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Jan. 31, 2023 - The Matt Walsh Show

06:53

Who's The Biggest A-Hole? Episode 6

Who is the biggest A-hole? Matt Walsh decides between three reddit users who took to the subreddit Am I The A**hole. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Time	Text
	[MUSIC]
	We'll start with this.
	So my boyfriend and I both work the day shift.
	So we're both home after 6 p.m.
	We have our days off set up.
	Okay, first of all, she started a sentence with the word so.
	So she's already an a-hole.
	It's another thing I hate.
	I'm in a really bad mood right now, I've realized.
	So I'm just, everyone's an a-hole this time.
	We have our days off set up that he is off Saturdays and Sundays, and I'm off Sundays and Mondays.
	We each get one day off to ourselves to just be alone and do our thing, and then one day off together to do whatever we want as well.
	My boyfriend and I have fairly different hobbies.
	He's really into fitness and working out and always being active.
	I'm a pretty strong gamer, and I don't care about any of this.
	Who cares?
	What is your complaint, lady?
	So he stayed up stupid late last night and called into work this morning.
	Nine times out of ten, I wouldn't care.
	But it's Monday.
	It's my only day to myself.
	And he's constantly bugging me to go to work out with him, or go on a hike, or generally to just be active because he's bored.
	Oh, God forbid he's trying to help you be a fit and healthy person.
	He doesn't want you to die of heart disease.
	God forbid.
	My boyfriend is so annoying.
	He wants me to do things like stand up.
	My boyfriend wants me to walk outside, encounter the sun every once in a while.
	Again, nine times out of ten wouldn't matter and I'd spend a few days doing whatever he wanted.
	I need this day to just be quiet and dark and me time.
	I'm 100% on the opposite end of a social person.
	I just want my one day to be alone to recuperate for the week.
	I look forward to this one day the entire week.
	I'm definitely annoyed and definitely showing it even though I'm trying not to.
	I've tried explaining this.
	I've tried being nice and just telling him that I need some me time and he's just not listening.
	I pretty much snapped and told him to just leave me the F alone for a bit and now he's sulking in the living room.
	Am I the a-hole?
	Okay, then there's even more information that we don't need.
	So you got into a fight with your boyfriend, and he sulked off, and you immediately went on your phone to Reddit?
	Now, Reddit says that this woman is not the a-hole, and Reddit is wrong this time, and not for the first time.
	But you're definitely the a-hole for a few reasons.
	First of all, why are you playing house?
	Why are you playing marriage, you know, by living together, if you don't even want to be around each other?
	So you can't stand to be around the guy for more than one day of the week, but you're living with him?
	This is not working out, okay?
	You guys need to break up.
	Just break up.
	Take my advice.
	Go live on your own!
	Or you don't want to live on your own because you don't have to pay for it, right?
	That's probably it.
	So you want the boyfriend there to help you pay for the rent, or maybe pay all the rent, I don't know.
	But you don't want to actually be around him.
	What you're looking for is welfare, okay?
	Go live on your own and get on welfare.
	Don't give me this, oh I need space, I need me time, I need to relax, I need to... You're just dating someone.
	You have no kids.
	You know, you work a 9-to-5 job, you have off on the weekends, and you're complaining about how you need space and time, and I really need my break.
	For what?
	Like you live some kind of stressful life.
	It's the only workout that many people get is just complaining about how, I'm so stressed in my life, I'm so stressed.
	I cannot even conceive of having an existence as easy as you.
	And you're still whining.
	Is there anyone who's not an a-hole?
	I think I'm just the a-hole this time.
	My wife has always kept the clock in her car five minutes fast ahead of the actual time.
	I tried this technique in the past, but found it wouldn't work for me.
	We each have our own car, along with a shared car that the whole family uses.
	It was driving me nuts that I'd look at the clock, remember it's not right, then I have to check my watch to see the actual time, and then it goes on for another 50 paragraphs, but that's basically the thing.
	Should they have the clock set ahead in their car?
	No, you're not the a-hole for not wanting the clock set ahead.
	The setting the clocks ahead thing is absurd because when you do that, you just end up doing the math in your head anyway.
	So I don't understand the strategy.
	You're not actually fooling yourself into thinking the time is different than it actually is.
	So you're giving yourself a math assignment every time you get in the car.
	So, no, you're not the A-hole for that.
	[theme music]
	Me and my wife had a baby seven months ago.
	My parents came to us for Thanksgiving dinner this year.
	My wife made a great spread.
	As we were about to eat, the baby started fussing.
	He has been teething.
	I told my wife she should go attend to him, but she asked if I could, because she hadn't eaten all day, because she was trying to care for the baby, cook everything, and try to visit with my parents, and she would really like a warm meal instead, and it had been a while since she'd had one.
	I said it'd be really rude to my parents to sit down without me, since in my family, the hosting family member was always at the table with the guests.
	My wife asked me again to please go, but I was annoyed and said no.
	I could tell my wife was irritated, but she went to our baby.
	I was thinking we'd wait for her to return, but my dad said he was starving and everything looked fantastic.
	So I told them to dig in.
	My wife seemed to be having a hard time getting our son to settle down, but she's always had the magic touch when it comes to him, so I left her to it.
	That was very nice of you.
	By the time he was content and quiet again, we'd finished and we had moved into the other room.
	I had left everything on the table and when I went back around she was feeding the baby.
	I said she should probably clean up once she was done and she really coldly asked when exactly she was supposed to eat.
	I was taken by surprise and asked what she was on about and she told me that she hadn't eaten anything and I had left a mess instead of at least taking the used dishes to the sink.
	And she knew it was too much to think I'd actually be bothered to make her a plate too.
	I got irritated and told her that she was being dramatic that we were hosting and I thought it was more important
	to spend time with my parents.
	She said that I was the one who invited my parents over, but I left her to do everything.
	I said that wasn't true, but she asked me to name just one thing I'd done to help
	her.
	I was put on the spot and I couldn't think of something.
	So she said exactly.
	I got pretty angry, but my mom came in then and asked if she could feed the baby.
	My God, are you still talking?
	My wife said yes, then started making herself a plate so she could eat.
	My mom was upset with me when she realized that my wife still hadn't eaten.
	Okay, first of all, before your wife ate, did you make sure that she had cleaned the bathroom?
	Because it's not fair to leave a messy bathroom when there are guests over.
	No, I'm actually concerned that as a five-year-old, you're probably way too young to be married.
	I mean, I believe in early marriage, but that's too far, I think, even for me.
	I can only assume that you're five and have been married for five minutes based on your behavior as you describe it.
	You know what you are, actually?
	You're like Kevin James or Ray Romano from a 90s sitcom, you know?
	You did literally everything wrong every step of the way.
	He's an asshole!
	You're so wrong and outlandishly asshole-ish that I'm not sure if I even believe that this is real.

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