ELF-decor in CHRISTIAN HOMES? MYSTICAL, MAGICIAL, MYTHOLOGICAL imps? (preview)
Merry X-Mas! We’re celebrating by calling Civil War 2 on the Communist Supreme Court Justices in Colorado, who ruled to remove Trump from the state’s presidential ballot. We find nascent rumblings of “direct action” against major cities—talk of blocking food and supplies going from real America (suburbs) to urban centers (wastelands with zero resources) ALSO: Feeling sick this year? Respiratory illness going around? It’s probably the Elf’s Curse: a side effect of meddling with forces beyond your comprehension (the elf on the shelf) Hope everyone is having happy holidays. Take care of yourselves, and we’ll see you next year. Sign up for $5/month at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult to get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult
Okay, this was sent to us via Aaron in the Facebook group.
Here's your Christmas cheer for the day, folks.
Sorry, you're a pagan if you do the elf on the shelf.
No, not a pagan.
I knew that was a pagan ritual.
Carol Kornacki, any relation to Steve, I'm not sure, says, What are Christians doing with this in their homes?
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
It's a photo of the elf on the shelf who's not on a shelf in this photo.
He's like swinging from a little fake tire swing in the, I don't know, in an entryway or somewhere.
Elves possess strong, quote, supernatural powers, which can create, quote, bad deeds such as illness.
I remember that from the Bible.
When Jesus is all like, watch out for elves, y'all.
They're not to be trusted.
Well, I mean, it makes sense that if you like take the Bible as as literal, this isn't again, this isn't like a shot at Christians, but There is a lot of like magic stuff in the Bible, right?
Oh, totally, totally.
So it makes sense that you would be predisposed to like believing in other magic stuff if you believe the Bible literally, but I don't think you're supposed to believe in like pagan witchcraft, right?
But they still do.
Like, I had friends growing up whose families were extremely Christian and like, believed in voodoo and stuff.
Well, the thing about that stuff, like, it wasn't so much that they believed in voodoo, but they believed in voodoo being a channel for the devil.
But this lady seems to be giving credit to elves.
A little bit of research.
There are no elves to be found within the pages of the Bible.
Yeah, I don't know why supernatural powers is in quotes.
Who is she quoting there?
Did she look this up on the Magic the Gathering Wikipedia or something?
Yeah, what are their hit points?
Which can create, quote, bad deeds such as illness.
So I like that she's like, Okay well throughout history we've heard of elves creating bad deeds and we know like that's nonsense.
An elf can't like, whatever, turn your daughter into a platypus or whatever.
Or a whore.
But, well, yes they can because they can do stuff like illness.
So I like that it's like a belief in magic but only to like a certain degree.
Yeah, it's within reason.
It makes sense.
Female elves have, quote, magical qualities that can trap young.
See, I like that.
Like, well, to any, you know, any any sufficiently advanced technology will appear as magic.
And so I think that's what she's saying is female elves have like advanced technology that we perceive as magical quality, quote, magical qualities that can trap young men through their charms.
I love this, like, telling your kids, like, listen, don't be seduced by the female elf.
You're going to be entranced by the female elf, but it's bad.
Don't fall for that shit.
I mean, who hasn't been entranced by Liv Tyler in the Lord of the Rings series?
True.
There's another really hot elf in the Hobbit trilogy.
Like, it's everywhere you fucking look.
It's terrifying.
Calling, you bring home your girlfriend.
She looks a little, she looks a little like elf to me.
Yeah.
Looks a little elf.
She might be a little elf.
Are your parents elfin by chance?
How are you with a, how are you with a bow?
Elves do bows, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Totally.
Yeah.
How are you with a bow and arrow?
I noticed that your girlfriend has like Bit of a childlike spirit of wonder about the world?
- Is that something we need to talk about? - Mom, it's just cosmetic glitter.
It's just makeup.
She doesn't actually... It's just a bit of a sheen.
It's not really much at all.
It's fine.
You can have some too.
It's okay.
It's very nice to meet your girlfriend.
I'm so happy you brought her over.
Couldn't help but notice she was wearing bells.
Um, hmm.
It's like, mom, it's Christmas.
It's for the season.
Pretty convenient, I think.
Does she wear that?
Does she wear that little green hat all the time?
It's a Carhartt beanie, mom.
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