Dec. 25, 2024 - Rubin Report - Dave Rubin
10:19
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Ho, ho, ho! | ||
| Merry Christmas, everyone! | ||
| My Christmas gift to you is no politics. | ||
| Today, I'm just reacting to four of my favorite scenes in Christmas movies. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
...this weekend. | |
| I'll see what I can do. | ||
| I'm not gonna charge you. | ||
| Just bring them by and I'll see what I can do. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| I'm here to see a Walter Hobbs and Buddy the Elf. | ||
| You look hilarious! | ||
| Who sent you? | ||
| Papa Elf. | ||
| Papa Elf? | ||
| From the North Pole. | ||
| From the North Pole? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So you really think we should ship him? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think we should take a $30,000 bath so some kid can understand what happened to a puppy and a friggin' pigeon. | |
| Ship him. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Mr. Hobbs? | ||
| It's me on the intercom. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Yeah, I think someone sent you a Christmas gram. | ||
| Dad! | ||
| All right, let's get it over with. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I walked all day and night to find you. | ||
| You look like you came from the North Pole. | ||
| That's exactly where I came from. | ||
| Santa must have called you. | ||
| Oh yeah, sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| But you didn't know I was born. | ||
| So I'm here now. | ||
| I found you, daddy. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I love you! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That was weird. | ||
| Elf, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I made my family disappear. | |
| I made my family disappear. | ||
| Kevin, you're completely helpless. | ||
| You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents. | ||
| Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula. | ||
| Kevin, you are such a disease. | ||
| Classic. | ||
| I saw this in the movie theater. | ||
| I was in ninth grade. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think around 91, 92, something like that. | |
| You know what you did, you little jerk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jerk. | |
| I made my family disappear. | ||
| It's just perfect. | ||
| John Hughes just that time. | ||
| This is basically me when David takes the kids out for a walk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
*Screams* No clothes for anybody. | |
| Sickening. | ||
| Cool firecrackers. | ||
| I'll save these for later. | ||
| Those are gonna come in handy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going through all your private stuff! | |
| Buzz! | ||
| You better come out and pound me! | ||
| Buzz, your girlfriend! | ||
| Woof! | ||
| That was Joy Behar, right? | ||
| Can I show you something? | ||
| This is peak Chevy Chase. | ||
| Nibbly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was just... | |
| Smelling. | ||
| Smiling. | ||
| I was just browsing. | ||
| Your wife or your girlfriend? | ||
| What? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Guess there wouldn't be any... | ||
| Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they are. | ||
| So good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is warm in here. | |
| Well, you have your coat on. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, do I? How did that happen? | |
| Because it's cold out? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's a bit nipply out. | ||
| I mean nippy out. | ||
| What did I say? | ||
| Nipples. | ||
| Nipples. | ||
| There is a nip in the air, though. | ||
| Can I take something out for you? | ||
| I'm just... | ||
| I was just looking at something for my wife. | ||
| God, rest her soul. | ||
| Oh, God, I'm so sorry. | ||
| Oh, no, no, she's not dead yet. | ||
| We're just divorced. | ||
| She's history. | ||
| And obviously she doesn't wear underwear. | ||
| There are plenty of shopping days left until adultery's adulthood, which is to say Christmas, as in Yule, Yule log. | ||
| Not a log, I don't have a log, but I mean, you know, if I had a log, not in the sense that you think I said I did. | ||
| Good golly. | ||
| Tis the season to be merry. | ||
| Well, that's my name. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| It's just so great. | ||
| You know they changed the kids in all the movies, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so funny. | |
| Down there? | ||
| These were cut really high on the hip. | ||
| Look, I'm wearing something similar. | ||
| See? | ||
| I can't see the line. | ||
| Can't see the line, can you, Russ? | ||
| No. | ||
| Christmas Vacation is my favorite Christmas movie. | ||
| I'd like to know your... | ||
| Yeah, I got a thumbs up from Connor. | ||
| I'd like to know your thoughts in the comments below. | ||
| All right, here's number four. | ||
| It is a bonus, apparently. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Merry Christmas! | |
| Merry Christmas! | ||
| We watch this on TNT over and over all day, all day. | ||
| Merry Christmas, Dan. | ||
| The original Christmas story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ho, ho, ho! | |
| Uh-oh! | ||
| Get him out of here! | ||
| Ho, ho, ho! | ||
| And what's your name, little boy? | ||
| Hey, kid, hurry up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The store's closing. | |
| What do you want for Christmas, little boy? | ||
| My mind had gone blank. | ||
| Frantically, I tried to remember what it was I wanted. | ||
| I was blowing it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
A gun! | |
| A gun! | ||
| How about a nice, uh, football? | ||
| Football? | ||
| Football? | ||
| What's a football? | ||
| Without conscious will, my voice squeaked out. | ||
| Football! | ||
| Okay, get him out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A football? | |
| Oh, no! | ||
| What was I doing? | ||
| Wake up, stupid! | ||
| Wake up! | ||
| No! | ||
| No, no, I want an officer right out of carbon dioxide. | ||
| You want to get my Lear rifle? | ||
| You'll shoot your eye out, kid. | ||
| Merry Christmas. | ||
| Ho, ho, ho. | ||
| Just perfect. | ||
| Did you see the new one? | ||
| The new one. | ||
| It was the very Christmas Christmas story or something like that. | ||
| It's him 40 years later. | ||
| That one's actually pretty good, too. | ||
| All right. | ||
| And I'm being told we have a fifth. | ||
| We have a fifth on the fly. | ||
| A double bonus fifth on the fly. | ||
|
unidentified
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The Christmas season spirit never ends here. | |
| Go! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want people to cut loose. | |
| I want people making out in closets. | ||
| I want! | ||
| People hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on the heads. | ||
| I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. | ||
| And also, I want you to know and spread the word that I will have my digital camera and I'll be taking pictures all along the way. | ||
| And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. | ||
| Incentive. | ||
| You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| Stupid corporate wet blankets. | ||
| Like booze ever killed anybody. | ||
| Bring back The Office! | ||
| Make an Office movie! | ||
| Something! | ||
| Something! | ||
| The Michael Scott story! | ||
| Prequel! | ||
| Something! | ||
| Merry Christmas, everybody. | ||
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