TODAY: Ani the Annihilator joins us to discuss the warzone of her hometown of Seattle and the vicious guerrilla fighting over control of the city's crosswalk messages. Will a cheeky anti-Bezos recording be the end of billionaires in the silicon city? Or could the whole thing just be "AI"? PLUS: We review a new christian hardcore band and discuss the best christian hardcore bands throughout history as well as our personal histories destroying non-believers in the Norma Jean mosh pit FINALLY: A schism in the Conservative Goths facebook group over an "ideal woman" meme causes female members to wonder why their male counterparts are acting like a bunch of woman-hating liberals. Meanwhile, the men gently remind them that birthing 5 children is the most goth thing a woman can do. Get a bonus episode every week by signing up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult for only $5/month Watch on youtube: http://youtube.com/miniondeathcult Music: SPORTSGIRL and VAPERROR - Topspin Turvy Zao - Ravage Ritual Shockwave - Shockwave Confession Kids - Come and Get Me
No. Yeah, so I had that rat for a minute, and it's gone now, but I didn't know that it had stuffed things between the broiler and the stovetop.
So I just haven't used the broiler in a long time.
And I turned the broiler on, and it was like smoldering, and I couldn't tell where the smoke was coming from.
It was so weird.
And I couldn't figure it out.
And so I just, like, I realized that's what it was, that space between the broiler and the stovetop.
Space between.
Exactly what it's about.
It was the taint.
It was the taint of...
The space between is about how much...
What's his fucking name?
Dave Matthews wants to lick your taint.
Yeah. Yeah, it's his favorite thing.
Yeah, I just, like, squirted a bunch of water in, like...
Where the stove burners were.
And I had to clean out...
There were peaches of fabric from things that are not in my house.
Gnarly. So you live in the desert, so you probably live around where desert pack rats live.
So you might have had not even a normal rat, but the crazy kind of rat that makes a fucking trash midden into a fortress.
That's exactly what it was.
I live by a wash.
So that's exactly what it was.
And they've done it to my car before.
Oh, have they chewed the electrical shit in your car?
Oh, you're lucky.
They're wild, but I couldn't...
So it was trying to kill me, is what I'm saying.
Because I finally decided I had to kill it, it was trying to kill me first.
And I respect it.
Yeah, absolutely.
Getting the kill after going out yourself is a pretty baller move.
I had a rat...
We gotta stop.
Oh, okay, okay.
You guys are just talking about rats now.
I gotta put a stop to it.
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry.
Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist for you today.
So stay tuned.
We're gonna take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
But stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're going to the dentist.
Follow their rebar in the full step.
Stay tuned.
Alright, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Hackers destroying our nation's crosswalk buttons and auditory messages are responsible.
And we are documenting it.
What's up, everybody?
Thank you for joining the show.
Thank you for joining us on YouTube.com slash Minion Death Cult.
If that's where you're watching us, you are getting a special treat.
Both our special guest, Tony the Cat, and his handler, Ani, are here today joining us on the stream, on the show.
Welcome to the show, Ani.
Welcome to the show, little Tony.
Thank you so much for having us.
So Ani, you know, it's just a singular name, Ani, and I've been trying to think of a good nickname for you.
So let me maybe run some nickname.
And it's just something that rolls off the tongue, gets the listener excited, you know?
I have From Ani's Rise.
Or Ani the Animal.
That makes me sound like a shock jock.
Yeah, Ani the Animal.
Or, even better, I like this one, Ani the Annihilator.
God damn it.
That's my favorite.
And I do realize that a lot of these are just wrestlers' names.
Rowdy Roddy Ani.
I like Ani the Annihilator.
I like that one too, but also because I do think that if...
For some reason, one day Ani will decide to pursue professional wrestling, you would excel.
Oh, thank you so much.
I think that Ani the Annihilator is proper.
One of my friends from a long time ago, Benny, called me Ikani Christ.
Oh, that's a good one, too.
Because I always had an old Ikano Christ patch on my messenger bag.
Well, I don't know.
I don't know if the Annihilator is up to your standards.
Maybe we can try it out, see how it sticks.
I'm willing to try it out.
Okay. I just need something more to say than Ani, you know?
I will say that trying to use the nickname Christ on Easter is a very annihilator move.
I'm leaning towards that one still.
Christ died on 420?
That's so sick, dude.
No, dude.
Christ froze.
He got high on 420.
He went as high as possible, brother.
Whoa. I'm trying to sit next to God.
Yeah, okay.
Well, I don't know.
Let's get to this first topic.
I mean, we have Ani here on the show, our Seattle correspondent.
This video came across my Facebook page, or Facebook feed, rather.
This is Cairo 7 News, and we're watching this on Facebook.com, which is the most annoying way to watch video, but I'm going to pull it up here anyway.
Dude, thank you for doing this so that we don't have to.
Like, look at that.
Look at how ugly that is.
Have you ever seen anything more hideous than the layout for watching video on YouTube?
Facebook? Facebook, sorry.
Yeah, I didn't mean to impugn YouTube.
We love the YouTube format.
Like, I guess I'll zoom in to make this halfway fit the screen so I don't have, you know, like six inches of other advertising space and other videos it wants to show me around it.
Okay. Check out this crosswalk signal that Seattle officials are working to fix after it was hacked to play fake audio messages, specifically calling out Jeff Bezos and Amazon Prime.
Hi, I'm Jeff Bezos.
This crosswalk is sponsored by Amazon Prime with an important message.
You know, please, please don't tax the rich.
Otherwise, all the other billionaires will move to Florida, too.
Wouldn't it be terrible if all the rich people left Seattle or got Luigi'd and then normal people could afford to live here again?
Jeffrey! Jeffrey Bezos!
It's effective.
I feel pranked.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I got pranked and that's the whole purpose of it to begin with.
The little song.
The little like blowback light song that they did in the background.
It's so good.
I also love like we need some good old-fashioned hacking.
I think hacking is cool.
I think this might even be freaking.
Yeah, this is like hackers-level hacking.
This is like, yeah, doing weird coin-operated phone shit to a crosswalk.
I love the idea of using a pretty primitive technology to go after these tech bastards.
Well, I disagree because the auditory crosswalk is like a new technology that I hate.
I don't care if it's good for blind people.
You hate accessibility.
It's annoying.
It needs to stop.
Alex, I gotta remind you that blind people can still hear podcasts.
This isn't one of those situations where you're...
Oh, fuck.
Sorry there's not an intermittent beeping the whole time you're listening to this podcast.
Otherwise, you might be more aware of it.
Remember, you can only make fun of them to their face.
You can't do it.
In, like, auditory manner.
You're pretty dedicated to scrolling.
And the, like, noisy crosswalks are good for if you are looking at your phone, but also you want to cross the street, you know?
Oh, that's true, yeah.
Or, like, walk now.
It is true.
The modern cell phone user is like a blind person.
We are the blind leading the blind.
So true, Ani.
Yeah, that's it for this video.
Did you hear anything about this on the streets, Ani, of the streets of Seattle, where you're from?
I did, actually.
Before you told me about this, in my ladies who I used to work with at the bookstore group chat, the Bog Witch group chat, my friend who works at the Burke Museum now.
She told us bright and early in the morning, she was like, oh my god, you guys, somebody hacked one of the crosswalks across the street from my work, and it's just this excellent screed about Bezos, and there's a little jingle that goes with it.
I think he did a good job of not sounding like a screed.
Not to nitpick the words of you.
He sounded like he wasn't mad.
And I appreciate that.
Just making an observation.
He was just giving you the facts so that you could be an informed human.
It was well done.
It was well paced.
I liked it a lot.
I haven't seen this one.
I saw the Elon one in San Francisco.
Oh, there was another one.
There was one in San Francisco that was pretty funny.
This one was really good, too.
I also like that it was effective.
I'm pretty punk rock.
I don't really like crosswalks.
I don't really like people telling me how to walk.
I don't like to follow a path.
You like to litter a lot?
This might entice me to hopefully try to cross more streets hoping I hear something funny like this.
Isn't this kind of like that anime where the guy hacks the future, you know?
And it's like, whoa, he's not blurring out his face on security cameras, but he is leaving slightly amusing crosswalk audio messages in his wake, you know?
Yeah. I hope he does more.
I hope we get to see more of what's on this trickster's mind.
Do we have the exact points of where these crosswalks are in San Francisco and Seattle?
Has anyone checked maybe if there's some sort of code in there?
Oh yeah, perhaps.
I just didn't look.
I didn't care enough to know where it was.
I'm sure we could find that.
I'll get Ani on that.
This looks like it's probably 45th and 15th.
It's probably 45th and 15th.
Two streets that do not intersect.
45th Avenue Northeast?
That was a test.
U-District?
It's the Brick Museum.
It's a block up from where SureShot used to be.
Right. I would love to hear a heated argument between UPS driver and long-time cycle bike commuter about how to get from point A to point B in Seattle.
Well, the good thing about a packaged car is other pedestrians and motorists and cyclists are very scared of them.
You can't go over the car-free bridge in Ravenna, though, can you?
Yeah, if I'm in my UPS uniform, I think I probably can.
No, there's bowlers.
You can't drive the truck over it.
There's no cars.
I have a key that lowers the bowlers.
It has a sensor.
You just pull up.
It detects that particular shade of brown.
Yeah. They go down.
I'm on important commercial business.
They spring to life.
They say, take off part of their head as a hat.
They tip their hat to you and then lower into the bridge.
Okay, so some comments to this were pretty good.
Julie Murray says, That is so F asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.
Looks like six or seven asterisks.
Fake! That is so...
I think she meant to say fucking fake.
Which, I don't know, it sounded like a real crosswalk message.
You know, they got all different kinds of crosswalk messages now.
It sounded real to me.
Also, nothing is faker than editing fucking.
That's true.
You're fake as fuck, Julie.
Really? Oh yeah, let's get mad at them.
What the F?
Star, star, star.
What are we doing?
What the fuck?
What are we doing again?
Oh, we're just going to get those people that just hit our businesses and do the same goddamn thing that they did at the end.
Can we just figure it out and just stop and take a deep breath?
I'm sorry.
The president is the president.
You're not going to change it.
But why piss other people off and make them angry and make them angry towards others?
Why would you make other people angry towards other people angry?
So who is doing this?
You're not cool.
So whoever is listening to this and watching this, are you angry towards others?
Because I'm not.
I don't care Republican or Democrat.
It is what it is.
I just pray to God that whatever happens, it's going to happen for the best of this United States.
And maybe you guys need to do it too.
God bless you.
I'm not angry.
I'm not angry.
Angry is the problem.
I'm not angry.
I would not do who would do this what did it.
Not only am I not angry, I'm not the type of angry that makes other people angry at you for being angry.
Oh my god.
This is like if chat GPT had a stroke.
I think this is probably voice-to-text and Siri-censored fucking or whatever translation, whatever jitterbug translation app Julie Murray uses.
I bet it has a hard time figuring out what you're saying when your nails are clacking against your Stanley cup in the front seat of your car when you're just screaming this into your phone.
I was picturing more of a recliner situation, holding the phone out in front of herself and talking far too loud for it.
She's got earbuds in, but she's yelling at her phone like I do when I want to call and I have earbuds in.
Actually, I got an answer for you guys.
This comment was made on an iPad.
How do you know?
Actually, it probably wasn't even made on an iPad.
It was probably made on a Galaxy Tab.
Galaxy Tab, typing just two index fingers, just stabbing at the screen.
There's no typos, though, guys.
This is another...
But she's holding the tablet up to her mouth and talking into it.
Because, yeah, it's funny.
None of the punctuation apps tell the question marks.
Yeah. Which makes the whole thing a question.
It's so funny.
I love when she, like, obviously paused to have to repeat herself.
Like, she kind of lost steam.
Like, why piss other people off and make them angry and make them angry?
Like, you know she's like, and just make them angry!
You know, and make them angry!
I think you're totally right about it being voice to text, because there aren't, you're right, there's not spelling errors.
When I worked at the shelter, I had co-workers who would write logs like this about shit that happened on Shift, but they would just be riddled with the craziest spelling errors, because it was just a woman hunched over a keyboard, stabbing it with her gnarled index fingers.
Okay, Charlene Drabb says, unpopular opinion, but I have driven through Detroit and seen what can happen when the large employers of a region are gone.
I don't really want all the wealthy employers to leave this area, especially when they take all of their moderately wealthy employees with them and no longer employ their middle wage employees.
And I'm so glad we have, you know, Seattle correspondent here, Ani.
What was this area of the world called before Amazon invented Seattle?
Before Amazon and Microsoft founded the city of Seattle to what we know now.
What did the inhabitants do for sustenance here?
I don't...
Okay, my point is that Seattle's been known as a port city throughout history.
Okay, sorry.
I was like, there's so many options.
I'm sorry.
I literally thought...
Port city, a vibrant hub of arts and culture.
It was.
Formerly... I literally thought back to, like, fucking, like, Skid Road.
I'm like, well, we were like a lumber town.
Continue, please.
Yeah, no, I mean, we were a lumber town.
You're right.
We were a port city.
We kind of won out against...
I mean, Tacoma has a huge port, too, but we sort of won out with being the biggest of the ports.
So, do you think we would be okay if Jeff Bezos didn't have an Amazon Go store on the corner in...
I mean, my answer to this woman is like, bitch, have you ever been to Kent, Washington?
Have you driven through the surrounding areas around Seattle?
Those are the areas where it's like, yeah, people have been pushed to the exurbs.
People can no longer just be a normal working person and live in Seattle and have a normal life because of these fucking big corporations that have moved here.
You people are so ungrateful.
Everybody knows that Seattle was uninhabitable.
You could not breathe the air until they created the spheres.
The spheres would purify the air of Seattle and until it makes this place great.
And that's why you're able to live there.
It's fascinating to me to be the kind of person who's like...
Yeah, Seattle was so great when it became a tech dystop, when it became another Silicon Valley, littered electric scooters on every corner, million-dollar condos where every house turned into a restaurant used to be.
Think that that's what people like about Seattle?
That is not what people...
Even you, as a tourist or whatever, because most of the people who comment on these Cairo news stories about Seattle are from the surrounding area, are from the more rural, reactionary areas of Washington, and so they have this vision of Seattle as a hellscape,
like a San Francisco-style dystopia, where you can't take a step without getting pricked by a dirty needle or whatever.
I think they are hearkening back to some imaginary recent past where Silicon Valley colonized this area, but the homelessness hadn't set in yet or something.
But it's a very bizarre, I don't know, very funny to think that Seattle is what it is because of billionaires.
Billionaires came to Seattle because regular people had already made lives and communities here.
It's funny.
You compare it to Detroit and you're talking about how Detroit, you know, what happened right after the auto industry left there and how that happened.
And you saw a company come here and see similar results.
And you're saying it's just going to be worse when they go away.
It's like you're totally missing it.
Yeah, this is so wild.
I don't know, like, what time period these people are remembering because I feel like they would have been fucking scared of Seattle in, like, the good period in the 90s and in the early 2000s.
Like, I don't know.
Yeah, they're hearkening back to some imagined past.
Like, I never saw these people hanging out at Sure Shot Espresso or they would have fucking hated Twice Sold Tales when it was at...
The corner of like 45th and University.
That's now a fucking Chase Bank.
But they would have walked inside and been like, ew, cats.
Oh, stacks of books.
Oh, one guy running it.
Remember that screenshot I sent you, Ani?
Did I send it?
I'm pretty sure I sent it to you of the crazy fascist reactionary Twitter guys being like, they're talking about book selling and book displays because they do that thing.
The right-wing loves to do that thing where they're like, how come no books are for men anymore?
It's like, because you haven't read one in 10 years, man.
I don't know what to tell you.
Bro, we have a category of kid who are labeled reluctant readers, and it's because of you.
Yeah, but in the replies, the OP was like, actually the best place for book selections are the far-left communist bookstores, and somebody was like...
Like, where?
And he's all, well, like, in Seattle, there's Left Bank Books, and then there's Twice Sold Tales, and, like, they're kind of weird, but, like, they know their literature.
And I said that to Ani so fucking fast.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, so the real shit.
Don't let Jamie at Twice Sold Tales know you're a Nazi.
She'll fucking hit you with a stick.
She'll chase you out of the store with a baseball bat.
Okay, Diana Rodriguez.
Says about the crosswalk message.
Crying, laughing.
That's awesome!
Crying, laughing emoji.
Can we have one that talks with a Samuel L. Jackson voice?
Step back on the curb!
Crying, laughing emoji.
And then Jay Cleveland replies, snakes on a plane comes to mind.
Squinting, laughing.
Can you imagine if you hit the crosswalk and you heard, I'm sick of all these motherfucking snakes.
I would fucking die.
The Jeff Bezos joke was funny too, but I mean, come on.
These fucking people should be reconstituted into the protein bars from Snowpiercer.
No, no.
I don't want to talk to these people.
These people are so pure and I'm so happy they exist.
And it's like, and it's so funny how they're like, that's funny.
You know what's funny?
Samuel L. Jackson.
He's so funny, Tony.
And then not even do the Samuel L. Jackson joke.
Like, it should have been like, cross the street, motherfucker.
Yeah. But like, it's like, you didn't even do the Samuel L. Jackson joke.
Didn't even do the goodnight moon joke.
And like, did like the radical stuff and the Jeff Bezos thing just go completely over their head?
It was a funny voice!
You heard it?
It was a pretty good impression of Jeff Bazin.
What if you hit it?
What if you hit the crosswalk button and Joe Pesci came out of the other end?
And he was like, I'm funny to you?
How am I funny?
Like a clown?
And that would be so funny because I love that movie.
Goodfellas, it's really good.
These people's brains have been ruined by, like, the structure of Family Guy.
Everything is just a very loose, like, word association game to them.
What if you hit the button and it was like, Milk was a bad choice!
Because, I mean, summer's coming up.
You know, it's getting warmer outside.
It would make perfect sense.
It would be even funnier because it's true.
Oh, my God.
You can do one in San Diego that says, you know, San Diego means a whale's vagina.
Right. It would be so funny.
Or you could do one where it says, goodnight, San Diego, and go beep yourselves.
Dang. That'd be really good.
That would be good.
Especially do it during Comic-Con.
They'd probably love it, though.
Oh, man.
I'm thinking.
I think the sky's the limit here.
I think we could really.
What if one of them was just.
Ryan Reynolds saying, Chimichanga time!
God damn it!
Is that something he says in Deadpool?
Is that a Deadpool thing?
You know what the best part is?
Can I remember Deadpool?
With the Chimichanga line, it sticks.
It might just be a commercial you're thinking of?
Chimichanga is a Deadpool epic bacon humor thing.
Oh, we can cross now.
He said chimichanga time.
It's time for us to cross.
You saying Comic-Con made me think of, I don't know if you read about this, Alex, but yesterday the downtown Seattle Cheesecake Factory got on fire and it, like, interrupted Sakura-Con.
That's what it was, yeah.
A guy, when I delivered the fry, I was like, oh man, have a good weekend.
He's like, yeah, I'm going to something con.
And I was like, oh, I didn't really hear what he said.
He said, anime!
I was like, tight, dude, have fun.
So sick.
So is it an all-ages anime show or strictly 18 and over anime?
Because there's got to be a difference, right?
I don't think you should trust it if it ever says that it's an all-ages anime show.
Canonically, everyone here is over 18. Technically, the series One Piece gets shelved in the young adult manga section, but if you actually read or watch One Piece, there's some perv shit in there.
Like, I think it's pretty hard to escape that.
It's okay because you're a kid reading about other kids.
You know?
No. So it's like, it evens out.
Even if an adult wrote it and fantasized about it, you know?
It's for kids.
No, when you press him, he's like, oh, it's mostly like variants.
And you're like, oh, characters like fucking each other that don't usually fuck each other.
Yeah. Is that what the term is for that?
I made it up, but it sounds good.
It feels right.
Sure. I mean, there's, like, slash fiction where you, like, make different characters fuck each other that, like, aren't even in the same freaking universe, you know?
So there's that.
But Kyle Fisher...
To shipping culture recently where they put people in relationships who are not.
There's some pretty fun stuff out there.
Kyle Fisher comments, now you all hate Amazon.
Dot, dot, dot.
Crying, laughing.
They're trying to do the Elon Musk thing with Jeff Bezos, but it doesn't work because everybody's always hated Jeff Bezos.
Yeah, like, what the fuck are you talking about?
This guy's like, I remember you guys trying to save the Amazon.
This is why you hate Amazon?
This is why it does not do you good as a working person, as like a progressive even, or as like even a liberal voter.
It does not do any good to identify or tie yourselves to, quote, progressive or liberal political leaders.
Because liberal political leaders absolutely did love Amazon.
They gave them a bunch of money.
They got really mad at AOC when she wouldn't give them a bunch of money.
And now you have to defend your dislike of Amazon because of that.
Because your political leaders let him buy a city.
Let him buy several cities.
Now that's what progressive politics are to these people.
It was Democratic leadership who sold Sam and Amazon and killed the city.
Those are Democrats who did that.
So yeah, that's you.
That's the far left in power.
Democrats. There it goes.
Terry Davis says, AI is what I've heard.
And just to be clear, I wouldn't trust a signal that talks to me.
I'm far more observant.
I look before I cross.
If I listen to this shit, I could just be walking straight into traffic.
Just saying.
He's like, no, I face life with my eyes wide open.
This is why I've never blinded myself intentionally.
I like to see where I'm going.
I like this presumption.
You know these people don't even look.
They just go.
They just let Jesus take the wheel every single day.
That's our modern culture.
It's just a participation trophy.
We hand everything to anybody.
Tell me when to walk.
Tell me when to stop.
It reminds me of that explanation that I heard somebody was talking about the motion sensors on public urinals and toilets and stuff.
They were like, yeah, we gotta put sensors on because nobody can remember to flush anymore.
And I was like, well, that's not why the sensors are there.
They're for hygienic purposes.
Also, are you bummed you don't have to touch the handle anymore?
Do you really miss having to do that?
Do you miss having to balance on one foot and hit it?
The idea that a janitor getting mad at a full toilet could change the contours of public infrastructure is astounding.
That's not what happened.
You know that's not what happened.
They were not respecting the maintenance people when they came up with this.
No, I want the HBO movie where there's some older black janitor...
He was just so sick of people not flushing.
He designed the self-flushing toilet.
It's so funny because I was on a maintenance crew and I fucking hate the sensor toilets because when they get backed up, the sensor doesn't turn off.
It will keep trying to flush if you move in front of it.
So you walk into the worst mess you've ever seen.
You have to quickly tape over the sensor so that it stops fucking flushing while you're replacing the flush.
See, people are taking crazy shits, and that's the problem.
It's not the toilet's fault, it's the crazy shits.
Dude, opioid shits are pretty gnarly.
You're going to miss those opioid shits when Jeff Bezos leaves the city.
Yeah, when the rolling medication shortages happen.
Okay, Zachary Panshot says...
Oh, I also just like the idea...
AI is what I heard.
I don't think that sounded like...
I mean, it could have been.
It sounded like a board guy.
Yeah, it just sounded like a dude.
Exactly, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I thought maybe AI in the beginning if they were doing a voice, but they were just doing a little monologue.
It wasn't even really a Jeff Bezos voice or anything.
Yeah, it just sounded like a guy.
Yeah, I love the people who think that this was actually meant to...
Like, these are the people who believe the, like, scripted-out conflicts that happen on TikTok, you know?
Where it's, like, Pilot wearing Make America Great Again hat gets heckled by Karen in the front cabin, whatever, and she's, like, losing her mind, and I knew these people were fucking crazy before, but holy shit, this is the next level.
They'll believe that.
But they hear a crosswalk sign say, my name is Jeff Bezos and I'm bad.
Yeah, I think this might be fake.
I think this might be a deep fake.
I've gotten really good at media analysis over the last five years.
My senses are primed.
Me thinks this is a deep fake.
And I know this guy is looking at a picture of hot conjoined twins and being like, this is real though.
Just, yeah, his TikTok feed, nothing but underwear models with the Down Syndrome filter face on?
Yeah. Wow, I think we do need to start looking at these vaccines.
Okay, but Zachary Panchot says, if you've got the time to do that, you've got time to get a damn job.
Can't believe we're paying people to stay home and fiddle around with fucking elevator buttons and crosswalk signs and shit.
I am sick of these on-house people hacking public transit stuff.
Dude, yeah, tell this fucking loser college boy to just trade in his bourgeois virtue script at the Job Forever store for permanent employment.
What the fuck are we doing?
Yeah, I think maybe a guy who could hack, or a gal even, who could hack the crosswalks, they probably work, they probably have a computer job.
At the very least, an email job, you know?
Also, they have a couple hours in their life for a little hobby.
Right. I can't imagine.
Chandler, wow, Chandler replies, it's a real sign of our modern times that even the comedians are the truth tellers, like Chandler here.
I genuinely don't get comments like this, LMAO.
Are you just that shit with your time management or something?
And then Zachary replies, it's okay.
I imagine you don't get a lot.
So he owned him there.
I just wanted to make sure everybody saw that.
Is he claiming he doesn't get his dick wet?
Or what is he?
He's just calling him dumb?
He's calling him dumb, yeah.
I think he's dense and got dry dick.
Yeah, if you got time to hack, you got time to jack into the job market.
Get gainful employment.
You got time to be mean.
You got time to clean.
You got time to clean.
Heasley J. Yeah, also replies to Zachary.
Oh, these kinds of skills are employed, I'm sure.
And Zachary replies, apparently not enough if there's time for degen activities.
Degens! Fucking degens!
Degenerate activity!
Making fake messages.
This is gay shit, actually.
This is woman shit.
This is drama nerd shit.
You made a little sketch and you put it into a crosswalk.
You're gay, bro.
I'm hearing Zachary's comments and a whole new accent now that I see D-Gen.
Just like, these motherfuckers running the criminal enterprise.
Yeah, so that's, I don't know, that's it.
Battlefield Seattle.
It is not safe to go into the streets right now.
You will not know when to cross.
It is chaos.
Do not come.
But if you do, if you do see one that is Samuel L. Jackson, you gotta send me a video of it because that's gonna be hilarious.
I think that could be the great, you know, that'll be like the World War II Christmas where everybody put down their rifles and like, you know, the Nazis and the Allies, you know, they got together to celebrate.
I think that would bring everybody together.
If we heard about, if we hit the crosswalk button and it was like, check out the big brain on Brad.
I'm actually going to do one in LA and it's going to be a montage of Quentin Tarantino singing the N-word.
I was just going to say, what if it's the dead N-word star?
It's going to be every time he said it.
It's a montage.
That's got something everybody can enjoy.
Music playing.
Music playing.
Okay, let's move on.
Great segue, Tony.
Brilliant. Thank you.
Yeah. Oh, no.
Are we talking about feet next?
Is that why?
I just thought it was good to go out on, you know.
Always, you know, racial humor, it's really big right now.
It's good stuff.
It's time to cash in on it, to be honest.
Yeah. Okay.
Let me begin the process of removing this from the screen and putting up the thing that I'm talking about right now.
So I got to remove it there.
Then I got to hit stop screen there.
Then I got to hit present again.
Then I got to hit share screen again.
Then I got to go over to tab.
There we go.
All right.
I'm going to cut that instructional video as an instructional short.
Yeah. Yeah.
Put it on YouTube.
Put some hashtags in there.
This is how you look at a Christian hardcore band on Instagram.
This is how you project the Christian hardcore band No Treaty to your listeners and your YouTube viewers.
No Treaty.
Yeah, so once again, just acknowledging our hardcore correspondent Ani from Ani's Rise over here.
This video came across my feed and it's, you know...
It's Christian Hardcore.
We're going to talk about it.
I thought it would be fun to talk about Christian Hardcore.
We've probably talked about it a lot before, but it's always nice.
And Ani, I don't think, has ever been present for one of those conversations.
This was just a particularly striking Christian Hardcore video that came across.
I think it was shared into the Republican Punks Facebook group.
I think that's how I found out about this one.
So this is underground stuff, then?
This is real underground stuff.
You gotta direct it from the scene.
Right, yeah, exactly.
Okay, so this is, yeah, No Treaty.
I don't know the name of this song, but I'll, what do you call it?
I'll say the lyrics as they happen.
That was Come Lord Jesus Come.
Let me see if I can restart this.
Come on, Jesus, come.
Even I know I take us from this world.
Okay, so first off, I just want to say he looks mad as fuck.
Yeah, he looks pretty pissed.
Which is what you want as a Christian hardcore.
I'm not sure why, but it's kind of the only way that it works.
You have to look even more mad than the atheist hardcore punk bands.
Yeah, you gotta be pretty pissed.
But I also like these wearing like a...
Like a Boogaloo Boys shirt?
It's like a button-down, tiki-type shirt.
Does it have, like, tikis, or is this, like, traditional flash?
Is it Jesus' face?
No, it's, well, I don't...
Is it, like, the Shroud of Turin shirt?
A Hawaiian Shroud of Turin shirt?
Oh, shit, yeah, it's a Castro shirt, but it's got the death mask of Jesus Christ on the back of it.
That's pretty cool.
Or a Cuban shirt, not a Castro shirt.
Castro hat is what I was confusing it for.
No, yeah, it's a Hawaiian shirt of some kind.
I think it says fucking Furnace Fest on it.
I think it's a Furnace Fest Hawaiian shirt.
Sick. Can you see that?
I think you're right.
That's exactly what it says.
We are in the age of Furnace Fest custom Hawaiian shirts, bro.
What a time to be alive.
And you also know that they're like authentic and about it because they have good merch on.
They got the expensive merch on.
And his shirt, I can't read it because he's wearing the Hawaiian shirt over it unbuttoned, but I think it might be a death threat shirt.
The two-word death threat, which is still a pretty good band.
That's cool.
If people are listening to death threat again, that works for me.
I mean, I give a fuck about my family.
I don't know about you guys.
All of my family!
Plus, all the friends who stood by me.
Earlier today in the bookstore, I looked up and I saw a dude who's like our age wearing a Shai Halud hoodie.
And I walked by, I was shelving some kids' illustrated books, and I was like, dude, I like your Shai Halud hoodie.
And he looked up at me, he was surprised as hell.
He was probably like 43. You know it's not Dune, right?
He was like, you're the first person who's ever talked to me about this hoodie.
He was like, I didn't even remember I owned it.
This morning I was just looking through my closet trying to decide what to wear and then I was like, oh fuck yeah, Shai Halud hoodie.
I was like, yeah dude, I saw them open for Zayo when I was 15. Zayo!
Okay, put a pin in Zayo, yeah.
While we walked by him, oh, do you also have a profound hatred of man?
It was the...
I should have...
I should have asked if I could take a picture.
It was like the super straight-edge Shai Hulud hoodie.
There's so many eras of Shai Hulud.
It had some sort of eternal oath on the back of it.
Shai Hulud, I think you could make a case, the best melodic hardcore band.
One of the best melodic hardcore.
For sure.
Melodic metalcore, at least.
Jesus Christ, what a band.
That within Blood Ill-Tempered.
You're like, hey, one day, this guy, the tall, handsome white guy with a mustache, confidence, your sweater, that's my husband.
You should say hi.
He's a nice guy.
He also wants to rule every moment.
Yeah, so back to this.
Come, Lord Jesus, come!
Like a thief in the night?
Why are you calling Jesus a thief in the night?
No, that's a biblical reference.
It's got to be.
Everything is a biblical reference in these songs.
I think that's like a rapture thing, but I don't think you're supposed to say a thief.
I think that's literally from the Bible, like a thief in the night.
That's like God will come and strike you down, or he'll take the firstborn son from Egypt.
You know, there's all that nasty stuff that God does.
He wants you to know he did it.
He is that thief.
You know what I mean?
Maybe on Earth, thief has a negative connotation, but when you're God, you can just do shit.
Yeah, or it was yours in the first place.
You're not really a thief.
just taking it back you know
So they're doing this video on a soundstage, like a photo shoot or whatever, and just a bunch of big boys crowded in for the gang vocals sing-along, and they're jostling each other because you don't want to actually hit your bro right there.
But they're on the edge of breaking out, and I think a couple of them do a couple stomps here, but it's just fun to see the big boys jostling each other.
We need the big boys.
They're hitting all the notes here.
We got a bunch of cut-off jean shants.
We got a guy wearing shorts and Gore-Tex.
The one big boy who's letting out the stomps got a tiny little dad hat on.
He's got to hold that motherfucker on while he stomps because it's too small for his big dome.
He's got to hold that shit on, but he's about to have business.
Wait until you see his shirt.
Wait until you see what shirt he's wearing.
Yeah, what was it?
Sound the trumpet!
Such a funny gang vocal.
You're all wearing shams in 2025.
Not like...
He is risen!
Sound the trumpet.
Oh my god.
Just like...
Yeah, it's like...
Like, light the beacon.
You know, beat the drums of war.
But you're just referencing like a ska instrument.
Sound the trumpet.
I think that's...
I think that's actually referenced to Avenged Sevenfold.
That one's not a biblical reference.
It's a reference to a different metalcore band.
Sound Trump is definitely one of the ones that this is kind of crazy because this song is like, alright apocalypse, please apocalypse now.
Please make the rapture happen now.
Hosanna! They did it.
Sorry, I fucked it up.
I played it while you were still talking.
Dude, I would've ate this shit up when I was 17. I know, I know.
It's in our wheelhouse, bro.
I would've ate this shit up.
Let me play it, okay?
Hosanna! Hosanna!
They literally did the King of the Hill Christian rock thing.
Praise him!
Like, doing a pile-on.
It's like, praise him from the highest!
Also, it's definitely Hosanna, not Hosanna.
Oh, that's your critique of it.
I think it's really funny to do...
As an ex-choire boy and current participating in hardcore, yes, I have to stand on that one.
It's so funny to do Christian hardcore with, like, Like, posi, hardcore lyrics, but you're like an angry guy, hardcore band?
Like, I don't think you can do both of those.
You gotta be, like, just an angry...
These are not positive lyrics.
These are end-times lyrics.
But then, like, the Hosanna, the, like, praise him shit.
Yeah. We're killing everybody.
Okay. Hosanna!
Maranatha! Maranatha!
Oh, hell yeah.
No, you just make it shit up.
They're like, we got, listen, this is some Dead Sea Scrolls shit.
All right, we're about that.
Yeah, they...
Oh, you got a rare record?
I got deep cut scripture.
I think they just maybe turned Krishna core for that one line.
Yeah. They're going to go back to Christian hardcore.
Yeah, we got a No Innocent Victim shirt on one of the guys and then a Nails shirt.
A Nails shirt on the big boy with the little hat that you were talking about earlier.
Nice. Doesn't Nails have a song called God Hates You or something?
Yeah. Or I Hate God or something, you know?
Yeah. Their last record's pretty awesome.
I want to give this band...
So this band is on tour.
Right now in like a Christian hardcore, all Christian hardcore tour, I think, called Saints and Heathens.
I did play this song, which I do think is actually pretty good.
So I want to give them credit for this.
I'm into the deep.
Free me, I'm my underweight.
Set me free!
See, I don't know what's going to happen after that, but it did kind of remind me of like a Shai Halud or like an older metalcore style noisy guitar and he's screaming, free me from my unbelief!
And it's, you know, that's a cool thing for Christians to sing about is like, I'm a hypocrite, I'm a fraud.
I don't believe the way that I think I'm supposed to believe.
Things feel weird.
I'm in constant mental turmoil.
Beautiful. Those are all beautiful things to write songs about.
I back that 100%.
And also, it doesn't feel tinged in this like, oh, we're in Gamora now because trans people exist.
Right. I did see the band reply to somebody like, Jesus is king, which is not quite Christ is king, but it's still just like, hmm, makes me say pause for a second.
Yeah, for real.
But yeah, I wanted to give a little bit of, I don't necessarily like the production on that, and I don't know where it goes after that, but not the worst thing in the world that I've heard.
Like, Ani, you know, we were talking about this earlier and we were talking about Christian Hardcore and you were saying that it's kind of a shame when it's bad because there's...
So much cool imagery from the Bible.
So much cool, like, metal or hardcore imagery from the Bible.
I didn't grow up with religion, but, like, I read the R. Crumb's Illustrated Old Testament and just like, holy shit, there's, like, a lot of material to work with.
There's a lot of, like, and even, like, New Testament stuff, too.
Like, you know, going through trials and tribulations and just all sorts of fucked up stuff happens.
Like, there's so much good material.
Yeah, I mean, there's non-Christian bands that use Christian imagery and biblical imagery.
A lot of good trial makes references to the Bible.
Catharsis did.
Yeah, there's lots of good stuff in there.
You have to just maybe not be a little baby about it.
Not be a little baby bitch about the whole thing.
Yeah, I don't know.
Lots of good torment and suffering in the Bible.
I don't know.
The best Christian band in my mind is Me Without You, which is not a Christian hardcore band.
It's possible to be miserable as a Christian.
A lot of people have experienced that.
It is a very interesting thing to write music about.
It's a really good source.
What's that?
It's a really good source.
Yeah. A source for making your arguments, for revealing truths about the world.
It's one of the best, right, Tony?
That's what you meant?
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. Remember that band, Impending Doom?
Yeah. Tony and I grew up listening to Christian Hardcore.
We can ask Ani what her experience, other than Zayo with Christian Hardcore, what her experience is.
But I was already kind of growing out of Christian hardcore or not really paying attention to it as much when Impending Doom kind of came out, which was a slightly different thing in that it was a Christian death metal band.
What? And it was like, this album will scare the hell out of you.
It was like their gimmick.
And I imagine at least they had to have used some of the gnarly metal imagery from the Bible, right?
The plagues and pestilence and shit like that, I'm sure.
I would hope so.
I never listened to them because as I discovered them, it was because they were DMing my 17-year-old friends.
Oh, God.
So I was like, oh, Christian, Christians.
DMing my young friends.
Okay, I don't know about all that.
So I never really checked them out.
How else are the teens going to learn about Christ, Tony?
Somebody has to do it.
I think they weren't inviting them to Bible study.
You probably get mad when we reach out to uncontacted tribes, too.
No, that's my favorite thing because then you get murked.
Yeah, I listened to a bunch of FaceDown records.
I was trying to think of the best Christian hardcore band.
Now, they weren't on FaceDown records, but probably my favorite Christian hardcore band, probably Jars of Clay or Newsboys.
Oh, Newsboys?
Newsboys had a punk metal thing going on that was pretty cool.
I was a big...
Shit, what's the other one?
Those are the only DC Talk guys.
DC Talk!
I don't know any of these bands.
What does DC Talk mean?
What does that fucking mean?
I don't even know.
You know what though?
Honestly, we're forgetting the GOATS.
We're forgetting the absolute POD.
Right, right.
Pretty heavy.
It's funny, like As I Lay Dying was a Christian hardcore, was a Christian metalcore band.
Do you know about what happened with As I Lay Dying?
No, and I never listened to them.
I missed out on a lot of this stuff.
So I did like that first album, When Breath Escapes or whatever.
I had an As I Lay Dying shirt, like Heather Gray, a hardcore shirt.
I saw him at the glass house.
Yeah, I saw him a couple times.
In like late 2000s, the singer got arrested for hiring someone to kill his wife.
Oh, okay.
I do know about this because I heard you talk about it with Brett or Brian or something, I think at some point.
Oh, did you do it on I'm Sorry, Tony?
Did you cover Tim Lambesis on I'm Sorry?
His public apology.
Yeah, that's why I fucking learned about that while I was weeding in our garden.
Okay. I don't know where you can listen to that.
On the guy's Patreon, I guess?
That's probably where it is.
Maybe it's there.
Hopefully somewhere out there.
But yeah, it's pretty wild.
It's so funny because you got caught trying to get your wife murdered, bro.
That's so far beyond...
There's so many music allegations and bad things that happen to music through assault and domestic violence.
He's like, oh, I was going to murder her.
I was going to have her...
To be fair, she was trying to get him to stop taking steroids.
So... You really only have one option.
You gotta do what the steroids say.
My wife's telling me to stop juicing.
It's annihilation time.
He should have really went hard on the Christian route and be like, I believe that she was taken by demons and I was trying to save...
I just wanted to free her from her demon prison.
It's funny how many Christian metalcore bands there were in the early 2000s.
Every band had to pretend to be fucking Christian to get a record deal, it seems like, in the early 2000s.
And even some of the big, like Under Oath.
Was, like, a Christian band that became pretty popular?
I may have had Under Oath on, like, one of my mixed CDs.
I only learned about Christian hardcore and metal from my friend Dominic, who would make me a bunch of mixed CDs, but he would always add, like, a caveat if it was Christian.
He'd be like, it's okay, Zayo's, like, Christian, but, like, they're pretty good, so, like, give them a chance, you know?
Yeah, Under Oath is not that kind of hardcore.
Under Oath's, like, mallcore stuff.
Is Poison the Well?
I don't know if they're Christian or not.
Because I saw them.
I had them on one of the mixed CDs and I remember seeing them at a show.
They were sick.
It's funny because they...
Poison the Well.
No, I believe they're an Israeli band, actually.
Don't put that on them.
Yeah, I'm just kidding.
They're on Jade Tree.
I saw them at a show with other Jade Tree bands.
Yeah, like Jade Tree was like a Christian label.
Was Jade Tree a Christian label?
Well, they put out a lot of Christian stuff.
Okay. Because the Christian labels were Face Down and then Tooth and Nail.
Tooth and Nail.
Oh yeah, 90 Pound Wuss.
I did listen to them.
I don't know.
I guess Jade Tree probably could have put out other Christian bands without proclaiming to be a Christian label.
Yeah, but even in the 90s, you had Overcome and Cast in Stone were big.
You know, kind of like tough guy Christian hardcore bands.
And then like being in Redlands, where we're both kind of from, Death Star and Sleeping Giant.
Did you listen to Norma Jean?
I did listen to the first Norma Jean record, yeah.
I liked that one, yeah.
I never listened to them, but I saw them once they played at the teen center that I grew up going to, and it was one of the most violent hardcore shows I've ever been at.
Is it a bunch of white belts there?
It was such a gnarly Christian hardcore dudes who were like adults at this teen center.
Fucking crowd killing people and getting in fights.
There was an actual knife fight that like almost started.
To Norma Jean.
Oh my god.
And my friend, it was a show where like they knew there would be like bro, bros.
And so they called in, they got good hardcore dudes from the community to come be security.
And my friend whose name is Christian.
Had to pick someone up and carry them outside to the basketball court because they were going to fucking stab someone.
That's the hardcore show where I saw someone bring their little kid, their little toddler, and he was a cute little kid at a hardcore show wearing his big earmuffs, but he had a shirt on that said, I'm a child, not a choice.
Amazing. That makes sense.
That sounds like a Norma Jean show.
Redlands also had No Innocent Victim.
Yeah, No Innocent Victim, yeah.
Cast in Stone from Redlands.
Yeah, I liked Comeback Kid a lot, which were, I don't know if, they were just kind of like a posi hardcore band.
They were on Face Down, but I don't remember really any specifically Christian lyrics.
There were a lot of bands that were like, we're Christians that are a band.
Right. Well, there's a lot of bands who had Christian lyrics who tried to say they weren't a Christian band.
They were just Christians in a band.
And it doesn't work that way.
If you don't actually have Jesus lyrics, then you can say that or whatever.
But Hope's Fall.
I don't know.
I think Hope's Fall is my favorite band from...
Well, they were on Trustkill, actually, not Face Down.
But I think they had an association with...
I like them for the space rock aspect of their music, not so much whatever religious stuff they have going on.
But I do think it's funny that Shockwave is canonically a Christian hardcore band.
Absolutely. And it's funny, it's always my way of being wholesome.
It's so good.
It's just like, Audrey, please, can you put on a song from Shockwave's Auto Hate?
Just pick any circle-like wolves or any...
I don't know, the self-titled Shockwave song is pretty good, too.
They just say Shockwave over and over.
But it's just Transformers quotes about annihilating the human species.
And then, like, Angry Metalcore.
But, like, one of the guys in that band, I think, is from Disciple AD, which is, you know, like, one of the biggest Christian hardcore bands, I think, probably ever, right?
I would say so.
Yeah. It's funny, like, did you realize, like, how big Sleeping Giant got?
Yeah. Like, it was after WoW would have been, like, into them, but they got fucking huge.
And, like, they had, like...
Huge crowds of people raising their hands in the air.
It had a moment.
There was a whole Redlands Christian hardcore scene after them.
It was funny because Death Star was the band when we were mid-teens and late-teens.
Who ruled?
I was into them.
Yeah, they're pretty good.
They're all right.
I think they needed more vocalists.
I think so.
I think that was the thing.
It was like four?
No, they needed four.
They only had three.
Three, that's what it was, yeah.
Three just vocalists?
Three vocalists who did nothing but vocals?
Just hype dudes who jumped around?
I haven't shown you their appearance on Monster Garage.
No, you did.
Show me that.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, look up Death Star on Monster Garage.
They get little people to mosh.
And I don't think Death Star are the ones who did that.
I think it was the producers at Monster Garage got a little person mosh pit going.
Yeah, classic moment.
They had this sick imagery.
They had a lyric about pushing your heel through someone's skull, and it was like an archangel reference.
I'm like, yeah, more of that.
Give me more of that.
They had that sick imagery that was like, wow, it kind of looks like a motorcycle club backpatch, but then it's got your crew rocker instead of your gang rocker, you know?
And it says, I witness Christ, because that's the name of your gang.
Pretty cool.
It was pretty cool.
And I was pissed when Sons of Anarchy ripped them off.
I couldn't believe they did that.
I wish someone got paid for that, you know?
I'm trying to figure out the name of my favorite Zayo song that I really liked that was on this mix CD.
I can't fucking remember what it is.
You can tell me later.
Any other Christian hardcore bands or thoughts about Christian hardcore before we move on?
It just doesn't have to suck.
It can be good and great.
If you're a Christian who happens to be hardcore, hopefully you get some tasteful stuff out there.
It exists already.
You don't necessarily need to sound the trumpets.
Sinai Beach was good and Falling Cycle I also liked.
Falling Cycle unfortunately did not hold up.
I went back to try and listen.
Pretty mediocre Swedish.
Swedish metalcore ripoff stuff, but Sinai Beach was pretty good *Dies* *Dies* Turn away My eyes
Misread Resentation Steinglass Your weight was done The heart of the world Lash back to you One other
hand I can try to show you The smile Your love Your love What do you have?
Me?
I want to do a dispatch from conservative goths.
I, you know, I have to kind of stop myself from doing weekly dispatches from this group.
But sometimes something comes around that cannot be ignored.
And so there was a post that caused a bit of a problem in the conservative goths Facebook group.
And this is a post by all-star contributor Jonathan.
More on him in a second.
He's posted a meme of a woe jack where the woe part is short for woman.
This is a woman jack.
And it says, the ideal woman at the top of the Wojak.
And Jonathan has captioned this, my type of wife or woman, comma, she's lovely, by Republican Goths.
And he's tagged his page, Republican Goths, and Goth Conservatives.
And he's tagged another page called Goth Conservatives.
And then the praying hands emoji, the dove emoji, the queen emoji, and the halo over the smiley face emoji.
So I think he really likes this lady, guys.
I think God has finally put a woman that he approves of in front of him.
Give me something to believe in.
Thank you.
Through the grace of our Lord.
The ideal woman.
And it's Lady Wojak and she's wearing like a flowery shirt, I guess, and a long skirt that's got polka dots on it and her hair.
You know, it all looks old.
This looks like, you know, imagine what your grandma looked like when she was younger, huh?
You know?
And she's like a trad wife kind of a thing.
And these are the...
Real quick, real quick.
Yeah. First of all, not goth.
Oh, really?
I guess I didn't think about that.
A blonde 50s housewife doesn't seem very goth.
Hmm, that's true.
Okay, that's interesting.
She's dressed like a young kitty foreman from that 70s show.
Yeah. So just like a self-repressed alcoholic.
There you go.
Highly medicated.
Okay, the ideal woman only has female friends.
Wears modest and feminine clothing.
Wants to marry and have kids.
Loves her family and country.
Wants to be a stay at home mom.
Reads the bible.
Wants to have five kids.
Natural beauty.
Hates communists.
Has no social media.
Fit and healthy.
Does not have her own bank account.
Yeah, I'd like her to have child-bearing hips, but otherwise be relatively isolated.
No, I didn't say the thing about the bank account, but I believe that's implied.
Fit and healthy.
Wants to homeschool her kids.
Goes to church.
Loves children.
Likes to cook.
Natural hair.
And yeah, this looks great.
Who could have a problem with this in the conservative goth's Facebook page?
I mean, this all checks out.
This is the ideal woman.
But the thing is, how do you know she hates communists if she doesn't have social media?
Well, she has had several restraining orders put against her by local public school teachers.
Okay, cool.
So Jonathan comments on his own post, that's a lot of beautiful ideas for a woman, comma.
Like who wants to marry?
Semicolon. Have children, comma.
Wants to be at home mom slash self-employed.
He's not doing it.
Is he doing it?
Reads the Bible.
Natural. Hates the left.
She's fit and healthy.
Homeschools her offspring.
Likes cooking.
Likes children slash grandchildren, comma.
Natural hair, dot dot dot.
I'd like to add she likes rock slash alt culture, believes in we the people, so she could own a firearm to defend her Second Amendment constitutional rights.
This is sounding like quite a lady.
Yeah. So nothing bad would happen to her, where she could keep men out of women's and children's spaces, so we could all live in a world a little brighter.
I think that might have been like a downloadable add-on.
Holy shit.
Statue of Liberty emoji.
Bald Eagle emoji.
American flag emoji.
I like the woman that I posted because she's a beautiful woman because of the things that are in the meme, which I agree with, but I would also like to add she's into rock music and she's alt.
This is like hearing a four-year-old describe his ideal Pokemon to you.
Like, what the fuck are you talking about, man?
I wanted to have a firepower, but it'd be cool if I had a waterpower, too, and it was so strong.
And it was so strong.
But it was also very nice, and it could do anything.
And you would catch it, but it would be your friend.
It would be your friend, and you would be able to talk to it with your mind, and when you needed it to, it could get really big so that you could ride it.
Oh, I love this woman already.
And it would have natural hair.
And it would want to have kids with you.
It would basically have to fuck you.
But it'd want to.
It would like all the same things that you liked, but not because it read about them on the internet.
So Juliana replies to this, in our first dissenting opinion, Jonathan, alright, cool, but why modest clothing, natural hair, etc.
in a goth group?
Could be a personal preference, but as a subculture, most of us like to have an alternative look.
I think the whole point is that we don't fit the mold.
The rest seems pretty spot on, though.
So, like, I don't like that you want us to fit the mold in these two ways, because that's unfair, and that's against our sense of individuality.
However, following a millennia-old religion and policing reproductive rights, yada, yada, yada, hating public school teachers, like, we can all agree that that's actually alt.
It's actually alt to hate public schools.
He's like, actually, I'm looking around in this group and it seems like the most old thing you could do is have natural hair.
Exactly. Do you want to see what Jonathan looks like, guys?
Oh, yeah.
Does he have a Blue Lives Matter patch on his bomber jacket?
On the shoulder of his bomber jacket.
He's wearing snowboard glasses from 2008.
Is he driving the bus?
He looks like he's on a bus.
I don't think he's driving the bus.
He's like standing.
He's raising his sunglasses to look into the camera and do like a pouty kind of modeling type look.
Does he have like a mole on his chin or is that like an old LeBray piercing that I'm seeing?
Could be a LeBray scar.
It also looks like he's wearing lip gloss.
Oh, he has a skincare routine.
Or a filter, I guess.
This guy looks like he should be singing for Portishead.
Instead, he's wearing a Blue Lives Matter shoulder patch and Oakley sunglasses.
He looks like a model from that Ben Stiller movie.
Also, I thought that he's doing Blue Steel.
I thought that the natural hair thing was maybe some sort of weird religious thing, but now that I'm seeing him, it is like a fetish thing.
This guy smells stranger's hair all the time.
He's like, that looks like natural hair.
This guy's actually getting kicked off of this bust right now as he's taking this picture.
So this guy actively posts fascist stuff in the Facebook group.
Legitimately fascist stuff.
And I don't know if he's too stupid to know that it's fascist.
Because I did just read a comment from him and I think maybe everybody had some natural questions about his mental state.
But yeah, for example, one of the things he just posts memes he finds.
And shirts, he finds.
And this meme is rock against communism.
And the O in rock is the death's head?
Yeah. Jesus Christ.
And this is, of course, rock against communism.
A reference to rock against fascism.
And it's like, no, no, au contraire.
And I love just, like, the amount of hit dogs hollering in this meme.
Like, actually, we all hate communism as fascists.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
At first, I just kind of saw it.
I didn't really pay attention to which skull it was.
I was like, oh, yeah, that's a death skull.
That's wild.
Like, do you think he's just like, this is a sick skull, and I hate communists, just like my future wife?
He's shared links to t-shirts and stuff that have, like, fascist, like, symbol.
Like, the fascis.
As part of the logo and stuff.
So, I mean, it could be, like, tricking him just because it's an overall aesthetic of, like, freedom and, you know, liberty and all that.
And rock.
Like, skulls are rock.
But he's, like, knee-deep in it either way.
The other meme he's shared, it says, fuck Antifa, but the fuck is, like, cut out newspaper letters, but the U is censored with an asterisk, and I think somebody else censored it.
Like, it used to say fuck, actually, and then somebody put another layer on top of it of the asterisks.
The fuck is flanked by brass knuckles with iron crosses in them.
It looks like a tech deck logo, but it's just got iron crosses in it.
It looks like a new Green Day album lettering or something.
Robert Lee responded.
Robert Lee has the Misfits Trump edit.
Awesome, hell yeah.
Where it's the Fiend, but it's Trump.
I mean, that makes sense, man.
I don't know if you heard, but the Misfits, they play on woke music.
The real Fiend Club is the swamp in D.C. And we all pay our dues.
It's forced membership.
Did you hear that?
Danzig actually said those words.
What? We play on woke music.
On stage at Coachella.
He sucks so bad.
So bad.
Yeah, Robert Lee says, I love them awesome.
To the meme.
And then to the fuck Antifa one, Robert says, yo my god, you got my hard on.
What? Five, four crying laughing emojis.
Excuse me?
And it's cut off right here, but Jonathan replies to him.
He says something like, yeah, these are cool.
There's a couple t-shirt stores I like to go to that have cool t-shirts.
Wow. Does he know what he said right there?
Yo, my God, you got my heart on.
Yeah, killing commies against me fired up!
You know, one of those guys.
Fucking Antifa, I just went from six to midnight.
Okay, so more pushback on the ideal woman, trad wife, Catholic housebound mother meme.
Juliana says, oh yeah, yeah.
Julie, I already read this about saying, why does she have to be natural?
We're all unnatural.
We're freaky, freaky monsters here, you know?
And Jonathan says, that's why I said I'd like to add her being a rocker slash alt culture fan because we're living in a modern world.
Kim says, you're making an emphasis on dressing conservatively and having undyed hair that clashes terribly with goth aesthetics.
Jonathan replies, you don't really need all that stuff to be a goth because goth is originally music that came from post-punk and death rock in the late 70s and then puts a screenshot of Christian death albums.
And I love how he's like, they're like, you're being kind of weird about goths.
Like, this isn't goth at all.
You're talking about Blonde Housewives.
And he's like, actually, goth is a music subculture that relates mostly to these albums.
He's debunking the whole goth subculture in order to preserve his idea of a barefoot housewife.
Also, I know that I've also taken on some of these aesthetics you speak of with my black bangs hair and my pensive-looking photos.
But yeah, it's actually a music I'm a fan of.
Right, and it's like, the thing is, some women, they could like black hair, they could like black mascara or whatever, but they're probably not into the music.
They probably don't like good bands, so it's not that much of a sacrifice to get them to give the mascara up, to give the Morticia Addams makeup up.
For a guy, that's a real interest and a real hobby to be goth.
And it kind of makes sense that a conservative goth would be like, well, I can do this thing, you know, like have a job or have opposite sex friends that you just can't have.
Like being goth.
Like wearing a black t-shirt.
Imagine like your friend starts dating a guy and then a couple months into it you realize her roots are just going crazy.
Like her hair just looks really bad.
And she's like, he really wants natural hair.
This is so funny.
I'm trying to understand why is he in the God's Facebook group?
Because he likes Christian death.
Because he's a real goth.
He's in the conservative goth's Facebook group.
He's not in a music-specific Facebook group.
What part of the goth scene is he into?
I mean, he likes looking at conservative goth women.
That doesn't mean he wants to start a life or a family with one of them.
Okay, yeah.
True, true.
Yeah, Kim replies, don't care.
Aesthetics are a massive part of goth culture.
And you're not only completely dismissing that fact, you're insulting the women in this group.
So the women in the conservative goths group somehow feeling insulted by a fellow conservative?
Very odd.
Michelle says, sorry, I'm pretty conservative, but I'm extremely anti-children and pregnancy vomiting emojis.
And Kirsten replies, that makes you inherently not conservative.
April Ryan replies, pity.
Lamb replies, anti-children for you personally or do you just hate all kids?
Good question, you know.
Michelle says, I'm turning off notifications for this post, lol.
I don't care about your pointless opinions.
Y'all can have extra kids to make up for my lack of them.
There you go.
There's your answer.
Del replies to Michelle, what are you conserving then?
You're certainly not conserving sperm and eggs.
I'm conserving my pelvic floor, motherfucker.
You stupid asshole.
Goddamn. Conserving my ability to laugh and not piss my pants every time I do it.
Rob says, then you're not conservative.
You're a liberal in disguise.
She's trying to infiltrate conservative goths.
Yeah. Liberalized goth culture.
Heather says, anti-children is weird.
It's okay to be child-free, though, unless you mean anti-children for you.
Then that's different.
No, I think she meant she wanted to kill all children.
I think so.
That's what I heard.
Yeah. She said, you have more to make up from my lack of so she can take more out.
Your child will be my slave in the underworld.
True replies to Heather, I'm not sure what you mean by anti-children.
It's not to not like children.
It's just who we are.
I don't like children and that's okay.
And Heather replies, disliking a group of people for something they can't control, isn't it?
Oh, really?
Yeah, weird.
You're in the conservative goths group fucking discriminating against somebody for an inborn characteristic.
How dare you?
It's okay to not like the characteristics of some children and the stress it causes you, but to hate, dislike them all makes no sense and just seems hateful.
They can't control that they're kids.
That's no different than fucking making fun of somebody for being white.
Let me put it in words you can understand.
I do feel like all these people do have some badass kids.
I totally get not liking kids.
My lovely child, some of her kids are some real dickheads.
Yeah, I get that.
I think those are the parents who are like, listen, you just hate all kids because you hate my kid.
You just hate all kids.
Yeah, I mean, I don't think you have to like kids as long as you're not actively trying to hurt them.
I think it's okay.
You can be ambivalent or even a little bit uncomfortable around kids.
You can hit them a little bit.
Kids can give off a weird, unpredictable energy.
I can understand if you're not around them very often being weirded out.
You can flick them on the head.
Just a little bit.
My grandpa used to call that a thump.
You can do that, it's fine.
A little thump as a treat.
Yeah, so Rob said, you're not a conservative.
You're a liberal in disguise.
And True says, oh, look who it is, our old friend and woman hater, Rob Oz.
Please, for all of our sakes, you really need to work on your comedy routine.
Rob says, go join a feminist group and leave this one for actual conservatives.
True replies, nope.
Why don't you just leave the woman hating to the liberals?
You know, exactly.
We already got a bad enough for these liberals hating women.
We've got to deal with you now, Rob.
Come on.
This is what Rob looks like.
I clicked on his photo because it's a guy from the thumbnail.
It looked like a child.
It looked like a male child wearing a Joker Batman Joker purple suit with like white Bleached hair that's kind of like swept over to the side, like a One Direction kind of fancy boy haircut,
but he's got little gauges in his ears and he's got a beard.
And I was like, I bet when I saw the thumbnail, I was like, okay, let's see what Rob looks like.
Also, I bet $100 that this is AI.
And then when it enlarged, I was like, okay, this definitely looks like AI because it looks like a CGI precious moments with a five o'clock shadow on it.
And then I zoomed into the bug at the bottom and it says, imagined with AI.
Oh my god.
And then I went back and looked at every commentator.
Like Elizabeth, AI image.
Phil Henderson, meme image.
Kirsten Sabin.
Fucking Studio Ghibli AI image.
Like, nobody here has, like, an actual photo as their, you know, flower emoji.
Nobody here is, like, willing to actually be goth for the public.
Yeah. It's so funny because this, you know, it's just nothing but computer images.
Like, goth is, like, you know, a lot of it is aesthetic and a lot of it, you know, yeah, you gotta throw a fit.
You wanna show out.
I wanna show you how, look how fucking, look how fucking How much eyeliner I have on right now.
I'm basically wearing corpse paint.
I look awesome.
I want to show out.
And they're not even doing that.
I like that the AI gave them little forehead pimples.
That's a nice touch.
A baby face and a receding hairline is a rough combo.
And a 5 o'clock shadow.
It's all wild.
Elizabeth says, who has a Studio Ghibli blonde AI image.
A lot of these, quote, qualifiers are pretty problematic, TBH.
But I guess I get the general gist.
And Rob says, problematic?
Dude, just admit you're a liberal and leave this group and start your own group for liberal goths.
And I do love that even the goth conservatives are like, this is a little gross, TBH.
She said fucking problematic.
That is incredible to say problematic in a conservative goths group and really mean it.
Is that a word you're allowed to use?
No, she's going to get kicked out.
She's going to get banned.
She's going to go to Facebook jail.
Because I think they really are only pushing back against...
Some of them are pushing back against the kids, but I think Elizabeth is pushing back against the natural hair.
Yeah, a lot of their concerns are with how restrictive his aesthetic constraints are.
You think RFK is really going to let you put black hair dye in your hair?
No, he's not.
Sorry. Say goodbye.
We're making those roots healthy again.
A lot of these are out here like, no, listen, I want kids.
I want two kids.
One named Jack, one named Sally.
That's what I want.
They're going to marry each other when they grow up.
Yeah, Kirsten says, don't let the covert feminist shame you.
This is what a good Western woman should look like.
Oh my god.
A good Western woman says the person using the Studio Ghibli...
AI art of herself.
There's not much more Western than Studio Ghibli chat GPT.
That is so true.
That is so real.
Which way, Western woman?
Oh, I don't know.
I was never allowed to learn how to use a compass.
Elizabeth, yeah, said a lot of these qualifiers are pretty problematic.
Phil replies, which ones?
Elizabeth says, posting on social media about wanting a woman with no social media is a bit dot dot dot off.
I wouldn't call that off.
I would call it typically restrictive of psychopathic religious husbands.
I don't know if you're familiar with what conservative means.
Because he did say in the post, like...
I'm not talking to none of y'all in here.
Just so you know, this is not about you.
You're not one of them if you're reading this.
And yeah, so she said, posting on social media about wanting a woman with no social media is a bit off.
No, just for example.
And Phil says, this was clearly posted by a man.
What's off about that?
All men are like Andrew Tate.
It's not hypocritical because it wasn't a woman posting it to social media.
It was a man pose, and it's perfectly normal for a man to have feelings about what a woman should be able to do.
I don't understand the conflict here.
Maybe you're confused about Jonathan.
He does look pretty, but he's not a woman.
Yes, Elizabeth, as long as you can read this comment, you are not a high-value woman.
More replies, Michelle says, I can't help not liking them.
So not liking children.
It's literally not even in my control.
That's not a lie.
They trigger really bad auditory trauma for me.
I have no issue with other people having them dot dot.
More power to you.
Also, my pain tolerance is bad.
Childbirth would probably kill me.
Kirsten replies, you can be delivered from these issues with a lot of work.
True. True.
Have you tried speaking in tongues?
You can just pray away a breach birth.
I don't...
If you're afraid of, yeah, whatever, a level 5 tear, have you considered just praying about it?
I actually carry a little safety pin in me that when the kids are being too loud, I jam it into my thigh.
And I can focus on that.
That's where the goth part comes in.
And that's pretty goth.
Tried therapeutic cutting.
Yeah, yeah.
In public when kids are being too loud?
Yeah, Kirsten says, yeah, that makes you inherently not conservative about not wanting to have kids.
Michelle says, incorrect.
I have tokophobia and sensory disabilities.
I have no control over my aversion to...
Adversion? I think I'm about to say aversion.
To babies and children.
I prefer not to tear my vagina open.
Rather be dead.
And Kirsten says, that's pretty cowardice and sounds...
Cowardice? That's pretty cowardice.
And sounds like you need to work on that.
Being against babies and children is the pinnacle of being a libtard.
God, you have a phobia of prolapse or eclampsia, you fucking pussy.
You should probably work on that.
It's funny, too, because most of these people are saying, like, I don't want children.
I do think it's funny that we do see people use, like...
I have tokophobia and sensory disabilities.
I don't think you're allowed to if you're conservative.
Those are mental illnesses.
Those are not things you're allowed to have.
You can't be allowed to do that.
You actually identify as having tokophobia and that means it's fake.
Honestly, you sound pretty vaccinated to me.
You sound pretty medically informed about your own body and your mental state.
I don't know if you're wife material.
What's it called when the fetus implants in the fallopian tube?
Oh, a...
What kind of birth is it called?
Hold on, ectopic pregnancy?
Yeah, this bitch so libtarded she probably only has ectopic pregnancies, you know?
Dude. Cowards.
Sarah says, agreed.
Being against being a parent is one thing, but only liberals openly hate children with pathetic excuses like Michelle's.
There's worse pain than vaginal tearing.
The pain of being a childless cat lady is way worse than opening up one big hole.
There is worse pain than tearing.
You know that syndrome you can get during pregnancy sometimes where your body releases the hormone that makes all your joints get loose but too early so you just burn all the time until you're able to push the baby out months from now?
I did know about that condition actually.
Dude, one of my friends had that and it sounded fucking awful.
So this spawned another post in Conservative Goths.
If you want to see posts about the ideal woman, borderline misogynistic lists from people who don't want to become what they want to attract, and non-stop political rage bait, and maybe some goth stuff once in a blue moon, then that group being tagged in posts constantly is for you.
For mostly goth stuff and some politics sprinkled in, we have what you want here in Conservative Goths.
Wow! Conservative Goths sounding pretty woke to me, honestly.
Rallying? Railing against misogyny?
What is this fucking fake bullshit?
I mean, fiscally conservative Goths.
Miriam says, thank you!
I don't know what some of these people are thinking with their posts.
I think they're just conservative dot dot dot.
Not conservative goths.
Exactly, yeah.
They're posers.
They're just bad without looking cool.
If you're going to be bad at something, look cool doing it.
That's a pretty good rule.
And Elizabeth, finally, with the Studio Ghibli avatar comments, I knew I wasn't the only one that thought that post was sketchy.
Hating women will never be a conservative trait.
Oh, Starshine, I have such bad news for you.
It's all, it's all, just all the way down.
It's hatred of women all the way down.
Every layer of that casserole is just some sort of misogyny.
Bless your heart, Elizabeth.
Bless your heart.
I just, I love them trying, leave the woman-hating to liberals.
And it's like, well, what do you mean by woman-hating?
Oh, welcoming all types of women?
Yeah. That's what they mean by woman-hating.
But yeah, no, you're definitely going to take back feminism for conservatives, absolutely.
That's definitely a winning argument for yourselves there.
Yeah, any final thoughts on misogyny and the conservative goths Facebook group, Bonnie?
I'm just so flabbergasted.
This is not the conservative goths that I know.
I've been in this group for years now at this point.
This is not what conservative goths is about.
I don't understand how you make it this far and end up in this group and then are somehow surprised by a post like this.
I think it's because the group only has a few hundred members.
I think you can preserve some of your cognitive dissonance as long as there aren't too many data points.
Honestly, can you send me that?
I'm just going to do a little editing, a little photoshopping with some black on the fit and on the hair and just remove the natural hair part.
Absolutely. And I'm just going to be swimming in it.
And also remove the social media part.
And I'm going to start a little crew of conservative goths.
Sounds great.
Please, you know, you can never be in too many conservative goth groups, so please let me know when that happens.
I'll join up.
Yeah, thank you, Ani, for doing the show.
Thanks so much.
Thanks for having me down here in the basement.
Ani the Annihilator.
I like it.
Yeah. Thanks to you for listening.
If you want to support the show and get a bonus episode every week, go over to patreon.com slash miniondeathcult.
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Episodes will be available for you to watch with video and graphics, imagery, that sort of thing.
Tony. Tony.
Ani. Or the cat.
Or the cat.
Well, you're there too.
Tony. Human Tony will also be there.
I didn't mean to bury the lead for everybody.
Yeah, go check that out if you haven't already and we'll talk to you again soon.
