We're not supposed to say 'naughty' anymore. It's the 'misunderstood list.' And they still get presents (preview)
Today we cover new The Santa Clauses streaming show, where Tim Allen claims he has restored Christ to Christmas, and that "Saying 'Merry Christmas to all' has somehow become problematic." Also, we sign up for Mammoth Nation, the new "conservative competitor to Amazon" and their Christmas commercial featuring groomers fanta Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult
Mammoth Nation is being pitched as an Amazon alternative.
Speaking of Amazon alternatives and right-wing grievance, we have Mammoth Nation, who I think I first heard about via email from like the Epoch Times.
Like the Epoch Times sold my email to Mammoth Nation.
So I got an email about, yeah, wow, is this the new conservative version of Amazon?
And I was like, ah, who cares?
Not really that interested.
I'm probably never going to hear about this again.
But then on my alt conservative Facebook feed, I got an ad for Mammoth Nation.
And this was the, and it was a video, and this was the caption.
Liberals are calling this, quote, the most offensive Christmas video ever and are calling for our company to be shut down.
Sounds like a great reason to flood the internet with this special, quote, twas the night before Christmas that real Americans will love, want to help, And don't forget, every time someone buys a membership to Mammoth Nation, you make a liberal cry!
And the video is of a guy in a hooded flannel.
So yeah, weird, weird, fake flannel and a Stars and Stripes cowboy hat and wearing sunglasses.
And I was like, all right, I'll, I'll bite Mammoth Nation and we'll get into a little bit more what Mammoth Nation actually is.
But I, but I wanted to share this video with everyone first.
Gather around my Christmas elves, Uncle Kyle has a Christmas story to tell.
Okay, he took off the cowboy hat and he's putting on a Santa hat now and he's sitting on a rusted tractor that doesn't look like it's been used in 100 years.
So there go your working class bona fides.
This setup reminds me of what's-his-name-that-plays-the-acoustic-guitar-on-the-bed-of-his-truck.
That's what this setup... Yeah, I'm sitting on my working vehicle to do my presentation.
Yeah, except it's the exact opposite.
I think that guy's name is Bobby Brown.
Is that it?
No way!
Yeah, no, it's not Bobby Brown.
I don't remember that!
But Buddy Brown.
Buddy Brown, maybe.
That makes more sense.
It's like, no fucking way!
Yeah.
It's the exact opposite of Buddy Brown, because Buddy Brown had a brand spanking new truck he's sitting on for those videos.
True, true.
But both fake, in their own way.
Okay, so I think this is Jeff, or something, or Kyle, this is Kyle for Mammoth Nation.
Oh shit, the Santa hat says, let's go Brandon, I should say.
Ooh, yeah, hell yeah.
Before Christmas, when all through the land, conservatives were hiding, afraid to take a stand.
They'd been doxxed and attacked from those without cares, told to get ready for nukes, and COVID, and all sorts of scares.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while groomers had visions of those kids in their heads.
Okay.
I want to stop right here.
What the f-?
Okay, like, Like being a stock footage person, like is a bummer.
Like, you know, you can be this to be this stock footage person like that.
That really sucks.
Uh, yeah.
So children were snuggled, nestled up in their beds while groomers had visions of those kids in their heads.
And it shows a weird guy on screen, like a closeup of a weird, bad guy on screen where his thought bubble is of the sleeping girl, like a real actor.
Like they're like, Oh, this guy, this guy is fantasizing about this little girl.
These are both like real actors whose faces appear.
Again, in your ad where you're trying to sell products, you're like, hey, remember pedophilia?
Why don't you buy something from my website?
What sucks is this actor, the little girls in his thought bubble, the original commercial is probably like a double cheeseburger.
The way he's nodding, he's like, yeah, this is what I'm thinking about, it's great.
And the real commercial is probably like a cheeseburger, but they replaced the cheeseburger with a little girl sleeve.
It's pretty fucked.
Uh, yeah, man, we're gonna do like an edgy partisan Twas the Night Before Christmas, and also there's a riff about child molesting in it, but it's our enemies doing it.
It's actually this other guy who's thinking about molesting children.
It's the guy getting mad at the guy you made up in your story for thinking about children.
Yeah, I'm surprised they use, like, a white guy who, like, is, you know, seemingly a cis-presenting dude.
I'm surprised that that's what they use for this.
It's kind of short.
It's kind of media shorthand.
Like, creepy, like, white guy, pedophile, nerdy, pedophile, white guy.
That's kind of like... Those rules still apply no matter what you're going for.
The media shorthand for creepy guy is definitely white guy.
We still know that.
It's just efficient.
It's just, like, the efficiency of the script, you know?
You have to do less work.
...visions of those kids in their heads.
And Mama and I, both in our FJB tanks, sent a prayer up to God, one filled with thanks.
We're feeling pretty good because we didn't get the shot.
And many who did, suddenly ain't feeling so hot.
All right, I'm going to pause it again right here.
Yeah, we're feeling pretty good because we didn't get the shot.
And those who did are suddenly not feeling so hot.
I mean, really missed opportunity, kind of cowardly to not say, and those who did now have blood clots.
Like that's the way that's the way it already rhymed.
I mean, but the thing is, like, I think I think, you know, blood clotting issues are pretty prominent within the demographics.
They probably want to, like, They didn't want to muddle that up, you know?
