Minion Death Cult - We're not supposed to say 'naughty' anymore. It's the 'misunderstood list.' And they still get presents (preview)
Aired: 2022-12-23
Duration: 06:44


=== Mammoth Nation Mystery (06:23) ===

[00:00:00]  Have you heard of Mammoth Nation, Tony?
[00:00:05]  No.
[00:00:05]  Yeah, that's right.
[00:00:06]  I don't think many people have.
[00:00:08]  Is it something to do with the ski resort?
[00:00:11]  No.
[00:00:12]  Mammoth Nation is being pitched as an Amazon alternative.
[00:00:17]  Speaking of Amazon alternatives and right-wing grievance, we have Mammoth Nation, who I think I first heard about via email from like the Epoch Times.
[00:00:29]  Like the Epoch Times sold my email to Mammoth Nation.
[00:00:33]  So I got an email about, yeah, wow, is this the new conservative version of Amazon?
[00:00:40]  And I was like, ah, who cares?
[00:00:41]  Not really that interested.
[00:00:43]  I'm probably never going to hear about this again.
[00:00:47]  But then on my alt conservative Facebook feed, I got an ad for Mammoth Nation.
[00:00:55]  And this was the, and it was a video, and this was the caption.
[00:00:59]  Liberals are calling this, quote, the most offensive Christmas video ever and are calling for our company to be shut down.
[00:01:09]  Sounds like a great reason to flood the internet with this special, quote, twas the night before Christmas that real Americans will love, want to help, And don't forget, every time someone buys a membership to Mammoth Nation, you make a liberal cry!
[00:01:29]  And the video is of a guy in a hooded flannel.
[00:01:36]  So yeah, weird, weird, fake flannel and a Stars and Stripes cowboy hat and wearing sunglasses.
[00:01:44]  And I was like, all right, I'll, I'll bite Mammoth Nation and we'll get into a little bit more what Mammoth Nation actually is.
[00:01:52]  But I, but I wanted to share this video with everyone first.
[00:02:00]  Gather around my Christmas elves, Uncle Kyle has a Christmas story to tell.
[00:02:06]  Okay, he took off the cowboy hat and he's putting on a Santa hat now and he's sitting on a rusted tractor that doesn't look like it's been used in 100 years.
[00:02:17]  So there go your working class bona fides.
[00:02:22]  This setup reminds me of what's-his-name-that-plays-the-acoustic-guitar-on-the-bed-of-his-truck.
[00:02:28]  That's what this setup... Yeah, I'm sitting on my working vehicle to do my presentation.
[00:02:34]  Yeah, except it's the exact opposite.
[00:02:36]  I think that guy's name is Bobby Brown.
[00:02:37]  Is that it?
[00:02:39]  No way!
[00:02:40]  Yeah, no, it's not Bobby Brown.
[00:02:42]  I don't remember that!
[00:02:44]  But Buddy Brown.
[00:02:45]  Buddy Brown, maybe.
[00:02:47]  That makes more sense.
[00:02:48]  It's like, no fucking way!
[00:02:50]  Yeah.
[00:02:51]  It's the exact opposite of Buddy Brown, because Buddy Brown had a brand spanking new truck he's sitting on for those videos.
[00:02:57]  True, true.
[00:02:58]  But both fake, in their own way.
[00:03:00]  Okay, so I think this is Jeff, or something, or Kyle, this is Kyle for Mammoth Nation.
[00:03:08]  Oh shit, the Santa hat says, let's go Brandon, I should say.
[00:03:13]  Ooh, yeah, hell yeah.
[00:03:15]  Before Christmas, when all through the land, conservatives were hiding, afraid to take a stand.
[00:03:22]  They'd been doxxed and attacked from those without cares, told to get ready for nukes, and COVID, and all sorts of scares.
[00:03:30]  The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while groomers had visions of those kids in their heads.
[00:03:37]  Okay.
[00:03:38]  I want to stop right here.
[00:03:41]  What the f-?
[00:03:47]  Okay, like, Like being a stock footage person, like is a bummer.
[00:03:54]  Like, you know, you can be this to be this stock footage person like that.
[00:04:00]  That really sucks.
[00:04:01]  Uh, yeah.
[00:04:02]  So children were snuggled, nestled up in their beds while groomers had visions of those kids in their heads.
[00:04:10]  And it shows a weird guy on screen, like a closeup of a weird, bad guy on screen where his thought bubble is of the sleeping girl, like a real actor.
[00:04:22]  Like they're like, Oh, this guy, this guy is fantasizing about this little girl.
[00:04:27]  These are both like real actors whose faces appear.
[00:04:31]  Again, in your ad where you're trying to sell products, you're like, hey, remember pedophilia?
[00:04:35]  Why don't you buy something from my website?
[00:04:40]  What sucks is this actor, the little girls in his thought bubble, the original commercial is probably like a double cheeseburger.
[00:04:48]  The way he's nodding, he's like, yeah, this is what I'm thinking about, it's great.
[00:04:54]  And the real commercial is probably like a cheeseburger, but they replaced the cheeseburger with a little girl sleeve.
[00:04:58]  It's pretty fucked.
[00:05:01]  Uh, yeah, man, we're gonna do like an edgy partisan Twas the Night Before Christmas, and also there's a riff about child molesting in it, but it's our enemies doing it.
[00:05:15]  It's actually this other guy who's thinking about molesting children.
[00:05:19]  It's the guy getting mad at the guy you made up in your story for thinking about children.
[00:05:28]  Yeah, I'm surprised they use, like, a white guy who, like, is, you know, seemingly a cis-presenting dude.
[00:05:33]  I'm surprised that that's what they use for this.
[00:05:36]  It's kind of short.
[00:05:37]  It's kind of media shorthand.
[00:05:38]  Like, creepy, like, white guy, pedophile, nerdy, pedophile, white guy.
[00:05:42]  That's kind of like... Those rules still apply no matter what you're going for.
[00:05:46]  The media shorthand for creepy guy is definitely white guy.
[00:05:48]  We still know that.
[00:05:49]  It's just efficient.
[00:05:50]  It's just, like, the efficiency of the script, you know?
[00:05:54]  You have to do less work.
[00:05:57]  ...visions of those kids in their heads.
[00:06:01]  And Mama and I, both in our FJB tanks, sent a prayer up to God, one filled with thanks.
[00:06:08]  We're feeling pretty good because we didn't get the shot.

=== Cowardly Blood Clots (00:35) ===

[00:06:11]  And many who did, suddenly ain't feeling so hot.
[00:06:15]  All right, I'm going to pause it again right here.
[00:06:16]  Yeah, we're feeling pretty good because we didn't get the shot.
[00:06:21]  And those who did are suddenly not feeling so hot.
[00:06:24]  I mean, really missed opportunity, kind of cowardly to not say, and those who did now have blood clots.
[00:06:30]  Like that's the way that's the way it already rhymed.
[00:06:36]  I mean, but the thing is, like, I think I think, you know, blood clotting issues are pretty prominent within the demographics.
[00:06:41]  They probably want to, like, They didn't want to muddle that up, you know?