This is not what Cracker Barrel was to be all about
This week Eliot from Internet Today helps us cover possibly the most important and upsetting development of our lifetimes: Cracker Barrel added a new menu item... and it's vegan. Also: fascism and cringe in equal measure from this week's CPAC, including a former MDC character doing performance art of the people he helped the FBI lock up. Finally, lightning strikes an elderly couple celebrating their weddning anniversary near the white house, and conservatives ask, "Why were they there in the first place?" Support the show for only $3.11/month at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get a bonus episode every week, as well as instant access to hundreds of hours of previous bonus content, directly in your podcast app or browser. Music: Kal Marks - Everybody Hertz Toto Coelo - I Eat Cannibals Stereolab - Simple Headphone Mind
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when people go to the desert.
All their environment.
Stay tuned.
All right, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Vegan meat at Cracker Barrel is responsible.
We're documenting it.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the show.
Thank you for listening, as always.
We are joined today by a wonderful guest.
We have Elliot from Internet Today.
How are you doing, Elliot?
I'm great.
Thanks for having me on to discuss these pressing matters.
Yeah.
Important stuff.
We had to drag you away from your wonderful show on YouTube to help us break this news.
Break many, many news today.
World is ending.
It's where we get other internet experts on to really deep dive.
People who really understand the essence and nuances of internet.
You guys are way deeper on the hazmat tier, I think.
I have not used Facebook in a long time.
I avoid it at all costs.
But, I mean, you are, that is where the people are.
The people who vote are on Facebook, sharing their opinions, unprompted.
And, I mean, if you really, I mean, the New York Times sends a journalist out to a diner in the middle of the country every couple months to really, you know, take the pulse of the country.
But you guys are doing the real work, just seeing these Facebook comments.
Yeah, that's right.
By you guys, it's really just Alex's soccer counts.
The liberal media elites have, as usual, ignored Real America, which is Facebook, so we're here to pick up the slack, essentially.
I did want to start out the episode, though, talking about CPAC, Conservative Political Action Conference, this year.
It's been just deliciously deranged.
It's always usually a freak show.
This year specifically has been just wonderful and terrifying in equal measure, I think.
It's funny, so I just recorded an episode of ButtFest 2000 with Brian and we were talking about, it'll be out in a couple weeks, and we were talking about Five Finger Death Punch and we were talking about the guitarist who's like huge anti-communist MMA guy who is like the brain genius behind their anti-mask, anti-antifa, cop-killing music video from like six months back.
Yeah, that was a pretty wild video.
Yeah, it's Living the Dream is the name of that video.
If you want to go watch firefighters and police officers and troops get gunned down by a Nancy Pelosi-led Antifa thug army, go ahead and watch that.
Listen to our episode with Brian that we did on that.
Yeah, I think the episode is just called Living the Dream.
Brian was like, well, you know, where where's this guy from?
This guitarist who's like, you know, obviously a fucking fascist.
Where's this guy from?
And he was like, oh, Hungary.
Is that is that fascism?
I was like, yeah, yeah, that's where Victor Orban is from.
Donald Trump, one of Donald Trump's, like, favorite far right Politicians and Victor Orban spoke at CPAC this year immediately after speaking out against race mixing.
Literally, I have a quote here.
Orban asserted that migration, quote, has split the West in two.
Quote, one half is a world where European and non-European peoples live together.
These countries are no longer nations.
They are nothing more than a conglomeration of peoples, Orban said.
What?
Is that worse than a nation somehow?
Yeah, I hate it when your nation turns into just a bunch of people.
Yeah, that's weird.
People are kind of the worst part of a nation when you think about it.
It's true.
He goes on to say, differentiating between, quote, a world in which Europeans are mixed together and one in which migrants are, quote, occupying and flooding the West from outside, Orban stressed, this is why we have always fought.
We are willing to mix with one another, but we do not want to become peoples of mixed race.
Flooding the West is what I call cream pie now.
That's what that is for me.
Wow, that's just openly fascistic.
Holy shit.
Yeah, amazing.
But also not really surprising given the last 10 years of the GOP's increasingly fascistic slide.
Yeah, totally.
Oh wow, yeah!
They heard this statement and they were like, is this guy booked?
Can we get this guy booked?
Is he busy this weekend?
And then I think it was Politico talked to a couple people on the ground.
People on the ground at CPAC, normal people, like Eddie and Lila Vesey, a married couple living in Dallas, who wore Hungary t-shirts at CPAC on Thursday, a nod to their native country.
The reaction to Orban's mixed-race remarks was, quote, a little bit overblown, Eddie Vesey said, maintaining that the Prime Minister was referring to a stark clash of cultures that has taken place in some Western European countries that have accepted refugees from predominantly Muslim countries.
Quote, Hungary is a really small country and you cannot compare with the U.S., Lila Vesey said.
It's just not the same thing.
I do love the big country versus small country excuse that gets deployed for a lot of issues.
Usually it's like, oh, well, we can't do all these cool things they're doing in Northern Europe because those countries are small and we're big.
No one questions that logic.
They're like, yeah, sounds about right.
Also, there's a lot more white people up there, so, uh, yeah.
That's why we can't do universal healthcare, I guess?
That is their argument.
It's very funny.
They're like, no, I'm too racist to do universal healthcare here.
Yeah.
That wouldn't go over well with me, who doesn't like black people or brown people.
But their proof and evidence is that, like, see, only small countries can, like, protect, you know, whiteness.
Only small countries can, like, really alienate people from race mixing.
It's kind of difficult here, but it's frowned upon.
I haven't heard the term melting pot in a long time.
Yeah, that's a pretty 90s, like, elementary school sort of thing.
They don't want to bring that up anymore, really.
No.
Yeah, they want to keep the heat down.
They want to keep those elements disparate.
But it's funny to be like, well no, that's another country.
When he says this incredibly racist, eugenicist shit, that's another country entirely.
It's a totally different thing.
Anyway, where is Victor Orban speaking again today?
Oh, this country!
Oh, yeah.
Well, yeah.
I mean, if we could do it in this country, that would be great.
But, you know, we can't because they're two different countries.
It's like, you like him because you want him to do that to this country.
Yeah.
Because you're saying, like, you know, don't worry about it.
He, like, controls that country.
He has no influence over here.
Except for the fact that he's literally come over here to influence.
That we are giving him the influence to do this.
Yeah, totally.
We are giving him the platform and the influence and we're having pundits and they're actually listening to him.
So, you know, besides that...
I'm giving him just standing ovations.
He was not just speaking but apparently was a huge hit.
Yeah, they love that guy.
I mean, he's a real orator.
I'm not gonna, you know, say what you will about him, but he's a real orator.
He's a real good public speaker.
My favorite defense of fascist people.
He's very articulate.
Very articulate.
Papa John was also at CPAC doing his usual thing, which was complaining.
I have this article here from the Courier Journal.
It starts off, Most arguments about pizza are centered around how it's served, whether pineapple belongs as a topping, for instance, or if it's better hot or cold.
The founder of Papa John's Pizza, though, had a different argument when he spoke this week at a conservative political convention.
Quote, Conservative values, he said, were behind the success of the famed restaurant chain.
In an interview Thursday at the Conservative Political Action Conference, Papa John's founder and former CEO John Schnatter said truth in God and truth in unity were key factors that helped his former company emerge as one of the biggest pizza chains in the world.
That's interesting.
You know, now that I know that the garlic dipping sauce is one of the cornerstones of conservative values, I kind of got to reassess my whole life.
Maybe they're on to something over there.
Yeah, what a strange man.
A real king of the self-own.
All he had to do was just not say the n-word anymore.
But that's why he goes to CPAC.
That's the safe place to say it.
There's rooms where you can just say it.
There's little soundproof rooms where you have to leave your phone outside and you can just say it as much as you want.
To each other, it's great.
I mean, yeah, they're called after-parties.
Yeah.
I mean, you say, you know, he can decide not to say the N-word, but he's deliberately trying to found a pizza company on conservative values.
What does that mean?
Like, every large international chain is founded on conservative values.
Like, what the fuck are you talking about, Papa John?
I love how, like, your pizza company is founded on the belief in God.
Yeah.
The way you cut a pizza is three series of crosses.
It's, it's, you do three crosses and that cuts the pizza perfectly and that's kind of, that's, that's kind of a, it's a prayer every time we deliver.
Yeah.
Have you thought about that?
I think a pizza itself is like in the antithesis of conservative values.
I mean, you're cutting up slices to equally distribute among like a group of people.
It should, the pizza should just be one giant like slice for me.
Pizza is really the opiate of the masses.
The pizza party has done so much work against labor causes.
The pizza party really is a linchpin in the fight against labor.
And then yeah, just in case anybody forgot, Elliot already alluded to it, but yeah, Schnatter stepped down as the company's CEO in early 2018 after facing pressure following comments he made in 2017 that placed the blame for declining pizza sales on NFL players who had protested during the playing of the National Anthem.
Because yeah, he's here at CPAC to complain about declining Papa John's sales, even though he's not part of the company anymore.
I think he still gets royalty checks or some such shit.
Yeah, even saying slurs to your employees at a place of business on a recorded call can't possibly disenfranchise you if you're wealthy enough.
And then...
Yeah, months later in 2018, Schnatter resigned from the board of directors after it was revealed he'd used a racial slur on a call with a public relations firm that had been hired to help the company avoid additional public relations mishaps.
Yeah, he was literally on a call with someone whose job is like, you know, they're the expert that gets called in when the old guys in the c-suite Upper offices are maybe becoming a liability?
They do a little sensitivity training?
So Papa John, listen, we know that you might not think that word is very bad, but in the interest of our shareholders,
We are gonna need you to not do that and he responded to that by using an example of like one way he thought it might be okay or something like that and then falsely accusing Colonel Sanders of a sick urban legend accusing Colonel Sanders of having said the n-word when no actual evidence exists although he probably did.
Which is just racist in itself to blame the fried chicken guy for also saying it.
That man died like 50 years ago.
You are here alive in the 21st century.
He was on a call with a PR firm whose job it was to get him to not say the N-word.
It sounds like they're the ones who should be fired, not him.
Yeah, they failed.
I'm sure they were.
I'm sure they were also fired.
Well, he accused it of being a conspiracy, and he's probably not too far off with this, but his version of events is that the rest of the executives basically set him up.
They knew that he wouldn't be able to not say the N word.
So they set up this meeting and basically laid a trap where he would be told to not say the N word but would be completely unable to resist his natural urge and desire to do so.
And then turned around and used that as a way to oust him from the company. - Yeah, they did the Roger Rabbit shave in a haircut trick to him.
And he was like boiling red, trying not to say it, until steam shot out of his ears.
And he pogoed around the room, hitting the ceiling and floor, repeatedly saying the N-word.
I do love how the complexity of pulling this off, like the real rehearsal only had to be just telling him not to say it was the entire trap.
That was the entirety of the trap.
Yeah.
If Nathan Fielder was on this show like five years ago, Papa John's could still have that job.
After that, he turns to them and genuinely says, like, you knew I was a scorpion when you invited me on this call.
What were you expecting?
This is not my fault.
Uh, yeah, and he- he goes on to say that, like, the- the, uh, rankings for- the pizza rankings, uh, for, like, taste and quality, uh, have been dropping for- for Papa John's, and now they're down there with Little Caesars.
He said this in the interview, and then the, uh, the woman who's interviewing him, she's like, I fucking hate Little Caesars.
And to me, Little Caesars is great.
It's hot and ready.
One of the best pizza chains you can possibly patronize, in my opinion.
Little Caesars is exactly what it says it is.
And everyone's fine with that.
I don't think anyone's mad about Little Caesars.
It's a pizza you can get in a fucking drive-thru.
Yeah, it's a pizza you can buy on your break and eat it in 20 minutes.
Like, you can buy and eat it in 20 minutes.
It's great.
Although, I do hate to be this guy, but I'm going to say it, and we're going to talk about it again later, but they did that stupid thing where it's like, why did you guys go out of your way to make a vegan meat and not do vegan cheese?
Oh, you mean... They have vegan filled roast pepperonis now at Little Caesars.
Oh, that's... I mean, hey, baby steps, Tony.
Don't let the enemy be the perfect of the good.
You should eat it as a sign of good faith, anyway.
More people are lactose intolerant than are vegan.
Like, you're just really... I just... I fucking hate it.
Have I gotten the pizza and then came home with my own cheese on it?
That's none of your business.
Yeah, I've definitely had pizza from vegan places where I'll ask for real meat, but I'm like, please give me the weird fake almond cheese because I didn't bring my pills for my tummy.
And I want everyone else to enjoy the rest of their night, so... I'm just, I'm fine with cheese.
I don't know, guys.
Don't know what to say.
Canceled.
I envy you.
The other guy who spoke in a pretty funny way was Rick Scott, which...
He said a bunch of like, you know, stupid Facebook comment stuff about how like the left is a militant enemy from within that needs to be vanquished.
I think he also said that the left are the book burners today, despite, yeah, being a member of like the leader of what the Republican senatorial.
A campaign who is literally trying to ban books from public school curricula.
I mean, he's from Florida who are not allowing teachers to display photos if they have a same-sex partner in the photo with them.
So obviously hypocritical stuff.
And he looks like a demon.
He looks so scary.
This person's tasted human flesh.
You can't convince me otherwise.
He does look like a grown-up bat boy.
His jaw comes unhinged.
He can swallow whole chickens.
He looks like... I'm trying to think what...
It's like a vampire movie.
There is... Nosferatu.
Yeah, he definitely has a Nosferatu, but there's something that happened more...
Was it Dark City?
I don't know.
There's some movie from that era where he looks exactly like it.
Yeah, those are interdimensional, telepathic, telekinetic aliens.
But yeah, they do have the look of a Nosferatu, for sure.
There is also a chance that his face comes apart mechanically and there's a little something else driving his head, Men in Black style.
That's also an option.
Or what if it came apart Total Recall style and there was an Arnold Schwarzenegger inside?
I like that you went that total recall and there's Arnold Schwarzenegger inside and not that there's like a Guado on him.
Oh, okay.
He would be the Guado though.
Yeah.
Like some normal looking average Joe Schmo plumber would open up his shirt and it would be Rick Scott on there.
And also like Arnold Schwarzenegger's like a social justice warrior compared to this guy.
Yeah, and my favorite quote, though, from Rick Scott was when he was like, well, it looks like Democrats haven't read 1984.
And I mean, we, you know, people need to read theory.
We're always telling, you know, study up.
You got to learn.
You got to learn stuff.
And yeah, 1984.
What more do you need?
I've never read 1984, but I kind of like the SparkNotes version, where I just look up what things are Orwellian, and just read the tweets of things that are Orwellian, and that's kind of how I understand what 1984 is about.
I think I get it.
The list is getting longer by the day.
Flip the calendar, and oh god, I thought it was August 2022, but it's actually 1984.
Yeah, it freaking stinks.
I was supposed to see Stereolab next month.
This sucks.
Oh no, that sucks!
It's 1984 now.
Hey, those singles are good.
Those singles are pretty dang good.
It's a good book.
I read it in high school.
I don't know, it didn't turn me into a rabid anti-communist.
I have always found it interesting that, like, On the left, the real left, the founding texts are all actual non-fiction, philosophical, economic theory.
And on the right, it's Ayn Rand, a fucking novelist, failed screenwriter.
Literally a work of fiction.
A work of fiction about, I believe, a man who invents, like, a perpetual energy machine, just, like, defying the laws of physics.
Yeah, he invents magic candy, and he gets... He invents, like, a system that would feed everybody in the world and gets mad that he doesn't get credit for it.
Yeah, something like that.
I'm never gonna read it.
I have no fucking interest in it.
But yeah, it's always been interesting to me that, like, their key texts are fiction and not, you know, Actual treatises on how the world should work.
Yeah, absolutely.
We were just talking about that on the Patreon episode, because we were covering the Anarchist documentary on HBO, and that totally comes across, because yeah, sometimes you do live your life, like maybe you did create a perpetual motion device, but it was like Bitcoin instead, and then you realize that you are in fact living in fiction, and then, you know, a lot of wild things happen.
I haven't watched them.
I hear actual anarchists are understandably pretty upset about the title and the framing of this because it seems politically illiterate to do it that way, but that's all I really know.
It's really weird for anarchists to be upset though.
Yeah, very unusual.
It's great, yeah.
For anybody who hasn't seen it, the show is called The Anarchists.
It's about anarcho-capitalists, a.k.a.
libertarians, a.k.a.
pedophiles.
So it's a very fascinating watch.
We're covering it on the Patreon.
It's getting better and better.
It's essentially about a group of anarcho-capitalists slash libertarians who thought they could relocate to Mexico and compete in the marketplace with the drug cartels down there.
Yeah, I assume that ends perfectly well for everyone involved.
Yeah.
Well, we'll just have to either subscribe to HBO Max, which is going under, so don't even do that, or join the Patreon.
And that's not going anywhere, baby.
Yeah, patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult to hear the first episode of our coverage of The Anarchist, the next episode coming out in two days.
Episode two, Even better than episode one.
Even better.
Episode two is, yeah, it's all bangers from here on out.
All right, the main event though, at least in my opinion, at CPAC this year was the just gut-wrenching and sort of raw and like real in both a artistic sense and an emotional sense.
I don't know if you would even call it a performance.
I would call it more of like an exhibit, an exhibition of the suffering that's going on in the world today.
And I'm of course talking about Brandon Stracca from the walk away the hashtag walk away campaign Pretending to be a January 6th
A prisoner inside of a constructed jail cell on the floor of the conference wearing an orange jumpsuit and a red MAGA hat crying, pretending to cry, burying his face in his hands, moving from the bench to the floor to like, you know, pounding on one of the walls of his cell.
And occasionally being consoled by figures like Marjorie Taylor Greene, who kneeled down at his feet.
I don't think she actually washed them, but the sentiment was there.
It's a great still where it's a real low-hanging meme fruit, but someone put the Brazzers logo.
Yeah.
And yeah, it did very much have that vibe to it.
I actually hate that.
I don't think that's good because the thing is, you know, whether you agree with it or not, this is art.
I think that Straka is maybe today's Marina Abramovic.
I think that maybe this is perhaps... I think when Jay-Z got in the cell...
When Jay-Z got in the cell, I was moved.
I was moved.
I think it was bigger than that hat, you know?
I thought it was great when he invited people to put on the Joe Biden mask and just walk up and slap him in the face as part of the display.
People, you know, always say falsely that, you know, conservatives can't... they can't do art.
All good art is...
Made by people with more open, progressive minds, but clearly that myth has been shattered here.
This is a genre-defying act of beauty.
This is the most artistic thing to come out of politics, in my lifetime at least.
I was particularly moved by the Kanye West-Jesus King homage that they did when they had the The white choir come in and do their Pentecostal chants with their hands in the air saying Christ, Christ protect him, Christ save him.
I felt like I was at one of his performances on the hill.
It was beautiful.
Conservatives are getting better at performance art and it's making the lefties nervous.
Uh this so I saw this I think Adam tagged us in this when uh the independent journalist I Sorry, I don't have her name in front of me.
Sorry about that.
She she got like six million views on this video though I think she's doing all right.
She's fine.
She's fine.
But uh I think listener Adam tagged us in the replies on this and I was like oh this is this is beautiful like what a what an amazing opportunity for an actor you know to get to to get to just live in the moment to get to explore like a wide range of suffering and grief and there's so many like different you know January 6 rioters he can like tap into like maybe he was
Maybe he wants, for this 15 minute segment, maybe he wants to be like Enrique Tirillo, who was an FBI informant and still got a prison sentence.
You know, you dimed on a bunch of your boys and you still have to go to prison.
That's a specific sense of anguish.
Or maybe he could have been the guy whose own son turned him into the FBI because he threatened to kill him if he told anybody about the literal Photos he was sending the family during January 6th of him doing crimes at the U.S.
Capitol.
You know, there's a lot to work with for an aspiring actor and I was just like, man, wow, what the opportunity of a lifetime.
And then later I found out that it was Brandon Straka who is somebody we've covered before and There was like conflicting reporting about whether or not this was actually Brandon Straka.
No, it's fucking Brandon Straka because there's a photo of him in the New York Post hunched over sitting on the bench and you can see his name tag hanging from a lanyard that has his headshot on it that says Brandon Straka on it.
Yeah.
So Brandon Straka is the founder of the hashtag walk away movement, which we covered in July of 2018.
I had to go back in my notes to find out when we like first talked about this guy.
Yeah, he was a big deal for a minute, and then I don't think I'd heard about him in at least four years until this thing.
He's been in the studio.
Clearly, clearly been in the studio.
He made $326,000 on GoFundMe just like when he started the hashtag walk away campaign, which for if you haven't heard that episode, if you're a new listener, go back and listen to it.
It's fascinating.
It is...
A campaign to get Democrats to give testimonials about why they walked away from the Democratic Party.
It's like where the whole Kanye West, Terrence K. Williams, Candace Owens walk away from the Democratic slave plantation.
That's where all that stuff kind of started from.
Didn't it come out that he never, like, he said he was, like, you know, a very active, progressive, like, activist before, and it came out that that was... Strzoka?
Just a total fucking lie.
Strzoka?
So, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, pretty much, yeah.
So that's the whole thing, is, like, if, when we were looking into this stuff back in 2018, you couldn't find anything other than his, like, own statements that, like, I was a liberal Hollywood actor, because...
Guess what?
He's the actor who saw the opportunity in portraying a guy, you know, anguished at the January 6th, like, solitary confinement shit.
Every one of these testimonials that we read for the show was just about somebody else, like, who's always been a Republican and now they're finally, like, able to say it out loud or something.
Yeah.
So they basically like gave, people gave $326,000 to this guy for YouTube videos about people being conservative, which you can get for free on YouTube.
It's a hell of a grift.
I almost admire it.
The whole being a liberal LA actor, what you mean is when I was so progressive that I used to be in the same room as different people than me and not say something out loud.
I used to just hang out.
I used to just say nothing.
But now I've walked away and I let them know.
Hey bro, I don't care if you're gay, just don't fucking hit on me, okay?
Well, Brandon Straka is gay.
And that's his whole thing about walking away from the Democratic Party.
He just uses his sexuality to be shorthand for liberal.
I forgot about that part.
He's like, I was gay, aka liberal, until I walked away from the liberal, the gay plantation.
Not to be homophobic, but he doesn't look gay.
So that's why I forgot.
You have to look at his headshots.
He's got really nice eyes in the headshots.
I'm just seeing him in a jumpsuit.
The most fascinating, by far, the most fascinating part of him being the one to portray, him like setting this whole, you know, exhibition up, pretending to be the January 6th detainee in a cell in solitary confinement, The best part about this is Brandon Strzaka gave up evidence to the FBI that got people prison sentences.
So there are people in prison right now because Brandon Strzaka turned over evidence to the FBI, including voicemails, including verbal testimony.
He had like five to six hour sessions with the FBI providing material support To the FBI that enabled them to get plea deals from other people.
Why did he do that?
Was he at January 6th?
Was he in trouble in some way?
Yeah, he was.
So let me read this.
This is from BuzzFeed News.
Okay.
Straka, a self-described former liberal actor who built a large conservative following when he founded the hashtag walkaway campaign to encourage others to abandon the Democratic Party and support Donald Trump, was sentenced in January to three months of home detention, a $5,000 fine, and three years of probation was sentenced in January to three months of home detention, a $5,000 fine, and three years of Straka had spoken at a Stop the Steal rally on January 5th, 2021, and then joined the mob that descended on the Capitol the following day.
But he did not enter the building or assault law enforcement.
Instead, he admitted to urging other rioters to steal an officer's shield and enter the building.
He also posted inflammatory comments on social media, urging, quote, patriots to, quote, hold the line.
But he later said he did not realize that there was violence or vandalism occurring inside the Capitol.
At the time of his sentencing, prosecutors had acknowledged Straka had been quote cooperative and quote helpful with investigators but they did not detail the extent of his cooperation.
And then all of that all of those documents got like leaked.
They got unsealed uh to to the press and so when he was trying to do damage control about you know the the far more detailed evidence of him colluding or You know, him cooperating with the FBI.
He wrote on Getter, which is a right-wing social media platform.
The Jason Miller one.
Yeah.
There is nothing wrong with talking to the DOJ and telling them your friends are innocent.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
That's all he did.
I love that.
I love that.
I only went to the FBI interrogation room to get directions on how to get away from the FBI interrogation room.
Imagine, imagine like, you know, you or the homie or some family is locked up right now and the guy who gave him up is like, yo, I'm going to put myself in a cell at this location between these hours.
Yeah.
Like what?
He's going to like, he's going to like call him.
He's going to call him.
They'd be like, man, I haven't heard from you.
I haven't heard from anybody in forever.
Like they're treating me like a dog.
And Brandon's like, yeah, go on.
How else do you feel?
What else are you experiencing?
Tell me more.
What do you think you're going to do about that?
What's your body language right now?
How are you expressing your discomfort?
How are you feeling the space around you?
Can you FaceTime me?
Can you FaceTime me?
I want to really be open with you right now.
He's an actor above all else.
This is the role of a lifetime.
Like, you're going to CPAC masked up, right?
For sure.
Like, that's happening, right?
That's what MTG should have been doing.
She should have been running those legs.
Uh, quote, I hope at some point people pull their heads out and begin focusing on the actual horror here.
That sealed court documents were leaked from within the DOJ to the liberal media, Straka added.
Perhaps we can begin caring about that at some point?
That's called a FOIA request, dude.
Yeah.
Listen, there's a lot of, like, he said to the FBI, she said to the FBI going on here.
Can we focus on what the real issue, like, is?
Like, what about the guy who said that he said that to the FBI?
Huh?
Yeah, also, it's like, these, don't these people, their whole existence is based on there being conspiracy and secrets, right?
And they're like, wait, they released some secrets?
Like, this should be a good thing.
Wait, there was a conspiracy against me?
Yeah, yeah, wait, okay.
Me, actually me?
Wait, wait, my name is actually in that docu- That's, okay.
Weird.
At the February 11th meeting with the FBI, he provided information regarding, quote, Stop the Steal organizer Allie Alexander and members Amy Kramer, Kylie Kramer, and Cindy Shafian.
He also provided information regarding Simone Gold, the founder of America's Frontline Doctors, a group that has questioned COVID-19 vaccines and pushed unproven drugs.
Gold pled guilty to one January 6th related misdemeanor offense in March this year.
As part of a plea agreement.
Last month, she was sentenced to two months in prison.
In his getter statement, Straka said Gold was now a friend of his who had been arrested and charged before he was, indicating that he played no part in her prosecution.
But in the unsealed filing, prosecutors said Straka had turned over voicemail messages from Gold that contained valuable, quote, valuable information, which they indicated could lead her to take a plea deal, which she did.
Oh, but you don't understand those voicemail messages were they were all about how, you know, to show what a nice person she is and how any crime she did was just purely accidental.
You know, I will never apologize for defending my friends to the FBI.
Yeah, the FBI said they were the information I provided was so valuable because it helped them not give her more time.
The FBI loves when you provide information to them that makes it harder for them to convict.
They're big fans of that.
Well, they just want the truth.
Which I think all conservatives will agree that the FBI, they're just trying to get at the truth.
And if you present them with good, honest evidence of upstanding citizens, they're forced to do that.
They especially love it when, let's say, Muslim teenagers just going about their business being a little bit emo online just continue along that path and aren't entrapped into maybe doing a little terrorism.
We like that part of the FBI.
Conservatives love that part of the FBI.
They love FBI crime statistics.
They just don't like when the FBI looks at white-collar criminals or politicians.
If you think that getting a bait text in broken English of someone trying to sex you is annoying, imagine getting a link to a bomb.
Imagine getting just a random link to how to build a bomb.
That's a bummer.
No one wants that.
Oh, hi, Sexy.
Can we be friends?
Have you read Anarchist Cookbook?
Yeah.
Hey, you just won a 3D printer.
What?
That's cool.
Hey, cheer up, bud.
You just won a 3D printer.
There's nothing more masculine than filing off serial numbers.
You guys see that gun buyback program in Houston, where someone just sold them like 50 3D printed guns that they just created right before?
For the buyback program?
I don't know if the number is accurate, but they did stop buying back 3D printed guns, and I think the person came off with like, I think it was like 150 grand.
Jesus.
Or some awesome number.
I'm like, hell yeah!
Great, now we're gonna have to give the cops even more money.
Cool.
Just use those.
They can just use those for their inventory.
Yeah, so I love this particular part of CPAC.
It's just a great little microcosm of the conservative movement as a whole, especially the various enterprises that are built up within it.
It's just like, oh hey, we're all in this together, we're all a movement, we're all Trying to build towards this thing.
Oh, I got like in a little bit of trouble.
Okay.
I'm going to turn on all of you while like spending your money that you already gave me.
I'm going to turn on all of you.
And then I'm going to pretend that I was, that, that I was the one who like was turned on.
I'm going to, I'm going to act, I'm going to play act your misery to further build my brand.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
And like, also again, I'm going to make money off this and I'm going to tell you that I'm going to be in a cage.
It's right there.
You can just come visit me.
It's part of the interactive art.
Oh my God.
Another cross.
Another ghost passing.
You know suicide's falling all my life.
That's why I try to hurt.
Everybody hurts.
Everybody hurts.
Easy.
Easy.
Everybody hurts.
Everybody hurts.
Easy.
Moving on.
Got a couple fun stories for people.
I mean, the Cracker Barrel thing, this Cracker Barrel thing went pretty viral.
A lot of people were taking sips out of our, you know, taking food out of our mouths, I think, posting Facebook comments from the Cracker Barrel comment section.
But, you know, you gotta give the people what they want.
You gotta give them the red meat sometimes, which is also sometimes not meat at all.
I think this was the first time I saw this was sent to the MDC Facebook group by Charlotte.
So thank you, Charlotte.
I was able to get some good responses before it was flooded with everybody else laughing at said responses and responding to them.
So basically Cracker Barrel Old Country Store posted on Facebook last week.
Discover new meat frontiers.
Experience the out-of-this-world flavor of impossible sausage made from plants next time you build your own breakfast.
And they have a cute little, you know, photo of a plate, a breakfast plate, that's got two, you know, circular sausage patties on it, but there's a flag that's been planted in the patty that says impossible.
And so... I'll tell you what's impossible, me trying that fake meat bullshit Uh, yeah.
You would think, like, oh, here's another option.
Here's one more thing we're adding to our menu.
Uh, you know, you might like it.
And just people, like, guns being cocked across the nation.
I'll be honest though, they did kind of play themselves.
I know it's their dumb little moniker name, have to say it this way, but it just, it doesn't work.
You know, anybody who's like veggie or vegan or whatever knows what impossible sausage is.
You don't have to say made from plants.
Like say maybe like impossible sausage, low cholesterol or, you know, lower in cholesterol.
And like, because, you know, somebody will order, you know, an order of biscuits and gravy, an extra side of potatoes, and then they'll be like, hit me with the impossible.
That's the Diet Coke theory, you know?
But if you say made from plants, they're gonna be like, that's gonna probably make me think differently about wieners.
There's just no way around it.
Uh, I, um... I get what you're saying, Tony, but I think, like, there's been so much propaganda against, like, any time somebody, like, a restaurant or a fast food place tries to implement vegan meat, vegan chicken, vegan burgers.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
The KFC joints were hittin' and they're gone now.
Thanks for nothing, world.
Well, we tried to tell you Colonel Sanders was a racist, dude.
It's true, it's true.
That people are already aware, people are aware of what the Impossible Burger means because like there's been a campaign to radicalize them against the Impossible Burger already.
So I think you're just like, these people are just, you know, whoever's doing this marketing is just like innocently trying to get, you know, people who maybe haven't heard of it because the people who have heard of it, you know, there's nothing that can be done.
Yeah, I think they're trying to get, like, me in there more than, like, give the people there more options.
You know what I'm saying?
Not, like, me, but, you know.
Yeah.
Not you, but somebody else.
Somebody else.
Gavin replied, all the more reason to stop eating at Cracker Barrel.
This is not what Cracker Barrel was to be about.
I'm curious what the other reasons were.
I think this is kind of first rate.
I've gone into Cracker Barrel a long time ago and I remember being like, this is wild.
This feels weird.
I feel like I'm not allowed to look the white ladies in the eye here.
Yeah, that might change my life.
I've only ever eaten at a Cracker Barrel.
It must have been in Arizona or New Mexico, somewhere out in the middle of fucking nowhere.
It's just a weird place, even without the old-timey element like they sell wicker furniture.
It's like a furniture store and a restaurant.
And they've got like a pretty big like gift store inside.
It's like a weird it's like a whole time.
It's a destination.
Yeah, they were already mad at Cracker Barrel.
I was trying to find the specifics.
I think it's new ownership now, and I think they gave money to a gay and lesbian group or something.
I'm trying to remember.
We never did a segment on it, but they were already mad at Cracker Barrel for some political donations or something.
I just think they should get rid of the slur.
Yeah, you can't even talk about it on Twitch without getting banned.
Yeah, no way.
Yeah, sure.
I think they should get rid of the slur.
Erase more white people from the public discourse, Tony.
Yeah, get rid of that.
And Jemima, we don't need him anymore.
Just call it Victor Orban's Roadside Grill and Bar.
This is not what Cracker Barrel was to be about.
Cracker Barrel wasn't about giving options to people.
Yeah.
You have very few options if you're eating there in the first place.
That's the way you like it.
They do treat, just, you know, this is, it's essentially, it's inclusion.
It's like, you know, it's more options.
It's an option for people who don't want to eat dead animals.
But yeah, they treat it like real meat has been banned now, or it's a slippery slope until it is.
And it's like, first of all, the sausage, Sausage in general.
It's just a bunch of stuff in a tube.
And the Impossible Sausage, I think I've had it and I was impressed.
If you can't tell the fucking difference, what does it matter?
And also, you're not being forced to eat this at all.
You can order as much meat as you want.
I'm going to say, yeah, the Impossible, the vegan sausage game has just gone wild this past year.
It's been a real renaissance in breakfast foods for the vegan options, and the Impossible is a good one.
A real good one.
But see, the thing about what they're talking about, what Cracker Barrel used to be about for people like him, is it was a place you can go, and it's a place where you felt like you still had your own water fountain.
You know what I'm saying?
You didn't, but you felt like you did, you know?
Yeah.
It's a place I felt safe.
They felt safe.
Yeah, I mean, what does that, what does a cracker barrel say except, you know, what does that sign say except whites only?
Yeah, yeah.
Only crackers in this barrel.
Whites only past certain hours of the day.
You can come through from like 8 a.m.
to 6 p.m., but after that, better get the hell away.
Well, you say like, you know, oh, you're, oh, it's just an option on the menu.
It's, it's, you're not being forced to eat it or whatever, but what's the first step to being forced to eat something?
It's, well, it has, it, they have to create it.
It has to exist.
And when I see that something exists, I'm like, well, this is just, we're on the road now to like AOC with her fucking stiletto pump in the small of my back and me face down in a pile of these sausages.
That's where we're headed.
Say no, no, stop!
No, AOC, don't!
Yeah, it's, uh, next thing, I mean, they're gonna make you put on a dress before you even get seated at Cracker Barrel.
Well, oh, buddy, buddy, you'll willingly put on the dress when they're through with you.
You won't even know you put it on.
They're also, like, traumatized from when they, like, found out that their mom was, like, trying to sneak spinach in their grilled cheese.
You know, they're like, you know, I hate, you know, I hate spinach, mom.
I trusted you.
And there was a green crunch and I hated it.
You were going to get scared of me if your mom didn't do that.
I think it does reflect a little bit, other than meat being masculinity and masculinity being power.
Those are the obvious connections to the conservative ideology here.
But there's also a sense of competition and the marketplace.
The constant need to be uh to to win whatever economic war like whatever economic or cultural or social war and yeah presenting this is as an option in the many means it has to be defeated like that's like they're these two things can't coexist with each other because it's just You know, capitalism slash culture war stuff is just like, you have to defeat the enemy.
And so it even being present on the menu is, you know, a declaration of war, essentially, because now you have to, you have to compete with it.
I, you know, I gotta be honest.
I wasn't thinking about the farmer.
You know?
Yeah.
That's what, that's what's happening here.
We're not thinking about the farmer.
Well, yeah, we're replacing them with eggheads and lab coats who grow the sausage patties in like a Petri dish.
Probably from San Francisco.
Brenda K. Mowney replied to this awful story.
Bad choice.
Do your research.
And then it ends there.
But if you would do your research, you would find out that it's bad.
That this is a bad choice.
Yeah.
Tony Alex, I love when people just say, do your research, you know, like I love when people like laugh and they're just like, obviously somebody hasn't done their research.
Yesterday I was like, obviously trolling somebody by like just making something up completely.
And that's what they hit me with.
They're like, have you tried Google?
I'm like, you're just not looking hard enough.
Like you gotta Google harder.
I'm Googling harder than you are.
Yeah.
That's like, it's the ultimate own.
Do a little research.
Okay.
So wait, how does the Beyond... How does the Impossible Burger lead to communism?
It's like, Google's free, sweetie.
Yeah.
Which is communism.
The fact that Google's free is communism, too.
I mean, it's even on there.
They can't suppress it.
Hard as they try.
It's all out there.
When someone asks me, like, how is this bad?
I just leave my Cash App.
I leave my little Cash App link, and that's maybe, you know... I value myself.
Sorry, hun.
Joe Wicker said, are you kidding me?
Who do you think your customer base is?
You knew we were fucking babies when you introduced it.
Yeah.
I still order the double meat breakfast and it's not even on the menu anymore.
Yep, yep.
Everyone hates me there, but I still do it.
Well, yeah, everyone hates me there.
They took the menu item that I like off the menu, and yet I can still get it.
I can still get it.
Like, imagine complaining about them adding another menu item, not removing anything except the thing you liked that they already removed last year, but are still able to get.
Like, what could possibly be your problem?
I feel like the double meat was never a thing.
That's just how he's always ordered it and just kind of convinced himself it's been a thing.
Yeah, there was probably like a little line item that said double meat, $5.
Yeah, exactly.
He's been getting the same thing forever, and I can't even find it on the menu anymore.
Too many of their customers were dying, so they stopped suggesting it to them.
Also, like, why are you looking at the menu if you order the same thing every time?
That's a principle.
It's just comforting.
It's comforting to see all the items there and none of them being vegan friendly.
And now he, that one more comfort has been taken from this man by the woke mob.
I'm going to get a job working for Cracker Barrel.
And what I'm going to do is I'm going to go ahead and reach out to like Tom McDonald and we're going to do a little, we're going to design a little breakfast.
Oh my God.
Tom McDonald is for sure going to rap about this.
Yeah, yeah.
100.
It's gonna wind up in a Tom McDonald bar.
I cannot wait.
I used to order the double meat and now I have to eat fake meat.
Connie Larson Weber said, no thank you.
I've read the reports about how unhealthy this fake meat is.
Let's not start heading down the path towards Soylent Green.
I like how it's the exact opposite path, like instead of being like, because Soylent does exist, it's like the whole company, you know, it's like instead of being minimal, just meeting your nutritional needs, they're like, fuck it, sausage patties.
No, she means the movie.
She means the movie, Tony.
Yeah, but I know, but I'm saying like, but that was meant to like meet just minimal like nutritional needs and they use whatever means to do it, right?
That was the whole point of Soylent Green.
Food as fuel.
Right, yes, food as fuel.
Well, but Soylent is plant-based too, right?
Like, that's why it's called Soylent, yeah.
But in the movie that she's referencing, obviously, it's human.
Like, yeah, the path towards...
The path towards human consumption I don't think involves like creating a meat alternative.
It's the exact opposite.
It's saying like no let's make fake sausages instead of having to eat humans.
I do love the like because there is a grain of truth like Marketing Impossible and Beyond as healthier is a bit misleading.
It's a meat replacement.
It's not health food.
The cholesterol, I think, is a bit lower, but the sodium, I think, is a little higher.
Not anymore.
Not with Impossible and Beyond and the newer, better ones.
The old school ones, the microwave stuff, still very much so, but this unflavored stuff, they're not doing the sodium like they used to.
Oh, well it's good.
I don't know, every time I've talked about it on my show, if it's an option and the price is right, I'll usually go for it.
I think ground meat.
You can't fucking tell, especially in a burger.
The meat is one of many elements.
But yeah, I always get weird little snide comments like, oh, you think you're eating healthier, but did you know that there's this many grams of sodium?
I'm like, I don't fucking care.
I'm not doing it to lose weight.
You're eating at Cracker Barrel.
What are you talking about?
Anything you eat here is one step closer to the grave.
It's very funny too to be like, no thank you, I've read the reports about how unhealthy this is.
Let's not start heading down the path towards Soylent Green, the biggest problem of which we know is how unhealthy it was.
How unhealthy the cannibalistic lifestyle was.
People were satiated but the blood pressure was through the roof.
Okay, and then finally, I feel really awful about this.
A listener sent me some stuff for this segment, and I thought I screen grabbed their name.
I didn't, and I can't remember who they are, so I'm very sorry.
It was on Instagram, but they kind of compiled a couple responses on the Cracker Barrel Facebook page.
They were great.
Larry Tong says, check the menu for Critical Race Theory.
I'll have a side of critical race theory with my impossible sausage platter.
Excuse me, instead of the garlic aioli, could I get the white gilt, please?
It's like a Ben Carson cartoon being written.
Just labels on everything.
I mean, these people, usually with a conservative boycott, they have some other backup plan in place.
But is there a backup Cracker Barrel out there?
I don't think they have much competition.
They've really carved out their own niche.
Yeah, you can eat it like Chick-fil-A, I think.
Maybe one of the Let's Go Brandon stores that hasn't filed for bankruptcy serves food.
Trump Burger.
You see that?
Yes.
I think it's in Texas.
Trump Burger.
There you go, baby.
I can see a Golden Corral pivot.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
The dumpster behind Shooter's Bar and Grill might still have some stuff in it.
You won't get any more dysentery than you had before.
And it's free that way.
It's free.
Yeah.
That's a shame.
Don Hardman says, are you kidding me fake meat?
Go ahead and change your name.
California guacamole watering hole.
What's wrong with guacamole?
California guacamole watering hole sounds like the best place.
Yeah, it sounds delicious.
It sounds like a place that you get free guacamole when you pull in.
I think, does Cracker Barrel, I feel like they do something like peanuts or some shit.
But I feel like you would get a bowl of guacamole there.
Yeah, I feel like you'd get real drunk at this place.
I mean, he had avocado toast right there.
It went with guacamole.
Guacamole implies it's got some race stuff to it.
Yeah, sounds like critical race theory to me.
Yeah, oh, because instead of cracker, cracker, which is the white race, guacamole, that's the Mexican race.
Yeah, they change it to the B-slur instead of the C-slur.
It's incredible to bring out the animals in me, i.e. cannibals.
What can you do?
You're in stew.
Hot pot, cook it up.
I'm never gonna stop and see a bite.
Yeah, okay, finally, last story here.
This one tickled me pink.
It's about an elderly couple dying outside of the White House, getting struck by lightning, and Ben Shapiro readers reacting to this story.
Again, of a couple of people being struck by lightning outside the White House.
Ben Shapiro shared this story.
Third person dies after being struck by lightning near White House and captions it with absolutely terrible.
Which I think is definitely the response he was expecting from his listeners.
Just a bunch of Ben Shapiro readers hearing about death right outside the White House and thinking, wow, what a sad story.
I'm so upset about this news.
Yeah, getting struck by lightning is a super tragic death because it's the most sudden death.
It doesn't get more sudden than getting struck by lightning, or more rare.
Yeah, super rare.
And I love this picture they have.
It's so ominous with the dark clouds behind.
What part of the White House is this?
I don't know what part of the White House this is, but somebody did say that it reminded them of Disneyland.
So, there you go.
Yeah, Haunted Mansion-esque?
Yeah.
When the guy replied, he was like, I wish Mickey was in charge, but instead we have Goofy.
Oh, got him.
Um, a lot of people were like, uh, you know, because it was, uh, an elderly couple, two of the three people who died were an elderly couple celebrating like their 56th wedding anniversary.
Jesus Christ.
And people were like, why would they take a trip to the White House?
Why were they there in the first place?
Hmm.
Yeah, why would they do that?
Who does that?
Washington, D.C., an infamous Democrat-run city.
Were they expecting not to get violently killed there, or what?
Yeah, the Hillary kill count just keeps going up in new and exciting ways.
If my birthday was January 6th, I wouldn't have pulled up.
I would have done something else.
Um, so somebody was like, uh, somebody in the comments was like, why, why are we politicizing this?
It seems just kind of like a freak accident that happened.
It's, it's pretty tragic.
And Lawrence replies, says people practice what they are taught and Democrats have been teaching how to politicize tragedy for years if they see reelection votes in tragedy.
What?
But you're doing it... Oh my god.
Yeah, but only because the Democrats did it first, Elliot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's... We're just keeping balance.
It's a real Obama-made-me-be-racist situation.
Well, yeah, if this is all you think of conservatives, that we laugh at death as long as it happens to our political enemies, I guess then ha ha.
It is funny that, like, Obama is the black guy who beat up everyone's cousin in one fell swoop.
You know, like the one who wrecked that.
He is the one who made you racist.
No, my cousin got beat up by a black guy.
And by beat up, I mean taxed heavily.
Well, yeah.
I mean, mugging on a mass scale.
And by my cousin, I mean my boss, who I love.
And then yeah, Glenn replies, I'm really surprised that the Democrats have not linked this tragic death of innocents to quote climate change.
Or have they already and I just didn't see it.
The left never let a tragedy go wasted.
Buddy, you guys are the ones.
Oh my god.
I think this is a type of projection that is so fascinating because it's.
I mean, I didn't see anyone post about this in any political context.
I think Ben Shapiro might be the only one.
And here you are!
Ben Shapiro, like, picks really fun, funny stuff to engage with his listener.
You know, by him, I mean whatever social media team he's put together.
But it's also, like, these are stories from the Daily Wire that he has editorial control over, so it's assuming that he's, like, kind of picking what they write about.
And they do a lot of celebrity reporting, like ostensibly to make fun of the celebrities, but it's just a constant stream of stories about Kim Kardashian and the SNL guy breaking up.
Or like stories about- Because Hollywood's the devil, you know?
Yeah, but then you have like half of his readership yelling about having to hear about celebrities and like not even- they're like indicting the mainstream media for Ben Shapiro's coverage of celebrity relationships.
Like, just because he knows it's gonna get hate clicks, essentially.
Like, he knows it's gonna drive... It's just SEO, yeah.
...clicks, and so he just gives them the stuff they hate at a, like, constant stream.
It's funny, they're talking about not making about climate change, but the Democrats aren't going to make it about climate change, because for you, that's just as effective as somebody in this comment section who's going to make this about God smiting someone trying to worship Joe Biden.
You don't believe in climate change, so it's not going to do any sway.
Also, we don't have to do lightning strikes to do the climate change argument.
We can just Talk about many of the other huge weather tragedies that have been happening.
The mountains of evidence collected over 40 years, yeah.
Is there anyone in there talking about this being a weather gun?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Somebody did say, oh, so they got a lightning machine now, apparently.
Okay, yeah.
But I do like, yeah, the tie to like, To climate change, or whatever?
Like, I'm surprised I didn't see anybody try to blame this on, like, an electric car battery.
Is what shocked them, you know?
And then, yeah, Holly Tucker replies, How do you know that they were innocent?
One does not know, but I truly believe God is in control of everything.
What?
Wait!
Wait, no!
Don't feel bad for these people.
They must have done something to piss off God.
Yeah, I mean, it's such a rare occurrence.
God's really gotta be mad to do it.
You don't get struck by lightning on your 50th wedding anniversary if you've been a good person all your life.
That's all I'll say.
It's funny, because I feel kind of like the opposite.
I feel like maybe, you know, if you're a God-fearing individual, maybe getting struck by lightning is like you get prematurely raptured.
Yeah, yeah, you are being beamed up.
I think they were holding hands being sweeties and they got struck by lightning together.
That's fucking beautiful.
There were so many responses to this that I got too many to begin with.
Hold on, hold on.
Sorry.
I just read that this couple actually had a Disney Plus subscription.
Oh, fuck them.
Never mind.
Never mind.
I'm sorry.
But yeah, people were like, I don't pretend to know the meaning of this, but I do hope that they were God-fearing people and they went straight to heaven after God called them back to his kingdom.
Yeah, I love that.
I love this one.
Barbara Richard just said, getting the message yet?
I mean, there's so many ways.
There's so many options for messages.
Like the God is angry?
Stop serving vegan meat at your restaurants.
Obviously.
There's a connection here.
You might want to back up from your sweetie in your profile pic because you're looking like a lightning rod right now.
Looking real tasty to some lightning.
You better back up.
Craig Klimka Fail says, I think nature is trying to tell us something.
So a little more specific than Barbara's with getting the message yet, because she didn't even describe who the messenger might even be.
Craig is like, oh, nature's the messenger here.
Ignore everything else that nature's been saying for the last 50 years.
Ignore all that.
This one lightning strike against an innocent elderly couple who happened to be in proximity to the White House.
I mean, read between the lines here, folks.
I mean, not to be a hater, but nature has been telling us to go inside when there's a lightning storm.
It has been saying that for a long time.
But that's all I'm going to give you, Craig.
Yeah, I mean, I think nature is saying divorce your wife.
I think so.
I think you're right.
Humans were not meant to be married that long.
There's another lightning strike viral video right now with that guy who hits the golf ball and the golf ball gets struck by lightning.
It's real cool.
But I'm watching and I'm like, you are holding a metal object in the air.
It's literally an iconic scene in the movie Caddyshack.
Yeah, exactly.
Killed by lightning on a golf course.
Everyone knows not to do... I mean, I don't know what this couple was doing, but...
I'm the same.
They were flying a kite with a key attached to it.
They were really into like this whole American history thing.
White House, Ben Franklin.
That's why when I go golfing during a lightning storm, I don't emulate Caddyshack.
Instead, I emulate Tin Cup and I use a pool cue to do all my golfing on the green.
I emulate Powder.
I emulate Powder when I go out in lightning storms.
Powder by acclaimed pedophile director Victor Salva.
You know, the man, he likes his children, but he sure can direct a film.
Yeah, Jeepers Creepers, what a good movie.
Bad guy, but good movie.
Say what you will.
There's a lot to say.
It's been a long time since I thought about the movie.
Padder didn't know all that part, but yeah.
Oh yeah.
There's a reason the main character's a hairless boy.
Jalen Martin says, are we starting a trial for The Lightning?
Oh, that's good.
I like that.
How do you do the death sentence for lightning, though?
No more rain.
No more rainstorms.
You banish them with the weather machine.
That's smart.
Put a Tesla coil in a jail cell at CPAC and people throw money at it.
You gather up a team of the world's strongest mentalists and telepaths and you do cloud bursting across the entire globe.
Never allow another cloud to form.
I love that.
Smart.
OllyUklon really liked this train of thought.
She replies, no, probably a new vaccine.
Dot, dot, dot.
Clown face emoji.
I'm gonna be real, if I can get the don't get electrocuted vaccine, I'm gonna be unstoppable.
Yeah, I've been vaccinating myself from electric shock my whole life.
Licking batteries?
Yeah, licking batteries.
This is how they're deploying the vaccine to the last holdouts.
They're using the Joe Biden Chinese weather gun to electrify the mRNA straight into people.
And sometimes they use a little too much lightning, but you know, it's a small price to pay to establish the new world order.
Yeah, it's like in War of the Worlds.
Those lightning strikes, they weren't just innocent lightning strikes.
They were depositing spike proteins into your bloodstream.
Yeah.
Thousands of people are getting struck by lightning every day.
There are a few casualties.
You won't hear about that in the MSM.
Nope.
Not today.
And then Ruth Stiff along this train of thought.
This is a great little riff session between these three.
Ruth Stiff replies finally.
Next, there will be a law passed against lightning.
Yeah.
Yep.
Hell yeah, Ruth.
But I mean, we all know how good laws are anyways.
We all know what they're good for, you know?
Then you're just going to have criminal lightning.
You're going to make schools into lightning-free zones, and the lightning's just going to waltz right in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Criminals are still going to use lightning.
They're going to use static shock as, like, anti-lightning campaigns.
Look at this young urban criminal.
Yeah, it's going to be just a photo of- Why is he wearing a mask?
What does he have to hide?
Got this ageless Oriental man in a rice hat just getting in fights all over the Outworld and electrocuting his opponents.
And Oriental is the word they would use.
That is the word they would use there.
Just photos of Dynamo from Running Man posted on every TV across the nation.
Singing opera while he injects you with the vaccine.
Kirito Sandbitter, don't know what that name is, replies, not even the quote climb change loves them even though they're called themselves its saviors.
You know all the cool kids refer to themselves as climate change activists.
So not even the climate change loves them, even though they call themselves the saviors of climate change?
Hmm?
Do you think about that?
It's like one of those messages, like, occasionally I'll find myself arguing with someone on Twitter only to quickly realize that the person I'm arguing with is, like, very deeply psychologically, like, Something's going on there and I should just let it be.
Their conditioning has been conditioned, as I like to say.
It's just, I mean, did they make up that that couple was, they were like climate activists?
No, they're just next to the White House.
They were by the White House.
Which is like an endorsement of... Yeah.
I don't know.
It's a cursed area, Tony.
Don't go there.
You know, the White House, Joe Biden, you know, infamous climate warrior.
Yeah, him and Joe Manchin.
You know, just really doing cool stuff for the climate.
I love that, like, oh, uh, you said that you love the climate so much?
Uh, well, what about, like, these droughts, huh?
What about these droughts and these typhoons and these other, like, you know, ast- what's- what's the word?
Astrological phenomenon?
Is that- Yeah.
Astronomical phenomenon?
I mean, the thing is- Uh, what- what about that- what about that stuff, huh?
It looks- looks like they don't agree with what you're trying to do.
It's like, oh yeah, I guess you're right.
I tried to stop climate change, but it rebuked me by doing a tsunami.
Yeah, yeah.
What we're saying is, if you were going to go ahead and endorse a type of thing, heavy finger quotes, scare quotes, if you're going to endorse it and say that it deserves rights, then you need to hold the clouds accountable.
You need to hold the clouds accountable.
You can't just say, you know, donate to this, donate to that, and then just let them off the hook when they go just like, murdering old people?
That's a little hypocritical.
Yeah, this starts in the cloud.
And yeah, you've got to look into what were these clouds doing before their lightning left the cloud and did all this.
It's probably all that music they're listening to up there.
I think the climate, essentially, is beyond help.
Like, at this point.
We just need to put the whole thing down.
No climate.
Yeah.
I think it's the humane thing to do.
Yeah, a lot of people are saying this is God.
God is making his displeasure with the current administration known, lol.
But yeah, killing an old couple next to the White House.
Like, I love, like, even in your fantasy about this vengeful, malicious God, he's not even good at it.
He's, like, just arbitrarily killing your demographic.
Like, the Daily Wire readership demographic.
An old married couple.
The thing is, they're reading it wrong actually.
This was God actually making a sacrifice at the doorstep of Biden.
This is actually an endorsement of the Democrats.
Oh shit, well that changes things.
Or maybe it's the devil?
Can the devil control lightning?
I think maybe the devil can control lightning.
Yeah, there's like fire element to it.
I like that idea.
Finally, Tony says, a different Tony, guys.
Tony says, God doesn't approve of your, quote, pronouns.
That's why this married heterosexual couple had to go.
They had to do it.
I love quotes around pronouns.
Pronouns are just altogether fake for these people now.
Yeah, I don't use them.
I don't use pronouns.
You know, people are still... I have a friend who has good views, is not a bad person at all, just maybe doesn't understand this kind of thing.
They were asked on their Ask Anonymously thing, someone says, oh, do you use pronouns?
And they said, no, I don't, but I respect people who do.
And it was just like, no.
And then someone says, oh, you don't.
So then, you know, none, none is what you prefer.
And they were like, no, she, her.
And they're like, but they said they don't like regular people don't get it.
And so it just gets worse and worse the further right you go.
Yeah.
A lot of people seem to conflate it with neo-pronouns, which to my knowledge is an extremely fringe sort of Tumblr sort of thing.
So they're like, oh, if you're using pronouns, there's like 64 new pronouns you got to learn with a bunch of X's and Z's and whatnot.
And it's like, I personally have never met anyone who's doing that.
You haven't worked at many bookstores, have you, Elliot?
Yeah, I guess not.
They think that people using pronouns is cis erasure.
That's what it is.
They think that if you use anything besides that, what you think is, then you're erasing cis existence.
That's what they think it is.
That sausage is replacing real American-grown pork sausage.
Exactly.
By simply being on the menu.
Yeah.
I mean, there's like a fundamental, you know, I'm not saying anything new here, but there's like a plan to deliberately confuse millions of Americans, right?
And there's like people like Ben Shapiro, people, uh, you know, propagandists in power are deliberately doing these things to confuse people.
So yeah.
And in their mind, like any, you know, pronouns are just synonymous with, with, uh, trans people or non-binary people.
Same thing with wokeness.
Woke doesn't mean, like, aware or anti-racist anymore.
It just means ridiculous.
And they're doing the thing where it's like...
You know, that James Lindsay's trying to do with critical race theory, where you just damage the phrase so much that it becomes impossible to use in like a non-charged way.
And so it makes like polite discussion about a topic where somebody might have reasonable questions, somebody might have, you know, understandable ignorance, and you can't even begin to like have that conversation because everybody's so fucking charged up around the term to begin with.
I mean, It's like the whole, uh, youth, oh, uh, I thought you said if you don't have a uterus, you can't comment on abortion.
Well, men can get pregnant too.
What about that?
And it's like, yeah, those men that we're talking about are men with uteruses.
Yeah.
But they don't understand that at all because, you know, half of them don't want to understand it, and there's also an enterprise devoted to getting them to not understand it.
A lot of times they'll accidentally, through sheer ignorance, properly gender trans people when they're arguing about this stuff.
That's always my favorite to see.
It is like what you're saying about like language, though.
It's funny.
That is that is kind of a core theme of the book 1984.
They take the English language and sort of dumb it down to like words have one single meaning and that's it.
And it has a pretty big effect on society.
So that is funny.
But they would never.
They would never make the connection there with their favorite book.
Yeah, okay, so old married couple celebrating their wedding anniversary outside the White House.
I don't care what your pronouns used to be.
Your pronouns are now was, were.
Oof.
Old.
Says Daily Wire readership.
Okay, thank you so much for coming on the show, Elliot.
Wonderful to have you here.
Elliot is a co-host of the Internet Today show.
Why don't you tell people what it's about and where to find it?
Yeah, it's a YouTube show that has gradually just become a podcast length show that we happen to film and post on YouTube.
But yeah, we talk about, there's probably a lot of thematic and topic crossover.
With Minion Death Cult's topics, but yeah, we cover a pretty wide spectrum of news as long as it's something with riffage potential.
There's a lot of absurdity out there.
We cover, we got like four episodes or so a week and yeah, it's at youtube.com Internet Today TV, I believe.
That sounds right.
And yeah, come on by.
Say hello.
Great show.
Highly recommend it.
Very good stuff.
Yeah.
Okay, so yeah, if you want to support this show, go to Minion Death Cult.
Sorry, go to patreon.com slash Minion Death Cult.
$3.11 a month gets you a bonus episode every single week, as well as instant access to Hundreds of bonus episodes in our previous back catalog in whatever podcast app you use or whatever browser you use, you'd be helping support the show, supporting what we do, helping us pay bills and also getting a shit ton of content for it.
So yes, we appreciate everybody who supports us there.
Anarchists episode two out this week, baby.
I'm so excited.
It's going to be a good one.
Yeah, thanks for listening.
This one's way better, I'll say.
I'll say it before we even record.
This one's better than the last one.
Oh, it is, yeah.
Yeah, there's just no way around it.
This one's better than the last one.
Yeah.
Alright, well thanks everybody, and we'll talk to you again soon.
