All Episodes
Previous Next
June 25, 2021 - The Matt Walsh Show
12:37
Matt Walsh Takes A Personality Test

Watch and enjoy the misery as I endure a personality test... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
People these days are fascinated by personality tests, and I've never quite understood why.
Why do you need a test to tell you who you are and what your personality is?
Don't you already know that?
You are you.
Aren't you the expert on that?
Like, for me, for example, I already know that I'm an insufferable asshole.
I don't need a test to tell me that.
All that to say, today I am going to take a personality test.
This one is the, um, how do you pronounce that?
Enneagram?
The Enneagram test!
And they have, uh, apparently there's nine personality types that you can choose from.
So, of all- Seven billion people on Earth, and you only get nine personalities.
That's it, you gotta choose one of the nine.
We will find out which of the nine I am as we go through this test that seems like it's way longer than it needs to be.
Okay.
Truity.com is where I took this test.
And so then, you get options, and you have inaccurate, neutral, or accurate.
I strive for perfection.
Well, I don't know how I can strive for something that I already have, being a perfect person, but I guess I'll say accurate.
It is important to me that other people like me.
No, I don't care what anyone thinks.
I don't think about the impression I make on people at all, and I put no effort into it whatsoever.
And the thing is, you should care a little bit what people think of you, and you should, everyone says, oh, you shouldn't care what anyone thinks of you.
No, you should care.
Like, I am what happens when you don't care at all, and you should care a little bit.
Don't be like me.
But I don't, so, inaccurate.
It's important to me to achieve great things.
See, everybody would say accurate to that, right?
Is there anyone who would say, no, you know, I don't really care about doing great things.
I'm kind of in it to do moderate to satisfactory things.
That's what I'm striving for.
Mediocrity rules!
So I'll say accurate.
I make more significant contributions than the average person.
Well, come on.
I have a podcast, so.
There's going to be a lot of people in for a rude awakening when they get to the pearly gates and God asks them, Oh, what did you do with your life?
Like you wouldn't already know.
And they say something like, Oh, I was a battlefield medic.
I served the poor.
Yeah.
But did you have a podcast?
No.
Get out.
I feel my emotions very deeply.
I have no emotions.
I am on the spectrum for sociopathy.
I have a sense that other people will never truly understand me.
See, this is why I don't like the personality tests.
These whiny, other people don't, nobody understands me.
Shut up, mom!
Go away!
You know, if you're a human being, you know what it is?
Everyone understands you and nobody does at the same time.
It's kind of like both because no one is inside your mind.
But at the same time, we're all people, and so we kind of get it, because we're all in the same boat as being people.
I object to this question.
I don't even want to answer it.
I protest on principle.
I am prepared for any disaster.
No, I have no skills at all.
If there's any kind of disaster, I'm going to be dead within probably about 45 minutes.
It's important to me to avoid pain and suffering at all times.
Life is pain.
Life is suffering.
Anyone who says differently is selling something.
You can't avoid it.
I seek out experiences that I know will make me feel happy or excited.
What?
Yes?
As opposed to what?
Of course I want experiences that make me feel happy.
It's kind of hard to find them sometimes, but what?
I see the positive in every situation.
No, I definitely don't see the positive in this situation I'm in right now.
I'm not afraid to tell someone when I think they're wrong.
That's like my favorite thing to do, actually, in the world.
That's what I do for a living, actually.
I let other people make the decisions.
No, no one can make.
I don't want anyone to.
I don't trust anyone to make any decisions.
And I also don't trust myself to make decisions.
So.
I appreciate having rules that people are expected to follow.
As a theocratic fascist, of course, my answer is accurate.
As long as I get to make the rules.
I think a lot about what will happen in the future.
Does anyone not think about what's happening in the future?
I don't fit in with ordinary people.
Everyone is going to say yes to this.
No one wants to think that they don't fit in with, like, everyone wants to think that they don't fit in, that they're not ordinary.
They're extraordinary.
I'm very important.
Every single person says accurate to this.
So in protest, I'm going to say inaccurate.
Because you know what?
I do fit in.
We're all, we all basically are the same.
There's rarely a good reason for changing how things are done.
Depends wholly on the situation.
I can't make a blanket statement.
Is it a good idea or a bad idea to change how things are done?
What things are you talking about?
And what's the change?
I'm not just gonna change how something's done for the sake of it.
I can't answer that question.
I can't answer that one either because it doesn't make any sense.
This is gonna come back as I have no person.
I'm gonna be the first person to come back with a zero.
I simply am not.
Or whatever, because I can't answer any of these questions.
I'm always trying to be a better person.
Everyone's going to say accurate to that.
Even though most people aren't, everyone's going to say that they are.
They say there's nine personality types.
I bet you there's only one, actually.
Everyone gets the same one.
Because almost everyone's going to answer all these questions the same.
The organizations I belong to would not function well without me.
I'll tell you something, this place would fall apart.
If I wasn't doing YouTube videos of myself taking personality tests about myself, this whole building would crumble.
Okay?
I always have a plan for what I would do if things go wrong.
I have a plan.
It's not always, it's probably not a good one.
Like my plan for when things go wrong is always in my head.
It always involves dropkicking someone, you know, like a karate type of thing.
That's always my plan for any situation.
I've yet to have a chance to actually do it.
But it is a plan, so I'll say accurate.
I seek excitement.
Yeah.
I have a different idea of what's exciting, probably from some people, but... Okay, these are the spicy cayenne crickets.
Let's try these out.
I am good at seeing the bright side of things when others complain.
No, I'm the one doing the complaining, so that's got to be inaccurate.
I don't hesitate to call people out when they're behaving badly.
Yeah, again, one of my favorite things to do, in fact, is that.
I go along with what other people want.
I am a diehard contrarian, so if I know it's what you want, I'm just going to do the opposite.
It's a deep, deep emotional immaturity, but it has served me well in life.
So I'm going to say inaccurate.
There is no option on this scale for this question is stupid, so I have to keep hitting neutral.
I feel like this is skewing my results.
I seek out relationships that offer me some type of protection.
What am I, a chick?
I am always aware of what can go wrong in a situation.
How many times are we going to have this same thing?
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?
I mean, accurate, I guess.
I mean, I'm aware of some of the things that can go wrong that would lead me to needing to dropkick somebody, but I like to do things as I've always done them.
I mean, if I've done them that way, then obviously I like doing them that way.
If I didn't like doing them that way, I wouldn't be doing them that way.
So if I am doing them that way, I like to do them that way, and I'd like to continue doing them that way.
If I want to stop doing them that way, it's because I don't like doing them that way anymore, so therefore I'm still doing what I want to do.
So I guess I'll say accurate.
I persist until a task is done.
I wish I could say accurate to that, and I think most people probably would say accurate, but I'm going to admit and say no, that I often will get bored and distracted by a squirrel.
Squirrel!
I spend time trying to discover and correct my faults and weaknesses.
I don't like to know about my faults and weaknesses.
I hold myself to very high standards.
I'll say accurate to that, although I just said a second ago that I'm not looking for my faults and weaknesses.
This is really schizophrenic.
If I'm honest, I feel that I'm a bit better than other people.
Well, again, as we've established, podcast host, number one.
Number two, other reasons.
I am better than you.
I am an unusual sort of person.
I'll say accurate.
This is why this is six pages long, because they have three questions, they repeat each one of them 30 times.
It's important to be prepared for any emergency.
We just did this!
Oh no, the question there was, am I prepared?
And I said no.
But is it important for me to be prepared, even though I'm not?
Yes.
I think it's important, I just don't do it.
I tend to be more optimistic than most people.
Well, obviously not.
Inaccurate.
I tell people what I think, even if it's hard to hear.
Yes, of course.
I would rather follow the group than push for what I want.
Inaccurate.
I'm just gonna, I gotta just roll through these.
This has been going on forever.
I set ambitious goals for myself.
I think we've established a million times that I do set goals.
Yes.
I'm an important member of my social group.
We did literally that same question, didn't we?
What did I say, accurate?
Who cares?
Okay, we just gotta get through this.
I make alliances with people who can help me stay safe and secure.
I mean, inaccurate, because that's not what I'm thinking about.
And what do you mean, make an alliance with a person?
What is this, Survivor?
I enjoy caring for others and their needs.
Depends on who it is.
You know, if it's my family, that's pretty much it.
That's the extent of the people that I enjoy caring for, but I'll put accurate.
I believe that things usually work out for the best.
Well, clearly they don't.
Okay, finally, we're on the last page.
Praise Jesus.
Okay.
We're just gonna run through these.
I make important contributions to my community.
Yes, podcast.
I feel I never truly belong in social groups.
Dumb question, neutral.
I want to learn as much as I can about how the world works.
Yeah, everyone does.
Trying new things keeps life interesting.
Accurate.
I'm an upbeat person.
No.
I am usually the one to take a stand when others won't.
I'll say yes.
Other people have stronger opinions than I do.
Probably not.
Sure, I'll say accurate.
Everyone has a role to play in society and a duty to do their best.
Sure, yes.
I am concerned with protecting what I have.
Yes, obviously.
I have a good sense of what my future holds.
Okay, fine.
I'm about to throw my computer across the freaking room.
I try new ways of doing things just to see if they will work.
Sure, okay, fine.
Self-improvement is a major interest of mine.
And we'll just call that a yes, because I want to get to the results.
And finally, we've completed that, and let's find out what my personality is.
Here's what we find out.
I have a 98% match with an 8.
What is an 8?
8s see themselves as strong and powerful and seek to stand up for what they believe in.
They rarely see themselves as having vulnerabilities and have the belief that they can handle pretty much anything that comes their way.
8s have easy access to their anger.
Have easy access to their anger?
What does that mean?
Is that a positive way of putting they are hotheads and they have a bad temper?
Which obviously is the case, because I've been screaming at this test the entire time.
And as a result, sometimes seen as intimidating to others.
However, aides typically see themselves as fighters standing up for what is right and protecting the weak.
But I also have a 77% match with a 1.
1s are defined by their belief that everything must be in order and by their feeling that they must always be right.
They show great commitment and determination to improve conditions that they find need improvement and they are forward in encouraging others to improve their performance too.
You know what I think it is?
I am an enigma.
I am a mystery.
To myself and to the world.
I think that is what we have learned from this personality test, mainly because we have to stop this video at some point.
▲
Export Selection