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Dec. 17, 2018 - Minion Death Cult

01:27:26

86 - "I know my gender, I am Santa claus"

Baby Jesus in a cage, North Carolina Sheriffs refusing to cooperate with ICE, genderqueer Santa Clauses. It's a rough time for conservatives this year. http://youtube.com/miniondeathcult

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	The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
	We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
	It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
	Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get yourself.
	All their environment, stay tuned.
	Alright, I'm Alexander Edward.
	And I'm Tony Boswell.
	And we are Minion Death Cult.
	The world is ending.
	A genderqueer Santa Claus is responsible.
	Yes, they are.
	We're documenting it.
	So we have a wonderfully festive show for you folks today.
	Before we get into the Christmas Festivities, I would like to comment on some news, you know, what's what's in the news Tony?
	Oh, it's breaking.
	It's this thing.
	Um, so We didn't necessarily get any negative feedback about our discussion of Beto and how Beto is definitely gonna be president in 2020 And how we weren't necessarily cool with that but What's this?
	Oh, let me look up what Beto has recently said.
	Uh... Oh.
	Beto saying, I don't know if I'm a progressive Democrat.
	Which is, like, the lowest bar possible for a Democrat.
	Just say you're a fucking progress- Jesus Christ.
	Holy shit.
	It should be redundant, but we all know Democrats, how they work.
	Being progressive, not necessarily a mandate.
	Dude, like, to be progressive, all you have to do is say gay people should be able to marry.
	Yeah, that's it.
	You know what I mean?
	It's easy.
	And this all came up because he decided not to caucus with the House Progressive Democrats Caucus and is instead caucusing with, like, the centrist New Democrats or whatever.
	Some terrible branded thing.
	Yeah, so I feel like there's a bit of a clip we can play to sort of illustrate my feelings on this subject.
	Vindicated.
	I am selfish.
	I am wrong.
	I am right.
	I swear I'm right.
	I swear I knew it all along.
	All along.
	And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well.
	I am sick.
	All right, yeah, so Hillary Clinton, stop taking refugees to beat the right wing.
	Beto, I don't know if I'm progressive because I just want to be everybody's president.
	I think Beto should really, like, come out hard for bipartisanship and just campaign as a Republican in 2020.
	Oh god, he would crush it.
	He'd crush it.
	Like, why even be a Democrat?
	That's too partisan, you know?
	Democrats would vote for him too.
	I mean, I know he's Republican, but look at him.
	He's so young and handsome.
	He's tall!
	Yeah, so that's funny.
	That's really funny.
	Let's get on to our first topic of the night, which is A church in Boston, a Catholic church in Boston, putting baby Jesus in a cage to own conservatives.
	Yep.
	Well played.
	They, uh, this, this church, I think is a Catholic parish as part of their manger scene, uh, put the baby Jesus inside of a cage to make a point about Donald Trump's immigration policy?
	We'll sort of go into that specific part of it.
	But yeah, to make a point about immigration.
	It's so great.
	When I first saw this picture, my first thought was, because there was a while where, back in the good old days, people would steal baby Jesus from nativity scenes.
	There was a moment where they would put the nativity scene in some sort of cage and put, like, I was hoping that's what it was.
	And just people were misinterpreting it as a political statement.
	It is a political statement.
	It's a statement about crime.
	I thought it was an anti-theft statement, but turns out it's actually just like, um, let's not put kids in cages.
	Yeah I mean this is like I have I have sort of three feelings about this type of like I don't know statement or activism if you want to go as far as to call it that um the first one being like it's corny you know it's cheesy uh the second one being it's really funny Yeah, it's great.
	Like, that's my main feeling about this, is just that it's so funny, the idea of, like, baby Jesus getting trapped inside of a possum cage or something.
	It's really just ignorant.
	I mean, if you know anything about Jesus, that two-ton boulder in front of his coffin, like, couldn't stop him from getting out of his tomb.
	However... Let alone, I think this cage, he can get his slip through.
	Well, we do know, from doing this show, that heaven has walls.
	True.
	And a strict vetting process.
	Yeah, a strict vetting process.
	And maybe heaven itself is really just a cage that keeps God trapped inside.
	Damn.
	Damn, that was beautiful.
	That's why I'm joining the Catholic Church.
	Did we just figure it all out?
	So beautiful.
	I need to get there.
	Um, so this is like, obviously, Oh, my third, my third feeling about this is that, yeah, it's good.
	It's fine.
	Like it's, it's, it's good.
	It's making a statement.
	It's good that churches are like actually supporting some, some assemblage of the word of Christ and in its, uh, In its feelings towards literally the most, you know, marginalized and beset people in the world.
	It's, it's like pretty great.
	I mean, that's what American Westernized Catholics, they, there was a point in time where they were kind of known for that, you know, they were known for, uh, helping out the immigrants.
	I mean, uh, that's the entire Southern part of the state.
	Southern California is all built around missions.
	Ooh, hot take.
	Yep.
	Well, it was about helping out the immigrants themselves.
	Exactly.
	It's about helping out themselves.
	It's pretty... So it's nothing new here, but I think the reason why the point didn't really get driven home is because they use white Jesus.
	They use cute little blonde white Jesus, which is my favorite Jesus.
	Dude, the eyes are fucking... This is like a white walker in this case.
	This is like...
	The thumbnail for it is so funny.
	It's the baby Jesus with it's palms outstretched, like it's palms facing up, arms outstretched, just like in preparation of crucifixion from birth, you know?
	Just like ready in position, you know?
	And yeah, bars in front of it.
	And I swear this is like an animal cage of some kind.
	Oh absolutely, yeah.
	This is what you take your dog to the vet in.
	This is definitely a varmint cage.
	And so Judy Elena Morgan Wicker posts this article to the group.
	We are sick of Facebook censoring conservatives and, and then it's cut off there because they're being censored by Facebook.
	And yeah, it's just really funny, really funny.
	So this is a piece from CBS in Boston.
	But mixing politics with religion isn't sitting well with some who believe the nativity scene has crossed a line.
	And boy, these people hate it when you cross arbitrary lines, such as the southern border of the United States.
	Quote, this is where you come to pray, not to be preached at what you should think about politics.
	I don't go to church to be preached at.
	Which is so funny because- This is like a fucking townsperson from Parks and Recreations.
	I can tell you that 98% of people leaving a Catholic Mass will tell you that they vote according to their beliefs, to their religious beliefs.
	Yeah.
	That's how they vote.
	That's where pro-life comes in, that's the whole nine.
	Like, all their politics are based on their beliefs.
	Yeah, and those beliefs are like, uh, live and let live.
	Yep.
	I get to do what I want and still feel good about myself.
	That's my religion.
	Yeah, this is where you come to pray not to be preached at what you should think about politics.
	I don't know.
	I don't believe this because Helen Watson, that name is almost too white to be believable.
	Uh, I just like that she drove to church to see the display.
	She didn't see this display while attending church.
	She just drove specifically to be mad at this display.
	She's like, how dare they preach to me after this 15 minute drive to them.
	It's kind of funny, she went to go yell at Jesus.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Father, I don't know how to say this, Josoma, insists the scene is not a dig at Trump administration policies.
	Instead of political activism, he calls it gospel activism.
	I love it.
	This is like, the thin ice.
	What do you call it?
	The tiptoeing you have to do around these conservative snowflakes to not offend their actual god, Donald Trump.
	I know it looks like it.
	Oh, we're not saying a word against the Trump administration.
	We're just saying, hey, maybe we should, like, help really poor kids.
	Yeah, they're like, no, this isn't about, like, the Trump administration.
	It's that no one should put kids in cages.
	Yeah.
	Listen, if Hillary Clinton herself were to put a kid in a cage, we would be mad at her, too.
	They weren't so mad about Obama putting kids in cages, which he loved to do when he was in office.
	It's kind of a joke, kind of not a joke.
	Kind of not a joke.
	Real shit.
	This is another post, another original post on the same, the same article being shared into Diamond and Silk fan page.
	And I just, like bright shining blue eyes, piercing blue eyes on this baby Jesus.
	Beautiful Aryan Jesus, my favorite Jesus.
	Go to the YouTube to see this beautiful, beautiful blonde haired blue eyed master race Jesus.
	YouTube.com slash MinionDeath called Janet May Fountain Kennedy.
	Have you ever heard a more racist name than that?
	It's like, uh... This is why she's so upset, is because this is a Catholic church and not a Protestant church.
	Well, no, the Kennedys were.
	The Kennedys were Catholics.
	Okay, but this is like a WASP-y sounding name to me, other than the Kennedy thing, I guess.
	I mean, that's probably the biggest name in the gathering, besides Fountain.
	I just think, you know, she's gonna talk about, like, who is John Galt?
	Why isn't he in this cage?
	Words of warning.
	Never attend any church that would display something like this.
	Run the other way.
	Fast!
	It's a reference to Lit, our favorite band on this show.
	Fast.
	Christians are warned to be wise and never fall into any traps set by Satan, who disguises himself as innocent, needy, quote, migrants.
	When they are nothing of the kind, live in reality where Satan disguises himself as the poorest among us.
	Don't help the poor, it might be Satan.
	Which, like you were saying, Tony, is the exact opposite of what religion teaches.
	Remember that one story in the Bible where Satan is trying to have a baby and goes door-to-door and keeps getting turned away because Satan is an immigrant?
	And then finally Satan finds a home in some barn in the backyard and gives birth to somebody?
	Yeah.
	Oh, wait.
	That's really scary.
	Jesus!
	That's how Jesus was born.
	Jesus is a fucking immigrant.
	The story of Jesus is an immigrant story.
	This is the moral to... not even just the Bible.
	This is like the opposite... this is the opposite of every single fable ever told.
	The story is literally like, if you don't leave this country, your kid's gonna die.
	So you must leave this country and find... find... oh my god.
	It's mind-blowing that they're like...
	They somehow read the opposite and they didn't even see that the part they're talking about of like the devil disguising themselves is exactly who they're like groveling over with this Trump character.
	Oh yeah, you think he might be bad?
	I think he might be the devil.
	Yeah, I love this.
	Don't help anyone because they might be the devil.
	Yeah, that's the opposite.
	Like, it's, like, like I was saying, it's not only the opposite of the Bible, do unto the lowest of you what you would do to me, whatever that Bible phrase is, but it's also the moral of, like, every single pagan fairy tale where, like, you turned away the old woman who happened to be a witch and cursed your family.
	Yep, exactly.
	Because you, because you wouldn't give her, like, a loaf of bread.
	Who would have given you riches if you just let her in?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I love it so much.
	Satan has many disguises and he loves to use them all.
	He's a thief, a robber, and a murderer of nations.
	And an omnipotent baby.
	Yeah.
	God, he's a thief, a robber, and like a starving refugee.
	I also love the murderer of nations.
	There's a small handful of murderers of nations and a few of them are presidents.
	I also love the idea that Satan's playing the long con where he's posing as an 8-year-old refugee who's gonna come into the country, get amnesty, work their way towards an Ivy League education, and eventually reach some sort of semblance of power where they could actually affect the country.
	Or, you know, like the millions of white people who are already in that position.
	They fear that Satan is an 8-year-old immigrant who's going to grow up and maybe vote one day.
	Once.
	For a Democrat.
	Yep.
	Absolutely.
	We should say that this is all coming on the heels of the report of a 7-year-old girl who died inside ICE custody.
	We all knew this was coming.
	There have been reports of children gone missing in ICE custody.
	Reports from the administration themselves admitting that they can't find dozens of children.
	That they've taken the responsibility.
	They've taken the authority.
	Oh no, we're gonna arrest you.
	We're going to take ownership of you, essentially, and then just losing them.
	Forgetting about them.
	I firmly believe this is just the first one we found out about.
	Totally.
	I honestly, with everything in me, believe that.
	Not to mention the countless instances of abuse that we know about and don't know about.
	Not to mention the countless children who were trying to make their way up here who went to find a water station and found empty jugs that were sliced open by Border Patrol.
	This is what I wanted to get into because, real briefly, So, um, the girl who died, she was extremely dehydrated, um, and she was in ICE custody for eight hours before she died.
	And the cry from the right wing, the cry from the centrists, is that Oh, well, it was the journey that killed her.
	It was her parents that killed her for deigning to try and bring her to a prosperous nation like America.
	They're the ones who killed her.
	ICE only had her for eight hours.
	What could they have done?
	I don't know.
	Maybe inspect the people that you think you have authority over?
	Maybe give a health screening to the people you're taking into custody?
	If you think you have the authority to take these people into custody, you absolutely have to... You have to look at them.
	You have to see what condition these people are in.
	Secondarily, to your point, Tony...
	Maybe the reason she was so dehydrated is because literally Border Patrol is kicking over or destroying jugs of water left by activists along these immigration routes.
	That's literally something they're counting on.
	They're counting on that.
	Like, that's part of the program.
	Yeah, so just all around fuck this.
	All around fuck anybody who says it's not Border Patrol's fault.
	It's not ISIS's fault.
	It absolutely is their fault.
	This is what they want.
	They would rather immigrants die than live in this country.
	Yeah.
	Okay, back to baby Jesus in a cage, which is very funny and lighthearted.
	Comment Judy R. Johnson says about this church displaying baby Jesus in a cage.
	It's probably one of those fake Christian churches who have a heathen woman pastor and who also support the wholesale murdering of unborn babies.
	I'm really against murdering unborn babies, but I'm totally for imprisoning born babies.
	Yeah, as long as they're born, they're human, they can be imprisoned.
	Absolutely, but they got one part right.
	The wise men were not allowed at the scene.
	So this is a reference to the wise men who were like behind a wall in the display as well.
	The wise men were like sequestered off behind a wall.
	You can see the tips of their hats.
	But they got one part right.
	The wise men were not allowed at the scene or were not at the scene.
	They saw the star and followed it.
	Must have taken them quite a while.
	That's why King's Day or the Epiphany or Twelfth Night, call it what you want.
	I don't want to call it any of those things.
	I don't care what you're saying at all, Judy.
	is celebrated 12 days later in January.
	In many Christian cultures, that's when gifts are exchanged.
	I like that better.
	I love how it just dribbles off to this, like...
	Yeah.
	The end is so, like, semantics and kind of lighthearted and kind of whatever.
	And the beginning is so heavy.
	But it's also these people don't read anything.
	The first thing you read is that it's a parish.
	It's a father.
	That's a male priest in the Catholic Church.
	Male priest in Catholic?
	It's Josoma.
	Who knows what gender that person is.
	It's a foreign name.
	I don't need to learn what gender that person is.
	But it's father.
	Father is always going to be... Because it's still a Catholic Church.
	It's a parish.
	It's a Catholic Church.
	It's a father.
	And I don't think there's many people that are more pro-life than the Catholic Church.
	I don't think many other organizations in America have given more money towards pro-life causes than the Catholic Church.
	And, um, not to be that guy, not to be that OG Catholic, you know, but, uh, Catholicism is actually the first Christianity, so suck it, the rest of y'all.
	It's still a cult.
	Big facts, yeah.
	But it was the cult started by Jesus.
	If you look on Wikipedia and everywhere else, the founder of Catholicism is Jesus.
	Hell yeah.
	The founder of the other ones are some other guy.
	That's a big flex.
	That's a big Wikipedia flex.
	Oh cool, how's your man Martin Luther doing?
	Ain't no Jesus tell you that much.
	Yeah, I love this comment because it starts out with an indictment of heathen woman pastors and moves on to a letter to the editor about when we should actually exchange gifts with friends and family.
	And also, Judy, I'm going to call bullshit.
	I feel like you're going to give and receive some gifts on the 25th of December.
	Fucking hypocrite.
	Alright, so excuse my language, but I feel like this comment has more effect if I read it verbatim.
	Tom Zimmerman says, Obviously the retards don't read the Bible and don't know who Jesus is, who is never an illegal immigrant, when the truth of the matter is the emperor and creator of the universe.
	It's all his!
	He is literally one of the first illegal immigrants.
	No no this dude this I was telling you overslide this I am like envious of this comment I am genuinely like embarrassed for myself because I don't think I could have come up with a more galaxy brain take than this take here which is that it's impossible for Jesus to be an immigrant because he owns everything He created it.
	He could never possibly be an illegal immigrant anywhere because it's all just his, dude.
	I want to see Tom getting pulled over.
	I'm sorry, those are your laws.
	These are the laws of the universe that Jesus Christ created.
	He said I could drive as fast as I'd like.
	Uh, excuse me, yeah, I have diplomatic immunity because I created this.
	I mean, I want to hear the take where they talk about how Jesus might not be an illegal immigrant, but his mom, his mom is a filthy immigrant.
	He's an anchor baby!
	Jesus is an anchor baby, dude!
	They were literally avoiding a census.
	Yeah.
	Like, that's why they did... I'm doing this thing, you know, I'm like... Remember when I got worked up about Santa Claus?
	I'm doing the same thing about Jesus.
	It's the same thing.
	Yeah, just, I mean, it's like, you know...
	People just want to take Christianity as like a label, or as a sort of status signifier, or cultural signifier basically, but have it just mean whatever they want it to mean.
	They want the label of Christianity, but no, it doesn't matter that it was literally based on the teachings of an immigrant, of an immigrant born out of wedlock.
	I don't know, were they married?
	I don't remember.
	Uh, no, they weren't.
	Tom Hudson, I think this is our last comment on this topic.
	Tom Hudson says, all caps, the best way to look at this is the cage is there to keep the left and ignorant away from our child of Christ for sure.
	So stupid.
	Dude, Jesus is like, I'm not locked in here from you!
	You're locked out there from me!
	This all-powerful being has to have a cage to defend themselves?
	What the fuck are you talking about?
	Well, actually, the cage is there, so when Baby Jesus is performing Roadhouse Blues, and a leftist liberal who hates real music and only likes mumble rap throws a bottle at him, it doesn't hit Baby Jesus in the head, it shatters against the cage.
	For sure!
	And then Baby Jesus later references Patrick Swayze and says, his story?
	Story is, you fuck with him, he'll seal your fate.
	Like one person's gonna get that joke?
	Yep.
	Holy shit, dude.
	Again, the whole teachings is you're supposed to bring the people who are heathens to Christ.
	That's the whole point of all of it.
	That's why that fucking dude died.
	No, because as we've described previously, heaven has walls and a strict vetting process.
	America is heaven, therefore libs get out.
	Get out of here.
	Not welcome.
	Yeah.
	Libs need not apply.
	Okay, let's take a quick... Alright, before we get into that one, let's take a quick break.
	I love it.
	I love that.
	Okay, moving on to the next topic.
	Still dealing with immigration here, but just kind of more heartwarming content, I feel.
	So, should I read the headline here?
	I think so.
	ACLU purchased sheriffs, so that's like a hyphen, like these sheriffs are ACLU purchased.
	ACLU purchased sheriffs in North Carolina in cooperation with ICE.
	Good job ACLU.
	I just want to say like, uh, Like, maybe you're not a bastard, these sheriffs, but you still like only see your dad like once every few years.
	No, I mean like... You might not be a bastard, but your dad hates you.
	So basically the background of this story is several sheriffs in North Carolina all ran campaigns on ending cooperation with ICE.
	And these are of course like blue areas of North Carolina.
	And then they did it.
	They did it.
	And this is like, you know, it's pretty low bar.
	But...
	It's cool, like, I personally wouldn't give any money to a sheriff for their campaign.
	But if other people, like the ACLU for instance, want to give money to, quote, progressive sheriffs for this kind of thing, then sure, I guess that's good.
	I will say that I don't think that the wording of this headline is coincidental.
	I think often times you would see, um, sheriffs in the back pocket of ACLU.
	But this time it's saying purchased as in owned?
	Right.
	Weird.
	It's weird that these sheriffs happen to be black.
	Yeah, that is the fact of this story is that at least a couple of these sheriffs are SOCs.
	And.
	Is it that funny?
	No, I just love that you knew that POC doesn't... It's still... It's like COC's not as good, but SOC is so good.
	I don't like you right now, it's great.
	Leftist organization buys local police.
	Again?
	To ease deportations of illegal aliens.
	And this is like, this is a bullshit fucking website.
	This is from LibertyNation.com.
	So that's the reason for this poorly worded subheading.
	ease deportations of what it's it it's either supposed to mean cease deportations or erase deportations uh he means like pull back on deportations uh but the way it sounds is to ease the process of deportation which is not what he means i do love their their subtitle like their tagline is truth is making a comeback is that their fucking masthead that's their mess yeah
	Liberty Nation, truth is making a comeback.
	It's also, what are they advertising?
	Whatfinger.com.
	It's like the front page of conservative internet.
	Also they're using the Statue of Liberty as their logo.
	Hold on, I need to stick on whatfinger.com.
	How is that what you landed on for the name of your website?
	What finger?
	Yeah.
	It's a good question.
	Because it either reminds me of like, what a burger?
	What a finger?
	Or, what finger?
	There's no finger there.
	Yeah.
	What are you doing with your finger?
	What finger?
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	I'm not making this up.
	There's a fucking website called whatfinger.com that's linked to on Liberty Nation that is not like an ad.
	It's like part of their... It's about us.
	Our authors.
	Contact us.
	Surprise now.
	Whatfinger.com.
	All right.
	Made by prominent nose pickers.
	Let's get to the author bio, the biopic for this author, Joe Schaefer, who was like a writer for the Washington Examiner, which if you're familiar with that publication is a pretty big indicator of what this article is going to be like.
	But Joe Schaefer, this is quite a picture, dude decided to run with for his bio.
	Like he literally looks like In a teen movie, like, the love interest of the male protagonist, like, that girl's dad who turns out to be a pedophile later on.
	I was wondering where you're going with that.
	That's kind of what this guy looks like.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Like, always on edge.
	Like, secretly beating the love interest of the teen protagonist.
	That's definitely what this guy looks like.
	Yeah, there's... His... The facial expression is not one that you would ever want to use for your headshot.
	What's the noise?
	What's the onomatopoeia that goes along with the expression that he's making?
	Oh, I... It's almost like a... It's almost like a mad dog kind of look.
	Yeah.
	It's almost like a...
	Huh.
	Yeah.
	You wanna go there?
	Feeling good about that?
	You wanna do this?
	Oh really?
	This is like, he looks almost like Lawrence O'Donnell with more hair threatening to fight Tag Romney on MSNBC.
	That's, that's, nailed it.
	Look that up if you haven't seen that by the way because it's great.
	Lawrence O'Donnell picks up his Boston accent and stands up and walks toward the camera threatening to fight Tag Romney.
	I'll try to remember to end this episode with that audio because it's incredible.
	That'd be great.
	I'm calling your father a liar.
	Obama didn't call your father a liar.
	I'm calling your father a liar.
	It gets all thick.
	Yeah, it's good.
	- Good.
	Okay, so-- - Drop kayfabe. - Let's read from this article.
	If you wanna see what the future of law enforcement in a progressive United States looks like, Have a gander at new Mecklenburg County Sheriff Gary McFadden cutting the cake during a celebration to mark his first official act in office, ceasing cooperation with U.S.
	Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
	It seems McFadden, and I also love uh...
	No, he hasn't said it yet.
	It seems McFadden made sure he lost no time at all in paying back his powerful election campaign financial supporter, the American Civil Liberties Union.
	And I love this idea of like, Paying back your donors is like not extraditing people away from... You know, it's not like, oh, he passed... He's a legislator who passed tax cuts for the ACLU.
	It's like, no, he helped out brown people that have no relationship to the ACLU.
	It's not like the ACLU is going to make money off these people later on.
	That's not how the ACLU works.
	The full-fledged leftist organization, referring to the ACLU.
	That's a hot take.
	Which once pretended to be a civil liberties group.
	It's amazing how those two things get linked together, civil liberties and leftist thought, has now shifted to outright political activism.
	They used to just care about civil liberties, and now they're political activists.
	Just nonsense.
	Just utter, utter tripe.
	Stay in your lane.
	Stay in your fucking lane.
	Just fucking gobbledygook.
	Awash in donations following the election of President Trump in 2016, the ACLU is taking its newfound cash clout local, right down to the county sheriff level.
	This crazy civil liberties organization ended up getting a lot of money after Trump got elected.
	I wonder what that's about.
	Well, it's probably because they're communists.
	Communist college chasers.
	They're those communists that defend the rights of white supremacists in court.
	Totally.
	They're those leftists that go to bat for literal Nazis.
	Actual Nazis.
	Yeah, ACLU is one of, like, the few groups actually principled about free speech, and I don't mean that in a complimentary way.
	Not a compliment at all, yeah.
	Their man with a star is, like, the mid-headline.
	Now we have to show Charlotte that this is a step in the right direction, Sheriff McFadden says in the video of his tacky celebration provided by local television outlet WBTV.
	God, I love that weird, like, effete criticism.
	Who has cake?
	Who celebrates with cake?
	The streamers were clearly bought at Dollar Tree.
	So the 287G program is a way for local law enforcement officials to work with ICE to get illegal aliens removed from our country, and that is exactly the program McFadden has discarded in his first act as sheriff.
	The Charlotte Observer reports more than 15,000 people in Mecklenburg County have entered the deportation process under the program since 2006.
	So, 15,000 people deported from this county in 12 years?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Not a lot of people.
	It's too much, too many people?
	Yeah.
	Frankly, obviously.
	But showing the sheer magnitude of the illegal alien problem in North Carolina and the nation at large.
	So basically the sort of program, the cooperative program that this douchebag is writing about is a program that states that
	It's an agreement wherein sheriff departments and local police agencies, if they have arrested a person who is suspected of being undocumented or is undocumented on a crime, once they've been released on bail or once they have served the sentence for the crime that they have committed or alleged to have committed,
	This agreement dictates that that police agency will hold the person longer than they are supposed to be held to allow ICE to come get them, to come collect them.
	And this also implies that This police agency will be sharing information with the federal government with ICE, telling them, hey, we have an undocumented person.
	Come get them.
	So this is this is deportation in addition to a sentence already served for a crime that, you know, has been they've been found guilty of.
	Let's just say that.
	I would like to say that a better approach to this to me would be cooperating with ICE and letting them know that you're releasing somebody, but like a week late every time.
	So they always show up and no one's ever there.
	Yeah.
	Oh, we fudged it again.
	Sorry.
	Sorry we fudged it.
	I don't know.
	Or like a week early.
	Yeah.
	Like make them wait.
	Just like come and make them wait.
	No, because they would wait.
	They probably would wait.
	Yeah.
	ICE Atlanta Field Office Director Sean Gallagher told The Observer that McFadden's grandstanding act would have negative consequences for the community he has pledged to serve.
	In fiscal year 2018, the Mecklenburg County 287G program encountered 1,185 criminal aliens.
	This is all language that I don't use, but I'm quoting here from Also, I don't think those are real numbers.
	I think those are just... I don't think that there are... I don't think you can get, like, that statistic.
	So... These... These are our regular crimes.
	These are our alien crimes.
	Oh, you know, I bet there were 100... There were 1,185 abductions.
	Is what it was.
	And they just called... They got it confused.
	Yeah, they're quote, criminal aliens because they're committing the crime of living here.
	Of abducting people.
	This is an alien's alien joke.
	Oh, I get it now.
	It's not a good joke, it's just a joke.
	I was thinking of ice abducting undocumented people.
	Oh no, I was thinking of X-Files.
	That's cute.
	It's a lot better than what I said.
	No, so this is the argument.
	This is the argument for deporting undocumented people who have served their sentence already for whatever crime they have supposedly committed.
	Yesterday's decision to end this law, this law enforcement agreement, it's not a law, it's an agreement, it's a cooperation.
	The decision to end that agreement leaves these undocumented immigrants to re-offend against the people of Mecklenburg County.
	That is the basis of this argument where we should deport undocumented immigrants who have been found guilty of a crime and served their sentence because they might re-offend.
	They might commit another crime.
	And if this is your argument, Then what's to stop you from deporting every single criminal?
	Regardless of heritage.
	Anybody who has ever committed a crime, they might re-offend.
	What is the idea of rehabilitative justice?
	Obviously we know that that's a faulty premise in and of itself.
	Prison does not rehabilitate people.
	That for sure is a progressive democrat concept right there.
	Yeah, but if that is the supposed method of rehabilitation is serving your time, you know, paying for your crime or whatever, How come that is enough for these people but not enough for these people?
	You know what I'm saying?
	And it is a slippery slope.
	Anyone is capable of committing a crime.
	Just deport everybody.
	Deport everyone because they are, in theory, capable of committing a crime.
	I think you're right.
	We should give the land back to the buffalo.
	Let's deport everyone.
	Or yeah, we should follow the bumper sticker that I see around my route that says, I'm quoting here, keep the illegals, deport politicians.
	I'm pretty sure it's like a Mexican dude driving this truck and it's just funny that it says keep the illegals.
	Yeah.
	And he's also like, Rolling coal in this truck?
	It's a really weird, like... I want to meet this person.
	Yeah, it's a really weird ideology, this truck.
	Well, like, I mean, you could, you know, be down with human rights and, like, not understand climate change.
	Yeah, you could be, like, for not being deported.
	And also have a tiny dick.
	Yeah, that's the joke.
	That's what rolling coal's for, right?
	Right.
	Yeah, this just goes on... I don't think there's much more we need to read from this article.
	Yeah, it just goes on to say how this is like a blueprint for the ACLU in installing progressive sheriffs, lol.
	And then comparing the ACLU to the Mafia.
	Or like other dirty cops.
	Yeah.
	Let's get into comments for this.
	Okay, I figured out who this guy reminds me of, this guy's picture.
	Joel Schaefer.
	If you've seen Dirty Work, he's the guy who hires Artie Lange, by the way.
	Holy shit, have you seen Artie Lange?
	Lately?
	Yeah, dude.
	Do you want me to look him up real quick?
	Yeah, it's bad.
	I'm gonna be sad.
	Yeah, you're gonna be really sad.
	Artie Lange has officially done enough coke to where his septum is completely dissolved and his nose is deflated.
	And it's a very crazy look on him.
	Anyway, he's the neighbor who hires Artie Lange and Norm MacDonald.
	Tony is gaping at his phone right now looking at Artie Lange.
	That's wild.
	Yeah, brutal.
	He's the neighbor who's like mad at the guys at the drug dealers in his neighborhood who are racing through the neighborhood.
	So they're like hiding fish in the mansion.
	And there's like the shootout between any guy.
	He's the guy who comes in and he's like, I'm sick of all this noise!
	That's who this guy looks like.
	That's totally who that guy is.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Funny stuff.
	Patriotic as fuck.
	Well, Patriotic AF, excuse me.
	Posted this article on Facebook.
	He was like, you know, aren't you outraged?
	Aren't you upset at something that happened in North Carolina that will never affect you?
	At all.
	Or anyone you know.
	Um, and these are three comments that really, it's like shooting fish in a barrel here.
	This is like kind of a cheap point to make, but I feel like it's worth making anyway.
	Tanya Warren Lynch says, get this man out of law enforcement.
	He's violating federal law.
	Dana Ahola Rogue says, you don't have the option not to enforce the law of the land.
	Tamara Slutskaya says, who the hell is he?
	Who gave him right to defy government law?
	That's for sure a Russian bot.
	So these three comments in a row like just illustrate the general consensus around this story from the conservative quote conservative right from the quote Republican right who are just totally outraged at the idea of a local sheriff flouting federal law.
	Yeah.
	If that seems odd to you, maybe you're familiar with the idea of posse comitatus, which is a right-wing ideology that says that sheriffs have the right to go to war with the federal government.
	This all totally flies in the face of supposed right-wing, supposed Republican ideology, which is that local governance trumps federal governance.
	The Republican Party is supposedly an anti-federalist party.
	That's the real law of the land.
	And it's just, it's so transparent that these people do not actually subscribe to the idea of small government.
	They do not actually subscribe to the idea of a fight against tyranny.
	They just worship at the altar of authority when they are in charge.
	Yeah, they just subscribe to convenient government.
	It's not even convenient government, they subscribe to their own power.
	They're only anti-tyranny, they're only anti-federalist when somebody else is in power.
	When they're in power, absolutely my word is law for the entire country.
	That's what I mean, when it's convenient.
	Yeah, totally.
	It's a cheap thing to point out, but there are no principles.
	The idea that there are principled conservatives who actually believe in small government is a fallacy.
	Like, these people believe in what they believe in, and as soon as they get power, that's the law of the land.
	Yeah.
	Obamacare was the law of the land until Trump became president, and now it's not anymore.
	Yeah.
	Because they don't want it to be.
	Now it's unconstitutional.
	Yeah, that's how these things work.
	Remember, I just want to, I just want to remember that going forward.
	Anybody who thinks that they can argue in good faith with the right wing about principled conservatism or, you know, get these people on hypocrisy is not going to work.
	Chip Shalfity, do you want to read this one?
	Chip Shalfity says, so the liberals elect black sheriffs in seven counties and the first thing they do is let criminals go free.
	Yep, it's because they're black, that's why.
	Yeah, it's interesting that he chooses to highlight the fact that they're black sheriffs.
	The only mention of them being black are the pictures of them.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Illegals who committed crimes here in the U.S.
	and should not have been here in the first place.
	That's the crime, of course.
	Every year, illegals kill over 6,000 American citizens and injure thousands more.
	6,000 billion Americans dead every sentence.
	Every second at the hands of illegals.
	I found out where these numbers were from.
	I had an inkling.
	So the number 6,000 is a pretty specific number.
	It's not just thousands.
	of crime of criminal acts like where these numbers are nothing these numbers are nonsense i found out where these numbers were from i had an inkling so the number the number six thousand uh is a pretty specific number it's not just thousands it's yeah six thousand and i didn't say this to you over text but i had a hunch that i could type in six thousand illegal immigrant murders and be linked directly to stormfront you know You know what I mean?
	It's 6,000.
	Is that what happened?
	Is that what happened?
	Close.
	So, no.
	This is... I have the article here.
	Trump says 63,000 killed by illegal immigrants.
	The math doesn't add up.
	This is from CNBC.com.
	So, Trump got this number from an anti-immigrant activist whose cop husband was supposedly killed by an undocumented immigrant.
	One of the angel families that Trump invited to be at the signing?
	This was the fucking cop that was on the shirt that the people from the right were wearing at the recent protest I went to.
	Oh, cool.
	They were wearing this shirt that said, you know, tell the truth.
	And it had this fucking cop on it who apparently... Wouldn't it be cool if the causes that we were fighting for could be summed up by one person on one shirt?
	Yeah.
	Instead, there's too many to count, and we can't make one shirt to put them all together.
	Too many to even remember, unfortunately.
	Yeah, we literally forget count.
	Okay, so there's the quote here.
	Like, Mendoza, she just told Trump 63,000 were killed by undocumented immigrants.
	Oh, here it is.
	I've never heard the number 63,000 people killed by illegal immigrants.
	Is that a known figure?
	Trump asked Mendoza.
	He quickly seemed convinced.
	Boy, that is some number.
	I've never heard that number before.
	God, 63,000.
	I've never heard a number that high before.
	Do numbers go that high?
	How did they get that high?
	Well, they definitely do, because I mean, I don't know how much money he has.
	That's an incredible number.
	I'm not exactly... That is some number.
	Some number.
	Yep.
	I've never heard that number before.
	That is an incredible number.
	A wild number.
	A spectacular number.
	A centrabulous, fabulous number.
	Thank you, Mary Ann.
	Appreciate it very much.
	Thank you for the number, Mary Ann.
	I'm gonna use this number.
	Wow, very cool, Marianne.
	Thank you for the number.
	Insane.
	They appreciate it very much, he said.
	Kudos.
	I want to thank you for the number.
	Thank you.
	So, uh, Mendoza told CNBC that she extrapolated the figure from a 2011 study from the Government Accountability Office, but to get there she relied on broad mathematical assumptions and fundamental misreadings of the variables, timeframes, and definitions in the data.
	So I'm not going to go into all of this.
	She did her own incorrect math to get to the number 63,000.
	63,000.
	There was some sort of study that they did a, what do you call it, they did a study on who was currently in prison between the years 2004 and 2008 who was an undocumented they did a study on who was currently in prison between the years 2004 and 2008 who was an undocumented person And she interpreted that to mean those were all murders committed between those four years.
	Oh my god.
	As if a murder sentence is less than four years?
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	And then she multiplied that by the number of years that had happened since 2001.
	Wow.
	And then she goes on to say This is the best quote.
	In a follow-up conversation, Mendoza told CNBC that it is difficult to gather government data on homicides committed by immigrants who are in the U.S.
	illegally.
	It's just so sad that we have to fight to get these figures and fight to prove what's happening to Americans, she said.
	Mendoza maintained, however, that she was, quote, being very conservative.
	That's an interesting turn of phrase.
	Yeah.
	Being very conservative in her claim of 63,000 Americans killed, and suggesting that the number is more likely twice as large at 125,000.
	I don't know about you, but when I'm walking down the streets, I'm constantly having to step over the dead bodies of those murdered by illegal immigrants.
	I also love that like, I'm estimating 63,000, but it's more likely double that number.
	It's more likely twice as much.
	Probably twice.
	Probably 200% of what I said.
	Did I say 200%?
	I meant 63,000% of what I said.
	She got a rise out of him with 63,000.
	She's like, I wonder what twice as much will do.
	Fuck.
	Yeah, so this is like where the 6,000 number comes from because if you divide it by the years that she's talking about, it's quote 6,000 per year.
	Wow.
	So this is like canon on the right wing now because Trump heard a number he liked.
	Trump heard a cool number and repeated it and people are like, oh shit, 6,000 a year.
	I like how we're facing two different federal governments.
	One where, like, we're constantly trying to fight for the rights of those people who are trying to gain some sort of humanity through immigration, right?
	And that's been going on since Obama.
	And in her mind, the federal government is in collusion with all the illegals and is, like, hiding the data.
	Yeah.
	And Trump even said something else, I probably can't find the quote that quick, but Trump was like, yeah, these numbers, they're hard to find.
	They don't want us to know.
	If anyone can find them, it's you, bro.
	You're the one guy that can get all those numbers.
	Yeah, let's get into comments.
	Yeah, we're already in this comment.
	Sorry, so it says, and commit tens of thousands of criminal acts, and the stupid Dems just let them go free and encourage more to illegally enter the country.
	Every one of those killed.
	Enough to populate a small town.
	Sorry, it's not enough.
	They're all dead.
	Like, you can't... Yeah, that's a small cemetery.
	It's a large cemetery.
	Right.
	Their blood is on the hands of the Democrats and Liberals.
	All the families hurt, lives broken, children killed, or left without their parents.
	All the fallen Liberals and Dems.
	My God, have no mercy with their souls.
	Yeah, I mean this is just another one of those arguments.
	If you let in an undocumented immigrant or a refugee and they commit a murder, then you're responsible for that murder.
	Extrapolating from this, isn't abortion a good thing?
	Because any one of those babies could have grown up to be a murder.
	Yeah, exactly.
	What I love though is- This is like some hacky sci-fi AI gains sentience and decides that humanity is a risk to itself and therefore the most humane option is to kill all of humanity.
	You must be eliminated.
	Yeah.
	You must eliminate the threat.
	You are the threat.
	Right.
	This phrase right here, this sentence, all the families hurt, lives broken, children killed, or left without their parents.
	That is something you can very much be said about the over-policing of people and the crazy prison populations we have, the way that we over-sentence everything, just the prison system in general.
	We can say all that about that.
	Like, what the fuck?
	That's not a hypothetical.
	There are children being left without their parents and families being torn apart by the prison system every day.
	In the millions.
	In order to confront that idea, you have to grapple with the fact that perhaps the state is the enemy.
	Perhaps the cops are the enemy.
	Perhaps the federal prison system, the state prison system is the enemy, and that's not what they want.
	They want the migrant to be the enemy.
	They want the brown person to be the enemy.
	But in this case, they got a brown person who happens to be the sheriff, so therefore it is the enemy.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, it's just these people.
	No, exactly.
	Totally.
	And that goes back to the idea of, like, sheriff sovereignty.
	Yep.
	And, like, the idea of the sheriff spitting in the face of the federal government, which in any other case would be a wet dream for these people.
	But because it's on behalf of other brown people, no, this is treason.
	Oh, shoffity.
	Daryl Poole says to Sheriff Burkhead, Sheriff Burkhead, I see your career will not last long at all.
	It's going to be so funny to see you thrown out of office because your stupid ass don't do your damn job.
	LMFAO at you Sheriff Burkhead.
	I just love, I hope this guy actually put like a Google alert for Sheriff Burkhead to follow his career.
	I think this is also the guy who was like, So if a sheriff intervenes within an ICE operation, ICE has the authority to shoot that sheriff.
	Is this correct?
	Okay, dude.
	Yeah, calm down, bud.
	And then, um, there's like a lot of glare in this picture, but you can still see the whites of this man's teeth in his profile picture.
	Absolutely, glistening.
	Let's get a little close-up.
	Let's get a close-up of this.
	Oh my god!
	Oh, fuck!
	This man's style inspiration is the Nyartha Roxbury's characters.
	That's exactly who this guy is.
	This dude has a haircut that is worse than Nick Cajun face off.
	This dude has, like you were saying Tony, he's got the white girl confronting her white privilege by cutting off her bangs.
	Yup.
	Haircut.
	This is the Antonia Banderas Caesar cut with the receding hairline.
	Yeah, it's like the bangs are too long for a Caesar cut, but it's specifically done to cover the receding hairline.
	Like, that's why.
	He has a smile on that is kind of this like gross cringing smile because he can smell his own BO and cologne like mixing while he's trying to smile.
	He's in, you were saying he's, this is a photograph taken in the front seat of his car while he's in a fast food drive-thru.
	Yeah.
	I think he also got this haircut in a drive-thru.
	Oh, just put a little bowl, a little saucer on his head and cut the bangs.
	Yeah, I mean, dude honestly looks like he could front a pretty good female noise rock band.
	I would listen for sure, yeah.
	The fast food drive-thru thing is because you can see the reflection of the menu in his glasses.
	That's not a hypothetical, it's a very real thing.
	Good shit.
	Yeah.
	Last comment on this topic.
	This is from Law Enforcement Today who covered this story.
	Pat Rooney says about the sheriff, about Sheriff Burkhead.
	Pat Rooney says, he needs a proper ass wiping.
	And you're like, okay, that's a funny typo.
	Until you see the last character in this sentence, which is the toilet roll emoji.
	The toilet paper roll emoji.
	What a weird thing.
	This is an intentional comment about how Sheriff Birkhead needs a proper ass wiping.
	Like, are you gonna give it to him?
	Is that the...
	What is this?
	The sheriff is dirty.
	One of the dirtiest I've ever seen.
	Can you imagine how stinky his asshole is?
	You should probably wipe your own ass.
	That's wild.
	I can't even... It's so bizarre.
	I love it.
	I love it so much.
	Because yeah, you would think that this comment would be like, he needs a proper ass whooping.
	Or ass whipping.
	That makes sense, yeah.
	It would make sense with like the racism involved, you know, the whipping thing.
	Yeah.
	But... No, he means wiping his butt.
	Wiping, for sure.
	Wiping the Sheriff's butt.
	You better wipe your own... You better wipe your ass, Sheriff.
	He wants to wipe this cop's butt.
	Well... Well you want it clean before you stick your nose up there.
	Well maybe he's just like... You must go front to back.
	Maybe he's like familiar with authority figures and he's like, Oh, this guy probably suffers from some sort of toxic masculinity as, as like a law enforcement official.
	He's probably got some sort of like authority complex, some masculinity complex.
	And his dad told him that wiping his butt was gay.
	Yeah.
	And he needs to, he needs a proper ass wiping.
	And then maybe that'll knock some sense into him.
	Maybe he's calling him European.
	He's been using a bidet the whole time.
	Okay, let's move on to our third and final topic of the night, which, what's that we hear?
	Sleigh bells ringing in the distance?
	Two Christmas themes?
	Two Christmas topics in one episode?
	What?
	It is a miracle.
	A holiday miracle.
	It's a Christmas miracle.
	Yeah, it's a Christmas miracle where there was enough oil to fuel two Christmas topics in one episode.
	To keep two burning, yes.
	Okay, this is a story that is just total bullshit, but Fox News, Fox 5 DC posts on Facebook.
	Will the future face of Christmas be gender neutral?
	Some say yes!
	And then a female like Mrs. Claus emoji, I guess.
	And then a Santa Claus emoji.
	And they're both the yellow emoji.
	They're both like the default yellow emoji, which is smart.
	That's smart.
	That's the way to do it.
	Yeah.
	But I also like in this yellow Santa Claus emoji, his beard is also yellow.
	It's kinda gross.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I feel like, you know, don't eat the yellow beard.
	I feel like, uh, if... Even if, like, you're a black Santa, even if you're a brown Santa, like, the beard is still white.
	You always got the white beard, yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's unnecessary to make the beard yellow in that emoji.
	Um...
	The thumbnail for this is, much like our baby Jesus in the first segment, is a jubilant Santa Claus with his hands outstretched as if to be crucified.
	Bring it!
	But he's much happier.
	He's much happier than our locked up baby Jesus.
	He's just shouting with joy at the idea of a genderless society.
	The headline says, Some say it's time for a female or gender-neutral Santa, survey reveals.
	Survey says... A couple people.
	Some folks.
	Gender-neutral Santa Claus.
	You know, I feel like you and I, Tony, neither of us are genderqueer.
	We're both cis men.
	I feel like I'm confident in saying.
	Our friends who are not cis do not give a shit about Santa Claus.
	This is not a point of contention among the trans or non-binary community.
	Nobody's mad they're not being represented by Santa.
	This is most likely a deliberate attempt to mock and or set up the idea of gender neutrality as a joke.
	Absolutely.
	Yep.
	This is not something that trans activists are fighting for.
	Nobody.
	This is not at the top of anyone's list.
	You can check it twice.
	This is bullshit and it's deliberately published to get hate clicks.
	Yep.
	That is why this story exists.
	I mean it's...
	You actually read it.
	I didn't even read the story.
	I read the paragraph article.
	It's not an article.
	It's literally a paragraph talking about how some advertising agency was trying to figure out how to do Santa from now on and asked 400 people.
	This is capitalism.
	This is based on capitalism.
	How to sell things to people.
	And one of the questions was like, do you think Santa should be gender neutral?
	And I'm sure some people are like, sure.
	I don't care.
	Yeah, I guess.
	I'm not like five, so Santa is not that important to me.
	But they don't understand the importance of like Santa Claus's cock.
	Like Santa's cock is like a big deal.
	That's where the magic comes from.
	So this, I mean, oh my God, this is a problem.
	This is a huge Fucking outrage.
	Like, you didn't know this many people had this much invested in Santa's dog.
	If you want to know how many people said they're okay with gender-neutral Santa, it was like 102.
	102 people.
	So like sure and this is like this is um this is a theme in so this this article is like posing as something woke right yeah it's got the exclamation point some say yes Santa Claus should be gender neutral No, these affiliates, these news organizations know what they're doing.
	This is clickbait.
	This is hate clickbait.
	That's exactly what this is.
	I kind of first caught on fairly recently to this idea when it was the video game Wherein the objective is to kill gay people and Jews of this video game.
	You know, it's like an indie video game.
	Oh, I was like, what?
	It's like an indie, like, side-scrolling, you know, shooter, like, 8-bit.
	It's probably 16-bit or 24-bit.
	Anyway, shooter where, you know, the objective is to kill Jews and SJWs and gay people and that's how you win the game.
	and the article that I saw that was posted about this it was on like you know something like virility viral nova dot com you know whatever yeah and the headline was offensive game people call game offensive where you have to kill like jews and minorities and the specific word offensive struck me because it's like this isn't like
	That's not the word I would use to describe that game.
	The word I would use to describe that game would be fascist.
	Yeah.
	Like an obviously fascist, obviously anti-semitic, obviously far-right video game.
	But if you put something like, oh, some people are calling this game offensive, you get All the contrarians, you get all the edgelords, you get everybody who wants to rally against the snowflakes clicking on your link as well.
	Because the actual story is not people offended by game, it's somebody made a fucked up game.
	Yeah, somebody made a literal fascist game.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, the whatever outlet that is has more invested in like the ad revenue than actually like Reporting on the... whatever.
	Okay.
	So, anyway.
	That's what this is.
	This isn't a news story.
	This is like you said, a hundred people said, okay, fine, yeah, gender neutral, I don't care.
	Like, doesn't Coca-Cola own Santa Claus anyway?
	Like, this is all some fantasy?
	Like, okay.
	But this is an outrage.
	This is a national outrage.
	People are trying to steal Santa Claus from us.
	Bob Albers says, I know my gender.
	I am Santa Claus.
	Okay, so Bob is a confident, a confident man.
	Well, actually, that was me presuming a whole lot.
	He didn't say what he is.
	That's a good point.
	But yeah, what the fuck?
	He posted a picture of himself as Santa Claus.
	Bob Albers is a Santa who knows his gender.
	Weird flex, but okay.
	I know my gender.
	Okay, cool, dude.
	Towering over an adult marine.
	Giant, giant Santa Claus.
	I love this, like, this stand against tyranny.
	I know my gender!
	You can't tell me I'm a woman!
	I am Santa Claus.
	Really?
	Because your name says Bob Albers.
	Shouldn't your name say Santa Claus?
	Good point.
	Owned.
	Bob Albers owned.
	The only Santa Claus I acknowledge is Nick Foley.
	The one and only Santa Claus.
	That's like a wrestling thing, right?
	Yeah, uh, Mankind, Nick Foley.
	Wasn't he a lot of people?
	Well, no, he's Santa Claus today.
	He, like, that's what he does now.
	Oh, that's cool.
	But isn't he, like, Mankind and... Cactus Jack.
	And... Uh... Fuck, man, why are you making me look like... Cause I just know that he's another... He's another guy that I know.
	Goddammit!
	He's the hippie guy?
	God, you...
	Now I look like a real Mark.
	Hell yeah.
	Doesn't he wear like a happy face on his shit?
	Or is that Mankind?
	It's Mankind.
	Yeah.
	Um, God, I hate you right now.
	Hell yeah.
	Not as much as our wrestling fans hate me.
	I love how, like, I don't watch wrestling at all, but I got to own you.
	I love how I was all like, look at my wrestling knowledge, psych!
	God, is it... Is it just Mick Foley?
	Doesn't he just go by Mick Foley, too?
	Well, when he became the commissioner, yes.
	See, I know my stuff, guys.
	Cactus Jack.
	Alright, moving on.
	I hate you.
	I just love that this guy is like, I am Santa Claus, and I have a five inch penis, and I am proud, and it works!
	I make Mrs. Claus very happy.
	I love this, like, this is like your aunt yelling at Pete Aguilar, Merry Christmas!
	Like, as an act of defiance.
	I know my gender!
	Like chill dude, no one's trying to... I'm gonna do it, you can't stop me.
	Merry Christmas!
	Like you can still be a guy and be Santa Claus.
	Yeah.
	Like they're just maybe saying like, out of the thousands of Santa Claus that exist, like maybe one of them gets to be a woman or a non-binary person.
	Margaret Drysdale says, Santa is a man, the Tooth Fairy is female, I don't care what you are.
	Not to go back to my original theme, but we all know that Dwayne the Rock Johnson is actually a Tooth Fairy.
	Followed very quickly by Larry the Cable Guy.
	Oh yeah, that's two dudes.
	Two Tooth Fairies.
	Two male Tooth Fairies.
	Dude's part of his name.
	Dude's part of his other name.
	What?
	Dude's part of Mick Foley's other name.
	Okay, he's a male Santa Claus, we get it.
	Well, that's why those movies were so funny, because it was the idea of a man being a fairy.
	Isn't that hilarious?
	It's not like, you know, there exists male fairies in, you know, historical canon.
	Not historical canon, but Shakespeare and shit.
	Yeah.
	I don't care what you are, as long as you're a male tooth fairy and a male Santa Claus.
	Or a female Tooth Fairy.
	Man, woman, lesbian, or homosexual, or a mix of everything.
	Black, brown, yellow, or white.
	Just live your life and leave others to live theirs.
	Why is that so much to ask?
	Yeah, good question, Margaret.
	Imagine having this philosophy and then also getting mad at somebody who wants to be a woman Santa Claus.
	Yeah.
	There has to be a mall Santa out there who's gender fluid.
	Yeah, totally.
	You know?
	Just between, during Advent and Christmas, through the Epiphany, there are, man, the rest of the time, you never know.
	Remember when Megyn Kelly on Fox News was like, kids, Santa's got a cock.
	He just does.
	Santa's got a hog.
	It is average and white and it works.
	Well I mean honestly it has to be a man because like how is a woman gonna figure out how to like stick something cylindrical in a hole?
	Wait, is the cylindrical part his own body?
	Yep.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Yep.
	Well, remember in, uh, in the Santa Claus starring Tim Allen?
	When, like, he became Santa Claus, his, like, His belly inflated comically, but also his cock got real big.
	His balls.
	It was like, like his stomach inflated and then his junk inflated as well.
	Because he was the Santa Claus.
	He was like a balloon animal.
	Yes.
	Um, yeah.
	No, I love that.
	I love, because Is the Black Santa Claus still controversial?
	Oh, I'm sure.
	Yeah, people are still not... I see more Black Santa Clauses now than I did two years ago.
	Yeah, I mean, there's definitely more of them.
	Back when Megyn Kelly was taking a stand against Black Santa Claus, which is a thing that literally happened before NBC decided to hire her.
	Yeah, yep.
	That's just because, I mean, time has gone by and there's, you know, More horrific things that have happened?
	Yeah.
	They're like, well, we need to let him be Santa Claus.
	I'm not going to let him do anything else.
	Dude, she's literally said, kids, Santa is white.
	Quote, Megyn Kelly.
	Just like thousands of black kids crying.
	Watching Fox News, crying.
	Because like they saw their dad or grandpa in the living room putting gifts under the tree that night.
	and now they think it was a burglar.
	Ray Vanga Vinogs.
	So this is a two commenter.
	Ray Vinogs says, I am telling you, Xmas.
	Ooh.
	Whoa, wow.
	Whoa.
	You know what?
	Don't, can you read it the proper way thing?
	Cause I, I, I keep his name in there.
	The reason for the season.
	Raven August meant to say, I am telling you Christmas will soon lose its luster within the next 10 years.
	Mark my words, folks.
	People always want to throw out tradition and create, quote, fantasy land for everything.
	If society doesn't bow down, everyone throws a tantrum, gets a petition, protests, and sues until someone caves.
	What a fucking asshole.
	How about gender neutral people create their own Santa Claus and create their own gender neutral traditions?
	Yeah, I'm sure out of the 105 people or 400 people or whatever it was that responded to this survey, I'm sure like all of them were trans or gender neutral because, of course, trans people make up like less than 5% of the population. trans people make up like less than 5% of the I also like this concept of, listen, don't bring your fantasy land to the North Pole. - Cool.
	Okay?
	Don't bring that bullshit around here.
	It's actually a science, it's actually based in science fiction.
	I mean, it's not, it's not fantasy, it's science fiction.
	There's a lot of gadgetry that goes into the sleigh and the whole production line of presence.
	It's hard, it's hard sci-fi.
	It's hard sci-fi.
	Oh yeah.
	It's so fucking stupid.
	Don't bring your fantasies into my childhood whimsical land of wonder and fireworks where a man visits every house in one night.
	I think Christmas really lost its luster when we started calling it Xmas.
	And that's, I mean, that's just, like, the total capitalist take.
	Was Christmas ever not a capitalist holiday?
	I don't think so.
	I don't feel like I have a... I mean, like, I enjoy Christmas purely on, like, a sort of, you know, spending time with family, getting the day off from work.
	All that stuff is very cool.
	Cookies are tight.
	Yeah, food is good.
	The best case of my birthday cake clause happens that day.
	Sorry, say again?
	The birthday cake clause.
	Oh, that's when you break veg?
	I break vegan for birthday cake and my grandma's birthday is on Christmas and she has an amazing German chocolate cake every Christmas.
	That explains your bumper sticker.
	I break for cake.
	I break for cake.
	Yeah, no, I mean like, Christmas, the idea that somebody being a genderless Santa Claus somewhere is going to finally be the nail in the coffin for Christmas is hilarious.
	Not people trampling over people on Black Friday.
	It's genderless Santa Claus.
	Or literally, like, locking up children during the holiday season.
	Chris Walton says, I better not see any female Santas out.
	If that's how some feel, then keep it in your own house.
	Cool, man.
	I won't go out in my female Santa costume.
	This is like, this is a weird threat.
	I better not see any female Santas out.
	I will not be held responsible for my actions.
	Oh man.
	Okay, so here's my idea.
	A Santa Claus sequel.
	I think it's gonna be number four now.
	Santa Claus 4.
	Mrs. Claus.
	That's already a movie.
	I guarantee you that's already one of them.
	Santa Claus gets sick and Mrs. Claus has to deliver the gifts?
	No, dude.
	It's the Mrs. Claus.
	It's like Tim Allen has to marry a human woman and she becomes Mrs. Claus.
	That's definitely a sequel.
	No, no, no.
	But Santa gets sick or breaks his ankle or some shit and Mrs. Claus has to deliver the gifts.
	They would eat that up, but they're going to be mad about this.
	Do you think when she puts on the suit, she also, like, gets a dick?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Which is actually pretty progressive, the idea that a Mrs. Claus can't have a penis.
	Exactly.
	Like, that's fine.
	So, we're making moves in the right direction.
	Um, yeah.
	I don't know.
	I love that.
	If that's how some feel, then keepin' it, like... Yeah.
	Listen.
	Like it's a sort of fetish?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Or just, like, listen, I don't care if you subscribe to the female Santa Claus lifestyle, just don't rub it in my face.
	Yeah, don't.
	Don't force your leaves in my face.
	Don't ask, don't tell about the genderless Santa Claus.
	Oh man.
	These people, like, how do you take yourself seriously?
	How do you get this mad about Santa Claus and take yourself as a serious adult?
	And like, I need to say, I'm a huge proponent of Santa Claus.
	We push Santa very heavily in my household.
	I think it's important to teach kids about Santa Claus.
	Because when they get older and they learn that Santa Claus is not real, it will be easier for them to accept that other things aren't real.
	You know, like Jesus.
	Um, I also like Santa just instead of Jesus.
	No, this is, this is who we worship.
	You said you want to put Santa in a cage?
	Yeah.
	Uh, nobody puts Santa baby in a cage.
	Uh.
	Like four jokes.
	I don't know.
	I don't know what that was.
	It was nothing.
	Last comment.
	Best comment.
	Adam Polak.
	Adam Polak says, I'm a gay man and I just don't agree with this.
	Are people freaking nuts?
	Santa has always had nuts.
	If Santa Claus don't have nuts, we won't have a Merry Christmas.
	That's that old saying.
	Santa has always had nuts.
	Leave it that way.
	When I sit on Santa's lap, I don't want to get slapped with boobies.
	Because that's the other mandate to gender-neutral Santa Claus.
	You know those gender-neutral people always slapping people with boobies.
	Yeah.
	I wonder what it's like to listen to this show and not be reading the comment.
	I'm not making this comment up.
	This is how it's written.
	Boobies is in all caps.
	There's an exclamation point.
	I don't want to get slapped with boobies!
	This is something an adult man wrote.
	Also, I think there is an age cutoff for sitting on Santa's lap.
	I also like the idea that even a gay man doesn't want to sit on a woman's lap.
	Yeah.
	What?
	When I sit on Santa's lap, I don't want to get slapped with boobies.
	I want to feel that Santa cock.
	I want to know what's going on.
	How is this an argument?
	Yeah.
	And you know like the most bigoted homophobic people loved this comment.
	Oh yeah.
	Yeah totally.
	I don't want to feel boobies.
	That's so... This is wild.
	This is wild.
	This idea... I'm just picturing, like, all these, like, female Santas, like the woman on the Maury Pulveridge Show who crushes cans with her boobs, but just doing that to children.
	It's doing that to their face.
	It's dangerous.
	It's a dangerous precedent.
	Yeah, like... We have the people who are, like, Oh.
	Do people... Oh no, oh no.
	Hairball.
	Oh no, oh no.
	Oh, is Geezy eating it?
	Geezy, you can't eat it!
	Geezy, you're allergic!
	Geezy's allergic to the hairball.
	No, Geez.
	Oh.
	Alright, we had some technical cat difficulties, but we're back for the end of the show.
	That's it.
	That was a great show.
	Great show.
	Thank you so much for listening.
	If you enjoyed the show, please rate and review us on iTunes.
	Do it.
	I want to give a quick shout out.
	Thank you to Rachie Rahr for leaving us a five star rating and review on iTunes.
	Listener to That Awful Sound and Minion Death Cult.
	So thank you so much to Rachie for following both shows.
	Really appreciate it.
	Also, thank you to Shop Mom who followed our instructions to a tee and left a review that said, hey, it's good.
	That's all you need to do.
	Literally all you need to do.
	5 stars, 4 stars if you're, you know, not feeling that generous.
	If you're a real asshole.
	And if you have extra 10 seconds, that's the second time I've said sentence instead of second.
	Wow.
	Tonight.
	Losing it.
	It's probably because I've been drinking since 10am.
	Put that in your review.
	This is my one day off.
	Alex can't say the word seconds.
	Alright, thank you so much for listening.
	Appreciate you.
	If you don't want to review the show, if you don't want to leave a rating or review, tell a friend.
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	What's up, man?
	Thank you for joining the groups.
	And I believe that's it, right?
	Yeah.
	We good?
	Okay.
	Thank you so much for listening to That Awful Sound.
	Okay, I'm going to ask something I know a lot of people want to know.
	Or at least I do.
	What is it like for you to hear the President of the United States call your dad a liar?
	How do you react to that?
	Well, jump out of your seat and you want to rush down the debate stage and take a swing at him, but you know you can't do that because, well, first because there's a lot of secret service between you and him, but also because this is the nature of the process.
	They're going to try to do everything they can do to try to make my dad into someone he's not.
	We signed up for it.
	We've got to kind of sit there and take our punches and then send him right back the other way.
	Okay, Taggart.
	Let's have a little talk, just you and me.
	When I hear you talk about taking a swing and taking punches, why do I get the feeling that you've never actually taken a punch or thrown a punch?
	I didn't have that luxury in the part of Boston that I grew up in, but in your rich, suburban Boston life, with your father filling a hundred million dollar trust fund for you, I don't know.
	I just get the feeling that things were kind of different for you.
	Now, I know you've got a lot, a lot to be pissed off at these days, starting with the name Taggart, which you've got every right to be wicked pissed off at for every day of the 42 years of your life.
	So let me try to help you deal with all this aggression you're feeling right now.
	You're mad at President Obama for calling your father a liar?
	Well, let's get something straight.
	He didn't call your father a liar.
	I did.
	The President just said that what your father said isn't true.
	I've been saying all year that your father is a liar.
	I've repeatedly said that your father lies and is trying to lie his way into the White House.
	So, you want to take a swing at someone for calling your old man a liar?
	Take a swing at me.
	Come on.
	And don't worry.
	There won't be any secret service involved.
	Just us.
	And I'll make it easy for you.
	I'll come to you.
	Anytime.
	Anywhere.
	Go ahead, Taggart.
	Take your best shot.
	outro music Yeah!
	laughs This is obvious.
	Just say it.
	Dude Love.
	Dude Love is his other ego.
	His other alias.

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