TIME TO BOYCOTT LAND OF LAKES BUTTER AND OTHER PRODUCTS UNTIL THE LOVELY INDIAN MAIDEN IS RETURNED TO THE LABLE
This week: Jennifer Albright of the Have You Seen This? podcast helps us address the conservative reaction to the disappearance of their beautiful native butter maiden and A Harvard essay about how home schooling is white supremacist causes white supremacist waves in the Daily Wire cement section Support the show and get bonus episodes every week at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult Check our Jennifer's art at http://trickunicorn.com Music: Protomartyr - I Stare At Floors
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get yourself all there in Boston.
Stay tuned.
All right, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Our favorite butter company is responsible.
You know the one.
It was the best one.
It used to be great.
We're documenting it.
We have a wild show for everybody today, just one of the more completely unhinged... It's not quite a comment section, it's a space on Facebook that we go into occasionally, but this was just, it was like shooting fish in a barrel.
Yeah it's really one of those uh one of those it's the problem of choice when you're just presented with too much good stuff you know you walk into the AM PM and it's like which beef jerky are you gonna buy they're all so great and then you uh end up spending too much money and uh that's kind of What was going on with this show, this episode?
Just too much stuff.
We got it whittled down to just the best, I think.
Here to discuss this with us is Jennifer Albright, at bowsnunk on Twitter.
Is that how you say that, at?
Yeah, Bo Snunk.
That'll do.
Thanks for having me, by the way.
Of course, she's the host of Have You Seen This?
The Odd Media Podcast, and the artist behind our tour poster when we went on tour with Street Fight, which is incredible.
I hope you had a chance to get one of those, because we love it.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, it was fun drawing that happy little pig.
If you haven't seen it, it's an adorable pig with like an aw shucks expression on his face holding a baton behind his back and wearing a police cap.
So you know, standard cop.
I always made sure to point out how good the badge on the hat is.
Oh, did you like that?
It's so good, yeah, so good.
It's like a Punisher skull but a pig face instead.
Ah, you noticed, yeah.
I was actually explaining to my conservative parents the other day that cops have really gone all in on adopting the Punisher as a kind of, the logo as a kind of signifier, which is weird to me.
But I don't think they really got it.
My mom is a boomer and my dad is silent generation, so there's a lot that you can't explain to them.
Just tell them that the cops are the ones preventing them from buying grass seed and getting their hair dyed at the salon and maybe they'll come to their senses.
Yeah, my dad can't get his mustache dyed.
It's terrible.
Okay, so, uh, today we're talking about, like, two big controversies going on in the right wing, uh, neither of which directly relates to COVID-19, uh, something we're very pleased about, something we're desperately hunting for during these times.
Yeah, this whole episode's kind of nice, because it's all kind of, um, kind of pleasant.
Like, it's kind of, this is a wholesome episode, uh, considering, you know?
It is very quaint.
It's, it's, it's, uh, very quaint because it's, like, good old fashioned culture wars bullshit.
Yeah.
And I've been eating a lot of dairy in preparation, so.
So has Tony, I think.
Yeah.
I'm with the cultured wars.
That's a cultured butter joke.
You didn't even give anybody time to get it at all.
I love it.
Well, I'm bringing some salted butter, if you know what I mean.
Oh, okay.
All right.
All right.
I'm bringing some imitation butter, which means these are all going to be imitation jokes that I'm doing tonight.
The margarine of humor, if you will.
They taste just the same, but they're not actually funny.
So even though these two topics aren't directly related to the coronavirus, to the quarantine, I still feel like I can relate this first story to COVID-19, to the quarantine.
I think there's like an underlying theme here.
Stay with me, okay?
So, like, what are we seeing from most of these quarantine protesters?
A, that they miss being able to, like, oppress their employees and or the people who serve them, who is basically they consider their employees, you know?
And B, they miss being able to buy things.
So...
They understand intuitively you know they're they're out there like protesting on the streets give give me 31 flavors or give me death.
They understand intuitively that like the main freedom being offered by America is just like the freedom to buy Particular brands?
Particular foodstuffs?
The freedom to choose between Pepsi and Coke, basically.
There's a tweet here that I found that indicates this purely.
Somebody, like, called out Candace Owens for talking about how she went to the grocery store, like, three different times in one day to, like, prove a point or something.
I still cannot get over that.
I have, like, I think I said it on my account on Twitter, but I have fucking severe ADHD and I can plan meals better than this woman.
She was saying it was, like, privileged to ask people to, like, buy a week's worth of food or something?
So, she's the Talking Points USA woman, right?
Yeah.
So, I guess they don't pay her, like, anything, but if she's shopping at Whole Foods, that kind of implies that she does have money, so I don't even know.
Because it's a very, um... I mean, Whole Foods is much beloved in my particular bourgeois suburb, so... I don't even know.
The Kochs, like, send her direct deposit every week.
Yeah.
Oh, man, what a life.
Candace Owens has this weird magic where she can empathize with every oppression except for the ones she's actually experiencing as a black woman.
And it's really interesting to see how she operates.
And she's really just been batting 100 with the whole COVID thing.
Just really crushing it out there with just the most dog shit takes.
It sounds like you're trying to shame women for being more empathetic than you are, Tony.
That's not what I'm going for.
It seems like you're trying to shame somebody for being a good ally.
I mean, yeah, sure, they're not being an ally with us or your community.
Or themselves, even.
Um, but yeah, the response to this, you know, somebody was making fun of her, and this response defending Candace Owens says, listen here, if we want to go every day, three times a week, or once a week, that's our choice.
This is America!
We have the freedom to go where, when, how we want.
And of course that she means shopping.
Where, when she says, we had the freedom to go where, she means between like Vons, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, when, you know, during which store, hours of operation, and how we want, you know, by, by rascal, by, by Uber.
However, you call it wealth, but the rest of us call it liberty!
Freedom doesn't discriminate against wealth.
Let freedom ring!
And so just this all-caps screed about, you know, the freedom to go shopping three times a day.
And that's what America means.
This is America.
We have that freedom.
Well seriously though, like, I tried to go shopping the other day.
It was like 7 in the morning and I went there and there were people inside and they wouldn't let me in because I wasn't over 65.
And I was like, no, like I need to go, I need to go shopping now.
So I barged my way in there and I shopped with the olds.
Yeah.
Cause I will not be oppressed.
I was going to say, you also have the freedom to just lie and tell them you have an autoimmune deficiency disorder.
And then they just let you in.
I also bought some scrubs so I can go in during the medical professionals hours.
Anyway, this is of course not true.
You can go to the grocery store as many times as you want, and the ramifications of that are just getting dunked on on Twitter if you have the audacity to brag about it.
Yeah.
But anyway, go ahead.
It's something which is very common to conservative thought, at least mainstream conservative thought, as I have observed it, having grown up in a conservative family back in the 90s, you know, around the time of the contract with America and all that other bullshit.
Oh shit, are you a 90s kid?
Yeah, yeah, sad to say.
Do you remember like Rocket Power and shit?
Uh, I don't actually.
Only real 90s kids remember Rocket Power and Wizards of Waverly Place.
I was probably listening to R.E.M.
and, like, playing with pogs.
I don't know.
Some 90s bullshit.
But, like, the thing that I always noticed about conservatism, whether it's like the National Review brand or the more like kind of wild-eyed David Horowitz brand, which has become more prominent of late, I think, along with social media and everybody and their dog having a voice, is that conservatives love to prescribe
Very virtuous living, usually along like kind of Christian spiritual lines.
And at the same time, push this idea of freedom meaning plenty and indulgence and often being like ridiculously wasteful for like no good reason.
Which is why They will pray one second, and then the next second they will get mad at you for saying, like, you know, there's really no reason anybody should be driving a fucking Hummer.
It's like, no, it's my God-given right to, like, use as much fossil fuel as possible, because that's freedom.
You know, fuck all the rest of it.
And that's pretty much been, like, the last Ugh, jeez.
40 years of conservative discourse, in my experience, and it's only gotten worse since Limbaugh came on the scene.
They kind of have it.
They have it on lockdown already, so now they just have to complain about the lack of, like, how extreme they can take their pre-existing structure that they've created.
It's not about the freedom to choose to identify with the gender that you are, or choose to live with who you want, or live the way you want.
That's not the freedoms they're talking about.
It's the freedom to do the one thing they like as much as possible at the expense of everybody else.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like quantity, not quality.
Yeah.
My favorite aunt continued to drive her, like, Suburban years after all her kids moved out, and it was like a flex.
She was just like, yeah, no, I deserve the oil.
I deserve all this.
Like, I'm gonna use it.
I'm only here for a short period of time.
I'm gonna use it up, and I like it.
Yeah, my family leased a series of Lincoln Town Cars.
Ooh, Cadillac killers.
Yeah, insanely ridiculous cars.
But they only leased them, and that only lasts for a few years, so unless they took the option to buy, I think that's pretty responsible.
That's true, but my dad, although my dad hung on to his, he had a 93.
Lincoln Mark VIII that he absolutely adored, and he loved it so much that, I'm not even fucking kidding, he put two new transmissions in that car.
Hell yeah.
Whoa.
Dude's right.
Which is, yeah, like, unreal, but he, man, he loved that fucking car.
So to connect this back, so this is like the freedom that we're talking about.
The freedom to like buy whatever insanely inefficient car you want.
The freedom to go to the grocery store three times a day driving that inefficient car, contaminating everybody around you as well as the environment.
That's the freedom that we understand in America.
That's the type of freedom we observe.
And now with the quarantine, We've taken that freedom away and by taking it away I mean you get like shamed if you do it to try and trigger people on social media like that that's that's the freedom that is being like Shunned or ostracized right now.
Okay, so we look ahead to a time when the presumably when the quarantine ends When we are finally allowed to visit our favorite retailers like multiple times a day, you know Even purchase the same products we used to But the butter that you used to buy the butter that you grew up with that you have this strong like psychological connection to No longer has the beautiful native butter maiden on the box
So despite the fact that you have the freedom to now go buy these products, the freedom to purchase the Butter Princess herself has been taken away forever.
Okay?
And that is what's going on with right-wing Facebook right now.
We turn now to the visitors post sections of Facebook.
Okay, this is something we've touched on a little bit here and there, but not every company is brave enough to have a visitor post section on their Facebook page.
Yes!
But, blessedly, Land O' Lakes still has their visitor post section up, and it's something to behold.
It really is.
It's page after page after page of stuff like this.
Pamela Lang says to Land O'Lakes Butter Corporation, America dot dot dot.
Time to boycott Land O'Lakes Butter and other products until the lovely Indian maiden is returned to the label.
This is a disgrace to an American icon.
She has represented the company since 1928.
Time to fire the ad agency that okays this change.
Pam from Wisconsin dot dot dot dot.
So I think there might be more to come from Pam from Wisconsin.
I'm glad she signed her post, too, because, you know, it's not like her name is right there.
Do you guys remember when people were saying, like, oh, we need everybody to register on sites under their real names because that'll bring an end to, like, racist and abusive posts on social media?
Uh-huh, yeah.
Yeah, and it worked great.
I mean, you know, like, um, racism is just in- is just non-existent on- on Twitter, as I'm sure you've all noticed.
Yeah, that's why- It's not like people don't post wild shit every day of the fucking year.
That's why the- the main feed of this show has been so intermittent.
It's because we can't find racism online anymore, uh, because all the boomers who are normally Technologically savvy enough to have, like, fake names and alts and, uh, you know, creative ways to get around Facebook's, uh, you know, identity identification software.
They all had to register under their real names, and so they're being really careful with their words.
Yeah, very tactical.
I just, I think this is amazing.
Like, I think it's great.
Oh, no, I wanted to say the signature at the end, Pam from Wisconsin.
I think it is good that she signed her post.
You know, you might think it's redundant or whatever.
I think this is like the Boomer way of putting pronouns in your bio.
Because her name is Pamela Lang, but she signs it Pam from Wisconsin.
So that indicates to you that she wants to be called Pam.
In case her name wasn't clear before.
Yeah.
So I appreciate that.
But I think that this is just an amazing phenomenon that Pam, you know, screaming at Facebook, screaming at Land O' Lakes, Land of Lakes.
Well, if she's from Wisconsin, she's from the actual Land of Lakes.
Yeah.
So, I mean, she does have street cred here.
I gotta hand it to her.
Isn't that like Minnesota?
Yeah, it's Minnesota.
Eh, whatever.
We only know that because of Prince, though.
Are you mixing up butter and cheese?
I think that's like a capital offense.
I do all the time, and I eat it with a spoon.
Yeah.
That's why they call me the butter maiden.
They have a more discerning palate in Wisconsin.
I think they have more refined tastes than you, who's just willing to shovel any, like, slightly liquid cream into your mouth.
I do apologize to the great state of Wisconsin, which is where my grandfather was from, actually.
I've heard that you eat cheese curds that don't even squeak.
I don't think I've ever eaten a cheese curd in my life.
I guess I've never gone far north enough.
What are they like?
There's little pieces of cheese.
It's fucking stupid.
It's like so dumb.
Little shitty cheese.
It's not special.
It's just regular cheese.
If any of these comments are an indication, people will take dairy extremely fucking seriously.
That was true.
We'd better not scoff.
I certainly won't scoff at butter anymore.
Thank you.
It's just clear that Pamela Lange has more compassion for a company logo than probably any person who's not related to her directly.
Pamela has for sure tried to get an actual human being fired from their actual job and here she is yelling out of loyalty to a non-existent butter logo.
Yeah, no doubt.
Well, for some people, that's literally what social media is for.
It's for racist rants and trying to get people fired.
It's for tattling.
Every website is Yelp if you want it.
The best thing I love about this too is like she's trying to take away all these people think about they're all Libertarian type who like are all about having you know your liberty and your freedom to do things But they want to make this company do something They're like they want to make somebody change their mind Because, like you said, their freedom was taken away in the process and this only applies to Butter and nothing else.
Well, it's an attack on her freedom.
Not giving her the exact product dressed up with the right colors and shapes on it is an attack on her freedom.
How is she supposed to recognize her favorite product if the racist color palette isn't before her eyes?
You know, like how many images can Pamela Lang recognize at this moment?
You got to give her the India.
They need to make like one of those retirement facilities that they have for Alzheimer's patients in in like, you know, northern Europe.
But it's all just like racist products for for boomers.
So like they still feel safe and secure and they can wander around the town and they can still look at like the segregating drinking fountains and they can still like, you know, buy.
Buy their favorite Mammy, Mammy 10 signs and shit.
And keep them over there, you know.
And they'll be happy, I think, with all of that.
I think that would work.
I looked into this, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I did look into this a little bit because I was like, I think I have an inkling as to why these people are so mad.
And of course the triggering thing is that the company removed the butter maiden for quote-unquote woke reasons.
I guess for a long time it's been seen as a somewhat racist caricature.
of a Native American.
Now, the history of it is a little bit Mixed, and kind of interesting because, you know, obviously they've had this motif on their packaging since, you know, I guess Pamela's an expert since 1928, as she says.
But the logo was updated in the 50s by an Ojibwe artist called Patrick DesJarlais, and he did what was the most recent incarnation of the Butter Maiden.
And, you know, you could probably debate as to whether or not it's a, you know, a whitewashed or accurate or whatever portrait of a Native American woman.
I think we should have the debate.
I think you and me, Jennifer, as white people should have the debate.
We're both probably like 1 24th or something.
I was born in New Mexico, so I'm perfectly qualified to speak on issues of Native American cultural representation.
And I own several pieces of turquoise jewelry.
Yeah, no, the logo was made by like a fucking white dude And then they got it's it's kind of interesting that they got it updated by an actual indigenous artist in the 50s Like before really anybody cared about that shit.
That's that's interesting.
But you know, it's it's still a mascot used You know exploitatively to sell fucking butter by a company I'm sure who if not If not outright harming Native Americans, it's probably almost definitely not owned by Native Americans.
But it's, I don't know, I don't think one Native artist updating the image gives it, gives them license.
You know, I don't think he's, that artist speaks for the entire community and I would probably think it's safe to say fuck the Indian maiden logo.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, I mean, and I, just by mentioning the fact of the, you know, the updating of the logo by an indigenous artist, like, I don't want anybody to think that I'm trying to excuse it or anything like that.
It's, you know, it's just kind of an interesting Fact that you you know as you dive into the history of the branding that you know there actually was like a Native American person like associated at one point.
But it's also interesting to me that it's it's not I mean and especially speaking as someone who is a freelance artist you know that whenever you take on client work you're always beholden to what The client wants.
And that goes double and triple for, like, a large corporation.
So, even if this guy had wanted to make, like, a really accurate representation of an indigenous woman, I'm sure that he wouldn't have been able to sell that to the company.
They would have been like, nah, can you make her, like, yeah, make her prettier, you know?
Like, make her tits bigger, you know?
Like, make her knees showing, because that's sexy.
And kids want to make breasts out of it.
Make her knees showing specifically so that we can fold the package like so.
Yes.
I do wish they would have like just replaced it with another woman whose tits we can still pretend exist, you know?
They just should have made her jugs bigger.
Yeah!
Now with 20% more jugs.
I think people would buy that.
Okay, we need to keep going because there's just so much content for the butter maiden.
Kathy Kelly posted to the Lando Lakes Facebook page, put the Native American woman back now!
And that's a little editorializing on my part.
I did read that as Detective John Kimball.
What's his character's name in Jingle All The Way?
I can't remember.
That's how this comment is written.
It's all caps.
Native American, it's all caps, put the Native American woman back, dot, dot, dot.
Now!
It goes with the sound effect of someone racking a shotgun, to be honest.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
That's what the ellipses is.
It's just a shotgun rack, yeah.
I thought you were going to say it goes with the digital soundboard that was circulating of Arnold quotes for prank phone call purposes.
Because that's also what it goes with.
Well that was my introduction to that particular voice.
I don't think I've ever actually seen that movie, I've just heard the soundboard.
Who is your logo and what does she do?
I love how they have a lot of respect in this comment while also being totally disrespectful.
They want the Native American woman back to, I don't know, admire, but they just need her back.
They need her back so bad.
That's what's so funny is they're trying to outwoke the left.
Yeah.
And it's not a comment that I included because I got, frankly, fucking sick of it.
The meme I had to see like 12 times before I got to actually any of the good stuff.
But it's the right wing trying to outwoke the left by saying, huh, looks like Land O' Lakes removed the Indian and kept the land.
Just like America.
Oh god, that's like a fuckin' Greg Gutfeld joke.
Yeah, it is a red-eye moment.
Classic red-eye moment here.
And also there is literally nothing that people who hate identity politics love more than appropriating identity politics when it suits them.
Yeah, completely.
And there's nothing that people who like identity politics normally like more than dropping identity politics when it suits them.
See the current presidential campaign.
But anyway, it's funny because yeah, they're trying to outwoke people.
So it's put the Native American woman back now and it's like all on behalf of a person that doesn't actually exist.
Like they're trying to outwoke you by saying we actually love the Native American woman.
We thought she was beautiful.
We used to jerk off to her.
I came to completion to the Native American woman several times.
How does that make you feel?
More loads have been blown to this butter woman than Princess Leia.
And it's it's it's just like so funny because it's it's it's only to themselves you know it's only to themselves or it's only to like their group but they think it's fucking like they think it's genius they think it's hilarious that they're going to outwoke the left by liking a cartoon Indian more than a corporation.
Yeah.
Showing that they really care about this Indian woman.
She has been an American icon.
This is a disgrace to an American icon.
She's not real.
You can't disgrace a logo.
Yeah, exactly.
It's not real.
No, I'm sure these people care passionately about Indigenous women, like they feel as passionate about the buttermaiden as they do about, I don't know, all the Native women who have been disappeared or killed along Canada's Highway of Tears, for example, or, you know, the epidemic of sexual assault and abuse on reservations, often perpetrated by Non-Indian men on Indian women.
Oh wait, they actually don't.
Never mind.
No, not at all.
And it's every one of these people lamenting the loss of the butter maiden has upvoted the Steven Crowder YouTube video where he talks about how the colonialists laid a smack down on the Native Americans.
And it wasn't actually genocide.
It was just, oh, they got their asses kicked.
And that's what happens.
Like, it's, it's completely bad faith, utterly disingenuous, and the end, like, you know, if you can't interact with these people in real life and, like, you know, I don't know, maybe, uh, scare them a little bit, uh, the best thing to do is just laugh at them.
Because none of this, they don't mean a word of this.
All they care about is their product.
That's, like, literally all they care about.
And they're crying because they don't have access to the product, uh, the exact way they want it to be dressed up.
They still have the product.
It's just, it doesn't look the same.
Well, it's like we're taking the trophy away from them, you know?
It's like them being able to use that image as like a trophy of what they've already, you know, conquered.
There's a place here in Redlands, California, which is like, I don't know, there's like Western roots here.
You know, obviously we're in California, but it's a Western store and they have like the cigar Indian statue out front.
And it's like owned by white people.
And it's like, hey, this thing sucks.
And they're like, yeah, but you can't erase history.
And it's like, No!
Like, fuck off!
You need to... It's literally 2020.
You need to get rid of this.
It's wild.
But they're like, no, no, it's like... They're like, oh no, but my cousin made it, and he's like 130th Cherokee, and he created it in his garage.
So it's fine.
Listen, if you want me to erase this n-word I spray-painted on the side of my house, that's history.
That's history.
That really happened.
You can't deny that I spray-painted that word on the side of my house.
Yeah, I wrote the abridged Huckleberry Finn on the side of my house.
You can't censor that.
Because I'm such a fan of history.
I'm allowed to use this iconography.
I was an Eagle Scout.
Well, there's also the thing of how really the only acceptable minorities are the ones that have been kind of tamed and sanitized for the mass culture, you know, which is why, like, You know, people want their butter-bearing native maiden back, but I guarantee you they do not fucking want to see people, like, from an actual reservation.
They would not go near it, like, even for money.
They are not interested in the real people.
And it is also kind of that, um...
I don't know if it's uniquely American, but it does affect both conservatives and liberals where the most intense battles are over really stupid cultural bullshit that doesn't fucking matter.
Where, you know, the thing that people will absolutely fight to the death online about are things like Marvel movies, you know, fast food and, like, food packaging.
Commercials for products that they think are like virtue signaling or whatever.
Yeah like oh this commercial is too woke or this commercial isn't woke enough you know and also it's yes it's because like people it's very easy to have an opinion on those things and having an opinion on things that affect your life material or materially are very difficult to have they involve some like thought and research and and a massive amount of like deprogramming of your own mind because those aren't the conversations that we're encouraged to have
i mean this is like i i sound corny as fuck right now but those are like not the conversations we have in this country or we are encouraged to have like everything that you talked about with the culture war uh online conversations is 100 accurate those are the conversations those are the arguments we get into online but they all revolve around like consumerism they all revolve around products that we are buying or not buying or advertisements for products that we are buying or not buying and
And so it's hard as like somebody on the left to say like yes Kellogg's is virtue signaling by having a mixed-race couple on on camera and and it's it's not so much virtue signaling as it is like marketing to a base of people who are themselves woke or marketing to a base of people who themselves are in interracial relationships.
And you can't have a nuanced conversation like that because the opposition to that conversation are fucking Nazis or white supremacists Like you can't actually engage with them at least in that format Because it's like yes, these corporations are bad and yes, these corporations are trying to sell you something but it's they're not bad because they're promoting race mixing or or Degeneracy or something like that.
They're bad because they're profiting off of like necessary goods and services Well, maybe they took the maiden off the packaging just because they're like, this is enough that we've had like, you know, the larger part of a century people have jerked off to this woman so much and we can't have that anymore.
But what it really probably was, what it actually probably was, was they were like, there's too many colors on this packaging.
We're gonna save a lot of money by removing her.
Yeah, possibly.
You know?
I mean, aesthetically it was a good-looking package, but also that's not really... at least why I consciously buy my products.
So this next comment, this is just a funny one.
Helen Jerry Burke posted to the Lando Lakes Facebook page, The background, it's the word art, and the background for this word art is the, like, 3D emojis background, but they're the smiling heart eyes emoji, like, just so in love that you're, like, gaping at the mouth and your eyes have turned into hearts.
And the text says, Highway Lando Lake, what happened to your packaging?
Where is the beautiful Indian prince?
Highway Land O Lake.
Like, that's literally what it says.
Like, at the beginning there's the abbreviation for highway, which I don't... I think she meant hay.
She did mean hay, but I have to... Well, I think she meant hay, but we shouldn't speak for Helen, so I had to read it.
I had to be true to what was written.
I am, however, like a firm believer in death of the author theory, so we can take this and just, you know, interpret it however we want.
Uh, where is the beautiful Indian prince?
Where is he?
Prince?
Yeah.
Was this maybe like a, like a, no, cause there's, I was thinking maybe it was like a speak to text, but there's five, uh, five question marks.
So that doesn't really work that way.
Yeah.
Instead of, uh, two S's for princess, there's just two extra, extra exclamation or question marks and five question marks total.
Um, They should troll really hard and replace the Maiden with a John Redcorn, just insanely buff Native American guy.
I think Helen and or Jerry Burke would like that.
I think there would be another heart eyes emoji word art post about that.
Oh wait, is this one of those joint Facebook accounts?
Or is her middle name Jerry?
This is a well done joint Facebook account because I didn't realize it either until fairly recently because I don't think Helen's middle name is Jerry.
I mean, nope, but yeah.
Maybe, but you look at the guy in the picture and that guy only could be a Jerry.
That's Jerry right there.
And I think it's funny, maybe they have a joint account now because Helen caught Jerry commenting on photos of the Butter Indian Maiden.
Exactly.
She caught him like messaging her, asking her, hey babe, do those knees go all the way up?
The only thing more like normie sociopath than having a joint social media account is the people who use LinkedIn as their primary social media account.
Like that's just demented.
No experience with that.
I do have a LinkedIn, but I found it very unuseful for podcasting.
I don't think I don't think that I even mentioned have you seen this on my LinkedIn account, to be honest.
I'm sure somebody can help me out with this, but I don't like where is the the concept of like of like indigenous royalty even come from?
Because I've only heard the term like Indian princess.
I've never heard king, queen, prince.
No other like royalty.
I've only heard the term princess.
I'm going to answer your question with one word, Tony.
Europe.
Oh, that's true.
That's where that comes from.
It's just so wild, because you see Indian princess costumes, but what?
You don't see anything else like that.
It immediately goes to like, we all know Chief, we all know that part, we all know that name.
Where do they get princess from?
I think Peter Pan, I don't know, maybe Peter Pan had, wasn't her, the character's name... Tiger Lily.
Prince, wasn't it like Princess Tiger Lily?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's where, that's where it comes from.
But that's funny that like, um, you know, like an, an indigenous man will get the honorific of chief, which is a little bit more accurate.
But in terms of minority women, it's just kind of this blank blanket designation of, uh, you know, princess, no matter the culture.
It's like, I guess there's a Mother, Maiden, Crone, and Princess.
I think you could probably lump that in as like a Maiden B. That's like Maiden subsection B. Well, I don't know.
I think maybe there's an inherent privilege involved with being a female minority because we have, I mean, we've all heard of the Disney Princess.
Have we heard of like a Disney like Master Chief?
When Disney makes a Halo movie, you can talk to me about equality representation.
Well, and honestly, she is privileged because she has access to butter.
Just, I love this.
Where is the beautiful Indian princess?
I'm going to be charitable.
Where's the beautiful Indian princess?
Please bring back the beautiful butter princess.
I promise to respect and honor the butter princess.
I just miss, I miss her.
I want her back.
Butter princess is what I call myself when I'm eating ice cream right out of the carton at 3am.
Who's a little butter princess?
I am!
I love that.
Melissa, this is now we're in a comment section that was also, you know, within a post on the Land O'Lakes visitor section of Facebook.
Melissa says, she's responding to somebody, I kept my two boxes of butter I had in my refrigerator.
I might can make some money on them on eBay one day.
I agree with you though, totally ridiculous.
Yeah, you might could do that.
You might could make some money on eBay with your empty butter boxes with the butter princess on them.
It'd be better if she left the butter in there and it's just fully rancid.
Yeah, mail it.
Well, I was laughing at this comment.
You're gonna try to sell your mass-produced trash on eBay because you think everybody else on the internet is as psychopathic as you are?
It's Antiques Roadshow induced derangement.
Yeah.
And so I went to eBay just to check it out and oh boy.
Oh no.
Oh boy.
So somebody was trying to sell eight empty boxes of Land O'Lakes margarine for $300.
Yes!
They didn't have any, uh, any offers yet.
Um, a lot of these are saying, uh, Land O'Lakes, uh, butter or margarine discontinued with, God, what's the, with Indian Maya or Mia.
Because that's, they know, these freaks know the Native American, like, characters name.
Oh, she has a name?
She has a name.
It's Mia.
M-I-A.
Or Maya.
Yes, she has a name.
She's a person.
I apologize for erasing her.
Wow.
Wow.
She was Mia, and now she's just M-I-A.
Say her- Oh, they should put M.I.A.
on the box.
They should do that.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know if she actually eats butter.
She might be vegan.
Were you gonna do a Say Her Name joke, Tony?
No, no.
Yeah, I think I actually did though, never mind, sorry.
But you know, I'll tell you this much though, if you put M.I.A.
on a box, they could take my money.
If I got one of these boxes, I don't care about it, I would just make a paper airplane out of it.
Oh yeah, by the way, shoot me that eBay link because I want to put in an offer on those eight empty boxes.
As soon as I get my Trump box, man, I'm going to invest.
Well, it's probably better that you bid on that one because I found another one that's Land O'Lakes margarine discontinued, empty box, condition used, 13 bids.
13 bids, current bid is at $27 for an empty box of Land O'Lakes margarine. - Imagine the bidding war going on right now and then someone like bid sniping at the last minute with like 40 bucks for-- That'd be really fucked up.
Um, somebody else... And that's why bots should be banned, so I can get my Land O' Lakes lady box.
Somebody else was listing, uh, Land O' Lakes butter with the little Native American girl on it, and three sticks left.
For $300 or best offer.
$10 shipping.
Seems a little expensive.
The shipping, not the price for the box.
Well if it's the sticks of butter they have to do like dry ice.
I'll do $3.25 if they throw in the sticks of butter.
Yeah.
Okay.
My final offer.
You're just, you're, you're bidding over their, their buy it now price.
Well, I, I wanna, I wanna snipe anybody else who's coming in.
Like, if I come in with that heat, with that high offer, I can get the boxes and the butter.
Because, you know, this shit's gonna be rare.
Yeah.
And people, even if you, like, lose the box, people will know that that's the butter.
People will recognize the Land O'Lakes butter and they'll recognize that it predates the logo change for sure.
Oh, randomly, okay.
Real quick, this is $300 or best off for $10 shipping.
It also benefits charity.
So I looked at the charity and they're going to give 10% to a group called Feeding America.
So $30 is going to go to Feeding America and then $270 is going to go right in the pocket of this deranged individual.
Well this person is a Wisconsin dairy farmer so it's fair.
Okay, and there's a reply to Melissa about selling it on eBay.
That's what she plans to do with her butter.
This is a real Poe's Law reply here, too.
Say again?
This is a real Poe's Law reply here, too, because I read it and I was like, shit, like, any one of my, like, Twitter mufos could have posted this with deep irony, but... I don't know.
It's, okay, I will say right now, I kind of do my diligence.
When stuff falls into Poe's Law, I have a fairly keen eye for satire.
When I question things, I look into them, okay?
I didn't need to look into Peter Robeck because he is commenting all over the wall of Land O'Lakes butter.
He is responding to like almost every single commenter and I did give a cursory glance at his Facebook profile and it's all just like pro football stuff, college football stuff, and anti-Nancy Pelosi stuff.
There is, I have noticed it on Twitter, there is a very high correlation between the shittiness and racism of someone's tweets and the amount of sports tweets on their timeline.
Because every time I just see, I'm on Twitter and I see a tweet where I'm just like, god damn dude, like that's reportable.
If I go look at their timeline, it's like 95% sports opinions.
Yeah, hate speech spikes around things like championship seasons, drafts, things of that sort.
Hate speech just goes through the roof.
I feel like it's because these people who are sports fans, these people who are like nerds and stuff, I'm not saying sports fans are inherently racist, I'm just saying when they are racist, it's especially hard for them to be a sports fan or to be a nerd because The people who you, like the work you enjoy, they're on the opposite side.
They're on the opposite side of you.
Whether it's like the libs in Hollywood or the minority communities who are, you know, thoroughly represented in sports.
It's every opportunity for you to lash out because you have such a love-hate relationship with it.
Let me read from Peter Robeck's comment.
Peter Roback says, I am keeping mine box and will be showing it to the communist census bro- excuse me, communist census brown shirt when they come knocking at my door spewing expletives on how the liberals hate America while wearing my MAGA hat!
What?
My man, that's not a census worker, that's UPS.
That's just Alex coming to drop off your gaming chair.
I am going to get shot for being a brown shirt, aren't I?
Look mine eyes, and behold mine box.
Yeah, Alex Brown is going to be the death of both of us.
Yeah, no, so just like, this is a very Poe's Law comment, but it's true.
This guy really means this.
Imagine the census worker who comes to this guy's house, which I don't know if they're going to be doing during quarantine.
But just, like, imagine showing up to this guy's door and, you know, just, like, you know, to fill out, like, some information.
You know, like, how many people live here, are you married, etc.
And he starts screaming at you, waving an empty box of butter in his face, yelling about how there's no, like, the logo is different and there's no hot woman on the box anymore.
Which means liberals hate America.
And then his other hand, he's got like a bottle of bleach and he's like, oh, you'd love it if I drank this, wouldn't you?
You know?
I have a friend who did a period of work as a census worker and he did have guns pulled on him.
I would rather have a gun pulled on me than an empty box of margarine.
Yeah, one is definitely less insane than the other.
Totally, it really is.
You pulling a gun on somebody at your front door is 100% less insane than pulling an empty box of butter.
Yeah.
In your MAGA hat, no less.
Yeah.
Moving on, okay, we have a wonderful article here from the Daily Wire.
The headline is kind of all you need to know.
Harvard professor wants a presumptive ban on homeschooling, claims it promotes white supremacy.
Well it does, so end of show.
I think that's fair to say.
Well fortunately the show, we're not debating the obvious truth that homeschooling is bad and it promotes degenerate white supremacy.
We are exploring the derangement in response to this.
But the article is not really worth reading.
I'm going to pick a couple things from here.
This article is by Emily Zanotti.
Who says, in a shocking essay for Harvard Magazine, a professor of law and director of Harvard Law School's Child Advocacy Legal Clinic, claims homeschooling is a threat to children's rights, a method of promoting white supremacy and a drain on democratic society, all true, and even goes so far as to suggest a national, quote, presumptive ban on the practice.
And I just I'm down she the the writer is the author is saying like how great you know implying how great homeschooling is throughout this and how virtuous and godly most homeschoolers are and How this is an attack on religion, etc The central argument seems to be that children should be wards of the state and that the state not Individual parents should be charged with deciding what is best
There is likely reason for concern, at least as far as the liberal education establishment is concerned.
I don't like that.
Using the word concern twice in the same sentence, even if it's, you know, for different definitions, bad form.
That's the kind of quality writing you get with right-wing websites.
With homeschooling.
The coronavirus lockdowns have exposed millions of parents, not just to the concept of homeschooling, but to the curriculum of public schools, and perhaps in ways that might make them think twice about returning their children to a government-run educational system.
That's the closing paragraph here.
And yeah, you know, I don't own kids.
I don't have kids myself.
I would never own a kid because that's for the state.
The state is supposed to own our children.
I mean, I dunk on my kid all the time.
I mean, who has the time, honestly?
I don't have children, but I'm imagining that something that a lot of parents are going to come out of the quarantine thinking is, gosh, I want to keep doing this.
I want to keep not making money, not having a job, and spending all day raising my child.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's I I really don't understand cuz I Mean I you know as a parent as a parent who is like living full-time with this kid and her mom right now Who is like really living that?
It's it is kind of funny you see how important it is that they do go to school and like mess with their friends and like get in trouble because all I hear all day long while she's doing something is like saying like I'm bored and It's like you're bored because you're not messing with five kids next to you.
I don't know how people do that.
Yeah, these kids, they need to be around other kids.
It's wild.
If you're an adult, like if you're one of these right-wing evangelical or anti-social freaks, just imagine that school is like your local Marie Calendars.
Think about how much you are missing your Marie Calendars.
That's the same way.
Think about how much you're missing your chicken pot pie.
That is how much your son and or daughter is missing school and their friends and the socialization that you don't want or need.
Yeah, I mean, to quote a very famous child sex trafficker, it truly does take a village to raise a child.
Who's that sex trafficker?
Hillary Clinton, who else?
A giant in her field.
I don't think she coined that phrase.
No, she appropriated it for the title of her book back in the 90s.
Oh, that was the title of her book, okay.
Yes.
But she did throw air quotes around the village and she was specifically referring to black communities.
Yeah.
That's where it got weird.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, this episode's gone a little long, so let's just go through these.
They're amazing.
Captain Stinkfinger says in the comment section to Daily Wire, to quote Malcolm X, dot dot dot dot dot dot, only a fool would let his enemy train his children.
This is beautiful.
I love this because they're acknowledging that schools are the enemy.
Because when Malcolm X said that, he was talking about the white supremacist structure.
And that makes sense because that is the enemy of black existence, would be that, right?
In his mind, public schools are the same thing.
They're the same enemy to whatever his existence is.
Public schools are making it so I can't teach my kids how to stockpile instead of the stuff they need to know.
Not that I'm, like, not that public schools are crushing it either, but you know what I mean.
Well, the ones that have money tend to crush it.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's the thing to do, um, it, um, you know, with these kind of, like, austerity-minded conservative governments is, you know, because they hate any kind of social services so much, like, what you do is you starve them of funding, and then you point at them, you say, see, look at how much this sucks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They also did that with Cuba.
Yeah, I mean, you know, Thatcher did that, Reagan did that here, they're doing it now, Bush did that, I mean, that's what they're doing with the post office.
But I just, I love them quoting Malcolm X because we get this all the time.
I'm sure Tony loves it too, loves to see some representation for Malcolm X in these comments.
And they really, like, think that Malcolm X was a conservative.
Like, because they've seen memes with, like, Malcolm X in glasses and a suit, and he's, like, putting a finger to his temple, and he's saying stuff like, you know, saying shit about Democrats, like, talking shit about Democrats in a TPUSA meme, and they're like, oh, wow, this young man is very articulate, you know?
And so well-dressed.
Yeah, exactly.
Very clean.
I mean, it's a black and white picture, but you can tell just how clean he is.
He's not sagging his goddamn pants!
Yeah, that's true.
Well, he ended up getting a more tapered fit after he went to prison.
But it's like they think they think of the image of him like holding the gun and being like yeah That's he was down for guns, too And it's like yeah, but he's down for guns like like I mean like I am not like you are it's different Yeah, I mean defense being very different than like you know Ammon Bundy like we love the cops kind of shit Yeah, and it's it's they really think that he was a conservative though like they think like all the all like The conversation around Malcolm X is that he's woke, right?
You know, I'm speaking very genuinely, generally and like reductively, like he's considered like a...
A thinker, you know, somebody to be taken seriously.
And they're like, oh wow, I never knew he was taken seriously because he hated Democrats.
That's really tight.
He must be a real fiscal conservative with traditional values.
They really think that he's a conservative.
And it's just like, I'm picturing a conservative meme, I might even make this meme somehow.
But I'm picturing a conservative meme, and like, try not to get too excited, Jennifer.
I'll do my best.
But it's Malcolm X with a quote, like, only a fool would let his enemy train his children.
And then next to that is Vince McMahon smiling a little bit.
Oh god, I'm never going to live that tweet down, am I?
And then the next quote is Malcolm X saying, buy the ballot or the bullet.
And then Vince McMahon's like getting excited, you know, he's like, oh shit, oh shit.
And then finally it's Malcolm X and the quote is, uh, the white liberal is the worst enemy to America and the worst enemy to the black man.
And then Vince McMahon's eyes are like exploding into lasers and Jennifer is having to like explain herself on social media.
Well, I'll retweet it if you make it.
I know you will.
Yeah, that's why I'm gonna make it.
An instant retweet from Jennifer.
I'll make sure it's the young Vince McMahon for you, okay?
Lucky me.
Just to have more images of him saved, huh?
Oh god, I regret tweeting that so much.
Anyway...
This next comment is great.
Jong says, what I find amusing is that this professor, so they're talking about the professor who, like, made these statements about homeschooling.
I don't have the article in front of me, but her name was Elizabeth... Sorry, one second, do-do-do-do-do.
Why is the- Elizabeth, call me bitch.
Professor Elizabeth Bartholet.
Okay, that's the professor's name who's like making these claims.
Zhang says, what I find amusing is that this professor is obviously a product of a very low education and that he refuses to acknowledge that public education in this country was started by churches, not the quote state.
Reply.
I can't believe Erica Zhang would say that.
Um, so, I mean, there's a lot of funny, you know, obviously, uh, misgendering the professor because Zhang didn't read the article at all, uh, assuming... Well, professors are men.
All professors are men.
Why would you allow a woman to teach you at a college level?
It just doesn't make any sense.
All professors are men and all cats are girls.
Women are called professess.
Professatrix.
Yeah, I was gonna say profettrixes.
Prefectricies.
Prefectricies, yes.
Obviously a sign of a degenerate society.
And then also, public education was started by churches, so like, just church with the letter S after it, not the quote state, and it's capitalized.
That seems to be a very low education.
So I'm thinking like maybe he's referring to the comedy troupe.
This was not started by the Michael Ian Black and company.
Well that's actually true.
They did not start public education in the United States.
So I apologize to Erika Jung.
I was watching those videos at a young age.
I know they're like Canadian or whatever, but they reached their tentacles over this side of the world.
And then also just the reply, the word reply in here.
I think that Jong like copied this comment from somebody and accidentally copied the reply button as well or something.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, that's right, it says reply there.
And then Captain Frito replies, this is an incredibly dangerous situation.
Listen up, Captain Frito.
This is an incredibly dangerous situation.
I cannot overstress this.
No parent should outsource the training of their children to anyone, ever.
Find some way to survive on one income or make some other arrangements, but do not put your children in the hands of anyone else to shape them.
So again, just somebody like, oh yeah, what, you've been quarantined without a job for a month and a half now, going forward, no, no, you know, no end in sight, no light at the, I mean, I guess depending on which state you live in, but even if you've reopened that, that you're not out of harm's way, obviously.
So yeah, no, yeah, you're behind on rent.
You're behind on your other bills.
Also, you should take your child out of school and start homeschooling them.
That's some very expansive hand-waving right there.
Survive on one income, or make some other arrangements.
Yeah, figure something else out.
That's always the whole thing.
Just do it.
Just make it happen.
It's funny too, because like, I don't know, you know, I guess there have been successful home schooling scenarios, whatever, but I'm not talking about that.
What's funny is like, you don't need to be 100% in to like, have an impact on your kid.
If you're a good parent, you just...
You should have a good impact on your kid, you know?
Like, you know, we have regular conversations about, like, the whack shit they talk about at school.
You know, like, you know, before Columbus Day comes up, you have a talk with your kid and be like, hey, like, you know, this is whack what they're gonna tell you.
I hope you know that.
And that's all you gotta do, but they're like, no.
Your teacher is not literally raising your child.
Your teacher is teaching things to 30 different students for six hours of the day.
They're not fucking instilling morals.
I mean, maybe in kindergarten they're instilling the value of not hitting other kids or whatever, but no.
Nah, that shit happens before kindergarten.
One hopes.
They're not raising your children.
I love the term training.
Training your kids.
Yeah.
Like training?
That's an interesting way of putting that.
For practical application.
Your child needs to be trained for practical, to participate in this economy.
To become a productive member of this society, your child needs to be trained.
Um, next, Brenda Oakley Lump.
This is one of my favorite, like, stream of comments.
And her name's really Lump, like, I just realized that as I said it out loud.
She's got three names, so a lot of times I don't, like, read all these names when I get the screenshot.
Uh, the last name is Lump.
She's Lump.
With two Ps.
She's lump and she's in my head because this comment is just so wonderful.
We got a lumpy space princess here.
I plan, Brenda says, so she was like, you know, homeschooling or whatever, having her kids at home.
I plan to continue quote school.
Okay, I don't like those fucking scare quotes around school.
I plan to continue school through the summer to a degree.
Even first grade, they get such an indoctrination into a PC and Me Too world it makes me want to puke.
What?
I just hear about rape on the news and on social media and like women coming forward and like, you know, airing their grievances and it makes me want to puke, really.
Yeah, every class, Rose McGowan comes in and does a presentation to sixth graders.
I would love, yeah, if Rose McGowan and Alyssa Milano came to give a joint presentation and it just involved Rose McGowan curb-stopping Alyssa Milano.
That would be pretty cool.
Here's your sex strike, bitch!
Alyssa Milano just has, like, constantly just the worst ideas, right?
All the time.
It is, her tweets are extremely emblematic of, and you know, not to sound like some of the people that you sample for your comment selection here, but very emblematic of Hollywood liberalism, which is basically, but what these people critiquing it don't understand is it is an extremely a class thing.
I mean, people just say Hollywood liberals, but what they mean is like, Wealthy people, like, without realizing it.
I mean, that's a good point.
But, like, the people who are praying are wealthy, but the people who are victims are probably disproportionately female, just because of the way that most of the wealthy people in Hollywood are men, and, you know, they're mostly straight.
That doesn't mean that there aren't male victims, obviously, but we're very familiar with the doings of Bryan Singer.
But yeah, no, Alyssa Milano, she had that tweet where she was like, I'm black, I'm trans, I'm you, I'm me, I'm non-binary.
We were like, that's not what any of that means.
And then recently when somebody was like, Trying to say like, hey, why did you have Biden, who's been accused of sexual harassment and like now sexual assault, on your podcast that's called Sorry Not Sorry?
You know, why did you do that?
And then I think if I'm remembering correctly, she had a tweet that was like, No, I was a victim of sexual assault when I was 13.
Or when a man did this to me when I was 13, I said nothing.
Or when a man did this to me when I was 18, I said nothing.
And it was worded in exactly the same way that she did that, I am trans, I am non-binary, I am Mexican, I am black.
It was worded in exactly that same way.
So I am not 100% convinced that she meant herself.
When she said that as a defense.
And this isn't me questioning women.
I'm just saying, the way she did it was that same faux-woke, faux-artistic, faux-lib-femme-we-are-all-one, hollow platitude.
And I didn't see anybody else catch that.
And I think that might have been what it was.
Yeah.
It's like finding a new format, you know?
You did a colonialism, you did a no-growth, you did a Me Too.
So going on, the Me Too world makes me want to puke.
First time my seven-year-old told me she didn't have to take a bath because it was her body and I couldn't tell her what to do with her own body, I about lost it.
That kid fucking owns.
Yeah, totally!
You got owned, Brenda.
Sorry.
Sorry, honey.
That fucking rules.
I've had these conversations with my kid.
I'd be like, hey, it's time to brush your teeth.
And she'd be like, no, that's my body.
I don't have to.
I'm like, you're not wrong.
You know, but like, um, you know, your breath is kicking.
If you could, like, do me a favor.
You just talk to your kids.
You just talk to your kids.
Like, hey, that's cool.
You know, you don't have to, like, you don't have to, you know, take a shower, but also you don't have to be known as the stinky kid.
It's up to you.
So what you're saying is, like, you can't make her do anything, but you can shame her into doing things.
Absolutely!
That's exactly what I mean.
Being uncomfortable in her own body enough to where she won't, like, obey you.
It's a parental tradition.
They fuck you up, your mom and dad.
I was like, hey, that tooth wouldn't have fallen out if you would've just brushed your teeth.
Boom!
If you don't brush, nothing won't go back in, so you better go brush.
I mean, I have seen, like, studies that say, yeah, you shouldn't, like, make your kids hug other people.
Absolutely.
You shouldn't, like, make your kid, like, do things that they feel uncomfortable with when it involves other people.
And I'm imagining Brenda saying, like, to her daughter, No, you're seven.
You don't have a say in what happens to your body.
What kind of a message is that to tell your daughter when, I mean, and the utter, like, irony is that you're this, like, frothing at the mouth, paranoid psycho who thinks that, you know, the liberal media is going to come in and take your daughter from you or what you think John Podesta.
I mean, these are all freaks, of course, but like, you know, you're like a QAnon psycho.
And yet you're telling your daughter that she doesn't have any agency with her body.
Well, but that's what gets me with, um, this kind of commentary is that, um, these are, I have absolutely no doubt, like, I would put money on it, that 95% of these people, you know, if they were to comment on a news story about, you know, a pedophile getting arrested or something, they'd be the kind of people to say, like, just give me five minutes with him or just, you know,
Put him in jail and throw away the key or like, I would love to, you know, like graphic description of what kind of torture that they would unleash upon this sex offender.
Put on Pantera and give me five minutes alone.
Exactly!
And yet, when it comes to actual concrete steps to prevent sexual abuse in real life, they're completely disinterested because they see it as indoctrination of their children.
And one of the primary reasons that kids get victimized is, you know, a lot of times they're in unstable home environments, they have disinterested or abusive parents, and predators will pick up on that.
They look for the kids who are looking for love that they're not getting at home, and they will exploit it.
But these people don't want to have a conversation with their kids about it, they don't want to have a conversation with them about bodily autonomy, but it feels good to pop off about Harvard professors and pedos and Trump's war against all the sex criminals in government, like online, because it feels good and it doesn't involve any actual work or discussing any uncomfortable subjects with your children.
And more kids get abused.
It's the same thing with abortion.
I mean, there's plenty of ways to prevent abortion that don't involve outlawing it, but you're not interested in those ways.
You're just interested in the culture war aspect of it.
Exactly.
And then Brenda goes on to say, it gets better.
The school handbook says it's okay for teachers and students to have sex as long as they aren't trading grades.
I almost had a stroke.
That is just not fucking true.
I'm sorry.
The most unbelievable part about this to me is that Brenda got so upset that she almost had a stroke.
I can't possibly believe that happened.
Well, when I was in elementary school, I fucked my teacher and we traded grades.
He gave me an A+.
an A+.
I wasn't thrilled, so I gave him a solid B. - What is the B, is the B a BJ?
What is that? - No, I'm just saying, the phrasing here, trading greats.
Oh, I got it.
I understand what she means.
It's true that a major problem with student-teacher relationships is that often, because the professor or teacher or whoever has the power Over that student, you know, and you can, I mean, you know, like, I could see somebody being sick enough to throw in a kid, like, and be like, look, you better do this for me or else, like, I'm gonna ruin your academic career.
But the way she worded it is, like, trading grades?
Like, what the fuck does that mean?
I think, I think she's talking about Harvard, though, right?
Are you, are you?
Oh, because of the professor.
No, she's not.
What?
She's not?
She's not talking about where the professor's from?
She's saying the school handbook.
She's not saying the fucking Harvard contract or whatever.
We'll get into it in these other comments where she elaborates.
Why is she allowing her seven-year-old to go to a school where teachers can sexually assault students?
Well, she's not anymore.
She's not.
She's keeping them homeschooled now through the summer because she's got woke.
Oh, so she's making up bullshit to justify her homeschooling regime.
This whole thing, the school handbook says it's okay for teachers and students to have sex as long as they aren't trading grades.
This is like that, it's like that Simpsons episode where Ralph tells his parents that he saw Skinner and Edna making babies and one of the babies looked at him.
Except it's Brenda like talking to her husband and saying, I saw in the school handbook that teachers can have sex with elementary school students and it's okay.
And the principal saw one of the students having sex with a teacher and he smiled.
It's like it's utter nonsense that we have to entertain because either A it fits the culture war grievance or because B like you can't say anything to this woman or else like your administrative job at the school is in jeopardy.
Did anybody call her on it?
No, well, okay, so I have it right here.
Mental Frasic says, could you please tell me what page or section this statement is on?
I have downloaded all three of the Douglas County, Illinois 2019-2020 student handbooks.
Grades K-5 middle school and 9-12 high school.
It would seem to me that this is highly illegal.
No fucking shit!
Like, duh!
Well, that's just what Montessori schools are.
Well, they are really advanced.
Yeah.
No, and he says, what school handbook?
What state?
I need to know this immediately.
And Brenda Oakley Lump replies, Illinois.
That narrows it down.
Thanks, Brenda.
The ill in Illinois is all caps.
So it's like I-L-L-I-L-L-I-N-N-O-Y.
It is a pretty ill state.
Well, I'm going to go listen to the Beastie Boys.
Yeah, I was gonna say, like, it could be an indictment on Illinois for being, like, sick pedo freaks, or it could be, like, a shout-out to Nas.
I don't know.
I'd bet on the former.
Yeah, and she goes on to say it is Douglas County.
And it's just nonsense.
It's just utter made-up fabricated nonsense.
Like, I'd be surprised if Brenda actually had kids.
Like, I feel like Illinois and Douglas County have, like, every right to sue her.
Right now, I feel like they totally should sue her.
Yeah, that has to be some kind of, like, libelous statement, to be honest.
Just saying, like, yeah, you know, the Douglas County school handbooks, those teachers can fuck kids.
What?
It says it right there on, um... Hey, look over there.
Papa Spud, who has a Papa Smurf, or it's just a Smurf avatar.
I can't tell if it's Papa Smurf, but their name is Papa Spud.
Oh, it's not just a Smurf.
It's a fucking ripped bodybuilder Smurf doing like a show me the beach pose.
Which way is the beach pose?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Papa Spud says, another feminazi pushing her vagina.
Which, I haven't heard that phrase before.
Yeah!
I haven't heard that word before.
Vagenda.
That's fucking, that's sick.
That's so good.
Oh man.
I didn't know that was what I had, but I like it.
I like it because... I mean, I don't... I like it because it sounds cool.
It, like, rolls off the tongue really easy.
Like, it's a good pun.
It's, like, a genuinely good pun if you're a misogynist, you know?
If you're, like, a corny-ass misogynist, like, if you're a Rush Limbaugh misogynist, like, this is fucking great.
But I don't like it because it implies that, like, all feminazis have vaginas.
That's true.
It is very cis-normative.
It's 100% cis-normative.
Like, feminazis can have dicks, they can have vaginas, they can be intersex.
Another feminazi cock-slapping our kids.
Disgusting.
Yeah, you have to be open to the idea that a feminazi can be shoving it down your throat.
Papa's love.
Douglas County Schools, come work for us and rub your vagina all over our kids.
It would be a really good name for like a turf feminist punk band.
Oh yeah, totally.
We're giving out, we're like really helping the bigots today on this one.
Yeah, we're just handing out gold.
What about this?
Another feminazi and her vulvaterior motive.
What's that like?
Sure.
Also, if you're a Star Trek cosplayer, you can go as a Voltirior motive.
Yeah.
Ooh, that's nerdy.
Legogue47 says, her last name, which, do we have the last name again?
It's like Bartholomew or something.
Bartholeth, I think?
Yeah, Bartholet.
Elizabeth Bartholet.
Yeah, okay, I'll go back to it.
Her last name reminds me of the Baphomet satanic statue that was circulating around the country a couple years ago.
You remember that one?
Remember that one that was making the tour?
Yeah, I mean there was.
There was like a satanic... We talked about it on this show.
It was sick.
It was really sick.
Oh, I remember that, yeah.
Her last name, Bartholet, reminds me of Baphomet.
And then Aro... Arorola, comment.
I think that's like a racist name.
It's like... I think it's like a pagan-type racist name.
Uh, says, ladies and gentlemen, what this professor writes is a textbook example of what female violence looks like.
Did anyone ever notice it's almost always women who say things like these?
Parentheses.
Okay, Candace Owens noticed, but anyone else?
That her name is almost but not quite Elizabeth Bathory doesn't exactly help the impression.
Well, I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if Harvard people bathed in the blood of virgins to preserve their youth, but, I mean, I would have to see a little bit more tangible proof before I made that statement.
Well, it's just like, these people are 100%, you know, they're not critical in their thinking, there's no like...
You know, train of logic or deduction here.
Yes, Harvard administrators do bathe in the blood of virgins, but it's not because their name sounds like Elizabeth Bathory.
three.
It's because it's because it's a den of like privilege and and grooming and hierarchy.
Well, I don't know about you, but when I do evil deeds, I like to I like to lace my life with extremely obvious punny tells about what I'm doing.
So Symbols will be their downfall.
I mean, that's what we've learned from doing this show, is that because the Illuminati, the Deep State, because they believe in these magics, because they believe in these Ancient pagan beliefs, they are forced to give clues about what they're doing.
They're forced to give like hints to the general public like me and you, so we can figure them out.
So we can get them.
They have to give us an opportunity to get them.
And it's like, you could be saying, oh, well, that's just what you tell yourself to like make it fun and to make it like an IRL RPG.
So your life has more meaning or whatever, but no, that's like the magic.
That's, that's why they do it.
Yeah.
Well, you gotta do IRL RPGs because the regular tabletop kind are satanic.
You gotta do it in real life.
That's a really good point.
And I just love, like, the obsession with her name.
Like, oh, it's her name.
Like, this prescriptive linguistic part of it is very good.
And I mean, it's just, you know, because these people are, like, utterly literal.
There's, like, no, you know, there's no piercing of the veil.
There's no...
What do you call it?
Like, discernment of themes or actual connective tissue between... I don't know.
Among the society, among the structures of the society.
So they're like, her name is like the lady name.
Her name is like Baphomet or her name is like Bathory.
Well, and none of them are, like, even good and funny owns.
I mean, apart from the Vagenda one, which is an all-timer, but... That one's good.
Gotta give it to that one.
Under no circumstance do you have to hand it to Brenda Lump, and I'm sorry, we do.
Brenda Lump.
StrayAway says, Professor Elizabeth Bartholethe, which is not the way you spell her name, but also like another like subconscious tell.
Lethe meaning like forgetfulness.
It's like, it's like, I think the Greek prefix for forgetfulness.
Is it, is it death or forgetfulness?
I think it's forgetfulness.
I mean, lethal is, you know, obviously death, but the river Lethe was the river of forgetfulness.
I literally only know that reference in a progressive rock context, so I'm absolutely no help here.
Okay, go.
Explain.
I'm very curious.
Okay, so Tony Banks of the band Genesis had a solo album called A Curious Feeling, and one of the tracks on it was The Waters of Lethe.
Mmm.
Wow.
And I always knew the song, but never bothered to look into the symbolism, but hey, maybe there are cue clues on there too, I don't know.
If I'm remembering correctly, I think it's like a river of forgetfulness, and I know that because of a fantasy series called, uh, Xanth.
Where it's, where there is like a river of wrething where you forget, uh, you know, you forget who you are or whatever.
Speaking of fucking children, the Xanth series.
Oh, okay, so you're familiar with it!
Yeah, that's like everybody's first, kind of like, you know, baby's first fantasy series which you read and enjoy as like a very young teenager and then you grow up and, you know, a decade and a half later you look back at them and you're like, oh my god, these are fucked up!
One of the books is called The Color of Her Panties.
Exactly.
There's a lot that we could say about Piers Anthony, but this is not the podcast for it.
Oh no, this is the podcast for it.
I don't know where else you're going to hear about it.
I have a signed letter from Piers Anthony.
Oh, did he write back to you?
Yeah, he wrote back to me.
He does seem very nice.
He just puts pedophile shit in all of his fiction.
He's for sure a creep.
Like the first book is about, and I read these when I was like 13, the first book is like the main character falls in love with, um, well, no, no, no.
He's trying, he's going to be seduced by a woman whose magical power is she can like assume the form of anything.
She could appear to be anything.
And she's trying to seduce him and she runs through all the like different types of women and one of them is like a 12 year old girl or something and the main character Bank has like this internal monologue where he's like well I couldn't say I wasn't curious or whatever and it's like when you're 13 like you don't really pick up on that it's like a literal 12 year old girl but revisiting it it is definitely that's exactly what what it is.
Yeah.
I had the MS-DOS Xanth video game.
That's awesome.
More only 90s kids will remember.
Yeah.
Last comment here.
Oh, no, no, no.
Two more comments.
Strayaway says, Professor Elizabeth Bartholethe, so this is the comment that started it all.
I didn't even read it.
Professor Elizabeth Bartholethe is a she, not a he.
So correcting Zhang from the first comment that we read.
I asked in the comment situation, which is like a different name for the comment section, maybe an alternative name for this podcast, the comment situation.
I like it.
The comment situation podcast.
The Joe Rogan comment situation podcast.
I asked in the comment situation if she had any children of her own.
Harvard chose to censor my question and has since closed its comment section.
And it was all because of that one comment where he crossed the line.
It certainly couldn't be because they were deluged with lunatics.
Well, I'm sure they were deluged with lunatics exactly like Strayaway, who was demanding to know the history of this woman's uterus and vagina in order to back up her credentials.
Do you have children, you frigid bitch?
Did your equipment even work?
Somebody else was like, uh, everything I can tell, from everything that I can tell, she does not have children and she's just, you know, telling us what to do with our kids.
And then another commenter was like, oh no, actually she adopted two children from Peru or something.
Just like, like nonsense.
Oh, so she's barren.
Typical.
Um, and I just love this, like, that's exa- I mean, you know, it wasn't specifically you, Strayaway, but yes, that is why Harvard chose to close their comment section, which I wish I would've seen, holy shit.
I didn't know Harvard had a comment section.
Uh, but- Where do they put it, like, on the quad?
Is that the comment situation?
I think there's, it's probably, this was like in Harvard Magazine, so there's like a Harvard Magazine website where you can comment, which is weird because like not a lot of these prestigious outlets have comment sections.
Which is smart, to be honest.
Yeah, completely.
They had to replace them all with safe spaces.
They replaced them all with woke coloring books.
Yeah.
But I just love yeah like yeah that is kind of why they closed their comment section because you were like demanding to know her natal history.
You were demanding that the author like reveal medical details to you.
Yeah.
Finally, John Osborne.
He's replying to Weed Lord Boner Hitler, who's a commentator we've had on this show before.
That rules.
I mean, the guy sucks.
The guy means it genuinely.
It's not an irony Twitter handle.
It's ironic in the sense that, like, he thinks it's funny.
But it's not ironic in the sense that, like, I think this is lame, you know?
Right.
I know exactly what you mean.
John Osborne replying to Weedlord Boner Hitler says, uh, both of my brother's children were homeschooled.
Both have master's degrees, space comma.
Both are conservative.
Both work for federal and state governments.
Both challenge the leftist liberals in the deep state.
Both of them fight the establishment to stop them from implementing their agendas of communism.
That's the end of the comment.
My nephews are the untouchables.
My nephews are the tip of the spear.
Just fighting all those sinister red agents at every stage of government.
My nephews are proof that this professor is absolutely correct.
Yeah, no, it's my nephews...
My nephews had a good homeschool education.
They are intelligent and I base that on the fact that they send me missives.
They send me dispatches from the front lines of the war with the Deep State.
Dear Uncle John, I hope this letter finds you well.
I apprehended a communist who was watching the new version of He-Man while working.
It's so funny.
I don't know how you can take yourself so seriously when you're like, yeah, my two large cousins, my two large nephews, rather, They work for the federal and state governments and they're fighting the deep state in the federal and state governments.
Well I'm glad they're challenging the leftist liberals.
That's like a cool drag queen name.
Just put like an accent at E on the end.
It's like, I mean, I'm not a therapist, you know, I've never taken a course in psychology or anything, but the smacks of like what I would think is fairly stereotypical, paranoid, schizophrenic behavior.
Where you're just, like, working your job, and everybody around you, you don't know who to trust.
You don't know who is conspiring against America, who is, like, on the right side.
Like, you're just getting bad vibes from everybody around you, and you don't know who you can trust.
But luckily, your brother also works there.
So you guys can, like, conspire in the fucking broom closet about who you're gonna, I don't know, like, garrote next.
Yeah, I love that.
You're just gonna like fucking erupt out of a potted plant and drag, you know, Sharon from accounting into the supply closet.
Well, I love the idea that, um, I just have this, uh, like, fantasy of, like, um, you know, like, a 75-year-old, like, obviously, like, Russian guy, like, on the verge of retirement for, like, a decade, who's, like, still trying to implement, like, sneakily some kind of Soviet-style communism, like, in America, even though the Soviet Union hasn't existed in years, but he's still, like, just so married to the idea, that idea.
He's just like, yeah, any day now.
But these damn nephews keep foiling me!
Yeah!
Still waiting for the code word?
Well, I mean, it's a powerful alliance.
You have the two nephews on the front lines, you know, providing valuable intel.
And then you have the uncle at home posting in the comment section of the Daily Wire.
It makes for a formidable team.
Hey, that's the episode.
Thank you so much, Jennifer, for joining us today.
It was my pleasure.
Why don't you go ahead and tell everybody about the podcast you host and about the artwork you do.
Sure!
If you guys are curious about my podcast, The Odd Media Show, Have You Seen This?, you can check it out for free on any podcast platform, Spotify, SoundCloud, iTunes.
Just look for Have You Seen This?
If you like our work and you want to support us, you can go over to Patreon.com slash Have You Seen This?
We got a lot of cool bonus content.
We're trying to put up extra stuff, what with everybody being stuck inside.
If podcasts aren't your speed, why not go check out my artwork?
That's at trickunicorn.com.
I'm usually picking up commissions, so if there's an image that's burning a hole in your brain, get in touch!
Yeah, highly recommended.
You've probably seen the artwork she did for our tour.
If not, you can go to our Instagram and see that, you know, from a few months back in November.
Genuinely love it.
It's fucking beautiful.
It looks like 100% like a latex pig.
Thank you!
I worked very hard trying to get it to look like an actual figurine.
Yeah, it's a figurine standing on a base that says Lieutenant Bacon, and it's beautiful.
It's everything that you would want it to be.
My only regret with that poster is that I didn't take my friend's suggestion, which he came up after the fact.
I'd already turned it in, but he said, why don't you call him Officer Oink?
And I was like, God damn it.
That's so good.
That's good.
I mean, Lieutenant Bacon's pretty good too.
I like it.
I like it.
Cool.
But thank you for the plugs.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, of course.
Thanks for joining us here.
Hey, we also have a Patreon.
Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult.
We just did an extra long episode with Street Fight all about the insane Christian movie Assassin 33 AD in which The world's most popular or the world's most famous refugee who is a secret terrorist, go figure, who would have known right?
Helps to invent, funds the invention of time travel and then sends a tier one operator back in time to assassinate Jesus Thus eliminating filthy Christians from the world forever.
And I will say that, you know, another popular podcast did cover this movie.
We covered it first, folks, okay?
Check those timestamps, all right?
Well, I think Have You Seen This needs to do an episode about it.
Make it a trifecta.
We did it with Street Fight Radio.
Brett and Brian.
The first time Brian's been on the show since we met him like over a year and a half ago.
So it's extremely fun.
That movie is incredibly insane.
It's very much worth of the rental.
I highly recommend watching it if you haven't seen it yet before you listen to our episode because There are spoilers, there are twists and turns that are genuinely affecting in the movie.
Yes, it's a lot.
Yeah, so we appreciate everybody's support and that's the show.
Thanks for listening folks.
Bye.
Thank you so much.
Bye.
alright shutting her down the day comes same as before goes out again television a concave window lawyers and murderers
the laws confusing the order makes no sense scratching the skin staring at walls staring at claws plans and things not to die
the cure all is always over ice toasting the world cursing those that live on end drinking it down and drinking it down and keeping it down keeping it down hey Paul and the faces like a beautiful thing
fall down the stairs so called friends between them and I there being a poison ocean catching the skin staring at walls staring at floors not at eyes
that's where the soul lies new memories strangers I will never be Romeo Fox are constant companions nipping at me nipping and barking at me nipping and barking at me Why don't they die?
