Buy the shirt: www.miniondeathcult.com Support the show ad get hours of bonus content at www.patreon.com/miniondeathcult This week in an otherwise goofy episode, we're forced to address the ongoing campaign to link Ilhan Omar to 9/11, specifically those from Trump and Dan Crenshaw. To respond, we revisit Rep. Crenshaw's old Facebook group and review a few group posts from his time as admin. They're bad. Also, the boomers win a battle in the culture war as Texas brings cursive back to school curricula. How else will these kids be able to read the constitution? Finally, a swarm of bees attack an Arizona Islamic mosque filled with muslims, and we visit a comment section filled with some of the most babyish bigotry we've ever seen.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get you.
Follow their environmental stuff.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Your uncle's Facebook feed is responsible.
We're documenting it.
So, hello and welcome to the show.
Welcome to all the new listeners I've been seeing on the internet.
Getting very kind feedback from a lot of folks and we really appreciate it.
We have a Very, very goofy episode for everyone today.
Unfortunately front-loaded with the whole Let's Get Ilhan Omar Assassinated campaign that's currently going on on Twitter and Facebook and even in the official White House Facebook feed, the official presidential Twitter account.
Unfortunate stuff.
We'll be talking about that up top, but then immediately after that, uh, we'll be segueing into a conversation about Texas bringing cursive back to classrooms.
And then after that, uh, a story about a swarm of killer bees attacking a mosque.
Yeah, I promise you it's silly.
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Go to MinionDeathCult.com and buy that fucking shirt.
It's a great shirt.
It's such a good shirt.
Like every time I wear it, I have to bring a towel with me to just wipe up all the swag that I like drip everywhere.
And then that towel now is worth more.
Because of the swag?
Exactly.
The towel I sell on eBay in a vacuum-packed bag to keep the sweat and swag fresh.
The swag, not the sweat.
Yeah.
Well, that's where the swag is from.
It's in the sweat.
It's sweat extract.
Yeah, it sounds cool.
It doesn't sound gross.
It sounds awesome.
Very, very cool.
So, before we get into Ilhan Omar specifically, I wanted to address the right-wing response to Ilhan Omar, I should say.
But before we get into that, I want to just briefly address a news story about A man who allegedly threw a five-year-old child off, I don't know, the third story railing at Mall of America.
This man is, uh, I'm not going to give out his name because he's still just a suspect, but there's a meme that's already made its way around the internet with a picture of the child and the impact font over it that says, uh, you know, I don't have the meme pulled up, but it's something like, um,
Hi, I'm the five-year-old boy that was thrown off the balcony at Mall of America by a Muslim named so-and-so Muhammad.
So, it's just completely false, completely fabricated, and it has, you know, thousands of shares on Facebook.
It's just This knee-jerk reaction to... I mean, the guy, the suspect is of a darker shade of skin, but his name is Hispanic in origin, I believe?
Yeah, it's, you know, it's kind of vaguely Western.
Point is, we don't know anything about this guy.
We don't know his religion.
They're saying he's a Sudanese refugee.
They're saying he's a Muslim.
He's just a stand-in for Ilhan Omar.
Like, that's all it is.
Ilhan Omar, they can't accuse her of, you know, first-degree murder yet.
You know, or at least that accusation won't catch on.
So it's just another guy.
Now he's Ilhan Omar.
And Ilhan Omar caused this, etc.
I just want people to be aware of that meme that's going around.
But there was one comment in one of the Facebook groups underneath this meme that was pretty amazing that I have to just read.
This is from Dominique Melly.
I want just one minute locked in a room with this prick.
One minuscule minute is all I ask.
ONE MINUTE ALONE!
I ASK YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE ME It's amazing how much that Pantera song comes up on this show.
It's not the first time.
One minuscule minute is all I ask.
Then let's throw him off the CN Tower in Toronto.
Dot dot dot.
I'll have first push.
Comma.
But make sure one of you guys sends me the video of it all.
Dot dot.
Especially the bit where the prick makes contact with the pavement slash sidewalk.
So for falling from the top and as many shots falling and as many shots and angles when he hits the deck.
Okay, we all clear on that, comma, question mark, dot, dot, dot.
P.S.
When I'm pissed, I'm evil, comma.
So bring a bottle, and let's party!
Four exclamation points.
Fuck.
I do love this, because what we were saying, this comment is him saying, listen, I understand terrorism.
Like, when I'm pissed, I'm evil, and I'm ready to throw people off of buildings.
I hate people being thrown off buildings so badly, I'm gonna prove it to you right now how much I hate it.
It's making me do the thing I hate!
This guy thinks he's like fucking Jack Bauer, too.
Like a renegade Jack Bauer.
I mean, in the show 24, that scene would have to happen in one minute for the show to make sense chronologically.
True, true.
But I love this.
Give me a fucking wide angle.
Give me a close-up.
Give me three.
Give me a five-camera sitcom on this guy exploding when he hits the ground.
Because that's how much I care about human life.
What were you doing for that entire minute where you still need to throw him off a building?
Oh, that's a good question.
Why couldn't you just wrap it up in that one minute?
Yeah, I don't know.
I like how he says, I'll have first push.
But then, like, you guys can do the second push.
Like, everybody sticks their hand out the window, like, one floor down.
And you all just, like, push him again as he's falling.
But, like, don't push him away from the building because then the person below you won't be able to push him.
So you have to just kind of, like, pat him on the side.
Dunk him down?
Yeah.
Yeah, you gotta palm him as he comes down.
It's accelerating the whole time.
I also love the the partay.
Hey, I'm not like, I'm not, this ain't your grandpa's ritualistic homicide.
I want a partay.
Also, you know this guy's soft because like, you should be able to perform this kind of torture sober.
You shouldn't have to get drunk for this.
Yeah, it seems a bit escapist.
Like, I want a music video, a new music video for You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party, but it's just like a supercut of videos from Rotten.com.
Yeah, it's people just like fighting for their right to waterboard.
Okay, so, one of the main, I mean, let's face it, like, the main perpetrator of the campaign to get Ilhan Omar assassinated, which is definitely what this is, is Donald Trump.
This is in response to Ilhan Omar speaking out at the CARE Institute.
I don't know if it's the CARE Institute, but at CARE, About the persecution and demonization of all Muslims in the wake of 9-11.
And she's kind of, you know, speaking emotionally and personally about the sort of bigotry and stereotypes that the organization has had to counter in the intervening years.
Stereotypes often pushed by members of Congress, by presidents, etc.
And she said care had to be founded because some people did something.
It's so weird.
It's not weird.
It's just how they roll.
But what's so fucked about these things that people don't really talk about enough is like, so 9-11 did happen in recent history.
It did happen.
I mean, we all remember it.
You know, everyone does remember it.
And a lot of the people who were affected by it are still alive today.
And now when they go on Twitter, you're literally making them watch this tragedy happen over and over again and relive that trauma.
And this just uses a fear tactic because like, that's how you know that they don't really care about that.
Like, for some reason he's strangely not affected by 9-11.
Who?
Donald Trump.
Yeah.
Because what we're talking about is a video that Donald Trump tweeted out.
Yeah.
That is like a supercut of 9-11 happening with Ilhan Omar only saying the words, some people, over and over again.
Yeah, it's...
It's so gross.
It's one of the grossest things that we've seen happen.
Yeah.
I mean, it's, it's one of the more irresponsible things Donald Trump has done.
I mean, saying irresponsible is probably giving him too much credit.
Like he knows what he's doing.
This isn't just a, a like lack of awareness or anything like that.
Um, I want to go back to her comment.
Uh, her comment, some people did something is like, Her way of saying that the terror attack of 9-11 should be decoupled from the religion.
Should be decoupled from the idea of the Muslim.
It shouldn't be, oh, look what Muslims did on 9-11.
It should be, look what these people did.
Look what some people did.
And what she said was totally factually accurate.
Some people did do something.
It was a very bad something.
It's really weird though because, you know, people in the right, on the right wing, they don't want, they expect us not to affiliate them with their bad actors.
You know?
And there's so many of those.
There's, you know, so many bad actors that are of the right and they don't want to be affiliated with them at all.
But we still tie every muslin, attach them all to 9-11.
Yeah, I mean the point, there's so many branches of Islam, there's so many branches of every religion, some are more fundamentalist than others, but there's really only one brand of Nazism.
Really only one brand of white power or white supremacy, and that is the brand that ends with all minorities in a subservient position.
Absolutely.
So that you can't, you know, it's a false equivalence to try and say, oh, don't shame white nationalists just because of what happened in New Zealand or whatever, you know?
Yeah.
So I would say the one of the second biggest perpetrators of this campaign against Ilhan Omar is Dan Crenshaw, a representative from Texas.
And he's the eyepatch guy.
We know who this guy is.
I like to call him Dr. Tad Winslow.
So Dr. Tad Winslow, when he was running, he's a freshman in Congress, when he was running for that seat, He used to be part of an admin team for a Facebook page, Facebook group rather, called Tea Party.
Just called Tea Party.
And I think it was Media Matters found out about this that he and several other Representatives or people who are running for congressional seats used to be part of this specific, quote, original Tea Party Facebook group.
And, you know, Media Matters, like, did the whole thing of like...
Look at the misinformation and conspiracy theory and racism in this Facebook group.
Like, I can't believe, you know, somebody running for politics would be associated with that when that's like just, you know, the entire right wing.
Yeah, that's all of them.
It's part of the platform.
Just like any right wing page, any right wing group is just that.
That's what it is.
But anyway, he was like, you know, oh, I didn't know or something like that.
And he left the Facebook page.
Or the group.
I keep saying page.
I should know this stuff.
You know, this is my bread and butter here.
But he was an admin for this Facebook group, which is a leadership role.
You know, you're not just a moderator, you're an admin, which basically gives you near total control over the group.
And so, you know, Guess who was able to join this tea party group?
Guess who just got into this tea party group?
It's your boy.
The master disguised himself.
I didn't even have to answer a question to get into this tea party group.
You didn't have to act like a turtle though.
The Mitch McConnell thing?
No, this is a master disguise joke.
Oh, oh, okay.
Yeah, I forgot that that was a movie, too.
Yeah, that was a real thing.
Because it's also like a phrase.
Yep, that's true.
I associate the phrase first, so that's my bad.
I think of the art first, so...
So I would just, I want just to give, this is like, the reason they let me in without even making me answer a question is because they're just trying to be the largest Tea Party group on Facebook.
So they have like over a hundred thousand members.
Just one of the first posts I come to is from a person named Debbie Martin, who happens to be a moderator for the Tea Party group.
So I'm assuming this post is going to be moderate.
Debbie Martin says, This is the Democratic Party's new presidential hopeful, the gay mayor of Indiana, Pete Buttigieg, and his husband.
My God, this is hysterical.
The liberals are so desperate to beat President Trump that they will take a homosexual who has a husband in the White House?
We can't make this stuff up.
Hashtag the first man.
Can you imagine?
Sounds like a good movie.
Isn't that a movie?
Yeah, The First Man, yeah.
Yeah, it's like an astronaut movie, right?
Oh yeah, I don't know if that was good.
We can't make this stuff up.
Could you imagine such a thing?
As a gay man?
You can't make this stuff up.
I like to think of, there's somebody in Indiana who is the gay mayor.
Like, he's the mayor that's gay, but there's some guy in Indiana right now who's like, no, excuse me, I am the gay mayor.
Yeah, who's just like... That is me.
Who's like more gay.
He's like super gay.
He has a sash to show that he is the gay mayor of Indiana.
I just love this.
We can't make this stuff up.
Yeah.
Isn't the whole right-wing idea about homosexuality that people are making it up?
Is that like you're not born gay, you just made it up somewhere along the line?
But this is like such a radical idea that a fact is sometimes stranger than fiction.
What bothers me is not his sexuality, it's his social agenda that he pushes is what bothers me.
Quote, socialism.
Oh, that's not the agenda I saw coming at all.
So like all the other stuff I talked about him being gay and how that's hilarious, and like, can you imagine a gay man?
Can you just imagine that?
That's not what bothers me.
So I just thought that that was interesting.
It's a good snapshot of what this group is, this tea party group.
And then another good snapshot in one of the many current Ilhan Omar posts into this group.
And just, you know, I think it was like the first comment section I looked at.
Alejandro Burciaga says, I gladly volunteer to hang her by her neck until dead.
How is that not a crime?
I mean, it is a crime.
It's a crime, but it doesn't go against Facebook TOS.
So it's a gray area.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not true because a couple weeks ago, we talked on the show about how they stopped all that.
They stopped all hate speech.
It's no longer on Facebook.
So where did you get this from?
No, no.
They stopped white supremacy.
This is just a political disagreement.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
Um, and I love how he adds, hang her by her neck until dead.
Like you have to, if, if people are going to take you seriously, like you have to add that part, you know, like the whole, um, executioner last rites type thing.
Otherwise people think you're just joking around, you know?
Yeah.
I'm gonna, yeah, that's ugh.
And then Chuck, Chuck Burkhart replies, I would assist in hanging it.
So cool.
Cool stuff in this tea party group.
And then Alejandro goes on to say, nah, it's cool.
I got this, bro.
Yeah.
I don't need your help.
Yeah.
He doesn't say that, but.
One pair of hands per rope, bro.
So this isn't fair.
You know, we're, we're viewing the group through our current modern day lens, like, Dan Crenshaw is not a member of this group anymore.
You know, he used to be an admin, but we can't hold an admin responsible, you know, once they've left that position.
That's probably how it got this way is because he left.
It probably used to be very good and, um, right?
It was probably almost wholesome.
You know, I thought the same thing, but I just wanted to double check because we are very thorough and fact-based on this program.
So I went back to, you know, last year when Dan Crenshaw was still an admin and just looked at some of the photos that they had and discovered some amazing memes.
But just a couple posts stood out to me and one is a photograph of a billboard that says...
Everything I ever needed to learn about Islam, I learned in 5 minutes on 9-11-2001.
Like, my first reaction was, damn, 5 minutes?
You're a fast learner.
That's impressive.
Yeah.
And they're like, oh yeah, I'm a speed racist.
Just, like, glance over the Terror Act and hate all Muslims in five minutes.
Yeah.
You basically... You can get the gist of it if you just do every third word.
Yeah, I won't retain the racism, but it's, like, still there in my subconscious and it kind of, like, you know, reopens every time I glance at a brown person.
Yeah.
I'm just picturing, like, him, like, Keanu in the Matrix.
Like, he's, like, watching the Twin Towers falling, and his eyes are, like, flickering, and then he's like, I know white nationalism.
I get it but yeah it's just everything I needed to learn about Islam I learned in 5 minutes on 9-11-2001 It's, it's like the racist version of everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know that poster?
Yeah, of course.
It's a book.
It's a book and a poster.
Yeah.
We're both, we're both right.
It's like, it's like, don't, don't lie.
You know, unless it's to deceive an infidel.
Yeah.
Look both ways before committing white genocide.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated if they were also looking like you.
Yeah, exactly.
That's all you need to know.
And also, there's always room for ice cream.
Because that's like universal.
Everybody likes ice cream.
True.
I'm also happy that they clarified that it wasn't the infamous 9-11 of 2003.
Or, I mean, the infamous 9-11 of what, 2011?
Benghazi?
Yep, yeah.
That's why they had to clarify, actually.
That's probably exactly why they had to clarify.
Yeah.
I mean, that was like extra credit for them.
That was like doing an extra bonus question on the exam.
I mean, I thought it was a hell of a way to have a 10-year anniversary myself.
I don't know if it was 2011, it might have been like 2012 or some stupid shit like that.
And then another meme that comes from this era of Dan Crenshaw's Tea Party Facebook group.
Top comment.
Top text.
Some cancers need to be treated with radiation.
Dot dot dot.
And then the whole background of this meme is a mushroom cloud.
And then bottom text says, Islam is one of them.
So yeah, just like, just like, you know, nuke, nuke all Muslims.
Statistically, a few people who did in fact or are currently going through cancer radiation treatment liked this picture and probably shared this picture.
How fucking wild is that?
Well, you have the clout to do it.
You get the nuke pass.
You get the radiation pass if you're on chemo.
I mean, honestly, I would just use it as a form of motivation.
What is cancer besides just a terrorist group, right?
And we're just getting rid of them.
And we don't care where it is.
Where we find it, it's war.
Yeah, I mean that's like the ideology behind this meme in the first place.
But I just, I want to insert like an obligatory Lib reply to this right here.
Wouldn't it be nice if chemotherapy was as easy to get as nukes?
Yep.
Why can't we drop a healthcare bomb on our own soil?
You know, that would be my reply if I were a liberal.
Also, do people forget about the atrocities that were Nagasaki and Hiroshima?
And how it was one of, one of the most violent and cruel things that any human has ever done, ever.
Well, so you're the humans.
You're, you're asking kind of a broad question here.
You're asking if we remember that in America.
And the point is we don't have to remember that.
You only have to remember something when it happened to you.
Like we remember Pearl Harbor.
We remember Pearl Harbor.
We remember 9-11.
But if you did it to somebody, why do you need to remember it?
Like, you already did that shit.
You don't need to... Yeah.
It's like, you know, doing the Ed Sullivan Show.
Hey, we already did it.
We don't need to... That's over now, you know?
That box is checked.
So I just I think this gives a good insight into what kind of person Dan Crenshaw is Admitting a group openly advocating for genocide not even winking and nodding at it Openly advocating for the death of a Muslim congresswoman Yeah, so I think Dan in summary Dan Crenshaw is a cool person who we should invite on SNL again Yeah, oh fuck that shit was
I mean, he does look sick as fuck though, but he looks like a villain.
That's the thing.
That's like, you know, normally I don't make fun of people's like disabilities.
When I say normally, I mean, I, I never make fun of people's, uh, disabilities, but I make an exception for somebody like Dan Crenshaw because like, he actually looks cool.
Like the eye patch thing is like.
Hilarious, but it's also kind of cool.
So I feel like he can take it.
Like I have kind of, I have kind of like stupid hair, but it's also cool.
So if somebody's going to make fun of my hair, I realize comparing my hairstyle to a disability is probably insensitive.
Uh, but I'm just saying, you know, he can, he owned that shit.
That eye patch got him elected.
So he can take, he can take a few elbow nudges for it.
You can get a haircut.
He can get a glass eye.
I can't get rid of this cowlick though, so maybe in a way I was cutting myself short.
But not short enough apparently.
Not short enough.
I never, never shave.
Okay, that's it for the downer part of this episode.
Okay, so a bit of good news here.
Texas schools plan to bring cursive back to classrooms.
And this is good news, not in the sense that I care about cursive at all, but it's good news because at least one of the approximately 3,000 civil wars we are going to face has been averted.
Yep, no civil war over cursive.
We will still have to fight the civil war over the DNC refusing to let Fox News host a Democratic primary debate.
So prepare for that.
But this particular one, goddammit, boomers won.
Well, we might not have even like avoided wars, but we did assure that the treaties and alliances will be eloquently scrolled.
Sure, and we'll all be able to read them.
Yes.
Not us, because we don't know cursive, but the new generation.
But yeah, so many boomers come to their pant over this news.
There's actually a video circulating that I've seen, that many people have seen, of middle-aged white men just flooding the streets of Dallas dancing.
Dancing in the streets, dancing in balconies, dancing on rooftops over this news going like, It's a real video that I've seen.
It's wild, I've seen it.
I like the edit they did where it was all the white guys dancing and they had the Thotiana song over it.
That was probably my favorite edit.
That one and also the Nas Lil X or whatever that guy's name song.
But that's a really good edit to that video that's real.
Yeah, it's amazing how for a group with very little rhythm it still lines up pretty well.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so this is like, you know, that stereotype about boomers carrying so much about cursive and how no kids know cursive anymore is a very real stereotype.
This post from kfxkfox51 about this news item has over a thousand likes.
There were multiple posts of just boomers wetting their keyboards over Over the idea of cursive, you know.
No sense of irony in the fact that they are on the internet reading this, typing in disjointed text, which is by far the most legible way to read and write.
But yeah, I just can't wait until the Texas government issues like an infrastructure bill, passes an infrastructure bill that requires rotary phones to be installed in every household.
That's going to be really cool.
I can't wait for the class on learning what a manual transmission is.
That's going to be a good class.
I think everybody should take that.
The class about drinking from the garden hose and how to do that I think will also be very cool and is a very productive way for us to spend our educational money.
Wait, like, are we not supposed to drink out of the garden hose?
We just don't do it anymore.
Maybe you don't do it anymore.
I mean you do do it?
I do it.
I don't get I mean it's like I don't get the joke here because I don't.
I do it.
Okay.
I see it done.
I see it done.
That's good.
Yeah.
I mean that's good you kind of sound like a pick-me-ass bitch for the boomers but I mean that's cool like that's good.
I mean I just have a I have yard privilege Okay, what?
I have yard privilege.
I have a reason for a garden hose.
Oh, like you have a yard?
Yeah.
Okay.
I didn't know if you had like yard privileges at other people's houses.
Yeah, people don't even have like garden hoses, let alone drinking out of them.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, you got to look to the to the sort of like structural, structural reasons for the problems of kids not drinking from garden hoses.
Can't just blame the kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we have Jordan Kennedy saying, I was learning that in third grade and my son, who is almost out of second grade, has no idea what cursive is.
The things they are focusing on now baffles me.
Well, Jordan, I have to tell you something.
The reason why your kid doesn't know anything about cursive is because you're not doing your job at home.
If they're supposed to know that in second grade, when you learn it in third grade, you're supposed to teach them at home in the meantime.
And you're a bad parent.
I think he just didn't get all the way to fourth grade when they started teaching about the linear passage of time.
Yeah, how numbers work.
Yeah, like, I don't get it.
I learned this in third grade and my son's in second grade.
Like, my son's almost in third grade.
He should almost be learning about cursive.
And yet he's not.
He's not almost learning anything.
I just think that's really interesting hill to die on there, Jordan.
Yeah, also, like, I don't know.
Third grade was a little late, Jordan, to be honest.
What's going on there?
How do you feel about cursive in general?
I like it because I have a secret code that I can write in that only I can read.
And that's good.
Is it like bad penmanship?
I mean, yeah, it's very minimal.
It's basically bad.
What's funny is writing in cursive for so long makes my printing bad too.
So I just have bad writing in general.
Okay.
But it was a requirement cause I went, I went to, I went to Catholic school.
So we like had to do everything in it and we would literally copy the Bible in cursive.
And then your teacher's reading it over and she's like, yep.
Okay.
You got it right.
This is, this is what John 3 16 is.
Yep.
She's, like, cheating from the Bible.
She's, like, glancing over at it, making sure.
Alright, so, uh, Suzanne Jones McGee, not, not McGee, McGee, this is the substantially less cool version of that name, says, uh, God forbid if America is in a war here, how will today's youth even be able to read our Constitution and our history?
They'll never know.
They'll never be able to transcribe the sacred text.
Yeah, I just love, like, in the aftermath of a fuckin' second Civil War, we're just, you know, like, presumably, you know, going by the premise set forth by Suzanne here, just, infrastructure has been totally just leveled, there's no internet, you know, maybe there's still plumbing, there's no electricity, we're back to sort of an agrarian lifestyle, subsistence farming, and somehow people are gonna be worried, what about the Constitution?
Like, people are going to be like, boy, you know, we survived, but why?
They just need to prove that the Constitution is real.
They're like, what Constitution?
There's no evidence of the Constitution.
There's just this rubbish piece of paper that we've, you know, for some reason haven't set fire to yet.
I don't know why that hasn't happened.
Yeah, no, it's good.
If you won't be able to read the Constitution, that's good.
That's, I think that's a net good.
But yeah, I just, I love that, like, if we can't read the Constitution, then we won't know that we have rights.
Yeah.
That's how you do all of your human interactions, according to the Constitution, right?
God, like, writing a second Constitution?
That would be almost as frustrating as having to record a podcast again after it was deleted.
And just imagine how tedious that would be?
No, no, I could not put myself in those shoes.
It would be blasphemous to rewrite the Constitution anyways.
It would be.
Because it'd be like a false idol.
It wouldn't be the real idol that we all know and worship.
The Constitution Prime, I like to call it.
The Bill of Rights is like, you know, the bastard son of that Constitution.
Yeah.
I just love, like, like, how will we know that the Constitution, what the Constitution says?
All those, all those good things in the Constitution.
Like, I'm picturing, like, you know, after this Civil War, like I said, just humanity laid to waste.
The, the scraggly survivors, like, bandaged.
I'm picturing, like, old-time Civil War wounds, like, gangrenous limbs.
They're all standing in line at, like, the, the National Archives waiting to read the Constitution so they can find out what rights they have.
Um, and then when they finally, like, get up to the front of the line and they look down at the glass case and the Constitution is written in frickin' cursive, they'll just be like, I don't know, like, scratching their heads and their butts and like, okay, guess we'll be slaves now.
May as well just be hieroglyphics, you know?
Like, it's useless.
And it's not like we can reference any type of, you know, transcription of it because, like, The Electromagnetic Pulse will wipe that out.
Yeah, there's definitely going to be an EMP in that second Civil War.
And all the fucking nerds that carry the Constitution in their breast pocket are dead too.
Oh, you don't think, like, it would have stopped a bullet, like, in the movies?
You don't think it would have, like, like, penetrated, like, up to the last article of the Constitution before it stopped it?
No, I mean, not if the bullet comes from behind.
Just fucking running away like cowards?
Oh, man.
Um, yeah.
And I just, yeah.
How will they read the Constitution?
Oh, no!
I don't know.
I just, I think personally that if there is a second civil war, it'll be like, uh, the time machine, you know, that movie.
Um, and, uh, there'll be like one holographic iteration of Siri left over.
Uh, who's like taking the form of Orlando Jones who like has to tell us that like, has to tell us like how great the slave owners were.
Yeah.
And we'll be okay.
You know, we'll be okay.
Only those who can use the sacred texts.
Only those who know the form.
You'd be like, okay, that's well and good.
Why don't you tell me a little bit about the movie Evolution?
That's what I'm really interested in.
The movie with the...
area 51 thing right yeah they put like preparation h or like head and shoulders and up the alien's butt because it's in it's in the same place on the periodic table table relative to like the element that makes up the the alien structure as art as cyanide or arsenic is to us like they were like okay well you go down one and over five and that's arsenic to human to carbon life forms well it is like silicone life forms
so uh oh head and shoulders that's that's the correlation that's literally the argument behind that movie um john Joanne Stidham, in a similar argument, says, uh, they definitely need to learn cursive.
How are they going to read an old document that they might come across?
What is going to be their signature?
Just, yeah, I love the idea of, like, what happens when, like, they trip over a fucking bottle in a ship, and they need to read the date that that bottle was, that that ship was made?
Even more than like understanding the history, how will they be real people without signatures?
They won't be valid.
Yeah, the signature thing was, like, number one response to this.
The Constitution was, like, number two.
Um, which is just, yeah, such an amazing, uh, argument in general.
Like, the whole Constitution thing, like, people were legit arguing that, like, even absent the event of a second Civil War, like, people need cursive so that they can know what the Constitution says and they can know what historical documents say.
Like, don't you want to know, like, exactly which cousin's house your grandparents were at when they posed for that photo in, like, the bikini and the board shorts and stuff?
And it's just so, like, people were like, no, that shit's on the internet.
Like, the Constitution's on the internet.
Like, it's been translated and transcribed millions of times.
Like, you can read it in, like, plain print.
Plain text.
And then the literal argument that I saw multiple times coming right back was, how will they know that's real unless they can read the actual Constitution?
You need the original script, the original text.
You need the primary source.
If you're going to be a good historian, like we all should aspire to be, you need the primary source of the original document.
And it's just a flabbergasting argument to me that somebody who has most definitely not seen the actual Constitution, or at the very least hasn't memorized it, If they did see it in real life, you know, in fucking Washington DC.
Like if they actually went to look at it and they're like, oh, hey, there it is.
So cool.
You know, they didn't read the whole thing and transcribe it.
Uh, so it's just, it's amazing to me that somebody like that would have the audacity to say no school children all need to see the original document, which is written in cursive and they need to be able to read it.
So that's why we need to teach cursive in classrooms.
It's like, it's just part of your growing up is you become a real American when you wait in line behind everyone else reading the entire original document.
Just like holding up the line.
And that's actually, that's your whole schooling actually.
That's all the years of school.
The last four years of high school is waiting in that line.
And then the final test is that.
But to be fair, it's written in cursive so you can read it a lot faster.
That's more efficient reading and writing style.
So you can read it slightly faster.
Um, yeah.
Doo doo doo.
Yeah.
Just what if you happen upon like a manifest for an 18th century schooner?
How are you going to know how many barrels of salt were on that ship?
Is it definitely like stuff you need to know?
Without, you know, knowing how to read cursive, how else will I be able to read my great-great-grandfather's diary and know... Know how horny he was?
Know which athletes were actually the lovechilds of my grandfather.
Is that a specific reference to something?
I'm like, slave owners.
Oh, oh, got you.
Okay.
Wow, that was dark.
Yeah.
KFX... Oh, no, no, no.
Okay, so Kristen Bruce comments... Well, that would have been her signature if she doesn't have a signature.
Her signature would be KF, capital K, F, X, K.
Just stamped?
Would it be your signature without cursive?
Just like random letters?
Yeah.
I love this idea of like, yeah, what's going to be their signature?
That's what I wanted to talk about.
Like this was the most predominant argument.
What's going to be their signature?
If they don't learn cursive in third grade, something that they'll only learn in third grade and then never use again.
What's going to be their signatures when they want to like, you know, God forbid they have to pay a bill or write a check.
How are they gonna sign a legal document so I can get them the fuck out of my house?
We'll do a class that's dedicated to speed caricature drawing and you just draw a small self-portrait in the signature box.
That would be tight, but these millennials will probably just use frickin' emojis instead.
You know?
Bitmojis?
Pretty soon we're not gonna have social security numbers anymore.
We're gonna have social security amiibos.
Or me's.
You know, the M-I-I thing.
I just it's so like if my signature if I learned my signature in third grade if I used the signature I learned in third grade that would be so awful it would be incredibly embarrassing because literally your signature at that age is just you writing your name in cursive like your signature isn't cursive It's like a mark that you make.
It's like maybe a hybrid or some amalgamation of your name and like... If you... Go ahead.
If you see my signature from third grade on a document you know it's not real because I now use a QR code.
That's... I mean it's a lot more secure you know.
Uh, yeah, and I'm, like, not to mention, like, the fact that I went by fucking Iris for two, for, like, two months in fifth grade because me and my girlfriend at the time really liked the Goo Goo Dolls.
And that was our song.
Were you both Iris?
Or were you Iris?
Um, I think I was Iris because that was our song, and I can't remember her name.
And she was Goo Goo.
She was the doll.
And then when I would call her doll, she would say, she would like dunk on me and then like blow her ears out of her face and then she would say, don't call me doll.
I was like, what the hell are you talking about?
And it was like our thing.
It was a thing we did.
You were doing a sexy bunny.
Yeah, my girlfriend was Lola Bunny.
What of it?
She was real.
She was real in 6th grade.
We were in the same class.
I'm just like, I'm just in 5th grade like going by a nickname that my cartoon girlfriend from the TV gave me.
It'd be great.
Um...
Heidi St.
John, no, let's go back to Kristen Bruce, who says, good, good that cursive is coming back, because I homeschooled and taught my son in first and second grade, had beautiful cursive handwriting, and when I put him in school, they requested he not, because it was not fair to others that did not know how to do it.
I love this, like, yeah, go ahead, what's funny?
It's like, uh, Kristen just kind of like gave up on her kid.
After like third grade, she was like, I can't fucking do this anymore.
You're going to real school.
Yeah.
I mean, this is just like, you know, so far the only benefit I see to homeschooling is you learn cursive.
Yeah.
Like it seems to be a big part of homeschooling.
And lunch is better.
Um, yeah, that's probably true.
Uh, yeah, I just love like, no, he went, he went to school and he was too good.
So they held him back.
I love this argument.
I love this argument against the liberal snowflake generation.
No, my kid was just too smart that the teacher had to make him be dumb.
My kid wasn't always like this.
I just think you would really excel if we were to restrict him.
If we were to have him do it again.
We're just challenging him.
That's all that's happening.
They should have, I mean, really, they should have advanced him to the fourth grade where they were learning, you know, AP cursive.
That's the day where you just learn A's and P's and that's it?
Like, I love this like, they were all gonna get a participation trophy for their handwriting at the end of the year, but if the kids had seen how just fucking beautiful my son's handwriting, how beautiful his cursive was, they would have known.
They would have known that that participation trophy was a lie, and the whole system would have come crashing down.
And these Libs, these Lib teachers, they couldn't have that.
So they made him stop.
They stunted him.
Can you imagine the poor teacher?
No, no, no.
The writing was fine.
It just... It was gibberish.
None of the words were actual... They were just letters put together.
They looked great, but they were... It's not even in proper spelling.
It just wasn't even words.
Or what if he was just like writing death threats to his teacher and nice penmanship?
Talking shit about the other students in cursive and they couldn't read it, so that wasn't really fair.
Oh, so many boomers were like, now I have my secret code.
Or now I don't have my secret code anymore, you know?
But like, I do have a secret code because of that, because my handwriting, my cursive is just, only I can read it.
So it is kind of safe, you know?
It is kind of, like, encrypted.
See, and think if we were all learning Tony's cursive.
Think about how useless that skill would be then.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Heidi St.
John, the busy mom, posted about this.
And it had, you know, like a million likes or whatever.
Jason Harp comments, "Not the writing style of the slave masters..." "Oh no..." Well I mean, I don't know the way the school system is going these days, it's like they're learning the writing and reading styles of the slaves, which is illiteracy, and I'm not teaching them at all.
You get them.
Get them.
Tell them.
It's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, the slave masters wrote in cursive because everyone did at that point.
If they knew how to write and read, But I love that, like you said, he's, like, complimenting slave masters, kind of?
Yeah.
In a weird way.
Yeah, exactly.
In a straight, yeah.
Totally.
Like, I know I'm probably, um, succumbing to, like, a leftist stereotype or whatever, but after reading this comment, I am just gonna go ahead and say that Cursive is racist.
Um, I have, like, no information or historical, uh, citation to back up that claim, but it just feels right.
Just, I feel totally comfortable saying that Cursive is racist.
Well, I mean, I'm not saying the curse of racism, but I mean, like, what do they want next?
Do they want us to teach the kids graffiti?
Steve38 says, OMG they are going to teach kids something they will actually need in life?
Which, I don't know about that.
That's a tough debate for sure.
As opposed to the progressive leanings the teachers unions want them to have.
Like how to tell if they are a purple penguin or yellow elephant.
So this was like a really, uh, disappointing comment because when I first read it, I thought he was talking about teachers talking about Legends of the Hidden Temple.
But then you just pointed out to me that this person's just transphobic and awful.
Yeah.
Uh, I thought that they were like teaching students what Myers-Briggs type they were based on using a Legends of the Hidden Temple team analogy.
Yeah.
You know, you're a real, you tested as a real golden monkey.
Yeah.
That means you're like an extroverted introvert.
Your introversion is only illustrated through your extroversion.
Yeah.
Good luck with that.
Um, I'm sure it'll be very useful for you in the future, uh, on specific apps and nowhere else.
And nowhere else.
Uh, dating apps.
Yeah.
No, I just love that.
Like, Yeah, like these libs before, I mean, before this law goes into effect, these libs were like, okay, today class, uh, you're going to be learning that you're all trans.
Yeah.
You're gonna be learning, you're going to be learning that you're all genderqueer now.
And if, if you're not, uh, gay, you get an F. But then luckily Texas stepped in and was like, oh no, no, no, no.
They're going to have to learn cursive in addition to like the gay therapy thing.
Yeah, that way they can actually, you know, that way they can't have their secret text and just no one else can read it and keep it a secret and not tell anybody about it.
Someone in the comments, I didn't write it down, but someone in the comments was like, on the Fox News comments, was like, Cursive is useless.
It's just flowery and poetic and conservatives don't care about shit like that.
This is like basically calling like art gay and liberal like cursive is just uh bad because it's pretty.
It's less like it's like word art but it's not word art.
It's not the kind of word art that you can use on Facebook where you put a bunch of like crying laughing uh emojis in the background of your anti-Muslim screed.
It's like word art but we move past that we're not doing silent films anymore you know we're doing we're doing animated animated gifs You're really going to say GIF on this show?
Oh, I did that because I was speaking as the person doing it.
Sorry.
Okay.
Nice save.
I'm GIF all the way.
You know this.
GIF all the way.
You know this.
We're Team GIF on this show.
Mr. Magnificent says, "It's about time for Christ's sake." I like that.
It looks like it's about time for Christ's Sakis.
It's Saki time, baby.
By the way, can anyone tell me if they still show the alphabet in cursive form above the blackboards in the elementary schools?
Oh boy.
Wow.
Wow.
It's been a while, huh?
Really got some bad news for you, Mr. Magnificent.
Cursive came back, but blackboards are gone.
They're very gone.
They went obsolete before cursive, I believe.
What's next?
Are they going to stop, you know, how do you say it, like wrapping them across the hands for bad penmanship with yardsticks?
I think that's still there in Texas, to be fair.
Yeah.
What has become of us?
Last comment on this topic says, and this is just such a good username, what has become of us?
Good question.
They might have to change it after this sudden victory in the realm of us and how we're becoming.
I am 58 years old and still use cursive, especially on greeting cards.
I finally realized that one of my sons never quote got my quips and jokes on his cards dot dot dot because he couldn't read cursive!
He is 30 years old.
Sad.
Sad.
I'm closer to death.
Sad.
In addition, it is much faster to write in cursive than to print.
This is an amazing comment.
It's so good.
Turns out, to any boomers out there listening, you're actually very funny, it's just your kids don't frickin' know cursive.
That's why they're not laughing.
That's why they're not laughing about your joke about, like, the man's dick getting stuck in the door at his proctologist exam.
I think that's definitely a real joke.
Yeah, it's the analog version of that.
There was one I watched that was like a video slideshow of just a bunch of comics from the same artist, and every joke just ended with the man getting a giant boner and knocking himself out.
It was amazing.
Did it have, like, did it have, like, written out, boing?
Yeah, there were definitely action lines.
And it was just it always hit him right in the face and like it was like you know those old cartoons those old comics I can't remember which comic strip it is but where somebody does like a flip take where they flip out of the room because they're so shocked it was like that but his boner was the one who was shocked and smacked him right in the freaking face.
They really do got a mind of their own don't they?
Um, yeah, hey, uh, it's almost like it's a second brain down there.
Thinking, thinking, you're really using your head there, huh?
But which one, you know?
Goddammit.
I love this.
Yeah.
Like you were saying, Tony, it's like the classic, uh, it's like that classic anecdote.
A man goes to, uh, the penmanship store and talks to the salesman, the guy who's selling handwriting there.
And he says, uh, something's wrong with my penmanship.
And the sales associate there, the guy who sells all the handwriting says, uh, sir, your penmanship is fine.
It's actually beautiful.
It's incursive.
And the man says, then how come my kids don't laugh?
And then the salesman fucking has him say it again into his camera because the salesman's a mean millennial.
Yeah, okay.
That's it for that amazing, amazing story.
So we're all very happy, I think, that Cursive is coming back.
Finally something we use in everyday life.
Making its return.
Some common sense being returned to the classroom.
And I actually heard that they're bringing back the violinist for this next album.
Okay.
I just want you to know that I do.
I hate you.
I hate myself for that joke, but I'm also... No, it was a good joke.
I just barely got it.
Oh yeah, I know.
I first listened to Cursive like two years ago.
Oh really?
I was like really into them.
No, I just looked at all the people... See, that's the problem with you.
Yeah?
What is?
You were never into Cursive.
Oh, okay.
I was also never into Sayosin until like 10 years ago for like six months and I was like, oh my god, Anthony Green is a beautiful man and has a beautiful voice.
And then like that six months was over and I was like, okay, nevermind.
That's enough.
Wait, is Sayosin a font?
Uh, no.
You're thinking of Sans Serif.
Oh yeah.
That's, that's kind of how they, that's kind of how they sound to me.
Man, it would be cool if I could pull another band named after a font that I didn't like until two years ago.
That would be pretty weird.
Okay, next topic.
Final topic of the night.
This was in a... This was in the Trump-trained Facebook group.
It is a post that has 2.2 thousand reacts.
Like, laugh, and love.
310 comments, 526 shares.
The headline for this link, because it's a news item.
You know, they're always reading news in these groups.
This is from the news outlet PCMustDie.com.
I think that's good.
Didn't they win the Pulitzer last year?
Didn't they win a few prestigious literary and news awards?
Yeah, no, the Pulitzer Prize Committee or whatever finally decided that yes, PC indeed does deserve to be popped twice in the back of the head.
Uh, and it's dead now.
Um, the headline says, thousands of killer bees swarm an Islamic mosque.
Okay.
A little redundant there.
Maybe get a new editor or something.
Attacking Muslims.
Dash video.
So this was an Islamic mosque where there were Muslims.
And a bunch of bees stung them.
And Trump Train loved this.
They loved this news story.
They thought it was just fabulous.
Yeah, they loved it.
And I have to say, just in the abstract, the idea of somebody getting stung by a bunch of bees is comical.
I don't think anybody was severely hurt or died from this.
But it's, you know, in this context, it's just purely like an expression of sadism and bigotry that people are sharing this and laughing about it.
And that the article was written at all, because the article was obviously making fun of these people as well.
And the caption for this post, the user who posted this link into the group says, Gotta, double space, love, when even God says, dot dot, NO!
With about, I don't know, nine exclamation points.
Yeah, I'm so happy that God decided to finally get them back for all of their egregious things they've done throughout history and really gave them what they deserved and gave them bees.
Attacked them with bees in Phoenix, Arizona.
They really stuck it to all of the Muslims around the world by stinging bees on a mosque in Arizona.
Almighty powerful God.
Just to do a quick little aside, the worst part about having the last half of this episode just erased previously was the fact that we don't get to hear Tony accidentally say Buzlums.
Oh yeah!
Because it was really good.
Yeah.
It was genuine, but it was there.
Think about Tony saying Muslims on accident and then have yourself a little laugh about it.
But yeah, no, the idea that like an all powerful God suddenly decided to finally step into this Muslim situation and just sting a few of them with some bees is very funny to me.
You know, it's like, Why, you know, why were Muslims allowed to like be Muslims in the first place?
You know, it's it's just it's an interesting theological concept that we don't have time for on this show.
Really just sort of the the problem of free will, the problem of suffering.
And we just frankly don't have time to really address it.
We do have answers.
We do have very specific, very helpful answers, but just not enough time.
I don't know.
So, like, looking at this story, like, if I were an anti-Islamic piece of shit, like these people are, but I still liked The Simpsons...
Um, because I feel like in most, if not all, iterations of myself, you know, across the infinite spectrum of universes that exist, parallel universes, I feel like I would still like The Simpsons to some degree.
Because I'm just like a really, you know, big fan.
Like I'm a, like I'm, you know, number one fan.
Um, probably like a really, really knowledgeable fan about The Simpsons.
Um, I would... I never want to meet the alternate version of you that's like a big big family guy.
Stan, just like loving family guy super hard.
Um, I did almost make a family guy reference in the first part of this show when that guy was talking about how he wants like all the different angles of the the suspect exploding when he hits the pavement.
I was like, I was like, oh this guy watched too much family guy and just like
has that clip of I think it's like Stewie trying to beat the family home and he's recreating the scene from Ferris Bueller and it shows him leaping over the fence in like slow motion from like five different angles over and over and over again and I imagine that that guy that's what that guy had in his mind when he thought about exploding a person by throwing them off of a skyscraper
And that's why he thought it would be so funny, because he got it from Family Guy, the very funny TV show.
A very, very funny TV show.
But anyway, back to me.
If I were going to punch up this news item that happened, if I were going to punch up reality here, I would be like, you know, next time we should send dogs, because Muslims don't like dogs, apparently.
If you're an Islamophobic piece of shit, that's a stereotype.
Muslims don't like dogs, so next time we should send dogs.
Wait, is the stereotype that just white people like dogs?
Yeah.
At the end of the day, is that the actual stereotype?
Okay, sorry.
I just realized that.
The stereotype is that dogs are a specific man's best friend.
Yes.
Dogs can sense goodness in people, so they only like white people.
And cops, specifically.
But, yeah, no, next time we should send to this mosque, we should send, uh, dogs, uh, with bees in their mouth, and so when they bark, they shoot bees at the Muslims.
And then, like, the Muslim- and then the Muslims get stung by the dog bees.
You know?
I just- okay, let's get into comments here.
So this is, um...
This is from the website, which uses like the Facebook comments plugin, which I love.
So it's like Facebook users can comment on this website.
And Ina Horn says, our father who art in haven, hallowed be thy name.
And then Ramon San Pablo replies, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
And then S.J.
Bender replies, give us this day our daily bread.
And then Kate Bender replies, and forgive us our trespasses.
And then it's over.
That's it.
That was the end of the thread, which is very interesting.
It's very interesting how it stops right there, because if somebody else were to continue this, the very next line would be, as we forgive those who forget, as we forgive those who would trespass against us.
And I think it's interesting how just nobody decided to replicate that line of the Lord's Prayer in this comment section.
Well, like I said, it's like the moral equivalent of buying the drink for the person behind you in Starbucks, where it's like the person in front of you bought your drink, the person in front of them bought their drink, but the person behind you bought like 16 drinks.
And you're like, or got like extra caramel, and you're like, oh, no, no, no, I'm good.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
See, and that's a great analogy because the following commenter, should they decide to comment, would be doing a lot of heavy lifting, agreeing to, agreeing to forgive the Muslims for their trespasses against him.
It's, it's a, it's a big burden.
He didn't have that much cash on him.
Um yeah I don't know the reason I included this comment thread was just because it was like just such a natural beautiful moment where posters came together to spontaneously construct the Lord's Prayer in response to Muslim worshipers being stung by bees.
I think it's beautiful.
It's it's perfect and they you know they're all like so vindicated and they feel so self-righteous the whole time they're they just picture themselves like Doing this in the middle of service at a mosque.
This one person stands up and starts the prayer.
Starts a chain reaction.
By the end of the day, there's a holy war.
Yeah, and the Muslims are like, which one of you is Christ?
And each of the Christians is willing to sacrifice themselves.
They're like, I'm Christ.
No, I'm Christ.
And then so the Muslims just crucify them all.
Like in that movie, The Passion of the Christ.
The joke is on them though, because that's blasphemy and that sends you to hell.
That's why Saint Peter was crucified upside down?
Yeah.
Just kidding, it was because he knew it would be really metal if he did that.
He's like, I'm gonna go out, I may as well make it badass, right?
Okay, so Tommy Setti says, It's about time someone stood up to them.
Way to go, bees.
Which I just, I love it.
I love this comment.
The bees are just fighting back finally.
Yeah, I love this comment because it's just like, this was the number one representative comment in this thread, was just people saying, go bees!
Or like, I love the bees!
Yay bees!
Which, it's just such a like, Childish, innocent form of bigotry?
It's like a very pure, childish form of hatred for Muslims?
Well, you know the story of the bees, right?
The reason why the Middle East is nothing but desert is because years ago, all the Muslims exterminated all the bees.
And all the lush greenery that was once there is now gone.
And this is them finally getting their revenge.
For the Great Extinction.
Against the American Muslims?
Yes.
Okay, that makes sense.
Yes.
Yeah, that makes complete sense.
I don't know.
Yeah, just like, I love how fucking, like, goofy and childish.
Yay, B!
They stung the Muslim on the butt!
Like, I love this.
Somebody on Instagram commented, I posted this.
Somebody on Instagram commented with just, uh, Mayor B, parentheses, R.
And, like, I love that.
It just sums up, like, how infantile this brand of bigotry is.
Yeah.
It's pretty perfect.
Elaine Doran Blazosek says, Well, well then.
Behead the bees!
Simple, isn't it?
With, uh, I don't know, about 11 question marks?
And then, Ha!
With like 20 exclamation points and and the ha it's not ha ha it's just a very long ha with like 25 capital A's.
It's like no uh the joke is is the joke that beheading the beads would be really hard because you wouldn't be able to like catch a bee put it in a guillotine execute the guillotine without getting stung in the process?
Yeah, well, I think it just speaks to the greater problem of you can't behead your way out of this, Muslims.
You can't, like, you know, you can't just, uh, hey, child mortality, um, the patriarchy, can't behead, you know, you can't behead the ills of society.
John Bond says, I hope the bees stung pigs before that.
And so going back to the link.
The thumbnail in the link shows like paramedics parked in the street.
And so I would assume there were probably also cops on the scene?
I think they have to be, yeah.
And so I saw this comment while I was like scrolling through real quick and I saw the word pigs and like I kind of forgot which comment section I was in.
I kind of forgot which group I was in and so pigs just automatically registered with me as cops.
And I thought that, like, John Bond was some sort of, like, small government actual libertarian who had found his way into Trump Train.
And I was like, okay, that's fucking tight.
That's funny.
And nobody is, like, responding to it.
Nobody is liking it.
And this just, like, anti-cop sentiment made it into this comment section.
Until I remembered that, like, these people are obsessed with how Muslims don't eat pork.
So what he's literally saying is he hoped like the bees dipped their stingers in pig flesh before they stung the Muslims so that the Muslims wouldn't like being stung by the bees.
Wouldn't it also send them to hell?
No!
Wouldn't they be like martyrs?
Wouldn't they not be martyrs because they'd be on pure?
Yeah, yeah.
If you throw a hunk of pork at a Muslim, they go to hell.
That's how it works.
It's like a poison dart, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
I do I do love that the thing is like Islamophobia is so prominent is like so everywhere that it wouldn't be that surprising to me if somebody like Both hates cops and and Muslims.
They're like no man like Isis or cops.
I mean, that's real cops or Isis That's real centrism Yeah, that's true.
I think it was Hang on I think it was General Patton?
Yeah, oh no, General Pershing.
Okay, so there's this story about General Pershing.
He dipped, supposedly had his men dip bullets in hog fat?
Let me see here.
This was a Democrat from Florida, Committee Chairman Bob Graham, cited an example at a dinner he attended last week with people who work on intelligence issues and have connections to the intelligence community.
The dinner conversation ranged in part on how U.S.
military commander Black Jack Pershing used Islam's prohibition on pork to help crush an insurgency on the southern Philippine island of Mindanao after the Spanish-American War at the turn of the last century.
The U.S.
soldiers captured 12 Muslims.
They killed six of them with, quote, bullets dipped into the fat of pigs.
After that, Graham said the U.S.
soldiers wrapped the Muslim rebels in funeral shrouds and this is dark shit, etc, etc.
And that was the end of the insurrection in Mindanao.
Yeah, so this is like a fucking, you know, old wives tale, but like the old wife in this instance are our politicians and up to including Donald Trump, who like, Advocated for this shit on you can hear the audio of Trump saying how cool this was and Yeah, like it's this idea that Oh Muslims aren't they're fine with bullets, but if you dip them in like hog fat then they're not gonna like the bullets anymore
Yeah, it's like you have to dip, uh, when you're fighting vampires, you gotta dip them in holy water.
I mean, yeah, Muslims, brown people in general are just fucking vampires to these people.
They actually, um, I remember they did a lot of their research, uh, was watching Blade.
Is, uh, how they really figured out how to take him on.
Ironic.
Cause he was, like, a cool black guy.
Jake Hornbuckle says, Republican bees, certainly not Democrats.
And again, like, yeah, it's so it's so like, yeah, it's mask off, you know, the and and the bees who did the good thing, they were the Republicans because they were the good bees.
But like the bad bees who didn't sting the Muslims, those are the Democrat bees.
It's just like a child, just like a child imagining, like telling a telling a lie to their like a three year old lying to their parents about how like the dog told them they could have extra dessert.
Yeah.
Well, you know how we know that they were Republicans, right?
Well, they were committing hate crimes.
Yeah, that's what's so funny about this.
It's obvious.
You pointed this out to me.
I was so floored by just how silly this was that I didn't even realize that he was like, no, they did an attack on a mosque, so obviously he was a Republican.
Obviously he was one of the good Republicans.
Yeah.
Which is like, you know, something we kind of like report on every week here that Republicans are openly advocating for hate crimes and for, you know, mass shootings, stuff like that, assassinations.
But this guy comes out and says, like, no, the people who did the harm, the people, the creatures who did the harm were Republicans because they did the harm.
And that's good.
Yeah, it's insane.
Dwight Harler III says, Rumor is the bees were wearing red hats saying, Trump 2020!
That's how you know they were killer bees.
And I was, I was, Little red hat.
And I was, I was hiding in the closet and one of the bees looked at me and he smiled.
Like it's so, so fucking funny.
They were saying, Go Trump!
We like Trump!
We like Trump!
Buzz, buzz, buzz!
We love Trump!
Voice by Jerry Seinfeld.
What's the deal with Sharia Law?
Yeah.
It's just so, it's, it's so good.
And then Brad Stitch agrees, replying to Dwight.
Priceless, dude.
Priceless.
Fucking comic genius.
And then somebody laughed at Brad Stitch saying Priceless.
Somebody laugh reacted to Brad Stitch's laugh.
I didn't mean to do that, but I couldn't take it back.
That's why I don't let you into these groups, dude.
Did anybody make any good Stand By Me memes?
Stand By Me?
You mean My Girl?
Sorry, my girl?
Yeah.
Fuck, man.
Somebody just post a picture of Macaulay Culkin's open casket?
That would be good.
I would trade a million Muslim lives to have this young white child back.
Maybe I do need to let you into these groups.
Alright, that's the episode.
Hey, thanks so much for listening.
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Oh boy, I'm all frazzled today.
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You heard it first, folks.
And not only is Alex bringing back awful sound, he's bringing back bonus material.
So he just really wants to do more recording and podcast editing.
Yeah, totally.
I mean, hey, there's like fucking hours and hours of footage at patreon.com.
Footage?
Goddamn it!
Audio at patreon.com slash that awful sound if you want to go listen to that shit.
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