Extremely tall people, like De Blasio, are liars, cheats and thieves. (ft. Jake Flores)
This week Jake Flores of Pod Damn America joins us to discuss the utter tantrum the NYPD union threw at the firing of Eric Garner's killer--plus, the positive implications for the labor movement! Also, we cover the story of the Oregon ex-Marine who threatened to do genocide on Antifa, and his incredibly bizarre facebook profile. support the show and get weekly bonus content at http://Patreon.com/miniondeathcult Music: Third Eye Blind - Graduate
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get yourself.
They're in Boston.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Anti-union mayors are responsible.
We're documenting it.
Alright, so hey, we got a fun show for everybody today.
We are joined by a special guest, Jake Flores.
Comedian, host of Pod Damn America.
Welcome to Minion Death Cult, Jake.
Hey, great to be here, y'all.
So you're on tour right now, correct?
I am, yeah.
Just started?
Starting off in L.A.?
Yeah, right now I'm in L.A.
doing some shows and then I'm going to be going off the West Coast.
I'm kind of on a dead day right now.
I was going to start in Mexico, but...
It got complicated.
But I should be going back.
So I'm going to Tijuana at some point.
Oh, tight.
Yeah.
Nice.
Yeah, well, we appreciate you coming and doing the show.
I'm going to try and catch you when you're up in Seattle.
We'll plug those dates at the end of the episode for anyone who wants to see Jake.
Today, this is a special episode.
Since this is coming out on Labor Day, I figured, you know, we might want to discuss some labor-related topics.
I'm a union guy.
I've been a Teamster for 13 years, and since I have the platform of this podcast, it feels kind of like my duty to signal boost, you know, important labor issues.
So I have a story here today.
The headline reads, Police union suggests work slowdown after NYPD officer is fired in Eric Garner's death.
So, it's nice to see these, like, you know, percolations of working class identity coming to the surface, you know?
It's nice to see this.
Yeah, it's our favorite type of union, right?
It's the one that Billy Bragg taught us about.
If my Facebook groups are any indication, this is the only good union.
Absolutely.
Not the teachers unions, not the state unions, not the Teamsters, but police unions.
Those are the good ones.
Police unions.
It's certainly a thing that you need a union for.
You need to unionize against your boss, which is civilians.
And who are not a boss and do not like profit off of you in any fucking capital way.
I mean, if I were so disconnected from that, but I totally forgot about that concept of like, no, but you work for me like that.
I could never have the audacity to pull that one out.
Yeah.
The funniest thing about cops is that on the side of their car, it's like to serve and protect you, you know?
Yeah.
And then they're just they are what they are.
And they're fucking horrible.
And you're like, am I the customer?
Like, what the fuck is happening?
How does this work?
Yeah, I don't know.
I think my disciplinary meetings would go a little better if I could also carry a sidearm, you know?
Just tap at the whole conversation?
Yeah.
Yeah, so, Eric Garner, five years ago, was strangled, suffocated to death by an NYPD officer.
What was this dude's name?
His last name is Pantalones.
Yeah, it's Senor Pantalones.
Daniel Pantolonez put a chokehold on Eric Garner for selling loose cigarettes, killed him on the street, did not attempt any sort of resuscitation, medical help, anything like that, left him to die, and five years later he was finally fired.
And boy are these cops mad about it.
They're just living.
It's wild.
They're so pissed.
Like, and it's funny cause if you listen to the way you talk about it, he didn't so much get fired for like murdering Eric Garner.
He got fired for using illegal chokehold.
Like not, it wasn't the murder as much as it was the, the chokehold that was used to commit the murder is how it's almost how it's phrased.
You know, it's like in their mind, he's just getting fired for like lifting with his back.
Yeah, that is a whole other depressing level to it.
The thing itself isn't even what is being sussed out and is the problem.
It's some sort of technicality.
But they fought that originally to begin with.
The fact that I think I was a police commissioner when when this first happened came out and said it was an illegal chokehold and then de Blasio said it's a legal chokehold pissed off a lot of NYPD because uh you know that they that they were you know I guess they were saying like hey you're you're ceding so much ground in this argument legally for us after the fact by even saying it was a legal chokehold um every case after this they've you know sort of tried to deny that from the beginning
Yeah, that's one of the perks of being a cop, too, is like, you get to decide what's illegal, right?
Like, that's kind of your call.
A cop has to say something is illegal for it to really go down.
They're like, no, we just kind of, you know, let that one slide, but since you're saying it's illegal now, like, kind of basically our uppers are saying it's illegal, now we have to acknowledge that it just might be illegal.
Well, I think technically it's not even illegal.
It was just banned by the NYPD as a use of force.
It's not even technically illegal, which is an argument that I saw in the comment sections.
Well, do you know choking a man to death isn't even illegal when you have a bath?
Yeah.
It's just frowned upon.
It's just improper, like you said, improper body mechanics for you, the choker.
Yeah, yeah.
It's at best a yellow card.
They're calling it a seat belt hold.
That's what they call it, which I think is great.
They say he didn't choke him.
He tried to do a seat belt hold and he just wasn't good at it.
Which I think is really funny, you know, because it's just like, no, he was, you know, seat belts are good.
Like, yeah, they're annoying.
You know, we hate to wear them, but they save lives.
And he was just trying to help Eric Garner with a seat belt hold.
Yeah, so this article reads, the dismissal of the New York City police officer whose chokehold contributed to the 2014 death of Eric Garner was met with forceful rebuke from the police union's top leader who sent a strong message to its 24,000 rank-and-file members.
And this was a speech he gave with the police flag hanging upside down behind him.
Which I think is just hilarious.
I love when they get all rage against the machine.
We're in a state of crisis right now because one of our officers got let go.
We are, this is the statement, we are urging all New York City police officers to proceed with the utmost caution in this new reality, like pretend there's ominous music playing behind me, in which they may be deemed, quote, reckless just for doing their job.
Patrick Lynch, the longtime president of the Police Benevolent Association, said Monday after veteran officer Daniel Pantaleo was fired.
First of all, Patrick Lynch is this union president's name, which is weird to me.
Did President Jason Fiery Cross step down?
No, I do think this was like a Hollywood pseudonym type situation.
I need something that's really going to, you know, I want to be a star.
I want to see my, see my name in the headlines, you know, and I really want to strike fear in the hearts of, you know, black folk.
Um, before we get into making fun of the, uh, Sergeant's Benevolent Association, cause that's like going to be, I assume a whole like chunk of this cause they're just fucking hilarious.
Their Twitter account rules.
Um, Something that's been on my mind about this.
I just read a book about like the Eric Garner case as it happens.
Um, so a lot of the stuff is fresh in my mind is that the, um, stop and frisk policy originated from, um, broken windows, which was a theory that was, um, sort of like popularized by Malcolm Gladwell, who's a fucking moron.
But, uh, before that, I mean, where it came from was, This guy, uh, Dr. Zimbardo, who is famous for having conducted the Stanford prison experiments.
Um, the, that's what it was, right?
I always mix up fucking experiments, but, uh, the famous experiment.
Yeah.
The prisoner prison guard experiment.
Yeah.
Which has kind of been debunked.
Like he's kind of a bullshit artist.
So, all of this oddly liberal thought led to this thing called Stop and Frisk, which basically created a situation in combination with the ideology behind it and the NYPD's sort of bureaucratic bullshit that protects the police, created a situation where essentially
Police were going around and just sort of randomly harassing anyone they could find with, uh, you know, knowing full well that after the fact, whatever happened, the system was set up on their side to, you know, plant evidence, to rewrite the story, to rewrite the narrative, to do whatever the fuck it takes to make sure that they get away with arresting the person or, you know, being wrong and then fucking just getting away with harassing people on the street, et cetera.
It's a fucking terrorizing situation.
And part of that is that in order to report you being harassed by a police officer, you would have to go to one of their own sort of in-house organizations.
The name of it is escaping me right now off the top of my head.
Basically, it was set up in a way where there were like five different things you could report.
Harassment by an officer, you know, whatever.
Just all these different forms of being harassed by the police.
And, you know, four out of five of them, the procedure was to, uh, was that you would, your case would be like heard by a jury of other officers or something.
Right.
And so like it's set up to where it's fucking impossible to report the fact that a police officer, you know, shook you down, harassed you or whatever.
Um, One guy was particularly pissed off at a police officer who searched him during stop and frisk and pulled down his pants and stuck his finger in his ass.
And he was so pissed off about it that he went to the police and he figured out basically a way to get his complaint heard in the system.
And it took a long time to get His complaint through that officer turned out to be Daniel Pantaleo.
Um, this is years before the fucking show's old.
So this guy was like horrible to begin with.
Um, but the other thing that's funny about, I guess the situation where they're saying like, you know, we're these victims is like, we can't even do our jobs that they're complaining that the dynamic is, I guess, apparently being turned around on them.
It's they're being put in a situation where, you know, What, you mean anyone at any time can just fuck with me?
You know, that's exactly what they've been doing to the people of New York for a fucking hour.
I saw a video that was like, this is what the reality is now that, you know, officers hands are tied.
And it showed this dude in New York walking up to a squad car that was parked at an intersection, or not parked, but stopped at a light.
Yeah, that kicks ass.
just climbs up onto the cop car walks up you know on top of the hood kicks the siren a little bit and then walks down the windshield and off the hood and then walks away and and the cop had to like proceed through the intersection and i don't didn't see what happened after that but hey if that's a result of this heightened scrutiny on police officers then uh that's cool yeah that kicks ass and it's like a long time coming yeah that fucking rules man i that's uh That takes some balls.
I just love the concept of police treating policing like most salespeople treat things.
You know, they have like a poster inside of the precinct that says, like, you know, you don't convict 100% of the fish, you don't stop.
You know, it's just like, you just run the numbers.
Eventually, we're gonna find something.
You just gotta look hard, you know?
Everything's an opportunity for a sale.
Yeah, exactly.
Sell some merch while you're out there.
Yeah, um, don't take resisting arrest for an answer.
Yeah, I mean, you bring up a good point, both of you, because the reason they were, you know, harassing Eric Garner in the first place is because of this sort of broken windows policy, you know, which you kind of described with the mantra of which is to police every aspect of the city to prosecute every crime no matter or crime or infraction no matter how petty in sort of the idea that it will trickle up to larger crimes
Yeah, and actually a further thing I need to add to that is that in theory that might even work on some level, but specifically the way broken windows work was to police black and brown neighborhoods openly and deliberately.
And the justification for it was that there was more crime in black and brown neighborhoods.
But the reason that there's more crime is because where do the statistics of crime come from?
from how many people you arrest.
It's like a circular fucking thinking or whatever.
So, I mean, you know, people were interviewed and spoke out from the NYPD about this and just said like, yeah, the purpose of this was to fuck with the people that we think statistically are more likely to be criminals or whatever.
So it was a very like weird, delusional, circular way of just describing the fact that they were like outwardly just doing this to, you know, to the fucking neighborhood that Derek Arnie lived in.
Yeah.
And like people kind of forget.
Like we said, it's petty crimes, you know?
This all started, it wasn't because, you know, it was a mistaken identity where they thought he was some, you know, murder suspect or robbed a bank.
This is over fucking loosies.
This is over loose cigarettes.
Like, that's so wild.
Can you imagine?
The result of taking someone's life was over a single cigarette transaction that didn't even happen.
That wasn't even real.
They were just saying that was happening.
Well, they had been harassing him and casing him for months before that.
I mean, really, just a long time.
And they had also been doing this shit where because they had him on record as having sold Lucy's... What is it?
What is the word for it?
Like forfeiture?
Like they just seized any money he had on him ever?
Which is part of the reason that he sold cigarettes is because anytime he was walking around with like a hundred dollars, police would just shake him down and just like...asset forfeiture.
I think that's the word.
Civil asset forfeiture.
Yeah, that's cool.
So I, you know, as shitty as Daniel Pantaleono obviously is, we can't let that distract us from how shitty Michael Bloomberg and Rudy Giuliani and even Bill de Blasio are for directing the police to do this sort of work in their city.
Yeah, there was a weird moment where I'm like, wait, am I like on Bill de Blasio's side?
Is that what's happening right now?
Well, Bill de Blasio ran, like, as a reformer of this stuff and then just is a shitty, you know, politician about it.
And after he got in, he tried to both sides the whole thing and hilariously pissed off, like, both the police and, you know, why everyone that was in Black Lives Matter and all this shit.
So, you know, that's why centrism is the most, like, powerful and courageous thing you can do.
You just make everybody mad.
Hey, listen, if you don't have haters, you're not doing it right.
Exactly.
And how do you prove that you're doing it right by making, you know, more than by making everyone hate you?
Yeah.
Just as long as we're talking about Bill de Blasio.
Uh, I don't know if anyone remembers this.
I just read this book.
So like, it just came back into my mind.
Do you know he, um, during the first year of his, uh, of his whole fucking thing, he, uh, when he was testing off everyone on both sides, he was having a really bad week and he went to the Bronx Zoo and, um, Like, was holding the Groundhog that they use for Groundhog's Day.
Oh yeah, sure.
And he fucking, he dropped it.
And it died.
It's so funny.
They tried to cover it up cause he was having such a bad fucking press week already.
But like people figured it out.
He fucking dropped and killed Pucksa Tawny Phil.
Is that the same year?
Like New York had a really bad winter too?
I saw five.
Well, maybe.
Yeah.
Maybe he did it.
People died because of that.
Like he, I mean, yeah, that's why we're stuck in this never-ending loop of Hellworld.
A bunch of Lyconans who died because of that winter.
I mean, yeah, that's why we're stuck in this never-ending loop of Hellworld.
It's because he fucking killed Poxetani Phil.
Oh, that's when the timeline broke off.
Yeah.
Broke off and looped back, yeah.
Yeah, okay, so... One more statement from this article.
We will uphold our oath, but we cannot and will not do so by needlessly jeopardizing our careers or personal safety.
So, it's just funny that their personal safety makes it into this statement about their outrage over them killing someone and just, you know, having to quit your job, basically.
The problem I have with cops, one of them, I guess, is that, like, they fucking want to have both.
Like, they want their cake and eat it too, or whatever.
And what I mean by that is, like, They simultaneously bitch all the time about, like, their personal safety, and they also demand that everyone, like, talk about how brave they are all the time.
And if you were brave, it would be because you're fucking giving up your personal safety.
That's what bravery is.
You go, you know, fucking get in the middle of a bar fight that you think you might lose.
That's brave!
Scary.
The whole thing, yeah.
But if you're like the entire time, like, I shouldn't have to be, you know, possibly about to get my ass kicked and you should call me brave at the same time.
Well, fuck you, you know.
Also, I get to wear millions of dollars in military-grade equipment.
Yeah, yeah.
I get to wear, like, military-grade equipment that people in the actual military have to pay for themselves.
Another headline here.
The union representing New York City police officers has unanimously approved resolutions of no confidence in police Commissioner James O'Neill and Mayor Bill de Blasio.
The 27-member delegate assembly of the Police Benevolent Association, amazing name by the way, that's great branding, released the resolutions on Wednesday calling for O'Neill's resignation and asking Governor Andrew Cuomo to remove de Blasio from office.
Both resolutions cite the recent firing of officer Daniel Pantaleo who was involved in the fatal arrest of Eric Garner in 2014 and in part as a cause for the Union's demands So I love this because their main like argument, you know Throwing this absolute bitch fit which you know, you should listen to The the statement that this guy Patrick Lynch gave because it's fucking hilarious he says like
We have a saying in the force.
The job is dead.
Well, no.
The job was dying.
Now it's dead.
It's just like, amazing.
Like, no, no, no.
When we said it was dead before, it was just almost dead.
Now it really is dead.
It's so, it's like stealing death valor, you know?
It's so crazy.
I mean, even the way they frame everything, they still refer to this interaction, this murder, as an arrest.
Oh yeah, I mean... They call that an arrest.
Yeah, I saw, like, officer-related medical emergency describing this guy's death.
Yeah, I love cop talk.
Gotta love it.
I just use technical language to just rewrite any sentence from being, I fucked up and didn't do my job.
Yeah, I killed somebody.
I lied.
There's a great episode of Citations Needed on that.
But yeah, I love this because their main argument against his firing, against Pantaleo's firing, is that, hey, he wasn't convicted of a crime.
Right?
There was like two separate juries convened.
They found, you know, no improper procedure, no improper action or whatever.
And yet they still decided to fire him.
And now they're calling for Bill de Blasio to be fired, even though he didn't commit a crime.
Well, I mean, maybe not like a paper crime, but I mean, there's something that's very wrong about not showing the utmost respect and keeping every officer's boots so shiny with your own saliva.
That's what I want my official title to be, by the way.
O'Neal's a police commissioner, yielded to inappropriate pressure from anti-police advocates and elected, that's what I want my official title to be, by the way.
As well as unlawful interference from Mayor Bill de Blasio to render unjust... Okay, here.
It also accuses O'Neill of failing to address an, quote, acute mental health crisis among the New York Police Department which has lost nine members to suicide so far this year, among other things.
Which brings me to the next statement by Patrick Lynch, which is fucking amazing.
So, this is the headline.
Don't fucking do it!
Police Benevolent Association President Pat Lynch just had one recommendation on Thursday for cops thinking about committing suicide.
If you're on the edge and contemplating suicide, don't fucking do it.
It solves nothing and leaves devastation behind you.
Just don't do it.
Oh my god.
Good friends both on and off the job will feel betrayed and abandoned by you, he said.
Some of them struggle under the same exact burdens as you.
You are robbing them of their hope.
Yeah, that's a great thing.
It's such good advice.
So healthy.
So healthy.
This guy, it'd be cool if he just like had a side practice where he was a therapist and you were like, you know, describing all of your problems and he was like, Well, that's fucking dumb.
Shut the fuck up.
Quit being so sad all the time.
You know, I got a piece of advice for you.
You know, you could just stop being such a pussy.
If you could just stop being such a pussy, maybe you can continue to go on and, you know, do great things.
What you got to be anxious about?
You don't even have to eat my wife's cooking.
Uh, yeah.
It's like, obviously, this environment that breeds the terrible people that police our streets, it is that same environment that is, like, causing cops to be extra crazy violent for no reason, especially towards, you know, people of color and, you know, even children of color and just in general, just awful violent people.
It's like, yeah, of course that's, like, that's being pushed.
That they're the same people that are like toxic masculinity is not a thing.
Yeah.
This one part right here, we're under siege from all directions and the only defense we have is each other, he said.
Which is a strikingly familiar tone, if you're familiar with this show, just the way that the far right and fascists and white nationalists are constantly ginning themselves up to believe that there's just an impending genocide looming over them.
And you can really tell that it's all in service of justifying whatever violent behaviors they fantasize about.
Or in this case actually enact.
Yeah, so, I mean, telling, you know, a whole, like, class of people who are armed to the teeth and already know, I mean, and we already know, are exhibiting violent behavior and killing people, telling them that they're besieged on all sides and we only have each other, uh, probably a recipe for further, you know, destruction.
This is really what, like, all of the, you know, the fucking, uh, Free speech II like I'm being censored.
Yeah anti PC culture shit going on right now leads to which is that a person who is just like in and Gundam is like I'm the most oppressed a person in America right now.
Yeah Everyone is you know, everyone is against me as I walk around the city in a fucking back and just murdering people But they would never admit to being depressed.
They're just the most persecuted.
You make me wear this mech.
I have to.
It's so unfair that I'm a fucking arm-to-the-teeth assassin.
This tweet is amazing.
So you mentioned their Twitter game earlier.
I don't know what particularly this is in response to, but Bill de Blasio tweeted out, the NYPD Hate Crimes Task Force is investigating this despicable act of violence and we will find the attacker.
And, uh, the SBA, the Benevolent Police Officers Union, quote tweeted Bill de Blasio, and in some amazing bit of boomer, uh, what is it, uh, boomer syntax, said... Absolutely!
We will find this attacker!
Mayor Bill de Blasio, you are not part of the we!
You are not NYPD, never were, never will be!
NYPD members wearing a uniform do not stand with you!
They stand for something greater!
Have higher ideals and sacrifice more in a day than you have in life!
You're out!
There's this clip of this bowler losing his shit and yelling at another guy he's competing with.
It's a famous YouTube clip.
He goes, who do you think you are?
I am!
What the fuck does that I am part mean or whatever?
They totally talk like that.
I don't know who the fuck is behind this Twitter account, but I want to meet them.
The SBA is the Sergeant's Benevolent Association, which is just Some weird fucking, you know, fraternal organization of like ex-police or something.
They just have all these weird groups attached to the various police departments, especially NYPD.
But this one in particular is like one of the funniest fucking Twitter accounts to follow.
aside from being depressing, like this shit, the angry, just tone of it is really funny.
I guess juxtaposed with like the fact that you're looking at this and going, good Lord, you're the person we give the gun to like in every situation. - Yeah. - I don't know if you've like followed their ongoing battle with like a water fight in like a weird poor black neighborhood that's happening in Staten Island or wherever in New York.
But they keep posting videos of themselves getting squirted with water guns by like, like literal babies, toddlers.
And they're just like America in 2019, we're under constant attack and all this shit.
And it's nerve-wracking to watch because you're like, you know, Jesus Christ, like these children maybe don't know what they're doing.
Like this is how, you know, people get killed, no fault of their own, but like, uh, you know, they use this as an excuse every time they want to kill a black child.
They always say like, you know, he had a squirt gun, but it looks like a real gun or whatever.
But there's just one street where they don't give a fuck at all.
They're just dumping buckets of water on cops and shit and throwing like water balloons at them.
And it's the funniest fucking thing ever because they keep sharing the videos, this SBA account, And they keep trying to share them as if it will garner them sympathy and we will go, oh my god, your job is so hard.
What in reality?
You watch it and it's like the best shit I've ever seen.
It's like ASMR.
And it's usually sandwiched between two videos of a police officer assaulting somebody anyways.
So it's like you just scroll through it with no sympathy whatsoever.
Yeah.
Maybe they just have a fetish and they don't realize like water sports doesn't involve actual water.
It's like they're kind of asking for it.
I mean, these kids probably just think like, Oh, like we're in a water fight.
Like, you know, we're regular people.
Like cops are regular people.
You know, I saw the same cop dancing and shooting a three pointer and doing a kick the other day.
Like he must also enjoy water fights.
That's a good point because they do that shit.
And when they do that shit, they, They create the pretense that they're always fun.
Yeah.
And so if you throw a water balloon at a cop, he should be like, ah, you know, and fun about it.
Yeah.
But it really pisses them off.
And so they, they just sort of sulk.
And that's why you should never, never record the kickflipping cop.
If you see the cop, don't ever let him see your board.
Like if he wants to, if he wants your board, focus that shit first and then hand it to him.
And like, yeah, cause we see this and it's like the dancing cop in Ohio who like, he's the dancing cop, but he's also the same guy that was like beating the shit out of the guy with one hand and holding a gun on the other.
Here's how this works, right?
So if on Monday you dance with a police officer and he sort of like, you know, dances around and does the stanky leg or whatever, We all think it's a good time, but that doesn't mean that on fucking Saturday, when someone comes up and does the stanky leg, he doesn't pull out his fucking firearm and put ten bullets in them and then in the police report go, like, he was doing some sort of, like, MS-13 body ritual dance at me.
Hex on me.
You know?
So just don't ever fuck with these people to begin with.
I mean, I like, I respect that, because I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm not always on, you know?
If someone comes up and talks to me, you know, I'm not gonna scroll through your Facebook and read your family's comments, you know?
I wanna just relax and maybe wrestle you to the ground.
Yeah.
Um, so here we get to the sort of like inevitable conclusion of this all.
NYPD sources predicted that following the rules closely would cause a slowdown in officers response times to emergency calls because going by the book would make everything take twice as long to do.
What a concept.
This is what they're threatening us with.
This is what Patrick Lynch and the NYPD is threatening us with.
They're threatening us with a work slowdown, which is a labor tactic, in order to pressure us into acquiescing to their demands.
So it's like, well, how about I don't strangle a street vendor to death this week and see how you like it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, I hope we all call their bluffers like, you're not down.
Well, I think as leftists, we should support this, you know?
They couldn't do it.
There's no way they can do it.
Like, I, the second that somebody just, you know, they walk by someone and like, you know, someone oinks at them, they're, they're going to like, become violent and even though there was no crime that happened there.
Here's a question.
If the police go on strike, can I then become a scab and get a job as a police officer for that week?
And then just do whatever the fuck I want with it?
Yeah, that's a...
I'll do donuts with a cop car and shit.
That's a leftist gray area for sure.
I couldn't do it man because I would like for sure just like do all the cocaine in the vaults and just like drive super fast Yeah!
It would be pretty bad.
Let's do it.
So yeah, I love this.
Like, you know, you don't want to meet our demands.
You don't want to stop disrespecting us.
How about we follow everything by the book?
Yeah, it's beautiful.
It's so good.
I think the police just has to be such an insular community that you would have to be in kind of a cult to begin with to not even realize how fucking funny that statement is to everyone on the outside.
Yeah, totally.
I mean, and it's... It's represented in these right-wing Facebook groups I'm in that, you know, they're all bootlicking, cop-humping people.
But the general public was like, yeah, he should have been fired.
He should be fucking prosecuted.
Why did it take five years to even fire him?
The public is not on their side with this one, and they have no clue.
And, you know, part of that, like, cult-like indoctrination that you're talking about is this idea that everybody hates us.
It's us against the world.
You know, we're beset on all sides, and the only person you can trust is your psycho union president.
Yeah.
Yeah, like this, like, I mean, in a perfect world where we do get past this stuff and, you know, we abolish the police, like this is gonna just look so bad in retrospect It's like, oh, wait, because what if they really did follow the rules and did do the things they're supposed to do and, like, not go looking for crimes, but just, like, stopping people from, like, you know, breaking up fights and, you know, like, finding out who stole something in a very nice manner?
Like, we would see society grow in this wonderful fashion, and it's like, They couldn't do it.
There's no way they just can't.
They're not down.
Like they're, they're going to scab themselves.
Yeah.
They sort of have this mentality about themselves as being like some sort of business and shit, which is really weird because on some level they're like, they are like some sort of like, You know, centrally planned socialist organization in some abstract way.
They're not a fucking business, but they like, like for example, when the question of legalization of marijuana came up, I can't remember where I want to say it might've been in New York, like one of these fucking asshole groups response was, if you make weed illegal, then we won't have anything to do.
And it's like, isn't that the fucking end goal of this thing?
Yeah, I mean, another group, another police force pushed it even farther and said, if you legalize weed, we're going to have to euthanize all the drug dogs.
Yep.
Yep.
Oh yeah, I remember that.
We're going to kill these fucking puppies if you decriminalize marijuana.
There is no option to be either.
There's no adopt to go.
I'm just like, nope, they got to go.
I mean, it's just like, you know, I run a warranty department at work, you know, and when stuff is broken, that could easily be fixed.
I'm supposed to throw it away.
You know, I can't, I can't fix it and sell it or give it away.
I'm supposed to throw it away.
Dogs are the same.
Yeah.
You have to break them.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, I don't know.
I guess it's just what I'm saying about those is like, like on some basic level, Ideology-wise, they don't realize how weird it sounds for them to be like, we need to stay in business.
We need to keep making arrests because that's what we sell and that's what we generate money.
It's like, you're not Best Buy.
It doesn't matter if you don't make arrests, but because those are thought of as the transactions that keep the whole fucking business afloat, it just leads to this fucking thing where you just incentivize um, arrests.
And then you just sort of like, you disassociate cognitively and just like, imagine that there must be this much crime.
Exactly.
Exactly as much crime as there are cops, you know, the money's aspect of cops is so weird.
the money's aspect of cops is so weird.
Cause there are certain situations like, um, I was driving to long beach yesterday and I got stuck in traffic and it was really gnarly.
Cause there are certain situations like, um, I was driving to Long Beach yesterday and I got stuck in traffic and it was really gnarly.
And, um, I realized it was because when I got off, I got redirected around an off ramp, um, off the freeway.
And, um, I realized it was because when I got off, I got redirected around an off ramp, um, off the freeway, it was because there was a jumper on the overpass and I had never seen so many cops in my entire life.
It was because there was a jumper on the overpass and I had never seen so many cops in my entire life.
Like the whole city of Riverside was on that overpass, like every cop ever.
Cause they blocked down, they locked down such a huge radius.
And all I was kind of thinking about was like, damn, like how much money is this costing right now?
This is like, this is huge.
This is, this is costing like probably, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars.
And it was really interesting to see that.
And there were, like, helicopters that came out of nowhere.
And then that got me thinking while I'm sitting there about how the week before my little cousin who worked for the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department was talking to me about how San Bernardino County is the only county in the country that for some reason it's legal for them to shoot people from helicopters.
And that's all I was thinking about with this jumper situation and the helicopters going around.
And I'm like, is this the option?
And they can do it because it's illegal there.
Like how crazy there's a police department where that's a thing you can do.
And I was like, what would it possibly take?
What is so gnarly that you have to use a helicopter?
And like the example he used was like some chase.
So it has to be from like one thing, right?
Like, so we have them at one time.
They've done it more than once enough to where he, the reason why it came up is because he was talking about the junkyard.
And he's like, yeah.
And I saw this car where they took someone out from a helicopter.
And I was like, run that back again.
I was like, dog, you know, we're not even allowed to like hunt wolves that way.
Right?
Like that's like not, what would it take?
And apparently it was just like a chase where, you know, you've, you know, hit somebody and, and, uh, damage and property is all it really takes.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
And I mean that, that whole thing where you would rather, um, shoot the driver of a getaway car from the sky on a, on a busy freeway, then I don't know, just let him get ahead of a cop car.
Yeah.
It'd be cool if there was some leftover law in like a certain part of the country from just like the, uh, you know, like kind of like a hundred years ago, like the steampunk age where it's like legally you can arrest someone or you can assassinate someone from a blimp.
You can hang out the side and, uh, you know, it's not very effective, but you're allowed to do it.
Yeah, that's when we need the actual constitutionalists on the Supreme Court to say, well, technically a helicopter is not a blimp, and the Founding Fathers did not envision this sort of technology.
The Founding Fathers were not steampunk.
The idea that you would rather kill the suspect than, like, let them get a mile ahead of you or whatever is, like, the same exact philosophy that led to Eric Garner's death.
Like, rather than just walking away from the situation, de-escalating the situation to the point where, hey, maybe you don't issue a citation today on this guy, you know?
But that would be the end of the world for them, because their authority has been disrespected, their supremacy has been challenged, So the situation needs to be dealt with no matter how.
Yeah, and you see a lot of people who are like, well, he resisted arrest.
What were they supposed to do?
It's like, don't arrest him for selling fucking loosies for 50 cents or a dollar or whatever.
Like, just don't arrest him.
You know, if it's going to end in murder, maybe don't do that.
And that just like, you know, we were going back to what we were talking about.
the sort of like pricing model or the funding model of of the police and that's kind of why they represent a fundamental con their their goals are fundamentally at odds with our goals with with our interests you know it's it's a kind of a similar dynamic to the the worker boss dynamic it's it's just
Fundamentally oppositional roles, and it's the same with the police and the public, you know, unless you have some sort of community police organization that actually lives in the community and is part of the community and works with the community and represents the interests of the community and not just the business class or the political class, then the goals of that institution are going to be just, you know, fundamentally at odds with the goals of everybody else.
So yeah, when they say things like, You know, hey, we're gonna have to, like, I castrate all these dogs and grind them up for food if you legalize a non-harmful substance.
Like, that's just laying bare the contradictions, you know?
They're making it even easier for us to see those contradictions.
What's interesting about that is that, like, I agree, but also it gets really confusing when you talk to people on the other side of this because The concept of community policing was something that was cited in Broken Windows, and they sort of justified stop-and-frisk as, like, this is community policing, although, you know, it clearly is not what we are talking about.
Yeah.
Yeah, like, the whole thing about that is, like, it's supposed to be where you're part of the community, and, like, you should be able to be, like, Oh, like, hey, what's up, Jake?
Like, did you do your homework?
You know, how's your mom?
And if you have that rapport with somebody, like, then you'll know, like, oh, hey, man, I know you've been, I know you've been, like, selling weed on the low.
Like, you need to fucking chill with that.
And, like, that's what real community principles should be, but, like, that's way too much.
I don't want to actually, you know, humanize the community.
I just want to observe it and, like, punish it.
Yeah, completely.
Yeah, the term broken windows itself comes from, I don't know if anyone listening knows this, but it comes from this experiment that that Zimbardo guy did, the Stanford Experiment guy, where he left a
A car with a broken window, like a nice car with a broken window out, in like two different neighborhoods, one of them being a fucking nice rich neighborhood, and one of them being like somewhere in the hood, and then like, you know, in the hood, fucking people took the tires off of it and shit, and like took the stereo out and stuff, and then in this nice suburban white neighborhood, they left him alone, and the theory there, the conclusion they came to was just like,
Well, if the neighborhood is nice and clean and whatever, then crime, people won't feel inclined to commit crime to begin with.
It's this huge fucking like spurious, ridiculous thing where you look at it and you go, I think you mismatched all the factors and arrows pointing in different directions that cause certain things or whatever.
I love that there was like two conversations in a nice neighborhood.
they called the cop and they were like some some cars been abandoned here and like in the other neighborhoods like hey um this car is here i think it's for some sort of fucking project like yeah um so it doesn't like just take the shit man doesn't belong to anybody yeah i just saw malcolm gladwell drop off a bmw on the side of my fucking street and i'm gonna strip the shit out of it that motherfucker's rich for a lot of money I looked at the license plate.
It belongs to some college.
They don't need BMWs.
I'm gonna take it.
They got insurance.
Yeah, I had some guy tried to argue with me in the Joe Rogan podcast group because I made some comment like, oh yeah, it's almost like poverty has a connection to crime, you know?
And he was like, oh well of course it does because if there's crime then all the rich people leave.
Oh my god.
No, it's exactly the opposite.
It's like exactly the opposite of what you're saying.
Let's get into comments.
I have a few comments here that are pretty great.
Yankee Dog in the Fox News comment section says, Seeing Pantaleo lose his job and his benefits will make other officers think twice before they act, fearing they will not be supported if something goes awry.
And again, don't threaten me with a good time.
Yeah.
Yeah. - Ha ha ha.
They'll have to actually think about the consequences of their actions.
Can you imagine living in that world?
Can you imagine if that was, I can take a life and the worst thing that's going to happen to me is I'm going to lose my job and my benefits.
I mean, plenty of commenters were saying, Hey, that's a fair trade.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
They're like, Hey, cool.
Yeah, that rules.
I think the thing that they're always implying when they're coming from this point of view is that, like, you know... I mean, the police are just so funny because they have this weird, like, passive-aggressive, like, you'll be really mad when I'm not around kind of thing.
Yeah.
But, like, the reason... what they're trying to argue is that if they weren't policing exactly as fucking brutally and as hard as they are right now, then...
Then all hell would break loose and we are to understand that they are like the one fucking wall holding back the white walkers or whatever and then there's this like insane amount of crime that is coming down the pike if they aren't doing this weird specific job and it's just not true.
Well they made that documentary about the night that the cops like took off It didn't work?
I think it's called, like, The Purge?
Yeah.
It was the best night ever.
I thought it was a movie called A Day Without a White.
Oh, no.
I couldn't see that one because, like, it would make my reality so much darker.
Yeah.
Seeing what's possible.
Having to come back out of the movie theater and into real life.
Yeah.
It's never the same after that.
Just sad.
We have a comment here from a Tom Lynch Senior.
Ugh, again?
He says, uh, my dad and his brothers are probably rolling in their respective graves.
Which I think is just funny that he specified that, like, his dad and his brothers weren't gay together in the same grave.
But yeah, Tom Lynch Sr.
I- this is the- I didn't include the other Lynch, but I saw at least three Lynch's just acting so appalled at a cop being fired for killing a black guy.
Hey, I'm just saying, I'm just going to put a public service announcement.
In America in 2019, just change your name.
It has a bad history.
That word is so gnarly that I recently made this little poster and it said, lynch your local racist.
Which I thought was funny and nobody can be offended by that, but even people who, even Black friends were like, oh, that's still rough, man.
That word's just rough.
And I'm like, but no, it's cool.
We're lynching the bad people.
You're taking it back.
You're taking the word back.
Yeah.
As if we ever had it.
Um, yeah, no, yeah.
I come from a long line of lynch makers.
My ancestors, when they came over, they started up the Lynch Factory and that's where our name comes from.
Yeah.
It's unfortunate my last name is Slipknot because my parents are in that band.
HKA in Fox News says, did the men that stormed the beaches at Normandy belong to a union?
Uh, I mean, right?
Yeah.
Isn't this like the United States of America?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know about them.
The soldiers that invaded the South definitely belonged to a union.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I love this.
He's like trying to own the cops for being like pussies in a union.
That's amazing, yeah.
What a terrible example.
There's so many examples.
Actually, I can't think of that many, but I'm sure there are ones that are fantastic.
But it's like, that one?
That's still your go-to?
That is actually a really funny angle.
I hadn't thought of, but like, because police are in unions, when you see them in public, you can be like, hey, why don't you go to a DSA meeting, you man-bun snowflake?
Well, they tried, didn't they?
And then they got eventually kicked out.
That's true, they did, yeah.
That's tight.
Real men can stand up for themselves.
They don't need a union to do it for them.
The whole battlefield, just like, oh, break time, guys.
stand up for themselves they don't need a union to do it for them.
Yeah they weren't taking a 10 minute break every four hours while they were fighting Nazis.
Yeah.
The whole battlefield just like break time guys.
Yeah.
Everybody.
I don't want to see anybody cleaning their gun or reloading or anything like that.
No, no work on breaks.
Just talk amongst yourselves.
Relax.
Yeah, I'd like to file a harassment claim.
I heard my superior officer say something about jerry-rigging my rifle.
I think that's a little bit racist.
I don't know if it should be present in the workplace.
Yeah, I don't think it's... I'm not good with that.
I don't know if everybody realizes that.
It's something I realized a few years ago.
Jerry-rig is a racial slur against German people.
Oh.
Being as it were in America, I still prefer it over the only alternative that I've heard.
Sorry to all the Jerry's out there.
But I'll tell you this much, we never did know Holocaust.
All right, one in the column, one in your column.
Rosetta Schneider Howell says, New York, what are you going to do when your police officers walk away?
Hashtag walk away.
The citizens walk away from the New York plantation.
The citizens be marching in the streets demanding that your officers are respected to the highest level.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Where is this march so I can never go to it?
Where can I counter-protest this protest?
Are they trying to make me think about Third Eye Blind while I read this?
Because that's what happened in my brain.
When you walk away, hashtag walk away.
Don't you walk away.
Is that off your self-title?
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend.
Would you walk away?
I have no idea what album it's on.
P.S.
that song did come on while I was stuck not moving in traffic with my windows down.
That song did come on While the Jumper was there, and the guy next to me looks over and looks at me and kind of like laughing is like, are you fucking serious?
And I didn't think twice about it because I just, for some reason that was like, that album was in my head.
And yeah, I was playing Jumper like within like A thousand feet of an actual.
And I did not mean to.
Like, I would never, like... It took me a while to realize, oh, that's why that guy was saying that.
Somewhere, like, there's a police officer off to the side holding a boombox above his head, playing Dirt I've Lied, I Wish You Would Step Back, with my friend, and just yelling, don't fucking do it!
He's covering the song with his cop band.
It's like, don't fucking do it!
That's like the new, that's the new like New York Times, like the New York PD anthem.
I think you might be conflating that song with Graduate, because Graduate opens with, CANNOT GRADUATE!
Is that what I'm doing?
I think you're matching it a little bit.
That's a great song.
I mean, that's got a riff in it that's really good.
It's entirely likely that I melted the entire 90s into one big candle in my head.
Last take on Third Eye Blind.
The song Narcolepsy is a hardcore song, but that's it.
We can go on.
Fair.
Top of the fair.
Yeah, and then one last comment.
Ed Jackson says, Extremely tall people like de Blasio and Comey are liars, cheats, and thieves.
I don't want to be a sizes person because I don't like making fun of short people.
We saw what happens when we poke short people with Bagel Boss, but I love the bitter short person.
I love it so much.
It's so entertaining.
They're all liars.
They're all cheats, every single one of them.
Bill de Blasio is 6'5", so extremely tall.
The failing Randy Newman cannot be trusted.
Yeah, I love this because it's like some weird sort of like anachronistic race science, you know?
Like, all redheads are witches or something?
Yeah.
It's like, no, tall people have that lying, have that lying blood in them.
You know, they have a special... Yeah, it's not their fault.
They have an additional cue zone that stores all the lies.
Yeah, that's not even really in keeping with any eugenicist bullshit, you know?
It's that's like a completely new made up thing.
It's just designed by this person specific point of view.
Well, it's like, I think that they really, they really just like, well, the NBA is full of black people and they're all tall.
I don't trust them.
So that means tall people must, you know, can't trust tall people.
You can't tell what they're doing all the way up there.
Yeah.
There's less oxygen up there.
They're prone to rage and anger over the deprivation.
How tall do you think Ed Jackson is if he calls 6'5"?
Don't get me wrong, that's tall.
Like, that's a tall person, but extremely tall?
Yeah, I don't know.
He's probably not 6'4", you know?
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay, next topic of the night.
This is from Oregon Live.
Former Marine said he'd quote, slaughter Antifa.
The FBI, using Oregon's new red flag law, took his guns away.
Um, so on this podcast, we're a bit agnostic about red flag laws.
You know, I don't think that giving the cops the ability to take away your means of protection or to arrest you before you've actually committed a crime sets a good precedent.
However, I would think that making open threats about slaughtering people would constitute a crime in and of itself.
I don't know why you would need a red flag law to investigate that action.
And the only reason why I'm not that upset about red flag laws, as we talked about before, is they just did that shit to people anyways.
If you're a minority, or you said men are trash, they're doing that to you anyways.
So now they have a way to actually hold the chuds responsible too.
Still have to use it.
Still have to want to use it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
These things are really hard to pin down because, um, they're not really, these are just very abstract ideas.
So like, there's not like a fucking macro, you know, you can just type in to make this, uh, a law that's going to be effective across the board and be implemented on all people equally.
The red flag thing, or even defining what a threat really is.
But, um, You know, I mean, let's use a little context here.
This person probably wants to kill people.
You know?
They don't sound like they're being ironic.
I don't think we're misinterpreting this in any way.
Oh no, he made it very clear.
He was standing in front of the Portland mayor's house in a group of right-wing freaks in body armor when he said this, so I don't think there's a lot of room for, you know, a charitable interpretation.
Yeah, it's pretty clear that, like, if you don't step in and probably do something here, this person very well may murder somebody over some shit they're angry about on the internet.
Yeah, and I mean... Yeah, they call it vigilantism, too.
The irony is that people in that community probably would take care of him if it weren't for the cops in the first place.
I think he should be called a Reddit flag wall.
I will see myself out the door now.
Again, you're not wrong.
You're not wrong there.
Shane Cofield stood outside the home of Portland's mayor in July wearing body armor and a Make America Great Again baseball cap, a large knife strapped to one shoulder, and a copy of his concealed weapons permit displayed on the other.
Jesus Christ.
So he just had like his permit taped to his chest like a kid going to school for the first day.
Yeah, yeah.
A note pinned to him?
Yeah, using a loudspeaker.
You know, Billy gets a little cranky around people with blue hair.
He might murder them.
And don't give them any peanuts.
Using a loudspeaker, he warned the right-wing activists who turned out to condemn the city's handling of recent violent demonstrations that they needed to protect themselves against their anti-fascist or Antifa rivals.
If Antifa gets to the point where they start killing us, I'm going to kill them next, Coalfield32 said.
I'd slaughter them and I'd have a detailed plan and I have a detailed plan on how I would wipe out Antifa.
Like that's what changes everything that part right there.
There's like no room for error.
I have a detailed plan.
Yeah.
I don't really believe the if part of this, it sounds like you just kind of want to do this.
Um, and also, What is your plan to wipe out Antifa?
Because I'm very pro-Antifa, and I don't know if I wanted to do it how I would fucking do it, because it's so disorganized and, uh, horizontal and shit.
So, like, that's gotta be a fucking hilarious read, and what this guy thinks, you know?
Totally.
He's gonna find, like, the head of Antifa and shake him down or some shit?
He's gonna go to the nearest Starbucks and, like, assassinate all the baristas.
Yeah, I was gonna say, he's just gonna post up at Whole Foods in the vegan section.
Yeah, or he's gonna do some weird undercover Hello Fellow Kids shit where he buys a black hoodie and tries to become Antifa Serpico or some shit.
Just gonna poison all the kombucha.
Yeah, I just love that statement.
If Antifa gets to the point where they start killing us, I'm going to kill them next.
Yeah.
You better not kill us, because I'll kill you right back, buddy.
I'm gonna kill you harder.
If I'm killing and you get in the way, it's your own fault.
It's very much Bart and Lisa doing the windmill arms at each other.
Exactly.
That threat pushed the FBI's Joint Terrorism Task to take a series of extraordinary steps against Kofield, including temporary seizure of a cache of his firearms under Oregon's new red flag law aimed at preventing gun violence.
The task force also had the ex-Marine committed to a veterans hospital in Florida.
He spent the next 20 days there.
By leveling vicious warnings, Kofield said, he hoped to deter others from causing physical harm.
I figured that the key to de-escalating the situation was to not be the most violent person in the room.
He said it was to be the scariest person in the room.
So, great logic there.
I wanted to de-escalate the situation by threatening mass murder loudly in front of a prominent politician's home.
So, after being arrested by the FBI, his explanation was that of a Scooby-Doo villain?
Yeah, no, ironically, I think he was really heavily influenced by that Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode where he's teaching Ashley how to fight.
And you gotta be crazy.
You gotta have a tick, you know?
Oh, yeah.
You gotta go up to the biggest guy on the first day.
Yeah, you just scare Antifa into accepting fascism.
Uh, so this dude wrote a five-page letter to Dan Crenshaw and, uh, in it he told Crenshaw that Congress needed to take immediate action to declare Antifa a terrorist organization.
Otherwise, he and other veterans would have no choice but to begin systematically killing Antifa members, quote, until we have achieved genocide.
Wait a minute.
Alright, so this is where this guy's entire manifesto falls apart.
Because at the beginning he said, if and when they start killing people, that's when I will be forced to do this.
But then he just turned it all the way around and was like, but because of that, now I have to start first.
This is like a crazy, convoluted way of just saying he's going to murder somebody.
Well, in his mind, Antifa has already killed people, because remember that Warren supporter in Ohio?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Obvious communist attack.
He's clearly an American because he thinks the only way to fight terrorism is with terrorism, just under a different uniform.
I mean yeah, what he's talking about including the threat to Dan Crenshaw is literal terrorism.
You need to designate them a terrorist organization or else I'm going to commit heinous acts of violence.
Right, that's a good point.
He's committing terrorism against Dan Crenshaw.
But in a way where he's like, you're my friend!
This guy fucking rules.
The whole thing is so scary because the misinformation out there to normal people, normies, about Antifa is vast and it's bad.
I mean to the point where I was talking with this couple last night and we were talking just in general.
Me and her were praising Lizzo and talking about generally progressive things.
I forgot how it came up, but her boyfriend, who up until this point is a very normal person, he is this young, hip, hairdresser, and I don't mean barber, I mean like works in the salon.
So I didn't really see this coming for some weird things I have in my head about that.
But then he was like, yeah, man, like, the Antifa's crazy, you know, they're a bunch of thugs and like they are literally beating up old people.
And I was like, oh, fuck man, I don't, I can't even do this right now.
I just, he was just a normal person.
And it's just like, he might not even be a hateful idiot.
He just is an idiot is getting misinformation and eats it up.
Yeah.
Well, we're living in hyper normalization where people can pretty easily just choose to keep believing what they're going to believe and keep backing it up with other shit.
So if somebody got off on the wrong fucking tangent thinking about this to begin with, back, you know, post-Charlottesville when most people didn't know what the fuck was going on or what Antifa was, like, yeah, I mean, I know there's plenty of fucking people in my line of work who I wouldn't say I know there's plenty of fucking people in my line of work who I wouldn't say are rational to begin with, but are, like, smart and, like, Yeah.
I mean, I agree with everything you just said, but I also have seen positive results in shifting the narrative.
I'm part of this, I'm part of a couple actually, Joe Biden for President Facebook groups.
And some, like, obvious right-wing troll posted a video from Portland with that crazy dude, the based Spartan guy, and his 25-year-old, four-foot-tall daughter, you know, being chased out of the city or whatever.
And this guy posted that video, and he was like, you know, uh, hello, my fellow Democrats.
As Democrats, we should condemn the violence of I'm not joking, like that's literally what he said, you know, as Democrats, we need to issue a strong condemnation.
And I said, why, you know, I was the first comment and I said, uh, why should people have to apologize for defending their city from, you know, 200 far-right agitators descending on them?
Yeah, I agree, man.
And that, I hope, helped get, like, every 50-year-old, 55-year-old in the group to be like, yeah, no, this is cool.
Good.
We like this.
We like that.
Yeah, I agree, man.
I think also people have generally, like, either become complete fucking reactionary cranks or fallen on the other side of this line and, like, figured out that we were right to begin with, people like us.
And then, like, you know, they just don't really want to talk about it after they've admitted they were wrong about it or whatever.
But I think, like, a lot— Yeah, you're right.
I mean the thing can be demystified for sure and is mostly being that it just that.
There's a few people that have decided to really fucking dig their heels in on this one and they suck about it.
I think the Portland action was very successful.
You know, it's gotten a lot of criticism from like edgy leftists or whatever because people were in costumes or were being silly or whatever, but I think the optics of that are good because it showed like Almost an entire city full of normal, at least by Portland's standards, you know, coming out to defend their city.
And some of them are gonna be dorky, and some of them are not going to know anything about optics, or care anything about optics.
They're just like, hey, I live here, you know, I'm a, I'm a theater kid, or hey, I'm, I'm like an office drone or whatever, but I don't want fucking fascists marching through my city.
Because it wasn't a bunch of, you know, very serious individuals all, you know, wearing masks or bandanas strapped, you know, I feel like it elevates the systemic threat that the far right does present to everybody, to normal people, you know, that normal people can agree that this is bad.
I'm not even joking when I say this.
I think the banana block did a lot of what you're talking about because it was so like unserious and just like it sort of implied like Yeah, this isn't like this fucking mysterious, you know, evil thing.
It's anyone within their right mind would show up to take part or be on this side of this line, you know?
Yeah.
So that thing where they were wearing banana suits and playing, like, fucking ska music or whatever.
The fact that it was so funny, like, it kind of accomplished this braving thing, I think.
Yeah, it's fine.
And the fact that those, you know, the Proud Boys, Prayer Patrol, whatever they're called, the fact that they all came in from other states and other cities to do this and it was the people of Portland standing up to them, I think is great optics for our side.
And, you know, I consider it a very big success.
So, this dude, Kofeld, I was able to find his Facebook.
All of his stuff is public on Facebook.
You can't comment, but you can react.
So, I have a post here from August 5th.
This is before the Portland rally.
Where he says, I will be attending Antifa's rally on August 17th completely unarmed.
I will not bring a gun, a knife, a crowbar, baton, or any weapon of war.
If you try to kill me, even though I have no desire for violence.
If you want to kill me even though I want peace, if you try to kill me even though I have no desire to harm you, if you try to kill me even though I want to teach you how to paint like me, if you want to deprive me of life because I want to be your friend, if you want to kill me after all of that, the first person and every person after that who tries to kill me because I'm an unarmed pacifist, I will rip your throat out with my teeth.
I am the world's most violent pacifist.
Bro, you're so fucking lucky I swore an oath of peace right now.
Yeah, that fucking rules.
And I, you can't see it, but the reason the background on this post is black is because it's the description for a photo he posted of his own tattoo.
You can kind of see it in the background and it is, it is a black and white tattoo of a drawing, uh sorry, it's a black and white tattoo of a demon ripping itself out of his chest.
This is a tattoo that he drew himself.
He's been warning us for years.
It's unfortunate.
It's an unfortunate tattoo.
This guy would not be able to be a black person in America for five seconds.
No, he's a pacifist.
He's talking exactly like Dr. King talks.
He identifies what it's like to not feel safe and when you should, you know?
Uh, yeah, you know, nonviolent passive resistance, except if you fuck with me, I will, I will rip my rib cage open and pull out the demon, eat its fucking soul and use it to, you know, if this is gonna land on anybody, but he actually sounds a lot like a character from the Netflix original show, Troll Hunters, that I just finished with my six year old.
There's a character that's like a devout pacifist, like the whole time.
And then, you know- - Don't spoil it. - It gets to the edge, gets to the edge.
Yeah, that character, Arg, is a great character.
And I could honestly see this person identifying with him.
And just being like, you're making me do this.
You're bringing out the demon in me.
You're like, you're gonna, I'm a pacifist, but you're gonna unleash the beast.
God forgive me, but I'm back on my throat slitting bullshit.
Hey, we're getting pretty close to, I think my battery's gonna run out and stuff soon.
Just a heads up.
The only thing I learned how to do in the Marine Corps was to kill people in the most expedient manner possible.
I don't need a gun.
I am the weapon.
I'm so sure.
I'm worried.
I don't want violence, but if it is used against me, I will make violence a bitter taste in your mouth.
You may be an atheist, but I am a Spartan, and I will teach you the fear of God.
What?
Did you know Spartans were not monotheists at all?
Nevermind.
That narrows it down.
You're one of 50 people.
I will be the guy wearing a red make America great again hat and a shirt that says this is my killing shirt That narrows it down You're one of 50 people this shirt kills Antifa So one more post from this guy which is amazing My name is sergeant Shane Michael Kofeld US Marine Corps, retired.
I like... Real quick, real quick.
We gotta put on like a... It's about to get real horny, folks.
Like, just watch out.
It's gonna get super horny.
We need one of the banana block to show up and play a saxophone.
Yeah, for sure.
I like fighting, fucking, and long walks on the beach at sunset with the love of my life.
I enjoy thrill-seeking and can make watching grass grow the biggest adventure you have ever gone on.
Boys finish first, men finish last.
What?
What?
He's talking about fucking.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, he's still fucking here.
I am retired and I have a passion for sewing and clothing design, but I don't have a muse or a model.
Just the time.
Frowny face.
I like to sew dresses for my six and seven year old nieces, but they live in Minnesota.
Thank God.
Oh, he's the phantom thread guy.
Cool.
If you go on a date with me, I will take your measurements and make you whatever you want.
If I can.
Jesus Christ.
I'm still learning, but- I will make you into whatever I want.
Yeah, we can complete you.
I'm still learning, but I'm good at it.
You don't have to be a sexual object or even my muse for me to use you as a model.
There's definitely a lack of women in my life.
No, you don't say.
What happened to the love of your life?
He just imagines that would be his passion if she were there.
This is what I love to see on a dating application.
Reassurance from a person that they will never hurt me.
I think the thing that separates me from most men is that I'm not a complete and utter pussy.
I think it's fun to beat on boys that like to beat on girls so you never have to worry about me hurting you, or anyone hurting you for that matter.
This is what I love to see on a dating application.
Reassurance from the person that they will never hurt me.
Yeah.
He's just typing all this into the body description part.
Yeah.
I'm told that honesty is one of my personality flaws.
I'm just too... It's too real.
It's too real.
Yeah.
I have a dog named Kitty.
She rides around in my backpack.
Okay, that part's cute.
I love cuddling and affection, so I started collecting movies.
Maybe we can notebook and spoon someday?
Oh my god.
Oh, Notebook the movie.
Like, watch the Notebook the movie in Spoon.
Yeah, it's capitalized.
Alright, player.
I see you, player.
Okay, okay.
I don't think shopping is boring.
They say women be shopping, but... Shopping is one step away from being a competitive sport for me.
If we are in a sexual relationship and I'm making you clothes for you constantly, then you better be screwing me like I'm a professional athlete.
I only want to hear no if you feel like being kinky.
Okay.
Cool stuff.
That's not really how that works, but you know.
He does this thing like in both these situations where he sets up an if-then scenario, but then completely destroys that scenario later on where he's like, listen, I'm gonna fuck you.
Yeah, you're not allowed to say no to me.
Yeah, unless you're being kinky, which is... I can sit backwards like... Okay, sure.
Yeah, like, how did he even... How did he even get there in this short paragraph?
Yeah.
What's up, fellas?
Good.
How's it going?
Good, good.
Good.
My name's Matt.
Hi, Matt.
Get some paper plates for the fellas.
Cool, cool.
Yep.
We are in the dark recording a podcast.
That just happened.
Hi, Matt.
Uh, let me know when it's good to go again.
Yeah, we're good, we're good.
Last four lines.
I'm a painter, parentheses, muse needed.
I'm a poet, parentheses, muse needed.
I'm a songwriter, parentheses, muse needed.
I'm a gentleman, parentheses, no muse needed.
This last line isn't surprising because we know how many celibate people are in fact gentlemen.
So it's not surprising that you don't need a muse for that.
But yeah, I'm a painter.
Muse needed.
I don't know if it's just all the Mindhunter I've been watching, but this dude's for sure a serial killer.
Like for no doubt.
This guy, this guy's got, this guy doesn't, might not have a body yet, but he, I mean, he obviously wants him.
He just said that he wants him.
I kind of have a theory of like the reason there aren't just like proper serial killers anymore is that like you do the internet and like you would get caught quickly.
So like they just don't, they just do this now.
Cause they would fucking post about it right away.
Yeah.
They're just hanging around being like this up in the Pacific Northwest.
Yeah, I mean, you can't really do the Zodiac shit on social media because people will recognize it instantly, you know?
But this, like, it sounds like the shit the Zodiac wrote.
Totally.
It's pretty similar to, like, I like getting my rocks off with a girl.
Nothing's better.
It's so weird, too, because, like, I mean, I...
I'm pretty nice with a needle and thread.
I like made garments and all that stuff.
And I'm just really worried that this is how I sound any time it's ever come up.
You know, I'm like, oh no, I've made it.
I've made it.
I've made like a gown before.
I've made, you know, yeah, that's so scary.
Like, it's just like, oh no, am I a fucking psycho?
Like I'm going to make you dresses and you're going to fuck me.
And I don't care if you say no.
This is the same dress I've made from my six-year-old niece.
I'm so much better than other guys.
Right?
Yeah.
I, I'm, I'm a amazing tailor officer.
All I need is a body to put it on.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll take your measurements right away.
Oh my god.
It's funny because if I didn't follow this, I would never have guessed it was the same person twice.
You know, this sounds like a totally different thing.
This is just sad.
Yeah, the second guy sounds cool.
I just love this, like, assuming you're a painter, you just haven't found the right muse yet.
Yeah, yeah, I just needed a muse.
I know that feeling, you know?
Listen, I'm not looking for anything romantic.
I just want somebody to be the source of all my inspiration and creativity.
See, this is why we need to petition to bring back the website found, because that was always a really good source of inspiration and sparked my creative light.
But it's gone now, so now I don't know who to smell, I mean, what to sew or paint.
I don't know, just give this guy a deep fake of a non-existent person and I think the whole world will be better off for it.
Yeah, totally, yeah.
Okay, well we're running low on battery life, so thanks so much for doing the show, Jake.
You want to go ahead and plug any upcoming dates and your podcast and all that?
Yeah, dude, totally.
Podname America is my podcast.
It's a leftist, dumbass show I do with my friends about left politics.
Weird goth culture and shit and all sorts of dumb shit.
You probably know that if you're in our little fucking world on the internet, but maybe you don't.
Check it out.
We do two apps a week.
We've got a Patreon and all that shit.
And my at on everything is Feral Jokes.
It's an anagram for my name, Jake Flores, and I'm on tour a lot.
So if you want to come see me do standup, then my dates are on my website and also on my pinned tweet.
And that is basically all I'm selling.
That's it.
On Poddam America, you just did a two-part on Hong Kong, and it's fucking great.
With everything going on in Hong Kong, it's definitely worth listening.
You can never check it out.
It's a good spot to start as this two-parter on Hong Kong.
Really interesting stuff.
Really good stuff.
Yeah, thanks.
I learned a lot in the process of recording those.
It was cool.
Cool, if you want to contact us, we are MinionDeathCult on all social media.
We have a Patreon as well, bonus episode every week.
Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
You get access to all the previous bonus episodes straight into your podcast player, including a new episode every week.
If you donate at the $5 level, we'll also send you a sticker pack of these three fresh stickers we just made.
Yeah, thank you.
See ya.
limited quantities at minion death cult dot com and that's it thanks for listening everybody bye yeah
thank you see ya bye can i pass away can i pass away Can I look at faces that I meet?
Can I get my punk ass off the street?
I've been living on for so long.
Can I graduate?
To the bastard talking down to me.
Your weapon, boy, calamity.
Crossing fingers, I'm going to knock it all down.
Down that ratchet way Echo fading weekend Echo seagulls walking by In slow motion So you're hot out for a buck Go on fed out Before I get stuck Talking to somebody like you
Do you live the days you go through?
Will this all live on long after we do?
CAN I GRADUATE?
Can I look amazing that I mean?
Can I get my podcast off the street?
Won't die on the vine I wanna knock it all down CAN I GRADUATE?
