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Oct. 15, 2020 - The Roseanne Barr Podcast
01:15:21
Roseanne Barr interviews Storm Monroe
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Time Text
It's really quick.
Yes, please.
Yeah, let me share this.
I didn't realize it was going to be live.
Yeah, we're going live.
In fact, we're live right now.
No, when I entered the chat, because I'm on the YouTube, the administrator, it shows it as your name, but I always say I'm Jake.
Yeah, but you're in there writing some fucking dick jokes, and I don't want anybody thinking that I'm in there writing dick jokes.
Jesus Christ, I got my pride as a comic.
I can't be seen as writing dick jokes unless they're good dick jokes, and yours aren't that good.
First of all, my dick jokes are not nice.
I say they're C-grade.
They're some C-grade.
You got two excellents.
I have great dick jokes, but that's besides the point.
I won't go in the chat and talk, but just so you know, I always tell people I'm running the chat.
They all know.
Because I told you you had to.
You were trying to sneak in there and do dick jokes.
I saw you.
Don't lie.
No, I do dick jokes, but I do it as Jake.
But you didn't say it was you.
Yes, I did.
I said, Jake, get off my fucking chat.
You're confused because the name shows up as Roseanne Barr because I run your YouTube page.
Don't try to MKUltra me.
I know what I know.
I'm going to go there right now and tell some dick jokes.
How about that?
Oh, we're live.
As long as you say you're Jake.
I always say I'm Jake.
By the way, everybody watching this, the chat will be me.
Okay, thank you.
Now let's proceed with this fucking interview because I'm so excited.
This guy is all my dreams rolled into one view.
I gotta talk about him for a minute.
That's fine.
When we go double screen, you'll be good to go.
Just fucking go!
There we go!
Oh my god.
Now, I totally...
Oh my God, I can't fucking believe I totally forgot your first name.
What's your fucking, I know it's Monroe.
What is your first name?
My first name is Storm.
Yeah, you can't forget that.
I know, I got Alzheimer.
But listen, I think I have pre-Alzheimer.
Oh my God, I gotta talk about that too.
But anyway, Storm Monroe.
Okay, this guy is like all my dreams for YouTube watching in one show.
Conspiracy, gossip, The funniest commercials, the funniest commercials.
I actually laugh out loud.
I pee myself a little, but I do that for more and more every day for no reason.
But it does make me laugh till I pee.
And the most fabulous singer I think I've ever seen in my life.
I'm a total like What do the kids say, Stan?
Isn't that what they say?
That's what they used to say.
I don't know what they say now.
That's a super fan, Rosanna.
That's a super fan.
Oh, super fan.
A super fan.
For this, oh no, what's Jaguar?
Oh, I can't remember.
Oh, you know who I mean.
Her voice, what?
Her voice is beautiful.
Beautiful.
Beautiful voice.
What did God give her?
She got a gift.
God gave her the gift of shutting some shit down.
Her name fits her very well.
Very well.
Jaguar.
Oh yeah.
It's so sexy of a name.
It's kind of like I'm going to come and get you and just when you least expect it, you're mine.
And she sucks you in just like that.
Well, I think of a Jaguar as being one who waits until the right time to pounce.
Yeah.
Is that what you think of a jaguar at all?
You know, I think of that part, but it's more of the pouncing.
Because when a jaguar hits you, it's not letting you go.
And she is not taking her foot off of anybody's neck in Hollywood.
Anybody.
She's not.
That's why I really like you, because I tuned in several times for the laughs, and like I told you on the phone, I hang up the phone with you, and I start writing fucking jokes.
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, like that, you know, like I hit the jackpot.
You inspire me to write, and that's a great...
Service, you've done me.
It's just great.
And that's a compliment, Roseanne.
I've only been doing this for like two years, so that is a compliment to get that from you.
That is an honor.
Well, you're so sweet.
Now, what did you do to your hair since I saw your last video?
What is that?
Oh, so this is just a little hook.
Long story short, I don't have any hair right here naturally, so we just kind of fade it in to make it look... Oh, I like it.
I need to finish what I was saying.
I tuned in and I'm liking you for all these other reasons.
Then you go and hold up my holy Bible.
Okay.
I'm a Jew.
That is my holy book right there.
And you're holding up my hope, my people's holy book.
And you are like, Oh my God, I got to follow.
I got to watch all the time because he's talking about my people.
Uh, the holy book that's kept our people, my people and yours.
And a lot of other people too, going for many thousands of years.
It's exciting to see what's happening today and how it's fulfilling itself.
It's so interesting to me how people can say, oh my god, I don't believe that stuff.
I don't believe anything in there.
And then I'm like, well, you might not believe it, but it's been predicting everything.
So I'm just saying, anything you want to know, just it's in there.
It's all right.
Yeah, it's all in there.
But they still will go, oh, that's some old superstitious.
But they don't even know what it is at all.
But anyways, thanks for doing that because You know what, I'm one of those, you know, I'm a Jew, and so I wanted to talk to you today.
I'm a self-appointed, because it's my tribal people, and there were judges in those tribes.
So I'm appointing myself the self-appointed judge of the world today, with all this gossip going, that we're gonna, you know, throw out there.
I'm gonna judge those people, whether they are as per my Bible or not.
I'm gonna judge them.
I'm appointing myself the judge.
Like Judge Judy, only for real.
Nobody can give me any money to sway my opinion because I got to go by the book.
You see the book, it's not the constitution, but it's like the constitution in that it laid down the law.
Now, some of those laws, they've got to be reinterpreted because you're not going to go drowning people with it, wear a red dress.
We're not going to do that.
I'm not going to poke my eye out.
I'm going to look at your butt, of course.
No.
That'd be silly.
I'm judging that.
Some things are open to reinterpretation because the Bible is a time machine.
I judge it so.
All right.
Okay.
Now, I was going to say, You are so brave to go on there and talk about these poor people that are really victims in Hollywood.
They're struggling right now with their very souls and I do pray for them.
I really, really do.
Me too.
Me too.
But you know what, Roseanne?
To me, I don't feel like I'm being brave.
I just feel like I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing because everything, it just, basically God has guided the path.
I didn't see myself going that way, but that's how we've- I didn't want to.
God, that's the last thing on earth I ever wanted to do.
I'm like, no, you can't make me do that.
That, uh-uh, you cannot.
That would be the ultimate ridiculous I can't.
That would just be so, so weird.
We don't think we have it in us.
We're just kind of like, well, you know, you know, I know this stuff is bad, but I'm not going to say it.
It has nothing to do with me.
I'm just going to turn a blind eye.
And God is like, Nope, you're going to talk about it.
It's going to be in your face and you won't have a choice.
And that's what I told my sister exactly.
And I said, why does God keep putting me in these places where First of all, I don't want to go there, but I have to.
You know, because I've got a big ego and they're giving me an award.
So I got to show up.
And that's what they always say.
Hey, you got to show up.
I go, I don't have, I don't want to.
If you can imagine the type of girdle you got to put on to go out.
So you won't be humiliated day and night for weeks.
You're still wearing a girdle, Roseanne.
Not over here in Hawaii, bitches!
Let that go.
I did.
I would like to show people what gardening, smoking, and praying can do for a body.
Oh yeah.
Do you want me to show?
Do you want to see my body?
Let's go.
Let's see what we're working with here.
I'm good.
All right.
Let's see what we're working with here.
Okay.
Oh, wow, you look good.
Bye.
You look good, Roseanne, you do.
Oh yeah, yeah, you look good.
See, this is what a natural body looks like.
Okay, we're not mad, Roseanne.
Don't be mad.
You're ready for your Resident Negro, man, whenever you're ready.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm so over the man thing.
You know, I am so glad that God has delivered me from the, you know, needing the D. Tell us about that, Rosemary, because people look at me weird when I don't really trip off of sex either.
I just don't think about it that much.
But people say we're weird.
They say something's wrong with us if you're not horny all the time.
Yeah, because they've been jacked up.
You know, they got 24-7 porn on the video.
Anything you see is some form of porn.
So they're jacking you up, you know, because that, you know, when you're out there chronically masturbating, you don't got time to see what, you know, line you're in.
You know, it's all trickster.
It's all a trick.
But they love it, that masturbating.
Those men, they just can't get enough of theirselves.
That's a whole another story for another day, Roseanne.
All right.
But I will tell you this.
Well, you know, the Bible, look at this ring I got.
I found it in, I like to go to these old vintage stores, you know?
Okay.
Well, I found this in Spain.
Oh, I can't get it open because I don't know how nothing works.
But anyways, it's the whole Bible right here in this room.
Oh, on the ring.
And you see, you can open it up and it's brass.
It's like grass from like 1600 Spain.
Okay, I love that.
Yeah, it's cool.
That is super cool.
Yeah, it is cool.
But anyway, I had to do my own eye makeup, so it's not so great.
Anyway, so I think you're funny and I love it when you go off with all this background of, like, you have a background of wanting to do right, wanting to bring, you know, a moral It's hard for people to think when they're just masturbating all the time.
use their good brains to see what's right and what's wrong and how.
I want people to think. I just want people to think, Rosanne.
Just don't accept everything the government tells you. Just think. That's it.
It's hard for people to think when they're just masturbating all the time. That's my
opinion.
I'm using that. I am using that in my show.
You can use it. But it's true, right?
Yeah. Because think about it.
If you do that all the time, you're drained, you're not paying attention.
Then between that and the sugar and the liquor, you're just living the lala.
And the pot, for God's sake.
I'm not mad at that.
I'm not mad at the pot.
See, I think that's what keeps you from wanting the sex.
So I think people should, you know, some people may have to take another drug on top of the pot to want sex.
That's what I've sort of noticed.
They're always on a drug to do the sex, because normally they don't even want to do it till the women get them going.
Now they've got the women on the hook for getting the sex going.
You know, all the women are on the hook for it.
Does the Coke get the men going or is it the heroin?
I've always wondered that, especially in Hollywood, because everybody does Coke.
Well, that works on them for a while when they're young, you know.
But then they mix in the Viagra, because you know, at a certain point, let's be honest, God wants men to stop doing it.
That's why their thing doesn't go up.
You know, that's why the thing is just laying there, you know, because it's like, good night, Grandpa.
Good night, Grandpa.
Now go do something else.
Go help the community, Grandpa.
You know, Go do something for other people before you pass from this world, Grandpa.
Go travel.
Go live a life.
Go enrich the world.
You've learned a lot.
Now give back something, Grandpa.
But no, you know, they want to keep on doing the sex.
Because they're addicted to dick.
I swear to God, that's what Sam Kennison used to scream out.
I'm addicted to dick!
It was so funny.
But it's true.
It's true.
You have a point.
Yeah, but all the women are.
That's how they got stupid.
They dumbed down the women by getting them all like, you know, addicted to sex because a lot of them are addicted to sex that don't like the D. And people forget that, you know, that a lot of them are sex addicts.
A lot of people of every type are sex addicts.
Ones that do it alone, do it with tons of people.
They gotta keep doing it.
Like, it's not enough to do it, like, once a year or nothing.
Right.
They have to keep going.
They gotta do it, like, five or six times a day, some of them.
Well, that's R. Kelly.
Roseanne, that's more like R. Kelly, five, six times a day.
No, I'm just talking normal in Hollywood, hon.
I'm just talking normal in Hollywood.
How do you have the time to do it five or six times a day?
Well, because they're not doing nothing else.
Shit.
Wow.
They got teams of people around them doing for them, you know, like, hey, I needed a new driver's license.
Go get me my driver's license.
Well, you have to show up to get your picture took for it.
No, I don't.
You know, okay.
Okay.
Well, okay.
I mean, come on.
It's just a whole other world.
I've been so poor that, you know, we had the government cheese.
And then I've been so rich that, you know, I've been at parties where people just say shit that, you know, I never would imagine I would hear in my life.
So then when I go home, I'm like, God, why did I have to hear that?
Just at a business, just at a party or a business meeting, just like it was nothing.
I'm like, God, why did I have to hear that?
And it's like, well, you just have to hear it.
You got to be a witness.
You gotta witness it, I guess.
That's the only reason I can come up with.
Can you tell us a little bit of what you've heard?
Well, I can tell you one thing that I saw.
Okay.
Well, just one thing.
But that'd be too scary.
I'll tell you one thing I did when I thought I was being funny.
Because I knew that the only way I could hang around there was just be funny, because I couldn't make any sense of the other shit.
Yeah.
I mean, it doesn't make any sense at all.
For one thing, they can't hear nothing a woman says.
Like, their eyes just glaze over.
They just can't hear anything you say.
Yeah.
They just can't.
They think you're a cow that talks.
I mean, that's about the level of their respect for you.
Yeah.
They treat them all like prostitutes.
Let's just call it what it is.
Well, that's, I used to have a joke about, agent is another word for pimp.
Let's be real.
Yes.
You know, yeah.
And you know, lawyer means bigger pimp.
Yep.
Every dollar I made, you know, I have to get a cut off the top to my handlers before, and then I pay the government and then I get my paltrons for what I make up in my mind and perform.
So, I mean, you know, it's like indentured servitude and that's called show business.
And I mean, You know, you look at what they did to, uh, you know, jazz singers and, you know, African American musicians in the beginning of the music industry.
And now people are looking to modern day gossip to say, did they have to sacrifice something or someone to make it?
Well, look at, take a look back in history for Sacrifice of people's art stolen from them and, you know, kicked to the side and, you know, died unable to sing their own songs.
Yes.
And that's common for the 50s in the beginning of rock and roll.
And wasn't it?
Rock and roll is something people should talk about.
I don't think they include that in the history of rock and roll museums that they got going out there.
Nah, they leave the Theban part out.
They leave that out.
Yeah, the Theban.
I'm going to go against Theban up artists because that is strictly forbidden in that book.
I'm against it.
That's my judgment.
It's wrong.
It's horrible.
Do you think Kanye will have any success with what he's trying to do?
Well, I was trying to call him for a while because of course I know how to, you know, I know what you have to do because I, you know, not, I just have been through everything they could do to you.
I've been divorced.
What?
How many fucking times?
19 times by now.
You know?
And you gotta do certain things, and I'll tell him what he needs to do.
To get away.
Well, he wants us to have his kids, right?
He wants to get fair visitation and share 50-50, I imagine, with his kids.
I don't think it's gonna happen, Rosanne.
Well, he's gotta be on the medication, and you know, he doesn't like that.
Nobody likes that.
Yeah.
Because you know you got to be really high to write poetry and stuff.
But you can learn to come to the middle and create out of a meditative place and a middle place where you don't have to be so high or so low.
You can create out of an okay place.
That's such a hard thing for a creative person to learn.
I mean, I still smoke, so I got fuck no business to be talking about a self-destructive creative urge, you know?
It's always going to be there.
Yeah, you just work with it.
I'm going to start taking these pills today.
I've had all these Jews praying for me for about a hundred years to get me to quit smoking, and I invited the Muslims and the Christians to join in, since we all have our same Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
What do you like to smoke, Rosanna?
Well, I already smoked Marlboros, you know, and I just have not been able to quit.
Well, I did quit for two weeks, but then my boyfriend, it was either that or I was going to have to kill him.
It's one of them two things.
So I chose the lesser of two and start up with smoking.
Nice.
But I could have killed him, but he was on a plane luckily for him.
You know, those relationships, Rosanne, I just, I don't know.
Do you know what he did?
I have to tell you what he did.
He never listened.
He told me that he was going to be allowed to take his saxophone, he's a musician, so he's crazy, you know what I mean?
The off, yeah.
He told me he was going to be able to carry his saxophone and a keyboard onto the plane.
I told him, no, you are not going, They are not going to let you carry on a sax and a keyboard onto the plane.
He goes, I have the thing from the government that says they have to let a working musician carry on.
I said, it says one instrument and one bag.
He goes, it doesn't matter.
I have two bags.
I go, it doesn't.
It says one bag and one musical instrument.
He goes, yeah, but I have two bags.
I go, listen, lawyer, you're going to lose this one.
Not everyone wants to argue with your shit and they're not going to let you get on the fucking plane.
He goes, you are so picky and persnickety.
Dropped him off, get a call an hour and a half later.
I have to go back to the airport because why?
Because he wouldn't let him on the plane.
Hello.
So I had to, Sit there with him for two hours, listening to him say how stupid the airline is.
When I said, why didn't you just listen to me?
Then I dropped him off, took the one instrument home.
He got on the plane, it flew away.
I went to 7-Eleven.
I said, could I have a pack of Marlboro Lights?
I smoked about 19 of them, calmed down.
Then I went and got drunk.
Smoked another pack and got a tattoo.
And then I felt fine.
Yeah, that means that man irked the hell out of you, Roseanne.
He irked you to your very core.
Oh yeah, because I told him.
But they never can listen.
And I'd like to ask you, why can't men listen to women?
Why do you think that is?
Um, we don't talk the same language, Roseanne.
The way you guys talk to us is not the way we communicate well.
We talk two different languages.
Like, okay, like with the man, you have to be very, very direct.
And then it's only certain times you can talk to him.
Like if the game is on, he's not listening.
If he's not looking you dead in your face, he's probably not listening.
But you have like 30 seconds to get in exactly what you want him to do.
I tried it for hours and days.
So I must have been hitting the wrong time slot.
Is that what you're telling me?
You might have just had an asshole of a man.
Might just be an asshole.
Now don't try to stir up trouble.
He's just kind of an idiot.
He can't help himself.
Like he's so good on 99% of things.
But this one thing, he's always thinking he's going to be smarter than the airlines.
Or, you know, there's a lot of people like that.
Yes, yes ma'am.
They think they can talk their way out of shit.
And maybe it worked sometimes.
Sometimes, but that shit was not gonna work.
Like, well, I'll tell you this.
I wouldn't want to date a lawyer, a psychologist, people who are smart for a living.
Like, you will never win an argument with them, even when they're wrong.
Did you notice how many of these politicians are lawyers?
Well, they're liars, so it makes sense.
But nobody likes lawyers or trusts them, do they?
No.
Lawyers manipulate the law, take all your money, and a lot of times you still have to do a lot of the work.
Politicians make false promises, take your money, and you still have to get out here and work.
Well, I love how you said Kim and them have the best lawyers.
Oh my God, they do have the best lawyers in all of Hollywood.
I could never get them.
I could have get them damn good lawyers.
No, because you got to understand they have the connections and then they use witchcraft to keep people like in their hold.
It's a spiritual thing.
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
If you try to fight them, even if you win legally, you will lose spiritually.
You will start to lose it.
You'll feel things you've never felt.
It's best just to get away.
Just leave whatever you have with them and just make a new life somewhere else.
Cause their, uh, their powers are very strong.
And they feed off of men, especially black men.
I know that.
And young, young ones.
Yes.
Cause they're young and they're dumb and full of cum and it's just like, Oh, this is Khloe Kardashian.
And it's like, no, she's, she's using you for your energy forces.
Cause that's all you're really good for.
We know that family don't give a damn about men.
They don't even love their brother.
You don't think they love him?
You don't think they love Rob?
I mean, if he's skinny with an 8-pack and he can pose on a magazine, sure.
But fat, slobby Rob that masturbates all day, plays Xbox and smokes weed?
No, they don't.
Well, didn't they tell him he can't come to the wedding because he's too fat?
Yes, they said he messed up the aesthetic of the photos.
Oh my god!
But I imagine if somebody said that to me, that I couldn't go to their wedding because I was too fat.
Oh my god.
I'd never talk to them again.
I would never talk to them again.
I'd be done.
How could you come back from that kind of shit?
Your sister's wedding?
You're too fat to come to my wedding?
Well at least what she didn't she didn't say the words fat she said he messed up the aesthetic of the photo.
Either way he had to go the mom is the same way you know now now Chris has her fat pig with her there you know Cory the man with the hips so she it's it's a mess but they're all the same they're all the same so I don't see how any man would think he would have a chance with them.
I mean, Caitlyn was so, whatever, was so messed up, he gave away his balls after he killed the lady on Pacific Coast Highway.
It was just really bad.
Come on, Roseanne.
You know when he, look, if you see the pictures, he killed that lady, he looked in her car, and he said, you know what?
I'm gonna get a pussy now, because if I have to go to prison, it's not gonna be the men's.
I'm just saying.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
He never had balls.
We know Kris Jenner held the balls in that relationship.
We know that.
Well, we had friends who used to go to parties for years and Bruce would come dressed as a woman.
And that was just, everyone in Hollywood knew that.
I mean, you know, that's why I got in trouble at my first party because I used to like to go dressed up as a fisherman and have a mustache.
Okay.
With a mustache, that was my party attire.
Did you leave your boobs out too?
So was it like mustache and boobs?
No, I didn't show nothing or hide nothing.
I just wore the fisherman's vest and Cowboy hat and had a mustache.
I thought it was funny, you know?
But I was schooled on my my behavior and my costume.
That wasn't good.
That's why they don't have a sense of humor, you know?
No, they don't.
They don't.
Like, they don't get it.
No, they sure don't.
They don't like laughing at their self.
That they're no fun.
Because, of course, the only reason you want a friend is to You know, jab at them and make jokes about them and they'll do it back to you.
That's where you get your best jokes, right?
Yes.
Yes.
Calling your friends fat is the only thing there is.
Exactly.
I love your commercial where you go, are you sick and tired of being a fat pig or whatever?
Are you sick of your breasts hitting your lap?
Cause you have to laugh at yourself.
Like as you get older, sometimes you wake up, you look in a mirror and you say, where the hell did my body go?
Like, when did this body show up?
Cause sometimes I still don't know.
I'm like, oh, okay.
All right.
I guess that's what we're working with.
Not me.
See, I'm like, geez, look at that waistline.
Well, you look good.
I'm like, I got a six pack and it has a waist on it.
And by God, if I don't have protruding buttockses, and I didn't have to go get those Kim Kardashian implants.
Cause see, everyone told me, cause I have a flat ass.
I was born with a flat ass and a flat head too.
And I just had like a, just a crack in my back.
I don't have no buttocks, cheeks or nothing.
Yeah.
Not even, you know, like a ruler with a crack.
And so, you know, I always wanted those buttockses, those butt cakes.
And so everyone in Hollywood said, oh, you can get them.
Just go get the butt implants.
And I thought, well, I don't I'd never get anything implanted in my butt.
Except for that one time.
Except for that one time.
That's also Hollywood.
You know, but I really wanted my husband to buy me that dishwasher, you know.
Because a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do.
I thought Anna was for holidays anyway, Roseanne.
Am I wrong?
I thought Anna was for holidays.
And it's birthday, right?
I'm just saying.
Well, that's the real world.
That's the horrible world that thank God delivered me out of.
Oh man, that is hilarious.
Now let me tell you about the fake butts.
Everybody looks like they have a shitty butt.
I got it done.
No, I got it done.
You did?
Yeah.
Well, your butt doesn't look shitty, Roseanne.
Everybody else's looks shitty.
I know, because you know what?
They did a vivisection on me, and they took all out of my gut, sucked it right out.
And put it right in my ass.
They did it.
It's my own fat.
They just reshaped it to my ass.
And now I have a real butt.
And it's my own fat.
You look good, though.
But everybody else I see, it looks like a shitty diaper.
It looks like a saggy diaper, and it's horrible.
What about Madonna's ass?
Oh, Madonna's ass is terrible.
Madonna, God.
What is she doing?
I need Madonna's old ass to sit down.
When God took her hip, that was his way of letting her know to sit down, stop kissing people with her stank breath, because her breath still stinks.
I'm just saying.
It's what we've heard.
Well, garlic, you know, garlic does that.
And I'm just like, maybe Madonna, has she not been able to get any adrenocone?
Cause she's looking very sucked up nowadays too.
Like she's looking like, like hollow almost.
I'm just... Now do you believe that story?
Is that a, what do they call those theory?
Conspiracy theory?
Yeah.
Is that a conspiracy theory or is that part of their devil routine?
I don't know what these devil worshipers do.
Do you?
I mean, Roseanne, they have to drink baby's blood.
Baby's blood is how they stay youthful.
That's how they live to be 120.
It's how they, yeah.
It's, yeah, it's the baby's blood.
And with quarantine, they can't get out to their secret islands to do what they need to do.
They can't go sacrifice any goats to bring in positive energy.
So they just, they're, they look really bad.
Well, you know, I have goats out there.
You know, I've got my goats, because those things are some damn good lawn mowers.
They're good workers, my goats, and I've got a lot of grass to eat down, otherwise I'd be out there having to go cut it myself, which I don't want to do.
So they're good lawn mower workers.
They're good for riches, too.
Well, I was going to say.
I had to put a lot of lights out there and protect my goats.
Yes.
Look, if you love your goats, don't let any celebrity come out there.
Don't let any celebrity that's up for a movie, a new album, down on their luck.
Don't let Diddy out there near your goats.
I'm just saying.
You were talking about voodoo, too, and the cursing.
Yes.
You know, dark magics and stuff.
And boy, they think they got... You know what it is, though?
I believe that that stuff's just a movie, you know, that they downloaded into them.
Because I don't think anything dark really works.
I think God works.
And God, you know, He's the one that's in control.
Not the other way.
Always.
Always.
They think the other guy's more powerful or as powerful as God, but he ain't.
Nope.
They forgot.
You're right.
That's Lucy.
Boy, they refer to him as Lucy, you know.
Oh, they do?
Oh, don't!
Because I love Lucy!
I'm sorry!
It's in the music!
That was a hidden thing.
It's in the musical, man.
When you hear Lucy, they're talking about him.
When they say the God of Light, that's who they're talking about.
Not our God, but their God.
What about I Love Lucy?
Well, that was just her name.
It was just her name.
That was her born name, too.
Oh, man.
Poor Lucy.
It's okay.
I don't want her contributed with or hooked up with the devil.
She was so great.
Lucy was so great.
I loved Lucy.
I still love Lucy.
Yeah.
I could watch reruns of that all day.
How funny was Lucy for God's sake?
Hey, do you think Trump's funny?
Yeah.
Trump is pretty funny to me.
He is!
Yeah.
He makes you laugh, right?
He does.
I look at him and I start laughing, but yeah.
I do too.
I'm just like, if that is not, I mean, the orangutan look.
Oh, sorry.
Can I say that?
Well, let me not go there.
Oh, sorry.
Let me not say that.
No, don't say that.
The orangey look.
That's how you see him?
The orangey thing?
The orangey thing.
I see him as one of a kind.
He's not in their book.
You know, that's how I see him.
He's gonna call out a lot of shit.
I'll tell you that.
He has called out a lot of shit.
I think he's still holding back though.
When is Hillary gonna be exposed?
How many emails will we allow her to delete?
Just saying.
He knows.
They say they got those emails.
That's what that Pompeo said.
He said he's got them all.
Yeah.
We'll see.
I haven't seen a one, but I think they're trying to get people ready for, uh, the nature of them.
So like this Biden and his son thing, that's the appetizer.
That's what I think.
Today they were saying that Joe Biden's kid, you know, uh, I'm not going to say it cause I'm, I'm here to help people and, um, I don't want to get kicked out of here.
I've already been kicked out of there.
I just try to help people come together and, you know, help your neighbor don't get further fractured and divided because that's what they want.
And it is not about anything to do with skin.
It's about what's within.
Yes.
All of us, every single kind, color, shape.
It's whether you have, uh, well, to me, it's as a comic, cause you want to keep laughing.
You want to have, be able to make jokes about everything, including Trump.
Well, then that's how you better vote because you know, they don't like jokes.
It's a shitty funny, nothing's funny.
Can't make a, can't fucking make a joke about Hillary.
I went through fucking hell to get one joke about Hillary on my show.
And they wouldn't bring it down.
Yeah.
It was a four day process.
And every day they bring down 10 more Trump jokes.
And I says, yeah, you've written some fucking killer Trump jokes and about 18 of them to be sure.
But I need me one.
Hillary joke because half this audience, you know, is voting for Trump.
Make it fair.
Make it, you should be able to make fun of both.
Absolutely.
We're going to make it fair.
And, uh, you know, that caused a world of problems for me.
Every day they come down with, you know, six new Trump jokes.
So on Wednesdays, Wednesday, we shot on Friday, went up there to the writer's room.
And, uh, you know, I gave them this stare cause they're afraid of it.
Cause they know what it means.
You know, I just give them this look.
And then I said, half of your audience voted for Trump.
And, you know, despite your, um, opinion, you owe your audience, uh, both.
You owe that portion of your audience, you know, appreciation and acknowledgement for being your fan.
You're not going to use me.
I'm going to be in the middle.
I'm not going to be used to throw an election because I was fair, you know?
They didn't like that.
I got a question for you, Rosanna.
So I told them, I said, I gave them this look.
Do you want me to write the Hillary joke?
No.
And then I stare at him.
I give him that look.
Cause I can, you know, cause like basically anything, any joke I write is five times funnier than anything any one of them can write in a group together for one week.
And I've only proven that 10 million times.
Anyway, I mean, I don't bullshit.
I will honk my own horn when it needs honking, and several times it does, okay?
I can write a fucking joke.
Okay, so, better than most.
Anyway, so they said, oh no, no!
So they came down, they give me the joke on Hillary, and first of all, the guy says to me, like this, you know, earlier I was in, I don't give a fuck about Hillary, okay?
Between you and you, I don't give a fuck about Hillary, I'm just saying.
You know, but, you know, there's pressure around here.
I go, I understand, give me the fucking joke, let me look at it.
I look at it, I go, yeah, it's alright, I'll do it.
That was the best they could do and the safest they could go.
As I knew!
It got not one fucking laugh, as I fucking knew, but I sacrificed myself, because I always get the best laugh.
I gave everybody their laughs.
By God, I always took the best laugh from me, usually because I wrote it.
But I promised not to write the best joke, because it would get everyone in so much trouble.
That was one day on the job.
It was hard.
But see, for fairness, for fairness.
Yeah.
Two opinions on solving the same fucking problem.
It's not a pro-racism, anti-racism.
It's how to solve the fucking problem, not keep it going.
Hello?
They're not trying to save it.
That's the thing.
They just want us to fight.
They're enriching themselves on it.
They're putting public money into Private pockets.
That's all it is.
And both of them's doing it.
It ain't just one party.
Of course.
They all golf together.
I'm crying out.
They all go to those parties together too.
Yeah.
And drink the baby's blood.
They go to those parties when they're in recess, for Christ's sake.
Yes.
Think about that.
But wait, Roseanne, Roseanne, it's one thing, it's one thing, it's one thing I've always wanted to know.
What?
Let's take a guess.
Who do you think munches on more carpet?
Hillary Clinton or Wanda Sykes?
Is a what?
I said, who do you think munches on more carpet?
Hillary Clinton or Wanda Sykes?
Munches on more carpets?
Vagina.
I know what it is.
For Christ's sake, who do you think you're talking to, young youngster?
I'm thinking about it.
I've always wanted to know.
I gotta give it to the big mama.
Mmm.
Okay.
Thank you.
I think everybody agrees.
You know who I mean, right?
Oh, I do.
Mrs. C. Mrs. C is, she's I know some gals out there in Hollywood that really like Mrs. C. I bet.
I bet she takes very good care of them.
Actually, they take very good care of her.
She allows them to.
So she receives.
Uh, well, she does both, but, you know, at her age, she prefers to relax.
I'm making all this up.
I have no fucking idea.
I'm making all this up.
I'm thinking if I was a lesbian, I'm thinking if I was an old lesbian and stuff, that's how I'd be.
If I was having sex and stuff, I'd just be, oh, do your duty, you know?
I'll just lay here because that's how I am as an old heterosexual.
You know, that's how I am now.
But then I was like, you can't, you just can't ask somebody to do that anymore with good faith.
Yeah.
So I had to give it up, you know, I mean, I was like, you know, do you miss it?
No, not at all.
I know my boyfriend doesn't miss it either.
That was some hard work for the old man.
Oh my God, not even on Halloween.
What about Christmas, Roseanne?
You gotta give him some.
Well, he has offered because he's a good man.
But I'll just be like, ah, for what?
I never even get the feeling, you know, like you'll be there, you'll have the feeling, you'll go, all right, time for me to do some meditation.
I'm in the mood for meditating.
Yeah, but I know I never even get that.
It's so great.
My dreams still, they've changed since I started going down that road.
My dreams sure did change.
Yes.
They do.
They get very, very specific.
Like, I don't know if you've like, I've never done shrooms.
Joe Robin does like the shrooms and does it.
I did it one time.
I did it one time down here.
How was it?
Oh, it was something else.
I went to the, um, I went to the, uh, lava tree forest and it was a whole forest down here.
It's gone now.
The lava took it.
It's all gone.
The whole forest swallowed by lava.
But yeah, it was all these tree trunks that had been eaten by lava.
You know, because lava came down and just hollowed all these trees out and then really incredible little things started to grow inside them.
So you get to look at all that and You know, the trees were just in amazing shapes and they're just beautiful.
Like some of them were in the shape of a heart, you know, but they'd have like four levels down of growth, like red flowers and green flowers, you know, just beautiful mushrooms and stuff.
So I wanted to go on the mushrooms and do that.
So then I was doing that, you know, and of course everything looked like a penis.
Every, I took the mushroom, And I had my machete because you don't want to go in any national forest, any place without a machete, ladies.
I'm telling the truth.
So I had my machete, you know, and also I like to steal moss.
I do.
I shouldn't say that.
Oh, I love moss for my garden.
it. Oh, I love moss for my garden. So anyways, I forget what I'm talking about.
But anyway, so I'm taking the mushrooms and all of a sudden it appears out of nowhere a pavilion, a prayer pavilion, you know, a gorgeous prayer pavilion.
And I'm like, man, am I seeing this shit or am I hallucinating this?
So of course I got to go over there and touch it, you know?
So it was real.
And my friend was, she says it was real too, because I didn't want to know if I was hallucinating on it, because I don't know what hallucinating is, right?
So I went in there and I got to say a prayer on the mushrooms.
Ooh, that was a great feeling.
And then I come out of there and looked at all the stuff and it was just gorgeous.
Unbelievable gorgeousness, you know, and all thinking that it's just there, that gorgeousness.
It was just... Sounds like they had a little troop.
Yeah, and of course I stole all this moss.
You know, I pirated all this moss out in my car and took it home and planted it on my rock.
It looks gorgeous.
I built a whole shower around it.
Yeah, so it was a. I started seeing these things going in three dimensions too.
That was cool.
I never did.
What did they look like?
What did they look like though?
Well, they were just coming out like out of their self.
Two times.
Like the thing came out of itself and then it came out of itself again.
So it's like three deep.
Like if you had two mirrors on each other.
You were seeing it three times at once.
It was like a time travel vortex thing.
It had three kind of dimension to it.
Did you ever do it?
No, no, I'm too scared.
I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to be out of my mind like that.
But check this out.
Then I drove home for seven hours.
So I was okay to drive.
Oh, you're brave.
I don't know.
So I don't know if I felt anything real, except for that one second with the three dimensional thing.
No, I just, I would always be afraid of being that guy that's like running down the street naked, eating people's faces.
And then you wake up and you don't remember what you did.
I'm like, nah.
Well, that's that PCP.
Those bad thoughts.
Yeah.
That's what they give to the animals to, you know, get them to go nuts.
You know, they make the animals go nuts for their entertainment, too.
That is true.
Those people, they're nuts.
They're completely nuts, but they're programmed to be that way.
They could get better, I think, if they just knew they could get better.
You know?
Well, I mean... You can snap out of your shit just like this.
Snap out of it!
You gotta know the code word, but you gotta know the code word.
You do?
You gotta know, yeah, we don't even know Britney Spears' code word.
That's why she's stuck.
That M.K.
Oprah.
That M.K.
Oprah is a bitch.
We gotta make a super password for all these kids to hook into that'll unlock everything, huh?
You gotta hack into the hackation of their brain, yes.
Yeah, I always call that hexing in the hexers.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Cause they're, they're held under subhuman bondage.
A lot of kids, not just there, but all over the world.
And this mind control, this horrible mind and soul control.
How, how are we going to work to get them free?
I, I like what Trump does on that issue.
You know, go ahead.
Yeah, I like how he knows it's an issue and, you know, trying to stop it.
I don't know if it'll ever be stopped.
I mean, we gotta figure out, you know, they have kids underground, you know, the kids they took from Haiti that are now adults.
Those kids they had in cages that they magically lost, you know, it was stuff that people don't wanna talk about,
but somebody should.
Somebody should.
It's really sad.
I keep waiting.
I keep waiting, you know, keep waiting to hear.
But, uh, You know, in the meantime, they spread the phony news 24-7 and Julian Assange is still locked up someplace.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I felt scared for our country.
I should say for the people in our country.
I'm scared for the people in our country.
I think of future generations.
I mean, think about it.
They've gotten us to a point where we don't socialize.
We're not eating real food.
You can't trust the water.
Especially the water.
Did you see that thing where Obama was drinking the water in Flint?
Oh God.
How in the hell did how was that even legal in the United States
to have a whole city that was literally drinking lead-infested How was that okay?
I don't know.
It was.
I wonder if that was Beverly Hills.
You know what somebody once taught me in my spiritual journeys?
that was halfway looking for the best hash.
The best hash.
Yes.
Bye.
Thank you.
Don't ever ask why or how and you'll cut about 20 years off your looking.
Don't don't you know save yourself that that hunt.
Unless it's just for, you know, for facts, that's fine.
But don't let your soul ask those questions.
Because, you know, only, those are questions only victims fixate on.
Warriors fixate on, how do I stop that?
Okay.
How do I stop that?
How do I stop that?
OK, I like that advice.
I like that advice.
Because they captured our imagination and everything on this planet comes out of our imagination and they've captured it so that we think only the shit they want us to think and we imagine only the imaginations they want us to imagine.
But the fact is, none of us knows how to imagine a better, more just, beautiful world where children are valued and everything's perfect, do we?
But we should start doing that right away.
We should.
We should.
We have to talk about that book and how though it's loaded with a lot of things that we don't, you know, we can't use no more because we're in a new age now.
But it's got one really good, cohesive story that all of us need to fix on.
And I think we need to discuss, which is how did these 12 tribes of slaves escape slavery?
And what was their goal in all those wanderings and all that time and this and that and the other?
Well, it was to create just law.
And how did they do that?
Well, they're still working on it.
So let's get on that one right now.
And I think we are in the process of getting just law, where people will no longer go to jail or prison because they can't afford a Uncrooked lawyer in the courts that that needs to concern everyone And that needs to be undone because there's many innocent people in prison and You know a lot of them are Black men who are innocent of any crime and here's how they do it the fascists
They come in and they remove the men from a targeted population.
They usually send them other places to labor in labor camps.
But in America, we just put them in prison and make no mistake, they are in labor camps.
They're working for corporations at 21 cents an hour.
Modern day slavery.
Yeah.
It's a labor, it's a labor camp.
Privatized prisons are labor camps.
So that's how they got your bullshit hood wigged and bamboozled there.
So anyways, adjust and adjust court system and due process is owed to every American regardless of their class or race or gender.
And we have to have that.
We can no longer Be convicted because of our race, gender, class, or sexual preference, or any of those things that any judge has, and there's much evidence, has used to make a point or punish someone that someone else is mad at but has more money.
We don't want that justice system, and you know it.
So there's a big switch coming and we need your brain actively engaged in making that happen.
And don't stand in the way, stand in the gap.
Don't stand in the way, stand in the gap.
For your country, a country that was the first to get rid of slavery and to fight a war, against it.
And I can't remember that ship.
What was that movie that Spielberg made?
I can't remember the name of that ship.
Uh, not Amistad.
The Amistad, yeah.
Because that, that, everyone should read about that, that legal case, because that's the legal case that broke the back of the trade that happens on the water.
That was maybe illegal.
Now, they somehow found a way to do all that again.
And, uh, that's got to be stopped.
That can't happen.
So we can't let that back in.
So anyways, we got to wake up and know what's really going on.
Don't be so easily distracted.
Don't masturbate so damn much.
And women, don't try to get your face and your body looking so hot that you're to cause an erection in someone.
Don't do that anymore.
Stop that.
You know, just quit it.
You know, start doing something else for other people.
You're way too selfish and you're way too loud, too.
Shut your mouth and go home.
Take care of your kids.
Pick up the big rug that you swept all that shit under and, you know, sweep out your house, clean out your own closet and do your, you know, do your kids right.
Watch your kids for a while.
That's what you need to do.
They don't clean anymore though, but I'll leave that alone.
No, I do.
Now you've hit on something that makes me so mad is how they clean their house and how they watch their kids.
I can't believe it.
I cannot.
And they don't watch them at the grocery store.
They have them on leashes now.
But they don't watch them.
No, they don't.
And the kid's always got green snot in his nose, too.
And he's always picking his boogers and then wiping them on the canned goods and everything else, spreading the COVID.
Yeah.
It's horrible.
I can't get COVID.
Yeah.
It's bad.
Like you will see them and it's like, it's the mom here and the kid is like 30 feet behind them.
I'm like, wow, you just don't give a damn about that kid.
I mean, I don't know if you can do abortions after the kid is here, but this isn't the way to do it.
I mean, he wants, if you want to get rid of it, just, just, just give it away.
I don't think you should do that, but I think these moms should get off their phones because they're all, uh, You know, taking pictures of their fat asses and putting it on Instagram where nobody gives a damn.
And watch their kids more because their kids are out of control.
You know, these kids, they're just out of control and nobody dares tell them the truth.
You are not gonna get your way in the real world, you little fucking brat!
Clean your room!
They don't dare tell their kids that!
Well...
If you talk to your kids like that nowadays, that's considered abuse.
So that might be the purpose.
We're, we're fighting with that.
You can't raise your voice.
You can't, yeah, it's, I don't know.
But now it's coming up.
I mean, I could have called CPS, but you know, I would have been gladly escorted out and be like, all right, there you go.
Those are your new parents.
Good luck.
I know, right?
Nobody would dare do that back in, My dad, that was the worst.
You knew it was going to be worse there.
Exactly.
My house, our neighbors always called the child welfare on my family.
They were crazy.
You know what?
My dad, he was always, he said, tell your friends we're just redecorating.
Because my dad, he had all these gas soaked papers all over the house with these, and he had to, Take the wallpaper down with a kerosene machine.
So he had like, and smoked.
And somebody called the cops and they came over and they said, you can't have four kids in the house with a kerosene machine and gas soaked papers up to the ceiling.
We're coming back in 48 hours or we're taking your kids away from you.
So my dad's like, God damn it, Roseanne, you clean up this house!
You got two days!
You had to clean it?
Yeah, so I know how to clean a fucking house, you know?
Not like these bitches today.
They're so privileged.
Yeah.
Look, in the Cardi B song, she said, I don't cook, I don't clean, but I still have a ring.
And I just think that's a bad message.
If she tried to get near either of my sons, I would chase her off so fast.
But see, she's got the money, so she's like the man now.
So whoever has the money is the man, right?
That is true.
Whoever has the money is the man.
Yeah, well as a man. Yeah, very true. So men, they're thinking of themselves as women.
I mean, if you just look around, you can even tell, like go to a restaurant.
If you see a guy behind a girl, and he has, like, his hands in her back pockets, she's paying.
Like, it's, you can always tell, like, oh, oh, she wears the pants.
Okay, that's cute.
You know, or if he stands behind her, kind of like this.
It's sad as shit, because you can tell the man is going through a rough, like, a rough patch in life, and he just has to take it, but yeah.
Whoever has the money is the man.
It's very true.
Well, maybe it's better in a way.
Because now the men will have to work for it, you know?
It might be better.
Because they got too used to getting it all their way all the time.
So maybe it's their karma for a while.
It's called karmic debt.
Men have treated women horribly for centuries, and yeah, now we have to pay for it.
Yeah, you gotta learn.
I hear the stuff men say reminds me of what the women used to say back in the day, you know?
They all want relationships, but they can't find the right girl that wants to settle down.
That isn't a haul.
That's just the shit we used to say about men back in my day.
They're all run-arounds.
I think you are great, and I love watching your show.
You're so funny.
I love talking to you, too.
You're on the right side of everything, in my opinion.
And you're funnier than hell.
So everybody, watch him.
Storm Monroe.
And his guests are just awesome, too.
They really are.
They know some good gossip.
And I love gossip.
Me too.
I can't help it, Roseanne.
I love it to my core.
I love it to my absolute core.
Oh man.
I love talking about other people.
Yeah, but I think you nailed Kanye and I think you're helping him if he sees you because I think you're, I think you're right.
He's, he's very torn between, you know, his, you know, wanting to move on and how he's going to be able to do that.
Cause you know, Everything runs on blackmail and shit.
It does.
But his time is... He has time, but it's getting short because that family will not let him ruin them.
They just won't.
And they've already painted him out to be crazy.
And they've already painted him out to... Look, if you hear that he magically hung himself... You know the Hollywood quota.
You know how that goes.
I wouldn't be surprised.
And so he should get out as soon as possible.
Well, he has made himself look crazy though.
I mean, it's not all them making him, making him out to look crazy.
I mean, he, he does look a little crazy.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, he did attack his wife and start talking about she, you know, their personal business there at the church and making fun of Harriet Tubman and stuff.
Who does that?
Huh?
I mean, even though the slavery was a choice thing, it was just like, you're not, you're not all the way hooked up.
You're trying to, you're trying to, you're, you're going, you're going 150 steps ahead, but you're not connected to the 150 below it.
And you've got to earn the right to say things and you haven't earned it.
Yeah.
You know, he's not, but he's not, but see, he's not, he's not dumb.
He just doesn't know how to articulate himself.
Well, I'm like, you should not talk for yourself.
Like I have somebody else to like vet everything you say before you say it.
I feel like that's what he needs, but well, I think he should just write, write it all down in his songs.
Cause he speaks another language.
You know, he can't speak their language.
And I don't think I can either.
You know you can't.
So don't give them any red meat to chew on.
Don't talk their language.
Just do it your own way or shut up.
Also, don't talk out of stress, right?
Don't talk from your stress.
That's when you should shut up.
That's what some of my teacher told me.
When you got the overwhelming ability to speak, that means shut the fuck up for a while.
Yup.
Go rest.
That's how things work.
Yeah.
Because nobody's that important.
And especially if you're bipolar, you know?
Go rest.
You gotta translate shit.
But I don't think he takes his meds regularly.
He doesn't.
He doesn't like them.
He said it messes with his ability to make music, so he doesn't take them.
See, that's what it does to a lot of people.
So that means stay on your meds and don't work for a while.
Yeah.
But that drives people crazy.
But, you know, he could do other things like paint.
He could found other outlets for his creativity.
You know, that's why he started that fashion stuff, which he's great at.
You know, find another outlet.
Don't go back to music.
That's got bad juju on it for you.
When you're needing to be psycho to do it, leave it alone.
Go paint a picture or something.
It's hard to have bipolar.
That shit's hard to deal with, man.
Mental illness is hard.
And I have empathy for him for that.
I'm not in his head, so I would never understand.
I would never fully understand.
Most of the people in Hollywood comics are bipolar.
Really?
Yeah.
Hello?
You have to be really down to write, you know.
Well, not anymore, but for the most part, you know, writing your best jokes comes when you're really down, like a blues song, you know.
They don't write blues songs when they're feeling, you know, Man.
Chipper.
Yeah.
A lot of comics kill themselves, you know?
Yeah.
And that's unfortunate, because you make everybody else laugh, and you still forget about you.
Yeah.
There was Dick Gregory, though.
He was my favorite.
And, boy, he lived.
I think he was 172 when he died.
Yeah.
He was funny all the way to the end, too.
But, anyway.
It's a pleasure to talk with you.
I'll be watching you.
I'll let you go.
I could talk to you all day.
I know, I know.
Love you a lot.
Thank you so much.
And this was fun.
And I will say it is a pleasure to speak with you and to speak to an icon.
I call, I believe in giving you your flowers when you can smell them.
And you are one of the best to do what you did.
Thank you, Dad.
Thank you, darling.
Truly, truly.
I hate how they did you at the end, but that's OK.
That's OK.
Well, you know, I think that I'll have the last laugh.
I know that will happen.
Oh, yeah.
But until then, I'll be laughing at you on your show.
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