Straight people want their straight pride flag, but an evil Canadian mayor stole it from them. Also they want other flags. As long as they're not gay. Also, Kay Jewelers won't let a straight cop into their store to buy his heterosexual engagement ring. The sheriff’s department is coming for them, and all of facebook is coming with them. Music: G.L.O.S.S. - Trans Day of Revenge Support the show and get bonus episodes at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're in the middle of the stormy deserts.
All there in Bartholston.
Stay tuned.
All right, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Kay Jewelers is responsible.
We're documenting it.
So we have a fun, weird show for everyone today, all about straight pride.
Whether it's getting your own special flag, or day, or parade, or whether it's getting to break the rules at a jewelry store because you're a very important big boy who wants to propose to your very straight wife.
But first, we got a lot of housekeeping to do.
I shouldn't say that.
We have some housekeeping to do.
I'm sure it'll be very interesting to the listener.
Because we're going to be announcing the winner of the raffle drawing for Patreon subscribers and people who retweeted that Landlord Protection Agency episode, who will be winning the North Korea Summit commemorative coin.
First, however, I just want to Thank the people who left reviews on iTunes.
Benbenbennybenbenbe says, uh, I stand for minions.
Five stars.
Yeah.
Which sounds good until you remember that, like, minions are more of, like, a religious thing than a nationalistic thing, so you're actually supposed to kneel for the minions.
You stand for the flag and you kneel at the minion.
I applaud the effort, but yes, you do need to learn, you need to read up, understand the true meaning of being a minion, and minion lifestyle, and then you can, you know, get it right next time.
Seems like an honest mistake, though.
Thanks for the review.
They also say, these demon rats think they're funny.
So, yeah.
Offensive, untrue, not demon rats.
Sean G says, folks, we love it.
Black flag.
Like the emoji for a black flag, which I'm assuming stands for punk rock in general, punk rock bands, which we know is the new conservatism.
So thank you for that, Sean.
It's also as close as you can get in the emojis to an ISIS flag, so that's also that.
Okay, that might be what they meant.
So thanks either way for that, Sean.
I mean, ISIS, a very conservative group, so it fits.
Very punk rock group.
H.S.
Gandertal says, Hilarious!
Five stars, a splendid podcast.
So thank you for that, H.S.
If you want to leave a rating and or review on iTunes, it takes about 10 seconds.
You just got to say good show.
Hey, good show.
These demon rats are all right in my book.
Okay, so the winners of last month's Patreon slash retweet sweepstakes are, according to Tony... For the Patreon subscribers, the winner is Peter Stein.
Peter Stein, congratulations.
Send us an email with your address and stuff.
And then for those that retweeted the episode, shout out Woshulist.
A.K.A.
Austin.
Shoot us a DM if you'd like, and an email, whichever way you get to us.
Woeshless.
You know, and follow us while you're at it.
Yeah, that was a weird retweet.
They might be a struggle sesh listener.
I respect it though, man.
You gotta keep that count down, you know?
That's alright.
If you don't ever listen to the show and then randomly somebody tells you that you won two months down the line, we'll still probably send you the coin.
That's true.
That happened with one of the t-shirts we gave away.
Somebody who didn't collect on their t-shirt just messaged us on Patreon and we're still gonna give them the shirt.
Yeah.
We'll be good.
We are people of our word.
Okay, so shout out to the new Patreon subscribers.
By the way, Patreon subscribers helping us donate almost $500 to abortionfunds.org.
So that's amazing.
Give yourselves a pat on the back.
It's great shit.
People who helped us do that include James, Justin, Dylan, Joshua, Aaron, Amanda.
Hey, Amanda, thanks for subscribing.
Timothy, thank you, Timothy, for subscribing.
Cappy, Megan, Kellen, Kanna, oh, Karina, sorry.
Charles, Brian, George, Meta.
I'm not saying their last name, but it may or may not be World Peace.
Andrew.
Alphabet Flight.
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Thanks for subscribing, Zion.
Waxed Grinch, which is, I don't know what that means, but it sounds cool.
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Winner, Peter.
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Benjamin.
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Grant.
Ronald.
Michael.
Christopher.
Maverick.
And we'll thank Travis Ducey again.
Yeah, thanks to all of you.
That's amazing.
And then we also have... Where is it here?
Yeah, okay.
That was it.
So thanks to all those...
Thanks to all the subscribers, we were able to donate all that money to the abortion funds, which is really amazing, because according to one of our local conservatives who I was chatting with at the coffee shop, there's a certain food dye that's in everything, it's in Dr. Pepper, he said, that uses aborted baby kidneys to make, so thanks to you guys, we all get more Dr. Pepper.
He said it really casually, like it was just a thing people knew.
Um, does Diet Dr. Pepper have like extra, uh, aborted fetus kidney parts?
Is that why it tastes just like Dr. Pepper?
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
It just has more of it.
It has no sugar, but it has more kidney.
Okay, so people have heard about this, the straight pride parade thing, right?
Oh, if you want to subscribe to the Patreon, we got bonus episodes, including a deep dive on that public list of... public database, rather, of cop Facebook posts and comments, something very much in our lane.
We'll be talking about cops again tonight, but if you want to subscribe to the patreon patreon.com slash minion death cult You'll get bonus content mostly every week except the weeks where I work 60 hours But that's that's not too often.
I'm don't worry.
I'm grieving my boss on behalf of the patrons We will give you permission if you'd like let us know we will send you the patreon link if you promise to make for free if you promise to listen to it with like your cop uncle Um, you have to listen to The Comp Uncle and we'll send you the link, but you have to listen with them and then, you know, send us footage of that.
And then you have to make them do like a TikTok video with a baby voice, uh, licking your boots.
Please.
Okay, on to the episode.
Uh, yeah, so there's like, possibly gonna be a straight pride parade in Boston.
Uh, they got the permit to do it and all that stuff, and of course it's just like a, uh, a sort of thin cover for actual fascists, people involved in the like, You know, stop communism, stop Marxism groups.
I don't know, just a bunch of clowns, I think.
Like, I don't think that this looks good for most people.
I don't think it's a good way of rallying people or red-pilling people to your cause.
It's just wild that they want to, like, now have two St.
Patrick's Day parades in Boston.
Yeah, like...
Like I said on Twitter, a straight pride parade if it happened would just be a bunch of guys getting together asking each other how much money it would take to do gay stuff.
Yeah, eventually it would sound like an auctioneer going around.
It would just be a bunch of guys calling each other gay for liking the new Star Wars movies.
That's all straight pride is.
Um, we're specifically, we're not really gonna be talking much about the uh, the Straight Pride Parade.
Um, we're gonna be talking about the Straight Pride Flag.
I don't know if people have seen this, it's been around for about a year, but there is a Straight Pride Flag, and it's as fucking hideous and boring as you could imagine.
But somehow, I think just because of the colors, and this is like a psychology thing, it still looks violent.
Yeah, it's like the trans flag.
It's got five horizontal stripes that are just black and white, and then in the center are the intersecting masculine and feminine symbols, except the feminine one is on its side, like in the missionary position, while the masculine one sits on its face, which is just kind of odd.
So like we're super straight, but we are for rim jobs.
- We're good with that. - That's like, it's still straight.
It's not gay if a girl is eating your ass.
That's because this was actually going to be the original cover for Austin Powers 6.
And Austin Powers would probably be pretty pro-rimjob.
He'd be pro-rimjob, but I think he'd be anti-straight pride.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I think Austin Powers is probably, like, good.
In that respect.
There's a strong message about consent in the first Austin Powers movie.
I need to rewatch it, because I was thinking it didn't hold up for that exact reason.
He's harassing women left and right, for sure, but when it comes to the woman he's working with, what's her name?
From Bedazzled and shit.
That one hot lady from the late 90s, early 2000s.
Yeah, I just know she's got a good accent.
She's finally softened up to him, but it's only because she's been drinking and she tries to seduce him and he says it's not right.
It's not right, bird.
You're too drunk.
Oh yeah, yeah.
It's a nice little moment and then he tucks her in.
Anyway, so yeah, this flag.
This hideous black and white flag.
I think maybe what they're trying to evoke is like the prison garb they'll be forced to wear when they go to jail for being straight.
Yeah.
Like it's just a straight boy in striped pajamas.
And it's just like a gender fluid eight year old is outside of the fence making friends with a straight 50 year old man, like giving him literature and stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, it's just an ugly flag.
I'm a big fan of the color black.
I like that color.
But just black and white is bad.
When you add white to the black and you don't mix it, you just put them side by side, it makes the white look bad.
And I mean that genuinely.
I mean that genuinely.
It also says something about our society.
No, like, and it's funny because you desperately need to add some color in this.
I know it's trying to be, like, the anti-rainbow.
It's trying to be the anti-pride, anti-trans thing.
These people do view a world in black and white, you know, either because of their dying brains are just stuck in the 1950s and that's all they can see in.
Or because, you know, they see these issues as a stark divide, you know, between right and wrong.
And I gotta say, man, it doesn't make your cause look good.
You know, and we should want their cause to look good, I guess is what I'm saying.
No, at least add some brown in there or something so you can pretend to be woke about straight pride and be welcoming to straight people of all colors.
Dude, they can't do brown.
That would just be like, I don't know, there's a poop joke in there and they wouldn't be into that.
I'm just saying it would be so easy to hide behind a brown stripe in this flag.
No, this is the chance to do a camouflage stripe.
Like a desert storm camouflage.
Like a mixture of beiges.
Just like a stripe of camouflage standing out in the middle of this flag.
Yeah, I like that idea.
Exactly.
Fearless camouflage.
Okay, let's get into comments.
So the post we're going through is this post from a page called United Conservative Movement of Canada.
And this is about the straight pride flag.
Okay.
We should say also that like the male and female symbols are also in black on this flag.
On black?
Yeah.
So it's like the center stripe is black and that's kind of where the symbols are placed.
So you can only really see like the top and bottom of the symbol assemblage where it overlaps the bordering white stripes.
Yeah, it's very stupid.
It's funny because it does almost follow a lot of the rules of a flag.
There's a certain, there's a set of rules and design for flags and it abides by most of those things except for the black on black which totally negates it because it's supposed to be easily identified and if you didn't know this you would think it was just like a footlocker flag.
Yeah or like a Sephora flag or something.
Yeah exactly.
So, uh, United Conservative Movement of Canada is posting about this flag, and they say, THIS IS DISCRIMINATION AGAINST STRAIGHT PEOPLE!
All caps.
The man who petitioned the government of a small village in New Brunswick to raise a quote, straight pride flag, says he's disappointed the flag was later taken down.
Why should I not be allowed to fly my flag, Glenn Bishop told CTV Atlantic?
That's disgraceful.
This is discrimination against straight people.
So he's saying, why should I not be allowed to fly my flag at City Hall?
Why can't I fly my flag on somebody else's property, or like on a government building?
Yeah, that's the whole thing.
It's like, he could have just, you know, made the flag, ran it up a flagpole, got it on a private property thing.
But no, he had to try to get it in the city, with the government involved.
I mean, it's just another case of like...
Everything these people are saying about gay people, how they want special treatment, how they want their lifestyle enshrined in the public space or whatever, is more applicable to themselves.
Totally.
I haven't really seen the gay community demand that the Pride flag be flown at City Hall.
I don't mean to speak for everybody in the community, but I don't think that's at the top of the list.
No, no.
This is the first year that Redlands, the city I live in, is acknowledging Pride Month.
They're not, there's no signs anywhere, there's nothing up anywhere, there's not a rainbow in sight.
But what they did do is like, acknowledge that there is now a queer person on city council.
And like, let her say some things.
And that was really it.
Which is like a huge move.
Because like, we already have a straight pride flag flying over our city hall.
But like, it's just in the form of a Palmea flag.
Did you say Paumea flag?
Paumea?
Is that what they're actually called?
I think so, yeah.
I've heard people say that.
But it's the Prisoner of War's missing in action.
Yeah, I thought you were saying Kamehameha flag or something.
Oh, no, no.
If you thought it was foreign, you knew it was wrong, because this is Redlands I'm talking about.
Yeah, I had to think for a second.
Yeah, I just, I love it.
This is discrimination.
So what, he, like, petitioned the city to raise the flag and everybody else, and they actually did it, and then everybody else in the city was like, uh, no?
Yeah, no thank you.
And so the mayor took it back down.
It's so fucking funny.
Like it's, it's better, it's better that they raised the flag first and then took it down than just never doing it in the first place.
It's a bigger... Because they had to acknowledge it exists.
It's a bigger own.
It's a bigger own.
It's, you know, it's like handing a toddler their ice cream and seeing the delight in their eyes and then taking it away from them.
And then saying, "Psych!" - Like you're definitely damaging that child, as opposed to just telling them, "No, you can't have ice cream.
It's too close to bedtime," or whatever, which is what you tell old people, and the euphemism is, "Bedtime is death for them." But yeah, you do that and you instill good values.
But if you give them the treat and then take it away rapidly, it actually upsets them very, you know, a lot more.
And I like that.
You're exerting power.
You're saying you could have it, but I'm saying you can't.
Uh, yeah.
So, let's get into comments from this.
The comments were so fucking good.
I just have the top three comments in a block.
These are the first three comments.
So amazing.
Connie Christensen says, someone needs to design one for senior citizens.
They do, Connie.
It's the one with 13 stars in a circle.
Is that the UN flag?
I don't get that.
No, that's the OG American flag.
Oh, I got it.
Okay.
I just, yeah, I think it's funny, like, senior citizens are, like, the target demographic for any sort of chintzy bullshit that talks about how you're a grandma, or talks about how you own a dog, or talks about how, you know, you're a member of the AARP, or whatever.
I, you can't, I've seen much more like, uh, geriatric rights stickers in my life than I've ever seen, uh, pride stickers.
Yeah.
Uh, I, I like, they, they've tried to do a, a senior citizen's flag like before, but, um, people just kept on submitting like a cloth version of the why it's only a water fountain sticker sign.
I feel like it's just text.
What?
Like an elderly pride flag is just one of those grouchy old lady hallmark t-shirts.
Oh yeah, with the walker and the herring glasses?
Yeah, she's always got a cup of coffee, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, like the elderly pride flag would just be, instead of black and white, it would just be fucking grey.
It would just be grey and the masculine and feminine symbols would be sleeping on opposite sides of the flag.
I love that shit.
Uh, Rose Woofenden, I love that name, says, We want our flag too!
We are not gay!
Not even proud to be straight, but just proud to not be gay.
Uh, that's just funny to read.
I don't really have anything to say about that.
Uh, Jack Van Uffelen says, I can't shout this shit.
I live in an apartment now.
I'm really bummed because this is all uppercase.
It's pretty rough.
Can you shout this one?
Is your roommate still there?
It's okay, she listens and she's a fan.
She'd be really upset if we didn't cover this.
She actually texted me and said, you guys are covering Straight Pride, right?
I'm like, of course we are.
You should shout this one.
Why should the gays be allowed to fly their flag and normal people can't fly theirs?
Normal people.
Yeah, I think you kind of answered your own question there, Jack.
Fuck.
And it's hard to tell by... I mean, Tony did a very good reading, but it's still hard to tell that only the first letter of the first word in Y is lowercase, and then the rest is capitalized.
So he, like, held down the shift key for the Y, didn't realize he was in caps lock the whole time though.
Yep.
Uh, just permanent caps lock.
That's just how I feel.
The computer knows.
Yeah, why should gays be allowed to fly their flag and normal people can't fly theirs?
Well, maybe it's because gay people are still considered abnormal by a lot of, you know, people in this country, people like you, people in your country of Canada, etc.
I'm really surprised I didn't see that take of, you know, they get to fly their flag and apparently I'm the weird one, so I'm going to fly my freak flag.
Straight pride.
Let my freak flag fly!
- Yeah, we're gonna get our freak on, but I'm just talking about that little break in the corn song.
So another comment here, this is a good one.
Lloyd Jones says, hum, me thinks it you should have fixated on that very detail almost as if you had a predisposition to measure all male slash female interactions with some toxic masculinity ruled but then all this might simply be the shock of seeing a straight inference flag What might be next, men who don't lift toilet seats or maybe a decline in men squatting to pee?
We can wonder the reaction of the pussyhats, raw rage, comma, will dick tatter just insane the lawless dictator declare straight flags racist.
These fucking smart people, these, these geniuses, these...
Anytime you read Me Thinks, just buckle up.
I like dick tatters.
I like that Lloyd's dick is clearly in tatters.
Yeah, just insane.
Dick tatters.
The whole thing, it's difficult to follow, but you just know it's awful.
Yeah, it's got all the right beats for it to be awful.
They don't connect in a coherent way, and sometimes it's just a quarter beat or an eighth note, but the beats are still represented.
Yeah, I also like, he's worried that people are going to declare the straight flag racist.
But it can't be, because it has white and black.
It has both the colors in there.
It don't matter if you're black or white, as long as you're straight.
Right.
Best evidenced by Michael Jackson.
Straight pride.
There is like a new pride flag equivalent of it that is the black and white colors, but it's that razzle dazzle camouflage.
It's just the series of different vertical stripes and patterns that are hard to track.
Well, that would be like naval lives matter, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
Like, I'm sure the Navy already has a subset of Military Lives Matter.
Yeah, they're called... I don't know.
I was going to make some joke about how other military people make fun of the Navy, but I can't even do it.
Sorry.
Well, I think they make fun of them by calling them gay, so you should do that joke.
You should call them the F word.
Oh yeah, they already got a flag.
It's rainbow stripes.
There you go.
Did it.
Yeah, so I'm sure they already have like a subset for Navy Lives Matter like instead of the green Military Lives Matter, you know, it's like aquamarine stripe down the center or something.
Yeah, it's like seafoam.
It's teal But this would be their their pride flag, which would be much which would be a totally different thing Okay, so Ben Shapiro also posted about this the way Ben Shapiro posted about the straight pride parade though was He made fun of Chris Evans.
Like, Chris Evans did a tweet about the Straight Pride Parade and how the Straight Pride Parade is gay, actually.
Did you see this?
No, what did he say?
He had a really liberal take on it.
He said, like, instead of doing a Straight Pride flag, you should inspect your own emotions And think about why you're afraid of being gay.
But it was even more explicit that they were scared of their own gay thoughts, and that's why they did Straight Pride.
Which, yeah, it's not a good take.
It's not a good take to call homophobic people gay.
There's plenty of not-gay homophobic people.
And also, like, he said something about, like, this is not what America stands for.
It's like, alright, dude.
I mean, you're not wrong about that part.
Sure.
Michael Thompson says, uh, let us make straight great again.
Make straight great again.
And Michael blub-blog.
Blub-blog.
That's exactly what it is.
Says, uh, replies, so hope they fly that on the banner.
God, that would make my day if I saw them fly a banner that said, make straight great again.
I would be so, I would be so happy if I saw like a bunch of, a bunch of guys in cargo shorts, uh, with a banner that said, make straight great again.
No, man, I'm going to get a plane to fly that over like a, a beach.
You know, so all the people on the beach can know to make straight great again.
Because they're just not good at being straight right now.
That's kind of how it translates?
Yeah, that's the thing.
Everyone sucks at being straight.
Yeah, like, when you say make something great again, like, you're going off of the Donald Trump thing, um, who, like, hated America because Obama was president, and so he was acknowledging that, like, America was bad now.
Um.
Yeah.
And he wanted to make it good again.
So, yeah, you're just, like, acknowledging that being straight isn't good right now.
It should be like, make sexuality straight again.
There you go.
Yeah.
You fucking idiot.
The arc of history is straight, actually.
Yeah, or you could do like, if you wanted to clap back at this, you could do like a Hillary Clinton voice, and you could say like, being straight is already great.
And then her and her husband like high five.
This would be the way to go, you know.
Hey, we don't need to make straight great again.
It's already great.
It's great to be straight.
Isn't that right, our heterolytically conceived child, Chelsea?
And then she's all thumbs upping it too.
Yeah.
Yeah, straight pride is really just like marrying an investment broker.
And then, yeah, becoming Jewish by proxy, by proximity.
And then he's claiming it.
That's, by the way, that's a specific reference to Chelsea, not a reference to Jews being in control of the banks.
Okay, last comment.
My favorite comment.
Best comment.
Dan Mills on Ben Shapiro's post says, does any dad brag about how many dudes his sons banged?
I mean, uh, this is, this says so much.
There's so much going on here.
So, first of all, are dads, like, bragging about how much, like, pussy their sons are getting?
Not the dads of gay ones.
Well, yeah.
And then, like, also, are they also, by that logic, because this is, do they know that everyone can be gay?
Like, that's not really a thing.
Um, so, like, by that logic, um, Are they bragging about how many dudes their heterosexual daughters are getting?
Wait, so you... Are they also bragging about how many dudes their daughters are banging?
Something tells me no.
Unless that bragging implies confirmed kills for them.
You know like that's that's what you would do as a Facebook dad.
That's the only way you could brag about how many daughters you're uh or how many guys your daughter has fucked is you have all their heads mounted on the wall.
Yep yep it's like you're like a fucking she's like a praying mantis.
Uh, yeah.
You're just like, yeah, my daughter slept with the whole neighborhood.
Here they are.
Here they are.
Um... She's in prison now.
She was actually a serial killer.
Uh, it was pretty horrifying.
Well, no, you would be the one killing them.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
You know, you get to brag about, like, murdering teenagers, uh, for dating your daughter.
And, like, yeah, I would... I guess if I'm gonna brag about, you know, my kids, uh, getting some, I would totally brag about my, uh...
My gay son banging dudes.
But it'd be long lines of like, oh he does well.
He does well for himself.
He's well for himself.
He's quite the power bottom.
Yeah.
Yeah, so like, I'm like in the man cave with my boys, we got a kegerator full of rolling rock, and I gotta tell him how like absolutely sopping my kid's dick is.
And then I remember, he's gotta use lube!
Like, this is so fucking psycho.
Like, oh, I go around the back of my house to look through the window at my son and his date, and it's another guy!
No one wants to see that!
Like, how many guys have unironically said, no one wants to see their son bang another dude?
Oh, absolutely.
That's gotta be a phrase, right?
That's gotta be like an adage.
That's like straight guy adage.
But that's like a joke, though.
I don't wanna see that shit.
I wanna see you with your girlfriend, bro.
That is a thing, though.
Like, there is, you know... But you can do it like Dad does.
Listen, I'm okay with your lifestyle.
Just don't put it in my face.
When you get a girlfriend, come back to me.
This is all like that, uh...
They want it to be like that first new episode of Black Mirror.
Have you seen that yet?
No, I heard it was bad, so I didn't watch it.
It's rough.
They can be gay, but as long as they're being virtually... virtual reality hetero.
Okay.
It's layers, man.
That just seems like a pretty one-to-one allegory for like, you know, the 1960s or 1950s.
Yeah, exactly.
Doesn't seem like there's much depth to that analogy.
It's pretty bad.
Or metaphor, rather.
Yeah.
Next segment.
Once again, our boys in blue are boys who are blue.
Because we have a post here from Iredell County Sheriff Facebook page.
And this was sent to the Minion Death Commandos Facebook group by Benjamin Edwards, I believe.
So thanks a lot, Benjamin.
This shit is great.
I'm just gonna read the post here.
The profile picture for the Iredell County Sheriff is so funny because it's just a guy in a suit and tie.
Looks like he's posing for, like, a wedding or something.
It's not a good sheriff's photo.
Like, I want to see, like, your little hat and your, like, browns and shit.
I want to see something that says, you know, I want to see the badge.
That's all I want to see.
Yeah, you look like you just own like a men's suit warehouse or something.
The Iredell County Sheriff's Office, along with Sheriff Dan Campbell, are deeply saddened at a situation involving a fellow deputy yesterday in Statesville.
So you're like, probably joking when I call them the boys who are blue.
But they're deeply, deeply saddened by this event.
They're legit sad boys.
A uniformed deputy, while on his lunch break, was notified the engagement ring he had purchased for his upcoming wedding proposal.
Had been sized and was ready for him to pick up at Kay Jewelers, located on Turnersburg Highway in Statesville.
Wow, so they're just like naming this shop, naming this exact shop, where it's located.
Kind of brushed past that, this is in Statesville.
Keep that in mind.
The deputy took his meal break to pick up the ring and was met at the- which is, by the way, bad, bad form.
Do that shit on the clock, bro.
Yeah.
The deputy took, uh, the deputy informed the manager he was in uniform.
Sorry.
The deputy took his meal break to pick up the ring and was met at the door by the store manager who informed him he was not allowed to wear his service weapon while on their premises.
The deputy informed the manager he was in uniform and his marked patrol car was in the parking lot.
Like, just picture the deputy, like, gesturing at various things, you know, while he's saying this.
Including the clothing he's wearing, like... Do you not see this?
I'm in my uniform.
But my car!
If you'll just simply turn your head 45 degrees to the left, you'll see my squad car over there.
It would be a violation of policy for him to remove his service weapon while in uniform.
The policy is in place for not only the safety of the deputy, but the general public as well.
The manager stated that our deputy would need to return to the store at a different time when he was not armed.
The deputy left the store without the ring he had purchased.
Sad cop siren.
The reaction our deputy encountered is very difficult for us to comprehend.
We don't get it.
They said no!
They said no to us!
But I was in my uniform, I don't... That's not the rules, that's not how this goes!
So why?
They're so sad about this.
But I said please!
This is so freaking messed up.
Oh, you bet your ass he didn't say please.
Oh, no way.
And we earnestly hope situations such as these are few and are diminishing.
Yeah, the recent spate of people refusing service to cops, we hope, is on the decline.
That's happened like twice, right?
Yeah, it's still like- It's happened like twice in living memory.
It's, it's so fucking rare, like, no.
No, like, that's just not a thing.
Cops can go anywhere they want and do anything they want, and we see it all the time.
Like, they are not suffering.
Sheriff Campbell has attempted to contact their corporate office numerous times, but as of yet has received no answer.
Just like, calling the wrong number.
Yeah, it's so fuc- when a fucking cop calls to speak to the manager.
That's so, that's so funny to me.
Like, that's, I love it.
Like, you know, I'm definitely not for calling the manager.
Like, if you've got, you know, some sort of, like, tech support problem, or if, you know, you want a discount on the thing you're buying, so you ask to speak to a manager, I think that's a good grift.
It might be annoying to the customer service rep, like Tony here, but I still think that that's a fine thing to do.
Yeah.
But when you're trying to, you know, tattle or whatever, that's obviously bad, but it is like the only recourse for like people who have no power otherwise, at least in that specific situation.
So I like that he had to do this.
I like that he had to go groveling to a 1-800-K-Jewelers number to try and get his way.
I wish we could get access to the voicemails he left.
No, I will not hit one for English.
Like, I love that.
You remember that bit?
You remember that comedy bit in, in like the nineties about now we got to push a button for English.
It used to be, you know, there used to only be English.
It's like, well, it's still the first button.
Yeah, exactly.
It's not, it's still like the first thing you hear, you know, it's still the only thing keeping you from like having to hear anything in Spanish.
So maybe just do it.
Yeah, you gotta do it really quick or else you get the numero dos.
Yep.
Which you don't want.
You never want to hear that.
Doctors said I gotta keep my blood pressure down, so... So, this... This was, like I said before, this happened in Statesville.
Okay, and this has 13,000 reacts.
It's angry, like, and wow reacts.
I did the ha-ha react to it, but the ha-ha was underrepresented.
Didn't make one of the top three spots, unfortunately.
You know, go to this post and see if we can get it up there, maybe.
10,000 comments on this post.
9.6 thousand shares.
Huge.
Huge post.
Big news.
This is a fucking atrocity.
Yeah.
People were livid.
Absolutely livid that this man couldn't get his engagement ring within a half hour window.
Within a specific half hour window.
Yeah, I'll see.
How fucking long are cop lunches, man?
If I gotta call to do anything during my lunch, it's not happening during my lunch.
Right.
So... This happened in Statesville, North Carolina.
Which you may be familiar with because it's also home to the very big flag we talked about last week.
It's the same fucking city where Camping World had a flag that was too big and people were ready to start a civil war over the fact that they got fined for it.
We're like liberal camping world.
Do not take a flag down.
I was like trying to think like what the fuck is in the water in Statesville and yeah they're just like pouring boot polish into the water supply in Statesville.
Everybody's getting their officer recommended dose of boot polish every morning.
Most of these comments are like really pissed off.
Most of these comments are just fucking livid.
The second most comment, like the second most popular comment, are people from other jewelry stores advertising in this comment section about how much they freaking love our boys in blue.
It's the best.
It's everywhere.
We offer a discount.
We will put the ring on your finger ourselves.
Oz Hefner says, I own Oz's jewelers in Hickory, and we welcome our armed officers to our store anytime and can stay as long as they like.
We have quite a few that we know personally and enjoy their company.
This is sad that they cannot respect our officers.
Sincerely tagged himself, Oz Hefner.
Yeah.
Find a local independent Second Amendment supporting jeweler, Jeff Dennis says, my store supports the LAO community and welcome you to shop here.
I appreciate the backup.
Kimberly Stewart Wooten says, come on down to Selma Jewelry.
You will be treated like family.
Like, all these comments have thousands of likes.
They're the top comments.
I was gonna go through here and write down all the jewelers that... We at Brookdale Florist are outraged by this.
Anyone with a service weapon or service animals always welcome to the shop.
Yeah, please come on down.
Just like, yeah, just honoring... honoring Blue Lives by fucking advertising in what appears to be a national tragedy of this Facebook post, you know.
That is a funny take on it, yeah, totally.
Our Gregory is downtown, and I am sure they support you.
Yeah, it's- every- every other fucking comment here, like, is- is just advertising for, uh, their own personal jewelry store.
Uh, and it's- it's funny because, like, Kay Jewelers posted a comment as well on this comment section.
Kay Jewelers says, uh, Kay Jewelers is reaching out to the customer in the Iredell County Sheriff's Office to sincerely apologize.
You just have to go groveling to the cops.
Yeah.
This sucks so bad.
Uh, for the mishandling of this matter, we have tremendous respect for law enforcement and we thank the office for bringing this to our attention.
We will be sure to reinforce store training regarding our firearm policy with specific regard to uniformed law enforcement.
Like somebody, this guy just made a mistake.
Yeah.
Like the guy at the door just made a mistake.
They have a no firearm policy.
He didn't know that there was like an exemption carved out for blue angels.
So he didn't let the guy in.
I bet you he had like a late lunch too and they were just gonna close and he was like no like let me in like I'm a cop.
He's like no man like we're closed.
What is this scenario?
Because I can't imagine a couple things.
First of all, I just can't imagine anyone telling a cop no like that, unfortunately.
It just doesn't happen.
Yeah.
I wish it did, but it just doesn't happen.
And then also, I don't imagine a situation where the cop just kind of leaves.
You know?
I can't imagine this happening without the cop calling backup.
Yeah, no, totally.
Yeah, he called your cousin and was like, we need three more units down here.
Yeah, totally, exactly.
They went there right away, they would be there right away.
Yeah, I mean, I think it was just a guy who didn't want to get fired.
Thought they had a no firearm policy and he was willing to, maybe he doesn't like cops, and he was just like, hell yeah, I can keep my job and say no to a cop at the same time.
That's the best combo.
But yeah, so Kay Jewelers has to, like, fuckin' grovel to this, uh, sheriff's office.
Because guess what, uh, nobody else is buying fucking jewelry, or engagement rings, or diamonds, or whatever.
It's like, this is, the people, the only people buying jewelry are the people who worship at the Altar of Blue Lives.
Yeah!
Everybody was about to buy jewelry.
Everybody buys so much jewelry and they're about to buy so much jewelry.
There's all these hypothetical diamonds they want and none of it's going to Kay's anymore.
Yeah, I mean, you know, people ask, oh, are millennials killing the diamond industry?
No, it's ungrateful jewelry store owners who don't respect their boys in the blue.
They're solely responsible for the decline in sales of blood diamonds and conflict stones.
They want diamonds, they just can't get them from someone that loves comps.
Yeah, and so this comment from Kay Jewelers has, I don't know, 3,000 replies?
It's crazy.
The reply that's highlighted that I can see right now without diving into all these.
Tori Gather Clearlock says, a formal apology to this officer is what is needed in this situation.
If he would still acquire the ring after this incident, acquire, if he would still tactically acquire this ring with extreme prejudice after this incident, I would hope Kay Jewelers would make amends by adjusting his purchase price.
Every single comment and like later ones I found on the Kay page on the Kay Jewelers page every single comment was You should buy this man's ring and pay for the honeymoon You guys should pay for the wedding.
Dude.
I'm gonna type in GoFundMe Kay Jewelers Kay Jewelers Officer Leo Leo Oh no, it's just a fundraiser for Erica Kay, who needs money for a funeral.
That sucks.
Maybe we shouldn't start one now?
Okay, I can't find one.
There probably is one.
It's probably on Indiegogo.
Okay, comment here.
Ronnie Thompson says, Our law enforcement officers are being treated like crap.
It is not safe for them to stop a vehicle without fear of their life, and now they cannot go into a public building while in uniform carrying their issued weapon.
This has gone to a new low.
If they ever get robbed or ever have someone taken hostage, I hope that all officers know they are not welcome there with guns, so if they get that call they need...
To go to a nearby place and just sit there because there is nothing they can do.
I do not know of a time in my career in the fire service that a uniformed officer or plainclothes officer conducted an investigation without their weapon on them.
I have never been a supporter of gay jewelers, but even less now!
Crook's Kay Jewelers wants your business if you don't let them know you have a gun.
If you don't let them know you have a gun.
What is our world coming to when the police cannot carry their weapon?
Kay Jewelers, close your door or issue an apology and post on your window that either law enforcement is welcome or that they are not welcome.
I hope the officer gets somewhere else to get his future wife a ring.
Jesus, everybody's just like, this is really gonna bite you in the ass when you guys get robbed.
Yeah, it's great, yeah.
You wouldn't let a cop buy a ring one time, so I hope you guys all get murdered.
Also, I hope the officer goes somewhere else to get his future wife a ring.
We know that Ronnie Thompson is an American and not a French person.
So he calls the woman in question a future wife and not a fiancé.
That's a funny thing about this.
All these threads talk about how cop wife is a thing.
You're not just a wife, you're a cop wife.
It is a different thing.
We'll touch more on that later.
One of my favorite takes I saw was, that's what the concealed carry is for.
You know, one of my favorite takes of Saul was, well, you know, that's what the concealed carry is for.
You can just sneak it on past him.
Right, right.
That's why you buy those yoga pants with the gun pocket in them, so you can get into K-Jewelers unmolested. - Okay.
Cops should use concealed weapons.
Yeah, that'd be great.
You want to read this one from Gary Miller?
Oh yeah, Gary Miller.
We've got a dramatic reading from Tony here.
So this is a guy who posted onto Kay Jewelers' Facebook page.
Gary Miller says, Thank you, Kay Jewelers.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I was having difficulty deciding which jeweler to make my wedding ring purchase from.
You narrowed it down for me.
This guy's totally getting married.
This guy's totally getting married.
No doubt about it.
Dude, I'm so getting married.
I have so much future wife.
The jewelry business, I understand, is very competitive.
From what I understand, it's a very competitive business.
God, the computer business is just too competitive.
The jewelry business is very competitive.
And all merchants offer competitive products, warranties, etc.
This guy knows his stuff.
So for a casual customer, such as myself, I'm just a casual jewelry buyer.
I'm not an expert.
You're not a pro.
Such as myself, it makes the process of selecting a jeweler daunting at best.
But you shone through the bright, radiant sunrays that pierced a dark, cloudy sky of confusion by denying a protector of life.
Oh, oh wait, hold on.
This guy's not going with Kay?
I thought he was going with Kay because he hates cops.
Yeah, it sounded really positive about Kay Jewelers there for a second.
So, uh, with a bright, radiating sunray that pierced through the dark, cloudy sky of confusion by denying a protector of life.
A protector of fucking life.
Property and law to access his selection slash purchase so Because you did not let him get to his purchase So, in summary, thank you for- Yeah, well this is like, sorry, real quick, this is like a complete intersection of the Blue Life Matter, Blue Life Worship, and consumerist, consumerism as politics that we always talk about on this show.
Yeah, totally.
Like how important it is that you get to buy your stuff from the place you want, or how important it is that you not buy stuff at the place you don't like.
This is like, it's a double trouble right here.
Which is so, so real.
You did the worst thing in the world.
You denied him a purchase.
Access to his purchase?
You didn't let him do politics.
You didn't let him do free speech by buying his engagement ring in that 30 minute window.
This protector of life, property, and law.
Well, you gotta have property first to protect it, buddy.
That is true.
That is very true.
So, in summary, thank you for posting a huge red flag.
I also should never visit your business, whether in North Carolina or elsewhere.
You save me so much time and consideration.
Concentration.
Consternation.
Consternation.
Dang, hit me with that big word, dammit.
He's got a lot of big words in here.
I think he spent a lot of time writing this.
There's a hypothetical where he might have gone to North Carolina for this.
He's gonna drive to North Carolina to boycott the Kay Jewelers store.
If this was a minor infraction, I was just gonna go to a local Kay Jewelers.
But now that I know what really happened, you saved me so much time.
There was a guy, did you see that?
Oh, no, you're the one who sent it to me, that guy who actually protested outside the Kay Jewelers with his fucking Jeep and a, what, like a, the thin yellow line flag and a sign that said like, uh, fuck Kay Jewelers or something?
Yeah, it said, it was like, this guy claims that he's the reason they closed earlier that day.
Um, he protested himself.
He had a shitty written sign with like, you couldn't read the sign from far away.
Just like, you know, cage rulers is bad.
And had a blue lives matter and a green lives matter.
It was green, that's right.
Green, green banner on his jeep.
And he was like, um, everybody loved it.
People wanted to take pictures of the jeep.
People loved the jeep.
I really, it was just me, but I really like caused, I really riled things up.
They closed early because of me.
Yeah, that's great.
I mean, yeah, if you got like a Jeep Liberty or a Jeep Renegade Or isn't there a Jeep?
There's also a Jeep Patriot like Jeep knows what they're fucking doing.
Yeah, they're not they're not dumb If you're if you're a fan if you're like a John McCain conservative you go with the Jeep Renegade if you're like, I don't know a constitutional conservative you go with the Jeep Liberty and And if you're a white nationalist, you go with the Jeep Patriot.
I think that's how it works.
That's smart, that's the way it goes.
Real patriots are white nationalists.
Something for everybody in that line of consumer vehicles.
There was also a woman in the comments that you sent me who was like saying fuck Blue Lives because she was military and she was like... That was my favorite shit!
She was like upset at cops for appropriating the American flag.
She was like, yeah She was she was like this is just as disrespectful as kneeling for the anthem She was using the joking thing that we talked about about flag code and I was like listen This isn't about cops.
This is about flag code, right, but she was dead-ass.
She was totally she meant it with this one Yeah, but she didn't invoke the flag code.
She just said it was like disrespectful and yeah and like everybody was just like call it someone called her a mattress because she said she served well you must just been a mattress I don't know what that means but I don't think it's good no that's not good sounds terrible Yeah, no, she said some, like, pretty hardcore shit for, like, a conservative in there.
She was, like, she called, like, cops crybabies and shit, but then later she was like, no, I don't have anything against all officers, just the ones who use the flag.
It's like, okay, if your main concern with police officers is that they've appropriated the American flag, you've got a specific type of brain damage that I don't know how to counter.
I don't know how to address that.
Uh, can I read this one?
Uh, I don't know, man.
I don't know if you can, uh... Yeah, I think you have to read this one, actually.
John D'Alesco, uh, throwing a whole, whole new slur at me I've never heard before.
Ask.
Black.
Nanogary?
Yeah he says black nana Gary with the excuse me black n-word with the thinking face emoji.
Which he does clear up by saying manager.
Yeah he replied to himself manager.
Which is like... He just got too excited with the N's.
Yeah.
The one N in manager.
He was really excited to use that letter.
And he typed out... Muscle memory.
Menagerie.
Like, I thought he was trying to say menagerie, and I didn't know what it meant.
Even though, you know, it has a Y. But no, he meant manager.
Black manager?
Is that why he doesn't like cops?
Is it because he's a racist?
Asking the real questions.
He's racist against blue lives?
Which, we all know this isn't true.
We know he wasn't a black manager because the headline would have been like, unarmed Kay Jewelers manager shot by a police officer who was just trying to pick up his ring.
I mean, yeah.
We found a weapon on him and it's just one of those little felt rolls that you store rings on.
It's the diamond checker you see in, like, clout videos now.
Tell you the clarity of the diamond.
Um, yeah.
So this is the creme de la creme.
Last comment here.
You got this comment, bro.
You wanna read it?
This is a combination of what we were talking about earlier.
This is the advertising and the cop wife.
All together.
Pat Hildreth?
Yeah, that's probably right.
Who has a badge for an avatar.
Yeah, it's amazing.
But like a photo of a badge.
It's not like a clip art of a police officer's badge.
This is like a photo of a decorative badge.
Pat says, I have one of the best jewelries around.
The best jewelries?
Is that what you call yourself?
I have one of the best Julias around for Nary.
He has a line of two hearts, one badge, and firefighters.
Never bought a shop at Kay's again.
Let me reread this one more time.
He has a line of two hearts, one badge, police, and firefighters.
This is a line of rings that is for weddings that is a badge.
There's a picture of it.
There is a badge that is surrounded by blue sapphires that is the woman's ring because it's two hearts behind one badge.
Dude, it's crazy.
So when we first started doing this topic, when we first decided we were going to do this topic, I was like, oh yeah, you know, joke about like sapphires and a blue line across your ring, Blue Lives Matter ring or whatever.
No, that actually exists.
Tony found another comment of somebody else who posted their Blue Lives Sapphire ring.
There's just a stripe of sapphires across the band, you know, bordered by like white gold or whatever.
Um, so that wasn't a, that wouldn't have been a good joke because it actually existed.
It was so real.
Also wouldn't have been a good joke because what also exists is like what Tony is saying, this ring, the center of the ring, which would normally be like the whole setting where all the stones are on, is a fucking sterling silver badge.
The whole thing is just in the shape of a badge.
And then the band itself has blue sapphires like around it Hey, babe, um So I love you, you know, and I kind of need to know some things for our future Just in case things go the way I want them to go What's your favorite diamond?
Oh Oh your favorite diamond is a police officer's badge?
Good good to know Yeah, this is... You gave your wife an engagement ring that has a picture of the job you do.
Are you a fucking cartoon character?
Dude, I'm telling you, man.
Remember, remember when you're talking about, when you're talking shit about cops, you're actually talking shit about a cop's wife's husband.
And that's the real tragedy.
Yeah, you respect women, right?
There's, there's some woman out there who's like, their profile says like, you know, Catherine, cop wife, doctor.
Yeah, there's a whole page called, uh, I think it's called Army Wife, and it's just a guy who reposts, like, posts by army wives, uh, that are very funny and very aggrieved.
The army wife is very aggrieved.
Um, I hope there's a cop wife page.
out there for that.
But yeah, this is crazy.
This is like, hey, you know, I love you.
I've had just an amazing time these past two years I've been with you.
You know, we've lived together for a year.
It's really working out great.
I'd love to take the next step and for us to spend the rest of our lives together.
Here's a ring with a PS4 controller on it.
Wow, Alex's wife.
Is that a box?
Is that a box on your ring?
A box would look better.
It would be like if I gave my future wife a ring that was just a UPS uniform.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah, it's pretty incredible.
How do you make fun of this?
How do you make more fun of this?
Like, I don't understand where we go from here.
No, you can't, because they've parried it themselves.
They don't even realize it.
It's amazing.
Like, oh, I gave you a ring with a dead dog on it.
Like, that's the only way you can go with it.
Oh, I gave you a ring that is actually, like, a still-life rendering of a no-knock raid that killed three people at the wrong apartment.
Yeah.
Why is there an exploded crib on here?
Why is there an exploded baby's crib on here?
The only thing that I've seen that reaches... Oh, your SWAT.
Okay.
Swat lives matter and like the center bar across of it is like torn up nursery clothes.
The only thing that I've seen that's this level of like deranged and probably it's probably worse It's not worse in the sense that it wasn't an actual ring.
It was just a meme somebody did But the sentiment is worse.
We talked about it on the show.
It's that cop wife Because I'm remembering now.
She was a nurse and Her husband was an LEO and What if the, just do like, just do like a Leo sign.
Do the astrological symbol for Leo on this ring instead or something.
Anyway, so she had a cover photo that was like, that said love.
You know how coexist has all the religious symbols.
It said love, but it was made up of cop equipment.
So the L was a gun.
The O was a pair of handcuffs.
Yes.
The V was like two nightsticks.
And I don't remember what the E was.
But you're like spelling out love using the tools that your husband uses to beat and kill people with.
The E was a perp being bent over into the back of a car.
And then they also had a Blue Lives Matter flag That was made- it wasn't an actual flag, it was just the formation of the blue stripe inside two black bars that was just shotgun shells that was painted.
That's horrifying.
Like shotgun shells in a box, like you're looking down at them, like at the- at the- where the firing pin hits, and they were blue and black.
Also, like, cops- cops should not be using shotgun shells.
That's fucking horrifying.
Oh, there were the rubber bullets, huh?
There were the rubber, uh... Oh, the, the, yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, so, I don't know.
This is just such a weird, such a weird thing.
I think our Leo should be able to use sawed-offs.
Got the sawed-off perps getting hauled off.
All right, that's it for the episode.
Yeah.
It's speechless.
Completely speechless at this.
Thank you so much for listening.
If you want to support the show, go to patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult.
And I think we're going to do another giveaway for Patreon supporters this week, this month, rather.
We're going to be offering something that has only previously been available to the leaders of the cult, Tony and myself.
What they are, Are hand knitted koozies in the shape and color of Minions.
But not just any Minions.
Death Cult Minions.
These were made- They're beautiful.
These are made by a friend of the show, previous guest, Lee, and they're wonderful.
I'll post pictures of the ones that we have that she made for us last year, and yeah, one of them's gonna be an evil minion with red glowing eyes, or eye.
Another one's going to be a bot minion, which is my favorite, like a Russian troll bot minion.
And a third one as yet to be determined.
If she has time, we're gonna try to do a third one.
Those will be available... Amazing.
Those will be available for anybody who signs up for the pa- oh no, sorry, anybody on the Patreon by the end of June.
Okay?
Awesome.
Get signed up, you'll get a bunch of extra content, you'll support the show, and you might win a sweet-ass Minion Death koozie.
That's so sick.
That's so sick.
That's it for the show.
Thank you so much for listening.
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