The Matt Walsh Show - How To Find Your Perfect Match - Matt Walsh Advice
Aired: 2023-06-27
Duration: 09:38


=== Men's Marriage Dilemma (03:35) ===

[00:00:00]  You got a kind face.
[00:00:02]  You got a good head of hair.
[00:00:04]  You seem like a nice guy.
[00:00:06]  I wanna help you.
[00:00:08]  I'm gonna help you rediscover your manhood.
[00:00:10]  You in or you out?
[00:00:11]  I'm in.
[00:00:17]  From David, Dear Sweet Daddy, You frequently mention the importance of marriage and the calling of most people to marriage.
[00:00:21]  I think you're right and I should get married, but a woman who I could reasonably meet geographically, is not spoken for, shares similar values, and is herself interested in me, seems so astronomically unlikely as to be impossible.
[00:00:34]  I'm not sure I know anyone who meets two or three of these criteria, so expecting to find someone who meets all four just seems unreasonable.
[00:00:41]  For example, I'm not sure I know any women at my church who are single, and they seem to find me repulsive anyway.
[00:00:46]  The ladies at my work will put up with me, but they're all taken and or godless communists.
[00:00:50]  Anywhere else, I'm not given a second thought and I feel invisible.
[00:00:53]  The idea of looking for a potential wife seems like shopping for a multi-million dollar mansion for when I win the lottery.
[00:00:58]  I don't want to give up.
[00:01:00]  I think I owe it to my parents to give them a daughter-in-law and grandchildren, and I don't think I'm the only man who finds himself in this predicament.
[00:01:07]  What do you think?
[00:01:08]  Well, you know, you're not the only man in this predicament, certainly, and I think that every man, I can't say every, but a great number of men feel this way at a certain point in their lives, even the ones who end up married.
[00:01:23]  I can remember myself at a time thinking, thinking like you did, like the idea, you know, Because it's all, it's not real right now and it's all kind of in theory.
[00:01:33]  And so the idea of finding a woman who, you know, who I'm attracted to and shares my values and is attracted to me for some reason and all those things and lives somewhere within a vicinity where I can see this person.
[00:01:48]  Like the idea of all that lining up and actually getting married and starting a family and all these things.
[00:01:54]  There was a time in my own life where that felt, it did feel a bit like, Window shopping for mansions on the hope that you'll, you know, hit a Powerball or something like that.
[00:02:03]  But the good news is that for, you know, I would say probably the majority of men who feel that way, it does end up happening.
[00:02:11]  Because as it turns out, you know, winning a lottery is, it's, there's very few people that ever do that.
[00:02:19]  But a great many adults end up getting married.
[00:02:22]  So it is a, it's a normal thing.
[00:02:24]  The way you're feeling right now is normal.
[00:02:27]  But what you're talking about and what you desire is also normal.
[00:02:31]  Which means that just, like, statistically, the odds that it will happen are great.
[00:02:35]  Now, there are also... I get these kinds of questions and it also puts me in a tough spot because I'm not given important details that I would need.
[00:02:44]  Like, I have no idea how old you are.
[00:02:46]  I don't really know anything about you other than what you've said here.
[00:02:49]  And some of that, you know, it can change the calculus somewhat.
[00:02:53]  So if you were to tell me that you're a single guy, never married, feeling this way, and you're 55, well, I would tell you that it's not hopeless.
[00:03:03]  I mean, people marry later in life, so you shouldn't give up on that by any means.
[00:03:07]  It does make it more difficult, I have to admit.
[00:03:09]  Now, if you're a guy in your early 20s, and you're feeling this way, Then it's like, you know, trust me.
[00:03:16]  Then I can say with much more confidence that if you're in that category, that it will work out and it will be fine.

=== Focus On What You Can Control (06:17) ===

[00:03:25]  And you will, because every, you know, almost any guy in their early 20s is going to feel this way.
[00:03:30]  And if you listen to a lot of women in their early 20s, they feel this way too.
[00:03:34]  I'm never going to find the right guy, all the same.
[00:03:36]  What you're talking about in the reverse for women, a great many women are feeling that way.
[00:03:40]  The other part of the good news is that It is true that a lot of this is under your control.
[00:03:48]  I think you have more control than you realize that you do.
[00:03:52]  Or at the very least, you have a control over a certain part of it.
[00:03:55]  And so you should focus on controlling those parts.
[00:03:58]  Focus on the parts that you can control.
[00:04:00]  The parts that you can't, you know, you can't make the perfect woman materialize out of thin air.
[00:04:06]  You can't do that.
[00:04:07]  You can't control other people.
[00:04:09]  If you meet a woman and she's not the right kind of woman, you can't make her into that, and you probably shouldn't try.
[00:04:14]  You know, you can't make a woman into the kind of woman who you want to marry, but you can make yourself into the kind of man that women want to marry.
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[00:05:27]  Now, you say that you are repulsive to women.
[00:05:30]  Again, don't know anything about you.
[00:05:32]  I've never seen you.
[00:05:32]  I think it's very likely that you are being much harder on yourself than you ought to be.
[00:05:38]  There are repulsive people out there, but they're, you know, it's uncommon.
[00:05:42]  Then there are other people that intentionally try to make themselves repulsive, like the green haired people on TikTok with facial piercings and all the rest of it.
[00:05:50]  I assume that's not you.
[00:05:51]  So, you're probably being too hard on yourself, but we can all improve.
[00:05:57]  And if you're still single, and you haven't been able to find a woman, and you've made attempts, and there are women that you're interested in that are not interested in you, then you can control some aspects of that.
[00:06:07]  You can do things like, you can go to the gym, you can get in really good shape.
[00:06:11]  That's going to improve your chances significantly.
[00:06:14]  And it's not even because women are shallow.
[00:06:17]  I mean, some women are shallow, just like some men are shallow.
[00:06:20]  But the physical aspect doesn't matter.
[00:06:21]  That's the first thing someone's going to notice about you.
[00:06:23]  And they do have to be physically attracted to you.
[00:06:26]  Women aren't as visual as men are, but it's still an important aspect.
[00:06:29]  So, you can get to the gym.
[00:06:31]  You can get yourself in good shape.
[00:06:33]  You start thinking about what you wear, how you present yourself.
[00:06:37]  If you think that your personality is not Attracting the kind of attention that you want.
[00:06:43]  Or if you walk into a room and you feel invisible and you're not able to command attention in the room the way that maybe you see other people are able to do.
[00:06:51]  Well that again, good news.
[00:06:52]  That's something that you can control.
[00:06:54]  Even your personality.
[00:06:55]  You can change your personality.
[00:06:56]  I'm a big believer in that.
[00:06:58]  It's one of the reasons why I've never been a huge fan of all these personality tests out there.
[00:07:03]  I know there are some that are supposed to be really scientific and people really believe in them.
[00:07:07]  And there's some validity to it.
[00:07:09]  There's kind of a natural sort of baseline personality that we all have.
[00:07:15]  But I think that it gives people this idea that, well, you're a certain personality type, and that's what you are.
[00:07:19]  And so you act a certain way, and that's what it is, and you can't change it.
[00:07:24]  And I don't think that's true.
[00:07:25]  You know, your personality, there's a lot that goes into it, but a lot of it has to do with your own behavior.
[00:07:30]  Like, when people describe your personality, they're talking about how you act, and what you say, and how you present yourself, and the kind of moods that you're in.
[00:07:40]  Or at least the kind of moods that you present to the public.
[00:07:44]  That's what other people are talking about when they describe your personality.
[00:07:47]  And all of that is controllable.
[00:07:50]  You can control all of that.
[00:07:52]  So, that's what I would do.
[00:07:55]  Just start thinking about making yourself, if you feel like you're not desirable to women, you can change that.
[00:08:04]  So think about all the things, make a mental checklist.
[00:08:06]  What are all the things that you think a good woman would find desirable?
[00:08:13]  And, you know, if that's a checklist with five major items, let's say, The great news is that about probably four of those items you can change immediately.
[00:08:23]  There are other things that might take more time.
[00:08:24]  I mean, obviously, being financially successful, that also helps because even women who fashion themselves as independent and progressive and enlightened are actually looking for men who can provide for them.
[00:08:36]  That's like biologically hardwired.
[00:08:38]  And that's not something that you can immediately change overnight.
[00:08:40]  But it's also not a necessity either.
[00:08:42]  I was not anywhere close to financially successful when I got married.
[00:08:45]  Those are things that you can change.
[00:08:47]  And on the financial success part of it, too, I would also say that if you're not rich right now, like, that's okay.
[00:08:54]  Most people aren't.
[00:08:55]  And you can't, you know, I'm not going to give you some get-rich-quick scheme where you can go out and be rich in 100 days.
[00:09:01]  What you can do, though, is present the qualities of someone who a woman might think, well, that person, yeah, they might not be Super financially successful now, but I could see that they would be in the future.
[00:09:14]  I could see the potential for that.
[00:09:15]  So you can present the qualities of a hard-working, ambitious person with lots of big ideas and big dreams.
[00:09:23]  You know, women find that appealing.
[00:09:25]  So, that's what I would do.
[00:09:28]  Work on all that.
[00:09:29]  Implement that.
[00:09:30]  Implement it for, you know, a while.
[00:09:32]  It's not gonna be an overnight fix.
[00:09:35]  And then come back and we'll see how you're doing.
[00:09:37]  And I think that's it.