When patriot Mike rescues feminist Ricki from a post- Trump rally riot, the clash of opposites sets off sparks between them. But the gentleman giant refuses to leave the side of the spunky half-pint until he and his pickup truck deliver her home, safe and sound. Ricki attends the rally to scoop the racism of the Trump crowd in a blog post. But she's forced to spin a false narrative when her mistaken assumptions fail to materialize. When Ricki's lies get Mike doxed, and his construction worksite becomes the target of anti fascist thugs, his righteous anger forces her to reckon with the truth.Ricki wants to fix the damage and regain Mike's trust. But that means facing the wrath of the liberal mobs. Will Ricki find the courage to leave the left for a lifetime of old-fashioned true love? Support the show for only $3.11/mo at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get instant access to hundreds of hours of bonus content, plus a bonus episode every week, directly in your podcast app
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people go to school and get yourself.
All their environment, all the time.
Stay tuned.
Okay.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
The love of a radical feminist spunky half-pint girl pixie is responsible.
We're documenting it.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
What's up, everybody?
It's your Patreon episode for the week, and possibly a sneak preview of the Patreon episode for the week if you have yet to subscribe to our Patreon.
But we're going to give you folks a little taste in the hopes that we can reel you back in for more here, because today... God, I'm so excited about this episode.
I'm pretty pumped.
Sometimes things just fall into your lap, you know?
You see stuff and you're like, oh, that looks cool, and then it turns out that it's actually amazing.
I want to shout out, I think it was Brendan in the Facebook group, it was Brendan, who first shared what we're about to discuss, what we're about to read aloud for you listeners, and for Tony.
Tony has not heard this yet.
Yeah, it's new to me.
Tony has not read it yet.
It's new to me, but I'm excited about it.
Yeah, Brendan shared this into the Facebook group before I saw it go viral on Twitter, but it went viral for a reason, folks.
Today we are going to, I am going to be reading Ladies First, A MAGA Hat Romance to Tony Boswell for the pleasure of our listening audience.
I am so excited.
So I mean like, you know I'm a sucker for a romance novel, I'm a sucker for some MAGA hat stuff, and you also know I'm a sucker for wine.
For good wine.
So I went ahead and popped into the cellar and got a bottle just for this episode.
Oh my god.
I went ahead and found a nice vintage, I believe it's a non-date, it's such a good vintage.
I got some Kirkland Rosé Prosecco.
Oh wow.
I will probably drink most of the bottle throughout this episode.
I'm really excited.
I'm going to go ahead and pop this.
I'm excited for some romance.
I'm gonna read the description, you know.
Faint spoilers ahead, but this episode, I believe, will be part one of the reading of the MAGA hat romance called Ladies First by Liberty Adams, by the way.
What a good pen name.
I mean, we're assuming it's a pen name.
Who knows?
That's true.
That is true.
That was kind of presumptuous of me.
The description reads, When Patriot Mike rescues feminist Ricky from a post-Trump rally riot, the clash of opposites sets off sparks between them, but the gentleman giant refuses to leave the side of the spunky half-pint until he and his pickup truck deliver her home safe and sound.
Ricky attends the rally to scoop the racism of the Trump crowd in a blog post.
But she's forced to spin a false narrative when her mistaken assumptions fail to materialize.
When Ricky's lies get Mike doxxed and his construction work site becomes the target of anti-fascist thugs, his righteous anger forces her to reckon with the truth, period.
Ricky wants to fix the damage and regain Mike's trust, but that means facing the wrath of the liberal mobs.
Uh-oh.
Will Ricky find the courage to leave the left for a lifetime of old-fashioned true love?
Leave the left for a lifetime of old-fashioned true love.
Aw, the alliterations are already popping.
This is going to be... As a fan of prose, I am fucking ecstatic.
I noticed she didn't include, like, libidinal or lusty.
So... Yet.
Yet.
Yet.
Ladies First by Liberty Adams.
MAGA Hat Romance Book 1.
Dedication.
This series is dedicated to MAGA patriots everywhere.
Chapter 1.
A red blur greeted Ricky from inside the Rapid Transit trolley car as it whizzed past and came to a stop.
Ricky's spelled C-K-I.
Sorry, everybody.
This still has like a Shel Silverstein-like cadence to it.
She adjusted the waistband of her low-slung jeans and took her place at the front of the throng waiting on the platform.
Inside the car, not many were preparing to exit.
She hated it when large events crowded the ridership on her line.
This one, a Trump victory rally coming just weeks after President Trump's inauguration, explained all the red, making her hate it even more.
Uh, and I'll stop to say here that I believe this book was written in, uh, 2020.
So... This is presupposing the re-election of Donald Trump.
Oh, this is a re-election?
Okay, because what I was thinking was that they were smart and that they started the series and in, in 2016.
That way they know they for sure have four years to, to rock.
Four years of, of plot.
That would be good.
That would be smart.
I think there are references to President Trump's successes.
Oh, okay.
I think there's like examples of him being a great president referenced in here, but I could be wrong.
She braced herself for the inevitable pushing and shoving, even though the thought of getting anywhere near one red clad rally goer, let alone be surrounded by them.
What?
I don't know.
Oh, that's what she's bracing herself.
Yeah, to be around Red.
Maybe she's like a bull.
You think she's like a bull?
She like doesn't finish her thought, even though the thought of getting anywhere near one red-clad rally-goer, let alone be surrounded by them...
What does that thought do?
Don't know.
The doors opened.
She leaped forward.
I was like, why are you confused?
It's because it ended right there.
I was like, I get that.
It ends with an em dash.
It's like that's supposed to go somewhere.
There's supposed to be another part to the em dash.
Because I feel like, I feel like Liberty Adams is like, that shit gets me hot.
But I feel like Ricky is like, I'm scared, I need my safe place.
Yeah, she can't even... Is what Liberty would say.
She's so triggered she can't even finish the thought, I think.
That makes sense.
The doors opened.
She leaped forward, determined to make this car.
Her destination was the same rally as many of the passengers she loathed.
She had to get on now before she lost her nerve and changed her mind about attending.
Riders spilled out, thwarting Ricky's progress.
Yeah, that's what happens at a stop, uh... This fool already said throng and thwart, like...
Room in the car was disappearing, and then, an opening.
From experience riding the line, Rikki knew just how to time her next move.
She hunched down small, ready to shoot the gap, but a Hulk at her left elbow stepped into it.
NOOOOO!
She grabbed the Hulk's arm and tried to squeeze past.
The Hulk stopped, then smiled when he saw her.
Immediately, he stepped out of the way, blocking a wall of bodies.
He ushered her forward with a gallant gesture.
Ladies first, he said.
Ah, a redneck, the kind that drew her automatic disdain.
Ricky scowled.
For good measured, she used the toe of one of his steel-capped work boots as a stepping stone and sat her elbow in the vicinity of the Hulk's ribcage.
Men like this only existed in the world of her father and brother, who were holdouts to a version of masculinity that was rapidly disappearing.
According to 4th Wave Feminism, most of the rest should have been reduced to blithering apologetics by now.
4th Wave?
What's 4th Wave?
That's a thing, did you know?
It's basically, like, male genocide, which I think is cool.
I think that's cool.
But also, wait, so, this dude, for probably all the wrong reasons, like, pardoned her in there and said, go ahead, ladies first.
And so she elbowed him in the ribs?
Yeah, because that sort of gallantry.
She does not truck with that sort of redneck politeness.
Like five seconds ago, she was really just focused on getting that spot.
Now she got the spot.
So she could get that.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, you know what?
Actually, this all adds up.
Never mind.
I forgot what we're talking about.
We're talking about, we're talking about a fourth wave feminist who wants to murder all the men.
So this makes sense.
Yeah, fourth wave feminism is that cartoon of all the femdoms in bikinis squashing dudes, dicks, and balls on the guillotine steps in front of like a salt mine that they're all working.
But the one thing that all waves of feminism have in common is that it's all about hating your dad.
