This week the Miami PD debuts a Black History Month Police Cruiser. Even the liberals aren't enjoying this, and the right just got 25° more racist. Also: a nation calls for war with China after a balloon drifts accross the US mainland, as a Pentagon spokesperson solemnly swears that it's a spy balloon and not just a normal weather balloon. ------------------------ Support the show for $5/month and get a weekly bonus episode of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). That's TWO bonus episodes a week. Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000 with Bryan Quinby; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult ------------------------ Music: KRS-One - Sound of da Police Alpha Mist - BC
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
So stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
- All right, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
A terrifying Chinese spy balloon is responsible.
We're documenting it.
Hello everybody, thank you for tuning in.
We have a spectacularly jam-packed episode for everyone today, so I'm going to jump right in.
It is, of course, Black History Month.
All 28 days, baby.
Yeah.
You know what that means.
Some of the most insane displays of hollow pandering you never could have possibly imagined.
Move over Nancy Pelosi kneeling in kente cloth because the city of Miami, specifically the Miami Police Department, has unveiled the Black History Month police cruiser.
It's unreal, man.
It's everything This looks like, this is A.I.
art, right?
They use A.I.
art to do this rap, right?
Yeah, that's why the hands are behind their backs.
It's the smart move.
Hands in the pockets, hands behind the backs.
No, I honestly think that the wrap itself was designed by AEI.
Because, like, it's not... It doesn't just... I mean, it says Black History Month.
It's very Afrocentric looking.
There's actual Africa on it several times.
Yeah.
Like, this is a straight-up, like, Pan-African... Like, this is... The back has a kente print.
Like, it's so...
Colorful.
Like, it's, it's unreal.
It's, I can't believe it's real.
It looks kind of sick.
It does look kind of sick.
It looks like a fucking, it looks like it should be on the set of the goddamn Black Panther.
That's true.
Um, you know, this thing, a Black History Month police cruiser, like, this is the clearest case of entrapment I've ever seen for, uh, burning a cop car.
Like, this is an attractive nuisance.
This is like having a trampoline in your front yard and no fence.
Insurance companies should be able to cancel your policy if you debut a Black History Month themed police cruiser.
Not only is it like a trampoline in your front yard with no fence, it's one of those below ground trampolines.
You don't even have to climb on top of.
It's the one you can ride your bike over and on top of.
It's like something inside of Travis Pastrana's house.
It's unreal.
I keep looking at that Africa.
Like, that is, I've never, I've like, I've never seen Africa on like a, on a government anything in America.
So.
So for it to be a police car is like... so wild.
Hey, I mean... I haven't seen these pictures.
These must have actual black people in it.
So that's kind of interesting.
Yeah, the Africa being on the cop car, whatever, you know, they're a little confused, but they got the spirit, you know.
It's, yeah, the colors is everything.
It's so busy.
It looks like... isn't there like a production company called Indian Paintbrush?
It looks like a close-up of a new Adobe Photoshop home screen.
Like you're looking at an up-close digital brush stroke.
Like you're looking at the grains, like the pigments.
It's insane.
It's an insane scheme for anything, let alone a cop car.
Yeah and like I said it's definitely it's funny because it's a hodgepodge too.
It's definitely several different things that they found on google image you know that they just kind of layered on top of each other like the the text it says black history month just beautifully in in the black yellow and green which like by the way actually not like the it's not the yellow is not really necessary that's a kind of a different thing.
So African-Americans, it's just black, red, and green.
So the yellow is kind of an even more open-minded touch, even.
They're going to go even further.
They're even more down for this non-colonial approach to it.
They're for the people.
You should actually be mad about that.
You should try to get mad at them about the yellow.
You should be like, you almost had it.
You were so close.
Yeah, and that's what's really funny about it.
That kind of does give inclusion to our Caribbean family, you know?
But then Africa being on it... Straight up Africa.
To be fair, so what you're talking about is it's like the outline of Africa.
It's like a white pinstripe outline shape of Africa.
And to be fair, this is...
Americans really only know how to put the border outline of different provinces on their car.
True, yeah.
Exactly half of cars on the road have a sticker that's just the outline of whatever state they're in.
What's up with people who love Hawaii?
They just have a Hawaii sticker, but they don't live there.
They're not Hawaiian.
They have to have a Hawaii sticker on their car.
I always try to see who's driving those cars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, I made the joke a long time ago cause I, you know, knocking on doors and delivering packages, you see a lot of like decorations.
You see a lot of different kinds of decorations that people have on the front of their house.
Um, and it's, it's like, Oh, you say white people have no culture.
What about this?
And it's a sign that says Mahalo for removing your shoes.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
White people love Hawaiian shit.
Yeah.
I mean, it's gotta be the most chill vibes when you're viewed through the white lens.
It's gotta be the most chill vibes.
There's a lifted truck.
On my route that I see driving around on my route that has like the Hawaii sticker and then it's got like the area code says like 808 or whatever the Hawaii area code is.
Yeah.
And it's like 808 gang or something like that.
And I'm like, I need to see how white this guy is.
Like I need to see if he's just half white or if he's all the way white.
He's like white, but he never goes inside.
So he is very tan.
He's like very tan, does not believe in sunscreen.
Very tan, like does not wear sleeves.
Also, the most chill aggro dude ever.
Uh, yeah.
So this shit right here, this Black History Month police cruiser, this doesn't work anymore for anyone, right?
Except the cops.
The only people who are happy about this are the black cops.
The white cops in Miami are definitely not happy about the Black History Month police cruiser.
They're furious.
What I will say, I am happy that they just kept it like a regular cruiser.
They didn't try to do a navigator or a hummer.
Yeah.
I'm happy it has stock wheels on it because that's how you're really going to get the infighting happening is if all of a sudden the black cops get to drive this super pimp mobile and the white cops got to drive their regular old black and whites.
Is this a black and black?
Not a black and white?
I don't know.
I don't think they call them black and whites anymore.
I think they're all just trying to be as black and unphotographable as possible.
They're like black on black.
That's kind of what all of them are now.
It's true.
And sometimes they're not cop cruisers at all.
Sometimes they're Nissan Altimus.
Yeah, but this shit doesn't work, right?
Like, even the liberals are like, no.
Please, no.
It's that thing where, I mean, I would let you do it if y'all would just go just a couple weeks, just a couple weeks without killing a black guy.
I might let it rock.
But I guess Florida, maybe Florida's been good for a while.
No, I do.
I sincerely doubt Florida's been good at anything.
Does George Zimmerman still live there?
Because if George Zimmerman still lives there, they can't have that car.
Dude, like, half of this police force is fucking white Cubans.
I don't think it's like... I don't think it's necessarily anti-racist.
Yeah.
Not even a little bit.
Um, yeah, I think this might work for like a little kid, a little kid who's never had a conversation with his parents regarding this.
Then you're like, Oh, cool.
Wow.
Like even the, even the police, they like black history month just because like his mom hasn't gotten around to having to talk with him yet.
Yeah, exactly.
Like hasn't, hasn't quite had that early one.
You know, Mom, they really care down at the police department.
They made me feel inclusive.
I walked in, and before they took my mugshot, they put their hands across their chest and gave me a little nod.
I felt like Little T'Challa in there.
I felt like Little T'Challa with my... Before they took my picture, and they didn't let me call you for a couple days, but before they did that, they did give me the Black Panther nod, and that was cool.
Yeah.
They did take away my Black Panther power before booking me, by which I mean my fidget spinner.
They confiscated my fidget spinner.
They said it was too dangerous.
No, everybody laughed their fucking ass off of this.
Like normal people made fun of this for obvious reasons, and then the right wing became like 25% more racist overnight from this debut.
Just the Fox News comment section like, Pretty normie place for the right wing.
There's a lot of like libs in the Fox News comment section who try to do facts and logic against the Magatards or whatever they call them.
It was like 700 comments and like 600 of them were the most openly racist I've ever seen in a Fox News comment.
Definitely not, we're not going to read those on here.
I might post them later because it's like astounding.
But it's literally dozens of people saying, why should we celebrate black people?
Yeah.
Black people are lazy.
Just overt, old-timey racism.
Crazy.
How many comments was, where's the white history car?
Yeah, there was a thread on white entertainment television, white history month, et cetera.
Why don't we do a truck?
A truck that rolls coal, but it's that particular formula that is like white billows of smoke.
Yeah.
And we could put white powered.
White powered.
And that could be our truck.
By our, I mean the racist people.
Right.
I already got a car.
I'm content.
I don't need a fucking other car.
I got a Black History Mobil right here.
Look at this thing.
It's pretty swagged out.
Another thing they did was, so there is a black police union in Miami.
Because of how racist Miami is, because of how racist Miami, even the black cops need a union apart, you know, in addition to the regular police union.
They uh this is an official post from the Black Police Union in Miami.
Thanks Chief Morales for supporting our efforts in bringing this first ever City of Miami Police Department Black History Month badge to be worn February 2023.
This is our legacy together and it's a photo of Yeah, the president of the Black Police Officers Union, as well as the police chief of the entire department, Morales, holding a tiny badge.
It's so small.
Is that how big the AOEs are?
No, it's like smaller than the emblems on their jackets that are that are in the shape of a badge.
But it's it's an all black badge with you know bright yellow letters that say Chief Miami Police and then the eagle at the top of the badge that's like perched at the top of the badge that makes up the top of the badge is clutching a red yellow and green flag in its mouth.
Again, it's so funny because, yes, red, yellow, and green is many African nations and other nations' colors, but it does not necessarily mean Black American by any means.
It does not necessarily mean capital B Black.
I love that they're using it, but it's just so funny that somebody designed this and signed off on it.
Well, no, this one actually has a black stripe, too.
But still, it's just, it's so funny.
It doesn't have a... Oh, is it a black one at the bottom, I guess?
Yeah, at the bottom, yeah.
Oh, okay.
Interesting.
But yeah, it's just like, I love this.
I love their... I love their... Hey, you know, big ups to Ghana, big ups to Cameroon, you know?
Like, that's... I love this.
Hey, big ups to JAW, to be real, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I love this.
This is awesome.
It's so fucking funny.
it's like blacked out it's like not chrome it's like has a whole badge is black what would you call it what would that finish probably be called like matte or eggshell yeah it's like a real soft sheen to it maybe satin um so small
It's so small they're like holding it they're like trying to pass it to each other in the photo and each of them only have like a thumb tip on it because it's because it's like two inches or three it's like the size of half of his finger it's like it's like a joint on his finger it's so funny yeah it's so small
I love I love the police like this is how this is how resistant they are to actually you know any any reforms if any if there could be such a thing as a meaningful reform uh this is how resistant they are that they would rather put something on a badge aka a American bald eagle holding the Pan-African flag in its mouth.
They would rather put something on their badge that would give like every suburban white guy a fucking aneurysm to see than like, I don't know, offer mental health services instead of the police or something.
Yeah, totally.
They would rather do this.
I think they're also kind of in on the joke I think they think, I bet you they do think it's funny.
I think they also just love collectibles.
Yeah, this is like, I think what this is, this is like, shout your abortion for cops.
Yeah, yeah.
This is like, unafraid.
We need to stop being defensive.
We need to go out there and just proudly display how fucked up we are with this badge and this fucking squad car.
And it's such a beautiful cop-out, because it's like, oh, you think this department's racist?
Not only do we have a black union, we also have commemorative badges.
No, I would never use mine.
I mean, it's not mine to use.
It's just not mine to use.
I would never use it.
I'm glad I have it, but I would never use it.
You think you can?
These are official?
You can make an arrest with this badge?
How many death threats do you think this black union president gets?
Like a week?
Probably at least one a week.
Oh easily.
It's probably pretty constant.
It's probably a lot.
But he probably loves them.
He's above it all.
He's beyond person.
Yeah, it's just, I mean, it's good that this kind of stuff doesn't work anymore.
Like, I think the Nancy Pelosi, the Democrats kneeling in kente cloth, like that was, I think, the turning point when they decided to do that.
I think a lot of people were like, you guys are fucking insane.
You guys are so out of touch with everything.
that this is like no chance no chance for this to be received well whatsoever except by some of the original black police officers uh The original first Miami black police officers who again had to find their own union to stop getting hate-crimed by their co-workers.
They were there.
They liked this stuff.
I guess when you got a pension, why not show up for a photo shoot?
Imagine being that person that's like, oh no, I've been around for a long time.
You know, back in my day, they were still lynching.
They were still lynching.
You know how awkward it was for me to show up to a lynching call?
Awkward.
Awkward.
They don't want to see the old black and blue, you know?
They don't want to see that.
Not today, but... You guys are spoiled these days.
I haven't seen a lynching in forever.
I mean, like, now.
Yeah, kids are so soft now.
Everybody wants a lynch-free life.
You gotta earn it.
Gotta earn it by joining the police.
You know how much quicker it is to be shot than it is to actually hit?
It's drastically different.
It's like Mercy.
Yeah, like getting shot by the cops instead of lynched is like the automatic transmission.
Yeah, you just have to do it without power steering.
That's right, yeah.
Um, let's get into responses here.
So these are, these are some of the sillier responses, some of the less like overtly racist and, uh, therefore kind of mundane comments.
Uh, this one is from a user.
This is the Fox News comment section.
This one's from a user called that's underscore a underscore garbage, underscore can underscore dams, right arrow, and then a garbage can emoji.
And then it was cut off.
So it just says, that's a garbage can, Dems.
And it's pointing to a garbage can.
So that's all you can see anytime he comments on any article.
Just, that's a garbage can, Dems.
I mean, you know what it is.
You know what it is.
Yeah.
And so do the Dems.
And he says about the squad car.
This is an article, again, the extremely racist article about the Black History Month police car.
That's a garbage can, Dems comments.
Instead of sirens, does it emit window rattling bass booms?
And then twisted laughing, crying emoji.
I only hate this comment because I think that we've come so far as far as like fidelity.
You know, quality of sound system builds now.
I think that we're far past the rat.
I will go as far as to say that nine times out of ten, when I hear bass booming, trunk rattling, I am going to see a white teen.
I'm going to go in and put it... And I live in an area where you might hear loud music.
But if it's rattling and sounds kind of crappy, it's probably going to be a white teen.
So it's just an inaccurate trope these days, you know?
A lot of times it has to do with the structural integrity of your car itself, too.
Exactly.
So that depends.
Yeah, instead of sirens, is it going to be playing rap music?
Yeah, is he going to be playing rap music?
If you were clever, you could have been like, oh, instead of having sirens, are you going to have KRS-One doing the siren sound?
Yeah.
Whoop whoop.
That's the sound of the police?
And it would be real.
It would be accurate, because you are, in fact, the police, and you're making the noise.
Okay, so his full username, though, is that's a garbage can Dems, right arrow, garbage can emoji.
Jump in!
Two exclamation points, and then the emoji for throwing garbage away.
That rules.
You don't even have to comment.
You can just leave an emoji, really, and you still get an extra dunk on top of it.
Yeah.
Calling all the Dems trash.
I'm kind of mad I can't steal that one.
I like this comment from ontherightbutilaught.
I don't know what that means.
Has a very interesting concern about the Black History Month police cruiser.
Law enforcement is required to remain neutral and unbiased prior to, during, and after any arrest.
This is disgusting regardless of what or who it quote celebrates.
I fully agree.
Yeah, they're violating impartiality.
You swear an oath to impartiality when you become a police officer and you're actually in contempt of the court system if you have something that violates that impartiality on your vehicle.
It's true.
Well, I mean, think about it.
What if, per se, what if, hypothetically, I'm a white man, right?
I'm a white man who is in the middle of committing a hate crime, an anti-Black hate crime.
How am I supposed to trust that when that car arrives, I'm going to be treated fairly?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm clearly in the middle of a hike.
They're going to think I'm being biased.
They don't understand.
They don't know the history of it.
They don't know why I'm there.
They just see me in the midst of what is perceived to be a hate crime, and I can't trust their judgment.
That's fucked up.
That's not cool.
They're supposed to listen to my reasoning for why hate crimes are good with an impartial mind.
They're not supposed to take an opinion.
They're not supposed to take a stance on what I'm doing.
Yeah, I love this idea.
Who is this going to negatively...
Do they think black people are now going to get special treatment under the law because... Well, if black people, if they see that the police are pro-black, then they won't resist as much, and then they'll stop getting shot, and that's not fair.
Yeah, that's not a fair advantage.
This is like the anti-Toms argument.
You're going to give these kids shoes.
They're going to get used to having shoes.
And then when the shoes are gone, they're not going to be calloused anymore.
Um, we should say, uh, another reason that people aren't buying the, like, uh, I don't know, I don't know, like, the pandering, I guess?
It's not a very charitable way to describe it, but, like, the wrapping your car in your police cruiser, uh, in pro-black sentiment or whatever, uh, another reason that's not very effective is because one of the biggest incidents of police brutality in recent memory just happened, uh,
An event so bad that it was widely decried across the political spectrum involved black police officers in the killing of Tyree Nichols and beating him to death.
They were black.
So, like, it's fairly obvious That the representation of the actual people in the system didn't change it.
What makes you think the representation of the colors on the car are gonna make a difference?
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, we've never had... I mean, we always have, but there's such definitive proof of how we can't fix this, you know?
You can't change this.
This is so ingrained in that system that, yeah, even the people who you're pandering to, once you put that uniform on, You're no longer a citizen anymore.
You're no longer a person anymore.
And you are going to see things through that lens because it's so ingrained and so indoctrinated.
And like we said, like you said, you know, this is, we haven't seen another, you know, this is another like, it's extra bad when a gun's not involved, you know?
It's like, it's like extra bad, you know?
And for it to be, Yeah, five black police officers beating a young black man to death.
Yeah, what the fuck is a car rap?
Yeah um the only reform that makes sense to police is taking power away from them.
Like if you can't get to abolition or whatever I understand that's a huge uh a mountain to climb.
The only reforms I'm like open to hearing are reforms that take away power from the police.
That's like put put power elsewhere in the hands of social services or in the hands of like You know, local governments to fucking commandeer empty houses and house people.
That's the kind of reform I'm open to hearing about.
I can't tell what this username is.
It's either me at nowhere or meet nowhere.
It's me and it's meet nowhere.
You'll find meet nowhere around me.
It's about my my xvx lifestyle.
Okay, Meet Nowhere says, so let's get this straight dot dot dot.
They want athletes to wear BLM and gay slash lesbian pride logos or suffer woke outrage.
Yet at the time expel woke outrage when an organization shows support and not exact not the exact way they specify question mark question mark.
Wokeness is literally the most close-minded authoritarian sect of this country, of this century.
Yeah.
Yeah, the people who got mad at the fucking deputized manhunters, deputized like killers of men, the people who are mad upset about that are the authoritarians.
For sure.
Yeah.
That's definitely how that works.
It's like, come on, man.
I mean, this is the ultimate we got the McDonald's at home meme.
It's like, oh, you wanted the end of the slow genocide of black Americans by government hands?
Well, instead, we got you this wrapped Explorer with kente cloth print on the back in Africa on it.
You're welcome.
We did it.
Who was asking for athletes to wear the BLM or Gay and Lesbian Pride?
Nobody except the team owner or the investors was asking for that.
Nobody thinks that's a real thing.
Nobody thinks that makes that much of a difference.
Yeah, and it is almost like, you guys complain, The Right complains about virtue signaling all the time.
This is like the most obvious case of virtue signaling possible and you're like, how come you guys don't like it?
Yeah, how can we iron into it?
And it's like, well, because like you said, it's the same car that they're going to throw us in the back of.
It doesn't fucking matter what it looks like on the outside.
Did they change the inside?
Do they do any fun stereotypes on the inside?
What would be on the inside?
It would just, I don't know, I guess it would smell like incense.
Maybe have one of those, like, Swapmeat blankets?
Like a lion blanket?
Yeah.
You know?
Basically, yeah.
I think things like that.
Amenities.
But then they get real racy and they're like, can we put a Kool-Aid dispenser in there?
Along similar lines, the left is the enemy of the USA.
Says, this is nothing more than pandering to a certain demographic in the hopes that they'll be nice and won't riot, loot, burn, and destroy.
Putting... and then, okay, I'm gonna stop right there for a second.
I mean, this is like, you know, you're getting close to the, like, kind of, the kind of overt race.
This is less overt, but you could tell what he means.
But this is like along the lines of what the entire comment section was.
You know, all black people are rioters.
Why would we celebrate the destruction of America?
That sort of thing.
This is nothing more than pandering to a certain demographic in the hopes that they'll be nice and won't riot, loon, burt, and destroy.
Another response I read was like, When are black people going to have some dignity and stop accepting all this pandering and patronizing?
It's like you're reading an article about people who don't accept the pandering about people who reject the pandering and the patronizing nature of this cop car rap um and and this the same is here this is nothing more than pandering and it's like yeah pan like the very definition of pandering is that it's not substantial or effective or meaningful Exactly.
And it's like, okay, so you don't want us to stand for the pandering.
What do you want us to do about it?
What's your suggestion?
Can we write specifically about the car?
Is that okay?
Can you let me walk with that?
Yeah it's it's what the elites don't want meme with the confederate guy and the the guy with like whoever like Bob Marley or Malcolm X on the on his back patch with dreadlocks uh uniting over hating this fucking car and this is what this is what the establishment fears um the second sentence here is insanely funny putting them in advertisements and commercials isn't enough yep yep
They're so... Come on.
You want a representation, we put you in a few commercials.
I mean... Oh, so you're just gonna pretend like Sprite doesn't exist?
It's pretty fucked up.
TV is like everything to these people.
TV is their whole fucking lives.
They're like, you got to be on TV, by which I mean a different black guy you've never met.
Got to be on TV.
They gave a rapper a gosh darn Happy Meal.
Right.
What is that about?
Never enough for them.
You give them Happy Meals.
Same guy got a god dang Reese's box.
Reese's Pieces box.
You know?
Never enough for them.
They got to have cop cars too?
Yeah.
Not cool.
You got into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
What is there to complain about?
Hey, you're welcome.
Putting them in advertisements and commercials isn't an... I love the idea that black people are only in commercials to like placate the mob.
It's like black people couldn't possibly buy products or be like a demographic you would try to advertise to.
Impossible.
It must be a measure to like, yeah, prevent the further destruction of our urban city centers.
I mean, if they're smart, they would understand that it's kind of a waste because why would you advertise to the culture that you're poaching from?
How are you going to trust that they're going to evolve and we can steal more from them if we're actually trying to feed it to them too?
That's not going to get us anywhere.
This is how fucked up, like, Americans are.
Is that you think social justice is getting to be that a black person in a commercial is social justice.
Yeah.
Then, like, I mean that unironically.
Like, you really do think that's the height of achievement is that you get somebody who looks like you gets to be on TV.
Back in my day, Mikey was white.
Is Mikey even a child anymore?
Yeah.
Does Mikey even still like it?
Is he still a little baby child who still likes it?
How am I supposed to know if I like it if I'm totally different than Mikey?
Yeah.
What's the point?
Especially when it comes to food.
I can't trust that I'm going to process it the same as they do, you know?
That's the sound of the police!
That's the sound of the beast!
That's the sound of the police!
- Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Yeah, okay, so we see a lot of infuriating things on, for doing this show, in for doing this show, in the course of doing this show.
I think this one is probably one of the ones that's going to make me lose my mind.
What I'm talking about is the Chinese spy balloon That the U.S.
media is uncritically reporting as a Chinese spy balloon based off of a statement from the Pentagon.
The Pentagon said this is a Chinese spy balloon and so now Headlines are reading, like here in the New York Times, US shoots down Chinese spy balloon off the coast of the Carolinas.
Chinese spy balloon, not in quotes, not even qualified with quotes from a Pentagon official.
Just, that's the headline.
The sub-headline here in the New York Times is, the airborne surveillance device was first spotted earlier this week over the western United States.
China is of course saying, hey guys, this is a normal weather balloon.
You know we have the satellites?
You know we have insanely powerful cameras in space above the United States at all times?
Do you guys know that?
You know that most, like a lot of the people who live in your country actually signed over their cameras they carry with them every single day through our little app?
Did you know that?
Listen, we don't need a Chinese spy balloon to see the top of a military base.
We can go to TikTok and see the inside of it.
We can see your soldiers doing Fortnite dances inside the barracks.
Yeah, you know, like they for sure, oh man, I can't think of the name of one dance right now.
Who?
The Floss.
Reggie?
Doing the Floss.
The Reginald?
Yeah, you know somebody was getting rugged in the missile silos?
You know that was happening.
Uh, this New York Times article is by Helaine, I think that's how it's pronounced, Helaine Cooper and Edward Wong.
And, uh, Helaine Cooper, the Pentagon, she is the Pentagon correspondent for the New York Times, just uncritically reporting what the Pentagon said.
Never been an issue before.
Can't imagine the New York Times being a stenographer for the Pentagon having any sort of, uh, negative ramifications.
Um, the Atlantic.
This headline.
Why the US isn't shooting down the Chinese spy balloon.
Reuters.
Blinken postpones China trip over quote unacceptable end quote Chinese spy balloon.
So the unacceptable, that's a quote.
We can't verify whether or not it's unacceptable but it is a Chinese spy balloon.
Yeah, we do know that part.
We know that you're in danger, and they're not doing anything about it, to be honest.
I want you to know that.
That's what's happening right now.
You're getting spied on hard by these Chinese balloons.
Here at Reuters, we don't dally in emotional reporting or unverified claims, so we can't say whether or not having a foreign country spying on you is unacceptable or not.
That's an opinion.
That's none of our business.
However, it is a high-powered balloon terror device.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I mean, there's no way around it.
That's the only thing it could be.
Uh, New York Times.
I'm surprised, like, pictures of the Hindenburg didn't circulate.
They wish.
They wish.
They wish this balloon had self-destructed like that.
Frickin' Biden wouldn't have had to work up the courage to shoot it down a week late if it had exploded on its own.
New York Times headlines.
More here.
U.S.
close to shooting down Chinese spy balloon over the East Coast.
Downing of Chinese spy balloon ends chapter in diplomatic crisis.
The Scientific American says Chinese spy balloon has unexpected maneuverability.
More on that in a second.
CNN Politics says U.S.
shoots down Chinese spy balloon off of East Coast.
This is like driving me mad.
Seeing the phrase Chinese spy balloon Even in quotes, it would be bad enough to be putting this in front of the American public that China flew a spy balloon over your house.
But without quotes, just as like hard news, a hard headline.
Sometimes when you get into these articles, they will say a suspected Chinese spy balloon, but that's not what people are reading.
People are seeing these fucking headlines.
Um, so the Scientific American article is, uh, funny in its own right, because yeah, Chinese spy balloon has unexpected maneuverability.
An expert explains why it's so odd that the suspected Chinese spy balloon can change course.
Uh, so wow.
That is so weird.
Something's not adding up with what the Pentagon said.
Here's an expert to explain why this is weird.
Although China's Ministry of Foreign Affairs quickly claimed that the object is merely a civilian weather observatory blown off course, later on Friday, the Pentagon Press Secretary, Air Force Brigadier General Patrick Ryder held a press briefing where he stated, quote, We know that it's a surveillance balloon.
We know this is a Chinese balloon and that it has the ability to maneuver.
That's the evidence every single outlet is going off of.
That the Pentagon Press Secretary said it was an evil balloon.
Hey, where's the lie though?
Where's the lie?
All those things are real.
It's from China.
It has maneuverability.
It's a balloon.
Those are all facts.
Kind of.
This maneuverability is beyond the capabilities of most high-altitude balloons, said John Villasenor, director of the Institute for Technology Law and Policy and a professor of electrical engineering law, public policy, and management at the University of California, Los Angeles.
The only balloons I've ever heard of are the ones that can go up and down, or the ones that don't do anything.
They just go completely at the mercy of the winds, he says.
But the phrasing from these spokespeople seems to suggest some greater degree of control than that.
I don't know what that means, but I think it's notable.
It adds some more complexity to the whole thing.
Oh, I'm- I'm just- I'm- I'm merely an engineer.
What do I know?
The Pentagon press secretary said it was a magic balloon that floated across- that slowly floated across the United States, visible to the naked eye on purpose.
I mean, next time you have imposter syndrome, just remember that the director of the Institute for Technology Law and Policy Professor of Electrical Engineering Law and Public Policy and Management at the University of California, Los Angeles, has only seen balloons that go up and down and with the wind.
Which, by the way, if the wind's going and they're supposed to go up and down, they just go with the wind anyways.
So, next time you're feeling that, just know, apply for any job.
Anything that looks cool to you, just apply for it.
I, I, well he's like allowing himself to be second guessed by, he's second guessing himself based on the testimony of a Pentagon spokesperson.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, come, so this is, I mean, do I have to say Iraq War?
Like, what the fuck, man?
This is like, and it, it's Iraq War if it, instead of fucking tubes, uranium, depleted uranium, or, uh, rocket tubes, or whatever, we're talking about a balloon that got popped.
A balloon that got popped, that floated across the United, like, Who in their right minds thinks that China was doing a clandestine balloon operation that floated slowly, just conveniently, in the same direction as the fucking wind stream across the United States within view of everybody?
I mean, if anything, it would be funny.
Like, they might just be really funny.
They might be like, yo, we're gonna send this balloon over and they're gonna freak the fuck out.
It's gonna be hilarious.
And actually, while they're looking at the balloon, we're gonna hashtag China's, baby.
We're just gonna go ahead and get all that info.
So I'm gonna read here from NPR, another great headline.
The U.S.
has downed a Chinese spy balloon off the coast of South Carolina.
This is like worse than what they do for the cops.
This is like another degree of stenography for the powers.
Oh, but in the thumbnail where there's an image of the balloon being popped... Hey, Jordan Peele tried to warn us here.
Look at this.
Under the thumbnail, the suspected Chinese spy balloon.
So that's where they put the word suspected is in like eight point font under the thumbnail.
The U.S.
military shot down a suspected Chinese spy balloon off the coast of South Carolina on Saturday afternoon, the Pentagon said, while China called the downing an overreaction.
On Wednesday, President Biden gave his authorization to take down the surveillance balloon as soon as the mission could be accomplished without undue risk to American lives under the balloon's path, U.S.
Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin said in a statement.
Austin said military commanders had determined downing the balloon while over land posed an undue risk to people across a wide area due to the size and altitude of the balloon and its surveillance payload.
It's like, I don't know if it was the balloon that posed a risk to the American population.
I think it might have been more an F-22 fighter jet firing missiles above American soil.
That may have posed more of a threat than the fucking weather balloon.
Speaking on Saturday, do we know if they actually did shoot it down?
Because I feel like that, I feel like if it's going over like Montana and South Carolina where it was, I feel like someone shot it down and then they took credit for it.
No, what they did was is they got it and they buried it at sea.
So as not to create a martyr for Chinese people to rally around.
And that's why they're being so hush hush about this whole thing.
Because the people I've... I'm not going to try to paint Montana with a broad brush.
I'm only going to speak about the people who I know from Billings, Montana.
Which is where it was seen over a lot.
The people who I know from Billings, Montana were probably freaking the fuck out.
They were probably freaking the fuck out.
And I think that, you know... Yeah, they were probably losing their minds.
They probably did want to shoot it out of the air.
Like, no doubt.
Yeah, I mean, everybody on Twitter was like, what's his name?
That Appalachian guy who's in the Senate now?
The Appalachian guy who started his career as being a liberal who hates Appalachians and is now one of the real Americans from Appalachia?
Yeah, that guy posted a photo of him pointing his gun at the sky.
Yeah, dog.
I mean, it's hard to, like, it just looks like a normal conservative photo.
Just looks like a normal conservative guy angry at the sky.
Just shooting, shooting off at God.
Yeah.
No, they did that.
I don't think anyone actually shot it.
I think it was too high to actually be shot at.
I'm sure some people tried, but.
Speaking on Saturday, President Biden told reporters he gave the order on Wednesday.
U.S.
officials, quote, said to me, let's wait till the safest place to do it, he said.
They successfully took it down.
And I want to compliment our aviators who did it, Biden added.
Uh, the downing came shortly after the federal aviation blah blah blah blah.
China responds with quote, dissatisfaction and protest.
U.S.
and Chinese officials have given conflicting information on the balloon's purpose.
Wow, go figure.
The Chinese government said the balloon is strictly used for meteorological research and accidentally went adrift into U.S.
airspace.
Like, if they could control this thing, they probably would have prevented it from flying over the mainland U.S.
at a low altitude.
I don't know.
Yeah, didn't they say it was like a citizen balloon?
It wasn't like a... It was like from China, but it wasn't like... It was kind of... They weren't really... The government wasn't really involved with the balloon itself.
It was just a meteorological balloon that... Hobbyists do meteorological balloons, you know?
I don't think that's what they meant.
I think they meant it wasn't a military bullet.
It was like more for civilian purposes as like, as in information, you know, weather information.
I could be wrong about that, but that's kind of what I interpreted it as.
You're probably right there.
The Chinese government said the balloon is strictly used for meteorological research and accidentally went adrift into U.S.
airspace.
China's foreign ministry on Saturday expressed strong dissatisfaction and protest over what it called the U.S.' 's use of force to attack a civilian unmanned airship.
See, that's where it says civilian.
I think it just means non-military.
It called the shooting down an, quote, obvious overreaction and a serious violation of international practice.
America overreacting?
I can't imagine.
Already your story doesn't add up.
I mean, America notoriously has no chill, so that might make sense.
The Pentagon has said the balloon was being used for surveillance.
How?
Why is it being used for surveillance?
How do they know that?
Its presence already led Secretary of State Antony Blinken on Friday to postpone a historic trip to Beijing as tensions continue to rise between the two countries over national security.
Yeah, this totally seems like something China would do ahead of a meeting trying to normalize relations with America, is they would deliberately send a low-flying target over the U.S.
U.S.
officials... They're like, why wouldn't we just kidnap this guy?
We could just kidnap this guy.
We don't have to send a balloon.
We could just torture this dude.
Like, come on.
Right.
Balloons are whack.
First, I thought you said, kidnap the sky.
And I thought, well, that's a threat.
America owns the sky.
That is 100% a threat.
That's true.
You can't kidnap the sky.
Not from us.
The balloon traveling through the U.S.
quickly became an internet celebrity as meteorologists, storm chasers, and others shared sightings on social media as it continued on its path across the U.S.
Others criticized the Biden administration for not taking quicker actions to stop it.
The quote, the China balloon flying over the U.S.
is a direct assault on our national sovereignty.
How?
Because it is, baby.
Texas government, Texas Governor Greg Abbott tweeted on Friday, Biden's refusal to stop it is a dereliction of duty.
From flying balloons to open borders, Biden has no regard for our national security and sovereignty.
He's just letting the Chinese fucking wipe their balloon asses all across our airspace.
Hey, I got a question for you.
In theory, in order for this balloon to get over Montana and South Dakota, it had to fly over Washington.
What's your problem?
What's your deal?
How come you didn't take care of it?
You're talking all this shit.
And it flew right over your head.
You didn't even notice it.
Oh, no, I noticed it, and I saluted it.
I said, thank you, President Xi.
Oh, OK.
Cool, cool, cool.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
Nothing to hide here.
I held my hands out.
I emptied my pockets in front of the balloon.
I said, we're all good, baby.
I only own the one house.
I don't do any renting.
No landlords here!
Okay, this was a dereliction of Biden's duty.
Austin praised Biden's decision to shoot down the balloon.
The Canadian government assisted in the, quote, tracking and analysis of the balloon.
How is this real life, man?
We're talking about an F-22 shooting down a Chinese spy balloon.
Today's deliberate and lawful action Demonstrates that President Biden and his national security team will always put the safety and security of the American people first while responding effectively to the PRC's unacceptable violation of our sovereignty.
See, it's win-win.
It's win-win for everybody.
The right wing gets to complain that Biden didn't kill the balloon quickly enough.
Biden gets to say, we took a measured response, we didn't endanger any civilian lives, and we stuck it to China.
And also, Jim Scudo reported, notable, U.S.
officials say they were able to block the balloon from gathering intel during its overflight of the U.S.
while the U.S.
military was able to turn the tables, so to speak, to gather intel on the balloon itself and its equipment.
Oh, got them.
Got their ass.
Whoa, you thought you were gonna get us?
No fucking way.
We did a little intel ourselves.
Yeah.
And we found out that it's just a weather balloon.
No, they're never gonna release that information, Tony, and how dare you even ask?
It could affect national security if they reveal the contents of this surveillance balloon.
No, I love this next stage.
It's like, oh, everybody be afraid of this balloon.
This is definitely a Chinese spy balloon.
Everybody be afraid of it.
It's a big fucking deal.
It's actually like a weapon of war here.
Next turn in the story, However, we were actually able to prevent the Chinese spy balloon from gathering any intel due to our magnificent quick actions, quick thinking on the part of Biden.
So they didn't get any information, actually.
And it's like, whew!
Wow, thank God.
I'm so grateful to have Biden protect me from the threat of the information they could have gathered if we didn't have Biden here.
I mean, they weren't going to get any information from me anyways, because I have that layer of film on my wallets that protects it so they can't get scanned.
My security wallets.
So they weren't going to get any information from me anyways.
They should make all of America out of an RFID scanner, protective.
I think you're right.
I think you're right.
I think that'd be smart.
That's what the flag... What if we just started making flags out of that?
There are so many flags around that it would probably do the job.
It would create a network.
As long as the flag also had like a carbon fiber coating over it or something.
Oh, naturally.
But it has to be like a supple carbon fiber so it can still wave in glory.
Absolutely.
I mean it'll be lightweight so actually it will wave even easier.
Imagine if this was any other aircraft with any like nefarious intentions at all.
The time it took.
The time it took to make the decision.
Like they would have just been home.
They would have just flown all the way back to China.
Well, I think maybe if it was a real threat, they would have done something about it a week ago.
I think that's even more evidence that this was not anything.
This was nothing.
This is, oh look, we have a rock that prevents Chinese spying.
See, there's Chinese spying everywhere.
It's even in that balloon you're seeing.
But this special rock we have keeps Americans safe.
Make sure you vote for the rock in the upcoming election.
And remember, The Rock only works if you believe in it.
Yeah.
That's what, like, the only two responses I'm seeing to this are I'm seeing people, uh...
Calling Biden a traitor for allowing the balloon to fly over America.
Or I'm seeing Biden being called a hero for defending us from the Chinese balloon.
Like the libs are doing performative thank you, sir.
Trump would have launched a frickin' nuke at the balloon.
Thank you for your measured response and for keeping Americans safe from the Chinese threat that definitely exists.
I think it's really cool how Just like a week ago, top generals were saying, hey everybody, prepare for a war with China.
That's what we're going to be trying to do.
So everybody get ready.
Just, you know, tuck your pants into your socks.
2025, baby.
War with China.
And then the next week it's, oh, Chinese launches an attack.
China launches an attack on us with a balloon.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Interesting stuff.
Interesting timing.
Under this NPR article, I thought was just astounding.
You know, it says like, oh, more stories from NPR, you know, other articles that may be of interest.
The second one listed under this story uncritically reporting on what the Pentagon, repeating what the Pentagon said about the Chinese spy balloon, under this is history.
20 years ago, the U.S.
warned of Iraq's alleged, quote, weapons of mass destruction.
And there's a little thumbnail with Colin Powell at the U.N.
or Congress.
I can't remember where this is from.
But yeah, wow.
I think it might be a good idea to revisit that story.
I mean, it's true.
Y2K is hot right now.
Yeah.
You know, like that type of energy is hot right now.
People are really into it.
I've been seeing people posting their iPods again, you know?
So yeah, it's time.
It's time for some good old-fashioned war.
It's so frustrating because you see like on the right with Trump and Trump's criticism of the US military, Trump's criticism of the Iraq war, Bernie Sanders' criticism of the Iraq war, Barack Obama's criticism of the Iraq war.
That's why he was fucking elected in the first place.
With the rise of these very popular figures who are admitting skepticism with the US like security state apparatus.
And I know, I know that Trump and Obama are not actually skeptical of the US security state apparatuses, but they're running on that sentiment.
That's a real sentiment from the public and they're tapping into that real same sentiment.
I expected the public to maybe laugh a little bit more about the idea of a Chinese spy balloon being a reason to go to war with China.
You know, there's a lot of criticism on the Ukraine war right now from the right.
You know, there's a lot of people who are like, why are we involved in another military conflict?
Why are we sending a ton of money over there to just perpetuate a war that's happening?
Those same people are like, Biden didn't... Biden should have fired 10 missiles at the balloon.
Yeah, he should have shown strength.
He shouldn't have let them know not to play around, you know?
We should definitely go to war with China over the balloon.
Yeah, flex.
We just gotta flex a little bit, you know?
Yeah, Kevin McCarthy tweeted, First Biden refused to defend our borders.
Now he won't defend our skies.
This has 65,000 likes.
How can you take this shit seriously?
This country is a joke.
How can you take this shit seriously?
It's sad.
Like, this country is a joke.
It's sad.
Oh, yeah.
It's so sad.
It's been a bummer thinking about it.
Yeah, exactly.
It's a total joke.
What sucks about this whole thing is these politics ruin everything.
This would have been such a fun UFO story, but instead we couldn't do that.
We had to go straight to Chinese spy balloon because it would have been literal.
It is an unidentified flying object.
We don't know what it is.
It has not been identified.
That would have been fun, but we got to fuck everything up.
We gotta politicize everything, you know?
Please keep your politics out of my cryptids.
Yeah, I mean, where's the mystery left in life?
We used to be able to look up at the sky and imagine.
We used to be able to look up at the sky and let our minds run wild.
And now we got the Pentagon saying, oh no, that's an act of war, actually.
And you're like, fuck, I just wanted to imagine.
It was, I don't know, maybe the Wizard of Oz visiting our land for the first time in a hundred years.
It's funny, too, because I think that most people who are scared of China are already convinced that China has cloud ships like NOPE that just look like clouds that we already can't see.
I think they're already convinced they have that technology or something like it, but they're also scared of this very rudimentary balloon.
Yeah man, they know that China has better shit than a weather balloon.
I think what happened was...
So you know how more light is being cast on police departments and their militarized training they're receiving from who?
Oh, Israel.
Israel IDF forces are training our local police departments.
And you know what?
China couldn't stand that.
China couldn't stand powerful Israelis coming over to teach us how to handle the violent left and the woke mob in this country.
So what they did was is they consulted with Palestinians China did, and they learned about terror balloons.
They learned about the terror balloons that Palestinians have, and that's what they brought over here.
So, you know, tit for tat.
You know what sucks is that there are gonna be, like, you know, land-to-air rockets on police, you know, registries now, and it's gonna say, in case of China balloon.
And I think just to close out this segment, I wanted to read this post from Kurt Autry of NBC12.
He's the anchor.
He's the NBC News anchor.
I think this is either Vermont or Virginia.
Can't remember.
He's the NBC News anchor.
He posted a photo of the balloon.
And it says, not a conspiracy guy dot dot dot.
But don't you think there's got to be something they're not telling us about that Chinese balloon?
In a world of billion-dollar spy satellites, a balloon the size of two city buses, I think it's three city buses actually, traveling 12 miles per hour over Montana is hardly clandestine spy craft.
And concerns over a debris field in a region that rural seems like a flimsy excuse for not shooting it down.
What do you think?
Hashtag, I got questions.
Um, not to be a conspiracy guy, but what if the simplest explanation is the accurate one?
I think that's the opposite of a fucking conspiracy, my guy.
Like, this is how crazy America is now, is that you're like, none of this makes sense.
None of the story that we're hearing makes sense at all.
It must be even worse.
It must be even worse than what the government is telling us.
No, exactly.
It's the same logic that we apply to like, oh wow, if we see this balloon, imagine what else they have.
It's the same logic.
It's like if this is what we know, oh my God, what are they not telling us for fear of starting widespread panic?
Because they can't just tell us, you know, I don't know if you knew this, but like, you know, individuals are smart, but people in the masses, big old dummies.
Yeah.
You start yelling, China spy balloon, for no reason.
You never know what's going to happen.
Yeah, it's like yelling fire in a crowded theater.
Yeah.
Well, they tell you when you're in an alley, if you're getting assaulted or whatever, don't yell rape.
You yell, Chinese spy balloon, and people come running.
Chinese spy balloon, yeah.
Yeah, that's what they'll do.
It might take a week, but they will come running.
Don't you think there's got to be something they're not telling us about that Chinese balloon?
Yeah, they're not telling you the real answer that China already gave.
Like, it's not that they're not telling you something, it's that they're telling you way more than it actually is.
They're telling you fake stuff that's hyperbole.
Not just hyperbole, it happens to benefit the military-industrial complex.
It happens to benefit the people in power who want to both look tough on China and, like, pressure them over trade agreements, pressure them over Taiwan.
They've been angling for a fucking war with China for, like, 20 years, at the very least.
And if we get it because of a balloon, I'm gonna be so mad.
I'm gonna be so mad.
I'm gonna be fucking furious.
I'm gonna be so furious.
Yeah, like, not right now.
Come on, come on.
Not over a balloon.
We can't be petty like that.
But I think that is the American logic too, because I think a lot of them say to themselves, oh no, if this was us, that balloon would be real dirty.
If this was our balloon, it would have all kinds of recording devices.
So who's telling what they would do?
You know?
Yeah, it's really sad to see recent history repeat itself in the face of so much else that has happened that should be dissuading from this course of action.
And it's not like if the public is really against a war with China that would have an effect on what the military does, what the Pentagon does.
Probably not.
It's just disappointing.
I'm disappointed in my fellow countrymen and women to see this sort of thing.
To be duped this way?
Yeah.
No war with China.
Hey, don't do it.
Don't do it.
Yeah, a comment here.
Saita says, "This is a major threat.
I believe a war is coming, but to U.S.
soil in an unexpected way.
I think if they take it down, it could release something harmful into our atmosphere.
Truly crazy times we are living in.
Barbara replies, I agree.
I'm thinking it's biochemical, dirty bomb material, et cetera.
They put fucking COVID-2 in the balloon.
God damn it.
God damn it.
We knew it was gonna, we knew it was gonna be coming from above.
We knew that.
But it's funny though, now the most expected way is a balloon, so I don't know what they're going to bring to us next.
They kind of blew their wad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cat's out of the bag now.
I believe a war is coming.
Yeah.
That's an easy... Because they want it.
You believe a war is coming because they told you they're going to do war on China.
And then pointed to a balloon floating slowly across the sky and said, that's why though.
That's why we're doing the war now though.
Yeah.
Oh, you want no war?
You want war balloons?
That's on you.
All right.
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