Deep Tweets by Matt Walsh - Season 1
Enjoy all the Deep Tweets by Matt Walsh from the 2022 season. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Nov. 26, 2022 - The Matt Walsh Show
03:17
| 
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| And now, Deep Tweets by Matt Walsh. | |
| Earlier I tweeted that emojis are for children and women and that grown adult men shouldn't use them. | |
| I'm trending on Twitter now because many people are rightly angry about it. | |
| I apologize. | |
| I should have mentioned that emojis are also for illiterates. | |
| Forgive my oversight. | |
| [music] | |
| My seven-year-old pangender child Sundance just came right up to me and asked, | |
| "Matt, what happens if there's another January 6th?" | |
| Can our democracy survive? | |
| I looked them right in the eyes and said, my child, it's already dead. | |
| We just held each other and sobbed. | |
| My pronouns are me and myself. | |
| When you refer to me, you must say me, which means you'll be talking about yourself because I identify as you and also me. | |
| I identify as everyone. | |
| Your identity has been collapsed into mine. | |
| You must respect this or else you are transphobic. | |
| Then he promptly ran into a wall and nearly knocked himself unconscious. | |
| Update, I'm told that his sister came up with a toilet paper solution. | |
| Now it's all starting to make sense. | |
| Update I dropped a very clever. You must be red in the face about this joke, but no one left | |
| I would like to sincerely apologize for the reckless comments that got me suspended | |
| I now realize that biology doesn't exist, science is a myth, men are women, women are men, penises are vaginas, and vaginas are penises. | |
| It all makes sense to me now. | |
| I regret the error. | |
| Parenting young children is just shouting, "Where are your shoes?" | |
| over and over again into a void until the words seem to lose all meaning. | |
| [Music] | |
| The government literally admitted that we're being invaded by space aliens today, and you people don't even care. | |
| Well, they may not have admitted it exactly, but I choose to interpret the events in this way and live my truth. | |
| Announcement I didn't do it for the accolades, but if anyone does want | |
| to nominate me for a Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of my philanthropic endeavors, I will not | |
| turn down the award. | |
| Look, sometimes kids grab steak knives and stab other kids in the driveway. | |
| We've all been there. | |
| Just innocent kid stuff. | |
| Can't believe the cops had to get involved at all. | |
| Let kids be kids. | |
| My son told me that a kid was teasing him by rhyming his name in insulting ways. | |
| I asked him the other kid's name and gave him some ideas for rhymes he could use against him. |
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