyone. [00:03:43] I'm Liz. [00:03:44] My name is Brace. [00:03:45] We're, of course, joined by producer Young Chomsky and a mysterious figure from the CIA known only as the Colonel. [00:03:53] God, stop trying to make the Colonel a thing. [00:03:55] It's not going to be a thing. [00:03:56] People like it. [00:03:57] I've tried to use the Colonel for a while. === Stop Making the Colonel a Thing (00:52) === [00:03:58] You don't say people like it. [00:03:59] Nobody. [00:04:00] People like the Colonel. [00:04:01] No, people are going to say they like it. [00:04:02] You just, because you don't like him. [00:04:03] And this is true, Anon. [00:04:04] Hello, everyone. [00:04:05] Hello. [00:04:06] Before we start today, Brace. [00:04:09] Yeah. [00:04:10] I have a little bit of a pop culture question for you. [00:04:17] No, don't. [00:04:18] Stop doing it. [00:04:19] Stop doing it. [00:04:21] That makes me mad. [00:04:24] Did you partake in any Barbenheimer activities? [00:04:29] No. [00:04:30] No. [00:04:31] Wait, why not? [00:04:33] What do you mean, why not? [00:04:35] Why not? [00:04:36] I just didn't. [00:04:38] I got going to the pictures every weekend. [00:04:41] I've been sick as fuck. [00:04:44] Yeah, but it's nice in the movie theater. [00:04:45] It is. [00:04:45] It's certainly a lot nicer than this goddamn hot box of a studio. [00:04:49] But no, I did not.