You stole my vote and it's going to cost you three fingers from your right hand.
It's Merch Time. Get the "Bart Against Bosses" T-Shirt and fun workplace stickers at miniondeathcult.com Support the show, support abortion mutual-aid funds in Texas, get a bonus episode every week and 25% off all merchandise by subscribing at patreon.com/miniondeathcult for only 3.11/mo This week it's the Arizona vote audit, the thing Trump voters have invested most of their psychic energy into for the past year, and the results are not good! Also, a FedEx driver is fighting the good fight against Biden voters by delaying their orders for righteous reasons instead of the normal FedEx reasons Finally, a 29 year-old writes an article for the UK Times about how he can't find a date because women are too ideologically pure.
Have you seen that most recent video of the cop coming to try to buy crab from somebody?
No.
Dude, this guy is so jacked.
He's so jacked.
And he's wearing, I think he has a Punisher skull shirt on.
Maybe he's just starting.
Everybody starts somewhere.
Dude, he's like, and then, because they're recording him, because they know, it's obvious, right?
And he's like, no, man, I'm on parole.
And they're like, oh, okay, no, he's like, you are parole.
And he's like, he says, no, some, some, some, so I killed him and his dog.
And he's like trying to sell that as his character.
Yeah, sorry, that just makes you sound more like a cop.
You killed a dog?
Okay, cop.
He's like, you guys got crack?
I'm looking for crack.
No, I'm not a cop, I beat my wife.
I swear, yeah.
I think I can find an incentive to you.
It's really funny.
It sounds funny.
I've never seen a more cop looking cop.
The Punisher skull?
He should have gotten like a Punisher Black Lives Matter skull.
I think it's like an American flag Punisher skull type something.
Okay, so that's neutral.
Then yeah, you wouldn't know if that was a cop or not.
Yeah, exactly.
Just a patriot.
Loves crack.
Yeah, wow.
He loves the actual American flag.
He's not denigrating it by putting a blue line through it.
He can't be a cop.
No, he knows that we know, oh man, this person loves America, they must smoke crack.
All right.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-phonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
But stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're in the desert.
All there in Barbados.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
We're Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
A lot of stuff is responsible this week.
Getting exactly what you wanted, pretty much, is responsible.
We're documenting it.
We got a lot to talk about.
I just want to get right into it.
We have some pretty exciting news up top.
We are finally doing the drop.
It's happening.
Can we get a drop?
Can we hire a DJ to do a drop for us?
Because it's a big one.
The drop is like the exciting part of the song, Tony.
I don't know if you're familiar with dance music.
I've heard of it.
You have to have some semblance of rhythm to understand what's happening with a drop, apparently.
I don't know.
I've heard about it.
Yeah, sometimes you have to wear a big mask that like lets the sound reverberate inside of it to know what's what while you're listening.
We would need a big nasty drop though, right?
A big nasty dirty...
Yeah, with Corey Nasty Nastasio dropping in on a Las Vegas ramp that's 50 stories high right when that beat hits.
And right, incidentally, when our merch goes live, because that's what we're doing here.
Finally debuting a big merch drop.
Just to make a long story short, I found some old bootleg Simpsons stickers that a friend gave to me years and years ago that I'd sort of packed away because it's like, you know, you never want to stick the stickers.
When they're good, you know, you kind of just want to save them, right?
And so I didn't know what to do with them.
And I found them recently.
I was trying to clean up, you know, and gosh, I was just so enamored with these funny little yellow guys, you know, different yellow guys than we normally talk about here.
And some of them are pretty cool, except for the fact that they're kind of racist.
They're kind of like all, you know, against Muslims and Iraqis and that sort of thing.
And I thought, why not make bootlegs of the racist bootlegs that aren't racist?
Why not have Bart still threatening somebody, but instead of threatening like Saddam Hussein or Muslims or anything like that, he can be threatening the real enemy, which is Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk.
And bosses everywhere, frankly.
So I had Tony draw a very good edit.
It's like my favorite shirt ever that is Bart Against Bosses and I don't really want to describe much of the rest of it in case anybody's listening.
Just go see it at MinionDeathCult.com or any of our various social media where it will inevitably be posted by the time you're hearing this.
It is very cool.
It's so cool that my kid wants one and she would never... Because of the shirt, not because of us.
She just thinks it's cool.
And it's that cool looking.
She can't have one.
Because she doesn't have a Bosch yet.
So she doesn't have... That's stolen valor if she wears one.
Yeah, it's our Bart Against Bosses t-shirt.
There are three stickers that go along with it.
Maggie threatening someone with a mallet for wage theft.
Bart explaining the true role of the police in any given community.
And another one with Bart just doing a mischievous little prank on Elon Musk by pointing a rifle at him.
Yeah, prankster.
Go check those out, MinionDeathCult.com, and if you are a Patreon supporter, you will get 25% off your entire order.
So...
If you're not subscribed to Patreon, you like, save, instantly save more money than the $3.11 per month you will be giving to us when you subscribe.
Once you are subscribed, it's the top post on our Patreon gives you the offer code to use at checkout.
There was a mix-up, you have to like, Through Squarespace, you have to like set values for weights for all your items and then create like Ranges for how much shipping costs for each weight and you have to be like, okay One sticker is gonna cost the same to ship is like 19 stickers But then when I hit a shirt that's gonna cost, you know way more than a sticker But if you combine the sticker in the shirt, that should be the same price of shipping as just the shirt so I made a
A little mistake and like the first 30 orders because I put it up on Patreon Saturday The first 30 orders got the sticker price for shipping.
So I had to very sheepishly send an email out saying I'm sorry I know it's like a $3 difference and I wouldn't normally ask except like over 30 people Got got the dollar shipping price.
So that's like a hundred bucks right there and I was my My heart grew three sizes when not just one, not just several, but like half a dozen people responded by sending me more money than the shipping cost in order to cover anybody else who couldn't cover the shipping.
I don't have your names in front of me right now, but I don't know.
Really nice.
Really sweet.
That's so awesome.
We do have some of the best listeners around.
That's the sickest folks out there.
We appreciate y'all so much.
I was so embarrassed.
I spent so long setting everything up and then I went out to the dog park to have a good day and then I realized What was happening and I couldn't change it on my phone.
Yeah, like a little mini freak out, but we got it and it's good now.
And we're very excited about this merchandise.
If your size is sold out or just not available because it's a bigger size or a smaller size, send me an email.
Send MinionDeathColt to gmail.com and email.
These shirts are likely being printed again.
They're about already half sold out.
So, send me an email with your size and, you know, your name and stuff, and for the next order I will make sure you have a size that fits you.
Hell yeah.
Very cool.
Very excited for that.
Very excited to get mine in the mail.
You should.
I sent it to you on Friday, I believe.
I think it'll be here tomorrow.
Tracking said tomorrow.
Did you get an email confirming?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, cool.
Glad that works.
It worked nicely.
Uh, yeah, I've already packed.
This is not a pre-order, I should say.
This is, this is not, uh, what do you, what do you, yeah, pre-order.
This is, uh, I'm shipping, shipping them out now.
We have the shirts.
We have the stickers.
So, it's cool.
I like, these are like smaller stickers, so you can slap them around your work.
You can put them on a, on your thermos, on your, on your laptop.
Just right on your boss's dumb face.
Slap it right on there.
Anywhere.
These are going to look really good on like soap dispensers and like hand dryers.
You know, mirrors where people like bathrooms, you know, like where people can you can kind of like brainwash folks in a good way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Use it for that.
Yeah, so MinionDeathCult.com.
Again, Patreon supporters get 25% off.
Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
It helps us.
That's how we do the show, folks.
It helps us do it.
You know, if you support us there, you get a bonus episode every week.
And also this month, at the end of the month, which is coming up fast, in just a few days, everybody who is subscribed To the Patreon, you know, they'll have their cards charged on like October 1st through October 5th.
Those proceeds, half of it, will be going to abortion mutual aid funds in Texas.
So it'll be about $2,000, give or take.
So if you're ever going to do it, do it now.
Because you've got a couple days left for that and it's a pretty Thanks everyone being so awesome.
We're able to do that, and that's really cool that we can, as a collective, make that big chunk.
Very, very, very tight.
So let's move on to the show.
I told Tony we were covering a couple topics.
I didn't tell him about this one, but that's fine because it's pretty funny and stupid.
Did you hear that the Arizona audit of their presidential election, the results just came in.
Tony, did you hear this?
No, I have not heard of this.
Okay.
So like, you know, like there's these freaks are everywhere, you know, Trump won, Biden stole the election or whatever.
Arizona is one of the bigger states to be doing an audit.
If not, I think the others are planned.
Maybe I don't really follow this stuff.
Mostly the electoral stuff isn't that exciting or funny to me.
It's all just boring and kind of miserable.
But this aspect of it is funny.
You know, they've had their they've been hinging their hopes on this Arizona recount, this forensic audit, you know, of the ballots.
They hired a private security like state.
Cyber security firm called Cyber Ninjas to comb through the ballots to make sure that the truth got out.
The truth being, of course, that Trump won Arizona.
How could anything else have happened?
It doesn't make sense.
And there was a Fox News article about it.
I'll just read this one paragraph because it's pretty good.
The final report conducted by the cybersecurity consulting firm Cyber Ninjas contained allegations of possible impropriety related to mail-in balloting and duplicate ballots, but confirmed the forensic audit found more ballots in favor of Joe Biden and less for former President Donald Trump than in November.
Awesome.
Awesome.
I fucking love that.
Like, that's one of those things, too, where it's like, oh, they couldn't have seen that, like, halfway through that they were off and just stopped it.
Just like, hey, cut it out.
No, don't do this anymore.
Yeah, then you would have an excuse.
We need to be bigger.
We need to go high.
Then you would have an excuse.
Be like, they never finished the count.
We don't know.
But they finished it and found that Trump lost by a greater number of votes.
Even harder.
It's so good.
That's like me.
That's why I never really make wishes.
At least when I was growing up.
But especially now when somebody's like, oh, make a wish.
Or if you could have anything different about your life, what would it be?
I refuse to participate in that because I'm deathly scared that it would just be a monkey's paw.
Yeah.
And it'll just be worse.
Turn out worse.
That's smart.
Oh, you're wealthy.
I'm imagining I'm wealthy.
Oh, I have everything I want.
But oh, the twist is you're gay.
Uh oh.
It's like, man, I'm just kidding.
That's the plot of Bedazzled with Brendan Fraser.
Yep.
The ironic twist a few times.
It's come up a few times.
Doesn't he do like a terrible like voice for it?
There's one where he's a Colombian drug lord.
It's pretty good.
It's pretty brown face.
There's one where, yeah, he's like a wealthy debonair author who's like, you know, groundbreaking in his prose and he lives in like this insane penthouse apartment.
Oh, but yeah, he's gay and he has a really queenie boyfriend waiting for him in his bedroom.
Oh, man, that's awful.
It sounds like he has like a good life and is like maybe a nice relationship.
That sounds sounds like a nightmare.
I agree.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, that's that's why that's why I would never conduct an audit of like anything I had.
I'd even failed.
I'd just be like, no, that's all right.
I'll just move on.
So, Epoch Times report- I'm not gonna read from Epoch Times or anything, I'm just saying this in passing because it's very funny.
Uh, Epoch Times reported basically this same thing, that the audit, uh, confirmed the election results, and there was a mutiny among Epoch Times readers who, like, cancelled their subscriptions and shit, so Epoch Times actually changed their headline just to, uh, you know, The audit contained allegations of possible impropriety related to mail-in balloting.
That's awesome.
I love that they're like, we come to the Epoch Times because they report the truth.
I just don't like it when I don't like the truth.
Because it's clearly not the truth.
They're reporting the wrong truth.
It's also not true.
It's also a lie.
And then, I guess Trump is giving a rally right now, I think in Georgia, possibly?
And Jack Posobiec tweeted out, Trump just stated that he refuses to concede the 2020 election.
Oh, God.
You still, still... Hey, you know what?
I don't blame him.
I mean...
As people who just did a merch drop, I understand wanting to get that merch moving.
Get that grind going, man.
He should do, like, a 46th President hat.
That would sell so hard.
Oh my god, I forgot.
I can't get a picture of it.
I saw the day a license plate, a custom license plate, That said, number four, M-O-R-Y-R-S.
And I was like, four more years?
And it had a Trump sticker on the car.
Oh yeah, hell yeah.
No, that's good, yeah.
I love that.
They never said when the four years are gonna be, but there's four more years.
Well, again, it's like wish casting, you know?
Be careful, buddy.
No, I like that.
Yeah, you know what?
As long as we're going on the record here, I also refuse to concede the 2020 election.
You know, I agree with you.
I think you did win.
I remember that.
Yeah.
I remember you winning that.
I remember you running and winning.
It's so good.
It's so fucking... to be like... to have actually left the White House, turned over the reins of government to Joe Biden, and then be like, you know what?
I actually never conceded.
That's tight.
I mean, hey, play the hits, you know?
What does that mean?
Well, you know, like, cool.
I love it.
It's so, it's like the easiest, laziest thing you could possibly do.
And of course, his fan base is very responsive to that sort of behavior.
I love it so much.
Um, okay, let's get into, uh, oh, I just, this, this is a good summary of what happened, I think, from the Fox News comments section by somebody named Benedict Donnie.
And I think that's, I mean, I didn't even need to read the Fox News article.
No.
That's, I mean, that's how I would have put it.
I'm kind of embarrassed I didn't just say that.
What a surprise.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Not.
And I think that's, I mean, I didn't even need to read the Fox News article.
No.
That's, I mean, that's how I would have put it.
I'm kind of embarrassed I didn't just say that.
I mean, you didn't, I think you can copy and paste it if you want to.
You can put it wherever you want.
Benedict Donnie.
Really sad that's already taken.
It's a good one.
We don't hear that very often anymore.
I kind of miss that one.
I miss a good Benedict Arnold reference.
You could do Fidel Trump.
That one.
Donald Castro?
Donald Castro.
That's even better.
I like that one.
That'll be my name.
Or like, you know, Julian Trumpy Bear Assange or something like that.
Just like all the most dastardly figures in history.
The most, you know, repressive people in history.
A real mashup.
The comments, the responses, I mean, it's like, it's a real bad cope fest.
Uh, the donald.win, patriots.win message board, uh, like one of the top posts right now, uh, says just a friendly reminder.
And it's got, you know, 1700 upvotes and it's a meme.
It says he has had our back.
And it shows Donald Trump with flaming arrows, like it's like photorealistic, like somebody photoshopped Trump's head onto a guy who's kneeling down in a suit, and there are flaming arrows sticking out of his back, and it's all bloody, you know?
It's a photorealistic of that comic with the...
Yeah, but instead of spreading his arms out, the American soldiers who protect our freedoms everyday, instead of spreading his arms out to take the arrows, he's like kneeling down, I'll send it to you right now, he's kneeling down and he's like holding up a shield on the other side of a weird CGI frog.
That part, I didn't see that part coming at all.
He has had our back.
Do you have his?
Incredible.
It's really pretty disgusting.
It's like a- I hate it.
What are these frogs called again?
The Keck frogs?
Yeah, the Pepes.
It's like, you know how when they, on those episodes where Homer's in 3D, you know, how he looks fucked up, kind of nasty?
That's what this little Pepe looks like, who's sitting on the ground like a toddler.
Like, they took a toddler for sure.
Yep.
Tinted its skin green and then put a weird gross little 3D rendered frog head that's frowning that's like looking down and frowning.
I mean they actually they did a good job of doing like a realistic looking version of that thing like the realistic Spongebob's that you've seen.
Yeah.
It's like they did a good job it's just awful looking and I don't understand You know what's funny too?
That just means that there is no picture of Donald Trump doing anything remotely like this.
You know, remotely like this position.
I mean, no shot.
His body shape doesn't allow him to, like, be in this position.
No.
Like, his legs wouldn't move like that.
And he's, like, holding a shield, like, resting, like, leaning a shield on the frog's head that's protecting the frog.
It looks like, yeah, the shield is on the, to the back of the frog, but it looks like, what it looks like, it looks like he lifted up a flat rock and found this Pepe child underneath, like an insect.
Yep, yeah, he discovered it.
Like a little grub worm.
And yeah, I mean, it just reiterates what we've kind of known for a while, which is just, yeah, these people, they see themselves as little baby children, toddlers, and Trump is their dad.
Trump is their dad.
You know what's funny?
I don't know what it's called, but the arrow... When arrows are on fire, the tip that goes in the person or thing is what's on fire.
But this is the end where the feathers are.
That's on fire.
You can't even, like, shoot that.
It's more... I mean, yeah, you can't.
Where would you draw the bow?
And the arrow probably wouldn't fly very good if it's, you know... Yeah, just... Feathers on fire.
Arrow is on fire.
What are they called?
Fins?
I don't know, man.
I'm not an archer, okay?
They have a cool name, I think.
Someone's freaking out right now listening to this, like, oh, they're called this.
Yeah, I mean, hey, I could look it up.
You're not that special.
Yeah, it's just not as cinematic.
It's not as, like, photo, you know.
What is cinematic but for photographs?
It's not as compelling, it's not as photomatic to just have no fire, you know.
Hanging Chad comments, because again the caption is, he has had our back, do you have his?
And the caption is...
Or sorry, the comment from Hanging Chad is, I have his front, back, and flanks.
I'm all around him.
I am his personal omnipotent god.
I am his personal, like, I'm all around him all the time.
Yeah, well that's bullshit because I called flanks.
I called dibs.
I had dibs.
I got dibs on the flanks.
I got flanks!
That's where all the flavor's at.
That's the best stuff.
Yeah.
*laughter* Well, I love this over, like, it reminds me of just when somebody's like, you know, "Oh, there were millions of fraudulent votes in the election," and somebody's like, "Yeah, try tens of millions." And then the next person's like, uh, yeah, try dozens of millions, idiot.
This is kind of like that.
Like, oh, yo, you only have his back.
I have his front, back, and flanks.
And pal, that's not all six sides.
Alright, you gotta think about all six sides.
That's what I learned from driving for UPS.
You have to constantly be aware of space on all four sides, including top and bottom.
Top and bottom.
Those are very important.
Who's got Trump's top?
You know what I'm saying?
That's what I'm wondering.
I can take his bottom, I can take his top.
Either way.
I'll get whatever's left over, honestly.
I'm not too picky.
Well, nothing's gonna be left over.
All of it will be left over, because I'll be guarding the left, right, top, bottom, catty corners.
There'll be no place left, my friend.
We'll all be left.
Big thread on the Arizona audit, the forensic audit, the results.
So the Arizona governor, who I've learned from this thread on Patriots.win, is a cuck.
Cuck Arizona governor will not decertify.
So, Tony, since you probably haven't been following this like me, I do know that decertify means to say it's bad.
To undo it.
To click the old undo button on the election results for Arizona, right?
It goes up to a podium and just says, uh, the election?
Psyche.
Yeah.
The election that was capped.
Click the cap button.
I remember Biden saying no take backsies.
Yeah, he said, dude, he said olly olly oxen free.
He said all that shit.
I'm sorry.
It's been forensically documented at this point.
Them's the rules.
Cuck Arizona governor will not decertify and so this guy's pissed because Doug Ducey Bad name says there will be no decertification of the 2020 election The audit does not call for one and even if it had there is no lawful way to decertify as we have every step of the way Arizona will follow the law and so yeah, you're kind of in a tight spot as like
The Republican governor of a state that went for, you know, the Democrat?
Because you were, I believe, yeah, yeah, he was in charge of the state when it went for the Democrat.
Yeah.
You would have to either go all in and do a Trumpism to say that like the deep state is, you know, a vague claim about the deep state changing the election results, which would like, you know, render you totally unserious to the rest of the, I don't know, political class you are obviously trying to be a part of if you're a fucking governor, like you've spent your whole life trying to get to this upper echelon of society here.
So, you have to kind of be like, I did a good job.
I'm sorry it didn't go the way you guys wanted, but I did a good job running the election.
Because he quote tweets here, his own tweet from November 30th, 2020.
Where he says, I've been pretty outspoken about Arizona's election system and bragged about it quite a bit, including in the Oval Office.
So yeah, your only options are like, I was a good governor, our state is good at this stuff, or to just totally like go nuclear and say either, you know, I'm an incompetent idiot and allowed the deep state to change the election results or be like, this will not stand on my watch.
Right, and he's obviously going with the, you know, I want to maybe get reelected by an increasingly blue state.
So that makes him a cuck, of course, and it kind of does.
It kind of really does.
I'm sure he said some, like, equally incendiary shit about the deep state or about, you know, nefarious actors, whatever.
I just, I think it's funny that Yeah, they didn't, the audit didn't come out in these, you know, MAGA people's favor.
You know, kind of a crush, a secondary crushing blow, you know, following 2020.
But the person who posted this, their username on patriots.win is winning again.
They probably hate post- well, they love posting about this, but they hate posting this particular article.
It's probably a rough one for them.
It probably is a rough- I wonder what the winning, again, is referring to.
I mean, when everybody hates you, you've got to be doing something right.
You're probably winning.
That's true.
That's true.
When everybody in the country disagrees with you.
It's also the name of the website, patriots.win, and just all the news is about how big of losers they are.
Oh yeah, that's what you call going to that website.
Going to the website is winning.
And you're there, leaving comments.
That's true.
You are, in fact, winning again.
Yes, they are there.
This person's maybe a genius.
Okay, so now we're getting into the good stuff.
Here are the replies to that, this thread.
10Spot20 says, if you think for one second that I am going to allow fake results in a fraudulent election, then you have a fucking death wish, motherfucker!
You stole my vote, and it's going to cost you three fingers from your right hand.
This will never happen again because you will need all ten fingers to vote.
Okay, who is he talking to?
Is he talking to the governor?
Possibly.
Is he talking to the cyber ninjas?
Possibly.
You know, it's like, also, needing ten fingers to vote...
You're not really thinking through your constituency there.
There's a lot.
Some of my favorite, you know, fingerless hands belong to conservatives.
I've met some lovely people who, you know, lost a finger on the job that did not vote the direction I did.
You're not thinking this through.
Maybe he means in the future, once they finally start winning again, in order to vote, you'll have to do the OK sign with both hands.
Uh, and if those three fingies aren't there, I'm not gonna get to vote.
You gotta be careful, because when you do it with both hands, that's actually John Cena.
So, that's actually you can't see me, and if they can't see you, then your vote doesn't count either.
So you gotta be real careful to make sure you're doing that right.
This is not gonna be good for the podcast, but it'll be good for Tony.
So, if somebody comes up and they go like this, I can't see you, you know how I respond?
Huh.
I flip it upside down and make glasses and I say, I see you perfectly.
And then they can't vote though, still.
They still can't vote, but they did do a sick burn.
And that's kind of like, well worth it.
I'm going to cut off your fingers, bro.
That's, that's obviously what it states in like, I don't know, the, uh, The Trump version of the Old Testament.
That's the punishment for fake news.
You get three of your fingers cut off.
Definitely makes it sound like this is something that already exists.
Like that's just the way it is.
You gotta do three fingers now.
We know that.
And then you need ten fingers to vote next time.
We're gonna make this shit so complicated you're gonna need all ten fingers to do it.
It was funny because I thought there would be a joke about... I thought it was going to be a joke about counting votes.
You need all ten fingers to count.
But then that wasn't what it was.
It was, no, just two vote at all.
Like, this is a very gnarly threat, but we just don't know who it is against, so we can't... I think you can do that on the internet.
You can just be very vague.
Yeah, well I think he's threatening anybody who would dare cheat by not voting for Trump.
That's true.
That's a lot of fingers, man.
Alpha Horizon says... That's the best horizon.
It's just over there.
We're almost there.
I swear to God.
We're almost there.
It sucks now, though, because of fake global warming, the days are getting shorter, so we have less time to reach that Alpha Horizon.
I just read that if you're gonna get to the Alpha Horizon, you gotta do it before 7pm, because that's when the sun's setting now.
It's true.
It's getting worse and worse.
That's why we've got to get away with daylight savings time so we can hit the alpha horizon.
It kind of seems like the horizon is retreating.
Kind of seems like the horizon is... It's not very alpha.
...is cucked.
Wow.
Alpha Horizon says, At what point will people hear and accept there really is only one way forward?
Yes, violence is the answer.
Tyrants do not give the feeds they stole back willingly.
There is no America to come and save America.
No!
Oh, that's... I didn't think about that.
I have been waiting for an America to come do for us what we've done for so many countries.
We deserve it, honestly.
If anybody deserves saving, buy America.
Yeah, it's totally us.
We surely do.
Yeah, where's our America to come and destroy, like, the... come and bomb the few hospitals we have left?
Yeah, I mean, they can do it over the course of 20 years, who knows?
Tyrants do not give the feeds they stole back.
I don't know what that means.
The freedoms, I guess?
Maybe?
Maybe it's one of those things where the internet has just taken over their mind, and so the news feed is the feed, you know?
Yeah, no.
Milo Yiannopoulos.
Who else has been banned from Twitter?
Lauren, what's her face?
Yeah, I was going to say Lauren Lapkus.
She might have gotten banned from Twitter for being too funny, maybe.
Laura Loomer is who I was thinking of.
I do love these comments where it's about the recounts and the things like that and he's yelling, when will people accept?
That we actually have to not accept this ever, and violence is the answer.
Like, acceptance is definitely the word you need to think about here, but he's doing it all wrong.
Well, they're all sheep, because they're refusing to accept the thing that everybody else knows, and by everybody else I mean a fringe minority of weird internet-poisoned cranks.
It is an audit on one county in Arizona and because it didn't go the way and it's like I think it's the most populous county in Arizona perhaps which you know doesn't bode well for Republicans in any state.
But yeah, to just be like, I'm gonna get a visit from the feds over this.
Like, this is the line in the sand.
No longer will I not have my guns taken away from me.
Yeah.
This is where I draw the line.
And then Bud Burner replies, time for... That's a good name.
Yeah, what is it?
Oh, for like weed?
Yeah, dude.
Bud Burner.
Yeah, dude.
Bud Burner is like the bar blues version of like Weed Eater.
Yeah, I like that.
Or like a dope smoker cover band but they have a harmonica and they actually play like mid-tempo.
Stoner blues?
Yeah, I like that.
Bud Burner says time for citizens quote arrests quote Oh, wait, what?
So you're saying you're like not gonna arrest him or you're gonna do like cops do, is that what you're saying?
You're gonna do like cops do.
I think they mean they're gonna do a real arrest, which is yeah, shoot somebody in the back.
Wow, wow.
That's, yeah, I mean that's not what it's called anymore, but go for it.
I love, we're gonna do citizens quote arrests.
I know they'll be fake, that's why I'm putting the quotes around them.
Yep.
Yeah, I'm aware.
I'm aware of this.
God.
Like, that's the thing.
They do know.
Like you said, the cope is just so... It's gonna be something that's gonna be diagnosable soon.
Yeah, I mean... I don't, like... I don't know what it's...
It's kind of like cult indoctrination in a way.
I know that's like an easy comparison to make.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if there is a diagnosis for this.
I can't wait to see what the Psychiatric Association comes up with.
I'm sure it'll be good.
A couple more here.
Omni-Wolf.
You know, it's a W, but it's spelled like the German.
Fuck yeah.
The German Wolf.
Omni-Wolf.
That's so fucking tight and tough.
That is so... That... So cool.
That means, like, he's all wolf.
I'm a wolf all the time.
I'm a wolf everywhere.
I'm the Omni-Wolf.
I mean, German wolves scare me more than regular wolves, too.
Also, there's people in movies with the names like Wolf who are also very badass.
This might not even be, like, a canine.
Like, uh, Beowulf.
Look, exactly!
That guy's freaky as fuck.
He fought that monster naked, bro.
You don't want to fuck with that guy.
He fought Grendel in the naked, in the nude, with his dick flopping around everywhere.
I mean, I think he might have been underwater, so maybe it wasn't flopping, it was just kind of like waving.
I don't know.
It was vulnerable, that's for sure.
Yeah.
Omnivulf says, so, no more laws for the left, you know, dot dot.
Fuck you people, dot dot.
Would someone please start this fucking war already so we can get it over with?
I mean, go for it, dawg.
Can't someone else do it?
I'm gonna elect the guy who's gonna start the war.
What does that look like?
What does that look like to them?
Are they thinking there's just somebody that has tanks, that's just not using them?
Is that what it is?
It's somebody with, like, inspiration.
Enough inspiration to, yeah, run for governor of Arizona on the Can't Someone Else Start the Civil War ticket.
Like that episode of The Simpsons where he becomes trash commissioner.
Who can take the libs out?
Stomp them down for you.
I'm surprised we haven't heard that before.
I like that one.
Uh, yeah, no more- Can- Can- God, can someone just frickin' start this thing already?
Come on.
Just kick it off.
Come on.
Please.
Do it.
Actually, I think we have watched some people try.
I think there are some people trying.
Like all those agitators who are, you know, going around, you know, assaulting people and protesting masks and stuff like that.
They are going for that.
You just need to join them and maybe encourage them.
I think the problem is the trucks haven't been lifted enough.
There haven't been enough aftermarket matte black gear attached to the front and back of them.
That's true, dammit.
More people need their trucks overlanded out for war.
That way we can be out there on the streets longer.
That would inspire me, yeah.
If I saw, like, a Toyota Tundra, but it was, like, really lifted.
Not just, like, normally lifted.
No.
And maybe they did a thing where they turn it into a dually, even though it's not.
They just have the extra, like, it's super wide.
Are their tires just, like, spinning freely?
Yeah.
Just, like, causing more friction?
I mean, a dually causes friction.
They just put long bolts on that.
That's all we did.
Uh, causing drag, I guess.
Okay, last comment.
TrumpLove77 says, Maybe someone is AZ will be distracted somewhere when- So, maybe someone in Arizona will be distracted somewhere when this POS, again, the governor, crosses the road and- Oopsies!
Dot dot dot dot.
I wouldn't be sad.
He is a domestic terrorist.
Dude, this, again, I know he couldn't fudge the numbers for you and it didn't work out, but he's on your side.
This dude's on your side.
Arizona is for you.
I mean, it is increasingly going blue, but yeah, it's still a conservative state.
That doesn't matter, like, it's very funny watching, you know, respectable governors, respectable Republicans, you know, the kind that Nancy Pelosi is begging for.
Can't we just have a, you know, form a bipartisan coalition to raise the age on Social Security, you know?
Can't we just do that?
Uh, it's so funny watching these guys have to deal with their base because they are increasingly, uh, totally detached from them.
He is a domestic terrorist because he said he wouldn't, uh, call the election for Trump.
Yeah.
And when you think about it, he's right because, you know, what is what is the mark of terrorism?
It is, you know, committing acts that are designed to cause fear in order to get a political outcome, you know, and so him not arresting, I don't know, who's like some Democrat in Arizona is causing these guys a lot of fear that maybe Trump will never win the 2020 election.
You know what, Tony?
That's my greatest fear, is that Trump will never win the 2020 election.
He's using that against us.
Well, that's what I'm going to tell you.
As long as you believe he didn't lose, he will always win.
That's what's important.
It's about believing.
Yeah, I agree with that.
There's going to be a movie where we just need people to believe that Trump won so that he can fly again.
Trump's just, like, crumpled up on the ground with a sort of, like, Amazon woman, you know, ripped up dress.
It's really hot.
He's got Julia Roberts' hair on him.
Yeah.
You're like, oh no, Tink!
But you say Tump.
Oh no, Tump.
You gotta clap your hands.
We clap your hands to... what do they say it again when you're turning it over?
What are they calling it?
When they're turning into, uh, decertification.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You gotta clap your hands and decertify.
Yeah, you clap your hands and you say, I do believe in decertification!
I do believe!
And then Tump, uh, he wakes back up.
He saves everybody.
It's beautiful.
I want this movie.
At least it's Ben Garrison cartoon.
We'll work, maybe next episode we'll have a movie ready.
So moving on, it's unfortunate because there was like a really good thread posted in one of my UPS groups about this story and I saved the link and meant to go back to it later but the thread was deleted so I didn't get to read comments from the right-wing UPS drivers in my Facebook group.
But the story itself, pretty good.
Seattle area FedEx driver gets fired after video goes viral!
So, let's just watch this.
That's not how that works.
Don't people usually, like, send them, when videos of FedEx drivers go, like, viral, don't, like, isn't it because they're, like, adjusting flags and stuff?
It's usually because they're adjusting a flag.
It's usually because they're, like, grabbing a corner of the flag and, like, jostling it so that it, you know, hangs correctly a little bit.
Yeah.
You know, you just, like, whip it a little bit.
And Oak Harbor, so that's, you know, Seattle area, I guess.
I'd never heard of it.
An Oak Harbor FedEx driver's video went viral of him saying that if you are a supporter of President Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, or BLM and have those flags posted up in front of your house, he will take your packages back to the station and you will not get your deliveries and that he will keep doing it!
Wow.
And the link that they have in here is of, I don't know, some like, Edgy, bearded Gen Xer who's doing like a reaction video.
And when I say Gen Xer, he's like, I guess that's probably right.
He's probably like 45 or something.
His name's MichaelMC at TizzyENT on Twitter, but he's, you know, posted his TikTok reaction to this.
So we're going to be hearing MichaelMC react to this FedEx drivers video.
New policy where FedEx won't deliver packages to you, packages you've paid for, based on your political beliefs?
Don't take my word for it.
Here's a FedEx employee.
- I just wanted to come on here and let all you know, if you don't have a flag in front of your house, and if you have a Joe Biden, Camilla fucking camel toe, post it up and put it in your house, if that doesn't matter, post it up and put it in your house, if that doesn't matter, I will not I will not deliver your shit. - Can you hear that okay, Tony?
Yeah, I will not deliver your shit.
Yeah, he said if you do- first thing he says is if you don't have a flag.
Like the normal flag.
The default flag that we all love.
Assuming he means American.
Stars and bars, baby.
Not the traitor flag, Tony.
The real patriot American flag.
If you don't have one of those flags, he's not going to deliver to you.
And I'm assuming it's because those viral videos will dry up if nobody has a flag in front.
What am I supposed to adjust to go viral?
I think I became a FedEx driver.
I saw so many flags that needed help, and I knew I had to become a FedEx driver so I could touch all of them.
It gives you access to porches, that's for sure.
It's, yeah, I didn't, I didn't, uh, I didn't get a job, the job at the Betsy Ross Museum was already taken.
So I became a FedEx driver, and buddy, they do let you, they do let you fuck the flag when you're a FedEx driver.
They do, you get to.
Um, yeah.
Okay.
So he's saying he will not deliver your package if you have, uh, the completely ubiquitous in Seattle Black Lives Matter flag or like a president, you know, or a Joe Biden, Kamala Harris.
Uh, it's funny in the, in the Yahoo version of this article, they were like, he used a vulgar term to describe Kamala Harris.
Cause he says, uh, camel toe.
It's funny because he has like, he remembers that's what he should have said.
He's like, Kamala... Cameltoe.
Kamala Cameltoe.
Cameltoe.
Fucking Cameltoe.
We hate it when we see the pussy.
It's the worst.
I hate seeing that shit.
Ugh.
Makes me sick.
Makes me sick.
You're ruining those pants by having the pussy touch it.
Yeah, you gotta burn them now.
He keeps going. - I got back to the station.
And I'll keep killing that shit.
- Really?
If you even get a whiff that I support Biden or Black Lives Matter, maybe? - If you even get a whiff that if I support Biden or Black Lives Matter.
- It's like, it's kind of a big blowhard fest by everybody here.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I can't believe... That's the guy that always doxxes people, right?
That's the guy that always like...
It's like, this person actually yelled at a black person in the store, and this is where they work, and we need to make sure that we fire them.
That's that guy, right?
It's this guy.
He docs as this driver later on in this video that we're watching.
I will say, yeah, first off, this is... I mean, I understand it, you know?
Like, I, as a UPS driver, I won't deliver to anybody who's taller than me.
I find that offensive.
I don't believe in it.
I don't blame you.
Fortunately, I don't see it very often, so it doesn't come up, but then when it does, I put, I sheet it up as emergency conditions, which is normally reserved for like if there's snow or if, you know, there's water or road work or whatever, but I consider a very tall person to also be an emergency.
I think it's really cool that you take those packages from the tall people and give them to shorter people.
I think that's really cool.
Yeah.
A Robin Hood of heights, if you would.
This fucking dumbass, dude.
He could have said nothing.
I didn't believe he was actually even doing this until the second video I watched, and then maybe he is doing it.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't believe it, for sure.
Right now, I didn't believe it.
I don't know why you would not do it and then post the video.
That would be like the worst of all combinations.
The best combination would be, you know, for you to do it, to not deliver to Biden and Kamala Harris supporters, and then not post about it.
But also, like you said though, this is Seattle where, you know, I often joke that I definitely saw more Black Lives Matter signs than I did black people, like by tens.
So like, you're not delivering a lot of packages and now you're not doing your job anymore.
And now you're probably not gonna have your job for much longer because you're not delivering that many packages.
He's already been fired.
He's already been, FedEx already saw this shit and fired him.
And it's like, it's not gonna matter if you're like lying.
It's not even gonna matter if you're- Yeah, yeah.
Should have done it, at least.
Yeah, exactly.
You should have just done it, you know, if you didn't do it.
It's like, you could just not deliver these packages, not record a video, and then everybody's gonna think that what happened to their package is the same thing that happens to every other FedEx package, which is it takes two weeks longer to get to them than was originally intended.
Yeah, yeah.
I would just be like, oh, okay, yeah, it's changed my delivery date to a week from now.
That's normal.
You know what's funny, too, though, is if he was a UPS driver, it might have been harder to fire him.
Yeah, I don't know, though.
I think the union would not have defended this guy, because the thing is, what happens with uh at least at my job you know with UPS and the union is that they can fire you and then the union fights to get your job back either it goes through the disciplinary process and like you you know you call you you did a no call no show that's one occasion etc etc and it escalates until you get fired
And then you can do a working termination, which means you've been fired but you're still working, and wait for it to go to panel, which is where they will negotiate your reinstatement, right?
They have to actually sit down, and often what happens is like, they'll be like, I'm kind of like, maybe giving too much away here, but they'll negotiate with the company and be like, hey, we'll, these other grievances, we'll give up on these other grievances if you give this guy his job back.
That sort of thing.
They're not gonna- if this guy did this shit, they wouldn't give anything up for this guy.
Are you fucking kidding me?
This guy's an idiot.
No fucking way.
Yeah.
I like how he says- the way he talks, I hate him so much.
Cause he's just like, I'll take your shit back.
Yeah, that's right.
I'll take a ship back to the place and, you know... All matter of fact, in just this weird, gross way, I hate him so much.
Yeah, and it's just like... And I also hate, you know, like, owning this guy by trying to get him fired or whatever.
It's just... I don't know.
It's like, who cares?
This isn't gonna happen to you.
Who cares if you get your fucking shoes a couple days late?
Or who cares?
Like...
You know what I mean?
He's not, he's not like... I don't know.
I'm actually waiting for shoes right now, so maybe pick something else.
It's been too long.
I'm kind of annoyed.
My, my shoes, I got new work shoes.
Uh, they came exactly on time by FedEx today.
He did leave it in the, or they did leave it in the very center of my porch and not like tucked it behind the multiple planters I have set up to obscure the view from, from my porch.
Uh, but it did come on time.
Uh, so shout out to that driver.
Uh, But to be fair, we had a, uh, just a hanging skeleton.
That's the only kind of flag we have is a hanging skeleton.
And he might have thought that that was like a, you know, a representation of us lynching Nancy Pelosi or something.
Yeah.
You can, he probably looked at the skull of the, of the skeleton and realized it was probably a lib.
He did.
Yeah.
He, he did that thing.
He pulled out his calipers and he's like, all right, yeah, we're good to go here.
Um, Yeah, I don't know.
It's so funny to be like, this is politics.
I'm going to dox the TikTok FedEx guy because he's doing a bad job.
Yeah.
Like, he's not killing anybody.
He's literally not even hurting anybody.
I don't know.
I don't like him.
He's an idiot.
And if I was, yeah, it's like no shit.
FedEx is gonna fire him on their own.
Don't worry about it.
Like, you don't have to cape for FedEx, the company, you know?
It would be cool, though, if he was like, if you got a Black Lives Matter flag or something about camel toe, I'm gonna fill your box with spiders.
Gonna fill it up with spiders.
Not poisonous ones, but really scary, gross spiders.
Yeah, and I'll be like, cool, then I'll have even fewer flying insects in my house than I do right now.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you for that.
Sorry, I don't judge people by their looks because I'm a Biden voter.
Ooh, that's true.
When I say people, I mean arachnids.
I don't judge them even though they look like insects, but they're arachnids.
They're different.
This other video, I don't think there's anything else.
You won't deliver my package.
This is a FedEx policy.
I assume it must be a FedEx policy.
You're in the uniform making these statements because if this isn't a policy that FedEx has, this is a really odd way to quit your job.
Vincent, Mr. Worldwide Paterno.
Oak Harbor, Washington.
But maybe the goal of this is to quit your job.
I don't know that you're necessarily that happy working at FedEx.
I mean, after all, your Facebook tells everyone you've been self-employed since 2016.
I'm pretty sure you don't own FedEx.
Yeah, so the way FedEx works is many of their drivers are classified as independent contractors.
Yeah, like on the truck, right?
You have to buy the truck, you have to pay to have the route.
It sucks.
So yeah, he is self-employed probably.
I remember at the bike shop that I used to work at, like, the guy bought his route off of his, like, brother-in-law.
Like, that's just how it works there, yeah.
Uh, this next video's pretty funny.
This is from the driver.
And everybody's posting it and, like, tagging FedEx.
FedEx!
Come help!
Uh, this guy might have not given a package to somebody in a state I don't live in.
So, like I said, I'm not going to deliver any fucking Biden supporters, nor Black Lives Matter shit.
And all these people right here.
Look at all this.
He's showing like, I don't know, 30 or 40 boxes in the back of his truck.
Y'all didn't get your shit today.
On top of that, my boss hit me up today and said, hey, you didn't deliver 40 stops.
And I said, "'Cause they're fuckin' Biden supporters." And he said, hey, you know what that's gonna cost you, your, uh, your monthly bonus?
600 bucks?
That's a lot.
But, it's worth it.
Yeah, totally, dude.
So if y'all wanna help me out, because I don't know who's that bonus, I keep it.
I've been doing it.
For months.
I lose a bonus?
Who cares?
I'm standing up for what's right.
If y'all want to show some love, my links are in the bio.
He's lost out on like four grand.
Since he's been doing it for months.
Yeah.
But it's worth it.
Hey, it's worth it.
Every time I see a Biden supporter kind of like look out their window and like scratch their head a little bit and then go back to doing whatever they were doing before, I know that $600 was worth it.
That's a W. That's a W. Hey, how come you didn't deliver those 40 slots?
Cuz they're fuckin' Biden supporters.
Was brutal.
Like, you- Cuz they're fuckin' Biden supporters.
Like, is that really- that's what you're gonna say?
Did you really say that?
That part, I don't think I bel- I think I believe everything except for that part.
Uh, this guy sounds kind of, uh, a good combination of stupid and crazy.
Yeah, you're right.
Like, I think he probably, he seems really mad.
Uh, he seems, it's just maybe this is the guy, maybe, you know, maybe this is the guy that, that, uh, we were waiting for to finally do the war, do the civil war.
And I mean, I hope he doesn't see that comment.
What's...
What could be more important to Americans than their consumer goods?
This is an act of war.
This really is an act of war, not giving people the trinkets and toys they've purchased online.
Wow.
You know, actually, I respect this dude.
I like this.
This is the kind of direct action we're talking about, you know?
Maybe we should take notes.
Yeah, this is like putting sanctions on a Biden supporter.
You know what?
You're not allowed a new cell phone cover from Amazon.
We've put a freeze on your FedEx delivery.
You know what, I'm going to join this guy, and next week I will not deliver one package to any Biden supporters.
I don't suggest you follow me in this, Alex.
I think that you're better than me in that, so don't do that, but I'll do it.
I won't deliver one package next week to any Biden supporters.
All right.
Well, thank you for that.
I mean, I just, like, I don't like Biden supporters either, Guy.
I don't think, I don't think not giving the, or like giving them their shoes or their, their whatever.
I just can only think of shoes.
Cause that's the only thing I've had delivered in a minute.
Uh, not giving them their stuff, uh, in, in that's just normal FedEx policy, dude.
It's not going to, it's not going to change much.
I don't think.
It's not going to make them vote for, for Trumpy in 2020.
I mean, what if that package was actually, like, information that was gonna convert them?
What if that's what... What if that was... What if those were copies of, like, you know, Ayn Rand books?
What if that's what you took away from them?
You have to look at the return label, and if it's coming from Florida or New Hampshire or Oklahoma, then you will allow it passage.
Yeah, I mean, honestly, what if it's, like, an explosive and you just ruined it?
Uh that's uh yeah that's it for this story.
I have a couple I really wish I could because I was like looking through the thread on my UPS group and like people were like how dare you fire this man for his political beliefs or whatever it's kind of funny.
It's like that's not why he's getting fired it's not his political beliefs it's his actions like actual actions.
And I mean this this kind of gets to it uh the the funny the funniest part about this Phil Scholl says, and this is why you don't bring politics or religion into a workplace.
I mean, yeah.
Leave that shit at home.
Don't do politics at your workplace.
You're there to work.
You're not there to, you know, do some agenda, to do your ideology of like, you know, workers' rights or living wage.
That's, you know, you do that on your own time.
Exactly.
Because it's all around us anyways.
We don't need to bring it into work.
That's where I go to check out.
To be fair, that's actually a good argument.
I do not want to be present at all.
I can't salt my workplace because my mind shuts like a steel trap just to keep me sane.
Dude, there's a sick Teamsters billboard right now, right off the 210, and it's just like big bold letters like, Overworked, Underpaid, Organize Your Workplace.
Oh, it's a question.
No, it's Overworked, Underpaid, Organize Your Workplace, and it's just the Teamsters.
And it's so sick, and I just like to think that like, That guy sees that and is like, oh, it's just everywhere.
It's politics everywhere around me.
I just want to go to work and not think about this stuff.
But it's, and, and this gets to the video, which is so funny because this guy is doing politics in his workplace.
By like doing a personal boycott of Biden voters.
Yeah.
Not even like a company that supports Biden, but like an individual Biden voter in fucking Seattle, Washington.
How many votes did Biden win by in Seattle, Washington?
I'm going to lose my job just so I can own a couple people out of the millions that voted for Biden in this state.
Yeah, and like you said, if that was his day and he only had 40 packages, I mean, you'd probably see more than 40 Black Lives Matter signs.
Oh yeah, easily.
It's just so funny to be like, no, I'm willing to not only lose $600 a month, but also lose my job to do something really politically important, and it's to hide from a Biden voter who wants his package.
You're like fighting to get less money.
Yeah.
You're literally going out of your way to lose $600.
Just a profoundly, profoundly misguided individual.
He may as well just start leaving $5 with the package and delivering them.
Dave Oman finally says, Seems like the division thing is working better than ever.
Stop hating people for their political views.
That's what the government wants.
So, is that a response to the guy?
I don't think it is, because it should be a response to the guy.
No, it is a response to the guy.
This is like a centrist slash libertarian question mark guy.
This is like a Joe Rogan guy, for sure.
Dave Oman, he followed Joe Rogan to Spotify.
He had no question about it.
Seems like that's just what the government wants.
You're playing into the government's hands by being upset.
They want you to be upset.
They want you to be divided.
Fools.
Yeah, this is what they've been wanting the whole time.
The whole goal was so people didn't get their packages.
I like this take because it's like, you know, you have no answers, obviously.
You're just as misguided or just spinning yourself in circles as almost everybody else is on the internet.
But instead of going the whole, like, Oh, the government wants us to be mindless sheeple who just obey authority or whatever?
It's like, no, the government wants us to hate each other.
The government, like, wants us to be agitated and in a state of constant frenzy and political agitation and panic.
That's exactly what the government wants.
The government wants, uh, I mean, hey, maybe, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if, uh, that's actually maybe more accurate than I was giving it credit for.
The government probably does want people like this, yeah, to just, like, shoot up their neighborhood or whatever.
It benefits them, you know, because they keep both sides looking more and more wild.
Well, it's more just like, oh, we can increase our defense spending at home.
We can bloat police budgets even bigger by, you know, pointing at the FedEx guy.
Yeah.
Look at this guy who refused to give you your packages.
We need a cop on every FedEx truck to make sure he does his job.
We can now pay somebody to watch every ring cam to make sure that your FedEx guy leaves your package there.
Yeah.
Yeah, to make sure he fixes your flag and leaves your package there.
And now we have the budget for that, exactly.
Let's do one last story, Tony.
Yeah, I'm into it.
I'm into it.
This is kind of a fun one that I saw.
It's an article in the Times UK.
I don't know how to say that.
Like the UK Times, I guess, maybe.
I don't know if this is a section.
The section's called Body and Soul.
I think that must be what it is.
It's like the mental health section, probably, you know?
Yeah, when I hear the two words body and soul, what I think of is a 30-year-old white guy who's unable to find a date because he's too much of a pragmatic thinker on the apps, on the dating apps.
This headline is, undateable at 29.
Are my views too, quote, problematic for Hinge and Bumble?
Politics has turned dating into a perilous pursuit, says David Bates.
And I guess that's what he does.
David Bates.
Can't find love on Bumble or Hinge or Tinder or whatever.
I can't believe his fucking name is David Bates.
That is him in the picture, right?
Yeah.
I can't believe he looks the way he looks.
Yeah.
Come on, my guy.
You're a guy named David Bates who wrote an article about how you can't get laid.
Yep.
Is this a joke?
Are you baiting now?
I don't... Oh, and he's, like, in the UK, so someone probably does call him, like... There is a scenario where he will get called Master, you know?
Why do we... Why do we fall, Masturbates?
Yeah.
So we can get back up and masturbate some more.
Mm-hmm.
That's right.
This is also my problem.
This is... I can't... I'm too based to get laid.
That's actually my deal, too.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I run into the same problem.
I do think that's why I was banned from Tinder.
I think I had something like, fuck the police or something like that on there.
And that's the only thing I could think of.
So I do empathize with them there.
Yeah, you're not allowed to put that, but if you have your shirt that says, yes, I do fuck the police.
I'm a badge bunny.
You know what I mean?
You know what I'm saying?
You're allowed to do that.
This article, two friends of mine were asked at a dinner party for the characteristics they looked for in a man.
One talked about a left-leaning, socially conscious guardian reader.
That sucks.
No one's ever said that.
I'm looking for a guardian reader.
I'm looking for somebody who skips the body and mind, the body and soul section, and gets right to the good politics section of the guardian.
One, uh, the other reeled off a memorable triptych.
Quote, likes pints, can ski, has a big dick.
Yeah, dawg.
Sounds fun.
My instinct was to assume the more lascivious answer to be the truer.
Parentheses, a rule for life.
Oh, is that in Dr. Jordan B. Peterson's book?
But I am beginning to doubt myself.
Don't, never, Bates, never doubt yourself.
That's mistake number one.
You are always right.
Because dating, it seems, has been swallowed by, quote, the culture wars.
And where once we had, quote, types, we now have factions.
So this is funny because, like, culture war is an actual thing.
It's, you know, an obvious actual thing that's going on.
Mostly it distracts from politics.
You know, it's when you are obsessed with signifiers, political signifiers rather than political action, and that's like mostly true of everybody, you know, it's just a factor of common everyday experience that we're mostly unable to engage in, you know, quote, real politics and instead engage in like the secondary
Metaphysical signifiers, but if somebody says like I'm looking for an activist or whatever That's closer to actual politics Than something like I don't want to buy.
I don't want a Trump voter Yeah, yeah exactly like cuz that then you're actually saying more than more than like a slogan you want because like every every There's a lot of profiles that say shit That don't mean anything.
There's BLM and a million profiles, and that does not mean anything.
And none of them have swiped right on you.
None.
None.
Except for ones that do it in a weird way, and that's why they did it, and that's kind of creepy.
I do tell.
One time I went on a date with this woman who was like, her whole thing was BLM stuff.
White woman.
She's like, hey, do you want to take a selfie with me?
And like, five minutes into our date, she was talking about how she wanted to get a Black Lives Matter tattoo.
And I was like, why?
Hell yeah.
I was like, what does that look like?
She's like, no, just the word.
Why?
And I was like, I would never get that as a black person.
That's wild.
Trust me, I believe that you think we're important I mean, your mere presence here says something that you at least don't hate, but it's just so wild.
She's doing the work.
She's going on a date with Tony.
She's going to get a Black Lives Matter tattoo.
It's how you dismantle white supremacy.
Yeah, one tattoo at a time.
What if she did like the went kind of the opposite way with it uh and did the girl with the dragon tattoo vengeful tattoo where she just like got some got like a like a black dude to tattoo on her stomach uh i i am a disgusting white pig I'm a colonizer.
No, we used to say that was Sharpie.
That was different.
It was cool.
It washed off.
That's what they do at Hamilton.
If you go to Hamilton for the first time, and if you're a white person, they run up to you and they write colonizer on your head with red lipstick.
Yeah.
If you don't do it, you can't sing along.
You have to have that sing along.
Yeah, you're not the good immigrant colonizer like the guys in Hamilton.
Yeah.
Of course, everyone still has their deal breakers.
When I surveyed more of my female friends last week, their answers were personal.
No one who goes to Dubai on holiday.
No gamers.
Well, that's, I mean, bearing the lead right there, buddy.
What is this, China?
I thought this was the UK.
Yeah, what's going on here?
What's going on here?
Damn, he's got some fucking based friends.
They're like, no gamers.
Absolutely not.
I like that they have... I like that, like, not going to Dubai on a holiday is like a really sound opinion.
I like that.
Yeah, absolutely.
And like, no gamers is like... Can you even, would you even know that on a profile?
You can tell.
It's true.
It's true.
You can sense those vibes, easily.
Maybe, yeah, not going to Dubai on holiday, it's because they have tigers for pets, and that's wrong.
That is wrong.
That's the reasoning.
Yeah.
You saw somebody go to Dubai on holiday, and they took a photo with some sheik or prince's tiger, and you're like, that's fucked up, man.
They're not meant to be in captivity.
They also just, like, don't respect automobiles.
Always, like, driving them on two wheels.
Like, that's not cool.
See how much damage that does to the chassis?
Yeah, that's not good for anybody.
Just a waste of a beautiful vehicle.
One told me, uh, no dirty bathrooms.
No one who wants to get married.
I mean, these are like... Yeah.
I don't know, if this is what you're looking for in a partner, that's what you're looking for in a partner.
I'm sorry.
Like, sorry you didn't qualify for the no dirty bathrooms date.
One told me that she'd been on a date with a man who was, quote, grossed out by Rosé from outside province.
But their responses were tribal, too.
From my skewed sample, all university-educated London dwellers aged between 24 and 33, there was a recurring theme.
No Tories allowed.
And then right here there's an ad.
There's like a paragraph break and there's a link for trouble meeting your match?
Meet the $10,000 dating coach.
Worth it.
That sounds like a good investment.
If it says conservative on their hinge, it's a big fat no from me, one said.
Another remarked that, quote, any non-liberal vibes are a big turnoff.
Only a couple admitted that they had and would date a conservative voter, which mimics the trend I've noticed during a hefty stretch of singledom.
That's what it was.
That had to be all it was.
My hinge profile conveys the way I look, my hobbies, my occupation, my level of education, my vaccination status, and my politics.
There is the option to display whether you are a liberal, conservative, or moderate.
Mine is set to liberal because I think it's true and because to do otherwise would be a romantic disaster.
Dog, it's definitely the last part.
It's definitely only that part that you're worried about.
How is it not already currently a disaster?
How would it be more of a disaster?
Yeah, I think... Yeah, I don't understand where he's getting this from.
It doesn't make any sense because he doesn't experience that.
He's not being... He's just worried about it hypothetically happening.
On top of that, you answer prompts.
Things like, I'm looking for, together we could, you should not go out with me if... So yeah, he's saying, these women refused to date me because I'm a problematic conservative.
Yet I do actually have liberal in my profile, so I wonder what the real reason these women are refusing to date you is.
Also, what's the other thing you put in your profile that tips them off that you're in fact not a liberal?
Well, he could be.
I mean, you know, liberal spans a certain range, you know what I mean?
I do hate those answers.
Yeah, not familiar with him.
There's other as an option.
And I always want to ask, what do you mean by other?
Because I've had other sometimes.
I've had liberal other times.
I get more success with liberal than I do other.
That's not enough options.
Well, yeah, I don't know how it works.
Do you see the political affiliation before you see the rest of the bio?
It's all kind of grouped together.
Those little things are all together.
The big ones, you know, do you smoke or drink or not?
Your political leanings, your location, and your height is all in one little spot.
So couldn't you put, like, other, and then in the description, you could put, like, third-worldist Maoist?
Oh, there's no description.
It's just, like, one thing.
I mean, in your bio, you could type some stuff in there, right?
Uh, not really.
No, you just answer questions.
There's no bio, there's just questions.
I don't know what the fuck we're talking about.
Okay.
Yeah, there's no bio, there's only questions you can answer.
Okay, uh... So yeah, he's not- he's just saying... these... like, he's... scrutinizing these women who refuse to date- like, instead of- because I haven't gotten any dates on this thing, I'm going to go ahead and analyze every other woman on this website.
You know what I mean?
It's like, this is not healthy behavior, man, and I'm sure it's spilling into other aspects of, you know, what you're putting out there, basically.
I've looked at a lot of these profiles, read thousands of prompts, and never seen one that criticizes the Labour Party.
Presumably in a different social corral, they do exist.
Those deriding the Conservatives, though, are plentiful.
One common response is the basic, quote, and with that position comes a list of ideological requirements ostentatiously displayed, which feel incongruous with attraction.
No, I don't believe that.
I live in California, I live in Southern California, and I see so many conservative, back the blue, if you're a lib, swipe left, if you're vaccinated, swipe left.
I see that stuff all the time.
So much of it.
It's almost prevalent.
You see conservative and moderate almost more than you see liberal.
And so I don't know what this guy's experience, where he's getting that from.
He might have a filter he clicked and didn't even know it.
Because I don't see this at all.
It's pretty across the board.
It's everything.
And I definitely don't see that much of people saying like, There's a lot of like, oh, no Trumpsters, you know, but that's not that many.
There's just as many back the blues and don't be vaccinated.
I think maybe the difference between your, he's 29 in this article, you're 33 or 34.
34.
And you actually, you would never set the age range to anything less than one year, less than your age.
Each direction.
Yeah, to avoid being problematic.
Uh, you don't want to be grooming a fucking 31 year old so you don't see, uh, the younger liberal generation.
That's true.
And they're, you know, they're pretty wild.
Uh, one prevalent prompt reads, quote, together we could dismantle the patriarchy.
I mean, yes, I'm up for it.
Let's improve the world.
But are you sure that's the best place to start?
Is that what we'll do at the weekend?
I'm here for equality.
Parentheses promise.
But shall we have dinner first?
One woman is looking for, quote, a fellow lefty to build a queer feminist utopia with.
That sounds like a commune situation.
That maybe is a red flag.
I agree with that one.
Pretty much all these sound fake, too.
Uh... Except for that.
The smashing patriarchy thing.
But, like, that's not... This guy never heard of platitudes?
Like, just... Yeah.
They don't mean it.
They really don't.
Yeah, they don't mean they're gonna... What?
Like, uh... Firebomb a men's warehouse?
Yeah!
A YMCA?
There are dozens of homeless men in there taking beds from women.
Yeah.
So, does that mean you don't want to get drunk, potentially snog, and maybe one day combine our salaries so we can get a mortgage?
Oh dawg, you shouldn't have said that part out loud.
You should make it really clear that you don't need to combine salaries.
That's where you blew it, bud.
Man, yeah, a guy going over your bio with a fine-tooth comb trying to call you on, like, logical inconsistencies or something?
Yeah, I can't imagine why he's had such poor luck.
Also, you know this motherfucker's not reading anything, he's just swiping.
Uh, I've tried owning every girl on Bumble and nothing's worked!
You don't respond to facts or logic!
Another is searching for, quote, a vegan BLM ally slash intersectional feminist slash climate change activist.
What?
Dang, that sucks.
Those are your non-negotiables?
I am not deriding their significance, and I couldn't date a climate change denier, but what relevance does this have to love or attraction?
What about luxurious hair and laughter and a nice face?
I mean, well, first of all, he didn't even realize, like, this person's actually A hypocrite, because they said a BLM ally, and that means I'm disqualified.
I am, in fact, not an ally.
You are a BLM.
I am.
I am.
Oh, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, it's like that's really silly.
Like he said, these are not big.
These are not a big deal.
They are important.
So then, yeah, go for it.
But you clearly didn't like the rest of the stuff.
You clearly only agree with the climate change thing.
Well, no, it's like he's willing to tolerate a woman who's kind of cringe is like what he's saying, but it's still not working.
His like borderline repulsion with these, you know, flippant women who don't mean what they say or they're too outspoken, you know, or whatever.
It's like it's bleeding through.
They can tell you, they can see your contempt from a mile away.
And he's very much like, I'm accepting you for your liberal flaws, why don't you accept me for who I am?
And it's funny because he says he's hit all the right marks, so they're just obviously not into your face, or your sense of humor, or your hair.
Because that's what he's saying here.
He looks like a real dickhead.
What about luxurious hair and laughter and a nice face?
So his complaint is that, like, the women aren't shallow enough or aren't concerned with aesthetics enough, which is ironic because most of the people who have grievances with women is that they're too shallow or they only want the Chad instead of the Virgin.
They only want the six foot tall Trump, you know, no matter what politics he has, you know, the six foot five alpha male.
Uh, whatever.
He's able to dominate her based purely on, like, aesthetic shit.
And this guy's argument is the opposite.
That women just, god, they have too many goddamn values.
Have they not seen my face?
This should do it.
Have they not seen, you know, not seen my cool haircut and, you know, cool round glasses?
And how I hold a wine glass incorrectly?
Ugh, that's probably, this picture's probably on there.
This picture is probably on his profile and that's what's happening.
Somalia Bumble ain't having no baits.
Nuh-uh, nuh-uh.
The stem is there for a reason, my guy.
This has me worried.
I'm nearly 30.
I'm single.
Have I now inadvertently passed into the most heinous category of undateable?
Am I problematic?
After all, I read a piece in The Economist last week.
Is anything to the right of Novara Media beyond the pa- Novara Media is probably, yeah, like, arguing for privatizing the NHS.
I don't know who they are, but, like, come on.
I watch Champions League football.
For work!
Am I endorsing international air travel, contrary to the aims of ecological socialism?
Perhaps I'll just lie.
I could be better off, and it does seem to be what everyone else is doing.
For every friend who claimed they'd quote, never shag a Tory, I could think of one Tory they'd already slept with for reasons other than their politics.
Because they were pretty, or funny, or charming.
Yeah.
This is so stupid.
What are you saying about yourself, man?
That sentence destroys the rest of the article.
Yeah.
You know?
And also, even if it doesn't destroy the article, they made me fuck the Tory in the past, and that's why they don't want to do it again.
Yeah, and it's just clear he's just like, he's mad at women.
But this is the pattern, the twitterization of life.
Everything you believe must be believed stridently and broadcast widely.
Your assumed ideology must be all-encompassing.
A little quote, fuck the Tories here, a little red rose emoji there.
A New Yorker tote bag slung over the shoulder or Minion Death Cult tote bag, even.
Yeah.
Quote, yes, I'm a liberal, okay, and I really, really mean it.
I subscribed to the same 12 quid introductory offer as everyone else and I cancelled it after the first 12 weeks.
I did like that.
That was like some of the realest shit I ever heard.
Yeah, but it's like, he's like, it's scorn.
He's like scorning these women that he wants to date.
He's like calling them frauds and fakes and whatever.
I am part of an overwhelmingly left-leaning demographic.
In a recent YouGov poll for the Times, 39% of 25 to 49 year olds said that they intended to vote Labor, compared with 29% for the Conservatives.
Only 39% of your age range are voting for Labor.
Yeah.
And Labor's not even that left as of right now.
You should have a chance.
If you're just saying you're a liberal, you should have a chance.
I wish they would have included his profile, because something is going on here.
He's a good looking guy.
He looks fine.
There's something on his profile, or you know what it is?
They just keep getting mad when he sends a dick pic.
They're like, I'm just trying to show you that I can ski and have a big dick.
Yeah.
I heard this is what you're supposed to do by listening in on a conversation between three women that I wasn't actually a part of.
Yeah.
I want the pretense to stop.
I don't want someone who's ideologically pure.
I want someone who is beautiful and who makes me laugh.
And like somebody else said, if you're not beautiful and you can't make people laugh, then you're not going to get somebody who's beautiful and can make people laugh.
That's just the way attraction works, dude.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
I want the pretense to stop.
I don't want so—blah blah blah, I already read that.
I've said it now, definitely beyond the pale, so I suppose I'll just stay single.
Yeah.
Sucks for you, man.
It's awful.
You're gonna be the Bates who wrote the article about how you couldn't get fucked.
That's you now.
I can't believe that people won't just, like, throw away their principles from me.
I don't get it.
I have a few comments here from...
What was this website?
It's a message board.
Brexit Glory says, I don't think this is anywhere near as big of a problem as some might think it is.
It isn't totally unreasonable that people want to date others that have broadly similar views.
If someone won't date you because of your political beliefs, then you probably dodged a bullet.
If they can't handle conflict, how the hell are you supposed to sustain a relationship with that person?
And then somebody he's quoting somebody who says that they have like tags on the dating sites.
So you put your political affiliation solution.
Just put moderate and say you think listening to others compromise and pragmatism is important.
If you don't believe that to be true, then your views are wrong anyway.
I hate that.
I am more likely to swipe right on a conservative than a moderate.
Because at least a conservative is saying with their chest where a moderate is like, you're just a conservative.
You know that it's not popular, or that you're even wrong a little bit, or you think that and you're worried about that, but you know the deal is.
You're a coward.
Yeah, no, it would be much more fun to go on a date with a conservative who, yeah, thinks like people shouldn't be able to vote unless they own a Tesla or whatever, than it would be to go on a date with a moderate who's just like, you know what I love?
I love ideas.
I love when people have ideas.
I love having ideas myself.
I love when people talk about ideas.
And I love knowledge, too.
I like knowing stuff.
Yeah, for sure.
Actually, what I'm saying right now is because of an idea I had.
If you think voting differently makes you incompatible, I kind of feel sorry for you.
Plenty of people carry on perfectly happy relationships without requiring political hegemony within the household.
Indeed, this would be considered normal until this most recent group of millennial who think a political party is a core identity.
And this made me think... Go ahead.
Yeah, you know how... That is how it's been.
You know how, like, for generations we've had, like, typically two, you know, two different opinions in the house, but the way... It's usually the conservative man who just tells the woman what to do, and it's been working... I don't know why we're changing that.
I don't understand.
I mean, it seems to me like millennials are the ones who want it back like that.
One household, one vote.
Everybody's gotta vote the way the feminazi wants, you know?
Gotta talk to the boss about it.
Gotta talk to the boss before I go vote.
And then NewNortherner21 says, if you rule out those who vote Tory, that's 40% currently, or thereabouts.
Yeah.
How old do you think that 40% skews?
So you're telling me you're not willing to date 20% of the population just because they vote Tory and are over the age of 65?
You're missing out.
You're missing out.
You're really stifling love is what you're doing with that type of mentality.
And then somebody replied, if you if you up it to those who have ever voted for Tory or who have considered it, it is substantially more than that.
And many do not believe how many people have considered it.
Yeah.
You're missing out.
I watched The Old Guard over the weekend.
Have you seen that?
Charlize Theron?
Yeah, it's based on a comic book.
Much better than I was expecting.
I heard good reviews.
I would have never seen it otherwise.
Really good.
But yeah, she's like an immortal, you know?
So she's been fighting for, you know, the side of justice for like thousands of years or something like that.
And one of the lines is like, yeah, she's a thousand years old.
She's forgot more ways to kill than you'll ever learn.
And that just reminds me of like, yeah, all these, all these people who are like, Hey, don't.
You know, don't count out the 70 year old.
That guy's forgotten more ways to kill a leftist than you'll ever know.
Hey, he's about to go Gran Torino on your ass.
That guy knows what he's doing.
He's been around a long time and you're gonna find out.
You're gonna find out why.
You're gonna find out exactly why, yeah.
Think about all the other things he knows.
He has tons of ideas and knows a lot of stuff.
Yeah.
Oh, you won't date a Tory just because, you know, they're against abortion and also 75 years old.
That guy's forgotten more ways to make a woman cum than you'll ever know.
Because he's 70.
A lot of experience eating people out when you're 70 years old.
You can't get to 70 without lots of fucking happening.
I've sat down for a drink with people who will quite happily utter the sentiment they could never be friends with a Tory, not realizing they are literally drinking with one, a card carrying one at that time.
It's like they think you'll have horns or announce your presence by trying to put the nearest child to work at a factory or kick a homeless person.
Maybe try and beat a foreigner while uttering racial slurs.
Yeah!
Are these ideas you've had?
Is this something that you've considered?
This is like the fucking Mom's Spaghetti scene in 8 Mile, dude.
He's doing it all to himself before we can.
Yeah, I voted Tory.
Yeah, I kicked a homeless person.
What of it?
What of it?
Yeah.
And then somebody else was like, well, if they found out you were a Tory, they probably wouldn't be a good friend or whatever.
And he's like, oh, I didn't say they were my friend.
I just said I had a drink with them.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
That's gonna be the hard part for them.
Yeah, well, you're actually having a drink with them right now.
Yeah, exactly.
We're not friends.
You're never coming to my house.
This is the last one.
Apollo Need, I don't know what that means, says, honestly, if someone can't turn off politics when it comes to their dating slash social life, isn't someone you want to be dating?
And I say this as a frequent poster.
I could lose a finger and still count on one hand the number of times I've discussed politics with my partner in the last month.
Do they know that they're admitting that their politics actually reflect the fact they're in power?
That they don't have much to lose?
Because that's the whole thing with not When you're dating somebody outside of, you know, especially for people who are progressive or on the left, when you're dating somebody who is outside of your political sphere or doesn't agree with you and is the opposite, that's actually like an attack on them, you know?
Like you said, just because I'm pro-abortion, anti-abortion, doesn't mean I'm a bad person.
No, you're actually impeding on her rights.
When they're saying that, they're admitting out loud that they are fine and that things are going well for them.
Yeah, it's not real for them.
They have nothing to fight for, yeah.
It's not real.
As much as, yeah, I only date Biden voters, is also kind of not real politics or whatever, it's still...
It's still that person taking it more seriously than you are when it's just like, oh, it's just a fun game.
I cast a ballot every now and then.
It's funny to me.
I watch cable news or whatever.
I buy merch.
I like that this article is basically the same comment from the FedEx story.
Why do you, you know, you just leave your politics outside when you go to work?
You know, work's not the place for politics.
And this guy's just saying, oh, you know, like your life partner, that's not the place for politics.
You leave your politics in the man cave, you know?
Listen, my politics only come out when I'm in my car.
I'm either talking to my phone, my front-facing camera, or listening to talk radio.
Yeah, or when the guy in front of me is driving too slow.
Yeah.
It really kind of shines then.
It's what I'm most proud.
But you say that, you know, oh, there's like, if you don't need to talk about politics or whatever, you're probably in a privileged situation or you just at least don't have to think about him that much.
But this guy says he's a frequent poster.
Yeah.
I'm thinking about it a lot.
One of the most marginalized communities there is.
I mean, aside from gamers, you know, it's, oh, oh, he doesn't have much.
He's just a poster.
Yeah.
What happens when he gets banned, Tony?
Silencing them, that's fucking bullshit.
At least I'm expressing my politics in a way that is good.
I'm putting my energy somewhere positive, in a post.
Yeah, exactly.
Listen, my wife doesn't want to talk to me, she makes me put all my thoughts on the internet, and that's the way we like it.
Yeah, and I think that's good.
I don't read her thoughts, I would never do that, but I'm happy she puts it there.
Yeah.
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We like the cool stickers.
There's the Pat Robertson sticker on there as well, up for sale now.
Yeah, so go to MinionDeathCult.com, after signing up for the Patreon of course, to get that merchandise.
Hell yeah.
Like I said, if you ever thought about doing it, now's the time.
Get in before the end of this month so you can be part of the contribution.
Yeah.
We really appreciate it.
Alright, and we'll see you later.
Peace.
I want somebody to share, share the rest of my life.
Share my innermost thoughts, know my intimate details.
Someone will stand by my side and give me support.
