We're back, baby. Jake Flores of Pod Damn America and Why You Mad joins us to discuss the dystopian christian film 2025. A virus has ravaged the globe, allowing Communists to form a one-world government. Meetings are illegal. Asking Jesus to be the third in your marriage to a 17 year old is forbidden. The constitution is the new sacred document. One small band of freedom fighters decides to spray paint jesus fishes in the woods and begin a revolution. Support the show at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult and get a bonus episode every week, including access to all previous premium episodes.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
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It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get you.
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Yeah, I'm Alexander Edward. - I'm sorry.
I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
The Constitution is responsible.
But not the one you like.
It's the bad Constitution.
The Constitution you would never like.
You would never like this Constitution because why would you accept any Constitution over your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
But especially a bad one, you know?
So, we're documenting it.
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Tony, what is it called?
Tony?
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Today we are talking about a wonderful film called 2025, the subtitle of which is The World Enslaved by a Virus.
That's a pretty good subtitle, pretty informative.
Here to talk to us about that, we made this guy watch the movie so that we could talk about it, we have Jake Flores from Pod Damn America and the Why You Mad Podcast.
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, good.
Worse, because I watched the movie, but all together, pretty good.
This movie was a piece of shit.
Yeah.
This is not an Epoch Times movie, but it might as well be.
It's actually worse than an Epoch Times movie.
It's a worse production value than Interview with the Antichrist, which was a movie about a guy sitting in a large warehouse with the Antichrist.
It's funny because this movie is exceptionally bad and it's one of those Amazon published type deal where we could have made a movie.
Just in our little, when we were getting on the call and chatting, we wrote like four better movies.
Real casually than this movie.
But you know what?
I'm going to get my money back from Amazon.
I'm going to do this movie was so bad.
Usually like Christian Kevin Sorbo movies are just kind of like hokey lifetime, you know, movie of the week sort of quality.
This one veered into like Tommy Wiseau, the room.
Like I'm very aware that I'm watching a movie because no one can seem to really act and is like looking at the camera and stuff like that.
It was pretty bad.
It was shot on a cell phone.
Some of these line readings are fantastic.
I'll do my best to try and, you know, do them justice.
Despite how poor the acting is and the cinematography, you can still tell that there was a lot of money behind this movie because there are crane shots and helicopter shots, but it's just like over a crashed Geo Metro.
You have like a pan out from a helicopter shot.
So, in the grand tradition of dystopian, year-based films, you know, 1984, 2001, Year One, the movie where Jack Black fucks his own mom, Crash, parenthesis, 2005.
We're covering the film 2025, which by all accounts seems to be the freaking year from hell, right guys?
It looks awful.
I can't wait to see how Netflix tries to say so long to this year.
I can't wait to see Netflix pick this up and they're gonna make this a movie.
This is gonna be a Netflix production next year.
It's gonna be the next Squid Game.
In the universe of this movie, the fucking Black Mirror guy would do a year-end, like, 2025 was-a-dumpster-fire type special.
Yeah.
And then he would do snarky commentary about when they made us all start doing the, um, pledge to the communist allegiance every morning or whatever.
Yeah.
It was a total dumpster fire when that happened.
That would be even worse than this movie.
That would be like Inception of bad movies.
Yeah, it would be like talking heads in front of a green screen of Christians being executed.
Being like, that happened.
Maybe we went all the way back around and that's awesome.
Maybe that, I kind of want to watch it now.
Yeah, maybe this is good now.
Yeah it's so this movie you know I could give a synopsis of what the movie is or you know read from the IMDB or but uh you don't have to because the movie has an upfront sort of like title screens that you know you have the subtitle the world enslaved by a virus the virus like does not come into play whatsoever like the virus is so fake in these people's minds that They don't even mention it.
Like, it was just a, I don't know, year-long pretext to get everybody to submit to communism, and then that's the end of the virus as far as they're concerned.
We have, like, on-screen text that says, it's 2025.
The world as we have known in 2020 does not exist anymore.
The virus changed the world.
Communism is all over the place.
That's my favorite part.
It's all over the place.
It's everywhere you look.
Just fucking splattered across the walls.
Just spray painted across leaves on the ground.
Just communism everywhere.
There's there's an abundance of communism.
It's overflowing with the communism.
You're getting it all over the carpet.
You're getting it on my shoes and socks.
A global system developed.
Meetings are illegal.
And then I have a joke here.
They call this the quote, couldn't this have been an email law?
That would be sick though.
I want that.
That's part of my platform.
Yeah.
You have to prove it couldn't be an email before we actually meet.
Meetings have become illegal.
There are like 13 meetings in this movie though.
It's mostly meetings.
One of the things that really drove me crazy about this movie was trying to like Give any credence to its universe, because it kept contradicting itself.
I'll explain, I have a few notes along the plot where it breaks its own stupid rules that it made, and that's one of them.
There's meetings.
Every time you notice something like that, God did it.
Right.
Yeah.
It's a miracle.
And also keep in mind this movie was actually released in January 2021.
We're gonna be generous and say that it had six months of production.
Which means that they made this movie, they started making this movie in like July of 2020.
So this is like, this is six months of pandemic and this is the result.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, if you're making a movie in the middle of the pandemic that you swear is like a government overreach, I think that's, again, like a contradiction in what you're trying to say.
Oh yeah absolutely.
The lack of foresight that we would immediately be living in a world that the premise of this movie is in contradiction with is insane because sure in the middle of 2020 you could sit around and go they're gonna keep us in our houses forever or whatever but if you're seriously thinking about making a movie like this I mean you have to consider that like
That little scary story only works in the summer of the year 2020 because, like, the beginning of the movie is them showing, you know, what the world used to be like before the lockdown.
You could go out to dinner with people and you could go to concerts and, like, you can do that right now!
Like, when the movie came out, people were doing that already, so...
It doesn't, it didn't hold up at all.
This movie only would have worked if you'd watched it six months before it came out.
What's funny about this is, I mean, where does this take place?
Is this just like the world?
Is this the world under this like communist police order?
Because everyone has like that, they're all German, they all have a German accent, except for like a couple The main quote-unquote bad guys who seem to be American?
Is this America?
Dude, I watched the whole movie and I have one question, which is what fucking country was this in?
Yeah, it's Germany.
They name drop Munich at one point and then they say Germany and they're specifically like alluding to the former German constitution.
And they're speaking English for 80% of this movie, but there is a rather large 20% chunk of this movie where they're just speaking German because he's reading from the old 2020 German constitution.
And so he's reading that in German.
And then at one point, two of the characters have a scene that's entirely in German.
Like these are two characters that have been speaking English throughout the movie.
Not very well, but they've been speaking English.
And so I think just at some point they got tired of speaking English or like the scene was too complicated for them to say it in English, which no shots.
I can't speak German, you know, but yeah, that whole scene is just in German.
It does take place in Germany, but it's clearly, like, pitched to an American audience because of, you know, it being both in English and it being, like, Like, when they show the global map of their movement gaining traction, it starts with North America.
You see a big, fat North America on the screen with red spreading across it, which is like, I guess, the blood of Christ.
It's not red communism.
It's Christianity.
It's the good red.
It's crimson.
It's not red.
Well, I mean, the plot of the Christian revolutionaries in this movie is that they essentially get together, buy some computers, get someone who knows how to program, and create, like, an email scam.
So, it does make sense that the first thing that lights up on their board is fucking North America.
There's tons of old people over here that are like, If I win one more Candy Crush game, these Germans are gonna give me a hundred dollars or something.
Yeah, you need to forward this link to ten of your friends and family members to be saved by the blood of Christ.
To be protected from the virus and from the vaccine and from the weird, like,
dark state that's running everything because again like the the antagonist people are Americans and they're wearing like very American police uniform like like outfits and like uh the the military camo is off that that's like that looked German um but the uh was like the head CIA guy was definitely American even though it's like obviously not the CIA but you know what I mean it was very like you said it was very um done well for North American audience
Well back to like the sort of meta commentary of the movie juxtaposed with like the reality that we're living with that this is trying to riff off of or like theoretically inspired by or whatever you know the premise is oh you can't you can't hold any meetings you know Christianity is illegal which is like an extrapolation
from the idea that like some churches had to close for a couple weeks you know or like had to go had to go um virtual you know for a couple weeks or something like that like that's kind of what this movie is about um but yeah Jake you're right we they got their wish right like they got what they wanted which is everything is like acting ostensibly like we're we're normal now except maybe you have to wear a mask in certain uh businesses
But, yeah, they got their way, everything was reopened, and vastly more Christians are dead now, in real life, than they ever could have possibly executed in this movie.
Yeah!
Well, that's because the communist government got them.
It really happened.
Like, you know, what, 3,000 deaths a day in America from coronavirus?
Like, a good chunk of those are probably, they think they're Christians, right?
Oh, absolutely.
Well, I don't know if you knew this, but one of the things that the virus was attracted to and spread by was faith.
Yeah.
Christ's love is a comorbidity.
Yeah, exactly.
Christ's love is grape juice and bread.
Yeah, and I'm actually dying from that, not from COVID.
Put that on my death certificate.
Killed by God's love.
So the movie starts off with like a flash forward.
We're seeing the ending before we jump back to like three weeks ago or something like that.
A song starts playing that sounds like if the guy who scored the transporter was trying to cover Motorhead.
Well, well played.
Yeah, exactly.
And our hero is wearing a black turtleneck and Terry Richardson pedophile glasses.
And he's speeding in his Geo Metro away from a black BMW police car that has a police vanity plate.
Yes.
That's how you know.
Yeah.
I love the production value in this movie because, like, on one hand, yeah, you have these crane shots, you have helicopter shots, you have BMWs, you have, you know, a fair amount of vehicles, like they have a nice Jeep that they're using throughout, but then you have things like a fake license plate that just says police on it, or you have their plate carriers with
Instead of like a velcro it's the velcro patch that says police for your vest But it also has to have a strip of duct tape holding it to the vest at the top Yeah, I wasn't sure if that was covering something up, but whatever it was, it was bad.
It was definitely to hold it there.
It just looked terrible.
It was functional, practical duct tape.
I think that they blew the budget on this first scene, clearly.
On this car chase, yeah.
It transitions from this to half the movie takes place in a rented office.
Yeah, it's like a community college classroom with a bunch of fog and desks with black blankets thrown over them.
Yeah, it's a practice room where you play, you know, your clarinet in middle school or whatever.
I just snuck into one of those.
And then he gets taken into custody, and he's like in an interrogation room, right?
And the cop's like, hey, what can you tell me about these books you had on you?
These books, and it's like, you can see it's the Bible, and then you can see it's some other book.
And the cop says, these books contain the worst forms of conspiracies.
And, you know, a lot of this can be, like, attributed to English as a second language.
Like, a lot of the dialogue, you know, it's like, you don't want to make too much fun of it.
It's still funny, you know, people speaking, like, a language.
It's white.
It's white people.
You can have at it with Germans, right?
I mean, historically, they're the ones we're supposed to make, allowed to make fun of the most, right?
uh he so but but this one right here though the these books contain the worst forms of conspiracies it sounds like a like sort of bad english or whatever but actually what it is is it's like It is throwing back the grievance that they have that, oh, I'm getting flagged for conspiracy theories just because I say getting the vaccine is getting the mark of the beast.
Right.
Like, there's this persecution complex with, you know, conspiracy theorists, I'm just going to use that term very broadly here, but That intersection with, like, Christianity is very pronounced, at least on the internet.
And I've seen some amazing memes about, you know, like, oh, the guy laughing at the conspiracy theorist.
Well, the conspiracy theorist has done 3,000 hours of their own research.
What have you done?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What have you done?
Exactly.
You just believe somebody.
That's all you did.
So this is like a Rhett connection or like a backwards engineering of people ridiculing anti-vaxxers or, you know, QAnon or whatever as conspiracy theories by saying the Bible is conspiracy theories.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So when we call things conspiracy theories, it's like, I don't know, this is kind of as good as the Bible.
Sorry, I call it the truth.
I thought that we all knew that.
That's kind of why there's other books with it, right?
Because it's sort of like when you're shopping for condoms, but you also buy two other things to throw them in there to make it not about that specifically.
Yeah.
It's like having a baseball glove with your bat in your car.
Yeah.
It's like having leaves with your trash bags.
Same thing, right?
They're trying to say like, oh, you, uh, you know, you criticize my, me reading David Icke.
That's exactly the same as the Bible.
You're crazy.
You think the Bible is David Icke and they're both conspiracy theories.
With how vague they are being about the other books, I do wonder what's going to happen when the Western viewers are watching this, because it is like a vague book in German, and there's going to be people watching this that are like, oh yeah, oh yeah, that German literature I have, that stuff, that's what they're talking about, right?
I think they say German constitution, but they would still think like, oh, that old German constitution.
He's studying it so they don't repeat it.
Like, that's the problem, is you don't have a copy of Mein Kampf on you at all times, you might do some Hitler shit.
I never know.
The police interrogator says, where are these books from?
You know, which is a weird question.
Like, what publisher?
I don't know.
You can look inside the cover and see.
Did you piece them together from the ashes?
Yeah.
Is that how you got these?
He says, where are these books from?
And then our main character, whose name hasn't been given yet, but his name is Roy.
Pedophile Roy.
Like, this guy looks like somebody Hugh Jackman would have just grabbed off the street in Prisoners and kept him in the basement.
Like... I don't wanna...
Jump ahead or spoil anything, but you know he's a pedophile in real life, right?
Right, I didn't get to that.
Yeah, but, uh, well pedophiles may be a strong word, but he did have, like, a child bride, essentially, who I think is the love interest in this movie.
I think that's her, right?
Yeah, and I think when this movie's made, she's not 18 yet, though.
I don't know when this... So his Instagram is on lockdown now, right?
So the guy who plays Roy... I mean, he only has like a thousand followers.
The guy who plays Roy, who co-wrote and directed this movie with his brother, who may or may not be a twin brother.
God, I hope it's a twin brother.
And they like took turns kissing his wife on Instagram.
The glasses are not even real.
They're just to tell each other apart.
Dude, those glasses are real as fuck.
They're like an inch thick.
They're so fucking big.
Yeah, so I have, there's a post, his name's Joshua Wesley.
I can't remember his brother's name, but like the production company is like Wesley Brothers Productions.
Joshua Wesley posted a photo of him and I think, I can't confirm this, but I think it's the female love interest from this movie where they're posing together and they're holding like my, whatever those balloons, is it Mylar balloons?
What are those called?
That have the numbers 18, the number 18, and a happy birthday banner.
And Joshua Wesley says, finally 18!
Starry eyes, heart.
I can't describe with words what you mean to me and what kind of person you are.
You have been my best friend for four years.
You are my girlfriend that I love, appreciate, respect, and admire more than anything.
Every moment I spend by your side is like my life has a filter.
See, he's down.
He knows the young, young lingo.
You know, wow, it's like our relationship is totally on fleek.
Right, Ben?
Maybe you should filter out some of the younger people in your life, buddy.
I have no clue how old he is.
He's really ambiguously aged.
He might be like 19 or 20, but he also might be like 35, 80.
No, he's 24.
Thank you for looking that up.
I was gonna say he looks like young to mid-20s.
That means he was 20 and was dating a 14-year-old.
Well, you can understand why he would be so opposed to a government with too much power.
What are the rules in Germany?
It's mandatory that you date a 14 year old.
What is the age of consent in Germany?
I think this is good information to have.
I have all the US states documented, but I should be looking into Germany.
Just throwing this out there, I know this because I read a thing about this guy today.
I do not have that information on hand like some people do, but apparently it's 14.
So he was like... He did the math.
It sounds like he waited for her to turn 14.
No, it sounds like he just, he's covering his bases with the Instagram post.
He's like, okay, 1, 2, 3, 4 years, our friendship of 4 years, our relationship of exactly 4 years, when you turned the legal age of 14.
Yeah.
He also, like, why did he incriminate himself so much in the Instagram post?
I think I figured out why, though.
He's talking the way his characters talk in his movie, which is, like, just exposition that explains what's happening, so it's impossible.
He could've just been like, here's a picture of me and my girlfriend on her birthday, but he had to be like, she has, we, it's been four years, and we are dating.
It's all this unnecessary information just coming out in broken English.
Honestly, this whole conversation is not really necessary because we forget that these are devout Christians, so it's not like they're doing anything.
They're just best friends, basically.
Oh, right.
It's okay.
They're not doing anything bad, ever.
Not until they get married.
I'm so happy to be with you today, holding your birth certificate and a copy of the newspaper.
Yeah.
And holding a Polaroid of you holding your birth certificate.
I mean, Christians are big fans of loopholes when it comes to that sort of thing.
These are good ones.
These ones put their lives on the line in a movie to spread the word of Christ.
So, the cop asks, where are these books from?
And Roy, our main pedophile, says, wouldn't the better question be, when are those books from?
I don't think so.
Like, where are these books from is a pretty bad question.
I don't think when are these books from is a better one.
I was hoping they were going to go into like a time travel arc.
That would have been cool.
Yeah, it could turn into an Assassin 33 situation.
Yeah, you guys burned all the books so I had to go back in time, so that's how this works.
But no, they couldn't do that for us.
But no, this is just an opening for Roy to deliver some potent monologue here where he says, they are from a time when life was different.
A time when we could meet our friends, go to restaurants, Celebrate whatever and whenever we wanted to.
And then we get footage of like a Christian rock concert and let's just say more age-appropriate weddings.
Yeah, yeah.
It looks like footage they took off their phones of a rock concert, too.
Like, it's not even stock footage.
It's pretty great.
I mean, the point has been made, but they filmed this during lockdown.
Yeah.
2020, so... Yeah.
Like, what were they getting?
I mean, I understand the conspiracy theory back then was What this is based on is, oh, in five years, 1984 is, you know, gonna be totally happening, or whatever.
Well, it is that meme of the kid holding the boot to his own head.
Like, that's what this movie is.
But yeah, he says, A time when life was worth living.
A world full of peace, love, and ice cream.
Ice cream?
The way he says ice cream.
So good.
He's like such an off-putting guy.
Like, I really can't...
I really can't overstate like the sort of local neighborhood pedophile vibes he gives off.
Yeah and like you said the glasses that he's wearing don't help they are creeper glasses and For those listening, go ahead and anytime we read a monologue from him, you can do it in like a Tommy Wiseau voice in your head.
It's not far off.
It is this like weirdly cadenced, you know, German, like Eastern European accent thing that is very Tommy Wiseau and he has that energy and so do a bunch of his co-stars.
Yeah, it's not, it's not, you're not far off.
It's never racist.
You can always do it.
Yeah, it's fine.
He's a German pedophile.
Have at it.
Go for it.
Go crazy.
Are any of us going to take a crack at it at some point?
I think I have a couple line readings where it might lend itself.
So we flash back here three months ago, and we have Roy, I think he's probably reading the Bible, sort of at a desk in like, you know, the room of a nice home.
And then on the couch there's a woman, a girl, you know, a young woman who's like absent-mindedly picking at an acoustic guitar.
And like when I heard her fucking around with the guitar, I was like, oh, they have losers in Germany too.
That's like, that's a cool thing to know.
I'm just happy it wasn't a ukulele.
She does give off ukulele vibes for sure.
I think ukulele is too spicy for the Christians.
Give them a good five years on that one.
Christians love guitars because they only allowed themselves to play them like three years ago so they're very edgy but they're always like just the lamest little acoustic jobs and like It to them.
I think that they think that by showing you that they play a guitar, they're going to entice you into Christianity by being like, these guys are pretty cool, actually.
They like rock.
Actually, maybe Christianity rocks, yeah.
Hey, we got stuff that kind of sounds like plain white teas over here.
Come on down.
Yeah, so what while these two are like, you know being extremely boring but also doing their own thing, so it's fine We get a third guy who comes in this guy's name is Luke But like you don't get that name until much later in the movie But his name is Luke, but no, it's not Like, the Christian Luke, because I did have subtitles on, it's spelled like, once again, the Pedophile Luke, as in Luke Besson, L-U-C.
So that's a weird thing to do.
Every character's, like, all of their dialogue in this film is exposition that's explaining the plot, but nobody says anyone else's name the entire movie.
It's insane.
Yeah, yeah.
You don't ever, I think, get the girl's name.
The brunette.
You get it in the credits.
I think it's Hannah, but I don't think any of them ever say it.
Also, I mean, their dynamic is really confusing because they don't say each other's names and stuff like that.
At one point, way later on in the movie, he references his sister and you're like, oh, I guess that's his sister.
Right.
Yeah, they don't establish any type of character building at all.
The guy Luke, there's a point later in the movie where he goes, he's talking to someone who he's never met and he says, he says, it's good to see you.
My name is Luke.
And like, I stopped and like said that to myself like three or four times.
And I was like, That was, like, a riddle.
Like, wait, you can't say, it's good to see you, and then introduce yourself.
This doesn't pass the Voight-Kampff test.
What is going on here?
Sparks coming out of my head the whole time.
I'm like, humans, do they say, it's good to see you, my name is Jake?
Huh?
That's for sure, like, a code word.
I'm gonna, like, use that next time I do some sort of, like, devious deal.
You know?
A little handshake.
It's good to see you.
My name is... I'm still gonna say my name is Luke.
It's good to see you.
My name is Luke.
But it's not spelled like the biblical name.
It's spelled like the guy who wanted Natalie Portman to have sex at the age of 12.
When we do, like, our illegal arms handoff, me and you, Tony, you'll say, it's good to see you.
My name is Luke.
And I'll say, when are these books from?
And that's how you'll know.
Yeah, exactly.
Uh, so he comes in and he- Luke is upset.
He's visibly upset.
They've cut out the scene between Leon and, uh, what was her name?
Leon.
They've stricken it from the script.
It won't be in the movie.
And he says, I have to stop.
I have to stop doing this.
I can't see another family member die.
You know, they got so-and-so and they arrested him and they killed him and it's- doesn't it suck, guys?
And the other people are like, no, uh, we, we were in hiding for five years until we finally found each other.
Uh, I won't give up the fight.
And it's like, what fight?
Stop doing what?
You guys are just hanging out sober.
That's like all that's happening here is that you guys are just occupying this, like our roommates illegal in this city.
Yeah, well, they were believing.
They just knew they were believing.
That's the thing, like they don't even allude to like having prayer meetings or anything.
They're just like, no, uh, yeah, we have to, we have to stop what we're doing.
But this is like Luke's sort of like prodigal son moment.
I don't know if I'm remembering that parable correctly, but he leaves, uh, he, he leaves their group and says, I can't, I can't do this anymore.
And so Roy and the other girl are like, well, we're never going to stop sort of strumming a D chord absently and maybe reading the same Bible verse over and over.
And yeah, but Luke, Luke goes.
And so this forces our two kind of main characters, I guess, Roy and Hannah, who are brother and sister, but you won't learn that for like at least an hour.
They have to have a heart to heart discussion.
And they say something like, remember when Christianity was illegal 2,000 years ago?
And Hannah's like, yeah, wow, that's true.
And then he goes, and they used the fish symbol to find allies.
You remember that?
And then she's like, oh yeah, remember that?
They drew the one line, and then the other person drew the other line.
And then he's like, yes, and then you get the fish.
And then you dot the I, and then you have an I. And then you put the I in the fish.
First you draw the one line, then you draw the other line, and then you get the power.
Yes.
And like, they... Like I said, they make it seem like they learned about that in school, and that they watched like a show about it.
They make it seem like they kind of witnessed it, you know what I mean?
I don't know, they're like remembering stuff that happened 2,000 years ago.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
It's really odd the way it's phrased.
But basically what they're leading up to is they're having this revelation that they can actually do something to gather Christians together or form some sort of rebellion or resistance to the communist regime.
Which again leads me to, like, why did the other guy get scared that they were just, like, hanging out too much or something, right?
But he says, all we have to do is find a lot of Christians and found a lot of underground churches.
So that's, that's like, they're like, okay, we can do this.
We can get a bunch of Christians together.
All we have to do is found a movement.
And she's like, yeah, that's true.
That is all we have to do.
And she says, but we can't use the internet because they're watching the internet all the time.
And so he says, you know what?
Maybe we just give it into God's hands.
We go out, we maybe do those fishes and maybe God will do something with it.
He's like, I got some graffitis in the back.
We can go spray the fishes.
He literally says, I have some graffitis.
And he means spray cans.
That's what they call them, and I don't know if you knew this, but Germany loves hip-hop.
Germany, believe it or not, is the world's number one consumer of hip-hop and hip-hop culture.
White people love to tell me that.
Is that real?
It's a real thing.
Okay.
Yeah.
And so they don't call spray cans, spray cans.
They call them graffitis.
Is that real?
The last part about the spray cans is not real, but the rest of it is.
Okay.
You could have fooled me.
They're crazy kooky people.
Yeah, exactly.
They make wild movies about a post-apocalyptic, post-pandemic world.
Also, that story about the fishes, I think that was just a story that was made up by the people who made the fish bumper things.
Yeah, the emblem.
I don't think that's a historic thing at all.
That's totally, like yeah, I bet it's bullshit.
That's a thing people say, which, not to get too philosophical too early in the podcast, but like, this is weird that the premise of this movie is both time is cyclical, and also we've made a horrible mistake and deviated from like, you know, into a dystopia, because then, I mean, are you going to look at this like a person who thinks that things move in the direction?
I don't know.
Completely fucking weird.
You just have to move it in the right direction long enough for you yourself to die, and then you get to go to heaven.
Yeah, which is also just something when someone dies, they're like, oh, that's fine.
So what's the big fucking deal then?
Aren't you a Christian?
Don't you believe that you win when you die?
Go get killed by the communist government and go to heaven.
And you're a martyr when you do that.
That's the cheat code.
Everyone who's a martyr is a cheat code.
That's like the big philosophical argument I think presented by this movie that becomes clear in a few more scenes and I might have to put on like my philosophy cap when we get to those points because I feel like it is pretty revealing about like what modern Christians and as far as like Uh, there is a political movement like what they're fighting for.
It's, it's fairly interesting.
Um, especially using something like communism as your antithesis or as your opponent.
Um.
Yeah, but they're gonna draw these fishes.
Maybe we'll just put it into God's hands.
We go out, we do these fishes, and maybe God will do something with it.
Like, I love that idea, like, God just needs a little push in the right direction.
You know, we just need to give him some spray-painted fishes, and maybe he'll do something with it, you know?
And then she says, let's try it.
As I said, I won't give up this fight.
Also, this is not our fight.
God will fight for us.
I have a clip here that I think, hopefully is audible, so people can just have an idea of the dialogue in this movie.
Our fight.
God will fight for us, and I'm sure that we find people who will fight with us.
God is in control, and you know what?
I think that God is some graffiti back there.
Maybe just pray fish and maybe find some more people, but I think the same as we do.
Alright, let's do it.
Let's not wait.
Let's just do it.
I got some graffiti, maybe we can just spray it and find some people who think the way we do.
Nobody thinks the way you do, man.
Do you hear the way you're fucking talking?
You know what's funny?
I've learned recently that, uh... Do you know that pineapple is, like, a swingers symbol?
And, like, swingers will, like, put, like, a pineapple up on their house, like, to let you know?
No, I didn't know that.
I didn't know either, apparently.
I thought pineapple was, uh, I thought pineapple was weed.
Well, don't accidentally wander into someone's house looking to get high because they might want you to fuck their wife, it turns out.
But they'll definitely have weed, Tony, so be careful.
Yeah, so we're cool, yeah.
It'd be funny if the guy in the movie was like, we just need to spray some pineapples, and then they just, you know...
No, listen, your husband can blow me, but is there also a blunt?
What's happening here?
As long as there's a blunt, we're cool.
And are you Christian?
And are you Christian?
Because I mean you need to be Christian.
We need the Lord to be part of this.
I have a plan.
We will take two shoes and tie the shoelaces together and we will throw them over the telephone pole and then see what God does with that.
I will put most different colored hankies in my back pockets and then God will bring followers to us.
I am going to walk down the street and step on every third brick in the road and we'll see what God does with that.
That's really what's going on here.
So they literally go out to the woods and spray paint fishes on trees and on the ground.
On the ground?
On the ground, like, and not just on the ground, like a, like a clean patch of dirt.
No.
No, like with debris, like dead leaves and branches and like a bunch of bullshit, like trash on the ground and they spray...
What is generously described as an incredibly simple fish outline, but you still cannot tell what the fuck this is and they're just like, yeah, I hope a slight breeze doesn't come by and ruin our only hope for salvation.
The only time they actually spray it on like a wall, they do spray over other people's tags, which is like a dick move.
I have a pretty hard body because, I mean, who am I to be mad about getting capped on by Jesus, you know?
And also, they're not doing even remotely fish shapes most of the time.
The only time it looks like a fish is when they stop and look at it.
The rest of the time, he's just like... They're just spraying.
What's funny is there's kind of like bloopers.
They're like, oh, oh, oh, I got some on me.
Oh, we're totally... Sometimes you're spraying into the air.
No, well they also they don't have the actual spray cap on it.
They're doing like the cheese whiz thing where you hit the nozzle from the side.
So there's no like perpendicular spray.
No, this is this is ground marking.
This is ground marking spray paint.
Oh, that's why it's it's just so I think this is like for like spraying grass and stuff, you know?
Oh, okay.
So that what it was is they were just being like, you know, Well, it's funny because, yeah, Jake, you're right.
They're tagging over other people's bombs.
But it's not like in a way that covers it up completely.
That's one Google away from making it look like a regular graffiti can.
But it's not like in a way that covers it up completely.
It's like there'll be a blank space next to an existing tag, and they'll draw the fish half over the blank space and then like half on the beginning of the other tag.
Like, what is wrong with you?
Like, do the blank space or do the bomb over the other tag?
What the fuck like you like I see somebody I'm like you just have no drive you have no like internal monologue like you didn't think at all about what you're doing and No.
But then, there's a scene where they deliberately spray over a tag that says, fuck Jesus.
Did you guys see this?
Yep.
On the bench, there's a bench where the back of the bench says, fuck Jesus, all the way across it, and they spray the fish over that one.
That's what's funny, so like part of this, those sets, those scenes, those are real, the other ones are like real tags.
The first ones that go home, those are like real tags.
Because it's a reoccurring character, you see like that recurring like weird like cartoon character that's on several different places and whatever like wash they're walking through.
So like a real tag got covered and then they had to do like a real tag to do the fuck jesus one.
One of them had to do that.
One of them had to spray paint fuck jesus so they could cover it up.
They couldn't come across that one organically.
They had to make that one happen.
So good.
And then there's another scene where they're walking through a tunnel and the tunnel says hate on it.
There's a tag that says hate but they don't cover that one up.
I'm like that would have been a pretty that would have been a beautiful like you're Movement means so little.
You've espoused nothing about what your actual beliefs of Christianity are.
Like, all your beliefs of Christianity are, Jesus is cool and I love freedom.
That's like, I like Jesus, I like freedom, I need freedom so I can like Jesus.
That's the whole, like, that's what Christianity is in this movie.
If you had crossed out the word hate and put a fucking fish over it, that would add like 50% more meaning to your religious political movement.
But these people are being honest.
Like, they are fed up.
They know they actually feel something like hate, and they couldn't do that.
They're honest with themselves.
They really hate these non-Jesus lovers.
So, when they're doing all these tags, they're being, like, followed by a guy in a Special Forces hat.
And it's definitely one of those, like, this movie, at a lot of times, is filmed the way a play is performed on stage.
Where the characters are way too close to each other but they're supposed to pretend like they haven't seen each other yet.
And that's because they're restricted by a stage, unlike this movie.
You have people blatantly following other people 15 feet behind them in an otherwise unoccupied woods.
You have the love interest.
She's sequestered herself in a side office, and then somebody else comes through the door.
But the way that it's edited is like she hasn't noticed that they came through the door yet.
There's a lot of stuff that's like that, where it's just like heightened reality that you're supposed to just trust the editing, I guess.
But yeah, so this guy is following them wearing a special forces, you know, it says that in English, special forces on his hat.
They keep moving.
They get through the tunnel.
And then a cop finds them and just immediately shoots Hannah in the arm and Roy runs away.
Roy's gone.
Hannah's bleeding out on the ground and the cop is like readying his aim to do the kill shot on Hannah and then he gets a tap on the shoulder and he turns around and gets knocked out by the special forces guy.
Yeah, and that's one thing I do love about this movie is the cops are super murderous in this movie.
The cops are just a death squad.
Whenever you see them, they're just trying to kill people.
There's no questions being asked.
They're like, oh, they have graffiti.
There's Jesus fish.
We have to kill them.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is one thing that is kind of based about this movie's perspective, is that it's super anti-cop, it's super anti-military.
It's only, the only thing that these people like is Jesus.
And it's, you know, you're imagining when you're watching it, the point of view of these people, usually, chud, Facebook, weirdo, conservative people, like, love
You know, they're contradictory in this, but they're, they're, you know, they love cops and yet hate the government and, uh, they love, you know, pledging allegiance, but they hate authoritarianism, but they legitimately in this film are like, fuck the government and fuck cops and everything because they're, all of that, I guess, is communism to them.
I think this is like, this can be chalked up to their budget or their wardrobe department because it's much easier to find a badge or a patch that says police on it than it is to find a patch or to make a patch that says communism on it.
Because that's what they would have done.
People's Republic of Deutschland would be on every one of these vests if they could have afforded it, essentially.
You can't fit that on a vanity plate.
Too many letters.
But that's all actually taken care of with the introduction of the Special Forces character, who we'll learn in a minute, is a vet.
Yeah, he's a Marine.
He was no longer in the Marines because he's like too righteous.
Yeah.
And so like that's all kind of taken care of here.
Because like he is like the the epitome of you know alpha, vet, good wholesome Really white guy.
This guy only can come from Idaho.
It's weird.
He doesn't talk like this.
He just talks like a bad open mic American comedy bro guy.
He's got like a accent like he's from fucking Kansas or something but he was in the German military?
Yeah.
How does that work?
Well he says Marines so it's like it's it's never I mean he has a backstory but it's just Marines it never specifies what country later on later on in the movie he's wearing a German Germany like football jersey.
Yeah, yeah.
But that's the only thing that would make me think that maybe he's an American living in Germany, but he's just pretty much an American.
There's inexplicably Americans littered throughout this, including, like Tony said, the leader of the secret police is basically a drunk American guy, who I love that character.
He's so good.
He's awesome.
Also, another important thing about this character, he's not only a vet, he's also an ex-boyfriend.
Yeah.
His girlfriend also.
He got kicked out of the Marines and his girlfriend broke up with him.
No, he quit the Marines and he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh shit!
That's so much cooler.
He dishonorably discharged his girlfriend from their relationship because she was buying into big government shit too much.
He wasn't having it.
Wasn't having it, no way.
You're totally right.
So this marine escorts them.
He's like a ginger guy.
He's like a blonde ginger baby.
He's like 18 years old.
Everybody in this movie is so fucking young.
It's like borderline uncomfortable to watch.
He has acne all around his mouth.
Yeah, I wonder who cast the movie.
He escorts them back to their, you know, nice apartment building or whatever.
And Roy says, So, uh, do you know why we drew those fish?
And he goes, uh, yeah, it's like the old Christian symbol from, uh, back in the day and stuff.
And Roy goes, oh, right.
So are you, you know, it sounds like he's asking him if he's gay.
Yeah.
If he swings or if he like does drugs or something.
Yeah.
This is my sister.
This is just my sister.
The one who I abandoned earlier that you save, and I don't even know how we got back together again?
That's just my sister, but what's your deal?
But yeah, he's literally like, so are you, you know?
And he goes, am I Christian?
Yeah, and as it focuses on him when he says that, you notice the cross he has displayed prominently around his neck outside of his t-shirt.
It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm Christian.
I guess you could say I'm Christian.
This is how Christians actually fight each other.
With the crosses?
Just wandering around in the woods.
Yeah, well, everybody has that experience of going into the woods with your friends and looking into a stump and finding a Bible.
Yeah.
You know, it's that grand tradition of, you know, going into a park, finding some like-minded individuals, maybe hiding in the bushes for a little while.
You know, it's that grand tradition.
Yeah, tightening fabric over something else, you know, like wrapping something tightly over a vein of some kind.
You find each other with signals.
Also, with the tourniquet thing, there's another miracle in this scene, which is what I'm calling the plot holes in this movie.
There's a miracle where he puts the tourniquet on her in order to display that his character is a combat veteran.
And then she's like, thank you.
And then he's like, what do you do for a living?
And she's like, I'm a doctor.
She's a nurse?
She's a woke nurse.
She got fired for not taking the vaccine.
So why is she like, thank you for explaining a tourniquet to me?
They didn't have to do that.
Well, what it is, it's like, it's introduction to his character as being a competent, you know, actor in this situation.
He, like, fishes through the knocked out cop's vest to find the tourniquet, attaches it to her, and they rescue her.
But his, like, real skill is being an army guy.
Like, that's his, like, actual skill is wanting to build a military.
You know, even though they don't use it, but, like, When they're discussing their plans, he's like, oh, we need to build an underground army.
They're like, oh, yeah, that'd be cool.
Like, yeah, some militancy.
On some level, like a Christian heist movie where they're going around and they're like collecting the various skills that you would need to do whatever they're planning.
Yeah, absolutely.
It would be like if George Clooney and Matt Damon were like, uh, we need a 5'1 gymnast to be able to fit into this laundry basket.
So let's go out into the woods and draw pictures of gymnasts with spray paint.
See if one turns up.
And it works!
So he says, yeah, am I a Christian?
Uh, yeah, of course.
Uh, and I'm definitely displeased with the things going on in the world today.
And then Hannah says, yeah, I agree.
Uh, and then Roy says, so, uh, yeah, that's why we did those fishes.
We want to find like-minded people.
Uh, and he explains his background.
He says he's a Marine, you know, that's why he knew how to do the tourniquet.
Uh, he says he's a Marine who got out when the virus happened.
Like it's, that's what he says at first and you're just like, hmm, okay.
Uh, it seems like, I don't know, being an agent of the all powerful military might be a nice cozy position to be in during the totalitarian takeover or whatever.
Um, later he explains, uh, his girlfriend was in the army.
But she started to like the government too much.
Yeah.
Like, she wouldn't just invade other countries and kill other human beings on behalf of the military.
She also, like, agreed with them philosophically.
And that was too far for this guy, so he had to break up with her.
Yeah.
Right, because a proper patriot I'm just doing my job.
You're liking it?
I mean, that's how we feel, right?
You like doing your job?
That's pretty fucked up.
You enjoy working for that guy?
fringe benefits which once again consist of collecting ears from 16 year olds i'm just doing my job you're liking it that's i mean that's how we feel right like you wait you like doing your job it's pretty fucked up you you and you enjoy working for that guy that's pretty fucked up and then the second reason he gives for quitting the marines was because they were trying to make him swear fealty to the new constitution and he's like i'm not sure what's going on in the
And he doesn't swear fealty to anyone but God.
A-fucking-men.
And that's like... It's funny because this is pitched at Americans, but it fundamentally misunderstands Americans.
Like...
Americans, I feel like, get more riled up about the Constitution than they do God, you know?
Oh, easily.
If you're talking about, you know, like, prominent Christian movements or whatever, you know, it's cliche to say at this point, but do they actually have, like, the values of Christ?
Like, no, they have the values of capitalist America.
That's like what you know they're using the religion as a lever or a mechanism to get what they actually care about which is like consumerism and you know capitalistic values.
I was just gonna say another thing that's going on here that's like endemic to boomer conservative brain is the constant contradiction of like Authoritarianism is here, and also I easily maneuvered my way around it.
So like, this guy, because authoritarianism was happening, he saw that and left the military.
Which is a thing you can do if authoritarianism is happening.
Quit your job and then just do something else.
I think this might be when we find out that they're brother and sister because Hannah starts talking about their parents.
Hannah starts talking about her and Roy's parents and how they used to go to church every Sunday and have Bible study and that sort of thing.
But then she says, once this situation got worse and worse, you know, yeah, they decided to end their lives because they couldn't find the strength.
That was so casual, it was, like, you delivered that so perfectly right now.
I have notes on the tone that she delivered, because I wanted to remember how she, she delivered it so good.
Because it is, you know, not to do the hack thing of comparing everything to The Room or Tommy Wiseau, but it is like, it's that line in The Room where he's like, now keep in mind if you have any questions, you can come to me, you know, it's that tone, but she's talking about her parents, like, Suicide Pact.
Yeah.
And they didn't kill themselves, like, for any reason other than just, like, things got worse in the news.
Like, other people in this story are getting killed by the government.
Yeah.
And they're saying that their parents just, like, got bummed out.
Yeah.
I wonder if that's a... It did double suicide for, like, no reason.
I wonder if that's like a reference to suicides under lockdown or under quarantine.
I wonder if that's what that's... because that's a big talking point among like, you know, anti-vaxxers or like, we need to reopen no matter how many deaths come from COVID because there are so many people that are depressed from isolation or whatever that they're killing themselves.
Yeah, and at this point, like I said, at the point of the creation of this movie, there's probably only like a dozen worldwide.
You know what I mean?
But it was enough to be one of the major talking points.
Man, imagine, I think there might be a point in your life where your parents have lived long enough and been happy enough to where you can be okay with a suicide pact with your parents, but they're like 18, 19.
and both their parents killed themselves because it was like a bummer outside and they handled it they're handling it real well they're just like yeah and they decided to to how did they say what did they say it again uh she said they decided to end their lives to end their lives yeah And then, dude, marine guy, I don't remember his- Hunter!
His name's Hunter.
Like, dude was just out in the woods killing small animals to kill time until the Christians came around drawing fish.
He says, yeah, I know what that's like because while my parents are living, they're not living, you know?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
They're basically dead to me.
And then he goes on to explain that they bought into the government paranoia.
So when he says, like, they're not... and he says that they're, like, happy.
They're, like, happy with the new government policies and they're happy they're, like, spreading government information or whatever.
When he says, like, I know what it's like when you tell me your parents are dead by their own hand because my parents, they're watching CNN instead of OANN.
Same thing.
Me, now I'm doing this Woods thing.
I'm normal.
They're crazy.
And honestly, like, Squirrels good eats.
People talk about it, but it's actually, it's good stuff if you do it right.
Well, it's also good to just find out what's going on in there.
You know, you like, you know, you cut them open, manipulate the bodies, see how all that stuff works.
I feel like at no point did he say he can't actually just go back to his house for a meal.
I feel like he could still go home for a meal.
Well, right here, after he's back at their house, he's like, I'm afraid to come back here because they're monitoring everything.
And she's like, yeah, that's true, they are monitoring everything, but they haven't arrested us yet, which makes me wonder, are they secretly on our side?
Like, do we have sympathetic people within the security state?
Or are they just really bad at the monitoring?
And my guess would be, no, the security state is just waiting until you draw 1,000 fishes in the woods so that then they could prosecute you for a felony.
They're building a case.
They're building a case against you.
Because 75 to like 900 fish, that's just a misdemeanor.
It's not a big deal.
These people are ruthless.
They want to get you for something that's worth it, you know?
Yeah, so he's like, I'm afraid to leave and come back.
Can I just like live here with you guys?
Yeah.
She's like, yeah, totally.
Welcome.
Hey, you're part of us now.
And he's like, sick.
I mean, that's, that's what, that's what happens with trauma bonding.
You know, someone saves your life.
You can't really tell them no, you can't really say no, you can't live with me.
Yeah.
Well, they're homeless.
It's easy to move in with someone when they are homeless, because all that means is, I'm also gonna stand here.
Like, they're like, Do you wanna move in with us?
Pull up some floor!
We all sleep on the floor of this weird, blank room.
He's like, I'm gonna go to my mom's house and steal some blankets.
I'll be right back.
They never stitch up the bullet wound in her arm, huh?
No, it just gets completely glazed past that you get shot in the arm.
I think they just tie it off and it drops off after a while.
There was a little warning before you watched this movie saying, like, faith is doing a lot of the carry lifting in this movie.
Just have a lot of faith in this movie.
God, where were you when I noticed all these plot holes?
Oh, well, it was then that I carried you.
So this is where we get allusions to a new character.
We start seeing a computer screen, but it's not just any computer screen.
It is apparently a hacker slash bitcoin miners computer screen.
There is like a program running where they're watching, I don't know, public, you know, public camera footage of altercations happening in the street, but then in the bottom right hand corner there's like some app that's running that has like a digital gnome mining with a pickaxe and it says Bitcoin mining and there's like a little Bitcoin sign.
We're like laughing but that's really what it looks like?
That is really what it is.
But then this hacker is looking at them through the window drawing the fish or like walking back from spray-painting the fish together and so they say huh and then they do a reverse image search on the Jesus fish and And they find out about Jesus and Christianity.
Whoa.
Yeah.
It's working.
My favorite thing about this character is that they are a, like, world-renowned hacker genius and have never heard of the most common religion in, wait a minute, second most common?
Third most common?
Second or third.
Yeah, second or third at least.
Yeah.
That's the problem with the computer and the internet.
That's the big thing with kids these days.
My kid can get their way through an iPad, but can they show me where a Bible verse is?
Hell no.
We were talking about the Golden Calf, and I mean the modern Golden Calf is the Linux operating system.
Yeah, it's actually a little penguin.
Uh, yeah, so they show up at their door, at the, you know, apartment door or whatever, and it's funny how Roy instantly turns on Hunter.
Like, there's a knock at the door and they're like, who is that?
And Roy turns to Hunter, the Marine, and he's like, did you betray us?
Are you not good?
And Hunter's like, listen man, I'm fucking red-blooded, you know, American through and through.
I love you guys.
It wouldn't be me.
Yeah, I love you guys.
I met you guys a week ago.
I fucking love you.
And they open the door and it's the girl with the dragon tattoo.
It is a goth female hacker with like heavy eye makeup and, you know, long dark hair shrouding her face who says, I am Holly and I want to help.
She just says, I am Holly.
And there's like a camera shot.
It's really awkward.
That's supposed to go like from her boots up.
Like, so you're revealing who this person is, but it's too fast.
It's very odd.
Hunter's like, I love you German people I just met a minute ago.
I wouldn't betray you.
And then she says, I saw your signs and it reminded me of how the world used to be when people could do whatever they want.
I don't know your Jesus, but I believe in freedom of choice.
And there's definitely two things I associate with Christianity, and that's being able to do whatever you want, and also freedom of choice.
Yep.
Right.
Famously, they're pro-choice.
They love to choose.
They're just like relaxed about everything.
It's just a live and let live philosophy with them.
Yeah, they're probably the most chill, I think, of the religions.
Who are you?
But this is the thing.
You're worried about Hunter, but this is how you know they're new to the game.
Because the last thing you should trust is a goth girlfriend hacker just showing up at your doorstep.
That's an FBI agent.
Yeah, I'm not trusting them at no way.
No.
If she's got big titties, run.
Vacate.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Get out of there.
Yeah.
I'm trying to find...
I wonder if I recorded the clip.
Who are you?
What do you want here?
I am Holly and I want to help.
How did you find us here?
Nobody knows this place.
That wasn't hard.
I am what you might call a hacker.
And what do you want here?
So as I said, I want to help.
And why don't we trust you?
Maybe you're the sergeant's best friend.
Maybe you're the sergeant's best friend.
You mean Lucinda?
She's an animal cracker.
I know her files.
The things she does.
Nobody wants to be her friend.
She's saying, I'm not a friend of the bad guy.
The bad guy's a bad guy.
Nobody wants to be their friend.
Yeah, we hate them.
If you were to just play somebody that little snippet and not tell them what it is, they'd be like, please stop playing the audio from a porno.
Bad porno.
Yeah.
I love, she's like essentially the Terminator.
She's like, I'm here to help.
I am a learning computer.
She's also, why does she want to help if she doesn't know what Christianity is?
Dude, I love that line.
I don't know your Jesus, but he seems pretty cool.
She's pretty chill.
She's like a pretty chill guy.
I feel like at that point all you'd find on the internet would be like, things talking about how bad Jesus is, right?
But yeah, she's a hacker.
She sees through it.
She must be using Google.
Sorry, she must be using DuckDuckGo.
Yeah, she's using DuckDuckGo.
Yeah, she's like, I'm what do you say, a hacker?
And the line back is, what kind of stuff can you hack?
And she goes, uh, more or less everything.
And it's like, oh shit, that's, wow, that's cool.
We got like a marine and now a hacker.
Wow.
I guess God is on our side.
She's like, I'm more like a life hacker actually.
Do you know you've been putting your shoes on wrong the whole time?
She's like, listen, if you plug your phone in every night, you'll have a full battery the next morning.
You don't have to worry about it until it dies.
Yeah, her offer is, she says, like, I could find all the Christians that are still out there through hacking.
They're like the old Christian Mingle database.
That's how you find them all.
Yeah, the Christian Mingle Database and, like, Farmers Only.
Those are the last vestiges of Christianity.
So then we get introduced to a new character, and by introduced, I mean not at all.
Like, it's no lines of dialogue, not explained whatsoever.
We just get shots of a 17 and a half blonde girl at a laptop.
Tapping on the tops of the keyboard, but like not actually typing anything.
It's pretty, it's pretty cool.
Nowhere by, nowhere by the keyboard.
Like nowhere by any letters you'd be... You know, I don't know.
I don't know a German keyboard.
Well, she's learning to type.
She's 17.
That's true.
She's playing a typing math blaster game.
We get her and it's like...
the sergeant her boss or whatever comes over and he's like here are the new files on Christians you need to you need to update you know so we can get our execution list ready or whatever and she's like oh okay and it's like a manila folder with one piece of paper in it
and she takes the one piece of paper out of the manila folder and puts it in her bag so now the folder is just an empty folder and the guy comes back over and he's like give those to my daughter when you're done and she's like oh okay so she takes the empty folder and then hands it to like a brunette girl who's supposed to be like
You know, middle management, I guess, like a general for this leader, I guess, but she's supposed to be like an ice queen, you know, stodgy whipcracker or whatever, but she is also like 17?
Mm-hmm.
Very weird.
Yeah, there is no girl over 20 in this.
They all kind of fit the same description, you know?
And I'm like, I'm not saying like, oh, she's too young for the position she's holding or whatever.
I mean, like literally she's like 17.
Like, yeah, actually.
And so the blonde hands, and I'm saying blonde and brunette because they don't have names.
Like the blonde is, you only know her name is I think Lea because of an envelope that was addressed to her.
Leah hands the empty manila folder to the brunette and she's like okay thank you and it's like this is your master plan to like hope she doesn't open the envelope the the folder that you handed her that comes to nothing uh we see what she's doing with the paper in her bag she scans it to like a word document and the word document title says possible christian names
So she's pregnant.
That's literally what it is.
It's literally just a list of single first names.
Yeah.
Like if you look at it, it's one name, paragraph space.
One name, paragraph space.
And it's not like biblical names, it's just names.
And so her, what she's doing is to undermine the anti-Christian communist regime, is she just highlights all the names and then deletes them.
Yep.
Yep.
That's so tight.
From the word document that she created out of the hard copy pa- I don't... I don't understand really what she's doing.
She's doing direct action, my friend, and, like, it's fucking tight.
You know, she's getting rid of- getting rid of your, uh, the traces of these people and freeing them.
And why is this the method?
I'm not a tech guy, I couldn't follow the plot here.
It's like watching this session.
Possible Christian names, uh, Braylin, Kaylin, Hunter, Tristan.
There are 19 spellings of Ashley here?
Oh wow, we found not just one, but three trips in the phone book.
Yeah, we're gonna have to take care of these folks.
So now we get the plan, what the three main characters are actually trying to do is they're trying to set up meetings across the nation for Christians, across the world for what the three main characters are actually trying to do is they're trying to set up And I was like, oh, okay.
So you're doing like a street team.
You're going to have like a street team of preachers who are doing all this.
And it's like, no, Roy himself is going to be giving sermons across the country slash world?
Question mark?
Because all that we see is Roy giving sermons at like two or three different locations.
It's almost meant to be understood that at this point they have met enough people and they've also gotten funding and they are a secret.
They're actually wielding some power here now.
At this point they seem like they're becoming a super church.
Also, Roy's skill, his suicide squad thing, is that he's good at speaking, which is like hilarious given everything that's happened in the movie so far.
He's supposed to be like this orator.
But also, I mean, doesn't this kind of like, isn't this bad in Christianity to be like becoming Christ and forming your own weird apostle thing?
Oh yeah.
Maybe I'm not a real head.
It's been too long.
It's what you're supposed to do.
You're supposed to do that so that people can worship you and you can teach them about Christ.
Of course.
Sure.
Uh, yeah, I just, I don't, like, it's like an Indiana, you see like a virtual Indiana Jones map of the globe where all these meetings are being held or all these sermons are happening, but all you actually get footage of is Roy giving, like, two or three different sermons.
He sounds like fucking David Guetta, like, and shouts out to his family guy.
Yep, yep, yep.
At one point, he says, they can take our lives, but they cannot take our freedom, which is just from Braveheart.
It's so good.
It's the Braveheart line.
I have it right here.
He says, they may take our lives, and when I heard that, I was like, oh no.
Oh, please God.
Please God, say the second half.
And he said, but they will never take our freedom.
Oh wow, I actually kind of wish the anti-Semite had delivered this line.
I mean, but this is bold though, because I mean, you'd think that this is how he would close the speech like they do in Braveheart, but, uh, you know, he's built different.
He's gonna start the speech this way, and he's still got more hits coming.
Well, he says, so the, this, I have a few notes from the sermon that he gives at various different locations.
He says, well, we have dictators again, and communism.
We didn't learn from our mistakes, and now we are repeating them.
And it's like, okay, you're German, so I think what you're saying is you didn't learn from the mistake of not defeating the USSR as the Nazis.
That must be what it is, right?
If you extrapolate, that's what I think it is.
Your mistake was getting fucking wasted by the Soviets and you didn't learn from it.
You should have been even more Nazi, I think is what I'm taking from this.
And he says, we used to free countries from dictatorships.
We organized food and medication.
And organizing food and medication, it sounds like communism to me.
Like, what you mean is you organized a supply chain to enable people to profit from food and medication.
That's the great deed that you actually did.
I didn't understand what country it was in when I was watching this movie, so I didn't really get- I thought it was America, and he was saying, oh, we free people from dictators, which is a dumb thing that Americans think America does.
Germany?
Did Germany even have, like, anything that they could use as a pretense for that statement?
They're part of, like, NATO, aren't they?
Well, not NATO, sorry.
They're part of the U.N.
or, you know, they're part of the Allied Forces.
Like, I'm sure they fucking helped destroy Iraq and Afghanistan.
They did their part.
Uh, the, uh, the blonde girl, I think her name's Leia or Lena or something, you know, his wife in real life, his child bride.
She attends this, uh, one of his sermons and just walks up to him and, like, goes on a walk with him.
They've never met before, as far as I can tell.
He's like, uh, wow, you're incredibly mature for your age.
Uh, oh shit.
I can't believe Jessica said that to you.
She sounds like total Becky.
Do you watch Euphoria by any chance?
Yeah, this is like the getting to know you like we're meeting for the first time But there's it's a montage of them walking with like, you know powerful Christian music playing behind it but zero dialogue because I think They don't have anything to say to each other.
I think that's kind of like a hallmark of both the movie, his writing skills, and their relationship.
Their actual relationship.
I did think it was an interesting choice to include the scene where he asked her where she was on 9-11 to figure out how old she was.
It did cut a bit early, but I thought that was a tasteful choice.
Uh, so they go back to the hacker who, she's trying to find Christians, you know, for their underground movement.
She's trying to find Christians by, uh, apparently by looking for viral videos where people are throwing fits in grocery stores.
Yes.
She's like, oh, oh, okay.
So we, here's, here's a video of a woman coughing on a produce clerk.
Okay.
Definitely one of us.
Well, I mean, she was speaking in tongues on a grocery clerk, so it's fine.
Uh, some guy comes to the headquarters and he's like, oh, hey, what's up, Roy?
Like, leader of this movement.
Uh, we were having Bible study, you know, like you asked, uh, in our basement and they came and kind of like kidnapped my mom and my sister and two out of three of our friends.
Uh, and I think they're going to, I think they're going to kill them all.
Again, with that exact tone, no urgency at all.
And Roy says, well, your family is going to heaven when they get killed.
They're going to heaven and they're going to reach their goal.
They've met the quota.
They're going to reach their goal.
Which is good, now we have that good old fire back in the day, that good old martyr fire that we miss from Christians.
Which is like, this gets into the actual political argument, in my mind, for this movie, which is not like tyranny versus freedom, or whatever they're trying to make it about, right?
Like, I want to know what their Christianity is actually about, and all that's displayed in this movie is Like, Christianity is just the worship of Christ.
That's all it is.
We love this guy, Christ.
We don't like the government.
We hate the government because the government wants us to worship the government instead of Christ.
We're already worshiping this other guy.
How can we possibly worship the government?
And with this line reading of, oh, your family, your dead family, they got killed.
They won.
They met their goal of going to heaven.
So we have a second tenet of Christianity, which is going to heaven.
That's your work.
The work that you're trying to accomplish in this life is going to heaven.
That's the goal.
That's the grind you're on.
Exactly, and this is the ultimate cheat code.
If you're martyred, you're straight there.
It's really cool.
You're right, that is the whole goal here.
You can't do suicide by cop, because that's calculated.
If you know you're cheating, then you'll go to hell.
That's what this whole thing is about.
They're sick.
It happened naturally.
They just got it.
I would call a few things these people do suicide by cop in this movie though, to be fair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So yeah, this guy's like, I don't know why they left me alive.
And Roy's like, yeah man, maybe you shouldn't be here at the headquarters of the Christian movement after they left you alive.
After raiding your house and leaving you alive.
Maybe you shouldn't be at the epicenter of this movement.
So I'll see you later.
Bye guy, you know and he leaves We cut to the Christians For some reason playing Amazing Grace around a bonfire Uh, it's just like a little campout.
Roy is the one playing guitar, and he's playing like one chord the whole time while they're singing Amazing Grace, and his boot is up on the bonfire ring, like in the fire, and it's just like, okay, your boot's melting, man.
One of the other, one of the people singing and she goes like, what was that noise?
There are some lights.
What if that is the police?
And then Roy's like, uh, if it is the police, we're not going to stop singing because of the government.
We're going to trust God.
We're also not going to like be, try to move at all.
We're not going to like get ready to just say, Oh no, that's not what we're doing.
It's cool.
We're going to do it.
We're going to suicide by cop.
Right, because they've established that the cops will murder you on sight if they just think you're a Christian.
Yeah.
And that they've been hiding from them because of that for this entire movie.
So this choice to just go, well, since I'm playing guitar right now, Fuck it, let's just mow, like, let them mow us down is kind of bananas, but I guess it's because he's, like, filled with the spirit in this moment because they're doing Christianity and, like, you know, singing, uh, uh, what's it called?
What's the song?
They're singing Amazing Grace, but then he's also like, uh, I got another song here.
It's called How Great Thou Art.
It's a really old song.
This part drove me fucking crazy.
Some of you might like it.
Why don't you, why don't you listen up?
Right.
He, he's playing Amazing Grace and then he says this, he introduces this second song and is like, I've got this great song, it's kind of like Amazing Grace, it's a different song, like, tease it up, and then, like, this next thing happens which cues a music montage.
- Of Amazing Grace.
- Over which they don't play the song that he was transitioning into, they play Amazing Grace.
It's so odd.
It's just weird to have finished it, and then, like, as a director looking at this, you're like, yeah, play the song that he was making part of the plot here.
- Yeah, please. - Over the scene where there's like, cops and gunfire and stuff, like a fucking Tarantino type thing or whatever.
Cool, it kind of serves as a double purpose, but they just play Amazing Grace with a rapper in it.
It's so weird.
I bet he did have a song that was just like too tight.
He had a song that he made himself that was just like too good and they were like, no we can't do this, it takes away from the scene.
I just love the philosophy of him being like, you know what?
No, I'm not going to let this totalitarian... We have to fight back.
I'm not going to let this totalitarian government prevent me from playing this song on acoustic guitar.
Imagine if Che Guevara was like, no, this is where we make our stand.
I'm going to sing this Woody Guthrie song.
He did write on the guitar first, this machine kills communists.
And the other people are like, you know, no, you have to run.
You're like too important to the movement.
Maybe don't like play, you know, acoustic guitar for us while the police are descending on this.
Aren't we like trying to do a project or something like that?
And he's like, listen, I hear what you're saying.
Also, I got this new song.
I think you guys are going to like it.
It's a real banger.
Yeah, it's E flat major.
Okay.
Just watch for the changes.
And then, yeah, the cops come, the cops come, and he runs anyway!
He just, the cops come and he runs, it's like what, so you just, the brave thing to do was to play until the last second before you had to run?
Like, you're not even going down with the ship.
So he runs and then three of the women get left behind and put on their knees and the cops, so they have their hands behind their head and they're on their knees and cops are like, what are you doing here?
And instead of lying, they just bring their hands from behind their head and put them in the praying I thought that was a pretty cool reveal.
It would have been a cool reveal if they then got shot in the head.
That would have been the cool reveal of it.
They're arrested and then, again a small note, one of the cops puts out the bonfire that's inside of a raised bonfire ring with his boot.
He steps on it and I'm like, what is up with people in this movie burning their boots in the fire?
They're just really tough.
Your feet aren't that tough.
They arrest all the Christians and then they do fist bumps with each other.
But then one of the cops looks up at the stars like, huh, are we the baddies?
You know, kind of a thing.
Then we cut back to the headquarters of the opposition, you know, the resistance.
Where Hannah, the sister, is now performing, like, a baptism slash, like, you know, saving of the hacker girl, Holly.
And this is the scene that's entirely in German.
For, I think they got tired of speaking English.
You know, we've all been there.
No, it's just, traditional biblical texts are actually in German.
She's like Holly the Hacker, girl with the dragon tattoo, who by the way has a cross face tattoo.
Did you guys see this?
Was she really?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
I noticed it really late, but yeah, yeah.
She has like a teardrop tattoo, but it's a thin cross.
You know, when I was watching this, I was kind of wondering, because I've watched a few movies like this for podcasts, and like, it does kind of play into what's going on here on some level.
Do you think these actors are all freaks that are into making this movie, or do you think some of them are just hired, and they're just like, ah, fuck it, I'll do your weird movie, German guy?
I guess they're German too.
So the marine guy, the ginger marine guy, has a Christian tattoo also.
You can see it in like the foreground of one of the shots.
It says Psalm something on his arm.
I think most of them are probably Christian.
Yeah, I think if they're either like... I think there's a pretty tiny crew.
I think that some of the Americans might even be like investors.
You know what I mean?
Like, there might even be people who, like, help pay for it.
Like, the main antagonist, I feel like he might be, like, one of the people paying for this whole thing.
So, Holly, the hacker, the goth hacker, she's like, listen, I really needed this.
I needed a new life, and in my research, I found out so much about Jesus.
And it sounds, you know what?
It sounds like a real load off.
Like, I needed this shit.
And Hannah, the sister, says, all we have to do is surrender our life to him and ask forgiveness.
And so this gets to me, this gets to like the heart of the political argument of this movie or like from an outside observer.
Like they cannot pledge themselves to an earthly project like the equal distribution of resources, like the equality among the like the equality among the races.
Or the classes or anything like that because they've already pledged fealty to Christ, right?
Like, the argument is, oh, we're being forced to pledge loyalty to the Constitution.
Well, we can't do that because we're already loyal to this other guy.
He, like, lives on a different plane of existence.
Like, you probably haven't seen him, but he's definitely real.
That's what we're about.
You've probably felt him, actually.
Well, and it's also like, I can't surrender myself to a humanist project.
They can't do those organizing things because that's almost like they're taking away from...
Because they keep on saying God's going to take care of this.
Yeah.
Because if you become proactive, then you're not trusting God.
Well, and it's also like I can't surrender myself to a humanist project.
Now, I'm not saying the idea of communism they have in this movie is a good example of a humanist project, obviously.
But, like, when you talk about communism or collectivism or socialism or whatever, like, that's like, in theory, a humanistic project that aims to, like, distribute and support, like, everyone, right?
We can't do that because that would be tyranny against me personally.
My job is to get into heaven.
My job is to pledge that devotion and loyalty that would otherwise be, uh, you know, aimed at human- furthering humanity.
Uh, it's aimed at this other guy in this book I read about, right?
And like, I already surrendered to him.
I can't surrender to you.
I already surrendered to him.
Yeah, it's not possible.
But then when you examine Like, what the actual surrender is about.
Like, why they are surrendering to Jesus.
It's like, it's not to make the world a better place.
Especially in this movie.
Like, that's not what they're worried about.
They're explicitly worried about getting into heaven.
They're not even trying to save people, they're just trying to find other people.
That's the goal is to get into heaven.
Like, he says it, like, oh, your family, they died, but they reached their goal.
They met their quota.
They're getting into heaven.
And a charitable analysis of this could be, well, oh, they, they want to like, quote, save as many people as possible so that they can then also get into heaven, which is once again, like a different plane of existence.
It has nothing to do with bettering The world around us or the, like, daily lives of everyone around us.
I mean, there are, like, Christian socialists, there are Christian, uh, you know, good political movements that focus on the teachings of Christ that had to do with helping your fellow man or whatever, but Overall, the goal is to make the individual choice to go to heaven.
To get to heaven.
Yeah.
No, this is not liberation theology.
This is just like Heaven's Gate cult shit.
Everyone get on the rocket.
Yeah.
They don't even talk about being good people at all.
There's no talk of that.
They don't talk about being good or kind or spreading love or anything.
I don't think the word love is used at all.
I think it's all about just like, no, we just got to find other Christians and maintain them so they can also go to heaven with us.
They don't do anything, these people.
They spray fishes and they play guitars and that's fucking... and they pray and that's it.
Yeah, you had a huge You had a huge budget, you know, relative to anything any of the three of us have ever seen, to like make Christianity look good.
And this is what you did.
And at the end of this scene where the hacker character is being saved, she says, wow, that was such a load off, like all the pressure is gone.
And the other characters, like the sister character, Hannah, says, well, that's because it is.
Like, no worries now.
You're gonna go to heaven.
You don't have to, like, do anything anymore.
You don't have to worry about anything anymore.
You're gonna go to heaven.
And then she's like, let me read one of my favorite passages to you.
And she reads, I have been crucified with Christ.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me.
mm-hmm it's like okay okay so like a literal death cult like that's what you're you're that's what you're advertising is oh you know you don't you don't even want to live you want to die with Christ so that he can be he can take over your body They're also part of...it sounds like they're part of this other sect of Christianity that I just learned about recently because it happened locally.
I think they don't talk about that stuff because they probably practice this thing that they're calling radical grace.
Which is like...fuck it.
You've already accepted God into your life.
Now you can do whatever you want.
You can fuck up all you want because there's radical grace.
He's already died for you.
You've accepted him.
Deal's done.
You're going to heaven.
Wile out.
Well, I surrendered my body to Christ, so it's almost like he was molesting those parishioners.
Yeah, exactly.
Right.
He was in my body while I was doing that.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, it's usually the devil they blame that one on, so that's pretty easy.
We get another line, you know, sort of like touching base with the revolutionary project they're doing.
Somebody says, oh, we reached the 100,000 people goal in Asia.
All right, now let's get to work in the Middle East.
We're running out of DVDs, though.
Right, I think we might have swept past this.
Their master hacker plan for spreading Christianity is using DVDs.
DVDs and CDs!
They're not on the internet, technically.
They're analog, so the government can't track them because of DVDs.
This movie was made last year by Boomers, or whatever.
I mean, this guy isn't a boomer, he's just got the spirit of a boomer, but like, people, maybe that is part of like, pitching this movie to fucking Facebook boomers, because old people love DVDs, which are out of, you know, they're archaic at this point.
Well, the hacker was so sophisticated, it was like an AOL disc that connected you to their internet.
That's what it was.
It was just access to the message board, yeah.
I thought it was just PowerPoint slides of Bible verses and shit.
Yeah, it was that.
They said one of them, they were like, it's a Bible quiz.
We need these.
Very important.
It's a DVD you put on and then it's a quiz.
No, one of them was definitely like a ripped YouTube video of the Rock Church.
They were like, oh, this is footage from when people were allowed to congregate or whatever.
Remember when you put your hands up for Jesus and not for the police?
I love the, we reached the 100,000 people goal in Asia, just like, yeah, making it sound like the pyramid scheme that Christianity in America clearly is.
is also 100,000 people in the continent of Asia is not very many people.
Yeah, that's true.
But it's also like three people who are like, yeah, we're, we're doing a movement.
We just sent DVDs to Asia and reached 100,000 people.
Well, it's funny because I'm, you know, rewatching Righteous Gemstones, and that's exactly what I thought of was like their trip, their trip to China.
You know, it's like they didn't do anything, but they got those numbers.
They got those numbers.
It's cool.
We're good.
It's the same thing.
You read me right away.
When that guy says his parents died, and he goes, they reached their goal.
That's what he sounds like.
He sounds like when they're like, well, all right, we need you to send in your credit card information because we're not going to reach our goal today.
That shit that they do.
Okay, so Luke returns, the prodigal friend who abandoned them at the very beginning of this movie, returns to tell them he actually loves the glorious Leader Constitution, and to ask them to stop doing what they're doing, or else, I don't know, maybe he might betray them utterly 30 minutes later, and the main characters- Shrewd watchers will notice a parallel in the story of Christ.
Roy is like, uh, we love you and, uh, you're still our friend and I know you're saying you're probably going to betray us a little bit later in this movie, but, uh, we'll see you later.
Bye.
Uh, yeah.
And he leaves.
Is this, is this where he delivers the line that I sent you?
The clip is, is this that line?
Luke, the line Luke says?
He says, when he's like, he's talking about how he's like, he's talking about how it's hard for him to be at work and how doing this, and he says, it's tearing me apart.
It's killing me.
That's a good line.
I mean, why not use it as much as possible?
Huh?
Why not use that line as much as possible and put it in all your movies?
It's so good.
He delivers it just like it too because he has a little accent.
It's beautiful.
Well, Hunter, the Marine, comes back with him, you know, because he's like, oh, I love how it is now.
I love the new regime and you guys should stop doing what you're doing immediately.
Hunter says, you think life is worth living right now?
I lost my girlfriend.
I lost my job with the Marines.
And it's like, dog, you quit both of those things.
Yeah.
And, like, dude, get over your girlfriend, man.
Like, you're mad young.
You couldn't have been around that long.
You were in the Marines before.
You're only, like, 19.
Like, you're gonna get over this.
You could have been getting, like, TikTok army pussy right now.
You gave it up, dude.
Is that a thing?
It's also... Oh, you haven't seen the army TikToks?
No.
Not TikTok army pussy.
No, I haven't seen that, no.
I mean, I'm describing a woman as having a pussy.
Oh, okay.
I don't mean like they're showing Snatch on TikTok.
The army is?
The people in the army are?
Never mind.
And again, when he says like he lost his job, he mean he left his job.
He gave up.
Sorry, dude.
You gave up.
I don't know what to tell you.
That's kind of not a cool move.
Roy is talking to his child bride again, and he's like, oh, hey, guess what?
This is the second time we've met each other.
I love you now.
Yeah, I love you hard.
I straight up love you.
He says, I'm great at speeches, which Jake alluded to earlier.
He says, I'm great at speeches.
That's my thing.
But I'm not good at talking to people, especially girls.
And then she, she's like, What do you mean?
You're not good at talking to a girl like me?
Yep.
And he's like, the girl reading this.
It's you I want to talk to.
Also what's funny about this scene, and this is going on through the entire movie, is like, the entire movie has soundtrack.
Just swelling orchestral shit that doesn't really stick to the scene.
It just makes it look silly, you know?
This song is so good.
Yeah This is a there's like a weird like kind of pop type thing going on behind them like a Christian facsimile of like an Adele or something.
It's what it is is it's a Christian marriage song.
Oh Yeah, who sings the lines in a hundred lifetimes he'd choose ice Which is, she's saying us.
He'd choose us.
But she pronounces it like ice.
In a hundred worlds we'd find ice.
She doesn't mean like on Mars.
She's still, she's saying us.
We'd find us.
And we'd say I do.
Dang.
Or we'd say we do.
And then another line is, we would live life on our knees.
That's another line in the song.
And it's like, again, like this supposed, your supposed resistance argument isn't like, oh, it's better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
It's, I want to die on my knees for this other guy over here.
You're not that guy.
I want to, like, succumb, like, be completely submissive to just somebody else.
Like, you're not that guy.
You think you're that guy, communism.
You're not that guy.
It's weird, because I want to see you submit to another guy, so that's cool.
They're almost like anarchists, like when they're like so anti the government and shit, but then they're like, no, you're right.
Their thing is, I, you, it's oppressive that you are not letting me choose to be oppressed by this whole other thing.
Mm-hmm.
It's like a caricature.
It's like a caricature of Christianity that it feels weird to I'm not making a straw man here is what I'm saying.
I'm not making like a reddit Richard Dawkins atheist straw man like this is the movie that Christians presented to me and I have to I have to deal with it They have this conversation when they're like, you know after they walk, you know They're pretending to talk to each other, but it's just music over it.
She says, uh, it will be hard, but with Jesus at the center of our relationship, we can make it work.
And then he says it will last if we put him first.
Oh yeah.
And it's like, Again, you're trying to portray your oppressors as this, like, dogmatic, jack-booted, like, blinkered... You know, we don't, we don't accept, uh, any, uh, what do you call it, like, anybody disagreeing with us or anything like that.
Ruthless, yeah, just...
And we hate that.
We hate that about communism.
Also, we're going to, like, make our interpersonal relationship adhere to some other guy.
Like, we're going to put this other random figure First in our I don't know the stereotype about like collectivism or wokeism or whatever it's like oh they're zombies they're following like whatever they're told and it's like you're saying you're not allowed to fuck your wife without thinking about Jesus first well like that's that's what your ideology is Jesus is our third.
Exactly.
If the government could promise an upload, like a forever upload when you die, like an artificial heaven, that's cool.
But there is no... Because they're worried about forever.
They're worried about eternity.
So that does outweigh the person asking to bend the knee on Earth, right?
So it's like, if we could just promise them that, they'd be fine.
Well it's also like we can't think about the collective good.
We're not working for the collective good.
We're working for this one guy.
This one guy we all like.
That's what we're worried about.
You asking us to, like, pledge loyalty to a humanistic project or whatever interferes with our goal of making this one guy happy.
It's so weird to me.
It's very weird to me.
Um, they, uh... Roy comes back to the apartment and he's like, Oh, uh, look what I bought for Holly the Hacker.
And he holds up a dog collar Christian necklace.
Yeah, it rules.
He's like, oh, you're a little freak, but you still like Christ.
So, here you go.
And then he puts it on her, I think.
Which is cool, which is very cool.
Yeah.
Freaky.
um the uh his his future wife gets found out at her job uh the lieutenant daughter the brunette the 17 year old brunette catches her like slipping a piece of paper into her book bag because yeah she's got to upload it and then delete it later uh so she takes her outside and she's like What were you doing?
I saw what you were doing.
Are you ready to die for your beliefs?
She's doing like Columbine on her or whatever.
And Leah is like, yes, I'm ready to die because I don't die for my own sake.
I'm fighting for something bigger than us.
And again, it's just like this one guy, Jesus, like he's, he's a bigger guy than all of us.
That's what I'm fighting for.
And then the Lieutenant, This, like, stone-cold bitch who's, like, been portrayed as the enforcer, the, like, you know, uh, tyrant within this bureaucracy is like, you know what?
I respect that.
I appreciate that, actually.
She's like, actually, I'm a Christian, too, secretly, and, uh, I'm just trying to get... She's like, uh...
She's like the one character from the Avengers who's Thanos' daughter, who's like trying to work her way up to killing Thanos.
She's like that character.
She's like, I'm actually just playing a part until I can, uh, I don't know, overthrow the communist regime or something?
So I can take care of my dad myself?
Uh, and she lets her go maybe, I don't even remember what happens at the end of that scene.
Uh, they do the global live stream.
They're like, this is it.
We're going to convert a billion Christians tonight.
And they do a zoom call with the entire nation.
But don't worry because Holly, uh, has the chat room secure.
Holly made sure that the chat room is going to be secure.
Even though they're broadcasting their faces, yeah, to a million people or whatever.
They all do the sacrament of Christ.
They, like, pour a drink.
Or they don't even, like, have a thing in their hand and they just pretend to eat it.
And it's kind of funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All mimed.
Then we cut back to headquarters of the communist regime and the American drunk general is like talking to his superior, I guess, and he's like, sorry sir, but we have no evidence about this, you know, growing movement.
This group is tight.
They have no weaknesses.
Except for, again, like broadcasting their faces to a billion people.
And then we get Luke.
We get Luke coming to rat out all of the, you know, conspirators or whatever, and tell them where the headquarters are.
They do a raid on the building, and there's like a little bit of a chase scene, and then they catch Roy,
And the Ice Queen, the brunette Ice Queen is like marching him out into the woods to execute him and she's like chewing chewing gum the whole time which I thought was kind of funny and puts him on his knees and then it fades to black and you hear two shots.
What do you guys think happened?
I think, I think, I don't know.
I don't know, Jake, what do you think?
That was when I was carrying you?
I don't know.
I think she shoots him in the head, right?
But this is also like a weird Sopranos ending thing where I think that the director thinks he's being artistic and he's like, it's open for interpretation.
Yeah, I think it is open for interpretation and, like, the avenues you're supposed to explore are the fact that there was another guy with her in the gas mask for some reason, like, helping her escort Roy out into the woods.
I think you're supposed to think she caps that guy instead of Roy.
Yeah, this goes back to where you have to have faith to watch the movie.
It's not well laid out, because we don't get a lot of her character at all.
She's like, oh, I'm just following orders, actually, I'm part of your movement, and I've been, like, working my way up this whole time.
That's the only thing, but it's like, the fact that it does not show his death is like, okay, you're supposed to think she's a good person in the end.
Yeah, I think so.
I think something like that.
Like I said, you gotta have faith in this whole thing.
Also, maybe we might get a sequel.
Maybe there might be a 2026.
That's what it is, right?
They're leaving it open for the sequel that they insanely delusionally think is going to happen because this is going to be like the hit of the year or whatever.
Is there going to be a 2026?
We should just cancel planet Earth.
I don't want another year.
Wow, 2025 was bad enough.
Jesus Christ.
Uh, we get, yeah, the credits now.
Produced and directed by Simon and Joshua Wesley.
And then a special thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ.
Shout out, shout out.
I love that they didn't, like, do that first!
I love that they give him credit, like, oh, thank you to Jesus Christ for giving us permission to film on his earth and use his logo.
Don't blame this movie on Jesus Christ.
It's a bad movie if you're trying to convert people.
You're making him sound worse.
I love, uh, yeah, like, this film is dedicated to the memory of Jesus Christ.
Like, he's, like, he's somebody's dad who died during production of this movie.
2025 is dedicated to the brave Mujahideen fighters of Afghanistan.
I mean, shit.
Definitely.
Uh, we ran super long, but it was a fun episode.
This was a...
Very stupid movie.
I'm glad we watched it.
Thank you for watching it with us, Jake.
Absolutely.
I can feel my brain breaking with every moment I think about this film, which is always a good time.
Uh, where can people find- find what you do?
At Feral Jokes on Everything and, uh, my other podca- my podcasts are Pod Damn America and Why You Mad.
You know the drill.
If you're a, uh, Minion Death Cold fan, they're like this.
Yeah, absolutely.
Go check those out.
Oh, and I do stand-up.
I have my tour dates and shit on my pinned tweet.
Check it out.
I can't wait to listen to Why You Mad and hear you guys talk about, like, when are podcasts going to stop having people watch terrible movies?
When are you guys going to stop doing that?
I can't wait to hear you talk about that later on.
We're going to talk about West Elm Caleb tonight, unfortunately.
Nice.
The day only gets better.
Yeah, I had the unfortunate duty of teaching Tony about West End Caleb in a Patreon episode.
I should have just waited to listen to your episode.
Yeah.
Okay, if you want to listen to those bonus episodes that I just alluded to, you can go to patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult, where you can support the show for as little as $3.11 a month.
Get access to all the bonus episodes we released while we were on our peak season hiatus.
Thank you for sticking with the show.
Thank you for coming back after this brief Vacation?
Semi-vacation?
It's not really a vacation.
I feel dirty calling it that.
But you know, vacation from the regularly scheduled programming.
