Listen to every episode of Minion Death Cult for $3.11/mo at Patreon.com/miniondeathcult The world is ending. Yacht untiers and thot deniers are responsible. We're documenting it. This week we have two stories, each with only one good take possible. We discuss the others 1. A story of female-on-male sexual harassment goes viral, leading some to say "it's good that this is getting some recognition in media" and leading others to say "that guy is gay." 2. Betsy DeVos has her Yacht "vandalized." If you think this is at all funny, you're probably antifa (no really. we mean that in a good way)
Is the movie The Ring named after the thing the phone does after you watch the tape?
Or is it named after the visual of her coming out of the well?
Maybe it's multitasking.
Because I've always thought it was, like, the well.
Because, like, that's what's on the cover.
Is, like, the circle of the well and it says the ring.
Does the phone ring afterwards?
Yeah, they call you after you watch it and they tell you seven days.
You have seven days to live.
I don't remember that.
Yeah.
I don't remember the phone call part.
I thought people just watched it and, like, they just would attack you.
No, it was like, uh, it was like the urban legend.
Like, oh, you watch this movie and then you get a phone call and it's like, oh, let's do it.
And then, yes, the phone would ring.
Dang, I need to watch that again.
No, I don't.
It's probably pretty good.
I wonder.
It was scary.
I remember being scary.
Because, uh... Haunting.
The ring in return, in the Coheed and Cambria song, that refers to the phone call.
The phone call.
Yeah.
The, uh... I remember watching the other one, like Rangoo, the one that, like, the ring was supposed to be like... Oh, Rango, that super frightening movie with that animated lizard?
Yeah, that would kill you after you watch Rango.
Who voiced Rango?
Steve Buscemi.
Yes?
Probably not wrong.
I need to find this out, because you're the worst.
It's probably like... I think it's Johnny Depp.
Oh, you might be right.
Doing his, like, western voice?
Doing his white voice?
Because, you know, he's Native American.
It's true.
Indigenous.
Indigenous Depp.
He's Crow.
Johnny Depp, yep.
Yeah, it's him, like, affecting a cowboy voice, which is very offensive.
People just don't respect, you know, authenticity anymore.
And just like after everything the Indians did to the cowboys?
Yeah.
Like, it's pretty bad taste.
I'd much rather die from a bullet than an arrow.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
So stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're going to destroy the dangers.
All there in Barnes and Fulton.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Totally forgot.
Oh, ya on tires and thought deniers are responsible.
Yep, we're documenting it.
Yeah, hey, this is your Patreon episode.
Thank you, as always, for subscribing.
We have a very weird, very fun, I think, episode for you folks today.
By the way, we are recording video once again, and I believe I've figured out how to do it without all those cool tracer effects.
Yeah, I know we were doing some pretty highbrow stuff people weren't really into.
Let's give them a little bit of the art.
We can't give them too much of the art.
It just distracts from the message in the politics.
If it's too cool looking, we can't look too cool.
Exactly.
I know this was a commentary on how society is deteriorating, just like our video feed was.
And it's a whole thing about the economy.
And how most politics are becoming aesthetic pleasures.
Let's keep it simple.
Let's keep it simple.
Covering two topics today, and they're seemingly totally different topics, but they have one thing in common, and that thing is that there's only one way to report on each of these topics.
There's, like, only one good take for both of these topics, and you're, like, limited as a news agency to these two takes.
So let's get into the first topic, which was a NowThis video on Facebook from three years ago, I believe?
Yeah, 2015.
2015.
You almost did the Trump thing.
I always almost do the Trump thing.
Obamacare.
It's just been a scourge for 17 years.
Damn it.
And so now this video about a man getting sexually assaulted by two women at like a gas station.
It's pretty crazy.
He's just like standing in line and they're grinding up on him and twerking on him and grabbing his dick.
Yeah.
It gets pretty aggressive.
Yeah.
And he, you know, he's like backing away.
He has his hands up.
He's like obviously telling them to stop.
Yeah.
Somebody, like, walked through them real casually.
And I think that's who we need to talk about.
Like, that person just watched it happen.
Yeah, I saw someone dive into, like, this... the chip rack to, like, avoid being a witness.
Yeah, just... If you see something, say something.
It's actually kind of, like... commendable that he didn't, like...
Get physical with them to get them away from him?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, totally, totally.
You know, it's always an iffy subject escalating things to like physical violence.
But if somebody's grabbing your dick, like, by all means, shove them the fuck away from you.
You know what I mean?
It's fine.
Yeah.
You can defend your privates.
and so this guy um the cops were called uh guy pressed charges and he gave a statement um i can't play it because my audio is being weird but you know he said he felt fucking violated and like humiliated and um good on him for like Coming forward and actually making it an issue?
Yeah, and he was real humble about it.
In the video, you don't see his face at all.
Yeah.
It's just chest down.
His hands doing this thing.
It's the same exact hand.
If you guys have ever seen the Toss a Salad guy, the Jelly or Syrup guy, it's the same Not to be confused with the peanut butter jelly type.
It's the same hand motions.
This motion's right here.
I felt 100% violated.
The whole time.
Some people like syrup, some people like jelly.
So, like, the only way to report on this is to say that, yes, it was sexual assault and it's bad.
Yeah.
Like, it sucks.
And, of course, you know, we have several comments with other takes.
But, um...
Most of this argument about men's sexual assaults not being taken seriously, I wouldn't say most, a lot of that argument is made in bad faith.
Absolutely.
By like men's rights activists.
Yeah.
By men going their own way or whatever.
Exactly.
But in my personal anecdotal experience, it is 99% of the time if somebody is speaking out against male rape or like male sexual victimization, it's a woman.
It's not the dude who's calling him gay for turning down, getting twerked on in public.
Yeah, it's still not... You said the ones in good faith are usually women.
It's the ones who are making it all mucky and weird and like men's rightsy that are...
Every time something real is happening, it's usually when we hold them down.
Well, it's the same phenomenon we see all the time on this show.
Why is nobody reporting on this video that has 5 million views?
Yep.
Why does nobody report?
Nobody cares when it happens to... Well, obviously people do.
5 million people do.
Why don't you start caring about it instead of turning it into a weapon for your own personal use?
Because it doesn't sound like you care about it.
It sounds like you only care about homeless veterans when you don't want to talk about refugees.
Exactly.
You only talk about sexuality on men because you want to show that you could possibly be a victim too.
Because you're probably the one doing it.
You want to make it seem like, well I could have been a victim too.
Yeah, and neither are mutually exclusive.
Exactly.
It's crazy how these women are acting in this video.
Yeah, it's really aggressive.
Now, I do gotta throw a scenario out there.
I do like to imagine this because I've seen this and it's one of my favorite things that I've witnessed.
But it doesn't always go as planned.
What I think could have possibly happened, not to blame the man, not to victim blame, but to assume that typically the guy is wrong because a lot of times the men are wrong.
I think that maybe he might have made a comment to them.
Some sort of, like, suggestive comment to them?
And they're like, cool.
Bring all the energy.
Like, sure.
Oh, oh, oh, this fat ass?
You like this fat ass?
Colin is bluff.
Colin is bluff.
Yeah.
All right, cool.
Come get it.
Come get it.
You know, because I've seen that and it's, and um, it's totally does, shuts down a conversation.
But I mean, it also ends in, uh, sometimes violence, which just further illustrates how awful dudes are.
Yeah, I mean a lot of stuff going on in that hypothetical.
I would say I love the idea of calling a cat collar's bluff, although yes, it's probably a very dangerous thing.
It is an absolutely dangerous idea.
I would also say that cat calling itself sexual harassment.
Absolutely sexual harassment.
So if that did take place in this scenario, one of those girls could have turned right back around and said, well, he sexually harassed us.
Yeah.
But how would that conversation go with the police?
Uh, probably not well.
Yeah.
Hey, he sexually harassed me.
He accosted me.
He was the one talking about my butt.
Yeah.
I put it on him and he would have said, you didn't have to put it on him.
And that was going to be the third thing that I said.
Sorry.
No, that's alright.
Just that sexual harassment is like, it sucks.
Sexual assault is worse.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, it's a fine line.
You know, and there's a power dynamic there, of course.
Yeah.
No, I mean like taking this at its, at its, you know, like I've had girls come up and just sit on my lap, like drunk ass girls, like having a good time and, uh, overstepping boundaries and things like that, you know?
So, uh.
And this definitely happens.
Like, uh, yeah, I've had something very similar to this happen, but like it's, Yeah, so it's very real, I mean, don't get me wrong.
Yeah.
But it doesn't get taken seriously.
The only funny thing, like, this is not a funny story, obviously, but the only funny thing about the story that I can, like, pull from it is just, like, How crazy these girls are acting, like, how weird it is.
Yeah, they're like the unibrow buck-toothed Jessica Rabbit chasing down Bob Hopkins until he has to smash her in the face with a hole or whatever he does.
Yeah, they're being really aggressive.
They're being super aggressive.
It does almost come off as comical, you know?
That's what makes you feel like maybe it wasn't serious.
But you know, that doesn't work out.
I mean, they look like they're having a good time.
He doesn't look like he's having a good time.
It's almost like a weird male fantasy thing.
Which we'll get into in the comments, obviously.
And it's also like they're reverse zombies.
It's like they're like, brain...
Must give you brain.
That was my questionable joke.
Oh my god.
You're so stupid.
Okay.
Are we ready for this slideshow?
Yeah.
Bring this heat.
Bring this awful people-ness.
Alright.
One of the top comments.
One of the very top comments.
Will Holman.
Ironic last name.
Oh, yeah.
Says...
The only sexual assault would have been an assault on that pussy we have in a threesome in the gas station.
Who could ever say they'd done that before?
This man had a chance to be on Worldstar.
SMH.
Crying laughing emoji times four.
Oh my god, just shaking my head, yep.
That's such a...
Crazy idea!
You could've done it right there in the gas station!
You could've become a sex offender for Worldstar!
Yeah!
You could've had to register yourself for sure.
That's definitely a crime.
And probably pretty filthy.
So if that happens, does that mean you have to, like, like, put up notices in every gas station in whatever, like, neighborhood you move to?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you have to notify all the gas station attendants?
Exactly.
Hey, just so you know, like, I might... I had sex in here one time, I gotta...
Just so you know, I have to declare that I did have sex inside the Chevron.
I have to tell every Chevron in the area.
This guy would be so stoked on it though.
Because he'd be able to tell the gas station attendant, like, what do you mean?
Yeah man, I went to a gas station one time, and it had a motherfucking threesome!
You might remember me from Wolfstar!
It's like, yeah, they got like his picture up behind the counter and it's like, do not let this man have threesomes.
The idea of just like... It's like security footage, a bad angle.
Oh, all blurred out?
Yeah.
The idea of this whole just, I'm just down for whatever, uh, that people like to project.
Uh, recently I was with a group of people, uh, who... Was it like, were there like three of you?
No, there was like six of us.
Oh shit.
Who in the past have all like shared like stories of like wild things we've done and this one guy who's like never really been part of conversations finally did something wild and it was like really gross and we were like, what?
He was like, guys, I got, I got one.
The other day I had sex on the floor and the bathroom of the boiler room.
First of all, it's a four in the bathroom of a bar.
And uh, he was like, look, I'm part of the crew now.
And everyone was like, Oh, that, what?
No.
That's gross, man.
Yeah.
And it was totally this feeling of, but you did that thing and you did that thing.
Yeah.
That's still gross.
That's still grosser.
I mean, that's like, you know, that's like some, some Danny DeVito, Frank shit from It's Always Sunny.
Exactly.
And that's kind of exactly what it was.
Oh, I get down.
Uh, we have sex in the garbage.
I don't care.
It actually helps.
I like the, this is so crazy.
The only sexual assault would have been an assault on that pussy.
There would have been two sexual assaults.
Me sexually assaulting you and you sexually assaulting the floor.
Judge, your honor, you forgot to mention the assault on that pussy.
The only sexual assault there's going to be is going to be when I unionize the sex workers on the corner.
It's like a pun for salting a workplace, which is like starting a union, in case anybody doesn't know.
Which, by the way, if there's any way we can try to unionize sex work, that'd be amazing.
It's got to be legalized first, I guess.
Baby steps.
If you unionize it, they have to legalize it.
Yeah, that's true.
Don't you remember that song?
Did I accidentally sing Good Charlotte right there?
Yep.
Aw, shit.
Yep.
Gotta start from the beginning.
Scrap the episode.
This is the union.
Throw all your hands up.
Uh, so let's take a look at Will Holman.
See what this dude's all about.
Oh, he's 26 years old.
Just chillin'.
Tryin' to live a fun life.
I don't know.
It sounds like more fun than having a threesome in a gas station.
