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July 1, 2019 - Minion Death Cult
01:10:51
Shariabonics

This week we cover the filthy democraps using their crazy democrap language (Spanish) during the primary debates last week, and a man learns how to kill, skydive, and preach the word of God without the help of Gillette Razors. Bonus episodes at www.Patreon.com/miniondeathcult  Music: Zeta - "¿Cuándo rendirse significa ganar?"

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Time Text
What'd you have at brunch?
Let's do a mic check, so be like you're on the show.
Um, I had the brunchos.
Brunchos?
That sounds like a fucking black market cereal.
Uh no it was sick.
It was it was breakfast nachos.
Oh okay.
Yeah so it was like nachos with this good cashew cheese sauce, refried white beans, tofu scramble, and like tempeh bacon.
Shouldn't they shouldn't they have to like have two puns if they're vegan breakfast nachos?
Like it can't just be the the bruncho.
It has to also signify that it's vegan.
It has to be like Cuz for for notch vegan nachos you would say not chose not chose.
Yeah, right Well this place because the whole menu is vegan.
You don't have to like so there's like a vegan pun in the name of the restaurant Because that's the only way you can avoid puns on it's so funny.
I don't remember what the name of the restaurant was So it was a tiki bar.
Yeah But I did have a cocktail that was Big Daddy's milkshake that I thought was gonna be a milkshake.
Uh-huh.
I was kind of looking forward to that, a boozy milkshake.
It wasn't a milkshake, but it did taste very, very good.
Okay.
It had like coffee liqueur and vanilla vodka and coconut cream and all this stuff and it tasted awesome.
See, I was... They could have blended that shit and it would have been a milkshake.
I ordered an Antifa milkshake and it had nothing but cement in it.
He's freaking pissed.
You hear about that?
Yeah.
So stupid.
So fake.
So fake.
Yeah, so dumb.
I love it because it's like...
What is it going to do, even if it were real?
It would finally turn them into the Roman statues they love so much.
Exactly.
It will kill them.
If you drink cement, you'll die.
Yeah, well at least that's why they were throwing them on it.
Then it's only assault, it's not attempted murder.
Because I do wish that they were using cement instead of milkshakes, but letting them harden first and then throwing them at them.
That picture of the Andrew guys, those pictures of the Andrew guys are hilarious.
It's so wild.
That guy's a real piece of shit.
Like, I barely know anything about him, but apparently he's, like, he teams up with Patriot Prayer and the Proud Boys before events and then just follows them around to document, like, all the shit they pull.
Like, and then they went into a restaurant or they went into a bar or something and, uh, he was there and they started, um,
like throwing homophobic slurs at like gay and trans people that were there and then there was a fight and then a girl got her fucking like back broken in the fight and then that dude doxxed her on Twitter Andrew uh I don't know how to say his last name no yeah uh I think now
Said, um, oh, this is the person who, uh, was trying to like stop some sort of, you know, uh, straight pride rally or whatever.
Wow.
And she had her back broken.
Yeah.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Fuck.
How do you get your back broken in a fight?
I don't know, but it sounds, he sounds like a guy that deserved to get his ass beat.
Yeah.
I wish he actually got his ass beat.
He's just getting like a little bit tussled and then getting silly stringed.
The picture of him, like, with stuff on him.
He just has like this face on.
I feel like it's the face that you make when you're calling in sick to work.
You make that face to really sell it to yourself.
Yeah, he was calling in sick to the New York Times.
Yeah, absolutely.
He was calling in beaten up to the Washington Post.
Can't come in today.
Antifa got me with a milkshake.
I'm going to use that.
I'm going to use that this week.
You should.
You should hang out.
Oh man, I would love to come in, but I got milkshaked by the Antifa last night.
Listen, I would love to come in, but my friend from Southern California is in town, and he's a member of Black Lives Matter, and he hit me with a bike lock, and I can't come in.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, across the face, actually.
Yeah, it got fucking blood all over my MAGA hat, which luckily, you know... It's already red, so it's good.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-phonia today.
So stay tuned, we're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're at the desert.
All there, rebar, and all the stuff.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Multilingual people are responsible.
We're documenting it.
So, hey, what's up, folks?
Back for another rip roaring episode of Minion Death Cult.
And we have a special guest here today.
In the flesh, it's my co-host, Tony Boswell.
Hey, it's so good to stare into your eyes while we do this and not through a screen.
Yeah, that two second delay, like, just totally deletes whatever soul is behind those peepers.
It's true.
Katie was like, uh, Oh, um, what's the topic going to be about?
You guys just going to make out for an hour and a half and record that?
Um, but since we didn't record that, we had some microphone issues.
Now we have to do a real episode.
Yeah.
Uh, we were no longer uploading things to YouTube anymore either.
So, uh, kind of defeats the purpose.
Uh, No, Tony and I are in the same room for the first time in like four months or something.
So excuse us if like the chemistry is off or if it's awkward since we haven't seen each other in so long, you know.
Yeah, it might get a little weird at times.
Yeah.
Any positives you guys hear?
We're just getting lost in each other's eyes.
So today we have a very fun episode.
We're talking about the Democratic primaries.
I think the first night, right?
This is the first night?
Yeah, this is... We're not, like, going into the whole Kamala Harris owning Joe Biden thing.
Luckily people on night two watched the feedback from night one.
So they didn't, they didn't lean into it as much.
Um, there was a funny couple of posts in the Kamala Harris for president groups that I'm in where like a couple of people were like, um, I think Kamala Harris stooped too low by criticizing Joe Biden for being a segregationist.
Yeah.
And just like huge amounts of backlash.
Um, which is funny.
There's some really bad, uh, Cat just fell off the fridge.
Oh, is that what just happened?
I heard it.
She's okay though.
She's stretching.
Landed on her feet.
You don't like stretch when you're injured.
Oh, maybe she's trying to play it off.
I'm good.
I'm good.
Yeah.
Geese is too cool to be fazed.
Yeah.
No, yeah, there were a lot of like anti-kamala memes that are just like too awful to mention on the show.
We haven't talked about it on the show, but the whole Kamala Harris blew her way to the top is a huge meme in MAGA Facebook.
And there's like, cause I was like, is there a basis for this?
I haven't looked into it at all.
She supposedly had an affair with, uh, you know, her boss, like a mayor or something.
I don't give a fuck cause I don't like her anyway, but I'm sure it's fake.
I'm sure it's not real.
Uh, anyway, um, we were talking about the first night of the debates and, uh, this is a post in, Tucker Carlson Fox News Facebook group.
Carolyn Dopke Carter says...
Is speaking in Spanish bothering anyone else?
I thought English was the language in United States.
So yeah, that's like a close approximation of what a lot of people think.
Yeah, they're of course referring to Beto and Booker delivering their answers in Spanish, which just was great, you know, yes queen to both of them.
Yeah, super not cringey.
Totally.
Yeah, I've always thought Beto was a Mexican.
very eloquent their accents were just on point totally I thought I thought they were real-life Mexicans for a second yeah I've always thought Beto was a Mexican I didn't know he wasn't until I heard him try to speak Spanish well I thought it was really a really bold move of him to um for his walk-out music to be Mexican American by Cheech and Chong that That was pretty badass.
So, yeah, it was stupid.
Lots of people had lots of feelings about these Spanish answers in this Tucker Carlson Fox News Facebook group.
It has 2,000 reactions and like hundreds of comments.
Let's just get right into them.
Jeff Silber, which is like weird that you would mistype your own last name.
Jeff Silber says, Democrap language.
Damn, just another day being owned.
Yeah, that's the Democrat language.
That's the language for Democrats.
And it's like, hey guys, chill, don't worry.
They don't actually know Spanish.
They just kind of know enough to maybe order some food and thank people for it.
You mean Beto and Booker, because there are Spanish-speaking Democrats.
Definitely mean Beto and Booker.
Yeah.
Because that shit was so memorized, it was wild.
Yeah, I just liked it.
No, that's the Democrat language.
Yeah, no, there's a Latino Blexit from the Democrats and like so many minority people are leaving the Democratic Party in droves, but also Spanish is the Democrat language.
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, so if Spanish is, uh, Democrap, if Spanish is the Democrap language, uh, what's, what's the demon rat language?
Ebonics.
Okay, see I, okay.
I was gonna say, uh, Sharia was the demon rat language.
uh well it's like it's like a it's a you know like spanglish you know it's like a mixture of okay of sharia bonics sharia bonics yeah yeah okay that's the demon rat one yeah it's just yeah it's like globalese my infidel
Ann Stocker says, their voters are infiltrating the southern border, getting ready to teach us Spanish and Arabic and Farsi.
So, of course, like one of the American's worst fears, learning anything.
Yeah, learning multiple languages.
Being taught something by your neighbor who is like slightly different from you.
Very scary.
Well, I think it's good if we have these people coming from the South that know how to speak, you know, not only Spanish but Arabic and Farsi because the military is looking for those exact roles.
Yeah, that's great for us.
If you can speak those languages, you know, you can get a high-paying job.
Yeah.
So, come on up.
We have roles to fill.
And, I mean, I think the Trump administration just said they might not deport multilingual or, you know, undocumented soldiers.
So there you go.
Yeah.
I mean, earn it, you know?
That's insane.
Like, it's that thing where they're trying to, they're signed up.
They signed up to literally die for you and you're still like, I don't know if that's enough.
That might have come off a bit too bootlicky.
I'm sorry folks.
I don't want to pick him up too much.
No, I mean, yeah, I mean, what the fuck more do you want from a quote like citizen or whatever?
Um, I think it's more like, you know, like a, like a coffee house punch card.
If, if you kill enough, if you kill like 10 other Brown people, one Brown person is free and that's you.
And that's why you gotta make sure you're really active on Two Punch Tuesday.
You get double the punches for one, one kill.
I just, if, if, you know, any of these like immigrants or refugees like try to teach me, you know, Sharia or whatever, um, it won't, it won't stick because of like the Marines.
Like thanks to the Marines, I won't, they still won't be able to read it.
I won't be able to read Arabic.
So, um, thank you Marines.
Many blessings, I appreciate that.
Oh, many blessings sounded a bit too Middle Eastern there, too.
Maybe I should... Yeah, they're very devout people.
They've really infiltrated my mind, my psyche.
Gotta be careful, because they're religious people and that's bad when they do it.
Do you have any pork products I can ingest so I can get through this episode without committing Sharia law all over you?
Yeah, I have some salami in there.
It's not vegan though.
I won't swallow it.
I just want to hold it under my tongue.
I'll just throw it at you and then you'll go to Muslim hell or whatever.
That's true.
Instantly.
Regil Foreman says, we soon gonna start speaking lead.
Oh man, it sucks when you're trying to make this crazy violent threat, but you just are not good at speaking your own language.
This isn't his fault.
If people weren't so busy speaking Spanish, maybe they could have taught him how to speak English properly.
Yeah, if these immigrants were coming over here teaching us English instead of Spanish, like, you know... Yeah, just like, okay, psycho.
Like, I saw poor people on TV once, so I'm gonna murder them.
I'm gonna kill them.
Yeah, gonna start speaking lead.
Sure, I speak a second language.
Second Civil War!
I speak a second language.
Second Amendment.
Oh, and a third language.
Uh, what is it again?
Oh yeah, toilet!
Toilet!
Uh, what if we start speaking Led Zeppelin?
Cause like, we all know demon rats hate real music.
It would be cool, maybe we'll understand The Wizard of Oz better.
Is that the right one?
Lord of the Rings.
Lord of the Rings, yeah.
We just gotta make sure we don't play Immigrant Song or Rambl'On or any of the other songs about traveling and being of the world.
Um, yeah.
Rose Ely says... Hold on, real quick.
That's for sure Rose Ely.
Okay, there's no accents or anything.
If that person's name was not Rose Ely, then they're fucking... You know, they just sound a bit ethnic.
Never mind, they probably... That's definitely Rose Ely.
I thought this thread was about speaking English, not Pig Latin, you motherfucker.
It's definitely Rose Ellie.
So again, the original post is, is speaking in Spanish bothering anyone else?
I thought English was the language in United States.
Rose Ellie, Rose Ellie says, so did I. Just why do I have ye to push one for English?
I shouldn't have to push anything for English.
God help this country.
You know, she might be on to something.
I don't want to push one for English.
I just want to talk to a person.
You know, that's really the issue here.
Human connection.
Human connection.
We've lost it, you know.
I don't want to push any buttons.
I just want to talk to somebody.
You just want anyone to call.
I just want to talk to somebody so they can tell me how to fix my Facebook so that Jeffrey can respond to my messages.
Jeffrey can find my messages.
Did he grab you?
So bad.
Yeah, he's a bad boy.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I just like, why do I have to press 1 to talk to my grandchildren?
Yeah, this was a huge thread in this comment section.
Just everybody had a real, like, 90's era Dennis Leary bit about pressing 1 for Spanish.
Like, I feel like we've said this before, but it is like the first, it's the first prompt.
Like when they say press 1 for English, they're like already speaking English.
Yep, exactly.
And then if you press that 1 quickly enough, you don't have to hear the Spanish at all.
Well it takes a while for me to like drag the 1 over to the, on the rotary phone.
You know, kids these days probably couldn't even use a rotary phone.
No, they'd be like putting their finger in the hole.
What are they going to do when they need to make a phone call and their only option is a rotary phone?
They'd probably be like putting their tongue in the dial thinking it's a butthole, you know?
You know the call boxes that they use in emergency situations are all rotary phones.
I didn't know that.
Yep.
You're probably going to die in the post-apocalypse situation because you can't use a rotary phone.
That hotline that you call to have the Constitution read to you, it's only accessible via rotary phones.
Yeah.
So, we're fucked.
Where the numbers are written in cursive.
Yeah, I'm gonna engrave my rifle to say press for English with an arrow pointing to the trigger.
Because I'm sick of this Spanish.
Somebody has that for sure.
I really hope not.
Somebody for sure has that.
I really hope I never see that and feel really fucking bad about saying that.
Man, there's gotta be somebody out there who's gonna start listening to this show for like really good business ideas.
I mean, we do punch up a lot of conservative memes on here.
We're gonna see a rogue-style, sorry, a grunt-style shirt with that exact gun on it.
Yeah, that sucks.
Hope I didn't do that.
But now we have it, so we can maybe get a cut.
Or at least have him cease and desist.
I love, uh, I shouldn't have to push anything for English.
Like, somebody should just call me.
Like, the customer service line should just call me.
Like, all I should have to do is pick up the phone.
All she does have a problem, they should call me.
Yeah.
Phillip Weaver, again, to the prompt, I thought this was America language and here United States.
Phillip Weaver says, not according to taco, taco emoji, and burrito, burrito emoji, five exclamation points.
Which I don't, this could be like kind of wholesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This could be like, no, like Mexicans are good because they have good food, which of course is still racist, but less racist than actually calling Mexicans tacos and burritos.
No, he's like, no, listen, Spanish is part of our culture.
Yeah.
It's steeped in us.
You know, we can't operate without it.
How can I order a taco or a burrito without knowing Spanish?
It's important.
Which we'll take at this point.
We'll take that.
You know, we speak for the Mexican-American community saying that we will accept that.
It just reminds me of that interpretation reminds me of when I worked at Subway and some guy, this isn't a joke, some guy ordered jalapenos on his sub And I didn't say anything because I didn't want to talk to him anymore than I had to, you know?
And he was like, oh sorry, I come from a country where we pronounce our J's.
Fuck off.
Yeah.
Wow, that was a troll, like that was wild.
And so I said, hallelujah!
That part didn't really happen.
But yeah, no, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was owning Spanish by ordering, by sounding like the worst fucking person in several ways while ordering his sub.
But Subway does play a very important part in, you know, the acceptance of other cultures in America.
Yeah, true.
The Italian Americans made huge strides and were accepted across the country when Subway introduced their meatball sub.
Yeah, my favorite ethnic food is a 6-inch BLT.
BLT is the Christian one.
The BLT was sick.
I used to get that back in the day.
Yeah, it's good.
Uh, the BMT just came already, like, prepared.
Like, it was just a strip of meat slices, like, already formed together between, like, wax paper.
Yeah.
You just peel one of the wax papers off and plop, plop that.
So convenient.
So great.
It was gnarly.
BMTs are gnarly, because it's, like, three different processed meats.
Mmm.
My first, like, two years of veganism, I was eating the veggie patty on the reg.
Yeah.
Because the person at my local Subway was like, yeah, no, these are vegan.
Are they not vegan?
No, not even close.
Dude.
And I was like, these are too good to be vegan!
These are so good!
I was getting them all the time.
Hell yeah, dude.
Hey, you didn't know?
No.
That's, like, even be—that's better than being freegan.
That's being what's like, what's a word that rhymes with free, but means dumb.
I don't even know.
Um...
Do you know Kevan's go-to Subway sandwich?
Or it was when we were like 16 or 17?
No.
So Kevan, our friend, is vegan.
Or he was vegan.
He's a sellout now.
Mustard sandwich.
What?
Hold on.
What?
Yeah, mustard.
Just mustard?
Yeah, just mustard on bread.
That's my nightmare.
Because I don't think he liked veggies.
I fucking hate mustard so much.
Yeah, we've had this, we've done this episode before.
Oh my god.
We've done the mustard episode.
We all know how much you hate mustard.
That sounds atrocious.
Now I finally do know because when you first brought it up you were like, You thought I was joking when I suggested mustard because it was like well known that you how much you hated mustard.
Oh, yeah.
I've never heard that before.
Yeah.
So now I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now I'm a real one.
Um, yeah.
Joe says, It's all translated to Spanish on Spanish stations anyway.
Why talk their laughable crazy Spanish?
LOL Booker sounds like he's Gestapo!
Blatant pandering.
Remember when the Gestapo was pandering?
What?
You know how, like, American voters love a crazy-sounding authoritative German voice?
Yeah, speaking Spanish?
Just throwing out red meat to the lowest common denominator.
What a what?
Si, si, mein Führer!
How do you listen to Spanish and be like, fucking Nazis?
How damaged is your fucking brain?
These often read as Mad Libs.
You know?
This is like not our usual.
I mean, it's got the Nazi reference, so that's a usual Mad Lib thing, but this is like, this is pretty impressive.
They're, they're laughable, crazy Spanish.
Well, it was, you know, it's insert, you know, insert, uh, insert like an adjective, insert language, insert fascist from the past.
Yeah.
This is like the opposite of the beautiful, intelligent, quick witted Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
R.I.P.
by the way.
I haven't talked about her in a while.
And we never will.
She's banned from America now.
Oh wait, I don't even know.
What happened?
Did she get fired?
She's not allowed to speak for America anymore.
Oh.
She just quit.
Okay.
Dang.
Which I don't know, like, she'll do fine.
Yeah, she'll be fine.
Now we can finally, you know, run away together.
Yeah, now you can finally, now your thirst won't be as problematic.
Now I can show everybody my Sarah Huckabee Sanders tattoo I have on my chest over my heart.
The lovely Sarah Huckabee Sanders tattoo.
That would be a good portrait to get tattooed on you because there's no way the artist could fuck it up.
It's like perfect.
Perfect.
They're like, I'd love to do this portrait for you, but like I always have trouble with the eyes.
Like I'm not there yet.
You're like, no, it's of Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Oh, okay.
We got this.
Hey, where'd you find like a cubist expert tattoo artist?
No, this is actually a very photo real.
This is a very photo real portrait.
Kat Von D did this.
I'm gonna go to Shannon Perry.
I'm gonna go to Shannon Perry and ask her for a portrait of Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
And, uh, she's gonna fuck it up by making her look human.
Yeah.
It's gonna be too good.
Don Williams says, uh... Hang on.
One second.
Don Williams says, I try to ignore anybody who tries to talk to me in anything but English.
If they persist, I reply in German.
Shuts them up fast.
Also pisses off the managers at McDonald's when I order in German after some clown orders in Spanish.
Well, actually, Don, the reason why you don't get to order in German is because we won that war.
Yeah, we won the World War thing.
We won that war, motherfucker.
Yeah, you're welcome, Don.
Yeah, I love this.
I just love this mindset.
This mindset is totally insane.
I ignore people who try to talk to me in a different language.
I just don't respond.
I don't look at them.
I don't acknowledge that they've said anything to me at all.
And then they talk louder!
In Spanish.
And so then, I reply in fucking German.
And they get the hint.
They get the hint.
They know that I'm an actual Nazi at this point.
But also, like... Yeah, the reason they... What is it right here?
Shuts them up fast.
The reason speaking in German shuts them up fast is because they know that you don't speak Spanish when you say something in German.
Yeah, it's working.
Yeah, just insane.
Like, he thinks it's just, oh, I'll fight them with another foreign language.
Like, I don't understand.
If they don't speak English, then English is also a foreign language to them.
Yeah, exactly.
I wonder what happens when this guy runs into deaf people.
He still points at his chest and says, see this?
This means not welcome.
He's just like shouting Rammenstein lyrics at them.
And they're like actually industrial is one of my favorite forms of music because it's like so heavy and rhythmic and like it, I don't know, really appeals to me as a hearing impaired person.
This is the one of the few things I actually do know what you're saying because I'm familiar with that.
You're saying you hate me?
Don Williams, that's the one I just read, shuts them up fast.
Also pisses off the managers at McDonald's when I order in German after some clown orders in Spanish.
So some clown using their native tongue to order food.
It's a fucking idiot.
Like some total joker.
Ordering food in a language that both parties understand, like a fucking moron.
I follow that up by ordering in German, uh, holding up the line, speaking to somebody who, uh, in all likelihood doesn't know German.
Um, because this like somehow makes my interaction at McDonald's more pleasant.
Yeah.
And, uh, yeah, it just helps facilitate things.
Also mad because the person working at McDonald's is multilingual, but like not multilingual enough.
And I was looking and I'm like, listen man, I don't know what you're saying, but I know for sure there's like nothing, nothing on this menu that translates from Judean.
I don't know what you're trying to do right now.
You're making everyone real uncomfortable.
Yeah, I think you want Carl's Jr.
Or Hardee's.
This person definitely goes to a Hardee's.
For our East Coast listeners.
The joke is the gold star in either the Hardee's or the Carl's Jr.
logo.
He's bragged about speaking German twice in this one comment.
So I think what he's saying is like, yeah, I know a second language, but I don't use it because I know how offensive it is.
You know how gross it is?
Because I know how disruptive it is to society so I only use it like out of spite.
Yeah.
I only use this this skill, this like information that I know.
Abuse this tool.
Yeah.
Ever.
I don't ever use it because I know how wrong it is.
Um, okay.
Yeah, uh, people got really upset about the, the Spanish thing.
It was a lot of like, uh, oh, somebody forgot to press one for English.
It's that thing.
And just, just to, you know, keep it, keep it a buck.
I was also a little annoyed by it, not because it happened, but because you know damn well they're only, they were only doing it to pander, and um, it did come off super unnatural, um, and It was cool.
I'm happy they did it.
They tried a little bit, but they suck.
I don't want this to give them any clout.
Beto sucks.
Booker sucks.
I just don't want more people to understand those two people.
Yeah, at all.
I would rather less people hear and understand what they have to say.
Exactly.
I don't want them to be appealing at all.
That's why I'm mad about this.
Okay, our second topic for the night is a viral post from a man named Terry Michael Hestelow, who is posting this and tagging his wife, Becky Ryan Hestelow, in this post.
This was posted on June 19th, which might be confusing to some people given the content of the post, but this was posted, you know, a little over a week ago, our time.
I've probably used Gillette razors most of my life, but since they decided that they needed to tell me how to be a man and not to be toxic to liberals, I decided that Gillette has no more place in my life.
This is like, it's...
It's, like, really bad for the left that all these multinational corporations are seen as the left.
Yeah.
Like, it's bad enough that Hillary Clinton is seen as the left, or, you know, Booker or whatever is seen as the left, but it's especially bad because, I mean, like, corporations are bad, you know?
Yeah, I don't want to be associated with them.
So, I don't know what the solution is.
I mean, just keep talking shit on corporations, I guess?
Yeah.
I mean, it's cool.
As long as they also stop using Capital One because they're mad they use rainbow logos, that's not a bad thing.
Yeah, um, okay.
It's a positive trend.
I know people are doing it for the wrong reasons, but at least they're doing it.
I think it's relatively harmless.
I think any Lib who's going to be suckered into respecting Capital One because they have a rainbow-colored storefront wouldn't be any closer to socialism than before.
Yeah, so this guy's posting about, uh, the Gillette razor ad from six to eight months ago.
How long ago was that?
Well, it was a while ago.
They did release another one, but it wasn't a, it wasn't, I don't know, maybe that's what it like.
Tripped him up?
Yeah.
Was it more traditional?
No, this did not acknowledge toxic masculinity at all.
It was like a dad teaching their trans son how to shave, which is awesome, but nothing about toxic masculinity.
So maybe they just saw Gillette again in the news and were like, oh, well, fuck them.
I'm not doing this for sure.
I've been typing out this post for the last six months.
I was worried to post it, but since Gillette did another ad, I can post it.
Before we move on, I would like to take a second to talk about my experiences with the Dollar Shave Club.
I really enjoy it.
I don't think anything gets closer to the skin without irritating.
Yeah, their razors are great.
Also, you know, I love that they have also shout out to bevel big ups to bevel.
They work great for my ethnic skin Bevel bevel.
Yeah, and if you go to bevel.com you can use the promo code millions of dead cops and Get 10% off your order.
Yeah, and so anyways back to the show I'm a retired.
I'm an old retired soldier Terry says I've been in two hot wars and one long cold one and So for a second I thought he was saying like this long war that we're currently have been in for a long time.
Which one?
The cold reference is to this one?
Yeah I thought it was like just wasn't that crazy but no he means like the Cold War.
Yeah he means the Cold War which is called the Cold War because it wasn't a war?
Yeah because you might have been deployed somewhere but it was just to kind of hang out.
It was just to watch nukes?
Yeah.
It was just to like, uh, occasionally visit the console to see if the buttons still worked?
It was to check the integrity of desks so kids can go underneath it.
I've been in two hot wars and one long cold one.
I didn't need a razor company to tell me how to act, how to fight, or how to conduct myself on foreign battlefields.
The army expected me to shave, not listen to a razor company tell me how to be a man.
I was not shaving because you told me to, I was shaving because the army told me to.
I didn't need a razor company to tell me how to be a man, I had a different multinational economic enterprise telling me how to be a man.
I didn't need a razor company to tell me how to be a man, I had a tiny dragon helping me all along the way, showing me how to be a man and go into war.
Is that a heroine reference?
No, it's Eddie Murphy in the movie Mulan.
Oh shit!
Wait, that was Eddie Murphy, right?
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, it was his best role.
Okay, I thought that was like a Chasing the Dragon heroine Vietnam joke.
Nope, it was about being a man.
I learned how to be a man from the movie Mulan!
Heroine has no gender, we know this.
Mulan, however, is, you know, becoming a man, but not really.
Yeah, I don't, I haven't seen Mulan in a while.
Are the gender politics good in that movie?
I doubt it.
I think it's, that's an interesting one.
It's like men, men fart and like women don't and she has to get used to farting in order to be a man, to like pretend to be a man or something.
Yeah.
Um, the army expected me to shave, not listen to a razor company tell me how to be a man.
Like, we were doing tons of toxic shit in the military.
If I had listened to Gillette, I would have been court-martialed in a second.
For sure.
They would have called me a traitor in no time.
Because maybe we shouldn't waterboard this guy.
Razorburn, we did the real thing over there.
I used to jump out of airplanes, bag, baggage, and weapons when I got to my destination.
That sentence is so, it's really funny because it really takes away from the fact that he jumped out of airplanes.
Yeah.
Yeah, jumping out of airplanes is like the, uh, I don't know, the point of that sentence, but then he adds a bunch of other words to it that kind of take the impact away.
Bag, baggage, and weapon.
So like, what's different between your bag and your baggage?
See, this sounds like how I jumped out of an airplane when I landed and got off the airplane.
Right.
Not like parachuting, which is super badass.
Yeah, it's really bad.
That's like the most badass way to get out of a plane.
For sure.
I think.
I didn't need a razor company to tell me how to do my job or live my life.
So this is like the same thing again.
Like, I jumped.
I didn't need Gillette to tell me to jump.
I had my fucking sergeant tell me when to jump.
I used to teach martial arts.
I never needed a razor company to tell me how to fight and interact with others.
Uh, I mean, but you, again, you needed something.
Somebody had to train you, but probably not.
I mean, this is, the thing is, I think that there was a moment in time where there were just like a lot of white guys just opening up martial arts studios, buying the equipment.
I can for sure teach someone how to kick some shit and break some wood.
I mean, yeah, the eighties is like...
I don't know, the golden age of white guy martial arts movies.
Yeah.
So, yeah, he just had to watch, like, Roadhouse or, uh... What are... White Dragon?
What are some of those other... After Karate Kid opened up, there were dojos popping up, like CrossFit gyms.
There's, like, on We Hate Movies, they talk about white guy karate all the time, because that's, like... It's a whole genre of movies, and I've only seen...
Like, American Ninja is another one.
I like some of the 90s joints, like, uh... Beverly Hills Cop.
Sidekick?
Sidekick.
Sidekick?
There were a few of them.
Oh, Sidekicks was sick.
Yeah, uh, I think Three Ninjas was the... I didn't see Sidekicks.
Three Ninjas was the one that I fucking loved.
Dude, I think Sidekick might be worth revisiting.
Sidekicks is like, is... that's different from Surf Ninjas?
Uh, yeah, it's the one about the, um, the...
The kid, I don't, actually I don't like this joke.
Okay, um, I liked Three Ninjas because it was like a more gritty, realistic version of Power Rangers.
Totally.
Because they're all like color-coded and they have different masks and shit.
Yeah.
It's like, it's like Power Rangers meets Home Alone.
Yeah, exactly.
You're just like doing pranks on thugs and shit.
On surf robbers.
That's, no, that's... Surf Ninjas is different.
I think that's another one.
The robbers were totally surfers though.
Were they?
Yeah, he was like, oh dude, I got it in my eyes, dude!
Oh, it burns, dude!
He was like one of those surfers in a leather jacket, right?
Yeah, totally.
He had like a bandana in.
Yeah, hell yeah.
I love those kinds of surfers.
Yeah, that shit was tight.
He's like, little dudes!
Remember that?
Where are you little dudes?
I hope there aren't any jacks in my pathway because I'm barefoot right now.
I used to teach martial arts.
I never needed a razor.
I never needed a razor company to teach me how to do a figure four.
I just listened to hardcore lyrics.
I used to pastor Christian churches in Colorado, Louisiana and my forward operating base in Afghanistan as an infantry officer.
I never needed Gillette to tell me how to act.
You know what's funny about this is both being a pastor and like a martial arts instructor are things you don't really like retire from.
It's something you kind of just keep on doing.
So like what happened in this guy's life to where he had to both stop being a martial arts instructor and being a pastor?
Like that's not, this is not a good look for you my friend.
Yeah, that's true.
What kind of lists is he on?
Yeah, for sure.
I just like the idea of instead of like rolling a joint with Bible paper to be like edgy and blasphemous, you shave with Bible paper instead to be like righteous and Christian.
I've been married to my beautiful, also just like the idea of being a pastor while fucking killing the people of Afghanistan is sickening.
Oh, and it's very real.
How many fucking movies are like the snipers saying a prayer while like taking people out?
I mean there's like tons of warriors prayers, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
You can like read whole books in the Bible before going into battle.
If you want me, I can take my shirt off and you can just read the words on my Saint Michael chest piece I have.
I'm gonna test your Catholicism right now.
Uh-huh.
What's your favorite like violent Bible verse?
Can you remember one?
You know what?
Actually, my true Catholicism is we don't know any Bible verses.
Catholics don't know Bible verses.
Oh wow.
Yeah, that's a real thing.
Alright, so your ignorance checks out.
That's a Protestant Baptist thing.
We didn't memorize the Bible at all.
We know all the rules and things that are bad, but no Catholic can tell you like, we know all the prayers, but no Catholic can tell you like a Bible verse.
That would be just like the, I mean, that's a great excuse.
That's like the ultimate excuse.
It's also super real and only Catholics know what I'm talking about.
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I have to take your word for it.
I totally speak Spanish also, but the thing about Spanish speakers is we don't know how to talk.
We're also mute.
Yeah.
No, that's a very real thing is like Catholics don't know Bible verses.
I swear, I swear.
You know the big ones though.
I know the one that I think it's like and he will rain down upon you yeah you know the one from that that one movie with Doc Sainz no the movie with John Travolta fuck what is it he's Pulp Fiction no Michael Dude, I need to revisit Michael.
I grew up watching that crazy movie about John Travolta being a literal angel.
Pie, pie, me oh my.
They have a song about pie because he loves pie.
That's right, that's his defining characteristic is that he's an angel and he likes pie.
And he's a slob.
Remember when he fights the bull and it's like this heavy moment because that's like the devil?
No, I don't even... Is it like the mechanical bull in the bar?
No, it's like a bull, like they just like are in some random place and there's a bull there and he like has a kind of a bull fight, like a dance with the bull and it's majestic because that's like the devil and he's St.
Michael.
Yeah, that's a very serene moment.
I'm remembering that now.
I do want to re-watch that though.
It's gotta be so good.
Yeah.
It's gotta be so fucking good.
What was I gonna say?
Yeah, I don't remember.
I've been married to my beautiful wife and wonderful wife for almost 41 years.
We have three adult children and one child who died as a child.
Okay.
Oh man!
We gotta like delete this half of the episode?
Yeah, I think so.
The whole thing, yeah.
Dude, so there's some guy who was on InfoWars and like left InfoWars to become more racist.
His name is Joe Biggs and he's like going crazy on Twitter right now for the Antifa Andrew No thing but he's got like 212,000 followers and he's like a big like white nationalist guy like his cover photo is stop the invasion or whatever His, I looked at his Twitter cause he was like interacting with somebody who was like calling him on his associations with actual like Nazis and white nationalists or whatever.
He's like, got any more, got any more tidbits for me?
Like, you know, leaning into it.
I went to his profile, his Twitter, uh, account and this is his pinned tweet.
Oh no.
Damn.
Just found out my mom has breast cancer.
What?
That's so wild.
Why is that his pinned tweet?
You can't make fun of him.
His mom has breast cancer.
Yeah, I think that's it.
It's it's like that.
Oh man.
Okay, so like There's this SoundCloud rapper who has a bunch of face tattoos and they're all cancer ribbons.
He has like 10 cancer ribbons on his face.
Is that because he killed like 10 cancer survivors?
He might have saved 10 cancer survivors.
But it's like, I have 10 moms and they all have breast cancer.
But it's just like, you can't make fun of them.
It's not allowed.
You can't do it.
You can't make fun of them.
Listen, man, I just found out my mom died of breast cancer.
I don't think I should be in solitary confinement right now.
I fucking wish.
They're like, nah, man, you probably need to stay here and think about, you know, reflect on life and mortality.
No, it's seriously just like, hey, Joe, maybe you shouldn't, like, threaten violence against leftists on Twitter.
And, like, one of his fans is like, yo, dude, like, his mom just got breast cancer.
Like, chill out.
Like, relax.
He's just going through it.
He's just working it out.
It turns out the doctor who diagnosed her, not white, so this makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, it's double whammy.
It makes a lot of sense.
You can't have it unless you're diagnosed with it.
It's bad news, but he's also not sure if it's true because the doctor's brown.
You might be lying.
So it's like, you know, that uncertainty.
That uncertainty is like the worst part about it.
Man, still, I can't believe, I can't imagine, like, pinning that.
Yeah.
And it's funny, I don't think there's not, it's not like a link to a GoFundMe for his mom, because that'd be cool.
No.
Nope.
It's just got 3,000 likes.
Maybe we need to talk to him and be like, how do you like that tweet?
How do you like the, oh, my mom has breast cancer, fave.
Yeah.
Retweet.
But it's just like, hey man, your mom has breast cancer.
Maybe you should think about Medicare for All.
Like, sure.
Maybe, like, post something nice that humanizes your mom instead of, like, just making her a victim.
Like, I'm not saying you're making her a victim, but, like, post a good thought about your mom or, like, somebody who she is.
Anyway, I'm not, whatever.
This is fucking stupid.
Hey, shout out to my mom.
She has breast cancer.
Here's a picture of her.
She's a nice lady.
You know, send her love.
That makes sense.
I would pin that all day.
Sure.
But not just out of nowhere?
Yeah, or like Benjamin Edwards said in the Facebook group, damn, just found out about breast cancer.
Shit sucks, man.
It's a bummer.
That shit sucks, dude.
I didn't know about that.
Oh, don't Google it.
It'll bum you out even worse.
I've never needed Gillette to tell me how to be a good husband, father, and grandpa.
Well, maybe if they told you something about being a father, your kid would still be alive.
I gotta cut it, but I had to say it.
I had to say it, but I gotta cut it.
Do you?
Do you?
We'll decide how lazy I am later when I'm doing the editing.
I never knew Gillette's telling me I'd be a good husband, father, grandfather, soldier, fighter, paratrooper, skydiver, pastor.
It is a sad day in America when razor companies think men need their guidance in anything more than getting a good shave from their product.
I've got no use for Gillette in any part of my life anymore, including shaving.
How many people out there, if you're not subscribed to some service or whatever, how many people know what fucking razor they bought last month that they're still using?
Yeah.
Who knows?
It's like whatever's on sale, right?
As long as there's five razors and it's on sale.
And as long as it's got four blades or five blades.
As long as it warms up and vibrates.
Um, yeah, I like, as long as it's orange.
Cause I found out like, that's a weird, it's a weird way to get me to buy your product is if it's colored orange.
Like, I don't know why, like I was looking in my, like my deodorant over there's orange.
Oh yeah, yeah.
The Arm & Hammer deodorant is orange.
Interesting.
The antibacterial dial soap is orange.
Oh my god, you're gonna get so many ads for orange products in your feeds now.
The Arm & Hammer toothpaste I buy is orange.
Well, I think you're just buying Arm and Hammer products at this point.
The Bic shavers, the Bic razors I bought that I pretended I didn't know what brand they were, they're orange too.
I don't know what, the fucking shampoo, the Garnier Fructis Honey.
See, honey was what appealed to me.
But it's orange.
It's orange.
I don't know.
It's weird when you like look and realize, Oh, I guess I like this color.
Yeah.
It's like me coming.
I just barely realized that I think green is my favorite color.
I didn't really realize until I realized how much green I have in my wardrobe.
And my kid told me that green was my favorite color.
That's also the horny color.
So it's weird that your kid would like be talking about the color.
She was like, what's your favorite color?
And I said, I don't know.
She goes, it's green, you fucking sicko.
And I was like, okay, you're right.
I've seen you watch those Eminem commercials.
Do you remember, do you remember that green being horny?
Do you remember that?
No.
That was something that was in like in my elementary school or something.
Yeah, that was like a weird like pre-teen thing.
What is that based on?
I don't know.
Green is horny.
It was envious, but I think too many people like the color green, so they had to say it was for something better, like being horny.
Well, it triggers similar things in our minds.
Being lustful and being envious.
Covetous of the bussy.
Yes, the bussy.
It's the nice way to say it.
Oh, okay.
It's the more classy way to say it.
I'm sorry, where I grew up we referred to it as the nookie.
The nookie, okay.
I haven't heard that one before.
Oh, I have a song for you.
Yeah, I've got no use for Gillette in any part of my life anymore.
Like, seriously, if Gillette was this big of a part of your life to write this... We're not done with the post yet, by the way.
Also, I do have to address this.
He's not only a paratrooper, but he's also a skydiver.
Yeah, those are two different things.
He's like, hey, what's the difference?
Well, one's like a half-dome, one's like a croissant.
One is for pleasure, the other is for even more pleasure.
It's the one where you kill people.
I've been married to my beautiful... what?
Is this twice?
Yeah, okay.
I did recently buy a new Schick Hydro 5 razor that gives me a great shave without all the irritating liberal chatter on how I need to live my life.
I'm loving my new Schick razor and shave!
Nothing gives me razor bumps like liberal chatter.
Well, you know, they aren't the sharpest tools in the shed.
You know, believe it or not, the best way to reduce skin irritation is to go against the grain.
Sounds like this guy's a little too sensitive if he's getting irritated by the liberal chatter.
Oh, by the way, I love that.
Oh, by the way, this fucking orchestrated, you know, five paragraph post.
Oh, by the way, casually, I didn't, I don't buy anything from Target because they think my daughters should have to use the same restroom with disturbed deviant men.
Maybe the moral of this story is for companies to stop thinking they need to promote liberal causes and change America's values?
Question mark?
Captain retired Terry Michael Hestelow and he has tagged his own name.
Yeah.
So in case you like wanted to friend this guy and didn't want to scroll up three pages to click on his profile, it's right there for you.
Just click on it.
Just click on it.
U.S.
Army Infantry Airborne, June 19th, 2019.
Again, like 10 days ago.
Really happy he put a footer on his post so we know all about him.
Because, you know, without a footer on your post you wouldn't know anything about the person posting on Facebook.
Right.
Facebook's really got to figure that out.
They've got to make this easier for us.
Yeah.
There should be some sort of hyperlink at the bottom that takes you to like a profile or something.
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah, I mean, like, I could have also used, like, footnotes and citations for about how, like, Gillette is pussy or whatever.
Could have sourced that.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
Like, yeah, it's super corny that corporations are...
You know, like this is virtue signaling, right?
Like, this is like the only acceptable use of the term virtue signaling is when fucking, uh, you know, profit hoarding corporations are like trying to score points about, uh, I dunno, defeating rape culture or whatever.
So it sucks.
You don't want to, like, you can't defend Gillette here.
Why, you know, why, why would you, even if you liked what they were doing?
That's actually why I have a beard is because I don't believe in any razor companies.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Okay, so just a few comments on this post, on this extremely viral post.
And these are like just friends of Terry's.
Like these aren't, this post wasn't, it was public to the extent that other people could see it, but we couldn't comment on it.
You could just like laugh react everything, which is good.
I mean, that's, you know, if you can't comment.
Laura Bedard says, Bravo, Terry!
Well said!
The forces of evil have targeted the Republic, the Church, the family, and everything else that is wholesome, decent, and righteous in the sight of God Almighty.
It's right there, man.
Targeted.
But let's not forget another player in the war on males.
And males is capital.
War and males are capitalized.
Talk about a Cold War, what about all these Ice Queen feminists, you know?
The plastics industry.
That's another player in the War on Males.
The plastics industry!
That's why it's not a good idea to package food in plastic, especially if that food's acidic or cooked or heated in a microwave oven.
So, you heard it here, folks.
Don't microwave plastic.
Don't do it.
Yeah, it's, you know, I know you're doing it like every day, every night, like just closing your Tupperware lid and microwaving it.
I know that a lot of you guys out there, including myself, the only way I kind of meditate or pray is to take an AOL test disc and put that in the microwave and stare into it as it sparks, but that's still microwaving plastic.
I know it's for spiritual uses, but it's not worth it.
Yeah, and the vapor that comes out of the microwave once you open it up, that's like the American nongchampa.
Really gets you in the American mindset if you breathe in deep to that stuff.
Um... Some of the chemicals that end up in the food itself are endocrine disruptors, which wreak havoc with male hormones.
I mean, maybe that's true.
I don't know.
Sure.
And just try to tell me that the pla... I don't... There aren't any male hormones though, right?
That's like... Yeah, exactly.
Like, women have testosterone too.
It's like... Yeah, it's not... There's no hormone just for dicks.
And just try to tell me that the plastics industry didn't know that long before it was made public.
And what did the FDA know and when did they find out about it?
See, I'm actually okay with this.
I think that Laura is doing that thing that, you know, we do when we talk about, you know, infiltrating and This is her selling bricks, wall bricks to people to build the wall, but actually doing that money to like fight immigrants.
They're using his mentality to get people to stop using plastics and stop using single use items.
Just for food though.
Yeah.
If you click somewhere, I guess.
If you click on this, Laura is actually pretty high up in the bamboo industry.
So she's, this is smart.
Good job.
A hemp distributor.
Yeah.
Good job, Laura.
Kathy Hall replies, ah man, I rarely use a microwave or plastic.
The oven works just fine.
What happened to the good old days when we used to drink from the oven?
We came from a time when none of us had one.
Next house I build won't have a microwave.
Wait, they live in one of those houses that has the built in microwave.
Yeah, you gotta build the house around the microwave.
Yeah.
That's how you normally build a house.
We were just talking about... Why do you use this microwave?
Well, it was built into the house.
I can't... Yeah, you can't... I can't not use it.
You can't take it out.
And also, you can't not use it.
You have to use it.
It's a load-bearing microwave.
If you don't use it every once in a while, the clock stops working.
It's a load-bearing microwave.
Um, we were talking about the live action Peter Pan movie, not the live, the, the, whatever stage production, Peter Pan that I grew up with last night.
And, um, that's, remember how I talked about how they like built a house out of cardboard?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they built a house for Wendy.
It's like, Wendy wanted a house cause she wants to like be a woman.
She's like, I'm an adult woman and I need a house to take care of.
And you're all my children or whatever.
Um, they build the house around her bed.
Like that's, that's the part of it.
And that's, isn't that, isn't that something where you just like, you just like build the house around, isn't that like something in a fucking fairy tale or something else?
That's what this microwave is.
You have the microwave.
Yeah.
Like you got to start with a microwave.
And then with enough hopes and prayers, that microwave can soon become a home.
Uh, yeah, so next house I build won't have, like, you can take the microwave out of your house, I think?
Like, the house you already have?
I don't think you have to build a whole new house for that?
And by the way, like, microwaves are fine.
I don't know if you saw, uh, the, the, the David Chang post?
No.
David Chang of, of, uh, was it Momofuku or?
I don't know.
Whatever, uh.
That's a food thing, right?
Yeah, he has a restaurant.
He's a famous chef guy.
He had a thing where he was talking about microwaving corn and like everyone in his comments were going off about like, this isn't safe.
This isn't healthy.
Don't tell people to use microwaves.
And he's like, nah, like you can totally use a microwave.
It's not going to kill you.
You can use a microwave.
I do it a lot.
Yeah.
Just don't like, just don't, you know, Hold the microwave against, like, your crotch, I guess?
Like, don't do that.
That's, like, a bad idea.
Um, don't, like, put your animals in the, um, don't dry your cat in the microwave.
Yeah, don't put your pacemaker in the microwave.
Yeah, but, like, you can totally, you know, heat up your anything.
You can, if you're getting butternut squash and anything besides a microwave, you're trying way too hard.
Yeah, no microwaves are good.
And also use saran wrap and wrap that butternut squash in a saran wrap and put in a microwave.
Steamed butternut squash.
That weirds me out.
I'm kind of on Laura's side here.
I don't like putting plastic in the microwave.
No, saran wrap's different.
That's plastic though.
It is plastic, but it's a plastic that's made for it.
Okay, I just lied because I put one of those, like, pizza domes over my slices of pizza to keep the moisture in.
Yeah.
I love that shit, but that's plastic.
And we'll talk about the best way to heat a pizza later on.
It's not a skillet, I know, but I'm fucking lazy, dude.
Wow.
You're a typical millennial.
I like eat half a slice of cold pizza while the other slices are in the microwave.
See, where I grew up, we would actually just make a whole new pizza and heat that pizza while we're making that pizza in the oven with the new pizza.
Wait, what?
Oh, you would heat the pizza by cooking it?
Yeah, you have to actually make a whole new pizza so it's at optimal temperatures to reheat up your old pizza.
I like to cook it in the microwave and then let it cool and then reheat it.
Ooh, double microwave.
Did I say microwave?
I meant stove the first time.
Oh, okay.
And then microwave the second time.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
Okay.
So, uh, she's gonna build a new house without a microwave.
Good for you.
Uh, last comment.
Randy Eyed...
This fucking name, dude.
This is a guy named Randy Ied.
And Randy is spelled I-E at the end.
So it's not even like the cool way to spell Randy with an I. It's Randy I-E.
Which, that's like the horny way to spell Randy.
Yeah, this is the Austin Powers.
Yeah, that's the horny Randy, and then I'd is just I-D-E, which that's not a word or a name.
I mean, it's a word.
It's a word.
It's a bad word, actually.
You're supposed to be wary of that word.
I would say it's Randy E-Day, but I mean, it's in this comment section, so it's probably just I'd.
Randy says, great perspective!
I stopped shopping, shopping cart emoji, at Target, dartboard emoji, long ago when they made me a Target.
Ooh.
There's no Target emoji though, so I'm not sure if he means what he's saying.
I stopped going to star, star emoji, bucks, dollar sign emoji.
Flying, flying money.
Yeah.
Flying money.
The money that's like flying away from you.
Because they're so expensive, I think.
It's like a double one.
Before their CEO said they didn't want conservatives as customers, which, yeah, is totally something the CEO of Starbucks said.
And, like, real shit, someone who works at Starbucks for a long time, trust me, there's a lot of conservative motherfuckers coming through the door and asking for whipped cream.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
There's a huge, huge, like... How do you know they're conservatives?
Um, mostly... Because, you know, when you work at Starbucks, you get to know people.
You talk to them.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
And a lot of them were like, you know, you're pretty great for one of those.
For one of those... For one of those baristas.
One of those baristas.
Yeah.
Which started to feel like a racial slur while I was working there.
Well, see, they like the word barista because that's the B word that they can say.
That's the one they're allowed to say.
It's not one of those baristas, are they?
Lock the door, there's a barista coming up.
Oh, look at this group of barista Americans.
I bet they're planning on robbing this Starbucks.
How does that work?
Like you call the cops on the barista and the cops really do come and arrest the barista for suspicious activity behind the bar?
Yeah, exactly.
That's probably exactly what would happen, yeah.
No man, I'm waiting for my shift to be over.
I would love to leave right now, but I can't.
I'm referencing the story that we had your brother on for... Oh yeah, yeah.
Totally.
Like they're not allowed to wait in the Starbucks or whatever.
No, like he, I saw him buying the counter and he wasn't buying anything.
Yeah, he's not, he's not over there.
He wasn't a customer.
He was in Starbucks.
He wouldn't, he didn't buy anything all day.
I saw him.
Yeah.
He was just like fucking touching all the CDs in the rack and touching the coffees.
Rearranging shit.
At one point he started dusting things.
You're not, you're not fooling anybody.
He was trying to destroy his fingerprint evidence.
I think that's what it was.
And he was doing whippets the whole time.
Um, okay, uh, their CEO said they didn't want the conservatives as customers.
Like, okay, what the CEO of Starbucks needs to do... I think it's Howard Schultz.
I don't fucking care.
I think it's that guy.
What he should... It's Charles Schultz.
What Charles M. Schultz should do is he should fly a flag that's... an American flag that's too big outside of Starbucks.
Yeah, a huge one.
Like a really big one that's, like, too big.
It's way too big.
Yeah, it's just like, um, like it's so big that it can't possibly exist.
You know what I mean?
Like an impossible one.
You should fly that and then people would be like, we love Starbucks, we don't care that he said he hated conservatives.
It would have to be like a hologram.
It's the only way we can get that big.
Yeah.
Because that's the thing with the fucking Camping World guy.
Yeah.
That's exactly what he did.
I mean, he didn't say, I hate conservatives, obviously.
But he said something about, like, sensible gun laws or something.
And they made a meme about him saying that he said, fuck conservatives.
All he really said was that MAGA hats make terrible camouflage.
Um, so he just did a big flag and now there's like, you know, a GoFundMe for... What a smart person.
Um... I'm still waiting for a Camp Enrolled hat for someone to send me.
Please send me a Camp Enrolled hat.
Is it time to throw out the corrupt independent republicrats?
Um, yeah.
So, like, he's just nailing everybody there?
Yeah.
Uh, the independents and the republicans and the demirats.
I think it's hard to not say that I think that the entire way that electoral politics is laid out was owned in this one comment.
Yeah, I think these Gillette ads are just really indicative of a broken functional government.
And they also decided to use emojis so that that way Millennials and Gen Z can also understand.
Yeah.
This is this is how is it wait hold this person like this person's almost just as bad as Beto speaking Spanish.
Yeah, this is pretty cringe.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Talk about virtue signaling.
I can barely understand these usages of emojis.
That's gross.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's the episode, folks.
Thank you so much for listening.
Hey, thanks to our special guest, Tony Boswell, for being here.
Hey, it was a pleasure to be here.
Honestly, I do think that just being able to pet Tony, Tony the cat, for as long as I was able to was really gonna actually, I'm not even kidding, hold me over and make my mental happiness for at least a solid week after I leave here.
You overcharged that Tony meeting.
I am just so happy.
I have new pictures to stare at.
He's a very happy boy to see.
And I got some sweet, sweet Geezy love, and that was amazing.
And you got to see her fall off the fridge.
I got to see her fall off the fridge, but mostly I just got to just connect with these beautiful creatures that are Tony and Geezy.
And the listener.
And the listener.
Yeah.
Yeah, hey, so thanks for listening.
If you want extra content, go to patreon.com slash MinionDeathCold.
P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCold.
There will be a bonus episode this week as...
As our penance to the listener for me working 60 hours last week, we're going to do a deep dive on one single post in the Joe Rogan Experience Facebook group, which we've only touched on in passing, I think, on the episode, on the show.
I don't think we've done an episode on that incredible group.
It's a wild time.
So, uh, subscribe there patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult to get that in your feed later this week.
To make it really worthwhile, we are going to do DMT and then deep dive into that post.
Yeah.
Uh, it's going to be crazy.
We're going to like do total ego death, uh, but we'll time it, uh, just so it happens when the show ends and, uh, you know, our, I don't know, sense of individuality can end at the same time.
And we will have an extra tier of Patreon where you can listen to 30 minutes of us weeping.
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Join the Facebook group, MinionDeathCommandos.
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Contribute there, say what's up to us.
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Thank you.
Bye.
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