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| You got a kind face. | |
| You got a good head of hair. | |
| You seem like a nice guy. | |
| I wanna help you. | |
| I'm gonna help you rediscover your manhood. | |
| You in or you out? | |
| I'm in. | |
| From David, Dear Sweet Daddy, You frequently mention the importance of marriage and the calling of most people to marriage. | |
| I think you're right and I should get married, but a woman who I could reasonably meet geographically, is not spoken for, shares similar values, and is herself interested in me, seems so astronomically unlikely as to be impossible. | |
| I'm not sure I know anyone who meets two or three of these criteria, so expecting to find someone who meets all four just seems unreasonable. | |
| For example, I'm not sure I know any women at my church who are single, and they seem to find me repulsive anyway. | |
| The ladies at my work will put up with me, but they're all taken and or godless communists. | |
| Anywhere else, I'm not given a second thought and I feel invisible. | |
| The idea of looking for a potential wife seems like shopping for a multi-million dollar mansion for when I win the lottery. | |
| I don't want to give up. | |
| I think I owe it to my parents to give them a daughter-in-law and grandchildren, and I don't think I'm the only man who finds himself in this predicament. | |
| What do you think? | |
| Well, you know, you're not the only man in this predicament, certainly, and I think that every man, I can't say every, but a great number of men feel this way at a certain point in their lives, even the ones who end up married. | |
| I can remember myself at a time thinking, thinking like you did, like the idea, you know, Because it's all, it's not real right now and it's all kind of in theory. | |
| And so the idea of finding a woman who, you know, who I'm attracted to and shares my values and is attracted to me for some reason and all those things and lives somewhere within a vicinity where I can see this person. | |
| Like the idea of all that lining up and actually getting married and starting a family and all these things. | |
| There was a time in my own life where that felt, it did feel a bit like, Window shopping for mansions on the hope that you'll, you know, hit a Powerball or something like that. | |
| But the good news is that for, you know, I would say probably the majority of men who feel that way, it does end up happening. | |
| Because as it turns out, you know, winning a lottery is, it's, there's very few people that ever do that. | |
| But a great many adults end up getting married. | |
| So it is a, it's a normal thing. | |
| The way you're feeling right now is normal. | |
| But what you're talking about and what you desire is also normal. | |
| Which means that just, like, statistically, the odds that it will happen are great. | |
| Now, there are also... I get these kinds of questions and it also puts me in a tough spot because I'm not given important details that I would need. | |
| Like, I have no idea how old you are. | |
| I don't really know anything about you other than what you've said here. | |
| And some of that, you know, it can change the calculus somewhat. | |
| So if you were to tell me that you're a single guy, never married, feeling this way, and you're 55, well, I would tell you that it's not hopeless. | |
| I mean, people marry later in life, so you shouldn't give up on that by any means. | |
| It does make it more difficult, I have to admit. | |
| Now, if you're a guy in your early 20s, and you're feeling this way, Then it's like, you know, trust me. | |
| Then I can say with much more confidence that if you're in that category, that it will work out and it will be fine. | |
| And you will, because every, you know, almost any guy in their early 20s is going to feel this way. | |
| And if you listen to a lot of women in their early 20s, they feel this way too. | |
| I'm never going to find the right guy, all the same. | |
| What you're talking about in the reverse for women, a great many women are feeling that way. | |
| The other part of the good news is that It is true that a lot of this is under your control. | |
| I think you have more control than you realize that you do. | |
| Or at the very least, you have a control over a certain part of it. | |
| And so you should focus on controlling those parts. | |
| Focus on the parts that you can control. | |
| The parts that you can't, you know, you can't make the perfect woman materialize out of thin air. | |
| You can't do that. | |
| You can't control other people. | |
| If you meet a woman and she's not the right kind of woman, you can't make her into that, and you probably shouldn't try. | |
| You know, you can't make a woman into the kind of woman who you want to marry, but you can make yourself into the kind of man that women want to marry. | |
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| Now, you say that you are repulsive to women. | |
| Again, don't know anything about you. | |
| I've never seen you. | |
| I think it's very likely that you are being much harder on yourself than you ought to be. | |
| There are repulsive people out there, but they're, you know, it's uncommon. | |
| Then there are other people that intentionally try to make themselves repulsive, like the green haired people on TikTok with facial piercings and all the rest of it. | |
| I assume that's not you. | |
| So, you're probably being too hard on yourself, but we can all improve. | |
| And if you're still single, and you haven't been able to find a woman, and you've made attempts, and there are women that you're interested in that are not interested in you, then you can control some aspects of that. | |
| You can do things like, you can go to the gym, you can get in really good shape. | |
| That's going to improve your chances significantly. | |
| And it's not even because women are shallow. | |
| I mean, some women are shallow, just like some men are shallow. | |
| But the physical aspect doesn't matter. | |
| That's the first thing someone's going to notice about you. | |
| And they do have to be physically attracted to you. | |
| Women aren't as visual as men are, but it's still an important aspect. | |
| So, you can get to the gym. | |
| You can get yourself in good shape. | |
| You start thinking about what you wear, how you present yourself. | |
| If you think that your personality is not Attracting the kind of attention that you want. | |
| Or if you walk into a room and you feel invisible and you're not able to command attention in the room the way that maybe you see other people are able to do. | |
| Well that again, good news. | |
| That's something that you can control. | |
| Even your personality. | |
| You can change your personality. | |
| I'm a big believer in that. | |
| It's one of the reasons why I've never been a huge fan of all these personality tests out there. | |
| I know there are some that are supposed to be really scientific and people really believe in them. | |
| And there's some validity to it. | |
| There's kind of a natural sort of baseline personality that we all have. | |
| But I think that it gives people this idea that, well, you're a certain personality type, and that's what you are. | |
| And so you act a certain way, and that's what it is, and you can't change it. | |
| And I don't think that's true. | |
| You know, your personality, there's a lot that goes into it, but a lot of it has to do with your own behavior. | |
| Like, when people describe your personality, they're talking about how you act, and what you say, and how you present yourself, and the kind of moods that you're in. | |
| Or at least the kind of moods that you present to the public. | |
| That's what other people are talking about when they describe your personality. | |
| And all of that is controllable. | |
| You can control all of that. | |
| So, that's what I would do. | |
| Just start thinking about making yourself, if you feel like you're not desirable to women, you can change that. | |
| So think about all the things, make a mental checklist. | |
| What are all the things that you think a good woman would find desirable? | |
| And, you know, if that's a checklist with five major items, let's say, The great news is that about probably four of those items you can change immediately. | |
| There are other things that might take more time. | |
| I mean, obviously, being financially successful, that also helps because even women who fashion themselves as independent and progressive and enlightened are actually looking for men who can provide for them. | |
| That's like biologically hardwired. | |
| And that's not something that you can immediately change overnight. | |
| But it's also not a necessity either. | |
| I was not anywhere close to financially successful when I got married. | |
| Those are things that you can change. | |
| And on the financial success part of it, too, I would also say that if you're not rich right now, like, that's okay. | |
| Most people aren't. | |
| And you can't, you know, I'm not going to give you some get-rich-quick scheme where you can go out and be rich in 100 days. | |
| What you can do, though, is present the qualities of someone who a woman might think, well, that person, yeah, they might not be Super financially successful now, but I could see that they would be in the future. | |
| I could see the potential for that. | |
| So you can present the qualities of a hard-working, ambitious person with lots of big ideas and big dreams. | |
| You know, women find that appealing. | |
| So, that's what I would do. | |
| Work on all that. | |
| Implement that. | |
| Implement it for, you know, a while. | |
| It's not gonna be an overnight fix. | |
| And then come back and we'll see how you're doing. | |
| And I think that's it. |