Welcome to today's edition of the Rush 24-7 podcast.
America's anchorman returns Monday for a full week of authentic, full-strength, all-American excellence in broadcasting.
But for today, this is your undocumented anchorman, Mark Stein, sitting in the last unamnested foreigner in America, living in the shadows and loving it.
We are live at Ice Station EIB in far northern New Hampshire.
The traffic was murder this morning.
My general store has a special and plaid.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I said that last Thanksgiving, but we got a lot of last year's lame gags lying around Price to Clear today, so you may have heard some of them before.
Anyway, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
Lots of bargains today.
If you're in downtown Ferguson, everything must go.
Most of it already has, of course, but if you're in search of some great deals on stocking stuffers, most Ferguson stores are offering 60% off on rubble and 75% off on charred roof shingles and broken glass.
So don't miss that.
Over in western Iraq, as we used to call it, ISIS, the Islamic State, was up bright and early, bargain hunting.
They're about to take Ramadi, a key town in the Sunni Triangle.
It's a Black Friday special.
You take two Sunni triangle towns and the Iraqi army throw in the towel for free.
I was in Ramadi a decade ago and I'm rather sad to think it was all a waste of time over there.
I had the mixed grill.
Actually, I had the mixed grill everywhere I went in Iraq.
Whenever you asked what the special was, the Maita D always said, oh, it's mixed grill.
And the mixed grill was always chicken.
There was nothing to mix it with.
It wasn't that mixed.
It was an unmixed grill.
It was this very tough old rubbery chicken that Saddam Hussein should have pardoned 20 years earlier.
And that was basically the mixed grill special everywhere.
Every Iraqi restaurant I set foot in, I had the mixed grill.
But they've, as I said, I had a nice time in Ramadi, and I'm rather sad to think of the black flag of ISIS now flying over the town hall, lavishly rebuilt with American tax dollars, not to mention the blood of American soldiers.
So that's how the Islamic State are marking Black Friday.
By the way, at the Islamic State Discount Burker Warehouse, every day is Black Friday, ladies, so don't miss it.
If you're heading home from Grandma's and you're passing through the nation's capital at the White House gift shop, Barack Obama has marked down green cards to $1.99.
Although, obviously, social justice groups are arguing that that's still far too onerous a burden to impose on hardworking, undocumented Americans.
But that's good news.
Green cards down to $1.99 at the White House gift shop.
U.S. passports are priced to clear at just 79 cents.
And when you buy one, your elderly parents and brothers and sisters already on the bus from Venezuela get theirs free.
So that's great news too.
If you are heading for the White House gift shop and you're looking to pick up the United States Constitution, tough luck, they're all out.
Obama says there was a copy around here somewhere, but no one's seen it in years.
From the Washington Examiner, my old colleague Byron York reports, did President Obama change the law or not when he unilaterally decided that millions of illegal immigrants in the U.S. would be protected against deportation.
Until this week, both the President and White House staff insisted that Obama did not change the law and indeed could not change the law without the cooperation of Congress.
Obama's move was just a revision of executive branch enforcement priorities according to the official White House line.
A Justice Department memo backed up the President's contention.
Fast forward to Tuesday, when Obama was speaking on immigration reform to a group in Chicago, when protesters began yelling at Obama to stop all deportations, the president became frustrated and answered.
And bear in mind here, he's off the prompter now.
The most interesting things Obama says, the ones that give you the real insight into his thinking, are when he's off the prompter.
So people are yelling at him because he hasn't amnestied all 11, 12, 15, 30 million illegal, undocumented Americans in this country.
So he gets frustrated and he goes off the prompter and he says, quote, there have been a significant number of deportations.
That's true.
But what you're not paying attention to is the fact that I just took action to change the law.
So having insisted that the president did not change the law, he is now bragging, pandering to these protesters in Chicago that, in fact, quote, I just took action to change the law.
Who needs Article 2 of the Constitution?
Who needs any of this stuff?
We're in a post-constitutional order, and the law is no more than what the regime can get away with at any particular time.
What's that thing, the First Amendment?
How does that go?
Quote, Congress shall make no law.
Well, that's enough.
Hold it right there.
New First Amendment.
Congress shall make no law.
I, King Barak, shall make the law.
And that was Obama in Chicago this week.
Quote, I just took action to change the law.
Did you hear Hillary Rodham Clinton with her usual tin?
This is, by the way, Hillary Clinton, I didn't think Obama was great on the stump in 2008, but he was better than Hillary Clinton.
And you could see that for Democrats, he was the right guy at the right time.
If Hillary Clinton, who is one of the most tin-eared, clumsy, tone-deaf politicians to ever come along, can manage to get elected president, then there really is no hope for America.
This is what she said.
She was speaking at the New York Historical Society and announcing her support for King Barak's proclamation.
This is about people's lives, she said.
People who served us tonight, who prepared the food tonight.
So she's just accused the New York Historical Society, by the way, of hiring illegal immigrants.
But that's, it's, again, I find it hard to believe, even if things go as badly for the Republican Party as they generally do, that the Democrats can manage to drag someone as tone-deaf, tin-eared, someone basically not cut out for electoral politics in functioning democratic societies.
If they can manage to drag her across the finish line, there's no hope for the Republic.
But yeah, so that's what she said.
They're the people who served us our food tonight.
New York Historical Society.
They're hiring illegals now.
Go along and fill in an application form with a fake Social Security number.
Did you see the president?
This again is how you know the president's confident he's not going to get any meaningful pushback on this.
He was doing amnesty gags at that pitiful lead and pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey routine they do at the White House every year.
Quote, some will call this amnesty, he joked.
He granted two turkeys amnesty from Thanksgiving dinner.
One of those 12-year-old teleprompter writers wrote him some amnesty shtick.
He granted the turkeys amnesty so they no longer had to face the threat of being deported to your dining room table.
Ha ha, whatever.
By the way, now that you've enjoyed your turkey, did you know the turkey, like everything else these days, originally came from Mexico?
In continental Europe, they think the turkey came from India.
That's why in French, turkey is called dand, which means dand means of de and India, from India.
It means the bird is a bird from India.
But in English, the turkey was named after turkey because it was similar to a pre-existing bird that had been introduced from Turkey, but originally came from Guinea.
And that was subsequently renamed the guinea fowl, which was thought to be less confusing to people looking for something for dinner than renaming the brand new turkey bird, the Mexico bird.
But that's what it ought to be called.
Just as the guinea fowl came from Guinea, the turkey really ought to be called the Mexico fowl.
The turkey is from Mexico.
So it just goes to show that hard-working Mexicans living in the shadows have been part of the American story since the very beginning, since the very first Thanksgiving at Plymouth Plantation all those years ago, when some Hillary Rodham Clinton of the day doing a 300,000 groat speech at a Thanksgiving fundraiser thanked the hardworking Mexicans who've been serving us tonight or been served up to us tonight.
Whatever, whatever.
Anyway, notwithstanding federal holidays, it is the end of the week, and you know what that means.
Live from the Southern Command in sunny South Florida, it's Open Line Friday!
Yes, and it's not just any Open Line Friday, but it is Open Line Black Friday.
That means, that means that all our calls are price to clear.
If you are a doctrinaire lefty, we will let you have four boring liberal talking points for the price of two.
You can drone on with your pitiful liberal talking points for twice as long as you normally would, because that's how generous we are going to be on Open Line Black Friday.
1-800-282-2882 from Monday to Thursday.
This show is in the ruthless grip of a highly trained broadcast specialist, but today no highly trained broadcast specialist is available.
He won't be back till Monday.
And that means you can get away with whatever it is you want to talk about.
Whatever it is that's on your mind as you sleep off the post-Thanksgiving torpor is yours to talk about.
Any subject you want.
You can talk about the immigration amnesty.
You can talk about Ferguson.
And you can talk about a bazillion things in between, whatever it is you want to talk about.
1-800-282-2882 on America's number one radio show.
Open Line Friday on the Rush Limbaugh Show.
Mark Stein sitting in.
Don't wait for Obama's amnesty, by the way.
I'll amnesty to you today if you call in.
1-800-282-2882 complimentary Black Friday amnesties.
I'm running off green cards in the basement here.
It can be yours within 48 hours.
Why wait for Obama's?
What's better than pardoning a turkey, by the way?
In Seattle, the mayor, Ed Murray, pardoned a tofurkey who has been at Tofurki.
He had a big ceremonial tofurke pardoning ceremony in Seattle.
And I don't know what's happened to this tofurkey since he's probably been sent to live in a tow furkey wildlife refuge somewhere.
Barack Obama spent Thanksgiving.
This new thing that's come along now, where every holiday or every key day in the American calendar, because they do it with 9-11 too, has to be turned into a day of service.
So Obama spent part of his Thanksgiving day serving at a soup kitchen.
I don't know whether he pardoned the soup.
We'll have our researchers, our vast research team, look into that and see if we can establish whether he pardoned the soup.
I don't know whether it's Black Friday at the soup kitchen, but if you're in the neighborhood, swing by and check it out because they may have 70% off gruel today.
So you don't want to miss out on that.
But I trust wherever you are, you had an enjoyable Thanksgiving as they did last year.
This is another annual tradition that seems to have taken off.
Democrats and Liberal groups issued talking points for Thanksgiving because as they see it, dinner with your family is just another photo op where it's important to stay on message.
So this morning, many of you liberals may have a few Obama talking points left over from yesterday that you didn't have a chance to slip in between the turkey and the pumpkin pie.
So instead of just putting your talking points, your turkey points, your talking points in the blender, and instead of just putting them in the blender and making talking point soup, why not call 1-800-282-2882 and recycle your feeble Obama talking points with us?
Martha Stewart will be joining us in the second hour to talk about how you can cut up your leftover Obama talking points, and just with a few pine cones and holly berries, you can make them into an attractive centerpiece for your Christmas buffet.
But if you don't want to, if you don't want to wait that long, then just call 1-800-282-2882 and recycle your lame Obama talking points with us right now.
After Ferguson, police are twitchy and they're taking no chances.
From CBS News, Grand Junction, Colorado, a man is facing a felony menacing charge because two Colorado sheriff's deputies say they thought a banana he pointed at them was a gun.
Nathan Rolf Channing, 27, was arrested Sunday, according to the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel.
According to an arrest affidavit, deputies Joshua Bunch and Donald Love said Channing pointed the fruit at them while crossing a street.
The deputies said they feared for their lives even though they saw that the object was yellow.
Bunch wrote in the affidavit that he has seen handguns in many shapes and colors.
He wrote that Love was drawing his service weapon when Channing of Fruit Vale, Colorado, yelled, it's a banana.
Yes, the man accused of pointing a banana at police is from Fruit Vale, and yes, one of the police officers he pointed the banana at is named Bunch.
And no, we didn't make this up.
That's from CBS News.
I didn't know you could get a...
This officer says that you can get a handgun in Yemen.
I didn't know that, actually.
Is that just like those dainty little lady smiths for the female heat packer who wants something that will accessorize with her leopard skin coat?
Or in hunting season, are the woods full of canary yellow rifles and muzzle loaders?
Who knew?
Presumably, right now, there are 12-point bucks standing all over the woods of northern New Hampshire saying to each other, did I just see the sun catching the glimmer of a gun barrel over there?
Nah, nah, relax.
That's just a very long, very straight banana sailing through the air.
Pay no attention to it.
Anyway, it's good news for John Kerry because next time he goes on one of those hunting photo ops he does when he's running for president.
If you remember that from 2004, when he where was he?
He walked into some store in Ohio or Iowa and he goes, Where can I get me a hunting license?
Because that's how real men talk, of course.
Where can I get me, where can I get me a hunting license?
Because I want to go a hunting, a hunting.
That's what he said when he walked into the Iowa general store.
Where can I get me a hunting license?
But the good news now is when he's doing one of those photo ops, the next time he's running for president, and why not?
He can get a gun in the same nice, sharpie, bright color as those electric yellow buttock-hugging lycra shorts he likes to wear when he goes windsurfing off Nantucket.
Yeah, a Mauve Magnum.
Can you get a Mauve Magnum?
Well, there are.
Yeah, well, actually, there is a gay group.
There's gay, before we tiptoe too far down that primrose path and make any lame puns about the police worried that they were confronting a dangerous fruit, there is actually a gay group called the Pink Pistols.
But as far as I know, their pistols are not actually pink.
It's just a bit of poetic license in the name of the group.
And I didn't know you could get pink pistols, and it's news to me that you can get them in yellow too.
But apparently, the big takeaway from this is that it's illegal to point a banana at law enforcement.
As Harry Belafonte sang, come, Mr. Copperman, take down me banana.
Sheriff, come and me one go home.
Or May West, is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just displeased to see me?
I don't want to be Hispanophobic about this because they, you know, but it's come to something that everything, everything now is Hispanic in a manner.
Once upon a time, you're like your two-bit punk in Colorado would be packing a Smith and Wesson.
And now he's like packing the Chiquitah Heater.
Bring it on, bring it on, copy.
You'll never take me alive.
But that's the big news out of Colorado: that this guy has been arrested, arrested.
They felt he was threatened by a banana.
And in the affidavit, they claim to have seen banana-colored and shaped handguns.
So you can, I don't, maybe for the poor guys we're sending all the way over to West Africa to Kiribola, maybe they'd be more.
I assume it's some state-of-the-art thing that our special forces, when they go into danger, when they're on undercover operations, they have these special guns that are disguised as bananas.
But apparently, maybe they have drones, armed drones now that are disguised as a huge bunch of bananas flying over the skies of Yemen and Waziristan.
But that's what it's come to, folks.
They have weaponized bananas now.
Yeah, Rush.
Rush is sleeping off Thanksgiving today, but he will be back in action live on Monday.
And don't forget, if you are a Rush 24-7 subscriber, if you go to rushlimbaugh.com and you become a Rush 24-7 subscriber, you need not be discombobulated by sinister foreign guest hosts.
You can get Rush at any hour of the day you need him.
You can also subscribe to the Limbaugh letter.
And in this month's edition of the Limbaugh Letter, by the way, he has an interview with me.
And I'm plugging my new book.
And he's very kind enough to call it a must-read book.
And it's called The Undocumented Mark Stein.
That adjectival qualifier may be familiar to you if you listen to this show.
But Rush, Rush calls it a must-read book.
I was so thrilled, by the way, with the intro he gave me that it was like two or three days before I could pluck up the guts to read the rest of the interview in case it all went downhill from there.
But it doesn't.
He calls me, Rush calls me gutsy and courageous as hell.
He also calls me a music.
I think he calls me a musical aficionado.
Aficionado.
So I'm not sure what he's getting at there, but aficionado, yeah.
You win a few, you lose a few.
What he gives, what you win the roundabouts, you lose the swings, whatever.
But he calls me gutsy and courageous as hell, and then he says I'm a musical aficionado.
So I'm not sure what he's trying to get at there.
But anyway, I'm a gutsy aficionado.
And that's in the current edition of the Limbaugh Letter, which you can subscribe to in whatever format you would like to get it.
You can get it in good old-fashioned print edition and devastate the trees of the Pacific Northwest.
Or you can get it in digital format just by going to rushlimbaugh.com.
Let us go to Clara in India, Florida.
Indie Atlantic.
I think I said that right.
Florida.
Clara, you're first up on today's Rush Limbaugh show.
Great to have you with us.
Hi, Mark.
Did Mark.
I'm so excited.
This is great.
This is what I'd like to say.
I want President Obama to be impeached.
I know it will never happen, but this is a big bot.
If he gets impeached, it will be on paper.
That way, when they do the library, it will be on paper that he got impeached, even if it will never happen.
What do you think?
Yeah, in other words, even if it doesn't go anywhere, it's there on the record.
And that's what they'll be teaching in American history classes in 50 and 100 years' time.
You know, I kind of blow hot and cold on this because you're dealing with a political class that always makes a mess of it.
I actually sat in the Senate during the last impeachment trial.
That guy should have been impeached, too.
And the reason he wasn't was because it's a joke process.
Basically, the Senate is allowed to determine the rules.
You had the Chief Justice there who was at the time Rehnquist in the Clinton impeachment trial.
And he basically didn't do anything except he picked out, he had this sort of Gilbert and Sullivan outfit made up for him.
He didn't just wear his regular black robe.
He wore this one with little frilly decorative bits up and down the sleeves.
And once he designed his Gilbert and Sullivan robe, that was the last thing he did.
Everything else, the senators all decided.
And they determined the rules of the trial.
And basically, that's why it went nowhere, because they wouldn't let the prosecutors, the House guys, the guys from the House, have this or that witness.
You know, they wanted to bring on, at one point, they wanted to bring on all the women who had accused Clinton, fairly serious accusations, all these ones who had marked down as Jane Doe number three in the Star Report.
And all these Democrat big shots like Jay Rockefeller IV, John D. Rockefeller IV, who's just retired now from West Virginia, said there was no way you were going to be seeing, you know, Jay Rockefeller IV meeting Jane Doe number three on the floor of the United States Senate.
It wasn't going to happen.
Monica Lewinsky, they heard her testimony in private.
They agreed to call her, but she couldn't come into the floor of the Senate and testify.
And so nobody saw, except for me, who happened to be staying in the same hotel as her.
I was staying at the Mayflower and my editors complained bitterly about the cost of the Mayflower versus the Econo Lodge around the back of the freight yards.
And then Monica Lewinsky flew into town and the minute it turned out I was the only correspondent, impeachment trial correspondent with Monica Lewinsky staying in my hotel.
They stopped complaining about the cost of my room service charges.
And she was so I got to see Monica at breakfast and all of that.
In fact, I think one time I pressed the elevator button and it slid open and she was there in it.
And I said, going down.
Anyway, that was last time's impeachment trial and it went and it went nowhere and it went nowhere because the Senate sets the rules.
So here you would have a situation where 45 or 46 Democrat senators would set the rules for an impeachment trial and then a handful of squishy Republicans, you know, the nice lady from Maine and whoever else would all start saying, well, no, we're going a bit wobbly on this and all the rest of it.
He ought to be impeached.
But impeachment is one of many things that does not work.
And you can take the view, Clara, that it would be an honorable thing to impeach him and then sit back and get clobbered electorally, as would probably happen to the Republicans if they did do that.
The question, what worries me is that they won't even, you know, you're trying to drag them to impeach the president.
And just to be clear here, I regard this as an absolutely lawless thing he did.
And I do that because I'm in the system.
Because I'm in the system.
So I absolutely loathe what he's done on U.S. immigration, as every legal immigrant does.
He said, By the way, listen to the terms of this thing, he said, five years.
If you've been here illegally for five years, you can get this special amnesty that will entitle you to a green card.
That's quicker than legal immigration.
That's quicker than legal immigration.
The first time I ever spoke to a U.S. immigration lawyer, and he told me about all these systems, all these programs you can get in on.
And it's all, oh, there's a three-year waiting processing time for that.
There's a six-year processing time for this.
There's ten-year processing times for some legal immigration programs.
So what he's done is what he's done, which is the cat, which is the same thing as he did in his statement after Ferguson, is when it comes to dividing up the two groups in society, he incentivizes the lawless and penalizes the lawful.
That's what he does, whether we're talking about immigration or Ferguson or anything else.
That's what this president does.
But is this Republican Party going to impeach him?
No, they're not, Clara.
Look, we can't even get them.
I pointed this out a few days ago after it was mooted that the president should not be invited to give the speech in the House of Representatives, the State of the Union.
He's just insulted the legislative branch by saying, I'm the legislative branch.
I'll legislate.
That's what he told those guys in Chicago.
I changed the law.
The House of Representatives should say, well, you can't change the law.
That's what we do.
And as long as you're going around talking like that, you ain't coming to give any speech in our chamber, in the people's chamber.
And everyone says, oh no, that would be, imagine what the New York Times would say.
Oh, if we were to disinvite the President from the State of the Union, he can mail it in.
He can fax it in.
He can email it to John Boehner.
John Boehner should say, should send him a note saying, I'll be happy to take your State of the Union by email and we'll pin it up in the House of Representatives men's room.
But you ain't coming here to give a speech.
You ain't come.
And everyone, oh no, oh no, that's something that's absolutely unthinkable.
We can't possibly ever think or conceive of doing such a thing.
Think of what the New York Times would say about us.
Do you know, in North America right now, all kinds of legislatures diss the head of state.
20 minutes north of where I'm sitting right now is the province of Quebec, where the Queen's Viceroy is supposed to give the speech from the throne every at the opening session of every parliament in Quebec City.
And because chippy Quebec separatists like to pretend that they're not under the jackboot heel of the crown, but they're some kind of independent French-speaking republic, they don't let the Queen's Viceroy set foot in parliament to deliver the speech from the throne, which is the equivalent of the State of the Union.
For 40 years, they've insulted and they've said, no, you can't set foot in here.
Jean Cretian, the Canadian Prime Minister in Ottawa, wouldn't let the Queen in 2002, the Queen herself, give the speech from the throne in the Canadian Parliament in Ottawa because he felt she'd given him too lousy a seat at her mother's funeral a couple of months earlier.
In other words, you don't need a lot of cojonies to stand up and tell the head of state, sorry, no thanks, you're not setting foot in the people's chamber.
Wimpy Canadians and even French cheese-eating surrender Quebecers managed to do it, but somehow it would be asking too much for the Republican House to show the same cohonies as all these wimpy, effete, semi-French monarchical Canadians do.
So the idea that he's going to be impeached when you can't even get him disinvited from the State of the Union.
And if I sound overheated about this, it's because I take this tearing up the Constitution business seriously, not just as a legal immigrant.
I think it's very dangerous, very dangerous, when you have people basically deciding what the laws are according to how they feel in the morning.
These deputies in what's it called, Grand Junction, Colorado.
Why should we be surprised when policemen, policemen, decide that a banana, off the top of their head, that the banana is a threatening weapon, you know, so they're riddling Carmen Miranda with bullets when she's appearing at the Grand at the Rialto Grand Junction that night.
Why should you be surprised when they decide, you know, bananas are threatened?
When the president wakes up in the morning and decides to rewrite immigration law or Obamacare law.
And as long as he wants to do that, he's not in good standing with the law and the people's chamber, the people's house, should not let him set foot in it.
Mark Stein and Farash, thanks for your call, Clara.
Lots more to come.
A lot of people have emailed me in reaction to this banana story in Colorado where two sheriffs' deputies had to basically take down this guy and have charged him with a felony, menacing them for menacing them with a banana.
And many people have pointed out that this is one of those many occasions in life when life imitates Monty Python.
40 years ago, 40 years ago, the Monty Python guys did a sketch about how to defend yourself against fresh fruit.
And they've all complained.
It begins, if you know the Monty Python sketch, they all complaining about self-defense against fresh fruit, that they've done the melon, they've done the Logan berries, they've done the pomegranates, green gauges, plums, mangoes, and they want to move on to self-defense against bananas.
And Sergeant John Cleese says, how to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana.
Now, you come at me with this banana.
First, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana.
First of all, you force him to drop the banana.
Then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him.
You have now rendered him helpless.
That's the Monty Python self-defense against fresh fruit sketch when you're menaced by a man holding a banana.
That was the way we used to deal with it 40 years ago.
Now, this guy in Grand Junction, Colorado, he actually did the Monty Python sketch.
He enacted it on the streets of Grand Junction.
He got a banana out of his pocket, and he's looking at a felony charge for menacing these two police officers.
Mark Stein infraus on Open Line Friday will take lots of your calls straight ahead.
Ni-yi-yi, that's the authentic Carmen Miranda beat.
John Manders.
John Manders deserves credit for this.
He says, was this fella arrested for his dangerous banana in Fort Junction, Colorado?
Was he read his Carmen Miranda rights?
I think that's the best one on that.
If I do any more lousy fruit gags, I'm going to have the fellows at GLAD doing to me what I did to Phil Robertson.
So I'm not going to go down there.
Malaysia Airlines has apologised for its tweet.
Want to go somewhere, but don't know where.
Malaysia Airlines, of course, they still haven't found that jet that is supposedly disappeared somewhere in the Indian Ocean.
They still haven't recovered all the debris from that plane that was flying from the Netherlands to Kuala Lumpur that was blown out of the sky over Ukraine.
But those fellas thought they were going to Kuala Lumpur, but they didn't know where they were going.
And yet Malaysia Airlines, somehow, the geniuses trying to rebuild their business, managed to send out a promotional tweet going, want to go somewhere, but don't know where.
There are some Black Friday bargains you just do not want to go anywhere near.
Mark Stein, Infra Rush, on Open Line Friday.
We are going to take lots more of your calls as we discuss the immigration amnesty, the post-constitutional order, and Ferguson in the hours ahead.