Minion Death Cult - ELF-decor in CHRISTIAN HOMES? MYSTICAL, MAGICIAL, MYTHOLOGICAL imps? (preview)
Aired: 2023-12-25
Duration: 04:55


=== Elf Magic Debunked (04:24) ===

[00:00:02]  Okay, this was sent to us via Aaron in the Facebook group.
[00:00:07]  Here's your Christmas cheer for the day, folks.
[00:00:09]  Sorry, you're a pagan if you do the elf on the shelf.
[00:00:16]  No, not a pagan.
[00:00:17]  I knew that was a pagan ritual.
[00:00:20]  Carol Kornacki, any relation to Steve, I'm not sure, says, What are Christians doing with this in their homes?
[00:00:28]  Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
[00:00:29]  It's a photo of the elf on the shelf who's not on a shelf in this photo.
[00:00:33]  He's like swinging from a little fake tire swing in the, I don't know, in an entryway or somewhere.
[00:00:40]  Elves possess strong, quote, supernatural powers, which can create, quote, bad deeds such as illness.
[00:00:49]  I remember that from the Bible.
[00:00:53]  When Jesus is all like, watch out for elves, y'all.
[00:00:56]  They're not to be trusted.
[00:00:58]  Well, I mean, it makes sense that if you like take the Bible as as literal, this isn't again, this isn't like a shot at Christians, but There is a lot of like magic stuff in the Bible, right?
[00:01:12]  Oh, totally, totally.
[00:01:13]  So it makes sense that you would be predisposed to like believing in other magic stuff if you believe the Bible literally, but I don't think you're supposed to believe in like pagan witchcraft, right?
[00:01:28]  But they still do.
[00:01:32]  Like, I had friends growing up whose families were extremely Christian and like, believed in voodoo and stuff.
[00:01:39]  Well, the thing about that stuff, like, it wasn't so much that they believed in voodoo, but they believed in voodoo being a channel for the devil.
[00:01:48]  But this lady seems to be giving credit to elves.
[00:01:52]  A little bit of research.
[00:01:55]  There are no elves to be found within the pages of the Bible.
[00:01:58]  Yeah, I don't know why supernatural powers is in quotes.
[00:02:02]  Who is she quoting there?
[00:02:04]  Did she look this up on the Magic the Gathering Wikipedia or something?
[00:02:07]  Yeah, what are their hit points?
[00:02:10]  Which can create, quote, bad deeds such as illness.
[00:02:13]  So I like that she's like, Okay well throughout history we've heard of elves creating bad deeds and we know like that's nonsense.
[00:02:20]  An elf can't like, whatever, turn your daughter into a platypus or whatever.
[00:02:29]  Or a whore.
[00:02:30]  But, well, yes they can because they can do stuff like illness.
[00:02:36]  So I like that it's like a belief in magic but only to like a certain degree.
[00:02:41]  Yeah, it's within reason.
[00:02:42]  It makes sense.
[00:02:45]  Female elves have, quote, magical qualities that can trap young.
[00:02:49]  See, I like that.
[00:02:49]  Like, well, to any, you know, any any sufficiently advanced technology will appear as magic.
[00:02:58]  And so I think that's what she's saying is female elves have like advanced technology that we perceive as magical quality, quote, magical qualities that can trap young men through their charms.
[00:03:11]  I love this, like, telling your kids, like, listen, don't be seduced by the female elf.
[00:03:18]  You're going to be entranced by the female elf, but it's bad.
[00:03:21]  Don't fall for that shit.
[00:03:22]  I mean, who hasn't been entranced by Liv Tyler in the Lord of the Rings series?
[00:03:28]  True.
[00:03:30]  There's another really hot elf in the Hobbit trilogy.
[00:03:34]  Like, it's everywhere you fucking look.
[00:03:37]  It's terrifying.
[00:03:40]  Calling, you bring home your girlfriend.
[00:03:42]  She looks a little, she looks a little like elf to me.
[00:03:44]  Yeah.
[00:03:44]  Looks a little elf.
[00:03:45]  She might be a little elf.
[00:03:47]  Are your parents elfin by chance?
[00:03:49]  How are you with a, how are you with a bow?
[00:03:51]  Elves do bows, right?
[00:03:53]  Yes.
[00:03:53]  Yeah.
[00:03:54]  Yeah.
[00:03:54]  Totally.
[00:03:54]  Yeah.
[00:03:54]  How are you with a bow and arrow?
[00:03:57]  I noticed that your girlfriend has like Bit of a childlike spirit of wonder about the world?
[00:04:04]  - Is that something we need to talk about? - Mom, it's just cosmetic glitter.

=== Help Us This Month (00:44) ===

[00:04:13]  It's just makeup.
[00:04:14]  She doesn't actually... It's just a bit of a sheen.
[00:04:18]  It's not really much at all.
[00:04:19]  It's fine.
[00:04:21]  You can have some too.
[00:04:22]  It's okay.
[00:04:23]  It's very nice to meet your girlfriend.
[00:04:25]  I'm so happy you brought her over.
[00:04:27]  Couldn't help but notice she was wearing bells.
[00:04:31]  Um, hmm.
[00:04:31]  It's like, mom, it's Christmas.
[00:04:36]  It's for the season.
[00:04:37]  Pretty convenient, I think.
[00:04:40]  Does she wear that?
[00:04:40]  Does she wear that little green hat all the time?
[00:04:42]  It's a Carhartt beanie, mom.
[00:04:47]  Help us do the show for only five bucks a month, and you'll get two bonus episodes every week, including a live stream with listeners every Saturday.