Today on the Matt Walsh show, hosted yet again by me, David Cone, young men are opting out of college in record numbers. Higher education continues to dilute curriculum, reducing the benefit of diplomas. The Supreme Court rules that Donald Trump has immunity for "official acts." I apply for a job on Dr. Jill Biden's team live, during the show, and climate activists are getting canceled.
Ep.1399
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Today on the Matt Wall Show, hosted yet again by me, David Cohn, young men are opting out of college in record numbers.
Higher education continues to dilute curriculum, reducing the benefit of diplomas.
The Supreme Court rules Donald Trump has immunity for official acts.
I apply for a job on Dr. Jill Biden's team live during the show, and climate activists are getting canceled.
All of that and more today on the Matt Wall Show.
[MUSIC]
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Matt Walsh is out again today, unfortunately, in unrelated news.
A bearded man wearing a plaid shirt was arrested last night for yelling at what he believed to be a UFO.
Turns out it was his son's scooter.
No worries, though.
This show will go on, whether you like it or not, with me, David Cohn, and we have much to cover.
Higher education is failing America.
Young people, and young men in particular, are losing faith in the country's education system.
They are opting out of college in record numbers.
This trend has been ongoing for some time.
Now it's come to a head.
For me, this topic is personal.
Both of my parents were university professors.
Academia put food on our table.
I've witnessed firsthand the positive effects that a successful, vibrant college can have on small towns and communities.
But increasingly, the industry is weakening.
The financial implications may have yet to be felt, but the writing is on the wall.
For the first time in U.S.
history, our sons will have less education than their fathers.
That statement would have seemed unfathomable to grandfathers like mine who sacrificed on a daily basis so that my parents could get college degrees.
They did so because the return on investment was clear.
Those degrees led to better jobs, which led to more money.
For most college grads, though, that is no longer the case.
More and more universities have prioritized short-term profits over the quality of knowledge taught.
They have favored left-wing political ideology over long-standing pursuits of truth.
Here's one report from just a few days ago to set the stage.
Now to our second story about who is going to college.
Enrollment among young Americans has been declining over the past decade.
That decrease mostly driven by fewer young men pursuing degrees.
A Pew Research study finds there's about 1 million fewer young men now enrolled in college as compared to 2011.
Last year, among high school graduates in the U.S., only 57% of men have enrolled in college.
That's compared to 65% of women.
It's a trend that dates back nearly three decades.
Every year since 1996, women have entered college at higher rates than men.
The education system as a whole doesn't seem to be working quite as well for boys as it is for girls.
The education gap is bigger now than it was back in 1972 when Title IX passed.
What accounts for that?
The main reason for that is that it's through the education system, girls are outperforming boys.
So you can see it from the beginning, from kindergarten, all the way through high school.
And so if you look at, for example, high school GPA, which is a very good measure of success, take the top 10% of high school students, two-thirds of them are girls.
According to census data, more women than men have college degrees in this country now.
More women are likely to graduate within four years than men.
Women make up 64% of pharmacy students.
Women make up 56% of law school students.
of law school students.
As of 2023, they make up more than 55% of students in the country's MD granting programs.
In this 2015 study using international data, researchers have determined that girls outperform boys
in educational achievement in 70% of the countries they studied, regardless of the level of gender,
political, economic, or social equality.
Those didn't factor in whatsoever.
Now, for some of these zero-sum percentages to be tilted in favor of women, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
We have an entire country of highly capable females.
We need many of them to get degrees, develop skills, and assist in the workplace.
This is not a negativity session on women going to college.
As I said, both of my parents excelled in academia.
My mother has a PhD.
My wife has a high-pressure career.
Many of the department heads here at The Daily Wire running things are capable women.
Some graduated from college.
Some didn't graduate from college.
However, those who say it's a good sign that more women are doing well in higher education must also admit it's a bad sign that more and more men are doing poorly.
Or better yet, why don't we understand that living fulfilling lives and building better families and communities is the ultimate goal, not simply filling up more classrooms and obtaining more degrees.
Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Bucker was chastised for making this point during his commencement speech at Benedictine College several weeks ago.
Let's listen to this together.
For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment.
You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives.
I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you.
How many of you are sitting here now, about to cross this stage, and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career?
Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.
I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabel, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.
I'm on this stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation.
I'm beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all.
This guy cares so much about his wife that he's tearing up during this speech.
And this clip went viral for weeks with him being called a hateful bigot?
I mean, it's barely acceptable.
It's barely acceptable to embrace masculine virtue in the NFL anymore, the National Football League.
It's completely taboo at colleges across this country.
But the experts at PBS have it all figured out, though.
According to them, girls are performing better because they have higher GPAs.
This is why I've said for years we need new metrics for intelligence.
We need new identifiers for capability.
GPAs, SATs, IQs.
Give me one solid mechanic who can fix my car over this year's entire Harvard graduating class.
I mean it.
Harvard, once seen as the beacon for collegiate learning across the world, now appears before
the Supreme Court to defend enrollment discrimination against Asians.
Those higher GPAs mentioned are merely a symptom to larger issues.
So what are those issues?
For starters, personality.
Much of the Western world right now will have you believe there is no difference whatsoever
between men and women.
So much so that one bearded, flannel-wearing man had to traverse the entire planet asking the simple
question, "What is a woman?" Dr. Jordan Peterson frequently cites this
difference in personality when he speaks about agreeableness. Research shows that
agreeable students tend to get better grades than their IQs would predict. I
mean, intuitively this If a student is on the borderline between passing and failing, teachers are more likely to pass the agreeable student and fail a disagreeable student.
I can't help but think of the distinction between Howard Rourke and Peter Keating in The Fountainhead.
If you haven't read it, you should.
Rourke, the most steadfast character, the man who valued integrity above compromise, was expelled from school, while his classmate, who copied all of Rourke's work, But was amiable became the valedictorian.
Another factor, and it shouldn't be shocking news, is boys do better with male teachers.
Girls do better with female teachers.
The problem is, women make up 89% of elementary school teachers.
So many young boys get a slow start.
Young boys without fathers get an even slower start.
While we're on grade school, how about limiting recess?
Eliminating this period may sound like a good idea to some who see it as a waste of time, but its removal has had significant ramifications on boys in particular.
Researchers in the Journal of Medicine and Science in Sport found that, quote, the more time kids in first grade spent sitting and the less time they spent being physically active, the fewer gains they made in reading and math.
Among girls, sitting for a long time without moving did not seem to have any effect on their ability to learn.
Anyone listening who has both sons and daughters understands this without needing statistics.
My son is running around all over the place.
What makes the topic of men performing poorly in higher learning so much more painful Is that the outcome seems intentional.
Western society is prioritizing feminine interest over masculine interest in every facet of our society.
The goalposts are being shifted to ensure success for some members of our population, but not for others.
In that, the pursuit of truth and knowledge and learning is lost.
And let's be honest, that learning is not just lost for the men.
Degrees all across this country are being watered down for every student holding a diploma.
So here are four solutions.
Four solutions that we must implement to revitalize our higher education system to the standard American needs.
First, pointless curriculums that offer no marketplace value and provide no opportunity for students to monetize their learnings must be eliminated from public institutions.
The University of South Carolina has a course called Lady Gaga in the Sociology of Fame.
The sociology professor behind that course told the New York Times that, quote, the central objective is to unravel some of the sociological relevant dimensions of the fame of Lady Gaga.
Gotcha.
Cornell University, an Ivy League school, offers tree climbing.
I'm not making this up.
Cornell says the class will, quote, Teach you how to get up into the canopy of any tree, to move around, even to climb from one tree to another without touching the ground.
That's called being six years old.
Go shadow Tarzan for a day.
This shouldn't be offered at Cornell private school or not.
Pitzer College offers social justice activism.
Texas A&M offers paintball.
Denison College offers queer studies.
Santa Clara provides lectures about the physics of Star Trek.
And George Mason has a course that's simply called Zombies.
I mean, personally, I have established yesterday that zombies are indeed real.
I'd go with Michigan State's version, even though, look, I'm a Wolverine, they're Spartans, but their version that's called Surviving the Coming Zombie Apocalypse, Disasters, Catastrophes, and Human Behavior, that does sound a little bit more useful and interesting.
But maybe the worst offender is Bates College in Maine, which offers a class on Whoopi Goldberg called- Making Whoopi Goldberg's Canon.
Yep, there we go.
If you wanted to make college as unappealing as possible to intelligent and ambitious young men, these are the kinds of courses you'd offer.
And since the information being taught can just as easily be learned over the internet, what's really being paid for, what's really being purchased, is the degree.
Only those are becoming more and more worthless to employers, because they've started to understand that a college degree no longer guarantees that their new hire possesses a superior set of skills to the non-college grad.
Second solution, we must substantially limit access to federally backed student loans.
Colleges have been given every incentive to hike up tuition costs while offering no additional value, knowing that student loan forgiveness, which is really student loan redistribution, has taken all risk away from the borrowers.
It's the taxpayers, you and me, who are forced to foot the bill.
No money lender In this country, would loan $100,000 to a 17-year-old kid, even if he had the most exceptional business plan, a jaw-dropping pitch deck.
Mark Zuckerberg was getting turned down for pitching Facebook two decades ago.
But that same 17-year-old can get a $100,000 loan to study underwater basket weaving?
Without so much as a single sentence explaining how he will monetize this knowledge and pay back the loan.
That's a problem.
That's hurting America.
Of course, colleges don't want to hear that, but it's imperative for the rest of us to explain this to our children.
Some kids need trade school.
My brother studied aviation maintenance.
He can fix airplane engines.
I wish I could do that.
It's a very important and in-demand skill.
If he had only started earlier, we might not have planes falling from the sky.
For some people, it's important to start working right away, rather than taking what has become a four-year vacation, racking up debt along the way.
There are interesting and lucrative jobs in the world that most people know nothing about.
You don't have to get an accounting degree and become a consultant.
That's why Mike Rowe and his show Dirty Jobs is so important.
He highlights the beaver relocators and caviar harvesters and fossil hunters and doomsday seed bankers.
Jobs most of us haven't even heard of.
Even when young people decide to go to college, it's important they understand that the most prestigious degrees don't ultimately determine success.
As Dave Ramsey pointed out, roughly two-thirds of millionaires graduated from public state schools, only about 8% went to elite private colleges, and 12% of millionaires didn't go to college at all.
Finally, it's past time to abolish diversity, equity, and inclusion and affirmative action initiatives that drive no meaningful diversity.
Some states have already made this decision, but it needs to go nationwide.
The kind of diversity that's important is diversity based on ability.
And thought and the geography of a person's origin in some instances, but not diversity based on immutable characteristics that people can't control.
A young kid who shows exceptional promise of becoming a great engineer needs to have that opportunity, even though he may come from a low-income family and can't afford college.
Those types of scholarships are important, and they exist for good reason.
I'll use myself as an example.
I was able to attend the University of Michigan on an athletic scholarship.
There's no way I could have met the academic requirements or afforded the out-of-state tuition to attend that school.
But I could play football, at least to some degree.
That's how I contributed.
It's what I brought to the table, a different skill set other than the other students.
True diversity.
And when we end the practice of accepting students based on their metaphysical makeup, despite their lack of readiness for that opportunity, dropout rates will go down significantly for those very students.
If you really want to understand this concept to the fullest extent, I encourage you to read Heather MacDonald's book, The Diversity Delusion.
It's poignant, prophetic.
Ms.
MacDonald is a brilliant thinker and writer.
Bottom line, universities should not be four-year vacation centers where one explores how decadent and depraved he can be.
Diplomas should not be meaningless pieces of paper that we obtain simply to hang on the wall so we appear smart to all those who enter our office.
The goal isn't to hand out as many degrees as we can.
The goal is to pass down, from generation to generation, the most essential knowledge that we possess for the betterment of our lives, our families, and our future generations.
Now let's get to our five headlines.
This was big news yesterday.
I'm going to read this from thedailywire.com.
The Supreme Court issued a ruling on Monday that Donald Trump's claim of presidential immunity to shield himself from federal prosecution is valid.
for official acts.
That's a big point that's gonna keep coming up here, unofficial acts versus official acts.
It's in a partial victory for the former president.
Partial I guess because now the current president may be able to act with impunity and do whatever
he wants.
But the justices voted six to three along ideological lines in the decision and sent
the case in which Trump pleaded not guilty to charges accusing him of unlawfully plotting
to overturn the results of the 2020 election back to the lower DC court for further review.
The president that says here, quote, the president is not above the law, the ruling said, but
under our system of separated powers, the president may not be prosecuted for exercising
his core constitutional powers.
And he is entitled to at least presumptive immunity from prosecution for his official
acts.
Because the ruling was released so late, this is the final day of the term, the Associated
Press noted the justices reduced or possibly even eliminated the chances of a trial being
held before the November election.
Obviously that is that significant.
And the case may already be weakened by a prior ruling that found the Justice Department
went too far with January 6th related obstruction charges.
You think big win for our constitution and democracy.
This is Trump here.
This is all caps, by the way.
Big win for our constitution and democracy.
Proud to be an American, Trump exclaimed on Truth Social.
The case now returns to the U.S.
District Judge Tanya Chutkin for determining what constitutes official acts.
There we go.
And I mean, that's what we all wanna know, what constitutes official acts versus unofficial
acts.
Yet, even if some charges against Trump make it to the trial, the high court's ruling pose
further complications for prosecutors.
So any testimony or records of the president or his advisors probing conduct immune from
prosecution may not be admitted as evidence at trial.
This is Chief Justice John Roberts here who wrote the majority opinion.
Conservative Justice Amy Coney Barrett concurred with most of the opinion, but disagreed with
the restriction on introducing protected conduct as evidence, saying there's no need to depart
from familiar and time-tested procedure here.
All three of the liberal justices opposed the ruling, and her dissent, Justice Sonia
Sotomayor, Justice Sonia Sotomayor suggested the majority's reasoning would allow a president
to get away with ordering a Navy's SEAL Team Six to assassinate a political rival, or organizing
a military coup to stay in power, or taking a bribe in exchange for a pardon.
She says, with fear for our democracy, I dissent.
I wonder if she would fear for our democracy if we were able to add, let's say, 11 leftist justices to the Supreme Court.
Would that endanger our democracy if we expanded the Supreme Court in that manner?
Can we bring up what the president had to say about this?
I know he held a press conference yesterday.
This decision today has continued the court's attack in recent years on a wide range of long-established legal principles in our nation.
From gutting voting rights and civil rights, to taking away a woman's right to choose, to today's decision that undermines the rule of law of this nation.
Undermines the rule of law?
A tax.
Do you hear these words that get used?
It's a tax.
Who else?
What other clips do we have in there for this?
Do we have maybe Joy Reid's clip?
All that matters is that you do not allow the person back into office who will use this power that he's been given by this court, this imperial court, to implement that agenda they wrote down and published because they know that no one will stop them except voters.
It doesn't matter if Biden is old.
It don't matter.
It don't matter if he's old.
What matters is that the other guy wants to be a king, and this court has said, yes, you are a king, and we are the king's hand, and together, the seven of us.
It doesn't matter.
Take it away.
I'm tired of her.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if Joe Biden is old.
The other guy wants to be a king.
Never mind.
The first person you mentioned trying to throw the other guy in jail.
But anyway, I digress.
Big story here, big news.
We'll stay on top of that and keep you posted.
Let's go to the next story here.
A little bit of a transition, pun intended.
A Northwich woman jailed for cocaine-fueled sex with a dog.
I kid you not, this story was presented to me.
I had to read it twice to understand that it was even possible.
This says here, a woman has been jailed.
Okay, can we bring up the picture of this woman, by the way?
Do we have a photo of her?
There we go.
Yes, brave, beautiful woman.
Don't you dare, don't you dare say that that's not a woman.
Facial stubble notwithstanding, a woman has been jailed after she admitted to having cocaine-fueled sex with a dog and possessing images of the disgusting incident.
So it wasn't enough, but there were photos taken and she has those now.
This is Claire Goodyear of Spencer Street in Northwich, was described as manipulative, Sir, I don't know if you've heard, but you cannot jail her.
You cannot jail someone when they were born in the wrong body.
part in the act with other adults.
There were other adults, there were other adults that partook actually, as despicable,
disgusting and depraved as he jailed her for 20 months.
Sir, I don't know if you've heard, but you cannot jail her.
You cannot jail someone when they were born in the wrong body.
That gives them immunity against you being a judge or throwing them in jail.
The 60-year-old has twice been convicted of possessing indecent images of children in 2006 and 2009, with the judge admitting she had been astonishingly lucky to avoid previous spells behind bars after receiving suspended sentences.
I read that sentence correctly.
So indecent images of children, and you get lucky, but have sex with a dog, and you're outta here mister, or I meant ma'am, excuse me.
Please don't cancel me, I meant ma'am.
The police have been called to her home on July 19th, 2019, to carry out a routine check due to her being on the sex offenders registry for life.
Officers took a laptop which contained evidence that Gutierrez had searched the internet for bestiality content, and when a full analysis of the equipment was finally completed some two years later, it emerged hidden In folders contain 31 indecent images of Goodyear taking part in a sex act with dogs with other people.
Good thing that it only took two years to analyze the bestiality content.
Any longer and we'd really be in trouble.
She said she had fantasized about this for a number of years and after talking about it with people in the Northwich area, was put into touch with others so that they could all get together.
Sounds like a lovely community.
I heard home prices there are out of control right now.
She traveled down there in December 2018 and took part in the act.
At the time of her arrest on June 17th this year, police also found another pen drive in her handbag containing the same images and about 3.5 grams of cocaine.
Simon Mills defending her said, his client has always been frank and honest.
Okay, frank and honest with the probation service.
And although accepting the behavior had been depraved and disgusting, called on the judge to consider another suspended sentence.
I don't think the judge understands, as I said, that he can't just, you can't just jail someone who was born in the wrong body.
That is a get out of jail free card.
They can do whatever they want.
Also, where's PETA on this?
I did find it interesting.
Where's PETA?
PETA doesn't want me to eat a hamburger.
God forbid I light up my big green egg on 4th of July and smoke these ribs that are about to be fantastic.
Peter will get very angry with me if I eat so much as a cheeseburger, but I've heard nothing from PETA here Do they not care about this dog?
I mean forget the children Of course the children that that that she that she that brave and beautiful woman had pictures of forget them but can PETA at least step in and condemn the sex with a dog and Anyway, I'm not making that one up.
Let's move on to the next one.
French feminists.
French feminists are protesting topless, and I have to say, there's finally a protest that I can get behind.
I really can.
Do we have video of this?
Look at this guy.
Hold on.
Man that police officer, he didn't know what to do.
Finally, a protest that I can get behind, the Eiffel Tower protest.
Topless women challenge authoritarianism with anti-fascist slogans.
Oh man, thank goodness.
In a striking protest near the Eiffel Tower, topless female protesters took to the streets, continuing the proud traditions of the French Resistance.
The proud traditions of the French Resistance.
Not the Renaissance.
You know, the Resistance.
Just no guillotines out there, I guess.
The women, adorned with anti-fascist slogans on their bodies, boldly voiced their opposition to authoritarianism, calling for action and raising awareness about rising tensions.
I won't make a joke about rising tensions.
The protests featured theatrical elements, with some participants carrying buckets and symbolically sweeping the streets.
I want to know, did they actually clean the streets, though?
Because if so, that's funny.
If they just pretended to clean it, and it's just a performative element, but if they actually cleaned the streets, what's wrong with this?
They're topless, the streets are now cleaner.
Like, we should do this more often.
This is where, like, America, we're falling behind.
I was talking the other day about America's losing in football to Canada.
Forget hockey.
We're finally beating them in that.
We're losing in football.
American feminists, we're losing.
We're out here withholding sex as PETA members.
The French are going topless.
Like, this is, we're getting left behind in the dust here.
Video footage shared on social media highlighted the dramatic nature of the demonstration.
Showcasing the woman's determination to challenge fascist ideologies in public in a provocative manner.
As they marched and chanted anti-fascist slogans, the protesters drew significant attention, I bet they did, embodying the spirit of defiance and freedom.
This protest not only highlights the increasing concerns over the rise of authoritarianism,
but also highlights the enduring legacy of resistance in France.
Y'all keep resisting, baby, I believe in you.
The demonstrators' courage and creativity, courage and creativity in delivering their
message reflects the unyielding resolve to stand against fascism and promote liberty
and justice.
I don't think that's what liberty and justice is all about.
I don't think that's what our founding fathers had in mind, and even in France.
Y'all should take that into consideration.
All right, next one up here.
All right, we gotta get to the ESPN article.
I'm gonna pull this article up here.
I just heard about this this morning, blew me away.
I thought you might find it interesting.
This is from dailywire.com.
ESPN defends honoring Prince Harry with the Pat Tillman Award.
Already, I don't like where this is going.
It's already unacceptable.
ESPN defended its decision to honor Prince Harry with the Pat Tillman Award for service amid criticism from the mother of the late NFL star and U.S.
Army Ranger, after whom the accolade is named.
A statement to TMZ from the Sports Network read, ESPN, with the support of the Tillman Foundation, is honoring Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex.
Specifically for the work of the Invictus Games Foundation as it celebrates its 10th year promoting healing through the world of sport for military service members and veterans around the world.
While we understand not everyone will agree with all honorees selected for any award, the Invictus Games Foundation does incredible work and ESPN believes this is a cause worthy of celebrating.
The statement was released after Tillman's mother, Mary, reacted to the news that the member of the royal family would be recognized at this month's ESPY Awards, named after her son, the NFL safety-turned-army ranger who enlisted after the September 11th terrorist attacks and was killed by friendly fire in 2004.
I know not a lot of sports fans in the Sweet Baby Gang, if you don't know who Pat Tillman is, this guy stopped playing professional football so that he could go become an Army Ranger after the September 11th terrorist attacks.
Yes, he needs an award named after him.
No, Prince Harry should never get that award.
Quite frankly, I don't think, shouldn't it be a requirement that only an American can get this award?
Am I crazy in thinking that?
The mother went on and said, I am shocked as to why ESPN would select such a controversial
and divisive individual to receive this award.
There are recipients that are far more fitting.
There are individuals working in the veteran community that are doing tremendous things
to assist veterans.
These individuals do not have the money, resources, connections, or privilege that Prince Harry
has.
I feel that those types of individuals should be recognized.
Again, that's Pat Tillman's mother saying that.
Following the news, a petition has started.
Now we're getting somewhere.
A petition started against the network to make another decision.
Awarding this honor to someone who does not reflect the award's intent diminishes its value and disrespect Tillman's memory.
I agree.
I want to sign this petition.
I'm going to do it right after this show.
Pat McAfee of ESPN accused his own network of trying to upset people by making the decision.
He said, it's going to Prince Harry.
Who I don't even think is a, as a prince anymore, right?
He didn't, he said, don't call me that.
See, why does ESPN do this?
I mean, look, I don't listen to Pat McAfee that often, but he is right on that one.
We need to establish that the Pat Tillman award can only go to an American.
And I agree with Pat Tillman's mother that, you know, they're just, there are more fitting recipients for this.
So let's sign that petition.
All right, last one up here.
We're gonna have some fun.
Here's why we're gonna have some fun, because Dr. Jill Biden, Dr. Jill Biden has posted on social media that she needs a social media platforms manager.
Okay, the job description has gone up with an application to be filled out.
Here's the job description.
Dr. Jill Biden's social media platforms manager, this is in Wilmington, Delaware.
Dr. Biden's social media platforms manager will report to Dr. Biden's digital director and be expected to write within an established organizational identity for multiple
social media platforms and channels while strategizing how to further develop and expand Dr.
Biden and the Biden-Harris campaign's voice online. Key responsibility, write daily content,
strategize, project manage, ensure materials are sufficiently accessible for users,
help Dr. Jill Biden's digital creator, blah, blah, blah, preferred skills, experience working in
writing.
Check.
I got that.
Organizing.
Ideally digital.
I got that.
Boom.
Experience working on social media.
Bam.
I'm on there every day.
Has the ability to work independently and on a team with the ability to prioritize multiple tasks.
Boom.
I can make that happen.
Innovative self-starter.
Check.
Strong writing skills.
I'll let y'all be the determining factor for that.
Eagle eye for typos.
Look, I think I could pass.
Comfortable drafting platform-specific copy for multiple channels.
Pay $65,000 to $85,000 a year.
Man, you know what?
That's a little bit low for me, but I have to do this.
I have to apply for this job.
So that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I'm going on here right now, apply for this job, and we're gonna get started.
Full name.
Full name, I'm gonna use the name, someone called me, someone said I don't look as much like a David Cohn as a Daniel Crum, so I'm gonna use Daniel Crum.
This is how I'm gonna apply it to be Jill Biden's social media writer.
Pronouns, bam, love it.
Second thing up, he, him, she, her, they, them, z, no, it's x, it's x, e, and x, e,
m.
Is that one x, x, z, m?
Because then there's also z, her, z, e, slash, h, i, r.
There's an e, y, slash, e, m.
So e, e, m.
Her, her, h, i, r, slash, h, i, r.
F, a, e, f, a, e, r.
And then there's a h, u, h, u.
Hoo hoo.
I kid you not.
It's not just he, him, she, her, they, them.
This is after my name, after Daniel Crum.
The other ones are XE slash XEM, ZE slash HIR, EY slash EM, HIR slash HIR.
F-A-E-F-A-E-R and Hoo-Hoo.
Look, I'm trying to get this job, so I'm going with Hoo-Hoo.
Daniel Crum, what could that possibly mean?
What are you asking people to do in society when they interact with you and you're like, I'm Hoo-Hoo.
That's not even your name.
That's what your pronouns are?
I wish they'd put adjectives on here, so I could just say, I want to be known as the awesome hoo-hoo.
Email, we'll figure that out later.
Links, are you a current BFP employee?
Does that hurt my chances or help my chances?
I'm trying to get hired here, so I'm putting anything that's going to help me out here.
Please list all languages in which you are fluent.
Wokeism.
How would you contribute to building a diverse culture?
By hating white people.
Describe a time when you had to overcome adversity.
One time when I was young, a person didn't call me "hoo-hoo"
and I'm still recovering.
They didn't call me "hoo-hoo."
Are you willing and able to relocate to Wilmington?
Yes.
Additional information, cover letter, we'll get to that.
Gender.
I already did this.
Hold on, gender.
Our company values diversity.
To ensure that we comply with reporting requirements and to learn more about how we can increase diversity in our candidate pool, we invite you to voluntarily provide demographic information in a confidential survey.
I already filled out that I was hoo-hoo.
This one's a drop-down menu, and now it's asking me male, female, decline to self-identify.
Well, I'm going to click Define it, but I'm going to write them, I need to write them in the comments thing that they don't have hoo-hoo under gender, and that is triggering.
It's marginalizing my existence.
Here we get to race, Hispanic or Latino, white, non-Hispanic, not checking that one, black or African-American, native Hawaiian, Asian, American Indian, two or more races declined to self-identify.
I already put who, who.
I'll put two or more races.
I've got, look, you go back far enough, man, there's something there.
Veteran status.
I can't lie on this one.
I am not a veteran.
Optional diversity survey.
I kid you not, this thing goes and goes and goes.
We invite you to complete this optional survey to help us evaluate our diversity and inclusion efforts.
This is the first lady.
This is the president of the United States' wife who needs a digital manager.
This is what's on the application to fill out.
What are your preferred pronouns?
This is the third time I've been asked about gender and pronouns on this application right here.
She, her, he, his, they, them.
My pronouns are not listed.
I do not wish to identify.
Again, at the very top of this thing, I already put who, who, and that's not an option on either one of the second gender.
I can't.
I'm just going to put my pronouns are not listed because I already said who, who.
What is your gender identity?
This is the next one.
This is the next one.
Female.
Male.
Transgender.
Non-binary.
Non-conforming.
I do not wish to identify.
I'm going to put non-conforming.
I go against the grain.
Saucy.
Outside the box.
What is your race?
Ethnicity.
I just filled this out.
This was just above this.
White.
Caucasian.
Hispanic.
Latino.
Black or African.
Asian.
Native Hawaiian.
Indigenous Peoples.
Middle Eastern.
Some other race.
I do not wish to identify.
I got to put some other race now to keep with the Sean, did y'all make this just so that I would fill this out and this isn't a real thing?
This is a real website.
I went to it and I'm filling it out.
This is the fourth time I've already been asked about Yes, I'm a member of the transgender, of the LGB.
I already put who, who, as what I identify.
Do you identify as a member of the disabled community?
Look, I apologize to anyone out there, but I'm going to click yes on this just to, I got to get hired.
Are you a veteran?
No, I won't do that.
All right, submit application.
All right, your application has been submitted.
I don't know.
We'll see.
We'll see what happens.
Maybe I'll get hired.
Maybe I will finally be moving up in the world as Daniel Crum to work for the First Lady.
Boom!
Deal with that.
Man, if I don't get hired, I hope I don't get fired here.
Let's talk freedom, real freedom.
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Now let's get to our daily cancellation.
So today I do my duty.
Last year, a guy named Shaiyok Muhapaheyi, Shaiyok, look, I'm gonna call you little Shay-Shay.
That's what you're gonna get here, was arrested after interrupting the US Open tennis major in
Queens, New York.
This was a relatively long delay, it lasted about an hour.
The point of Little Shea Shea's stunt was apparently to raise awareness for Yes, climate change.
The irony, of course, is that by traveling to the United States from India, where he grew up, Little Shayshay probably emitted a few tons of those dreaded carbon emissions, thus not only defeating his climate protection purpose, but actively polluting the air himself.
That is unacceptable.
Needless to say, though, annoying a bunch of spectators at a tennis match did not, in fact, affect the climate in any way.
the Earth's rotation has continued. But little Shay Shay was not deterred. He's the little engine
that could. So late last month, he was back at it again, along with other members of the group
Extinction Rebellion. They crashed the 18th hole at the Travelers Championship tournament in
Connecticut, they are peppering the course with smoke bombs.
I kid you not, let's take a look together. >> Look at this guy.
Look at this guy.
He's protecting the environment.
That guy cares about the environment.
That's why he's running around with a smoke bomb.
Look at this one.
Oh, yes!
Form tackle.
Sign him up, coach.
Sign him up.
One of them kicked the flower pot down here at the end.
That's not good for the environment.
Look at this.
USA!
USA!
All that to the chants of USA and people say America is finished.
I've never felt more hopeful in my life.
In case you can't read the shirts those trespassers were wearing, they say, quote, no golf on a dead planet.
First off, as far as protest T-shirts go, I have to say this one ranks among the dumbest.
The point of golf is to hit a ball with a stick.
Men will find a way to do that anywhere in the solar system.
Also, why are you shooting red smoke in the air?
Heathens, how dare you?
You'll never be able to convince me that that's healthy, that that's a healthy byproduct for our environment.
Just letting off all this red smoke in the air.
You just made the air my children breathe less safe.
But more importantly, why are these Arkham Asylum patients protesting climate change at a golf course?
You're targeting the single most eco-friendly sport imaginable.
The platform you're trespassing on right now, causing a scene, is in fact called The Green.
If they revolted against NASCAR, I could understand gasoline and concrete, cars going round and around in circles.
That makes more sense.
But you never see them protest NASCAR.
Why?
Because country folks who love racing, they don't play like that.
There's not going to be any look the other way while the security guard comes in and form tackles and handles the matter.
These lunatics wouldn't even make it to the track before Uncle Billy goes full Bobby Boucher with a tackle.
So, instead, these self-centered dramatists stick to golf and to tennis and to whatever it is this is.
This is the World Snooker Championship.
Snooker is apparently a form of billiards.
I don't know.
I shoot pool like a normal person, but let's watch it together.
Look at this guy.
Look at this.
You did something, man.
Yeah, you really did something.
You tell that mean ocean, Todd.
All I know is that nothing of substance is being accomplished right there.
This is childish behavior masquerading around as some sort of brave activism.
How can someone possibly walk away from an act like this and think, I did good work here today.
I helped Earth.
No.
No.
McKenna and Jonesy, can y'all bring up one that's not a sporting event, please?
I need an environment the Sweet Baby Gang actually recognizes before they become the Cry Baby Gang.
Please.
Yes!
Stonehenge!
This is the one I want.
Stonehenge, please.
Here we go.
Play this one.
Well today is one of the most important days in the calendar for Stonehenge which you can see right behind me because it is the summer solstice when the sun aligns with the stones with celebrations starting tonight.
It is open to the public today but yesterday it was quite shocking to see those climate activists spray orange powder on some of the stones.
This morning, one of Britain's most famous historical sites covered in orange paint.
Watch as two climate activists run up to the ancient stones at Stonehenge, spraying fire extinguishers containing orange powder, vandalising the 5,000-year-old monument.
Other visitors rushing to try to stop them.
On suspicion?
You tell that mean ocean.
I must dock these activists' creativity points, though.
They're repeating the same schtick over and over with this orange paint powder.
There's no way that's good for the environment you're championing, okay?
Also, from what I understand, Stonehenge is fairly far from civilization.
at least 80 miles or so from London, which I really don't like making assumptions,
but man, this group, they just, they really strike me as Londoners.
Call it a hunch.
They don't really give off that, that small town vibe.
You know, anyway, point being, how did they get there?
No way they walked.
There's no way that they walked to Stonehenge.
They drove cars, probably coordinated the disgraceful act with cell phones, and more likely than not, they drove further out of their way, drove further than necessary to hit the nearest Starbucks.
Y'all aren't special, okay?
You're not better than anyone else.
You just want attention.
Run the Van Gogh soup throwers clip, please.
Yeah.
This checks out.
Tomato soup.
from Just Stop Oil, known for their high profile protests, previously making headlines for throwing tomato soup
on Van Gogh's sunflowers in 2022, demanding the incoming British government
end fossil fuel usage by 2030.
Pink hair, greasy, that checks out.
If you told me this story with no video evidence, that's exactly who I would have pictured did this.
I've decided these nuts are among the top three most annoying types of people in the world.
I mean, if I had to rank order the most irritating, infuriating, insufferable people,
number one would be, like, number one would be guys who make bets with their friends,
and then when they lose, they don't honor said bet.
Like, if you join, like, a fantasy football league, and you came in, like, last place and didn't do your punishment, you're the most annoying type of person.
Number two, people who ride up my bumper as close as they can on the road.
And anyone who does that, or worse yet, anyone who tells his friends he's proud of it, makes a whole rules of the road and blames the front car for going too slow, that guy is the second worst.
And by the way, I just slowed down 15 miles an hour.
How do you like that?
But third worst are these dunces.
That's it.
That's the list.
Now, I could spend all afternoon going through more examples.
In just the past year of these simpletons making scenes all over the globe.
Pull up the U.S.
Constitution one.
Play the U.S.
Constitution.
Here we go.
Is this in the rotunda?
Again with the powder.
We will not be held to laws in which we have no voice or representation.
(sniffles)
We have too much time on our hands.
on the conditions that all men are created for, critically and down to the end.
We have too much time on our hands.
Too much time.
We're calling on all people to have all these rights, not just wealthy white men.
We all deserve clean air, water, food, and a livable climate.
for a job like that, do you?
This one is unacceptable.
Stonehenge will be fine.
This is the Bill of Rights.
Nicolas Cage didn't steal this document to keep that other dude from stealing it so you could come out here and express your childhood trauma.
Here we are days away from the 4th of July, and these communists want to throw powder on the words of Thomas Jefferson.
What did Vincent say in Pulp Fiction?
It would have been worth them doing it if I could have just caught them doing it.
How about the ones who glued themselves to that runway in Germany?
Do we have that one?
Let's watch it.
I can get there logically with what you're trying to do, gluing yourself there.
Again, with this one though, this is getting to the point... Oh, here we go.
To halt traffic, I guess.
The right thing to do.
The right thing to do.
Yeah, that's it.
Good.
Take that one away.
He's speaking Sputnik.
I don't know what's going on.
But what's going on here is that this is getting to the point where I think there's a serious possibility that these people are unknowingly bankrolled by big oil companies to make environmentalists look crazy.
That seems more plausible than someone thinking that this works.
I mean, the one guy watching said it seems a bit drastic, but he concludes that cutting through an airport security fence and gluing yourself to an active runway is the right thing to do.
This sums up exactly how the climate crazies have gotten completely out of control.
They seem to think that just because they're passionate about something, that gives them some special claim to act out in furtherance of their agenda.
And weak people, weak people have enabled them.
The more encouragement they get, the more they'll raise the stakes.
God forbid they come disrupt the hot dog eating contest this week.
I can't abide that.
The most annoying aspect is not even the events getting disrupted.
It's this air of moral superiority that comes from drama queens who are actively hurting their own cause, essentially telling the rest of us, How dare you not care about our planet enough to throw macaroni at the Mona Lisa?
You don't even love the earth enough to epoxy glue your hand to an MBA floor.
How selfish are you?
If this is the best messaging you can muster, then your cause either isn't worthy or you're a terrible marketer.
I truly believe we have to do a better job of protecting our habitat, okay?
Cleaning up our communities.
We've gotten way too lax across the world in America.
Our streets are oftentimes filthy.
Roads are trashed.
We need to do better.
Guess what?
That starts with us.
It doesn't start by high-fiving Greta Thunberg as she and Al Gore hop on a G6 to fly halfway around the world so they can tell everyone else how bad it is for planet Earth when I eat a steak.
No, it's not gonna fly.
Pun intended, and behavior like this not only keeps me from wanting to associate with whatever it is you're advocating, but I now have to mock you in order to help you.
Do you understand?
By calling you out, I clearly care more for your well-being than anyone else has for you in your entire life.
I care more about you than your own mother, clearly.
Maybe that's part of the problem that we got going on here, but that's why today really was inevitable.
I'm just doing my duty.
This segment is bigger than me.
So, as of this moment, commotion-causing, attention-seeking, craze-filled climate activists are today cancelled.
