The Spectral Voyager Episode 7: The Giant Squid (Sample)
In past QAA cryptid episodes, we typically find a creature thought to be real, but then is later debunked by modern science. For this week’s Spectral Voyager, we thought it would be interesting to do the opposite: Start with a creature once believed to be a myth, until scientists were able to actually prove its existence. The Giant Squid has fascinated Jake since he was a young boy, and he, Brad, and Julian will pour through the animal’s legendary sightings dating all the way back to the fifteen hundreds. Follow us along on the nearly five hundred year journey to prove the existence of one of the greatest mysteries the ocean has to offer us. We’ll also be exploring the Mokele-Mbembe in Brad’s “Cryptid Corner” – a potentially prehistoric reptile that might very well haunt Lake Tele, deep in the jungles of Africa.
To listen to the full episode, and gain access to our other mini-series such as Manclan and Trickle Down, you can subscribe for just five bucks a month at: http://www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous
The Spectral Voyager theme composed by Nick Sena.
Additional music by Pontus Berghe, and Jake Rockatansky.
Editing by Corey Klotz.
QAA’s website: http://qanonanonymous.com
SOURCES:
The Hunt for the Giant Squid | The New Yorker
First-ever observations of a live giant squid in the wild - PMC (nih.gov)
1882 - Report on the cephalopods of the northeastern coast of America - Biodiversity Heritage Library (biodiversitylibrary.org)
Tales of mysterious creatures have permeated our consciousness since the first flicker of human-made fire.
And the debate over their provenance has gone on just as long.
Are they gods, spirits, or demons?
Or just myths made as cautionary tales?
Or, could some of them be zoological flesh and blood?
History has taught us there's no clear answer.
There have been a plethora of creatures once thought to be myth or fantasy, whose existence was at one point laughed at, who've since been found.
Just a sampling.
The Komodo Dragon, 1910.
No one believed an animal could look like a duck-otter-beaver hybrid.
But yet, the platypus was identified in 1800.
One of the scariest cryptids of all time.
The platypus?
Yes.
For sure.
In 1901, the okapi was found, quote-unquote.
It looks like a mix of a zebra and a donkey, with a sprinkle of antelope and giraffe.
Ah, the safari special.
The existence of the gorilla wasn't accepted by the Western world until 1847.
Is that true?
That feels very late for the gorilla.
Yeah, yeah, the mountain gorilla was discovered by the Western world then.
I still think it's fake.
And then, there's the most monstrous and fantastical of them all.
the giant squid.
Behind the cracking wallpaper of our reality, there exists another world that science has yet to explain.
In here dwell monsters and madness, and potentially the answers to our most important questions.
In this world, gravity intensifies, time slows down, and your heart rate quickens.
I'm Jake Rakotansky.
And I'm Brad Abrahams.
And you're listening to The Spectral Voyager.
A couple of years ago, during a trip back to Chicago to spend time with my parents,
I stumbled across a second grade school notebook tucked away on my bedroom shelf.
It was perfectly preserved, despite dating all the way back to 1990.
That is, like, 33 years ago.
As I flipped through the yellowing pages of the notebook, many of the usual suspects appeared in the form of pretty decent drawings.
Ghostbusters, me as a Ghostbuster, the Ninja Turtles, an unfortunately titled story about Count Dracula, and an inexplicable drawing simply titled, Dead Bart Simpson.
Okay, so this story is titled, Cunt Dracula.
Yes, I misspelled count in the most unfortunate way.
So, my boy.
My boy.
Can you imagine?
All the teachers out there, listen.
Can you imagine if you opened one of these precious little boys journals and just saw the word cunt in like big letters like written at the top of the thing.
Can you imagine?
That must have been passed around the teacher's lounge.
They were probably smoking then too.
And right next to the sea, there's like a monster with his big, like, fangs open to, you know, eat the titular Dracula.
Julian, if you had to guess, what movie does that monster look like it's from?
It has little horns coming out the side.
It's clearly a terror dog from Ghostbusters.
He's one of the only... I had very few images floating around my brain.
But then, look at this!
Look at this dead Bart Simpson.
I mean, this is...
Truly horrifying.
Oh my god, he has no separation between t-shirt and head.
This is so cursed.
There's nothing about it.
There's no other context.
It's just Dead Bart S. Dead Bart S. You didn't want to write out The Simpsons.
Maybe I figured that was too difficult a spelling.
This explains so, so much.
You have to post these for the list.
Of course.
Can you?
I will.
Maybe I'll include these in the show notes.
Oh, you absolutely... I mean, people need to see Cunt Dracula and Dead Bart S.
You know, and here's something else.
There's a story that I also wrote that it's like talking about the future and I'm talking about my, you know, oh, my family and my wife and all this stuff.
And the name that I wrote is like eerily similar to like my real life partner.
It's pretty crazy.
A little bit of a little clairvoyance there.
Maybe a different episode.
Probably, yeah.
You predicted that Dracula was a huge cunt.
You were like, I don't believe this guy's just a nice guy who's inviting me into his castle.
He's actually kind of an asshole.
And you also predicted that Bart's antics would eventually lead him to death.
An early death, unfortunately.
You can't just- Look at that poor man.
He died with his eyes and mouth wide open.
He died with his eyes looking in two different directions.
Like he's highly regarded Bart Simpson.
There was one other thing.
Consistently, between the pages of my writing assignments, or even woven into the assignments themselves, was a different kind of creature.
A creature that had never before been captured by modern video equipment.
An animal so rare, it essentially had become a cryptid.
The giant squid.
I like this a lot because the giant squid has gotten its hands on a crab, perhaps Sebastian from The Little Mermaid, and that crab is screaming.
And then there's just a guy, there's a guy just standing on the side with a backpack on.
I think that's supposed to be me at an aquarium.
Okay.
Oh, you're like disappointed.
Oh, this is like a Calvin and Hobbes style thing where you see like an amazing kind of like, you know, monstrous battle and then you see what's actually happening and it's just like a boy looking disappointed at this tiny aquarium.
I think I'm supposed to be happy.
I think he's smiling, but I also have drawn my hair.
That's how I really- my hair kind of looks like this now.
If this is you smiling, oh man.
Now, I'm not sure which piece of media sparked this fascination.
You know, it could have been watching 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea as a kid.
It could also have been the large model of a giant squid hanging from the ceiling of the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago.
It could potentially have been during my first trip to Disneyland when I was six years old.
The original Disneyland submarine ride featured a mechanical giant squid that waved at riders as they floated by.
There are legends told by ancient mariners of ships being crushed into splinters by the powerful tentacles of giant squid.
But of course, these stories have no basis in fact.
They're merely tall tales that should be classed as fiction along with the myths of... mermaids?
Wow, Disney doing disinformation trying to cover up the giant squids.
I can't believe they're such fucking bummers, man.
What is this, Travis View runs Disneyland?
What the fuck?
Right before he goes into his speech, there's like a squid outside the porthole.
And it was pretty good.
The mechanics were pretty good on it.
And I remember just being so, you know, floored as a kid.
Oh yeah.
Did it squirt ink at passersby?
No, it just sort of waved.
It was just sort of there, its arms moved.
That is something that cunt Dracula would think about, that all squid are squirters.
Cut that.
[Laughter]
Actually, now leave it in, because it's funny now.
(laughing)
You have been listening to a sample from The Spectral Voyager, a new miniseries from the folks at QAA, where we explore true tales from the edge of reality.
To listen to the full episode and gain access to our other miniseries, such as Man Clan and Trickle Down, you can subscribe for just five bucks a month at patreon.com slash QAnonAnonymous.
Until next time, farewell from beyond the veil.
[MUSIC]
Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there.
