The Matt Walsh Show - Who's The Biggest A-Hole? Episode 6
Aired: 2023-01-31
Duration: 06:53


=== Need Alone Time (03:48) ===

[00:00:00]  [MUSIC]
[00:00:10]  We'll start with this.
[00:00:16]  So my boyfriend and I both work the day shift.
[00:00:19]  So we're both home after 6 p.m.
[00:00:21]  We have our days off set up.
[00:00:23]  Okay, first of all, she started a sentence with the word so.
[00:00:25]  So she's already an a-hole.
[00:00:27]  It's another thing I hate.
[00:00:28]  I'm in a really bad mood right now, I've realized.
[00:00:33]  So I'm just, everyone's an a-hole this time.
[00:00:35]  We have our days off set up that he is off Saturdays and Sundays, and I'm off Sundays and Mondays.
[00:00:41]  We each get one day off to ourselves to just be alone and do our thing, and then one day off together to do whatever we want as well.
[00:00:48]  My boyfriend and I have fairly different hobbies.
[00:00:50]  He's really into fitness and working out and always being active.
[00:00:53]  I'm a pretty strong gamer, and I don't care about any of this.
[00:00:55]  Who cares?
[00:00:56]  What is your complaint, lady?
[00:00:58]  So he stayed up stupid late last night and called into work this morning.
[00:01:01]  Nine times out of ten, I wouldn't care.
[00:01:03]  But it's Monday.
[00:01:04]  It's my only day to myself.
[00:01:06]  And he's constantly bugging me to go to work out with him, or go on a hike, or generally to just be active because he's bored.
[00:01:11]  Oh, God forbid he's trying to help you be a fit and healthy person.
[00:01:14]  He doesn't want you to die of heart disease.
[00:01:16]  God forbid.
[00:01:17]  My boyfriend is so annoying.
[00:01:18]  He wants me to do things like stand up.
[00:01:20]  My boyfriend wants me to walk outside, encounter the sun every once in a while.
[00:01:25]  Again, nine times out of ten wouldn't matter and I'd spend a few days doing whatever he wanted.
[00:01:29]  I need this day to just be quiet and dark and me time.
[00:01:32]  I'm 100% on the opposite end of a social person.
[00:01:34]  I just want my one day to be alone to recuperate for the week.
[00:01:38]  I look forward to this one day the entire week.
[00:01:40]  I'm definitely annoyed and definitely showing it even though I'm trying not to.
[00:01:43]  I've tried explaining this.
[00:01:44]  I've tried being nice and just telling him that I need some me time and he's just not listening.
[00:01:48]  I pretty much snapped and told him to just leave me the F alone for a bit and now he's sulking in the living room.
[00:01:54]  Am I the a-hole?
[00:01:55]  Okay, then there's even more information that we don't need.
[00:01:57]  So you got into a fight with your boyfriend, and he sulked off, and you immediately went on your phone to Reddit?
[00:02:02]  Now, Reddit says that this woman is not the a-hole, and Reddit is wrong this time, and not for the first time.
[00:02:07]  But you're definitely the a-hole for a few reasons.
[00:02:09]  First of all, why are you playing house?
[00:02:11]  Why are you playing marriage, you know, by living together, if you don't even want to be around each other?
[00:02:16]  So you can't stand to be around the guy for more than one day of the week, but you're living with him?
[00:02:21]  This is not working out, okay?
[00:02:22]  You guys need to break up.
[00:02:23]  Just break up.
[00:02:24]  Take my advice.
[00:02:25]  Go live on your own!
[00:02:26]  Or you don't want to live on your own because you don't have to pay for it, right?
[00:02:29]  That's probably it.
[00:02:30]  So you want the boyfriend there to help you pay for the rent, or maybe pay all the rent, I don't know.
[00:02:34]  But you don't want to actually be around him.
[00:02:36]  What you're looking for is welfare, okay?
[00:02:37]  Go live on your own and get on welfare.
[00:02:39]  Don't give me this, oh I need space, I need me time, I need to relax, I need to... You're just dating someone.
[00:02:46]  You have no kids.
[00:02:48]  You know, you work a 9-to-5 job, you have off on the weekends, and you're complaining about how you need space and time, and I really need my break.
[00:02:56]  For what?
[00:02:58]  Like you live some kind of stressful life.
[00:02:59]  It's the only workout that many people get is just complaining about how, I'm so stressed in my life, I'm so stressed.
[00:03:03]  I cannot even conceive of having an existence as easy as you.
[00:03:07]  And you're still whining.
[00:03:08]  Is there anyone who's not an a-hole?
[00:03:09]  I think I'm just the a-hole this time.
[00:03:24]  My wife has always kept the clock in her car five minutes fast ahead of the actual time.
[00:03:28]  I tried this technique in the past, but found it wouldn't work for me.
[00:03:30]  We each have our own car, along with a shared car that the whole family uses.

=== Parents' Request Overlooked (02:57) ===

[00:03:34]  It was driving me nuts that I'd look at the clock, remember it's not right, then I have to check my watch to see the actual time, and then it goes on for another 50 paragraphs, but that's basically the thing.
[00:03:43]  Should they have the clock set ahead in their car?
[00:03:46]  No, you're not the a-hole for not wanting the clock set ahead.
[00:03:48]  The setting the clocks ahead thing is absurd because when you do that, you just end up doing the math in your head anyway.
[00:03:56]  So I don't understand the strategy.
[00:03:58]  You're not actually fooling yourself into thinking the time is different than it actually is.
[00:04:01]  So you're giving yourself a math assignment every time you get in the car.
[00:04:05]  So, no, you're not the A-hole for that.
[00:04:06]  [theme music]
[00:04:14]  Me and my wife had a baby seven months ago.
[00:04:16]  My parents came to us for Thanksgiving dinner this year.
[00:04:18]  My wife made a great spread.
[00:04:21]  As we were about to eat, the baby started fussing.
[00:04:23]  He has been teething.
[00:04:25]  I told my wife she should go attend to him, but she asked if I could, because she hadn't eaten all day, because she was trying to care for the baby, cook everything, and try to visit with my parents, and she would really like a warm meal instead, and it had been a while since she'd had one.
[00:04:39]  I said it'd be really rude to my parents to sit down without me, since in my family, the hosting family member was always at the table with the guests.
[00:04:46]  My wife asked me again to please go, but I was annoyed and said no.
[00:04:49]  I could tell my wife was irritated, but she went to our baby.
[00:04:52]  I was thinking we'd wait for her to return, but my dad said he was starving and everything looked fantastic.
[00:04:57]  So I told them to dig in.
[00:04:58]  My wife seemed to be having a hard time getting our son to settle down, but she's always had the magic touch when it comes to him, so I left her to it.
[00:05:06]  That was very nice of you.
[00:05:08]  By the time he was content and quiet again, we'd finished and we had moved into the other room.
[00:05:13]  I had left everything on the table and when I went back around she was feeding the baby.
[00:05:17]  I said she should probably clean up once she was done and she really coldly asked when exactly she was supposed to eat.
[00:05:24]  I was taken by surprise and asked what she was on about and she told me that she hadn't eaten anything and I had left a mess instead of at least taking the used dishes to the sink.
[00:05:33]  And she knew it was too much to think I'd actually be bothered to make her a plate too.
[00:05:38]  I got irritated and told her that she was being dramatic that we were hosting and I thought it was more important
[00:05:45]  to spend time with my parents.
[00:05:46]  She said that I was the one who invited my parents over, but I left her to do everything.
[00:05:50]  I said that wasn't true, but she asked me to name just one thing I'd done to help
[00:05:53]  her.
[00:05:53]  I was put on the spot and I couldn't think of something.
[00:05:55]  So she said exactly.
[00:05:56]  I got pretty angry, but my mom came in then and asked if she could feed the baby.
[00:06:00]  My God, are you still talking?
[00:06:03]  My wife said yes, then started making herself a plate so she could eat.
[00:06:07]  My mom was upset with me when she realized that my wife still hadn't eaten.
[00:06:10]  Okay, first of all, before your wife ate, did you make sure that she had cleaned the bathroom?

=== Five-Minute Marriage Disaster (00:37) ===

[00:06:16]  Because it's not fair to leave a messy bathroom when there are guests over.
[00:06:19]  No, I'm actually concerned that as a five-year-old, you're probably way too young to be married.
[00:06:27]  I mean, I believe in early marriage, but that's too far, I think, even for me.
[00:06:31]  I can only assume that you're five and have been married for five minutes based on your behavior as you describe it.
[00:06:37]  You know what you are, actually?
[00:06:38]  You're like Kevin James or Ray Romano from a 90s sitcom, you know?
[00:06:44]  You did literally everything wrong every step of the way.
[00:06:47]  He's an asshole!
[00:06:48]  You're so wrong and outlandishly asshole-ish that I'm not sure if I even believe that this is real.