Minion Death Cult - I'd say let's BBQ that muscular runner that would solve several problems (clip)
Aired: 2020-03-06
Duration: 05:56


=== Offensive Buzzword Bait (03:16) ===

[00:00:00]  So David Harold Grisham, who I follow closely on Facebook, posted this.
[00:00:07]  From FoxNews.com.
[00:00:09]  Headline reads, Vegan Runner Asks Neighbors To Close Windows When Cooking Meat With, Quote, Offensive Odor.
[00:00:21]  Yeah, that's what I would describe that odor as.
[00:00:25]  So just, nobody really to root for here, in my opinion.
[00:00:30]  But it's just, you know, it's very funny that offensive is the word that's used here.
[00:00:37]  As we've talked about on the show, that is a frequent buzzword used to get clicks.
[00:00:44]  It's a frequent, it's bait.
[00:00:46]  It's right wing bait, basically.
[00:00:48]  You don't use the word racist.
[00:00:50]  You don't use the word bigoted.
[00:00:52]  You use the word offensive.
[00:00:54]  Yes.
[00:00:55]  Because people are little nanny poo-poo pants who can't handle the real world and they get offended when they see anything and everything.
[00:01:04]  Yep, it's true.
[00:01:06]  It's funny, when I read this I kind of missed the cooking part and I just assumed that the person happened to be vegan and their neighbor just farted a bunch.
[00:01:16]  And you know, I respect that.
[00:01:19]  The vegan farts smelled like meat?
[00:01:21]  Is that what you're saying?
[00:01:22]  No, I thought that they were just saying that their neighbors' offensive smells were because of their meat farts.
[00:01:30]  I guess those kind of smell like meat.
[00:01:33]  Yeah.
[00:01:33]  If you haven't had meat in a while.
[00:01:36]  You can't smell it anymore, but I can.
[00:01:38]  Hmm.
[00:01:39]  I think maybe you're just like so deprived of meat that even farts smell good like meat now.
[00:01:45]  And that's why I'm offended.
[00:01:47]  Yeah.
[00:01:48]  It's too tempting.
[00:01:48]  It's because whenever I smell a fart, I'm like, ooh, a burger sounds good.
[00:01:53]  So David Harold Grisham had something to say about this post.
[00:01:56]  He didn't just share this post.
[00:01:57]  Okay.
[00:01:58]  David Harold Grisham is like an influencer.
[00:02:00]  He's a thought leader.
[00:02:01]  There's a reason he's a big, he's big man on Facebook.
[00:02:03]  Okay.
[00:02:05]  David Harold Grisham writes, if this had happened to me, Meaning, like, if a vegan runner had posted online that they... I mean, the vegan runner in the thumbnail is a woman, but I think it's a stock photo.
[00:02:21]  This photo looks pretty professionally taken.
[00:02:26]  I don't think we know the gender of the runner.
[00:02:27]  Everybody's just kind of assuming that it's a female runner.
[00:02:32]  If this had happened to me, I would have shot a deer, butchered it in the back of my pickup in my driveway, parentheses, yes I've done that before, while they were running past so they could SEE Bambi being slaughtered.
[00:02:48]  Then I would grill it OUTSIDE while they were running by, parentheses, different day, and offer them...
[00:02:57]  I'm gonna stretch this out.
[00:02:58]  This guy's got plans, dude!

=== Demonic Dress Code (02:54) ===

[00:03:01]  As we learned, this guy... I mean, he thinks it through.
[00:03:04]  Remember when he told us how to infiltrate the Halloween stores?
[00:03:10]  Remember what he said?
[00:03:11]  He said to wear like... Don't wear church clothes when you go in there.
[00:03:16]  No.
[00:03:17]  It's like when you go in there... Don't wear your DC Talk shirt into the Halloween store.
[00:03:23]  You have to wear something demonic like a DuckTales t-shirt.
[00:03:28]  And it's going to be hard, but don't walk around singing Switchfoot songs.
[00:03:34]  I know you're used to singing Switchfoot songs, but I dare you to keep quiet.
[00:03:41]  Whatever you do, do not tell people to have a blessed day as you are slipping chick tracks into the witch costume.
[00:03:51]  Oh, nothing to see here.
[00:03:52]  Have a blessed- I mean, have a perfectly evil day, ma'am.
[00:03:57]  The devil's cool.
[00:03:59]  The devil's real cool, if you ask me.
[00:04:02]  He's gotta, like, lash himself when he gets home.
[00:04:05]  He's gotta, like, take off the hair shirt that was underneath the Hot Topic t-shirt.
[00:04:11]  Yeah, you wear the hair shirt the whole time, and you actually have like, tacks inside of your shoes while you're doing this experiment.
[00:04:21]  But yeah, I love this plan, like, a different day, and then I'm gonna grill it outside.
[00:04:26]  Like, what kind of own is that?
[00:04:27]  Do you usually grill inside?
[00:04:33]  Well, yeah, you want to keep all that delicious smell to yourself, normally.
[00:04:37]  Like, you're actually cheating yourself by letting it slip out the window, if you ask me.
[00:04:42]  Close the window, goddammit!
[00:04:45]  You're letting all the sweet, sweet smells come out.
[00:04:47]  Just like, no smoke detectors in this person's house.
[00:04:51]  That's why he's ever been into this issue is because he doesn't let the smoke out because he wants it all for himself Yeah, okay, so then I would grill it outside while they were running by parentheses different day And I offered them a quote Bambi burger a Bambi burger to eat I Do also like the idea of him like grilling at like 6 o'clock in the morning Like really early in the morning like when they're running.
[00:05:12]  Oh Yeah, so he's gotta, like, stalk this woman, right?
[00:05:16]  He's gotta, like, stalk this person, learn their schedule, set up in advance.
[00:05:22]  He already knows all of his neighbor's schedules, so this part's pretty easy.
[00:05:25]  I'm picturing him, like, he sees her running by, and he's like, oh fuck, he's, like, flipping the burger, and then he's, like, putting it on a patty, and, like, putting ketchup on it, and then he goes to, like, run next to her to offer her the Bambi burger, and then he just keels over from a heart attack.
[00:05:39]  From, like, trying to reach his sidewalk in time.
[00:05:45]  Uh-huh.
[00:05:46]  And I just love it.
[00:05:47]  Then I would grill it outside while they were running by different day and I offer them a Bambi burger to eat.
[00:05:54]  I love it.
[00:05:54]  I love just how fucking baby brain this is.