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Nov. 28, 2019 - QAA
14:08
Premium Episode 51: QAnon Shopping Network 3 (Sample)

Balaclavas, books, bedsheets and Christmas ornaments. Buy it all. Then go donate to various gofundme's and watch White Squall, the 1996 sailing movie at the origin of the "Where We Go One We Go All" motto. This is a holiday meltdown with Q as a guest. GET FULL EPISODE + NEW PREMIUM ONE EACH WEEK + WHOLE ARCHIVE: PATREON.COM/QANONANONYMOUS Thanks for supporting Jake's frozen peanut butter jelly sandwich habit. Song at the end is by Nick Sena http://www.nicksena.com

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Time Text
What's up, QAA listeners?
The fun games have begun.
I found a way to connect to the internet.
I'm sorry, boy.
Welcome, listener, to the 51st premium chapter of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the third installment of the QAnon Shopping Network.
As always, we are your hosts, Jake Brocatansky, Julian Field, and Travis View.
This can lead to low energy, feeling gosh darn bad, and bed sores the size of pancakes.
And what about those dang illegal immigrants clogging up those precious ports of entry?
It's enough to have a coronary and subsequently start a GoFundMe.
Let's not even talk about Venezuela Ocasio-Cortez trying to nationalize corn syrup and take away your Amazon Prime, but we've got great news!
There's no need to live like that anymore, because we've got a plethora of products to feed you inches of uncut, 100% raw intel, in preparation for your next conversation with a cashier at Target!
You'll never have to worry again!
About anything!
So welcome to the third iteration of the QAnon Shopping Network!
Q-A-S-A!
Where we go when we call?
Hey everybody, this is your host, Julian Field, and we're here with average, normal, middle class consumer, Jake Rokotansky.
Hello.
Villainous deep state heel, Travis View.
Sup.
And as a special bonus guest, the anonymous poster known as QAnon.
How are you doing today, Q?
Puppets have masters.
Think Clinton Shopping Network.
Corrupt system.
And how are you, Travis?
I'm doing really well.
You know, interestingly, the QAnon followers this week, they're hyped for the IG report.
We're going to Jake Rokitansky live to find out how the body and mind of the average normal middle class consumer is doing today.
Um, let's see.
I just had a handful of nuts with some dried fruit in them and... Incredible!
And a little splash of coffee, but not too much.
You know, because you can't have the anxieties come and get you.
Wow!
I know you're a big fan of book learning, Jake, and we've got just what you need!
This week we're offering a cornucopia of new QAnon books through our trusted ethical partner, Amazon!
First up is QAnon and a Thousand Years of Peace, Destroying the New World Order and Taking the Kingdom of Christ by Force!
That doesn't sound good.
Mr. Q, could you describe the cover for us?
It's absolutely beautiful.
There is a sunset.
Lots of clouds, pretty ones.
I like the font.
One thousand years of peace sounds good.
And taking kingdom of Christ by force is something I dream about on a daily basis.
Wow!
Thanks so much, Q!
Well, its author, Red Pill the World, has this to say to you.
What we are all experiencing worldwide is not just another political event.
As QAnonPost2937 says on QMap.Pob, This is not simply another four-year election.
This is a crossroads in the history of our civilization that will determine whether or not we, the people, reclaim control over our government.
He's not just talking about the US government or any single nation's government.
He means reclaim control over the governing of the world from the worldwide criminal mafia.
This will transform the world for 1,000 years!
Literally.
Where do I get that?
From the Bible, is all.
This is the Great Awakening.
We are fighting the New World Order in this epic battle of Armageddon.
Good versus evil.
We are embarking on 1,000 years of peace and health and wealth for all of humanity.
The Bible calls this the Millennial Kingdom of Christ as in, quote, His kingdom come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
The kingdom of Christ is when, bullet points, Christ assumes his authority as king on earth.
Christ removes those who have usurped his throne.
The good guys finally rule the earth with him straightening out this whole mess the DS criminals have made.
No matter what the enemy tries, there's nothing he can do to stop this.
As Q said from the beginning, Big.
Bigger.
Biggest.
This truly is the biggest!
That sounds impossible.
Outrageous.
Too good to be true.
But the Bible is chock full of this promise.
Sadly, most Bible scholars don't recognize it yet.
Just like so-called scholars have missed what the Lord was doing from time immemorial.
Just like we have been under mass deception by quote-unquote experts for years.
You are welcome to simply believe what religious pundits and political pundits and media pundits and every other pundit says or You are invited to join the White Hats in the fight to take back our world and have your eyes open to what the Lord has promised over and over in His Word and how He is fulfilling those promises in our day.
You will be very glad you found this book.
Jesus, that's the whole description?
Yeah.
Man.
Yeah.
How do they expect to bring in any outsiders?
I mean, honestly.
This one is great because she thanks her husband.
She's like, you're the best husband a gal could have for supporting her through the writing of this absolutely bonkers text.
Where she blacked out and a mysterious force would take control of her hand and just write for pages and pages at a time.
I like the explicit sort of blending of QAnon and Christianity, sort of apocalyptic Christianity.
Q implies that this is sort of Christ-inspired, but sometimes they just lay it out like, no, no, no, Q is being moved by the hand of God.
Yeah, as I go along, I do find that the QAnon movement is way more overtly biblical at this point, and evangelical, and Pentecostal, and, you know, born again.
Yeah, because all the conspiracy people that were interested in just, like, seeing, you know, politicians that they didn't like get arrested.
Have grown tired of waiting.
So the only people left are the ones who have been waiting for, you know, Christ's resurrection for thousands and thousands of years.
Like, it doesn't matter to them.
Like, that's what they do.
They wait.
They wait for something that's never going to come.
So this is just their bread and butter.
It's like finding an MMO game, you know?
It's a game that never ends and they like this one the most.
And so, you know...
Next up we have QAnon and the Great Awakening by retired international investigative journalist Michael Knight, a New Zealander living in the United States.
Q, could you describe the cover?
It is a black cover with a single image.
The head of an American eagle.
I guess that would be a bald eagle.
But it's also American.
And good.
Thank you so much, Q. Here's part of the astonishing introduction.
However, aside from my experience and skills as a reporter, I am really just an average guy.
I build birdhouses, at 74 still ride my horse around the pasture occasionally, plant and harvest the garden, use the weed whacker and chainsaw, cut firewood, and do handyman stuff.
Oh yeah.
That said, and I said it in the hope that you'd understand I am a mere mortal, not some fancy talking head or TV expert, I am just as bewildered as anyone by the widespread deterioration of society at large.
Disgusted by learning how deep and pervasive the Rod is, not only globally among the elite, but also within the profession of journalism, which I was taught from day one must be unbiased, impartial, and ethical in its reporting.
Above all, as a father and grandfather, I have been appalled to learn about satanic practices among the elite, especially those that involve infants and children.
I hesitate to say it, but I am also motivated by a bad experience when I was maybe 13 years old involving a male Bible class teacher.
So maybe Jesus isn't as dope as you think.
No, no, no, this was the deep state cabal of Bible class teachers.
He surprised me while I was sleeping.
But can you imagine a jack-in-the-box springing way up in the air?
I laugh now at the imagery.
And coming down, knees first so hard that you could almost hear his ribs cracking.
What the fuck is this?
What?
This is some... This is the intro to his QAnon book.
Basically, I guess he assaulted the guy who tried to molest him at Bible camp.
When he was 13?
Yeah.
So, moving on.
That's all he got for his trouble, but sadly, many thousands of boys and girls suffer much worse at the whim of those despicable men and women and sexual deviants known as pedophiles.
So, yeah, it's a good, that's just, that's in the Amazon sample for the book.
Well, it's compelling.
I mean this is I mean my god, you know, this is kind of I often I sometimes wonder How many of people who get into QAnon?
For all of these sort of the secret sex child sex trafficking stuff are themselves survivors of child sexual assault yeah, it's awful and and are you sort of using this as a way to maybe make sense of that traumatic experience and Yeah, well that and using the weed whacker, building birdhouses.
That's fine.
Chainsaw, cut firewood.
This guy is 75.
74.
And probably would never have written a book if it weren't for... He got pilled, yeah.
Well, he got permission from Martin Geddes to publish essays of his within the book.
That's why it has Martin Geddes on the cover as like the second author.
So he got pilled by that little bald-headed freak.
QAnon is like the one thing that the older generation looks at what the kids are doing and they're like, I want in.
Most of the shit they go like, ah, too complicated, what is that nonsense?
But they see QAnon and they're like, oh yeah, absolutely, yes for me.
Our friend Captain Roy D also has a new book, a follow-up to his best-selling Guide to the Great Awakening.
This one is called White Hats, Swamp Creatures, and QAnon, A Who's Who of Spygate.
Q, could you describe this cover for us?
It appears to look like a very entertaining coloring book.
Black background.
Different fonts.
Pictures of all the players.
Donald Trump.
Chiotis.
General Michael Flynn.
A MAGA hat.
A picture of a melting green alien.
A Pepe Frog.
A caricature of Hillary Clinton.
And of course, Alice in Wonderland, White Rabbit, in the center of it all, the Q logo from the original Q book, recycled and reused again in this new book.
Why waste a perfectly good logo when you already have one?
What about above the logo?
It appears...
I've got the wrong car. It's wearing a cowboy hat!
I'm gonna die.
Q seems to be melting.
There is no human under the hat.
The hat rests securely on top of the logo for the book as if it itself has taken on human qualities.
Now thank you so much.
Thank you so much Q for... Thank you so much Q for...
Q is crying, weeping.
Q is more emotionally fragile than I thought.
He's literally melting.
No.
You have been listening to a sample of a premium episode of QAnon Anonymous.
We don't run any advertising on the show, and we'd like to keep it that way.
For five bucks a month, you'll get access to this episode, a new one each week, and our entire library of premium episodes.
So head on over to patreon.com slash QAnonAnonymous and subscribe.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I love you.
Jake loves you.
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