| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Offensive Buzzword Bait
00:03:16
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|
| So David Harold Grisham, who I follow closely on Facebook, posted this. | |
| From FoxNews.com. | |
| Headline reads, Vegan Runner Asks Neighbors To Close Windows When Cooking Meat With, Quote, Offensive Odor. | |
| Yeah, that's what I would describe that odor as. | |
| So just, nobody really to root for here, in my opinion. | |
| But it's just, you know, it's very funny that offensive is the word that's used here. | |
| As we've talked about on the show, that is a frequent buzzword used to get clicks. | |
| It's a frequent, it's bait. | |
| It's right wing bait, basically. | |
| You don't use the word racist. | |
| You don't use the word bigoted. | |
| You use the word offensive. | |
| Yes. | |
| Because people are little nanny poo-poo pants who can't handle the real world and they get offended when they see anything and everything. | |
| Yep, it's true. | |
| It's funny, when I read this I kind of missed the cooking part and I just assumed that the person happened to be vegan and their neighbor just farted a bunch. | |
| And you know, I respect that. | |
| The vegan farts smelled like meat? | |
| Is that what you're saying? | |
| No, I thought that they were just saying that their neighbors' offensive smells were because of their meat farts. | |
| I guess those kind of smell like meat. | |
| Yeah. | |
| If you haven't had meat in a while. | |
| You can't smell it anymore, but I can. | |
| Hmm. | |
| I think maybe you're just like so deprived of meat that even farts smell good like meat now. | |
| And that's why I'm offended. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's too tempting. | |
| It's because whenever I smell a fart, I'm like, ooh, a burger sounds good. | |
| So David Harold Grisham had something to say about this post. | |
| He didn't just share this post. | |
| Okay. | |
| David Harold Grisham is like an influencer. | |
| He's a thought leader. | |
| There's a reason he's a big, he's big man on Facebook. | |
| Okay. | |
| David Harold Grisham writes, if this had happened to me, Meaning, like, if a vegan runner had posted online that they... I mean, the vegan runner in the thumbnail is a woman, but I think it's a stock photo. | |
| This photo looks pretty professionally taken. | |
| I don't think we know the gender of the runner. | |
| Everybody's just kind of assuming that it's a female runner. | |
| If this had happened to me, I would have shot a deer, butchered it in the back of my pickup in my driveway, parentheses, yes I've done that before, while they were running past so they could SEE Bambi being slaughtered. | |
| Then I would grill it OUTSIDE while they were running by, parentheses, different day, and offer them... | |
| I'm gonna stretch this out. | |
| This guy's got plans, dude! | |
|
Demonic Dress Code
00:02:54
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|
| As we learned, this guy... I mean, he thinks it through. | |
| Remember when he told us how to infiltrate the Halloween stores? | |
| Remember what he said? | |
| He said to wear like... Don't wear church clothes when you go in there. | |
| No. | |
| It's like when you go in there... Don't wear your DC Talk shirt into the Halloween store. | |
| You have to wear something demonic like a DuckTales t-shirt. | |
| And it's going to be hard, but don't walk around singing Switchfoot songs. | |
| I know you're used to singing Switchfoot songs, but I dare you to keep quiet. | |
| Whatever you do, do not tell people to have a blessed day as you are slipping chick tracks into the witch costume. | |
| Oh, nothing to see here. | |
| Have a blessed- I mean, have a perfectly evil day, ma'am. | |
| The devil's cool. | |
| The devil's real cool, if you ask me. | |
| He's gotta, like, lash himself when he gets home. | |
| He's gotta, like, take off the hair shirt that was underneath the Hot Topic t-shirt. | |
| Yeah, you wear the hair shirt the whole time, and you actually have like, tacks inside of your shoes while you're doing this experiment. | |
| But yeah, I love this plan, like, a different day, and then I'm gonna grill it outside. | |
| Like, what kind of own is that? | |
| Do you usually grill inside? | |
| Well, yeah, you want to keep all that delicious smell to yourself, normally. | |
| Like, you're actually cheating yourself by letting it slip out the window, if you ask me. | |
| Close the window, goddammit! | |
| You're letting all the sweet, sweet smells come out. | |
| Just like, no smoke detectors in this person's house. | |
| That's why he's ever been into this issue is because he doesn't let the smoke out because he wants it all for himself Yeah, okay, so then I would grill it outside while they were running by parentheses different day And I offered them a quote Bambi burger a Bambi burger to eat I Do also like the idea of him like grilling at like 6 o'clock in the morning Like really early in the morning like when they're running. | |
| Oh Yeah, so he's gotta, like, stalk this woman, right? | |
| He's gotta, like, stalk this person, learn their schedule, set up in advance. | |
| He already knows all of his neighbor's schedules, so this part's pretty easy. | |
| I'm picturing him, like, he sees her running by, and he's like, oh fuck, he's, like, flipping the burger, and then he's, like, putting it on a patty, and, like, putting ketchup on it, and then he goes to, like, run next to her to offer her the Bambi burger, and then he just keels over from a heart attack. | |
| From, like, trying to reach his sidewalk in time. | |
| Uh-huh. | |
| And I just love it. | |
| Then I would grill it outside while they were running by different day and I offer them a Bambi burger to eat. | |
| I love it. | |
| I love just how fucking baby brain this is. | |