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Sept. 23, 2021 - Minion Death Cult
01:33:01
GREASE- IRONIC, AIN'T IT?

This week our pal Eddie Deezen is in the news again, probably for being totally normal around waitresses Also a Seattle liberal doormat report from Alexander And why doesn't Trump start a hospital to rival all the other hospitals and staff it with the nurses who got fired  

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The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get you.
Oh, they're in Bartholston.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Uh, big hospital preventing, uh...
Tested, time-tested entrepreneurs and former presidents from getting into the healthcare marketplace are responsible.
Uh, we're documenting it.
What's up everybody?
It is, uh, it's your free regular Thursday free episode of Minion Death Cult today.
Free, baby!
Thursday.
Uh, we've all grown accustomed to it and we love it.
Um, yeah, I don't know, like maybe, you know, obviously things are a little flipped around right now because of Work being weird and all that.
Maybe we flip it around again next week.
Maybe we do that.
Do the free one on Sunday again.
I don't know.
It's nice to be able to record on Sunday.
I mean, the economy really dictates this thing.
It's really the market that does what it does.
That's really who's dictating when you hear these.
Yeah, that's right.
We monitor shipping lanes, we check to see how the crops are doing, and then we decide whether or not to release an episode based on that.
We show up, we get an envelope from a man in a trench coat at an underground parking garage, and we look through it, you know, we look down into the envelope, we crack it open a little bit, and we thumb through the pages to make sure that it's the right stuff, and then we say, all right, But even then, the upload doesn't happen until we suck our finger and put it up in the air and see which way the wind's coming in.
Yeah.
And then we go ahead and press upload.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you know, we see which way the wind is blowing and then we predict which way the wind will blow in 12 hours based on that information.
We don't just follow the way the wind is blowing.
That would be asinine to do that.
We extrapolate.
We use data and analysis to figure out where the next thing is going to be.
The future.
We can get ahead of the wind.
In a way, we're kind of blowing the wind at that point.
Hey, so I just want to give ourselves a pat on the back for how good the Patreon episodes have been lately.
It's been fucking fire.
It's been impressive.
The last few Patreon episodes have been legitimately some of my favorite.
I feel like we've gotten a few major breakthroughs in MDC canon, MDC lore.
The last episode, the one that came out this week, we did was on Pigman, which is a comic book About a Muslim-fighting superhero who dons the pig mask in order to scare his enemies, which are, of course, the Muslims.
More than that, though, the comic is really about a very... The comic book, Pigman, is about a very handsome comic book artist who draws Pigman and also fights Muslims and is also very strong and courageous.
Yeah, and is, you know, an infidel.
The pigman thing is something that, if it did not exist, we would have inevitably made this up, but we didn't have to.
It's kind of one of those, like, first draft satires, you know, first draft parodies of right-wing racism.
And it's just, but it's just, that's kind of what right-wing racism is, so you don't even have to do that.
We had Abdul Malik on for that episode from the Off Court podcast.
Very fun, if I do say so myself.
That comic is insane, that artist is insane, but to be fair, we should say that Pigman does stand with Israel.
That's one thing we learned on that episode.
That is true, and like that, it was nice to cover something that is not a byproduct of the 2016 election of Donald Trump.
This is pre-existing.
This is an OG 9-11 radicalization that came to fruition 14 years later.
Yeah, well, the comic was written in 2014, but the story really began in the author's early life where he was forced to go to mosque once a year.
And then he finally found out about how, you know, how gay Islam is in his own words.
That's kind of the way he describes it.
I get that.
I used to go to Midnight Mass at Christmas, but some kids went to Sunrise Mass on Easter.
I feel like those are the ones who end up writing comics about hating Muslims so much that you drape yourself in pigskin to protect yourself from them.
Yeah, we, my family, every single year, like literally every year, we would observe Christmas, where we would open up presents in honor of Christ on December 25th, I believe.
I was a devout Christian, so I remember that date.
And that's why I went on to create the superhero, The Crucifier.
Who goes around crucifying the evil Christians who forced him to decorate a tree once a year.
And what's really fucked up is that he hangs them upside down because he can't do it like Christ.
They don't deserve that.
But they do need to be punished because they're sinners.
Well, it's also the most metal way to crucify somebody.
So, yeah, you can see images of the Pigman comic on our social media, you know, at MinionDeathCult on Instagram and Twitter.
You can also just hear the episode at patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult, P-A-T-R-E-O-N, whoa, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult for only three dollars a month.
You can hear that episode and hundreds of others.
And I must say that half of the proceeds for this month's Patreon earnings will be going to abortion mutual aid funds in Texas.
So, It's a good time to sign up if you're not already.
Everybody who is signed up by the end of September will be contributing to that charity, those funds.
And I know a lot of you out there are like, oh, they're giving half to abortion funds in Texas.
You know, three dollars isn't enough, but I kind of want more for more.
So if you do give five dollars, you also get access to our new show, Last Responders, which is me and a guest covering my favorite shows, 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star.
And it's basically Like a Saturday Night Live parody of a woke cop show.
And it's beautiful and I love it.
I've had fantastic guests who both love it and hate it.
And I promise you it's worth tuning in because nowhere else will you hear of like lava nudists on top of freeways shooting at cops, plane crashes, tsunamis.
This is all covered in this one show.
So I think it's worth two bucks and then you're also getting, you know, you're doing more.
It's a good, it's a good move.
It's a good move.
It's going to make it worth it to give more.
Yeah, help support us.
Help support a good cause this month in Texas and get some good content out of it.
Um, so yeah, this, like I said, this week's been, you know, fucked up for work.
Work's been really annoying.
I had to physically kick two small, medium-sized dogs yesterday because their dumbass owner let them out of the front door while I was still in their yard.
And like the first thing I, like, I was almost, I was halfway to their gate and then I hear the barking get louder and I realized the owner has just opened his door to let the dogs out.
My first response was, why would you let them out?
Did you vocalize that?
Yeah, I screamed it out.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
And then I started kicking his dogs in the face.
Which, I mean, for the record, a lot of you don't know Alexander, but Alexander has a size 14 foot.
So these are medium, medium dogs, size 14 foot.
The owner's really a piece of shit for running him into the situation.
And, uh, yeah, the dog started like trying to flank me, like separate, you know, and like get around me and shit.
And, uh, the owner was like, the owner was like trying to calm me down.
He was like, it's, it's all right.
It's okay.
And I'm like, grab, I'm, I'm not going to scream right now.
I'm going to save it for the show, you know?
But, uh, I was like, grab your fucking dogs, dude.
Just grab your dogs.
We don't, we don't need to talk to me.
Grab your dogs.
Yeah.
And he like couldn't grab them.
Like he was like afraid to grab them.
And then the son comes out, the son who's like my size, probably like 50 pounds on me, looks like a football player, is like walks up to, walks up to me with his hands up.
He's all, it's okay.
It's okay.
They're not going to bite.
It's okay.
And I'm like, grab your fucking dogs, dude.
There's two of you now.
Grab your dog.
There's two of you now.
Yeah.
So anyway.
There's one for each of the dogs.
But, um, the, uh, the things that I, the thing that I wanted to talk about at work, I saw two like really Seattle things while I was working a couple of days ago.
Um, I was kind of doing a new area, so not familiar with this neighborhood.
I'm a UPS driver for any new listeners and
I was delivering at the end of this cul-de-sac and I noticed these people had like a side yard and like a kind of a nice like ornamental wood fence gate thing and kind of wood burned into it or no it wasn't wood burned it was like nicely hand painted it said the sanctuary like over the you know arch that you would enter through their side and right next to it it had a private property no trespassing sign
And I was like, why?
I mean, honestly, it could have just said my sanctuary or our sanctuary and that would have got like the point across.
But now you're just like denying people of sanctuary.
Do they not know what that word means?
That's the thing is like, I'm not saying you have to like open up your fucking backyard to the public or anything like that.
Like, you know, I, You know, I'm a commie, but I do believe you should have a home, you know, to yourself.
You should have privacy and shit like that.
But, um... Don't call it a sanctua- Like, you just don't know what a sanctuary is.
No, because I might be running from the police, and then, you know, hop over that fence, and then I can claim sanctuary, right?
It's literally like, it's the same way that conservatives view, like, America.
You know, which is just, oh, America is the land of, like, me.
Yeah.
It's the land of me.
It's, like, everything that I can touch is America, and everybody else is, like, a potential threat to America, to my understanding of what America is.
And it is, like, impeding on you is impeding on America.
Yeah, like, when they say sanctuary, you're right, they mean, like, sanctuary for me, you know, from oppressive forces, like refugees.
Yeah, not from people who, like, that word has become trivial for you.
You're now a property owner.
That name is now trivial for you.
You know what I mean?
Other people are actually seeking exactly that.
You're like cosplaying as... I don't even know if it's conscious.
It's probably not even conscious.
You just think sanctuary for me.
When you hear sanctuary, you don't think of smuggling in somebody, an at-risk person, or hiding somebody from the police or whatever.
It's just like, no, it's where I...
Get to put my feet up.
And it sucks because you were about to deliver this package behind this gate that's in Sanctuary, and then a couple of people on horses actually flanked you and beat you away with whips and lassos.
A real thing.
To be fair, it wasn't my Sanctuary.
That is true.
You've got to read all the signs.
Right after this, I saw another house that had a doormat that said, uh, come as you are in like nice- Hell yeah!
Because remember, this is Seattle, right?
So it said, come as you are in like the live, laugh, love, like cursive font.
And I was like, I kind of like snorted at that.
And then I looked up and it said, there was a sign on their door that said, do not knock or ring bell.
And it sounds like I'm making this up, but I swear to God I'm not.
I see like 200 houses a day, so it's like these are just two instances of homes that I've seen.
But it's so fucking funny.
I want to like that doormat.
That's kind of great.
You know, it's kind of like a clever little thing.
But you can't have both.
One of those is very not punk.
I will say that much.
Come soaked in mud, but wipe your feet.
Not on this doormat, it's my good doormat.
Get off of my property.
Come as you are, don't worry, this site is under 24 hour video surveillance.
Smile or you're on camera.
They definitely had a ring cam.
Come as you are and then leave immediately without disturbing us.
Do you- Does everyone have a Ring Cam now?
Yeah, most people have a Ring Cam or like, uh, the whatever, you know, alternate version of it is.
It's funny, because I kind of want cameras, but not for the same reasons.
But a ring cam just doesn't seem like an option, because that goes to someone else, right?
Yeah, I think you have to pay for a service for a ring cam.
I think authorities have access to ring cams.
It sucks that we've seen ring cam videos all...
Yeah, I knew that company was demonic when I saw them advertising with, like, a video of a porch pirate.
Like an actual video of somebody, you know, stealing a fucking cell phone cover from somebody's front door.
It's funny because all you do, now you just know where it is.
Like, you still have to go through the same steps to get that product.
But now you just know where it went.
Yeah.
So...
This week, I thought we would just do some kind of fun, silly stuff.
Is that okay with you, Tony?
Or did you want to get real?
You know what?
I'm going to go ahead and take that real energy and apply it to some silly shit.
Let's go.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, we'll do a hybrid.
Yeah.
Do like Indica Sativa of podcasting.
Oh, I was thinking more like a hybrid theory.
I'm not doing that.
You'd make me cry if we do that.
I can't handle it right now.
I'm not over it.
Oh, that is weird.
You did mention the edge earlier and I don't want to... I know that you're about to break.
I don't want to do that to you.
Okay, so this was sent to us.
Sorry, apologies.
I can't remember by whom.
It was sent to us by a couple people.
I'm reading here from Fox News.
Grease actor Eddie Deason arrested after allegedly throwing plates food at cops.
Deason was busted at a Maryland restaurant for allegedly going on a rampage.
I don't... I'm excited, right?
I'm happy right now?
I feel like it's gonna turn on me, though.
Is it gonna turn on me?
Tony, once again, cheering on the carceral state.
As always.
As usual, siding with the jackbooted thugs.
Who did he play in Greece?
He played like a Melvin, you know?
He played like a nerd.
I can't remember his real name.
I can't remember his character.
Oh, he played a nerd?
Okay.
Then in that case, I probably am on it.
I feel like everyone that wore a leather jacket in that movie sucks now.
But I feel like maybe some of the nerds are cool.
Okay, I'm reading more here.
You're the one that I want to stay far away from.
Original Grease actor Eddie Deason was busted at a Maryland restaurant Thursday for allegedly going on a rampage in which he refused to leave and threw plates and food at cops, according to a report.
The 64-year-old was hauled out of the LaValle, Maryland eatery Thursday wearing handcuffs but no shirt for, quote, causing a scene that required police to respond to.
Cops claim Deason attempted to hide behind a woman sitting in a booth when they showed up and refused multiple demands to exit the building resulted in him being forcibly removed.
As they tried to take him out, Deason started tossing everything from plates and food bowls and other items at the officers, striking one of them, the report said.
Earlier this year, the actor was involved in another incident at a Maryland eatery where he was accused of allegedly... How can you be accused of allegedly doing it?
It's one or the other, guys.
Yeah.
Accused of allegedly harassing a waitress and detailing his infatuation with her via Facebook.
Oh, we knew this!
We've done- we've covered this in here before, right?
This is our boy.
This is our boy, Eddie Deezen.
This is our boy!
Oh my god, what am I- Yeah, never mind.
I- Yeah, I forgot about who this was.
Fuck this dude.
Quote, Eddie Dee- Eddie Deezen.
Quote, Eddie Deez- The fucking Jewish Dillinger, bro.
How could you forget?
The Jewish fucking Dillinger.
Wow.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
Eddie Deason is a fucking creep who comes into my work at least once a week, calls and asks other servers for my schedule, and if he comes in and I'm not wearing makeup, he leaves, wrote waitress Kara Lashbaugh on Twitter back in June with screen grabs of Deason's all-caps posts about her.
And this grown-ass old man has the balls to post this on Facebook about me.
I'm losing my mind.
And just to refresh our listeners who, you know, they might be like Tony and just not remember the stuff that we've done here.
We've done a lot of stuff!
Just a little flashback, a little rewind to, yeah, the Eddie Deezen post that we read on that episode.
I'll just read a little snippet of here to remind everybody what it was about.
Okay, in recent months I went in many times to a local restaurant and repeatedly asked a waitress there to put on fake eyelashes.
Told her I did not want to eat there unless she wore fake eyelashes.
What a- what a- what a- This person needs help.
He most likely does need help.
Yeah.
So that post was fun, you know, mental health issues aside.
It was a fun post to read.
He goes into detail about how he was sorry about commenting on her or like threatening to not be there for, you know, trying to extort her to wear makeup or something.
He apologizes for that, but he does detail how she should have handled the situation better.
And like how if she were more of like a full grown, what is it here?
What does he say?
If she were like how she would have responded if she were like a Susan Sarandon type, you know, a better way to address the issue.
He thinks at least.
Um...
That episode is called, uh... That episode is called, uh... THE OTHER KINDS OF WOMEN MAY BE SLIGHTLY LONELY, HUNGRY FOR SOME ATTENTION, WOMEN!
THEY MIGHT PRETEND INTEREST AND GO BACK INTO THE KITCHEN AND LAUGH AT THE NURSE!
So look for that episode in our, it's only a couple months back, you can probably find it pretty easily.
So looks like Eddie Deason was back to his old games, back to his old tricks.
I feel like when the cops come and they're still just like telling you to leave, like you should just go man.
I don't care how snooty the woman is.
I don't care how slightly lonely or hungry for some attention the waitress is.
It might just be best to leave.
It's that whole thing.
It's just like when I used to be a bouncer.
It's like, hey, I asked you to leave.
Why do you want to stay at this point?
Like, isn't it going to be uncomfortable for you?
Don't you know I'm like now hunting for you?
Don't you know that I'm not going to let you have a good time and you're going to pay more than full price now?
Like, what are you, why are you staying?
Yeah, it's going to be bad.
Come back next week, baby.
It's all good.
It's going to be bad vibes tonight.
Eddie Deason, you got, hey, Eddie Deason needs to go to bed.
He needs to go to bed.
That's for sure.
Yeah, Eddie Deason, also the voice of the villain in Dexter's Laboratory, whatever, Mandoc, Mardoc or something.
And then he's also the voice of the annoying kid in Polar Express.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
He is that awful, that voice.
Imagine that guy, but he's 64 years old and he's telling you how you should look when you're serving him food.
And the Polar Express voice is just his voice.
He's not voice acting there, he's just acting.
Hey doll, you know those eyebrows aren't doing you any favors.
How about a little blush?
Put these on, they're pure mink.
My mom told me she used to put rouge on her cheeks when she would serve people.
Oh god, the worst fucking kid.
But he's the worst person.
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
Um, on August 26th, so, you know, on the lead up, I guess, to this, this arrest he posted on Facebook.
And last but not least, remember, I like my bacon extra crispy.
Dry the grease.
Not wet and undercooked.
Parentheses, grease.
Ironic, ain't it?
Stay tuned.
More to be reported after the show, including the very 100% true death threat I received on July 27th.
Truth.
They hate my guts.
I honestly believe they want me dead.
My brother saw it and luckily another witness.
All a matter of police record.
And then people are like, uh, I love you, Eddie.
You're my best Facebook friend.
Uh, here's a picture of my, my dog.
Isn't she getting big?
uh i the the it being ironic that he likes crispy bacon where the grease is dried like the thing is you like you you would think i like soggy bacon that's very greasy and maybe has extra grease poured on it but guess what not today not today sweetheart i'm not like the title of the movie that i was a a side character in Yeah.
John Travolta's like, I actually don't like to eat hair!
Isn't it ironic that I was in that movie?
Wait, was John Travolta- John Travolta wasn't in Hair?
Oh.
Okay.
Right?
What was he in?
He was in one of those.
He was in Grease!
He was in Grease!
John Travolta was in Grease.
That's true.
He was in Grease.
He was in Danny Zuko.
No, but he played- he's in drag in that movie.
What's that- that- That musical movie, John Travolta drag movie.
Oh!
No, I forgot about the remake of Hair!
Yeah, okay.
Hairspray!
Hairspray!
I forgot about the remake of Hairspray!
I was thinking of the original Hairspray.
I'm like, he is not in that.
I was thinking of the John Waters one, not the remake later on.
That's a good joke though, you know.
Yeah, no, I do like that.
Like, I'm trying to think of another...
It's even better when John Travolta is talking about bacon but still chooses to talk about hair.
And I mean like, yeah I guess grease is always wet.
Like once it's dried it just becomes fat?
I don't know.
That's a question.
Grease is really special in that way.
It can become a semi-solid and also a liquid.
Also, if you try hard enough, it can become air.
So it's a lot like water.
Okay, yeah.
That's a question for the philosophers, I think.
So another post that's not as serious.
Eddie Deason on August 21 wrote on Facebook, Me, colon, quote, I love you, I adore you, you enchant me, I idolize you, please, I beg you, don't ever leave me, end quote.
And then, uh, Puzzah delivery boy, colon, quote, So the joke was he was saying this to the person delivering his pizza?
Yeah.
But see, I feel like he would do that.
Because he's already told the waitress to put on fake eyelashes.
It's maybe not as innocent.
Because when you read this, you're like...
Oh, it's a boomer joke about a guy who loves food so much, like he wants to marry the pizza man because the pizza man is the one who brings him the food.
Until, yeah, you remember Eddie Deason charged with stalking a waitress at a diner and now arrested for causing a violent scene inside of another diner.
Yeah, but I mean, the cool thing about the pizza guy is he comes to you.
But it's kind of like a roulette on who you're getting, you know?
That is true.
There's nobody there to witness whatever scene you're gonna cause.
That's a good point about the people.
Bring that scene to you, you know?
Only your ring can catches that.
And it's your own plates you're throwing.
It's your own, like, bushes you're hiding behind to, you know, leap out at or whatever.
It's your, like, sister or wife that you're hiding behind.
You're not gonna get charged with trespassing, at the very least.
So, yeah, I wanted to see how Fox News responded to Eddie Deezen being arrested for harassing a woman, you know?
Because, I mean, this guy was in some of the best movies that boomers remember, like, uh, War Games?
Uh, and Grease.
Grease for sure.
Also, I think 1941.
Judging by these comments, he played a nerd in the... Steven Spielberg?
Question mark?
Movie 1941.
I don't know.
Wait!
No, I was thinking of 1917.
That was the one that came out a couple years ago, right?
Yeah.
We can't name movies after years anymore.
We're gonna get them all confused.
Oh, that's that movie with Donnie Brooke and Snake Eyes.
Who else was signed by that movie?
Dude, I don't know how I didn't do this last time, but I like just looked up Eddie Deezen.
Oh yeah, you didn't know what he looked like?
I don't know how- I didn't know what he looked like.
Oh my god, this is the guy that's like- that is- he looks like the kid!
Yeah.
He looks like the- oh my god.
Well yeah, that was- it was a breakthrough in facial recognition technology, the Polar Express was.
That's why it was such a good movie.
Oh my god.
Look- he's awful.
His- oh fuck.
His- his Yeah, why can't I think of the word for it?
His mugshot?
Yeah.
I'm not a big fan of doing the whole mugshot thing, but his mugshot's great.
It doesn't even look like a mugshot.
It's at an angle.
He's not holding a... You only know because of the cut of the orange shirt.
He does his chin down and his eyebrows raised so that he still looks like a nerd.
He can't stop doing it.
He just knows his angles.
A good actor, they know their angles.
They know how to work the camera, they know how to appear, and Eddie Deesan is no different.
Wait.
Did you know that there was a short film called I Love You, Eddie Deesan in 2012?
No, I didn't.
I Love You, Eddie Deesan, because nerds need love too.
Hmm.
Yep.
Is he in it?
He is in it.
I think he's definitely in it.
He's on the cover.
Did Eddie Deason make it?
I'm clicking on it right now.
Did Eddie Deason have it produced?
I can see him trying to do a...
You know, our, our... What is it?
Uh... It's one of those things that doesn't... Okay, there you go.
No!
It was written and directed by someone named Sherry Madsen.
Probably a good Facebook friend.
Oh, we gotta delve into his stuff, man.
He has another movie called Love Suckers.
This is the thing, he's made movies about this stuff.
Mabel is unhappy with her life and needs a change.
She leaves the Midwest for Hollywood to find the man of her dreams.
Brad?
Nope.
George?
Uh.
Eddie?
You bet!
Because nerds need love too.
Dude, it has an 8.3 on IMDB.
Out of 100?
Out of 10.
Oh, okay.
That's pretty good.
Yeah!
Wild.
Okay.
Interesting.
I wonder how Mabel feels now.
Mabel has some pretty big fake eyelashes on.
No, she doesn't.
She knew what she was doing.
Okay, so, like I said, I wanted to see how Fox News would respond to this.
You know, one of the actors that they can remember, you know, how are they going to react to this, right?
And there were like three main reactions, and the number one reaction was, uh, yep, this is what happens in Biden's America.
I remember back when Trump was in office, I could make anyone wear fake eyelashes.
Well, I think, I mean, you haven't, you didn't see the comment section, but they're more commenting on how, like, all, all the lawlessness and all the insanity, like, this is what happens when you don't uphold law and order is, uh, your Eddie Deezens, they, they go on a rampage inside of a restaurant.
That's what it is.
That's exactly, I like that angle.
Pervert trying to muck, yeah.
I never could imagine Eddie Deason doing this with Trump watching.
No, no, because Eddie Deason wouldn't tell someone to put eyelashes on.
Trump, he should have said, he shouldn't have told him to do anything, he should have just grabbed him.
You know, don't put eyelashes on him, just grab him.
Uh, yeah, and I love that.
Hey, welcome to Biden's America.
You know, you voted for him.
This is what you get.
Yep.
Bunch of perverts.
Fucking, uh, if Screech weren't dead, if Dennis Diamond weren't dead right now, you know, that guy'd be causing a scene too.
Cause he could get away with it.
He died?
Did he?
I think, let's just say he's dead.
He's dead.
I think he's dead to me.
I don't know.
I don't know if he was like a creep.
I think he was a creep, right?
I don't know.
I hope I'm not like, I hope I'm not just like shaming him for... I think he was, I think he had a complicated life.
Uh, I think he, you know, some good, some bad.
Um... He's no Eddie Deason, I'll tell you that much.
Yeah, so for instance, uh... Kay Cott says, guarantee he vote for Biden.
About Eddie Deason.
And it's got 86 upvotes.
Probably.
Probably.
And then Esaux07 replies, if Biden had a son... I'm going to see if Tony, I want to see what you make of this comment, Tony.
If Biden had a son, like this would be, he would be Biden's son?
That's yeah, that's what they're saying.
What are they referencing?
Oh, does Biden not have a son?
I mean, that's the funny part is Biden had two sons, actually, and one of them still alive and also a very popular figure on the right wing.
So you would you'd think that they would they would be aware that Biden does indeed have a son.
This is a reference to Obama and Trayvon Martin.
Oh my god.
This is a reference to Obama saying if he had a son, he would look like Trayvon Martin.
God damn it.
If Joe Biden, you have to use your imagination.
If Joe Biden had a son.
The Smithsonian needs to be paying you.
That's exactly what that was.
I would have never got that.
I just don't have the racist gene because we can't do it.
But luckily you can tap into it.
You're good at channeling the hate for good.
I just love like taking this big of a swing you know having to reach all the way back to 2009 or 2010 whenever that was and just in order to do a joke where you forgot that Joe Biden already has a son that you're obsessed with.
Also like equating this with Trayvon Martin is fucking wild.
Like, they're like... Yeah, this is the same thing.
This person's... This person was like, uh... Their rights were encroached on.
You know, they were basically... This guy was basically shot for having Skittles.
He was kicked out of a restaurant for being a pervert.
Well, they were both criminals.
Is, I think, the point.
Wow.
Um...
I, uh, I'm looking if there's any, there were like so many fucking Biden comments, like everybody was trying to tie this into, into Biden, uh, which was really funny.
Um, the next most common response was, uh, that he's a druggie.
So like this account, BreadBearsHair says, Glad, oh no, yeah, one guy was like, yeah, I remember my first joint.
What?
That is not a thing.
Like, no one's like, you know, if you smoke marijuana, you're going to become a pervert.
What makes you poofy?
I mean, listen.
All these people, they're watching their favorite movies all the time.
They're watching Grease.
They're watching War Games.
They're watching Reefer Madness.
All the classics.
And they know what's up with this guy.
They see him.
He's throwing plates.
He's jumping up on tables.
I think he's smoking a little wacky tobacco.
Probably, yeah.
I mean, that's the only thing that makes sense, because I know I always get real horned up when I smoke weed.
Like Brett Bear's Hair, funny username, says, glad to see the weed and fentanyl dealers in his town are making sales.
What?
Okay, so like, you know what fentanyl is, except for you don't.
Yeah, no, it makes people druggies.
It makes people bad.
I hate it.
I hate it so much.
You buy the fentanyl and then it turns you bad.
It makes you into a criminal.
That makes sense.
I mean, that's, I think that's what, because once you buy it, that's already a crime.
It's done and done.
Yeah.
Glad to see, I love just like, these are the two drugs I know.
I know weed and fentanyl.
Those are the two ones I know.
I know weed.
Because that's been around for a while.
And then I know Fentanyl, because that's the one that China did to us.
Those are the two ones I know.
And he's probably, he's got to be on one of them.
Hey, he's probably on a lot of both of them.
He's probably fucking, he's probably mixing them up.
What do they call that?
They call those Chinese cocoa puffs.
When you mix the weed and the fentanyl together.
That's exactly what they would call it.
That's exactly what they would call it, because they're so stupid.
And then, you know, if you have a little COVID-19, it's called the Chinese Cocoa Puff Fever.
You sprinkle, you pack, you pack a fat bong rip of weed and then you sprinkle fentanyl on top of it.
Oh yeah, that's my shit.
Yeah.
You have to use a torch lighter to make it work right, though.
It's the only way, yeah.
God, like, you know what?
That's so stupid.
Like I said, they're aware of what it is, except for, like, not at all.
They're aware that it's, like, done by the bad people.
The bad people are the ones that are doing it.
Also, yeah, that's true.
They don't even feel like, they don't know about the, they don't understand that no one's doing this on purpose.
There was another, yeah, right here.
Rolf Bear says, it's amazing how many actors and musicians have mental health issues, drug and alcohol issues, and think that they are like the rest of us.
I've been on the planet for over seven decades and know no one who is like this.
That's a wild way to say I'm like really old.
Wacko is the world that they live in.
That's why they can't ever stay married.
What?
He's adding more and more to it.
What's also, I mean, good for them because they're clearly a married 70 year old.
Which I'm sure is rare.
Um, yeah.
I just, I think it's so cool.
Like I saw how, I started reading this comment and I almost stopped reading because I thought it was going to be like, it's sad how many actors and musicians are struggling with, you know, addiction and mental health issues.
And it's obviously like a symptom of how, you know, sick that culture is or whatever, which you could like.
Maybe make an argument for, you know, it not being the best environment, you know, in which to process actual emotions.
But no, it's these people, they have, uh, they have these problems and they still think they're like us, the rest of us, without those problems?
You know, all those, all those, like, those, like, you know, addicts we hear about, they're all celebrities.
Like, pretty much across the board.
Isn't fucking opioid addiction and fentanyl overdoses, like, fucking ravaging red states across this country?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Like, isn't that a huge talking- Honestly, what's wild is it's most states, but especially red states.
It's bad everywhere, but especially red states right now.
Yeah, I just... I'm just glad that that's not happening to normal people, though.
No, just the celebrities.
And I think we should... I mean, maybe in a way, like, you read about them when they OD, you know, in Ohio, you know, or wherever.
You read about it, so that's kind of like being a celebrity.
That's true.
That's true.
Once your name's in print, you're pretty much a celebrity.
They put your poster up at the high school or whatever.
Once you're Google-able, that's all it takes.
Uh, this fucking comment section was so crazy, dude.
Like, the third response was, I mean, kind of like the one I just read, um, was like tying it to Hollywood, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Um, this one is probably the best one of that, uh, of that genre.
Seaton says, The Hollywood elite at their best!
And why would anyone listen to what someone from Hollywood have to say?
Wait, don't they also believe that, like, the Hollywood elite could just go to some, like, secret building and, like, walk through a bookcase and, like, have access to a child?
Yeah.
You know?
But that's the thing about power, man.
You're such a sicko, you gotta go, like, belittle waitresses instead.
I just, uh, I think...
I think we're fooling ourselves if a member of the Hollywood elite like Eddie Deason is going to face any repercussions for his actions at this restaurant.
You know, they just rub it in our faces.
Hollywood elite like Eddie Deason.
I mean, I'm sure he only did that so that, you know, he would get back on the memories of like writers and people casting people.
C. Marr said, sad to say it, but that is the typical Hollywood type.
Yep.
If his career was still going strong, most women would play it out for a mega settlement, often out of court.
As it is, he got used to that life and still expects to be treated as a major star.
And he had a tantrum.
He needs to grow up.
I used to always go out and, like, assault women knowing it was going to cost me a couple million dollars.
But now they just call the cops?
It's just like...
Yeah, that guy who played the nerd in Grease is definitely pulling down, like, triple-digit figures every month when he goes out.
And, you know, eventually that dried up.
You know, Polar Express 2 never came out.
You know, you can only get so many former Dexter's Laboratory fans.
I mean, turns out he actually did do a voice in the SpongeBob movie.
So there's some syndication there too uh my man's been working uh so you know probably pretty ballin but just he's a voice actor so there's no facial recognition there and he doesn't realize that Um, I also like, uh, if his career was still going strong, Most Woman would play it out for a mega- So you're like, talking shit about Eddie Deezen, but also these women, you know?
Also, yeah, like, most women.
You're talking shit about most- And they would clarify- No, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Talking about most women.
They didn't say all.
Yeah.
Just most.
Uh, this one was funny.
Child Sniffer O'Biden, 739.
I still love a good Obama dunk.
I'm sorry, O'Biden dunk.
This is child underscore sniffer underscore O'Biden 739.
Why would you ever put 739 at the end of that username?
There's no possible way that could have been already taken.
I mean at most you should have been like O'Biden sniffer 5.
You know?
But, like, there's no way that you're not... Yeah, you gotta... You got it.
If you're coming up with child underscore sniffer underscore O'Biden, like, congratulations.
Like, you came up with... Like, nobody is, uh, is username parking.
Nobody is, is, like, trying to extort a hundred bucks out of that username.
Nobody thought about that except you.
Also, go ahead and, like, you know, spell O'Biden with a zero.
That's another option.
That would be probably the first one, or Child with a capital I instead of an L. Yeah, exactly.
But, uh, anyway, Child Sniffer O'Biden, 739.
And it's also, I love, like... I hate how Joe Biden sniffs childs.
He sniffs the child, you know?
I hate that shit.
I'mma make it my username, because it's so serious.
It's such a big problem.
It's funny because, like, isn't your newsbook name supposed to be, like, what makes you cool?
Yeah, well, you're cool because, like... My first one was, like, T-Skate 2005, because I thought I was going to graduate.
T-S-K-8.
Yeah.
Underscore 2005.
Like, that was cool to me.
And T-Skate was already... Because I was a skateboarder and I was going to graduate high school one day.
For sure.
I mean, no, I just wanted to let people know I was going to graduate one day.
Okay, alright.
Um...
Yeah, I mean, like, mine would have been, like, a cool song lyric.
You know, like, Meet the Wolves, or Child Sniffer O'Biden.
That was my favorite Coheed and Cambria song when I was growing up.
Child Sniffer O'Biden, Volume 4, from Fear Through the Eyes of Madness.
Michael, Michael Obama 613.
Uh, yeah.
Child sniffer O'Biden says the cops should have given him a little backroom justice.
So yeah, they should have beat the shit out of him.
Another guy was like, oh, they were throwing plates, he was throwing plates at the cops.
They should have thrown bullets back at him.
A lot of people were saying, how come he gets arrested, but no Black Lives Matter protesters got arrested?
I guess it was because he only threw a plate and not a Molotov cocktail.
I mean, yeah, like what?
And the answer to that is because there were more people in those situations.
I actually miss having a good old-fashioned Denny's shutdown where we would go to a Denny's and we would just throw the plates and, you know, barricade the cops out and, you know, let them know that, you know, black lives do matter and that we're gonna break all your plates.
That was the thing we did.
I think it made a big change in the world.
And it was cool because Denny's was open like 24-7 so you could go there after the Hardcore Show.
Yeah.
And you could do that.
You can go there for the Hardcore Show and then stay there after.
Yeah.
And you could mosh when they say what the fuck is up Denny's.
C1ToeBird98 says, He's nuts!
Strap him into old Sparky and tell him he's on a Disneyland ride!
Kill him?
What?
I don't understand.
This guy sucks.
I wish there was a middle gun.
I wish there was more people who would be like, castrate him.
That would be something I would understand.
But you don't have to electrocute the guy.
But he threw a plate at a cop, dude.
Do you think he frisbeed it?
He didn't frisbee it, huh?
He probably tried to throw it like a pie.
Like a pie!
Exactly!
And I'm sorry, Eddie, that was movie magic, alright?
It was good editing that made that happen in the movie.
I would love to throw a dozen plates at cops.
But it would be like frisbees and I would be whipping them motherfuckers, man.
I would hit that sidearm undersweep thing.
That's a good one.
What if you had those discs from Wild Wild West with the razor blades on the edges of them?
Um, I would probably get strapped into the chair and get told it was a Disney ride, for sure.
There's like no way around that.
If I get the Wild Wild West disc, I'm gone, y'all.
Peace.
The FBI's gonna send me some.
They're just gonna show up at my doorstep.
Yeah, you're gonna have a bunch of discs show up on your doorstep and there's gonna be, like, a goofy... the crying cop, that one cop who cried because he got fired or whatever, is gonna be, like, out front on the sidewalk with the collar, wearing the collar from Wild Wild West, and you're gonna be like, nope!
Nope, uh-uh!
Can't get my fingerprints on this!
There's a setup!
So then I go inside and put a glove on...
Uh, yeah, so he's nuts, strap him into old Sparky, and tell him he's on a Disneyland ride.
Uh, and jockey, shift, replies, and crank it up slow.
Whoa.
Like, that's one of those things, I, do they, do they know, like, how fucked they're being?
They do, right?
Yeah, they like it, they like being that fucked up.
Yeah, they're like, let's not just kill him, let's fucking torture him.
Yeah, and a lot of it is performative, like showing off for the other Fox News commentators, like who can be the most badass, or who can be the most law and order, fuck these pieces of shit, fuck this scum, or whatever.
But it's like...
Pretty, I don't know, pretty sick stuff, you know?
I love, yeah, strap him into old Sparky and tell him he's on a Disneyland ride.
This is like, like you're executing the mentally ill, you know?
Like it's, it's real cool stuff.
Yeah, cause he's also like a complete idiot, right?
Who doesn't know that he's an electric chair.
Yeah, and that's, that's, that's what C. Tober 1 likes about it.
Is that he won't even know what's going on.
Isn't that cool?
That's so cool.
Um, couple more, uh, posts here.
Uh, Udda says, remember this, there is no such thing as bad publicity unless it's a Republican actor or actress.
So expect him to be in the next Marvel or DC comic movie.
Uh, I do, we clearly don't know because we wouldn't know if Eddie Deesan was like, um, conservative right like they would they because they would know well he's from hollywood dude yeah but if you have it's saying if you're from hollywood and have like any like clout at all you can just like give a couple little nods to anything conservative and you'll be protected forever by them
But if you're not, then you're officially the left and the cabal.
You have to be vocally conservative.
You have to be performatively conservative.
You have to be on the OANN news network in order to be a conservative celebrity.
I do hope that he is a liberal.
I mean, I'm assuming he is.
I hope that he's a liberal, so I will get to see him in the next Marvel movie.
I'm hoping for Black Adam.
They're thinking it's probably going to be him.
They're saying... I heard that it was going to be Dwayne The Rock Johnson, but...
I think it could be Eddie Deez.
I think it could be Eddie Deez.
I'm hearing the voice now, and it's kind of hard-bodied, you know?
Captain Marvel!
Have you ever thought about wearing eyelashes to go with that suit of yours?
I still wonder if they were, like, good eyelashes.
There's no way they were.
Captain Marvel is kind of a Susan Sarandon type, so I think she would make a good foil for him.
I think Sparks would fly on screen.
I think you're right.
I'm hoping for it.
Let's see it happen.
I do feel like Eddie Deesan is pro-Israel.
Uh, there's uh, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe it's a DC opportunity?
Okay, alright.
Um, last one I will say, uh, Karate Chopper says, harassment and annoying or not, dot dot dot, she is a media attention queen.
Dress sexy and want the attention, girl.
This is what you have asked for, Twitter Queen, big bazooms, and a sex pot.
Eugene needs to leave her alone, but she is loving the attention.
Wait, did we ever see, we never saw this person, right?
They did post publicly on Twitter about Eddie Deeson being a freak, but they were like, you know, they had like a hundred followers on Twitter or whatever.
And this, the story just kind of went viral because she was like, It's a very funny story.
You know, she was choosing to treat it with humor on Twitter and, you know, we're eternally grateful for that.
And that's how it made it back to Facebook.
And he started getting dunked on on Facebook because he's got like an incredibly funny Facebook page, you know, but also he can't stop posting about it.
And so that's kind of why it Gained some notoriety.
And so yeah, Karate Chopper, I guess, probably went to Twitter and looked at that young girl's bazooms and was like, what are these bazooms for?
You're not fooling anybody.
We know what you're doing with these.
Eddie was really just trying to give her the big eyelashes to maybe like minimize her bazooms.
Listen, if maybe you have these big eyelashes on your face, people won't be staring at your bazooms so much.
Exactly.
You're welcome.
Okay, so Eddie Deason, I hope he gets the help he needs.
I first and foremost hope he stops harassing servers at restaurants.
That would be great.
And maybe a way to do that is, yeah, to get some health care, get some mental health, and I mean, what a great segue into our next topic here.
This is a post from Patriot.win, which is the website message board where The Donald moved from Reddit.
Nice.
They got banned from Reddit for being too cool.
You know, they weren't Reddit enough, so they got banned.
Some would say too free.
They got banned to their own website, and I just go on there sometimes to see what they're talking about.
It's usually pretty healthy stuff.
And this is, I mean, one of the most healthy posts I can imagine.
The title of the post is, Trump Hospitals?
Why Not?
What?
And this was posted by an account called American Desi.
And it has a meme of a photo of Trump Tower at night, baby.
I think this is like the Las Vegas Trump Tower.
I don't know.
I don't know where it is.
It looks like Vegas in the background or something.
It says, Donald Trump should start a Trump hospital chain.
Hire based doctors and nurses being fired for the Vax.
Return some ethics to American healthcare.
Honestly?
Honestly?
Please?
I think it would be great for several reasons.
I think it would be fun.
I think every red state like Florida should just call all their hospitals Trump Hospital.
They should license the name from Trump.
Uh, and just call, you know, fuckin' Cedars-Sinai or whatever.
That'd be smart.
Call your state hospital, Trump Hospital, and maybe, like, I don't know, we'll actually see some reduction in infection in this country.
Honestly, I can see Trumpcare really taking off.
Uh, yeah.
Call it Trumpcare, man.
Imagine how many prescriptions are going to get written for your own piss.
Imagine how many doctors and nurses are definitely going to get paid for working at the Trump hospitals.
I imagine all of them are going to get paid for the amount of hours they work.
Oh, no doubt, no doubt.
And yeah, I'm sure everyone else involved in making a hospital happen will also get paid.
Lots of people will get paid.
We're making jobs here.
Uh, so this is great, you know, let's just, we love Trump.
Uh, we hate, we hate big healthcare, right?
We hate big pharma.
Uh, we love Trump.
What if Trump did the pharma, you know?
There's lots of opportunity here.
He's like, he's shown, he's so successful, you know, he's shown to be great at just whatever he tries to do.
Uh, he should just do hospitals.
Have these people maybe looked at reviews of his hotels?
None of his hotels are 5 star hotels.
Oh, they actually might be now.
They might be now.
They might have been completely, like, flushed out and, like, are now just Trump-supporting reviews.
Yeah, I would imagine as many petty liberals there are who would give the Trump Hotel, you know, a one-star review or whatever and pretend like they went and be like, oh, service was awful.
Fire Maria.
She sucked, you know?
Yeah.
There's probably about a hundred times that many Trump fans who would just give a five-star review.
And they just do it for fun, not even going to the place.
Well, I'm saying that even the liberals wouldn't have to go there, you know, just put like that's, you know, it's a, it's a, there's always a battle going on in the Yelp and the Yelp reviews and Google reviews.
Uh, and they're all fake reviews, you know, but, uh, you just gotta be popular enough where the good fake ones outnumber the, the bad fake ones.
Um, I think Trump would, I, I haven't, I don't care who cares, but I, I feel like there's a lot of people giving five star reviews to Trump properties.
Yeah, you're right.
I didn't really think about the reality of the internet there for a second.
Bulletsforteeth.org says, Great idea dot dot dot.
However, Big Pharma controls every aspect of the pharmaceutical and hospital industrial complex.
No different than Big Oil or the military industrial complex.
Big Pharma is monolithic.
It even controls the universities and the medical school programs.
They control the licensing boards, etc, etc.
The list goes on and on.
But still a good idea.
I mean that's why you say fuck them and you just operate on your own because you can just prescribe, like I said, nothing but your own piss and like invect them and like crystals and different types of tea.
You don't need Big Pharma.
That's our whole point.
Our whole point is not that Big Pharma is taking advantage of us, it's that we don't need them at all.
Yeah, so there's all these barriers standing in our way.
There's, you know, like big oil and the military-industrial complex.
Those things that, like, Trump campaigned on.
The things that Trump campaigned on being good.
There's those things that are bad, you know?
Desert Covfefe says, sounds like a job for mass assassinations, peds.
um wait who are they assassinating oh that's response to that comment yeah yeah it's response to the cut yeah wait i mean let's if that was like an option for big pharma someone cooler would have done that already um yeah i don't know like if you If you're thinking about doing this or you think it might be a good idea, you should post about it.
You should go on to, you know, after the January 6th insurrection and like more funding for the FBI, you know, more of a, Even more, probably, attention on the domestic front when it comes to catching domestic terrorism and stuff.
They're pretty distracted with us right now.
I'll say that much.
After January 6th, you should definitely go to the Trump fan base forum and start posting about mass assassinations.
Yeah, the people who you also claim to be in control of America.
That's who you should go ahead and say that about.
JimBad05 says, unless you go outside the system, so this is still a reply, unless you go outside the system, reject Medicare, Medicaid, and insurance.
Just post cash prices and do business with people who have HSAs.
I don't know what a HSA is.
It's a type of savings account.
So it's a health savings account.
It's like, Is that the brokest I've ever sounded on this show?
No, it's a right-wing, like... Oh, never mind.
I know what it is.
Yeah, never mind.
It's the, I don't need insurance, I just go ahead and pay into my HSA.
Yeah, it's the same thing like instead of Social Security, we're gonna make a, give every American a health savings account so they can save their own, you know, money for, to live on, or whatever.
Better not have an itch for a boat the week before you get diagnosed with cancer.
uh so yeah uh we we can't deal with i hate big pharma i hate big the big medical industry that's why i reject medicaid so i need to reject medicare and medicaid because we hate uh we hate the for-profit health care system it's like The prices that we see on the bills are absurd, but there's a reason for them, right?
The problem is the reason behind why they cost that much, right?
So yeah, go ahead and do that.
Go ahead and post.
Post how much it would cost cash.
Yeah.
Go for it.
Because the bill is still the same, unfortunately.
You can't get a break for that.
You know what would happen?
You would get a loyalty card or a membership.
Like Sam's Club, but for hospitals.
No, Costco, but for hospitals.
Yeah, it would be like paying into a risk pool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That would enable a business to do, uh, or that would enable a hospital to, you know, treat many different people.
But like, but the, the, the pool you're paying into, um, wouldn't cover your whole cost.
It would just cover a discount.
Yeah.
Uh, somebody else said, yeah, like a healthcare co-op.
I mean, so like, I don't know, like, Medicare for all?
I don't know.
No, a healthcare co-op would be just like a hospital, but it's just for doctors.
Yeah, that is what it would be.
Just for doctors to go to.
And you have to like do surgery on your buddy when he needs it.
Dude, do doctors do that?
Hey dog, wanna get me physical?
- It's cool. - I love, yeah, I love the idea.
Listen, we need to get outside the hospital healthcare industrial complex.
That's why we can't accept Medicare or Medicaid.
Which is literally, like, your only tool to fight for-profit healthcare.
Yeah.
It's vastly cheaper, uh, Medicaid, Medicare, Socialized medicine in general because yeah, it's it's you're negotiating with healthcare providers from a very powerful position as opposed to an individual with a health savings account.
Yeah, man, they're they're just dying to get their hands on your $300.
That's like thinking you can go to, like, you know, Carl's Jr.
or Hardee's for other friends and be like, hey, how about I just give you $2.50 for that famous star?
I know it says $5, but I'm just gonna give you $2.50.
And you expect him to listen to you.
Well, but there's, you know, there's the fast food industrial complex that you have to contend.
That's why you go to, you go to Trump Burger instead.
I'd say go to Trump, to Trump, to Trump Star.
Trump Juniors.
I shouldn't have said McDonald's because it's way easier to do this wordplay, but I chose Carl's Jr.
for some fucked up reason.
Yeah, you don't want to go to Trump Jr.'s.
It's because my first grown-up meal was the bacon western cheeseburger combo from Carl's Jr.
It was my first adult combo meal, and that's why I chose that.
The Western Crispy Chicken was so good and they discontinued it pretty quickly.
Oh wow, that's sad.
I remember that one.
That was heat.
That was pure heat rock.
Yeah, it was like the Western Bacon Cheeseburger but with fried chicken.
Crispy Chicken instead.
Oh, your boy's for sure gonna make a vegan version of that.
Yeah.
Probably tonight.
I'm getting hungry, dude.
Let's just end the episode.
We're done.
Let's just talk about what we're gonna eat tonight for the rest of the episode.
The Three Seashells says...
Uh, he shouldn't have to do it.
Trump shouldn't have to do it.
Someone, parentheses, or some group with experience and quote fuck you money should be doing it.
As much as we love President Trump, we can't say about everything quote Trump should do this.
Don't bother asking me who that is.
Unfortunately, the country is short on a supply of people with the resources to get shit done and don't give a damn about running over anything standing in our way.
This person is so inambitious.
They have zero belief or ambition to where they didn't even say... Trump should give somebody else the money with experience and let them do it.
Trump should fund this, not do this.
Because that's the take they should be taking here, right?
Because they're saying he doesn't have the experience.
But to be honest... No, they're not even saying that Trump doesn't have the experience.
They're saying...
It's not fair to Trump to ask him to fix every problem.
He's just one man and we need to learn to fish because Trump can't just give us fish every day.
We need to actually learn to take care of ourselves.
No matter what side you're on right now, isn't that kind of the biggest problem?
is access to like being able to live no matter what point of view you have on there even if your point of view is like listen I don't want to get vaccined I don't want to wear a mask I also want to have access to a ventilator when that backfires but I don't want to be shamed for it I just want to be helped and also if you're just you know a regular person who just wants access to health care your boy included like isn't isn't everyone kind of on that page?
Yeah, but unfortunately the country is on a short supply of people with the resources to get shit done and don't give a damn about running over anything standing in our way, dude.
Hey, we need more like sociopath millionaires, which is probably redundant, but we need that.
It is redundant.
It's so funny.
It's the Gordian Knot.
Listen, we're all dying of preventable diseases.
We don't have money to get health care because, you know, they're stealing all our money, all these bad people.
And also, on the other hand, unfortunately, there's a short supply of good people with money.
Yep.
Yep.
We need more hard workers.
Honestly, if America had more hard workers, if America had more work ethic, we would be in a better place.
Somebody complimented my work ethic and I'm like, you're an idiot.
That's not really what I said.
But I was like, don't do that.
Yeah, America just needs better work ethic and then we would have more billionaires and millionaires.
It's just really weird to correctly diagnose two different problems, but like, Oh, if we just fixed one of these problems, the other one would be fixed.
And it's like they're both the same problem.
Oh, yeah.
What you're talking about is the immiseration of working class, like the immiseration of working people and the hollowing out of this country.
It's like us saying like, God, I wish there was like another hour in the day for myself, but they're saying, I wish I could wake up an hour earlier.
I wish there was like a zero o'clock where I can wake up an hour earlier and grind harder.
They're just like, they're saying, Oh man, like if only we had, uh, just, uh, another one more capitalist, if we had one more capitalist, that guy would solve our problem, I think.
We're just waiting for the right capitalist.
Yeah.
We'd like it to be Donald Trump, but we don't want to just bug him too much.
Honestly, I would like it to be Donald Trump, but I don't really like... The thing is, he was an outsider, but now he was the president, so he was the most inside.
So we need another outsider.
So what I'm saying here is... I'm probably ruining a joke later on, but what I'm proposing here is...
The Tesla Model H. The Tesla Model Hospital.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
No doctors, no nurses, yeah.
And honestly, they care about you so much, they will run over a pedestrian to get to you.
They will send a secondary vehicle out to take care of that pedestrian, but they will run over a pedestrian in a crosswalk to get to you, to make sure you're okay.
It's gonna be like a life alert, where you wear a necklace, and if you fall over, it's just gonna show up and save you.
uh you you like get get to the hospital you know it's all automated you're on like a you're you're in like a tube you know like the jetsons or whatever uh and you you get shot into your pod and you're like you know setting yourself down in the sides and like the plastic uh the the plastic like flashing on the side of the pod is like bending and breaking as you like lower yourself in well it's
You're just in there trying to recover from whatever surgery it just did to you or whatever, and it doesn't sense that there's still a patient in the pod, so it just starts filling with the cleaning solution.
It was like a foam that definitely drowned you.
And then it doesn't even read your heartbeat because you're now, like, dead.
And then your corpse shows up at the next response.
Keckin' for kembla.
I don't know what kecking means.
I don't want to know what it is.
I don't know what kembla means.
Wait, what's keckin'?
What is keckin'?
God dammit.
You know what keck?
It's like... Oh yeah, never mind, yeah.
It's the verb form to keck.
To keck, yeah.
I don't know what kembla is, though.
I don't know what that is.
I know our whole thing depends on it, but let's burn the internet down.
It's not a good place.
I don't... It's not a... It's a... It's a bad place.
Kekken4Kembla says, the gold standard of healthcare.
Imagine if everyone with COVID that went to Trump's hospital survived.
He could have a giant electronic billboard on the wall outside running the survival rates of his versus other places 24-7.
Yeah, you know what, like I said, again, let's fucking do it.
How about you guys crowdfund the first community Trump hospital?
Alright?
And go ahead and run those numbers.
Please post them very big.
A matter of fact, I'm officially okay with, like, the Tesla- No, with the Amazon Prime, uh, like, space, like, board.
The space billboard.
Oh, okay.
But I need the space billboard to say your numbers.
Mm-hmm.
I need your survival rate.
Do they know that you can lose your license for, like, your survival late?
Like, you can't be a doctor anymore after a certain point.
It's pretty fucking... like, it's kind of too many, but I feel like they'd get there real fast.
That's why you have to do it outside the healthcare system.
Yeah, you gotta sign... more paperwork, really.
Actually, less paperwork to justify doing... to not doing more, you know?
Just one sheet that says, fuck it.
Run it.
Uh, I just, I love, you know, I'm okay.
I'm imagining if a Trump hospital existed, right?
That was the prompt for this, this post.
Uh, okay.
Imagine if there was a Trump hospital.
Oh my, I can see it now.
Uh, it's the best.
Wow.
Dude, what are the robes made out of?
I'm imagining that everybody who goes to the hospital survives.
They get all their problems fixed and then frickin' Trump is like, yeah, we did that and then everybody has to tell me I'm right.
Everybody has to be my friend again.
I get to see my kids again.
And Biden has to, Biden has to admit that he was wrong and give up the presidency.
Hold on, just because I said that, I need to give you a real quick aside of real life.
Okay.
Yo, at Penny's mom's school she teaches at...
One of the kids got kicked out of school because the dad was such a gnarly anti-masker and hated authority so much that they were like, put on your mask before you pick up your kid, please.
And he was like, nope, and reached over and grabbed his kid.
And they were like, that's against the law.
You can't do that.
You got to sign your kid out.
They're like four years old.
Yeah.
Um, and, and he was like, like, fuck you.
Can't tell my life.
And he got kicked out.
Like.
I mean, that sucks for the kid.
It sucks for the kid.
Absolutely needs to be kicked out.
It's one of those things where it's like, this show is a lot of the internet, and then sometimes it comes home, and it's still mind-blowing.
Well, it's funny because I bet 100% that guy is a pedophile hunter.
Oh, do you know how I know about this guy?
How?
Because this guy was one of the people who was harassing one of our good friends who went to the local school board meeting and was being, while she was sitting in the school board meeting, was being like loudly and vocally threatened and doxxed by this particular guy.
And Penny's mom was like, I know that guy.
That guy's kids got kicked out of school because he's too wild.
Like, these people are out there, and they're real, and it's not just fodder for us, and it's wild when it comes home.
But you know what I'm saying, though, about, like, how these people, they fashion themselves as, like, you know, save-the-children pedophile hunters.
That's what he's doing.
His whole thing about the mask is like saving kids.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
So what I'm saying is him reaching over, you know, grabbing his kid out of the school without signing them out or whatever, because it's his kid and he can do whatever the fuck he wants.
Yeah, totally lines up perfectly with his passion.
I'm assuming passion for child welfare, saving children from abusive situations.
Well, cause you can totally reach over and grab a kid from over the fence and take him over the fence out of the school as long as you say it out loud, this is my kid.
Yeah.
Well, you gotta do it with like a righteous anger, you know?
And people can tell.
You also gotta like only steal kids that look like you.
Well, that's a little narrow-minded, Tony.
That's true.
My bad.
My bad.
That's true.
I apologize for the ignorance there.
I could never steal my own kid.
My own kid.
If I try to steal my own kid, I'm getting for sure murdered.
There's like no way around it.
Even though she very much looks like me, there's just no way.
There's just no fucking way.
Yeah, and then when you're shot dead, that's when, like, the Patriots will finally admit, well, most child kidnappings are committed by a relative.
By the father.
And there's someone in the back who goes, remember he was black!
He's a black dad!
Remember he's a black dad!
This one is such a good comment.
Tardigrade says, be born in the Trump Hospital.
Live in Trump buildings.
Eat Trump steaks.
Wear Trump parentheses or Ivanka clothing.
Go to Trump University.
Drink Trump wine.
Vacation in Trump hotels.
Sounds like the life.
I forgot to mention, sleep on my pillow products.
Oh hell yeah!
So one of those things not quite like the other, but still acceptable.
Well, I mean, the thing about my pillow product is I think they have a good warranty.
Okay, well that, yeah.
That makes up for the rest of them not being sold by Trump.
Because if Trump had a warranty, I'd want a refund by now because he has not come back.
I might look into the Trump University before you decide to go there, and also before you decide to have your child at a potential Trump hospital.
You might want to look into what happened to Trump University.
Yeah.
Just a thought.
Well, I mean, babies are way easier to take care of than college kids.
College students be doing like you know keg stands like babies just like cry and like moms are around so you don't need to do a whole lot because of moms.
If you if you have your child born in Trump Hospital uh you're never actually gonna get the child.
You're never actually gonna be like be able to leave with it.
Not until it pays off its debts.
And I mean that silver lining, because yeah, you take the Trump tube to the Trump building, where you're fed the Trump slush, and you wear the Trump shroud, and you drink Trump wine.
Did Trump make wine?
I mean, probably.
At some point, I'm sure.
There has to be a- That's funny.
Which is only funny today because he doesn't drink it.
I would drink- I would try the Trump wine.
I would try the Trump wine for sure.
I mean, you know, we're a couple of, you know, real sommeliers here.
So we would have to.
What's the app?
What's the app where you drink the wine?
Vivino?
Vivino?
Yeah, dude.
We should find the Trump wine and then give it one star on Vivino.
Oh, shit!
Mount Phil is garbage.
Uh, not dry enough.
Too wet.
Super wet.
It was a little greasy.
Contrary to popular belief.
I hate greasy wines.
This comment sounds like satire.
Be born in a Trump hospital.
Live in Trump buildings.
Eat Trump steaks.
Yeah, you freaks would love this.
And he's like, no, it does sound like the life.
You know what sucks?
There's just no joke in there.
You know what's really terrifying?
And I hope they're not listening, because I know they listen.
Imagine, like, it's a photo.
It's a hardstyle photo.
OK.
I'm imagining.
And it's Donald Trump.
In front of a hospital.
With Jeff Bezos.
And they're like, we're opening a hospital.
Because then you can't, then you can't do that.
You'd have to go to Elon Musk.
No, but the reason why I'm going Bezos is because he's gonna have the villages soon.
He's gonna have the Amazon villages.
And that's what I'm saying, so like, if they were to like come across the aisle, you would get Trump people for sure, and then you would probably get some Amazon people.
Yeah, I don't know.
What if you get to like buy something on Amazon, right, and also like include your delivery of the child in your Amazon order?
And then imagine Klorner comes in and you can pay for that installment all while living inside of an Amazon capsule where you can have a job and pay for that.
I don't know, this sounds like naive sort of Matty Glacius.
Oh, can't we all just come together, real Americans?
Fuck you!
Amazon Americans and Trump Americans.
Don't you ever say that name at me.
You know what, let's move on.
I'm sorry.
I didn't think you were going to call me Matty Glacius right now.
You called me a lot of things.
But let's go ahead and trash that idea, because obviously it was garbage.
I know, I mean, I know you have a vested interest in, like, having a take, you know, and coming up with a sensible solution to the nation's problems, but I don't see Amazon Americans and Trump Americans crossing the aisle.
I think it's more likely that, you know, once we, as liberals, we move into the Amazon towns, we would actually drone strike the Trump hospital.
I think your idea is much more naive, but I like it more.
So let's go with that one.
Okay, we'll do that one.
Anyone where I'm not Matt Iglesias, God.
Do you know who Matt Iglesias is?
Yes, I know who Matt Iglesias is.
I barely know who he is.
Why do you hate him so much?
I used to be a Vox guy.
That was a long time ago.
Before we started the show.
Remember when you saved me?
Yeah, well that's what that pod does.
It saves.
It does?
Remember when I went to go see that?
Like live?
Remember my ex-girlfriend bought us tickets to that?
And by that time I was like, what?
Like I was embarrassed to tell you?
Well, I'm glad you did.
I'm glad you told all the listeners that you were a friend of the pod.
Well, I only went to go see John Legend perform live and his wife be a special guest on the live episode.
Well, then that makes it okay.
That's understandable then.
Yeah, we've come a long way.
Yeah, I thought you were doing a bit.
No, by that time I was embarrassed.
By the time that gift was purchased for me, like I said, I was embarrassed to tell you about it, but I did.
Yeah.
Well, let's get one more response in here.
So yeah, to the idea of Trump Hospitals, Snoop 2 says... Snoop the sequel?
Wait, is it Snoop as in, like, to look for?
Or as in, like, dog?
I don't know.
I think it's probably not a reference to the rapper.
Oh, okay.
You're probably right, because we're a rat, too.
Snoop 2 says, yeah, about the Trump Hospital.
Name it something else, but yes.
Please start in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Oh, no.
Oh, I'm going to feel bad for laughing in a minute, aren't I?
I'm not going to feel terrible for laughing in two seconds?
That's the whole comment.
Because I feel like if you could have continued, it would have been like, because my kid is so sick.
Please, Trump.
I'm so sick.
I'm so tired all the time.
Oh no.
Please, I... Please, everything hurts.
I know someone who could use some healthcare.
Oh no.
Wow.
Because a hypothetical Trump hospital is opening up nationwide right away.
So when you have to say, please, please start here, please.
That's like... I haven't been able to breathe for a couple days.
I've been real tired.
I can hear noises whenever my lungs move at all.
But I don't want to get the vaccine.
So I need it to happen here first.
For no other reason.
I just, I want to support you.
It was like, I don't think I read it on air, but there was that comment that was like, I think it was a woman, who was like, does anyone know of a chemotherapy place that doesn't require masks?
Yep.
Because I'm refusing to wear a mask.
Oh my god.
And I'm so sick right now.
That was so brutal.
That was... That was so... That's what's so sad.
What worries me about that is that no one sat her down and explained what chemotherapy was.
They were just like, please go to it.
Because it doesn't matter what plague is happening.
When you're going through chemo, you should probably be like cool with just like... Doing whatever you gotta do to like... Protect yourself.
Well, I think they already knew what it was.
I think they were getting services for their getting their cancer treatment before the pandemic.
Yeah.
But then their brain got totally fried by whatever, you know, social media circle they're in.
And they haven't gone back to the doctor because they refuse to wear a mask.
I'm dying, I'm literally dying of cancer but I'll refuse to, you know, wear an M95 or wear like a fucking surgical mask that your doctor has to wear when they work on you.
Which is like, I almost gotta respect because if somebody was like, hey listen, you gotta like, you gotta go ahead and not do your life anymore.
Cause you might die.
I'd probably like, go ahead and continue to do my life.
Um, but they think that, like, they're so principled, they're ready to, like, sacrifice themselves for this.
Yeah.
I mean, things probably just can't be that great if that's the option you're taking, you know?
I don't know, they probably have, like, a lot of friends on the internet.
Yeah, that's true.
And so do we.
I'm part of 36 groups.
Yeah.
Oh, 36.
You were, like, little baby.
Yeah, well, shout out to everybody in my groups.
Shout out to all the listeners.
Every single one of you are our internet friends that we're wearing masks to stay alive for.
Amen.
We appreciate you listening.
We appreciate your support at patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult, where, as always, you get a bonus episode every single week.
And they're good ones, folks.
At $5, $3 for that bonus MinionDeathCult episode every week.
Four episodes a month for three dollars is crazy price.
For five bucks you get those bonus episodes and Tony's podcast, Last Responders, which is very good.
Very fun.
I love that show.
I don't even watch all the episodes.
I just like hearing Tony talk about them because they're fucking insane and very funny.
They're wild.
Uh, yeah, and, uh, half of this month's proceeds from Patreon will be going to, uh, mutual aid abortion funds in Texas, uh, because of that, or the rotten system they have over there.
The awful, awful people in charge of that state.
Uh, we're trying to just do a little bit to help people out over there.
Um, follow us on social media at MinionDeathCult.
Uh, Twitter, Instagram, join the Facebook group MinionDeathCommandos.
If you're on Facebook, just type out our names, Tony and Alex.
That's the passwords to get in.
And make sure you're gonna follow those rules, because I can't moderate that group.
I don't have enough time.
So you just gotta follow the rules, okay?
Real quick, our last Patreon episode about Pigman was featuring our good friend Abu Malik aka SocialsRaptor on Twitter.
They have a great podcast called Off Court Pod that I was pretty recently a guest on where we talked about Kobe.
And the Mamba mentality and basically a rising grind mentality and lifestyle.
And it's one of the best shows I've ever been featured on.
Definitely check it out.
Off Chord Pod.
It's awesome.
It's really funny.
It's a really good episode.
And I kind of want to hear what y'all think about that one.
So check that out.
Shout out Abdul.
Yeah, Abdul knows his shit.
Shout out the Patreon ep.
Shout out Off Chord Pod.
Yeah.
Alright, thanks for listening folks.
Bye.
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