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Jan. 2, 2011 - No Agenda

02:25:09

266: Dead Angry Birds

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Time	Text
	The women in Canada, because they're walking all the time, have extremely pretty butts.
	Adam Curry, John C. Devorak.
	It's Sunday, January 2nd, 2011.
	Time for your Gitmo Nation Media Assassination Episode 266.
	This is No Agenda.
	Uncovering Apple product issues in the new year here at the Hilltop Watchtower Crackpot Command Center in Gitmo Nation West in the People's Republic of Southern California.
	In the morning, I am still the former Soviet spy known as Adam Curry.
	And coming to you from the future, 2011.
	I'm in Northern Silicon Valley.
	I'm John C. Dvorak.
	It's Crackpot and Buzzkill.
	In the morning.
	Hey, hey, hey.
	Happy New Year, John.
	Happy New Year to you and Happy New Year to all the ships at sea and boots on the ground.
	Wings in the skies, foots in the ocean, hems on the air and human resources everywhere.
	Hey, you made another rhyme but not a haiku.
	And in the morning to all of the human resources in the chat room at noagendachat.net where the party is always going on when we do the show live.
	So there you go.
	Happy New Year, John.
	And Happy New Year to you, and Happy New Year to all the ships at sea!
	So, here's what happens my new year.
	The first moment of the new year where I actually need an alarm to go off, which of course is for Sunday, for the show.
	You know, I get up at 5.30 on show days, Thursdays and Sundays, so I have plenty of time to prep and review stuff.
	There's probably about 300 stories I go through.
	You know, John has his own way of doing it, and he spends an equal amount of time in other ways on the show.
	I like to get up really early and do it.
	And so I'm in bed this morning.
	I'm like, Mickey taking all the damn blankets again, including the sheets.
	And then so I'm kind of awake.
	I'm like, hey, wait a minute.
	Why is it light outside?
	And so I twirl over.
	I grab my iPhone, which I've been using as an alarm for, I don't know, for a long time, years.
	And it's 745.
	I'm like, what?!
	And the alarm did not go off.
	Okay.
	Let's start with a simple question.
	Why am I using your phone as an alarm clock?
	Because it's usually quite reliable.
	The phone will adjust to time zones.
	It has a very simple interface for the alarm settings.
	And I like it.
	I've come to trust it over the many, many years I've been using my iPhone.
	Does it make enough noise to even wake you up?
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's fantastic.
	And then Mickey has her alarm always.
	And this is not a recurring alarm.
	I set it every single night.
	I don't trust the recurring alarm ever since that problem we had.
	There was like an iPhone problem.
	Where recurring alarms wouldn't work.
	It was not too long ago.
	Yeah, there seems to be a lot of problems.
	Yeah, but anyway, so I set a fresh new alarm every single morning.
	Mickey has hers on recurring alarm 8 a.m.
	every day.
	It didn't go off.
	And she just restarted her phone, set a new alarm.
	It still didn't go off.
	Maybe the function is dead.
	It's the 2011 bug.
	It's the XXX1 bug.
	Let me see.
	It looks like...
	You guys sure you know how to use these phones?
	Would you blow me?
	What do we even do if I know how to use these phones?
	Of course I do.
	Has anyone had that here in the chat room?
	I bet you someone else had that.
	It must have been.
	Someone else must have had that problem.
	But now it's an iPhone 4?
	Yes, iPhone 4 with 4.2 install, I guess.
	Although Mickey's isn't jailbroken.
	Mine is jailbroken, so that shouldn't make any difference.
	It's weird, though.
	No, it is weird.
	I mean, what could change?
	I don't know.
	It makes no sense.
	I don't know.
	It's a Y211 bug.
	Well, you know what?
	Let's see how long it takes for Apple not to admit there's a problem.
	This is what always kills me about those guys.
	They never come out and say, hey, yeah, that sucked, except for the antenna thing.
	And that was only to blame other people for having the same problem.
	Maybe 2011 is the year that we take Apple down a notch in their high and mighty holier-than-thou-our-shit-don't-stink position.
	They still make a damn nice phone.
	I mean, I'm not going to say that, but wow.
	They are so super arrogant.
	Shut up, slaves.
	Buy our phones.
	Well, you as the tech guru, you should be looking into this.
	Oh, you know, the way I see it, it's got bugs.
	What do you use for an alarm clock?
	A thing that plugs in the wall and has batteries in it, so in case the wall's circuitry goes out, the batteries take over and the clock stays running, and then it makes a loud ringing sound in the morning when it's set.
	You know, it's called an alarm clock.
	Now you're being pretty arrogant too.
	No, I'm just saying.
	It's just like the old technology is sometimes the best technology.
	I would never in a million years trust my phone to be an alarm clock.
	Well, you do trust it to be your watch because you don't walk around with a watch anymore.
	In fact, you're quite proud of saying, I use my phone for some time and it's like everyone else who's modern.
	I've heard you say this on numerous occasions.
	And if I don't have my phone with me, which is quite common, I will go up to someone and say, Hey, dude, what time is it?
	Wow.
	So you can actually get the time.
	What's wrong with carrying the time around?
	Since when did that go out of fashion?
	Because the time is being carried around.
	You don't need to be a slave to time.
	I'm not a slave to time.
	I like knowing what time it is.
	Why?
	It makes me feel good.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, I feel so good knowing it's 9.15.
	The time went so slow in Big Bear when we were up there.
	It's like it's only 3 in the afternoon.
	It feels like 6.
	Haven't you been back for a while since we talked about it on the last show?
	Yeah.
	Why don't you just move to Big Bear if you like it so much?
	We were laughing about that last about your advice.
	Oh, whatever you do, don't buy land there to be the end of the relationship.
	You're probably right.
	I'm talking about buying land and building on it.
	You can buy land.
	But don't do anything.
	Just don't build anything.
	Don't build a house.
	Just buy land.
	Yeah, right.
	I've got to build something to escape to.
	Because it doesn't feel good, the world around us.
	And Los Angeles is not going to be a place to be.
	Especially after all these horrendous...
	The rainstorms.
	Oh, I've got a terrible report.
	In fact, I want to play it.
	It's a terrible report.
	A storm in Riverside because you had this wind blowing and the rain and things sliding down the hill.
	Let's listen to the latest update from KTLA....from downtown Hemet where powerful gusts pushed over a tall palm tree.
	High winds also blew on a wooden fence panel at a home in Riverside.
	Thanks to Albert Gonzalez for that photo.
	A whole panel from a fence was blown out.
	You poor people down there.
	How can you stand it?
	I think what happened there is we did have a lot of really bad stuff happening in the past week, and so they slotted it in.
	So it's like in the morning news, okay, at 18 past the hour we're going to do a horrible storm update, and they just didn't have anything for the slot.
	So they just said, well, thank you, Albert Gonzalez, for sending that picture in of the hole in the fence.
	Because it was bad.
	I mean, we had trees sliding down our hill.
	And, you know, mudslides get pretty bad because of the fires.
	And, you know, there's no vegetation or brush, so to speak, of.
	And then when that gets really rainy, then it just starts sliding down.
	Imagine like a sandcastle on the beach.
	We just keep pouring water on one side.
	And it just all goes away.
	It is bad.
	But that's not the problem.
	I would say the people is the problem.
	The people here who are going to go ape shit eventually just because they're completely slaves to the New World Order of Gitmo Nation West People's Republic of Southern California.
	That's what I'm worried about.
	How are they going to go apeshit?
	They're already sedated.
	Well, we've had riots here before.
	I don't know, man.
	I think people are getting past the fluoride in the water and the barium in the skies.
	At a certain point, nothing can stop you.
	You're like a wild beast.
	So we went to the fireworks display over in San Francisco.
	How was that?
	It's interesting to see that around the world there's massive firework displays, but the United States on New Year's, it's really, it's not the culture.
	Yeah, you've got some.
	You know, I would have agreed with that except for this particular display.
	It was probably the best display I've seen in my lifetime, especially the best I've ever seen in San Francisco.
	Right.
	And it was, and I couldn't figure it out.
	They actually had, you know, at the end of these things they have a finale.
	Yeah, with a big crescendo.
	Yeah, they had two finales.
	Wait.
	They did one finale which got this huge standing ovation from the 100,000 people watching.
	And then they kept it going and then they went for another five minutes and then had a second finale.
	This is a very bad initiative because then all of a sudden your wife wants that kind of action.
	So I couldn't figure out why this display was so interesting and different.
	And I realized it was because of Gavin Newsom.
	This is his last time as mayor.
	He's moving into Sacramento.
	So he blew the budget.
	It's like, yeah, we've got some money over here.
	Let's add that in.
	Who cares?
	I'm out of here.
	Well, speaking of budget, in 1987, I did New Year's Eve live from Times Square for MTV. And this is when Times Square had hookers, drug pushers.
	I mean, Times Square was seedy and gaudy.
	It was the old Times Square.
	It was awesome.
	Time Square was Time Square.
	And I actually had a bodyguard with a huge gun standing next to me, and they had the camera up on one Time Square.
	It was cool.
	It was cold, but it was cool.
	It was me and like half a million.
	Did he also carry a firearm?
	I didn't, but my bodyguard did.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	I misunderstood.
	He had the gun, my bodyguard.
	But it was not...
	These days, that area of Times Square, cars are no longer allowed to drive there.
	And it has that Disneyland pavement.
	And guys who come around and scrape the gum up.
	It's unbelievable.
	It's complete Disneyland.
	So in 87 going to 88, it was an amazing experience.
	And people from all over the world came in and you just kind of like converged and convened on this one area of Manhattan and watched this silly-ass ball drop.
	Which, by the way, was basically like a marble.
	And there was no fireworks, no nothing.
	So I'm watching the New York celebrations.
	Everyone's wearing blue hats for Nivea.
	Everyone's got Samsung phones.
	The whole thing is one big corporate sponsored piece of crap.
	And it's like, oh yeah, we came from Poland, we came from Norway.
	It's all set up.
	They've completely ruined New Year's Eve and Times Square.
	And everyone's wearing these big foam blue hats with Nivea on it, who apparently had some Facebook contest, Kiss and Be Kissed, for their Nivea chapstick.
	And it ruined it!
	It completely ruined it!
	It's not a celebration, it's a set.
	It's a television set.
	Ruined.
	Completely ruined.
	Well, yeah.
	Well, ever since they cleaned up Times Square, it's, you know, used to be kind of dangerous.
	I'd still walk there.
	Back in the late 80s, I'd walk there at 2 in the morning.
	You just got to have an attitude about you.
	You just got to, like, you know, walk the walk.
	And then, you know, people go, no, don't mess with him.
	That's how you did it back in the day.
	I used to make that similar walk for the same reason, because it was kind of a kick.
	But I would go down, first you would want to go down to 8th or 9th.
	Oh, I did it right at Broadway, because I lived on the 47th Broadway.
	Yeah, but if you get down to 8th or 9th where it's seedier, or used to be.
	Well, no, that's where you had the hookers.
	There's crack pipes on the ground, you step on them.
	It's terrible.
	Yes, I hate it when someone steps on my crack pipe.
	So anyway, New York is a tourist town.
	They finally got a clue.
	It's not for all the weirdos that like to go floating around Times Square in the olden days.
	That's when it was cool.
	You get there, you get really hammered.
	Now it's like everything in the world is just becoming one big TV set.
	One big studio.
	There you go, all the world's a stage.
	I guess the prophecy comes true.
	Talking about prophecies.
	Not prophecy.
	What do you call it?
	Talking about prophecy.
	Yeah, the prophecy that if we show up, people will come and listen?
	Well, they don't, depending on the holidays.
	Yeah.
	But I do have a prophecy clip.
	Ooh.
	Before I get to the...
	We didn't get any executive producers this week.
	Zero?
	Yeah, zero.
	So you and I are the executive producers of show number one for the year 2011.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Did anyone help us out at all?
	Yeah, we've got some.
	At the break, we'll discuss them.
	So we have no associate executive producers either?
	No, we've got nothing.
	We wouldn't have an associate executive producer if we don't have any executive producers because of the nature of the way this is.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Well, then let me thank a few people who did some PR for us, and then we'll get into your clip, okay?
	Sure.
	First of all, I want to thank Ryan, who has noagendafigures.com.
	Remember, this is the guy who makes the paperclip figures?
	Oh, yeah, right.
	Art.
	Yeah, it's art with Gitmo Nation Jewelry.
	He has a night figurine.
	Anyway, he says, in the morning, it's the end of the month, I'll be sending you some money.
	Not a huge success, but I was able to pay for some Christmas presents this year, and you guys get some money, because of course he splits it with us.
	So he sent us $15.65.
	Ryan, thank you very much, and I hope more people go to knowagendafigures.com, because I think your art is pretty cool.
	Then, remember Dan from Tip Top Website?
	Yeah.
	He came up with a really good idea, and Dan is just the kind of guy who could actually make this happen.
	He wants to do a movie about no agenda, which I'm all for, as long as we don't have to do anything.
	We don't do any work.
	Yeah, we don't want to do any work.
	We'll show up if there's, like, craft services.
	Our work consists of watching C-SPAN. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do.
	It's definitely not the easiest.
	It's a hard job.
	And it's particularly bad during this period when Congress is off because you don't have any of these congressmen.
	Tell me about it.
	Yeah, there's no jabronis.
	It's all like...
	Although some of the forums are interesting that they have on.
	Once in a while.
	But then you have to watch the whole thing.
	I know, I know.
	It's horrible.
	So anyway, he says, here's how the trailer would run.
	And I did like this.
	So first we have Kendra.
	You know who Kendra is?
	She's one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
	Kendra.
	And she has a reality show.
	And so here's her quote.
	You got these little quotes for the trailer.
	I didn't know the money I texted to Haiti years ago still has not reached Haiti.
	Then we have Ellen, Ellen DeGeneres.
	But I thought Ask, Don't Tell was repealed.
	And then Pamela Anderson.
	Are you telling me that the guy, our Secretary of Homeland, is making money every single time the TSA sees me naked?
	No.
	He's got this whole idea really, really set up well.
	And I said, well, do you know these celebrities?
	And he's like, I'll get back to you.
	So, how cool would that be?
	I'd go for it.
	Yeah.
	I mean, we don't even need an actual movie.
	We just need the trailer.
	Yeah, that's probably all it should be.
	Just pretend like there's a movie coming, 2012.
	Yeah, the perpetual movie coming.
	And then I want to give a big shout-out to WiredPig, Wired Pig got on Coast to Coast AM and promoted the show, John.
	Oh, did he now?
	Yeah, you want to hear?
	I got a little clip of him on the show.
	Here we go.
	What's your prediction for 2011?
	My prognostication is that 2011 is going to have a big upstick in the number of people that are going to be using alternative media, shows like Coast to Coast, Alex Jones, No Agenda as their primary source of media.
	And that's tied in with people becoming more and more dissatisfied with the content that mainstream media is producing.
	There you go.
	Kind of a shitty quality, but that's cool.
	I don't know about being lumped in with Alex Jones, but at least we got a name mentioned there.
	That's pretty awesome.
	Well, I guess it's better being lumped in with the other guy.
	With the other guy?
	Also, I see one of our fans is opencafepress.com.
	Yeah, I saw that.
	It needs a little more work on the t-shirts, but it's cool that...
	Yeah, it's basically one logo on everything known to man.
	But, you know, I tried putting up one of those t-shirt shops a few years ago, and it's tedious.
	I don't know, you ever worked with Cafe Press and tried to get a t-shirt shop started?
	No, no, I never tried that.
	It's kind of, you know, the fact that he's got that many things up, it was non-trivial.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Anyway, so we have no executive producers, no associate executive producers, no members of the 266 Club, some nice PR initiatives, and of course everyone else out there can do one thing to help.
	This is always a good thing, is propagate our formula.
	Our formula is this.
	We go out, we hit people in the mouth.
	New. World. Order.
	All right, everybody, say it loud and proud now.
	Shut up, slave.
	A big discussion in the chat room all of a sudden.
	About what?
	About Alex Jones.
	At least he's got balls.
	No, he doesn't.
	He's full of crap on most of his stuff.
	The only thing good about Alex Jones is the guests he has on.
	I love the guests he has on.
	They're very entertaining and interesting.
	But I just can't get over the fact that he is constantly selling you gold Selling you scary videos, selling you food, seeds, solar power things that are all overpriced.
	I'm not against solar power, but look at the solutions.
	I've looked at all this stuff.
	Solutions for science.
	You buy $7,000 worth of gear that you can get independently, separately for two and a half.
	And just when there's a guest on and it's getting good, then he has to interrupt.
	For another commercial.
	It's unconscionable.
	The fact that people think it's good and they defend it is ridiculous.
	It's a commercial enterprise and it's not serving the listener to offer these crappy deals.
	I mean, these are basically out-and-out crappy deals.
	And I think you also steal stuff from us.
	But that's okay.
	I doubt it.
	I think there's some listening going on.
	Do you know, it's amazing.
	We'll do like the Thank You Slaves video and then that shows up in all kinds of shows.
	People listen.
	That's cool.
	Yeah, well, if they're listening, they're not giving us any money.
	Well, no.
	They want us to sell them crappy deals.
	Scam them.
	This is our audience.
	Oh, you guys are interested.
	Oh, I'd rather be scammed.
	Scam me with the food.
	Lifetime supply of donuts.
	Donuts?
	Yes, the lifetime supply of donuts is one of the new scams.
	Yeah, you get donuts in case the world ends.
	You'll have donuts.
	This is not a real thing you're setting up, is it?
	No, I should.
	It sounds like a winner.
	It does.
	It sounds like a total winner.
	Donuts and hot coffee.
	When Armageddon hits, what are you going to do for your family?
	Your family will need donuts.
	Now, through this special one-time offer, we get you a lifetime supply of donuts.
	Donuts also to be used as a flotation device.
	Donuts from NoAgendaShow.com.
	Now instead, how about I sell you some mephedrone?
	A lot of research on this bath salt thing that we talked about in the last show.
	Bath salt.
	So I guess what it is, is mephedrone is a synthetic drug, but it's being sold as a bath salt.
	And I guess it functions like a bath salt, but it's gotten so bad with this mephedrone stuff.
	That even in the Netherlands, which is the capital of the ecstasy capital of the world, there's almost no MDMA showing up in the ecstasy pills.
	It's all this methadrone stuff.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, which I guess is made from sassafras oil and a couple other things.
	Have a root beer instead.
	A root beer?
	That's what sassafras was.
	Originally root beer was a sassafras drink.
	Oh, I didn't know that.
	Yeah.
	So this is apparently quite rampant, this, and it actually, did you look up this, did you do any research into the methadrome where you just went, eh, whatever, and you moved on?
	Well, I looked at the breakdown of that crazy drug that you mentioned, and it turns out to be, all it says in the Merck Index is CNS Exciter or something like this, apparently it affects your central nervous system.
	Yeah, exactly.
	So it does something.
	Apparently.
	Yeah.
	Kids are digging it.
	Well, I think kids dig anything.
	Well, this is kind of the point, though.
	I think this is what we're seeing, is that you can outlaw marijuana, you can outlaw heroin, cocaine.
	Eventually, people just start drinking Drano.
	I mean, you can't outlaw everything.
	I know.
	The illegalization of marijuana and the criminalization of everything else, the net result is poisoning people.
	People want to get a buzz.
	They want drugs, exactly.
	Society is ruining everybody.
	They need to get a little high to get through the day because there's no job.
	Because they're slaves!
	We went to the...
	Slaves to what?
	That's the problem.
	There's no...
	There are free slaves now.
	They got no work.
	We went to the fireworks display over in San Francisco.
	You know, it was just mostly, you know, kids.
	Well, to us.
	But anyway, you know, people in their 20s and late teens.
	And there's 100,000 people there all over the place.
	Right.
	And, you know, and they're a bunch of punks and a bunch of drunks and a bunch of characters.
	It was actually quite entertaining.
	And my wife says to me, she says, do you think any of these people actually had any, how many people do you think there had jobs?
	And?
	And I said, if half of them did, it would be a miracle.
	And she says, there's nothing for them to do.
	There's no work.
	Right.
	So, then how does that theory work?
	I guess it's just we're so, the government or the, yeah, the government, the elites are so greedy that they know people need to get abuzz and they outlaw the stuff they supply, which is the heroin.
	So they can just make more money off of it.
	Is that the way I've got to see this?
	I don't know.
	I think there must be.
	All I know is that the situation is so unbalanced that it's going to come to a head and it's going to be violent.
	And it's going to happen in Los Angeles.
	I think probably first.
	Yes, it probably will.
	Yeah, I'm glad I'm up here on the hill.
	Well, Los Angeles, we've already decided, especially in this family up here, Los Angeles is the culture capital of the world.
	So whatever happens in Los Angeles, and people can deny it all they want, but if you go in and out of L.A., if you live there, you don't notice it so much, but if you go in and out of there, you can really see it, because the stuff you see going, you say, wow, this is interesting, I never saw this before, and then two years later, it's in San Francisco.
	So everything stems from L.A., and so L.A. is bound to erupt.
	Yeah.
	So, LA's going to erupt in riots, and then two years later, it's going to happen in San Francisco?
	Is that what you're saying?
	Hey, man!
	Let's riot!
	This is a good idea!
	They're doing it in LA! I think the rioting thing is going to cascade pretty quickly.
	It would be funny to wait two years.
	How slow are these people?
	We were talking about the Shantix.
	On the last show.
	And of course, there was like four variations of new commercials for Shantix just around the new year.
	Because that's their bonanza time.
	Everyone's like, oh, I have a resolution.
	I'm going to give up smoking.
	Four weeks now, by the way, for Mickey and myself.
	Four weeks and counting.
	And it's still not a day that doesn't go by.
	That was already four weeks.
	You were well over four weeks.
	No, we're now four weeks.
	Now it's officially four weeks.
	It was the 6th of December.
	The date will always remember.
	So it's like almost a month.
	Okay.
	Yeah, four weeks.
	It was Sunday the 6th.
	I mean, how can I forget?
	Was it the 5th?
	No, it was Sunday the 5th.
	How can I forget?
	I mean, it was the 3rd.
	Hey, I'm like the president.
	It's impossible to forget.
	Kind of like nine months.
	I don't remember exactly the date, you know, because I didn't actually quit.
	So a report came out in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
	That Shantix actually has a very positive effect.
	Now Shantix, by the way, for those of you who don't know, get off the stuff.
	If you're on it now, get off.
	It's going to kill you.
	Or you will kill someone else or you'll probably wake up naked in someone's yard and not remember how you got there.
	This is crazy stuff.
	Crazy stuff.
	Just Google it and you'll see all the reports.
	However, it turns out that it has an interesting side effect.
	It can actually reduce the symptoms of PGAD and PSAD. Are you familiar with these two horrible diseases, John?
	Seems unlikely.
	Do you know that I'd be familiar?
	Let me give you a little report about PGAD. Los Angeles at rush hour.
	Heat, traffic, and a woman with a spiky temper.
	By the way, this is going to explain a lot about what happens in traffic, because I think there's a lot of people who have this issue.
	Women, at least.
	Meet Jeannie.
	She's bursting to get home.
	I can't hear it.
	Oh, hold on a second.
	You can't hear anything?
	I've got my volume turned way up on it, and I can't barely hear it.
	All right, I'm going to blast you out there.
	How's that work?
	A little better.
	Want to push?
	Jeannie has a rare and perplexing condition that...
	Can you hear it now?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Searchers have just discovered.
	It's called persistent sexual arousal syndrome.
	Does the persistent sexual arousal make you more grumpy?
	Absolutely.
	Yep.
	Makes my fuse very short.
	Oh, shut up!
	I was here before you were.
	Jeannie feels unrelenting physical arousal.
	But this is not about pleasure.
	Far from it.
	Have you ever slammed a finger, a thumb, whatever, in a door or someplace and you've gotten it where it's beet red and it's throbbing?
	It's the same sensation in the fact that the clitoris has got the blood rushing and you have that same terrible throbbing.
	So that's painful.
	There's an insatiable beast down below that's been calling for 10 hours and it's now deafening.
	For some reason the sitting in traffic is worse and I don't like being in the traffic so it's a combination of me getting a slow burn here now because I want to get moving and get on the way.
	It's never going to be the most plausible excuse for a traffic violation, but Jeannie's desperate to get home to masturbate, or as she coyly puts it, take care of business.
	I can't wait to get in the house, go to the bathroom, and then take care of myself.
	So, with that, I'll see you later.
	Hold on a second.
	This is a bunch of bull crap.
	Now let's start over.
	If she's that crazy, which it sounds like, then she sounds like a battle axe, to be honest about it.
	It's a video and it's in the show notes.
	You should see her.
	You're like, okay, right, alright.
	Why doesn't she just hike up her dress while she's driving and take care of business, as she likes to put it?
	While driving around.
	Who's going to notice?
	Who cares?
	Okay, so I took a little...
	Well, it's a little different, John, for men and for women, just in case you hadn't noticed.
	When women have an orgasm...
	See, when men have an orgasm, it's all like...
	Everything's focused on the penis, and it's three seconds.
	And hey, women have an orgasm.
	They're like...
	Jell-O. And they can't drive a vehicle.
	That would be dangerous.
	You know what?
	You can learn.
	Yeah.
	It's never too late.
	So this persistent sexual arousal disorder or persistent genital arousal disorder apparently only happens with women.
	Although I disagree.
	I think men have it all the time.
	Except we just don't have a name for it.
	But these women, they can sometimes orgasm a hundred times a day.
	It's like, you know, because the stuff is rubbing against them.
	They have to wear skirts.
	But anyway, the good news is, forget all that, John.
	Shantix to the rescue.
	It stops it?
	It stops it.
	However, of course, they all go wacky from the Shantix, but that's the secondary.
	But yeah, this is the Journal of Sexual Medicine that has done a study and it turns out that Shantix actually can help it.
	And it's now being prescribed to women who have PGAD and PSAD. So instead of having women who are just crazy about not being able to take care of business, we'll have women who are crazy and whacked out on Shantix.
	So it's not really a win for us?
	It's not a win for anybody.
	It's not really a win.
	It's a win for the Shantix company.
	It's a win for them.
	Hey, we found something else for that crack we made up.
	Well, you know with all these drugs that they're pushing over the TV, they're always looking for secondary.
	I mean, that's how Viagra actually became a...
	Off-label is what they call it, right?
	Off-label use.
	Because it gets approved for one thing.
	Yeah, right.
	Other uses that they can stumble upon and hopefully get approved for, because that's the second part of this.
	First, you have to stumble upon it.
	Wow, look what else it does.
	It makes you grow gray hair.
	Yay!
	Would you like gray hair?
	Would you like an endless supply of donuts?
	And so...
	Then they have to get it approved for that use, which is a secondary, which is also a process.
	Right.
	I don't know how they're going to push this one on television.
	Well, we've never discussed this on the show, but they essentially don't need to push it on television.
	There's a whole industry of off-label marketing by independent consultants who go to doctors.
	Ah, yeah, you're right.
	Well, let me just tell the audience, at least that's what's happening here in the United States, is they go to doctors and say, okay, hey, this Shantix will help you stop smoking, but hey, for all those patients who have PGAD, PSID, and we all know it's rampant, you can subscribe this to them, but of course they have to sign this little waiver, and they give them the pre-printed waiver form, and so the whole secondary market opens up without the television advertising.
	But it's huge.
	And you're right.
	That's how Viagra was.
	What was Viagra initially?
	Like some kind of blood pressure drug or something?
	Yeah, it was like a blood pressure or something for heart attacks or to kill you.
	I don't know what it is.
	Just to kill you.
	Don't worry.
	We're from the government.
	We're here to kill you.
	That's happening in Gitmo Nation East.
	It's unbelievable.
	It is unbelievable.
	We went through this last year.
	Are the human resources and slaves in the United Kingdom stupider than the ones here?
	I can't believe that they are.
	But the health secretary, Andrew Lansley, is now coming under pressure.
	Because millions more people need to be vaccinated to prevent a mounting death toll of swine flu.
	A mounting death toll?
	Hey, let me ask you a question.
	I think I may have asked this before, two or three times.
	But it seems to me that every seasonal flu that comes and goes, comes and goes.
	And kills a few people on the way.
	And kills a few people, and then there's a new flu the next year.
	How come this one flu is persistent?
	You have yet to explain this to me.
	I have asked you and asked you and asked you and you cannot come up with an answer.
	What am I? Like the flu expert?
	I think, well, at this point...
	Twelve more deaths in the last week from flu.
	It doesn't even say H1N1 anymore.
	They're just saying flu.
	Oh, they're just going to jumble it in with the regular flu?
	There's 30,000 a year that get killed from that thing.
	Bringing the total, this winter, John, the total deaths in the United Kingdom, what do you think the total deaths are?
	Uh, 70.
	39.
	Oh, jeez.
	Yes.
	We have to vaccinate millions.
	36 of these 39 were killed by the H1N1 swine flu, which is factually incorrect.
	Most of these people die from pneumonia.
	And other illnesses, but not actually from the swine flu.
	Oh, wow.
	I guess I should tell everyone once again that we did the research on this two years ago.
	And every single large pharmaceutical company in there...
	You can look it up.
	You can go to all of the SmacksawSmithsline.com GlaxoSmithKline, you can go to Johnson& Johnson, look at their PowerPoints that they show to the investors.
	It's on their websites.
	And you'll see that they're all saying, oh, vaccines, man.
	Vaccines is the bonanza.
	They're predicting billions of dollars in revenue from vaccines because it's so much more profitable to shoot people up with something and tell them it's going to prevent an illness than it is to actually develop something that cures an illness.
	Because that takes a long time to develop and research.
	Yeah, this reminds me of the wine game.
	The wine game?
	Yeah, the wine game.
	You run in a wine store and you have a bunch of crappy wine that you're trying to dump on the public.
	And so you tell them, no, don't worry about it.
	Five years is going to be delicious.
	So the wine is actually crap, but you tell them to hold on to it.
	Yeah.
	Cool.
	Yeah, it's a classic scam.
	I love that.
	Oh, no, no.
	I know it tastes like crap.
	It's not really vinegar.
	It's in a dumb phase.
	It's aging.
	It would be really good.
	We figure 10 years from now it's going to be dynamite.
	And who says this?
	The floor sales guy.
	That's phenomenal.
	It's young.
	It's young.
	It will come into its own.
	Give it some time.
	It's young.
	You know, as though every wine they're selling is Chateau Lafitte.
	Right.
	It's like a joke.
	Nice.
	A friend of mine worked at a wine store once, and one time I was over there, this was years ago, I was looking at some wine and said, this is the worst wine, this one wine you've got up here.
	Why did you guys even buy it in the first place?
	And he says, eh, everything sells.
	Yeah, unfortunately it's true.
	So anyway, okay, so over the last side, since there was nothing to watch on C-SPAN, I gave you, you know, I tried.
	I do have one C-SPAN clip, but it was pretty few and far between.
	So the Turner Classic Movies Channel started playing a series of old Time magazine called The March of Time.
	The March of Time!
	It was done in the 30s, 40s, and I think it dropped dead in around 1955 or something like that.
	52.
	And they had, it was all these, it was like every month they'd come out with the March of Time, which was a, and if anybody can catch any of these, even though they ran them yesterday.
	You should definitely watch them.
	They're hilarious.
	They talk about teenage girls.
	Is this like a historical perspective of the world?
	No, it was a newsreel.
	A newsreel with a strong bent toward feature stories.
	Especially later.
	The first ones were very much all news, news, news.
	And then they started adding human interest story and they brought in Life Magazine.
	It said, the editors of Time Magazine in conjunction with the editors of Life Magazine bring you the March of Time!
	So it's Ministry of Truth is what it is.
	Oh, total propaganda.
	Beautiful propaganda, as a matter of fact.
	In fact, to some examples, I clipped a few.
	I could have gone on for days with this.
	I only have a couple of clips.
	But just to get you a feeling for this, let's play a couple of clips.
	One of them is the...
	Let's see, we got jobs created...
	Oh, this is too funny.
	Max...
	Mo...
	Mo Boxman.
	In 1933, this guy named Mo Boxman, I think you can look this up, he was in France, and the story was about how Americans go to France in the 30s, I guess.
	To smoke cigarettes and drink cappuccinos.
	There's a little element of that, but mostly drive around too fast.
	Calois.
	Calois.
	And I don't know anybody who's gone to France enough.
	Americans driving around Europe too fast is not the problem, I can assure you.
	This was a news report about how the French are upset that we're there driving too fast?
	Yeah.
	This is retaliation for us racking on their women having armpit hair.
	So we're driving around too fast.
	So this one guy, Mo Boxman, got arrested and he protested the 100-franc fine, which is $6.95 at the time, which was a lot in 1933.
	He went before the magistrate and made this proposition, which then became big news apparently all over the place.
	And it was just the strangest story.
	You can play the clip.
	It began with a long intro, and this is how it finished up.
	Monsieur Buxbaum, you say you will not pay your fine of 100 francs because France will not pay her war debt to America?
	That's right.
	But you offer to pay your fine of 100 francs to the United States Treasury to be applied against France's unpaid war debt to your country?
	That's right.
	This is most unusual, but I think it is reasonable.
	In fact, I accept your proposition.
	In Washington, at the U.S. Treasury, it is revealed that in the foreign account ledger, the last credit entry to France was made November 2nd, 1933, when a Frenchman died in Massachusetts and willed $1,000 to be credited to his country's unpaid war debt.
	Mo Boxbomb, $6.60, will keep France's huge account active.
	Hey, hey, how much does Gitmo Nation's stinky cheese owe us?
	All they barely owe us is like $14 million or something.
	Did they never pay that off?
	This is from World War I. I don't care.
	Did they never pay that off?
	No, as far as I know, they never paid it all off.
	Hey, hey, hey, you frogs.
	Pay that off.
	Meanwhile, we're all so concerned about this debt.
	It was such a big deal that Mo Boxbomb, or whatever his name is, made the $6 contribution via the U.S. Treasury Department.
	Now we're like, you know, to $100 trillion in debt, nobody gives a crap.
	It's just a weird, I thought it was a weird story.
	Very astute observation there, John.
	But besides that...
	If it's 12 million, I don't care what it is, I want them frogs to pay up.
	No wonder they don't donate to this show.
	They're all too worried we're going to find them out.
	Oh, let's not donate to that New Agenda show because they will maybe find out that we owe them so much money.
	Yeah.
	So anyway, so the show had a number of highlights.
	And one of, there's two of them that I have here.
	One was, I'm going to play the one from the 1950, one of, I think from the beginning of 1950.
	This was probably recorded in 49.
	And this is David Sarnoff, who's just blathering on about the future.
	Let me guess.
	We'll all be in levitation devices by 2000.
	No, no.
	That's the joke of it.
	It was like a jaw-dropper because he nails the wireless internet, cell phones, and the iPad.
	Really?
	In 1949, if you deconstruct what he says, just listen to it and you go, holy shit, this guy was really amazing.
	In the next half century, people will see as well as hear around the world.
	Pocket-sized radio instruments will enable individuals to communicate with anyone, anywhere.
	Newspapers, magazines, mail, and messages will be sent through the air at lightning speed and reproduced in the home.
	I love the little sting there at the end.
	Yeah, that's good.
	I was impressed.
	1949?
	Yeah, that's quite good.
	Even the fact that he's saying messages is even...
	Yeah, and he said reproduce, too.
	Basically, he described a cell phone and an iPad.
	Not bad.
	You got one more and then we can move on.
	Yeah, the last one was done in the 30s.
	And there's this guy, I looked him up.
	His name is Professor Hooten.
	He was at Harvard and he had this dim view of everything.
	And the guy was just a typical stuffy Harvard professor predicting gloom and doom.
	I mean, this is pre-global warming, but it's a typical gloom and doom based on something else that's even more funny.
	So I did a little research on the guy just as a prelude to listening to the clip.
	He wrote a bunch of books on this subject that he complains about.
	For example, one book is called Apes, Man, and Morons.
	You know, something like that.
	If you can play this clip, you'll see what I'm talking about.
	Among them is Professor Ernest Albert Hooten of Harvard, eminent anthropologist.
	Whose studies of the human race from the Stone Age to the present have left him totally unimpressed by recent technological advances and none too hopeful of the prospects for happiness of the tottering biped known as man.
	It took millions of years for man to evolve from a Super 8 into a thinking animal.
	But during the past 30,000 years of increasing gadgetry, man has backslid.
	Mentally and physically, technology perfects machines that even feeble minds can operate.
	The unintelligent user of gadgets still retains the mentality of primitive man.
	He resorts for moral support to mumbo-jumble, just as did his savage ancestors.
	Machines get better and better.
	Illogical beliefs persist.
	Mechanized and moronic man moves toward extinction.
	Any questions?
	Moronic man.
	I like that.
	Moronic man.
	And he relies on mumbo jumbo.
	Mumbo jumbo.
	Just like primitive man.
	Yeah.
	This primitive man.
	Hey, buddy, where's my mumbo-jumbo?
	I think I'm just going to say that.
	I am the moronic man known as Adam Curry.
	That's my new moniker.
	Moronic man.
	Adam Curry looking for mumbo-jumbo.
	The moronic man, everybody.
	Here I am.
	The million-dollar moronic man.
	So anyway, that's what they used to teach at Harvard and probably still do.
	Anyway, so there's a good series if anyone wants to catch it.
	There's a good one on Teenage Girls.
	Do we have to watch any more now that you've played all of it on the show?
	Actually, this is just tip of the iceberg.
	So, let's move on to other pressing issues such as who will be the leader of the free world in 2012.
	As John Huntsman, U.S. Ambassador to China, hinted this week, he's considering a run at the presidency.
	What?
	What?
	Doesn't he run a food company?
	Hunt's Food?
	Yes, he is son of a billionaire Hunt's empire.
	Huntsman.
	That's right.
	Well, of course.
	Duh.
	But the thing that he's a billionaire is not the interesting fact.
	What's interesting is he's a Mormon.
	And a Mormon.
	Yeah, well, so is Romney, of course.
	Right.
	Well, Romney is also being pushed as a potential.
	And I came across this article, which comes from an extremely sketchy source, but I liked it.
	And it's about something called the White Horse Prophecy.
	Have you ever heard of the White Horse Prophecy?
	I'm sure I will now.
	Okay, the White Horse Prophecy refers to a prediction made by Joseph Smith Jr. in the late 1800s, or mid-1800s, who was founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is the Mormon church.
	And it was reported to have said a time would come when the U.S. Constitution would be hanging by a thread, this is the keyword, hanging by a thread, and a church elder from Zion, that's the Mormon church, will ride in on a metaphorical white horse and save it.
	And if you look at the Encyclopedia of Mormonism, it actually has a number of things about this white horse prophecy.
	And here's kind of the crackpot thing, but we like it when people notice stuff in the media as being code.
	So apparently Glenn Beck, not a Mormon as far as I know.
	Oh no, no, no, no.
	Is he a Mormon?
	He is a Mormon.
	He's a Mormon!
	Yes.
	I thought the only guy who was a Mormon was the other dude on Fox.
	Who?
	The other Fox guy.
	He's a Mormon.
	No, he's not.
	Glenn Beck's the Mormon.
	No, the guy with the football.
	Kennedy's a Catholic.
	I thought he was a Mormon.
	He's an Irishman.
	Well, it doesn't matter because it's Glenn Beck who sent the message.
	Of course it is.
	He's a Mormon.
	They're all working together.
	It's a cabal, I tell you.
	So he goes on, and I wish I had the clip from this.
	I should get that.
	He goes on...
	By the way, it's slightly pathetic that I know these things.
	Nobody should know any of this.
	But go ahead.
	So he goes on...
	What's his buddy's show there?
	Beck?
	Yeah, Beck goes on...
	Well, he's on O'Reilly's show.
	I think it was on O'Reilly that he said this.
	I don't know.
	We'll have to look and see if we can find this.
	He says...
	Here's a quote from him.
	We are at the place where the Constitution hangs in the balance.
	I feel the Constitution is hanging in the balance right now, hanging by a thread.
	Unless the good Americans wake up, the Constitution is hanging...
	Hey, Ben is always assuring us that his Mormonism wasn't going to creep into his broadcasting.
	So it looks like it's there.
	And this is the...
	Attention all Mormons!
	Attention all Mormons!
	The Constitution is hanging by a thread!
	Time to run for the presidency!
	And then we get Mr.
	Hunt, and he's...
	So all the Mormons are coming out, and they're going to go save us, which I'm all for it.
	What is the deal with Mormonism?
	What is their thing?
	Well, the Mormons, and I know quite a few of them, they're a clannish.
	Let's start with that.
	I think they're very family-oriented and very church-oriented and they kind of are just very close to being almost...
	I wouldn't call them communist, but the way they are with each other is a very tight-knit socialist type.
	They help each other out.
	They're not dependent on the government.
	They're very charitable amongst themselves.
	Most of the people I know that are Mormons are really nice people.
	I mean, I've never run into a mean...
	A mean Mormon?
	A mean Mormon.
	They're all pretty straightforward.
	And they do have a couple of crackpot beliefs that would be, at least to you and me and a lot of people, they don't, for example, caffeine is considered an evil thing.
	So they won't have, generally speaking, they won't drink Coca-Cola, but they'd be suckered into drinking aspartame.
	Aspartame.
	Aspartame, sorry.
	And...
	I guess they don't use birth control?
	They don't.
	I don't know.
	I think not.
	They probably don't.
	They don't drink, which is another negative thing since the Bible is okay in the Bible, but apparently Baptists and Mormons don't drink because of something they interpret.
	And the caffeine, drugs, things like that, they have a lot of kids because they don't practice birth control, generally speaking.
	Right.
	Huntsman has seven kids.
	Catholics are similar.
	Or they should be technically, but they're not.
	And they're clannish.
	They're very clannish.
	That's the key.
	And they're fairly shut down kind of an operation.
	I think I need to do a little more investigation into what they're up to.
	Well, I don't think they're up to anything.
	Yeah, they're up to taking over the country.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	What are they going to do with it?
	Yeah, really.
	Hey, take this country.
	The blacks can't take it over.
	The Mormons sure won't be able to.
	Now, there's a statement for you.
	Nobody can, because it's not run by the people that appear to be running it.
	Right.
	Sad state of affairs.
	So anyway, okay, well, we'll see what happens, but this guy doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell.
	Nobody's ever heard of him.
	Doesn't understand marketing, I guess.
	And Romney has a shot at it, but Romney's such a stiff that, and now there's a new movement, which if you haven't noticed, of Democrats that are trying to pull what Rush Limbaugh supposedly did with Hillary Clinton.
	Trying to keep her in the race long enough to screw things up when they ran for president.
	The Democrats are creating these organizations to get Sarah Palin to get on the ticket because they know that Obama can beat the crap out of her if they ever have an election against one another.
	We apparently have...
	The chat room is exploding.
	This is interesting.
	We've got some Mormons in the chat room, I think.
	Cool.
	Well, I'd love to understand.
	Maybe you should go to one of their meetings.
	They have meetings?
	Get Adam to become a Mormon.
	I'm already a communist.
	I mean, can you be a communist and a Mormon?
	Mormons are the ones that are largely responsible for all the genealogy stuff that goes on.
	All these websites that have these deep genealogy databases that you can run into.
	People look stuff up.
	You can find stuff up.
	Don't they have records going back to the...
	Forever.
	And the reason is because Mormons believe that if they can identify any of their relatives in the past, they can post facto baptize them to get them into heaven.
	This is very interesting.
	You and my dad said that in the new year he wants to be baptized?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	So he's never been baptized in any religion whatsoever?
	I guess not.
	And I think he's waking up.
	He's like, oh, okay.
	I need to be saved.
	Maybe he does.
	Yeah.
	I don't know what to tell him.
	Well, this is very interesting.
	For example, he doesn't need to be baptized.
	If you became a Mormon, you could have him baptized 25 years from now.
	I'm a moron.
	I'm a moron.
	Not a Mormon, moron.
	And I've been baptized in the moronic faith.
	So, I don't know what you should do.
	Maybe just go to a Catholic church and give them a couple hundred bucks and get baptized easy enough.
	Now, wait a minute.
	Is there a difference between a Catholic church and a Mormon church?
	There's got to be.
	There's got to be a whole different church.
	Of course there is.
	There's every one of these churches.
	They all fight with each other.
	It's like a battle of the churches.
	They all have differing views of various interpretations of the Bible, differing views on what you can do and what you can't do.
	I mean, when you have somebody like Huckabee, who I think is the most dangerous guy around, who's a Baptist minister, which I consider to be an onerous branch of the Protestant faith because they don't believe in drinking or smoking or dancing.
	They're the ones who used to break up rock and roll records.
	Those are all Baptists.
	Yeah, the movie Footloose was inspired by that.
	And Huckabee himself believes that the world was created 6,000 years ago.
	Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
	What's the difference between a Mormon and a Baptist?
	Oh, brother.
	You've got to get a book on comparative religion and read it, and then you...
	Well, what do I spend my time with you twice a week for?
	I'm not a comparative religious professor.
	I can just tell you the basics.
	Well, you go like, oh, brother, like you know, and then you...
	Well, I know that is a massive difference.
	You put two of them in a room together, they start fighting.
	Really?
	That's their religion?
	Yeah, their religion is if you see a Baptist, you punch him.
	It's in the book.
	Read the book.
	Baptists have the same thing about Mormons.
	It's in the book.
	Well, that's fascinating.
	You know what?
	I'm going to spend some time and read up on that, and I'm very interested now in this Mormonism.
	Well, then, if you want to get into it, you also have to understand Methodism, which is very interesting, because the Methodists and the Baptists are the ones that are always fighting with each other in the Deep South.
	For example, in Georgia, the Baptists are the ones trying to shut down all the titty bars, the strip joints, the giant clubs where all the naked women are jumping up and down, and the Methodists want these places.
	Yeah.
	So wait a minute.
	So maybe I want to be Methodist then.
	That sounds good.
	A Methodist would be more along the lines of, yeah, you'd be more of a Methodist type.
	Although what you really are, your father both are Episcopalians, to be honest about it.
	Now what the hell is that?
	Man.
	What's an Episcopalian?
	Episcopalian is the modern version of the Anglican Church, the first one to split off from the Catholics.
	And what's a Protestant?
	Yeah.
	A Protestant is a generalized term referring to all these different sects.
	Protestant is a Lutheran, a Protestant is a Baptist, a Protestant is a Southern Baptist.
	Okay, in what religion do you get to fiddle around with choir boys?
	Is that only Catholic?
	All of them.
	They're all good!
	Yay!
	Okay, just checking.
	My goodness.
	This is bad.
	And there's also, then there's the Orthodox religions, which are slightly different too.
	Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, all those.
	You've only talked about the downside.
	Are there any religions that have some crazy upside?
	For instance, I know that the Amish, and I would consider becoming Amish, by the way, which is not necessarily religion, I don't think.
	You look kind of Amish.
	First of all, I could become an Amish because I like the whole idea of the horse and buggy, just working on the land.
	But they also have this crazy thing, which is, what do they call it, like walkabout or whatever?
	When you're 16, you get to go nuts.
	And then if you want to come back and be an Amish, then...
	Can I mention something to you?
	Yeah.
	You're way past the 16 breaking point there, so...
	But I could still be...
	You can go...
	You know, here's an idea.
	Give up on all this and just go nuts.
	You don't need some religious figure to say, okay, you can go nuts now.
	With a cardboard sign on Hollywood and Vine.
	The end is nigh.
	Let's get back to the Huntsville guy.
	The New World Order is coming to take over.
	I'm going to be that guy.
	That's my new religion.
	You could just be...
	Yeah.
	Anyway, read a book.
	What is that?
	That's like the worst thing you can say to someone.
	Read a book.
	I didn't say it that way.
	I said read a book.
	Yeah, but it's kind of like condescending just because you can't.
	No, it's because it's a whole course of study.
	You could go to college and spend four years studying comparative religion and you still wouldn't know anything.
	Okay.
	I'm just identifying that you went, oh, brother.
	Like I'm some moron.
	Well, you said yourself you're a moron.
	You've joined the Church of the Morons or whatever it is that you've just made up.
	Moronic faith.
	Moronic faith.
	Well, both of you and I are ordained ministers of the Universal Life Church.
	I'm actually a doctor of divinity.
	You paid more.
	You paid $150 to become...
	No, actually, you know, a lot of...
	Well, now that we're on this topic, I actually met, personally met Kirby Hensley, the guy who started that church.
	Yeah, it's a great idea.
	Oh, it's a great idea.
	And so we went out to...
	He was in Modesto, in some shack in a farm.
	So me and a friend, we went out to Modesto, and we went and knocked on his door, and we had a long chat.
	He's a very nice guy.
	He's illiterate.
	He memorized the Bible.
	Wow.
	By having it read to him.
	And he believed that the entire organized religion was a giant scam.
	Mm-hmm.
	And it was a tax scam above all, and he felt that by starting this church of his, this Universal Life Church, that anyone who wanted to get in on the action should be able to without having to be religious at all.
	And so he started this thing and started selling minister certificates or whatever it is, ordained ministry certificates and doctors of divinity.
	He also asked me if I wanted a PhD in something.
	I said, would you like a PhD?
	And you turned it down?
	This is a progenitor of our knights.
	Yeah, totally.
	I worship guys who do stuff like this.
	Fantastic.
	I've always thought that why does the queen get to give people knighthoods?
	Why can't anybody do it?
	Well, we're doing it.
	These are official titles.
	Official knighthoods.
	And we're going to do our baronies.
	Coming up.
	This year.
	Right.
	2011 is the year of the baronies.
	So anyway, Hensley was a really nice guy and he was funny because his ears stuck straight out.
	It was almost like Obama's.
	But he was a sweet guy and he was really nice.
	I was one of the great men of the world.
	Did he die?
	Is he gone?
	Oh, he's been dead for years.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, who took over?
	Who's running the show now?
	Because it's still around.
	Yeah, you can look it up.
	His family, I think, took it over and they still sell all the...
	You can still get your certificates for $10 or something like that.
	Meanwhile, the Crystal Cathedral is in trouble, right?
	Is it?
	I think they're in bankruptcy.
	I'll tell you, that place...
	Have you ever looked at that thing?
	I've watched the Hour of Power many times.
	No, no, no.
	But I've never been there.
	It's right around the corner from you.
	I know.
	I should go.
	Go in there.
	It's amazing, right?
	Yeah, it's huge.
	It's a beauty.
	It's a giant glass church.
	It's like an architectural marvel, I believe.
	It's dynamite.
	If anybody's in the area, it's in Glendale, I think, or someplace like that.
	Something like that, yeah.
	Orange County.
	It's in Southern California somewhere.
	But anyway, if you happen to be driving down the freeway and you see, you know, what's the name of it?
	Crystal Cathedral has signage.
	Get off the freeway and go in and just walk into the place.
	It is a stunner.
	Yeah, I'm definitely going to do that.
	I've watched that Hour of Power.
	I like the old guy.
	I never liked the sun that much.
	No, the chiller, the old guy, was great.
	He was cool.
	I have watched a lot of televangelists.
	Yeah, you're due to jump into some church any minute.
	No, I'm due to start a church of the moronic faith.
	What am I talking about?
	This is our faith right here, this show.
	This show is our faith.
	So we can move on, I suppose.
	And let's do our thank yous.
	We only have a few.
	Okay.
	Which is good, because then I can now say, well, we don't have to keep doing this show, especially on a week like Thursday.
	Nobody was listening to this show.
	I mean, maybe a few people will catch up, but this show that we do is for people who commute.
	Mainly.
	And if there's no work, they're not commuting.
	If they ever stop commuting, in fact, as the joblessness goes up, our show gets hurt.
	Andrew Schmidt, Atlas, Pennsylvania, got in on the 11, 11, 11.
	Five by one.
	I'd like to ask for some karma.
	I have a job interview tomorrow and need some.
	Okay.
	No problem.
	You've got karma.
	There you go.
	You'll get the job.
	We increasingly are sending these out by email as well.
	That seems to work, doesn't it?
	It sure does.
	Dave Retterer in Evergreen, Colorado.
	Another 5x1 donation.
	No comment.
	Chris Eisbach in Cheshire, Connecticut.
	I want to thank him for 6564, which is 5510 plus 1045.
	Two nickels on the dime plus 1054 for the year of the great schism.
	Uh-huh.
	Also I want to send karma to Kyle Lee for good luck in the water business in 2011.
	You've got karma.
	Griffin Meineke, which I would have pronounced Meineke, but there's no E in there, so it is Meineke.
	And Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, one of the prettiest places in the world, $60.
	Bank of America is credited with a $55.25 donation out of Plano, Texas.
	Don't use my name.
	Refer to me as the No Agenda, brought to you in part by generous donation from Bank of America.
	Bank of America, Bank of Opportunity.
	Wait a minute.
	Is this a commercial?
	It's the thing from PBS. Oh, okay.
	That's what PBS does.
	Right.
	NPR. By the way, we think Bank of America sucks.
	Yeah.
	Bank of America is a blow.
	Because Bank of America is not really giving us any money.
	We have no qualms about saying Bank of America sucks.
	Can you do that on PBS? Yeah, but this person, because I've read the email, does, I believe, work at Bank of America.
	But it doesn't mean it doesn't suck.
	No, no, they still suck.
	He's a good guy.
	No, they absolutely suck.
	Although I will say, Bank of America, their ATMs, even though they charge you up the wazoo, and of course we get that back from our bank, Yes, the bank that we go to gives us that money back.
	They will let you take $500 out of the machine.
	And most ATMs only do $200.
	How can you live on that?
	Actually, I think...
	Chase may also do that.
	Chase, I think.
	I think our bank lets you take $400.
	Well, yeah, if you take it...
	But our bank only has ATMs in San Francisco.
	Right.
	Hello?
	I know, but you can take...
	Oh, right.
	I'm in Southern California, yeah.
	Okay, Greg Brunsel, should we plug our bank so people can maybe get a clue and use it?
	Well, will our bank be investigated?
	I hope not.
	Well, if we start mentioning it, where we keep the spoils of our profits, John.
	Well, what's left.
	I think we can mention it.
	There's nothing to take.
	Go ahead.
	Yeah, the Mechanics Bank, which is in San Francisco, mostly in the East Bay and Northern California...
	It's an independent bank that they claim.
	I always grill them on this.
	We're not going to sell to anybody.
	We don't feel like it.
	We're never going to sell.
	There's a bunch of these banks around the country.
	They're small independent banks and they know you by name when you go in there and it's not a real crowd and they have great services.
	And when you go in or when you use an ATM machine anywhere in the world, and I use my card in Europe, they refund the fee.
	Whatever the fee is, it's five bucks, they refund it.
	If it's three bucks, they refund it.
	You know, because we opened our account at the headquarters in Albany, California.
	And so the woman there, her name just amazed me for a moment.
	She's wonderful.
	And she called me up the other day.
	They call all the time.
	Hey Adam, how you doing?
	What?
	Yeah, it's from the bank.
	Oh, hi.
	Yeah, I know you got like a 50 euro transfer from Europe.
	It's like some app sale in France or something from the app show.
	You know, the year's worth of apps.
	I get 50 bucks.
	But they put, you know, they misspelled the name, and so it's going to be rejected, so, you know, you should call them up.
	Now, any other bank would just, like, reject the transfer and...
	Charge you 20 bucks.
	Charge you 20 bucks, exactly, and then not tell you about it, and you'd find out about it much later.
	Yeah.
	By the way...
	You know, they do this all the time.
	Can I just mention one?
	You remember that I got kicked out of the Google AdSense program?
	Oh, I didn't know that.
	I told you this.
	I was using it on the Big App Show, and people were tapping on the ads because they wanted to support the show.
	All of a sudden, I was doing like $900 a month in ads, which is good.
	That's a lot for Google.
	It's huge, right?
	So the first month, I got like $900.
	And the second month, one day before the end of the month, they kick me out of the program.
	They say, well, it's obvious that this is a scam.
	Now, I think it's questionable whether it was a scam.
	People were actually tapping on the ads to support the show, but I guess people voluntarily going to the ads is not the way it's supposed to work in Google's mind.
	So whatever.
	They kicked me out.
	You can dispute it with a form, which I did.
	So they say, well, since this is clearly scammed, we're not going to give you your check.
	We're going to send your money back to all of the advertisers.
	But I had already put that check in, the other check, like a week before that they had sent me for the first month.
	They refused payment of the first month.
	Oh yeah, they're assholes.
	Complete assholes.
	And they're stupid.
	They're rich, but anyway.
	Yeah, they're stupid and rich.
	What could be worse?
	Yeah.
	So, anyway, needless to say, I've given up on that advertising.
	That thing's got to go.
	That AdSense thing is a scam from the get-go.
	Yeah.
	I mean, that's just a ridiculous situation.
	It's just crazy.
	People were actually tapping on the ads, and because there were ads for other apps, duh.
	And, of course, I asked them to tap on the ads.
	Look at what our sponsors have to show.
	Yeah, that's what you're not supposed to do that.
	Apparently you're not supposed to...
	Don't tap on the ad.
	Yeah, exactly.
	How does that work?
	The advertising business is so stupid that they believe that online is the creative.
	It's the creative that's going to get people to hop on the ad.
	It's the color of the ad.
	Which, of course, is true if you have a bunch of hooters there, like tits, or one of the best-selling ones are teeth whitener and cottage cheese butt.
	Knows the best-selling ads.
	I go to all these conferences.
	The cottage cheese ass.
	You ever seen that one for like cellulite?
	Yeah, it's disgusting.
	Yeah, that's one of the biggest people click on that ad more than anything.
	Now, I understand they say you're not allowed to post on the page, support the show, click on the ad, but I'm not.
	I'm saying it in the show.
	I'm saying, hey, you know, go to check out the ads.
	It's usually good stuff.
	They've got other apps you might want to look at.
	No, that was illegal.
	Anyway, I've given up on it.
	Who cares?
	Value for value.
	No, that's why we have to stick with the donation model.
	Even though it killed us this week, we lost out.
	Greg Brunsel, by the way, in Kenosha, Wisconsin, gave us $50.
	Christopher Lawton, South Dartmouth, Massachusetts, another $50.
	And Armin Breuer in Vienna.
	Who also says thanks for the good work.
	Another $50 from him.
	You just need some karma.
	Yeah, a little bit of Viennese karma for you, everybody.
	It's Crystal.
	You've got karma.
	You see that?
	That was a Viennese glass karma.
	And we want to thank all the donors of the lesser amounts of money, and there were quite a few.
	And that was literally it, though.
	But we'd like to get some more $33 subscriptions or $30 Lucky subscriptions or anything like that in this coming...
	I'm looking at the spreadsheet, but I don't see any of the $33 monthly.
	I see the $5 monthlies.
	There's a bunch of $33s, but no $33 subscriptions.
	I don't know when they show up on this thing.
	We have three lucky $30 monthlies.
	Yeah, it's too low.
	Please also check your PayPal if you are subscribed.
	Make sure that you still are subscribed.
	And no one has looked into this properly.
	No one has done the investigation.
	No one ever cares to go complain about it, really.
	But PayPal unsubscribes people all the time.
	At least from our show.
	And no one can tell me why.
	Yeah, there's a lot of mysterious unsubscribes that take place.
	So please check that.
	But you're absolutely right, John.
	Regardless of...
	I mean, this is not enough for us to live on this week.
	Well, I'll tell you, it's definitely never going to do a third show.
	I've given up on that idea.
	Although I have accelerated work on the stream.
	You know that Dave Weiner actually is interested now in what we're doing with NoAgendaStream.com?
	And admits it publicly?
	What did he say?
	Well, he tweeted.
	He said, hey, are you using Dropbox with this NoAgendaStream.com?
	That's a really cool idea.
	He tweeted that.
	No, that's good.
	That's good, because that gets people interested in the stream.
	Now I've got people putting together playlists and doing shows.
	I'm writing up a whole blog post about it.
	I'm sure you will ignore it, as usual.
	No, no.
	I pay very close attention to your blog posts.
	Okay.
	Well, then make sure you tweet a link to it when it's written.
	Oh, absolutely.
	Oh, thank you, John.
	I'll do it now.
	Yeah, go ahead.
	Just in anticipation.
	Coming in 2012.
	Coming soon.
	All right, so there's something very weird going on in BB... Well, wait, let's make sure that people get the code at devork.org slash NA, channeldivork.com slash NA to donate for the next show so we can catch up.
	You guys blew the easy opportunity to pick up an executive producer title.
	An executive producership, yep.
	It was a no-brainer, but nobody did, which is the first time ever, by the way...
	That we have not had an executive...
	Yeah, except for the two of us.
	Yeah, no, this is the first time we never got an executive producer.
	Nobody stepped up to the plate because nobody listened to the Thursday show, as far as I can tell.
	Because it was a week off and everybody...
	People really do take off.
	That's what the TV people discovered years ago.
	Why show anything new to the public when they're not even going to be there to watch the television?
	I don't know.
	Where does everyone go?
	Well, maybe we don't have to fight it.
	Maybe we just have to give in to it and do reruns like every other schmuck.
	That's what we're going to do.
	This is going to be the year of the rerun.
	And I'm working on the...
	I'm up to 45 minutes.
	You'll have the retrospective done somewhere around July 4th.
	I hope.
	All right.
	Anyway, divark.org.
	Give us a hand this time.
	We're starting off...
	Not a good start for the new year, that's for sure.
	So B.B. Arkansas has some weird crap going on.
	And it came out...
	Is it the birds?
	This is the birds thing, yeah.
	Let's listen to the report, because the report has some interesting info in it, which is not everywhere, which is not written everywhere, particularly when you get some human resources who are interviewed.
	Just before folks in B.B. rang in the new year, many witnessed an uncanny resemblance to the Hitchcock movie, The Birds.
	Now, first of all, beautiful.
	Beautiful setup.
	Hitchcock movie, The Birds.
	Because those birds were not poisoned by persistent jet contrails.
	They were just possessed, right?
	What was the thesis of the birds?
	The thesis was that the birds have decided, as a group, to turn on the humans and kill them.
	Right, so this has nothing to do with the birds because the birds are dying.
	The birds are falling out of the sky.
	Yeah.
	So it's a stupid analogy.
	A thousand blackbirds fell from the sky off Wynwood Drive, covering about a mile, leaving quite the mess to clean up.
	THV's Katharina Yancey has the details on our top story from the Information Center.
	Katharina?
	Ashley, folks I spoke with initially thought the birds were poison because they're what they call a nuisance around this time every year.
	It's what they call a nuisance.
	What they call a nuisance.
	What is it that they're a nuisance?
	That's what I call it.
	We call you a nuisance, lady.
	But they are surprised to hear it's more of a mystery.
	Millions, millions every night.
	You look over the sky, it's just black.
	Sounds like starlings.
	That doesn't sound like blackbirds.
	Starlings?
	What do you call them?
	Starlings.
	Those are the ones that you see with hundreds of thousands of them flying around like crazy.
	Well, now please make no mistake that any of the people interviewed or the people in the news business could actually identify the bird.
	They say, hey, what color is that bird?
	Black.
	Ah, blackbirds.
	Right, gotcha.
	So it could be any kind of bird.
	We're not getting real information here.
	But there is some interesting nuggets.
	Last night about 10.30, I come out here and seen a bird drop.
	In a matter of hours on New Year's Eve, thousands of birds fell from the sky to their death.
	And I just immediately called Mom because I had to go to work.
	And I said, you've got to come get the kids and get the dog because I don't know what's going on, but I don't want to mess in with any of them.
	It was horrible.
	You could not even get down the road...
	Without running over hundreds, it was that bad.
	The mystery is unraveling like scenes from a movie.
	God, can you...
	It's like we can't...
	This reporting is unbelievable.
	We start off with the birds.
	It's a mystery.
	Do they pay these people?
	It's unraveling like a movie.
	Oh, it gets better.
	Dozens of U.S. Environmental Service crews spent the day picking up the birds, walking between homes and climbing on people's roofs with protective hazmat suits...
	Yeah, baby!
	It gets better!
	We've got the feds out there in hazmat suits!
	Hell yeah!
	Now the plot thickens.
	I'm breathing masks.
	Nobody knows.
	I asked these guys who was out here picking them up, and they don't seem to know anything.
	Nobody knows anything.
	Just kind of freaked everybody out.
	Officials with the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission flew over the area and determined it's a one-mile stretch.
	There are a variety of dead blackbirds, mostly red-winged.
	Okay, red-winged blackbirds.
	Okay, a red-winged blackbird is a bird.
	Yes.
	It used to be actually in the Bay Area.
	It used to be a dominant bird around here.
	I haven't seen one in California.
	Well, they're all dead.
	Apparently, whole day.
	I didn't know that they were down there.
	But red-league blackbirds are very pretty birds.
	The only thing I miss in this story, which I don't think is actually mentioned...
	A huge opportunity missed by these morons at the news in B.B., Arkansas.
	A huge opportunity.
	Thank you, darling.
	This would be perfect to say, oh, you know, we've got the birds are dying off because of biodiversity.
	But they missed that one.
	Yeah, it is an opportunity.
	Completely missed.
	Let's finish up this report.
	It's interesting.
	A duck was also found.
	No one has been evacuated because A.D. Wait, did she say a duck was also found?
	I don't know.
	Go back.
	Let me listen to that.
	Red-winged, and a duck was also found.
	A doug?
	A doug?
	Sounds like doug.
	Some guy named Doug was also found.
	A doug was also found.
	She said doug.
	She said doug.
	It could be a doug or a doug.
	A doug.
	Does your doug bite?
	It's not my doug.
	Dead black birds, mostly red-winged, and a doug was also found.
	She says doug!
	Is she talking about a duck or a dog or what?
	A dog.
	It's a dog.
	A dog was also found.
	We have mysterious dead dugs around.
	If your name is Doug, you better watch out because you could die.
	Some of these reporters are so brain dead that it's possible that she thinks to this day she may have called Ducks Dugs when she was a little girl and she keeps calling him Dugs and nobody's corrected her.
	Nobody's corrected her ever.
	And she got on television that way.
	A bug.
	Did she just say Doug?
	No, she said Doug.
	I'm going to listen one more time.
	She says Doug.
	A variety of dead black birds, mostly red-winged, and a duck was also found.
	No, there's a K at the end there.
	But still, a dead duck.
	Wow, there's thousands of birds and a dead duck.
	Yeah, the duck was probably killed by the falling birds.
	You know what happened?
	A bird fell on his head.
	That's what happened.
	No one has been evacuated because ADEQ's air quality test came back clean for toxins.
	Sure.
	Yeah, they tested that in three seconds.
	Came back clean for toxins.
	I think this is persistent jet contrails.
	That's a good theory.
	Yeah, I mean, these birds flying through it like...
	In the one report I read, they blamed it on fireworks.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, that's a good one.
	No, wait, but you've got to listen.
	This is an AP report.
	I swear to God, I've got to bring it up and read it, but I can damn near quote it.
	It says that the persistent fireworks may have freaked the birds out and they all died of a heart attack.
	Well, if they're saying that, then you know that it's something evil.
	Then you know...
	And who said this?
	Who reported this?
	The AP! Oh, please.
	Associated Press.
	No, please.
	Let me find this story.
	This is...
	You want me to find it?
	Yeah, I'll Google it.
	Let me see.
	Dead birds fireworks.
	Come on, Googles.
	Here we go.
	Lightning hail fireworks may have killed birds over town.
	Oh, lightning.
	Right.
	Oh my god.
	So this has got to be something bad.
	You doubted me?
	No, I don't doubt you, but it's just like, wow.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	But I can't believe that...
	Well, the air quality came up great after three seconds of testing.
	How long does it take to test...
	Yeah, I mean, what did they test for?
	You know, it can't be that much.
	I'd like to know what killed the Doug.
	Well, the fireworks could have definitely killed the Doug.
	We just have to keep that going.
	Is your name Doug?
	Doug?
	Watch out for falling birds.
	Alright, so what do we conclude from this fiasco?
	I'm wondering, do we need the same thing?
	Because what makes that happen for them just to drop out of the sky like that?
	These people are not so stupid.
	These are people who belong to my church of the moronic faith.
	They're saying, hey, we got guys walking around in masks with hazmat suits.
	Maybe we should be wearing the same.
	Very good, ladies.
	It's logic.
	It's just logic.
	It's a logical thing.
	Very smart.
	This is the only bird I have seen alive.
	What's that?
	The public is not stupid.
	No, and even though they try to put the stupid public on and the stupid bits, some good stuff comes into this report.
	Happened for them just to drop out of the sky like that.
	This is the only bird I have seen alive.
	He seems to be injured just walking in circles and not making any sense.
	This is good information.
	He's walking in circles and not making any sense?
	Hold on, this is great.
	He's walking in circles and not making any sounds, and he can't fly.
	I've got one on the roof.
	Officials will confirm their findings when they get the test results.
	No, wait a minute.
	She just said that everything was clean, but now they don't have the test results.
	I think they're testing the birds.
	What else are they testing?
	This is unbelievable.
	Ministry of Truth cover-up going on here.
	Until then, they are given these possible scenarios.
	Lightning, stress, high altitude.
	Stress.
	Stress.
	I like the stress one.
	Stress.
	I think birds just are under stress anyway.
	I got stress.
	Maybe he met up with Doug and he got stressed out.
	Oh, my God.
	Lightning?
	Lightning, please.
	Scenarios.
	Lightning, stress, high-altitude hell, or startled by fireworks.
	Startled.
	I'm startled by fireworks.
	Oh, I think I got a heart attack.
	But neighbors just want answers.
	Something out of a movie, exactly.
	Hazmat people walking around, not telling us anything.
	I'd like to know.
	Kind of spooky.
	You never know what's going to happen.
	The birds should be cleaned up by tomorrow.
	Game and Fish Commission's Karen Rose says poisoning does not appear to be the case, and strange events similar to this have occurred across the globe a number of times.
	Oh, really?
	Well, I'll have to look into that.
	Historically, this stuff happens all the time.
	I mean, you got weird things that happen, like a hurricane picks up a bunch of frogs and then drops them in some town, like, you know, two miles away.
	Right, right.
	Or a cow.
	Or a cow lands in your backyard, you know, and you wonder what the heck happened.
	Hey!
	Unharmed.
	No, really?
	Has that happened?
	Stuff like that happens, yeah.
	Really?
	It's just always a fluke.
	Really?
	Well, that's pretty cool.
	Yeah, you get free milk.
	Well, I'm going to work on this.
	Okay, I think this is a high priority.
	It is for me because it does play into the persistent jet contrails.
	And my feeling is that if a flock of birds...
	Goes through, and by the way, these persistent jet contrails, I have noticed getting up early, except when my iPhone doesn't work, that they're there by when I wake up.
	So this is often happening at night, when persistent jet contrails magically appear and stay there for hours.
	And, you know, you've got some birds flying at that altitude, because, of course, they're not where persistent jet contrails normally would take place, at 28,000 feet, because birds fly significantly lower altitudes.
	Yeah, they fly through that.
	I'm stressed.
	I'm going to fall on a dug.
	Fall on a dug?
	On a dug.
	So, I'm all over it.
	Alright.
	We'll keep an eye on the story.
	But just logically, you've worked for the government, John.
	Just thinking logically, if a whole bunch, if there's like dead birds on the ground, you call the ASPCA or whatever.
	People don't call like the hazmat unit.
	Well, nowadays, because of the bird flu fears and all the rest of it, you probably would call the hazmat unit.
	Hmm.
	No, I think...
	I mean, every time they find a dead bird, they're fearful.
	It's bird flu, and it's going to transfer to humans.
	Oh, wow!
	Hey, wait a minute.
	Wow!
	This could be a one-two punch.
	Think about it.
	Bird flu.
	Bird flu.
	They've been trying to get the bird flu into us.
	And this could be, oh, well, the bird flu's here.
	Look, the birds are dying.
	I'm surprised it didn't come up in the conversation right off the bat.
	It seems to me, the way I look at this whole thing, the way you're seeing it as some sort of contrail story, I think it's an aborted bird flu story that they were going to drop on the market.
	You know, to encourage people to get flu shots because people associate.
	They don't, you know, one flu shot is as good as the other.
	Right, right, right, right.
	Wow.
	And they were going to blow it out as a bird flu scare, but there's so many, they ended up killing so damn many birds.
	It was like a disaster.
	And it was like, oh God, no, let's don't do it this way because this isn't, you know, this isn't, you know, it's going to frighten the public and they're going to have riots.
	And so they squashed it.
	And the giveaway to that theory of mine is the fact that it was not even mentioned as a sidebar in the story.
	And of course it happens in Arkansas where Bill has infrastructure.
	Yeah, I mean, so the fact that they didn't even bring it up in any of the stories I read...
	When a dead duck drops over here in Concord, they go, oh, it might be dead.
	They're checking in for bird flu.
	Oh, they're so scared.
	Remember, a few years ago, every dead bird was bird flu.
	Now we have 1,000 dead birds.
	There's 100,000.
	Who knows?
	And no mention of the bird flu possibility?
	Well, you know what?
	It was like a kill-off, and they aborted.
	It's abort.
	Abort.
	Abort the bird flu.
	Try something else.
	Oh, okay.
	They died of a heart attack.
	They were startled.
	Yeah.
	Good enough.
	Good enough.
	Roll with it.
	Roll with it.
	Print it.
	Print it.
	Roll with it.
	Good enough.
	An emergency meeting.
	I can just see it.
	But what do we do about the Doug?
	Hey boss, what do we do about the Doug?
	Just have him report it.
	Speaking of that, a number of people emailed me this, and it was just too funny.
	Now, of course, we all know that Haiti has completely been taken over by the elitists.
	Whether you believe in the earthquake machine being turned on or not, quite amazing that the country that has not had an earthquake for 90 years gets a devastating one at an un...
	Undisclosed, unknown fault line.
	Everything's like crazy new.
	We raise billions of dollars.
	We do all the kumbaya hands across America.
	Save Haiti.
	We text our money.
	Everyone's still intense.
	They're dying of cholera.
	And you know that the elites love to rub it in our faces.
	Just so you know, we're behind this.
	And then the news comes out.
	Cholera death toll in Haiti rises to 3,333.
	You're kidding me.
	No, this is everywhere.
	I mean, could you be any more blatant about it?
	You know, we should have actually put a notebook together.
	Because for the last year and a half, you mainly have been tracking the use of the number three in these reports.
	3,000 dead, 333 this, 300 that, 3, 3, 3, 3.
	And that's unbelievable.
	That is ludicrous, actually.
	Yeah, CNN, AP, everyone.
	The death toll in Haiti's cholera outbreak has risen to 3,333.
	I mean, isn't that worth a news report by itself?
	Yeah, what a coincidence that it would be so many threes involved in this number.
	That's unbelievable.
	I think not!
	Yeah, and it's reported.
	And everyone sent me the same, basically the same story with a link saying, why do they have to rub it in our faces?
	Everyone's been trained very well.
	Yeah, well, that's a good thing.
	But that's exactly what it is.
	Yeah, it is a good thing.
	I feel great that other people aren't just stupid sleeping slaves and that we're all awake and noticing this.
	Yeah, we try to pick up on these codes.
	3333.
	Give me a break.
	I know, I know.
	It's just...
	And by the way...
	Not four, not 304, not 306.
	And it's not like it could change...
	They have an eight in there.
	And by the way, you'll see this report come out again tomorrow.
	It'll still have the same number, like no one else died.
	Yeah, nobody...
	No one died overnight.
	That exact number died, yeah.
	Right.
	And that'll be the same.
	You're right, you know, until they get to another code number.
	So you can look for these codes in Sudan and Darfur coming up on the 11th.
	The 11th is when you're going to see all these coded numbers come up.
	The thing, we started noticing it really with the number of casualties in Afghanistan.
	It was always 33 civilians killed.
	Always 33.
	And it's code.
	It's total code.
	Total code.
	What it's code for specifically, we don't quite know.
	And of course, we still don't have the results of the scam election.
	I think we need a huge distraction.
	Something really, really big.
	And the minute that something really big happens, then they're going to put Jude Celestine, who is the outgoing president's protégé.
	They like all these P words, too.
	This alliteration of Preval's protégé.
	So, you know, like Lady Gaga is going to die.
	Or no, oh, I'm sorry.
	No, no, better than that.
	We'll have, here's a distraction for you.
	Is this a prediction?
	This is a total prediction.
	And it'll be the distraction, not just the...
	The distraction of the week on Noah's agenda goes.
	It will be the distraction of the year.
	You can wait for it.
	And I want every human resource within the sound of my voice to be on the lookout because the royal wedding is what is going to cover up a whole bunch of stuff.
	And I think we'll see the elections in Haiti coming out.
	All kinds of stuff is going to happen when this royal wedding takes place.
	Because that's the only thing you're going to see on television, is royal wedding.
	Yeah.
	Well, you know, back in the day when I was working with Laporte and the rest of them, Soledad O'Brien, on the site...
	I was a guest commentator.
	The site?
	What is the site?
	When MSNBC first began in the 90s sometime, it was started by Microsoft.
	They decided they wanted to put a tech show on because it was Microsoft-NBC joint venture.
	And so they had this thing called The Site and I became a guest commentator on one of the shows.
	Did they pay you for that?
	Yeah, I believe so.
	Not very much of it.
	No.
	MSNBC. So anyway, I'm not Keith Olbermann.
	You're much cuter.
	So they did the show and then Diana got killed.
	Right.
	And they went to 24-7 coverage of Diana.
	And the ratings took off.
	The ratings skyrocketed.
	Exactly.
	And they said, screw all this bullcrap with shows that might have some information in them.
	Screw Dvorak.
	He's like a Doug.
	Yeah.
	I wasn't in part of the decision, I'm sure.
	But the whole show was killed because what's the point?
	You can't get these kinds of numbers that you can get with the death of Diana.
	And so then the whole network went down the tubes and it's never really had good numbers ever, even with the Olbermann and Rachel on there.
	But they're looking forward to something like this.
	And people just flock to this crowd.
	Why is that?
	What is it?
	Well, actually, someone sent me this.
	And who cares?
	We're Americans.
	Why do we care about the British aristocracy?
	I've seen, like, a million reports about the coin, the commemorative coin, and everyone's like, oh, Kate doesn't look anything like it on the coin.
	The coin is no good.
	Like, what?
	Meanwhile, we've got, like, we're selling coins here made out of actual silver found at ground zero, and no one says anything about that.
	It's crazy.
	Crazy.
	The 10-year commemorative.
	We did that commercial.
	Remember?
	The 10-year commemorative coin.
	It's disgusting.
	Doug's disgusting.
	So, anyway, I think you're right.
	That would be a huge distraction.
	I don't know what's wrong with the American public that we should care at all about what's going on with the British aristocracy.
	Someone sent me a bit torrent of a, and I'll put the torrent in the show notes, of a documentary called Starsuckers.
	Have you ever seen this, John?
	No.
	It's different than star-whackers.
	Star-suckers.
	And it includes a lot of research that was published about the obsession with fame that we have worldwide.
	Not just in the United States, but worldwide.
	Which has gone from like 12% in the 80s to 80% in the 90s and 2000s.
	In other words, the preoccupation has jumped from 12% to 80%?
	Yes.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I thought it was pretty stable.
	No, it's a pretty big jump.
	Well, of course, this has to do with the proliferation of media in general.
	But just look at it.
	Look at reality shows.
	And it's good because they're kind of giving away the secret.
	When you see this, you go like, oh my God, look at all these idiot parents who are pushing their children.
	They set up these scams in shopping malls.
	We're doing a reality show about kids.
	And they make these kids do stuff like hack a chicken's head off with a knife.
	But it's a rubber chicken, right?
	But it's like, okay, alright little Tommy.
	And they give him a rubber chicken and a knife and like, okay, now act like you're hacking his head off.
	And the parents are going like, go ahead Tommy, hack his head off, hack his head off.
	Because the parents of course are more obsessed with fame than anything.
	Ha!
	It's a phenomenal documentary.
	It's really, really well done.
	And it shows you just how crazy you've gotten.
	And what's the name of it again?
	Star Suckers.
	I don't know if it's available in YouTube bits.
	Maybe.
	If it is, someone will send me the link.
	I'll put that in the show notes.
	Definitely put it on our list.
	One of our producers is maintaining the recommended movie list.
	But what's so cool about it is it actually shows you how it has all to do with the neurotransmitters.
	It's like being famous because fame, of course, is the way out.
	Fame is the way out of the rat race.
	That's why everyone's so obsessed with it.
	So it's not like...
	I don't want to be a great soccer player.
	I just want to be David Beckham.
	I just want to be famous like him because then you get all the free shit.
	You get all the money.
	And it's true.
	And we give you these little opportunities with American Idol, America's Got Talent.
	You think you can dance.
	You think you can dance.
	Dance like Michael Jackson.
	All of this stuff.
	And we give you the...
	And you know, thousands, tens of thousands of people show up for these auditions because...
	And they're right!
	Because you actually...
	You can become rich!
	It can happen.
	Look at the Jersey Shore people.
	Well, you can't get a job.
	You might as well do that.
	Might as well.
	Might as well.
	So, yeah.
	It's a great documentary.
	Again, I'll put the BitTorrent in.
	And whoever sent me that, I can't remember offhand.
	I really appreciated it.
	It's not seeded a lot, so it'll be great if more people are seeding it from the No Agenda community, so it'll download much faster.
	It took me like half a day to get it in.
	God, I love BitTorrent.
	So, do you ever use torrents?
	Yeah, but the problem is my taste, if you haven't noticed, is so screwy that...
	There's no seeds at all of the stuff you're looking for.
	There's no seeds.
	It takes years.
	You are the seed.
	It's like I look back weeks later and a piece of it has been downloaded.
	So I gave up on it.
	So while we're on the topic of media assassination, I thought this was interesting.
	Tech memes...
	And this was sent to us by Dennis Cruz, one of our long-time producers.
	Tech memes' top 50 tech stories of 2010 shows the influence of the corporate blogs and, more importantly, press releases...
	Six of the top ten stories in tech, and we're just saying tech because this is what we know, I'm sure our audience knows a little bit about this.
	Six of the top ten news stories came directly from blogs from the companies in question.
	So it was Steve Jobs' Thought on Flash, Andy Rubin's Google blog post about changes in the Nexus One availability.
	So it just proves that there is no news.
	There is no reporting.
	It's all PR. It's all PR companies.
	None of it is actual news and reporting.
	You think someone sent out a press release about the 3333 in Haiti?
	And where do they get that number from?
	I'd like to know.
	This is the problem that we have because we're just the two of us.
	We're reverse engineering everything and deconstructing.
	But we don't have any...
	We're not getting inside information from actual spooks or government sources or anything else.
	We're just...
	Taking things apart and showing people how to do that themselves.
	A lot of people do it, obviously, as well as we do.
	So when it comes to, like, why 333?
	When did that become a code number?
	Why is it a code number?
	And who's delivering it under what circumstances?
	And what does it actually mean in the end when the day is done?
	We can't get that part.
	I mean, we can kind of guess once in a while, but this one's too obscure.
	We have never figured it out.
	Okay, so Fox News reports the number of deaths in Haiti from the cholera epidemic afflicting the poverty-stricken nation since mid-October has risen to 3,333 according to the health ministry.
	They have a health ministry in Haiti?
	I like the word ministry.
	I think there's an element there of the code.
	It came from the ministry.
	There's more interesting numbers in this.
	They're pretty specific.
	Oh, according to a bulletin posted on the ministry's website.
	Let's do this right now, John.
	This is very annoying.
	Let's find this out.
	So, Haiti...
	Ministry of Health.
	We should be able to find it.
	That, right?
	Yep.
	Okay.
	Alright, let me work on it, too.
	Well, Haiti has a...
	They must have some kind of...
	Come on, chat room, help me out here.
	I see U.S. government officials and Haitian Ministry of Health.
	I don't see a Haiti Ministry of Health website.
	What is the Haiti...
	What is the Haiti top-level domain name?
	Is it H-I or something?
	I don't think it's H-I. I don't even know that they have one.
	Yeah, I thought they did, actually.
	Well, let's take a look.
	You should type in Haiti T-L-D and you should get it.
	Haiti government website.
	Come on, chat room, where are you?
	Work on this with me, will you?
	H-T. H-T. See, I told you it would be H-T, so would it be H-T? Boy, I'll tell you one thing.
	They got no Google juice.
	Those Haitians.
	So...
	Haiti, maybe it's a...
	Well, it's a backward country.
	Finding a lot of...
	I mean, come on.
	Chat room suggests go screwyourself.gov would be...
	All right.
	Oh, here's...
	You know what?
	I'm disappointed in our human resources.
	They had the U.S. government officials, Haitian Ministry of Health discuss next phase of medical and public health support in Haiti.
	Oh, boy.
	Oh, here we go.
	I've got it.
	Enlightenment did it.
	It's scrolling so fast I can't even grab it from the chat room.
	Oh, God.
	Oh, boy.
	All right, here we go.
	Crap.
	It's mspp.gov.ht.
	mspp.gov.ht.
	Funny, on October 29th, supposedly the cholera epidemic, which was killing 305, which still had three in it, but not that many, supposedly was subsiding.
	Really?
	Really?
	Hmm.
	Okay, how do I change this to English?
	It's in French.
	This is not helping.
	Go to Google Translations.
	No, no.
	They should have an English version of it.
	.gov.
	It was international.
	Let me see.
	There must be an English version.
	Plan du site.
	Okay, here's your...
	I got your go-to guy.
	Let me look this guy up.
	Gabriel Thimote.
	Hold on.
	I think we just do gov.ht.
	No, it's got to be Gouve.
	Well, this is fascinating.
	Yeah.
	Le Ministre.
	There we go.
	Le Ministre.
	Organigrams du Ministre.
	Okay.
	What's health in French?
	Nothing.
	They don't have health there.
	They don't.
	There's no such word.
	No, I'm just kidding.
	Direction General, Direction Centrale, Unité Coordinates, Le Doug?
	No.
	Error file.
	All right.
	Work needs to be done.
	You know what?
	Even in Wikipedia, it's got 3333 in there.
	Oh, of course.
	It's Ministry of Truth.
	But where does it come from?
	From a blog post?
	It comes from this guy, Gabriel Thamote.
	That's the key.
	If we can figure out that guy's background, we'll figure out the whole thing.
	Why?
	Is he the one that's propagating the message?
	Yep.
	He's the head of Haiti's health department.
	Gabriel Thamote says 4147 people were treated to whose cholera chief?
	Claire Lise Chagnot said the epidemic was not contained this in October.
	Should not have achieved its peak, da-da-da.
	Gabriel Thimote keeps coming up.
	Okay, Gabriel, have you wikied him?
	I'm looking at, the only wiki that you've got is the 2010 Haiti cholera outbreak wiki page, which apparently documents much of this.
	But I haven't got the background on this character, Monsieur Timote.
	T-H-E-M-O-T-E? This is Gabriel J-A-B-R-I-E-L-T-H-I-M-O-T-E, accent grave.
	Oh, accent grave!
	Oh, I know how to do those, actually.
	It's like biodiversité.
	Hey!
	Hey!
	He's got a Flickr page!
	Well, now you're talking.
	Oh, he probably has pictures of dead people.
	He's got a Flickr page.
	More than 200 people died in Haiti in the wake of a cholera epidemic declared in the country, announced Saturday the Director General of the Ministry of Health, Gabriel Timoteo.
	Is it Timoteo?
	I don't have any spelling with the O on the end.
	It's T-I-M-O with an accent.
	T-E-O. No.
	No.
	Well, this is on his own Flickr page.
	Well, then it's not spelled that way anyplace else, so it's meant to confuse us.
	Wow.
	All throughout, every document I've looked at has got it spelled without that spelling.
	It's spelled T-H-I-M-O without any accent.
	T-E. Wow.
	All right.
	Well, anyway, like I said, this is the point we've been making, which is we can't get to the bottom of it.
	3,333 dead, 33,000 hospitalized.
	This Timote guy is interesting.
	He's a doctor, and apparently he's been...
	Here we go.
	But far from taking aggressive and proactive measures like stopping traffic, Haitian public health authorities have been trying to minimize the crisis, claiming, as the health ministry's general director, Gabriel Timothé, did October 25th that the disease progress has been stabilized.
	Here they're talking about H5N1. So this guy may be a bird flu shill as well.
	Hmm.
	What are they?
	They're talking about H5N1? Yeah.
	I'm going back to October now.
	Where there were 337 cholera deaths.
	More threes.
	More threes.
	Okay.
	Work cut out for us, human resources.
	Let's work on this.
	This is fascinating stuff.
	Something's up.
	Yep.
	Fascinating.
	The 333 is definitely a signal.
	It's saying, look out.
	Interesting shit coming your way now.
	It's obvious.
	Yeah, it's definitely a signal.
	It's like a flare.
	Wow.
	There's the flair.
	Okay, we've got to get to work.
	So I got...
	Yeah, please.
	We're going to change topics a little bit.
	I want to bring something up.
	My wife...
	Kind of brought up.
	We have one of Eric's sons who's a hyperactive kid that was borderline to go on Ritalin.
	Oh, we've got to throw that kid on some drugs!
	But all they did was they finally, and my wife has been into this for some time because she noticed this effect too, they pulled everything they could out of his diet that contained red 40.
	Red dye 40.
	And now he's just a normal kid.
	Really?
	So she came up with that.
	I think that's interesting.
	Because I remember Red Dye 4 being such a big deal.
	She was baffled by the fact that the FDC, if you look up these dyes, the Europeans won't let you use any of them.
	Very interesting.
	Just let me give you some background on this.
	In 1972...
	Before many of you were born, when I moved to Gitmo Nation Lowlands with my family, I remember my mom saying, wow, the meat here really looks...
	I don't like the way the meat looks at the butcher...
	They still had butcher shops back then, of course.
	That's long gone.
	And she was a member of the American Women's Club.
	And they had a newsletter and said, well, you know, the reason why the meat doesn't look so great is because they do not allow the dye to be put in the meat to make it look more attractive in the butcher shop.
	So this has been something that is not culturally accepted anywhere except in the United States as far as I know.
	Yeah.
	So, now I'm proud of my wife.
	She listens to the show and she came up with this one.
	She says, well, why is Red Dye 40 legal in the United States?
	It's banned every place else in the world, pretty much.
	And it's seen as some natural thing because it comes from some bug wings or some crazy thing.
	No, it's not synthetic.
	It's actually something from the natural world.
	Yeah, it's some crazy thing.
	And it's called Allura.
	She says, who really runs the FDA nowadays?
	The drug companies.
	And who benefits from crazy, wild kids running around like nuts?
	The drug companies.
	The drug companies that make Ritalin.
	Do you think there's a connection between Ritalin being doled out like there's no tomorrow, which is what they're doing today, and the fact that these kids are being hyped up with Red Dye 40?
	Is there any possibility that this is the case when she, right in front of her very eyes, watches the effect on a Very good Mimi.
	Let's not forget that the director of the FDA is Michael Taylor, former Monsanto executive.
	So, of course, it's...
	Duh.
	And they put Red Dye 40 in chocolate.
	Really?
	They put it in everything they can think to put it in.
	This reminds me of what they do with soy.
	They do the same thing.
	And I bitch about this constantly.
	Why would you buy...
	Go look at your cans of tuna, like from Sunkissed.
	Look at the label.
	Lots of cans of tuna.
	You'll see this.
	There's no actual dolphin.
	It's tuna and there's soy in there.
	Why am I buying soy meal when I'm supposed to be buying a can of tuna?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Well, because there's no actual food anymore.
	There's no food left.
	We're just eating sawdust with color and taste things and MSG to make your brain think it's good.
	Well, apparently the latest version of this red dye 40, by the way, is not made from the insects.
	It's made from petroleum.
	It's made from gasoline.
	Let me see.
	Could that make your kid go wacky?
	Red dye AC was originally manufactured from coal tar, now made mostly from petroleum, despite the popular misconception Allura red AC was not derived from any insect, unlike the food coloring carmine, which is derived from the female insect of some sort.
	Hmm.
	Whatever the case is, look for it.
	You know, people, please, take a look at what's happening around the world.
	Look at Japanese.
	Look at the Brits.
	The Brits used to be thin, white people.
	The Japanese used to be tiny, slim people.
	They're all fat and gross now, like us, here in the United States.
	Because of the crap they're eating is not actual food.
	Cook something yourself.
	Go to a farm.
	This is the thing that scares me the most.
	They can take my money, but when they take away my food, I have no food.
	There is no food.
	It's frankenfood.
	And use olive oils and safer plant oils rather than canola and soy oil.
	These things have never been tested.
	Soy oil has estrogen characteristics.
	What is soy oil?
	What is that called?
	What is the brand name?
	Not soy oil.
	Soy oil.
	Soil.
	This is called soil.
	Let's call it soil.
	That'd be great.
	Hey, I'm putting some soil in my food.
	It's called soybean oil.
	Soil.
	Soil.
	Anyway, the point is that these things, along with high fructose corn syrup, which I know all the PR agencies...
	By the way, soy is one of the best ones if you want to follow PR. Do a little research on people that bitch about soy oil being not necessarily healthy, never really fully tested.
	Has estrogen-like characteristics.
	I always...
	It gives males big breasts.
	Yeah, exactly.
	It gives you big breasts.
	So go look in the media.
	Go do some Googling and spend the day.
	And you'll find all the responses.
	Oh, no, that's not true.
	And then they'll give you a laundry list of reasons that all this is bogus.
	It's just a bunch of propaganda against the soybean companies.
	And you read this and you're going to read exact word-for-word rebuttals in every source that you've ever run into because they've got this one PR department, the Soybean Institute.
	They send this woman and a bunch of them.
	They come out and as soon as anything negative comes out in the press, they get called immediately.
	They demand a rebuttal and they demand to get certain things printed to reverse those bad thoughts about these oils.
	And then they run these exact articles that are word-for-word accounts.
	There's like talking points that these people send out.
	And the media just parrots them.
	Just eats it right up.
	This is why we need to do some surveys of our own.
	Because whenever you have a survey, oh, it's a survey!
	Well, in that case, yeah, survey.
	Just print the numbers.
	It's a survey.
	Hey, study shows it's a survey.
	In fact, my son, who's the first one, JC, is the first one who got the whole family off of soy and we, you know, reversed our take on a lot of stuff.
	Good boy.
	Good boy.
	Because he ran into a large research piece about how soy generally shrinks the brain.
	And every once in a while you see a reference to this.
	Nobody knows what the reference is for because whatever that document was is missing.
	It's gone from the internet.
	And every time it shows up, they basically get it pulled.
	And you will never find this document anymore.
	That's another reason why I tell people out there, if you see something really weird that you read that's kind of frightening, save page as.
	Right.
	Or better yet, if you're on a Hack and Macintosh, save page as PDF, which is fantastic.
	Print as PDF. You don't have to worry about it disappearing like a lot of stuff does.
	But anyway, so this red dye seems to really be a problem, and it's been observed.
	This is anecdotal stuff, which, oh, it's just anecdotal.
	Doesn't mean anything.
	No study's been done.
	Anecdotal information is valuable when it's so obvious.
	Say you're eating something and your arm falls off.
	And you go, gee, I don't know.
	If there's a connection, you stop eating it, your arm grows back.
	Well, it's just anecdotal.
	It doesn't prove anything.
	That's not scientific.
	I mean, come on.
	At some point...
	What do you think?
	Science!
	You don't know what you're talking about.
	We have many scientists here at the FDA. It's all good.
	They've all worked at Monsanto before.
	Not that everyone should be superstitious about all this stuff.
	Well, I'm really happy, though, that Eric's son is now back to normal and he can join the moronic faith along with the rest of us.
	That's great.
	So, it's Red Dye 40, you said, is the one.
	Right.
	So, that's pretty much in everything, though, right?
	So, the kid is not going to go hungry because he can't eat anything?
	Well, he won't be able to eat, you know, the child's breakfast cereals, which are loaded with this stuff.
	No wonder all these kids are going crazy.
	But, you know, the thing that also gets me is that...
	People should look at labels more.
	When you go to the grocery store and you look at cereal boxes, there's a couple companies up in Canada.
	You look at the box and they have the same labeling requirements.
	It says wheat and, you know, wheat.
	It's just what it says.
	In the American box, it's got a million things in there.
	Preservatives and dyes.
	It's not just wheat.
	It's soy.
	And soy.
	I mean, there's a million things in there.
	It's like, why don't you just kind of get it down to the basics here?
	Well, we're going on a very healthy diet starting as of yesterday.
	And it's actually good, you know, when you really get down to the basics in your cooking.
	People should just pay attention to it.
	That's all.
	I've taught my daughter a lot, and it's really changed her overall health, I think.
	She's really trying to cut back on the aspartame.
	That was the big thing for her was aspartame.
	She was chewing gum, and she was really in this vicious cycle of just being hooked on the aspartame and eating two packs a day.
	Two packs a day of gum.
	But it's sad.
	And she's like, I know, I know, I know.
	I'm really trying to stop.
	And she has these obsessive things.
	And you can literally see the kid, and I call her a kid, she's 20, but you can see her respond to the chemicals.
	It's chemicals.
	That's why.
	We are made of chemicals.
	When you put other chemicals in there, you're going to get a reaction.
	It's bad, man.
	Of course, all the healthy stuff is unaffordable.
	Well, not if you go to the farm and get yourself a cow and a pig.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Come on, John.
	Be realistic for a second.
	A 20-year-old who lives in the borderline East L.A. swums.
	There's no way she can get a cow.
	She can't go get a cow.
	She doesn't even have a freezer for the cow.
	You know, her roommate is...
	Well, you think that, like, in Europe, at least they have some...
	When you go out and eat, you know, out at a restaurant, they don't...
	The food that you're getting is pretty high quality.
	Although, I have to say now, you know, McDonald's has invaded the place, and McDonald's has got wood in their meat, literally.
	Yeah, wood is true.
	It's wood.
	Yeah.
	And the bread's got a lot of wood in it, which is, you know, just fiber.
	I guess it might be good for you.
	It's wood!
	It's probably better than the meat.
	Hey, Doug.
	Doug, there's wood in my bread.
	I mean, there's ways you can eat healthy without, but yeah, most of the stuff, you know, these cereals, the candies, and all this stuff from all these, is just laced with chemicals unnecessarily, in most cases.
	I mean, if you go, like, See's Candies, which is a chocolate provider, they don't put a bunch of weird crap in it.
	Why do the candy bar makers have to do that?
	I mean, just so the shelf life is longer?
	Yes, hello, yes, profits, hello, chocolate, Cadbury, big companies, billions of dollars.
	Yes, of course that's the reason, John.
	But this is...
	Okay.
	And then we'll just wrap up this topic.
	Of course, that's why you see these shills in government, because it's all based upon greed.
	We need to make more money, so we need to customize the rulemaking, so we get our own shills into government.
	They customize the laws and the rules for our company.
	We make more money.
	Everyone makes out like bandits except for the stupid slaves like us.
	That's how it works.
	That is the system, and it's not exclusive to the United States of Gitmo Nation.
	It's rampant and it's everywhere.
	And my question to you, John, is have you ever seen it this bad and does the pendulum actually swing back and will it happen in our lifetime?
	I've never seen it this bad, and now I'm going to bring up a point of criticism because people are going to criticize me for what I'm about to say.
	Good.
	About time.
	Doug.
	It's about time.
	Doug.
	So one of the things I noticed when we made this switch over some years back to canola oil, which is rapeseed oil as the source of...
	It's a brand.
	It's not a type of oil.
	It's a brand.
	Canola means Canadian oil with low acidity.
	It's not a plant of any sort.
	You can question people about this.
	Oh yeah, the canola plant.
	What's a canola plant look like?
	Like a bug.
	Once they started feeding soybean oil to the American public, as opposed to all the other safflower, some of the more safer oils.
	Safflower is good.
	Grape seed oil is good.
	Sunflower oil is healthy.
	And olive oil, of course, which is the one that the Europeans use mostly.
	And duck fat and goose fat to cook with.
	Once they started, and I know this is going to sound weird, and it's not like this is all I'm obsessed with.
	Butter!
	Butter!
	Just use butter!
	Actually, butter's better than margarine, that's for sure, which they've proven.
	But anyway, so you go to Toronto, Canada, where people walk a lot, especially on Yonge Street, which is the world's longest straight street.
	Anyway, people are wandering around a lot, and so you'll notice, Americans notice this, when you go to Canada...
	The women in Canada, because they're walking all the time, have extremely pretty butts.
	No, they got pretty butts.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	But that ended...
	Wait a minute.
	That ended about 10 years ago.
	And now the butts are getting this cottage cheese style.
	Their butts fell off.
	It's gone downhill.
	I mean, it used to be the town with this, you know, just watching women walking around.
	Wow!
	Nice butt.
	Now it's like, it's not that way anymore.
	And I attribute it to the canola oil.
	Hey, Doug, Doug, my butt fell off.
	My butt fell off because of the canola oil, Doug.
	I'm just saying.
	Really?
	It's noticeable to me because I only go to Toronto every so often, but I notice, and it's the same thing with Vancouver.
	Well, I've got Kevin, the Canadian blade.
	I shall ask him.
	I would like all of our other Gitmo nation...
	Well, it's going to be less noticeable if you live there.
	Yeah, but...
	It's when you visit and you go, holy crap, what happened to all these pretty...
	All the pretty butts are gone.
	Yeah.
	Really, you know, I never took you for a butt man, John.
	I'm more of a face man myself.
	Because in all these oils, there's no reason to be a butt man anymore, especially in Canada.
	But are the butts bigger or are they just...
	They're sloppier and they bounce around and they got the cottage cheese thing going on.
	How do you know they...
	Can you see cottage cheese?
	They used to be these dynamite looking...
	I mean, we're talking the best butts in the world were all in Toronto.
	And now the butts there are just whatever.
	They're just like American butts you'd run into in Arkansas.
	Big butts, flabby butts.
	But can you see the cottage cheese through the clothing?
	Often.
	Wow.
	Because, of course, a lot of these big butts insist upon wearing tight lycra.
	Well, they don't know anymore that their butts don't look that good with tight lycra.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	So Toronto used to be the best butts ever, and now it's just like you don't even want to look, let's put it that way.
	But of all the butts in the world.
	You look straight, you look at the road.
	There's a lot less accidents, I'll bet.
	I bet you can do a study in Toronto in terms of city street accidents, and the accident rate has gone through the floor down.
	Because the butts are no longer nice to look at.
	There's no distractions.
	John C. DeVore acts pet peeve of the day.
	Or an observation, then a peeve.
	But, you know, it's a peeve.
	I think it's a peeve.
	You're disappointed in the Toronto buttage.
	Yeah, the buttage is not what it was.
	There's my opening clip.
	I was waiting for it.
	Thank you.
	Wow.
	Well, gee whiz.
	You know what, actually, maybe we should...
	Hey, Doug.
	Hey, Doug.
	Maybe we should just do this real quick before we get out of here.
	And now, back to Real News.
	By the way, starting today, I'm taking recommendations for a new streaming provider.
	because it's just gotten so bad over the past four weeks, more or less.
	And maybe it's because we have a lot of people listening to the show, but today is not a record number show, as we can see even by the support in the PayPal.
	And it just cuts out for no reason, just stops.
	And we pay a lot of money for this.
	It's not cheap.
	So please send me your recommendations for a new Shoutcast streaming provider.
	It's gone too far now.
	We're going to cut off these guys at Primcast.
	So real news.
	Really only three topics that I wanted to hit.
	The Michael Jackson autopsy show has been cancelled, John, after we made a big deal about it.
	I'm sure everyone got really upset and this was the Discovery Network was going to do the Michael Jackson autopsy.
	What really killed Michael Jackson?
	So that's been cancelled even though they had been broadcasting promos.
	Huh.
	Yeah, so apparently a lot of people got upset about it.
	I think it's going to be pushed off just temporarily.
	But from what I understand, the conclusion in this documentary was that he killed himself, that it was suicide.
	Oh, that wasn't going to work.
	Which is even funnier.
	So I haven't seen the actual, of course, I haven't seen the actual show, but that's what I understand is that the conclusion was he probably killed himself.
	Right.
	Right.
	Then we have, very sad, the passing of Bobby Farrell.
	Do you know Bobby Farrell?
	Oh, yeah.
	No, you don't.
	I think I've seen him perform.
	Yeah, he was a singer, and he did that Happy Song, I think.
	Yeah, the Happy Song.
	Boney M, he was the guy in Boney M. He wasn't really a singer, more a dancer.
	In fact, I don't think any of the voices in Boney M were actually on the record.
	He was living in Gitmo Nation lowlands for the past 25 years, I think.
	He passed away at 61 in St.
	Petersburg.
	St.
	Petersburg?
	Russia?
	Yeah, I think so.
	Yeah, he was on tour in Russia.
	Uh-huh.
	Found dead in his hotel room in St.
	Petersburg, Russia, where he had been performing.
	His agent confirmed that he had complained of breathing problems before and after a gig on Wednesday.
	Because he would basically go out by himself, and I guess he would gig without the other women.
	He was just basically lip-syncing to the tracks.
	The guy who created...
	Remember Milli Vanilli?
	Yeah.
	Okay, so Milli Vanilli, who won a Grammy.
	Boy, I wish we were doing this show back then.
	So they won a Grammy.
	They didn't sing a single note on the record.
	Right.
	Because this German producer, Frank Farian, he did all that stuff.
	He'd get other voices to do that.
	So this first project was Boney M, which was created by the same Frank Farian.
	So the guy, I don't think Bobby Farrell actually ever sang on the record at all.
	But he made quite a career out of going around and performing as the crazy dancing guy.
	And it doesn't matter.
	It's fine.
	After stuff is lip-synced on television that you're watching.
	How about 90%?
	Yeah, 90%.
	But luckily, we're able to spin this into a real news story.
	It took someone a little while.
	I think the BBC probably did this.
	He died on the exact same day that Rasputin died.
	And of course he had a song, Ra Ra Rasputin, which is a big hit for them.
	So thank goodness we were able to spin it into a great news story by, oh hey, he died on the same day Rasputin died.
	The hand of Rasputin.
	Yes, Rasputin reached out from the dead and pulled Bobby Farrell in.
	And then my favorite, my favorite of real news this week is Anna Chapman.
	Of course, our Russian spy, who wasn't thrown in jail, wasn't assassinated, executed, wasn't...
	You know, she just went back to Russia, exposed as a spy, went back to Russia, and she's now a huge deal.
	She was on This Is Your Life in Russia.
	And so they did a couple of things.
	They gave her a tiger cub, because that was on her Christmas wish list.
	She's an amazing celebrity.
	She's really spun this into something big.
	But the reason why this is interesting in the news is because they bring up the question of, well, gee, you're so much like Angelina Jolie in Salt.
	And you remember that this whole news story broke when the movie came out, right?
	And you even called it as a promo for the movie Salt.
	Yeah.
	Well, guess what?
	The DVD just came out.
	Oh, there is a connection.
	There's a total connection.
	The Salt movie did poorly.
	It did very poorly, and so they needed to spike up the DVD sales.
	And if you don't think the Russian mafia, as witnessed by Veronica Cohen-Chason, Russian-born, the Russian mob is running Hollywood.
	End of.
	The Russian mob runs Hollywood and they're like, hey, you know, we need to...
	Hey, Boris, we have some problem with salt DVD sale.
	Get Anna Chapman to talk about salt.
	It's no coincidence.
	How many times...
	Is there?
	I mean, come on.
	It's funny.
	No, not when she comes out and says, what are we going to do?
	How can we make it more blatant?
	Nobody's getting it.
	Yeah.
	Well, we are.
	Just say it, will you?
	Just say it.
	No one's going to care if you say it.
	It's not going to hurt you.
	We've got some here.
	Here, here, here.
	How many hundred do you need?
	What do you want?
	What do you need?
	A new dress?
	You need a new car?
	Here, here, here.
	Just say it.
	Say salt.
	We're tired of fooling around.
	She probably wasn't even a spy.
	For all we know, she wasn't even a spy.
	It was just hyped up by the media.
	She was allowed to leave.
	She was allowed to walk right out.
	I like to know who they got back in exchange.
	That's the thing.
	They got four people back.
	Never discussed.
	We know every detail about this woman and a bunch of other stuff, but we have no idea who these four spies that we got in return.
	We have nothing.
	Well, that's like the 9-11 hijackers who keep showing up alive.
	This is another thing that's pretty amazing.
	How many have they found?
	Like nine of these guys are alive and well.
	Say, hey, hey, I'm living over here in Somalia.
	How you doing?
	I'm alive.
	I'm not dead.
	I wasn't on no plane.
	Google it.
	It's never been fully resolved in my mind.
	Google it.
	There was a report.
	It came out just last week, I think.
	There was another guy who said, I'm not dead.
	Let me see if I can find that real quick.
	It was funny.
	When Mohammed Atta shows up, then we know something's up for sure.
	Let me see if I can just find this real quickly.
	It was on the...
	I don't know if I can find it quickly.
	But it was a report that came out from the BBC, no less.
	I remember because someone sent it to me.
	I was like, wow, that's pretty funny.
	No, I'll have to hunt around for it.
	Let's play a clip here I got.
	This is a retrospective clip.
	It's from the old movie from the 40s or 50s, The Time Machine, the George Pell movie.
	And this is, I just had to clip it out because it's such bad acting that I couldn't resist.
	You do need to taunt me, don't you?
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	The underworld of the Morlocks was gone.
	And so was the life of leisure for the Eloine.
	But then what of me?
	I was imprisoned in a world in which I just did not belong.
	Are you sorry?
	Hmm?
	Sorry?
	Sorry for what?
	That you have to stay.
	Yes.
	I'm sorry because I could tell so much to the people of my time, Weena.
	I could let them know about...
	About the sorrow and the happiness that the future has in store for them.
	Maybe they could learn from it.
	Or could they?
	Yeah, they were really good back in the day, John.
	They were awesome.
	You know what's funny about it?
	It's like, what is with this James Mason accent that a bunch of actors had?
	Leisure.
	You know what I mean?
	Leisure.
	It's supposed to be a British accent.
	What is he supposed to be doing with this?
	I could touch him so much.
	Bad acting, sorry.
	So for those in the chat room saying, Adam Curry with his 9-11 bullshit, explain World Trade Center 7 to me.
	Doug.
	Doug.
	Explain that to me and then I'll stop, okay?
	Yes, he's made a pledge that if you can explain World Trade Center 7, which collapsed without being hit by a plane after somebody yelled, pull it.
	Yeah, you can explain that.
	Then I will forever stop.
	He'll stop.
	I will shut up forever.
	I'd love him to shut up, but I don't see anybody making this explanation.
	Hey, Doug, why would you want me to shut up?
	And the government won't even discuss it.
	What is the deal?
	This whole thing is just like, shh, shh, shh.
	No, it didn't happen.
	Who was it?
	It was like, I have a clip, I don't know if we ever played it, where Lieberman or somebody says, I don't know anything about World Tracer 7.
	And by the way, it fell at free-fall speed.
	It didn't just like fall over or something, it went down in free-fall.
	Jesse Ventura, I watched one episode of that show that he does, Conspiracy Theory, and he went and he talked to the lawyer for the 9-11 Commission, and he just berated her, and she had no answers.
	She actually said, well, you know, we had to protect the institution.
	That's more important than the truth.
	I'm paraphrasing, but she literally said, well, you know, we couldn't put everything in the report because we had to protect the institution.
	Yeah.
	She said that?
	Yes!
	Yes!
	She should have not done the interview.
	What is she, nuts?
	No, they made a big mistake.
	Well, you know, it's Jesse Ventura.
	They got an interview from Jesse Ventura and they're not clued in because these are stupid elites.
	Yeah, I know.
	There's a bunch of stuff going on.
	It always reminds me of the Jon Stewart show, the Comedy Central thing, the Daily Show.
	He'll put people on that don't know what the show is, and then they ridicule the person in some way.
	Right, and then they screw up.
	Exactly.
	And the person is befuddled by the fact they think it's some news show.
	Exactly.
	What is wrong with it?
	I mean, just do a little due diligence before you go do a show.
	Yeah, so this one, you should take a look at this one, John.
	I've seen that one.
	It is quite good.
	Actually, the Area 54 one he does, or 57, whatever the hell it is.
	How about 51?
	The Area 51 show he does.
	54, 57, whatever.
	It was a great show.
	It's a great show.
	It's actually quite good.
	I remember one time I wrote a column years ago.
	It was in the 80s.
	That was years ago.
	From the San Francisco Examiner.
	I wrote some scathing article about Seattle.
	I think I called everybody up there in Washington.
	It's racist.
	Of course, it's ironic.
	I'm up there now.
	Racist and stupid and they don't know what good food is.
	Just a slam.
	And so the Seattle Times picked it up and ran it as a huge feature with everybody in the city telling me what a jerk I was.
	It was like a two or three page thing and I got a literally, you can ask my wife, a box.
	Huge box of hate mail.
	Really?
	Yeah, a box.
	So that's the genesis.
	That's where it started.
	Finally I know.
	Thousands of letters.
	I've always wondered where does the incessant...
	Where did disdain come from about John?
	No, it comes from the Macintosh is where it comes from.
	You mean the mouse thing?
	The mouse thing?
	So anyway, let me finish the story.
	By the way, within the mail, there was a couple of people who said, yeah, yeah, you're right, blah, blah, blah.
	But anyway, what was interesting, then I was booked to do some local talk show that was fairly...
	And they were selling me a bill of goods on this thing.
	So I, of course, did my due diligence, checked the show out, and I said, no, I'm not doing it.
	Because they were going to screw with you.
	Yeah.
	So I just bailed on it.
	I don't need to do it.
	I'm not going to get paid any more money.
	The column has been done and paid for.
	I already got my bad publicity.
	So I should go on this show and be the butt of some guy's jokes?
	Forget it.
	So I just said, and they were adamant.
	They were stunned.
	You have to do it.
	You owe it to the public.
	This is media.
	This is a media's very popular show.
	Yeah.
	I've had that happen in Gitmo Lowlands when I had all kinds of bad press about me and taxes.
	And people were like, you have to.
	You have to come on the show.
	You owe it to the public.
	And then on the other hand, you have advertising agencies come up with great ideas I don't know if I talked about this on the show before.
	They were going to pull all of the Heinz Curry ketchup off of the shelves for a week, and they were going to create a fake news report, which I would participate in, that I was suing Heinz over the name Curry.
	Because I was involved in all these lawsuits and all kinds of crap.
	So they were setting you up for a phony baloney publicity stunt story that was going to be proposed as news.
	But the idea was great.
	I'm like, that's very funny.
	It's a great idea, but again, it's bullshit though.
	But what is the worst part is I said, okay, this is very funny.
	I like the idea.
	I can see the humor in it.
	What's your budget?
	And they went like, budget?
	Well, no, you need this.
	We're not going to pay you.
	I'm like, you want me to actually promote Heinz Ketchup with a fake...
	Heinz Curry Ketchup with a fake news story, and you're not going to pay me?
	Well, no.
	It's the criticasters out there.
	It's for your own image.
	Like, what?!
	And that's how they do it.
	And by the way, this happens with every single reality star.
	This is the starsuckers.
	I'm going to put this in the show notes.
	Starsuckers, you must watch this.
	It'll tell you a lot about what's going on.
	Before we leave, we need to mention a great word of thanks to all of the artists who have helped us out in the past year creating fantastic album art for this show.
	We're constantly amazed by what comes in every single week.
	We have Paul...
	We've got Nick the Rat.
	We've got...
	Who else do we have, John?
	I don't want to miss any names here because I want to make sure we thank everybody appropriately.
	Well, let's go and look.
	Actually, we have quite a few.
	Let me go to the No Agenda Art Generator.
	We had a new guy show up the week before last, Thijs Brauers, a guest from Gitmo Lowlands.
	We don't give these artists the props that they really deserve.
	We think that they feel that they get the big props.
	I think Dennis Cruz has been in there.
	And we have, of course, the...
	Kirk...
	Who else do we have?
	We have Paul T. Michael Burge.
	Well, we have our other main artists who I'm noticing now is not...
	Scott, Jesse Anderson.
	We've used a couple of his pieces in the past.
	We really, really appreciate it.
	You are the true unsung heroes of the No Agenda program and community because you spend a lot of time on this art.
	It gets used once, essentially, and enjoyed by many.
	And we have seen when we have shitty art...
	We get less people listening to the show and less money.
	It's a fact.
	The study has shown, John.
	We have a survey.
	Yeah, no, it's an absolute fact.
	We have a survey.
	Chris D. gave us some stuff.
	I'm going to get a couple more names mentioned here.
	I think we used Dan Bruffy's stuff.
	Didn't we use his?
	I'm like the model rocketry.
	I'm just looking through.
	Who is our other main artist?
	Paul T. hasn't sent us much recently.
	No, and our main artist, who actually, I think it was either Paul T. or he set up the site, and whose name is eluding me largely because I'm noticing he hasn't submitted anything forever.
	I mean, Nick Durant's basically taken over.
	A guy named Bad has submitted some stuff in the past.
	Nick Durant seems to have taken over the place.
	Let me get his name.
	I don't know why I'm losing it.
	He's actually the guy who does the No Agenda Stuff.
	Yeah, I know.
	I feel really dumb now.
	He's like a huge fan of the show.
	No, he does the No Agenda Stuff page.
	Yeah, noagendastuff.com.
	Right.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	So when you set up these thank you things...
	Yeah, it's a little preparation.
	Well, this is what happens when we have a meeting.
	So we had like a three-second talk about this.
	We really need to thank our artists.
	You completely forget about it because now you think we've already discussed it.
	You completely bog on it.
	Well, that's the problem with meetings.
	You have a meeting and the next thing you know, it's like pre-interviews.
	Wow.
	We are so bad.
	Come on, look through your email.
	You know who he is.
	I know who he is, yeah.
	Dvorak.org slash NA or channeldvorak.com slash NA for your support.
	Please consider a giving level for the next program since this year did not start off too well.
	But we were here.
	We were here during the Christmas, we're here during New Year's, and we'll be here twice a week, every single week throughout the next year, working towards more.
	NoagendaStream.com, if you have not listened to the Daily source code 856 will be up later today as well.
	And you can hear some of the exciting stuff we're doing.
	A blog post about that forthcoming as well.
	And really working on the stream for 2011.
	Making it open source radio.
	Since the podcast stuff is great for shows like this.
	But when it comes to a real community based thing.
	We have radios now.
	They're called your phone radio.
	And they work quite well, and people are using them all over Gitmo Nation, and we will be looking for a new streaming provider because this has also just become completely annoying.
	Primcast is out.
	Find me a good one to use.
	Maybe we can even use some of our existing infrastructure.
	We've got so many sysadmins who are so awesome and have bandwidth available.
	That could save us some cash as well.
	I think we pay like $200, $250.
	For the amount of bandwidth we use every month on the stream.
	It's not cheap.
	You know, it's not cheap.
	And have you found his name?
	I can't cover any more.
	He's going to get a lot of credit on the next show, I can tell you right now.
	But I don't know why the name is eluding us.
	And I'm looking and looking.
	And I guess he just hasn't done anything for us or done much except a No Agenda Stuff website for about six months.
	This is a problem with, you know, you lose track of stuff.
	Meanwhile, I can't...
	How come the shill isn't piping in on this?
	I think the shill is off babysitting.
	He's going through all the products, extracting the red dye 40.
	Really, he's off?
	No, he's still logged in, man.
	He's still logged in, I can see.
	Well, my link to this No Agenda stuff seems to be dead, too.
	I'm going to fix that.
	Anyway, so the stream is where it's at for 2011, and we've got a lot of people very excited about working on that.
	John, have you followed any of this where people upload stuff to their Dropbox and it gets put into rotation automatically?
	I can just say this, that people are thrilled with it.
	Okay.
	There you go.
	That's all I wanted to hear.
	I just wanted to make sure.
	And John, do you have any resolutions for 2011?
	Well, let's see.
	I started the year off right after the first, when the clock ticked over, I had Dom Perignon 96 for a taste.
	And then decided I'm going to lose another 15 pounds.
	I'm going to fix my...
	Wait a minute.
	You would stop drinking, hadn't you?
	Yeah, and I'm not drinking anymore, but I... But you had some Dom Perignon, right?
	Well, why not?
	And so I'm going to fix up my office to be a radio studio with the video, and then I'm going to...
	Wait a minute.
	You're going to clean up?
	Yes.
	No.
	Get out of town.
	Are you on Twit today?
	I think so, yeah.
	Will this be with the new clean office?
	No, of course not.
	It's just the first or second day of the year.
	I guess it's going to take me three months to do this.
	Can I come over and stand outside and just whatever you throw out I can catch?
	Or you're not throwing anything out?
	No, I'm going to throw tons out.
	I think I'm going to get one of those giant containers.
	Containers, yeah, of course.
	What I like to have is one of those slides that you can throw stuff into the slide and it slides down into the container.
	You know, like when they're tearing out a place?
	Yes.
	I know exactly what you speaketh of.
	Yes.
	Hey, coming to you from Gitmo Nation West, People's Republic of Southern California, head of the Moronic Church, my name's Adam Curry.
	And from northern Silicon Valley, where it's been miserable and raining, but, eh, you know, the plants need the water.
	I'm John C. Dvorak.

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