Ep. 1400 - Independence Day Special - How America Can Win Again
Today on the Matt Walsh, guest hosted by me, David Cone, we’ve got an Independence Day special for you. We’ll examine many of the most crucial ways America has strayed from the path our Founders established. There was a UFO sighting in Colorado…and y’all keep wondering where Matt went. I will be reading the best roast comments from the Sweet Baby Gang. Also, the Olympics are canceled.
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Today on the Matt Wall Show, guest hosted by me, David Cohn, we've got an Independence Day special for you.
We'll examine many of the most crucial ways America has strayed from the path our founders established.
There was a UFO sighting in Colorado, and y'all keep wondering where Matt went.
We'll be reading the best roast comments from the Sweet Baby Gang.
Also, the Olympics are canceled.
All of that and more today on The Matt Walsh Show.
(upbeat music)
Matt Walsh is out once again today.
Taylor Swift added some dates to her heiress tour that simply could not be missed.
But don't worry, this show would never leave you without a 4th of July episode, so you've got me, David Cohn.
Let's get to it.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, Liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
Those words from the preamble of the Declaration of Independence, which the Continental Congress formally announced 248 years ago tomorrow, were written by men of courage.
The founding fathers knew If they were to establish a government of their own, a system where the people had the power, it would take a fight.
Not just any battle, a battle against the most powerful monarchy in the world, in which losing not only meant death, it meant being labeled a traitor for the remainder of history.
Did the Founders create a perfect system?
Of course not.
Not every person was equal, or free, or counted as a full person.
Brother fought against brother 90 years later to help right those wrongs.
Yet through it all, we've marched forward as a country, always willing to be self-critical and using the guiding principles our Founding Fathers laid out, tweaking where necessary to create the freest, most spectacular nation the world has seen.
America is still not perfect.
But her imperfection is being used as the excuse to abolish her existence completely.
That would be devastating, not just for us as citizens, but for the remainder of the world.
So, in honor of our independence, let us highlight some of the ways we have veered off the path that led us to be the country we are today.
The border, which makes up the nation, is being ignored.
If you read the Federalist Papers, especially Federalist No.
2 by John Jay, you'll learn that one of the most important ideas advanced by the Founding Fathers is the idea that America keeps a cohesive national identity.
This was part of their argument to convince states to ratify the new constitution.
Over the last two and a half centuries, America has become a multicultural melting pot where different people of many races and religions can come together and achieve miraculous ends.
That only works, however, when we agree that our American identity is stronger than that which divides us.
Increasingly, that is not the case.
No care whatsoever is being paid to the type of individuals entering and remaining in our country.
Now understand, I don't blame anyone ever for having a desire to become American.
That's what's supposed to happen when you're the best.
People vote with their feet, right?
Well, when you leave your home country to come here, that's the sincerest form of flattery.
All of our ancestors did that at some point.
But a nation cannot exist when the border that makes said nation what it is gets ignored with impunity.
Add a welfare state on top of it all, and this becomes unsustainable.
To paraphrase Milton Friedman, you can have open borders, barely.
You can have a welfare state, barely.
But you cannot have both.
Consider now our national debt, well over $30 trillion.
You might as well replace trillion with a made-up word.
What's the difference?
James Madison, the fourth president and one of the authors of the Constitution, once said, quote, public debt is a public curse, and in a Republican government, a greater curse than any.
Think now about our system of taxation.
The mantra that carries us into Independence Day and echoes through the skies as if it were shouted yesterday, no taxation without representation.
And that was over a 2% tax on a breakfast beverage.
What do we have now?
We're taxed when we receive money, when we spend money, when we invest money, when we die with money.
I leave a house every morning that is taxed, in a car that is taxed, fueled by gas that is taxed, to go to a company that is taxed, where I get a paycheck that is taxed, on a state level, then on the federal level, all while playing this withholding game where the IRS knows how much I owe but makes me guess that if I'm wrong they can put me in jail.
None of this addresses the biggest tax of all, inflation, which is skyrocketing because the bureaucracy in Washington won't turn off the printing presses just to send those dollar bills which should be used to better the lives of Americans overseas.
That's what we put up with.
Our great grandfathers told King George, come get some if he wants to levy tea, and now we're left with pennies for every buck we make.
How?
Inch by inch.
None of this happened overnight.
248 years is a long time.
The first American income tax wasn't signed into law until 1861.
Then, more famously, we had the 16th Amendment passed by Congress in 1909 and ratified in 1913.
I could go on and on about the ways we've diverged from what the founders wanted.
Our military industrial complex that Eisenhower warned about, sex trafficking on an industrial scale, abortion on an industrial scale, godlessness at every turn.
Yes, it's true our founding fathers had differing points of view on religion.
Thomas Jefferson particularly.
But to solidify my point, here are the words of John Adams after the official resolution of Congress was adopted.
Quote, I am apt to believe that Independence Day will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.
It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty.
Unquote.
I doubt he could fathom what our children now see on a daily basis, like this clip here from a pride parade in Los Angeles.
A declaration to God Almighty from that to this here.
Seeing all the kids, that's his favorite part.
What kind of society tolerates this?
Well, as of now, ours does.
Every corporation, every local government, with very few exceptions, supports this.
Despite all of these existential threats, heavy as they may hang on our hearts, we must never lose hope.
We have marched together through much worse, but it does take work.
We cannot do the bare minimum.
We cannot turn a blind eye to the perils of our nation and just expect that star-spangled banner to wave in perpetuity.
So here are my suggestions for how to right the ship so that America can celebrate another birthday 248 years from now.
First, vote.
Vote and vote for better leaders.
The vast majority of our ancestors had no say in the people who ruled them.
We do, yet roughly a third of Americans don't let their voice be heard.
We can complain ad nauseum about a two-party system or that all politicians are the same, but we can change that.
Inform yourself.
Read.
And don't just read about current candidates and policies.
Read about American history.
Read the Federalist Papers, the Constitution.
Understand what it took for us to have what we have.
Next, prioritize family, the nuclear family.
Form stable relationships.
Get married.
Have kids.
I will never understand how we arrived at a place in society where having a family is considered white patriarchal supremacy, or whatever leftist phrase is being used today.
But I do understand that the goal of such phrases is to destroy this country, because those who state it understand how essential the family is for America.
Third, we must incentivize actions of good and deter those of bad.
Yes, this seems overly general, but I think about it every day.
We have turned upside down every notion of what is good and just and beautiful.
We have ignored, even sanctioned, misconduct to the point it is commonplace.
There is a reason major cities across this nation are too unsafe to live in right now.
That's a byproduct of criminals not being punished for crimes.
I'm not saying we need to bring back drawing and quartering.
I'm just saying we may need to bring back drawing and quartering.
I have little doubt it would be effective.
We also must remember the purpose of education, as I talked about yesterday.
The goal is not to write A-plus on every kid's paper.
It's not to spare feelings when a child is suited for something different than his peers.
The purpose is not to fill college classrooms to max capacity or to print as many diplomas as possible.
It's not to indoctrinate children with confusion to appease the sexual fetishes of misguided adults.
If we're going to indoctrinate, Let us do so with the words of Thomas Paine and Thomas Sowell.
The lone purpose of education is to pass down the most essential knowledge so that future generations may carry this country forward.
Lastly, especially in the age of social media, we must cherish our local communities, not merely live in them.
Get outside.
What do people say now?
Touch grass.
Help a neighbor.
Shop local.
Live in such a way.
That if the luxuries provided by the global establishment were to vanish today, you wouldn't miss a beat.
You would still be a leader those closest to you can depend on.
This 4th of July, as you celebrate with friends and family, remember the words of Will Durant,
"A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within."
Now let's get to our five headlines.
First story up today comes from The Daily Wire.
Exclusive, Sarah Sanders launches push for cell phone free schools in Arkansas.
I already like the direction that this one is going, so let's work our way through it here.
Arkansas Governor Sarah Sanders rolled out a proposal on Tuesday to incentivize schools.
You see those two words?
Didn't I just talk about?
That in the open, incentivization in our education system, incentivize schools in the state to
ban cell phones from the classroom.
This is according to a letter to schools across the state obtained by the Daily Wire.
The idea is to improve students' mental health by separating them from their cell phones,
temporarily removing any anxiety their phones cause, encouraging in-person social interaction
with friends, and fostering a better learning environment.
The program will address the symptoms of young mental illness, as well as one of its largest
causes, screen addiction and social media, the governor said.
I can't believe this even needs to be done.
Why isn't it already common practice that you don't have cell phones in schools?
Granted, I was in school 20 years ago when cell phones were just coming out, so it was a brand new thing.
I just can't imagine trying to be a teacher in this day and age if every single kid is just staring at their cell phone.
The grant program will cover the cost of putting a cell phone ban into place, providing schools with secure pouches for students to store their phones during the school day.
All Arkansas school districts are invited to join this pilot program.
The Governor and Arkansas Secretary of Education, Jacob Oliva, wrote in a letter yesterday.
We have made this a priority in our administration, and we are committing state resources to help with this crisis.
To that end, we are excited to announce the pilot program focused on two key priorities, restricting in-school phone use and mental health care.
We invite your district to join.
Sanders notes that youth depression, anxiety, and isolation have risen across the country.
We know that.
And that the average American teen now spends nearly five hours a day on social media.
Can you believe that?
Five hours a day.
I mean, if you sleep for eight hours and then you spend five hours a day on social media, that only leaves six hours left in the day to accomplish what you need.
That's not nearly enough.
I think y'all know what I'm talking about.
Meanwhile, the teen suicide rate has spiked since smartphones became widespread and has self-harm among girls especially.
Teen math, reading, and science scores have dropped across the country.
That's five hours a day, not with friends, not outside, not learning.
Sanders said, the facts are grim, but there are things that we can do to help.
Big Tech created an addicting product and marketed it to the most impressionable population out there, our kids.
She's right about that.
Sanders also emphasized education during her administration, saying she hopes to be known as the educating governor.
Wow, a day after my education opened?
We're out here changing the world on this show, thanks to you all listening.
She successfully pushed Arkansas legislature to pass a universal school choice bill that also removed obscene sexual materials and critical race theory from classrooms.
Okay, I'm sorry, I spoke too soon.
Sanders and raise teachers pay.
She did all that and still raise the teachers pay.
Sanders also led Arkansas in passing a law requiring minors to get parental permission
to sign up for social media accounts.
This just seems like win after win after win.
Although that one was blocked by a federal judge.
Okay, I'm sorry, I've spoke too soon.
She's winning, that judge is losing.
Public schools that participate in Arkansas' new program will be rewarded with additional funding, including extra funding for telehealth mental health services.
They will also get extra support in navigating mental and behavioral health science, health care, substance abuse care and social services for students, families and school employees, as well as help navigating the insurance.
that that takes. Last month, Sanders and the state education secretary met with several
Arkansas superintendents and took their recommendations into account when crafting
the program. The grant program will be available for schools next academic year. She also signed,
remember this, she also signed an executive order protecting girls in women's sports
and protecting Title IX.
I saw that from Riley Gaines just a couple months ago.
Sarah Sanders, Arkansas governor, win.
Major, major win.
All right, let's move on to the next story here.
I believe this one comes from producer McKenna.
Let's just get into this headline.
Disc-shaped craft hovers over Colorado concert venue, employees say.
It knew it was being watched.
This is on Fox News.
I can't wait for this one.
All right, let's go ahead and dive in.
A dozen employees said they watched a large disc-shaped craft hover above a Colorado concert venue.
Quote, what's even crazier is that as soon as we all started noticing it and stopped what we were doing to pay attention, the craft tipped at an angle and slowly started moving belly first to the east.
I'm the craft started moving belly first to the east.
I got to highlight some of this stuff.
Oh, this was from an employee that reported that to the National UFO Reporting Center.
All this story breaks and Matt Walsh is out.
Matt Walsh is on vacation as this broke.
I tried to tell you all the other day that there was a UFO convention.
I guess this is where it was.
He reported this to the National UFO Reporting Center about the June 5th sighting.
This is at Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison.
This goes on to quote, then it started fading away until it was invisible.
It didn't shoot off into the distance. It simply dissolved into the ether. We all watched it
vanish. It dissolved into the ether. The silent hovering object was long, about the size of a
three-story office building. This thing's the size of a three-story office building in the sky
with three levels.
levels of windows and lights, according to the National UFO Reporting Center.
One of our coworkers suddenly said to us, hey man, what is that over there?
It looks like a spaceship.
Look, this is on Fox.
This is on Fox News that we've printed off here.
It looks like a spaceship, the anonymous reporting employee wrote.
We all turned to look in the direction he was pointing and sure enough, there was a
UFO hovering about a half mile north.
They all turned their attention to the strange object in the sky and suddenly it fade into
to nothing as soon as it knew that it was being watched.
And here's the photo.
Here's the photo that they put on here.
I love how they take a photo from what's clearly a movie that got made, a movie about UFOs and aliens, and they put it right there so that we think this is the craft they were talking about.
That's when it, again, simply dissolved into the ether.
That's so cool.
A dozen of us saw it.
We all kept asking each other, are you seeing this too?
It was a resounding yes from everyone in the group, followed by, hey man, pass the joint.
Oh man, you know that's what they said next.
This was not a plane.
This was not a plane, they say.
It wasn't a satellite.
It was not a drone or anything like that.
Okay?
It was not anything like that.
There was no mistaking what it was.
It was a UFO.
So there's no mistaking what it was, but it was unidentified.
in as a flying object. The way it appeared to simply again, dissolved, just dissolved
right into that ether is similar to a potential alien encounter reported last April in Las
Vegas when beings seemingly vanished.
I was, I was actually in Vegas at that time.
I saw a UFO last time I was in Vegas too.
Last time I was there, I was playing blackjack with Dana White.
The only thing that was unidentified was the amount of money this guy was spending per hand.
I couldn't believe it.
And now you are seeing beings in Las Vegas.
Scott Rodin, a veteran crime scene reconstruction analyst.
Broke down the Las Vegas Witness video and outlined two quote-unquote smoky filters that don't match the background.
He theorized that the beings use some sort of cloaking mechanism.
Cloaking mechanism.
From what I understand, that's very similar to what was done In the Harry Potter movies, doesn't he have like an invisibility cloak or something?
A cloaking mechanism to shield themselves from the curious family and later the responding officers.
In one second, in one second of real time, there are 30 frames that show a head with smoke around it.
Some sort of cloaking device moving into the top right corner of the video, peering over the fence.
I applied, this is a quote here from, I applied the same principles that I would apply to any kind of homicide investigation.
That's good to know.
We got the best of the best on this, man.
And this is the same guy who testified in cases like Oscar Petorius in the murder trial.
This gets better and better.
At this particular time, with what we've seen here, it's proof of a couple of things.
These are entities.
They are real.
They're there.
This is not fake.
This is not a fraud, said the guy to his two best friends, Cheech and Chong.
There are believers, skeptics, and people on the fence about extraterrestrial life, but there's a growing interest in UFOs, or UAPs, as they're referred to today.
UAPs, Unidentified Anomalous Phenomenon, as they're referred to.
They're not referred to that today.
No one refers to them as that today.
You just made that up.
You just made that up and said it so that you hope that people refer to them as that now.
UFOs, I understand.
Stop making up new stuff and saying like, oh, everyone refers to them as that now.
That's not the case.
Roeder worked with Jim Quirk.
Perfect names for this.
I'm not completely convinced that this is a real story, but they printed it for me.
Fox News, Jim Cork, a reporter who runs the extraterrestrial reality podcast and who shares videos and images with Fox News, wrote or wanted to open it up to peer review.
He said, bring it on.
Bring it on, man.
Any peer review, these people are crazier than guys who think banjos are better than guitars, if I'm just being honest.
I want to open this up.
Everything that we've done, I'm opening it up for peer review.
I'm willing to hear what professionals in my field have to say about this and open it up.
If I'm wrong, you know, I'll admit it.
If I'm wrong, I'll admit it.
But he's certain that he's right, he says.
These two items, these two beings, are the real world environment.
With the Kenmore family, that's a fact.
Now the question is, who are they?
Who could they possibly be?
Where are they from?
And what do they want?
That's where the conversation goes.
I remember, I'll end this with this.
I remember in third grade being told about the Loch Ness Monster.
That was the first time I had heard about the Loch Ness Monster.
And I got obsessed.
I got obsessed with this thing.
There's a monster?
There's a monster over in Scotland, the Loch Ness Monster, and people haven't really seen him, but some people have taken pictures, and there's a couple photos, but they're all really grainy.
That's so cool.
I wonder if I could go over there and see what the Loch Ness Monster's all about, just to find out in fourth grade that he, in fact, doesn't exist at all, and all of those photos were faked.
And then, you know, I got over that, and I grew up.
So now it's your turn.
All right, next story.
Dr. Disrespect, Disraespect, Disraespect, Disrae wears her specs.
My co-host Blaine Crane told me about this story last week.
I don't know who Dr. Disrespect is.
I guess he's a competitive gamer.
I understand the concept of it.
He plays video games while other people watch him on a Twitch stream or something like that.
These first person shooter games.
Not my thing.
Not my world.
Would never spend any time doing this.
I don't know.
But here's the headline of this article.
Dr. Disrespect knowingly sent explicit messages to a minor.
The former Twitch employee says, and that's minor as in like an underage person, not like someone who's trying to get coal from the ground.
Let's work through this article together.
Actually, do we have a video?
Can I see a video of Dr. Disrespect in action so that I know what someone who plays video games while other people watch for a living looks like?
There it is!
Go, baby, go!
Whoo!
Slow down, baby!
where's this going doing where we oh go
Okay, I get it.
I get it.
The wig, the sunglasses, he's got the mustache.
All right, so this says four years.
This is four years after gamer celebrity and streaming star Dr. Disrespect, who's 42 years old, was banned from Twitch for undisclosed reasons.
Reports emerged this week that he allegedly used the Amazon-owned platform's direct messaging feature to send sexually explicit text to a minor.
Now, the internal response to those alleged conversations, long a subject of rumor and speculation, these have finally come to light.
In June 2020, there was a hashtag MeToo reckoning of sorts within the gaming community, with dozens in the industry leveling more than 70 allegations of sexual misconduct and assault against high profile streamers, esports broadcasters, and game developers.
This goes on to say, June 2020, It's promising to take strong and immediate action on credible allegations against their creators.
We take accusations of sexual harassment and misconduct extremely seriously, the company said in a statement.
We are actively looking into the accounts concerning streamings affiliated with Twitch and will work with law enforcement where applicable.
So, Guy Beahm, aka Dr. Disrespect, is that how you say his name?
Be, beam, beam, anyway, yeah, Dr. Disrespect, a flamboyant, that's yeah, an understatement, a flamboyant game personality and one of the most popular creators on Twitch with over 4 million followers at the time was permanently banned from the platform five days later.
Renowned for playing, there's the keyword, playing Battle Royale shoot 'em up games in character as a
kind of alpha jock sporting a thick mustache, mullet wig.
He signed a major multi-year deal with the company that March, commenting on his lifetime
suspension Twitch would only confirm that he had violated community guidelines.
Okay, so this platform, this gaming platform Twitch suspended Dr. Disrespect, a lifetime
suspension but could only confirm that he had violated community guidelines.
They wouldn't get any more specific than that.
Soon after, Discord, right, it's another one of these platforms, cut him loose from their
partnership program reserved for the most active and popular server communities.
Dr. Disrespect went on to sue Twitch over financial losses and reputational damage.
He settled with the company in 2022.
Neither party admitted to any wrongdoing.
Meanwhile, the cause for the ban remained a mystery, prompting years of innuendo, conspiracy theories, and questions about why neither Twitch nor gaming journalists had been able to reveal the true nature of Dr. Disrespect's violation.
of this article, Rod Breslow, first learned the reason for Dr. Disrespect's ban from a
credible source in June of 2020, but chose not to report on it then due to the extreme
sensitivity of the topic.
What?
So the journalist who's helping write even this article or the primary version of this
article knew what really happened with Dr. Disrespect and why he was banned from Twitch,
but didn't say anything.
Didn't report it because of the extreme sensitivity of the topic?
Isn't that when we need reporters the most?
Aren't situations like that when we need journalists the most?
Not to keep this stuff secret?
The gossip reached fever pitch on June 21st when former Twitch employee Cody Connors, without naming Dr. Disrespect, tweeted what many interpreted as an explanation of why he'd been banned.
Disrespect denied any wrongdoing in a tweet the following day.
I didn't do anything wrong.
And we're gonna get to, we're gonna get to that tweet here in just a second.
On Monday, Dr. Disrespect was fired from Midnight Society, the gaming studio he co-founded,
which said it had investigated the allegation against him after learning of it, the night
Connors cryptic tweet.
So Dr. Disrespect, who did not reply to a request for comment on this story here, once
again took to Twitter to defend himself, this time having a longer statement.
And he did admit to having mutual conversations with a minor that sometimes lean too much
in the direction of being inappropriate.
The tweet's edit history shows that Dr. Disrespect had edited the tweet after posting it and removed the word minor, replacing it with individual, though once readers noticed this change, the word minor reappeared.
So even in the apology, we can't get all the facts without it being edited.
This is a, this is some of the tweet that Dr. Disrespect sent from his ex account, has 122 million views.
If you're ever wondering why we're covering stories like this, because these influencers truly have this much influence, 122 million views.
The Twitch ban.
Hello, I'd like to make a quick statement.
Let's cut the effing BS.
As you know, there's no filter with me.
I've always been upfront and real with you guys on anything that I can be upfront about, and I'm always willing to accept responsibility.
This goes on to say, nothing illegal happened.
No pictures were shared.
No crimes were committed.
I never even met the individual.
I went through a lengthy arbitration regarding a civil dispute with Twitch and that case
was resolved by a settlement.
But trust me when I say this to all my haters, to all my haters that live and breathe social
media with zero real life experience.
I don't give a blank about you.
They want me to disappear.
Yeah, effing right.
So again, this is on, this is on Rolling Stone and he did not respond to comment.
Look, I don't know much about this guy.
I never, I don't play video games, much less watch someone else play video games.
Clearly he's a, he has a lot of influence, a lot of followers, a lot of people check out his channel, want to hear what he has to say.
I'm gonna wait for more facts to come out before I say anything so that I don't get in trouble, but I don't know.
It's pretty disgusting to me.
Let's just hope it's also misunderstanding and maybe the journalists will report it in real time next time.
All right, next one up here.
All right, I was told I was foolish for accepting this gig here.
Fill in for Matt Walsh?
There's no way.
There's no way you can pull it off.
The seat is just too big.
The Sweet Baby Gang is just too vicious.
They will destroy you.
So I really, I had to find out.
I had to find out how vicious they were.
So I sent out a post yesterday.
I said, Sweet Baby Gang, roast me.
Top comments get read on the Matt Wall Show tomorrow.
Tomorrow is today.
I will make good on my promise.
Some of these I got a chance to see as they were rolling in.
Most of these I have not, though.
But our producers put this together for me.
So let's just get started, shall we?
The Roast of David Cohn.
David Cohn is what Matt Walsh would have looked like if he was raised on puberty blockers.
That's good.
That's on theme.
That's on theme for the show.
That's on theme for Matt.
That's solid.
My wife thought I was listening to CNN the other day because of the lack of Matt's voice and harsh judgments thundering through my speakers.
CNN?
Really?
Man, I thought I did better than that.
David Cohen went to high school in Statesboro, Georgia, where his hairline was voted most likely to recede.
Is my hairline receding?
See, this is all news to me.
This is helpful.
This is helpful.
Your show is the reason people are raw dogging it on planes.
Raw dogging.
Now, because I do, I did see Matt post about this the other day.
I'm aware that raw dog, see it meant something different when I was growing up.
Raw dogging it now on planes means you don't watch any entertainment and you just sit there and watch as the flight tracker goes.
So my show, our show is so terrible, I'm the reason people are raw dogging on planes.
That's smart, that's clever.
You made the preposterous accusation that aliens don't exist, tried to sneak it in on Monday, but we caught you.
Buddy, I wasn't sneaking it in.
We just got done with a whole segment on that.
Pitbulls are evil.
This one's all caps.
Pitbulls are evil and you deserve to be canceled, Kony.
Look, I don't even know, I can't, y'all come over tomorrow for the 4th of July, meet my Pitbull Penny Lane, and see what you have to say then.
You'll fall in love, you'll probably want to take her home, which you cannot.
Flannel Fridays are superior to Flame and Dragon Friday.
All right, now we've got a problem.
Now we've got a real issue, because now you're bringing my co-host on Craning Company into this thing.
That's Dr. Disrespectful right there.
Timu Elon Musk.
What is Timu?
Y'all know what Timu is?
No?
All right, Timu Elon Musk.
You had to expect some Elon Musk ones.
David Cohn is what you get when you cross Elon Musk and one of his Neuralink test subjects.
That one's pretty good.
That's smart.
Let's be real, David Adam Cohn doesn't want any smoke from Humping Badger.
Dude was just hating on that mascot for getting more females than him in college, so he kidnapped him.
I actually never thought about that.
They're talking about from Lady Ballers.
I never thought, is my character just hating on Humping Badger for getting more girls?
Nah, he's a pervert.
David could be and has been on multiple occasions replaced by a traffic cone.
That is true.
Traffic replacement cone is his name.
Who expected Walsh to take a vacation for World UFO Day and ended up with an extraterrestrial filling his own seat?
Jake and Blaine do call me an alien.
They say I don't sweat or something.
Maybe I'll start sweating if these comments get better.
Was your college 40 time faster than your delivery on the Matt Wall Show?
Am I slow?
I was under the impression I was going too fast through some of these segments.
Good to know that I'm slow.
And my college 40 time?
They measured that thing with a sundial.
Cone kind of looks like Beavis and Butt-head.
Looks like Beavis and Butthead, that's solid.
Well, you have a decent singing voice.
Here, this one's starting off good.
You have a decent singing voice, and you're very tall, and you look like a discount version of Elon Musk.
I don't know if there's anything to roast.
See, the backhanded ones, a discount version.
The backhanded ones are always the best.
Matt Walshblog wanted an articulate, thought-provoking personality to fill in for him.
Thank you.
But Joe Biden wasn't available, so they called David Cohn.
That's unacceptable.
That man can't finish his sentences, all right?
Am I doing that bad?
David Cohn and I have the same number of touchdown passes in college, and I've never played college football.
Man, I wish I could say that one wasn't true, but it is.
On all-time list of Michigan quarterbacks, David Cohn is right behind Tom Brady.
Now we're getting somewhere.
The list is alphabetical, though.
That hurts.
It hurts.
David Cohn has now been the substitute host of the Matt Walsh Show as many times as he completed a pass for the Michigan Wolverines.
I'll have you know, I have the highest completion percentage of any Michigan quarterback, ever, of all time, who's from the state of Georgia and whose last name is Cohn.
All right, this one is about my new song, Southward Bound, give me 20 minutes with a Suno, S-U-N-O, what is that?
Is that AI?
That must be artificial intelligence.
Give me 20 minutes with a Suno and I could make a better song.
Now they're talking about my music, producers.
Do I have to sit here and take this?
I mean, can I say back to this guy, give me 20 minutes with your mom and she'd have a better son?
Or is that too far?
No, you can go for it.
Oh, I can't?
I think my wife would probably shut that down, though.
I asked for this, I guess.
Bro is twice as tall as Matt and produces half as much testosterone.
See, that's funny, man.
That's on brand.
And because it's funny, because it's so not true, right?
Like, in what world could Matt Walsh ever have more testosterone than me?
There is not a world that exists.
And yet, you type that and you put it, and that's why it's funny.
Well done.
If you ordered a David Cohn autographed baseball off Timu, it's from this guy.
What is Timu?
Is this the- It's like Wish.com.
Wish.com.
All right.
All right, David Cohn is most famous for not being the real David Cohn.
Awesome, okay, you weren't even that good of a pitcher for the Yankees outside of one game.
You were an average pitcher at best, 17 years and only like six good seasons.
How about that time you let runners score while you were arguing with, oh wait, I'm sorry, wrong David Cohn, I don't know who you are.
This guy is a less feminine Michael Knowles.
Okay, now I'm getting compared to Michael Knowles.
That's a compliment.
David Cohn looks like he's playing Matt Walsh in a movie about Michael Knowles.
Meaning that it's not whoever you would cast as Matt Walsh doesn't need to be.
I get it.
That's kind of funny.
Who are you again?
Cutting me deep.
David Cohn is the kind of guy who thinks he deserves a roast after substituting on a podcast for three shows.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
I am trying to get my Tom Brady on, I guess.
Tall in height, short in talent, an over-glorified traffic cone.
Well done.
This one says high school pick.
We have the high school pick?
Oh, yes!
I guess that's how they wanted to roast me.
Statesboro Blue Devils, look, that one, I'll take no shame in that.
That's state champs, 15-0, Statesboro High School.
But I guess, yeah, maybe the buzz cut should have gone a different direction.
David Cohn, my third favorite host on Craning Company and on The Matt Walsh Show.
So I'm third out of three on Crane, and I'm third out of one on the Matt Wall Show.
See, that's funny.
That's clever.
That's smart.
If Elon Musk and Chris Pratt had a baby, and then the baby got repeatedly dropped on its head, you'd get David Cohn.
There you go.
That's funny.
You look like Andre the Giant had a love child with Christian Bale on the set of The Machinist.
Oh, Christian Bale looks terrible in that movie.
Not going to roast you fam.
Nothing but love.
Thank you.
You do have some gay ass ankles though, but I can't hold that against you.
You do need to cover those up though.
See, these are the backhanded ones where they slip that in.
Those are the best.
That might be top one right now.
I think you do pretty good.
You answer every question.
You're special in your own way.
Now I'm getting the Jill Biden treatment.
Your delivery is drier than beef jerky and your audience is like your hairline.
It is receding.
Man, a lot on the hairline today.
I thought that was one area that I might.
of the It did cross my mind when I got this invitation.
Matt is secretly an alien that can transform into David Cohn and he is pretending to be on vacation so he can act like a guest host on his own show to find out which haters infiltrated the Sweet Baby gang and who don't abide by Matt's belief in alien life forms.
Deep, man, that's complicated.
Last one up, this one says, Twinsies, show picture.
Twinsies, who's my twin?
Really?
Nancy Pelosi is my twin?
All right, I guess, hold on, Kona's a former quarterback, but I doubt he has the dexterity to toss a show card straight up in the air.
Hey, that's Jake Crane's thing.
I'm not going to do that.
Also, shout out to Sweet Baby Historian for helping me all week, you know, get all the information and everything that I needed on the Walsh-isms.
Producers, that was pretty good.
That was pretty solid.
I'm cut deep.
I won't sleep well tonight, but nice work, Sweet Baby Gang.
Let's talk freedom, real freedom.
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Now, let's get to our daily cancellation.
It is not.
Now, there was a time when I did enjoy supporting the American athletes, even in the events that I cared little or knew little about.
But increasingly, many of the competitors we send, not all, but many, and many of the most vocal, such as Megan Rapinoe and her women's soccer teammates, they're increasingly anti-American.
There was a time when I enjoyed watching the greatest athletes in the world, regardless of nationality, push themselves to the peak of physical achievement.
But these days, it seems the Olympic organizers themselves are embarrassed about the competitive nature that the Games demand.
The International Olympic Committee updated its guidelines last month to ensure gender-equal representation for all athletes.
The Gender Equality Review Project states the 2024 Paris Games are the first to achieve full gender parity on the field of play, and it hopes to shift Public perception to raise awareness about the gender gap, as well as the differences on how sports women are portrayed in comparison to their male counterparts.
Okay, this makes no mention of the interest difference men and women have across sports categories, but fine.
So be it.
50% male, 50% female.
Let's just compete, right?
Nope, hold up.
Directly after that statement, the IOC mandates respectful and inclusive coverage of transgender and non-binary participants.
So, at first, they not only know what a woman is, but their entire mission is to provide said woman with equal representation.
Then from one sentence to the next, they not only admit that gender doesn't adhere to a binary, but that some of those athletes will be competing for medals against the girls.
The Olympic Committee has cowered on this issue, choosing instead to kick those decisions to the governing bodies of the individual sports, which is why some are allowed and others not.
For instance, it was a big win for the pro-reality movement when the governing body World of Aquatics shut down Leah Thomas, formerly Will Thomas, from swimming in Paris.
We at Craning Company just spoke to Kristen Wagner of ADF about this issue.
Other sports aren't so lucky, though.
Bring up that video from the weightlifter from Tokyo.
This was the last Olympics here, Laurel Hubbard.
Let's watch this.
That dude right there.
My grandfather did not fist fight Hitler, okay, in World War II so this guy could wear a ladies gold medal.
No way.
How about that other guy powerlifting against girls?
Do we have that clip?
Bring that one up.
Hey, there she is.
There she is.
I mean, we made Lady Ballers to make fun of this issue, but it really is just real life.
And I'll tell you what, I've agreed to some wild stuff in my life, but wearing hot pink, a hot pink unitard for a powerlifting scene in a movie called Lady Ballers, that takes the cake.
And I still want to know what that badger was humping.
But, to recap, the main mission of the 2024 Olympics is to empower women via equal representation.
Unless, of course, a man wishes to win the trophy, then he is free to do so.
The Olympic bosses are even going so far as to ban a list of harmful words, deeply hurtful phrases, such as biological male.
Born male and sex change.
You can't say those words at the Olympics anymore because those can be dehumanizing and inaccurate.
Now, we'll say biological male.
It's not hurtful.
It's redundant.
You don't need those two words together.
There's only one way to be male.
It's biologically.
The Olympics was established to represent the pinnacle of athletic achievement.
I know this because the words chosen for the Olympic motto exactly 100 years ago in the same host city of Paris, Sidius, Altius, Fortius, meaning bigger, faster, stronger, that was the only consideration.
How great can we be?
To give you an understanding of how much the world has changed since then, three years ago the motto was tweaked to bigger, faster, stronger, together.
That one word addition should tell you everything about the collectivist mindset that is overtaking every major institution in the world.
It seems innocuous enough.
I know.
Together.
What's wrong with that?
It undermines the very individual achievement that was the initial purpose of the world's foremost sporting competition.
And sports is just the tip of this deadly iceberg.
What about health?
WHO, World Health Organization, same mentality, cost us dearly when the COVID plague hit.
What about finance?
World Economic Forum.
Klaus Schwab trying to guide a Great Reset.
No thank you.
America must lead in these situations.
We cannot follow.
We must not follow faceless men into oblivion.
You may disagree with what I have to say, but at least I'm man enough to sit up here, say my piece, put it on video, and not kick the responsibility to anyone else or any other committees or any other governing bodies.
I realize this pains the hearts of the Sweet Baby Gang.
All of you were clearly hoping to watch the 2024 Olympics later this month.
Unfortunately, that will no longer be possible because as of today, the Olympic Games have been canceled.
All right, that's it for the Matt Wall Show today, and that is it for me as Craning Company comes back live next week, which make sure you watch Craning Company, our sports show that's live every day at 3 p.m.
Eastern, but I do want to take a quick moment to say thank you.
To Matt Walsh.
This guy is one of the biggest stars on the planet for a reason.
His ability to think outside the box for situations like this.
I mean, no one else would have given me the opportunity to sit in this chair.
A lot of people said I was crazy for doing so.
It would be a professional disaster because Matt Walsh is the only person who can sit in this chair and who can lead the Sweet Baby Gang.
But this guy constantly thinks outside the box.
He gave me this opportunity.
Matt Walsh, thank you so much for that, and to his whole team.
McKenna and Holly and Ryan and Andrea and Cam, you know, Jonesy back there.
I hate to name any names because I can't name everyone, but all the names you hear in the credits after these shows, they're real people here doing world-class work.
I do want to take one second to call out someone specifically, and that is producer Sean.
Sean, thank you so much.
Without your guidance, I wouldn't have been able to pull this off.
I wouldn't have had this opportunity.
So thank you all so much.
The Matt Walsh Show, it's a tremendous product.
I know I love it as well.
So thank you for this opportunity.
Please go follow me on social media.
If you're a true American, you'll pull out your phone right now and follow me at David Adam Cohn on X, on Instagram, on all social media platforms.
You'll probably even listen to Just What American Needs this weekend as we celebrate the 4th.
