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April 10, 2020 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
01:27:00
Stefan Molyneux: What We MUST Do About #Coronavirus
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Time Text
*Sigh* *Sigh*
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hello, hello, hello.
Are we here?
Are we going to do some doom?
Let's find out Uh, really?
Livestream. It's called Test Now, is it?
No, probably not.
All right.
Are we chugging?
Are we chugging? Let's find out.
Hello, my friends. Stefan Wallen, you from Free Domain?
Yeah, it's kind of late.
But I had a pretty busy day.
I hope you had a good day.
And let's see if we are going to get our live-y, stream-y, up-y running.
I'm just diving in these days.
Yeah, to heck with it. Right.
To heck with it.
Okay, why does it say...
Alright.
Let's see here, stop streaming.
And video unavailable.com.
This video has been removed by the user.
Excellent. Excellent.
Alright. I'm sure this has got the wrong title and all kinds of things.
If there's any consolation.
Scene editor. Yeah.
I think we're supposed to be on.
Let me know if you can see me.
And is it telling me anything?
Do we have a chat? Chat is empty.
Streets are empty.
Alright.
Well.
That is too funny, man.
Thank you.
Well, I guess we're up and running.
So let us keep on going.
Let us keep on going.
So here's a funny story, right?
Here's a funny story. The left-click issue, right?
So I've been playing this game for a while.
This Doom game for a while, right?
And let me tell you what's funny.
It turns out that my right mouse click was kind of deficient, if that makes any sense.
My right mouse click was kind of deficient, and that is...
A really big shame.
It seems kind of important.
It would be kind of nice if that wasn't the case.
But yeah, it just really wasn't working.
Like even when I right-click in other things.
Yeah, I'm sorry about this.
I don't know how to change this in my software.
I don't know why it's such a hassle.
But we'll keep going anyway.
And we will lead ourselves deeper into the joyful land of doom.
And, oh, it's nice. It's nice to get, we're in the middle of chainsawing demons, and it says, get the latest information from Health Canada on COVID-19.
Should I buy Belle Daphne water?
Good heavens, no. No, I'm going to obviously be selling some used underwear down the road, and so that's how it's going to roll.
All right. All right.
Listening intently. Just a voice in my head.
I can hear you. I don't see you.
Is this a Minecraft mod?
It is really not a Minecraft mod.
I will tell you that right now.
Alright. You do let me know when I'm up and running.
And we shall see.
Are we up and running?
Can you see me? Well, not can you see me.
Can you see the game? Looks good?
Alright. So, what can I tell you?
We have...
Do you care about the back and forth, about what's been going on with the game?
Nah, you probably don't. Should we just get some nasties and some dirties going?
So, I upped the graphics.
And another thing that I have done is got my right clicky thing going.
And so we are going to go...
I just came falling down from here.
Oh, my mouse sensitivity is kind of whacked because I got a new mouse.
I sort of unburied an old mouse thing.
Mouse sensitivity. Let's up that a wee bit.
See how that goes.
Is that better? I downed the motion blur a little because someone was saying to me that wasn't so bad.
So... Yeah.
Oops. This is an absolutely brainless shoot-em-up.
It's Twitch Central.
I can set things on fire.
They fly.
What can I tell you?
you.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, and this is the part where we run away.
Okay.
And we look for health.
because, well, I guess we really should have been doing that a little better.
Oh, I want this dude.
I want his health. And we'll keep running away.
And we need more health.
Oh, this is sad.
It's a sad beginning, my friends, but we will get the hang of it.
All right. Rocket launcher is going to be super helpful for us.
It's like a big can of raid.
We will get more health.
and you chainsaw these guys to get your ammo, which I have not been doing.
And you hit these guys to get the health...
Is that the guy I've been getting a couple of times before?
Ooh, I shouldn't really have needed that, should I? Ooh, a little more health.
That doesn't hurt. Ooh.
Ooh, a little helmet.
And you get a nice little double jump and...
And... All right.
He's been disarmed!
That's the kind of quality comedy you get from these kinds of live streams.
All right. What have we got going on?
We're still alive. I'm not saying we deserve to be, but we are, so we've got to deal with it.
These guys... Oh, there we go.
Hit that. Oh, and let's...
Oh.
Ah, ran right through his gizzards.
We are still alive.
Alright. I'm pretty sure that's a line from a Milo Yiannopoulos podcast, if I'm understanding this correctly.
Alright. So then we look around and we try and pillage everything we can.
Did you guys see this thing on...
YouTube about the woman who's marrying the no-neck guy just so she can get a hold of a green card.
Oh, man. It's rough.
Let me tell you. It's very strange because the reality is, of course, that all this green card stuff and, you know, being able to get the hot girls even though you're a no-neck weird guy with a body like a comma.
Oh, got to punch this, right?
Ah! Conscience!
Sorry. I don't know what that was.
Not jumpy at all. Not jumpy.
It's super relaxing. Why do you keep asking me that?
All right. Whoa. Jump, jump, jump for your love.
But yeah, these people who have...
Oh, I've got to go up there.
Sorry. I will get my thought any day now.
Yeah, so what... Oh, let me jump on that.
Okay, so you get this, like, sexual market value thing because you have...
A green card. You can give a woman access to a green card so you get the hot girl and you don't have to be a reasonably decent or successful guy.
And so, you know, when people get mad at the immigration stuff, a lot of it has, like, let's cut immigration or remove immigration, a lot of that has to do with the fact that they don't want to work out.
They just want to get the hot girls because they can offer something which they did not earn, such as U.S. citizenship or some other kind of citizenship.
So, yeah, a lot of it is about getting laid in life.
And people forget that kind of stuff, right?
Uh-huh. Oh!
I did the level! Look at that.
Not bad. Not bad.
I don't know what this means. Combat.
What does that mean? Combat encounter.
Good, I suppose.
Got my sentinel crystal.
Oh, I should probably check these out at some point.
See what I'm supposed to be doing. Good.
What do I have to get to?
Did I get to level 2? 41,000.
Yeah, I'll be doing that. I'll be doing that right about now.
All right. I don't want to quit.
Okay, so now what?
Enter. Hold and continue.
All right. We can do that. And we are on the glowing road to the scenes generated by more people's terrible childhoods.
And normally I would not be exploiting terrible childhoods, but you just know the programmers did not have a happy time of things as children.
And they have created some truly terrifying beauty out of their trauma.
Whoa. Alright, some of you people are going to need to go, right?
I'm going to need to get some health. Oh, ow, ow.
I feel I left some people behind.
Yes, I did. Alright, we'll get a little health.
Oh, I should get some ammo too, right?
Uh-huh. Oh, what did I just pick up?
Something good. Alright, do I go up?
Do you come down? How do we do this?
Alright, I'll come up. Don't disturb yourself.
I will be right up there. I love this train.
Would you travel on this train? I would totally travel on this train.
I really, really would.
I feel that the health and safety part is not truly ideal.
Oh, I guess it waits till we kill guys and then I can do something here, right?
Everything must be punched.
California schools.
Oops. I missed something here.
It's pretty, right? Look at that.
It's very pretty in its own dark way.
Do I jump? This reminds me of the Studio Ghibli thing I just saw Spirited Away.
way we're on this weird creepy train to nowhere.
Oh, what's going on here?
Oh.
Oh.
I really should. It's a bit overkill, right?
Oh, dudes.
Is that it? Is there more? There's more, right?
Yeah. Oh, more there.
All right, got those guys.
Oh, yeah.
Give me a secret little stuff back here.
Secret stuff back here.
I will take that, because I always forget the chainsaw stuff.
I will tell the health I don't need.
Ooh. And fade away.
Alright. Well...
What's it?
I followed her to the station.
Suitcase in her hand.
Alright, so...
Should we pause to enjoy the demonic architecture and the useless machines that do everything for no purpose?
And the demon...
Oh, look at that. That has got to be some kind of COVID test there, right?
Uh-huh. Good.
And now what? But the machines of uselessness are doing their thing.
Wait, where do I go from here?
I'm sure I grab the friendly lasers.
Yeah, that must be it. Is there a jump thing around?
Okay. Oh, there they are.
Jeez. Blind as a bat.
And twice as cute. Alright. Alright, we climb up here.
Oh, there's a lot of health.
You know what that means. Bad things are going to happen.
Ah, combat shotgun. Sticky bombs.
The ones I always forget.
Okay, can I upgrade this dude?
I don't want that. I want to lock on the target.
I like to lock on targets.
That we will take. That we will take indeed.
All right. Thank you, my friends.
I will get more of the gooey things here.
So now I actually have a right-click that works.
Oh, oh, oh. Some jumpy thing isn't there.
Yes, there is. Somebody really ought to clean that spill up.
That does not look very sanitary or safe.
All right. Wait.
No, no, no. There's something back here, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's the one up.
Should I go for it? And to get the one up, I went one down.
Wait. Oh, they put me back here?
Cheap and lame!
Alright. Oh!
I jumped to the wrong thing.
Like a 17-year-old boy.
Alright. Oh!
Why am I not getting this?
What have I forgotten, my friends?
What have I forgotten in my zeal to connect?
Oh, that's right. That's what I've forgotten.
I gotta go up here. There we go.
There we go. Sorry about that.
I forgot to go back.
Sometimes in life, you gotta go back to go forwards.
Alright. Uh, sorry.
Don't care about that much. Let's just keep going.
Uh-huh. Okay, so they're trying to lure me onto this jump thing, right?
Oh. Weak point.
Pinky. Oh my gosh.
I remember this dude. The tail is a weak point.
I'll either double jump over Pinky or dash out of the way.
Shoot his tail. Yeah, okay.
Uh... So I guess that means we're going to get ourselves a pinky, right?
Oh, there he is. Is he going to come?
Am I trapped in? There it is.
Okay, so you got him from behind.
Alright. Oh, that's getting...
That seemed impatiently fast.
Like, yeah, you've seen this animation a whole bunch of times before.
You don't need to see it again, white boy.
Alright. Um...
It's so sad, you know? I used to have it so that the chat would show up on the screen here, but I'm not getting it anymore.
Whoa. Whoa.
You! From above, I tell you!
Okay, so this has just turned into a chaotic run and dodge thing, right?
Yeah, probably. Oh!
You know, it's funny. I turned the graphics up, but it seems...
Oh! Pinky dude. Alright.
run away from you it pains me Oh. Is it run away time?
Yeah, probably. Alright.
Let's go up here. Let's see what they've got going on up here.
Wow, that is something that would break my 53-year-old knees.
Alright, run away. Get a little armor.
Yeah, you've seen me run.
You ain't seen nothing yet. Whoa, dude.
So aggressive. I got some personal space issues with you, man.
Alright, so what have we got going on?
Can we lock? There we go.
Oh, I like that lock-on thing, man.
I really do. It's almost like I've got a real thing in life, you know?
Whoa. Oh, bad.
Sorry. What am I apologizing to you for?
Alright. We'll get it.
We'll get it. Alright, so we have a new enemy, but hey, at least we don't have to go back here.
Okay, let's get all the cool stuff.
We're not going back to that.
Should we? Should we go back to that?
You know what? I will let you guys decide.
These aliens are not social distancing.
That is certainly true. Alright.
Should we try?
Why not.
Oh, I didn't do the number zero.
Okay. Up here.
Up here. I'll trap one more.
You know, the extra life is actually not too bad when you have to go into some horrible thing, right?
So we'll wait for this thing to go down to the bottom.
Oh, forget it.
Sorry. Not my wheelhouse.
I'm more of a twitchy guy and less of a...
And it also feels like you're playing some sort of Rachmaninoff concerto getting all the keystrokes.
Alright, we'll just go in and do our dirty business.
In with the bad dudes. Alright.
Alright, so first thing...
Get our ammo Oh yeah, so they said jump over this guy, right?
Where did he go? Yeah, yeah, come on down.
Oh. Oh, that was not bad, I'll tell ya.
That was not bad. Alright, now I've got...
Whoa! Oh yeah, these guys...
Not much point going at them from the front, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alright.
I finally remembered the ammo.
Okay.
What's that old saying in Texas?
Remember the ammo? Oh, yeah.
Now, I think they've got a zoom shot on this dude as well, right?
Yeah, I might need a little bit more practice with that.
Let's go get some armor. Run away down here.
There are so many different ways to run away in this game, and I've used them all.
And I will continue to because the point is survival.
Keep moving.
Keep fluid.
Be like water.
And pee yourself. Oh, you are very much there.
Okay. Whoa. I guess I found a jumpy thing.
That's not me. Alright.
Two shards of armor. Could be the difference between life and death!
Whoa. Oh yeah, that's right.
I guess I'm going up here now. Oh, should have used that health.
Alright. I think we've got our...
Oh yeah, got that guy's tail.
Whoa. Ah! Hello, friend!
You are very close.
Alright. Should we just... Oh. Alright.
Let's go get a little more ammo.
We're a little low on health here, but we can survive.
Oops. Alright.
Alright, that dude is big.
He's disco dancing like nobody's business here.
Are you coming up? No.
Okay. Well, I'll come to you.
Don't sweat it. I will come to you, my friend.
Oh. We are out of the happy joy, joy juice.
What the? Well, alrighty.
Okay. What happened there?
Uh-huh. Alright,
I'm back. I believe we had a slight...
You know who really misses you?
Your desktop. And would like to have a chat with you.
And say, hey man, it's 11.40 at night.
You should go to bed. After all that slaying.
No kidding, eh? I bet he buys a new computer.
Oh, I hate buying new computers.
I really do. It's so much work to set everything up.
I tend to milk them.
You got stuff. Cult leader.
That's funny. Only because I'm confident.
Alright. Let's see.
Where did it leave us? Where did it leave us?
Where did it leave us?
Am I back, by the way?
Let's see.
Oh, that thing was floating there, right?
Alright, okay.
We'll get all of that.
Let's see here.
Are we back?
I have to start that whole run again, right?
Hang on.
What the...
Wait, why is it zooming in on this?
Can we change our weapon here?
There we go. Alright.
So what do I have? I've got to just check my alt fire here.
So that's my lucky loady thing.
Why is my mouse wheeled?
Sorry, my mouse wheel is not doing much.
Hang on a sec here. Probably because I changed my Slayer bindings.
Jump. That's that.
Dash is right. Shift. And...
Flame Belch.
Crucible. I don't remember what the Crucible is, but I should probably remember that.
Alright. Switch Weapon Mod.
Num 1. Switch Equipment.
What have we got here for switching equipment?
I don't know. Page up?
Next weapon. Previous weapon.
Alright, well. Ah, that's better.
Okay. So, let me just check my mods here.
So that's got the hook thing, which I don't really like.
This has got my thing.
Now this charge is up, but what am I supposed to do with it?
Okay.
This looks like Wuhan.
Yeah, well. Alright, into the fray, my friends.
Let us have all joy.
At the first bit, we're just going to see if we can get ourselves some ammo and health so that we are nice and charged up.
Okay, where did this dude go?
Oh no. They said jump and get him from behind, right?
Okay, let's keep jumping.
Are you jumping up? Are you going to jump up?
Yeah, you are, right? Okay, you come to me.
Come on.
Okay.
Ah.
Ah, I've got to get this guy from behind.
Right?
Oh.
Hey! Whoa! Alright, we'll just take you then.
Alright. Yeah, you can jump.
Oh, hello, my friend!
Personal space, personal space.
Did I get him from behind? Yeah, I did, right?
Okay. Oh, two glowing guys.
We'll take you both. Thank you very much.
And you, not so much.
Maybe a little fire for you.
BBQ! Oh, oh, oh.
Alright, just a little health from you.
A little health from you.
And... A little armor.
A little go up here.
Oh, we'll get the chainsaw stuff.
And what do we got here?
Oh, I like the way he shakes his head.
Like, that's... I really don't mean to be shooting you that much, my friend.
Oh, I'll take... Oh, I don't need that.
Alright. We're doing alright.
We're doing alright. It's...
You know what people say? Why do you like this game?
I tell you, man. This game is super zen.
Is it time for a little rocket launcher?
I think it is. Oh.
Oh. A little overkill there.
Where's that dude with the rockets?
There we go.
It's not subtle, but it works.
Oh, this dude...
He gets me every time and I'm stuck a little bit!
Oh, I've got the heartbeat of doom.
Which means go get yourself some health.
And what do we have down here?
Oh, we'll take that.
get a little more health here.
Oh, I'll take that health.
Thank you very much.
Oh, I don't want to fire the rocket there now, do I?
I certainly don't.
All right.
I think we're starting to whittle them down.
What do you guys think?
Oh, I mean not this side.
Alright, I think we've exhausted our welcome there.
Let's go up here for a bit, and...
I think we've got our flamethrower back.
But the big bad guys seem to be gone, right?
These guys we can handle.
Oops. Oh, I should chainsaw some people, right?
Oh, that's never going to be taken out of context, is it?
All right. Open you up some ammo, just like they do at the Pentagon.
Oh, that big fat guy is not going to be super helpful.
Run away from these guys. Whoa, why did I do that?
Jumping badly. All right.
We're going to need a little help here, right?
I think we are. Okay, uh...
Oh, there's our health.
Everyone saw it except me, I'm sure.
Okay, so now we've got to bring up some heavy hitters, right?
Oh, I thought I'd locked, but I did not shoot.
Oh, bad idea.
Did I get my health back?
Alright.
Concentration beginning to flag a little.
Oh, I'll take that. Alright, so what do we got?
Health is key. Health is key.
Alright, we need a rocket launcher for down there, right?
Oh, we gotta get our rocket launcher.
Oh, I guess we're out of rocket launcher stuff.
Okay, what else do we have that's cool?
Well, this dude will be alright.
Low health. Okay.
Oh, that's quite a lot of people there.
So that won't be me, sticking around.
Throw a bomb down.
I really should figure this one out with the shotgun, right?
right?
Just fire everything in there until everything stops moving, right?
I feel this is quite a long battle.
What do you guys think? Let's move away from that dude, right?
Any other ammo? I think we need a little health here, right?
We are still alive.
And look at that! We haven't had any crashes.
Actually, to be fair...
This is pretty...
It's a pretty stable game.
I haven't had... You know, the amount of complexity that's going on with this programming is kind of important.
So, I will say it's been pretty stable.
More stable than the host, I would say.
Are these more people? Come on, dudes.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good demon fight, but it feels like it's a bit excessive.
All right, what have we got?
Did we get anything cool?
Yeah.
Oh, we got that guy.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
Alright.
Look at that.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
Alright.
Look at that.
that.
I think we may be slowly whittling our way down.
I feel ammo is the key thing here.
Oh, look at that. We made it.
I tell you, it was not the most elegant of battles in this here universe, but we will take the victory, however bloodied and bowed we may be.
Alright. Whoa.
Hey, stop making gurgling sounds in my ear.
What are you, pink? Alright.
Okay, so I think I pretty much got all the goodies.
Did you guys see anything that I may have missed?
Alright, I think there are no goodies left to be got.
Right? No, it's not going to let me climb up there, right?
Okay, so if I go in here, up the ramp, now after a blood fest like that, I can't imagine there's another big battle just about to happen, but let's just have a quick look around.
Uh-huh. Little details like that, right?
Look at that scoring. That is just a nice, amazing little detail.
Oh, yeah. Check my map.
Uh... Huh.
Sorry. What was my map supposed to be?
Control-slash-bindings.
Where's my map? It was the tab, but it doesn't seem to be doing this tab.
Dossier. Tab. All right.
How about this one? No?
Why are you not letting me? All right.
I can make it caps. Sure, I can make it caps.
All right. So... See, I couldn't rotate it before.
That was another big problem as well.
Okay, how would everyone like to check their East Asian spatial reasoning scores?
Kill the priest's guardian.
Okay, so I can't get anywhere from up here.
There's a little book back here.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Get this dude, right?
What are you doing, Spice?
Spoilers. The final boss is Dr.
Fauci. Ha! That's pretty funny.
You know what? I'm sorry that the chat is supposed to be coming up right here in the game, and it did, but now it ain't.
Anyway, I can still see it.
I got another little computer down here, which I can see the chat on.
So I can say to my wife, no, no, no, I use all these computers.
What are you talking about? All right.
If you like FPS with some grit, play Killzone.
Yeah, has anyone heard anything about Jordan Peterson?
Some people have been trying to put sort of fake news in my show, but I haven't heard anything about him.
I still see him posting, although I'm never sure if that's him.
Oh no, boss fight.
I'm looking up your dress!
Oops. Okay, no I'm not. What?
Where did I go? Oh, wait.
No, that's where I came from, right?
Alright, nothing new there.
Oh, I gotta go forward, right?
Oh, this is to go back in case you didn't have any cool stuff, right?
Okay, nothing cool around here.
Nothing that we need.
Turn around! Turn around!
Three strains of CCP virus in China now.
I have no doubt that there is quite a bit.
Oh, Bill Cosby's account still posts?
Is that right? My gosh.
Crazy. Uh...
I punch things.
Did I get my order map?
What is that? Praetor suit point acquired.
Alright. I'm looking up your address.
No, I'm not. Okay, let's see here.
Um... Let me just translate this.
Donate to Freedom and Radio, the greatest philosophy show the world has ever seen, will ever seen, or could be conceived of.
Tall, bald, sexy.
Women like a middle-aged guy with mild man boobs.
I didn't donate for this.
I thought you'd be doing more philosophy.
And... That camera is too high def for a 54-year-old guy without makeup.
Alright, yeah, that's fair. I think these are all very interesting and accurate things.
Alright, that's where I came from.
Wait, this one? No, I don't.
Okay, maybe that's next. I'm just going to waste power by having these doors open and closing all the time.
You need your certificate of immunity to open up the door.
Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Donate.
No, don't donate.
I'm just kidding. I'm so used to asking for donations that during this time of challenge and tragedy, don't.
I mean, if you're sitting on a pile of gold, sure, but please hold on to your money.
Oh, Lord, it's another jumpy puzzle!
Oh, man. You know, these graphics are so good.
This looks so cold.
My nipples are actually getting hard.
That is so amazing.
Alright. Okay, can I go down?
I guess I can go on here, right?
No, no, don't make me slide!
Well, no more! That's not fair!
Nobody said I was going to slide?
Can I go up? Ooh!
What the... Oh, come on!
I just went to the top!
Oh, my God. Jump puzzle.
Uh, if I wanted to be 12, I'd do Rayman.
Uh, oh, gosh.
Which one do we go to? No!
I was close! Did you see that?
I got the little mum... Okay, so I gotta go to this one first, maybe, right?
Uh... Okay, I'll wait for this thing to...
Ooh! Ah!
Okay, so you've got to keep moving, right?
Oh. Oh, they reset.
So I can't stay on that thing, right?
I've got to go from that thing to that thing to that thing.
Alright. Okay.
Excellent. Super great.
Now I'm laughing and I need that extra thing, that extra health, right?
Alright.
So, I can't stay on that thing, right?
Okay, now what?
So annoying.
Okay.
When it turns red, you fall.
Oh, so you just get a moment on this thing, right?
And now I get to do the jump puzzle with Jack Lemmon-style red cataracts.
All right. It's not letting me jump anymore!
You've got to jump again quick.
Oh, before it turns red?
But the thing is, I've already used up my thingy things, right?
Wait, I just jumped in here.
Oh, great. Now I've got the heartbeat and everything, right?
Go higher on the second one.
You may think that that's helpful.
I'm not sure that it entirely is, just to be frank.
All right. Let's try it again.
You know what?
What did I spend?
20 minutes on one of these things last time?
All right.
I got nothing, man.
I got nothing. Alright.
We'll get there. Load checkpoint.
Please don't make me go further back.
I won't take it. Be black.
Oh, is this because white men can't jump?
Actually, that's kind of funny. Alright.
Press face to continue. Alright.
That's alright. You know, why have these lives issues?
Oh, because sometimes people want to play without that, right?
Oh my gosh.
I got somewhere. I got somewhere.
Falling is not an argument.
Yeah, yeah, I got it. Alright. This is the coolest life experience on another level of Inception.
So much love for this WoW. Are you enjoying it?
Perfect opportunity for a snack break.
There are no snack breaks when it comes to fighting demons.
Jordan Peterson is intellectually superior to Stefan.
Just my opinion. You know, I don't think you really understand what opinions are.
Because opinions are not fact statements.
They're statements of personal preference or observation.
So, if you're saying something that's an objective truth claim, it's not really an opinion.
Oh, I should probably start talking about this, right?
Nope.
Oh, a little trapped in the corner here, aren't I?
Alright, we'll get some health undone.
Undeserved. Embarrassingly achieved, but I'll take it.
Alright. So it's this dude I need to figure out, right?
Switch that. One of these is a bomb, right?
Let's see. Okay, that's the one I like.
Okay. Alright.
Have I tried Krav Maga or BJJ? You know, if I could do my own BJJ, I'm not sure I ever would have dated, but Krav Maga is, what's that, the Israeli self-defense stuff?
I'm not sure you need a whole lot of self-defense when you just stay home.
The graphics are so beautiful.
That is true. What the...
Oh, this is the dude I have to...
Whoa.
Oh, that was embarrassing.
You have to pull its tail.
Yes, thank you. It's a...
Yeah, okay.
We'll get yourself some free ammo.
He is the frog prince.
Kiss him. You don't have the ice grenade yet.
Helps with this guy. Take him from behind!
There's just no way that that sounds clean.
Alright. Uh...
Oh, more useless machinery and a shimmering wall that makes Alice the Maid a little twitchy.
All right. It really is quite a lovely game in its own dark way.
See, we've got all these robots, but not enough robots to clean the glass.
The other shotgun mud is best against the pinkies.
Oh, you mean this one? It fires three in a row, right?
Ooh, dead ones, dead ones!
Alright, what have we got here? Oh no!
It's another jumping puzzle!
Please, people! Okay, so I go from here...
Well, first of all, I die a couple of times, but then I go from here down to here, right?
That's the plan? Oh lordy!
Alright. Oh, I went right past it!
I didn't know I could do that. Well, I guess I did, but I thought I was going to be able to grab it.
Please run a bit before you jump.
What?
No, no, no, no, no.
I hit that. Oh, dude.
Do I have to shoot it? I definitely hit the grab thing for that.
Alright, so what am I not getting here?
You have to latch onto the stars of David properly, Steph.
I am not fueling those rumors about my incipient Judaism.
Alright, here we go. Alright, alright.
Alright, now where?
Now where? Where, where, where?
Oh, there. No!
I bumped into one thing!
Alright, alright. Come reset yourself.
For my... Grab it like Biden.
Grab it like Biden.
A little dark.
A little dark.
But I understand.
Oh, come on.
This stupid bar on the way.
Oh, that's annoying. Pays off.
Number three. Alright. You know, the gun is in my way.
That's the problem. The problem is, it's really hard to do these jumping puzzles when you have basically balls the size of, well, medicine balls.
All right. All right.
So this you don't have to get too close to, right?
Ugh, god, that's annoying.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah. The jumping stuff is really...
It's not my favorite.
Not my favorite at all. I guess they...
It's some kind of marketing, right?
Oh my god, that's annoying.
Oh, lord.
Okay, well, let's see.
Maybe go lower on that last one?
Oh yeah, maybe, right?
Okay.
From here?
Maybe from there?
Oh. God almighty.
The coronavirus quarantine is great for my weight gain.
Yeah, it's rough, eh? Alright.
Let's try and find one more. Alright.
Now I need to go down here.
Oh, my God. Jump, then fall a little bit, then jump again and use dashes.
Lord. Okay, well, we'll do this one.
Maybe call it a night, but let's see.
Got to kind of get it done before you forget how to do it, right?
Please don't tell me I have to go all the way back.
Do I? I do, right?
No. Okay, so here, and then...
Okay, that's better.
Alright. Enough of these.
Because it's just repetition, right?
Oh, Lord, there's another one. Alright.
So I've got to wait for everything to refill.
Alright. That is...
Okay. Oh, my gosh.
Now let's just take a moment to enjoy that vortex down there, the glowing ghostly pentagrams, and all of the other...
Detritus of a Metallica-based childhood.
Alright. Alright.
Now we're up. Okay. Yeah, you let me up now?
Okay. I'm not sure what that was for.
Are there bad dudes there?
Yeah. What the heck is going on?
We have random shields coming around.
Alright, let's go back here and get all the cool stuff before we forget.
What the heck is going on with these random plasma TV things going on?
Uh... What is that guy farting all that crap at me for?
Oh, wait.
What the...
Uh...
Carcass.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Uh, what are we down here?
Carcass? Is it carcass?
Alright. Not that exciting.
Now what can I do here that is going to cause me the least losses of precious ammo?
Oh.
I like it when they go all disco!
I really feel I need a helmet and a union wrap.
What do you guys think? Alright.
Do I have anything over there? Maybe a couple more jumping puzzles would be excellent.
Alright. Oh, look at those reflections.
Oh, that's lovely.
That really is just...
Oh, I bet you there's something cool up there.
Yes, there is. Okay, so how do we get there?
That's my question to you.
Oh, hello. Alright.
What do we do here?
Let's... I'm certainly willing to waste three.
Kill the priest's guardian.
Okay. There's got to be something up here, but how do I get there?
Something up here? Oh, oh, I see.
I see. Oh, I get it.
Nope, not there. Oh well, at least it didn't melt my brains at least yet.
It really is quite pretty.
And I tell you, I don't know if you guys know how incredibly hard it is to do all of this soundscape, but it really is impressive.
The sound is just amazing.
You have to eat some lava to power up.
I hope you don't mind if I take your fake news with a grain of salt.
Now I've got a scope. I can see what's going on ahead.
And that's how babies are made.
What the... What the heck is...
Is that my spaceship? Wait, what is going on there?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
No! Alright, I may have been a bit overconfident there.
Alright.
Alright.
At least we know we don't have much to do, right?
Alright.
Okay.
All that stuff's all done, right?
Okay.
Yeah, I guess they don't resurrect, even though they are the undead, and I would not be automatically complaining if they did.
I don't know what happened there with my little language center, but it seemed to have needed a little bit of rebooting.
Ooh! Ah!
Ooh! You must seek the question, and you must question the seeker.
Alright. Oh, oh, oh!
Let's not get the lava on our brain.
Oh, let's...
He said, and then got the lava on his brain.
Oh, well. Nobody ever minds having 69 health, do they?
Alright. Oh, a little glitchy there.
Oh, come on. I'm saying that more to me than the game.
Alright, let's go around.
This doesn't seem to be letting me jump too well.
Ah, there we go.
A little glitchy, but we'll survive.
I don't think that's going to be enough to jump, right?
Okay.
Nah, forget it. Let's just keep going.
I'm sure that those who like...
These kinds of puzzles will really enjoy it.
I do not happen to be one of those people.
Choose a rune. Alexa, where is my stimulus check?
It is in the blood and bowels of your children.
A speed burst. I don't think I need to go any faster.
Stagger state. I do like that.
I don't like the air control that much.
Slow down time. Ooh.
That's pretty good, though.
I'm going to probably forget about it.
I like the stuff where I don't really have to think about it.
Because, you know, I do enough thinking in my regular thing.
Alright. Yeah, let's just do that one.
Wait, do I have that? No.
Oh, I have to unlock. Okay.
Alright, we will take that. Alright, another few minutes, and then let's get the heck to bed.
Alright. Uh, wait.
What was that? Uh, that looks pretty much like where I came from, right?
I really do want that thing, but...
I really don't think I'm going to be able to get it.
Let's go in there and see. It's just teasing me though, right?
Is this like a coming soon thing?
Whoa. Oh, that's coming down.
Geez, I thought that other thing was coming up.
Oh, it's not going to get in there, is it?
Oh, invisible hands are programming limitations.
Alright, so clearly I need to go through here, right?
If this is another jumping puzzle, I really can't take it.
Yeah, I have to go through there, right?
Is this just a big jumpy jump thing, or what?
It looks pretty far, I gotta tell you that.
It is, right? Craig, do I just go straight through here?
Shoot the green thing. Oh yeah, sorry.
Oh, and then I've got to go around, right?
And not get fried. Thank you.
I'm sure I would have figured it out sometime this year.
Anything's possible. We have way too much technology for me.
Candles! We must use Jawa eyes.
Oh, my. Wow, that's quite a bit of good on that guy, doesn't it?
Did I clear it out? Oh, it's Mr.
Hoopdude, right? Let's get our...
Oh.
Disco Twins activated.
Okay, that's all. There's nothing here I can go into yet, right?
No. Nor here.
Alright. Oh my.
So, where's my shotgun?
Am I out of shotgun shells?
He said in a very manly voice.
That takes quite a while to come back now, doesn't it?
Now, let's see if I can charge with this dude.
Oh, um, so let's...
Oh, um, so let's go.
That really is quite pretty.
Oh, don't give me so much health.
It's painful to leave it behind.
I'm a hoarder. Alright. The weapon wheel is garbage.
Is it bad? It is, right?
Oh, out of ammo. That's why it's not giving it to me.
Jeez, I thought I picked up tons of that ammo.
Low ammo. This down to one, right?
Oh, that's what we need.
Okay, so let's get everything here. - Bye.
I got all my health.
This leads to nowhere, so...
Oh lord, please don't tell me another jumping puzzle.
Alright. You know, you could just let them fight it out, but they never will.
It's like the Republicans and the Democrats.
The only damage they take is your time Oh well, alright Oh, Lord. It's jumping puzzle time, isn't it?
Why are you people doing this to me?
Oh, man. It's killer.
Alright. Um...
It's too far away to lock, isn't it?
Yeah. So, what do I do here?
Uh... I'm not going to go to the chat and have them tell me!
Alright. Looks bad, right?
Yeah, it does. This is not my particular decor for health and safety.
Ooh, I like that little maze down there.
Maybe we'll get there one day. Probably not.
This kind of looks like the scene from that recent World War I movie.
Alright. Okay.
This is just a jump over there thing, right?
There's nothing to shoot, is there?
You just gotta time it.
And I guess, what, you go over here?
Oh, lord.
Oh, this is gonna go away, isn't it?
And where do I go? Nope.
I think I'll just fall to my doom.
How about that? Okay, well, I got there, so then where do I go, though?
Uh... This is really getting to be a little bit epilepsy-inducing at this point.
Okay. Well, I don't want that weapon, for sure.
Spread your wings and fly away!
All right, here we go. Um...
Let's get the timing down just perfect, but I'm not...
Do I go up? Can I jump up from there?
Or is there another wall that I get to?
I do not know. I can't get up there, can I? Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
And down we go. Green color tells you where to go.
I agree with you about all of that, but I can't see any green stuff, and this thing goes away very quickly, right?
Alright. Maybe the whole thing is backwards and I gotta just go.
Alright. To the right.
To the right. To the right.
Oh. There we go.
Thank you. Got it.
Thank you, guys. Okay, I'm not touching or punching anything until I get metal shards of labored goodness.
Alright, let's do the last little bit here.
Nothing up here. Get that.
We're all full. Why do I feel I should be doing something with this?
Is it luring me around to my death?
No. Oops. Ever think about having Chris Martinson on?
Yes. Yes, I think I should.
Ooh, Tomb of Kooten Tutankhamun.
Tutankhamun? Tutankhamun.
All right. In a few minutes, my bros.
Oh, do I get to be... Oh, my gosh.
It's Eric the Half a Bee.
Alright.
They're giving me lots of ammo...
That really means a good thing.
Now, this is a jumping puzzle that I can sort out.
Okay. Which one do I have on here?
Oh, that's my bomb, right?
I like the bomb. Oh, too safe for words.
Alright. Oh, lordy.
Okay, well, at least it's not going to be falling apart on me, right?
Okay. And then...
Up here.
Uh... Whoa.
Uh... Friendly?
Friendly floor? I don't think so, right?
Is that a secret?
or no?
Best elevator button ever.
Press one if you think Stefan will convert to Christianity in the next five years.
Uh... Oh, wait. Is that it?
Oh, wait. Can I go out through here?
Should I?
Ah.
Oh my.
Oh, am I out of the nails now?
Yeah, yeah, shoot your bot, boo.
Oh, no.
I'll just wait for him to run out of ammo, should I? Oh, come on.
That was a pretty good shot, I would say.
Alright. I have a feeling...
Oh, yeah. I left this stuff behind.
Anything else? Circle back at all times.
Alright. I love the zoom rifles.
I always have. See, there's two things.
So, love is our involuntary response to virtue if we ourselves are virtuous, and it's also zoom rifles.
Yeah, they are. They are beholders, right, from D&D? Oh, no, no, no!
Come on, I got that!
Oh, unfair, unripe, unwarranted, undemanded, unbent, unbowed, unbroken.
Alright.
So I guess I'll have to use my jumpy-jump thing.
Uh.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, that was close.
That was close. That was close.
All right. I have to go round, right?
Yeah. Alright.
And... There we go.
Not so bad. That's a fairly reasonable one.
Uh... I'm supposed to be having all this plot going on here, right?
But I really don't feel like I am.
Uh... Oh...
No thank you. No thank you!
Alright.
What do we got here, alright?
More ammo, which means more doom.
Huh? Uh, what?
What? Don't make me do it over there!
Uh, huh. Oh, yeah, I guess I've got to do the jumping puzzle, right?
I guess so.
Oh, this is one of these double jumpy jumps, right?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, look at that.
By the time I have gotten the hang of the jumpy puzzles, the game will be over.
Okay, what do I got here? Flame Belch.
I like the Flame Belch. Yeah, do we have that?
Can we do that? Yeah.
I like the Flame Belch.
It's my fave! Thank you for your shard, Sharovsky.
Sharovsky? Sharovsky. All right.
Yeah, yeah. They're all going to say, well, you go on to the green thing.
I agree.
I agree.
Oh, but you know, back in here, there's cool stuff too, right?
These are the NPCs of the NPCs.
Oops. The claw!
Shudder! Shudder! Shudder!
Don't shudder! Sentinel battery acquired.
Well, at least it's not assaulting battery.
Terminator! Okay, what have we got here?
Up the tube, and that's where this thing is.
It seems like a suspiciously long way to go.
When's the match against Jordan Peterson?
I think Jordan Peterson may be out of commission for just a little while.
All right. Oh, that's my key, right?
Okay. Up the dress!
All right. I'll shoot the guy as long as he keeps his helmet on.
Yeah, okay. Alright.
Let's do one more battle and go to bed.
Wow, that is filet mignon.
Alright. Uh, why do I keep shooting these dudes this long in the game?
I don't know. Ah.
Oh yeah?
I can back away.
Uh...
That's why they gave me all this health, right?
Shhh...
That was not deserved.
Not deserved at all.
Can you imagine me on a harder level?
No.
That was You know, it's funny, it's kind of like life in a way, like when things start to go wrong and you get out of rhythm and out of sync, it's like things just go from bad to worse, and sometimes it's a good idea to just withdraw for a while.
Okay, what's this goopy stuff in the air for?
Oh, it's a glass, alright.
Sorry. It's not in the air, it's just dirty windows.
What the? Something dropped there?
Alright. Oh, that's where I came, right?
Why does I feel like that's where I came?
Walk in the room, throw in the bomb.
Ooh.
That I will take for sure, even if it means bad things in other contexts.
They're having a pretty good job of keeping this varied, like it's not all the same.
This is one of the problems with the earlier Doom that it did start to kind of look the same Like I didn't even drop any health Oh well. So wait, did I do...
Whoa Nope That guy just kind of stood around In a very kind manner Free health for you today.
Alright, so what do we need here?
I think we need a little bit of decor.
Bong rip for the stream.
No. Whoa.
Hey, don't yak my perspective.
A Mega Man.
Yeah, I guess so, right?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, so I've got low ammo on this dude.
Okay, on this. This guy I like.
It's a very satisfying noise.
When they, uh...
Blood pipes!
Delivering mail-in votes to the DNC! Dun-dun-dun!
Alright. Oh, look at that.
I like when they have variety in their decor.
So here, you see, we have an upside-down skull.
It's very, very different.
Alright. Anything back here?
Random spikes of doom.
Random spikes of doom.
Alright. Yeah, Planned Parenthood.
No kidding, eh? Oh, don't do it.
Don't give me a jump puzzle, man.
I guess we go down here?
Sure. Alright, music is beginning to change.
Oh! Oh, I just gotta shoot that thing, right?
Okay, yeah, yeah. Oh.
I feel like I did that more through luck than anything else.
Ah. Really?
Oh, my gosh.
Ah! Retina burn!
I think I'm getting a tan for my monitor.
Uh-huh. Wow, that is trippy.
Okay, so I've got to get up there.
But I have a feeling it's not through climbing here.
Oh, there we go. Oh, no!
Don't make me...
Oh, there's three of them!
Yeah, no kidding, eh?
This is like the core of my brain that generates metaphors.
Alright.
What are we going to start here?
Uh...
And now?
Where?
Oh, is that where I came from?
Alright, so let's see what's going on here.
And then I think we should probably call it a night, right?
Alright, so the last level is Epstein's Island.
Oh, there's a jumpy pole thing, right?
Okay, so we go...
No!
Let me get there!
Oh! Oh, lord!
Yellow bar to the left. Yeah, yeah, I see.
You used a metaphor to express the part of your brain that used a metaphor.
Oh, that's funny. The pandemic, you say?
Makes you remember that Epstein didn't kill himself.
Yeah, no kidding, eh? Oh, that was bad.
Sorry. Hit the wrong key. Hit the wrong damn key.
Come on, reset, my friends.
No, no, come back. Come back up.
Alright.
Yeah, it's funny, people are really beginning to see the state now, right? people are really beginning to see the state now, right?
And he didn't have another jump boost.
Oh my god. This stuff is kind of retarded.
It's always better to double jump first, then dash.
Alright, thank you. I will try that advice.
I appreciate that. Oh, you're right.
Ah, you are right.
Right.
I don't even need to dash, right?
You are right.
Thank you for your great advice.
I appreciate that. I can't walk through that, I'm sure.
I feel electric again!
Alright, should I just wait here for them to come around the corner?
The answer to that would be probably no, right?
Am I on fire currently?
Woah! Why am I on fire?
Leave no demon behind.
Alright.
62 health.
Because all we've got to do...
Oh yeah, that's right.
That's how dangerous I am, baby.
I do a jump on this, right?
Okay, so this is where I saw the guy from before, right?
There we go. Disco medallion is mine.
You talk a lot about Izzy, but not your wife.
How is she? My wife is very well, thank you.
I appreciate that kindness.
She is, I guess, like a lot of women, and I appreciate why.
She is keen on keeping us...
No, no, no, no, no!
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
She's keen on keeping us healthy, right?
Wait, am I not supposed to be touching the wall?
Just kidding, sorry. For all of you lovely OCD listeners, I'm giving you a twitch right here, right here.
Right here. Right here. My brother plays this on the hardest level.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, hey, I wish I had reflexes I had 30 years ago, too, right?
I feel like I should not be getting up here.
I also feel like if I go down here, bad things will happen.
So, and I feel like I can't climb that thing.
What do we got here? So it's got to be a green switch.
Oh, is that a green switch over there?
Am I supposed to go over there? You jump back to an upper level of where you came from.
I think you just go back.
Oh, okay.
That's where it came from, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's my metaphor generator back there.
Oh, sorry. Am I going the wrong way around?
Ah, I've got tons of health, right?
Who needs it? A lot of bones.
The answer is inside you.
Yes, it is. Alright.
Oh, okay, so I just jumped around the other side, right?
This is where I came from. Okay, and then I just go back this way.
Is that right? That seems like a long way.
What do you think? Shoot the green button.
Oh, yeah. Do I not have...
No. Look at that.
I didn't even listen to my good friend who was telling me.
Whoa. Oh, is this where I get to be a demon again?
A demon is screaming?
Alright, low health. Did I leave some health back here?
I feel I did. I feel I should've.
Uh... Huh. Alright, this is just a jump thing, right?
Any health? Any... Bueller?
Bueller? Anyone? Alright.
I have a feeling...
I got a feeling that there's gonna be a demon or two.
Yeah, yeah. Don't care about your codex entries.
I just want to get to the next cool thing.
Basically the next bit of health.
Oh, there we go. Alright, so this is where you go to get trained to be a mainstream media journalist.
Oh, we finally hit the core.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a lot of doors.
I get it. Of all the millions of YouTube videos at my fingertips, I choose this livestream!
Come on, this is entertaining video game stuff.
What do you think about Styx partnering with Ramsay Paul?
What do you think I'll play after this?
Probably nothing. Amazing.
Oh, yeah. Is that Ariana Huffington?
Oh, it is! Oh, my gosh.
That's too funny. Uh...
Friend? There are no enemies.
There are only demons you haven't slain yet!
Mama! No, literally.
Mama. Oh, what?
Doomhunter is a super heavy demon.
Its shield and sled are weak points.
Design the sled to permanently...
Oh, yeah. You know what? I think I'm going to wait.
Uh, yeah.
Well, I'll do one. So, plasma rifle, right?
Woah.
Woah.
Oh, I guess I can get a couple of cool things here, right?
Oh, I need plasma stuff, right?
I will also take that.
I feel I have not defeated him yet though.
though.
Not if I run away, they're not.
Uh.
Uh.
Oh, now I need more of the ammo.
right? Yeah, I do. Uh, alright.
I can get some from you, which is why they gave me all the chainsaw stuff, which is very handy.
A little more health.
Jump away. A little more health.
A little more ammo stuff.
No way.
Okay. Any health?
Do you guys see any health floating around here?
I would not say no to a little health.
Oh. Oh, that was dumb.
Oh. I didn't realize I had the right...
Okay, I'll tell you what. I will stop here.
Thank you so much for the great deal of fun and for the advice.
Very, very helpful.
Yeah, yeah. I forgot I had the rocket launcher on, so that is definitely double plus ungood.
I will accept that.
And yeah, not so bad. I got that guy in the first round, but then I blew myself up with the rocket.
Hey, it happens. All right.
Thanks, guys. Have a great night.
And sorry, I did have to move the call-in show tomorrow.
I had something come up in the morning about 4.30 p.m.
Just join us on the Discord server through subscribestar.com forward slash free domain, and we'll have a nice juicy call-in show.
And have a great, great night.
Love you guys. Take care.
And that's a graceful exit, is it?
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