Matt Walsh relives some of the most annoying TikTok's of the year. --- Today's Sponsor: Ascension Press - Start the Bible in a Year podcast and get the reading for free: https://ascensionpress.com/walsh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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| Well, we all know that TikTok has been a scourge on society. | |
| It's ruining our kids' minds and souls, turning them into zombies. | |
| China is spying on us. | |
| It's been a disaster, but it's been great for content, and that's all that really matters. | |
| Hello! | |
| I like money! | |
| And so this is a little bit of a retrospective for TikTok as we head into the new year. | |
| Let's go back and watch again and reflect briefly upon the worst TikToks of the year, or best, depending on how you look at it. | |
| No introduction needed for these videos. | |
| You'll remember many of them. | |
| These are the, I guess we'll do the six worst TikToks. | |
| Why six? | |
| Because it brings to mind 666, the number Satan seems to apply. | |
| So let's get into it. | |
| Controversial opinion, but if you have a token white and you're hanging out with your friend group of color, you need to ask permission from everybody in the group to bring your white friend. | |
| Like, don't just bring them. | |
| Ask for explicit permission from everyone. | |
| Because just because you're comfortable with them, doesn't mean that everybody's comfortable with them. | |
| I might not be in the mood to deal with white shenanigans that day. | |
| That's all I'm saying. | |
| And another thing, it feeds into their ego. | |
| Like, don't let them think they're a good white person. | |
| Don't give them that card to use against other people. | |
| Please don't do that. | |
| I do appreciate, at least, the phrase, white shenanigans. | |
| Maybe that'll be my... One day, that'll be the title of my memoir, White Shenanigans. | |
| The irony here, of course, is that this person... What is her name? | |
| Sriracha Lesbian. | |
| See, exactly. | |
| That's the person nobody wants to be around. | |
| So whenever someone is like, oh, hey, should I invite Sriracha lesbian out tonight? | |
| Everyone goes, her? | |
| No, why would you do that? | |
| We don't want to be around her. | |
| You know, if this is a white woman doing a video about how if you are in a white friend group, you should ask permission before inviting your black friend, because not all of your white friends will be in the mood for black shenanigans. | |
| If she said that, it would just, she'd literally go to prison for that. | |
| Hi kids! | |
| There's no such thing as a boy or a girl. | |
| And I can prove it. | |
| So gather around the family, the parents, everybody. | |
| Answer my questions. | |
| You either say boys or girls. | |
| Who's usually taller? | |
| Oh, boys? | |
| Okay. | |
| But you've met some short boys, right? | |
| You've met some tall girls. | |
| So usually boys are taller, but not always. | |
| Okay. | |
| Who likes the color pink? | |
| Girls? | |
| Okay, um, but you've met girls who don't like pink. | |
| And you met boys who do like pink. | |
| So usually girls like pink, but not always. | |
| Everything you can think of that makes a boy or makes a girl is usually, but not always. | |
| And some of them are not even usually. | |
| Where does that leave you? | |
| Free. | |
| You get to like what you like. | |
| You get to be who you are. | |
| Maybe you're even like me and you're not a boy or a girl. | |
| Yes, it's our friend from Silence of the Lambs there. | |
| In a way, I'm always impressed with this guy because it's not easy to be the creepiest son of a bitch on the internet. | |
| It's a bit like being the fattest guy at Golden Corral. | |
| You have to work for that. | |
| You gotta earn that one. | |
| And this guy is working hard. | |
| Pretty, pretty. | |
| Pretty, pretty. | |
| But let's not allow that to distract us from the fact of just how nonsensical his point is in this video. | |
| You know, he says that there is no such thing. | |
| Remember, that's the claim. | |
| There is no such thing as a boy or a girl because some girls don't like the color pink and some boys aren't taller than girls. | |
| I once saw a midget elephant that was smaller than a horse. | |
| Therefore, elephants and horses don't exist. | |
| That's not how this works. | |
| Like, in order for boys to exist and girls to exist, that doesn't mean that every single boy has to look- it doesn't mean that they all have to be identical twins. | |
| No one's claiming that the entire world is made up of identical- there's identical boys and identical girls and that's all that exists in the world. | |
| No one is saying that. | |
| There's a category, and then there are many variations within the category. | |
| Another inspiring message from TikTok. | |
| Welcome to a day in my life as a Twitter employee. | |
| So this past week went to SF for the first time at a Twitter office, badged in, honestly took a moment to just soak everything in. | |
| What a blessing. | |
| Also started my morning off with an iced matcha from the perch. | |
| Then I had a meeting, so quickly scheduled one of these little pod rooms, which were so cool. | |
| They're literally noise cancelling. | |
| Took my meeting, got ready for a bunch. | |
| Look how delicious this food looks! | |
| Oh my goodness, I was so overwhelmed. | |
| Done! | |
| Made my way down to this log cabin area. | |
| I don't know what this is, but it was really cool. | |
| Played some foosball with my friends to kind of unwind a bit. | |
| Also found this really cool meditation room that I thought was super neat. | |
| I didn't do any yoga, but they have this yoga room if you are a yogi, so also thought that was really cool. | |
| Had a couple more meetings in the afternoon. | |
| Had a ton of projects that we needed to knock out. | |
| Say hi to my teammates! | |
| Went to the library to kind of get some more work done. | |
| Obviously had to have our afternoon coffee, so made some espresso! | |
| All right, those were simpler times for that Twitter employee. | |
| May she rest in peace. | |
| Assuming that she's one of the ones who got fired, which I think we can assume that she is, because, I mean, after all, she apparently had projects she needed to knock out, and yet she had spent the entire day up until that point meditating and playing foosball. | |
| Yeah, I had some mocha latte, and I was drinking some wine, I was meditating, I went for a picnic, played some video games, took a quick nap, and then we knocked out some projects. | |
| Your job is in trouble. | |
| You are not an indispensable member of the team if you have time in the day for foosball. | |
| And many Twitter employees after that video, shortly after the video was published, they learned that lesson the hard way. | |
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| You know what I think we need? | |
| A good old-fashioned sleepover! | |
| So much of what I'm doing online is reliving the moments of girlhood that I missed out on, including sleepovers, where I could be silly with my friends all night long without a care in the world. | |
| So I put together a Dylan's Sleepover Essentials list on Instacart that y'all can shop to get my dream sleepover experience! | |
| Speaking of, my order is here! | |
| I have the delivery. | |
| First things first, skincare! | |
| And I'm warning you beforehand, I eat mostly junk food, but we're having a sleepover so it's allowed. | |
| The pizza's ready! | |
| I actually had to correct myself because I said that the other guy was the creepiest son of a bitch on the internet, but actually Dylan Mulvaney holds that title, so I do apologize to Dylan Mulvaney for that. | |
| I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday. | |
| Do you even know how to do your job? | |
| you know, analogous to only the second fattest guy at Golden Corral, | |
| which is the worst thing that you could be. | |
| You might as well just be skinny at that point. | |
| And Dylan Mulvaney, of course, famous for his imitation woman face. | |
| Probably one of the defining things of 2022, which tells you everything you need to know about this year, | |
| I suppose. | |
| Do you even know how to do your job? I don't understand what... | |
| Hey, Veronica, I'm going to have you take this home and work on it tonight, okay? | |
| Respectfully, Susan, I'd rather spend time with my family. | |
| Veronica, did you just decline the Zoom meeting that's at 6.30 tonight? | |
| Oh, yeah, I did. | |
| I did do that. | |
| Yeah, because it's outside of my working hours, 9 to 5, so I won't be attending. | |
| Alright, Veronica, I do need you to be available during your vacation, okay? | |
| Susan, you'll be blocked on my vacation because I won't be answering. | |
| Okay, Veronica, I'm gonna need you to complete all of this today. | |
| Susan, do I look like two people to you? | |
| No. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| Just making sure. | |
| Because that looks like the work of two people. | |
| Right? | |
| Right? | |
| And I'm one. | |
| I'm just one person. | |
| Right? | |
| And it's time to go home! | |
| Five o'clock! | |
| Alright, thank you! | |
| Bye! | |
| The most annoying TikTok of the year. | |
| This is the, of course, the act-your-wage phenomenon, otherwise known as quiet quitting. | |
| You know, it's not going to benefit you to be both obnoxious and lazy on the job. | |
| You might be able to get away with one or the other, okay? | |
| So if you're lazy, but you're also really a pleasure to be around and you're very personable and very nice and people like you, then you might survive. | |
| You might actually be able to coast through and find some measure of success in life just based on it's a risk. | |
| Okay, but you might be able to do it. | |
| On the other hand, if you're totally obnoxious and miserable and people hate you, but you work hard and you're very good, then you might be able to escape by that way, because they can't get rid of you because of the work that you do. | |
| Combining both of those things together, as this woman has done, then you're totally relying on affirmative action and diversity, equity, and inclusion to save you and to be the thing that escorts you towards success in life. | |
| If you're a white man, that's not on the card, it's not on the table. | |
| For her, maybe. | |
| I don't think she checks enough identity boxes to get away with it. | |
| If you decide to live that way, don't come back around complaining. | |
| When you are total failure in life. | |
| Because this is the path that you have chosen. | |
| And also don't ask for me to pay for your student loans. | |
| Alright, let's get to our last one. | |
| I have thin privilege. | |
| What? | |
| But I'm so fat! | |
| I'm like a size 20, 22! | |
| How can I possibly have thin privilege? | |
| Because there are people who are fatter than me. | |
| When I go on a plane, I might need a seatbelt extender, I might be uncomfortable, I may not feel good, people may say sh** things to me, but I don't need to buy a second seat or risk getting kicked off the plane. | |
| That means that I have privilege compared to people who have that experience. | |
| You may not even need a seatbelt extender. | |
| If that's the case, then you have privilege compared to me. | |
| Somebody who is a model size may have privilege compared to you, but that doesn't mean you don't have any privilege. | |
| Almost all of us have some thin privilege. | |
| It's a spectrum and it goes by degrees. | |
| You have thin privilege if you only need one seatbelt extender on the plane. | |
| If you don't need a second seatbelt extender, then you count as thin now. | |
| Once that happens, it's just like the game is over and there are no standards anymore. | |
| All that being said, you know, there are, if you would like, privileges to being actually thin, or at least not morbidly obese. | |
| You don't have to turn sideways to fit through a doorframe. | |
| Like, that's, you might say, a privilege compared to the alternative. | |
| But here's the thing. | |
| It's also, it's accessible to anyone. | |
| This is not being born with a silver spoon. | |
| This is not the privilege of someone who's, you know, a trust fund baby kind of thing that's not accessible to everyone. | |
| Either you're a trust fund baby or not. | |
| But this is accessible to anyone. | |
| So if there is thin privilege, if that concept makes sense, the good news is anyone can have it. | |
| Price of admission is a salad. | |
| And some sit-ups. | |
| And that's how you have it. | |
| So, all the brands of crazy, I think, covered in these TikToks. | |
| Many more where those came from. | |
| It was, all in all, a psychotic year on TikTok and across the country. | |
| And we're looking forward to an even more darkly insane and depressing year next year. |