Dec. 26, 2024 - Rubin Report - Dave Rubin
06:45
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Alright, once again, wishing everybody a Merry Christmas. | ||
| The real gift I can give you is not doing any politics this week, but the bonus gift I can give you is reacting to South Park clips, which we know you people just love. | ||
| Here we go! | ||
|
unidentified
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Ho, ho, ho! | |
| Merry Christmas, everyone! | ||
| I'm hit! | ||
| I'm hit! | ||
| Realistic, realistic. | ||
| No one down, no one down! | ||
| Where are you taking me? | ||
| You are all being very naughty. | ||
| Why you come to Iraq, my main man? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| America wants to bomb my house, my main man. | ||
| They want to kill my wife and children. | ||
| We need to know, what is their plan? | ||
| I don't know, I live in the North Pole. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| They say that the Chinese were the first to experiment with electroshock to the testicles. | ||
| Oh no, not Santa's balls! | ||
| *coughs* What else is America planning? | ||
| I'm gonna f***ing kill you! | ||
| You're not in a position to kill anyone, my main man. | ||
| I just want you to tell me America's plan. | ||
| Been wearing for a long night because I don't know s***. | ||
| Drink it. | ||
| Drink the oil. | ||
| This is all you Western capitalists want. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Santa? | ||
| I just couldn't do it. | ||
| I just couldn't let him live! | ||
| He shocked Santa's balls! | ||
| Get to the sleigh! | ||
| Get to the sleigh! | ||
| It's so insane. | ||
|
unidentified
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I came to bring Christmas to Iraq, and by God, I'm gonna do it. | |
| You know, whenever they tell you that Christians are intolerant, just show them that clip and note that nobody actually got killed for it. | ||
| Number two. | ||
|
unidentified
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Excuse me. | |
| Excuse me. | ||
| Hey, asshole. | ||
| You guys know that everyone thinks you're total f***s, right? | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| You know, when people like you drive down the streets with your unnecessarily loud motorcycles thinking you're all cool, everyone is actually laughing at you and calling you pathetic f***s. | ||
| You do realize this, right? | ||
| Hey, man, we roll how we roll, and if people are annoyed or intimidated by it, that's too bad for them. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| No, no, no, nobody is intimidated, actually. | ||
| Everyone realizes that people who are so needy for attention they need to dress up and be as loud as possible are you guys and 16-year-old girls. | ||
| Just wanted to let you know you're f***ing f***s. | ||
| I mean, it's funny because it's true. | ||
|
unidentified
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Next. | |
| There, you see? | ||
| Can you f***ing believe it? | ||
| Is that really all our wiener sizes? | ||
| Yeah, dude, look at it! | ||
| It says right there, Eric Cartman 1.2 If they're gonna put us on blast, they're at least gonna get the numbers right. | ||
| We are going to re-measure! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
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How did this get into our Christmas compilation? | |
| Phoenix! | ||
| Next! | ||
|
unidentified
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What I am about to tell you is highly classified. | |
| Two days ago, Muslim terrorists hijacked our imagination. | ||
| Frankly, we don't know what their next move is or how to stop them. | ||
| In times like these, the government often turns to Hollywood for help. | ||
| You creative filmmakers can think of ideas we just can't. | ||
| That's why we've asked you here, M. Night Shyamalan. | ||
| The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village, all very clever films. | ||
| But can you use your amazing idea brain now to help us stop the terrorists? | ||
| What if... | ||
| What if it turns out they aren't terrorists, but they're actually werewolves, from the future? | ||
| No, no, they're terrorists. | ||
| They've been linked to Al-Qaeda. | ||
| But what if Al-Qaeda, it turns out, is the group being terrorized? | ||
| By aliens? | ||
| N-no, that's not an idea. | ||
| That's a twist. | ||
| We need ideas. | ||
| How about we make everyone think that terrorists attacked us? | ||
| But really, we were all already dead. | ||
| Get him out of here. | ||
| I saw that one coming. | ||
|
unidentified
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Mr. Bay, can you think of any ideas how to outwit these terrorists? | |
| I believe I can. | ||
| We start by making a big CG building, and then we have a meteor go, and it's all like, and motorcycles burst into flame while they jump over these helicopters, right? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| We need ideas how to stop the terrorists. | ||
| An 18-wheeler spins out of control, and it's all like, in this huge tanker full of diamonds. | ||
| He's just the worst. | ||
|
unidentified
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Those aren't ideas! | |
| Those are special effects! | ||
| I don't understand the difference. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| And the greatest Christmas gift of all was knowing that Michael Bay will never do another Transformers movie. | ||
| Merry Christmas, everybody! | ||
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