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June 6, 2013 - No Agenda

03:04:52

519: Freemium Reporter

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Time	Text
	Hello, stolen code!
	Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak.
	It's Thursday, June 6, 2013.
	Time for your Gitmo Nation media assassination episode 519er.
	This is no agenda.
	Enjoying the giant surge in my credit score this morning here in the Travis Heights Hideout in Austin, Texas.
	In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
	Brr, I'm in northern Silicon Valley and it's cold.
	I'm John C. Dvorak.
	It's Crackpot and Buzzkill.
	Yeah!
	You know, those guys with the credit score guys, you can market a spam as many times as you want, but they keep figuring out ways to get back in.
	And I actually subscribe to one real credit score thing, and I'm always worried that that's going to go to spam now.
	Not that I care.
	Not that it makes any difference in my life.
	You know, every time you actually go try to figure out your credit score, you get deducted.
	Exactly, because someone checked your credit score.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I know.
	It's a huge scam.
	By everything in cash, screw these people.
	Yeah.
	Well, I once tried to repair my credit.
	That's why I got the subscription.
	And, of course, now it just keeps on, you know, emailing me, hey, you should pay up.
	I'm like, no, I'm done.
	Of course, now I'm going to get a bad mark on my credit score because I'm not paying the credit score reporting people anymore.
	Exactly.
	Yeah.
	It's unbelievable.
	No, it's a scam.
	The whole thing's a scam.
	It didn't exist before.
	It exists now, and people put up with everything.
	But I've got a different problem, man.
	I have made a huge mistake, and we need to discuss it.
	We might as well just do it now.
	On multiple levels, I've made this really big mistake.
	So we kind of are doing this segment.
	Adam's going to read his e-mail.
	Yeah.
	Okay, so here's the problem.
	Adam's gonna read his email.
	That is the number one problem.
	Whenever I look at my email, I get this frickin' song in my head.
	Adam's gonna read his email.
	On the No Agenda show.
	And I can't...
	Get a jivier one.
	That thing's too long.
	You need some little...
	No, no, no.
	This is a lesson in marketing, John.
	It's a lesson in marketing.
	And for the life of me, I don't understand why every commercial in the universe is not just a jingle.
	This is a known fact.
	I think I talked about this on the show about a year, maybe two years ago.
	I was in Canada, as I recall.
	And I was driving around listening to some talk show and they had the guy who invented the modern jingle.
	Yeah.
	I think he just died.
	What's the modern jingle?
	The jingles that are designed to stick in your head and sell products.
	Well, we have tons of guys who do that.
	Sir Jeff Smith.
	Every single jingle they have.
	I know, but they went on and on about it.
	And one of the things was, they were discussing it.
	I didn't say we didn't have any.
	Oh, okay.
	They were discussing it, and the lament was that it's not appreciated.
	And it's so effective.
	I think it's worse.
	I think that there's an entire industry built on a-holes who, like, know the conceit of the campaign, when really all you need is just a cool dude to write a great song, like...
	If you wake up with the blues, trying to fill your day with news, there's one thing you must remember, no agenda in the morning.
	For a healthy, balanced news diet, try noagendershow.com.
	Do-do-do.
	See, that's a good one because you're not singing that over and over and over again for days at a time.
	But this one...
	If you see something, say something.
	If there are people all over the world who are going nuts with that thing in their head.
	Yeah.
	So anyway, so this Adam's going to read his email thing.
	Whenever I'm looking at email, I can't stop this song playing in my head.
	And by the way, now you have it too.
	Not me.
	D.D. Diner re-emerged.
	No, no, no, not Dee Dee Dina, no.
	Yes, I showed up last night.
	No, no, this is...
	And of course I'm here alone as Mickey's still in Europe, and I'm singing it out loud.
	This has to stop.
	Okay.
	Now that's just dumb.
	This is problem one.
	Problem two is people have taken this as some kind of license to actually send me very long emails.
	This is counterproductive to my life.
	I spent eight hours Hours yesterday catching up on email.
	And the main thing is, I'm worried that there's going to be some gem, there's going to be something fantastic that's in there.
	And of course, there's always something great in the email.
	Because email should be from people who don't want to post something publicly for fear of retribution or whatever.
	They need to communicate with me personally.
	It is not your giant voice system, people.
	It is not a way to, oh, let me just...
	Like Flipboard...
	Anything from Flipboard now goes to spam.
	Stop it.
	Stop it.
	Flipboard?
	You know, Flipboard is like an iPad.
	Are they sending you Dex?
	PowerPoint Dex?
	Well, no, no, no.
	It's so easy to click the share link.
	Don't share it to my email.
	And here's another one.
	This is pet peeve time.
	It's like, you'll love this podcast.
	It's an hour and 50 minutes.
	What do you think I do all day?
	Self-radicalize?
	Give me a time code or clip it, please.
	You're a producer.
	Work on this stuff.
	Yeah, it doesn't take much to clip.
	Get a copy of Audacity.
	It drives me nuts.
	Audacity.
	Hold on a second, everybody out there.
	Audacity, A-U-D. What is it?
	A-U-D. A-C-I-T-Y-A, Audacity.com.
	It's Audacity, not Audacity.
	Audacity.
	It's like Obama.
	It's Audacity.
	Obama.
	And then O-Biden and Audacity.
	Now, you get your copy of Audacity and you use that to do your clips.
	It's a very good product to use.
	It's free.
	Yeah, and it really helps out the show.
	Also not helpful, this PDF has tons of great info in it.
	No.
	Go into Adobe, or if you have a Mac preview, turn on annotations and highlight some stuff for me.
	You have any idea?
	And just this random linking.
	Thought you would love this link.
	F you!
	This has got to stop.
	There's one guy that just keeps sending random links.
	Jeffries.
	Ron Jeffries.
	No, I don't get anything from him.
	It's another guy.
	And here's the problem.
	Sometimes the stuff from these guys is really good.
	Anyway, so I'm still working on the Freedom Controller so we can have open subscriptions and we'll get everyone off of G +, and we'll get everyone off of sending email.
	Here's one other thing.
	If you send me an email and I reply to you with one line, like, thanks, that's great, because I really appreciate what you sent me, or good find, this does not mean I'm starting a conversation with you.
	I wrote a whole column about this.
	In what decade?
	How do you get out of it?
	Thanks, you're very welcome, and by the way...
	Yeah, exactly!
	This has to stop.
	This is not an invitation for you to...
	And it's not that I don't love everybody.
	I do.
	He's a lover.
	I'm a lover, not a fighter.
	But I don't have the hours in the day to do this.
	I just don't.
	Actually, I feel it's selfish when you do this.
	And there's another thing.
	I'm putting it on my long list of projects.
	And we've been working on quite a few that I have to say have been very productive with Miss Mickey out of town.
	Mainly because I don't eat.
	I don't dress.
	It's real easy.
	When there's no one around, it's like, I'm up and I'm at it again.
	And I'll just keep going until I sleep.
	Oh, I forgot to eat.
	Adding to my list, the way we use email, this paradigm of an inbox and folders is shite.
	It is stupid.
	It is so 1950s almost.
	There has to be a better interface for this.
	You want to start a...
	Kickstarter, and we'll do a new email program because they're all crap.
	So here's our video.
	Hey, I'm Adam.
	I'm John.
	And we hate email.
	And we're going to do it right.
	Send us money.
	Oh, by the way.
	In the morning.
	Hey, I neglected to say that we have a very important month, the month of June.
	A number of reasons.
	First of all, Sunday will be 6-9.
	I'm just pointing that out.
	Oh, it's going to be 6-9 on Sunday?
	69, swazzle enough.
	69, yes.
	But I neglected to tell you about the presidential proclamations for the month of June.
	It's a very exciting month.
	We'll be very busy.
	Starting off with National Caribbean American Heritage Month, John, you being from Jamaica, I'm sure that you're very, very happy about that.
	Yeah.
	It is also National Oceans Month.
	Huh.
	And simultaneously, I don't know whether to go to the coast or inland, it is National Great Outdoors Month.
	I'm confused now.
	We go outside at the beach.
	But the most important one, by presidential proclamation, the month of June is hereby forever ensconced as National Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month.
	And again, I feel discriminated against.
	Because I feel it should be National Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Bicurious, and Transgender Pride Month.
	Maybe Bicurious should be between gay and bisexual.
	Maybe that's better.
	National Lesbian, Gay, Bicurious, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month.
	There are hermaphrodites being left out of this equation.
	I think they get...
	I think they get a pass under transgender?
	Mm-mm.
	No?
	Remember when there was that real long moniker that showed up for about two or three months?
	Yeah, LGBT, AQ, LMNOP? Yeah, right, right, right.
	Well, I just feel discriminated against.
	Yeah, well, you should.
	Yes!
	Anyway.
	I'd be more concerned with my FICA score if I were you.
	No, that doesn't concern me at all.
	If I were you.
	Hey, so the big breaking news, of course, was the...
	I know it is.
	Everybody has an Obama phone now.
	My kids need an Obama phone.
	Yeah, no, the Obama phone is brought to you by Verizon, apparently.
	It's like everybody has one now.
	Is that your big breaking news?
	No, the big breaking news, of course, is what happened on, what's today?
	Today's Thursday.
	It was yesterday.
	Yes.
	The little twerp.
	And by the way, I have a different interpretation than everybody else on this.
	Oh, you mean the announcement of Susan Rice as the...
	And I think we...
	I have a feeling that this was rumored two or three weeks ago.
	Did we bring it up on the show that we did during the show?
	No, it showed up in the newsletter and then...
	Ah, right, okay.
	So you're thinking, you know, the newsletters just came out yesterday, but it was already old.
	So...
	I got a kick out of it.
	I don't know if you got to see the speech or when she was there.
	I saw the whole thing.
	Did you see her step up to what looked to be a double apple crate?
	I love how that...
	They're very slick with that.
	She had to hold her hand to get her up on the apple crate.
	Because she was...
	Well, did you see the picture, I think it was in the New York Times, of Power, who we need to talk about, Susan Power.
	Her in the middle and then the president on the right shot from the back walking from the Rose Garden back into the White House.
	It's funny.
	It's like, you know, it's a valley of death and her head is basically the deepest point because Susan Power is tall.
	She's very tall.
	I think she actually stood on the apple crate just to be taller than the president.
	That's what it looked like to me.
	It wouldn't surprise me.
	Yeah, because she's an a-hole.
	So talking about a-holes, I have this kind of the rundown from Elle Sharpton.
	Well, wait a minute.
	Aren't you going to tell me you have a different take on Susan Rice?
	I'm going to give you the take, but first you have to listen to the genius, the kind of the pinnacle of MSNBC's fine product mix.
	Al Sharpton discussing the Susan Rice, just a short clip.
	I want you to hear what he says and tell me what you think.
	There's two of them I have.
	Al Sharpton versus McCain.
	I'm thrilled that she'll be back at my side leading my national security team in my second term.
	Republicans, do you have any questions about who is really in charge?
	At the height of their phony outrage, John McCain went on six different TV shows in one weekend to make his point.
	And other right-wingers followed his nonsense.
	Okay.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait!
	There's no real conflict!
	Sorry, I just can't help myself.
	So Susan Rice gets in, he says, you know who's really in charge, and then he says McCain goes on six weekends.
	Wait a minute, this just took place yesterday.
	Where were these six shows that McCain went on on the weekend to bitch about Susan Rice?
	Well, I think what he's talking about is when she handed out the talking points, when she went on all the morning shows.
	That's not what it sounds like.
	No, no, of course.
	He lives in a whole other dimension or how.
	No, the guy's an idiot.
	But here he is trying to say the word obstruct.
	Slander and try to obstruct is what they tried to do to Eric Holder.
	And by the way, he's not stepping down.
	It's a big obstruct.
	Hey, I'm an obstruct driver.
	MSNBC, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful place.
	I mean, they really go for the gold when they hire their next speaker.
	Slander and try to obstruct.
	It's funny because he throws in the tea at like the last minute in a weird way.
	Listen again.
	Slander and try to obstruct.
	It's almost like a guttural tick.
	It's just obstruct.
	He never says the ob.
	Say it again.
	Hold on.
	He doesn't say off.
	No, you're right.
	This is us.
	Slender and try to obstruct.
	Obstract.
	Obstract.
	Whatever he says.
	This is broadcasting at his finest hour.
	Yes.
	Well, there's no wonder why.
	I hope you don't get rid of him.
	There's no wonder why only 100,000 people are watching him.
	It's true.
	I'm not making this up.
	This guy's going to say, my idiot Aunt Sally has got more brains than this guy.
	Not just more brains, more viewers, more audience.
	They have no audience.
	I am not making this up.
	We're jacking it way up.
	We need to stop.
	We need to stop this because we're essentially helping them.
	Because now it's becoming better than Comedy Central.
	It's like Rachel Maddow.
	She should be ashamed of herself, by the way.
	But also, she's got no ratings.
	I think she's the topper at 170,000 viewers.
	This is pathetic.
	At a time when I was just reading this, for some reason I went down a lot of rabbit holes.
	I found one...
	About the media industry.
	And I think what happened is I found that Google is the largest media company now, according to Adweek.
	And it's like something like 70% of all advertising money goes to Google.
	Now, a lot still goes to TV and print, but 70% of all advertising money, all.
	They must be stopped.
	They're doing $38 billion a year.
	So I was reading about the magazine business, which you know a hell of a lot more about than I do.
	And it turns out that the trend now, and these trends are based solely on sales figures, is movie stars no longer sell magazines, it's television stars.
	So it's Kim Kardashian, it's people I don't know, Nina Dobrev.
	You can name 20 of them.
	I won't know them either.
	Oh, Wesley.
	I know.
	I can barely know Kim Kardashian.
	I'm sorry I do.
	But they sell twice the amount as movie stars.
	This is a very significant change for the magazine business.
	Yeah, because the people work cheaper, for one thing.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Also, they'll do anything to get on the cover.
	They'll work for free.
	You know how many copies Vogue sells?
	Their number one selling item?
	The top seller, which was...
	Shoot, I just lost a...
	That big fat fashion issue they do.
	Yeah, that's the one.
	Yeah.
	Well, every single one is a fashion.
	But there's a special issue they do once a year.
	The one who's on the...
	Okay, the one, the special with Beyoncé.
	Now, Beyoncé, you can't get much bigger than Beyoncé, particularly for Vogue.
	How many copies do you think that sold?
	750,000.
	Worldwide.
	Really?
	Worldwide?
	Well, I don't know.
	What?
	How many?
	Three?
	Three million?
	340,000.
	Oh, okay.
	That's more like it.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	I just want people to understand that over time, not every episode, but over time, we've probably reached that.
	We've touched that many hearts and souls.
	I think we may do that on a daily basis.
	No.
	No.
	I don't know about that.
	I think Leo does about...
	I think he's the leading...
	Well, no, actually, Mark Maron or one of those comedians has the bigger audience.
	What's his name?
	Because of the podcast patent...
	I've been listening to Mark Maron and Adam Carolla.
	I've been on the Adam Carolla show.
	I'm sorry, these shows aren't all that great.
	No, they're not.
	They're really not.
	Mark Maron isn't all that great.
	Joe Rogan, I think, is pretty great.
	Mainly because, I mean, when he has guests on, it's just they're interesting and he comes at everything.
	I think he's a very good interviewer.
	I've never seen any of his comedy.
	But everything else, like Mark Maron, okay.
	Of course, there are bad-mouthing podcasters again.
	Who is?
	That you told me not to do.
	I'm not bad-mouthing.
	No, you said meanie.
	No, I'm giving a personal opinion.
	So was I when I was having those clips.
	No, but that's about skills.
	I'm just saying, is it entertaining to listen to?
	If you find that entertaining, you need to get out more.
	Joe Rogan, I find very entertaining.
	By the way, they asked me to do an IMA for the Joe Rogan Reddit.
	I don't even know why.
	You just lost me completely.
	I'm done.
	Alright, goodnight everybody.
	Nice knowing you.
	It's okay, Dvorak.
	Just slip on this white coat.
	Everything will be fine.
	Alright, never mind.
	I'm a little worried about doing it because it can backfire.
	You're going to be like, hi, I'm Adam Curry, and when I listen to podcasts, I listen to...
	Is that what you're going to do, something like that?
	No.
	You don't know what an I-M-A is?
	No.
	Okay.
	So you go on Reddit, and you go, hi, I'm Adam Curry, I am a...
	Oh, I am a...
	I am a...
	Oh, the Reddit thing.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be it, the Reddit thing.
	Well, it would probably be useful to me if I actually used or cared about Reddit.
	It's a forum.
	It's a forum.
	Yeah.
	Fine.
	I don't go there.
	You got any Facebook jargon?
	I won't know what you're talking about.
	Okay.
	But this is a cultural phenomenon, and you should know cultural things.
	Oh, I know what.
	Nah, this began some time ago.
	This IMA thing.
	Yeah.
	Don't do it.
	That's right.
	You look like an idiot.
	Thank you.
	That's what I'm thinking.
	I look like an idiot.
	I don't know if I look like an idiot.
	I think I should be on the Joe Rogan show before I do his Reddit.
	Oh yeah, absolutely.
	Get on the show, we need some publicity.
	Yeah, every single time in LA, he's like, yeah, let's do it, but then he's on the road or whatever.
	It's timing.
	It's hard.
	I did Tom Likas.
	I like Tom.
	I think he's a funny guy.
	Tom Likas?
	Yeah, Likas.
	He's an old radio guy from forever.
	He used to run a bunch of talkers.
	He was at KFI. He was one of the lead guys.
	He became a misogynist.
	A very funny misogynist.
	Is Tom Snyder still around?
	Is he dead?
	He's dead.
	Long dead.
	I used to like his show.
	He was so insincere, it was funny.
	He tried to be sincere.
	But it was done in a very good way.
	Very sincere way.
	So I went down a big rabbit hole.
	You want to do that?
	You want to hear about my trip?
	Well, first I want to, since we mentioned the word publicity, because we're talking a little bit about it, I want to get the one little bit out of the way about how the industry really blew this one and why this didn't get any more news than it did.
	This guy, Sean Parker?
	Yes, Sean Parker.
	He was in the movie.
	He helped start Facebook.
	Yeah, a Facebook guy.
	He married this Alexandra Linas, who looks like a very attractive female, and he spent $10 million going to the Ventana Ranch and rebuilding the set of the Game of Thrones.
	Oh yes, I've heard of this, yes.
	Hired a Hollywood costume designer who did one of the Lords of the Rings or something, and she dressed everyone who was invited.
	So if you got invited to this wedding, you got custom clothes made for you.
	So it all fitted.
	They ended up getting fined by this county commissioner for wrecking the place and all kinds of things.
	So they spent all this money, millions, $10 million, over $10 million.
	And I'm going through this.
	This got no play for wretched excess, which would have seemed like a coup to me because this took place right during the rollout of the Great Gatsby movie.
	Oh, it would have been perfect.
	I was thinking the same thing.
	I said, where was the publicity people?
	Where was the studio?
	Where was his publicist?
	If he has one.
	Where was DiCaprio's publicist?
	You know, these guys dropped the ball big time on something where we could have called them out.
	So I think...
	So we pre-called them out.
	This is pre-call-out.
	Pre-call-out.
	Anyway.
	Wretched excess.
	Where is she from?
	She looks...
	I want to find...
	She looks like she's four foot nine.
	I don't know if she's short or not.
	Is it Lena?
	Because there's Lena Alexander.
	Linas.
	Linas.
	Yes.
	Linas.
	Okay.
	She doesn't have a wiki page?
	Well.
	Really?
	She will after she inherits half his money.
	Let's see.
	I just want to know where she's from.
	They're showing up everywhere.
	We're at the Grammys.
	We're everywhere.
	We're so awesome.
	I don't see where she's from.
	Why?
	She could be a robot.
	Why are we even talking about this?
	Because we talked about publicity.
	I saw this as a lead-in for another one of those scams where you get a lot of news about something.
	Right, right, right.
	To go to the Great Gatsby.
	That's why we're talking about it.
	It fits into our model.
	Okay, well, then let's talk about the model.
	Because everyone, everybody, was sending me the link about Michael Douglas, who of course was out promoting the Liberace Beyond the Candelabra, Matt Damon's Humpin' My Butt movie, which is a waste of time.
	Too late, you already wasted your time.
	Yeah, thank you.
	And so he's out there in the UK, and The Guardian, The Guardian, mind you, does this huge report And the report is, oh, Michael Douglas got throat cancer from cunnilingus.
	He never said that.
	He said oral sex, didn't he?
	No, no, no.
	Hold on a second.
	Cunnilingus, he said, literally.
	And The Guardian wrote this, and the BBC was doing it.
	And immediately, the Gardasil machine goes into action.
	Primarily, I will say, written in The Guardian.
	The stalwart of British news journalism.
	Immediately.
	And I'm like, oh my God.
	And I read the interview first.
	I'm like, okay, that's interesting.
	Because he also said something really weird.
	He said, I got it from cunnilingus, but the great thing is once you got it, there's cunnilingus.
	And it was like really confusing.
	I know.
	I know.
	It was very, very confusing.
	And so I'm focusing on that while The Guardian, three different writers, and I have everything in the show notes, 519.nashownotes.com.
	They're writing about Gardasil.
	The BBC's doing...
	We've done all these pieces.
	We've played it for you a million times.
	Like, yes, boys need the Gardasil shot because HPV... They say H in the UK. HPV can give you cancer.
	Look at Michael Douglas.
	And then finally, I find...
	The audio from the interview...
	And so the impression I got from reading the initial interview is, you know, this guy had a sit-down with Michael Douglas, you know, he's probably a press junket, and, you know, he's going back and forth, and he has this serious conversation.
	But then when I hear the actual audio, I realize this guy is like, well, you listen to this 30 seconds and you'll know exactly what happened here and how this got abused by Merck to promote their stupid product.
	Do you feel in hindsight that you overloaded your system?
	You overloaded your system with drugs, smoking, drink?
	No, I mean, without getting too specific, this particular cancer is caused by something called HPV, which actually comes this particular cancer is caused by something called HPV, which actually comes Ha ha ha ha!
	That's it.
	He's accosting him on the street.
	Sticking a microphone.
	And then he says HP, and he says, which comes about through cunnilingus, and he laughs.
	And that turned into this huge promotional campaign.
	And Gardasil, whoever their PR agency is, they're on the ball.
	Oh, those guys are not going to...
	They nailed it immediately.
	Like, uh-oh, we got that, let's go.
	Well, the funny thing is that Michael Douglas shortly thereafter denied a bunch of things.
	Well, I can't deny what he just said.
	I mean, I heard it.
	Right, that's the thing.
	The Guardian pushed that...
	Oh, well, he can deny all he wants.
	Here's what he said.
	So, in other words, it sounds to me like he was joking because he had some guy annoying him.
	Yeah, on the street...
	And so in other words, if you go out in the streets and say something like, and you guys, somebody sticks a mic in your face and you say something ludicrous because you want to get rid of it.
	Yeah, before you know it.
	Yeah, it's gold!
	Go to the front of the room, stop the presses!
	Michael Douglas is half black!
	You can say something like that.
	I'm half black.
	I can say whatever I want.
	Oh, he's half black.
	He's half black.
	It's the kind of bull crap that we have to put up with the media.
	And the reason why I really investigated this is because Catherine Zeta-Jones...
	You're worried sick.
	Yes, right.
	Catherine Zeta-Jones, she came out a while ago.
	All this stuff came out.
	Oh, we're worried about her.
	Oh, poor Catherine.
	She must have HPV. No, it actually started, no, no, her thing started earlier, where she came out saying that she had had serious depression.
	She's bipolar, she's admitted bipolar.
	Right, and you know when that came out?
	With that movie.
	The movie about some movie she was promoting.
	It's so transparent.
	So I figured Michael Douglas is obviously promoting his movie, but he wasn't promoting Gardasil.
	And those guys, they jumped on it.
	CNN, on the other hand, I actually got this from your tweeters.
	CNN also sub-100,000 viewers at any given moment, and of course most of their ads are for pharmaceutical products or devices for people over 60 years of age.
	No offense, John, I'm just saying.
	Huh?
	Speak up!
	And they just will never pass up an opportunity to shoot one in there for the sponsors.
	This is the video you've probably seen of the kid who's...
	He's a classic.
	Yeah, he's got his big cymbals and they're playing...
	Is this Star Spangled Banner?
	Yeah, I think it is a star-spangled banger.
	And his symbol breaks and then decides to salute the flag instead, which is endearing.
	But the report is...
	Shameless.
	Shameless.
	Use the right word.
	What did you consider?
	She's talking to the kid on Skype now.
	What were your options?
	Well, I considered running and getting a new pair, and then I considered trying to pick it back up without the handle.
	But with various war veterans in his family history, Andrew opted to salute and ended up bathed in Internet glory.
	Dude nailed it.
	That was the greatest save in the history of saves.
	His parents are really proud of him.
	Musicians lose control of their cymbals all the time.
	Losing a symbol is no reason to reach for Cymbalta.
	Depression hurts.
	Cymbalta can help.
	The thing about Andrew is that he used...
	Isn't that outrageous?
	That was, to me, was the most outrageous thing I've seen for probably a couple years.
	I dropped it right in with the tagline.
	Yeah.
	I like the tagline being in there.
	Yeah, just boom.
	Just throw it right.
	It was a great piece.
	And this justified her because she only does these types of pieces.
	She used to be a serious reporter.
	I don't know what happened.
	She's at CNN. Yeah, right.
	And then she only gets to do the human interest.
	She probably got the money direct.
	Maybe that's the new deal.
	We can't afford to pay you really full salary anymore.
	But if you want to go out and do some side deals and slip them into your pieces, we're fine with it.
	Jeff Zucker's a genius.
	Just do the deal.
	Slip it in.
	Just throw it in there.
	Don't worry about it.
	And you've got the money.
	In fact, we're going to move to that model for all compensation.
	If you can't get somebody to sponsor your piece, you're not going to get anything.
	That's a great idea.
	That's how it should be.
	You have to come to the table with the sponsor.
	Yes.
	Hey, I love it.
	I think it makes a lot of sense.
	The number one cost of these networks is their people.
	Who needs them?
	Make them go out and get their own damn money.
	I do like the term bathed in internet glory.
	I think I'll use that.
	Yeah, right.
	So what do you do?
	I just sit around being bathed in internet glory.
	Can you do that?
	It doesn't work as well, does it?
	No, not from you.
	Bathed in internet glory.
	What does your daughter do?
	She's bathed in internet glory.
	Sounds kind of icky.
	I like it.
	I like it a lot.
	She's all sticky because of it.
	Now, do you want to talk about Susan Rice?
	Because I've got to bring you back to that.
	We got off on this Al Sharpton thing.
	Before we know it, we're talking about cunnilingus.
	So can you bring it back to Susan Rice?
	It's always the same.
	Yeah, let's get back to Susan Rice.
	I have my theory.
	Freemium reporters, by the way, is the model.
	C-Mike in the chat room says freemium.
	Freemium reporters.
	Freemium reporters.
	Do your own deal, babe.
	Do your own deal.
	Preview.
	We're good with it.
	Just like you can work for free.
	Just don't hurt the brand, okay, babe?
	Don't hurt the brand.
	Babe.
	So, I've come to a totally different conclusion than everyone else on the Susan.
	What do you think about the Susan Rice thing?
	I'd like to reserve judgment and hear yours.
	It's very simple.
	I focused on Samantha Powers.
	It was my job.
	Samantha Powers is another story.
	I think there's part of this.
	You know, Obama's in the Chicago guy.
	They always have favors, favors, favors.
	Susan Rice was supposed to be the secretary.
	That was the deal.
	Isn't she also a Chicago gal, by the way?
	Yeah, everyone is.
	Are you kidding?
	Yeah.
	Even that idiot Department of Education guy who sounds like an IQ of 60, whatever his name is.
	Yeah.
	Ernie, I think.
	He sounds totally gay, by the way.
	He probably is.
	But here's the deal.
	She didn't get her job in the Secretary of State show.
	Okay, here's what we're going to do.
	We're going to put you in.
	I got a job for you.
	This is a winner.
	This will be working for the security advisor, and you'll keep that for just enough time, two years.
	So now you'll get the pension from the U.N. job, and you'll get the pension from this job, and you'll be set for life.
	She's already a millionaire.
	Well, she needs cash flow.
	This is all about the money.
	This is double dipping the American public.
	This woman is going to get a pension for being the UN ambassador.
	Now she's going to get a pension for this bogus job.
	And by the way, she was not just the ambassador to the UN, she was the permanent ambassador to the UN. Believe me, this is all for pensions.
	This is all in the back.
	There's these deals, all this salary and pensions.
	These people are double, triple dipping the American public.
	They're walking away with hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars per year for the rest of their lives on the American back.
	John, but John, are they really happy?
	I would be.
	You're so materialistic.
	I am.
	Yeah.
	And you don't think there's anything there that kind of plays into the, hey, good job, thanks for covering my ass, I've got yours, I've got your back.
	That's because my initial thinking was you needed to surround yourself with a bunch of insiders that know this Benghazi, the truth of the Benghazi thing, which we, on our show, have determined wasn't a botched kidnapping like the one that they're trying to push out there now as the meme, but a botched fake kidnapping.
	Right.
	Right, yeah.
	By the way, I got one little clip from...
	This announcement, actually two, one little clip from the announcement of the president on Susan Rice, and he said something interesting, and I think we've learned since the past couple of episodes to really listen very, very closely to what the man is saying, because every single word is scripted and makes a difference.
	And by the way, do you see that when he was talking to Tom Donilon, And even to Susan Rice, he has to keep turning his head back to the prompter.
	He can't even ad-lib thank you.
	I'm not kidding.
	That's a line.
	That's a good line.
	He can't ad-lib thank you.
	It's true.
	It runs in the family, throwing the occasional elbow, but hitting the big shot.
	As our ambassador to the UN, Susan has been a tireless advocate in advancing our interests.
	Okay, so a tireless advocate in advancing our interests, which should all be American interests.
	She's reinvigorated American diplomacy in New York.
	She's helped to put in place tough sanctions on Iran and North Korea.
	She has defended Israel.
	Oh, really?
	She's defended Israel?
	I find this very interesting, that this is one of her credits.
	Yeah, that is interesting.
	It's kind of off the wall.
	Now, the new thing, though, which I think is fantastic...
	And this is our version of a shoe.
	Strengthening our alliances from Europe to Asia, enhancing our relationship with key powers, and moving ahead with new trade agreements and energy partnerships.
	And from our tough sanctions on Iran to our unprecedented military and intelligence cooperation with Israel, it's true.
	Heckling the president.
	This is great.
	They're now doing it from outside the gate.
	At the White House.
	And it kept going.
	Because I put my headphones on.
	He ignored it, but he was really irritated by it.
	Extremely irritated.
	I'm wondering about how irritated these people are.
	I thought that the Michelle Obama heckling incident was a total setup.
	It was another one of these things that gets sympathy for her.
	It is a setup, and I think that just...
	Well, let me get this thought out of the way.
	All right.
	We...
	Based on my Led Zeppelin theory, these hecklings have been set up to distract...
	Hold on, hold on.
	Known as the Led Zepp theory, and once I find Robert Plant really living in Austin, I'm going to say, hey, Robert, Robert, let me ask you a question, man.
	He'll say, yeah.
	Yeah.
	But anyway, so the theory is that you put these hecklers in there to, because we haven't seen this before, because they vet the audience to such an extreme.
	We've known this during the conventions.
	They grill you, they do background checks.
	They make sure you don't have a bum.
	There's no heckler in the place.
	No, no.
	Unless they're there for a reason.
	So they heckle him, and then he's...
	So you miss the message, you know, because the public's always heckled, heckled, heckled.
	And so now they did the same thing with Michelle.
	They heckled her for this reason, and it's, oh, poor Michelle.
	Oh, poor Michelle.
	She got heckled, which again was, you know, she's just practicing her acting.
	Now, here's what the drawback is to this thesis.
	And I think maybe this is what happened in this situation because he didn't recognize the heckler.
	It encourages hecklers.
	Yeah, that's what I like.
	Yeah, well, I don't think they planned on that.
	Oh, no, well, that's hubris, of course.
	I think we both agree that the Code Pink woman at the drone speech...
	At the counter-terrorism speech was a setup, and they let her go.
	They don't exactly control what she says, but they totally let her go.
	They let her go three times.
	The president engaged, which is part of the script, which is what Michelle did as well.
	It's the exact same script.
	And I think I can prove that she was on script.
	Just listen to what she says, the words that she uses, and how she says them.
	I think that the prompter got messed up.
	It runs in the family.
	Oops.
	That would be this one.
	Now, that is a prompter flub.
	She was supposed to say, one of the things I don't do well is this.
	And instead she said, one of the things I don't do well is this.
	It's a prompter flub.
	I can recognize this from 15 years of working with people reading teleprompter.
	This is a prompter flub.
	And I don't care what you believe in.
	We don't.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	One of the things that I don't do well is this.
	I'm telling you, prompter flub.
	I think you might be right.
	And I would love to see if there was, you know, it would be a shame.
	We've seen this happen at the convention where somebody got a camera behind the president.
	Remember back in 2008, I believe.
	And they shot the prompter and the ad-libs were up on the prompter because there was a huge prompter against the back wall.
	Oh yeah, I do remember.
	Yes, I do remember that.
	Yeah.
	And so there's an ad lib.
	I think it said wait for applause.
	Wasn't that what it said?
	And then ad lib.
	And then the script was there for the supposed ad lib, which means he just changes his kind of his painting.
	The thing that bothers me is why everyone just blanketly accepts that this next piece, let me just play this and then I'll talk about what bothers me.
	I can take the mic, but I'm leaving.
	So you all decide.
	No, I'm sure.
	No, no.
	I love the gay guy.
	No, no, no, Michelle, don't go.
	So when you're a child and you say, if you play the way I want to, I'm going to go.
	That's called childish.
	Yes, exactly.
	But when Michelle Obama does it, it's called being strong and she doesn't take no crap.
	Strong woman.
	She said, and she was on her way out.
	Of course, that wasn't in the script.
	She says, I'm going to leave now.
	I'm going to leave.
	I'm angry.
	Please.
	That's so sad.
	Everyone admires her for this.
	Yeah.
	To me, it's like, wow.
	So I agree with you.
	I think that these are setups.
	This is to show truth to power or some bull crap like that.
	But you're right.
	The downside is people are like, hey, wait a minute.
	I can go yell something cool.
	So it may be possible some guy with a bullhorn like half a mile away is heckling the president.
	In the morning.
	Don't call me, bro.
	In the morning.
	In the morning.
	You know, the thing that's amusing is these people, as it were, they don't really can't think very...
	They're not deep thinkers, and they never kind of strategize this properly.
	They just think everyone's an idiot.
	They're not deep thinkers.
	No, it's hubris, John.
	That's the word, hubris.
	Hubris.
	Hubris.
	They just think, ah, these idiots...
	Hey, I want to get into my serious stuff.
	Before we do that, though, let's...
	I think we have...
	Do we have producers?
	Yeah, we have three.
	Good.
	Let's thank them.
	Thank them profusely, because I'm about to show some real value for value here.
	I believe.
	We got value for value coming, ladies and gentlemen, and Adam's going to produce it.
	We do have three producers, including, finally, this was kind of a stumble last show, but Sir Longrock of the Sierra Nevada came in with his predicted $999, which gives him a knighthood, because Adam's throwing in a penny.
	No, I'm throwing in a whole...
	There you go.
	That's a silver dollar.
	Silver dollar.
	Silver dollar.
	He's worth like ten bucks nowadays.
	Sir Crackpot and Buzzkill, thank you for your selfless and civil service.
	That's right.
	On behalf of we, the waking people, some force within or without us will indeed be of continuing to cast...
	Will indeed be continuing to cast...
	Contestants off of our beautiful island in the country.
	This is handwritten, by the way.
	Yes.
	And I can barely read the long hint myself.
	You two guardians of reality helped to keep my naivete on a short leash and my courage fueled.
	In order to not infringe any further on the time allotted towards the best podcast in the universe, I'll keep my comments short.
	It goes on for three more pages.
	Suffice to say, I'm ripe and ready to receive another 483 transmissions of your media assassination and new deconstruction.
	And I want to encourage all listeners who are in this for the long haul to join me in the 999 Club.
	9999999!
	There you go.
	Okay, we're going to see if that flies.
	We're going to make a 999 club.
	And in every instance, Adam will throw in...
	I'm going to throw in a silver dollar.
	A silver dollar.
	And it will be a nice...
	There might be a little tin in that silver dollar.
	It could be one of the ones that came later.
	It's like the one with the Susan B. Anthony dollar.
	Come witness my slow descent towards the center of my girth at my measly little blog, In the Morning Zen.
	Oh.
	.wordpress.com.
	Oh, let me check that out.
	In the morning.
	Much love, Sir Longrock of the Sierra Nevada.
	I like that.
	Nevada, as it should be pronounced.
	It's blogspot.com?
	No, no.
	WordPress.
	Okay.
	I want to check it out.
	While you're checking it out, I want to also thank Sir Robert Alter of Kansas City, Missouri.
	This should put me in the Baron category.
	Since I live in Sao Paulo, Brazil, I want to be the Baron of Sao Paulo.
	Okay.
	And I sent him a note.
	I don't know if I got a note back, but I'm suspecting he wants to be Sao Paulo, the county or the district, the province, as opposed to the city, because the city's in the province.
	The Provence.
	The Provence or the province?
	In Brazil, it's called something wrong.
	Oh, really?
	Terry Morgan in Far Hills, New Jersey.
	Oh, by the way, Sir Robert came in with 300.
	Thank you.
	Far Hills, New Jersey, 221.
	I'll be the associate executive producer.
	My hubby Jim, oh, this is interesting, is going on his first guys trip with some of his best friends.
	Brian and Tack.
	Wait a minute.
	Okay, you have my attention.
	I hope you can convert them to listeners slash contributors of the best podcasts in the universe.
	My mom and stepdad are moving to Texas from Oregon in June.
	Little girl laugh, please.
	It's not...
	No, yay.
	Yeah.
	Oh, gee, wait.
	Why?
	Little girl laugh.
	Yeah!
	Have a little girl laugh.
	Please give them some karma as well as my 97-year-old grandma who just got out of the hospital.
	Your podcast is like a sweet symphony compared to the cicadas.
	Last but not least, please send out a douchebag to my loving brother who hasn't listened to your podcast upon many suggestions.
	He loves you, John C. DeVarca, as well as V.J. Adam Curry.
	Oh, yeah, but he loves the V.J. Adam Curry.
	Yeah, the old V.J. Yeah, the old guy.
	Hey, why can't he just, like, be funny and just...
	Yeah, and just grow his hair.
	Play some videos.
	Play some videos, man.
	Anyway, she needs some karma for the old baby.
	Yeah, there you go.
	You've got karma.
	And I think that's a great...
	You've been like, Grandma.
	You'll be...
	The other ten years, and you can get on the...
	So Hangover 3 is taking place in Far Hills, New Jersey.
	Hangover 3?
	Yeah, he's going on a guy's trip.
	What does that mean?
	Oh, hangover 3.
	What does a guy's trip even mean?
	You know, I'm really sad that, you know, Miss Mickey was supposed to have come home yesterday, but she extended her stay because she's working on a fantastic project.
	So she changed her flights to coming home on Sunday.
	So I can't really do what I wanted to.
	I could.
	Does the fantastic project involve a pool boy named Raul?
	No, it actually involves several famous soccer players.
	Oh, cool.
	And that's all I'm going to talk about.
	It's an idea that came to me in a dream.
	Oh, and you gave it to her and she's going to run with it.
	Should I tell you what the idea is?
	Well, sure.
	It's an ice and art project.
	Yeah, well, duh.
	When we were in Holland, in her exile, as she was deported, I woke up in the middle of the night.
	She was literally deported.
	Yeah, no, I get it.
	Woke up in the middle of the night from a dream, and I said, Nicky, And how am I with sports, John?
	Just tell me.
	Am I a sports guy?
	No.
	You are not a sports guy.
	You can't even crumple up a piece of paper and throw it in a garbage can if it's two feet away.
	I think I can do that, but I don't care about sports.
	That's true.
	And I wrote down, I said, I'm going to write this down and I'm going to tell you in the morning.
	And I never write stuff.
	I never wake up, write something down.
	Ever.
	Usually just, oh, that was a billion dollar idea.
	I forgot what it is.
	My idea was, I said, you need to make art photography a series of famous soccer players' feet.
	Oh.
	And she's got all these, like, super famous guys, I think all the way up to number 14, Cruyff.
	That's cool.
	To take off their shoes and socks.
	And it's very personal to these guys.
	Their feet is, like, it's their tool, you know?
	She's doing it really stylized with beautiful lighting.
	No, I think it's a great idea.
	Can I tell you kind of a follow-up story that's similar?
	Yeah.
	So I went to the Evergreen graduation to take photos, and it was the same kind of thing.
	And this was years ago when JC graduated.
	And so I had a good camera, and I'm shooting pictures, you know, waiting for them to come through the system and all the rest of it.
	And then I'm noticing that every grad stands at some spot, and somebody takes their picture, and then they move on.
	And this is for some yearbook or something.
	I started taking pictures of the feet.
	Yeah.
	The reason was, not because I'm a foot guy, but because all these students at Evergreen, very few of them wear cap and gown.
	They wear outfits.
	They come through as furries.
	They all got weird shoes on.
	They got clogs.
	They got things with big curly toes.
	So it was actually quite a good essay.
	I thought I had maybe 50 of these shots.
	And my wife looks at him and she goes, what are you, into feet?
	Yeah.
	And I said, oh, great.
	I never even thought of that angle, and so I pulled it.
	That's only because she knows the guy that was into armpits.
	But I guess I won't talk about that story.
	Yeah.
	So, what was I going to say?
	That she's going to shoot this and she's going to be famous.
	There you go.
	When I was super famous back in the day, and we'd have tours coming through the MTV studio, and my buddy Rick, who was an audio engineer, he was stoned all the time.
	Stoned all the time.
	Oh, yeah.
	We always came up with stoner ideas.
	And we'd be like, hey, I know what I do.
	So whenever someone wants to take a picture with you, I'll take the picture and I'll shoot it so that you're not on it or they're not on it.
	And that became our thing.
	These were not digital cameras.
	You'd take the picture and have to go and get the film developed.
	We were so bored and so stoned.
	Hey, can I take a picture with you?
	Yeah, sure.
	And then he'd take the shot with a person that was only one quarter of their face was on.
	Right.
	That's a very funny idea.
	Actually, that would be another art installation.
	Pictures of people with famous people, but we don't get to see the famous person.
	That's a great idea.
	I think we have a whole series of them.
	Anyway, to our executive producer, our Knights, as we have Sir Longrock, who will be Knight later today.
	Sir Robert Alter, of course, coming in, and our associate executive producer, Terry Morgan.
	Thank you very much for your support of the best podcast in the universe.
	And a big in the morning to you, and to you, John C. Dvorak.
	Well, in the morning to you, Adam Curry.
	In the morning to all ships and sea, boots on the ground, feet in the air, and subs in the water.
	Also, all the knights and dames out there.
	And to our artists, thank you very much.
	Nick the Rack, back with a vengeance with the artwork for episode 518.
	Noagendaartgenerator.com.
	If you want to participate in our artist program, upload it there, please.
	Do not send it through email because it just won't get considered because the only time we're considering art is right after the show.
	We look at the generator and we pick up what we can.
	There's nothing there.
	We go back and we get back issues.
	Evergreens, if we call them.
	And we're very, very appreciative of the work they do.
	And in the morning to everybody there in the chat room, human resources, noagendastream.com, noagendachat.net.
	Please support this program.
	It's value for value.
	I'm going to hit you with some value in the mouth in just a moment.
	But remember, for Sundays, which were always a little on the weak side, we need you to go to...
	And support our model, which is value for value.
	And here's our formula.
	Our formula is this.
	We go out, we hit people in the mouth.
	Wow!
	Shut up, sleep.
	I like the LGY in there.
	That kind of works.
	Okay, Syria.
	Let me grab my notes here.
	This took me several hours, but when I got there, I was really happy because...
	And pay attention, everybody.
	Syria, it's always in the news.
	It comes and it goes depending on whatever celebrity is doing something, but when you have one of those dinner parties, you're at the office, you just want to impress someone, or just someone says something so stupid, We're like, okay, let me tell you what's really going on.
	So Syria is back in the news just because there's no celebrity that chopped off their boobs or anything like that.
	We had the Michael Douglas cunnilingus thing, but that over in the UK doesn't really play well.
	We can't get him on The Tonight Show or on David Letterman.
	So then Syria is kind of up again.
	Now, several things get me on this path.
	The first one is fresh air, Terry Gross.
	On the National Treasure NPR. And she has on Robert Malley.
	And Robert Malley is an Israeli guy who talks in that very annoying Israeli...
	Right, that crazy voice they have.
	Well, it's not just...
	It's also condescending.
	If you ever...
	It's not snooty.
	I think condescending, it reminds me of, who was a nice guy otherwise, A.L. Shavit, remember he's the CTO at Mevio?
	They used to hang out with him a lot, but the way he talks, it's like, shut up, this is the way it is, right?
	That's kind of how these guys sound.
	Yeah, okay, we get the point.
	And for like 55 minutes, he's talking with Terry Gross.
	She's saying so a lot?
	Well, I noticed something else.
	The whole NPR vibe is, NPR, just national, public radio in general, you have to talk differently.
	You have to talk like this.
	Everything has to be adding on an up note.
	And the room has to be dead as hell.
	No ambience.
	You could win tickets to the Austin Symphony.
	So you can't even get close to that sound.
	And you could win tickets to the Austin Symphony.
	No, I'm telling you something about the dead room.
	Your room's not dead enough.
	Well, have you seen their studios?
	Yeah, they're fantastic.
	Yeah.
	But the whole NPR, you have to talk like this.
	You have to kind of put everything in the front of your mouth.
	And then when it's in the front of your mouth, you always have to talk up on an upbeat.
	Because we're NPR. And NPR is bringing good things to your life.
	Have you ever noticed that?
	You know, I find the sound extreme.
	Well, actually, it's slightly hypnotic.
	Mm-hmm.
	Yes, hypnotic is right.
	So anyway, and so this guy, for an hour, is saying everything about Shunis and Shiites and Shunis and the this and the that, and not a single word about the true geopolitical nature of what's going on, which we know, of course, about pipelines, and just nothing.
	And it's just one, and Terry Gross going, so, so, what is it with the Sunnis?
	So, and it annoyed me to no end.
	I'm like, we have to counterbalance this.
	We do.
	This is horrible.
	It's just really...
	It's totally horrible.
	It's just, it's like, we need to give our people something to work with here.
	And then this report comes out on the BBC. Welcome to our viewers on public television in America and also around the globe.
	Oh, by the way, this is the new thing now, right?
	Because now the BBC is on PBS, you see.
	And when it's the BBC, then, you know, it's the truth.
	The truth is coming to you.
	It's coming all the way from London, John.
	Hello, hello, London, London, London calling.
	Some of the rebels in Syria are using children as soldiers in contravention of international law.
	That's just one of the grim findings of a United Nations report released Grim.
	Yes.
	Now, pay attention to what she is saying.
	The UN says the country's in free fall.
	And atrocities are being committed by both sides.
	It comes as the French government says it now has hard evidence that chemical weapons are being used in the war there.
	Our diplomatic correspondent James Robbins has the details for us.
	The conflict in Syria has reached new levels of barbarism.
	This report for the UN says both sides have committed war crimes, although it's only President Assad's forces who've done so on a scale that amounts to crimes against humanity.
	By the way, it's Assad.
	He gets to say it, Assad.
	Like massage.
	Some of the most shocking findings are about the plight of children.
	Children starved in besieged towns, victims of government bombing, but also children exploited or mistreated by both sides.
	The report says the government side has forced children to watch the torture or killing of their parents.
	In one case in April, they threatened to shoot two girls aged seven and nine who started crying during their father's interrogation.
	But one of the most horrific accusations is based on footage seen by the commission showing the beheading of two victims, one of them apparently beheaded by a child.
	So, I'm like, oh, this is cool.
	But you heard something interesting in there.
	You heard that they saw a video of it.
	Oh, okay, so they saw a video.
	So I'm like, you know, let me go find this report, because this is what no other program ever does, and the BBC, now also on public television for our Mac and viewers, they apparently didn't read the report either, so I did that for you.
	Hold on, this is the...
	Up to ten messages can be queued to be sent in order requested.
	No, that's my keyer, Doc.
	Here we go.
	And this is very hard to find, by the way.
	Very, very hard to find, this report.
	But it is from the Office of the High Commissioner of the Human Rights Council.
	This is the advanced, unedited version.
	Report of the Independent International Commission Inquiry on the Syrian Arab Republic.
	I just have highlighted a few things for you which you can look at in the show notes, but a few that need to be discussed now.
	In starting at the summary, the conflict in Syria has reached new levels of brutality.
	This report documents for the first time the systematic imposition of sieges.
	The use of chemical agents and forcible displacement, war crimes, crimes against humanity, and gross human rights violations continue apace.
	Referral to justice remains paramount.
	This report covers the period 15th of January to 15th of May 2013.
	The findings are based on 430 interviews.
	So we've been through this before.
	They didn't actually go to Syria.
	I read from the report.
	There are reasonable grounds to believe that chemical agents have been used as weapons.
	The precise agents, delivery systems, or perpetrators could not be identified.
	I'm sorry.
	You cannot, BBC, you cannot turn that into chemical weapons being used!
	That's just not true.
	This is not what the report says.
	Lack of access to the country continues to hamper the Commission's ability to actually fulfill its mandate.
	You mean to report honestly?
	This report is based on 430 interviews conducted from Geneva, including via Skype and telephone with victims and witnesses inside the country.
	I'm sorry, this is not a report that can be based on anything, any proof.
	However, they say, the standard of proof is as used in previous reports.
	Such standard is met when reasonable grounds exist to believe that incidents occurred as described.
	I mean, am I crazy here?
	We did this before.
	This is almost like a deja vu show.
	Right.
	We did the same thing during, I think it was the Libyan.
	Yes!
	The Libyan formula, the Libyan scenario, which is the same thing.
	And then we had the situation where the Russians came, waltzed in, and then took pictures of stuff that was supposedly going on that wasn't.
	And the thing is, this is based on Skype interviews.
	Okay?
	So they got 430 people to say, man, it really sucks here!
	And are they using chemical weapons?
	Yeah!
	Where?
	I don't know.
	How do they use them?
	I don't know.
	What kind are they?
	I don't know.
	Okay, sounds reasonable.
	That's bullcrap, okay?
	Could it be happening?
	Sure.
	But it does not give the BBC the journalistic right to say that this is happening.
	And there's no mention of this beheading done by a child in the entire report.
	Please look at it.
	It's in the show notes.
	Look at it again.
	I could not find it.
	In fact, it's a very small...
	It sounds like a bogus thing.
	For one thing, getting a child to behead...
	Anything.
	I mean, they can barely lift the axe over there.
	It just doesn't make sense.
	Well, now we have Tommy's first little beheading axe, you know, that we do have by Mattel.
	We do have...
	There are ways of doing it.
	But when it comes to children...
	This is all that's in the report.
	Children continue to be the victims of shelling and aerial bombardments by government forces.
	Examples include attacks on Kaljabrin, Aleppo, on 23rd of January, Al-Huwash, Hama, on 7th of February, Suasi, Damascus, on the 28th and 29th, Al-Hulma, Homs, on March 29th, and Daraa on April 10th.
	In late February, a 14-year-old child was shot by a sniper positioned in the Ba'ath Party offices in Daraa al-Balad.
	That's all that's in there about children.
	Well, no, there's one other.
	Children were killed and attacked by armed groups.
	A two-year-old boy died after being shot by a sniper.
	There's nothing that says, oh, the children, oh, the children.
	I'm sorry.
	It's not in this report.
	Maybe you have the wrong report.
	It seems like this is the one, but so.
	Here's what's going on, and I found out who is actually behind everything.
	And I'm quite proud of this one, because we know this is about pipelines.
	Just a quick refresher.
	This is about the competing pipelines that we have, whether the pipelines will go toward Europe from east to west.
	So we have the Iran-Iraq Syria-Mediterranean pipeline, which goes right to the Russian port of TARDIS. It's called the Islamic pipeline.
	And from there, either there'll be a pipeline built up to Cyprus and into Greece, but the ships are there.
	It's the Russian port, so the Russians can take the gas and float it right up.
	So that's, you know, that pipeline is, that was a huge announcement.
	It's a big deal.
	It's not a very long one, you know, to go from Iran to Iraq into Syria, but it's a straight shot, a straight line.
	And this, of course, is one of the reasons why you're hearing about Qusayr, Qusayr, I don't know how to pronounce it, Q-U-S-A-Y-R, which is right under Homs.
	This is the true connection of all these different pipelines, and that's why all the fighting is going on there.
	There's 30,000 people that live in Quiser, and you can see it on the map.
	It's right in between Lebanon and Homs, but it's right in a direct path on the way to the port.
	And that's the only reason why this fighting is all of a sudden taking place.
	Remember, we said the same thing about Waziristan, and that's where all the drone attacks are taking place.
	So this is strategically very important, not for Hezbollah weapons coming in.
	That's bull crap.
	This is all about the pipeline.
	Then we have...
	The alternative pipeline, and these are the people who are really involved in this struggle, is the pipeline from Qatar, Saudi Arabia, to Syria, to Turkey.
	And this also goes through Homs.
	So it's very, very important.
	Now we have these...
	A couple of pipelines that are on the way, and the Nabucco pipeline, which is supposed to be this big project, the Western project, oh, it's going to be fantastic.
	It's not going to get done in time.
	It's not going to deliver enough.
	The only reserves that it has to back it up is from Azerbaijan, and we know that Azerbaijan is where Boku is.
	This is where We have Hillary Clinton hanging out and was supposed to go through the caucuses.
	But they can't get it done fast enough, particularly because what do we really have going on now?
	We have the new resources in the Mediterranean, mainly those from Israel.
	So the idea is to...
	Replace the resources from the Persian Gulf with a combination of Israel and whoever else wants to jump in.
	So this pipeline, which would be transporting gas to Qatar, Qatar to Europe...
	It needs to have buy-in, or it has to have Syria, particularly the Homs area, either destroyed, so that it's just completely gone, which seems like that is kind of the way to go, or we do something with Israel.
	Now, here's the name, and this is what I was looking for.
	So this project of this pipeline to start in Qatar, cross through Saudi Arabia, and then eventually go into Jordan, right?
	So we have a real problem here with Syria.
	The guy's name is Frederick Hoff, right?
	And he is a very interesting guy.
	He's a member of the Syrian Crisis Committee.
	This is a U.S. Department of State thing.
	You can look this guy up, which is what I did.
	It took me a while because his name was misspelled in a couple of articles that I found with a C-K and a double F. It turns out it's Frederick with a C and one F. And so he's a member of the Syrian Crisis Committee.
	I'm like, this is very interesting.
	Where's this guy coming from and what is he talking about?
	He's in all of these friends of Syria.
	So whenever someone's a friend and they're coming from the U.S. government, be very, very careful.
	So I'm like, okay, let me find out what's going on with this guy.
	And he is not just on the Syrian Crisis Committee, but he is also from the Atlantic Council.
	By the way, when he was talking on C-SPAN, his title was State Department Middle East Peace Office.
	Yes.
	Oh, yeah.
	He's had all of these titles, and he's also a senior fellow at the Rafiq Hariri Center for the Middle East.
	He is now ambassador...
	In March 28, 2012, President Obama conferred to Ambassador Hoff, the rank of ambassador, in connection with his new duties as special advisor for transition in Syria.
	So he's the project...
	So let's look at this project manager.
	Where did he come from?
	He came from a very interesting outfit, if you look at his bio, called the Armitage International LC Consulting Group.
	Now, have you ever heard of the Armitage International LC Consulting Group?
	No, but I'm sure I will in a second.
	Founded by Richard, i.e.
	Dick Armitage, former U.S. Deputy Secretary of State.
	This guy, this guy arguably is the architect of the invasion of Iraq, Iraq, for the exact same reasons as what's happening now in Syria.
	You can find him at ArmitageInternational.com.
	And it's basically a one-man shop.
	It's him and a couple of dudes.
	And if you read the About page here, Armitage International was formed in March 2005 by Richard L. Armitage.
	former U.S. Deputy Secretary of State.
	He is joined by four partners with extensive experience in government and business.
	Together they provide multinational clients with critical support in the areas of international business solving, development, strategic planning, and problem solving.
	And so he sent his guy, who worked for him, who had to resign, of course, as project manager of Syria.
	So you've really got to look at Armitage.
	This guy is a real piece of work.
	I think he's the guy that outed Valerie Plame as a CIA operative.
	Let me see.
	I've got to get his book of knowledge page.
	I was hoping you had a little background on Armitage.
	I remember him.
	I'm looking at the international page.
	I'm actually looking at the bios of all these other partners.
	One, two, three women and two guys.
	Forget him.
	Not important.
	They're just people who speak languages.
	There's one who speaks Chinese, one who speaks Japanese.
	So in 1998, Armitage signed the Project for the New American Century letter to President Bill Clinton.
	We all know about this.
	That urged Clinton to target the removal of Saddam Hussein's regime.
	That was 98.
	During 2000, he served as the foreign policy director to George W. Bush as part of a group led by Condoleezza Rice that called themselves the Vulcans.
	Remember that?
	They were like the crazy people who were going to get Bush elected.
	These are truly the evil actors of the world.
	March 23, 2001, he was sworn in as Deputy Secretary of State.
	Close Associate of Secretary of State Colin Powell.
	So this is all before 9-11 happened.
	Very convenient, very coincidental how that all went down.
	Again, he was the guy that outed Valerie Plame, but got Scooter Libby convicted for it.
	I know, that's just so funny.
	I wonder what Scooter Libby did wrong.
	Of all the people that go to jail, he does.
	The guy on crutches.
	I'm just reading from the Book of Knowledge, just so you get an idea of this actor.
	Pakistani President Musharraf, in an interview with CBS News on September 21st, 2006, alleged that Armitage called an ISI general immediately after the September 11, 2001 attacks and threatened to bomb the country of Pakistan back to the Stone Age.
	Remember that?
	Oh yeah.
	It was a big scandal.
	So this guy is an a-hole.
	And he works for big international clients, i.e.
	energy companies.
	Basically, to get the Pentagon to become the resource extraction unit of the United States.
	So after he left public service, he went to ChoicePoint.
	And this is where he got his leverage.
	ChoicePoint was a data aggregation company based in Atlanta that acted as a private intelligence service to government and industry.
	We now know, today, we know Choice Point, he was the CEO, we know Choice Point as LexisNexis.
	So he had access to everything about everybody.
	And arguably, most administrations since this thing was put into place, certainly the Obama administration, have made use of this data to really win elections.
	And it was a big controversy around the 2004 election cycle that involved a subsidiary of ChoicePoint making several voters in Florida ineligible.
	So this guy, he's right on board with everything.
	But then, and this is what I was looking for.
	So remember, the path is we've got the project manager, the guy who works for Armitage.
	Armitage is the guy that helped get us into Iraq with the project for a new American century, P-Nackers, the neocons.
	So he puts his guy in charge there.
	What is he in charge of?
	He's in charge of stirring it up so that we can build this new pipeline or, alternatively, just screw up the whole country.
	But really, we want the Qatar guys because Qatar can be a client.
	They are a client, but they can be a much bigger client in Saudi Arabia and Jordan.
	We want them as clients.
	And so you've got to go look at what is Armitage doing these days.
	He's on the board of directors of ConocoPhillips.
	Who are building a huge floating liquid natural gas facility in the Mediterranean.
	And there you have it.
	And there you have it.
	Well, that's what you do.
	He gets his money's worth.
	Yeah.
	But then when you have this narrative of children being beheaded or beheading, which is not true.
	It's all perfect.
	Well, I'm watching, I'm kind of following this thing, too.
	I didn't get that angle, obviously, because if it's got to do with pipelines, I figure you're going to get to the bottom of it.
	Right.
	And it always has something to do with pipelines, but I'm still seeing a geopolitical thing going on on top of it, because you never let a good crisis go to waste.
	Totally agree.
	You use it with every possible, you use every possible thing you can.
	What else can you milk out of this deal?
	I mean, even we're using it.
	We're using it just for filler.
	Exactly.
	In fact, we never let these things go to waste, so we're right on line.
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	So I'm under the impression, but I believe not everybody's on board, and there seems to be dichotomous, and I don't know who's behind it, but there's an effort being made to actually start this SUNY Shiite civil war that they have been working on.
	And it's either the DIA, the CIA, which I actually doubt.
	But I think the Israeli intelligence for sure.
	And they're going to do everything they can to trigger it somehow.
	And some Americans don't like it because we had a situation where Condoleezza Rice...
	Out of the blue, went to work for CBS. Yeah.
	Which I think is more compromised than ABC, even though you believe ABC is more compromised.
	I do.
	So she comes on.
	I do have this clip, and this is the WTF Condoleezza Rice clip, where she comes on the show to say, the Americans, she's in the McCain-Aote camp of, you know, we've got to do something, we've got to do something.
	I don't know if it's sincere or it's bull crap, but this is not what's going to happen.
	U.S. to arm the rebels and impose a no-fly zone on Assad's forces.
	Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is now a CBS News contributor and joins us here this evening.
	Senator McCain says arm the rebels, impose a no-fly zone.
	What do you think?
	Well, there is no doubt that it's time for the United States to make clear that it is going to engage in this effort to stop the difficult situation in Syria and to prevent its further spread.
	It's already spreading across the region.
	So the United States doesn't have an option of no action.
	A no-fly zone is an actual military operation, and the President of the United States is going to have to decide whether he is willing to apply American military power to this conflict, but a no-fly zone is clearly an option.
	Is it worth the possibility of the loss of American life in that operation?
	Well, you have a situation now in which Syria is becoming the linchpin of a possibly exploding Middle East.
	When you have Iranian fighters in Syria, when you have Hezbollah in Syria, when you have the Syrians shelling the Bakah Valley in Lebanon, when you have the Israelis taking out Syrian installations because they fear For Israeli security, you have a very serious situation on your hands, and the United States really doesn't have an option to sit on the sidelines.
	What's at stake?
	What's at stake is really the Middle East state system as we know it.
	And what is at stake is a Middle East in which Iran and its allies are on the march into places like Lebanon, destabilizing Jordan and Iraq, and Gulf states like Saudi Arabia and Bahrain.
	Now, the United States of America has got to be present in this.
	No other country has the potential even to change the dynamics on the ground and to take the initiative in the region.
	Former Secretary of State in the Bush Administration, Condoleezza Rice, thanks for being with us.
	It's a pleasure to be with you.
	By the way, it's ConocoPhillips.
	What did you say?
	ConocoPhillips.
	Oh, you know, I think in some parts of the country it's actually pronounced that way.
	I think they might say it.
	It is Conoco.
	Conoco is the way it's supposed to pronounce it.
	I think they say it in Texas as Conoco.
	Conoco.
	There's the guys.
	But it's Chevron.
	It's like everything.
	It's like it is the Mac Daddy of Mac Daddies of energy.
	And so what she's saying, it's funny.
	I like that a lot because instead of just telling the truth, it's about energy stuff.
	She always has that vibrato in her voice, like she's a nervous wreck.
	Or she's about to cry.
	She didn't use the Al-Qaeda meme, though.
	I kind of miss that.
	So I'm watching the National Treasure PBS NewsHour, and they shipped Margaret Warner, the funny-looking woman who's a good reporter.
	She should be on radio.
	They ship her to the Middle East to go talk with a bunch of moolahs.
	And they got her, you know, dressed up with a head thing.
	Well, it's right in time because, you know, we have the Iranian Green Revolution is starting to kick in again, right?
	So we're riling up people and they got people marching in the street.
	Well, I thought that when I put these...
	Here's her report, a part of it, part one, which is...
	I'll tell you what the clip name is so you can get it queued up, but it's the...
	About to get hot clip.
	She goes over there, and apparently Hezbollah and all these guys are being all riled up.
	Hezbollah.
	Hezbollah.
	They're going to go in there and fight on behalf of Assad, and this becomes somewhat controversial within the Shiite community, but there's this...
	The second clip, which we'll play after this one, actually, I wonder who's really writing the script for this other guy.
	But here's, just play this and listen to what they have to say and tell me that they're not foment, somebody, I don't know, again, I don't know who it is, but somebody is fomenting a massive civil war within, which we've not been able to trigger.
	They tried to do it with Iraq, I think was an attempt.
	They couldn't pull it off.
	I think we may be getting there, finally.
	For us, we don't slaughter people.
	We're not savages like them.
	The main element of Hezbollah's narrative to his constituency is that the fight in Syria is a preemptive war.
	Rhonda Slim of the New America Foundation, author of a forthcoming book on Hezbollah, says Nasrallah is casting this as a necessary war of prevention.
	It's better for us Shias and Hezbollah to fight them inside Syria Instead of waiting for them to come to our back doors.
	And are Shia here buying that?
	So far, the majority of the Shias and particularly the core constituency of Hezbollah has bought lock, stock and barrel into this narrative.
	Not all, however.
	One of Hezbollah's founders, Sheikh Zubi Al-Tufeli, says Nasrallah is simply doing the bidding of his patron Iran.
	The truth is, Hezbollah is ordered to defend the regime.
	The party knows, and all its leadership know, that this decision is wrong and destructive, and that it would put an end to the party.
	Despite this, the party had to accept the Iranian decision.
	Unfortunately, if things continue this way, we are heading towards a destructive Sunni-Shiite war.
	Tofeli, who split from the group more than 15 years ago, said Lebanese-Shiites siding with oppressors like Assad will bring disastrous consequences.
	We're then harrowing.
	A war this size will provoke the people and cause the deaths of millions.
	Going to Syria from this country to participate in this war is indirectly an invitation for others to participate in this war.
	By others, he meant Sunnis in Lebanon and the wider Middle East.
	So if I can just respond to this, yes, of course.
	This is the media's job.
	This is why she's being sent over there.
	And this is why Terry Gross is trying to do the same thing with the Israeli shill about the Sunnis and the Shias.
	The minority mainstream media's job is to help stir this up, whether it's wag the dog or reel, is irrelevant, because we're all watching that while the pipelines are being put in place and the transport is being arranged.
	So, absolutely, John.
	Yeah, but I'm not saying that this is done as a distraction.
	No, it's fun.
	They would love to get this all hell to break loose.
	It's great for everybody.
	Everybody wins.
	It's a win-win.
	Everybody wins except people are getting killed.
	That's all.
	Yeah, left and right.
	And by the way, it's Hezbollah.
	Hezbollah.
	So the next guy, now we have a guy who's a Sunni, but he has a trimmed beard.
	It's a funny trimmed beard because it's like a really long beard and a square at the bottom.
	I thought that was odd.
	That's a cool look.
	It's actually an interesting look.
	But I always see this guy as a plant because he throws a couple of zingers in there that sound to me like somebody at some agency somewhere put in his mouth.
	Is he with Hezbollah?
	No, no.
	He's on the other side.
	He's the Sunni guy trying to get the Sunnis to come in and kill these Hezbollah.
	Hezbollah?
	And so they're going to get this thing started in some way, shape, or form.
	And the way this guy does it, this guy's a little pitch.
	And he's kind of a dead-eye guy.
	You know these guys with dead eyes?
	Yeah, like Hezbollah.
	I get the Hezbollah joke.
	I'm practicing Hezbollah.
	I'm just practicing.
	So he hit this guy's thing and they listen to it carefully.
	Most Shias in Lebanon and the region support Assad and Christians are divided.
	Most Sunnis support the Western-backed Syrian rebels.
	Radical Sunnis like Sheikh Ahmad al-Asir in the port city of Sidon has been doing just that, urging his followers to join the Syrian rebels' fight against Assad.
	Friday, he cited Nasrallah's speech.
	Nasrallah said, I want you to kill the Sunni who are worse than the Jews to go fight in Syria to fight the rebels.
	We consider those words launching war against Sunnis throughout the world.
	Asir, who made a recent show of going to the front lines in Syria himself, concedes Lebanese Sunnis assisting the rebels are no match for Hezbollah's reinforcements for Assad.
	They have more military experience and they have much more developed weapons.
	We know that our people are not going to make a difference, but it is our duty to send them.
	So do you think this is turning into a Sunni-Shia war?
	I consider this a war launched by those Shia groups who have always carried animosity and hatred to the Sunnis throughout history.
	Hassan Saror of Tripoli, a Sunni, answered the call to help the Syrian rebels.
	But he and his comrades were attacked by Assad's forces.
	Most, including his brother, were killed.
	I went there because all the Sunnis there are being slaughtered and tortured.
	This is our religious duty, to go and defend our families there.
	Yeah, I'm being quiet.
	I'm listening.
	I guess they left the part out.
	They must have flipped it at the end because he was going on about how they don't have M16s.
	We haven't got any M16s.
	Well, this thing is great for everybody involved, except for the actual citizens of these countries.
	Oh yeah, no, they're toast.
	Yeah.
	Well, most of the smart money...
	They're actually the stuff you put on the toast, I think.
	The smart money of these areas, which is the citizens that have got a clue, they've all left and they're just living in tents, you know, in Jordan and other places.
	Can I ask you a philosophical question?
	It's a miserable situation.
	Can I ask you a question?
	What is the UN in this, by the way?
	Yeah, go ahead.
	Oh, the UN makes some phony baloney reports.
	They sit on Skype all day.
	Hey, Skype this guy.
	Okay, hey, hey, how's it going there?
	Oh, oh, it's horrible.
	Hold on, write that down.
	It really sucks.
	Okay.
	Philosophical question about war.
	Would it not make more sense, instead of using chemical weapons with sarin gas or mustard gas, wouldn't it make more sense to put LSD in there or something?
	So that people are really stoned, just wigged out, and you can just walk in and do anything you want, right?
	Just round them up.
	I'm sure they thought of it.
	I mean, doesn't that make more sense?
	I'm okay with the grab my country thing, and I get it.
	That's just human nature.
	Humans are evil.
	But we don't have to kill these people.
	Just drugs.
	LSD. I think that would be cool.
	I'm on a bad trip, man.
	Well, I guess you could take a crop duster and fly over the population.
	Why not?
	Well, no, I mean, you can still have it.
	You know, it should still be an F-16 or a drone.
	We've got to keep the military industrial complex.
	You know, they've got to feed the machine, so it has to be done, you know, with redundant systems and big backup.
	But just everything except the actual explosion part, you know, or the actual, you know, I'm all for kidding.
	I think these, to be honest about it, I think a lot of these people are sadists and they just love just shooting up a place.
	Well, I think it would be funnier.
	It would be funnier.
	It would be a lot funnier.
	That would be true.
	For the amusement of the American public, since we're semi-amused by all this anyway.
	Think of the reality shows.
	I mean, the idea of a child beheading someone is just enough to, you know, it's like...
	But that's not even true.
	They're just making that up.
	No, I know it's not true, but I'm saying it's the kind of imagery that's used for amusement purposes to the sick public.
	Yes.
	Well, then you'd look differently at your own little 12-year-old.
	Yeah.
	Chop my head off if he had the chance.
	Oh, maybe it's to scare your kids.
	Right?
	Or the adults.
	No, no, maybe it's to get your kids in line.
	Oh, won't somebody please think of the children?
	Well, the whole thing could be about getting the kids in line.
	That's possible.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, whatever the case is, this is not looking good.
	No, no, it's looking great.
	This is nothing that's going to calm down.
	We're not going into Syria anytime soon.
	We're going to let this thing boil over, and hopefully it infects the whole region.
	Yeah.
	That's why we've got all these troops in Jordan to protect, because the Jordanians we're very close with, especially the king, comes over here all the time and eats at Morton's in San Francisco, I might add, and drives around in a huge...
	I was there once.
	Wait, doesn't he eat in Karzai's brother's restaurants?
	No, no.
	He eats at the Mortons.
	And he has a big giant escalade with guys with machine guns sticking out of the windows in the Union Square area.
	It's a scandal.
	Seriously.
	And he has the diplomatic plates, of course.
	No plates.
	No plates.
	It's horrible.
	Whatever the case is, this guy's our buddy, and so we need to protect him, so if this thing boils over, we've got all those troops sitting there in Jordan, and we can keep the kingdom from falling.
	Let's listen to the Wes Clark 7 again, so we can tick off the list.
	So I came back to see him a few weeks later, and by that time we were bombing in Afghanistan.
	I said, are we still going to war with Iraq?
	And he said, oh, it's worse than that.
	He said, he reached over on his desk, he picked up a piece of paper, and he said, I just got this down from upstairs, meaning the Secretary of Defense's office today, and he said, this is a memo that describes how we're going to take out seven countries in five years, starting with Iraq and then Syria, Lebanon, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and finishing off Iran.
	All right, so we...
	Lebanon.
	We need that.
	And Jordan's not on the list.
	No, of course not.
	Somalia and Sudan.
	That'll be Powers.
	Her job is to get Somalia and Sudan.
	And that's when we'll see Clooney coming.
	I predict a Clooney appearance pretty soon.
	A reemergence of Clooney.
	I think Clooney...
	Call Clooney.
	Play the jingle.
	No, of course.
	I'm ready for you.
	Come on, come on, Mackie.
	You've got something going on And you need a distraction Call Clooney Call Clooney That's right everybody Call Clooney I've been promised a possible meeting with him Ha ha ha ha Seriously.
	And the promise will be fulfilled.
	You'll have a possible meeting.
	A possible meeting.
	If I meet him, I'm like, dude, would you just have sex with me?
	I swear to God, I'm going to say that.
	Dan will take care of your bi thing, and he'll probably take care of his current urge.
	George, I just want to have cappuccinos with you at Lake Cuomo.
	Come on, every woman's thinking it.
	Please.
	Sorry, I said so.
	I'm going to stop doing that.
	You said so a couple times, and you also said okay at the end of sentences.
	You're starting to pick that one up.
	And you are completely clean and devoid of all these problems?
	No, I thought we agreed that when we saw these errors, we could call the other guy out on it.
	That's correct.
	Now what are you calling me out on, calling you out?
	Well, no, I'm calling you out because I called myself out.
	You didn't call me out at all.
	You need to call me out if you're hearing me say okay at the end of a sentence.
	It was during your little pitch.
	It was on a roll.
	I'm not going to stop you.
	I agree.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	It's appreciated.
	But I mentioned it so you can be aware, self-aware.
	Self-awareness is what we're working on here.
	I'm not going to play the jingle, but we did receive an interesting piece of email from one of our producers that I would like to summarize because it's a little bit too long to go through the whole thing.
	And then I received from another producer, I received basically just the fact that This is the Obama cocaine analysis email.
	Ah!
	Very good email from our producer, RJ. John Adam, after listening to the remainder of Sunday's show this morning and hearing the piece about Obama on cocaine, an immediate thought came to mind.
	Is this what has caused him to get so strung out before the first debate in October?
	Also, if he isn't a regular cocaine user, but perhaps he is on speed or even Adderall.
	Aha!
	A little personal background, he says, our producer.
	I've been on Adderall for over a decade.
	Good.
	Share.
	I can live without it.
	I can live without it, but you go into the normal withdrawal depression state like you would with any other drug, and you're put into an overwhelming lethargic state.
	You just can't get off your ass.
	One thing I've learned about this drug is that you have to take a mental vacation every three or four months.
	After a few months of use, you start to get diminishing returns.
	You start to feel the toll the drug takes on your brain.
	It would seem normal with any drug that you use for an extended period of time where the sole purpose is to alter chemical imbalances.
	You build up tolerance.
	Drugs like this are also vasoconstrictors.
	Which I guess is the blood vessels.
	In addition to increased heart rate and blood pressure, you urinate quite frequently after prolonged use.
	You start to feel physically drained from constant dehydration.
	You just need a break from stuff before you collapse.
	So then he does an analysis here of kind of the three to four month window that the president seems to stop taking whatever he's taking.
	And he points out that it fits kind of perfectly with some of our analysis of the president being completely hammered, stoned out of his brain on the night of Benghazi.
	But then, and this is what just blew me away, then, I'm going to need a clip here as well.
	I got an email from one of our producers who sent me this pretty recent report.
	Tucked away under a list of medications in the report on President Obama's recent physical exam is an intriguing notation.
	Quote, jet lag slash time zone management, direct physician prescribed program, occasional medication use.
	And this is written by the President's doctor, Navy Captain Jeffrey Kuhlman.
	Now, it didn't say what drug the President might be taking to fight the mind-numbing effects of crossing too many time zones, but sleep doctors consulted by this article say one possibility is provigil.
	Right.
	That's a common one.
	It's one used by the Air Force to keep the pilots alert for 30 or 40 hours straight.
	Right.
	So, provigil...
	It's a very interesting Wikipedia page for modafinil, which is the medical name for it.
	And it is also often used to help people who are trying to kick addiction to cocaine.
	Oh!
	I didn't know that.
	So I went looking for ProVigil commercials.
	I thought it would be kind of funny to listen to all the side effects, which includes, by the way, Well, there's one side effect, which the president has, and you'll get that in this report.
	This is ABC News, Diane Sawyer, who I think is drunk.
	She stumbles as usual, and every single report about this drug was similar, but of course, when you have Diane Sawyer doing it, it's more fun.
	We want to take you into a kind of secret society, a hidden edge discovered by some very successful Americans.
	This is the same thing everywhere, this report.
	It was part of the PR campaign, I guess.
	A secret society by wealthy Americans who get to take this pill.
	We discovered sales of a little pill are not just booming.
	We have traced a 74% increase in these sales in four years.
	So what is it?
	Does it work?
	And what is the risk?
	And they go into this whole report, John, about ProVigil.
	This is fantastic.
	Here's ABC's Dan Harris.
	They are all around us.
	A secret society of the successful.
	Doesn't it sound like exactly what the president would be in?
	Well, this is a promotion, obviously, for Provigil.
	He's the spokesperson.
	He is the spokesperson for the secret society.
	The lobbyist who wakes up at 5 for two full workouts.
	Notice he says the lobbyist.
	Before work.
	It's amazing.
	I just don't get it why more people don't know about it.
	The computer programmer who can now write code for 12 hours at a time.
	It helps you focus up for exceptionally long periods of time.
	And the brain researcher finding connections nobody else is seeing.
	It's just a clear day.
	The fog isn't there.
	I love how everyone's voice is changed.
	What?
	Why?
	It's a prescription drug.
	You can get a prescription for it.
	I had a prescription for Provigil.
	I have used this drug.
	Can you send me some?
	No.
	Why not?
	It's like $20 a pill.
	It's the biggest scam in the world.
	Hold on, hold on, hold on.
	And I'm not going to finish them.
	Go to your doctor and ask them for some.
	This is not hard to get.
	It's more fun if you give it to me.
	I'm not a drug dealer.
	Here's the deal.
	Excuse me, why'd you get all pissed off all of a sudden?
	What's the problem?
	I'm just telling you, I'm getting annoyed by this report because this is obviously a promotional thing, which always annoys me when they prevent it as secret society.
	I'll tell you what, and by the way, JC has studied this stuff to death, so I'm going to give you the rundown on the pill from a reality point of view.
	Before you do that, can I ask you, do you know what the one side, besides the fact that your brain will fry, which they don't mention.
	It makes you go mad.
	It makes you go crazy.
	What is the one side effect?
	It makes you...
	Rash.
	I have no idea.
	A rash.
	Skin rash.
	Which the president consistently has, according to his medical report.
	Oh, that's interesting.
	Then he might be using ProVigil.
	Don't get so excited, because when you get excited, then the Skype connection craps up.
	Okay, well, I'm thinking that if it's just ProVigil, I doubt it.
	Why?
	Why do you doubt that he's not in the secret society?
	No, no, I'm not...
	I'm sure he uses ProVigil constantly.
	Yeah.
	But I think he's...
	You don't party on ProVigil.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	No, no, please, don't get me wrong.
	He's still...
	Remember, ProVigil is used for people who are trying to kick the cocaine habit.
	So the way you do it is you party on cocaine and then like, oh, man, I've never done coke...
	Actually, I did once, recently, and it was like, what?
	That's what it is?
	That's stupid.
	What a waste, John.
	Big waste of time.
	And then the next day, you're like, oh, what is this crap?
	Which, of course, is normally when I guess you would go, oh, let's do some more coke!
	But no, instead you take the provigil, you see, and that carries you over without all the nasty effects of, like, cost.
	What?
	Yeah, I suppose it's possible.
	So the guys on coke, weed, and provigil.
	I think, I still think there's a missing element here, and I'm going to base this on, do you want to finish the report?
	If you think it's fun, you're just going to get more annoyed.
	It's just a promotion.
	Okay, it's a promotion for ProVigil.
	ProVigil, by the way, is now in the public domain.
	Yes.
	They got a new one.
	And by the way, here's a new trick by the drug companies.
	They took ProVigil, the guys who are going to make generic.
	The drug company that makes ProVigil bought the generic company.
	Yeah, they do this all the time.
	The generic is actually now more expensive than the new version.
	Yeah, this is it.
	What's your point?
	Get away with this.
	What's your point?
	So anyway, so here's the deal with ProVigil.
	ProVigil is apparently you can't really learn.
	The learning part of the brain stops working.
	Yeah.
	And all you are are awake.
	That sounds like our president.
	So you can't learn anything because it just kind of shuts that down.
	But you're awake.
	So it's not good for, like, studying.
	So it's not a college drug.
	Adderall is the drug that you take if you want to study.
	Yes.
	If you want to...
	Hold on, hold on.
	I'm taking notes.
	Adderall for learning.
	Okay, yes.
	If you want to take a long drive.
	Hold on, hold on.
	Stop, stop, stop.
	Call me back on Skype because I can't stand this cutting out.
	Call me back.
	And tell someone to stop doing whatever they're doing.
	Nobody's here.
	Yeah, well, you're doing so.
	I hate that.
	Let me just write this down.
	Adderall is for learning.
	Okay.
	Adderall is for...
	Ugh, this is horrible.
	Don't you think it'd be better if you called me back?
	Yeah, this is even worse.
	Like it makes a difference.
	You know what I really dislike?
	I'm sorry.
	No.
	That when you use Skype for Windows, the default is to use, like, your phone number.
	The default is not call the person on Skype.
	The default is call this person's phone.
	It's insulting.
	It's insulting.
	All right, so Adderall is for learning.
	Yeah, and ProVigil is for one good thing only.
	Coke is for partying.
	Hold on.
	Right, Coke is for partying and sex.
	Well, after a while, I understand that it doesn't work anymore.
	If you do it too much, then the sex is no good.
	I would assume it didn't because you wouldn't care.
	Right.
	ProVigil is for driving.
	Can you hear me?
	Yep.
	Provigil is for driving a truck.
	Oh, for truckers.
	Okay.
	And it's probably a lot safer for them to be driving a truck with Provigil than they are on Benzedrine.
	Yeah, no, for sure.
	And then we also have, for sleeping, the downer is Tamazepam.
	Oh, is it safe?
	I take it all the time.
	I don't need anything to sleep if I fall asleep if I sit in a chair and get held.
	I'm telling you.
	You're going to die in the chair.
	You'll be one of those people.
	Be 98.
	And he died in the saddle.
	In the chaise lounge.
	And he died on his chaise lounge.
	Yeah, well, chaise lounge is going to be in the saddle.
	Unfortunately, we didn't find it.
	So, anyway, so ProVigil is a useful drug if you need to stay awake.
	That's about it.
	Well, stay awake and stay productive.
	Yeah, you can clean around.
	Without being on something which is the one we've left out, I'm going to bring it up now, meth.
	Right.
	Well, meth is just the cheap person's version of...
	Not necessarily.
	There was a really good article in the National Enquirer, and we know that that's one of the few true journalistic outlets that actually does...
	Does their job, believe it or not, on how Kennedy...
	Yes, he got shot up with meth, right?
	...feelgood, who would shoot him up with methadrine constantly, and one time he overdosed him at the Carlisle Hotel.
	You can go look it up on the web.
	On the Carlisle Hotel, and Kennedy went nuts, took off all his clothes, and started running around the lobby.
	Not the lobby, but the hallways of the...
	That's like the Coney guy.
	The Coney guy did that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So meth is the other one.
	John, just one second.
	Did you click on something?
	Are you running any program on your computer?
	Because this is what I'm hearing.
	No.
	There's nothing running?
	There's no, like, something in your system tray?
	No, let me take a look.
	If you want to pause the recording, I'll go check something.
	Yeah, please.
	All of a sudden, it just started, and it can't just be the Skype.
	All right.
	It's all fixed now?
	I don't know.
	JC's flood-pinging someone?
	Yeah, now it's fine.
	Whatever it was, it was fine now.
	Well, apparently, I've got to do some port forwarding.
	Anyway...
	Not during the show, though.
	Please.
	So anyway, where was I? I was going to the drug run now.
	Okay, so here's what I'm thinking.
	The White House, and I guess Kennedy had this Dr.
	Feelgood, and there's no reason to suspect that everyone who's ever gotten this job, that's why they turn white, hasn't got a doctor in there doping him up.
	Hey, Bon Jovi has a doctor doping him up.
	I mean, please, this is what happens.
	This is a stressful occupation.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, totally.
	You need it.
	So they're doped up, and I still believe that, apparently, according to the way this article was written, that these guys with these meth shots really, you know, they really enjoy it, I guess.
	I'm telling you, Obama's probably doped up on all kinds of stuff.
	I'm sure he's on ProVigil.
	Yeah.
	Well, I'm going to try the ProVigils.
	I think that's an interesting experiment.
	Here's the problem with ProVigils.
	Why did you have it?
	You don't mind me asking a personal medical question since you brought it up?
	If I take a long drive, I always take it.
	Oh, okay.
	Got it.
	Makes sense.
	Truck driver.
	I don't want to fall asleep and kill myself.
	I just had this visual of you with the eyes like, with your hands clenching the steering wheel.
	It's actually, amazingly, it's a great product.
	I'll tell you this.
	Is it great or outstanding?
	It's an outstanding product.
	It doesn't make you buzz.
	It doesn't get you wired.
	This is a very big endorsement.
	No, it's a good product.
	The first couple of times you use it, It makes you feel like your brain has got it itchy, but that goes away really quickly.
	But anyway, I would recommend if you're taking a cross-country drive and you want to be alert...
	Now you tell me.
	Two Hot Pocket tours and now you tell me.
	Hey, kids!
	We brought this up on the show three years ago.
	Uncle John says ProVigil's great!
	We brought it up three years ago.
	You weren't paying attention.
	No, I didn't because I forgot to take my Adderall.
	That's why I wasn't paying attention to your...
	The drawback is it's a rip-off.
	Okay.
	How about coffee?
	Does coffee work?
	Coffee is not as good.
	It gives you the jitters.
	And by the way, coffee is now in the DSM, in DSM-5.
	Coffee addiction is an actual treatable disease.
	What do you mean treatable?
	With tea?
	No, with ProVigil, of course.
	Duh!
	I'm not kidding, John.
	It's in there.
	Coffee addiction is in there.
	Wait a minute.
	For a 50 cent cup of coffee because you're addicted to it, you take a $20 pill?
	Let's see.
	Coffee addiction.
	I'm telling you, it's in there.
	Coffee addiction.
	The withdrawal of caffeine addiction.
	Here, it's mental disorder.
	Let me see what number it is.
	I think it's classified as mental disorder number 29.
	I don't make this stuff up.
	It is funny.
	Oh, thank you.
	I got an ad for Revlon.
	That's right.
	That's exactly what I'm looking for.
	Hey, that targeting is working.
	Targeting is so poor.
	Let's see.
	How long are they going to get away with the bogus targeting meme?
	And the stuff that makes your browser slow down to a crawl...
	Because it's got all this crap working?
	Yeah.
	Okay, I can't find the article.
	But yeah, no, of course, you're going to get prescribed with ProVigil or something of that ilk.
	ProVigil came out originally as a pill for people who are narcoleptic.
	And they swear by it.
	They have to take it all the time.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it works.
	But there's no actual studies of long-term use, is there?
	I wouldn't use anything long-term.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	The study would be of narcoleptics who have to take this stuff constantly.
	Well, I liked it very much.
	I thought it was a fantastic discovery that the president has the rash and that the...
	He must be taking a lot.
	Well, yeah.
	Of course.
	It's like you've got to take it every single day.
	And then, of course, you have to stop.
	The doctor's orders, all right, man, you've got to stop.
	You've got to look all bug-eyed and crap.
	You've got to stop this for the debate.
	And then he stopped for the debate, and he looked totally like a day-after drug user.
	What?
	Yeah, that first debate, he was terrible.
	Yeah, and then after that, they're like, all right, well, we're not going to try that anymore, now are we, Barry?
	No.
	Okay.
	But yeah, look at the modafinil.
	Look at the description in the book of knowledge.
	It says right there.
	It's for people who are trying to kick the cocaine habit.
	It's what you use on your off day.
	It's fantastic.
	It's fantastic.
	It's an all-around drug.
	Did you see Hillary, by the way, speaking of red books, did you see her at the fashion awards?
	She looks...
	A lot of people think she...
	I think she had a neck job.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Her neck should be sagging like a...
	Her face is all puffy.
	It's all puffy.
	I know this look.
	Come on, I have a 64-year-old ex-wife.
	I know this look.
	Job.
	Job.
	Yeah.
	I think they screwed up on the left side of her face because her smile now kind of goes just creepy looking.
	No, no.
	Let me tell you.
	No, let me tell you.
	This is very, very difficult to do.
	And the thing that women who get older who get these procedures have, and I'm speaking from 100% experience, just not on myself.
	By the way, I don't think we mentioned you.
	We think she's had a facelift.
	Yeah, facelift.
	Well, we predicted this.
	We predicted she would go away, and first she had the eye job done, which was the whole, oh, I fell down, I hit my head, and now I'm going to the eye doctor.
	Yeah, wear sunglasses for a few weeks.
	Yeah, which also, because you get black eyes and all kinds of bruising from the face job.
	But the hardest, what women who get older that they really hate is these creases in their cheeks because, you know, it's not cute after a while because you have kind of the chipmunk-like look, but then you get creases all around the bum.
	It's terrible looking.
	It's not a good look, but it's part of getting older and women are still beautiful even if they have that in my personal opinion.
	Just no pearly necklace for you.
	But they're inserting stuff, and it's very, very difficult to get the symmetry right.
	And I agree with you.
	Left side, particularly when the light hits it, because this is a picture taken on stage, which is really where you see these things or not, it's either...
	I don't think it's ever going to turn out right.
	I mean, I've seen this.
	It's like they'll get a little buildup of tissue in there that just won't really...
	Be symmetrical with the other side.
	So you're going to see, here's my prediction, you're going to see Hillary taking pictures only of the right side of her face.
	She will never do left side and it will all be never full on, it will always be profile.
	Fact.
	This is how it works.
	By the way, this outfit she was wearing from Oscar de la Renta, it made her look like a freaking Oompa Loompa.
	I mean, this is not an outstanding outfit.
	This horrible, horrible outfit.
	The Oscar should be vilified for that.
	Did you see the photo?
	It's on that same Daily Mail article, if you go down.
	The guy who won Best Male Designer.
	That's the look.
	When I saw that picture, I'm like, oh, that's the look John should have.
	With the pants cut off.
	Cut off pants.
	Shoes with no socks.
	A little dinky bow tie that's crooked.
	And this guy wins the award for Best Male.
	And his pants are cut off above the knee.
	But then I was shocked to see Ralph Lauren.
	Ralph Lauren.
	He looks like the guy from The Simpsons.
	What is it?
	Mr.
	Burns.
	Is he the one who wants to marry his cat?
	No, the old nuclear guy.
	The old evil guy.
	No, I'm talking about one of these big designers just came out.
	No, no.
	You're talking about Karl Lagerfeld now.
	Oh, right.
	Lagerfeld.
	Why do I know this?
	Ah!
	I've lived with too many women!
	Ah!
	I need provigil so I stop learning these things.
	So what is the deal with Lagerfeld wanting to marry his cat?
	Nobody thinks this is really strange.
	No, I can explain this.
	This is all about the gay marriage thing in Paris.
	These guys are all in Paris.
	A million people are burning down Paris because they don't like the idea of gay marriage.
	And then, of course, the fashion industry all goes into a tizzy and like, well, we can't have that.
	You know what I'm going to do?
	I'm going to marry my cat!
	That may be an explanation.
	It is the explanation.
	I know this world.
	It's so stupid.
	I'm going to marry my cat.
	I know what I'm going to do.
	I'm just going to marry my cat.
	I'll show those stupid French.
	Because they're all in France.
	This is what they do.
	So I got one.
	I got an Ask Adam.
	Let's take a break.
	Oh, hold on a second.
	Do I have a jingle?
	I got to fix my Mac.
	It's hanging.
	Ask Adam.
	Ask Adam.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That really sucks.
	Sorry.
	So let's go with the question.
	The question is, we know that the Chinese call their army the People's Liberation Army.
	PLR. What do they call their navy?
	PLR. What do they call their navy?
	So if it's the People's Liberation Army, you would think it would be the People's Liberation Navy.
	However, this being an Ask Adam, I'm suspicious that it may not be the correct answer.
	Well, let's play the clip.
	The South Korean top military chief will also visit China's North Sea Fleet, based in Qingdao, later this afternoon.
	The NSF is one of the three fleets of the People's Liberation Army Navy, where China's first aircraft carrier Liaoning and nuclear-powered submarines are based.
	North Sea Fleet?
	No, the answer is the...
	You didn't even listen to the clip.
	I did.
	The answer is the People's Liberation Army Navy.
	I didn't get it from that clip.
	Yeah, it's in there.
	I need my Adderall.
	The South Korean top military chief will also visit China's North Sea Fleet based in Qingdao later this afternoon.
	The NSF is one of the three fleets of the People's Liberation Army Navy where China's first aircraft carrier Liaoning and nuclear-powered submarines are based.
	Well, I have failed.
	The PLAs, they run everything.
	So they run the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Marines.
	So it would be the People's Liberation Army Air Force.
	People's Liberation Army Navy.
	I thought that was an educational part of the show.
	Yeah, it's highly appreciated.
	Very few people know that, but now they do.
	I'm going to show myself the Lord by donating to No Agenda.
	Imagine all the people who could do that.
	Oh yeah, that'd be fab.
	Yeah, on No Agenda.
	Yeah.
	Thank a few people who helped us for show 519.
	We've got 520 coming up.
	520.
	You know what that means?
	What does that mean?
	I don't know.
	520?
	What do you mean 520?
	The next show is 520.
	Oh, our show 520, right, and which will be on 6-9.
	There you have it.
	Interesting.
	6969 coming up next show.
	Very nice.
	It's the time to do it.
	Ryan Miller-Rue.
	Oh, great.
	Miller-Rue.
	Miller-Rue.
	I would say it's Miller-Rue in London.
	Miller-Rue.
	A new donor.
	Your show regularly has laugh-out-loud moments, but your piece on Mokhtar Mokhtar on show 517 really takes the cake.
	Your last episode was what I needed to move from pre-donor to pre-boner to donor.
	No, he's pre-donor.
	Never mind.
	I've got to say generally that your recent episodes have been stellar.
	Take, for example, Adam's coverage of Microsoft's latest finger-friendly product.
	His explosive laughter at the end of that piece sealed the deal.
	As a general guide, an excellent No Agenda show is one where Adam laughs a lot.
	Okay.
	When Adam laughs, I systematically laugh as well.
	I would like to also mention how John's personality compliments Adam's.
	The No Agenda show wouldn't be right without either of you two guys.
	We're like Ebony and I. Let me write that down.
	Hold on.
	You write that down.
	And I'll sing the song.
	Ebony and ivory go together in perfect harmony.
	We don't want to encourage this kind of thing.
	Brian Earhart in Parts Unknown, send a note in.
	Hold on a second.
	Rather than renew my Audible Club account, this is not this, I'm sending this $149.50 to the best podcast in the universe as an annual subscription fee.
	Wow.
	Thanks for the excellent insight and entertainment.
	Okay.
	Thank you, Brian.
	No, thank you very much.
	It's very, very kind.
	And a great idea.
	I mean, it's kind of, you know what, I like that because we're beating out a true competitor.
	In fact, exactly.
	It's true.
	Sir Christian Herzog in Elwood, Illinois, came in with 87-13 with the 73s.
	He's also known as Kansas City 9.
	Yuck, John, yuck.
	Or, as the professionals would say, Kilo Charlie Niner, Yankee Juliet Yankee.
	None of this stupid, you know, if a ham does that, I'll just like, yeah, I can't talk to you.
	Joachim Terhar.
	Hey, Joachim, that's Mickey's brother.
	Again, he's back.
	That's Mickey's brother?
	Well, it's a long story.
	Okay, 70 bucks.
	But he listens to the show at the office.
	He has his own company.
	At the office?
	Yeah, I don't think he's even running...
	Pipe it in through the PA system?
	No, he just pretends like he's working, but he's not.
	He's just listening to the show.
	That's good.
	That's what everyone should do.
	All right, here we go.
	He just got married, though.
	So he threw in an extra penny, but I'll actually give him...
	Whoa.
	Oops.
	Oops.
	What the hell happened there?
	I don't know.
	You hit the mac and cheese.
	We'll see the mac and cheese.
	The mac and cheese macaroni and cheap cheddar melted together.
	Mac and cheese.
	Mac and cheese.
	69!
	69, dudes!
	Yay!
	There we go.
	Sorry, I hit the wrong button, but I felt it.
	Kevin Cusack in Forrester's Beach, New South Wales, Australia.
	First time donor, long time boner.
	6969.
	John Toretta in Pasadena, California.
	6969.
	Kevin Webb in Carrollton, Texas.
	6969.
	I don't know if he got his ring or not.
	We'll work on that.
	Michelle Cartmail.
	Michelle in West Bank, B.C., And by the way, this is a donation on behalf of my husband, Adriel, for his birthday.
	Aww.
	He turns to Big 3-0 and she needs some karma.
	Yeah.
	Because a kitty broke a leg.
	Aww.
	Well, here's the karma and he's on the list.
	You've got karma.
	Okay, that's it.
	Oh, that's it?
	Wow.
	69!
	69, dude!
	If it wasn't for our 9 or 9 or 9 or 9 or 9, this would have been a bad day.
	Yes, it would have been, but we should mention that 69 is the day on Sunday.
	Yes.
	So, people jump on that.
	It will be a day of swazzle enough for all.
	Ryan Wolfe and Covington, you know, the record for 69, 69 is 22.
	And Miss Mickey will be coming back Sunday, so maybe.
	You hope.
	Yeah.
	Hey, thanks for being so positive.
	Well, I'm just saying, you know, what happened last time can happen again.
	Pro-vigil junkie, you.
	She could be pulled aside.
	She'll get pulled aside, no doubt.
	She has to get a stamp on her parole document.
	Parole?
	Yes.
	Ryan Wolfe, you've got to save that and frame it.
	Yep.
	Ryan Wolfe in Covington, Virginia, 6666.
	Birthday coming up.
	Scott Olson, San Diego, California, 5633.
	And you'll get a karma at the end of the donation segment.
	Jack Mangano in Avondale, Arizona, 5432.
	John White in Jackson, Tennessee, 5190.
	Jeffrey Gerlach, Sir Gerlach to you.
	That's actually Sir Dr.
	Sharkey in Tennessee.
	Oh, Sir Dr.
	Sharkey?
	Oh, so it is.
	See, now we have new personnel working on the spreadsheet and we're kind of missing some of the titles.
	It's very difficult.
	But I think he put it in his notes so it should be reflected.
	In the B column.
	Yes.
	Yes, that's my point.
	Sir Gerlach in Alamo, California.
	Once again, 5150.
	Now he's closed his new home in Lincoln, California.
	May I request my barony to be of Placer County.
	So he's a baron.
	He wants Placer County as his barony.
	I think we can give him that.
	Hold on a second.
	This is also not on the list.
	Well, we don't necessarily renounce those.
	Yes, we do.
	We've been doing it.
	We've been announcing title changes.
	Absolutely.
	Okay, well, he's got a placer.
	He's now the baron of Placer County, which is the baron of chipmunks and wood squirrels.
	Placer County?
	How do I spell that?
	P-L-A-C-E-R. P-L-A-C-E-R. Also, wine's grown up there.
	Not much, but some.
	So, for the Dutch listeners, placer stuff.
	What is that?
	Why did you giggle?
	What?
	Placer County just sounds funny in Dutch.
	Oh, well, why?
	Because a placer means your penis, if you're like nine.
	Oh, that's why you giggle.
	It's funny.
	I live in Placer County.
	You get it?
	Nobody.
	Now everyone knows this in Placer County, at least.
	Sir Gerlach is the baron of the penis in California.
	There are at least five people who are now crashing their cars or laughing very loud in the tram.
	Yeah.
	Cliff T. in La Grande, Oregon, 50-33.
	We're lamenting the fact he wanted to point out that Oregon is the 33rd state, so he's calling out all of Oregon boners to start contributing $33.
	Or get the $33 subscription.
	Aaron Huber in Israel, 50.
	Brett Farrell, as usual, Oklahoma.
	Oklahoma, 50.
	Anthony Rodriguez in Waynesboro, Virginia, 50.
	Matthew Januszewski in Chicago, 50.
	Simply Helpful LLC is in for 50.
	And that concludes...
	By the way, the Simply Helpful said, 1111 monthly subscribers stepping up.
	Great shows recently.
	The more analysis you do, the better the shows are.
	That's a nice note.
	I don't want to skip over that.
	I think the spreadsheet skipped over a couple up higher after Michelle.
	There was Ryan Wolfe in Covington, Virginia.
	They get that, but I don't remember mentioning goodmanchronicle.com with 66 or 5678.
	I don't even...
	Oh, no.
	See, these spreadsheets, these crappy spreadsheets from Microsoft, when you click down, it'll suddenly page up a couple of notches.
	You notice that too, right?
	It happened on yours.
	And I'm not even using...
	I'm using OpenOffice and it does that.
	Yeah, hello, stolen code!
	Yeah, you're right.
	Isn't there like a do not snap?
	There must be a do not snap thing we can...
	We can set.
	It must be stolen.
	I'll just again mention Scott Olson in San Diego for 5633 because I know we got Jack Mangano.
	Okay.
	All right.
	I think that's all of them.
	This is the most annoying feature of this thing.
	And thank you very much.
	And the fact that it happens on yours means there's stolen code.
	Who stole the code from who?
	Thank you very much, Eric DeShill, for doing the spreadsheet.
	My comments are just constructive.
	Is he in the chat room?
	No, he's not in the chat room.
	But Eric's doing this.
	He's not doing it for the money.
	Let's put it that way.
	So, you know, but then I just notice these things, and I know how it is, and he's sitting at home, and he's listening, and then he's like, Curry, a-hole.
	Yeah, I said, we could have done that with Buzzkill Jr.
	because he doesn't listen to the show anymore.
	Buzzkill Jr.
	doesn't care.
	He's like, whatever.
	I don't give a shit about what you talk about, Curry.
	I'm like, yeah, I'm too busy researching drugs.
	Uh-huh.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Anyway, thank you all very much.
	This is highly appreciated.
	Certainly our monthly subscribers, and it's nice when people step up and continue to press scroll lock, then press up and down.
	It says void zero.
	It will scroll the page.
	I don't have a scroll lock on the Mac.
	He says press scroll lock.
	Yeah, the key that everyone uses.
	Where is that?
	I don't have that on my keyboard.
	What is it?
	Then what?
	And then press up or down arrow, I guess.
	Oh.
	And?
	It makes it go up and down in a normal kind of a way.
	But you've got to have a two-finger operation.
	It's stupid.
	Let me write that down.
	That is, what is the time code?
	209.
	A two-finger operation could be a good show opener.
	I like that.
	It's a two-finger operation, I tell you.
	So thank you all very much.
	Please be with us for Sunday.
	520 is the episode number.
	Swazilnov69 will be 6-9 will be the date.
	Go to...
	Featured.
	Dvorak.org Slash N.A. And the list for today, Michelle Cartmel says happy birthday to her husband Adriel, or Adriel.
	I think Adriel would probably be better.
	He turned 30 on the 4th, and that's a very nice birthday gift indeed.
	And Orion Wolfe belated happy birthday to himself.
	He turned the magic number 33.
	Happy birthday from your pals here at the Best Podcast in the Universe.
	And then we have Sir Gerlach, of course, who became the Baron of Plusser County.
	Yuck, yuck.
	And we have...
	Now, this Greg Brunsell, I thought he was already a knight.
	That's what I thought.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Because he's on the list for a knighthood, but I don't think that's correct.
	I thought Sir Greg sent us an email just that he wanted it addressed that we didn't thank him.
	We're calling him a knight.
	Yeah, which is part of the product.
	Right, right.
	I think you're right.
	I remember the note that Greg said, hey, where's my sir?
	Yeah.
	He's on his way to Barony.
	Yes, and then he's like, hey, how come you thank me for my donation but not as Sir Greg Brunsel?
	And I agree, this is a problem.
	Yeah, well, it's true.
	No, he was, and he shouldn't be on this list unless you want to re-knight him.
	No, but I do want to knight...
	Do you have your sword?
	We haven't used it in, what, two months?
	Here it comes.
	It's a little bit rusty.
	It's rusty.
	All right, please, uh...
	Sir Longrock.
	I just have to say his name is Longrock.
	Step forward as you have become a member of the exclusive Niner Niner Niner Nightclub.
	We hereby pronounce the Sir Longrock of the Sierra Nevada!
	Welcome to the round table.
	For you, sir, herpers and blow, rempoys and chardonnay, hot pants and booze, long-haired, heavy metal guys, and scots, clenches and beer, raguness women and rosé, gaishas and sake, bach and little, bong hits and bourbon and sparkling cider escorts, and mutton and mead.
	He should throw a general karma out to everybody, including I want to read this little note from Jack, which he's moving back east from the hellhole of Arizona, so he needs a karma shot for his dad and to get there safe for a house to sell for some decent cash.
	Also, a little girl shed up already.
	It's science on top of the karma.
	Okay, so he wants a Dr.
	Kiki, and he wants an LGY, and I'm also going to send this, obviously it's to everyone who donated, but I'm also sending it out to Elise Garling, who is going out to take care of her mother, and she's been a big, strong supporter of the show, along with lovely alcoholic beverages she sends in the mail.
	Shut up already!
	Science!
	Karma.
	Yay!
	There you go.
	So, please step up for us on Sunday.
	Yes, please.
	It is necessary that we ask these things.
	Otherwise, you're going to be able to play more Beavis and Butthead clips, like this one here, where we are Beavis and Butthead as we listen to this clip and giggle.
	...for this Game 1 matchup.
	Let's send it downstairs to Susanna Collins.
	It's outside the Blackhawks dressing room.
	Good evening, Susanna.
	Hey, Pat.
	Well, the second season starts tonight, and this Blackhawks team is ready.
	All season long, they have been saying that this is the season that matters.
	And despite the fact that they've had such a tremendous amount of sex of success during the regular season, clinching the President's Trophy.
	She said sex.
	And you brought that to the table?
	Yep.
	I got an email from...
	Well, I got it.
	Okay, let me do it.
	We'll just keep it light for a little bit.
	No, I don't want to keep it light.
	I got other things to do.
	Okay, I got a good one.
	If you want to keep it light, turn on E. No, here's one.
	This is the...
	Hold on.
	Why do we need to keep it light?
	I don't get it.
	I want to just...
	We're just going to wind back into the show.
	This is not that light.
	This is about...
	This is from the C-SPAN, the F-35 discussion.
	What to do about the fact that this thing is over, you know, this is a joke, this jet.
	It doesn't fly.
	It doesn't fly, it doesn't work, and they can't get it finished, and it's overdue, and it's over budget and everything.
	So there's a Democrat representative in California named Loretta Sanchez, who's apparently been re-elected so many times that she's like one of the top, you know, so she can yak as long as she wants to.
	So I have kind of a long clip here, but she reminded me of somebody, tell me you agree, and who I clipped in at the end so you can kind of get the comparison and contrast of this woman discussing the F-35s.
	And rambling in some odd way, saying absolutely nothing and sounding pretty much like an idiot and looking like one curiously.
	I'd like to speak to Ms.
	Duckworth's amendment.
	Gentle ladies recognized for five minutes.
	Thank you, Mr.
	Chairman.
	It is true that we have on this subcommittee taken a really hard look and will continue to take a hard look at the production, the development and the production of the F-35.
	As you know, it's our only production plane scheduled for the next 20 to 30 years and it does have a great number of our allies included in the buy as we move forward.
	The last year has seen significant improvement in the development and the production of the F-35.
	However, we also have to recall that this program is seven years behind schedule and 70% over cost at this point.
	So, we have to ask ourselves, how do we move forward in a program that we need?
	But ensure that we're getting what we need.
	And Ms.
	Duckworth's amendment is really about putting the pressure, in particular, on Lockheed Martin, who's the prime, and everybody else.
	And so I can appreciate Mr.
	Vesey's concerns.
	And as you know, these are always difficult issues.
	But this really is about how do we continue to ensure that the contractors who are developing and building this are doing it in a way...
	That is successful for us.
	That's what we're talking about here.
	I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have that and I believe that our education South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere such as.
	And I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries.
	So we will be able to build up our future.
	Thank you very much, South Carolina.
	Okay, I'm done.
	Yeah, that's a long way to go for the joke.
	Yeah, I know, but this woman, I couldn't find a good place to go.
	Why do these people get elected, and then re-elected, and then re-elected?
	It's just beyond me.
	That's because everyone's on provigil, they're awake, but not learning.
	Apparently not.
	So, you know, stop taking the Provigil, get yourself some Adderall, it's the learning drug, and then once we get these bitches out, let's party on coke!
	There you have it.
	That's kind of the Democrat approach.
	So Stacy sent me...
	Actually, I should do this.
	Stacy sent me an email.
	I'm just going to play the closer from now on.
	Oh, very nice.
	Perfect pitch, too.
	And she just moved to Austin.
	She left, I think...
	That was in California.
	I can't remember where she left.
	She was a psychotherapist.
	We started practicing in 2005, and she got so disappointed with the...
	Actually, she studied psychopharmacology.
	The whole DSM and the whole prescribing drugs for kids, she got so fed up with it.
	She left the profession, left medicine altogether, has moved to Austin, and is trying to find herself.
	Or something like that.
	Is this one of your dinner dates?
	No, I don't know her.
	This is just an email.
	No, she showed up on email, very long emails.
	I'm not going to read her email, but she has been, she's intimate involvement with kids and with how kids are being treated in schools and what they're being taught.
	The whole slave training thing that we've been kind of looking at.
	And she said her son's school alone has had five lockdowns this year alone.
	Five lockdowns.
	Drills.
	The slave training is out of control.
	Before I get to that, I'd like to play you an example of what these lockdowns are like and how your children are being used as props for the cops to train.
	The test started with a report of a man with a gun at the middle school.
	Students practice disarming the suspect and helping emergency crews get control of the situation.
	By the way, they're not practicing any disarming.
	They're practicing cowering in the corner.
	Another scenario involves students being held hostage on a school bus.
	Organizers call the drill an important lesson for all involved.
	For students, first of all, to experience it and for the first responders to actually respond to it so they're seeing exactly how they're going to feel, how it's going to work together when they actually respond to a disaster.
	The drill was mostly paid for with federal grants from Homeland Security.
	"We can get a suspect description for Lariat or something.
	I keep seeing somebody that thinks a suspect, but I can't verify." SWAT was on the ground and choppers were in the air at Eatonville Middle School today.
	This school shooting drill also included a school bus takeover.
	Organizers said it's important to practice these scenarios.
	That way they can be ready to respond if the worst case becomes a reality.
	So I've been receiving nothing but emails about this stuff.
	Just so many giant voice systems.
	We've got someone sent me from, what was it, the university was that, John?
	It was, let me see, it was UNC. University of North Carolina?
	Yeah, about their emergency drill on the 19th.
	There will be crisis actors will be there.
	I mean, they're getting the full-blown deal.
	But it's funny because he said...
	They should be charging admission.
	If you go to alertcarolina.unc.edu, it's hilarious because on that page it says...
	I need to do the giant voice system for this.
	The university is currently operating under normal conditions.
	That is all.
	You can see this page.
	The university is currently operating under normal conditions.
	All right, thanks.
	This is dumb.
	This is like those, remember the airports used to have red, the orange.
	It's the same thing.
	It's back again.
	It's back.
	All right, so back to the email.
	This university should be ashamed of itself.
	Yeah.
	So Stacy sends me a couple of scans.
	Actually, they're photos, not scans.
	I think this is her friend's second grader came home with this book.
	And I presume this is not Austin.
	Let me see.
	Oh, no, this is Alabama.
	So I guess it's her friend in Alabama.
	How old is the second grader, John?
	Let's see.
	11, 10, 9, 8, I think.
	Yeah, I think so.
	And so she sent me one, two, three, four, like ten pictures.
	And this is...
	Actually, maybe seven.
	It could be seven-year-old.
	I'm sorry.
	It's Connecticut.
	Oh, my God.
	It says in collaboration...
	Oh, of course, Connecticut.
	Yes.
	In collaboration with Alabama Center for...
	It's in collaboration with the Alabama Center for Law and Civic Education.
	I don't know who that is.
	I'm just reading the booklet.
	The Connecticut Secretary of State and Connecticut Chief State's Attorney Office.
	This is called Play by the Rules, Connecticut Laws for Youth.
	By the way, Play by the Rules is trademarked.
	I see a little TM. Wow.
	Play by the Rules trademarked?
	This is bogative.
	Civics First Inc.
	presents Play by the Rules.
	So it has a couple things, and this is being given to second graders.
	So this is the slave training.
	Yeah, for seven- and eight-year-olds.
	It's disgusting.
	What is sexual assault or rape?
	This is disgusting, these little kids.
	Sexual assault or rape is forced sexual intercourse with another person.
	Sexual assault is also any sexual intercourse.
	Do the people that put these programs together, are they even married with children?
	Do they have a clue?
	Consensual or not, with a person under the age of 13, provided there is at least a two-year age difference between the individuals.
	If the victim is over the age of 13, but under the age of 16, there must be at least a three-year age difference between the individuals.
	These kids are learning how to read.
	Why are they getting this kind of bull crap?
	This is complicated.
	What is public indecency?
	What?
	Public indecency.
	I'm just reading.
	This is on a second grader?
	Yes.
	Public indecency occurs when a person engages in sexual intercourse, exposes his or her private parts, or lewdly fondles or caresses the body of another in a public place where he or she is likely to be observed by someone else.
	Respect for authority.
	Do I have to obey police officers?
	I gotta get your jingle for this.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	So this is...
	Hey, slaves!
	Listen up!
	Do I have to obey police officers?
	Yes!
	Police officers are charged with enforcing the law and protecting the safety of the public.
	You should always show respect for law enforcement officers.
	It is illegal to refuse to leave an area upon lawful command or to otherwise interfere with a governmental function, for example interfering with the police officers or firemen while they are doing their duty.
	Wow.
	Just hear this in your head, kids.
	You will obey.
	What is a date rape drug?
	A date rape drug is a drug used by...
	Wait, wait, wait.
	Stop.
	This is for a second grader?
	Second grader, yes.
	It has cartoons and everything, man.
	It's got little chickens and cartoons.
	There's no cartoon by this particular entry.
	A date rape drug is a drug used by an offender to make another person unconscious for the purpose of committing a crime, such as a sexual assault or other sexual offense.
	These drugs may be colorless and odorless and can easily be put into someone's drink.
	Common date rape drugs...
	So when the second grader's out at the bar...
	Well, wait, but it's interesting.
	Common date rape drugs are GHB and ecstasy.
	I disagree.
	I think that is incorrect.
	I don't think ecstasy is a date rape drug.
	I don't think so either.
	But right under this, right under this, the next paragraph, is it okay to take prescription drugs?
	Yes.
	But...
	It's so disgusting.
	Yes, but it is legal only if it is prescribed.
	I'm sure this wasn't like some sort of a gag or a prank.
	This book didn't really exist.
	This is completely real.
	Google it.
	It's completely real.
	I'm sure there's...
	I didn't Google it, but I'm sure it's out there.
	Is it okay to take prescription drugs?
	Yes, but it's illegal only if it is prescribed for you by a doctor and is taken according to your doctor's directions.
	It is illegal to take another person's prescription or to sell prescriptions.
	Such drugs may only be stored or carried in the original prescription container.
	It is also illegal to change a prescription or to use a fake ID to fill a prescription.
	Okay.
	Do I have to go to school?
	Do you want to hear that one?
	Yes!
	Education is critically important to your development as a productive citizen.
	I need to do that with giant voice.
	I'm sorry.
	That's not good enough.
	I need giant voice.
	Yes.
	Education is critically important to your development as a productive citizen.
	Please go to school!
	That was pretty good.
	Connecticut encourages you to not only graduate from high school, but to enter one of the many colleges within the state or to attend college outside the state.
	Doing so will increase your future earning capacity and improve your livelihood.
	At the very least, it is your legal responsibility and that of your parents or guardians to see that you go to school full-time from ages 5 to 18.
	This is great stuff.
	Internet safety.
	Are chat rooms safe?
	Listen up, chat room.
	This is for you.
	Are chat rooms safe?
	No.
	Chat rooms are not safe places to be while online.
	Because you cannot...
	Because you cannot always be certain with whom you are chatting.
	And the problem with that is?
	A great deal of negative things can result from chat rooms, such as bullying, stalking, kidnapping, rape, and murder!
	Wait a minute.
	Murder in the chat room is the name of my next novel.
	Wait, what was the song?
	Murder on the Dance Floor?
	Was it Murder on the Dance Floor?
	Murder on the...
	Who did that song?
	Murder in the Disco, wasn't it?
	Was it Murder...
	I thought it was Murder on the Dance...
	Well, there's...
	No, it was...
	Sophie Ellis Baxter.
	I knew I had it right.
	To murder on the dance floor.
	Yeah.
	So you go from bullying, stalking, kidnapping, rape, and murder.
	Not all that or instant messaging is bad, though.
	Ask your parents to help you find safe areas to communicate with your peers.
	But what if I get harassing emails or text messages?
	You should report any harassing emails or text messages to your parents, guardians, teachers, counselors, and anyone else who might be able to help you.
	These forms of harassing communication are commonly known as cyberbullying.
	In some situations, it may become necessary to notify the police.
	There she is.
	DJ? Oh, I loved her.
	Hello, three!
	Damn, this was the jam.
	Remember this, John?
	It's a terrible song.
	Turn it off.
	It's a great song.
	This is Murder on the Dance Floor.
	I know.
	I know what it is.
	It's a great song.
	No.
	Yes, it is.
	It was a huge hit.
	Very, very, very boring.
	What is cyberbullying?
	Cyberbullying involves the use of technology to harass or annoy another person.
	Cyberbullying is a form of threatening or harassment and that falls under legal...
	Under law, CGS 53A-62, 53A-182B. What is that doing in there?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	So the little seven, eight-year-old can do, oh, mom, it's CG 5, civil code 533.
	Oh, by the way, every single paragraph has its civil code listing underneath it in this whole booklet.
	Every single one.
	This booklet's worth a fortune as a collectible.
	What makes downloading music illegal?
	Well, let's slip that one in.
	And it's huge!
	It is against the law to download music, movies, or other media if you are violating its copyright.
	A copyright is the legal right granted to an author, composer, playwright, artist, or publisher to exclusive public...
	Let's see if there's a scam.
	Under federal law, a person can be prosecuted for the criminal infringement of a copyright and be punished up to 10 years in prison and fined up to $50,000.
	Damn.
	Damn.
	I'm being harsh to the kids.
	Shut up, slave!
	Is it illegal to share games and software?
	Okay.
	Weapons, guns, and fireworks.
	Chapter 4.
	Some of the most serious problems with violent crime in the United States is connected with guns and other deadly weapons.
	This chapter will define and explain some of the laws regarding handguns and other deadly weapons.
	You should be aware of these laws to protect yourself and others.
	Persons under 18 years of age cannot own a rifle, shotgun, BB, or pellet gun.
	You can't own a BB gun if you're under 18?
	When did that go into effect when I was a little kid?
	Everyone had a BB gun.
	Persons under 18 years of age cannot own a rifle, shotgun, BB, or pellet gun.
	Is that like a potato spud gun?
	No, no.
	A pellet gun is like a supercharged BB gun that shoots different kinds of little rounds.
	Some of them will shoot a little thing with a feather in the back.
	It shoots a pellet.
	The pellets are heavy lead.
	They're like a bullet.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, you can't have a BB gun.
	Huh.
	Well, this is de-ball the public.
	When I was a kid, a lot of the kids had 22s.
	Wait a minute.
	Hold on.
	Can I own a slingshot?
	It is legal for you to own a slingshot, but it's illegal for anyone to possess a weapon.
	Weapon means any BB gun, blackjack, metal or brass knuckles, any dirk knife, switch knife, any knife having an automatic spring release device by which a blade is released from the handle and having a blade of over one and a half inches in length.
	Stiletto, any knife, the edge portion of the blade of which is four inches or over in length, any police baton or nightstick, any martial arts weapon, electronic defense weapon, or any other dangerously or deadly weapon or instrument.
	So the answer?
	No.
	You can't have a slingshot.
	What happens if I bring a slingshot?
	This is crazy.
	It's just crazy.
	I want this.
	I agree.
	Stacy, I'm going to send you my address.
	I want this thing.
	I want one, too.
	Well, I think she only has one.
	Well, you can have that one.
	Somebody out there has got to have a copy of this.
	Civics.
	This is a total collectible.
	I mean, back to that book we're reading about the Nazi state.
	Yeah, this is it.
	This is a little different the way it's being done, but this is the same thing.
	But this is for second graders.
	That's the thing that's so weird.
	No, it's beyond ludicrous.
	So if you go to civicsfirstct.org.
	Hold on, hold on, hold on.
	Civicsfirstct.org for Connecticut.
	Let me see if that's the website.
	Advancing Democracy and Law Education in Connecticut.
	Play by the Rules.
	Let's see if they have the booklet.
	You can order them.
	Book order form.
	Civic's First Inc.
	is pleased to announce the availability of the second edition of Play by the Rules.
	Uh-oh.
	You missed the first edition.
	That's the valuable one.
	Oh, damn.
	Oh, boy.
	If only we can get our hands up.
	Maybe at Comic-Con.
	If we're lucky.
	Oh, wow.
	I'm looking at this page.
	I don't see anything about the book.
	Under Civics First?
	It says that under the Civics First CT menu, the drop-down, the little wedge...
	Play by the rules.
	Play by the rules.
	There's a book order form.
	It's kind of lame they don't have any pictures.
	The publication is free!
	Yeah, they'll be sending you out a box.
	New problem.
	The main focus of the books is laws for teenagers.
	Yeah, but it's given to a second year old, so...
	Second grader.
	However, there are portions that can also apply to younger students.
	There you go.
	Like date rape.
	I would like to point out before I forget that the new No Agenda CD is out, which you can find at noagendacd.com.
	Title of this month's CD is You Had Me at Conspiracy.
	And you can download all the...
	The MP3s are great just by themselves, just to hand those out.
	They're quick, short.
	You can email it to someone, like, here, check this out.
	It's how you propagate the formula.
	But you can download the entire CD file along with the artwork at noagindacd.com, which is a sanctioned program.
	Our book club...
	I have three books...
	C. Mike in Kansas City and in the chat room says he just finished reading Dirty Wars by Jeremy Scahill.
	Yeah, I would say okay on that.
	And he says this completely fits in with the whole JSOC and do whatever they want, CIA can't thing that we were talking about.
	He says this is a very good book.
	Noagenda Books.com, our book club, is it called Book Club?
	Have you seen that thing?
	Yeah.
	It's a beautiful site.
	It's a well-done site.
	I would recommend putting on Hitlerland.
	Hitlerland?
	Oh, this is good.
	Who wrote Hitlerland?
	I don't know who wrote it, but there's only one out there.
	And it is similar to the book we're finishing up right now, which is the...
	Eric Larson, the Garden of the Beasts.
	Yeah, Garden of the Beasts.
	Also suggested the Gulag Archipelio.
	By Solzhenitsyn?
	Archipelago.
	Yes, Solzhenitsyn.
	Yeah, I read that.
	Is that a good book?
	Yeah, it's good.
	It's fiction, though.
	Well, it's not really fiction, but it is fiction.
	Was it kind of like Animal Farm was my idea?
	No, no, no, no.
	Solzhenitsyn is just a great Russian novelist.
	Just typical Russian book that depresses the reader.
	A quote from the book.
	And how we burned in the camps later, thinking, what would things have been like if every security operative, when he went out at night to make an arrest, had been uncertain whether he would return alive and had to say goodbye to his family, or if during periods of mass protest, as for example in Leningrad,
	they had arrested a quarter of the entire city, people had not simply sat there in their lairs, If we didn't love
	freedom enough...
	And even more if we had no awareness of the real situation.
	We purely and simply deserved everything that happened afterward.
	You've done a great job of unselling that one.
	Really?
	It's heavy.
	It's definitely a book I wouldn't veto.
	How about Parallels?
	Parallels?
	Leonard Pekoff.
	That rings a bell.
	I don't know that.
	It's actually the ominous parallel.
	Sorry, the ominous parallels.
	Oh, that might be good.
	This is released in 1983, written by Leonard Peikoff, who was, according to the Book of Knowledge, designated by the philosopher Ayn Rand as heir to the estate.
	Oh, good, brother.
	I'm going to take a look at this.
	Yay!
	Atlas Trust.
	Before we wrap up too much, I want to get the Maryland law thing out of the way with a couple of clips, and one of them is just make your hair stand on end.
	As most of our listeners know if they've been following this, there was a Supreme Court decision that had a weird outcome.
	Or Maryland, which is a state we've bitched about in the past because it's, you can't use a camera, you can't take a picture.
	Right.
	If you remember from a couple years ago.
	Yes.
	So they passed, they swapped some poor guy after they arrested him because it's a routine in Maryland to swab the cheek of everyone they pull over.
	And then they ran an analysis and found that he was probably a rapist like six years earlier.
	So they used the DNA to capture or finish a cold case.
	Right.
	Right.
	They took it to court because it's like a violation.
	Some people say Scalia was one of them.
	Right.
	And in fact, the only real argument, even though Maryland did win this appeal in the Supreme Court, their real argument was that it helps us catch criminals.
	And Judge Scalia was not too happy about this sort of thinking.
	But unfortunately, the rest of the conservatives who aren't that conservative, it seems to me, if they go along with this.
	I mean, this is typical.
	Play the Maryland law about DNA. This is a little back and forth in the court.
	Mr.
	Chief Justice, and may it please the court, since 2009, when Maryland began to collect DNA samples from arrestees charged with violent crimes and burglary, there have been 225 matches, 75 prosecutions, and 42 convictions, including that of Respondent King.
	Well, that's really good.
	I'll bet you if you conducted a lot of unreasonable searches and seizures, you'd get more convictions, too.
	That proves absolutely nothing.
	Yeah.
	Well, he's telling it like it is.
	Yeah.
	But they're saying, well, you know, it's only for this, and it's only for that.
	But then when you hear the head of the Victims' Rights Coalition on Democracy Now, and these idiots on Democracy Now, and I'm pointing at Amy Goodman, when they hear something like this, the fact that they don't call it out, and all you have to do is listen to this woman defend the Maryland decision, or the Supreme Court decision about Maryland's use of the swab...
	Just listen carefully, and this is the future of all this, and it's like, what are you saying?
	Session, tell us why.
	We do support the decision and the reason for it is that so many lives are going to be saved.
	If we can know ahead of time, before somebody's going to commit a grievous act, who a person is through their DNA, by their DNA being in the system, and the arrest allows us to have that in the system, we can A, find cold cases that haven't been solved, and B, prevent other heinous crimes from happening like murder and rape.
	So we do support the decision.
	We also support that when other states take this up, and the states that are currently doing DNA on the rest, that they do it in An ethical way that provides the best evidence that we can get and the most definitive evidence that we can get.
	Oh, baby!
	Oh, baby!
	Before it's a crab, it's pre-crab.
	Nice!
	Nice!
	Nicely done!
	See, Kyle!
	Is that unbelievable?
	Well, unfortunately, no, it doesn't surprise me at all.
	Doesn't surprise me when I heard it, but I just said, there we go.
	This is where we're at.
	This is what's happening.
	Is this case not the same one where the Supreme Court, and maybe I'm confused, has said it's okay for police officers Maybe it's the same thing.
	No.
	It's okay for police to go.
	So a crime happened.
	They come to the crime scene and say, hey, everyone give me your DNA. No, this is not that.
	But this is happening too.
	Yeah.
	No, there's all this stuff.
	Because they're trying to get DNA. Even though there's absolutely no indicators in your genetic structure that would mean you're going to murder someone.
	Well, hold on.
	That's been disproven.
	Oh, hold on.
	Hold on.
	I have it right here from ScienceDaily.com.
	And you know, John, I don't have to tell you, do you?
	Hello?
	Play?
	Yes.
	It's not playing.
	My shit's broken.
	Science!
	Stop already!
	Science!
	Blood vessels in the eye linked with IQ and cognitive function in Science Daily.
	I see that eyeball, kid.
	Yeah.
	Research shows that younger people who score low on intelligence tests, such as IQ, tend to be at higher risk for poorer health and shorter lifespan.
	So they've discovered that there is a direct correlation between the size of your retina and your IQ. Apparently, yeah, yeah, it's science, it's science, John.
	Science.
	Science, it's science.
	Don't, don't, don't deny it!
	The science is in!
	Science!
	So you're gonna have your retinal scan when you get on the bus or off the school bus, as we discussed.
	And at the same...
	Oh, boy.
	No, you've got to stay back at grade.
	Hey, I just...
	Thank you, chat room.
	But I've been sleeping.
	I just sent you an email.
	Do you want a link to the PDF for the Play by the Rules?
	Just open it.
	Just open it, man.
	Okay, hold on.
	And look at the douchebags who are in charge of this.
	Chief Justice Chase Rogers.
	Susan Beiswick, which is Secretary of State and the Chief State Attorney, who looks like a pedo bear if I've ever seen one.
	And Connie Robin, who is the American Robin, the Connecticut State Bird.
	He's the Connecticut State Bird.
	He's the little...
	This thing takes forever to download.
	Really?
	I got it pretty quick.
	Well, I'm in Austin.
	It's just like it seems to have jammed here at about 25%.
	Oh, really?
	I got a show closer.
	Well, I got a couple too, but okay.
	We haven't had Reverend Manning on for a while.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, then let me play mine because nothing can beat the good Reverend.
	No, especially the second clip.
	You have two?
	Oh, yeah, I see it.
	Well, there's one.
	This is from a long segment.
	I got part of one, and then the second one where he goes nuts is the one we want.
	Well, let me...
	Do you mind?
	Let me see.
	No, go ahead.
	I'm actually downloading.
	I was going to...
	Well, I can play either...
	Here's the choices.
	You get a choice.
	Well, first, here's the correct pronunciation.
	Al-Qaeda.
	God.
	That's one of our producers who said it's not Al-Qaeda.
	That's completely wrong.
	It's Al-Qaeda.
	Al-Qaeda.
	Do it.
	Al-Qaeda.
	Al-Qaeda.
	No.
	You sound like Al-Qaeda.
	Al-Qaeda.
	And Hezbollah.
	Hezbollah.
	All right.
	We got those.
	You can choose.
	We have Bashir goes off the rails or Brolf and Rohrbacher shill for homegrown terrorism.
	Oh my god, this book is unbelievable.
	What is this with a bird that plays baseball?
	That's Connie the Robin.
	Give me the choices again, because my jaw hit the floor when you were talking.
	Your choices are Bashir goes off the rails, or Brolf and Rohrabacher shill for homegrown terrorists who are inspired.
	Are these both short?
	We'll just stretch the show.
	Despite the complete lack of any evidence linking the president to the targeting of Tea Party groups, Republicans are using it as their latest weapon in the war against the black man in the White House.
	Do you want more?
	Do you want more?
	Foul!
	Foul!
	Out of bounds!
	Do you want more?
	Can you handle it?
	Is it gonna hurt?
	It's gonna hurt, but I'll take it.
	Someone needs to be prosecuted.
	Thank you, Senator, and that goes all the way to the White House.
	This is arrogance.
	This is big government cronyism.
	Do you have any evidence that the President of the United States directed what you call a culture of intimidation at the IRS to target political opponents?
	I don't think we know what the facts are.
	But that hasn't stopped you from accusing.
	There isn't a weekend that hasn't gone by that someone says to me, why aren't you impeaching the president?
	This strategy is nothing new, and it was explained way back in 1981 by Lee Atwater, who was Bush 41's chief strategist.
	In a tape recording, Mr.
	Atwater revealed how Republicans evolve their language to achieve the same purpose.
	He said, You start out in 1954 by saying N-word, N-word, N-word.
	By 1968, you can't say N-word.
	That hurts you.
	Backfires.
	So you say stuff like forced busing, states' rights, and all that stuff, and you're getting so abstract.
	Now you're talking about cutting taxes.
	We want to cut this is much more abstract than even the busing thing, and they're a hell of a lot more abstract than N-word, N-word.
	So this afternoon, we welcome the latest phrase in the lexicon of Republican attacks on this president, the IRS. Three letters that sound so innocent, but we know what you mean.
	Is this guy insane?
	Yeah, of course he is.
	You know that he is my age?
	Well, he looks like he's ten years older than you and halfway...
	Well, he looks like he's sixty.
	He looks like my age.
	Does this guy have a green card?
	I'm telling you, he's the guy who doesn't like the Constitution.
	He's the one who railroaded Michael Jackson.
	He's a real badass.
	You're right.
	Oh, that is the guy.
	That's how he got his start.
	Yeah, he got his reputation by basically going on TV and saying, you're a pedophile, you sleeping boys.
	That's basically it.
	And he's the guy.
	Right.
	And he was like an entertainment reporter.
	Yeah, right.
	Exactly.
	He was an entertainment reporter.
	We haven't forgotten.
	Now he's an expert on politics.
	Well, he's an expert on douchebaggery.
	Yes, that's for sure.
	Wow.
	All right.
	So then here's my second clip.
	My second clip is Brolf.
	And what we're learning, or what do we know, or something like that.
	Congressman, you met with Russian intelligence officials.
	First of all, give us your reaction to what we just heard in Phil Black's report about this phone conversation between Johar Sarnaev and his mother in Dagestan.
	So I cut out the whole piece where Johar called his mom, and so they're in Dagestan.
	They have video of her with her iPhone.
	Interesting.
	Dagestan.
	Big iPhone market for Apple up there.
	And so I guess they're in Dagestan.
	And she's interesting, this mom, whoever she is.
	And she then goes in this whole spiel about, of course, she's a good Muslim.
	and have to pray to Allah five times a day.
	We're good Muslims.
	And just for no apparent reason, either she goes into it or it was cut that way, Probably more likely.
	But she could be an actor as well.
	And the whole thing is very weird.
	I left that out because it was just too long.
	But here is the response from Rohrabacher.
	Well, it certainly confirms for us that we're dealing with a radical Islamic terrorist situation.
	These people are obviously fanatics, Muslim fanatics, and the fact that she wants her son to be strong and has to bring up The Koran in a situation where three Americans are dead and hundreds of innocent people whose lives have been shattered by what her son is accused of doing.
	The fact that she would talk about the Koran shows you just how fanatical a family these two terrorist young men came from.
	But did you get any evidence from Russian intelligence or other sources that they were part of some sort of organized terror operation, or were they acting individually, maybe inspired by some sort of fundamentalist thought, if you will?
	I think it's more the latter, but let us just note that there's much of a threat of radical Islamic terrorism coming from young people like this, as there is coming from al-Qaeda or some Saudi The fact is, this is a threat to all of our lives, our families and our children.
	In Russia, what we were there to do was to point out and to learn from them how they are coping with this and try to find out how we can expand the arena of cooperation between Russia and the United States in dealing with the radical Islamic terrorist threat, which is taking the lives of both of our people.
	But it's clear that we need to change the relationship to expand the areas of cooperation between Russian and American officials.
	For example, when this family immigrated into the United States and other families that are immigrating to the United States now from that region, we don't have an input from the Russian government to suggest whether or not these are radically...
	...associated with radical Islam or not.
	That would be something...
	You just talked over it.
	Oh, well, it's just killing me.
	The first thing he had with Bashir was so funny, and this thing, this is just Rohrbach, the guy's a raging boor, yakking away.
	So, well, okay.
	All right.
	I agree.
	But there was a punchline.
	What was it?
	Just tell me.
	He says you're just as likely to get killed, slaughtered by a radical Islamist here at home.
	But the whole thing is scripted, and that's what I wanted to point out.
	You're right, it was boring.
	What I wanted to point out was, at one point he says the arena of cooperation, and then he says the area of cooperation, because he misreads the prompter.
	Was he in a situation where he could have a prompter?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, that's where I kept him yakking away from.
	Highly produced piece.
	No, you're right.
	I'm sorry.
	That was a couple minutes to your life, you'll never get back again.
	My fault.
	Well, I don't use that line, but I will now.
	So let's move on to the never boring.
	Why don't you use that line?
	Because you use it.
	It's your line.
	You use it all the time.
	Well, because you bore me all the time.
	Is that what you're saying?
	Manning has got this new theory.
	That they're going to run Romney again.
	Now, you have to remember, Manning caught this last election nail.
	He's really actually pretty accurate as an analyst.
	And he's got this theory about Jeb Bush, and I cut most of this out, but you can hear it again.
	Jeb Bush is being run just to take Rubio out of the picture, because Rubio's got to go.
	And we start with this little kind of analysis piece here, which is Manning on Rubio.
	Because that's a ridiculous idea as well.
	It was ridiculous.
	I mean, I like Herman Cain, but it was ridiculous to run a black man against a black man.
	It was crazy as hell.
	I mean, what are you talking about?
	It just looks stupid.
	It looks racist.
	It looks crazy.
	Herman Cain against Obama.
	I mean, what on earth could the Republican Party ever be thinking about?
	We like Herman Cain.
	It was stupid.
	So they get him out of...
	That's all I got on your clip.
	Wow.
	I screwed that one up.
	But anyway, I gave you the background.
	Meanwhile, he takes off...
	This better be here.
	A minute 53?
	Does that sound right?
	Yeah, that's got to be right.
	So this is Manning going on.
	He's got this theory that the Republicans are running Bush to get rid of Rubio.
	And then he has this thesis about how the winner is going, the guy who's setting himself up because he's been showing up on a lot of talk shows, he says, is Romney's going to run again, which, by the way, in American history happens a lot.
	Huh.
	The GOP does not deserve to have any power.
	If you are too afraid of the consequences of standing up and defending this Constitution against whatever comes, but you're defending the Constitution, we've got a man that's sitting in the White House now who is constitutionally an eligible and every damn body in America knows it!
	Everybody knows it!
	But yet you, Mitt Romney, you, Reince Priebus, you, Fox News, became conspirators, co-conspirators.
	And the reason why you let them get away with it is because you're afraid of black people.
	You're afraid of the backlash.
	Any man who is too afraid to stand up and to defend the Constitution of this nation does not deserve to be the President of America, and your party does not deserve to have any power!
	So go someplace and shoot yourself!
	You've allowed this to take place.
	You've allowed our Constitution to be trampled on.
	And you said you're afraid of black people.
	Well, what does that mean?
	What does that mean?
	What does that mean?
	It means that the man that should be the President of America ought to be the man that's willing to defend this nation against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.
	Whether it be black people jumping up and down in Chicago, or South Central Los Angeles, or whether it be these freaks on these talk shows like MSNBC crying foul when somebody says diversity, which is a legitimate issue!
	If you're too afraid of that, Then you don't deserve to defend or lead this great nation.
	Go to hell, Mitt Romney!
	Go to hell, the GOP party!
	Go to hell, Fox News!
	Go to hell, Dick Marsh!
	Go to hell, Colorado!
	You don't deserve any power!
	Guess that's that.
	Well, you know what?
	I don't think I can do a show anymore.
	I got nothing against this guy.
	This guy, he's fantastic.
	I'm a fan.
	I'm a huge fan.
	Go ahead now and whoop the dumb head media!
	I love this guy.
	You got to talk about that!
	Wow.
	Yep.
	Let me, just as we close here, should the president...
	I couldn't really find an answer easily this morning.
	If the president no longer can serve, or no longer wants to serve, then the vice president, there's a succession, it was easy to find, the vice president can become the acting president.
	Does the vice, the then acting president, you know what my question is?
	Yeah.
	What's the question?
	Well, you say if the vice president gets moved up, does the next layer go up a notch?
	That wasn't my question.
	Well, that's a good question.
	Well, my question is, that is kind of the question.
	The question was, does the president get to choose who the new vice president is?
	No.
	Really?
	We just operate without a vice president for a while.
	Are you very sure about that?
	I'm pretty sure of it.
	I don't know if that's correct.
	You don't need a vice president.
	But here would be my scenario.
	So, my scenario, that President Obama, let's just say we're evil, okay?
	Let's just for one second, we're evil.
	We're the Clintons, for example.
	And we're evil, because that's what the Clintons are.
	And we want to get into the White House as smoothly as possible.
	What if the president takes his $100 million or any other way?
	That would probably be the easiest to get him out.
	I quit.
	I'm done.
	Like Michelle.
	I want to spend more time with the family.
	Well, if you keep heckling me, I'm not going to be the president anymore.
	And Michelle agrees.
	Right, honey?
	That's right!
	Like Manning.
	And then they take their ball and they go home to Chicago or, you know, serious illness, rash, whatever, or worse, God forbid.
	Joe Biden, who seems like he's in on this idea already, he'll be like, yeah, three years of the top job!
	This would be awesome!
	Why would he not then, by presidential order, executive order or otherwise, say, you know what?
	We need the best damn team that this country can provide.
	Hillary, would you step up?
	And she'd be in.
	And then come election time, Joe retires with grace.
	He's been president, which he wanted to do.
	He didn't have to fight, didn't have to run that whole thing.
	Hillary comes and he retires, goes off to the sunset, hookers and blow for Joe.
	Hillary runs for president.
	Yeah.
	What do you think?
	I like the idea.
	But I don't think it's legal.
	Although...
	I don't know if it's...
	Why...
	I mean, we don't...
	We choose...
	Why not?
	Let's see.
	What happened with Lyndon Johnson?
	Did he...
	So he swore...
	He swore...
	Was sworn in on the plane.
	With Jackie there, by the way.
	Yeah, I know.
	It was disgusting.
	Oh, yeah.
	And she was looking all hot as the hot widow.
	Well, she didn't look that hot.
	I thought she looked pretty hot.
	She looked like she was in mourning, actually.
	Okay, let's see.
	Johnson.
	You know when Lyndon Johnson was born in 19...
	Oh, no.
	No.
	You know he was from Austin?
	That wouldn't surprise me.
	Yeah, well, did you know that he set up our national treasure, NPR? Yeah.
	That wouldn't surprise me.
	Yeah, the first station, KLBJ. So he got bumped up and then the vice president, there was none.
	Forever?
	But he could have chosen.
	No, then when he ran for election, when the next cycle came around, he ran for president in 64.
	But would it have been illegal for him?
	I mean, we need a vice president, don't we?
	No, what do you need him for?
	It's just to take the job of the president in case something happens to the president.
	Well, yes.
	Well, it's not going to happen two times in a row.
	No one's figuring that.
	Are they going to drop like flies?
	No, but the whole idea is that...
	No, I know what you're thinking, and I think it would be slick, but it would be...
	Well, it would be slick, but no, I don't think you can do that.
	I mean, you'd have to ask somebody, what about an executive order?
	That's the way you're suggesting it.
	Yes, exactly.
	So by executive order, I assign someone to be the vice president, which is an elective office.
	Don't think so.
	Now, with that said, I have to say governors can replace senators.
	Chris Christie just did that to Lautenberg.
	Right.
	So you put the guy in there and then he gets to run or not run.
	It's never been done.
	Let's put it that way.
	It probably would look pretty sneaky.
	It might actually hurt Hillary's chances if that happened.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah, because it would go like the public, it does have a collective unconscious or subconscious, and they would go, wait a minute.
	No, they would not.
	They would.
	Oh, they would not.
	Oh, John, please.
	Oh, please.
	I think in this case it would be too ridiculous.
	Oh, no.
	Oh, no.
	Oh, no, no, no, no.
	Wait a minute.
	No way.
	No way.
	What's she doing there?
	No way.
	They'll be so happy.
	We've got the dream team.
	We've got Joe and Hillary.
	I like your idea of how to sell it.
	Yeah.
	I'm not denying that.
	I'll give you that.
	I'll give you the whole thing.
	But it's never been done, and I think if it was done, it would be all of a sudden, it would draw so much attention, I think it would hurt Hillary.
	She doesn't need this bullshit.
	She can win on her own.
	Especially if they're going to run Romney again.
	Yeah, but this...
	Dude, this is what I'm saying.
	The whole...
	Oh, no, no, no.
	Well, anyway, this is my idea.
	I think we're being set up for it.
	I think maybe this is part of the heckling.
	Like, all right, we're just...
	I'm not taking this well.
	No, this is...
	No, you're on something now.
	You should get some Adderall.
	No way.
	If you keep heckling me...
	Oh, I can be heckled.
	I quit.
	I quit.
	If you keep heckling me, Muslims might riot.
	No.
	Wait a minute, that was the other script.
	I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
	I quit.
	I'm haggled.
	Okay.
	Well, you watch.
	Well, if you don't want me to run the country, then I won't.
	It'll be some version of that.
	Hey, I called the Pope.
	I'm telling you, this Benghazi thing is still steaming away.
	Although the mainstream media refuses to discuss this latest thing.
	Ah, from the 25th Amendment, Section 2.
	Whenever there is a vacancy in the office of the Vice President, the President shall nominate a Vice President who shall take office upon confirmation by a majority vote of both Houses of Congress.
	Ha!
	There you go.
	Thank you, O'Corpheus.
	And you think that they would let...
	You think the Democrat-ruled House of Representatives would approve Hillary?
	Yes.
	Ha!
	She's a Democrat.
	The Democrats don't own the House, they only own the Senate.
	It's both houses.
	Oh, they'll both let her in.
	They love her.
	No, no, no.
	They hate her.
	The Clintons are dangerous, dude.
	I'm telling you, they don't like her.
	All right.
	That's irrelevant.
	Because one thing's for sure, on Sunday, which will be 69, we'll be back here with another episode of the best podcast in the universe to discuss this and many more pressing issues.
	In the morning, I'm Adam Curry.
	And in the morning, from northern Silicon Valley, I'm John C. Dvorak.
	We'll be back on Sunday right here on No Agenda.
	Go!
	The best podcast in the universe!

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