TODAY: We finally reveal the official Minion Death Cult stance on circumcision …find out what the world’s most miserable men are posting on Father’s Day …while Alex argues? with a coworker about Juneteenth …and a Seattle police chief goes gay in response to sexual harassment claims made by female employees.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Well, I had a good Juneteenth, Tony. | |
| Thank you for asking. | |
| I saw... That actually makes me so mad. | |
| I'm kind of pissed you had a good Juneteenth. | |
| I was kind of hoping you got sick on Juneteenth. | |
| I was sick. | |
| I was feeling awful on Juneteenth. | |
| Perfect. | |
| Perfect. | |
| Thanks for ruining the mystique that I was trying to present to everybody. | |
| There's a virile young man celebrating Juneteenth by looking through his awful Facebook feed. | |
| I saw this... Why didn't it... Why isn't it... Okay. | |
| See, it needs to be on the screen, Tony. | |
| It's hidden from... Oh, do I select the different window? | |
| There we go. | |
| In my Let's Go Brandon Facebook group, I saw this post from Gerald who says, I wore this all day to celebrate Juneteenth! | |
| And it's a photograph of one of the most wrinkled shirts I've ever seen in my life. | |
| Just lying on a couch or something. | |
| I don't know. | |
| It's not a very bright picture, so you can't tell where it is. | |
| But it says, O.W.M. | |
| Old White Men Matter. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, dog. | |
| So I just watched Barbie for the first time. | |
| Okay. | |
| I still haven't seen it. | |
| Oh, it's good. | |
| It's a good movie. | |
| I enjoyed it. | |
| Not opposed to it, but it's just other movies I'd probably watch first. | |
| No, it's worth watching. | |
| There's a part in there where Ken is in the real world and he discovers the patriarchy. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And he's like, wait, you guys seem to be doing the patriarchy all wrong. | |
| What's going on? | |
| This should be way easier for me to exist as a man here. | |
| Why are you guys doing this wrong? | |
| That's kind of how I feel about this guy. | |
| If you're living your life in a manner where you felt like you didn't matter as an old white man, you're doing it all wrong. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Like you shouldn't be so mad all the time. | |
| You should just be chilling. | |
| Right. | |
| But again, like this is the Let's Go Brandon Facebook group. | |
| Let's Go Brandon itself is like a call for old white men to be angry at the president. | |
| Like Let's Go Brandon is you are saying, fuck Joe Biden. | |
| You have a, you have an anger in your heart that is directed all the ills in the world. | |
| Most of which are coming from Joe Biden. | |
| Let's be honest here. | |
| Um, yeah, you're part of a movement that is about not being content. | |
| That is about being upset with the existence of life, you know? | |
| Um, so you have to buy a reactionary t-shirt It's not just white lives matter. | |
| This one is like specific for you. | |
| And like, this is probably like a joke to them, right? | |
| Like the shirt itself, like they think it's like a, uh, like a big dog t-shirt. | |
| Yep. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But it also, you know, it's going to make some black people mad. | |
| It's going to make some libs mad. | |
| It's pretty cool. | |
| Hopefully, hopefully it's going to make some young white men mad. | |
| Cause I mean, if I'm an old white man, I'd be pretty, I'd be like, look what you guys, you guys let it all go. | |
| Right. | |
| We had it fucking made. | |
| Like, you know, we made Reagan happen. | |
| You guys, you guys let Bill Clinton happen. | |
| You guys let Barack Obama happen. | |
| Wow. | |
| What about, what if we made the shirt, uh, old, uh, boomer lives don't matter. | |
| Boomer lives don't matter. | |
| Don't matter. | |
| And then we could sell it to cool Gen Z people, they would buy it. | |
| Cool millennial people would buy it. | |
| And then even like the super racist Twitch streamer people, listener, you know, like all the weird racist little 16 year olds out there. | |
| Like they would say, fuck yeah, boomer lives don't matter, get fucked grandpa, because like you said, you know, uh, they allowed miscegenation to happen or whatever, or whatever. | |
| I, and not only that, not only do you buy the shirt, it says old white men matter, which I guess you could like construe that as like, It's just a cheeky shirt and like, you know, black people, they're so proud of all their bullshit. | |
| I'm be proud of my bullshit, too. | |
| I'm an old fart. | |
| Like, that's like the most charitable way I could ever explain this. | |
| But it being posted in the Let's Go Brand and Facebook group, like, completely invalidates any of that, obviously. | |
| Especially when he captions it, I wore this all day to celebrate Juneteenth. | |
| God, I really wish white people never found out about Juneteenth. |