#633 I don’t ABANDON someone because they had a bad night
TODAY: Biden deliberately tanks his debate performance to lull his opponent into a false sense of security. Will the gambit work? No! Democrats are in full meltdown and the liberal press demands Biden drop out of the race after his hitherto-imperceptible cognitive decline presented itself this one time. We discuss our current gerontocracy and go over liberal apologia for the elderly statesmen. Did we count out Simone Biles after one poor performance? Do we even want a president who can speak coherently? Padon-Mach Hommy Subscribe to our youtube channel at http://youtube.com/miniondeathcult Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult for $5/month and get 2 bonus episodes a week
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry.
Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-phonia today.
So stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what you're doing.
We'll show you exactly what I'm looking like when you're in the storm.
All their remarkable stuff.
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Yeah, okay.
I'm Alexander Edward, and I'm Tony Boswell, and we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
The most FDR president of our lifetime, by which I mean he should probably be in a wheelchair, is responsible, and we're documenting it.
What's up, folks?
How's everybody doing?
Did everybody watch some some interesting TV last Thursday?
Oh yeah, super, super interesting TV.
I think I think the world was glued to the television.
Did you actually watch it, Tony?
No, I was I started listening to it on like the way I was driving.
I started listening to on the way home.
That's probably that's probably the better way to experience the debate, to be honest, to not have to look at Biden or Trump as they make the noises they make.
And I happen to hear like one of the most like Trumpian Trump lines.
I think that might have happened.
And I just couldn't I couldn't do it.
So I turned off.
They were talking about the environment.
And he was like, he was like, when I was president, we had H2O.
We had the best water.
And it was like, what?
What are you talking about?
That's so true.
This guy Biden over here is selling California's water to Nestle.
Did you guys know that?
What if he just took like a like a water rights like land back stands for that for the debate just to own Joe Biden?
I see a lot of people out there drinking Modelo's.
Are you aware of where they're sourcing their water?
Oh, no, clearly don't care about the indigenous people.
Yeah, there's a that that used to be a black person's job drinking Modelo.
Yeah, the immigrants are taking it now.
Oh yeah, I definitely heard that part.
That part was great.
The my favorite part was I so I didn't watch it as I've expressed on this show.
I can't watch Joe Biden.
I can watch like a thirty second clip of him.
Maybe if it happens to be in one of my social media feeds, I can't.
I was watching clips of it the next morning on Twitter And I was just like showing Ani and it was the one where he takes like thirty seconds to say to finally get out that he beat Medicare.
Yes.
And I couldn't fucking believe my I couldn't believe and we and and and and and we beat Medicare, Medicare.
We beat Medicare.
I was like, what did it?
But The reason I can't watch him is because I go into like an existential crisis.
Watching him reminds me of our each and every one of our frail mortality.
Yeah.
Not only that, it reminds me of forgetting every single word I've ever known while recording this podcast.
Yep.
It's my looking at it's a it's a dark mirror looking at that.
I'm looking at that's why he's dark.
Brandon is because he's like an episode of Black Mirror for me personally.
There's no technology involved or whatever.
It's just know this is your your future.
This is everybody's future and it's horrifying.
Deal with it.
Yeah, I think we've all felt that way.
And it's the worst when you know you know the word.
Those are the ones you're scared of.
Those are the ones you're scared of losing.
Last night, I was talking to somebody, and I was trying to think of the band named Pissed Jeans, a band I love.
Sure.
And I could not think of... It took me like 10 minutes.
Don't even try.
You don't even try, because it makes it worse.
It made it... And I tried.
And then, of course, we moved on.
We moved on from the conversation.
Clearly, my opponent isn't in his right state of mind, because King of Jeans is one of the seminal noise rock albums of the 2000s, and who couldn't possibly remember?
Do we want somebody leading our free world who's not familiar with False Jesse Part Two?
I don't think so.
Exactly.
And time had gone by.
We had completely moved on, and I just yelled, Piss Jeans!
Piss Jeans!
That's what I was thinking of.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
It's an awful moment to be in, and you know that he's in a locked-in state of that.
Yeah, he's screaming in bed every night.
He's screaming out the names and the trains of thought that he diverted from at some point throughout the day.
But yeah, no, I saw some great clips.
I saw, yeah, the one where he said, we fought Medicare and won.
I saw the one where he's talking about He's talking about undocumented immigration, and he's bragging about how many immigrants they've arrested, and then I swear to God I haven't.
I haven't looked up this clip.
You can look it up and find it if you want to, but he says We've gotten that number down every year, and eventually we're going to get a total ban, a total, and then he, he rephrases whatever he was going to say.
I swear to, I swear to God, he was going to say a total ban on immigration, or at least that's what it sounded like to me.
I'm like, cool, that's great.
That's definitely something you want to be, you know, going toe to toe for toe to toe with Donald Trump on.
And then the other one where they were talking about abortion, I believe, And it went to Joe Biden's chance to comment, and he just started talking about undocumented immigrants again, because I think maybe he was responding to something, you know, some other non sequitur Trump had said, but like he didn't even frame it that way.
He just started talking about undocumented immigrations and how everybody gets gets raped.
You know, it's just everybody rapes, actually.
And it's just like, I guess I know what you're trying to say, that the way I would maybe say that is that undocumented immigrants commit far fewer crimes than an American citizen, statistically speaking, or whatever.
I wouldn't say I wouldn't just bring up the R word apropos of, you know, maybe something Trump's had said five minutes ago.
Yeah, the whole thing was was like, like you said, I didn't watch it.
I just trusted the Internet was going to show me what I needed to see from it.
And they did.
And yeah, it was it was weird because it was it didn't even feel like they were like debating for like the presidency as much as almost like the Republican ticket.
It was wild.
Like watching, listening, listening to like Biden make all these these like These points that were Republican talking points.
At one point, they're like arguing about who's going to fund the police more.
Yeah.
At one point, they're arguing about who's going to let less immigrants in.
Like it was it was just so.
Yeah.
He started calling Joe Biden a Palestinian as a as a slur.
Yeah.
I mean, that part was like.
Because he was saying that he's acting like a Palestinian now because he's like Not helping Israel, but it none of it made sense.
None of it made sense.
It was just.
Well, I'm sure Benjamin Netanyahu is going to clear all of that up when he speaks to Congress next month.
Yeah, we don't we don't have to worry about that.
Yeah.
Well, OK.
Aside from maybe our guttural, visceral, just in our bones reactions, we might have got from seeing two eighty five year old guys compete to be our next president.
I would like to, I, you know, despite that, I would say pretty, pretty good night for memes, right, Tony?
Oh, yeah.
You may not be happy with the candidate's performance, but as Elon Musk here says, tonight was a clear victory, space, dot, dot, dot, space, for memes.
I mean, you know, broken clock.
And I'm just imagining all the memes you could do with last night's performance, like, What if up there?
It's the actual CNN debate twenty twenty four, but somebody's cropped out the douche and the turd sandwich from that episode of South Park and put them behind the podiums.
Whoa!
Whoa!
That would be excuse me.
That would be Podia.
Oh, thank you.
I wasn't going to say anything.
I'm glad you cleared that up.
Yeah, no, that would be pretty fucking epic.
I think that'd be really epic.
That would be a good meme.
What if it's the old man from Jeff Dunham, Walter, the only not racist puppet from Jeff Dunham, As Brandon and then it's just a trump puppet that he made specifically for trump that like maybe it's orange like that's the joke about Cheeto color.
The trump is that he's orange.
What about that be good?
I was thinking when I when I was thinking of is because of course and thank you everybody, everyone who sent me the golf clip.
I can't believe that that's a thing that happened in real life.
You guys are coming a long way.
You, I think, had a hand in popularizing this burgeoning sport.
Now, even the presidents of the United States are talking about it.
I know we're trying to grow the game on national television, but it would be the top panel would be Biden telling Trump, let's have a driving competition, and then the bottom panel would be would be Austin three sixteen.
Coming down the ramp with a chair in his hand, but he's saying, now watch this drive.
That could be good.
Was that too?
Was that too?
So Bush says, watch this.
You got to put Bush's head on Austin 316.
It took me a second to get where you were going with that.
Okay.
Yeah.
And it'd probably say, is that Stone Cold Steve Austin's music?
No, it's George Bush's music, which, as we all know, is the UPS driver stadium electronic metal band covering Proud to be an American.
Yeah, but it still would start with the glass breaking.
That could be good.
Let's see what people, what kind of memes in the replies.
Well, you know, maybe they didn't actually do the meme, but you know, you could imagine, right?
Like, uh, OnlyApeGod, this has two, almost 200 likes, says, yes, it was so bad that it was good, dot, dot, space.
Only thing that was missing was Trump dropping a hashtag, hawk tour.
And then the and then the drop water droplet emojis and then the like cry.
I guess it's supposed to be crying laughing, but it is like the sobbing, the sobbing emoji.
This is great because I think this is a pro trump tweet.
Yeah, but it's also like my president sucks dick real good.
My fellow Americans, we cannot let trump.
We cannot afford to let trump hawk to on that thing.
No, no, He'll get it too slippy.
Too sloppy.
It's no good.
It's no good.
We can't have that.
We can't have that.
Have there been any Bill Clinton Hawk Tua memes?
Yeah, I've seen a Monica Lewinsky Hawk Tour.
Okay, good, good, good.
They're so bad.
It's like one of the worst memes.
Like, I get, you guys don't have to do memes about it, everything, okay?
Yeah, it's okay.
It doesn't all lend itself to making memes.
Like, the girl made a good video.
She made a funny thing happen.
You you get to enjoy it.
You get to watch it.
You could show your friends.
You can spread them her magic again of Hawk to a you don't get to be like this is a movement right.
This is a community.
It's like when I saw hot water music last night.
You know it's the girl up on state, the Hawk to a girl up on stage, and she's like just you know that's what brings us together is a love of Hawk to a and it's you know it's a move to a music.
It's a movement.
Don't do it.
Don't say it.
The Venn Diagram of Hot Water Music and Hawk Tua Meme People.
Oh yeah, we're pretty vast.
We're a crazy bunch.
Don't even get me started.
So yeah, you can imagine a meme where Trump says Hawk Tua.
You know?
This is an ad I got.
Speaking of Hawk Tua, this is an ad I got on my Facebook feed from some underwear brand called Culprit.
And the caption of the post, you know, it's like a sponsored post.
So it's like an ad, but it's got text and it says, Hock to a preorder, the ultra limited edition, yada, yada, Hock to a boxer briefs.
And it just says Hock to a on the waistband of a pair of black, you know, cotton boxers.
And by that you mean it's his Hock to a on a like a mock up of boxers that don't exist in real life yet, right?
This and that's probably why they're super limited edition.
What texture pack do you think this is from?
It looks pretty good.
Looks pretty good.
Yeah, I think I think you can just buy like a like a, you know, boxer brief mock up.
I like that that like the pocket, you know, like the what do you do the flap on the front of the pouch?
I like the pouch.
Yeah, it's very accentuated and you can tell there's like a void behind it.
They have a shadow work on there.
It looks good.
It looks good.
Got it.
I'm getting so interested in these boxers.
I think it's funny that it only says it only says Hawk to a once.
It didn't do the boxer brief thing where it It says the words all over, over and over again on it.
Yeah, because it would be cool to also say, spit on that thang, because that's, that's part of it.
Could have put the whole thing on there.
And also like, if you're like sagging, they're not going to see the hakutua from the back.
So what's the point?
Ladies, what would you think if You saw the, like, I guess you're kind of only seeing these if a guy takes his pants off, you know?
Because, I mean, sure, you could, like, sag your pants, but are you really reading the front of the waistband?
You know, is he, like, stretching his arms straight up in the air and leaning back at the same time?
You'd probably already have to be in a sexual situation with this gentleman to see the boxers.
What do you think if you see the Hawk Tua boxers?
Yeah, what are you thinking when you're admiring someone's famous Stars and Straps belt buckle and you look up and it says Hawk Tua on it?
Is it on like Donkey Kong?
Are you ready to Hawk Tua?
Are you going to go buy some of those drool mints?
Fuck, dude!
Facebook was putting that ad in my feed.
It's like, why am I watching teenagers drool as an ad?
Oh no, is that what the ads are?
Yeah, it's just a bunch of college-age girls drooling.
No!
Those things are stupid anyways.
I mean, I'm assuming it's from all the worse on TikTok.
I'm assuming they got actual minors to do that shit on TikTok.
Oh, I bet.
What's wild about it is they could have taken the cotton mouth approach And people would have just done the math and been like, I bet this is good for sucking dicks, too.
No, instantly didn't.
They're just like, no, this is for dicks.
That's the only context I saw it in.
It took me forever to figure out what the product even was or even why you would want it.
I mean, I'm like, I guess it's just for sucking dick.
Yeah.
And what's funny is I don't even think it's made in a way where you could use it for going down on a vagina.
I think it's probably not healthy.
Yeah, it fucks up her pH.
You probably shouldn't be putting that in there.
It's got microplastics in it.
Exactly, yeah.
Like, oh, how'd you get toxic sock syndrome?
Oh, my partner was using the drool mints too often.
Dude, I saw two two ladies grinding all over each other to hot water music last night.
It rolled.
That's awesome.
They were.
They were.
They were like they were like pogoing against each other, but like fast they were like they were like what do you like grinding on each other really fast to you know up tempo punk rock me sick.
I love that I was perfect rocking like rock hard rocking.
Yeah, that's a head.
They had it going at rules and then there's also a hawk to a bra.
You can get Oh, that's great.
Oh, and like, oh, it just says hot.
It's like, man, this is like, this is like, it's capitalized.
Like it's a proper, proper name.
Like it's a brand, like Hawk two is, but the brand is called, well, bands called culprit, not Hawk Tua.
Yeah, I like this is for people who like buy stuff that says yee yee on it, right?
Yes, exactly.
This is for this is for people who like have a have a yup hat because they watch Storage Wars.
Yeah, or you know the people who would have who would have bought like what was up t shirt twenty years ago.
Everyone saw like maybe once, twice a year.
I pull it out.
I pull out the was a it's fine.
That's it.
That's all you need.
It's a go.
It this the it's a strong spice.
You know, once a year is perfect.
Yeah, my my coworker.
This is a very coworker type thing.
He just turned 40 and he was talking about how he saw this hat.
He's like, I saw this hat and it was so cool and I've always wanted.
I wanted it since I wasn't 40 and I still want it now that I am 40 and it says it says Lordy Lordy over 40.
That's so funny.
You've been thinking about this hat for twenty years?
I'm going to send him the Hawk.
He's going to show up at the Hawk to a box.
This is like man.
This is, you know, like I feel how sheltered must that guy be, you know, like My grandpa had a had a hat like they had a they had a like a little hat rack in the back barn.
You know, they kept everything.
So maybe that's that's the difference and it had it had boobs on it.
It had physical felt breasts like three dimensional.
Yeah, that protruded from it.
They look like, you know, Miss Piggy's tits.
It was cute, you know, and I was like, now that's a hat.
That's a hat that I've been thinking about for thirty years or whatever, which I think is is valid.
This guy just needed to see more hats.
Also.
Also, you don't buy that hat for yourself.
Yeah, that's definitely like a drop in a hint.
He might have been been telling me very specifically what hat he wants me to buy him.
Oh, he wants you to buy by him.
The for the forty maybe because how honestly how great would it be if I did find that hat and pulled up to work with it for him?
Honestly, can I tell you something that's going to that's going to kill this guy?
It's going to slay him.
Yeah.
Find a forty year old virgin hat.
Oh, and give that to him.
Oh, oh, he's going to lose his mind.
He's going to he he's he's like I really he fucking rules.
He's like real cool.
He's also a super stoner to the point where like last night at the end of the night, it was very chill night.
I said the night there was a fight, a fight broke out and I had it and I broke it up.
And it was like two guys and one guy had the guy on a headlock.
I managed to get both of them in half Nelsons and kind of pry them apart and send them on their way.
So is that a whole Nelson?
Yeah, yeah, but it was like one arm under my right arm under one guy's right arm in the back of his neck, my left arm under the other guy's left arm in the back of his neck.
Nice.
One of them had the guy on my right had the other guy in a headlock.
See, that seems like a Stone Cold thing to do.
It was, it was.
Honestly, I felt pretty stone cold about it.
And I pried him apart.
And it's funny, there's three door guys for a reason, and I'm doing this all myself.
Wow.
Just the whole thing.
Look at Dalton from the movie Roadhouse over here, guys.
And then I go over, and my man was like, Oh, I didn't realize what was happening.
I was just watching it and I was like, thanks dog.
Appreciate that.
But he like, he was, it was fine.
And it's actually really sweet.
The, uh, I, I, both customers are like, they're usually cool people.
I was like, you guys stop, like go separate ways.
So you guys can come back later.
I want you to come back here, go chill.
And they just walk in and they can start walking back together.
And then you know what happened?
They hugged.
Wow.
See, that's good.
That's good bouncing, folks.
That's how it's done.
You bounce people into the bar.
You bounce people.
You bounce people into friendships.
You call them in.
You bounce them in.
You bounce them in, you develop friendships, we create bonds.
And it was funny, they like hugged and like there was still a bunch of people smoking out front and everybody applauded.
Wow.
It was so funny.
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Dude was just like, Oh, I, what was, I was wondering what was happening over there.
I was like, yeah, dude, just a couple people fighting.
And like the other, like the other bartender came out and all he did goes, all he did was, why are you fighting?
And I'm like, thank you so much.
Just, I got this.
It's all good.
It's fine.
Luckily, they were like the smallest dudes ever, so I'm not going to give myself that much credit.
But yeah, it was like, yeah, very.
I can see all the people involved in this wearing a Hawk to a boxer brief.
Okay, so did you hear how the New York Times responded to Joe Biden's performance of the debate last night?
We saw the op-ed that they that they printed.
Yeah, the op-ed, the editorial board of the New York Times, so like all the bosses Your time is fine.
Opinion to serve his country.
President Biden should leave the race.
The editorial board.
This is from June 28th.
This is from yesterday.
The editor.
President Biden has repeatedly and rightfully described the stakes in this November's presidential election is nothing less than the future of American democracy.
Donald Trump has proved himself to be a significant jeopardy to that democracy, an erratic and self-interested figure unworthy of the public trust.
He systematically attempted to undermine the integrity.
So this is just them like checking the boxes with every Democrat who's mad at them for writing this.
Yeah, we got to spend three paragraphs saying how Trump is bad first to like wean the lure the babies into some sense of normalcy.
He systematically attempted to undermine the integrity of elections.
His supporters have described publicly a 2025 agenda that would give him the power to carry out the most extreme of his promises and threats.
If he has returned to office, he has vowed to be a different kind of president, unrestrained by the checks on power built into the American political system.
You have to be like, canny.
You have to be canny and I think patient.
To actually navigate that sort, because it is a bureaucracy, not to say that the president isn't almost totally unrestrained, especially with how Congress has been treating the office the last 30, 20, 30 years.
But you have to be like, I don't know, you like Trump is a better public speaker than Biden.
But did he suddenly develop the discipline to work with the American, you know, executive bureaucratic system?
I don't I don't think so.
Like and that's I'm not trying to downplay a second Trump presidency.
It's going to be bad like the first one.
Yeah, but I don't I don't I don't think that Trump has gotten smarter since twenty twenty four.
No, I don't think so.
I mean, like, I can't imagine.
Because, honestly, if he was, I think we would at least see him, like, get in the bag for, like, an Alpha Brain endorsement or something like that.
You know?
And he hasn't done that.
Because I think he would also straight up say, That he's smarter now.
I think he would tell us.
He says.
I'm smarter than ever.
I've been reading books.
I've been talking to smart people, taking nootropics.
I went down to Peru and really opened my mind.
I'm smarter than ever.
I read.
It's the best my brain's ever been.
Read two to three books a week.
In addition to running all of our businesses as CEO, which, as we all know, entails a lot of work.
No, yeah, I mean, he just said he was like physically fitter than he was 20 years ago.
Yeah.
Sure.
Sure, man.
I've been saying I've been saying exactly that.
But back to this New York Times op-ed, Mr. Biden has said that he's the candidate with the best chance of taking on this threat of tyranny and defeating it.
It's like you're one of the worst people possible to do it.
Yeah.
This is, it should be a fairly easy task.
People have already said they don't want Trump.
They've already voted against him once.
It should be the easiest thing in the world for the Democrats, the party, you know, both parties have all the money, but Democrats have no shortage of money.
They have no shortage of like power and influence that they could use to, I don't know, What do you call it?
To come out with a better candidate than this shit.
It's very funny.
Super funny.
They're not interested in that stuff.
They're not interested in having a better candidate.
All the, like, Democratic volunteers, like the journalists who are Democrats, or the voters who are Democrats, or, you know, the politically aware, you know, commentators and yadda yadda yadda, they're all confused about this.
But the actual DNC is like, well, it's a win-win situation.
Yeah, because if we lose the presidency, then we just get to fund raise for four years off of it.
You know, we get to kind of just chill.
Actually, that's the thing about not being present.
We get to kind of just chill.
We don't have the we're going to lose a lot of stress about worrying about this guy.
We think we're hearing all the time, We get to be the underdogs again.
We get to be mad.
We get to have righteous anger.
We get to co-opt whatever women's movement is happening.
We get to co-opt whatever Black Lives Matter movement is happening.
And maybe that'll be enough energy to push the Republicans out of the White House in 2028.
And then sure, that's good too.
We get to invite more rap artists to the White House.
Yeah, can't wait.
I miss, you know, common actually has a good project coming out.
I'm excited about this neck, this next common project, and I'd really like it if Biden or Trump wasn't the one to invite him for that.
So his argument rests.
Okay, the Biden saying he's the best candidate.
His argument rests largely on the fact that he beat Mr. Trump in twenty twenty That is no longer a sufficient rationale for why Mr. Biden should be the Democratic nominee this year.
Yeah, especially since what his approval rating is like 37% or something.
Yeah, it's bad.
It's like lower than Trump's in 2020.
Yeah.
At Thursday's debate, the president needed to convince the American public that he was equal to the formidable demands of the office he is seeking to hold for another term.
Voters, however, cannot be expected to ignore what was instead plain to see.
Mr. Biden is not the man he was four years ago.
I mean, I'm sure you're hearing this if you listen to podcasts.
I'm sure you're hearing this a lot this week.
Everybody knew he wasn't the man in 2020.
Yeah, we all did not want this guy, you know, even like Bernie Sanders was too old in twenty twenty, but he was still the best the best candidate in the Democratic field.
No, yeah, just exactly the wrong person for this moment, because, you know, his like ascendancy to modern American politics was because he was a conservative Democrat that they could pair Obama with, you know, and it's and it's like, well, now Since Hillary was such a spectacular flame out, he's next in line.
Mm hmm.
You know, and I if you're the DNC, there isn't much.
What can you say to Joe Biden to get him to drop out if he determines that it's his his turn?
You know, I mean, at the end of the day, like, you know, at the end of the day, we're still in America and just being like a white guy is will get you pretty far.
So like that, you know, that's that's kind of that did the job for them.
He was like a non-minority whatsoever.
And they're like, you've been here before.
This will this will fucking work.
He has a black friend.
He's the perfect guy.
So super easy.
They didn't think anything past that.
And it's like that's not going to that's not going to cut it this time.
Well, it was just the people who decide, you know, these closed primaries that don't have a high participation rate.
The people who decide who gets to be the nominee are like older, more party loyal voters.
And so, you know, that was the rationale back then was, well, Bernie's not the best candidate because older voters in South Carolina thought Joe Biden was, and so they voted him in.
And it's like, Well, they're wrong.
I don't know how else to tell you.
And sure, it's, quote, democracy, so you can't be right or wrong.
Everybody gets a chance.
But it's like, well, this system does not incentivize everybody actually getting a say as to who becomes the nominee.
So it is left up to A very specific type of person who would be primed to see a spry 76-year-old Joe Biden more than capable of handling the job.
But back to this article.
The President appeared on Thursday night as the shadow of a great public servant.
He struggled to explain what he would accomplish in a second term.
He struggled to respond to Mr. Trump's provocations.
He struggled to hold Mr. Trump accountable for his lies, his failures, and his chilling plans.
More than once, he struggled to make it to the end of a sentence.
Mr. Biden has been an admirable president under his leadership.
The nation is prospered and begin to address a range of long term challenges and the wounds ripped open by Mr. Trump have begun to heal, but the greatest public service.
Yeah, just like no, that's like the worst part of this article, like just that, like having having to pretend that Biden would otherwise be stewarding us to a golden age of enlightenment and prosperity.
Yeah, No examples of that either, just a statement.
But the greatest service Mr. Biden can now perform is to announce that he will not continue to run for reelection.
As it stands, the president is engaged in a reckless gamble.
There are Democratic leaders better equipped to present clear, compelling and energetic alternatives to a second Trump presidency.
Yep.
There is no reason for the party to risk the stability and security of the country by forcing voters to choose between Mr. Trump's deficiencies and those of Mr. Biden.
It's too big a bet to simply hope that Americans will overlook or discount Mr. Biden's age and infirmity that they see with their own eyes.
Yeah.
And that's the thing is like you can be as rational rational of up of a political thinker as you want and be like, well, Biden is fucked up.
Biden's dying.
I still would rather have the country be run by the people surrounding Biden than by the people surrounding Trump.
I get that.
I get that argument.
I get that like that's actually the best argument I've heard.
I get that cold calculation.
You gotta vote for one of these fuckers.
We're in a two-party system.
Vote for the lesser of two evil or whatever.
I understand that argument.
That's not how the rest of the country is thinking about it.
A lot of them are, sure.
A lot of them are like, well, I definitely don't want Trump to be president, so I'm gonna vote for the other guy.
The other guy 2024.
Yeah.
Most people are just like, this is disgusting.
I don't ever want to think about this again.
I'm going to turn off the TV.
I'm going to block CNN.
I never, this is like, it's like seeing how the sausage is made.
It's like looking into the back room at the, at the, at the bar you always eat at.
No, thank you.
Seeing the rat traps, you know?
No, I think I'll just stop coming.
Do you think that like how bad this debate was?
Do you think that the next debate in September, do you think that the ratings are going to fall off or are they going to like triple because of like spectacle?
They might.
They it depends on, I guess, how long this narrative lasts.
But, you know, there's a pretty strong Biden shit himself in front of everybody narrative.
I think, yeah, my people might tune in even even more.
I don't know.
Yeah, I think I feel like I'm more likely to do it.
You know, that kind of thing where it's like, oh, cool, I'm just going to get really fucked up and watch this.
Uh, let's get into responses from my responses to the debate from my democratic Facebook groups.
So this is supporting Biden slash Harris ticket 2024 Facebook group that I've been part of.
You know, they've been like updating it every election.
I've been part of this group through several name changes.
Max Toney shares a meme.
She shares it from her own page.
This is something people in Facebook groups do when they want clout.
You share your own post from your personal page into the Facebook group, and then maybe people will share it again and again, and you'll get shares.
But all those shares will come off of your own page.
You know what I'm saying?
So Max Toney has shared her own meme into the Supporting Biden-Harris group.
Joe will make some mistakes, but they will be mistakes trying to do what is best for us, not what is best for himself.
He's not a perfect man, but he's a good man.
And another thing is, the post on her page is from six days ago, so before the debate.
Yeah.
She's sharing it into the group one day ago, yesterday, when the debate happened.
Very funny to have just these prepped.
Listen, presidents fuck up all the time.
I mean, you're, you're, you're saying that, but it sounds like, yeah, she sounds like she's planned ahead and she's standing on business.
Just, we're just in the chamber.
Got this in your back pocket.
Oh, I suppose you've never fucked up on.
We're all perfect.
She's, I wasn't even talking about anything crazy.
Actually, I was just talking about some like little thing, but now that he did this big thing, I'm just saying I've been saying so.
Do you look at the profile pick for Max Tony?
No, That's that's not that's not the person I bet.
Right.
I would be willing to guess that.
No, this like 17 year old Russian model.
Yeah.
Is not a sailboat, is not resistance posting into the supporting Democratic, supporting a Democratic administration, supporting the Biden Harris administration.
No, this person's much too pouty and introspective to be writing something like like Max Tony did.
So I just looked up what else Max Tony is doing in the group.
Oh, they're selling t-shirts.
Oh, hell.
Yeah.
So yeah, Max Tony posting here an AI either AI or photoshopped image of Obama holding up the t-shirt that she's trying to sell which it says nope.
Not again, but the O in nope is stylized to look like Donald Trump.
It's got the Trump hair and it's got the red tie hanging from the O. Very mixed message on this shirt.
Didn't yeah, didn't I mean, I guess you're saying nope to the orange man, but it's like the nope is the orange man.
So it's almost like the orange man is saying nope to your candidate.
The only reason we're reading it that way is because Obama is holding it right.
If you put Obama holding the shirt on the shirt, that would make that would maybe be better.
Maybe this is the shirt.
Maybe this is what you get on the shirt as a print on the shirt.
What's really sad and upsetting to think about is that there's a tree now in the Amazon that's just gone because of this image.
Like it's just gone just because of this Obama Obama, holding a child size shirt that has like a right angle in the corner.
That's not being supported by his hand.
It's just prop there.
He does look cool, though.
Obama doesn't cool.
Probably our coolest looking.
They kind of did his ears dirty.
His ears aren't that wild.
I think they will smith them a little bit.
It's funny because, like, so this meme about Joe will make some mistakes, but they'll be, you know, he sure he might fall down a manhole, but he was bringing you a Christmas present.
Exactly.
That has three hundred and fifty two likes and loves in this group.
And then but also her post where she shares the T-shirt also has like three hundred likes and loves in the group.
So I don't know if like The whole group is bots and they're all liking each other's bot posts, or if it's I suspect it's a mix of the two.
Everybody in the group is too old to know when somebody is selling something to them directly.
Yeah, they're just like, oh, this is a cool T shirt.
Oh, I like I like Obama.
I like things like, you know, like the famous story of when I like the post because I had a picture of Martin Luther King Jr.
on it, but then ended up being an anti abortion post.
Exactly.
It's just like that.
I like Obama click some of these.
Some of the cope, though, after this debate performance was incredible.
So this is another meme I saw from Shauna in the supporting Biden Harris Facebook group.
Oh, it's a Jimmy Kimmel quote.
I just saw this.
Okay, so it's a nice note.
I knew that because of the style of the of the quote because the impact it has.
No, no.
Because of what it's saying, it's very Jimmy Kimmel.
If you're familiar with Jimmy's material, you can recognize it from a mile away.
Okay.
Yeah.
Should I read Jimmy's material?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's just a meme.
That's like a quote and it says just because you think Alfred is too old to take care of the Batcave.
You don't replace him with the Joker.
Classic Kimmel.
Are you supposed to say that Trump is the Joker?
That's kind of dangerous.
That's super dangerous, especially because the new one's coming out soon.
I think Trump himself would say he's the Joker.
I think this is you're like correctly landing on what one of his positive attributes is, which is that he's he's a wild man.
He's a wild man who calls calls him like he sees him.
He's an outsider, a renegade.
Just a funny guy, a funny guy, just because you think Alfred is too old to take care of, take care of Bat Cave, not even the back to take care of Bat Cave.
That's maybe not a good analogy either.
I would want maybe not like an elderly man servant to be president of the United States still yeah, even even if it's a Oh no, that I was to say Morgan Freeman, but that was the assistant guy.
Oh yeah, that guy was a scientist, Tony.
I don't know why you assumed he was some sort of help or something.
He was like the head engineer at Fox.
Fox was his name.
By the way, it's not Morgan Freeman.
Alfred Fox.
I don't know.
Does his name also Alfred?
I don't remember.
Yeah, very, very yeah, definitely.
We need we need somebody running the Bat Cave.
Yeah.
Also, why do we need?
Why is somebody in the Bat Cave?
You know, you're just promoting like servitude.
Anyways, like that's not cool.
We need someone to put the nipples on the suits.
And yes, I mean, this is the Joker going to do it.
No, the Joker, the nipples would probably be inverted.
So when you put on the suit, it would hurt your nipples.
If we let the Joker in charge of it, the Joker would make ones that actually squirt water at you.
Or acid or acid or acid.
Yeah, man.
Imagine imagine trying to try to breastfeed, but it's acid.
That's that'd be bad.
That is in project twenty twenty five.
From what I heard, you've heard we're going to hear your first pregnant mother's lactate acid or hear first breaking news.
But yeah, I mean, and also you need someone who you can trust to take the proper measurements of your nipples because you can't just have anyone doing that.
You need someone like Alfred, who's, you know, kind.
You know, Trump would give you a purple nurple when he's doing that.
Plus Alfred has that hot ass niece.
Yeah, Alicia Silverstone.
I think Trump probably has some hot nieces.
Yeah, let's look at let's look at him.
Let's go see what we can find.
Yeah, let's go check this out.
It's all right.
I'm not relatives thick.
It's a it's okay folks.
I'm an uncle myself, so it's what's fine.
You just appreciate me.
This is my lane.
Yeah, Listen, just because Commissioner Gordon shot a thirteen-year-old in the back doesn't mean we turn the keys over to the city to frickin' Two-Face, right?
Think about it, because, yeah, Two-Face evil guys, bad guys.
He's the bad guy.
They're still going for this narrative of like of they're still pushing this hypothetical villain thing instead of like talking about the real villainous of them.
You know, you don't need you don't need to.
You don't need to chalk him up to being like the Joker.
He's like an actually bad person.
Yeah, well, you know, these are late-night comedians.
They're trying to make jokes.
I just, it's, you know, maybe not, maybe not one of the best.
But, um... I liked this comparison.
Tell me if this comparison seems accurate to you, Tony.
Linda Green says, Watching Olympic gymnastics trials and Simone Biles had a rough balance beam, but came back and killed the floor exercise.
David says good comparison heart emoji.
Yep.
Does Joe Biden have black girl magic?
He does, but he he got it synthesized.
He got it.
He actually he harvested.
It's a dream.
It is one that there is a dream.
Adrenochrome is real.
Yeah.
Actually, it's just it's just adrenochrome that smells like shea butter.
I love this, like, you know, one of the arguably greatest athletes in the history of athleticism.
They kind of had a little hard time one time, and then they were resilient.
They came back.
And she was only 15 when that happened.
Now imagine it's somebody with a lifetime of experience behind them.
Yep.
And it's funny because Simone Biles is someone who I think she's done now.
I think she retired at like 30, 32, which is super old for gymnastics.
Maybe she wasn't as young as I thought she was when she was... No, when she started, but remember, she started a long time ago.
She's been in the zeitgeist for well over a decade.
Yeah, but if she's 30, that's like almost our age, dude.
I mean, there's still a little bit of a gap, but yeah, but she's been around notable since we were in our early 20s.
I guess so, man.
Wow, time flies.
What is time?
You watch these youngsters, you know them when they're just a little sprat on the U.S.
Olympic team.
Now they're adults, they're retired.
Retired millionaires.
You're watching two twins play the same girl on a sitcom, and before you know it, you're on a website that's counting down to their 18th birthday.
Blink of an eye.
We watched Big Daddy.
Yeah.
The other day.
Yeah.
And I was like, before we turned it on, I was like, oh, Anakin Skywalker is in this, right?
It's Jake Lloyd.
That's who's the kid who wipes his own ass.
No, it's the twins kids.
And I was like, where do I know these little fuckers from?
Like, I know this movie.
I've seen Big Daddy a ton of times.
He's cute.
He's a great, great little actor.
Both of them are.
There's two of them.
Spoiler.
He wipes his own ass, you know?
Wipes his own ass.
He parties with Scuba Steve.
He would never reveal that he's been asked to be a secret member of the Scuba Squad.
But I was like, oh, these are the kids from the sweet life of Zack and Cody.
That's what they went on to do.
Okay, after I never put that together.
Yeah.
If I would have known, I might have given Zack and Cody a run, but I didn't know that.
I didn't know I was already a fan of their previous work.
I don't think it had the same writing team as Big Daddy.
I think it was maybe a different show.
It was probably a little young for us.
Yeah, for sure.
I was watching something on Disney Channel at the time.
I was trying to think of what actual Disney Channel shows I watched.
Cause even, even like, even Stevens was too late for me.
Yeah, just barely.
I watched, but I, I watched Boy Meets World, which was on the Disney Channel.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And then Flash Forward, I think was on the Disney Channel.
Don't remember that one.
It's got, I think that's the one with Ben Foster in it.
Okay.
Ben Foster, who's like a really good actor.
He normally plays like a psycho.
He looks kind of, kind of like a white nationalist.
Yeah.
I think he was in Flash Forward anyway.
Yeah, do you remember any of the Disney sitcoms you watched?
Because they didn't have a lot of good stuff, to be honest.
I didn't have cable.
I didn't have cable for a long time.
I would watch VHS's where my uncle would record entire seasons of the Bob Newhart Show and the Drew Carey Show and Seinfeld.
So we would just watch those over and over again.
And like, if I did watch Disney, I don't remember like I don't remember like looking forward to a show now did Nickelodeon.
Nickelodeon was always superior.
Now that the made for TV movies, of course.
Okay, what are you?
So which one are we talking?
Smart House?
We're talking.
We're talking Brink.
We're talking Brink.
Absolutely.
You know, we're talking Halloween Town.
Halloween Town.
Sure.
Sure.
You know.
Oh, you know, you know, we might have to check out his motocross.
Yeah, I didn't watch that one at the time, but I remember it.
That's got it.
It's got a spiky bleach hair kid in it.
I was a little older there.
Did you remember it?
Do you remember the plot of motocross?
It's like a girl.
He's like a girl pretending to be.
It's like Mulan.
It's a girl pretending to be a guy motocross.
She like falls.
So Cal Mulan.
It's it's Empire High Desert Mulan.
It's bro Mulan.
Yeah, it's bro bro law.
Yeah, she shaved her head to be part of the Metal Militia.
And then Brian Deegan's like, wait, are those tits?
She gets sponsored by Nitro to go and gets like sexually harassed within the first three minutes of being part of their team.
Yeah.
Back to some of these.
Yeah, this one, I think.
Right here was my favorite Jerry Taylor posts a meme that shows Hitler in front of the like the Nazi Army, you know all assembled and it says don't base everything on public speaking skills.
I love this because usually that's the thing like when people do the Hitler talk, they go well.
He was a great orator.
He's a great public speaker, but now they're saying like whoa that guy's real good at speaking.
You know who else was good at speaking And like that's not the way you know who else had a huge grassroots following a Hitler.
Yeah.
Do we really want that?
Are we really going for that?
And like that's also not how you compare Trump to Hitler.
There's like there's a million other ways if you want to go that route.
Well, there I don't think Trump is Trump doesn't enter in.
Strangely enough, Trump doesn't enter into this Hitler analogy.
This is purely an anti Biden.
Hitler is the anti Biden.
Yeah.
It would be fine because they don't want to admit they don't catch me stray like they don't want to admit that Trump is a good public speaker.
Now they want to just keep up with all he's a clown.
He just talks out of his ass and it's like yeah sure, but a clown still needs to be able to talk to an audience.
It's like the whole point of clowning is to communicate funny ideas.
Yeah, and it wouldn't be funny if like what if turns out Biden's actually doing like a Kaufman thing and he's a fucking genius.
Oh could be yeah.
I wouldn't I wouldn't put it past that wily old goat.
What if he's working on a dock and we're all going to feel real silly, a Borat style dock where he he infiltrates the presidency and acts real silly and just gets everyone to fall for it and behind the scenes he's like these idiots are still supporting me.
Can you believe this?
Yeah, that's probably what's going on.
I think so.
Makes sense to me.
Oh, you want a young, more energetic candidate?
Hmm, I seem to remember a young, energetic candidate that gripped Europe.
Very, very cool.
I just don't base everything on public speaking skills.
He's a he's a politician.
That's the one thing that like, OK, maybe, OK, wow, he's not he's not a gifted orator.
But he can get disparate parties to negotiate and to come to a compromise on it.
No, he can't do that either.
Yeah.
You know, it's and especially leading up to an election to be like, well, he's never been great at communicating to the public.
That's not that's not what this presidency is all about.
No, he see the thing is he he he got all his talking out in the first campaign.
You know he finished tons of sentences that time and and it's like it's kind of fucked up that we're like means testing the presidency.
You know he's already proven he can do it.
You know he's let him do his job.
He's focusing his energy on running the country.
Me, Joe Biden, typing up my memoirs.
As I had finished all my sentences that I wanted to in the first term, there was no need for me to finish any sentences on the next term.
Yeah, it's a waste of time.
Finishing your sentences is a waste of time when we all kind of know how we should feel already.
It's patronizing.
Don't treat me like I'm a third grader.
I don't need to hear the object of that verb.
If you really want to know how he feels, go ahead and look up all the stuff he's done yourself, okay?
I'm not going to educate you.
I think there is like a website that's like, what has Joe Biden done?
Fuck.
And it's like strengthened relationships with Israel.
Billion dollars and more funding for local police departments.
He gave the IRS AK-47s.
I actually think that one's cool, by the way.
That one was pretty cool.
Yeah.
I'm fine with that.
Because that means there's more in circulation.
That's why it's cool.
This last one...
Same guy, Jerry Taylor, the guy who posted the Hitler meme.
Says, I don't abandon someone because they had a bad night.
Joe has my back and I have his.
It that simple.
It that simple, Tony.
This was it.
This is a common sentiment, and I kind of I kind of feel like I predicted this, but yeah, Evelyn Brown replies saving our ungrateful asses during the pandemic is what a president does and helping to build America back, not with propaganda, but with deeds.
Go, Mr. Deeds, another good Adam Sandler, another yeah, another heart.
Very sneaky, very sneaky.
Oh man, he's so sneaky in that movie.
Go Joe, we're behind you.
So this is saving our ungrateful asses during the pandemic.
They're almost doing the Hillary, we owe him queen thing.
I don't abandon someone because they had a bad night, Tony.
This shows, listen, Joe Biden might not hear your comments, but your other friends who totally fuck up and fall flat on their face in front of a nation of millions that they're trying to win the votes of, they'll hear you.
They're here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How are they going to take that?
You want you?
That's not cool.
Joe Biden's your friend.
Would you talk about your friend that way?
Also, like what do you what do you mean?
Save your asses during the pandemic?
Like was he the one that like sent his checks and rolled out a vaccine?
Did he do that?
Oh, in fact, they declared the pandemic over as soon as like his administration got enough.
Yeah.
Like what?
What do you beat it?
He beat the he beat it.
He didn't have to.
That's what he meant when he said he beat Medicare.
He didn't have to beat Medicare, alright?
He could have just let Medicare continue to wreak its havoc on the country.
But no, he decided to declare Medicare over.
He did it.
And we're all so grateful.
But yeah, no, this is a sentiment I was kind of picking up from the zeitgeist, which is, if you as the American voter don't have enough pity for Joe Biden to vote for him in this election, then I don't know if we even deserve a democracy.
Yeah.
If we're this callous of a people that we can't recognize when somebody needs our help.
I bet you're the first one to just shit pop pop off to a home.
It's white culture.
This is what they do.
This is how white people treat their elders.
You know in other countries they respect their elders?
Did you know that?
They respect, they're revered.
They're, they're honored.
They're put in places of importance and, and here we just, just throw them out with the trash.
Yep.
Useless.
Oh, oh, just cause you can't say words.
You can't run a country.
Wow.
Um, I do like the, The right wingers who are responding to like all the, you know, all of our lefty friends and mutuals and social media who are like, you know, last night it was like watching the devil bring to life a shriveled potato husk to talk at us for two hours.
And then you have some right-wing MAGA guy or some Griper or Pepe Frog avatar being like, yeah, where was this energy the last four years, huh?
Yep.
Oh, now all of a sudden you don't like Joe Biden.
Mao did nothing wrong, 69.
Yeah, we've been telling you that Joe Biden is incompetent.
We're all fake friends is all.
You know, we're all, they're all fake friends.
They didn't say anything.
And now it's like, that's the whole thing too.
It's funny.
I thought, I thought he was the, I thought he was the perfect communist.
What happened?
Hmm.
Yeah.
What happened there?
Huh?
But it's like, yeah, it's funny watching people go into this like panic.
It's like, Oh, now, now's when you notice.
You didn't watch any of the fan cams before, right?
See, that's a criticism you could level at almost any like democratic partisan for sure.
But it's just funny to see it like posted at Marxist theorists, you know, guys that I only know because they're like leftist professors of history.
I don't think they were ever saying Joe Biden was a good pick for no.
Most people did know.
I'm sorry.
Most people did know that Joe Biden was like like when he got the numb when he started doing that.
Well, I think all of us tugged our collars.
Anybody who didn't want Trump to be president was like that's not you're not you're not a genius for seeing that folks.
I mean, it's just, but again, like you could be, I guess, mistaken looking at like the political pundit class talking about, you know, the political class and the pundit class, both talking about, well, in private, Joe Biden is just so eloquent and so in command of his own train of thoughts.
I've actually heard, I have a friend who saw him do a cartwheel.
He and you wouldn't want him to do that in for it would.
It would be like it would be clownish.
Honestly, he would be lowering himself to Trump's level.
If he did those push ups, he pretends he can do honestly.
I think I'm kind of understanding.
I think it was a round off.
Whoa, I think it was a round off.
I don't think he was a cartwheel.
That's hard because you got to be able to stop your momentum.
I mean, what's the number?
What's the number one threat to an older person?
It's falling.
And when you round off, you're just landing with your back, essentially to the almost to the ground.
Your back's going down.
If you don't have those limber, limber hammies, that I'm guessing I'm glad to know that Joe Biden has.
See, real heads know that.
And that's where the Simone Biles comparison came from.
You would have known that if you were tapped in.
Yeah.
Well, that's the country, folks.
I hope everybody enjoyed it.
Hope everyone enjoys the country.
We're going to end the show, but if you want to support this show, if you want to support Minion Death Cult, you get a bonus episode every single week, as well as join our live stream.
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And you know, there's one more thing.
If you're somebody who doesn't want to see Trump become president, even if you're someone who's rooting for Biden, please, please pray.
Do whatever you need to do.
Offer tithes, make a sacrifice that they don't decide to take this, to settle this, this Run off in a game of golf because Biden's going to get washed.
He's going to get absolutely destroyed.
So let's just pray that doesn't it doesn't come down to a driving competition because that motherfucker is not a six handicap.
I'll tell you that much.
Just please hope you know this.
We got it.
We got to maintain democracy.
I'm manifesting a dark Brandon meme where Trump says, I challenge you to a driving contest, and then the next meme is Biden running over Donald Trump in his yet.
Nineteen forty five coupe Deville with sunglasses on and saying you're on Jack, but he's, you know, Trump's already dead under the under the wheel.
I like it.
I like it.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, that's it folks.
Bye.
Peace. - So anybody see them light, how we never see it yet, a warm back everything.
Locktop, phone, everything.
A pipe phone flood a warm back everybody.
Near brand furniture, near brand bed, and near brand yard.
Everybody flood a warm back everything.
Baby can't get men in giant.
A shit walk on, but you want that. - Flip you on the track like Tasha and Jones Park.
Since you wanted raps, I got some raw chords, all on.
Stuffin' king-size bitches, clappin' like Ron Old.
In the playoffs, verse the rappers, let a dog roam.
Niggas stay off, I was passionate and logged on.
Flippin' jakes off on my tablet with a smartphone.
If it's eight balls that you have to get your snot nose.
Red nose piss is not a factor, but you bar four.
It's just what it is, niggas asking what you drive, whoa.
It's open like lids, I be packaging the cargo.
Overnight this, like that, and get to God knows.
It's nobody's business when you have to mention John Doe's.
Headlights dimming, but the passengers is why I woke.
Red nose piss is not a factor, it's a combo.
We call that shit speed, I ain't rapping if it's not dope.
You want it like me?
I ain't jacking niggas.
I chose to keep my air to the streets so I can find hope.
