Pearl Daily critiques modern women outsourcing motherhood, revealing 12% of U.S. parents with kids under three and 9% with ages three to five hire nannies—yet only 3.3% of high-earners do so. She warns of emotional detachment for mothers and resentment in children, citing a Washington Post case where a child preferred their nanny over parents due to limited bonding time. Columbia University’s Courtney Scott found career nannies often mirror parenting, but Pearl argues societal expectations now prioritize careers, status, or personal desires like Botox over nurturing, reshaping motherhood into a secondary role. Intentional daily presence—not occasional trips—remains critical for lasting child-parent connections. [Automatically generated summary]
Welcome to another episode of Pearl Daily here at the Audacity Network.
I am your host, Pearl, and today we are going to be talking about nannies.
But before we get into today's topic, we on the Audacity Network, we are a learning platform, and I am bringing on smart, intelligent, non-famous men.
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Okay, so today's topic, we are going to be talking about nannies.
So, modern women think that they can have it all.
It's an illusion and delusion that has been pushed for the last 50 years.
Women that were wives and mothers in the 50s and 60s and 70s taught their young daughters to go get some degree that is too expensive in a world of men to try to carve out a life for themselves.
Even TV shows like Sex in the City showed all of the women with these fly-high-ing careers pushed off getting married and having a family until later on in life.
A small percentage of these women attain the financial success that they work for, be it on their own or with a successful husband.
Most of these women are so ingrained in the identity of their careers that they cannot give it up when they become mothers.
This usually means that when they have kids, they end up hiring nannies to take care of them.
12% of parents with children under the age of three hire nannies are full for full or part-time services in the United States.
9% of parents with children ages three to five hire nannies, and only 3.3% of high-earning Americans employ a nanny.
So, what are the risks of letting a nanny raise your children?
For the mother, many problems may arise.
The child grows more connected to another woman than the mother.
Feelings of anxiety and guilt for not being with the child enough.
The child grows accustomed to the company of the nanny over the mother.
Jealousy and resentment from the mother to the nanny, especially first-time mothers.
And children are normally better behaved in the day and they get tired and cranky at night, leaving the mother with nothing but the difficult time with the child.
What are the risks for the children?
Resentment towards the mother and then the family for not being there in their formative years.
Having to disconnect from multiple nannies, creating abandonment issues.
A non-traditional family dynamic compared to peers in a friend group or at school.
Now, I'm not saying that nannies are a bad thing.
If a family has the resources to hire a nanny, they should consider it as an option.
But the show is purely about awareness.
Everything has its pros and cons, positives and negatives, ups and downs.
There is a downside to having nannies raise your kids, and it is not talked about enough in modern society.
Nannies are okay as long as they aren't the primary caretaker.
The problem is if you rotate nannies in and out of a child's life, all of the problem is if you rotate strangers in and out of a child's life that are the primary caretaker.
So, all of these boss women that are denying their natural urge to go care for children and focus on their career are risking harming their children by leaving them alone to be raised by a nanny that can come and go at will and essentially is a stranger.
The harm will not be seen or felt until the child gets older.
So, there is a post that talks about: Does having a nanny hurt the child-parent bond?
Blog post.
Okay, does having a nanny hurt the child-parent bond?
How do I get rid?
Hold on, let me exit this.
Okay, well, having a nanny hurt my flowering bond with my seven-month-old.
How do one-on-one caregivers impact parent attachment with babies?
Please ease my mind and broken heart.
First, so this is the ask advice column, and it says sad new mom back at work.
First, I am sorry you are sad.
It's an easy situation for people to say, Oh, don't feel sad, your baby is doing great, or oh, you're so lucky you can afford a nanny.
You might be lucky, but your baby is probably doing great.
But it's completely normal and appropriate to be sad.
It's also normal and appropriate not to be sad.
All the feelings are normal here.
We are all muddling through, so take a moment to acknowledge those feelings for what they are.
You're sad, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you've made the wrong choice.
Second, to your question, infant maternal attachment is commonly tested with something called the strange situation test.
You can read more about it here, but basically it involves bringing mothers and infants into a lab setting and seeing how the infants react to separation, stranger exposure, and reuniting with mom.
Through this test, researchers aim to measure secure attachment.
There are, of course, variations across infants and their attachment, but data doesn't suggest this is associated with the care environment.
One study from Australia actually finds more secure attachment in infants whose mothers showed more commitment to an early workforce return.
There isn't strong evidence that the attachment your child has to you will be influenced by the presence of a nanny.
Third, I want to give you a heads up about a few things that'll happen so you are ready.
One is that your kid will cry when you leave them.
They're like, no, it's totally fine, but your kid is going to cry when you leave them with the nanny.
And sometimes they will cry when you come home and the nanny leaves.
That's okay.
It's normal.
It doesn't necessarily mean they hate you or they hate the nanny.
They hate transitions or their foot hurts or they are hungry.
Don't read too much into this.
Once they start talking, they will sometimes call you by the nanny's name.
This doesn't mean they don't know that you are the mom.
They are just talking fast.
The same way my mom called me my brother the wrong name a lot.
It doesn't mean anything.
So that right there is cope, right?
So again, this is women trying to rationalize being bad mothers, right?
So what they do is they outsource the motherhood so they don't have to do it.
And again, I'm not saying it's the worst thing in the world, but yeah.
It's really not good when the nanny is spending more time with the kids than the mother.
So, okay, I work as a full-time nanny for an infant, currently five months old.
This is one of the comments.
I am also the child's grandmother, which does alter the dynamic of the work relationship.
First, I will say parents still have opportunities to form a strong bond with their infant if there is a full-time nanny.
There's morning, evenings, and weekend hours to spend with their little ones.
The quality of the time is very important.
If the parents are under stress from their career obligations or other situations, the parents can turn the bonding with their little one so that one parent can handle bills or chores and the other parent is completely relaxed while playing with and caring for the infant.
The parent can switch those roles so that each has a high quality time with their baby.
The baby should not be left alone for long periods when the parents are caretakers.
Some parents do this thinking the child had enough bond time with the nanny and the child is hungry for time with the parents.
An infant recognizes the difference between a nanny and a parent, and the natural instinct is to want to be with the parents.
So that said, it is inevitable that the infant will form a strong attachment with the nanny.
The nanny may spend more hours per week with the infant than the parents.
A non-competent nanny will look out for the child's well-being and may recommend approaches to health and development.
The parents can follow up on these suggestions with research and decision-making that supports the needs of the child.
However, the nanny may have good suggestions and it may go smoother.
The ideas should not be dismissed out of hand by the parents.
Okay.
So here we have a YouTube video talking about if kids raised by nannies will resent their parents.
Remember, most of your TradCon influencers have nannies raising their kids.
I'm just saying.
When you see them traveling all over the country right after they had a child, someone else is raising that kid.
Many single moms will dump the child on the grandmother to raise so she can live her best life.
Yeah, I mean, why raise your kid if someone else can do it for you?
See, it's interesting.
Men, again, they want to raise the kid.
They find it fun.
They like it.
Women, on the other hand, they like the clout of the kid.
So they like to post the kid on Instagram, but not spend too much time with it.
Where the guy is more private about the kid, but he loves spending time with the kid, right?
It's like, uh, you know.
And her nanny to walk her down the aisle because that's how close they were.
She had both parents work bizarre hours and says that she was raised by the nanny, but questions only if it altered her relationship to her mom, not her dad.
By prioritizing your career or yourself, are you giving your child a better life or one full of resentment?
And why have kids at all if you're just going to dump them on the nanny?
Today, let's get into the topic of raised by the nanny.
it means and can it be a good thing that dad is banging the nanny There's no way he's not.
Big monkey on the TV, but who comes to see you tomorrow?
And it's like we tell on ourselves.
So now this TikTok, this woman's showing how much the kids like the nanny better on TikTok.
What an L. who do you think is here ideally the presence of a nanny is a new relationship which is additive to a child's life someone else to love and care for them but sometimes you guys have to look at this from the point of view of the child You're bringing a stranger into their house, especially the live-in ones.
These are people the kid doesn't know in their personal space, right?
It can lead to a comparison trap when bundled together with time spent away from caretakers.
People only like, don't like being compared when the other person's better.
Do you know what I mean?
Like men don't like being compared to a woman's exes, per se, unless the man's better than all of her exes.
Right?
Do you know what I mean?
So like a woman, she doesn't want to be compared to the nanny unless she's a better mother than the nanny.
Then she doesn't mind so much.
The absence of nurturing qualities in those same caretakers and additional expectations of what a relationship to your mom or dad should look like.
We might see that gratitude and happiness disappear or not show up at all.
Also guys, if you have a question or comment, you'd either need to go to theaudacitynetwork.com.
Link is in the description and sign up and put a comment into the live stream on the app or the website.
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Let's start by hashing out what it means to be raised by the nanny because we're not debating kind of homeschool life here.
Raised by the nanny generally means that the nanny is around for longer than the typical workday.
So in the morning, she might be there early to help make breakfast and get the kids off to school.
She might also be a live-in nanny and in the evening she might be shuttling them to and from different extra.
You guys are playing with fire bringing in these hot 22 year old women into your house.
You are playing with fire.
Curriculars, preparing dinner, and getting them ready for bed into PJs.
Parents might be working a demanding job or multiple jobs.
They might not be around for night shifts.
Or they might be around in tandem around the house with other kids or juggling other responsibilities.
One parent describes her situation in a help column to the Washington Post.
Last year, the work hours for my husband and I changed and we decided that a live-in nanny would be best for child care.
Our nanny is a lovely girl and we enjoy having her, but over time, my kids, two and seven, have definitely started to prefer her.
They get so excited when she walks through our door, and when they have bad dreams at night, they go to her room instead of ours.
Part of that is because my husband and I are often gone at night.
My two-year-old has started saying, I don't want mommy, I want Allie.
I know I shouldn't take this personally.
My two-year-old spends all day with our nanny, and our seven-year-old sees her a lot too.
But this is getting tough for me and my husband.
How can we reconnect with our kids, especially when we already spend so much time away from them?
Yeah, so this is a guy basically saying, My wife can't be a wife.
Like, she now, I do think there's a way, right, where a man maybe just wants to protect himself, right?
There's aluminum.
Like, I could see in a world where a man says, Get to work, bitch.
Because I mean, you're at so much more of a risk when the woman stays home.
You know, you're not on the hook for lifetime alimony if the woman is working.
Totally understand that.
However, however, um, usually when this happens, it's because the woman is bad at her job, she can't do it, she doesn't really want to do it, she doesn't really like the kids.
Outsource, find someone, and men are just pragmatic, they're like, Whatever, I'll pay someone else to do it.
The journalist responding to this article is author Megan Leahy, who writes parenting-related articles for the post and is also author of the book Parenting Outside the Lines.
Interestingly, she responds by reframing the question away from the comparison trap and the battle of this again.
People only don't like comparison when they're the losers, right?
Like a Victoria's secret.
Well, they cast fat Victoria's secret models now, but like the ring girl and the Jake Paul fight.
Do you think she compares?
Sorry, do you think she hates being compared to other women when she's hotter than like 99% of women?
She doesn't mind at all, but you know, I don't want to be compared to her, you know what I mean?
Because, I mean, she wins, you know, between parent and nanny.
By stating bluntly, though watching your child connect to another caregiver might be uncomfortable, these connections should be seen as a benefit, not a problem.
I wish more kids could have many loving people guiding them, hired or not.
She redirects the parent to ask themselves, How can we reconnect with our kids, especially when we spend so much time at work?
And she also adds, I have coached and known plenty of parents who spend all day and night with their children, and yet these parents are emotionally distant, discontent, and poorly attached to their children.
The fact is, nannies are professional caretakers because this is their primary job.
Let's just put it out there.
They might be really good at it.
It's not their first rodeo.
They might be more adept at setting boundaries, finding engaging activities for the child, and otherwise emotionally connecting to this small person.
They're also paid to spend that many hours one-on-one, face-to-face, with the child.
And that combines with selection.
What happened to mothers being like a thankless job?
Do you know what I mean?
What happened to it?
It's just crazy how we think of women as the nurturing gender, but women don't want to raise their own kids.
They're like, throw this, throw this.
You know, they're throwing these kids in daycare like six months after they're born.
It's a billion-dollar industry.
B with a B.
And survivorship bias, where the people who choose to be nannies might naturally be more maternal or more excited about caregiving for children.
Assuming we have a loving and present nanny, what's the problem?
It appears to stem from how the child interprets the presence of this alternate caretaker.
And the word interprets is very important here because, like all things in life, it's not about what happens to you, but how you find meaning in that event.
When the parents are away from home a lot, does the child say, my parents are working really hard to provide for us?
Or does the child say, my parents are not prioritizing me?
Or they're prioritizing their careers over me.
Same situation, but very different interpretations.
So, what is it?
Is it self-sacrifice or is it selfishness?
And can we influence that narrative?
When you work for me, you leave when I say you can leave.
For your information, I do not work for you.
I am employed by your mother.
Oh, yeah.
Take a look around.
Do you see her anywhere?
News for life.
You're not gonna.
Unless you make an appointment with her assistant or hang around her bedroom door at three o'clock in the morning.
In the meantime, you're working for me.
Oh, is that so?
Uh-huh.
News flash, Mussolini.
I quit!
Swinging door.
There is no randomized control trial for this, but we have certain sociological labs and storytelling advocates underscoring the importance of not letting kids decide which way to interpret these kinds of statements.
These nudges look like micro changes.
So, for example, instead of I have to do something really important, I can't go to your soccer game.
You know, I'm so busy.
Reframing, starting off by that point of connection, I'm so sad I can't come to your soccer game.
It's really important to you.
How can we make it up?
Yeah, like the kid is gonna know the difference.
Do you know what I mean?
Like the six-year-old next weekend.
There are a couple of points embedded in this single suggestion.
It's very easy to get defensive, especially when you're working very long hours, but that point of connecting to the child is super important here.
And the second point is carving out an alternate space where you can make that commitment and not go back on it.
And it just comes down to having space and time for those conversations to happen so you can unwind what is a child thinking about.
How can I shape their interpretation or maybe give them some pointers if they are not seeing what I'm seeing?
I'm one of six kids.
My mom's a full-time ear nurse.
My, you know, both my parents work full-time jobs.
So I feel like they sacrificed a lot.
I sacrificed a lot.
I do a lot of it for yeah, because a lot of sometimes you hear the stories of child stars and what happens, but it sounds like the grounding of your mom and dad.
Yeah, that was never me.
Immigrant parents, like, they're so used to work hard, work hard, work hard.
It's not a work smart type of thing.
It's they're more like matandos en unstra ajo.
Yeah.
But I'm like, I'm not trying to travel ajo.
Yeah.
That's how she started her OnlyFans.
I don't know what she actually did, guys.
I grew up watching my mom work a lot.
Watching her struggle made me want to move a different route.
Like, okay, you know what?
I don't want to do that.
I don't want to leave my kids to grow up, you know, raising themselves.
Being a nanny is a very intimate job, and some people argue that it has to be intimate because if the child knows that it is just hired help, they may act out and refuse discipline.
Many nannies say they don't worry about replacing the parents because they say the kids know who their parents are.
So if the kids aren't confused, let's talk about expectations.
What are they expecting of their real parents?
And clearly, whether or not that's societally ingrained, there are different expectations of mothers versus fathers.
One thing to observe about these posts is that the recollection from the kids is asking for very specific things.
Kids are not asking for their parents to sit next to them for eight hours a day.
Even kids as young as 2 or 18 months old will wander away from the parent to have all the fun they want and then look back to see if the parent is there and come back to their home base.
Reading through the experiences of people who say they were raised by the nanny, they didn't have that home base in their parents.
So for the nanny issue to really be a problem, there needs to be two things.
One is the theme of the parents not having time and more importantly, the child not connecting to the parent in the way that they desire, which creates a wall.
And the second piece is likely so much more important because there are plenty of stay-at-home parents or parents with more flexible schedules that also struggle to connect with their child.
To be honest, it's also a huge personality issue.
The fact is, anyone can become a parent.
And we know that in the real world, there are a ton of people and a lot of partners even who are not great listeners.
And it's hard to connect to those people.
So when it comes to children, there has to be an added effort of meeting them where they are at because it is worth this investment.
Not necessarily for retirement, but so that you have a good relationship with your kids as they're growing up and maybe even grandchildren.
Back to the mom part.
Is there a difference between a job that the nanny does and that of the mother?
For her Columbia University master's fee.
Nope.
It's outsourced mother.
Graduate student Courtney Scott interviewed career nannies in the New York City area.
She writes, I came to understand early in the conceptual phase of the project that the work of nannying could not be separated from mothering.
When asked to state the difference between the work of nannying and mothering, most interviewees, many of them mothers themselves, stated that there was no difference.
She also writes a shattering thought.
Is a nanny a mother and can she occupy this role without displacing another mother?
Later in her discourse, she quotes from Andrea O'Reilly, Toni Morrison and Motherhood: A Politics of the Heart.
Morrison defines maternal identity as a site of power for black women that has its only black women get the motherhood identity.
Explicit goal of empowerment of children.
And that's really interesting.
When you juxtapose those two statements, is a nanny a mother, a mother is about empowering.
It becomes apparent that the question of is a nanny a mother is one for the ego in the same category of who do you love more, mom or dad?
Or will you miss me when I'm gone?
It's a question for the ego because either she is not and I win or she is and I deflate.
But if you add that angle of child empowerment, the more fruitful and loving relationships a parent can provide for a child, the more secure and confident that child will be.
So the question.
Yeah, I mean, but there's a difference between a babysitter and a living nanny, right?
Or an aunt or whatever.
And we're going to get to some examples of nannying going wrong.
You guys don't understand the you can get a whole different ideology into your children if you put the wrong adult by your kids, right?
So if you're a conservative and you have this blue-haired feminist kid, it's very possible that someone you put in the kids' life did that.
Is a nanny a mother?
Ultimately, it never needs to be asked and never needs to be answered.
We are a collective of adults aimed at empowering children and the primary responsibility for that empowerment is on the parents.
The caveat to add here is that because the role of nanny and mother are so intertwined, the comparison trap is much closer for moms than it is for dads.
If children are feeling separation, they are more likely to feel it from the mom because of the presence of the nanny and because they would expect those same nurturing qualities from their mother, making it much easier to construct the image of what I wish my mother did for me as opposed to a male figure who would be the parallel for a father.
Ultimately, is it about learning the child's love language, communication language?
More broadly, it comes down to listening and intentional spaces.
Yeah, okay.
So next, we got a woman writes that she regrets farming out raising her daughter to a nanny.
Nannying equals farming out your child.
Is it a big mistake?
Hi.
I wanted some views.
When I was in my 30s, I was in London and a good job.
And so when I gave birth, it seemed like the right thing to get a nanny to look after my daughter.
Everyone did it.
And it didn't seem weird.
Now, 17 years later, having talked to my daughter about it, I feel like it's the biggest mistake ever made.
She was so traumatized by not having me around and couldn't tell me as she was so young and didn't want to upset her mommy.
After two and a half years of using a nanny, I felt it was wrong.
So I did give up my job and we moved somewhere quieter and cheaper so I could be home more with her.
But the damage was done.
She had a very, very difficult teenage phase and we got on incredibly badly and now is able to say it tracks back to because she felt unwanted and unhappy when she was younger.
She's now raised this a number of times with me, doctors, and mental health professionals.
And I'm quite devastated by it on a personal level as her dad and I worked hard to try to give her a good, loving, stable family home with everything she wanted.
And she always seemed happy.
I've told her I regret it, but I did change everything for her.
And the only way to put it right was by not doing this for her own children and learning from it.
I was just wondering if anyone had a similar experience and what would you advise?
Wait here.
Let's see.
Some children don't do well being cared for by others.
If your daughter was real ill-treated in any way, it could be imprinted in her memory.
Ideally, kids would get along with a loving, nurturing mother, especially when so young.
Even adopted, that's another thing.
Adopted kids have attachment problems.
So we, I lived with this family for a summer and they had like brothers that were adopted and one was like a year and a half old and one was like four.
And the older one just had a lot of issues.
Like the one, even though he barely remembered like before, you know, they got him.
Like the younger brother was like perfect.
He was, you know, the best, like he was very well liked and respected in the church, but the older one, yeah, he was kind of messed up.
Okay, let's see.
It was a fairly massive omission, not to mention her ADD and dyslexia.
Previously, she's obviously a complex personality personality and has a lot going on.
What the response from doctors and MS professionals, she blames all her problems on being cared for by a nanny when she was younger.
I would take her statements about her friend's mothers feeling sad for her with a pinch of salt.
Do you know any of these parents to speak to?
It'd be interesting to find out exactly how she is presenting this experience to them.
Okay, I do think this kid's overreacting a little bit.
Two and a half years, that's it.
I'm just saying, this could have been your whole life, you know.
Okay, let's see what's next.
All right, will the baby prefer a nanny over me?
Yep.
She does a better job than you.
She will.
He will.
All right.
Will my baby prefer the nanny over me?
Working parents have a lot to consider when it comes to leaving their child in the care of a nanny.
Will the nanny be safe?
Will the nanny respect our child-rearing values?
How much is going this going to cost us?
But most aren't prepared for a surprisingly common concern with regard to the nanny.
Will the baby prefer their nanny to them?
Parents are usually somewhat prepared for the feelings of anxiety and guilt that can accompany them returning to work after having a baby, especially first-time mothers.
But most are not expected to be jealous of the person they've employed to be their child's caregiver.
Moreover, the working woman is supposed to be enjoying the best of both worlds, right?
Maybe, but some women still find themselves battling the green-eyed monster when it comes to their nannies.
If you're one of them, take comfort in the family as women join the workforce in record numbers.
If you're having trouble coming to terms with your nanny's special relationship with your baby, it helps to consider the process by which children form emotional attachment.
Babies enter this world with a strong instinct to bond with others since it's critical to their survival.
The bonding process begins immediately after birth, and babies soon recognize a caregiver's touch, smell, voice, appearance, and mannerisms.
For parents, bonding with the baby occurs naturally in the earliest days of life as they comfort and care for their infants, and this bond continues to strengthen with the passing of time.
So, what happens when a nanny enters the mix?
Will the nanny bond with the baby bond with the nanny too?
And if so, will the bond grow so that the baby comes to prefer the nanny?
The same sort of bonding process does occur when a child is left in the care of a nanny somewhat more slowly and usually on a more superficial level.
Remember that your nanny spends a good portion, if not all, of their day with the kid.
So, it is natural that they form a strong alliance.
And although some babies may traditionally have formed such a bond with only one person, it's possible for babies to form a bond with multiple people, including the nanny.
In fact, some researchers believe that babies who form strong attachments to more than one person may benefit in terms of social development later in life.
While a strong bond between a nanny and a baby can be a beautiful thing, problems arise when a baby begins to show a preference for the nanny over his or her parents.
Imagine coming home from a long day from your child only to find that he or she cries at the sight of you or refuses to let go of the nanny.
Or worse, imagine hearing the baby call the nanny mommy or daddy right in front of you.
These can be sad and frustrating experiences for the parents, but not frustrating enough, I guess, for the mom to, you know, do her job.
It's natural to feel sad and perhaps a little angry about this, but you should avoid acting on these emotions.
Instead, there are things you can do to reconnect with your child and create harmony between you and the child's caregiver.
First, keep in mind having a nanny that is loving and lovable enough to elicit such a response from your child is a wonderful thing.
And it would certainly be worse to face the opposite situation in which your child files into fits of panic at the sights of the nanny.
Also, remember that the babies can be fickle, stuck like glue to someone one minute, only to completely be nonchalant about their absence next.
And consider that while your baby may cry briefly when the nanny leaves, he or she also cried for you at your departure.
Furthermore, bear in mind that the evening hours can be among the most difficult for infants and children.
This is usually the time of day where they're tired and can be cranky and less tolerant to changes in their routine.
Nanny versus parents, how everyone can win the battle for the baby's heart by the mom doing her job.
She won't, though.
She won't.
I promise to God she won't.
There's going to be something more fun and cool and exciting than hanging out with these kids.
This idea that the women just love being mothers is the biggest cope, right?
Because everyone, society says, you know, women are natural nurturers, right?
And the women, they're like, but you know, women, here's a choice to kill your kids.
And the women are like, we got to kill them.
We got an abortion.
We're going to march for this.
Okay.
And then they're like, okay, well, I guess it's not a life, I guess.
Okay, sure.
Okay, sure, ladies.
And then they're like, okay, but you know, you guys can work and save money.
So in your 20s, you could save money for your kids, you know.
And then in your 30s, you can have a kid and then you have money for the kid, right?
And you can stay home.
And the women are like, nah, I'd rather just get Botox and liposuction and boob jobs and clothes and go to events and travel.
And I would rather do that instead of saving money to have a kid, right?
And I'd actually, when I have the kid, I do want to work and I want someone else to do the job.
But I want the cloud of the kid.
So I definitely want.
But it's like, you can have every shred of evidence that a woman doesn't want to be a mother, but still society will say that we're like dying to be mothers.
I don't think so.
I really don't.
I think women like the control a kid gives over like society and a man and like the attention they get from the kid.
But I don't know if the moms really like love their kids.
You know, like a dad can have a kid that hates him and he still loves the kid.
But the mom, if the kid doesn't like, you get those overbearing mothers where they're like, be a doctor, be a lawyer.
And if the kid doesn't do exactly what the mom wants, it's like you have hell on earth to pay.
If you're having a hard time shaking off the feeling of jealousy or resentment over your nanny's special bond with your baby, it's time to address the problem and be a mom, right?
We're going back to the answer.
Quit your job, stay home, be a mom.
Now, you know, there's real situations like poverty, right?
But we're not talking about those situations.
We're talking about the situations where the mom wants a three-bedroom house instead of a two-bedroom apartment, right?
The kid's going to be happier in the small house with the mom there.
But, you know, then Tracy sees Diane lives in the suburbs with a 10, you know, bedroom apart or house or, you know, in the city and she's going to these events and yada yada.
Anyways, keep in mind that most nannies are trying hard to bond with children in their care.
If they fail at this, chances are they won't remain employed for long and they don't want to displease the parents.
On the contrary, they're very interested in pleasing them.
For that reason, it might be a good idea to talk to your nanny about the problem.
Start by saying you're thrilled that the bond she has with the baby and you're happy that she, you know, you're happy with her work, but you're fired and I'm going to be a mom now.
That's how it should go.
Right?
That's how it could go, you know.
But no.
Then explain that you feel a little left out and would appreciate her helping strengthening the baby bond, right?
So now this is another cope because they're trying to get the nanny to do the work of bonding with the baby.
But instead, they're like, can you do it for me?
Can you make the baby like me?
And kids are pretty like, if a kid doesn't like you, kids love everybody.
You know, if a kid doesn't like you, something's wrong.
Perhaps she can teach your child's favorite lullaby or some sort of soothing techniques only good nannies know.
If your child shows a preference for the nanny more than just occasionally, it may be time to reestablish your connection with your little one.
Maybe focus on your child, interacting with him or her in a relaxed, comfortable setting.
You may need to sing, dance, or act goofy as your work, as you work your way back into your child's heart, but he or she will eventually fall under your spell.
Infant massage, increased breastfeeding, or other forms of skin-to-skin contact.
If your baby continues to show a preference for the nanny, again, it may be helpful to go home.
They're not going to do that, though.
Get a work-from-home job, right?
For example, if there's a competition between the mom and the female nanny, switching to a male nanny may be a solution.
God, they just do everything to make these moms feel like they're not bad moms.
They're like, okay, we're going to get a male nanny.
Male nannies, also called nannies, tend to be very fun and energetic caregivers.
They also may be less likely to displace mom in the baby's eyes.
It's important to keep in mind that although feelings of jealousy towards your nanny may crop from time to time, this will be short-lived.
Most parents whose babies love their nannies soon realize that the nanny baby strong is a set or bond is essential to the well-being of their child.
Remember that parents usually go to straight, great lengths to find a nanny that is warm, loving, patient, and fun.
What baby wouldn't want to fall in love with such a person?
And when your baby does, you can pat yourself on the back for providing for your child a good caregiver.
Until the caregiver goes to college and leaves and your kid is devastated.
That's usually how it goes.
Okay.
Here is a TikTok of a woman talking about her experience being raised by nannies.
I'm Mia from LA.
Please like and subscribe.
Growing up, it was just me and my mom, who was a famous photographer working for big brands and celebrities.
So you'd think, with the photographer parent, I'd have a beautifully documented childhood.
Well, you'd be wrong.
I hardly had any pictures because mom was always too busy.
And I was raised by nannies.
Sure, mom gave me everything, but she couldn't make much time for me.
She did try by setting up her studio at home, but once when she was in a meeting, I slipped into her dark room and switched on the lights and all her photos were destroyed.
That nanny was fired and mom relocated her studio.
And then she hired a lady named Susan who was the coolest.
Susan could play hide and seek with me for hours.
She'd always let me do her makeup and she even taught me how to slide down our main staircase.
She'd pitch up a tent in our backyard and then tell me stories around a fire.
And what a storyteller she was.
She'd just make up magical tales in the moment and I was hooked.
What are you thinking, you lily-livered, yellow-bellied scallywag?
I was thinking you should be my mom.
Susan laughed it off, but I was kind of serious.
She even gifted me my first notebook when I turned eight because she knew I loved writing stories and that meant more to me than any of the presents mom had sent.
Yeah, she couldn't make it to my birthday.
Once when I was nine, Susan had taken the day off and I ended up being stuck with mom at a photo shoot at some historical building.
Mom, I'm bored.
Read your book, Mia.
But I'm also hungry and sleepy.
Think of something fun to do for a little longer, okay?
Okay.
But you better come find me soon.
Yeah, soon.
So I skipped off to find an amazing hiding place.
I thought it was clear to mom that we were playing hide and seek.
As I waited for her in my spot, I dozed off.
And when I woke up, it was kind of dark.
I tried to find my way back to mom's shoot, but I was totally lost.
Luckily, a security guard found me and took me to the nearest police station.
And the only number I knew by heart was Susan's.
Sometime later, both mom and Susan came running in, and I jumped straight into Susan's arms.
What an L. Can you imagine?
Your kid's running and she like runs past you to the nanny.
Sweetie, you really scared your mom.
Give her a hug.
But I was so mad at her because she didn't come looking for me.
Susan would have never let that happen.
Soon after, in fifth grade, I came home from school one day to find a girl my age in the kitchen eating my cereal.
Who are you and why are you here?
Who eats cereal for lunch?
I eat what I want when I want.
You're not my boss.
Now, shoot, I was about to smack that aefe in the face when Susan walked in and she introduced the girl as Harper, her daughter.
I didn't even know Susan had one.
I felt a pang of jealousy.
Your mom has to travel out of town more often, so she's requested that I live here now.
And I'm moving in with Harper.
Isn't that great?
I'm sure you two will get along wonderfully.
I was certain that we would not.
She was a nuisance.
She threw away all my markers caps so they dried out, spilt juice all over my bed to make it look like heat, and gave my favorite shoes to a stray dog.
But I only had to scream, and Susan would tell her off.
Harper would tag along with us everywhere, and she'd glare at me and make comments under her breath when Susan was out of earshot.
If you don't stop annoying me, I'll tell Susan.
I want to know what happened.
But yeah, so again, you got a couple issues here.
You got, when it comes to nannies, I'm going to give my final thoughts.
You got a couple issues, okay?
If you get a good nanny, right?
The challenge you have is the kid becomes attached to the nanny and the nanny goes.
So you fall in love.
You're like super close to these nannies, right?
They're like your best friends.
And then you're like, where did they go?
And then you just never see them again because they go to college, they go whatever.
And then it's like a recycling thing.
Or you get a bad nanny and the child is tortured if the kid doesn't like the nanny.
Imagine you have to go home and see someone that you are not related to that you don't like and is there indefinitely.
Those are the challenges you got with nannies.
Now, I don't think they're the worst thing in the world if they're not the kid's primary caretaker.
But the thing is, the day-to-day boring tasks are really what matters to a kid, right?
It's like who's picking up the kid from school?
Who's eating dinner with the kid?
Who's going to the sports games, right?
That's the stuff that matters.
It's not like the big events or like a trip once a year, right?
It's the small things day to day.
And I think a lot of moms are going to realize they kind of miss most of their kids' childhood.
Okay, guys, that's all I got on nannies.
So what we're going to do is we're only going to go be live on the website and we are going to have a smart, intelligent man give a presentation on if government work is for you.
He has done very well in his career and so you can learn a lot about this.
We're going to keep live streaming on the website.
And yeah, so we're going to end on YouTube.
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I know I said that last month, but we actually have a plan of getting the thing implemented.
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