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Feb. 1, 2022 - Minion Death Cult
01:46:03
Speaking of pans, are you pansexual by any chance?

This week we cover the time I made fun of Joe Rogan on facebook and got 400 extremely mad replies and national conservatives call on a centralized authority to finally reign in corporations about their emojis Support the show for $3.11/mo at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get a bonus episode every week, and instant access to every previous bonus episode directly in your podcast feed

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Time Text
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people go to school in the desert.
Follow their embargo, stay tuned.
Okay, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we're Manny Del Rio!
What's up, everybody?
The world is ending.
A little cartoon that you put on your phone with a bump, but the wrong type of hair is responsible.
We're documenting it.
Hey everybody, thank you for tuning in.
It is your regularly scheduled episode that happens at Monday or Tuesday sometime.
Yeah, typically.
Occasionally.
How you guys doing?
We like to get your week started eventually.
How's everybody doing out there?
It's great.
Pretty good.
Must be nice.
Sounds pretty good.
How are you doing, Tony?
I'm doing pretty good actually.
Had a nice little Monday.
We had a smooth ass day at school after a tumultuous week last week.
I think we're back on track.
I think things are going to be okay.
That's good.
What?
Oh, you guys had, um, there was that pandemic last week, right?
There was that pandemic last week.
It did some things that were pandemic-y, um, and, you know, turns out when your kid doesn't see other kids for a long time, they kind of, like, freak out a little bit.
And, um, you know, so... So you start, just start... Don't do that.
...biting them or what?
Um, no, just like, just me and her mom.
But yeah, no, we're all good now and we're stoked.
We're grateful for technology, for the internet.
That's what we're grateful for, to allow us to do this.
Cool.
Yeah, I was on vacation last week.
Can you smell it?
I can smell it through the microphone.
I'd be surprised if you couldn't smell how crazy it is in here.
You know it smells crazy in here right now.
I know it smells crazy in there.
Just look at it.
I have a ceiling above my head now in the basement studio.
And I say above my head because I literally mean, uh, above my head because, uh, there's still about a third of the ceiling yet to be finished.
But, um, yeah, I've been, I, this, this basement, when I, when I moved into this house, the basement looked like...
The basement of a, uh, of an office space, like, like picture, uh, picture a working office space and then picture the basement of that place where, uh, it's still got the shitty ceiling tiles and fluorescent lights, but then there's also wood paneling and red carpet.
Yeah.
And like, there's still some like weird, like teal green painted metal desk that just can't be moved.
It doesn't even fit through any of the doorways, but it's there somehow?
It just, it feels wet.
Like, there is no wetness.
Like, you touch it, but it just feels wet.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, I ripped that tile stuff down the second I moved in.
Well, I had it tested for asbestos.
Uh, and then, uh, I couldn't wait for the test results to come back, so I just ripped it all down.
Um, and then they came back and it was negative, so that was good.
That was good.
Yeah.
But I, they were, you know, Bear Joyce and I've been putting insulation up for the last year, you know.
You know how you put insulation up?
You stand under the spot between the joists and you lift the insulation, the fibrous insulation directly over your head.
And then you tilt your head back and you look straight up to see where you're putting the insulation at and you let all the fibers fall into your open mouth and open eyes.
Yeah.
And you do that about 75 times over the course of a year and it actually makes you a better podcaster.
It makes you stronger, that's for sure.
I mean, listen to that voice you got.
Remember before you had insulation above you and you sounded like a real baby and now you sound like a full grown adult.
Yeah, before I inhaled a bunch of insulation, I used to have to clear my throat all the time throughout every episode we recorded.
And now, I mean, it's like a world difference.
It's like night and day.
You can tell I barely ever do that anymore.
Now it's just kind of to keep time.
It's just out of habit.
I mean, and you know, listeners of the show know that when I started this show, I had just come off a job where I also installed insulation, where a coworker told me to grab him some cotton and then proceeded to whistle Dixie at me.
And so that's why my voice has been so tender since the jump.
I don't have a new ceiling, but I did it in the past.
Yeah, so I have, I put in a cedar wood ceiling.
This, this is actually, it's wood meant for a closet.
It's meant to line a closet.
But don't, don't tell, who are you not supposed to tell?
Like, don't... Hmm.
What's that old... Don't tell mommy?
Don't tell... Yeah, don't tell... No.
There's one.
It's like, oh, but she'll never tell.
Maybe that's what I'm thinking of.
Oh.
It's not real ceiling, but I'll never tell.
Oh, there you go.
There you go.
I guess.
It's closet.
My ceiling is closet.
But it was actually the best deal on Cedarwood.
And, boy, it's fuck... It's aromatic as fuck, dude.
I bet.
I can't imagine it.
Is it?
Is it, like, almost too much?
No.
No.
Okay, good.
This is all to say that actually, Alexander's deathly afraid of moths is what this is about.
It's not even about the teeters, it's your fear of moths, which I think is interesting.
I'm deathly afraid of dying in the basement, and then having a moth embed itself in my throat, and then when they examine my body later, thinking that I've been killed by a serial killer, When in reality, I just died from being crushed by a 160-pound squat or something like that.
Yeah, and just the light of your essence drew the moth to your throat.
I just don't want to waste the taxpayer's dollars or the cop's time looking for a serial killer that doesn't exist.
I mean, if you want, we can just go ahead and play this, like, for them.
Just let them know that, like, no matter what happens, you're probably not ki- Let's be honest.
You're not gonna get killed by a serial killer.
Even if it looks just like a serial killer did it, we know it- that's not what happened, and we won't let them waste time- No, we won't do that.
Don't worry.
We'll vindicate you.
Even if it's somebody who has, like, intimate knowledge of my, uh...
My schedule, you know, my whereabouts and all of that.
Still.
Yeah.
Natural causes.
No, yeah, absolutely.
No matter how precise the cuts may seem.
So, we got a fun, kind of like, I think you're already aware, kind of a loose episode tonight.
I wanted to start things off I'm talking about a guy.
He's kind of like the biggest guy right now.
He's the dude for sure.
I think he's the most guy we have at the moment.
Joe Rogan.
Joe Rogan.
No, we're not going to talk about what he likes.
He's in a feud with Neil Young.
We're not gonna talk about how he reposted that California is like a war zone because some Amazon packages fell off of a train.
No, we're not gonna talk about how he said Michael Eric Dyson isn't black because his skin is brown, actually.
Well actually, that's like the best one actually of all time, maybe.
Did you hear that conversation?
No!
That's incredible.
I wouldn't have believed it was real if you just showed me a transcript of him and Jordan Peterson talking about how, hey isn't it funny, you ever notice that black people, their skin's not actually black, it's more brown?
Wow.
If you had shown me a transcript of that, I would be like, oh, this is like... Hilarious.
I think I did see it and ignored it.
This is like the hamburger thing, right?
Where he thinks, like, a hamburger's made out of ham.
That joke that went around that everybody thought was real.
Like, this is like one of those.
But I saw a video of, yeah... Uh, of them... Them trying to gatekeep blackness.
A couple of white guys trying to gatekeep, uh, the...
The essential racial category that their ancestors probably helped create in the first place?
Yeah.
No, that's not what we're talking about.
Rogan gatekeeping colorism over here?
We're talking about the time that I saw a funny tweet about Joe Rogan and reposted it to our Facebook page and got like 400 comments.
The tweeting question was some guy Screenshotted Joe Rogan's Instagram like reposted and a Joe Rogan Instagram post on Twitter, but I'll read the post Joe Rogan It has like a photo of meat on the cutting board, you know, looks like steak on a cutting board.
It looks like, if I saw any seasoning or like marinade on this, I'd be like, oh, that's carne asada, but it's just like chopped steak.
Yeah, it's just like carved to show the pink.
Joe Rogan says, I have become obsessed with cooking meat over fire.
I get prepared for it.
I make sure I'm hungry before I cook it.
The smell of the smoke and the aroma of the crackling meat ignites some ancient genetic memories.
I love that.
It's like, not some ancient genetic memories that say, that tell me this, or that feel like this.
It's just, it awakens some ancient genetic memories.
That's actually what the Tim Allen... Not all of them.
That's actually what the Tim Allen grunt is.
It's just an ancient memory of not being able to speak but only being able to grunt.
When I cook meat, I do that.
It's also called a non-verbal utterance.
Oh.
Oh, that's science right there.
You don't always need verbs to share meaning with other people.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, then the last sentence is, it makes cooking and eating significantly better.
This rocks, dude.
This is good Joe Rogan.
It's so good.
This is funny, of course.
But this is the good Joe Rogan.
This is the Joe Rogan that everybody loves.
This is the Joe Rogan that justifies having 75 million listeners.
Where he's just like... He sees a picture of a cool fish.
And he's like, damn, that fish is crazy.
Like seeing this fish is like blowing my mind right now.
Can you believe there are so many fish down there that like we've never even seen before?
That's a little closer.
It reminds me of that.
It's like, uh, you know, they say, uh, you know, they say, uh, octopus are colorblind, but they change colors.
Like what's up?
That's pretty, pretty interesting.
Right?
Yeah.
Well, that's proof that octopi have a theory of the self.
They have a theory of the self as opposed to the other.
They're changing colors for other... They have a theory of other minds, essentially, which is a really highly developed psychological attribute that, like, you know, a lot of other creatures don't possess, but octopuses do.
Can I, like, smoke octopus slime?
Do they have a third lens?
I don't know how you would smoke slime.
First, you'd have to, like, dry it.
Yeah, you dry it, scrape it.
And then crust it, yeah.
Oh, yeah, then I'm sure you could.
Rock it up a little bit, yeah.
Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Oh, when your buddy says, hey, come over, I got that sick hash, and it's really just, like, dried octopus slime?
Yeah.
That he scraped out of his octopus?
He's like, but he made sure the octopus was green when he scraped it.
Yeah, uh, no, this is the cool Joe Rogan.
Yeah, and the dude, the dude who shared this said, uh, I can't stop laughing at this, bro.
That's just cooking dinner.
You're describing what a meal is.
Meh.
Uh, so yeah, astute summary, uh, but yeah, man, this is just such a... I have become obsessed with cooking meat over fire.
Um... It's like, and it's funny the, the word, like, obsessed, to say, oh, I'm obsessed with it, because it's like...
That's from, like, the other side of the culture.
Like, oh, I saw these shoes and I'm obsessed.
Yeah.
I'm obsessed with these shoes right now.
Or, like, I'm obsessed with Schitt's Creek right now.
Yeah.
I can't get enough of it.
I am obsessed.
Except, like, instead of saying, oh, I'm obsessed with these shoes, you would be saying, I'm obsessed with the idea of shoes.
The concept of shoes.
The concept.
I mean, and it's like, wow, you like an individual shoe.
I'm more, like, more absorbed with the idea of shoes.
That's kind of what I think about.
I'm like Tinker Hatfield.
I'm like designing at Nike.
That's all.
I just think about the idea of foot coverings as a function.
Yeah.
This kind of sounds like a walk back or maybe a disclaimer against the trippy meats and the raw meats.
People are getting really sick.
Can you maybe convince people that they need to cook their meat maybe over a fire?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is before he had Jordan B. Peterson on his show.
And Jordan taught him the right way to eat meat.
Raw.
Just gotta grind it up and let it chill for a minute.
I know you have that ancient genetic urge to put a fire on your meat slightly.
Ignore that.
You know, honestly, he has money and stuff and this meat, this cut of steak and everything is pretty underwhelming.
This does not showcase me.
This is not a me, Joe Rogan, a manly millionaire post.
But I guess he just doesn't know and I guess maybe he really is new to this thing.
Maybe he's never actually cooked before.
I can't tell.
I can't tell what, like, good meat looks like.
That's also not a fire.
That's not, like... That's what I'm saying, man.
So... Okay, let me just read this.
It's not char-boiled.
I get prepared for it.
Oh, man.
Like, I've become obsessed with cooking meat over fire.
I fucking get prepared for it.
You know how I get prepared for it?
I make sure I'm hungry before I cook it.
Yeah.
I do what's called meal prepping where I get hungry.
You mean you don't like prepare the coals and walk over the coals to make sure they're hot enough to prepare your meat?
The smell of smoke and the aroma of crackling meat ignites some ancient genetic memories.
It makes cooking and eating significantly better.
I love just like... There's no char on this meat.
No, there isn't.
But it's like, yeah, reawaken the ancient genetic memories of being hungry for food.
I feel like, man, when I haven't eaten a meal, I feel this, like, urge welling up inside of me.
And I know, I know it's like my ancestors calling forth, hey, dumbass, eat some food.
Yeah.
No, I can literally hear them and feel them in my stomach sometimes.
Just yearning for, for sustenance.
He's really just low on iron, really, is what this says.
He just needs... He's craving just meat because he has an iron deficiency.
That's just what you do?
Uh, my, uh... Just pennies?
I just put a penny in my mouth, and I just want a steak.
That's all I want.
I've been eating a lot of paper, and that's not doing it for me.
Yeah, it's not quite.
I need to substitute that with something.
And you can't cook paper over fire.
It doesn't work that way.
Well, not for long.
You gotta keep it rare.
You gotta sear it.
It's like braised, yeah.
I was raised by my mother, and she taught me a lot of stuff, but there was one area that she refused to teach me.
me but I forced myself to I stuck my head in a big bag of salt and I took a deep breath and I was able to call back into like the hidden recesses of my ancestral heritage and I could actually reach into the masculine past lives that my mother and her mother could not.
And when I went there, when I went there inside myself, it said, yeah, man, food's pretty good.
Yeah.
You know you can make that stuff too?
Yourself?
My mom, she tried to look into that part of herself and it almost drove her mad.
She's always trying to keep me away from it by having food ready for me.
Not today.
And I started my own fire in my room.
Oh man, I've become obsessed with taking deep breaths until I feel lightheaded.
I get prepared for it.
I hold my breath until I feel the ancient genetic memories resurface telling me to breathe.
Sometimes when I'm swimming, I look forward to the part where I come out of the water and my head surfaces and I'm able to breathe.
It makes breathing so much better.
I would just stay there, but I can't.
I'm pushed forward by my ancestors, the will to breathe.
Yeah, exactly.
Hey, look at this monkey, man.
Look what this monkey's doing over here.
That's nuts.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Is that monkey using a tool to eat?
Well, that's his asshole, actually.
It's a similar process.
Wow.
Okay.
Okay.
It still feels like something I want to do.
It still feels like something that maybe I can relate to.
Wow, this monkey's been watching some Disney Channel, it looks like.
Did it draw the Disney symbol with a stick?
Yeah, it used it like a magic wand to draw the Disney TV symbol.
So I posted this and I was just like, oh, this is funny.
You know, this is classic Rogan.
I love it.
Onto the Facebook page.
People got so mad.
Like, a lot of people thought it was funny, but a lot of people also got really, really mad and, like, took it personally that we were all making fun of Joe Rogan.
Yeah.
The number one response was literally, bro, just let people enjoy things.
Yeah, just let people enjoy stating the obvious.
Maybe that is the thing people enjoy.
Letting people be simple.
He's literally not hurting anybody.
I mean, I won't take my vegan stance here.
I'll let that one slide.
I meant anybody important.
Anybody with a soul.
Alright, let's see what we get with that attitude.
Let's see what we get as a society with that attitude.
Pretty far it looks like.
Wow.
Uh... Um, yeah, that was the number one response, was like, uh, excuse me, Joe Rogan's literally neurodivergent?
And, like, in parentheses, they mean, like, stupid, you know?
Yeah.
Does that, does anyone actually go, say, are people actually saying that?
No.
Okay.
They were just like, uh, sorry he didn't word it in the right way, uh, it's, I think it's actually, uh, nice that he has a passion.
I think it's actually pretty cool.
Oh, you know, enjoy your hungry man meals.
Sorry he didn't enjoy his cooking over... Have you ever heard of Chef's Table?
That place in Switzerland where they cook over open fires?
He's doing exactly that.
They were like, you know it's actually pretty ableist to make fun of that.
To make fun of this post.
Because he's 5'2".
Do you know how hard it is for him to get to the barbecue that low?
You're literally punching down right now.
Yeah.
It's not cute.
That is not okay.
That is not okay.
It's just a montage of his facial expressions he's doing.
You know that his listening face?
His listening question mark face?
Yeah.
That face might be used against us later on.
Um, the second response that I got was, uh, so tell me you don't know the difference between cooking over a indoor stove versus an open fire without telling me you don't know the difference.
And I was just like, what?
They were like, uh, he said open, open fire.
And this is like really petty, I probably shouldn't even talk about this part, but they're like, at least like a dozen people were like, uh, he said open fire.
That's not a cook.
That's not a normal meal.
I'm like, it literally doesn't say open fire in the post.
Like it's, he says over fire, over fire, not open fire.
Shut like, please don't make me like have to have to crouch down here with you to tell you this.
Yeah, and like, because they're right.
If he was talking about like barbecuing or doing something over an open flame, there would be something a little bit different there, but that's not what's happening here.
Again, if you look at the steak, there's no evidence of this being around an actual flame.
It was never licked by a flame.
Here's my thought process, okay?
Over fire?
I don't care.
Fine.
It's good.
Food's good over fire.
That's fine.
I like it.
It's good.
It doesn't reawaken any genetic memories for me.
But it's good.
It tastes good.
It's not special.
It's called barbecuing.
It's called grilling.
People do it all the time.
Again, it's fine if you like it.
You know?
It's cool.
If he was talking about being out in the fucking middle of nowhere
In a fire pit like under the stars and that I'd be like yeah sure there's like a semi-spiritual thing going on there I can understand that what we're looking at in this photo is like a wooden cutting board inside of a well-lit kitchen yeah under under bad lights under like gross lights but it's like clearly Inside.
In the kitchen, yeah.
When you read this post, it's like you're reading an advertisement for one of those outdoor fire pits that you buy, you know, from Pendleton or some shit.
You know what I mean?
Like, they probably don't sell fire pits, but... I feel you, though.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh, reawaken the ancient genetic memory of paying $400 for a fire pit.
Like, you know, your meal should require you splitting wood.
That's how you know it's going to taste good.
Okay, but let's get into specific responses, because they're so good.
Harry Mannheim.
That's a lovely name.
That sounds like a name... I don't want to believe it.
That sounds like a name Scruffy would make up.
Yeah, totally.
Like Harry Mannheimen.
Would be a Scruffy name.
We would all be at dinner, and they'd be like, Harry Mannheim for four?
And we're like, what?
And he's like, oh, that's us.
That's us.
Alright, cool.
Harry Mannheimen, I have your order here.
Dad's Dirty Pussy, you're up next.
Harry Mannheim says, how many of you actually cook food over a fire you made?
Not the warm ceramic stove your dad bought.
That part is so specific because most everybody I know, most people I know have never bought a stove or had a stove purchased for them.
They got the stove that came with the place they moved into.
Like, oh you got a stove that your daddy bought you?
Oh it didn't have the big red ribbon around it like a Lexus sitting in the driveway on Christmas morning?
Like, also, if your daddy's buying you a stove, it might be... I don't even know what he means by a warm ceramic stove.
I guess because of the ceramic tiles inside the oven that keep it insulated.
But it's just like... Maybe that's a sick-ass stove that your dad's buying you?
Maybe there is like a... open flame option?
Maybe there's a broiler... a broil option?
But yeah, it's just like... Why that part, dude?
It's... This is what's... They're trying to do this thing where like...
You're, uh... You're a pussy if you don't cook food over a fire you made yourself.
Like, because that's the real, manly, special way to do it.
But also...
Joe Rogan's doing something that literally everybody else does, so why are you making fun of him?
At the same time?
It's like, which is it?
Is it a special big boy thing that only big boys do?
Or is it something that every adult does all the time and you're a baby if you don't do it?
Well, it's just something that real men do all the time.
Like, your daddy gave up on you on the barbecue grill.
Your dad gave up on you so hard that he bought you a ceramic stove.
You're not even welcome to the barbecue.
To two barbecue.
Yeah, and it's like... I don't know, I pro- yeah, I uh... I have cooked on a fire before.
I mostly cook indoors because that's what makes sense to do.
Yeah.
I don't have, uh, like an- I'm not- my house isn't attached to like an elk ranch, you know, or whatever, however he lives.
And like, the one time I was barbecuing pretty often, it's because we had a propane barbecue.
So it's like, you know... Don't get me wrong, it was fantastic.
But like, it was easy.
It didn't awaken any type of memory in me, you know?
I didn't create fire.
Yeah, sorry Joe, I have a real job where I'm outside working with my hands and moving my legs all day.
I don't need to cook my dinner a certain way to re-establish my thin veneer of a manhood because my actual job is just sitting in a posh studio talking to other pseudo-intellectuals.
Well that's, that's what balance is.
That's why he has to go and, you know, burn his knuckle hairs off.
Get, get splinters from the wood.
Um, Adus Sungalia says, he says fire, not a stove slash pan.
Speaking of pans, are you pansexual by any chance?
I mean, yeah.
Like, sure.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah? - Yeah.
Why are you asking?
If I make us dinner, it's probably going to be in a pan.
Is that cool with you, Atus?
Is that cool?
Also, again, are you not looking at the picture?
There is no open flame by this meat.
Sorry you cook food in a stove pans, are you by any chance a queer?
Or do you like queers?
You don't just hold the meat in your bare hand over a flame?
I love the stretch for this pun.
Oh, man.
He says, sorry he cooks fire outside, where do you cook fire?
In your home?
Oh, are you by any chance a homo?
Oh, got your ass.
I like how generous it was, too.
Like, are you by chance pansexual?
Wow, that's a very updated term.
I appreciate that.
A lot of people represented in that.
Actually, that would be the word I would like.
I just don't even ask for it because it is kind of like I don't want to explain it.
Thanks, dude.
Yeah.
He liked this pun so much that he left another comment that was, goto love a fact that a half pedo looking nonce would post something mocking cooking over fire instead of pan.
Parentheses, not talking alphabets pansexual.
Maybe he doesn't know what it means either.
But yeah, he did have to go there.
I think this one was too nice.
Hey, just in case you're wondering, I wasn't just asking you a question.
I was also trying to say that you're half pedo.
I love half pedo looking nons.
What?
Oh yeah, you're half pedo looking chomo.
Okay, so I guess it's good I only look like I'm half a pedo if I'm actually guilty of it?
It's better than looking full pedo.
It's better than looking like a full pedo nots.
That's way better, yeah.
I'm only half, you know?
Come on.
Yeah, we get not talking alphabets, pansexuality, you know, the LGBTQ is the alphabets.
What if he went a different way?
What if he was like, he says fire, not a stove, slash pan.
Speaking of pans, what's your favorite Guillermo del Toro movie?
What's your favorite bit?
Quite the labyrinth we're in now, aren't we?
Ian David had a great take, too.
He said, uh, bruh, people have had their consent manufactured to hate anybody that's not in lockstep with corporate messaging, whether they understand it or not.
Yeah, I think Noam Chomsky would totally agree with that statement.
The raw meat eaters who are Joe Rogan fans are like fuming at this comment because they can't engage with it.
Because they probably do think he is selling out now.
They're like, no, this is wrong.
You're doing the wrong thing here.
So he's like, yeah, he is selling out here.
Yeah there's one thing when I look at like mass media and I look at like the narratives that people are trying to the corporate media is trying to push on us and try to shape the way we perceive reality.
I definitely think of Joe Rogan is bad as part of that.
Not like Joe Rogan's the most successful media figure in recent memory and is also pretty much restating the values of the currently existing power structure as it is.
Yeah, yeah.
It's pretty wild.
I don't, you know, when it comes to manufacturing consent, I don't think Joe Rogan is maybe as a, as aware of what he's doing, at least in like a grand plan type situation, or at least in a, in it.
Cause he is, he is like an independent guy, right?
He's just an independent guy who happens to like have the mainstream, the mainstream idea, essentially.
Do you, I mean you see like normal, like normies are cancelling their Spotify subscriptions because of him?
Normies?
Like normal, like normie people, like not, like regular ass people who I don't see engaging in anything like that whatsoever, ever.
Are they really?
Are, yeah.
Like where are you seeing this, on Twitter or what?
On like Instagram.
That's what I'm saying, I'm not even seeing it on Twitter, I'm seeing it on like Instagram.
And it's like, people who I've seen not care about anything, but because he had the vaccine guy on, they're like, you're platforming somebody who is spreading misinformation about the pandemic.
So they're canceling their subscriptions to that.
Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, it's not gonna make a difference.
No, not at all.
But I'm saying that's how, like, impactful he is right now.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, and it's like, it's not in lockstep with corporate messaging.
Like... No.
He is... He's literally the most popular meme.
Like, I think more people probably listen to him than watch Tucker Carlson.
Oh, I think easily.
Tucker Carlson is the most watched cable guy, right?
The most watched opinionist on TV.
I think Joe Rogan gets a larger audience than even he does.
Yeah, because he just covers so much ground.
He does cover the base.
The base listens to Joe Rogan.
The most average person listens to Joe Rogan.
And he's just, he's also just been doing it forever.
So you gotta hand it to him.
Like, that's, you know, you just, you do something long enough and then, yeah, you get to be a hundred million dollar arbiter of whatever medium you're doing it in.
Totally.
You gotta start somewhere.
Like, I did the ceiling in the basement.
It's the first time doing a ceiling.
If I keep doing that for like 10, you know, 15, 20 years, I could be, I could be the Joe Rogan of ceilings.
I could be like doing videos with, with vaccine and Holocaust deniers about my, you know, a basement ceiling or something.
Videos where you're like, you know, people will talk about like how, you know, gaps are important.
Honestly, you can leave a few gaps.
You can leave some gaps.
It's okay.
As long as your floor is sealed, leaks don't matter.
You're going to be spreading that kind of stuff.
People, they'll tell you not to put the nail gun up to your head when you're like exhausted with a project and pretend like you're blowing your brains out.
You know, it's a comical bit to one of your buddies.
Don't listen to him.
It's bullshit.
You're not, like, nine times out of ten, you're not going to put a nail through your skull.
Well, no, you don't do that.
What you do is you put it up your nose, like the circus people, and you just know how to do it.
And since nail gunning will just go fast, and that's how you do it.
That's hilarious every time.
Last comment I wanted to highlight.
Amrit Panda says, this page, so MinionDeathCult, this page suddenly went from I hate corporates, to I love Burger King, to down a man who cooks his food, crying laughing emoji, Italian fingers, BEST!
Yeah, sure, I mean like, so you scrolled a little bit.
I've never said on the page, I hate corporates.
Sorry.
I've never said that.
I have a whole other page that you don't even know about.
It's called, this is the Minion Death Cult Hates Corporates page.
It's just me and Amrit.
Yeah, death to corporate podcasts.
Oh, corporate podcasts have no soul is what I would normally say on the page.
Yeah.
Also, we love Burger King.
Uh, people were making like flame broiled whopper jokes.
Yeah.
You know, to dunk on Joe Rogan and be like, yeah, I eat at Burger King too.
Yeah, I mean, honestly, it makes a difference.
That flame broiled impossible whopper, that shit hits different.
That flame broil is there.
Those char marks that are not on Joe Rogan's steak make a difference.
Bring back the two for five Burger King.
Bring back two for six.
I'll let it slide.
Um, yeah, I just like... I really hate... the idea that the left is against corp- corporates?
Corporations or whatever?
Like... I don't know.
I don't- this is probably... too- too much to give to this comment, but it's just like... It's like so tedious.
It's like, yeah, we need- left- the leftists, we should have small business Saturday every Saturday.
Yeah.
Like shut the fuck up.
How about small business day that ends in Y?
That's me.
Yeah.
But yeah, we love Burger King.
We genuinely love Burger King.
We think it's one of the good companies.
No.
I think any company can become Burger King if they decide to get the ketchup packet that is also the dipping cup.
Like Burger King has.
Oh, that's good.
I think that that is important.
They usually save that for a marinara or a honey mustard.
No, this is a proprietary Heinz shaped packet that is also dippable.
You can squeeze or dip.
It's a lovely package.
Hmm, okay.
But I think it's available to anybody.
So this is, you know, other corporations can make the choice and say what they stand for by using this particular, you know, I think they can do this.
And I think it's time we hold them accountable.
Not to sidetrack, but I think more fast food places should have mozzarella sticks.
You know, I can't argue with you there.
I mean, it doesn't help me at all, but you're not wrong.
I want to be able to get like shitty mozzarella sticks every time I get fast food.
Yeah, I mean, I do like the chance that maybe a mozzarella stick will end up in my fries and I won't tell anybody about it ever and I'll just eat it.
What can you do about it at that point?
Oh, you're gonna throw it out so a crow can break vegetarian?
So you don't have to?
That's what I'm doing.
I'm taking a sacrifice.
I look at that mozzarella stick and say, I'm gonna turn you into farts.
I look at the mozzarella stick and say, I'm gonna look at the white cheesy part and say, I'm gonna turn you into jizz.
You know jizz is mozzarella, right?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you know.
It draws from the white foods that you eat.
Sorry.
Sorry about that, babe.
You know diet doesn't melt.
You know it doesn't melt right.
Okay, so yeah.
That's all we wanted to say about Joe Rogan.
Is that cum is mozzarella?
That's what we wanted to say about Joe Rogan.
Moving on, we got kind of like a blend of More like people getting afraid of cartoons and stuff, which is always so, so good.
It's like, it's, it's, it's, it's unfortunate because like, yeah, there might be like, A fascist rise in the, you know, a more fascist rise in this country or something that is spurred on by Minnie Mouse in a pantsuit or whatever.
And that's going to be unfortunate.
Um, but it's still, it's still fun to like laugh at right now, you know?
I mean, cause even that I understood because I don't, I don't know how I feel about this new color combo, but that's not the conversation they're having.
Um, so yeah.
I kind of like it.
I think it kind of goes.
Yeah, I think it just doesn't work very well in the Disney style of animation.
It doesn't pop for me.
That's just me.
It doesn't pop, and that's what I like about it.
It looks kind of like Nebulas.
It looks like you're looking at a dark lava lamp.
Oh, okay.
Alright, that's kind of cool.
It looks like a bunch of holes got thrown at her.
Dark holes?
You like that?
Black holes?
Yeah.
But we'll start off with this guy, Josh Hammer.
I think this is another guy I need to look up.
Just to see what he's about.
Make sure I'm not falling for satire.
You never want to fall for satire.
It's verified.
It's verified.
That means this has to be real.
But he could be a verified jokester.
Nope.
This has to be a fact.
This has to be a real thing we're going to read.
What if that's his shtick?
Is being like a verified funny guy like Jimmy Kimmel?
I think that's illegal.
I think that's illegal.
Unless you're Jimmy Kimmel, because he can't help it.
Oh, he's from Newsweek, so he's definitely not joking.
This is definitely real.
Opinion Ed at Newsweek host The Josh Hammer Show.
Wow, creative title there, buddy.
Syndicated columnist, fellow at Burke Foundation.
I want to see what the Burke Foundation is.
More like Jerk Foundation.
Oh, Edmund Burke.
The Edmund Burke Foundation is a public affairs institute founded in January 2019 with the aim of strengthening the principles of national conservatism in Western and other democratic countries.
The foundation will pursue research blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well that's good because that's not National Socialism or anything.
This is the good kind.
Cool.
As long as it's not the bad one.
And he's got 80,000 followers on Twitter.
Josh Hammer tweets, American culture is rotting from within.
Right-liberal pleas for, quote, competition and, quote, marketplace of ideas now invariably fall on deaf ears.
What is needed is firm, unapologetic state action to vanquish wokeness in the name of the common good.
Period.
And you're like, okay, what are you talking about?
What prompted this cryptic call for a, you know, nationally enforced cultural conservatism?
And it's the pregnant man emoji from iPhone.
He shared a link to the new emoji on Apple iPhone that features a pregnant man and I think it's like a pregnant, you know, ambiguously gendered person because they don't have a, like, a swooping bang.
Like their bang is more shaggy.
Their bangs are more shaggy.
It's literally just a haircut.
It's just different, it's just different, you know, emoji haircuts.
But it is an attack that must be, like, stopped with a hammer.
You know, like, what?
Yeah, I love it.
American cultures rotting from within.
Right liberal pleas for competition and marketplace of ideas now invariably fall on deaf ears.
What is needed is firm, unapologetic state action to vanquish wokeness.
So he's talking about how like, you know, America is in such a condition now that like we can't depend on the marketplace or corporate America to do what's right for us and we need like Actual swift like central authority to allocate resources into doing a night of the long knives against software companies.
Also isn't this is a byproduct of the marketplace of ideas and competition.
Well no, that's what he's saying.
He's saying that's like naive liberal right Orthodoxy.
That we have to allow the best ideas to come to the surface and he's all, well clearly this isn't working because we still have gay people.
Yeah, represented in emoji form.
We still have trans people.
So we need to actually consolidate power and get these corporations under control.
Not for, like, you know, nationalizing their profits.
Not for, like, ensuring that Americans have decent wages or, you know, democratic ownership of their own companies or anything like that.
No, it's to get the right emojis in your phone.
Yeah, it's just so the wrong emojis don't get in your phone.
Just like, just in blood and soil nationalism for happy face symbols.
Also, I love Josh Harriman.
No, I use my full language.
I use every emoji.
Because there's emojis I don't know exist, just because I don't use them all.
But Josh is like, I use them all.
And I don't want to be forced to use this one.
Well, that's the thing, Tony.
More and more Americans aren't turning a blind eye to the other emojis that you may not care about.
You may not use them every day or whatever.
More and more Americans are waking up to all the emojis that are available to them, and they're horrified.
What if my kid sends me a pregnant man emoji?
What's next?
What's next?
You know?
You know it's mostly gonna be used for like, oh I have a food baby.
Yeah, yeah, that's totally what it is.
That's like all that's going to happen is like a million men are going to make the same joke?
We should just, we should start telling Josh that the different shirts just mean different, different color shirts mean like different species that they're pregnant with.
This one's pregnant with a dolphin.
Yeah, the tan shirt one?
Well, tan is for a badger.
Yeah, everyone knows tan is for a badger.
It's gonna be a badger, baby.
It's like the handkerchief in the back pocket.
This is the modern version, Grandpa.
Once you wake up, it's based on what shirt your pregnant man emoji's wearing.
That's good, I like that.
That's a good system.
It's a good system that works nicely.
Yeah, I mean, you really can't, like...
It's just so embarrassing, you know, to be like, okay, yeah, you're talking about, you know, doing literally like what the Third Reich did.
Yeah.
Which was like burning books on LGBTQ issues, like fucking targeting queer people as, you know, subhuman or degenerates or whatever.
Yeah, they stretched it out down to the idea.
But you're also, like, talking about a little cartoon on your phone.
Yeah.
That's already, like, a little yellow piece of shit.
You're talking about, like, a Wing Ding, man.
You're talking about a Lego.
It's like, I don't want you to do any of this, but, like, have some self-respect, man.
Bigger fish to fry out here, bud.
And it sucks, too, because it's like these people are gonna get their way one way or the other.
If we don't, like, do something real to change the trajectory of this country, like, these are the people that are already in power.
Like, this guy is part of a fucking, you know, Washington think tank.
You know what I mean?
This guy is going to be drafting a bill that involves reproductive rights in the next five years.
There's some, you know, there's a lot of weird freaks, we talk about them all the time, that are really mad about gay people, or really mad about trans people, really mad about black people, people of color, like, all of that.
And it's like, you can laugh and be like, oh, they're talking about a cartoon or whatever, you know, like we do every week or whatever.
But like, that's just, that's just like code for what they really want to do, you know?
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely and that's the thing is like, because this is the... all that these things are mad about the representation for are based in reality and you can live in your circle and you know live in an area and live a lifestyle where people are going to not a come out to you and you're probably not going to be exposed to it at all but once it's, like I said, once it's in your phone Once it's in your phone, once there's an emoji for it, you can't deny that it's real.
You have now written off the few pregnant men who have given birth and have been covered publicly in some way or the other.
You could ignore that and call that tabloid, but once it's an emoji, it's fucking real.
So I saw this other post, I think Ben shared this into the Minion Death Commandos Facebook group, so thank you Ben.
This is a post from David Rich who screenshotted another Conservative Cranks post and then shared it as his own, which is kind of funny because The screenshot, the post he screenshotted, uh, did all the work of like compiling all the, all the woke cartoons that he's afraid of.
And then David Rich screenshotted that photo album, that little collage of photos, and then just shared that, which is like, I mean, that's success, baby.
We all stand on the shoulders of giants, to be fair.
But I mean, David Rich did keep J.P.
Stoffer's name in there, and he was in on it early.
He got this 13 minutes after J.P.
posted it.
That's all in the screenshot.
Yeah, he stole it pretty quick.
So big ups to him.
So J.P.
Stouffer says in the original post, just cartoons, right?
No big deal, dot dot dot.
And then the collage is, yeah, we have five photos, not photos, because again, they're cartoons.
For the record, not photographs here.
We have five images.
The first one is Superman kissing, I guess a masculine presenting... I know it's a guy because this is the infamous Superman is now bisexual.
It's Superman's son, remember?
That's Superman's son.
Yeah, Superman's kissing his son with pink hair.
No, I'm just kidding.
This is the new Superman who is Clark Kent's son.
Is bisexual.
He's super gay.
Which is the only time you can say that.
We almost did an episode on it.
But he's kissing a guy, right?
And then there's an image of the pregnant man emojis.
And then there's an image of Batman kissing Robin.
That's not real, right?
No, it's not real.
And then there's an image of the green M&M sitting next to the brown M&M on a beach.
They're sitting on a bench at the beach and it looks like the green M&M is putting her hand in the brown M&M's lap.
And remember, these are the girl M&M's.
Just so you can imagine in your eye.
Now you know what to get offended about.
They're actually grouped to one side of the picture to show you that there's more room on the bench that they're sitting on, but they're sitting close together.
Uh, hey, so you're like, two M&M's holding hands, what's the big deal?
And it's like, well, these two M&M's, they have eyelashes.
I don't know if you knew this, yeah.
And, and, what's, what's that you asked, Tony?
Is this picture fake?
Yes, this one's also fake.
This is also fake, yeah.
It has to be, yeah.
It's like a real background.
And then finally, you have the Minnie Mouse after and before, where Minnie Mouse is... I don't know if everybody probably heard about this.
Minnie Mouse got maybe a makeover for a specific context, like a specific TV show or something like that.
Where she's now wearing a pantsuit that sort of looks like purple and black camo.
It's like purple, dark purple with black spots on it and same thing with her bow.
I think it looks good.
Tony says she looks like, I think garbage.
He said she looks trashy like a piece of shit.
Have you seen that bow?
What the fuck?
The bow goes from being polka dot to being striped.
Like, come on.
Come on, babe.
Do better.
It's intentionally clashing.
I think anyone who knows me knows that I'm here for a pantsuit.
I just don't think this is the cut that I'm here for.
This is the Hillary Clinton Minnie Mouse.
Yeah, it's doing a disservice to Minnie is what's happening here.
Yeah, and then next door is the old Minnie Mouse.
The one we all actually like.
The one with the red and white polka dots.
Well, I'll tell you which one I'm hiring if I'm, you know, looking for a 1950s-esque secretary.
Uh-huh.
The dress!
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I thought you were going to say the M&M.
Actually, Robin.
I picked Robin.
Uh, the Batman and Robin picture, the one where he's, uh, you know, kissing his boy, Ward, or whatever, uh, yeah, that's a fake.
It's... Somebody actually posted the example.
It's... Somebody traced the scene where Batman kisses Talia al Ghul.
Oh, okay, okay.
And it's like the same exact motion he's making, and they put Robin in there, or whatever.
Yeah, because the least problematic thing about this situation would be the gay part.
That part, we wouldn't even be talking about that.
Oh, the least problematic.
Yeah, totally.
That would be so bad.
Yeah, what is this?
Yeah.
I love the caption here where he's like, "Just cartoons, right?" Yeah, no big deal dot dot dot But then he just shows the cartoons.
He doesn't show like a fallout from the cartoon He doesn't show like the way that this oh this at this slippery slope Actually landed somewhere and this could have evolved to like weird.
Um, I bet you can't make it through this video without coming like cartoons, you know, it could have easily gone that direction, but he didn't even do that and But yeah, he's not making any point, he's just showing you the cartoons he doesn't like.
And then David Rich, yeah, screenshotted all that and captioned it.
They don't reproduce, they recruit.
Dot dot dot.
That's not what that emoji says.
Yeah, I think it was pretty clear in that top right photo.
This is called conditioned recruitment.
I think you're just adding words together.
Like, conditioned recruitment?
I don't think it's called that.
I don't think that's a phrase.
I think you called it that.
Well, the thing is, you have to call it something else because if you use the same word that you use for just talking to young people you're attracted to and making them feel uncomfortable around you, if you're talking about that, you can't use the same word for making your son want to be pregnant.
Yeah, if you're talking about something bad that's brainwashing and gonna lead somebody down a road that they'll be making mistakes and they'll be acting dishonorably or whatever, you can't use the same terminology that the U.S.
Army uses.
No, no.
I love this so much.
It's just like, here's...
Here's a drawing of boobs I did.
Can you believe these boobs were here?
Man, those... those are... those are some... Those boobs are almost unreal looking.
Those are some pretty cool... What?
Hey, that's... Are those guns coming out of those boobs?
I... there were these boobs just out in public, right here, on my lap, on the train, for everybody to see.
Look at that.
Even kids.
And they're drawn for kids, which is, you know, kids love cartoons.
It's terrible.
Uh, just the first two replies are so good.
Liberty Annie Kinsell, so her name is like Annie, but on Facebook she made it Liberty Annie Kinsell.
Just comments, HELP!
And then posted a GIF of the green M&M winking.
I think they're reading this wrong.
I think they're saying that, like, they're making them too horny when they don't realize that, like, they're mad about the M&Ms not being horny anymore.
You gotta keep up here, babe.
That's what I forgot to say.
That's what is, again, funny about this post is, yeah, misunderstanding the green M&M controversy.
The controversy isn't because this person just saw, oh, M&M makes the green M&M woke.
And he's like, oh, rug muncher.
Yep, yep.
Well, that's the thing though, is they did make, they made the Eminem less appealing to the cis male, to the het cis male gays.
Speak for yourself.
And so this is another way of doing that, is by making them, you know, that other picture where they were still wearing the go-go boots and those horny horny round heels.
Like, but they're clearly gays, so therefore I am not attracted to them because I don't, I'm not attracted to Sin.
Jokes on them.
I love lesbians.
Whoa!
Man, you got a bunch in common, too, huh?
So cool.
Yeah, hey, let's bond.
I think we can... We share a lot of the same interests.
Yeah.
Just high-fiving all the time?
Yeah.
No, yeah, they misunderstood the controversy, and they were like, I guess they're gay now, I guess?
Uh, they're too sexy, in fact.
Oh, and this M&M is coming on to Liberty.
Liberty Annie.
Yeah.
That is scary.
That's what she's saying.
She's saying, help!
The green M&M is looking my way!
This green M&M that I googled imaged is looking at me now.
This green M&M is approaching me with romantic intent via GIF.
And you know that they've typed in sexy M&M to, like, find this image.
It's funny how sexy this Eminem is.
It is.
She's like, she's got flesh colored limbs and she's got yeah those like high stocking boots I guess.
I don't know.
There's a green like kissy like lip print floating in midair.
Also funnily enough.
It's called a pussy print.
Also, there's some loose M&Ms down there next to the chair, which is kind of freaky.
Hearts and valentines, and she's holding a rose that I'm sure she's going to dust her bosom with at any moment.
This is actually an ad for that rose vibrator.
This is her saying that you won't believe it and you've got to get one today.
Yeah, so Liberty Annie, yeah, says, HELP!
And then Carrie Anne says, IT'S A HUGE DEAL!
Angry emoji, puking face emoji.
I love that.
I love, like, I'm looking at this and I'm, like, you know, I'm, like, laughing a lot at this post and I'm like, man, it's pretty funny that you're, like, you're afraid of this.
But then I see Carrie Ann saying, it's a huge deal!
And I'm like, hmm, okay, well, maybe you're onto something.
Maybe it is a huge deal.
I love just, like, having to reassure both herself and everybody else, no, this is something to get mad at!
This is, I'm telling you, this is a bad thing.
It's a huge deal.
I'm not behaving irrationally!
Well, like... What, Batman can't be... Robin can't be... That can't be, because then how am I supposed to, like, love them?
Yeah.
Uh, I went to Liberty Annie Kinsel's page to make sure she wasn't joking.
Oh yeah.
Because I thought she was like joking, like, oh my god, help, it's Eminem, it's kissing me.
You know?
Like it'd be a good joke if she weren't joking.
But her profile... What is this, dude?
What is this?
No, no, like... No, Liberty Annie is joking.
Well, like...
This is unreal.
Her profile pic is like friend world shit, which is like Pepe, you know, far right with baby aesthetic.
Yeah, if you're not familiar with friend world, I'm sorry, like I can't explain it to you in the duration of this podcast.
It's like, it's yeah, it's like Like fascists online pretending to be social and like not knowing how to be social with each other.
So they just act like babies, like warm, cuddly babies.
Exactly.
It's very fucking weird.
It's super weird.
Uh, yeah.
It's a Pepe that's like hugging an older woman.
And then also I think a kid's behind him, hugging him from behind.
Yeah.
And then there's like nature, animals, you know, like snow white.
Doves.
Like actual doves holding olive branches.
And then the frame for her profile pic says... Which is a separate thing, by the way.
They took the image, the free world thing, and put it in this separate frame.
Well, Facebook does that for you.
But I'm saying there were separate things that came together.
Yeah, the frame is aftermarket.
It's like a body kit for your profile pic.
It says, free thinker, question everything, research mandatory.
Yep.
Yep.
So, serious individual.
Uh-huh.
And then their cover photo is...
Their cover photo is, like, an American Vietnam veteran?
Like, imagine if a Vietnam vet who had just come back from the war was then transported into 2018.
Uh-huh.
Uh, and then draped an American flag over himself.
Cause he's wearing like the fisherman kind of hat.
Yeah.
And he's got, he's got face covering and he's got his like sleeves rolled up, you know, like he's not in the military anymore, but these are the only clothes he owns, you know?
Um, cause it's, it's camo that he's wearing.
Uh, and he likes it.
He's, he's comfortable in it.
It's what he's comfortable in too.
He likes the boots.
and he is uh like doing like hard styling kind of you know he's doing like the fist grab yeah the thumb grab with a canadian military soldier like op probably use the word operator special ops guy Got like all like clearly brand new crispy gear on.
The only reason I know he's Canadian is because he's also wearing his national flag as a like draped around him.
And this is what they really fear.
This is what the establishment truly fears is members of a NATO alliance finally coming together.
Members of the two of the world's greatest powers finally uniting.
There's like a long rich history of US vets and Canadian militias working together that we don't know about.
Well, it's like, I don't know, I wonder if America and Canada, and specifically their militaries, have ever aligned with each other.
I wonder if that's ever happened.
At the dictates of our elites.
I wonder if that's what's ever happened.
No way, no way.
They couldn't imagine that.
They're too afraid of that, I think.
They're too afraid of that happening.
Robert Zimmerman comments on this.
This was just a fucking goldmine, man.
There were so many people upset about this shit.
Robert Zimmerman comments, they are always trying to cause division.
Like, if you see an emoji and your reaction is they're trying to divide us, you're the one.
You're the reason.
This isn't just you, bud.
No, it's literally Obama made me be racist.
Yeah.
Something we've been covering for four years on this show.
They should just, like, he should just do a, uh, show you how to edit your keyboard tutorial video.
And it will be huge.
Yeah.
Change it to the fucking Saudi Arabian keyboard.
Or whatever.
You show him.
This emoji is actually legal here.
Yeah, I know we do a lot of business there.
Look the wrong...
Um, yeah, they are always trying to cause division.
And David Rich, the original poster, replied, always.
It's all they can do.
It's all they know.
Dot dot dot.
Is divisive degeneracy.
Totally, man.
Again, divisive degeneracy.
Divisiveness is the word you're looking for.
But like, not only are you like, divisive, but they're like, reckless about it.
They're like, straight up degenerates about it.
Well, they do the degeneracy and that causes division.
It's divisive degenerates.
Wow.
I loved it.
It's just like, no, it's not all they know.
Like you're talking about like gay, like LGBTQ messaging or whatever.
That's like a new thing.
That's like a brand new thing in the quiver of capitalism.
Uh, capitalism knows how to do a lot of things, man.
It knows how to, uh, for one thing, Turn you against gay people at the detriment of literally any other actual issue.
Yep.
Yep.
And that's what that's like.
You think you've caught on to the plan of them to try and Either a make you mad or b make you gay but you're still mad so I don't know how you're subverting their plan of causing division because you are admitting to being divided.
Well because you have to be you because you have to be upset because your church which has nothing to do and has no capital gain from this whatsoever You know, your church told you that.
So you have to do it.
It's righteous for you to get upset about this.
Like, they're being petty.
Like, you know, the Alphabet people are being petty.
I'm being righteous.
Well, it's just like, it's like you being like, oh, this person, like in the organization, right?
We'll just use a metaphor here.
Oh, this person in our organization, uh, they're always trying to cause division, uh, which is why I'm calling 51% of you degenerates.
Yep.
Like this person is trying to cause division by making me hate all of you and it's fucking working!
It is working.
Yeah.
And blame them.
I didn't want to hate you.
I don't want to be here hating you.
I would fucking love to just use that emoji but you're making me use it.
You know how many times I've been trying to say I have a food baby and I had no way of doing it?
Now I can't even do it.
And then, yeah, Robert Zimmerman, somebody was like, oh, you're like an asshole, that's why you think this is divisive, is because you just don't like it.
Like, it's not about division, it's about you having a visceral reaction to the existence of gay and trans people.
Yeah.
And Robert Zimmerman says, think what you want, but it causes division.
When joke, oh Biden, love that one.
What?
Haven't heard that one.
Oh, joke?
Joke O'Biden.
O'Biden?
Love it.
Are they trying to like Irish shame him even though he's German?
Maybe, maybe that's just like maybe they're doing a just a blanket white culture thing which I'm here for that but I think he's doing the other thing.
The opposite of that.
Yeah the opposite where he's affiliating him with Obama.
Yeah.
When Joke O'Biden says he will only hire a black woman, excluding everyone else.
Big companies all of a sudden running commercials.
And so, okay, so let me pause there.
So he's saying, yeah, oh, this shit just causes division.
Like when Joke O'Biden says he's only going to put a black woman on the Supreme Court or whatever, right?
And it's like, Not only that, but when he was running for office he, remember he was like, I'm only, I'm going, he teased out saying he's for sure gonna have a black running mate.
Right.
Before he said it was her.
Yeah, exactly.
A black woman specifically.
Yeah.
And it's like, somebody made, you know, the point of like, you know, oh people are mad that, I think it was like Sean Hannity, maybe, or Ted Cruz, who said like, people are mad because, uh, Oh, you're talking about somebody who represents only 4% of the population being on the Supreme Court.
Uh, what about the other 96%?
And it's like, okay, so are you tacitly admitting that the white Supreme Court justices don't give a fuck about black people?
Are you saying that this is not a good representation?
Is that what's happening?
You know, and it's also like, I don't think the white male justices on the Supreme Court, I don't really identify with those guys either.
I don't identify with anybody who's ever going to be on the Supreme Court.
Period.
Yeah.
Right?
And it's like, if I want to give a charitable, the most charitable, like, analysis of the The identity politics of saying, I'm going to put a black woman on the Supreme Court and that shows that I'm progressive or whatever, right?
I would defend that by saying, yeah, there's plenty of black female lawyers and black female judges, probably, to choose from, any number of which would be qualified by the standards of the Supreme Court, which I don't agree with, of course, as an institution, period.
But, yeah, there's plenty of qualified applicants who fit that mold, so sure.
And I guess that person would be the first black female Supreme Court Justice.
Yeah, yeah.
And so, yeah, sure, you know, like, give them a shot at having a chance at, you know, being part of a grossly undemocratic institution.
Sure, why not?
And you're right, like, it is weird for him to be like, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, before you do it.
But, like, at the same time, so what?
Yeah, who gives a fuck?
Is it gonna be any different?
No.
You know, like, yeah.
Get mad about that part.
So, but I could see like, it's kind of, you know, it's an interesting thing or a noteworthy thing for a president to say, right?
Like, oh, I'm going to pick somebody of a specific race and gender to fulfill this public office role, right?
And it's like, again, you're worried about the wrong The wrong undemocratic aspect of the Supreme Court.
If you're worried about, oh, what's the color and gender of the person, you know, you're worried, oh, the poor white judges aren't going to get picked to be, yeah, part of the most powerful unelected position in the fucking country.
Yeah.
Yeah, like, that's cool you might pick her, but like, you know, what's his name?
He was invited to the cookout just because he's white.
Right.
You could have put him in there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He actually, he's from it!
But I can understand how that's like noteworthy and you're commenting on like, oh, you know, this is divisive or whatever, and I could see how that would like ruffle people's
You know because you're like you're not just doing like quote affirmative action you're like explicitly saying like I am going I'm only going to pick like a person of color or whatever I can see how that's more like overt than previous presidents have been with their picks or whatever but then right after that he says big companies all of a sudden running commercials with black people in them like as if there are a lot of black people at these companies
If someone white doesn't like it, right away they say you are racist.
It's all by design, but it won't work because we are brothers and sisters and God is our father.
Thanks, dog.
I was right there for a second.
Like, just telling on yourself.
Just telling yourself like, oh, what?
You want to just put black people in the commercial?
No black people work here.
That would be as putting on a false thing here.
I don't want to lie to them.
Yeah, it's the lack of integrity.
It's not the black people that I don't like.
It's the lack of honesty.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm making up a data point in my mind to prove that you are dishonest so that I'm not racist.
No, I mean like you act like there's black people everywhere and I don't see them where I'm at inside of my particular community.
I don't see them until I have to go to that one store.
I love this fucking logic so much.
You're trying to cause division by putting black people in commercials knowing full well that I will hate it.
Knowing full well that I will see this and have a visceral reaction to it.
But it won't work because we're all brothers under good God.
I mean, like, think about it.
You don't just... I don't know if you've ever, like... But if you've been starving, right?
You haven't eaten for days.
You can't just go eat a burrito.
You know, they're used to not being represented and seen when they're watching it.
I don't know what to do when I don't see myself on a TV as a white man.
For me, when I'm like starving and haven't eaten for days, it actually makes food better for me.
Oh, that's true.
Especially when you have the time to prepare and cook it over an open flame.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're trying to make me racist by putting these black people on TV, but it's not gonna happen.
Yeah, you can't do it.
You can't do it.
Becky Monat says, So sorry, Lord, that you have to see this evil.
This is disgusting.
Like, even if this is what you believe, the Lord is like, You think I'm mad about the emoji?
You know this shit's actually happening, right?
Come on!
You think I'm mad about the Eminem or whatever?
Do you know the shit I see?
I have 20-20 vision, baby.
I can see everything that's going on.
I see some fucked up stuff.
Becky, your husband's incognito tab does not affect me.
I see the whole thing.
I love her apologizing to the Lord for the Minnie Mouse pantsuit.
You know what though?
It seems like she didn't at him correctly.
The link is not working.
Tough luck there.
I'm just gonna say it.
I'm glad Jesus died.
I'm glad he's not around to see this.
Yeah, poor guy.
I'm glad my Jesus is dead.
He'd love to see this happening.
Yeah, I miss him every day, but I'm, wow, I'm glad he didn't live to see this.
I'm sad that my, I'm glad that my Jesus didn't have to live to the day where he couldn't jerk off to them.
Linda Lee says, once God was pushed out space dot dot dot dot dot.
But like, are you saying hypothetically, are you saying it happened before?
Um, cause like, A, when the fuck did that happen?
Um, and then B, like, do you think that's happening?
Cause I don't think that's happening.
Well, she's talking about, it's just like, it's the, it's kind of shorthand.
Like I understand what she means.
Um, she means once God was pushed out of public schools where they did make Batman kiss Robin.
Okay, yep, yep, yep.
She's like, you know, these people aren't, let's face it, these people aren't quite all there.
And so she's just used to the phrase, oh, God, why do little baby children get massacred in public schools?
And God has a real snappy clap back to that one.
It's, well, I'm not allowed in schools anymore.
Yeah, you can't come in there.
Actually, that school's full of garlic, and mirrors, and lots of silver.
I can't go in that school anymore.
I love God doing, like, snappy comebacks to stupid questions.
You know, that's pretty cool.
And also, just like, so like, what's your God for, then?
If he can't even put a skirt on Minnie Mouse, how powerful can he be?
Yeah, he can't just hack the iOS so this never happens?
Why am I going to church every week if he can't make the emojis good?
Can't he just kill these people before they have these ideas?
He can do it in their sleep, that's fine too.
Yeah, I pray to this all-powerful God.
Also, he got cucked by the Disney Corporation.
That's my god.
My god is just cowering in a corner with his palm pressed up against his asshole.
Yeah, my guy's being completely fucked by streaming services.
Cannot be stopped.
Larry Higdon says, when they were condemning toy guns, period.
My son in, period.
Lawbot, my five-year-old grandson, in Arsenal.
Laughing emoji.
I think that what he's talking about was the 90s.
Yeah, he's talking about that period of time where we were like, maybe don't give kids guns to play with.
And I don't remember that ever being taken seriously.
I remember that happening and even joking because I remember my little cousin had this wild gun that was like eight pieces that clicked together to become like a Gatling gun and a sniper rifle.
And I was like, we still got this bad motherfucker right here, man.
We're good.
They're not taking our guns away.
From our cold dead fingers, we said as children. - Yeah.
And this, like, this kind of gets to the heart of what the post is saying, which we haven't actually really interrogated.
We've probably addressed it previously on the show, so it's not something we would normally, like, actually engage with as an intellectual argument, but the idea that, yeah, a pregnant man emoji On your phone is going to make your assigned female at birth daughter transition so he can get pregnant as a man.
Yeah.
Like that's like what David Rich is saying, right?
That this is like, you know, grooming your children into being a bisexual Superman.
Yeah.
Or whatever.
And it's like, Okay, I don't think so.
There were plenty of gay people who grew up without any gay media whatsoever.
There's plenty of trans people who grew up trans without ever seeing trans representation in their cartoons as children, right?
Yeah.
But, you know, not everybody's built like that.
For instance, Larry Higdon, who's like, oh, they're condemning toy guns.
I have to imprint the idea of a gun on my grandson by buying him five of them.
I might not be around later on.
Shocking him slightly whenever he looks away from the guns.
He looks at the guns and I reward him with positive affirmation and a nice treat.
Yeah, I shoot my real guns close to his head so he gets used to it.
I mean, if that's what they really wanted to do, they would just like market it to young girls by saying like, do you want to be a parent?
Do you also want to have deeper pockets that can hold your things?
Become a man.
You can still get pregnant.
Like that's how they would do it.
Do you want to be a working parent but also make $2.50 more per hour on average?
I don't know what the actual wage gap is at this point.
Are you a little girl but you want to be a parent and you think you can't afford it?
Like, that would be the approach.
It's definitely not from an emoji.
Fuck off, I hate your cuts.
Also, like, they don't understand what the concept of a pregnant man means.
No, no, no, they don't.
They don't at all.
They think it's, like, pseudoscience.
They think it's, like, a man wanting to be a woman so bad they get, you know, a little toy baby Jesus injected into their stomach.
Like that's like the best thing I can imagine what they think.
Because they show these images of like, yeah, a man, you know, being pregnant or whatever.
And they're like, this isn't real.
This isn't science.
This isn't real.
And it's like, no, it is.
You just don't understand what a gender is at all.
You just haven't seen the next episode of that Batman episode where Robin's pregnant.
So, David Rich replies to the guy who bought his grandson a bunch of guns, says social disobedience is the key.
By the way, if you don't know what David Rich looks like, he's like a little fucking hype boy.
He has a little quaff beard and is dressed very contemporary and very fine.
He's not being disobedient at all in anything he's doing.
He looks like an imam.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got like a shaved head and like a nice short bushy beard.
Yeah, but he looks like fine.
He looks like great.
He looks very normal.
He looks put together.
You're not being socially disobedient, I promise you, my guy.
Do social disobedience by buying more toys.
yeah totally dude that's the only way forward uh so in in like related news uh click hole which if you're not familiar uh it's it's the onions like buzzfeed parody which is kind of out of date now because you know what the fuck is buzzfeed anymore um but it was meant to be like
A parody of viral, you know, a website or a page that exists just to promote like viral clickable content, you know, like clickbait and that sort of thing.
This is called Clickhole.
They also did Patriot Hole as well.
Uh, well...
Today, they updated their Facebook page for, like, a temporary brand name change.
And they changed the brand temporarily to Kid Hole.
That's the best possible name.
The caption says, kid-friendly content for kids and kids only.
And I saw this and I was like, oh my God, yes.
Because click hole, the O in hole has always been like a spiral.
And so now it says kid hole and the O is still a spiral.
And if you're familiar with like QAnon or anything, like the spiral means boy lover.
It's like a pedo symbol, and I think there might be some validity to it, but not to the degree to which QAnon people see it in the wild.
But everywhere that there's a spiral, if you see any politician wearing a spiral, look in the replies.
There's going to be a QAnon freak pointing that out, right?
And so I was like, oh my god, I gotta make this happen.
I gotta try to get the right people to see this, you know?
Yeah.
And so, conveniently, yeah, this David Rich post crossed my feed, so I shared a screenshot of it into the comments, and I was like, oh shit, man, have you seen this shit?
They're like not even hiding it anymore.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Uh, look at the spiral.
See the spiral, dude?
Look at it.
Look at it.
And he didn't respond to me, but like other people who were trolling his page replied to me and were like trying to talk shit to me.
Oh, yeah.
And they were like, oh, you just think about sex and children all day, don't you, you freak?
It's like, yeah man.
Definitely.
This isn't like a parody, me sharing a parody site or anything.
Come on, just do a click.
And it's like, you just met me bro, you don't know what I think about all day.
Yeah.
I think about a lot of stuff all day.
I mean, mostly I think about ASMR videos and, like, fidget spinners and, like, unboxing videos and arts and crafts stuff.
Yeah.
Glittered sand.
Yeah.
But then, yeah, David Rich commented later, so the original poster, all you beta-looking pure Aeternas wouldn't even know what a child is if they came up and kicked you in the shins, lol.
What?
What?
Trust me, I know children.
I know you probably think this is a small adult, but you would be wrong.
That is a child.
Yeah, you freaks wouldn't even know a child while you were blindfolded.
If you just felt around, you know, I would know.
I would know.
You guys wouldn't.
I bet you don't even know with the scent they give off.
Yep, yep, that's pure child right there.
I can tell.
Like, it's not the- oh, like... Like, aren't you trying to call the left pedophiles?
Yeah.
So, like, wouldn't your enemies who are flocking to this post to talk shit to you, wouldn't they really be, like, connoisseurs of children?
Wouldn't they be able to, like, you know, uh, swirl a child around in their mouth and know, like, the exact date they were born?
Yeah, I'll tell you, like, the terroir.
Tell you what kind of soil they grew up in?
Yeah.
But yeah, this phrase, pure eternus.
I was like, what is that?
All you beta-looking pure eternus.
So I looked it up.
Pure eternus.
And excuse me for mispronouncing that, but it's Latin, so nobody knows how to pronounce it correctly.
It's a dead language.
It's Latin for eternal boy.
Uh-huh.
Pure Aeternus in mythology is a child god who is forever young.
What?
So, uh... What?
He's like, you wouldn't know kids because you're forever a kid?
Yeah.
Takes one to not know one.
Weird.
He thinks that, like, the baby genius thing happens until you turn 18.
Where, like, they can hear each other talk and stuff and communicate.
Is that what the baby genius... Yeah.
You should re-watch it if you don't remember the details of it.
It's worth a watch again.
Part of me was like, yeah, is it?
I believe you.
Part of me believes you.
Well, I mean, okay, let me give a caveat.
Or a sucker for a spy movie.
Let me give a qualification to that recommendation.
Only watch Baby Geniuses if you're ready to do a double feature with Baby Geniuses 2 Super Babies.
True, true.
Because it really ties it up.
I think Super Babies is the one that has Bounce Baby in it.
So... Ooh.
Okay, okay.
Alright.
And that kind of brings it together?
If I remember correctly, Bounce Baby is the hip-hop baby.
Oh!
I want that.
I might watch Baby.
Like, I have a good... I mean, luckily, I have a kid that... She's probably going, like, this movie fucking sucks.
I'm way too old for this shit.
These kids are not talking right now.
What the fuck are you showing me right now?
And like if you watch Air Buddies, there's like a black golden retriever, like voiced by a black kid, that can't swim.
No!
No!
Oh fool, you want me to get in that water?
You crazy!
Water dog my ass!
No!
He's like, water, I was looking for some malt liquor.
I can't, I can't, I can't, you know I can't swim, can't swim after I'm done eating all this chicken.
Gotta wait at least a half hour.
And it's double bad because dogs shouldn't be eating chicken, they choke on the bones.
Yeah, so basically he tried to find like the most like obnoxious way to say soy boy yeah he went all the way back to like ancient greece to find a better way to say soy boy oh wow oh oh look at look at you opening up your your lego toys on youtube like a pure eternus fucking yeah you fucking idiot
But I was like, why does this guy know this phrase?
Like what?
I mean, I'm sure it's popular for people who fucking study like mythology or whatever.
But I was like, why does he know this phrase?
And I was looking at the other links and it says, in mythology, in Jungian psychology.
And I was like, oh, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
This guy reads Jordan Peterson.
Oh, that's what that, okay, yep.
That's where he got it from, for sure.
That's what Jungian psychology is?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, Jordan Peterson is like a Jungian scholar.
Yeah.
So, that's like where he actually knows what he's talking about is when it comes to Carl Jung.
Oh, tight, good.
And it's like, it doesn't matter that he knows what he's talking about because like, it's still a type of psychology that is not Like, provable.
You know what I mean?
It's like Freud.
It's like being an expert in Freud.
It's like, you know what Freud said.
You know Freud's ideas.
Yeah.
That's cool.
You can tell us what he would say about this.
And that's nice.
And then finally, yeah, Sylvia Allen says, the more they normalize this to children, they become numb to it.
And it's familiar.
All part of the plan.
And then David Rich says, yup.
Yup.
And then Janae Rossini says, exactly.
It's brainwashing.
That's why so many commercials now have black and white couples.
What?
What's that part?
What?
Yeah, so happy Black History Month, everybody.
I did not know that interracial couples are part of the pedophile angle here.
I thought that was just a whole separate issue.
It's all bad, Tony.
Wow.
It's all the same.
It's all the same?
Yeah, they want you to think it's normal, you know?
Fucking dogs and dogs and bats having sex.
Bats and birds kissing.
Green M&Ms and brown M&Ms fornicating.
That's what they're mad about.
They're mad that they're two different color M&Ms.
That's what it is.
That's the real issue here, yeah.
And also, yeah.
Those aren't even primary colors.
They're gonna mix to what?
That's... No, thank you.
A brownish green?
No.
yeah and it's it's so funny how it always just comes like yeah nobody even brought up no like black people no like we're just talking about stuff you don't like then you're like and black people too and it has like like like laughing crying like laughing crying and thumbs up reacts like to it people are stoked that thumb up reacting it yeah yep good stuff they're just trying to normalize it you know
They're trying to tell your kids that it's okay for black people to buy dairy gold milk.
It's not okay.
It's not okay.
They will have upset tummies.
I can't believe it's not butter.
I can't believe it's not banned from my television.
This woke nonsense.
The only butter I have is that one that has the word Irish in it.
Or that has the girl on it.
I mean the Kerrygold butter is pretty good, man.
Yeah.
It's good stuff.
Alright, that's the episode.
If you want more of Minion Death Cult, I don't normally put my thumb on the scale here like this.
Strongly recommend going to patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult because we have had some pretty fucking good bonus episodes on that feed.
Last one was with Aaron Thorpe of the Trillbillies podcast.
Paradoomer on Twitter.
Who joined us to talk about the Republican official, the Republican Michigan, the co-chair of the Republican Party in Michigan, spreading a rumor on Facebook that public schools had litter boxes in their bathrooms for furries to shit in.
Uh, that story was amazing.
Um, what they're trying to do is not quite amazing, but it was a great conversation.
The second half of that was about the long awaited, you know, nobody else really gave a shit about this collaboration except, except for me and Tony who have covered both of these artists for a long time.
Uh, those two artists being Tom McDonald and Adam Calhoun.
Finally united and if you know anything about those two artists it's very funny to see like a high concept music video where they're supposed to be in an insane asylum and Tom McDonald is like doing cross eyes at the camera while Adam Calhoun has to like try and look cool but also do like a kooky move here and there to you know show that he's on board.
Yeah.
It's really good because Adam Cahoon, you know, he leans into it and it's good to see him, you know, cut loose and kind of be a little bit of a let his freak flag fly, you know?
And the song is, as always, it's the same song that both of those guys always write.
They came together to write the song that individually they normally write, which is, yeah, racism sucks, but what if black people deserve it?
Yeah, but have you thought about this, though?
Racism sucks, but have you thought about my plight as a white man?
You do a verse where you're like, man, I hate racism.
I just want us all to be equal.
And they do another verse where you're like, what makes black people act like that, though?
Yeah, but what about that?
What about choices?
But yeah, on that note, I mean, it is, you're listening to this now, it's February.
It is Black History Month and I can't think of a better month to subscribe to Minion Death Cult.
I will personally give half the Patreon proceeds to a black person next month.
Wow.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
That's really, that's really big of you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, I, um, help me, you know, help me buy my piece of land.
I'm going to have to go buy that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so thank you for that.
Can vegans own mules?
We can't own them, but we can purchase them and allow them to graze our property.
No strings attached, baby.
Do what you gotta do.
Listen, if you want to help me plow, that's totally cool.
No pressure.
Yeah, don't even worry about it.
If you could focus on eating over there more, it's getting a little overgrown over there.
That'd be great.
Again, not telling you what to do.
Yeah, I would never tell you how to live your life.
Yeah, so Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
You get the bonus feed put directly into your podcast app, the same way you're listening to this podcast right now, and you get access to hundreds, hundreds of bonus episodes instantly.
The second you subscribe, support us at $3.11 a month, and you get access to all that content.
It's a very good deal, and you're helping us do this show, and we appreciate you.
We do, we do.
We love y'all.
Alright, that's it folks.
Bye-bye.
Peace.
Peace. Peace.
I wouldn't speak my mind, I didn't want to make them mad.
I looked up to them for the courage I thought I didn't have.
I never bothered to lift a finger to make my point.
Now I'm spelling it out and nobody's listening.
I'm spelling it out and I'm spelling it out and I'm spelling it out and I'm spelling it out.
It's hard to take it to heart And it hurts to be apart But I can't watch and not be hurt The days go by, things get worse But they say they can only get better I'm trying to make a dent
I see images of what could be done It seems like I'm the only one It's hard to take it to heart And it hurts to be apart But I can't watch
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