Aug. 20, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
33:25
5243 WHY YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT!
Start of the donor show 20 Aug 2023...I'm trying to lose weight. I work out every day and watch what I eat as well. However, I always buy junk food when I go grocery shopping. I don't purchase them consciously. It feels as if I fall into a trance, and it ends once I devour the junk food. Afterwards, I feel shame and regret, and I hate myself. I read many nutrition books and know the correct foods from the bad ones. However, I am still weak whenever I see junk. How can I remove this conditioning or feeling of being in a trance?Also:Hey Stef the girl I’m dating had 2 Covid shots to go on a cruise. When I asked her if she’d get more she said no but then later admitted she would in certain circumstances (traveling to see parents if sick). Due to how jab can affect fertility (and health) I’m not inclined to marry her. She also said she’d want kids vaxxed but I wouldn’t (no placebo controlled studies on vaccines hence no way of showing they’re safe). Are my concerns reasonable?WANT THE FULL SHOW?Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!Get access to StefBOT-AI, private livestreams, premium call in shows, my new book and the History of Philosophers series!See you soon!https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022
Hey Steph, the girl I'm dating had two COVID shots to go on a cruise.
When I asked her if she would get more,
She said no, but then later admitted she would in certain circumstances traveling to see parents if they were sick.
Due to how the jab can affect fertility and health, I'm not inclined to marry her.
She also said she'd want kids vaxxed, but I couldn't, but I wouldn't.
No placebo-controlled studies on vaccines, hence no way of showing they're safe.
Are my concerns reasonable?
Well, I can't speak to your medical concerns because, of course, I'm not a doctor.
I talk to enlightened doctors and do sensible research.
I can't speak to the medical concerns, but... Oh, let's see.
How awake and alert is everyone?
What is the one thing... What is the one thing that I can talk about that she said?
What is the one thing?
What is the one thing that I can't talk about that this woman said?
Shall I read it again?
Her choice to go on the cruise?
No, that's not philosophical.
Then it says, Hey Steph, the girl I'm dating had two covered shots to go on a cruise.
When I asked her if she'd get more, she said no, but then later admitted she would in certain circumstances, traveling to see parents if sick.
Due to how the jab can affect fertility and health, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
What's that one thing that I can talk about?
She lied.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She lied.
She said she wouldn't.
And then she said it went pressed, right?
Hit me with a why if you've ever been, I hate to say sort of a liar, like just everybody tells little lies from time to time and so on, right?
So hit me with a why if you've ever been in a relationship with somebody who has no particular conscience about lying.
Hit me with a why, if you've ever been in a relationship with somebody, other than the media, who has no particular conscience about lying.
What a ride, eh?
What a ride.
What a ride.
A romantic no, familial yes.
So all but one of you have said yes.
Cheddar Man has never been in a relationship with anybody who has no particular conscience about lying.
Wow.
Good for you, man.
That's fantastic.
I tip my hat.
I tip my hat to you.
All right, so for those of you who are listening and watching, you think he mistyped?
Wait, you think he's lying?
Oh my god, the circle is complete.
Inception has closed off and the man is now lying to us and is comfortable doing so about being in a relationship with people who are comfortable with lying.
The snake has eaten its own tail and the carbon atom is discovered.
All right.
So what's the result?
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.
Yeah, yeah.
We, uh, was in one relationship with a liar.
He passed off your philosophy as his own to look intelligent without giving you credit.
Oh, yeah, you know what?
That's, I'm sure that's something that happens.
If it's any, um, consolation, I pass off the muses of philosophy.
It's got its hand stuck up my butt and makes my brain work.
So, all right.
You started losing touch with reality?
Yeah, yeah.
The lies never stop.
It's a nightmare to get to the truth on anything.
Well, you certainly expect them to lie again to you.
I mean, I'm with House a little bit, like everybody lies from time to time.
I actually don't have any particular issue with lying as a skill to develop.
There are times in your life when you're going to have to lie.
And I don't have any particular issue with lying as a skill to develop.
I mean, let me sort of give you an example, right?
Lying can serve morality, right?
So if somebody steals your bike, and then you see it for sale, and you arrange to come over and see the bike,
To get the address where your bike is, and then you just go and take it back.
You're lying to the person, right?
Because you're saying, I just want to come and see the bike.
Where is it?
And then you go and take it back, right?
So in that, right, because you don't owe that person the truth, because that person has stolen your bike, right?
So
Yeah, I mean, it's a skill that is not the end of the world to be in possession of, and as I've always sort of talked about, morality is a relationship.
Morality is a relationship, so you owe moral considerations to those who are honorable, right?
Now, if you're in a relationship with somebody who lies, a person who lies, not a liar, again, that sort of, right?
Somebody says, I was mistaken.
I realized now I've been in a romantic relationship in which she lied to me.
My bad.
Now, that's not what I said, right?
Does anybody... I hate to be like Mr. Nag first thing in the morning.
Sorry, I had a wild sleep last night.
I slept for like, I don't know, nine hours or something.
That's why my voice is super Barry White, chill relaxed.
But I didn't say, have you ever been in a relationship?
With someone who lied.
Yeah, somebody who doesn't have an issue with lying.
Somebody who doesn't have a particular conscience about lying.
Somebody who can lie.
Lying is just a reasonable strategy to get what you want.
No matter what, right?
No matter if you've been honorable and there's no... It's just, well, you know when you... If you ever had a... This is sort of old school, I guess.
You have a bunch of keys and they're all kind of the same and
You just like when I used to work as a Oh, have I ever talked about this one?
I used to work as an office cleaner.
When I was in my mid teens.
Yeah, we talked about this.
I used to work as an office cleaner.
It was one of my three jobs.
I cleaned a travel agent's, I cleaned a doctor's office, and I think it was a dentist's office as well.
And I remember I would just put on my headphones.
I was really into the police and the Beatles and so on.
I'd listen to music while I just cleaned the offices, vacuumed and dusted and all of that.
And I remember there was this list of everything that I was supposed to do as well, like dust the floorboards.
I never did any of that stuff.
I just never did.
But, of course, I had a bunch of keys, right?
This is long before punch cards and all of that.
So I had a bunch of keys, and the keys all looked the same.
And so I would test the keys.
I would go in, empty the garbage, and wipe down everything, and dust things, and vacuum, and just clean the offices, right?
And so I had a bunch of keys to all the different places I was cleaning.
It was all in the Don Mills Mall back in the day.
So I would go and I would just try the keys out, right?
It wasn't a moral thing, it's just, well, which key fits in there?
Some of them went in and didn't turn and, you know, you jiggle a little bit and, of course, is this the window repair where you lied about having the skills?
No, that's not the window repair, but I did lie about having the skills.
It wasn't window repair, it was screen doors, to repair screen doors.
I said, oh yeah, I've had experience with that.
You look for the little weasel words, right?
It's like, yeah, I've broken a screen door.
I tried to repair it, didn't know what I was doing, so I've had some experience with that.
But yeah, I don't feel bad about that because I was a good worker and it took me about 10 minutes to learn how to fix a screen door, so no biggie.
So...
So I just tried the different locks.
Tried the different keys in the different locks, right?
And for some people, lying or telling the truth is just like, okay, well, does telling the truth get me what I want?
No?
Okay, well, maybe lying will get me what I want.
And it had no more conscience than me trying different keys in the locks, right?
There's no particular issue, right?
It's funny, you know, even though I'm talking about lying is okay under some circumstances, I still felt a little bit of a ding when somebody says, oh, is this the window repair, but you lied about having the skills.
Of all the immorality that I faced as a child, to focus on that is kind of funny, right?
All right.
Somebody says, group of friends had a couple that broke up and the girl started dating somebody else in secret, kept it from everybody but it destroyed the group.
No sense of what they were sacrificing relationships by hiding it.
They got their relationship.
Right?
Right.
Hit me with a why if you've ever started a relationship on cheating.
Either you cheated with the girl or she cheated with you.
Hell no.
No, it's not wildly uncommon.
It's not wildly uncommon.
Again, you know, one person, yes.
It's not a big judgment thing, I mean, we're all Lord of the Flies, lost souls trying to invent morality on the fly.
Yes, I have the girl broke up with her boyfriend to be with me.
Right.
You know, again, there's some technicalities around that, like if you didn't, if she knew you were waiting, it's not quite breaking up.
Only casual?
Yeah.
So you know that, and I actually know, I knew a couple, she was pregnant, believe it or not, when they first started trying to get together and they ended up, as far as I know, they got married, like later on.
Wild.
Wild.
So, with regards to the original question, right?
My issue, again, since I can't, or I suppose won't, talk about the medical stuff, I have no expertise to give you any medical advice and wouldn't in a million years dream of going beyond my expertise, but when pressed, right, would you ever take another booster?
No!
Are you sure?
What about this?
Well, oh yeah, well, okay, so then that's somebody just trying on different, they're just trying out different keys in the lock.
Like, oh, I'll say, I'll say yes, I won't get another, right?
And then, but if pressed, I'll switch.
Okay, but if, but if, but if, and so on, right?
So that's my particular concern.
What is her commitment to telling the truth?
What is her commitment to telling the truth?
And what are her standards for telling the truth?
You know, I mean, telling the truth is one of these interesting things, right?
Because, you know, you guys don't want to hear about how my bowels are working, right?
I mean, why would you, right?
It's irrelevant, it's, you know, it's unimportant, it's, you know, not the most elevated subject in the world.
So, I'm withholding information because I didn't tell you how my bowels worked.
Like, you know what I mean?
So, telling the truth is sort of, it's relevant, it's important, the person has earned it, and so on.
Yeah, perfect honesty doesn't mean anything.
We know you got a thumbs up from the colonoscopy.
Sorry, I just misread that.
I read we know you got a thumb up the colonoscopy.
I'm like, I think they went a little deeper than that.
I'm pretty sure they checked out my retina from the inside.
But yeah, well, I mean, but that was that was a funny story.
And also, that's just something that I would want to remind people might be worthwhile looking into particularly if you're over a certain age.
Somebody says, I was talking to a girl who was giving me the signals.
Asked if she was in a relationship.
She said yes.
Seeing it in real life was bizarre.
Yeah, so that's an amoral monkey-brancher, right?
She's like, I'll flirt with guys, and if there is a guy who's better, higher status, something or other, right?
Then... She'll jump to that guy.
But then, of course, because she'll jump to you, she'll jump from you.
Anyone who will cheat with you will cheat on you, and so on, right?
So that would be my issue.
So I would, as far as marriage goes,
I personally would view, say something around the vaccine, right?
She had two COVID shots to go on a cruise.
So what that means is that she's very susceptible to the argument from authority, right?
Isn't that
Really the big issue that happened with the vaccines?
People say it's safe and effective, right?
They say it's safe and effective.
And now there's a new variant coming out of Canada.
They might lock down again in the fall.
Well, of course they will, right?
I mean, because it worked last time and that's at the price of everyone complying, right?
So, she's susceptible to the argument from authority.
So, and for what, right?
To go on a cruise, right?
And it's a wild thing, too, that people are just saying, well, now you need more boosters and it's coming back.
And of course, it's just wild.
It's wild that nobody's talking about that this was never talked about before.
Nobody, nobody is ever, nobody's ever talking about how this was never talked about before.
You get your vaccines, you move on, you're done.
It's how we end the pandemic.
It's going to get rid of COVID.
It's going to restore us to the way things were.
That was the promise, right?
I mean, am I alone in, I'm not alone in remembering that.
Do you remember that that was, that was what everybody was told and that was the promise?
Hit me with a why if you remember that.
Yeah.
And now that's not what's happening at all.
And nobody's talking about it.
Nobody's talking about it.
Yeah.
Two weeks to stop the spread and slow the spread.
Yeah.
Nobody's nobody's talking about that.
I mean, it's kind of like an asylum, isn't it?
It's kind of like living in an asylum.
What happened yesterday doesn't exist.
Somebody says, uh, my parents would lie a lot.
I would lie about usually small things and would get punished for it.
But I have never seen my parents get in trouble for lies as a kid.
I would have to explain myself as answer.
I would have to explain myself as answer why I had, oh, as to why I had lied, but was never able or encouraged to challenge their lies or ask why they had lied.
Just more punishment for talking back.
Yeah.
I mean, those who can lie to you without repercussions, it's a mark of hierarchy, right?
It's a mark of hierarchy.
So the girl that you're dating with, she took COVID shots because she is susceptible to the argument from authority.
Okay.
So are you her authority?
So if somebody is susceptible to the argument from authority,
Are you her authority?
As her husband?
Or as her wife?
Right?
See, here's the thing, man.
You want to know what is really the- why do relationships break you?
Right?
Why do relationships break up?
I can tell you this right now.
Okay, hit me with a number.
I want to know how relevant this is.
We'll do this then we'll go donor.
How many breakups have you had?
Just give me a number.
How many breakups have you had over the course of your life?
I mean, including small relationships, short relationships, and I also count one night stands.
Alright, we got from zero, I guess either you're still with or didn't date, couple of zeros, couple of ones, couple of twos, four to fives, four, fifteen, twenty, four, ten, four, four, five to ten, five to ten, still married to my first crush, congratulations, two, one, right.
So hit me with a why if you'd like to know why breakups happen.
This is also going to be how you stay in your relationship.
Why do breakups happen?
Okay, so let's say you get married to this woman who's susceptible to the argument from authority, and yet you're not the authority.
So she says, if she gets married to you, she says, to love, to honor, to obey, as both the man does to the wife, to love, to honor, obey, no one else before you.
It's a monogamous relationship.
I'm devoted to you.
You're devoted to me.
There's just two of us and we're committed to each other, right?
That's roughly the marriage vows.
Hit me with an M if those were in the approximation of your idea of the marriage vows.
I just want to make sure we're on the same page when we start.
Now, if you get married to Sally from the alley, if you get married to Sally and Sally obeys authorities but you are not her authority, is she committed to you?
How many people are in the relationship?
Yeah.
So when you get married, you say that the other person you are with, you are in a monogamous relationship with that other person.
Not that other person and Tony Fauci.
Not that other person and the local newscaster.
Not the other person and the UN, the World Health Organization, whatever.
Not the other person and her mother.
Not the other person and her friends who are divorcing.
Two people in the relationship devoted to each other.
So, if you have a woman, Sally, she's susceptible to the argument from authority.
And you're not her authority.
I'm not saying you should be.
I'm just saying that if she's susceptible to the argument from authority and she says, you are my guiding star, the person I want, the man I want to have children with, the man I trust with my life, my future, my finances, my womb, my offspring, my retirement, then you are her authority, just as your wife should be your authority.
I mean, you may divvy up certain areas where you have authority, but my wife absolutely rules me in certain areas.
Happily submit to that.
That tickles her brain a bit, right?
So if Sally takes her orders from Anthony Fauci, you're not in a monogamous relationship.
Do you follow?
If you have someone outside the relationship that overrides the person in the relationship, you're cheating.
You're cheating.
Why do relationships break up?
Because they're crowded.
They're crowded by all the people that the people in the relationship defer to who aren't their partner.
You follow?
Right.
So you got Bob and Sally.
Sally says, I want to do X. And Bob says, don't do X. And here's why.
Now, you can have absolute debates about the morals, the reason, the evidence, absolutely.
You don't just say yes to someone because, right?
But you submit in this order.
Virtue.
Reason, evidence, each other, and that's it.
In relationships, you submit to virtue, reason, evidence, each other, and that's it.
There's nothing else.
Do you see what I mean?
Like, in your relationship between your dentist
And your cousin who's not a dentist.
Let's say your cousin is a garbage picker, right?
Or garbage man.
In your relationship between your dentist and your cousin, who do you defer to?
Your dentist.
Assuming that you've had a good dental relationship.
This is true alpha male talk.
No, it's just, it's, it's, you could say it's alpha male talk and all of that, and I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I will say that it's the only way that organization, the only way that a relationship can be rationally organized.
Because you're going to have conflicts in a relationship.
You're going to have different ideas of what needs to be done.
No, it's not boundaries.
It's commitment.
It's commitment.
To love someone is to respect his or her judgment.
And you can't, we love virtue, right?
Now virtue is not saying
It's not saying in your marital vows, I love, treasure, I submit, I obey, I defer, whatever it is, right?
To you, to virtue, we hold no others before us.
It's a monogamous relationship.
So a monogamous relationship means you work out your issues with no reference to outside people.
No reference to outside people.
Somebody says, Steph, I heard something yesterday from a psychologist.
Relationships don't split up when the drugs are being used.
They split up when someone gets sober.
Oh, it's one of these.
That's a deepity.
It's pseudo clever.
Absolutely.
Relationships split up when drugs are being used.
Yeah.
Drug addicts split up all the time.
Matters of mechanical aptitude.
The man may be the expert.
A wise man defers to his wife for home decor.
Yeah.
Can't say I know many people in relationships like this.
Now, what do you mean like this?
You mean absolutely like monogamous to each other?
Yeah.
Well, but that's what monogamy is, right?
I mean, the vows are important.
I don't know.
People say these vows.
And I worked with my wife on our own wedding vows, because this is the most solemn promise you're ever going to make, except to your own soul.
Woman says, uh, my husband decided where we live and I decide what the house looks like.
Right.
Right.
So if you're in a monogamous relationship, it means that you decide things within the relationship without reference to outside parties.
I understand your spouse is your first authority.
Well, no, that's not what I was saying, right?
Virtue is your first authority, and then reason, and then evidence, and then each other.
So if your husband tells you to do something immoral, you don't defer to him, right?
Because your first responsibility is to morality.
If your husband tells you to do something that goes against reason,
You don't do it.
Now, in serving morality, you are serving your spouse.
You understand that?
Because you can only love someone who's moral, if you're moral.
So in acting in a moral manner,
You are preserving your bond with your spouse.
You are preserving your spouse's ability to love you by acting in a moral manner.
Morality requires rationality, so if you act in an anti-rational manner, you are harming, you are betraying your spouse, because the love and the bond is essential.
The couple I am close to are completely governed by their own parents.
That's cheating.
That's absolutely cheating.
And it's really one of the worst forms of cheating, because it's hard to detect.
Yeah, like, you know, the traditional thing where, you know, the husband and the wife have a fight and the wife runs after her mother and the mother sympathizes and says how bad the husband is.
That's cheating.
It's absolutely cheating and it's one of the worst and most destructive forms of cheating that there is.
Where do your children fit in?
I'm not sure what you mean.
You don't defer to your children, because your children are new to the world and their brains are very small, right?
So, hey, Steph, I'm wondering if there is a difference between respecting your partner's judgment and trusting your partner's judgment.
My friend, Chairman, you are not wondering that.
You are trying to atom split when we're talking broad strokes.
Yeah, you are, because we're talking about some very important things here, and now you're splitting the atom.
Respecting, and trusting, and so on, right?
And earlier we had confusion about, and it's not a hostile thing at all, I'm just sort of pointing it out, that there are times where you sort of open your heart and mind and listen, and maybe you agree with or you don't, but if you just immediately say, oh, but what about this?
And what about that?
And it's like, just listen first.
Just listen!
Don't have to agree or anything, but just listen to the big, meaty, deep, powerful, world-spanning, life-saving argument.
Just listen!
Just listen, rather than jumping in with nitpicking.
This is a big suggestion.
You can't get anywhere in life if you are listening to some big, powerful argument, which this is, right?
I'm talking about how to stay together with someone for the rest of your life.
Well, what about this?
And what about that?
Right?
I'm telling you, it's a terrible habit.
I understand that habit.
Lord knows I have it.
I absolutely have it.
I totally understand.
But you want to avoid the big picture by zooming in, right?
Like, you understand, if there's a big picture, like there's something horrifying, and you zoom in, you don't have to deal with the big picture.
Hit me with a why if you have deferred to people
Outside of your relationship.
I have.
I mean, oh, not currently, but in the past.
Oops.
Hit me with a why if you've deferred to people outside of your relationship.
I believe you, Taylor.
Absolutely believe you.
Yeah.
Right.
In the past.
In what capacity?
My ex did it constantly with her family who hated my guts.
Your Super Chat question earlier, I have copied that.
That was the question about weight loss, is that right?
Yes, I'm sorry, I should have mentioned that.
My apologies.
Yes, to gather reason and evidence.
No, you're not deferring.
If you're gathering reason and evidence, you're not deferring to your partner.
Like, you don't want two people just in this circular enslavement of I'll do what.
You can't resolve disputes if you both have a disagreement, and you both decide to defer to each other, right?
If one of you says, I want to move to Scotland, and one of you says, I want to move to Dubai, and you both defer to each other, you don't get anywhere.
So there has to be some external standard, right?
But a crowded relationship will not survive.
The commitment to the moral, the reasonable, and the evident doesn't leave room to fight about much with your partner.
Well, yeah, my wife and I don't fight.
We don't fight.
We've never fought.
I mean, we've had our disagreements.
But we don't fight.
No, I'm not lucky.
I'm not lucky.
I can do 50 sit-ups.
I can do a hundred push-ups.
You're just very lucky.
He's like, no, I'm not.
Now, why is, why is, okay, let's, we'll, we'll continue this on, but this is a supporter only podcast from here on in.
We'll get into, we'll get into it even deeper.
What you are is triggering.
Well, no, it's, it's, um, you have the standard, you know, you know how many people are out there who says, oh man, relationships are tough and they work.
And it's like, no, no, they're not.
Relationship is where you come for love, recharging, acceptance, affection, happiness, support.
That's what, like, I already have a job.
I don't need a relationship as a part-time job.
I already have a job.
Yeah, relationships are not tough.
That's everyone around you.
Help!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll get to the weight loss thing.
It's a great question.
So yeah, with the woman who's... She lies and you just have to... And the reason you do reason above evidence is because... Evidence is painful, right?
Evidence is painful.
The reason you stop drinking is drinking is bad for you, right?
And there's reasons for that that you understand medically.
You don't wait until your liver is half dead and then say, well, the evidence is that drinking is bad.
Evidence is... I'm helpless.
Good women don't exist.
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, it's Steph.
So the show does go on from here.
You can go to freedomain.locals.com to catch the rest of the show, which is all about why a listener has a weight issue, the sort of deep family roots of it.
freedomain.locals.com.
You can try it for free.
Use the promo code, all caps UPB2022, and I'll see you there.
