A faked hate crime is worse than an actual hate crime! w/Jesse Farrar
This week Jesse Farrar of Your Kickstarter Sucks and Go Off Kings helps us cover the reaction to Jussie Smollett's sentencing and a viral "feel good" story about a Starbucks barista covertly offering help to a possibly-harassed female customer makes Fox News commentators "feel bad," mostly in the form of "Why do women always assume it's creepy if I talk to them in public?" Support the show for only $3.11/mo at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get a bonus episode every week, as well as instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes Music : Dissection - The Somberlain
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're in the middle of the stormy deserts.
Oh, they're in Bartholstein.
Stay tuned.
Okay, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
A hate crime against everyone is responsible.
We're documenting it.
What's up everybody?
Thanks for joining the show.
As always, real quick up top, if you want to help support what we do and get a bonus episode every single week, you can Do that at patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com slash MinionDeathCult where $3.11 a month gets you access to a bonus episode every single week as well as access to the entire back catalog of which there are hundreds of episodes right now.
Last week was a very fun episode.
We talked about The bros at the Godspeed You Black Emperor concert.
We talked about Tony's hard and fast rules on veganism, except when it comes to birthday cakes that he makes himself.
And spiding my mom.
Spiding my mother.
I'll also do it then.
I taught Tony a thing or two about marijuana that he was unaware of.
I already forgot, though, because I was smoking marijuana when you told me.
Because you got high.
Yeah.
And we also talked about, speaking of high, The Daily Wire, aka Ben Shapiro's really rigorous campaign against marijuana.
Really coming hard against marijuana, both calling it like a predatory industry, by which he means preying on women who went through breast cancer and chemotherapy.
And stupid people in general.
And also stupid people are the ones who smoke marijuana.
And how those are not mutually exclusive.
Do the math there.
But yeah, we have fun over there on the Patreon.
It's how you help us pay our bills.
And yeah, we appreciate your support.
We do.
We love it.
Come on down.
We got a great episode today.
Just a wonderful episode.
I think probably a pretty Minion Death Cult episode.
I think so.
I think this is one of the most that we've done probably.
Here to do it with us is the inimitable Jesse Farrar, JF, from your Kickstarter sucks, from Go Off Kings, and just from the internet.
How you doing, Jesse?
Wow!
Indomitable.
That's one I think I would, um, that's one of the ones I would keep in the back pocket because I would say it with the very low confidence level I just said it with.
Because, like, I know how to say it, but it's also one where, I don't know, maybe I could slip up saying that one.
There's a lot of, like, there's a lot of stuff going on, you know?
Yeah, there's a lot of little rolls through that word you don't want to fuck up on.
I did get nervous.
I was like, did you just insult our guest right now?
What did you just say?
But then apparently we're good.
I think we're good.
I knew I would be the one editing this episode.
So I felt free to just shoot from the hip there.
I respect it.
Yeah.
How you doing, Jesse?
I'm doing really good.
Thanks for coming on.
Yeah.
Thanks for having me on.
It's not to give away the whole game here.
It's Sunday afternoon.
Evening.
OK.
A little peek behind the curtain.
Um, so I'm doing pretty good.
I have not, uh, this is, this is one of those days where nothing happened.
This is one of those days where nothing... I didn't do anything.
I didn't, I didn't sink any baskets today.
I'm not on the board.
Um, I just kind of, my ass was sat on and that was pretty much it.
So, this is, this is actually my big thing for the day is let's get something done today and let's look at some, uh, Facebook comments.
Let's make, let's get on the board with some Facebook comments.
Yeah, let's do something productive here, guys.
Well it's good you're drinking a little sparkling sparkling water so this is kind of like brunch you know something you do on Sundays so I think we're on the right track and hopefully you know we can we can bring that type of brunch energy for you.
Yes.
If you like brunch.
Let's get a little gossip.
I don't think I've actually had a proper brunch maybe Maybe ever?
Because brunch is... Alright, you guys sound like brunch experts.
Brunch is exclusively on the weekend, right?
Or no?
No, it's just a day off.
Or, I don't know, maybe your work schedule dictates that you can have brunch every day.
I don't know.
Well, unfortunately what it is is that lots of restaurants only offer brunch on the weekend, but that's the brunch really missing an opportunity.
Okay, so at home... But you... If you make brunch at home, you still call it brunch?
Oh yeah.
Well, I don't know.
If there's alcohol involved, then it's automatically brunch.
See, I don't think I could pull off brunch.
I think Tony can pull off brunch.
I don't think I can.
I'm not going to make anything worthy of being called brunch.
I don't think eating eggs at 10 is brunch.
You know what I mean?
There's got to be something else.
There's got to be some kind of French toast or something.
That's the early side of brunch.
If you have the sparkling water, you're good.
The sparkling water.
Um, you try to go to a brunch at 10 o'clock at a restaurant, they'll kick your ass out.
They'll fucking take your credit card from you.
Like, this is breakfast time.
Get the fuck out, you come back at 11.
There are places that just, I think, only do brunch.
I think there's a place, isn't it, there's like, I mean, there's a place called Egg Slut, right?
Isn't that, is that brunch, or is that just breakfast you have when you're drunk?
Uh, is Egg Slut, is that, like, right next to Biscuit Bitch?
Unfortunately, I think one is like a bootleg of the other.
They're just breakfast all day.
I can't believe that name is still just like there.
It's just some dude who did that.
It's a dude who runs that place.
Guys can't be sluts now?
Is that what you're saying?
I don't think this guy's a slut.
I don't think this guy's a slut or can claim slut.
I think he just uses slut in an interesting way.
But I don't want to get too into that because he's pretty easy to make fun of.
You gotta ask for receipts, Tony.
You gotta go up to him.
Be like, prove it.
Yeah.
Are you really a slut?
Let's prove it.
Show me.
There's also a breakfast place, brunch place, sorry.
It says breakfast restaurant on Google results, but I think it's, to me this is a brunch place.
There's also a place called The Egg and I, but they re-branded to First Watch.
What?
What?
Yeah, it used to be The Egg and I is now First Watch.
They were like, huh, a King and I reference, a little outdated on our racism.
We need to just ramp it up to first responders.
But apparently The Egg and I is, that's a movie also.
Oh.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, you could have fooled me.
Oh, I didn't see that one coming.
I'm opening up a place called I Got Your 6, and we're famous for our 6-Egg Omelette.
It's an epic bacon 6-Egg Omelette.
And it's there where everyone's your brother.
epic bacon six egg omelet and it's it's there where everyone's your brother brother first first watch is a place it's like a um uh you go and you get like a an 18.99 plate of like a but there's potatoes on it or there's like you know it's it's fancy it's like the it's it's bacon but it's not normal bacon it's like this was this bacon was small this this shit was thick cut cured they did something to this yeah they did
they did something really good this is not your waffle house bacon which i think maybe i would rather just have the waffle house bacon but it's good but as you said you're not really a brunch bro you're not really a bunch bro and i respect that that's not really going to be listening to your opinion on that one No, you're supposed to say, it's not for me.
You don't say, this sucks.
You say, it's not for me.
And that's what I'm going to say.
It's not for me.
The egg and I is not for me.
It's fine.
That's how I do it politically.
I say, oh, I like good stuff.
So this one, not for me.
And I'll say one thing I've always expected about you is you know how to stay in your lane.
And you know that brunch is not your lane.
So you're just going to, that's the way to go.
Good job.
Right.
Yeah.
Because like you said, the thing about it is, Drinking is a big part of it.
And if I'm not going to be drinking at brunch, then what am I... Well, I'm just showing my ass.
I'm late for breakfast.
That's all I'm doing.
You could show your ass and just... You could just show your ass and make everyone think you're drunk.
That way, like, you're kind of part of it.
Yep.
Yeah, you can get away with sex crimes if you're drunk.
On brunch, at brunch.
At brunch, yeah.
Speaking of crimes, hey, our first story here, not something that I really planned on covering, but it is pretty much all they're talking about in right-wing media.
You know, on my secret right-wing alt-Facebook account, where I've only followed the Washington Examiner, the Ben Shapiro Facebook page, Fox News, The HGH twins.
Those guys.
This is all they're talking about, which is, I'm just going to read a little infographic from the Washington Examiner.
Hey, this is, you know, court sketch artists?
Memes before there were memes?
Well, we'll just call it a meme for shorthand for you youngsters, but we got a drawing of Jussie Smollett.
And the text over it, in a real like, now this, clickbaity kind of... It looks very foxy.
Yeah, it says, "Jussie Smollett sentenced to 150 days in county jail and 30 months probation for lying to police in hate crime hoax and ordered to pay $25,000 in fines and $120,000 in restitution to in fines and $120,000 in restitution to the city of Chicago." This was really well received.
That's, you know, why they're talking about it a lot.
Jussie Smollett, of course, the guy who said a couple guys in MAGA hats beat the shit out of him.
And, you know, I mean, any sort of hate crime that gets reported on, like, the right wing is just going to try and discredit it or, you know, find fault with it instantly.
And, I mean, they got this one right.
Really got to hand it to them.
They were right about this one.
Yeah, absolutely.
The only thing that's more embarrassing than this is the BLM Los Angeles post, hashtag free Jesse Smollett, that they are circulating on.
Today, I don't know if you knew this, but today we are recording on the two-year anniversary of the death of Breonna Taylor.
And BLM Los Angeles is circulating free Jesse Smollett on the two-year anniversary of the murder of Breonna Taylor after her murderer just got let off.
Um, at the same time, they're just like, nah, we gotta focus on Jesse Smollett.
Man, what are those guys thinking?
Yeah, so that's real embarrassing.
That's cool.
Good job.
So all sides are really nailing this whole thing.
Yeah, you gotta schedule those posts in your social media manager.
Yeah, exactly.
So that they go out at the right time so you don't get caught.
I think, oh shit, I'm trying to think of what it was.
I follow very few brands on Twitter, but I did, so one of the ones I do follow is my Memphis Grizzlies.
I like to see the highlights as they're coming across the wire there.
And they posted, Yeah, it was a couple weeks ago, and something awful happened, which, and now I don't remember what it is.
So, I'm sorry, I don't remember the particular awful thing that happened.
It was something awful, okay?
There's a lot of stuff that happens that's bad all the time.
It's true.
Tons of it.
But they had, it was on the morning of something really fucking nasty and awful, and they had scheduled the night before on, like, sprinkler social or whatever the fuck the teams used to post up.
It was like, GM, good morning, good morning, good morning.
It's a great morning, or whatever the fuck it was.
And then, of course, it came down pretty soon after, but I do see the double-edged sword of having the social media posts managed for you there.
That's gotta be tough.
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.
Didn't quite think that one through.
It's the weekend.
Probably Black Lives Matter, that's probably the same problem they had.
Right.
Yeah, I mean, like, it's funny, it's funny.
We don't need to talk too much about it.
I just, this is a lot of money.
$120,000 for lying to cops.
Like, should be able to do that for free, I think.
Absolutely.
Obviously, I don't think- It should be a write-off.
He's now been like, he's now been put in a psych ward.
Because he had like a breakdown in court, which is, you know, understandable.
I think it's also possibly indicative of his state of mind when he tried to pull this hoax to begin with.
But anyway, let's get into the way that they're reacting to it.
Primarily is in the way that they want Jussie Smollett himself to be charged with a hate crime.
Yeah, yeah.
So you get this news where you're like, oh, this guy we've been talking shit about that it's been like a national joke for two years or however long ago this happened also has to pay $25,000 in fines and $120,000 in fines and has to go to jail.
Well, I mean, that's pretty cool.
He should also be charged with a hate crime.
And I really think that this is it just goes back to that old, like, That old adage of what's the worst thing you can call a white person and it's racist, right?
This is like the worst thing you could possibly call a white person and the worst punishment.
What's the worst punishment you can do to a white person?
Well, it's charging them with a hate crime, right?
And so...
These people are like forever in search of a way to call a black guy racist or charge a black guy with a hate crime because it's like the worst punishment their minds can conceive of.
And so they think, hey, this guy, you know, uh, he tried to fake a hate crime.
The hate crime's already there in the sentence I just said, charge him with one.
What's funny about this too is, like, this is one of the first instances I've seen of an actual successful cancelling.
This is a real cancelling that they think is happening all the time.
This is a real one.
Like, this guy is getting a fine, doing prison time, probably won't be working on anything we'll be seeing any time soon.
Well, I mean, he proved he wasn't a very good actor.
That's true, that is true.
Yeah, that's his audition tape right there.
So it's like, but that still wasn't even enough.
They're like, oh, also we got to make sure that he's stamped a racist.
Yeah.
If maybe if he had a small business, they could like take a small business away and that would maybe be even more painful from their point of view.
Yeah, totally.
But the, the boy, the, sorry, I know we're on the comments only, but I, I keep looking back up at the, the now this meme there with the, with the sad face on them and stuff like that.
Man, $120,000 to the city of Chicago is so... That's so fucking nuts.
I'm not a lawyer, but it does seem like a lot of money.
So it's a lot of money to him, and it's nothing to Chicago.
That's Lori Lightfoot's horrifying costume budget.
But it also doesn't prevent... The point isn't to do anything.
There's no recidivism.
Like, wait, he's gonna do it again?
Yeah.
He's not going to try to pull it off again, right?
Well, this is a lesson to all the other Jesse Smollett's out there.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, everybody saw how well it went for him.
That's fucking psychotic.
This money is going to go to hire people to screen the 911 calls more.
How is this helping?
And it's not just 120 to Chicago.
Wait, hold on.
Sorry.
You sound like you're answering a phone call.
You're like, hey, you know what?
You sound like somebody who could have been an actor in Empire.
I think I'm going to hang up.
And they're like, no, no, I was on power.
I was on power.
And Alien Covenant, right?
I think it was Alien Covenant also.
Oh, yeah.
I did forget there is a reason why I like him.
Yeah.
That movie kicks ass.
Yeah.
Awesome movie.
I don't think we've gotten there yet.
We did re-watch Prometheus.
Maybe we watched Covenant.
I can't remember.
Even if you haven't, you should again, because it is really fun.
Okay.
Yeah, no, it seems a bit extraordinary, but it's never enough for some people out there.
And so yeah, this is one of the top comments.
Should have been charged with a hate crime.
He needs years behind bars.
And so then I asked, who was his hate crime against?
Which you would think would be like a pretty simple question, you know, if you're charging somebody with a hate crime, like, well, it has to be against someone, right?
And Judith Rod... Judith Rod says, uh, against himself.
Yep.
Yep, absolutely.
I mean, that's, it's funny, and we could talk about it, but it's also arguably the most sensible answer I got.
It only gets more incoherent from here.
See, the thing that's scary about that, though, is I don't want people to catch on to this, because that's like a slippery slope.
Because, like, if Jesse Smollett is doing, you know, self-hate crimes and, like, TK Dubs, Candace Williams, the twins, they're all going to be doing serious time.
That's going to be some serious time they're all going to have to reckon with.
That is, it, okay, it's psychotic, obviously, right?
But, it does make, it does make a certain amount of sense in the same, uh, highly technical sense, uh, that they can, they'll, they'll sometimes, I don't know if this is apocryphal, but I feel like this has happened to some people at some point in time, that, like, a 17 year old boy has been charged with Having images of a sexual nature of a minor when he sends a dick pic to somebody, right?
So, like, a hate crime against yourself, okay, you're black, well, now you hurt yourself as well.
I mean, that makes sort of like a twisted, like, Joker amount of sense to whatever perverse judge is sitting on the bench at this particular- I mean, that's not out of the realm of possibility to me.
Also, that means you're gonna have to start accounting for the hate crimes done against all the black people.
The victim and the perp are in the same room and they're the same guy.
It's easy to cut and dry.
The victim and the, what is the word I'm looking for?
Perpetrator.
Perp.
The perp.
The victim and the perp are in the same room, and they're the same guy.
It's easy, cut, and dry.
Right.
It's not he said, she said.
It's just he said.
Yeah, this is the racist version of that woke riddle about the, what is it?
The doctor told the son that it was, that he was sick, but it wasn't a father.
Right, right.
It was like, oh, there was a hate crime committed against a black guy, but it wasn't done by a white guy.
Who did it?
It was actually him the whole time.
You would stump Gollum with that, I think, if you got down on the case, for sure.
We'll have to remember that.
We'll have to remember that.
Yeah, no, it is like, well, there was one person who was, he did it to himself based on his own race.
Like, that's like how you could argue this, right?
You could.
But then, yeah, it just descends into chaos from here, the responses that I got.
Nathan said, Alexander, it was a crime against all of us.
He tried to further divide an already very divided nation.
And this was a response when I reposted this on the Minion Death Cult Facebook.
Somebody said pretty much the same thing, you know, oh well he should be charged with a hate crime because it discredits actual abuse cases or hate crimes and gives more ammunition to people against the justice movement.
Which was like, A jaw-dropping response to me because I was like, whoa, that would be crazy if cops had rhetorical ammunition also instead of just the regular kind.
Actual, yeah.
Um, but then he said, yeah, oh, it was a, it was a hate crime against the entire nation.
So yeah.
Oh, it was a hate crime against America.
Anti-American.
The protected class there being Americans.
Yeah.
No, that's cool.
Uh, Chris Linsley said it was, it's a hate crime against human decency.
So just not even people in it, just an abstract idea.
Did the hate crime against the idea of human decency.
More abstract as the years go on, I think, you know, sad to say.
And then I'm going to skip over this comment that was insulting to me personally.
No need to read that.
Now what does top fan on Facebook mean?
Does that mean he replies to this page that you're looking at the most?
Is that what it is?
Yeah, it means he has to pay Fox News a stipend, you know, like a sort of Patreon subscription every month and he gets their posts first.
I don't know if you're joking.
Is that true?
Uh, no, I'm joking.
Yeah.
It just means you're active.
You're an active responder.
You're a very thirsty reply guy.
But you know that they have this on Twitter.
Oh yeah, that's like a premium thing, right?
Is anyone actually doing that?
They have super followers, or they have super something on Twitter.
And look, it's whatever.
I'm not going to throw stones at anybody who's posting on Twitter and is like, I have also some secret posts behind the $5 door.
They're too good for everybody.
I put food in my kid's mouth with the stuff behind the $5 door every month.
So no hate on that stuff.
However, I do not think you could look more of a simp or a cuck as you possibly could with the little the super follower thing next to the name there with it's like in purple it's like a little purple you guys should look this up it's like a little it's like a little purple thing the only time i've ever seen it is when a guy is replying to a lady which yeah whatever but i do i do see a lot of guys super i'm gonna use that one i might use that
Tony's like looking into it now.
He's like, oh shit.
I don't know if you saw, but I super follow you.
I don't have to go to a separate app to see this.
It implies a certain dynamic, I think.
And having the little name tag next to your name, I think, that's totally, I don't want the name tag, just let me do my little posts.
You should be able to pay extra to hide the badge, to hide the super follower badge.
I would pay seven for that instead of five.
Everybody's happy in that case.
I can just say, LOL, you're so crazy right now and nobody sees.
I got it before everybody else did.
I do have a wife rolling over to see that post.
I can't do that.
The example that Google shows me, the person who has the super followers has 420 super followers.
Very cool.
20 super followers.
Very cool.
Very cool.
Wow.
Because you can...
So with...
I know with me, I think they said to me, hey, you can...
They said, hey, you can unlock this right now.
Go into your account or whatever and flip it on or something like that.
And there's a little slider on there that says how much money you can make.
It's fucking...
It's absolutely insane.
Like, if you get this percentage, if you just get 5% of the people who follow you to give you $5 a month, you'll be a fucking...
Who's fucking doing that?
There's no way!
You should say, Jesse, you should say, you'll do the, how's old Donnie Trump gonna wriggle his way out of this one again tweet again, but only for super followers.
I'll bring it back.
I'll bring it back.
I'll kick it under the fridge again over on Twitter.
It's not blue, is it?
Blue is something different.
Man, their monetization shit is so fucked up and goofy.
Goddamn.
I don't know what blue is either.
It's just, it doesn't matter.
It can be screen grabbed anyway, so who cares?
It's just like another NFT.
I'm not gonna give money to a social media company that can't stop fucking showing me wrestling tweets.
Woah, hey!
No, he's right.
Dude, it's like, it's gotten so abstract.
Like, you know how it says, like, suggested topics or whatever?
At first it was like, you know, W-E.
And then it was, and I was like, no, I don't want that topic.
Cancel out.
And then the next topic was like WCW.
I was like, okay, we're working through the list, you know, process of elimination.
I don't want that one.
And then the next one was like combat sports.
Here's a tweet about wrestling.
And I'm like, I might want to see an MMA tweet at some point in the future, but I was like, fuck it.
And then it's like popular tweets, and then it's like a tweet about fucking China or something.
And I'm just like, I can't win.
Jeff, I gotta tell you, this is very real.
When we were on tour with Street Fight, we were all watching New Japan Wrestling and having a great time, and Alex was just miserable.
Alex just hated it.
He was just there, and the three of us were like, oh, you hate this.
And he's like, yep, this sucks.
I'm only here because you guys are here, and we're over in a hotel.
I, I, I get it.
You know, I was, I was into wrestling as a kid.
Um, and I had a brief resurgence in college.
They, they came to Knoxville, um, and I went and saw it and I was like, Whoa, you can really feel the heat from the Undertaker's entry up here in the nosebleeds.
This is so, you know, this is cool.
And I, you know, they're athletic.
Like I get the appeal and even a little bit of the soap opera nature of it.
I, I, I totally get it.
It's just, you know what?
It's not for me.
That's what it's not.
It's not for me.
It's not for me.
I mean, and the ladies on here too.
I mean, the ladies, incredible stuff from the gals.
Oh man, there's some incredible stuff going on with the ladies right now.
There have been some signings that are awesome.
I mean, what I said about wrestling does not apply to the lady.
I just, nothing but respect and support for them.
My goal is, I want WWE Diva Girlfriend Podcaster Boyfriend.
If we can make that happen, that would be the coolest thing ever.
Start out with the super follow.
Do any of them have, does Charlotte Flair, does she have a super follow?
That's the getting the job in the mail room of the reply guy.
Yeah, totally.
Uh, no, it's just, I literally don't care either way about wrestling.
It's just all my fucking, like, friends on Twitter love wrestling, and so I just see these tweets all the time.
It just assumes that I also want to see a random wrestling tweet, and I don't, I'm sorry.
And they can't fucking figure that out, so I'm not giving them money.
No, you're right, but here's what I don't mind.
This is why I don't mind when they jumble the timeline.
Everyone's so up in arms about the jumbled timelines, the show me relevant tweets first or whatever instead of chronological.
I don't know if I've ever seen anyone say, I actually am okay with the jumbled tweets.
Well, I'm here to say I'm actually okay with the jumbled tweets because it's not wrestling itself that is so annoying.
What's annoying is seeing everyone posting about the same thing at the same time.
It doesn't matter what it is.
Being a part of that communal experience is actually not fun for me.
I don't want to be reminded that we're all in the same time experiencing the same thing.
So seeing the jumbled posts...
I don't have to scroll through when something was on fucking whatever or we were all quote tweeting the guy who said something about woke books or what I can just I just see whatever and then if when I'm done scrolling with it I put the phone away and go do something else it's perfect that's what it's for See, somehow I still see all that stuff like 18 hours later.
I'll still see everybody tweeting about the thing and it's like 18 hours later and I'm like, what?
It's because you have a real job.
That's true, but I also don't follow that many people.
I would like to follow more.
I'm always looking for good people, good accounts, good brands to follow.
Sure.
But yeah, I follow like 600 people or something like that and I still, well, I'll still only see half of my podcast co-hosts tweets.
Like half of them.
Yeah, that's true.
I'll see my girlfriend's tweets like two days later.
I see all yours because I put on my notifications for you.
I have alerts for you, that's why.
Oh, wow.
I mean, I did that too, actually.
I just forgot.
Hey, real quick, we really need to move on.
But before we move on, if anybody does know Nikita Lyons, who just signed with WWE, just tell her that I would ruin my whole life for her.
Just everything.
I would just ruin my whole entire life.
Nikita Lyons, okay.
I'm gonna send you a little DM here.
Nikita Lyons, okay.
There are lots of people named Nikita Lyons, okay?
This is what I'm finding right now.
Yeah, she's Nikita WWE.
Nikita WWE.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Probably.
Like I said, it probably, it probably ruined my whole here.
I'll put, I'll put this one in the chat for you, Alex.
Okay.
When does this come on?
Was this Thursday nights?
What is this?
Okay.
This is, this is crazy.
I think this, this to me is, this is WWE listening to its customers.
Yeah, I think so.
I think they're really onto something.
I'm really here for the story arc.
Yep.
I'm here trying to see the development of Nikita Lyons.
She looks crazy, dude.
Have you seen her with the nunchucks, too?
She's got nunchucks?
Yep.
She does look crazy.
She looks insane.
Yeah, she looks like a Tekken character.
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Yep.
And that she's for anybody who doesn't, she's white.
So that's not racist.
I'm not.
Yeah.
And you know, like, and I enlisted a long time.
Let's just know that like, this is a big relapse for me.
And you know, it's okay.
I've embraced that.
I've embraced that I have a problem.
And you know, we have a lot of listeners.
If anyone out there, just tell her I lose my whole, I would just throw it all away.
We saw some... I can't remember who it was.
We'll move on in just a second.
Ani and I saw, like, some annoying-ass right-wing lady on Facebook.
I was showing her some video and both of us were like, we cannot let Tony see this woman.
We cannot let Tony get a hold of this video.
Is it because she was just so wholesome?
Yeah.
Good.
So on who is this hate crime against, we start off at the personal with, oh, it was against himself.
And then we expand to, oh, it was the nation.
It was a hate crime against the nation.
Then we just shoot out into the stratosphere, into another universe where the hate crime was against the metaphorical idea, the abstract concept of human decency.
Uh, and then Carol Barker Lawson responds, uh, the hate crime was against everyone white.
Which is fucked up, dude.
Can you imagine if somebody committed a hate crime against every black person in the world?
Yeah, I bet that person would get fucking arrested.
Oh, they probably would.
They probably would.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
So that's a lot of people, everyone white.
Well I'm white, that's what's crazy about this whole thing is I'm white.
It's a slippery slope man.
First they came for the nation of America and I didn't speak out because that hate crime wasn't against, well I guess we're all American.
I just want to let both of you know that I see you and I hear you.
And if you guys need to talk about this, I'll just shut up.
I'll just shut up.
Tony's gonna post a white square on his Instagram.
Tony is holding space for white people right now.
Thank you.
I'm here for it.
I'm here for you.
You hear that, Nikita?
You hear that?
And then finally, Dave Suckey, which is an apt last name if you ask me.
That's awesome.
Dave Suckey says the hate crime was against everybody.
Everybody?
So just a genesis, like a world extermination event of hate crime.
That's powerful.
I think that if we can figure this out and synthesize this concept of a hate crime against everybody and somehow maybe reverse the polarity and we can love everybody.
If we could just do a love crime to everybody.
I don't know what a love crime is.
Maybe a love crime is not a thing we want to do to everybody.
It sounds pretty bad actually.
It sounds pretty terrible.
Oh that's what we call that a love crime!
No, yeah, if we could just, you know, send love out to everybody, like the way Jesse Smollett sent hate out to everybody.
Guarantee somebody's trying to do like a 1984 Orwellian quip or something by calling, like, kissing their child on the mouth in a McDonald's play place during COVID is, oh, that's a love crime now.
Yep, yep, yep.
It's a Tom Brady, but yeah, I guess that'd be whatever you want.
I'm raising an athlete.
Gotta kiss him long.
This was my favorite response though, probably the title of this episode.
Cliff Sanderson says, just not responding to me, just in a separate comment that a lot of people liked.
Cliff Sanderson says, excellent outcome!
A faked hate crime is worse than an actual hate crime!
And I think it's because in a faked hate crime, a black person doesn't get hurt.
Yeah yeah.
Well also it's just so difficult.
It's worse because there's nothing definitive.
It's hard to analyze the hypotheticals.
It's hard to like the intangibles.
It's hard to quantify what actually happened and that's why it's worse.
Because yeah like when say you know an organizer gets disappeared into a trunk of a car that catches on fire.
Like we know what happened and how to how to address that.
When this this you know this is just a basic an energy pulse and we don't know how this is going to affect people later on.
Yeah, you need closure.
You get closure with the faked hate crime.
You don't get closure when you're still searching for the hate criminal.
Well, think about it.
Look, if a hate crime is, let's say like, let's say a hate crime is a 100 out of 100 on the crime scale, okay?
Okay.
And let's say a little, a lie.
Let's say a lie is just a 1 out of 100, okay?
This one was a hate crime and a lie on top of it.
Crime score of 101.
That's more than 100!
And then you multiply that by how many people there are in the world who heard the lie and the hate crime.
Yup.
Yup.
It's pretty bad.
That's pretty, you can get some pretty high numbers pretty quick.
Pretty quick.
It's worse than running over somebody with a car, basically.
I do like how egalitarian they all were with it.
Nobody was like, this is a hate crime against Trump supporters.
This is a hate crime against MAGA hat wearers.
This is a hate crime against Chuds.
They didn't want to make it about themselves.
They were like, this is about all white people.
Yeah, that was cool.
To feel brought in.
To feel included there as a white man.
That was actually really dope.
Refreshing, huh?
That's it.
They're not after Donald Trump.
They're after you, man.
He's just in their way.
Yep.
Damn it.
No, I hate to pop your bubbles, but people definitely said it was a hate crime against Trump supporters.
I just didn't include that in here because, you know, there's a lot of content to get to.
That's lame.
I love that idea because it's like, well, on the one hand, yeah, maybe you could call Trump supporters like a protected class since they are a minority.
Oh, you know what though?
They're not going to be the silent majority anymore.
Yeah, totally.
This minority is not going to be the silent majority anymore.
Yeah, totally.
So moving on to just another amazing bit of like, you know, social media phenomena.
We had a story here.
This is from Fox News, but they're just kind of like jumping on the bandwagon here.
This was a story that had already gone viral that Fox News is reporting on.
So just the lowest form of entertainment, people reporting on other news, things like that, you know, doing podcasts, talking about stuff that other people have investigated.
They're basically reacting to it.
They're basically reacting YouTubers.
Yeah, just the lowest life form.
Really sad.
So the story is, uh, take the lid off!
Starbucks employee goes viral for secret note on cup.
And then the caption is, the barista wanted to make sure the customer did not feel threatened by older man speaking to her.
And then there's like the thumbnail of the article.
is a uh is the cup with the writing on it and you know you're picturing you know the barista shouting out somebody's name usually with which is what's written on the cup normally but this cup it says uh are you okay do you want us to intervene if you do take the lid off the cup
So kind of like, you know, just reaching out to somebody who might be, I guess, you know, I don't know, at the very least having an annoying experience because this story came down to, there was like an 18 year old student who was like looking through her books at a Starbucks table and an old guy came over and was like, oh, history, huh?
Let me tell you about, you know, the World War II.
I was there for it.
Yeah, or something like that.
Started talking animatedly to her and the barista took notice and like passed along this message, you know, do you want us to help you?
Check yes for yes, you know, yes or no.
This is meant to be like a feel-good story.
The girl's mom posted this on Instagram to be like, well, you know, these are like Strangers looking out for each other.
You know, just keep an eye out.
You know, I got your six, ladies.
That's what I do, too, at Starbucks.
But when Fox News reposted this story, there was a bit of a discrepancy.
So, the reacts to this story are overwhelmingly positive.
8.5 thousand likes and loves, right?
However, the commentators Not too happy.
And that's, you know, people talk about, oh, the divide between Republicans and Democrats.
The divide between men and women, blacks and whites, college-educated and non-college-educated.
The biggest divide in this country is between the people who react and the people who comment.
Yep, that is true.
Wow, say it again for the people in the back.
The people who react and the people who comment.
The silent majority... Sorry, I just want to speak up here a little bit.
I can't help but feel like maybe you're erasing the lived experience of people who react and comment on the same post.
Independence, yeah.
The fabled moderate.
Yeah, tell us more, Jesse.
More ink needs to be spilled about that person.
I'm wearing my red sweater and I just want to say...
What is it about coffee shops that are such a cultural flashpoint for everybody?
Why does everything happen there?
We have the holiday cups, and we have the names, and we have the line etiquette, and the order etiquette, and look at this crazy receipt I make.
They're unionizing, which is awesome, but that's also something that gets talked- It's like every week there's something new about a fucking coffee shop.
I don't understand why we talk about this shit so much.
Well, let's be very clear.
It's not something new about a different coffee shop.
It's mostly about Starbucks.
Because Starbucks, something in like 2000, between like 2003 and like 2008, Starbucks became ubiquitous.
Yeah.
Like everybody has experienced Starbucks.
I worked at Starbucks for a very long time and like I'll tell you every walk of life comes through a Starbucks.
Even people who like are too snobby for it will be in a pinch and need to go to Starbucks.
It's just it's ubiquitous and and so people but some people take that further where it's part of their daily experience.
And it's part of a lot of people's daily routine.
And so like, yeah, the Holiday Cup affects that.
Because it's literally like their mom stopped calling them on Christmas because they don't got the right snowflakes on their cup anymore.
It is America.
Starbucks is American culture.
I think you're right.
It's so strange to me because I feel like I've carved out a little niche in talking about going to the grocery store.
And I feel like no one else talks about going to the grocery store.
But to me, that's my coffee shop, is going to the grocery store.
Forget the fact that there's a Starbucks inside the grocery store for a moment, because I don't go to it.
That's not the point of the thing.
That's where I interact with people.
That's where I see the cross-section of everyone here.
You're not making conversation in the grocery store, right?
No, I don't make conversation, period.
But as far as the, like, the- You don't ever.
The routine, just like the bullshit I do during the day, that like, if someone says, what's your day been like today?
The first thing that comes to my mind is not, I was in the fucking Starbucks line, and this scumbag asked for six shots of peppermint whatever in the thing.
I'm thinking about, I found a new chip at the store.
So like, I- That's how I, that's how I interact with the outside world on a regular basis, but other people are doing it through the coffee shop, which is fine, but I think there's something about the store that is calming, whereas the coffee shop is like, uh, it's like a Thunderdome situation where everyone's fucking pissed because they need the coffee really bad, I guess, Tony, you can, you guys, you guys can speak to that.
They haven't had it yet, they haven't had it yet.
They really want the fucking coffee and they're mad they don't have the coffee, but they like, Are they- are they fucking stupid?
Like they can't- you can't figure out how to get the coffee before that?
I don't understand what the big problem is.
I don't have- I don't drink coffee that regularly.
I'll have an energy drink at home or whatever.
But I don't- I don't get it.
If- if I- if I went to the same place that pissed me off every day and I saw a bunch of people I fucking hated because they have nose rings or because they fucking- their pants are too low to the ground or whatever the fuck pissed me off all the time, I would just figure out how to make it at home and not interact with the people who drive me nuts!
Well the thing is, so these people that we're talking about, and mainly our engagement with Starbucks on the news or cultural front, they don't go to Starbucks.
They've hated Starbucks for a long time.
They just love to get news that continues making them hate Starbucks.
And Starbucks is like the biggest coffee chain in the world.
Like Tony said, it became synonymous with a coffee shop, you know, sometime in the late 90s or early 2000s.
And so it's also staffed by people younger than the people we're talking about.
So that's where you get your nose rings.
That's where you get your, uh, you know, gender or, uh, preferred pronouns, that sort of thing.
And then it's just there's so many of them.
Something is gonna happen at a Starbucks to make somebody mad in the news at some point.
One of the first ones I remember in recent years was like right around when we started doing the show was when the barista kicked the cop out of the Starbucks like three years ago, right?
And since then like that's been that put them way up top for like like At the same level of the NFL, if not higher, right?
It's one of the ones they remember.
It's one of the little boycotts they actually remember.
The thing about the Starbucks customer who has these opinions, who's still a Starbucks customer, they're not ordering anything you can even possibly make at home.
There's no way.
You have to have like a Vitamix.
So you have to have like, you know, like a $700 blender to make it and have the propriety.
There's no way they can do it.
And like, so it's more cost effective in their minds to go spend $9 on a Frappuccino.
And like, I wish I was being, just making a dumb joke, but that's the reality is like, they go get $9 Frappuccinos every day that you can never replicate at home.
And so they need it.
They like, they be fiending.
Do other people think that's nuts also?
You agree it's nuts?
Yeah, it is nuts, yeah.
Okay, okay.
I just... Because sometimes I think something's crazy and then I realize everyone else does it and I just go, okay, that's fine.
I'll just... I'll not say that anymore.
But that to me seems absolutely crazy.
I would... Surely at some point you go, well, this is just not sustainable.
I'll just have a normal thing.
I'll just drink a normal thing.
But no, it's always the big milkshakes and stuff.
I brew my coffee at home, or I drink the coffee I brewed yesterday.
I heat it up and put it in a thermos and take it to work.
Because, yeah, coffee in Seattle is like $7, you know, for a latte or whatever.
And then I tip, you know, I'll tip them like $5 on top of that.
It's like, I can't do that every day.
Sorry, everybody.
But it's going to be... That's why I just don't tip.
There you go, yeah.
There you go.
Mr. Pink over here.
Yeah, they have, um, lately out here, so you'll know what this is.
Lately, Dutch Bros has expanded into my part of the country.
And their shit is absolutely super confusing to me, because it's like, the line wraps around the place, and the guys come out with their little iPads, and they ask what you want while you're sitting in the car, and it's like, what I want is to go through a window where I can see what you have, and then order it that way, but that's fine, whatever.
I do this like once every 10 days.
I'll go and get like a little fancy drink.
And it is like $6 or $7 and I see the line backed up and I go... The line's bananas.
People are in here.
People are going in here every day before they go to work.
How are you?
I would just go to sleep if I had this much stuff before I went and like sat in a hot office all day.
You're out of your mind!
That time spent in the car in line though is just more time that you're not at home with the wife and kids.
That's where I meditate.
That's where I do my meditation tapes.
Alex, have you been seeing stuff about Dutch Bros because Dutch Bros gives me, and I've kind of seen it, they kind of have like a libertarian, conservative vibe.
Have you seen this?
He's a total psycho.
The guy who owns it is a nut apparently.
Yeah, something having to do with, I think he wants to open up some kind of Some kind of gambling property or some kind of casino spinoff that will encroach upon the indigenous casinos, I guess, in the Pacific Northwest area.
I guess they probably have some kind of like legal monopoly or it's only available like on their lands and stuff like that.
But he wants to do something that will change that somehow and is like throwing all of his money at being able to open up a fucking racetrack or some psycho shit like that I think.
He's the guy that wants to take away gaming from indigenous people.
Like the one crumb, like the crumb that they got.
I think that's what it is, yeah, just the front, just the lunatic, and then, and it's so weird to see the, the, they're not baristas, they're just iPad guys, they come out to the car and they really are doing like the, um, what's the, what's the, what's the Keanu, they're doing Keanu Reeves voice at me basically, like, hey bro, what do you, what do you, what do you think, what sounds good, what sounds good today, my man?
I don't know.
You, you are, you're 19 years old, you live here, you live in the same place I do, don't talk like that.
I was actually listening, they were talking about it on Block Party Dog recently, and they were talking about the sugar in it.
Oh my god, the drink, the, the, that's insane!
But anyways, yeah, that place is nuts, these people are nuts, it all comes from this weird, uh, it all comes from this bad relationship we have with what we put in our bodies.
That's kind of what it boils down to.
Yeah, you're right.
Uh, you're right, Tony.
Um...
So just just quick like fire off a couple responses to indicate the thousands of just negative responses.
Because again, this story is about an old man talking like talking loudly at a young girl in a young woman, I guess the youngest woman you could be at a at a Starbucks while she's fucking trying to do her homework or whatever.
Is that the real cup?
story is like, hey, you know, we were checking to make sure she was okay.
Checking to make sure, which I mean, it's maybe a little extra to write this whole note on the coffee cup, maybe just keep an eye on the situation.
Yeah, I wondered if that was the real cup or a reproduction.
Yeah, that was my question as well.
I think it's the real one.
I know.
It's the real one because the girls, the woman, young woman, the 18 year old woman's mom posted it on Facebook to commend the barista to say thank you for doing this.
Thank you for like looking out for other women out there.
So I think that's where they pulled the this image from.
That's what I'm guessing.
Don't do this.
This is reckless.
This is a huge note that the old man can read, and that might trigger something.
Don't do this.
This is literally the, like, I'm tired of jokes about my extremely large hand.
The first such occurrence happened on April 1st, 1995.
Yeah, that is, because you hear about the shot, like the angel shot at the bar, right?
You hear about this being a thing?
Yeah, which I was a bartender for a very long time and I don't know if that's real and I would, do not rely on that stuff, fam.
Like don't, do not rely on that stuff.
Explain what an angel shot is for people who might not know.
It's supposed to be like, you go up and you say, like, can I get an angel shot?
Or something like that?
I've heard several is the problem.
And what that's supposed to mean is code for, um, this guy is giving me a hard time.
I don't feel safe around this guy.
Yeah.
And what you really need to do is, unfortunately, is you need to be able to, like, whisper into someone's ear, like, a bartender's ear, like, I don't feel safe around this guy.
It feels like, in being a guy never having been in that position, never having been on a date period, so I wouldn't know, I don't know the transactional nature of this whole thing, but it does seem to me like the hit rate on just telling somebody what you're actually talking about,
That seems like that would be higher than, like, using code to mention... The fact that it's code makes it feel like it's an urban legend thing to me.
Totally.
I think the scenario happens, but has it ever happened where someone has used the code and someone else said, I recognize the code from also reading it on Reddit, you're in good hands now?
Like, I don't... That maybe doesn't seem right.
So in that sense, writing out this message in this way, even though it looks crazy on a Starbucks cup, Maybe that's, like, the only way to do it, I guess.
Yeah, because there's been plenty of times where, like, there's been somebody who is giving somebody a hard time and they need to be put in a safe place or, like, you know, the other person needs to be removed.
But yeah, it's never been through, like, a wink-wink.
It's been through very obvious, you know, gestures, saying it out loud.
Yeah.
bartenders bartenders should be aware of their surroundings and what's going on and kind of like check for body language and and check in with people that's the only way i've never i don't i mean i don't know it's been a few years to be honest um so maybe that has happened but honestly uh i think that bars have been closed never mind they're back open and stuff i forgot that life is what it is never mind i was gonna say about not working in bars but yeah I kind of wish this phenomenon existed but for me with annoying customers.
Yeah.
Like a good Samaritan could send me a signal be like, do you want me to grab this guy by the scuff of his neck and drag him away and stop making him read his own, stop making you read his own emails back to him?
Yeah.
That'd be awesome.
Um, so yeah, uh, a lot.
So again, this story is about an annoying guy.
Somebody's being suspicious of an annoying older guy, possibly harassing a younger woman in a Starbucks store.
Uh, and I'll just say a lot of hit dogs were hollering in this comment section.
Let's just put it that way.
Just a quick example, Richard D. Lerud says, Gas lighting, little dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. - Yeah, thinking outside the box on the self-censorship.
You would do blank or you would do star.
You would do like the little ampersand or something, but that's not how Richard rolls.
That's interesting to go with the ellipsis.
I didn't get it until you said it out loud.
I didn't know what he was trying to do.
I love that he's using woke language here.
It's always obvious what they do, too, because they use it in a way that we're just like, that's not what that is.
That's why you don't think you do it, because you clearly don't know what it is.
This 18-year-old girl was doing emotional abuse to me just because I was trying to tell her about how Hugo Boss designed the Nazi uniforms, and that's why they're actually pretty cool-looking.
And that's why we're Hugo Boss now!
Do you find out, if you actually click on the story, God forbid, do you actually find out if she was in like a dangerous spot, or like an uncomfortable spot, or if she was cool, or what's the deal?
She was cool with it, she said she didn't feel threatened, but she appreciated the gesture from the barista.
Cool.
And I think that's the best outcome possible.
If it stopped short of posting the cup online for clout.
Yeah, her mom maybe got a little carried away.
I bet you she knows the coworker.
I bet you she knows the kid that worked at Starbucks.
I bet you they're all friends.
Also, it'd be really funny if they handed the drink out and the note was just under the sleeve and they never read it.
Right?
That's true, yeah.
Oh, so that's a good point.
So, what was the order here?
Because if the young lady ordered a mixed drink, you're not going to have space for the message because that's a plastic cup, right?
Yeah, this is a paper hot cup.
I do wonder what she ordered.
This is cool.
So, no, it's an extra drink that they brought out to her.
It's hot chocolate.
They said, oh, somebody didn't order or somebody didn't pick up their hot chocolate.
Here it is on the house.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, finger point at the message.
So let me get this straight.
They're stealing from the owner of the store as well now.
Okay.
Now I get it.
Now it's clear why they want to unionize.
Now we get it.
They just want to hand the free hot chocolates out.
That's considered a hate crime, I think.
Against small business owners.
If it's franchised or corporations.
If it's not, we don't know.
We don't know for sure.
I hope that they gave the old man a hot chocolate too, because that's just not fair.
That's not cool at all.
Yeah, they gave him... They mixed him up.
They gave him the wrong one.
He's like, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
She's not bothering me.
She's not bothering me at all.
I'm okay.
This bitch won't talk to me!
That's my only problem!
And then yeah, Devin C getting right to the heart of the matter says, so white men aren't allowed to talk to others in public anymore?
Yeah, actually.
And Devin is a really young kid, it looks like as well, so I'm not liking what his future is panning out to be.
When you see an old guy on here, I'm not zoomed in on the next guy's profile picture that much, but he does look like he has a new metal beard.
You kind of feel like the new metal beard old guy, he's settled.
He's gonna be a creepy weirdo and his grandkids won't like him or whatever, but that's neither here nor there.
But you see Devin here with the fresh face, right?
And the high school haircut and you go, eh.
If you saw that video of Nick Fuentes and his fascist friends trying to get into CPAC and they were marching through the hotel lobby yelling like, BASED!
Yep, yep.
And stuff like that.
There was like a kid off to the right with very visible braces and looked like he was very excited just to be around his favorite YouTuber.
That's what this guy looks like.
That's really tough.
Well, you know how you said that the new metal beard kind of, you were able to just, you knew what was coming from that.
And I gotta tell ya, just looking at Devin C, if you look at his face structure, There's really no surprises.
If you look at the way everything's kind of set, just the way the skull's kind of laid out, that Devin C was going to be a chud.
Devin has no lips.
He doesn't have any lip definition on the face, and that's tough.
And we know that lips filter out racism.
He needs something, because I don't even know, did they say white man?
Did they say it was a white man doing it?
But you know, you know it was.
I know, but the fact that Devin knows... I know it!
Yeah, Jeff, so this is the Nu Metal guy who, yeah, I'm not zoomed in on his profile picture either, but his whole, like, face and beard area are just the same color of gray.
So I'm assuming, yeah, he is a little bit older than Devin C. He says, can you imagine needing help from a barista at Starbucks?
My kids can take care of themselves.
And they probably had to.
For their whole lives, I think.
Catching my kids struggling with a predator and like holding their mom back.
Be like, no.
Yeah.
This is how they learn.
God.
This kid just stabbing anyone who comes close to their table with one of those self-defense kitty keychains.
Just punching them with anyone who comes within five feet of the table.
Imagine needing help.
Imagine a young person needing to be protected from those pedophiles who are always saying control every aspect of society.
Sorry, my kid's made of tougher stuff.
Let fucking Hillary Clinton come after him.
We'll see what happens.
Their kid does wear special glasses that allow them to see through the fake human skin.
Let me- let me put it this way, okay?
So, like, conservatives or the right wing or just, like, these reactionary freaks, uh, they're- they're not understanding, like, the- the problem of, like, you know, an older man annoying a young girl at a- at a public area or whatever.
Picture that old man, uh, was a public school teacher, uh, and he was trying to tell your child, uh, about the Civil War.
Right.
Wow, true.
Now that you put it that way, we're gonna need to hop in there with the zip ties so we can zip tie the teacher up.
We're gonna need EMPs.
Yeah, flip it again.
What if that old man was actually trying to have the young girl hold herself accountable for her ancestors' crimes in the past?
And they actually should be defending this girl and they don't know what they're doing.
It's scary to imagine.
Yeah, it's a scary place.
Joe Kelly, whose avatar is, I think it's a dwarf?
Like a token?
I was trying to see what that was.
I zoomed in on it.
My first impulse was, is this a South Park thing?
Remember when they did a South Park episode where they were video game characters?
Vaguely.
But I think what this is, I'm going to look it up now and verify.
I believe this is a character from How to Train Your Dragon.
The How to Train Your Dragoniverse.
I think you're right.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
That's totally what it is.
So this person also has to be, like, 15, right?
Ah, no.
Or have a kid.
Or have a kid who's, like, 8 or 5.
But also, your name is Joe Kelly and you don't have the professional baseball player Joe Kelly with that really good picture of him?
When he's throwing at the Astros head?
I mean, come on.
They have instead a picture of Stoic the Vast from How to Train Your Dragon.
That's Valka's late husband, Hiccup's late father, and the short-tempered chief of the hairy hooligan tribe.
Probably is the dad.
Probably is the dad.
It's Viking culture.
I don't know if you know about Viking culture, Alex, but yeah, How to Train Your Dragon is very steep in Viking culture.
And this guy, this character, Stoic, right?
He's dead?
You said late father?
Super dead.
Super dead, but he's important still.
Hard to find middle ground when one side is so emotional and fear-based that they consider a conversation something that would need, quote, intervening.
Pray tell, Karen.
What intervention is Warren in a tid?
Public flogging for the sin of approaching the protected class?
Hardcore sexism for assuming he was dangerous?
So are the misspellings here intentional or unintentional, you think?
I thought sexicism was intentional when I just scanned this comment, but then I found, yeah, those three other typos where they're like doubling letters and clusters of letters.
So I think it might be all just... I think he's got some candy in the keyboard, I think is what's happened.
Sexicism is one of the ones that they do.
That's one of the like classic What are they even, they'll do like, oh it's racist-icism.
They'll put ism at the end.
Yeah, they'll do that.
But intervening, that just seems like he didn't know how to spell it.
And warranted feels like a technical mishap of some kind.
Which maybe explains the how to train your dragon avatar.
Maybe that wasn't on purpose either, because it really doesn't.
I mean it looks stupid.
We should have, like, plugged in, like, a clickbaity, super fear-mongering article about how old men are actually the ones doing human trafficking.
Yeah.
Like, into this?
Like, this man was clearly a human trafficker.
Yeah, I'm sure, like, uh, statistics and, uh, facts and logic would help these people see the error of their way.
Like, I mean, any time they- they rail on about pedophiles in public schools or, like, you're, oh, the teachers are grooming students by trying to teach them how to say no to a stranger, you know, that sort of thing, uh, You might try to remind them that fucking, what, like 60% of sexual assault happens from somebody like in your immediate family or household.
You know, I've just, I pulled that number out of my ass.
Don't, don't, but it's the majority.
I think it's way worse than that actually, but yeah.
It's the majority of these, the thing that they're supposedly worried about is from people like them to their own kids, you know, or to their own like immediate people in their lives or whatever.
And it wouldn't make a difference.
Well, that's why you have to make it really obvious and you'd be like, I was there and the old man was actually wearing some sort of headband that had a triangle on the front of it.
Um, and, uh, and he was, he was, uh, there was blood coming out of his eyes and it smelled like sulfur.
You know, old guys are fucking psycho.
I think it's okay to say that.
Old guys, they're fucking nuts.
I don't have a lot of sympathy towards this gal.
Do you know Julia Yoff?
I don't know how to say her last name.
Yeah, she's like an opinionist or reporter or something like that.
She's just some dirtbag, but she took a break from hanging out with Nazi guys to post that she got some weird... Now the tweet is deleted, but I saw it before it got deleted.
Now I have the screenshot here.
She posted something and some old guy really liked it.
I don't know if you saw this, but then she ended up with a text message from the guy, found her cell phone number, and texted her, and then texted her mom as well to say how much he liked the article.
And then, like, signed off his text message with his full name, his title, the address of either his home or business, and his phone number.
Which, of course, he already has the fucking phone number, you idiot.
You see it when you get text.
But he was saying how impressed he was with her, and she was like, hey, this is extremely weird, please don't contact me and my mom.
Which, you know, I don't like her, but you gotta give it up.
That's the right response.
Listen, young lady, if you're ever in need of a job, Here's my business.
I'll put you right to work.
Learn the trade.
He ends the conversation with saying, I prefer you do not ever contact me again.
Shame on you.
So it's like.
I feel like that's the move is you do the weird contacting and then you say, well, now you've just you've taken it too far.
You've insulted my.
It's like the thing you said earlier, like the worst thing you can do is accuse a white person, a racist of being a racist.
And what's the worst thing you can accuse?
A creepy guy of being is a creepy guy.
He's like, I'm not, now you've stepped over the line.
I'm not creepy at all.
I'm doing the world's creepiest thing.
However... I guess it's illegal for a creep to talk to a woman who didn't want him to now.
Yeah, I know.
I don't think that's even, that's not even gaslighting.
That's just like electrical fire or something else.
It's like, it's not even, you can't even call it that.
It's not even that much finesse.
It's just straight up just... Don't talk to me anymore.
No, no, you don't talk to me anymore.
You can't, hey, you can't fire me because I quit.
Yeah, that's what it is.
Yeah, but these people, you know, back to Joe's comment.
Pray tell, Karen.
What intervention is Warren edited?
Public flogging?
It's like, hmm.
Okay, calm down, horny man.
Maybe even creepier than we thought.
Second of all, yeah, just completely like jumping to the imagined scenario where you're the victim.
You're like, you know, brutalized.
It wasn't just a woman saying, hey, let me know if you need some help or something.
It was like, oh no, he was drawn and quartered in the center of this Starbucks.
Oh, great.
Great.
I said hello to a woman in Starbucks.
I held the door open for her and said, hello, what's next?
You're gonna strap me down.
You're gonna stick a metal rod down my urethra.
You're gonna electrify it with a battery.
Is that what you're gonna do?
You're gonna put a ball gag in my mouth?
Oh, it's panties in my mouth now.
Okay, great.
Is that what you want?
Great.
Well, this is the future for white men, everybody.
Hope you enjoy it.
You couldn't even put clean ones in my mouth?
Huh?
That's real fucked up.
Every time this happens, it gets filthier.
It's just this slippery slope.
Um, the last couple responses that I wanted to get to, and I think this is going to wrap up the episode here, um, just really, you know, once again, a little, little revealing.
I think Calvin McVeigh says, older men need love too.
Heart emoji.
My wife is 22 years younger than me and we have a beautiful daughter.
What?
Maybe he's offering his daughter to the other Starbucks customer.
Maybe that's what's going on.
If you need a young woman to talk to, I have one who will listen.
There's not a ton of ages where 22 years you're junior works, the math works out, right?
There's some, there's some.
40 is the youngest, I think, like, you know, legally speaking.
Yeah, yeah, that's, oh man, that Calvin, Calvin, yeah, you said pretty, okay, all right.
Yeah, I think that they have to listen to you if you... No, I don't like that joke.
I'm not making that joke.
Never mind.
Sorry.
I just love it.
Everybody else in this comment section is like, wow, crazy of you to assume he was even trying to date with her.
Nobody can just have a conversation in a Starbucks anymore.
And then Calvin's like, Let him get his fucking game on!
Hold on, you gotta read the last one from Mark D'Aleva.
Yes, it goes with it pretty well, I think.
Starbucks!
A man speaking to a woman equals bad.
Meanwhile, in other news, birth rates plummet in America.
Experts baffle.
Hey, listen, why don't you have any kids, 65-year-old man?
Well, they keep on trying to talk to 18-year-olds at the Starbucks, but they keep on cock-blocking with these fucking notes on the cups.
Yeah.
Feminism has gone too far.
I can't get laid at the Starbucks anymore.
Yeah.
Can't do it.
That's sad.
We gotta open them back up.
Let's open up these places, game, because the birth rate is going down, and it's really sad, and it's really scary, because pretty soon there won't be any more There won't be any more people.
There won't be any more people!
Let's open them back up.
These two comments just give me a great idea, coupled together.
Birth rates lower because today's men, they wear their man buns too tight and it cuts off circulation to the tip of their penis and they can't get an erection.
That's true.
I think we should throw some of these old guns in there.
Get these old guns to work.
Starbucks is everywhere.
Pump up those numbers.
Well, they're going to have to soon.
Social Security is evaporating.
So, you know, if you don't want them talking to you in front of the counter, then you better get used to them, because they're going to be behind the counter soon.
I'm looking for an 18-year-old sugar mama here at Starbucks.
That'd be the dream.
Can I get your benefits?
I know that Starbucks employees get benefits.
As long as I can get benefits, I'm going to need them soon.
I'm very old.
Maybe you could help me go back to college, where there's a lot more 18-year-olds, too.
Yep.
See, that's how we save America.
That's how we do it.
Right, of course.
Hey, that's the episode.
We had another topic, but we had just too much fun with these other topics, so we'll save that one for the Patreon.
Oh, and I guess that's illegal now, to have a lot of fun on a podcast?
Okay, all right, well here comes the electric rod and the pissed-on panties again.
Lock me up and throw away the key.
I had a fun time.
Not while we're still active and operating.
It's not illegal, okay?
I mean, iTunes or Apple Podcasts, as we're being forced to call them now, they can take this down all they want.
We'll still keep putting it out.
Jesse, why don't you tell people what you do and where people can get it?
Absolutely, yeah.
The Go Off King stream on Twitch is a fun place to go Monday through Thursdays at 8 p.m.
Central Time.
My friend Stefan Heck and I are on there playing video games and we're looking at our own subset of Freaks.
A lot of fun that we have there.
Yep, and YKS, your kickstarter sucks the podcast, nominally about kickstarters, but really it's about friendship.
Lately I have been doing a little bit of my own minion death culting, trying to Cultivate a TikTok feed that will give me more weird old guys Okay, and I and I have to be honest.
It's not it's not working extremely well I found some I found some weird old guys, but mostly and Tony I think I don't know if I don't know if you're getting on my account sometimes as well But mostly I'm getting the Nikita Lyons is of the world doing the new doing a new dance doing Oh no.
That sounds terrible.
It sucks.
It's the exact opposite of what you're looking for.
That's not what I want.
I don't want the big booties.
Look, look.
I'll show you right now.
This is the first thing.
I open up the app and this is the first thing.
Oh no!
It's shaking so much.
It's jiggling so much.
I know, don't you hate this?
Oh, it sucks so bad.
And she's like, I don't know.
Wow.
Look at that.
An orange couch in the background.
Very, very cool.
I love the couch.
But I'm on my journey trying to get some weirdos on TikTok as well.
And hopefully we'll have some more.
I don't want that.
I want a poorly lit cock and balls.
Poorly lit, really old cock and balls that is being posted to nobody.
That's right.
You guys, they're just looking at women based on, you know, their appearance or like, oh, maybe they can shake their stuff or whatever.
Me, I look for women of substance on TikTok, by which I mean cops who lip sync to death metal songs.
Oh, fuck yeah.
And that is probably in, but you can never have a, you don't have a TikTok, right?
Do you, Alex?
I don't, no.
I just see it when they're cross-posted to Facebook, which they are all the time.
Yeah you can't you can't have one that that would be your phone would melt.
It's like a death metal cop question mark and it's like you know a devil horns emoji with a blonde like doing the metal horns to the camera and i don't know i think she was actually lip syncing along to like an actual death metal song too which is even more uncomfortable like i think it was like dissection or something like that it's like no like a good like an actually good yeah did did you send me the one with the the woman with the face makeup Yeah, I posted that one on Instagram.
That thing is so good!
She was doing a tribute to all of the armed forces.
She did the Coast Guard, she did the Marines, and she did a face paint tableau
of like you know like if if you asked a middle schooler to design a poster of the marines you know like guys carrying flags or guns like she did that whole thing all across her face and chest or whatever it looked awful you know uh but the best one there were a couple one of the best ones was for the the navy which she did like a skull
But the skull, her skull was like smoking a paper cigar with the paper smoke around her head.
It had like 3D effects.
It was awesome, and it had like a sailor cap on it.
Yeah, and she was like marching to a song that was playing the whole time, but like not going anywhere, just like moving her shoulders back and forth.
That sounds really inspiring.
It's good stuff.
It was.
It was.
Yeah, so, okay, if you want to support Minion Death Cult, of course, you know, listen to Your Kickstarter Sucks, go watch Go Off Kings on Twitch, but if you want to listen to something else by any chance, you can support us at patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
Bonus episode every single week.
Double your content for only $3.11 a month.
And you'll help us do this show.
We really appreciate it.
Follow us on social media, AdminionDeathCult.
I am at FLIELDY, F-L-I-E-L-D-Y.
Tony is at WordIsBond.
Jesse, you're at BronzeHammer, correct?
That's me, yep.
Yeah, we gotta get Mike on the show, so I can say DogBoner on the podcast as well.
Good luck.
We can say it anyways, but I would like to bring context into it.
Yeah, I don't know if you're gonna get much more than you just got.
