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July 8, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
07:16
Seems Like Life Is Random
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So when you date, and how are we going to have disputes?
How are we going to resolve disputes?
And you've got to play by the rules.
Doesn't mean you don't need to be reminded of the rules from time to time, but yeah, you don't yell, you don't intimidate, you don't storm out, you don't gossip, you don't bully, you don't, right?
Just treat each other reasonably.
And you can test that all out in the dating world.
Share shared values, shared methodologies of resolving disputes.
The shared values include a similar approach to money.
So don't get married super young.
You put these things together, your chances of divorce are virtually zero.
Because the divorce statistics include all the idiots who marry just for lust or who marry because someone told them to or who panic marry or who marry despite obvious red flags.
I mean, it's like taking five people, two of whom are drunk drivers, and then saying, wow, you know, driving is really dangerous.
It's like, you don't think that the drunk drivers might be skewing that danger a little bit?
I mean, I mean, I've been, I came from a broken home.
All my friends, most of my friends had no dads, broken homes.
And I've been married now 23 years.
We're going to stay together forever.
It's perfect because I did some, I mean, I did therapy and all of that, but I did some wise things and she did some wise things in our conversations ahead of time.
You have some control over these things.
It's not like a crapshoot.
It's not like, wow, you know, they're two guys in a room, man.
The bullet of divorce is going to hit one of them.
I hope that's passive and that's bullshit.
It's bullshit.
It's bullshit.
Life is not a dice roll.
Life is not random.
I didn't get randomly deplatformed.
I didn't get randomly deplatformed.
But I did have a random salad and have a little something stuck in my teeth.
It's better.
It's better now.
So life is not random.
And of course, I'm sort of here to try and give you some tips and tools that will help you not fall prey to randomness.
It's like taking five people, two of whom are chain smokers, and saying, ooh, you mix all those statistics in together.
You say, oh man, lung cancer is super common.
It's like, yeah, but you mix the smokers in with the people who don't smoke, so it's really not very accurate.
Take the idiots out of the marriage pool and put in sensible people who talk about values and virtues.
And the risk of divorce, 5% or less.
And of that 5%, I don't know.
I mean, who knows, right?
I don't know what the answer is to that, but it doesn't really matter.
95% success rate.
Yeah, thinking that life is random diminishes or removes one's self-agency.
Sure.
And here's the thing, too.
I got to tell you, I'm sure this is true to some degree with single fathers, but it really is true of single mothers, which is this.
People who've made really, really bad decisions in their life are addicted to telling you that life is random.
There was no way I could have known that your father was going to be unfaithful.
I mean, it's true I stole him from his last girlfriend, who stole him from his last girlfriend, and he was dating four people over the course of our early dating relationship, but there was no way, right?
So people who've made bad decisions will constantly tell you that life is random and they had no control over the variables.
So I'm concerned that people are getting infected, infected by people's shitty justifications for shitty decisions and calling it some kind of rational approach to philosophy or life or choices.
There was no way to tell.
It just happened is what people who've made bad choices always say.
Always will say that, right?
So there's a lot of people out there who've made bad decisions.
They've married the wrong person.
They raised their children wrong.
They have lacked ambition.
They have lacked drive.
They've lacked concentration.
They've procrastinated.
They've laced around.
They've dated for pure hedonistic reasons and they fail.
And then they say, it's not me.
It's the system.
Now, does the system suck?
Like a vacuum.
And yes, the system sucks.
I get that.
But the system has always sucked, and it sucks in many ways less now than it ever has before.
You can meet a lot more women now than you ever could in the past, which means that you can be more selective.
Also, the fact that there are fewer good men and women out there also means that there are fewer good men and women looking, which means the ratio of people looking and good people is pretty much the same.
So let's say that half the people have been demoralized, but half the people are also bad people to date.
They're probably similar.
So the good people to good people ratio may not be as bad as you think it is.
And also, it's funny because the men say, well, the women are just looking for the top 5 or 10% of guys.
Well, I mean, if you're getting rejected a lot, you may be aiming higher than you can get in terms of looks, right?
And so you can look smacks, I guess, to some degree, but that only goes so far.
But the grim reality of life, if you want to know how attractive you are, look at the person you're married to.
That's pretty much it.
And I know the homath arguments that looks matching used to work, now it doesn't.
I get all of that for sure.
But if people of average looks didn't get together with people of average looks, there would be no people with average looks.
If people with below average looks didn't get together with people below average looks, there would be no people of below average looks.
Like women are willing to have sex with men who go bald.
Men are not willing to have sex with women who go bald as a whole, which is why there are bald men, but not bald women.
sigh you Yeah, female rejection is supposed to be horrible.
Yes, of course.
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