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Feb. 12, 2019 - Minion Death Cult

01:01:16

90 - The Cory Booker Hotline For Understanding Blackface

This week, we imagine what life would be like under a President Cory Booker Cover the conservative reaction to a Boy Scout kneeling during the pledge (they mostly just want to beat and kill him) And hear how Kyrsten Sinema is going to be assassinated by the Democrats for clapping during the state of the union.

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	The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
	We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
	It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
	Stay tuned, guys.
	We'll show you exactly what it looks like when people go to school and get yourself.
	Oh, they're in Bartholstein.
	Stay tuned.
	I'm Tony Boswell.
	And I'm Alexander Edward.
	And we are Minion Death Cult.
	The world is ending, Brojangles is responsible, and we're documenting it.
	We have a couple topics to bring to you tonight.
	Even scouts are no longer respecting the flag.
	Even they are desecrating it by kneeling.
	We've got a dirty kneeler in the Boy Scouts of America.
	Oh, a dirty kneeler.
	Just no, no respect.
	Um, and then, you know, Democrats doing what they do and cracking the whip on free speech, even on the Democrats who just want to support the president by clapping.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Kristen Sinema, uh, was caught doing the most disrespectful thing you can do, uh, which is supporting our president Trump and his state of the union speech.
	You know, not even supporting the president, but, you know, supporting the office.
	It's only right.
	She's just clapping for like the seal behind him?
	Yeah.
	Clapping like a seal for the seal.
	The symmetry is unbelievable.
	And speaking of cracking the whip, let's see what the one and only Cory Booker has to say about racism in America and the history of such, specifically blackface.
	Yeah, this is Cory Booker, fresh off his announcement for his candidacy for the Democratic nomination in 2020, giving a stump speech, saying some amazing things about blackface in America.
	And so, how do we get to a point where we can start having the conversation without people falling into a defensive crouch?
	Because sometimes when folk want to tell the truth about something, they fear speaking the truth or talking to people about what they don't understand.
	I've had conversations with white friends of mine this week who just had the safety to come to me and ask me, I don't understand this blackface thing.
	Imagine if Cory Booker's your black friend.
	Imagine in this country now saying that publicly.
	Imagine, put yourself, if you want to have more courageous empathy, put yourself in a white person's position.
	You might have questions.
	Look, I grew up in high school in the 80s, man, and it was an homophobic environment.
	I got to college, and I started working as a volunteer.
	I eventually ran the organization.
	It's an organization called The Bridge at Stanford.
	It's a crisis hotline.
	Anybody can call in with any problem.
	We have suicide calls, sexual assault calls.
	But I'm a young kid, and I didn't know these issues.
	I started getting these calls from people who are struggling with coming out.
	And I started hearing these stories of pain and anguish, of hurt and fear.
	And I still remember a guy, I never heard his name, his name was Daniel, and he was a gay and lesbian counselor there and he sat down with me one night and just gave me a safe space to ask him questions.
	What grace he extended to me to ask stupid questions of a guy that was not woke about LGBTQ issues.
	But because of that honest conversation I saw my ignorances and I grew.
	Thank God he gave me a pathway to redemption.
	We've got to tell the truth, but we, all of us, black, white, gay, straight, we've got to start extending grace to each other so we can have honest conversations and leave room for growth.
	Okay, so Cory Booker calling on communities of color to just give white people more space.
	Give white people some grace.
	A grace period to do blackface.
	You know, people talk about the phenomenon of white flight, but people don't really like to address the white plight.
	You know, it's difficult.
	We've got to give empathy to them.
	I couldn't imagine.
	I couldn't imagine.
	Yeah, I'm only hearing about white plight, like, every other news story.
	What about those other news stories?
	Why aren't they about that?
	Yeah, I don't understand.
	It's like, uh... It's just, it's just... What?
	Do we need to get shot?
	Do white people need to get shot for people to get attention for it?
	Is that what needs to happen?
	Good, good God.
	It would actually work.
	Oh, it would work so bad.
	It would be... Yeah.
	Yeah, that's the next false flag.
	That's the next false flag for sure.
	I just love this clip because it's so bizarre to me that Cory Booker is like using this analogy, right?
	He's using this analogy of working in a sort of gay and lesbian outreach call center You know, a crisis center for these people, but still needing to be sat down and explained, like, that gay people don't have it so great?
	Like, what?
	Why were you working there in an organization he claims to have eventually run?
	Like, why are you working there in the first place if you didn't already have some sort of inkling that that's a job that needed to be done?
	Well, I mean, because, like, if you don't get the phone calls, who do you know who to pray for?
	Yeah, like maybe he just thought of it as like, oh, this is just like one of those shit minimum wage jobs teenagers have to do.
	They have to counsel teenagers away from suicide.
	It's just customer service, but like for life.
	Yeah.
	And I mean, I also just, you know, think it's great that he's likening LGBT issues, to fucking doing blackface, to doing racism.
	Yeah, yeah, totally.
	It's like... He had to... He's so out of touch that he realized he didn't really have to think of another marginalized group to, you know, have empathy.
	But he can only do that if we're taking away from it.
	You know, he's like, listen, I was bigoted once too.
	I didn't understand once, too, and I get why they're scared.
	I'm large.
	Like, in this analogy, the white blackface person is the marginalized group.
	Yes, they're the ones that, like, just don't... Can you imagine being... feeling... He says in public.
	Can you imagine saying that out loud in public today?
	Man, that's like coming out in the 80s.
	And I mean, we shouldn't have to say this, but fucking folk, to use a Cory Booker term, are doing this sort of work all across the internet.
	There's tons of people just dunking on these morons who don't understand why blackface is bad, but for every one of those people, there's probably more people trying desperately to explain to somebody online how doing blackface is bad.
	Like, that's work that's already being done.
	It's so crazy, because, like, I... Do you... Have you ever seen somebody in person in blackface?
	No, only when I watch old clips of Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson.
	Now, I have.
	At a Halloween party, and he wasn't even like, being like a joke, he was just being a black guy.
	And like, as a black guy, he had like a dookie chain on.
	But see, here's the caveat.
	My man's was Asian and he was like, but Tony, it's me.
	And I was like, yeah, but I still want to knock you the fuck out.
	He's like, yeah, but like, you, you, you shouldn't like hurt me.
	Cause like, you're my friend.
	And I'm like, well, fuck.
	I, I, and I regret, I regret that of all the people that I didn't push in pools, it wasn't him.
	Cause he was next to a pool and I would have been amazing.
	And that was during my pool-pushing heyday.
	Yeah, two birds with one stone.
	Yeah, would it wash it off?
	And baptize him.
	I think it's real suspect that Cory Booker is coming to the defense of, like, blackface until you realize that Cory Booker also just has a history of pretending black people exist when they don't.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'm referring, of course, to Cory Booker's friend, T-Bone, that he met on the mean streets of Newark, New Jersey, after moving there after graduating from Yale.
	And this is this is a dude he used to trot out, you know, metaphorically in front of, you know, a white audience to say how he understands the plight of of the streets and he understands what what these folk go through.
	And I really just want to like read a quote from Cory Booker because there's no way we could do do it any funnier.
	I still remember my first month on the street, he told Stanford's Alumni Magazine in 2001 about moving into a crime-ridden area of Newark in 1995.
	So when he says, like, on the street, he means, like, got my first month of, like, having to park offsite from my apartment.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like, you don't move into on the street.
	That's, like, not a thing.
	Hey, wait, wait, I heard you got a new place.
	Where are you moving?
	Well, I'm moving into the streets, man.
	Oh, shit, dude.
	I'm so sorry to hear that.
	Yeah, it's awful.
	Like, I just graduated.
	I just came from a Yale dorm, and now I gotta live in, like, an apartment?
	Yeah, what he really meant was, like, on-covered parking.
	Yeah, like he said.
	Okay, this is more.
	I walked up to this charismatic black guy my age called T-Bone, who was one of the drug lords.
	Booker recounted.
	I just said, "Yo man, what's up?" - How is it spelled?
	How is it spelled right there?
	It's WAS is spelled W-H-A apostrophe S. I've never heard that one.
	I've never heard that.
	That's a whole new one for me.
	I've heard the W-A-S-S, you know.
	Was-up.
	Was-up.
	It's not a was.
	It's not a was.
	It's a was.
	Was-up.
	That's immediately false.
	I'm surprised he didn't say, what's up my brother?
	And he leapt in front of me, looked me right in the eye.
	That's how you know it's true.
	It's because he looked right in the eye and said, who the blank do you think you are?
	If you ever so much as look at me again, I'm going to put a cap in your ass.
	I know it doesn't sound right, because it doesn't make any sense, but the blank was actually the N word.
	I know it doesn't flow like you would think, but it exists.
	And it's crazy.
	Who the nigga do you think you are?
	I think it's good, because I think Cory Booker subconsciously realizes he's not allowed to say that word.
	Oh yeah, it has nothing to do with, we're not playing shade politics.
	We're playing that once you endorse blackface at any means, you are no longer allowed to use it.
	Yeah.
	So I like that he can identify this charismatic drug lord just by looking at him on the street.
	Who sees a drug lord and is like, I'm going to talk to him, unless you want drugs?
	I'm going to say, yo, man, what's up?
	OK.
	I don't know.
	So yeah, Cory Booker doesn't talk about T-Bone too much anymore.
	T-Bone from New Jersey.
	You know, I know one T-Bone, like ever.
	I know one person whose nickname is T-Bone.
	And that is actually my blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby mama.
	Her nickname is, in fact, T-Bone.
	And yours is, of course, T-Boz, as we've previously... You're goddamn right.
	So this statement from him about how we should treat blackface and how we should approach and deal with this issue, it's giving me a vision.
	It's giving me a vision of an America under a Cory Booker presidency. - Hello, you've reached the Cory Booker hotline for understanding blackface.
	My name is Tony.
	How may I understand you?
	Hey, Tone.
	Is it okay if I call you Tone?
	Nah.
	Alright, Mr. Loke.
	I'm calling about the epidemic of harassment experienced by at-risk blackface youth.
	See, I have no African Americans to turn to, to explain this to, who don't work for my dad.
	But then I heard that Cory Booker, President Cory Booker, set up this crisis call center in order to help faces of color speak truth to black power.
	Yep, he certainly did.
	Great, so, as an FOC, uh, a face of color... Uh-huh?
	I've experienced harassment both personally and in my family.
	Uh, my uncle almost didn't make partner at his law firm because it was discovered that he did blackface at a company Halloween party, even though it was like a year ago.
	Uh, never mind that he was dressed as Notorious RBG, a supposed hero of the radical left.
	Oh, uh, mm-hmm.
	Yeah, that sounds terrible.
	But I experienced blackface harassment firsthand when Sean King came to speak at Yale.
	Sean King saw the Blackface Lives Matter flag we have outside our frat.
	You know, it's like a thin white line flag.
	No disrespect to our boys in blue.
	Yeah, we wouldn't want to disrespect the Blue Lives Matter.
	But we hung this flag to show that our dorm is a safe space for blackface youth.
	And he actually outed us during his speech as, quote, blackface nationalists.
	Yeah, I couldn't imagine being ostracized for having a black face.
	Right?
	I guess that's why I'm calling.
	To help you understand.
	To help our voice be heard.
	Because of Shaun King's speech, I was threatened with expulsion.
	Until the Dean realized I wasn't actually black.
	But my dad, my beautiful dad, supported my blackface.
	Which is surprising because he's pretty bigoted in every other way.
	He told me, it's okay to be whoever you want to be, even if it's someone else.
	Wow, that's pretty progressive.
	So why don't you tell me why you think blackface is misunderstood?
	I just think there's a double standard.
	Eddie Murphy.
	White chicks.
	Like, we all acknowledge that these are very funny.
	How come I can't do blackface when I want to rap, but black people get to golf?
	I mean, try and tell me Tiger Woods wasn't mocking white people.
	Okay, that's fair.
	I get what you're going for, but what I don't understand is that Blackface has a dark history.
	Good pun.
	Uh, yeah.
	It's a history of racism, exploitation, and segregation.
	Why would you want to evoke that?
	It is historical, whether good or bad, and we have to respect that.
	We have to remember history lest we repeat it.
	You're literally repeating it!
	And you're painting over history if you want me to, like, put white makeup over my black face.
	Dude, just wash your face.
	So, literal whitewashing.
	Cool, bro.
	Listen, if I wipe off my blackface, I'm literally wiping off black history.
	And it would be a pretty bad month to do that, don't you think?
	Okay, let me put you on hold for a second.
	Alright, Tony, you can do this.
	Minimum wage benefits are coming.
	You can do this.
	Alright.
	Alright, sir, I'm back.
	Let me level with you.
	I'm going to tell you something I'm not supposed to.
	You know the real reason we don't want you to blackface?
	It's not about racism.
	It's that the dark complexion, it's more aerodynamic.
	Oh shit.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Also like, you know, black, it absorbs heat.
	And white, it reflects heat.
	That's all energy, man.
	I fucking knew it.
	I knew I was meant to have more energy.
	I thought it was just low T.
	Yeah, and you know, we don't even actually have rhythm.
	It's an optical illusion.
	It's all about the frame rates, the way our eyes work, and the way our complexion works with the lights around us.
	You know, you're actually missing out on a lot of opportunities.
	Don't do it as parties.
	Like, bring it to the world.
	Like, try it at a wedding.
	Maybe the reason you're getting called out for a blackface is that you're just not believable.
	You don't feel authentic.
	Like, you're saying it, right?
	No, I would never say it.
	I would never say it.
	It's an ugly word.
	No matter who says it.
	You know what I mean?
	No matter who says it.
	Nah, man.
	See, that's the thing.
	We all say it.
	And we all say it because we know that nothing scares white people more than a black man saying it.
	So if you say it, we know that you can't be white.
	Because if you were to say it being white, you would scare yourself.
	Like, that's how you pass!
	That actually makes sense.
	Alright, I'm going to take your word for it.
	I'm going to go forward with this.
	Listen, thanks a lot, Mike.
	Wow, what a horrifying vision of our near future under President Cory Booker.
	It's too real.
	It's too real.
	Okay, let's get to the first topic of the night, which is, like we said earlier, a North Carolina Cub Scout taking a stand by taking a knee at a city council meeting.
	This was brought to my attention...
	Thing went a little bit viral and I just I love this Facebook post from Amy Cutler at CBS 7 or CBS 17 rather.
	This is like her personal or professional Facebook page and the caption goes, a Durham North Carolina Cub Scout says he had to take a stand.
	Liam Holmes took a knee during the Pledge of Allegiance at Monday night's city council meeting.
	The qualification of a veteran is so wild.
	I'm gonna do that one day if I see like a news person.
	Listen, as a veteran, you need to understand that I'm a veteran.
	That restaurant had the worst service I've ever experienced, and it must have been because I'm a veteran, so... Yeah.
	And I loved saying thank you for your service, but I just couldn't.
	Yeah.
	It wasn't appropriate.
	No, they don't love saying it, they love hearing it.
	Um, yeah, I love this, like, there should be, like, an Onion, every Onion article should, uh, we should hear from Area Man and also Area Veteran.
	Like, Area Veteran gets offended at Girl Scout cookies for having a blue box.
	You know, it's probably a terrifying headline, uh, Florida Veteran Yeah, Florida Army, man.
	That's the name of my new, like, company.
	It's gonna be called Florida Veteran.
	I'm gonna make all the money.
	Yeah, so let me read a little bit from this article.
	Yeah, this is the opening paragraph to this article on CBS Pittsburgh.
	A 10-year-old boy who took a knee during the Pledge of Allegiance at Monday City Council meeting in Durham, North Carolina apparently won over the mayor, but not everybody was happy about it.
	So just like instantly like, like let's, you know that was like the angle for the story from the get-go, like let's find somebody who's aggrieved about this.
	Yeah, totally.
	Which, which I kind of resent because I feel like that's our job.
	Right?
	Like I feel like it's our job to to search out these these just like irrationally mad at children aggrieved takes.
	I love how all you need to like undermine a mayor is just some random veteran.
	Yeah, one mayor does equal one random unnamed veteran.
	By the way, we should just say this kid is cool.
	He's good.
	We like him very much.
	That's like my dream.
	I can't wait to go to school and get reprimanded because my kid called the Constitution fake or something.
	Went on about taxation and like, that's my dream.
	I want that to happen one day.
	So yeah, shout out to this kid's parents.
	Yeah, shout out to Liam Holmes and his parents.
	His father is a civil rights attorney, but here's a statement from Liam.
	He says, what I did was took a knee against racial discrimination, which is basically when people are mean to each other, mean to other people of different colors.
	Okay.
	I mean, he's right.
	That's accurate.
	But then we have here, not everyone shared that opinion.
	Quote, it just blew my mind that this was Cub Scouts and politics, said Brandon LaRocque, who I think is the founder of the walkaway movement also.
	I think you're right.
	Brandon, dumb last name, leader of the walkaway movement.
	Brandon, not those awesome chocolates you get.
	Oh, I'm thinking of Almond Roca's.
	Yeah, sorry.
	It's a different thing.
	Well, no, that's okay.
	It's a different thing.
	This is a bad thing.
	That's why I'm going to call him to insult him.
	Brandon, Almond La Roca in your fucking face.
	Boom.
	Toffee-ass punk.
	Said Brandon LaRocque, a lifelong scout and veteran.
	Hey, you'd be a lifelong Boy Scout.
	I don't know if we should be taking the opinion of this adult man in Boy Scouts.
	Actually, let me... Saw your role, Playboy.
	Much like the Marines, once a Scout, always a Scout.
	I myself am also a...
	Boy Scout veteran.
	I have a hat that says so.
	I was dishonorably discharged though, so I don't get to flex it.
	If you tell me you're a lifelong Boy Scout, I'm just like, okay, so you never made it to Eagle.
	Yeah, there's, oh yeah, oh that's true, because you say Eagle Scout for sure.
	That's a flex, yeah.
	You're not, you're not burying the lead.
	Like, you're saying Eagle Scout.
	You know, like, so I was like one step below.
	I was so close, right?
	And I can't even claim that shit.
	I can't claim that at all.
	I was a life scout almost an eagle and to which I think racism was involved they would not accept my paperwork and I just like that it's fun to me to call the scouts racist in the late 90s because they probably were but yeah like I can't claim life Um, what was I going to say?
	Uh, anyway, he goes on, part of the Scout Oath is to God in your country.
	Uh, which is an interesting thing to say after you've just been appalled at Cub Scouts and politics mixing.
	Yeah.
	Um, part of the Scout Oath is to God in your country.
	And I understand people have the right to freedom of speech.
	I just don't understand why it has to be during the Pledge of Allegiance, LaRocque said.
	The freedom to literally not speak.
	That's what he... The kid was like, I don't want to.
	I'm good.
	I'm gonna go ahead and not speak.
	I know you have the right to speak, but I don't know why you're doing it, and I'm mad at it.
	Liam was asked, so the boy was asked what he'd say to people who didn't approve of what he did.
	And Liam says, well those people just don't listen, he said.
	Actually, I think what Liam said was, yeah, so all those people can suck my dick from the back.
	Which I thought was a crazy take from Liam.
	To be fair, that's easier to do if you are kneeling.
	Big facts.
	Let's get into reactions to this news event.
	And I was trying to, you know, normally I try to arrange these comments, I try to arrange the comment section by categories, but I was having trouble arranging all the violent and abusive comments to one category because that's basically all of them.
	Yeah, yeah, every single one.
	So we might bounce around here a little bit.
	Rick Fulton says, all caps, if I were one of, period, the kids beside him, I would have punched him.
	You know, Rick, I like to think that you might have punched him, but you would have immediately gotten fucked up by Liam immediately after.
	Liam would have tore your ass up.
	There's nothing I like more than fantasizing about being a child just so I can beat up other children.
	That's totally, so many men are like, you're lucky I'm not a woman.
	You're lucky I'm 100% disabled!
	Or she'll be feeling the fury.
	Freddy Lee says, all caps.
	Wait, hold on.
	Is that hand part of his signature or part of the statement?
	Okay, so Facebook noob over here.
	That waving hand means he's a new member to Trump Train 2020 MAGA CAGA.
	Yeah.
	So Freddie Lee, all caps, says, How about a different way to show this that doesn't offend?
	Maybe stitch your head up your little ass, space comma.
	Stitch?
	Like permanently?
	Like solo human centipede?
	Well, it's not spelled correct.
	Like, it's either stitch or stick, but either way isn't spelled correctly.
	But stitch is so much more fucked up.
	Like, it's way worse.
	Yeah, just like human, human Uroboro yourself.
	I do like that sentiment though, like a different way to show that you don't agree.
	So I think that we should give all the leftist kids kazoos.
	And during the pledge, they could just blow their kazoos.
	How are you going to get mad at a kid for that?
	No, yeah, that's the old Hank Hill honorably disagreeing.
	That's Hank Hill's way to protest.
	Exactly.
	So what I'm saying is, guys, you guys can buy kazoos off MinionDeathCult.com.
	They're $35 each, but they're for a really good cause, and that's sticking it to the man.
	Yeah, and it actually helps you do Hozier's part during that Stand for the Flag rap anthem.
	But you have to swallow it.
	- That he did with Adam Calhoun. - Yeah, the trick to that is you have to swallow that.
	You have to lodge that in your throat and then sing the hook.
	That's like a weird Hellraiser demon.
	Like instead of having a CD slot on his chest, he's got a fucking kazoo as part of his throat.
	Maybe that will be like our first Patreon watch thing is when I finally watch Hellraiser.
	Okay, yeah, because that ties into Minion Death Cult for sure.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Yeah, and I just like, I just like yelling at children to stick their heads up their own little asses.
	Yeah, ew.
	I think that's a good thing to do online.
	Yeah, I feel like you shouldn't say little ass when you're referring to, like, at all.
	Like, that's a bad move.
	Little ass.
	Ugh.
	Freddie.
	You think his name is really Freddie Lee, or he's like, this is a Geddy Lee joke?
	Yeah, he's a huge fan of both Queen and Rush.
	The whitest thing ever is a Geddy Lee joke.
	Paul Calvo says, even Hitler brainwashed the kids.
	Sad little leftist victim.
	And then Jane Tanner says, in a different comment section, this was like a spontaneous brain worm that everybody had at the same time, Jane Tanner says, more like Hitler Youth.
	And then Logician replies to her.
	Hitler Youth at least love their land and nation without reservation.
	Thus pointing out the idiocy in these comments.
	Like, who's the brainwashed one, fools?
	Like, all 12 of the kids who were standing up with their hands over their hearts saying this phrase?
	Or are the kids like, nah, fuck that noise.
	Yeah, I think the organization built around, like, taking a pledge to your nation.
	You know, you could probably describe that organization as, I don't know, nationalist.
	Might have more in common with the Hitler Youth than protesting it.
	I'm not trying to draw a parallel because I'm actually pro-Scout now.
	I think the Scouts have made some pretty cool moves in the past year and a half.
	To make themselves progressive.
	But there's nothing closer to the Hitler Youth uniform than the fucking Boy Scout uniform.
	That's as close as you can get.
	You can go around the whole world.
	Closest you can get is the Boy Scout uniform, the Scout uniform.
	Yeah, I'm picturing like a dad watching history, like a 50-year-old dad watching History Channel Jr.
	and saying like, no, I just like the Nazis' Hitler Youth uniforms.
	Side note, somebody at work recently was getting upset about the scouts and he was saying...
	Well, now they're going to have to have like different size uniforms for the kids.
	Like they're going to have, they're going to have the one, they're going to have to have one that accommodates breasts.
	They're going to have to let out the chest for those 12 year olds.
	For those little kids.
	I'm like, you know, scouts are mostly under 10.
	That's most scouts are under 10, 11 years old.
	I think, I think we're going to be okay.
	They're just like checking out each scouts mom and being like, Oh boy, she's going to, she's going to need an alteration in a couple of years.
	Am I right?
	The response was the equivalent of like, listen, it's not my fault.
	I look at him.
	It's the water.
	There's something in the water that makes me look at these kids.
	Um, I also like Hitler youth at least loved their land and their nation.
	Yeah.
	So kind of like, Acknowledging that there is a fundamental difference between the Nazis and the left?
	Because, like, I think, you know, most leftists would say, like, fuck America.
	Yeah.
	It's bad.
	Fuck nationalism.
	And yet, still, somehow the Nazis, who loved their land and their nation, At least they were... This guy is saying that Nazis are better than this kid.
	Yeah, that's fucking crazy.
	I mean, it's pretty sad when the left is worse than Nazis.
	Wait, what is his fucking profile pic?
	It's Geddy Lee.
	No, no, logician.
	I don't know, it's some dumbass philosopher.
	No such thing, bro.
	Uh, Dave Corey, so getting back on track here, we had a brief detour.
	Dave Corey says, that was my kid, he would have to take a knee at the dinner table because he wouldn't be able to sit down for a long time.
	Oh, you really need to clarify that you're like just spanking your kid?
	Just physically abusing your kid?
	My kid's little ass would be so sore after the writing I gave him.
	It would be black and blue.
	And then Freddie Lee.
	Freddie Lee, my dog.
	Freddie Lee responds, old school.
	He would be eating at the fireplace mantle.
	Yeah, which like showing your age here, we millennials, we don't have fireplace mantles anymore.
	We killed that industry.
	Yeah, no longer exist.
	We just have straight, no mantles, just fireplace.
	At least he would be like letting him, letting the kid set the plate down somewhere.
	You know, like he wouldn't have to be just holding the plate.
	So that's, I feel like, you know, some leniency.
	No, no, it's already nice enough.
	Like when you kneel, you have one knee up.
	So that's where your plate goes.
	So you don't need a fucking mantle.
	Billy Joe II says, cut his legs off.
	Oh, yes.
	Yes.
	You know what would be better?
	If this kid was permanently... They had no more legs.
	Put him in a wheelchair.
	Like I don't even have anything to say about that.
	Just cut his legs off.
	Hold on.
	Maybe we're not giving Billy Joel a second some credit.
	Maybe his name is actually Billy Joe space L. So Billy Joel and he's actually like against the government and what he's saying is cut his legs off.
	Give him some bionic legs that will allow him to kneel for longer without feeling pain.
	Yeah, he can kneel more efficiently.
	There you go.
	Cut his legs off.
	Give him fake ones.
	Make them faster and stronger.
	And they'll be like really loud, like mechanical legs, so it's even more disruptive.
	Yep, yep.
	Nathan Largy, and that little waving hand next to his name means he's a new member of Diamond and Silk Fan Club Forever 2020.
	Nathan Largy, whose avatar is the thing from Fantastic Four, says, kick him in the mouth with steel toe boots.
	Oh man, I think like, it doesn't matter who you do that to, I think that's a hate crime.
	I think just having the thing as your profile pic is a hate crime.
	Yeah, yeah totally.
	Wait, even though I was looking at it, when you said the thing from Fantastic Four, I thought you meant like the icon from the Fantastic Four.
	Didn't realize you meant like the thing, like the thing, like the rock character, the Rocky-esque character.
	Not Dwayne, but Minerals.
	No, I mean I was actually referring to uh... That thing, that thing, that thing!
	I was referring to that thing.
	Yes, of course.
	That was a fucking banger though.
	Yeah, it was.
	Or as the kids would say, a bop.
	That was a bop.
	That was a double bop.
	That's right.
	We're down.
	We're down.
	We're hip.
	Dennis Babb says, kid and parents should be curb stomped.
	Oh shit, that's the hate crime.
	Oh, fuck.
	I never wait long enough.
	I should always write, it's gonna get more hate crime-y.
	Yeah, you gotta save that hate crime card for the end of the show, I think.
	Yeah, especially like, depending on what type of shoes you're wearing when you curb stomp a child, that can definitely determine whether or not you've committed a hate crime.
	Like, what color were those laces when you did that?
	Yeah, good good good call.
	I you know I used to wear Doc Martens with blue laces Until I found that they didn't mean anything.
	I just I like I was like what's like That's the problem with with you know black America's we we see we see you know black and white we see Red and blue I thought the opposite was gonna be blue, but I don't know I was doing it all wrong Well, no, I think you're onto something because like the red laces and Nazi boots means like you've spilled blood for the cause.
	So the blue laces in your boots, your docs, I would assume to mean that you only curb stomp wasps and blue bloods?
	No, no, it means that all the blood's still inside of me and still blue.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah, which is why my next pair are going to be some Chelsea boots.
	Because they don't have laces.
	That's a good, that's a safe thing to do.
	And I'm just gonna write, it's a metaphor on the boots.
	Yeah, when the lights go out, nobody's wearing laces.
	Nobody has laces.
	Paul Allison, last comment on this topic.
	Paul Allison says, When I pass your troop in front of Walmart selling your grossly overpriced popcorn, and you wonder why I won't buy any, this is why.
	Let me be clear, I will NEVER financially support the Boy Scouts again, and I will tell my friends, relatives, and employees to do the same.
	Yo, Paul, fucking chill, bro.
	Like, what is option- like, what?
	Listen, that is- that's not popcorn, that is gourmet popcorn.
	That now is available in, I think, like 17 flavors.
	We are the reason that you, if ever, ever had caramel chocolate popcorn.
	Okay?
	Sorry, I get really defensive.
	My mom used to run the popcorn sales for Boy Scouts.
	She did a fucking good job, too.
	She fucking crushed it.
	Except for, like, she never would, like, snag me, like, um, the extra swag.
	Like, I don't have a fucking popcorn sleeping bag.
	That makes sense to Boy Scouts.
	No one else.
	Okay, yeah.
	Popcorn sleeping bag sounds like a weird, uh, merit badge that your specific troop leader would give out.
	Well, it was not just a merit badge, it was actually an entire trophy, but yes.
	Let's see who's earned their popcorn sleeping bag merit badge.
	Yeah, I just think it's funny, like...
	Nobody, like, none of those kids are wondering why you didn't buy their popcorn.
	Like, a lot of people don't buy their popcorn.
	They're not gonna look at you.
	Like, this dude is, like, walking past Walmart, like, desperately not making eye contact with these children, stoically, and, like, without looking back at the explosion that is, like, the popped corn and also, you know, the explosion of our values.
	Walking away stoically while these kids are left to wonder why didn't that man buy her popcorn?
	What's funny is I feel like Paul obviously does not know about the progression that the scouts have had in the past few years.
	Paul would not be this mad if he realized that there have been chicks that are scouts for years now.
	He would be furious.
	Yeah, uh, that's why Boy Scouts needs to do better PR to, like, get Paul away from them sooner.
	That's why Boy Scouts needs to do better, like, better PR to where we, like, stop saying Boy Scouts and, like, start saying Scouts.
	Well, I think it's BSA, isn't it?
	Or, like, Scouts America?
	I don't know.
	But now, like, now, like, BSA means, like, Bro Scouts of America?
	I'm like, let's be real, like, everyone's a bro.
	Oh that's true, yeah.
	Genitals don't define your bro-ness.
	Tell all your trans friends that you can call them bro because it's not a gender specific thing.
	They'll love that.
	Bro, chill.
	Yeah, that's it for this topic.
	Let's move on to the next topic, which was also very funny.
	A little less deranged and more just silly.
	So, at the State of the Union, Trump gave a very boring speech that I didn't watch.
	I just know it was boring, because it was.
	Somebody captured a moment with Kristen Sinema, the new senator from Arizona, vigorously applauding some line from Donald Trump.
	I think it was about expanding access to Medicines that haven't been fully tested yet.
	So like It's a good thing.
	It's it's basically like people who are dying in desperate need of Cures or treatments that haven't been fully vetted by the FDA.
	They now have well supposedly They'll now be able to have the right to try those treatments and you know like That's good, but I still wouldn't clap for Trump saying it.
	Yeah.
	Like, why do I give a shit who said it, you know?
	Like, this was a bill that passed through Congress, and they just stuck it under Trump's nose, you know, and he signed it.
	Yeah, he had no clue.
	He's not about getting medications to people.
	He does not give a shit about saving a life if he, like, is not the one lifting the car off of the body.
	Yeah, I... With the help of, like, a, you know, some sort of pulley system.
	Like, I would... Okay, take it back.
	I would applaud for Trump, but, like, only really, like, sassily.
	You know?
	Like, you could applaud for Trump, but you gotta put some sass on it.
	Yeah.
	You would applaud for Trump, but it would be, like, um...
	Your auntie did for you after... I don't like this joke anymore.
	I gotta work on that one more.
	Sorry.
	I just like that Nancy Pelosi is getting credit for inventing the sarcastic clap when we've had the Natalie Portman meme for like 10 years.
	Yeah, and like every colored person has had that auntie for like their entire lives.
	So we all know about the sarcastic clap.
	Um, but yeah, so, Kristen Sinema clapped, uh, which is very bad, um, and the video supposedly captures another, uh, Democratic Senator, I believe, uh, standing up, and according to captions all across Facebook, according to, like, many a blog post, this other Senator tells Kristen Sinema, watch your ass.
	For clapping.
	And that's the gist of this bit of news, is that somebody threatened the life of a senator for applauding Donald Trump, which, goddammit, that would be great if it actually happened.
	Yeah, that would be insane.
	We'd be so stoked on that.
	That just makes the Democrats sound so much cooler than they actually are.
	You know that the right is lying about something if, you know, We're not simultaneously excited about whatever they're talking about.
	Yeah, if it makes a Democrat sound badass, then yeah, it's right-wing propaganda.
	Like, if the headline was like, um, Democratic Senator Threatens to Cut Democratic Senator for Being a Punk Ass, like, I would be about it.
	I'm good with that.
	Like, if it's, you know, we had two Democratic Senators, like, facing off with shivs, I'm voting for the one, you know?
	Like, for sure.
	Every time.
	Well, yeah.
	I mean, you're voting for the one who's left to vote for.
	What I'm saying is Senators need to stab more Senators.
	That's what I'm trying to get across here.
	And this isn't, like, an endorsement of violence.
	We're just saying in, like, a hypothetical scenario where Democrats were cool, we would consider supporting that.
	Yeah.
	Um, yeah.
	So let me, uh, let me just get this out of the way first.
	Christopher Devonshire in all caps for some reason says, she actually said what an address and starts clapping herself.
	Um, and despite the all caps, that's actually the most like, I dunno, grounded comment that I saw.
	Uh, That's definitely what this other senator is saying.
	She's not saying, watch your ass.
	She's saying, what an address.
	Which, yes, is something a fucking Democratic senator would say.
	One of the things that separates us from robots is the fact, well even robots can do it now, is that we can read body language and facial expressions.
	And the senator that stands up and says something is clearly not upset at anybody.
	They're like, oh, okay, alright, okay, yeah.
	There's no threatening happening there.
	Yeah, she didn't, like, grab her hair, which is, you know, how we know all women fight when they, you know, pull the claws out or whatever.
	True, true.
	She didn't take a blade from under her tongue.
	But yeah, that's actually what's going on here.
	But those aren't the comments we want to read.
	We want to read the people who just read this caption on a post from the Facebook account.
	Excuse me.
	We got engine trouble.
	I'm sorry, can you spell that for me?
	Can you spell the third word in there?
	We have what trouble?
	I think spelling it's even worse than saying it.
	That's why I can't commit to spelling it.
	You're right.
	You're absolutely right.
	Spelling it is acknowledging how insane this crazy group is.
	Or profile.
	I think it's also a bad pun.
	It's supposed to be like engine trouble.
	Yeah.
	And the profile picture for this, or not profile, but like the account photo for this page is Elizabeth Warren in a headdress.
	Oh, there you go.
	So if you guys were listening and were curious about why we were concerned about this, there's your confirmation.
	You see, Native American is not spelled like that at all.
	Yeah, it's a different word.
	I almost included a third segment to this show just about Trump's trail joke on Twitter because the responses to it were just equally horrific and cringy.
	I can't believe, uh, or like somebody was objecting to other commentators in the Breitbart comment section and a person replied, Oh, allow me to make a peace offering and posted a picture of a blanket.
	Oh, get it?
	So just like, yeah, just like whole cloth, pun not intended, embracing racism and just like, no, this is funny.
	Like kill, like genocide is funny.
	It's, it's good now.
	No, it's hilarious that we did that.
	That we wiped him out.
	Um, okay, but on this topic, on Kristen Sinema being threatened for her very life on the floor of the house, uh, let me get to the first comment here.
	Mohawk Rivers... Sounds like a great name.
	Like, I want to get behind whatever this is, but I know that I can't because it's on this comment section, so go ahead.
	And also you would think like, oh, Mohawk Rivers, like Mohawk being, of course, a tribe of Native Americans.
	Maybe this person is a member of that tribe?
	Nope.
	It's an old white guy in a steely Dan shirt playing acoustic guitar at an open mic house party.
	Ooh, the last part really took it home.
	Open mic house party.
	Go ahead.
	That's even less than like an open mic coffee shop.
	Yeah, that's way less, yeah.
	Mohawk Rivers says about Kristen Cinema, and I feel like maybe I need to explain, if you don't know, Kristen Cinema is...
	An openly bisexual senator.
	She might be the first openly bisexual senator.
	And Mohawk Rivers says about Kristen Sinema, She's bi-political.
	Yeah, I mean... Get it?
	- For clapping for Trump.
	- Get it? - She's bi-political.
	And I feel like maybe there's a different, better word you could use to describe reaching across the aisle, acknowledging the other party.
	There's sort of like, some other way we could say that.
	It also has the word, the prefix bi in it It might make your joke at least flow better.
	But see, if you use the actual word, we can't live in the moment where we talk about how she also likes both genitals.
	What do you mean?
	Like, if we say bi-partisan, then we know what she means.
	But if we say bi-political, we're making up a whole new thing.
	So we get to talk about how she actually just likes... how she's just selfish.
	Okay, what if he said... Okay, I see what you're saying.
	But what if he had said, she's bi-partisan.
	Like, she likes both parts.
	See, the thing is that nobody that bigoted is that clever.
	Thank you for acknowledging my wokeness.
	My ability to make that terrible pun is indicative of my anti-discriminatory beliefs.
	He would never say that.
	He's really funny.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Okay, usmcdanang1966 says, this guy's story checks out, definitely a vet with a name like that, says, I'm no lip reading expert.
	But, it is clear that's what Rosen said to Sinema.
	Man, the Democrats have some hard broads.
	That's right, broads.
	Because ladies don't conduct themselves like these women.
	See, UMSC denying 1966 is actually being humble, because in order to be Uh, a marine expert.
	You have to have some lip reading training.
	So although he's not an expert, he does know some.
	Um, and he, he knows that... Are we not using, like, are they not down for the word broad?
	Is that their cutoff?
	Um, yeah, I feel like broad maybe doesn't have like quite the negative, as negative a connotation as he wants it to.
	I mean, it's still, you know, not, not a, is it not quite a respect, a respectful term, but, uh, It's one of those ones that you know by who's saying it if they're like being endearing or if they're like being hateful and gross.
	Oh, someone replied and said, um, she's a bi tch tch.
	That's, that's... Oh, is that a joke about that band tch tch?
	That's pronounced chick, chick, chick?
	Is that what you're saying?
	Either that or the ch-ch-ch.
	I don't want them to say their whole name because I legit don't want to plug that dumb band.
	The exclamation point band?
	No, the other one that was choo-choo-choo, ha-ha-ha.
	No idea.
	That was a band, yep.
	They were probably fine.
	You're probably okay.
	Just dumb name.
	I'm just hating for no reason.
	Anyways, uh, three people left.
	Texas Maga says, redundant.
	We have been blessed with a gift from God.
	Trump is our greatest leader.
	And then Constantine the fourth replies.
	Yep.
	Even George Washington comes up short when compared to Trump.
	How are these people not kicked out of the group for being trolls?
	No, this is... I mean, this is, uh... What site was this from?
	I don't even fucking... This is like a, uh... A Discus comment section from, like, Breitbart or something.
	I don't know, this seems pretty in line with it, like... Anyone who's not Trump is worse than Trump, including, like, the people we jerk off to every time we try to speak about establishing this great nation.
	Yeah, that's wild, man.
	I love it.
	It's the joke we make, but it's there.
	Trump is God.
	George Washington was a bitch.
	He couldn't even tell a lie.
	Yeah.
	He wasn't even rowing the boat on the Potomac.
	Marty Klippel says about Kristen Cinema, she will be dead in a week.
	Yo, Marty, you better hope she's not dead in a week.
	Because there's no reason for her to be dead besides you saying that right now.
	The only reason she should be scared is this threat you just made right now.
	Yeah, I'm sure Facebook will totally follow up on this threat against a Democratic Senator against a woman.
	I'm sure Facebook will take it very seriously.
	Yeah, no, they will.
	Don't worry about it.
	I just love that shit.
	What world do you live in where you're going to get assassinated for clapping?
	Joe Manchin has had a career not voting with the Democrats for, I don't know, 20 years?
	How long has that block-headed motherfucker been in the Senate?
	We opened the show talking about people like Senators doing blackface and their lives are not in jeopardy.
	Like, at all.
	Well, it's because, you know, we all put ourselves in those shoes and realized that we would have also done blackface in the yearbook.
	Yeah, as long as it was hilarious.
	Dude, so I... Sorry, not jump way backwards, but I harbor some guilt over... I'm in a yearbook in drag.
	And I feel like I never really fully committed to drag.
	So I feel, like, guilty about that.
	Even though, like, I love doing it.
	I've, like, never done a show.
	I've, like, never, like, gone for it.
	I just did one parade where I was in drag.
	And I feel guilty about that.
	I feel like I don't deserve to have that, you know, memorialized.
	And here they are, doing the op, you know, doing the same thing.
	Well, so leftists were putting kids in drag, uh, as early as 2000s.
	Exactly.
	Yeah.
	Exactly.
	That is shameful.
	Yeah.
	It's not right.
	Matt Locke says about Kristen Sinema, she may dress like a party girl.
	Cause I don't know if people who aren't as online as I am saw this, but Kristen Sinema was like called a slut and a whore for wearing boots in Congress.
	For wearing like high heel boots and a dress or a skirt.
	The issue wasn't the boots.
	It was all the glitter.
	She may dress like a party girl, but give her some credit, she has a pair.
	A pair of nuts.
	Yeah, that's definitely what he means.
	She's sacked up to clap.
	I mean, she may dress like a girl, but give her some credit, she's actually a guy.
	I don't hate her as much if I think of her as a man.
	True.
	Well, because if she's a man, I don't have to resent her for not having a relationship with me.
	Alex Sabo, last comment of this comment section, says about Kristen Sinema, she was digging to Trump Meister.
	Yep.
	And I mean, if that comment sounds really cool to you, you're on the right track because looking closely at Alex's profile pic, you can see him wearing a top hat, a white, fancy slash style top hat.
	He's clearly an artist.
	Sunglasses doing duck lips with like flat ironed hair and a swooping neckline Yeah, he's clearly an artist a pickup artist Can you picture the thing is I can picture Trump walking in a room and say someone saying like hey guys just the Trump Meister and like him like doing guns to him like finger guns like pew pew pew pew Trump Meisters in the building
	Yeah, uh, it's the Trumpenstein!
	The Trumpmeister!
	I dare any, if anybody has the opportunity, rather than like insult him, look him in the eyes and be like, it's the Trumpinator!
	And see what he does.
	Oh, he would love to, he would love to be the Trumpinator.
	Uh, the, the, the Presidentinator.
	Cause that is, uh, you know, supersedes the Governator for sure.
	Yep.
	Yep.
	Okay, that's the episode.
	Thank you folks so much for listening to it.
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