"America’s Sweetheart" kicks off with a dystopian satire—baby cannibalism for "wrong politics," executions over watching Fat Bastard, and rat-eating neighbors punished for jeans—before pivoting to Joe Rogan vs. Lex Friedman, dubbing the latter the "thinking man’s Rogan" while joking about weed-fueled marathon episodes. The host mocks Andrew Huberman’s hyper-detailed health rants (protein synthesis, cold plunges) and slips in a Seinfeld-style Costanza dig, framing it all as a critique of modern podcast culture’s absurd extremes. [Automatically generated summary]
When I was a young boy, growing up in North California, my uncle, who was a rat, was eaten by my family because we had no food to eat due to the fact that our governor was very fat and a communist.
The rat was mostly eaten by a baby who my family also ate.
My other uncle, who was woke, said that we needed to eat that baby because the baby was not a Democrat.
I said, that wasn't freedom.
He disagreed.
We ate the baby in the manner of Fat Bastard, a character from a documentary that my other uncle was executed for watching.
After eating that baby, we knocked on our neighbor's door, but we found only rats because our neighbors had been eating for wearing blue jeans.
Then we ate those rats and also a couple other babies we found.
When I escaped from North California, I thought I could find freedom in American universities like Arizona State University, where I majored in communications and marketing.
But there, I was indoctrinated with critical race theory.
Wow.
There kind of isn't a girl Rogan, is there?
I'm the girl Rogan.
You are.
There needs to be a- There is a girl Rogan.
Her name is Liz.
Hello.
Hello, Liz.
Oh, well, if you're Joe, then, of course, me, Lex Friedman, Brace Belden, and with us, of course, on the ones and two.
DJ, young Chomsky.
Just kidding.
He's a synthesizer player.
And the podcast is called?
It's called True Non-Hill.
Hello, everyone.
Hello.
Wait, I have a question.
Uh-huh.
I got a couple questions.
Okay.
Before this episode, I had actually never listened to Joe Rogan.
These females.
These females.
Is Lex Friedman in the Rogan universe or is he just listened to by also listeners of Joe Rogan?
This is my – I find Lex Friedman to be unbearable.
Well, to be clear, I've never listened to him.
Unbearable.
He is on another level than I.
I have no idea who he is.
In my head, he looks like Lex Luther.
I don't really know.
Lex Luther's bald?
Or is that Kingpin?
I might be thinking of the Spider-Man villain, Kingpin.
They're both bald.
You know who should get together?
Kingpin should get together with a penguin, but that's neither here nor there because that'd be a crazy short fat guy.
Tall big guy kind of.
Although, I don't think that the penguin needs to canonically be bald.
He's not.
But he doesn't think that's a good idea.
No, but it's about the height and the sort of.
No, we've been over this.
Big guy, little guy, classic.
We love that combo.
So Friedman is like the thinking man's Rogan and Rogan is like the non-thinking man's Friedman.
But the way I think of it, I'm sure Rogan likes Friedman and has he done the crossover?
I'm sure that there has been crossovers at some point.
It seems like Friedman kind of gets like second run Rogan guests and fills kind of the same niche of like three hour conversation between.
Why are these conversations so long?
We've done three hour podcasts before, right?
Yeah, and people complained about we hate doing it.
Because the one we did about Vegas?
That one was good.
Was it?
I liked it.
Yeah.
It's canonical.
It entered the Vegas canon, but the Mandalay Bay canon.
But that was, I got to tell you, by the end of that three hours, it was cool seeing Felix go for that long, I got to say.
Yeah, that was a little bit of a marathon for him.
But I mean, I just, I get antsy after an hour and a half.
Boy, do I know?
And these guys are just, I think it's weed.
I think weeds are implanted in their little seats.
It's just a lot.
I mean, that's like that other guy, Huberman.
Yeah.
That's a health thing, right?
Yeah, but those episodes are like three and a half hours.
My question is this.
Who's listening to that before?
How many things do you need to know about health?
So much.
But like, you're learning three hours of new revelations about health every week.
Yeah, and that's a lot of athletic greens ads.
I'll tell you.
I'm just like, how, jogging's probably good for you.
I'm sure lifting weights.
It's more so like the science of like, I don't know, protein synthesis.
Three Hours of Health Revelations00:00:30
Don't care.
Cold plunges.
Cold plunges.
Oh, you know what?
I do a cold shower, though.
I love it.
I've endorsed a cold plunge on the show.
Have you?
Yeah.
Well, I said I do.
I've been doing it Spidey 8.
Yeah, I love a cold plunge.
But I gotta feel it.
But I don't know about the brand cold plunge.
I hate it.
But it feels healthy.
It feels great.
It feels healthy.
You gotta do it.
You gotta goop it out.
And a lot of the times, maybe when I see a naked lady, I go, oh, I gotta go take a cold shower, guys, in a group of my friends.