Subscribe at Patreon.com/miniondeathcult for a premium episode in your podcast player every Monday This week The Cult solves the Syrian civil war: "Missile strikes are not a war. It's a police action." "Libertarians are isolationist children who would rather chop off their dicks instead of f*ck the Syrian people." "Assad is a monster the likes of which we haven't seen since Abraham Lincoln." AND The Cult takes on the black thugs who were probably going to rob Starbucks and therefore had to be arrested: "Cops were just doing their jobs by arresting innocent black men." (tru) "The black guys planned this in order to cause racism." "You cant just chill at Starbucks. Relaxation is theft."
It's because you never heard the Not A Player remix featuring Incubus.
Featuring the whole band.
Is that real?
Yes.
Oh, that's an awful sound right there.
Holy shit.
If there's a video for it.
It's Brandon Boyd crooning.
Can you do it?
I don't wanna be a player no more.
That sucks.
I mean, you did it good, but that sucks that Brandon Boyd sings it.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-fornia today.
So stay tuned, we're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
But stay tuned, guys, and we'll show you exactly what, uh... we'll show you exactly what it looks like when the...
All right, I'm Alexander Edward.
I'm Mountain Matt.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
Nice.
Your patented catchphrase.
I was going to do, I thought about one earlier today that had to do with the show.
Was it going to be boom?
Yeah, it was going to be like, oh yeah, I remember what it was going to be.
Bang bang.
It was going to be a Chief Keef one because guns and boom and Syria war.
Sure, yeah, that double tap we did on Syria.
Stick to the yellow girls.
The nasty no-scope we did on Syria.
Just kidding, it was like a hundred-time tap.
Yeah, it was like it was more like what's that game?
Battlefield where you like how you know you can like call in airstrikes and shit.
Yeah, that's more like it was just like that video game It was kind of like that video game where you call in airstrikes.
Yeah, no, it's true.
Yeah, what's up?
We're talking about Syria today We're talking about the perpetual war machine continuing to roll despite Donald Trump noted isolationist being our president.
What's up with this, guys?
This is kind of crazy.
I mean, promised to get us out of the Middle East and They pulled us back in.
I wish these Syrians would stop, like, stop making us bomb them, you know?
He flipped that script.
He's making it so, like, a real warmonger's not gonna let the other side know what's going on.
So he's gonna flip the script on them, and then, you know, after the tweets.
You know what I'm saying?
But you're calling him a real warmonger.
Yeah, I'm calling him a good one.
See, I thought he wasn't a real warmonger.
I thought he was like a fake warmonger, which is good in this instance even though fake has a negative connotation.
What do you think, Tony?
Well, I think a real warmonger wouldn't have worn them.
I don't know if you remember this, but in many a speech he said something along the lines of, Syria, don't start no shit, won't be no shit.
And that's really vague, but what he does mean is like, don't give me any excuse to do something that someone else is going to tell me to do, is what it feels like.
Yeah, so we're going to get a lot of stuff to talk about, a lot of comments to go over, a lot of hot takes to go over.
We're also talking about the two black men who were arrested for being inside Starbucks while black, right?
Okay, so first we're going to start off on Syria, though, and I think we gotta start with, like, the best part about us bombing Syria.
I mean, there's so many good things about us bombing Syria.
This is the best one.
The best thing about it is Alex Jones breaking down and crying on camera over it.
He's single-handedly divided the InfoWars people from the Trump people, which is cool.
I'm glad we can separate them now.
We should build camps for them too.
Just go ahead and watch the video if you can.
It's definitely worth watching.
It's amazing.
It's definitely viral.
It's beautiful.
I just have a quote here that was like from, I don't know, Washington Post or something and it kind of sums it up nicely.
The quote says, Fuck Trump and fuck these fucking people, says InfoWars Alex Jones and launched into a series of conspiracy theories about the raids before bursting into tears.
Which is crazy to me that he burst into tears.
Like, he must not have had his stake on the way to work like he normally does.
Yeah.
But he's just an emotional guy.
You know, he's just an emotional guy.
That's true.
Men can cry too.
Especially macho ones like him.
I just feel like maybe if he had done his normal routine on his way to work of eating a raw filet and killing a homeless person, he would have been able to avoid such a feminine response.
Well, that's the problem with cleaning up the streets.
It's harder to find a homeless person these days.
Oh, because of how good the economy is?
Yeah.
I see less and less homeless people all the time.
They all have jobs now that were created.
So, picking up this mantle is, of course, Paul Joseph Watson, member of the Infowars team.
Who reposted a tweet from Donald Trump, which I'm gonna read this tweet before we get into PJ Dub's take on it.
Donald Trump tweeted out, A perfectly executed strike last night.
Thank you to France and the United Kingdom for their wisdom and the power of their fine military.
Could not have had a better result.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah, he had to do it to him.
him mission accomplished is is this a troll comment it feels like it right does Donald Trump have have a long enough memory to know that mission accomplished has a presence I don't think he's the American psyche I I wish he was that funny, but I don't think he is.
It's not a troll comment, and you're also right, his memory does not go that far back, but he like launched into like a- he like had to explain using the phrase, mission accomplished, and like- He's just like, it's just a good phrase, I just like the phrase.
It's pretty fucking sweet.
We should use it whenever possible.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
We should just use the phrase because it's good.
Like, whatever we have to do, maybe accomplish some missions if we have to, but whatever we gotta do to use this phrase, because it's good.
He actually uses it all the time, like whenever he's done golfing, whenever he's bowling and, you know, gets a strike, he goes, mission accomplished!
You know what, I bet a phrase he doesn't use, emission accomplished, because dude don't fuck, you know what I mean?
Yeah, get it?
Yeah, he's like celibate.
All his babies are test tube babies.
He's ball cell though, because he fucking just... He eats all that food, and it's his fault his dick can't work, and he knows that.
It's a sacrifice.
Real quick, there's no shame in having a dysfunctional dick.
Oh yeah, not at all.
Unless you talk about having a dick that works all the time, then there's shame in it.
I just think he's had enough sex to last several lifetimes and he's above it at this point.
True.
When you've already had your, I don't know what number it is, 71 virgins, you don't need to do that anymore.
You can live on and rule the world.
Yeah, no, he's had a virgin for every year he's been alive.
Yeah, so that was Donald Trump's tweet.
That was Donald Trump's masterful tweet evoking the complete success of the Iraq war with mission accomplished and Paul Joseph Watson posts on Facebook Airstrike over done quote mission accomplished 97% of US deaths in Iraq came after Bush announced mission accomplished just saying So this is almost a good take this is like
This would be a great take if it didn't separate the U.S.
deaths from the far more numerous Iraqi civilian deaths that happened after Mission Accomplished was announced.
Anyway, I guess it's about as best you can hope for.
I mean, yeah, we know he doesn't give a shit about anybody but this country.
You don't talk about, you know, how many points the losing team had, you know?
Yeah, you just say, you just say, Clippers, 101 points.
And that's it.
I don't think no one says anything about the Clippers, I don't know enough about basketball, but I'm guessing that's a good job.
War is like golf, like it's the lower numbers the better numbers.
What's your handicap?
97%.
Of US soldiers.
Of US soldiers.
The best thing they don't know is that Trump actually gulfs with a 2,000 death handicap.
Yeah, so, you know, of course, the InfoWars crowd, which is notoriously anti-government and skeptical of foreign intervention, just was totally on board with this take.
Real quick, what is in his mouth?
What is in PJW's mouth?
It's a cigarette.
It's a cigarette just hanging out?
Okay, sorry.
It's a really weird, poor resolution photo.
It's a MySpace photo.
Artistic.
Sorry, sorry, I just, I never really looked at it.
Let's go, let's talk about what they're talking about.
Yeah, so Jack Siri, uh, comments.
We've reached a sad state of affairs where people like Paul Joseph Watson trust savage dictators and Cold War foes over our own governments.
Our governments may not be entirely truthful, that's one way of putting it, but they're far better than Russia, Syria, or Iran.
Give me a break, sheep.
Listen, sheep, you need to listen like I do.
Yeah, no, sheep is great.
I hope this catches on.
I hope this divides the InfoWars-like audience enough to where sheep is the new snowflake and they're just calling each other sheep back and forth and it just loses all meaning um i can't wait till it evolves to the point where they're just calling each other black oh jeez But it's a compliment.
It's a compliment.
Yeah, for being sheeps that are black.
Right.
Sheep that is black.
Yeah, no.
Give me a break, sheep.
You don't even trust the government?
Okay.
Okay, sheep.
No, Jack.
Just go back to watching RT.
Just do it.
No, Jack is against RT.
PJW, you go back to watching RT and whatever and trust the Russias and then he can trust Trump and we can sit here and just laugh at all you guys some more.
I mean, Paul Joseph Watson and Infowars has been very pro-Russia for the last several years.
That's not even like a conspiracy theory about Donald Trump having ties to the Russians.
They just love Putin for being a traditional, masculine, heterosexual male.
Right.
And being the only real, you know, well RT is the only true news out there.
You know?
According to InfoWars.
According to the news source InfoWars.
The Russian Times is the only credible news source.
Russian Today, dude.
Come on.
Oh, is that what it is?
I encourage, if you guys want to laugh at some really biased reporting, it's interesting.
Well isn't Sean King on RT now?
Larry King is definitely on RT now, yeah.
And he brought along his son, Sean King.
Who would his mom be in this joke?
And that's weird that Larry King's on RT, yeah.
Very weird.
Carol King, of course.
She's there too.
Hanging out.
So is Lewis Carroll.
She's like, I feel the earth move under my feet.
It's flat.
It's flat.
And I don't feel a curvature.
I don't feel a curvature, that's why I know the Earth's flat.
You make me feel... Yeah, like a natural woman.
She goes on and talks about the natural woman's role in society and how a woman's place is... To submit, and be in the kitchen, and yeah.
And how only natural women are the ones we're talking about.
Quote natural.
Now they define what a natural woman is.
And luckily, I mean, you know, that that was like a very trad take on it was like an anti-feminist song when she put it out.
And luckily, Simpsons was able to reappropriate that song to describe the romantic relationship between Selma and her pet iguana, which really sort of subverted the idea of a traditional feminine role.
Right.
You don't need you don't need men to validate you when you have A lizard.
I'm just kidding, uh, Carole King fucking rules.
Don't at me.
I'll defend Carole King to the death.
Facts.
I won't, because I don't know anything.
Well, I just sang her two biggest songs.
I'm just gonna make fun of her and, like, not know anything about her.
Alright, fair enough.
Oh, I know those songs, though.
Yeah, you're good.
I've heard music before.
I heard them- Songs?
Uh, yeah.
Clay Matthew Layton says, so this is, we're getting back into pedantry territory, we're getting back into, uh, it's not a democracy territory here, which I love.
Clay Matthew Layton says, it's not a foreign war, it's an airstrike.
Jesus, you people see what you want to see.
It's not a foreign war, it's a non-domestic attack.
Yeah.
I mean, it's the beginning of a war.
He's got like 60 days or some shit to like, to like, go back to the UN, Trump, and like... Yeah, but that's all semantic.
Yeah, it's all semantic.
This is essentially the beginning of a really bad war.
If it was like a new war, if it was a new foreign war, they would get new uniforms.
Well, that's true.
You know, like everyone remembers that fantastic Desert Storm print.
Oh, so you mean this is just a lame continuation of the fucking 2000 war?
Oh, I'm saying this is not even a war, this is just an airstrike.
Yeah, no, if it were a war, like the whole country- This is like a war pop-up.
Okay, yeah.
It's real boutique shit.
It's real, like, limited edition.
Now I understand.
First come, first served.
Meaning, you know, like to serve in the military during the war.
True, yeah.
No, I was gonna say, um... Yeah, no, if this were an actual war, like, everyone would be standing for the flag.
Yeah.
Like, because we would recognize that we were in a war, and it's time to come together and put aside our differences and stand for the flag.
But, like, you see, like, these dirty rotten sons of bitches, like, still not standing for the flag, you know that we're not at war.
Oh my god.
There needs to be a country song about the Syrian airstrike before it's a war, I think.
I'm sure that's in the works right now, dude.
Don't jinx it.
I don't want to get into another war.
No, I just want a song about it.
You might want to just not get too excited about a country song and just get real excited about a good old-fashioned hip-hop rhyme.
Okay, I'll take it.
I'll fuck with it.
And maybe that is where the aesthetics are going to go this time.
I'm sure Adam Calhoun and Hozier are going to have some real patriotic tunes.
Because they're back together again, by the way.
Oh, they made up?
I'm pretty sure the beef's over.
I got notified of a fucking video.
I hate it when mom and dad fight.
I'm waiting for the Syria mixtape.
Yeah, me too.
Richard Myers says, responding to somebody, I don't like it either, but I trust President Trump.
We don't know who's doing what behind the scenes, so we have to stand by him.
He was forced, tricked, or it's part of a bigger plan.
Yep.
So if he was forced to do this, I mean, we still gotta go with it because we don't want to embarrass him about it.
I love that.
I mean, this looks really fucking stupid to me.
It's a very apologetic take.
So there's three actions.
He was either forced, tricked, or it's just part of a plan.
Like, our big strong alpha president, hey, everybody gets tricked once in a while, you know?
Our big strong alpha president is stupid and he was tricked.
Or our big strong President Alpha is also smart and has a bigger plan.
Yeah, or he's just like low-T and was forced, you know, so like They just they can't fucking they just it's apologetic takes just apologeticism That's the right word.
Sure.
Sounds like a word.
Sounds good, huh?
Yeah.
He's so competent that the only way this is possible is either he meant to do it or was tricked because he's so competent.
Sorry, it's just, people, they don't read their whole things or they change their mind mid-thing, mid-comment, and forget to delete the first half.
Yeah.
No, they just, their brains don't work, dude.
The word you were looking for, I think, is apologia.
Which is also somewhere you can buy natural, holistic makeups and stuff.
Clint Freeland says, this is not a war.
This is not a war.
Yeah, no, it's totally like you fucking drop bombs on a foreign country, but it's not a war!
It's not a war, you idiot.
Well, to be fair, it's only a war if, like, two people are actually fighting.
That's my take.
Like, two sides.
Like, when we're just fucking, you know, dropping hella bombs on Syria, he's right.
It's not a war, it's just a fucking onslaught.
Just a massacre.
I guess we're at war with buildings.
Yeah.
Yeah, you guys heard all that shit about like, we just hit empty buildings and all that kind of shit?
Yeah, I've heard several different conflicting reports.
Yeah, and like, I'm sure, I mean, I'm just sure in the thousands of fucking comments on Facebook, there is an apologetic take about like, He just hit empty buildings.
Yeah.
And so it's just, I don't know, man.
But I think I've heard that we hit a suburb.
Yeah, so did I. I've also heard that we hit a Hezbollah base and that it was possibly evacuated before.
You know, we should just get it out right now.
I personally am against bombing Syria.
Totally.
I think if we're going to do it, we need boots on the ground.
We need 10,000 service members over there.
Yeah, me too dude get them over there send send our boys over there to fight Cuz that's all I give a shit about But make sure they win and get paid a good wage No, I'm serious.
I just want new uniforms.
Dude, what?
Like, digital camo's over, dude.
What's the new camo?
Paisley camo?
I can't wait to find out.
Paisley camo?
What's, like, pretty con- Like, what?
Dude.
Uh, we'll get, like, cool, like, box logos on the front of every- It'll be just, like, USA and a big Supreme box logo on the front of all the uniforms.
That's the only thing I can think of.
The uniforms will be labeled, like, slee- The new off-white collabo uniforms.
Yeah.
Oh, that makes more sense, because that definitely looks a lot more like- The helmet will just say helmet.
Oh, wait.
They don't actually, like, give them helmets.
You have to buy the helmet.
That's a real thing about the Army, by the way.
Yeah, that's true.
Or they at least take it from your pay.
Well, you have to earn the helmet.
Yeah, by killing people.
Okay, let's move on into another post.
So we had Paul Joseph Watson's anti-war take, kind of.
Very milquetoast statement about the Syrian war.
Syrian airstrike, not war, excuse me.
It's not awarded.
Please don't at me, Clay Matthew Layton.
I'll at you later, on Twitter.
So, we have another anti-Syrian bombing take.
Being libertarian.
posts a tweet from Donald Trump from years ago, from 2012.
And this was a very popular meme going around on the left and the center, making fun of Donald Trump for being a hypocrite.
It's fun to do and it's funny, but it's not effective in the slightest.
It's, you know, it might be cathartic to your own mind.
It is not politically effective to call Donald Trump a hypocrite because nobody cares.
Anyway, this tweet has been edited to own Donald Trump and it goes, It used to say Obama's, but now that's been crossed out red.
So I'm just gonna yell every word that's been changed.
In the Alex way.
Now that my poll numbers are in tailspin, watch me launch a strike in Syria or Iran.
I am.
Desperate.
And then, like, the date's been changed and stuff.
You didn't yell the date and time out?
No, I didn't.
Sorry.
Is there, like, a signature down there?
What's at the bottom right?
I don't know.
That might have been, like, the likes or something?
Yeah.
Oh, I wanted to say, um, I was watching John Oliver last night, and he ripped you off, dude.
What did he do?
Uh, you know, when, like, boomers, like, all caps?
When boomers all caps?
Uh-huh.
Like, he did it, dude.
He did what?
He yelled all the all-caps.
That's my thing.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, dude!
I can't believe it.
Fuck you, John Oliver.
At me.
At MattyDaBaby on Twitter.
Yeah, no, do that.
That'd actually be really sick.
That'd be really good for the podcast.
Fuck yeah.
Maybe you could add it.
Like, at the whole podcast.
It's cool.
We'll clip this out.
Do hashtag John Oliver.
Yeah, on the podcast.
Oh, let me do it.
Hashtag John Oliver.
Now it'll work.
Go to the YouTube comment section and write hashtag John Oliver.
Yeah, now it'll work.
Craig O. Fogus.
This is an amazing name.
I don't know if I trust it.
Sounds pretty Fogus to me.
Sounds like that good post-hardcore band, Frotus.
Oh yeah.
Or that fucking cool proto-metal band, Focus.
Yes!
Deep cuts, deep cuts.
What song do they do?
Hocus Pocus, baby.
Yeah, that's right!
Focus at Hocus Pocus!
Sorry, Hocus-Focus?
Seriously, so, what?
Hocus-Focus, yeah, you did it.
Hocus-Focus, yeah.
So, I was like, I was like slightly into seeing Baby Driver, you know, I was like, oh, it's getting good reviews, I'm hearing good shit about it, and then I saw somebody commented, they were like, yeah, that one scene with Focus in it, and I was like, What?
Now I have to see this movie.
And it's like the best scene in the fucking movie.
I remember you being pumped on that.
Wait, the song's in it?
Yeah.
Oh, that's cool.
It's like Toward the End.
I heard that movie kind of sucks.
It's the scene where he's driving.
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, I heard that movie sucks.
No, it's good.
It's got one of the best actors of our time, Kevin Spacey, going against a young boy, and for some reason the chemistry is through the roof.
Oh, man.
You mean like, never mind.
Like the kind of chemistry when you, like, drink a young boy's life-giving juice?
Yeah, dude.
Oh, tight.
When you, when you... When you make him do his own stunts and then suck the adrenochrome out that has been produced?
Yeah.
Hey, let's focus on the real president, please.
Okay.
Sorry.
Yeah, if only we could get rid of this guy the way we got rid of, uh, Wood?
What's his name in the show?
Underwood?
Yeah.
If only Donald Trump had committed unlawful acts with minors or women.
We'd have a chance if maybe Melania was a citizen like Ms.
President Underwood is a citizen.
Right, because then we would have somebody trustworthy to take over in the absence of Donald Trump.
No, we just can't have dirty immigrants being president.
It's illegal.
So don't trust them.
It's illegal.
Okay, so Craigofocus says, This shit right here is why libertarians are a joke.
Okay, this is literally the only good thing about Libertarians.
Is that they're anti-war?
Is that they're anti-war.
Aren't they like pot too?
Oh, yeah, I guess that's true.
When like not black people are smoking, they like it.
I feel like I've heard a Libertarian.
I mean most Libertarianism is just fake Libertarianism.
I can get down with about half the social Libertarianism.
I don't know if that counts as economic or social, but anyway.
Oh, free market crap sucks.
Kregofocus says, this shit right here is why libertarians are a joke.
I often consider being one, which is an interesting way to phrase that, until you remember that the name of the page is Being Libertarian.
So literally the only time he considers being one is when he looks at the name of this fucking page.
That's why it exists, dude.
But then I'd have to chop off my dick.
Libertarians are selfish little children who don't care about others.
You know, like all those little kids that chop off their dicks.
Like, what the fuck, dude?
That is the hallmark of a little child.
They chop off their own dick.
And then they hoard the severed penis to themselves because they're selfish as well.
Exactly.
They look you in the eye and say, I don't care about you.
I don't care about procreating in the future or whatever.
Yeah, it's really a selfish act.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I love this.
Libertarians are selfish little children who don't care about others.
So a couple things.
I feel like, yes, you should care about others by...
Dropping missiles on them to show you care.
Sometimes that's how you show you care is with tough love.
By fucking killing them.
At least show you care for your fellow Americans by defending them by bombing defenseless Syrians over in...
Syria.
It's just like the weird thing is these people, the same people that started using terms like dindus, are the same people that feel like they're being affected by the human rights violations in Syria.
Right.
Right.
So crazy.
Hey man, you gotta grasp at any straw you can, you know?
I guess I shouldn't have chopped off my dick, maybe it'd understand.
Alright, yeah, let's keep going.
Yeah, quit shopping at Riddick, Tony.
Alright, yeah, so one more anti-war take we got here from the people for Bernie Sanders.
It's just like a video that was posted of just the all-caps phrase, the war on Syria is illegal, stacked on top of each other that runs in like a loop.
Looks sick.
Looks like a hardcore shirt.
I was just gonna say, it looks like an early 2000s, like, mid-tempo hard- or that, or like, any of the Guns Up t-shirts.
Fuck yeah.
They were all ripping off the, like, the 90s style of stacking shit.
Yeah.
Man, I love those shirts.
I miss him.
It was a good shirt.
Like, Trash Talk did shirts like this.
Yeah, I had a Lights Out shirt that had a pocket T stacked.
The pocket print was stacked Lights Out.
Dude, Lights Out ruled.
Lights Out was sick.
Locking Out record.
Wait.
I don't think they were locking out.
No, they put out one thing on Locking Out.
Anyway.
This sounds really cool, but I've never owned a shirt, so... Yeah, dude.
You need to get one, bro.
Well, when they release those new uniforms for the war... Yes, you get the box logo.
So anyway, this was posted in a deplorables group.
Somebody was trying to own the deplorables by showing them a Bernie Sanders post about the war on Syria.
And like, you know, like I kind of... I mean, which should have been obvious on its face, but I kind of came to the conclusion that most of posting is just being, like, a contrarian.
Like, that's kind of what motivates the comment section in any post, you know?
And that's like... You can almost kind of guide the takes you're gonna get by what you decide to post and what side you decide to take.
Which is how you can get a bunch of, like, deplorables to agree that prostitution should be legal, is by, like, coming out against it, you know?
That's all you have to do.
That should be our system of politics in America.
Yeah.
Convincing people, like, you know, like...
What do you call that?
Reverse psychology.
The switcheroo I was going to say.
The old switcheroo.
I like that way better.
The war on Syria is illegal.
First of all, nice to see Bernie Sanders come out against the war in Syria.
He's been a little wishy-washy when it comes to Foreign intervention and military policy, but it's nice to see him come out against this So yeah, this was the people for Bernie Sanders.
So this wasn't an actual like Bernie Sanders post, but you know anyway Victor Mathis replies in the deplorables comment section LOL, try again, CNN.
Oh, I got your face, dude, when you said it.
Breaking news, CNN hacks that people for Bernie Sanders feed in a post-crazy video.
I love this.
Not today, CNN!
Yeah, seriously, not today.
I'm trying to, like, be pro-war right now.
You're not slick, motherfucker.
I see you.
Dude, like somebody, some fucking dude is gonna cut in line at the movie theater, and you'll be like, CNN, please!
Get the fuck out of here!
Like, just everything bad is CNN.
I like that.
I like that.
Dude, I did my taxes, I looked at my return, and I was all, CNN!
Damn.
I didn't do my taxes.
See, I was so stoked when I saw mine, I was like, Fox News, baby.
You're my, you're my, you're my guy.
So you're pro, you're using Fox News, but in a good way.
I'm just like pretending to be like, I like Fox News.
I'm pretending to say like, hey, I like saying CNN is a slur, and I'm going to use Fox News as the opposite of a slur.
Right, got you.
Because I'm pro Fox News.
I thought you were trying to be like a, like a hardcore leftist and use Fox News as an insult.
Oh man, I'm going to try to be ironic on the left next time.
You've got to be nice to people.
He's not going to be that mean.
Ronald Lula says, it's not illegal, it's undocumented, right liberals?
Got us.
We really do gotta... Fuckin' sucks.
Like, I mean, yeah, the war is... Change our verbiage there, yeah.
The action was based on, uh... quote, evidence that is not publicly available.
So, it's literally not documented.
So, I mean, yeah.
Like, I don't understand the argument here.
Yeah.
I'll play the dumbass here and ask, like...
There's a joke about like saying undocumented immigrants.
Yeah undocumented workers.
It's like taking it It's like going to the bank and getting an undocumented money or whatever.
Yeah, yeah But an undocumented bank robbery.
Yeah, well in this statement in order for this to hold true for for Ronald He is still saying this is bad Still saying this is bad.
Yeah.
Because he's like, listen, you call it by a different name, but, you know, we call it this.
He's still, but he still thinks it's bad.
Well, no, he's trying to say we should think it's good.
If he calls it undocumented, we, as the left, love undocumented things.
Oh, right.
Fucking stupid.
So we should love this, and we're big ol' hypocrites if we don't love this.
Well, I couldn't think of a whole lot more to say than, this fucking sucks.
Yeah, no, it's funny.
And it's also, he writes, he writes...
That's right.
He writes, it's not illegal.
Yeah, I was I wanted to say something about it.
You gotta get the idea out and then we can make fun of the way he because it's otherwise it like it really cuts across like the Salient point he's trying to make with this comment.
It's not illegal.
It's really a huge waste that someone with a sick-ass name like Ron Lula is lame.
Yeah, it's a waste.
I bet there's a cool Ron Lula out there.
Oh, there's absolutely a shout-out to Ron Lula.
Not this one, though.
This one sucks.
I love that take.
It's a great take.
Yeah, they're both... Well, Obama for sure is, because, I mean...
Kenya or whatever yeah right right and and Clinton like commits so many crimes like she herself is illegal at this point she's like you are what you eat well like you also you're all you are what you commit which is illegality so she did a bunch of legal shit like uh emails remember uh yeah she did those emails remember emails remember uh blackberry smash well she blackberry smash face yeah being that being that she is Illegal now and she's a manifestation of it.
You can't really like punish a concept, right?
Oh She being that she's an abstract now Yeah, so like we so like what you're saying is that Henry Newsom struck her down, but she's only become even more powerful since Exactly, right.
You can't can't kill a concept.
Yeah, like she Clinton's gonna come back as a force ghost.
Oh We'll only make her stronger if we kill her.
But it's going to be like a Force Ghost from when she was like 19 and working for Barry Goldwater.
Yeah, because, well, in the original release of that movie, it was the old like stroke version, but like in the redone version.
In the redone version, it's going to be when she was at her prime working for a racist Republican.
Yeah.
Yes.
Right.
Like Anakin, Hayden, right?
Hayden Christensen, right?
Eloise James says, uh, this is stupid.
There is no war.
Again, uh, this is not a war.
There is no war.
And read the War Act of 1972, which gives the president the authority to act in dangerous situations.
All he did was blow up dangerous, internationally banned chemical facilities.
Do you want them dropped on the USA?
Fucking idiot, Eloise.
Look your shit up.
Read shit.
Like, is there anything that they, saying they destroyed a chemical facility?
Yeah.
Oh, they did hit a chemical facility?
No, they said they did.
Yeah.
Well, okay, alright.
I guess I need to fuckin' read more.
Please.
They just think, like, no, these were isolated buildings.
They're just doing, helping the betterment of the world out.
I don't know, it's just, the whole thing's just stupid.
Her whole point is, if you don't destroy the chemicals, they're gonna get dropped on the U.S.
Yeah.
That's what her very stupid point is.
Reid Mathis says, police action is a warning, not a war.
Okay.
Oh, the world police.
Yeah, police action, it's one of those good things, like a police action.
Yeah, you know, all the good shit.
The good kind of like, you know, walk the neighborhood and just say, greet everyone, say, how you doing today?
You know, tip your hat, that kind of stuff.
Well, have you guys seen cops now have like drone guns where they could just like fly the drone like to the unarmed black person and shoot them remotely?
Oh, that's tight.
And then after they do that, the drone drops the gun on the body.
Exactly.
And flies away.
And what's cool is that the cops use rubber gloves, so their fingerprints aren't on the controls, so you can't trace it to any single cop.
So there's a whole, you know... Well, yeah, and the gloves are, like, black, so it's, like, harkens back to, like, the executioner's hood.
Yeah, see?
The whole thing.
So they're giving it the respect where it's due.
Right.
It's good for the cops.
Okay, so let's move on to, um...
A pro-war take.
We've had all these anti-war takes.
We've had anti-war takes from the far right with Paul Joseph Watson, anti-war takes from the even dorkier far right with the Libertarian page, and then anti-war take on the moderate left with Bernie Sanders.
Well, let's hear this pro-war take from who is this?
Oh yes, leader of the Democratic Party, Chuck Schumer.
I mean, of course, dude.
Fucking of course.
He sucks, dude.
Yes, he sucks.
Let's hear him describe why he sucks.
One reason why he sucks.
He tweets out, A pinpointed, limited action to punish and hopefully deter Assad from doing this again is appropriate, but the administration has to be careful about not getting us into a greater and more involved war in Syria.
1,000 retweets, 5.4 thousand likes.
And I love the way he, like, really stuck it to Donald Trump, a man who he's called, like, irresponsible and dangerous to the country, and who's unfit for office.
I love the way he, like, continued just to stick it to him by saying, uh, gotta be careful not to do this, like, ten more times.
Because there's, like, a weird limit on it.
Yeah, well, we know the limit's not two, because this is the second time this has happened, and it's the second time Chuck Schumer has been like, okay, but just think about it before you do it again.
Think for like ten months before you do it again, and then we'll reset this thing, we'll reset this baby.
Well, see, Chuck likes that, and he especially likes strikes at the end of that ten months, You can spend as much military money as you can during that whole, like, R&D process of the strike, you know?
That 10-month period?
And then, like, a bunch of money, paying all those people.
And then, spend all that money on shit, you know?
Guns and shit after, so.
Or whatever.
Oh yeah, it's just insane how like, obviously Donald Trump, an unfit psychopath, a person whose ego and emotions vary wildly from minute to minute, is able to do something like this without any congressional oversight, and the only congressional oversight we have is for them to say, Alright.
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Sure, just be, did you guys, did you guys use protection?
- Yeah.
- Just be careful. - Did you use protection when you were doing this?
Okay, cool. - Just think about it.
- Yeah, did you think about it before you did it?
Okay, cool.
Well, no, it's cool.
When I let my kid and their friends come over and do drugs, it's okay because I'm with them.
Yeah, they're under your roof.
At least I get to watch them do it.
That's tight, dude.
It's cool your five-year-old is doing drugs.
It's kind of like the opposite, though.
It's even less responsible than that.
It's like, you kids can do drugs, but just fucking throw them somewhere else.
Just don't hurt yourself.
Yeah, yeah, you're right, exactly.
Fuck.
Do him, do him over in that country over there.
Uh, that's a good take.
Uh, actually thinking response.
So we got a couple responses to this on the Hill article about this.
Um, actually thinking.
So we got a, like a real logical, rational commenter here.
It's just nice to be guaranteed you're gonna have some quality, some well thought out thoughts.
From actually thinking?
Mhmm.
Actually thinking would definitely consider both sides before bombing another country He says or they say Schumer showing a balanced approach Trump continues to be a loose cannon Okay like Trump literally firing missiles in a very precise and well, maybe not precise but in a very
What's the word I'm looking for?
There's a whole organization around firing these missiles that has been built up by the executive branch.
Yeah.
And you could say, oh, he's picking and choosing when to fire.
But just the metaphor here of a loose cannon is very interesting to me.
Because if he is being a loose cannon, then how is Chuck Schumer showing a balanced approach by saying, good job, Trump?
It makes no fucking sense.
Dude, this one's not even hard.
This is literally them calling Trump a loose cannon when they're actually a well thought out, calculated missile strike.
Which is exactly what happened.
I just had a horrifying, like, image of, like, 2021 and Chuck Schumer's president, and he's this real, he's this real dialed-in canon, and he's just blasting the shit out of whatever country he wants to fucking blast.
And, and, and just, you know.
I ran.
In a direct way?
I ran, yeah.
I ran, yeah.
I just want to get on record that if Chuck Schumer is anywhere within the White House in 2021, I'm blaming it on you.
You just called it.
As a Jewish person.
You just called it.
That's me knocking on our wooden table here.
You can't on-knock a telepathic Jewish signal.
Yeah, I can, dude.
I do it all the time.
I'm Jewish, dude.
It's all good.
You can't tell me about other shit.
Stay in your lane, Tony.
My bad, my bad, my bad.
I did put my blinker on.
That's a reference to an off-mic conversation we had earlier.
Yeah, we were talking about something else that we're not going to talk about right here.
But I was a dumbass.
But I'm not anymore.
Yeah, so that's what that was.
RRO2 on the same article, the same Chuck Schumer likes Trump article, RR02 says, thank you Mr. Schumer for your vocal support of our troops.
I know this goes without saying, but speaking up this way means a lot.
What the fuck?
Like, where are the troops in this comment?
RR02 is obviously a real Republican.
That's what the RR stands for.
And can see what Schumer is going for here and that Schumer does want war and he wants to support the troops.
I was delivered terribly by everybody.
It's that whole thing where if you're pro-Trump you're pro-troops and if you're pro-America you're pro-troops.
And as long as you're not shitting on the flag, you're trooping for the troops.
And by shitting on the flag I mean not standing.
Yeah.
I think, uh, what if you're sitting to shit on the flag?
Is your hand over your heart?
What if I'm not shitting on the flag, but my squatty potty is resting on the flag while I shit in a toilet?
Like I said, is your hand over your heart?
Yeah.
Oh, you're good.
Okay.
Oh, that's cool.
Alright then.
Are you really stressing the word, um, under God?
Are you really... I'm stressing it when I say it while sharing it.
God!
Yeah.
Quick question about this.
Did you read this Hill article?
I didn't read it.
Yeah.
Is it like... It's just a report about Chuck Schumer's response to that.
Yeah.
I think what he's saying is that the troops are just a facet of American life and they occupy all spaces, including this tweet.
Darn tootin'.
Okay, final two takes on this, from Facebook at least.
Anthony Longo shares a link into, this was I think one of the QAnon groups, one of the conspiratorial, conspiracy theory QAnon groups.
I think I'm using the word conspiratorial wrong there.
They think there are conspiracies.
Yeah, I think conspiratorial is like you're planning to do the conspiracy.
Yeah, conspiratorial means you're the one cutting the face off a screaming child.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is like on the beginning end of a conspiracy coming out right here.
Yeah, that's what we're looking at, you know?
Or a conspiracy theory.
I'm saying they're commenting on the conspiracy theory, they're not the ones committing the conspiracy.
This little link here though is probably on the early end of this new conspiracy that InfoWars people are hatching currently.
Okay, I mean, I feel like this is a valid, this article proposes a valid thought, which is that they're...
Go ahead.
Okay, so it's a PBS article about there being no evidence of Syrian use of sarin gas.
Oh, fuck.
This is straight from General Mattis.
I believe this is an old article that was reposted in this context.
But the evidence used to justify this attack is private.
I still don't believe it's been disclosed.
It is another instance of, you know, executive branch knows best and you gotta trust them, right?
What else are we gonna do?
Oh man, I hate living in a world like that, dude.
So that's the article that says US has no evidence of Syrian use of sarin gas.
Sorry, well we just truly don't know.
From General Mattis, and that's them like admitting, well no, we can't give you evidence.
And Anthony Longo posted this in the QAnon group with the caption, I trust Secretary Mattis.
The left wants to provoke a war, in my opinion.
So, Anthony Longo definitely didn't read this article, and he thinks that what General Mattis is saying is that since we have no evidence of Syrian use of sarin gas, then we shouldn't bomb them.
That's what Anthony Longo thinks is implied by this headline.
That General Mattis is making the case for inaction because we don't have evidence.
Whereas it's exactly the opposite that's going on in this article.
No evidence, so we bomb.
Right.
Yeah.
And then C.T.
Walsh, you know, has a similar, you know, reaction to my response, saying, um, isn't it?
So, yeah, let me go back to this caption real quick.
I trust Secretary Mattis.
The left wants to provoke a war, in my opinion.
So, Anthony Long was under the impression that it is the left wing, which is probably referring to Democrats, wanting to provoke a war.
Democrats are usually pro-war when the time comes to decide.
I wouldn't say they're necessarily the pro-war party, that it's obviously the right wing.
world police but they are the uh the go along and and and as not to make a fuss party yeah no i mean they have like you know they they're they're hawkish i mean hillary clinton is a very hawkish politician but i would say that they're i think ostens their ostensible platform is uh peace you know Denuclearization.
I think that they're definitely in the pocket of... No, it's bullshit.
When it comes down to make a decision, they always choose.
But they're not going to be the ones to be at the very front of it.
Yeah, never.
And they just know how, they know how to, they go for optics, they know how to project the launching of the war, they understand the necessity of it.
John Kushnerik, whoa, have we had this comment before?
Have we had this commentator before?
Kushneric sounds really familiar.
Well, that does sound familiar, dude.
Wasn't this the one that you... I still subscribe to the old threads.
No, I'll look later.
Isn't this the one where I deferred to you because it was a Polish last name?
Oh, you might be right.
I'll pull it up.
I was going to say, I don't want to remember it and sound, you know, racist.
Yeah, stay in your lane, bro.
Yeah, bruh.
I'll find out later, and I'll... Okay, yeah, John says... Yeah, okay, so isn't Trump saying he's gonna bomb Syria?
John says, yes, he and the rest of the Democratic Party.
C.T.
Walsh says, Trump isn't in the Democratic Party.
And Barbara Hoff says, he's being coerced into it.
He has people like Paul Ryan and Lindsey Graham telling him he needs to.
So yeah, the Democratic Party.
Paul Ryan and Lindsey Graham telling him he needs to go to war.
And Ken Ault says, just another attempt to screw Trump by the Never Trumpers and the Dims.
Which, at that rate, if you combine the Never Trumpers and the Dims, that's the majority for sure, right?
Yeah.
Because that's Democrats and a few Republicans, like five.
Is he on a team?
Are they saying, hey man, I know we're having a great season, but I think that for the better of the team you need to go play for the Democrats.
They need a point guard.
The Never Trumpers don't exist as politicians.
No.
They exist as, like, media pundits.
They don't actually exist as... Every fucking Republican is totally fine with... Every Republican politician and member of the Republican base is totally fine with Donald Trump.
But I like... Just another attempt to screw Trump by the never-Trumpers and the Dems.
So, Ken's theory is that Democrats and other Republicans are trying to make Trump look bad by forcing him to bomb another country.
And then he'll look bad compared to the Democrats who also want to bomb a country.
It's a weird take.
Dems hate him so much, they're gonna make him look like a dumbass.
And then they'll say, just kidding, we weren't for the action, gotcha.
Hey, you dumbass.
Let her do it.
Let's move on to probably my favorite moment in this debate.
This has got to go on the social media post for this episode.
Yeah, I've avoided posting this in the groups or on the Instagram to save it for tonight.
This is like one of the hottest takes I've ever seen.
I've seen some pretty hot ones.
This is a beautiful piece of art.
It is a meme.
It is a two panel meme, top and bottom.
Top panel is a picture of Assad, and uh, you know, impact font, so you know it's a good meme.
Top text on Assad says, uh, what kind of monster, bottom text on Assad, would kill his own people?
So this is a response to people questioning the validity of the chemical attacks and whether it's something that Assad actually did to his own people or whether it's just a deep state, like, uh, conspiracy to get us mired in another Middle Eastern war.
You know, people are saying, what kind of monster would kill his own people?
Bottom frame of this meme.
Portrait of Abraham Lincoln with an ellipses across it.
Okay.
This is fucking beautiful.
It's insane.
It's so great.
We all thought Assad was a monster.
Well, turns out you forgot about a little man named Abraham Lincoln, one of America's greatest monsters.
One of America's greatest puppet masters.
Just pitching sides against each other just so they kill each other.
And you can't forget about Abraham Lincoln because if you do forget about Abraham Lincoln, you're doomed to repeat Abraham Lincoln.
Forget about history or you're due to repeat it.
Yeah, dude.
Who's that other dude that... Never mind.
I was going to try to think of a Hitler bit, but it's not happening.
Do you remember how the Civil War started?
The airstrikes.
Yeah.
Some of the first airstrikes in American history were chemical warfare from Abraham Lincoln on innocent Americans who just wanted to be free and own people.
Uh, I... I'm picturing a meme.
This same meme.
Uh, what kind of monster would kill his own people?
To, you know, top, top piece of the meme, photo of Assad.
Uh, what kind of monster would kill his own people?
Bottom frame, an American World War II vet with blonde hair and blue eyes.
Oh!
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Definitely the same.
But, you know, makes me question.
Or like, what kind of monster would kill his own people?
Top picture of Assad.
Bottom picture, a black abortionist.
Oh my god, I love it.
This is like an endless supply of terrible, terrible things.
Can I play the devil's advocate a little bit here?
Sure.
Okay, so... Remember my confusion over which amendment was the bad amendment?
Yes.
Okay, which one's the bad one again?
I don't think either of them were bad.
No, one of them is bad because there's a documentary, I think it's the 13th, right?
Isn't it funny, and you're not wrong, as you were saying, one of them is bad because there's a documentary about it.
No, no, no, no.
Yeah, it sounds terrible.
What you're saying is one of them, at the time, was good and necessary, but had really bad impact.
Implications for the future.
It needed to be modified for current days.
And it's not modified, yeah.
It outlaws slavery, except for prisoners.
Yeah, for criminals.
It's got really bad jargon, and the fact that one in four Black men is in prison today, you know, that's bad corollary there Well, they're in prison just because of general white supremacy.
Oh, yeah, it's the fact that they can be like Forced into work, but after the fact mechanism is that fucking that amendment so we're gonna say oh that like oh Yeah, fucking Abraham Lincoln, you know?
He foresaw the future.
He foresaw all of black men getting enslaved through prison.
Oh, and that's why he did it.
Yeah, dude.
Bastard.
Yeah, what a fucker.
He was in for the long con.
That Yankee fucker.
And he's also, like, tells the future.
So that's cool.
Okay, let's move on to your segment here, Matt.
Hey, don't call this mine, dude.
Let me see how much time we have.
It's fine.
We're at 53 minutes.
We gotta book it.
We got, we got, let me see here... How many more slides we got, two?
Uh, yeah, two, two big boy slides.
Two full slides.
After this one?
This one and another one, too.
Okay, well, this is fine.
This is just, uh, a little fairytale time.
Yeah, this is wild.
So, um, yeah, you said that this is, uh, owed to me, but this is actually owed to, uh, a commenter on the Donald subreddit called Atrand, so...
Do-do-do-do-do-do my fairytale music alright starts with a tweet from Donald.
It's the one that I don't know I'm not exactly sure when this one came out cuz you know whatever Russia vows to shoot down any and all missiles fired at Syria get ready Russia because they will be coming nice and new and quote smart Yeah You wouldn't be partners with a gas-killing animal who kills his own people and enjoys it.
You shouldn't.
Oh yeah, you shouldn't.
Yeah, whatever.
It's really good when your world leader starts calling leaders of other countries animals and subhumans and it sets a really good precedent for what we're about to do.
Yeah, and then maybe for the next two years we have him as president, or whatever.
I don't know how long he's been president for.
Seems like two years.
Well, I'm just saying, like, when you, you know... Oh, talk on that level?
Yeah.
When you call another country, like, in, you know, full of animals or something like that... Might be genocide on the way.
Right.
Yeah, no, I'm... I get it, yeah.
Alright, so J.K.
Writes-a-Lot comes in here and his flair is no brakes on this Trump train.
Says, it's all theater.
Has to be.
If he wanted to fired missiles, I'm going to read it totally on point as it's written.
If he wanted to fired missiles at Syria, it would have already been done.
This is something else.
Maybe he'll bring us to the, quote, verge of World War III, then, quote, discover the final moments before the war that the Dems slash globalists did it.
It would be a great moment for the world to see how dangerous these people really are.
What the fuck?
Pretty sweet.
Pretty cool.
Dude, it's like writing.
It's just like fan fiction.
Dude, it is pretty much fan fiction.
It's just like fan fiction for reality.
And for Trump.
Wouldn't it be cool if we were on the verge of World War III and then Trump, like, you know... He's like, wait!
I found out.
I did an investigation, and I found there was a globalist scheme.
Yeah, he got all the Democrats around the podium with him to announce World War III, and that's what all the Democrats thought.
We were going to be announcing World War III, and then he just pulled all their pants down in front of the camera.
Yeah, and then fucking put bags on their heads and took them to prison.
But, yeah, like, what are they, gas?
What are they, the Democrats, gas?
Fuckin' Syrian, or whatever, this is insane.
It's very vague.
It's like, wouldn't it be cool if all the Democrats went to jail and, like, the deep state got broken in half over Trump's knee?
Yeah, so you could write a cool story about it.
You could film the pieces here.
So, yeah, Atran tries to do that.
Yeah, it would have been done the night the gas attack happened.
Just like the last one.
He set that up the last time because he just got into being president and other world leaders were probably like, eh, let's see if he's for real.
Let's gas our own civilians and see if this dude's got what it takes to stand up for us.
Sometimes the bully just wants a little pushback.
Yeah, exactly.
This is so crazy.
And after that night, the world was changed.
If you noticed, everybody kind of shaped up a little bit more.
They stopped with the whole mongering bullshit and threat crap except for a few.
They were silent.
They couldn't believe he actually did it.
He called everyone's bluff and he did it his way.
He did it his way.
And I guarantee you his fucking ass has sang that one time or something at some fucking party.
Trump, I mean, sang that.
Oh yeah, Trump for sure loves Sinatra.
Yeah, fuck yeah he does.
He loves most of the Rat Pack.
Fuck yeah, except for that fucking, the black Jew.
Which I can say, because he's Jewish.
Right, you could, well, yeah.
Tony said black.
You have to say, you have to say, you have to say B-word Jew.
Oh yeah, B-word Jew.
Alright.
Where was I?
Okay, so that totally put everyone on edge and gave people a wake-up call around the world and showed other world leaders.
Man, that is so crazy.
Like, all these world leaders are like, wow!
Like, Trump, you know?
Let's be like Trump.
No, I love this, like, this totally, like, uh...
Did you notice that after Trump retaliated for that Syrian gas attack that everybody shaped up and flew right and didn't do any more gas attacks except for this one that we're talking about right now?
Did you notice that?
We finally filled out that world position that we're supposed to be in and truly just really policing the world for good.
Yeah, we're really policing the world and much like the real police, we just keep arresting the same people for the same crimes over and over again.
We're stopping all crime.
No, the idea that, you know, the idea that on the center and, you know, the Democratic side that, oh, this is good.
It's good we need to retaliate in a very pinpoint and limited way.
We need to retaliate against Assad to let him know that this isn't okay.
It's like, we already did that.
We've done that several times.
Yeah.
It did not work.
No, it's been a rough, rough go over there.
If we are to believe that Assad gassed his people once again, then on the face of it, it doesn't work.
Right.
Anyway, keep going with this comment.
Okay, so who's saying this right here?
It's like, okay.
This is the libs.
Yeah, this is the libs.
He's quoting.
This is all in quotes.
Okay, here we go.
Oh my god, he actually did it.
He struck and we never knew.
Yeah, when Donald comes and visit.
You better make goddamn sure those rugs are clean and rolled out.
You better make sure everything is in tip-top shape for Donald in a perfect world.
They're gonna just pull the rugs out for Donald.
We say tippy-top shape.
Tippy-top.
Sometimes.
Right.
And then, uh, Atran comes back in to say, uh, rolling on the floor laughing.
See my point?
I mean, sorry to cut you off.
Okay, no, go ahead.
Like, yeah, that's all you have to do is, like, roll out a literal welcome mat that says, I love you, Donald Trump.
And he's like, you know what?
Saudi Arabia, you guys are actually pretty cool.
You guys are pretty all right.
China.
You guys are good.
You guys are all right, too.
I love you now.
Except for all those tariffs.
Anyway, rolling on the floor laughing.
See my point?
The world changed that night.
Peace through strength works.
You have to show people that- That's why we have no more gas attacks except for this one we just had.
Er, ones that'll hopefully not happen in the future but that probably fucking will in this godforsaken world.
Peace through strength works.
You have to show people that you will not be fucked with.
Even if it just, even if just once you show it.
Because then that plants into other people's minds, wow, so if I go too far here and come at him too much, you never know when he's going to snap.
And that's what happened.
You never know with Trump.
You never truly know and that's the strategy.
Always keep everyone on their toes and constantly.
Yeah, no, if you come at the king, you best not miss your own civilian population.
I mean, A-Tran's not wrong.
That's fucking great.
That's good.
A-Tran's not wrong in saying that, like, that that's the strategy and that he's always on our toes.
That's the theory behind these, like, retaliatory strikes.
There's no method to that madness.
Well, it just doesn't work.
No, he's just so easily swayed from one way to the other, it's just like it changes from one second to the next and who the fuck knows.
Well, it's not really a method as much as... I mean, you guys are both pet owners.
Like, you know, you gotta... You gotta spank the dog more than once before it stops shitting the house, you know what I'm saying?
Eh.
Right, yeah, and we all know Syrians are worse than dogs, so you have to spank them even more than twice.
I mean, is there a better metaphor for gassing your people than shitting on the carpet?
No, I can't think.
They're both terrible acts.
Terrible, inhuman acts.
Goddamn, Tony.
Like one's inhuman because you're killing humans and the other one's inhuman because there's a dog doing it.
Holy shit, that's a hot take, sir.
Alright.
You fucked me up with that one, homie.
Alright, dude.
Alright, let's move on to the final subject.
Something closer to home.
It's like, kind of funny, but it's not funny.
It's just like, some of the comments... There's no palate cleanser in this episode.
Yeah, we just... I put a couple good comments at the end.
They're laughable, but like... So what's this episode called?
Warbucks?
Oh yeah.
Right?
That's like a really easy way for me to name this episode.
Papa Warbucks.
Daddy Warbucks.
Okay, like Trump is daddy?
Yeah, Trump's daddy.
Trump and Mattis are both our dads.
Got it.
Okay.
But you don't have to do that.
Do you want to intro this segment, Tony?
This was like your idea to do this shit.
Yeah, um, this one's actually really close to my heart because, um, not only am I a black man, but I am a black man who was employed by Starbucks Coffee Co.
for quite some time.
Oh shit, oh yeah, homie.
Oh yeah, you did work at Starbucks.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
How long did you work there?
I worked there for, like, seven years.
And you got, that's where you got your coffee chops at all, huh?
Um, yeah.
And I moved on.
I mean, that's a really great place to get them.
That's where I got my people skills.
That's where I got my retail prowess I now have today.
That's how you learn to hate black people.
By working at Starbucks.
That's where I learned that some things aren't good enough black.
You have to add ice and lots of sugar and blend it.
You gotta blend it.
Ice is coming for black people now?
No, he's talking about adding... Oh, you're talking about milkshakes for breakfast?
No, I think he's talking about adding methamphetamines into the black community to fix things up.
Okay.
So, the homegirl Laura Ingram posted this video.
It's the video I think you've probably all seen.
It's police arrest black men in Philly Starbucks for doing nothing.
That's the headline.
That's the headline, yeah.
So it was posted on Twitter.
Basically these two... This is Facebook.
The original video was posted on Twitter.
Laura Ingram posted it on Facebook.
It's just where I get all my news.
It's these two guys who were just waiting at Starbucks.
They hadn't bought anything.
They used the bathroom.
They're waiting for somebody to meet them there at Starbucks.
They didn't order anything yet.
And they were asked to leave, I guess.
The fucking Starbucks called the cops to come escort them out themselves.
So the cops come and they put them in handcuffs and walk them out.
And it's just this fucking big show.
It's real shitty at Starbucks and everything.
We all know that.
But Laura Ingraham posted it as like, look at these people trolling in real life.
You know, they didn't have to sit at the Starbucks.
I kind of disagree with you.
I kind of want to push back on this.
I think Laura is coming in anti-Starbucks.
Yeah.
Because the headline on this article she posted is, is police arrest black men at Philly Starbucks for doing nothing.
Yeah.
And then she says, wow.
And then, yeah.
And then her caption is, wow.
And so it's still very clickbaity.
It's still vague.
I think it's just because there's Laura Ingraham, that's what I was assuming she was saying.
Yeah, well, Laura Ingraham was also, like, anti-Syrian strikes, you know?
So, like, a broken-ass clock is right twice a day.
Can I just say something about, like... So, this... I'm assuming that this is in some, like, fucking suburb of Philly, most likely, because they asked black people to leave, or whatever.
Like, I go into lots of Starbucks all the time, and I see homeless people hanging out, and, like, they don't ask those people to leave, like...
Like, and they shouldn't.
Um, but like, it's like, what the fuck?
Like, like you don't have the balls to like, and like people will complain.
Like I've worked at coffee shops where people complain, like you need to ask that homeless person to move on.
And like, and I understand like, like when your owner says like, that's our policy, you have to do that, which is bullshit and sucks.
But like, and it's, you know, you're pushing money away or whatever, but it's like.
It's just like, what the fuck, dude?
The whole thing here is like, this is not a reflection on, like, the company, Starbucks.
But people are making it that because people, for some reason, the right hate Starbucks.
Not for some reason, because they stopped doing the fucking Christmas cups.
The cups, yeah.
You know?
It's all because of the Christmas cups.
It's all because of the holiday cups.
Put a commie cup out.
Yeah, that's what it's all about.
So anyways, we're getting way off here.
Can I say my theory about it?
Yeah, yeah.
So Laura Ingraham posted this.
Laura Ingraham seems to be on the side of these black men who were arrested.
I think what happened was, and liberal media's not reporting this, I think what happened was we talked about the boycott of Laura Ingraham recently on this show, and just the liberal onslaught of hatred and bigotry toward Laura Ingraham.
And I think, I'm guessing here, but I'm seeing it in my head.
I think what happened was, is these two dudes go in, and they do buy coffee, and they tell them that their names are Laura Ingram.
To make Starbucks have to write Laura Ingram on their coffee cups, and yell it out, and say, say her name!
You know what I mean?
Like, say her name!
Right.
And they refused to do it, and the black man would not leave.
And they were arrested.
And Laura, obviously Laura Ingraham is going to come to their defense just as they came to hers.
The only reason why I'm going to combat that theory is because I'm pretty sure that both these men are huge LeBron fans.
What the fuck?
Are they wearing LeBrons in the video or something?
I think one of them is at least wearing Nikes.
So they hate Laura Ingraham.
Maybe they, I don't know, maybe they think LeBron should shut up and dribble.
Yeah.
Because they like watch, they will like watch him play.
Maybe these guys are like, maybe they're, maybe they're, you know, they're fundamentalist basketball players.
And they like, they are, you know.
I bet these guys play some basketball.
They think LeBron should stay in his lane, which is that, you know, that area driving to the rim.
No, they're just pro... Right, that's called a lane.
Yeah, okay, cool.
I'm just saying the pro basketball fundamentals.
Yes.
Like Laura Ingram.
Okay, let's go.
Let's keep going.
So, a few comments on this.
Tom Dudley.
But what do they say to the police?
If, by refuse, they were disrespectful, perhaps even cruelly disrespectful and confrontational, then no one should be surprised at the outcome.
Yeah.
Love this take.
What if they talked back?
Yeah.
What if they just didn't just...
Go peacefully.
What if they asked questions?
What if they had a knife on them?
You know what I'm saying?
Or, what if they even had a gun on them?
And they, like, pointed it at a cop's face.
I mean, it would make total sense that they were, like, handcuffed and escorted out.
This is, like, a throwback to, like, one of the first episodes.
This is my dad's take about the guy that robbed a fucking store and he called the guy a thug.
And I was like, that guy's probably... Never mind.
Forget this.
Okay.
Um, but, um, I think it's funny, though, like, maybe these black guys were going up in there just, like, saying, what's up, Whitey?
What's up, Cracker?
Being crudely disrespectful.
They were probably being racist.
They were probably going in there racist.
It was probably really tough because they went in there to be racist and then one of the cops ended up being black.
And that was kind of awkward to watch.
Curb your enthusiasm, started playing.
Insert that here.
Go back and edit it.
That was actually pretty good.
The harmony might sound good.
It sounded so great.
I need one instrument.
He need another one.
Paul, Paul, is it Gend, you think?
Yeah, it's Gend.
Paul Gend.
Actually, I love, those are the best.
They always start with actually.
So, let me, hold on.
So, like I said before in this episode and on the previous episode, every single comment section is motivated by contrarianism and grievance with the original post.
That's what fuels every single comment section.
So, that is what's fueling all, every one of these comments is, well, actually.
Go ahead.
Actually, Starbucks had them arrested for trespassing.
The police were just enforcing a misdemeanor citizen arrest based on the business wishes.
Based on the business wishes?
Yeah.
If anyone is at fault, it's Starbucks.
P.S.
Why didn't they just order something?
They were just fulfilling the business's wish of arresting them.
Business wish.
Excuse me, 911?
Please arrest this person.
Maybe the business was dying and this was their one wish before they left.
Yeah, this is a typical business.
This is, like, one of the common business wishes, like, before they die.
Please arrest the people I don't want in my store.
Like, you know.
I love it.
Like, they were just doing the business' wishes.
Like, openly admitting that the police exist only to serve capitalism.
To me, 9-1-1, I need backup.
I'm performing a citizen's arrest.
Hold on, we need an undocumented in here to...
Wait, I don't know where I was going with that joke.
I feel like these comments aren't so much as contrarian as much as they are, like, people making up scenarios for, like, like, trying to justify, like, arresting the- Well, yeah, Laura Ingram thinks that it was an unjustifiable arrest, and so these people are being contrarian still.
Okay, like, wait, no, Laura.
No, this is what happened, and if you believe this, maybe you'll come over to our side.
This is what probably happened, I think?
Maybe?
It could've.
Yeah, I love it.
I think it's hilarious as fuck.
Let's go to the next one.
Yeah, this was yours.
Another popular take was about how they all hate Starbucks.
Some of them are boycotting Starbucks.
But don't worry, some people boycotted Starbucks before this.
Matt Sutherland, I quit anything having to do with Starbucks after they refused to send coffee to our troops in the early part of the war.
Starbucks has done really good, but caused a lot of trouble.
Really no good.
Sorry, yeah, thank you.
Starbucks has done really no good, but caused a lot of trouble.
Starbucks has done really no good, terrible day.
But, they caused a lot of trouble.
It's causing trouble.
I hope they put this one out of business for good.
These guys did nothing.
So I think they should be compensated monetarily.
And still don't think it's enough to fit the situation.
A lot going on here in this comment.
It's so confusing.
This comment is like horseshoe theory in a nutshell.
Send this post to New Developments in Horseshoe Theory.
A, he's saying right here that these black dudes did nothing.
Did they send coffee to our troops?
Do they deserve our support if they didn't send coffee to our troops?
Did they vet these people for us?
They should have found out.
This is like the only comment who hates Starbucks for not being supportive enough of the troops and is also siding with unarmed innocent black men.
Yeah, and I was gonna say like Matt Sutherland, I think you're one of the good ones, dude, because at least we know you hate Starbucks more than you hate black people.
So that's cool.
That trumps it.
Boom.
What's funny about this comment is that when I worked at Starbucks, a lot of the partners you get a free pound of coffee every week.
And a lot of times that was donated and was sent to the troops.
It was sent overseas.
So they might not have done what... I think Coffee Bean does a pound for pound for the troops.
You need a lot of coffee when you're in Afghanistan to counteract nodding off from all the heroin.
It's funny, they did totally donate coffee.
I'm going to say fuck Starbucks still, because they're a giant fucking conglomerate.
Well, no, they're not a conglomerate.
They're a big corporation.
They're doing a lot, though, to change the way they practice, as far as fair trade and shit.
They just said that they're going to... Were you going to say something else?
I don't know.
Fuck Starbucks.
I didn't send this to you guys.
They just said they're going to close like a thousand stores to do...
Training on like not hating black people?
That's awesome.
Actually?
Yeah, they're doing like workshops.
That's pretty cool.
Like anti-racist workshops or something.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
That's at least something.
They did hire me and they did just hire my little brother.
So good for him.
Maybe they're gonna hire a bunch of black folks.
That'll be good.
Also, a very similar thing just happened in an LA Fitness.
I can't remember what state it was.
I posted it in the Minion Death Commandos Facebook group.
These two dudes, like, Got kicked out of LA Fitness for working out.
And they were like, why do we have to leave?
I'm an eight-year member.
This dude's here on a guest pass, a four-day guest membership.
They really should and I hope they do seek proper counsel for that because they really deserve it.
Well it went viral right?
So they'll probably get some kind of pro bono shit.
It's going viral right now.
It's still working up steam.
It's bad for them.
Um, so, to continue... Oh, can I?
Let me do this one.
Yeah, get that one, yeah.
Alright, uh, Mary Jean Petite says... Pet it, dude.
Actually... How many of these comments start with I?
Just the two, I guess, but they're all in that vein.
They are in the vein.
Uh, actually, they were trespassed.
They refused to leave when told to do so.
They attempted to use restroom facilities when told that they were only for paying customers.
We don't have verification on that, right?
Yeah.
Anyway, okay.
Big fucking deal.
They attempted to use restroom facilities when told that they were only paying for customers.
Parentheses.
They were only for paying customers.
Parentheses.
That's a form of theft.
Using something that others must pay for is theft.
It only is theft if you're trying to justify the arrest of some black man.
This is such a hot take.
Urinating is theft.
Yeah.
Do you think, who's paying the water bill?
I mean, the taxpayers probably.
Yeah, I'm sure they have some government subsidy every city they go.
That's why I don't flush.
I wash my hands.
Good man.
But I mean, Starbucks is usually pretty cool about people just letting them use their fucking latrines and shit.
Latrines.
Troops.
Yeah, you're on that troop kick.
I support them.
My gnarliest stories are from working at Starbucks, the location I worked at for so long.
The Highland one?
Yeah.
Just to place you so people can come find you.
Totally being cool with anybody using the bathroom, because I'm like, honestly, use it, because we clean it every hour.
So please, I want you to come in and use it.
Go ahead.
And we clean up some crazy stuff.
Poopoo.
That's good.
I also, at my job, I let anybody use my piss jug if they want to.
Yeah, dude.
I go up to somebody and say, you want to use my piss jug?
Shake it in their face.
Smell it!
Smell it!
It's two weeks old!
And it's a Gatorade bottle, so it's degrading big time.
I clean my piss jug every hour, on the hour.
On the hour?
I don't believe that for a bit.
I love this show.
That's a form of theft.
Pissing is theft.
Okay, we're saying they didn't try to piss, as far as we know.
They were just sitting down.
So, literally, what she's saying is, relaxation is theft.
Yep.
That's what she's saying.
What's really funny about this too- Chillin' is theft.
What's really funny about this too is there is another video that came afterwards of somebody, of this black man who was refused the code to the bathroom and he waited for this other guy to come out of the bathroom who was a white guy and he asked the guy, he's like, hey, did you buy anything yet?
He's like, no, I was about to.
Cause they gave you the code though?
He's like, yeah.
And he goes up with the guy to the counter.
And it's like, hey, how come you gave my man the code, but you didn't give me the code?
Hell yeah.
And I think this person actually thinks this is the same video, because she's not used to seeing a black person, especially in a Starbucks.
Oh, that's gotta be it.
Yeah.
This is one of my favorite comments from this segment.
Neil Harris, middle name withheld, says, duh, this was planned ahead to cause racism.
This was planned ahead to cause racism.
Yeah.
This might have been the initial start of racism in this country.
You ever notice how black people are always causing racism in these videos?
Quote, what did they do?
This was planned ahead to cause racism.
Yeah.
This might have been the initial start of racism in this country.
You ever notice how black people are always causing racism in these videos?
It's true.
Well, I guess it was on purpose.
They forgot to put on their... They could have easily not been so black that day.
They could have easily turned down their black a little bit.
They could have, I don't know, you know, painted their faces a different color.
Oh yeah, it was definitely like a premeditated act of incitement of racism.
They came in so large and so black.
No, this is...
This is premeditated blackness, which is a felony, first degree.
I'm going to go into the next take on this comment, and it's that it was planned by the liberals, liberal media, fake news, they sent black people there to sit there, and the white guy With the camera, it was two hours late.
And he's like, what did they do?
You know it was planned because I don't know if you've ever snuck up on a black guy, but they can react pretty crazy.
And they were so calm with these police officers that they obviously knew this was going to happen.
I thought you were going to say that this was planned because if you sneak up on a black guy and they don't know that you're there, you can see that they're actually white.
It's only when they have time to prepare that they become black.
Become black, yes.
What the fuck?
You ever catch a black guy being white?
It's crazy.
I think that black people should put on more white face, though.
Just to counteract all the... Yeah, like Nick Cannon?
Yeah, Nick Cannon.
Keep doing the Lord's work.
It's funny, dude.
I forgot about that.
It's really funny, actually.
Okay, you want to read this next one?
This was your comments, Tony.
Linda Good.
Keep in mind the store called the cops and asked them to remove the man who they claimed were trespassing since he had not purchased anything.
The cops did their job.
Yep.
No, it's true.
They totally did.
Cops are not lawyers or judges.
The error, if there was one, is on the employees of Starbucks to call the police.
And just to follow up to that is, Robert Edwards, correct.
Unfortunately, the gentleman likely refused.
Unfortunately, let me tell you what I think might have happened.
Yeah, here we go again!
Unfortunately, the gentleman likely refused to leave.
Unfortunately, I'm a big ol' racist, and these gentlemen likely refused to leave.
I can probably guess exactly what these black folks did.
Yeah.
The gentleman likely refused to leave, so would I. So it's weird, he's like, I would have not left too.
Oh my god.
And I would have taken my cuffs with pride.
So that would make them trespassers, according to the law.
It's a private property, after all, whether everyone understands that or not.
It's a private property, after all, whether everyone understands that or not.
They should go after Starbucks regardless.
Don't blame the cops, who are just doing their jobs.
Yeah, I mean, it's not wrong.
It's absolutely not wrong that this is the cop's job.
This is what they're paid for.
Do you guys know what kind of paperwork you have to fill out when you go out to a call and don't arrest a black person?
It's just not worth it.
They just gotta do their job.
Your cuffs have black counters.
You actually have to go and... Sorry, did I interrupt you?
That was the whole joke.
Their cuffs have black counters.
They have to meet a quota.
I was gonna say, they probably reset every month, right?
It's hourly quota, so yeah.
I was gonna say they reset them just for fun so they can get more of them.
Oh yeah, they rewind them backwards with a drill just so they can put more on it.
I guess?
Yeah.
I was gonna say if you're a cop and you have an encounter with a black person and you don't arrest them, you actually have to have a mandatory psychiatric evaluation afterward.
Explain your thought process to make sure you're okay to go back out there and arrest black people.
Yeah.
I know a guy who is actually on paid leave right now for not arresting black people.
Sounds about right, dude.
God, I can't believe they get paid.
They shouldn't get paid when they don't kill black people.
Yeah, they really need to take their wage away when they haven't killed 20 black people in a week.
It's a paid vacation for this atrocity.
These fucking race traitors not killing black people.
Well, I mean, them showing up to work and not arresting black people is them having paid vacation and not doing any work.
Yeah, I know.
This is like Blade Runner 2049.
After every encounter with a black person, you gotta come back and make sure you're still willing to kill Kill humanity.
Still willing to kill some of your own.
Alright.
Spoiler for me, dang.
So it's a minor world building plot element that isn't really a spoiler but just really facilitates the movie.
It's true.
So if this comment was not in response to this video, I would actually totally agree with it.
Except for the weird... Unfortunately?
Except for the weird fat part, but we'll get there.
Oh, the next one.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Joseph... I don't even want to try to say it.
Archuleta.
Archuleta.
Be nice to your loca baristas and buy something if we're gonna sit your fat ass on a chair or booth.
The fuck?
Notice, we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
And that's like a caution sign.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do think that, um, I, but you know who does that?
Somebody who's worked in, in Coffee House Forever?
It's, it's people on their MacBook Pros who come in and plug in their computers and, you know, bleed you for your Wi-Fi all day.
And that's what they're talking about.
I don't, you don't care about if someone just needs to get, get shelter, like.
Yeah.
Give him an hour.
Give him a couple hours.
When you said MacBook Pros, I thought there was like an E at the end of Pros and you were talking about like, you know, somebody's dissertation on the psychology of their golden retriever or something.
I wish.
I agree with you wholeheartedly on that shit, by the way, dude.
As a fellow Barista.
Well, and it's like this, you know, be nice to your local barista.
Do not tip them.
Or if you do tip them, make sure it's with a $1 bill that says Trump lives here on George Washington's face.
Or at the tip of a trilby.
Thank you for using the correct term.
I did it.
Hey, can I read this next one?
Please.
I'm gonna do it in a voice.
Okay.
Chris Williams said, They were casing the joint!
I thought you were going to do it in your Yoda voice from last episode.
No, I'm going to try different stuff all the time.
I'm not going to be limited to Yoda.
Yeah, dude, I'll try different stuff.
They were casing the joint, see?
They were casing the joint.
Fucked.
Totally fucked.
I love that.
They were planning to rob the Starbucks.
They were looking around, and they were going to rob it.
They were like, yeah, they go in and they're like, alright, we're going to rob this place next week.
The counter is in the exact same spot that the counter's in at every Starbucks, alright.
Bathroom, same thing.
Okay, this CD stand selling, I don't know, Brian McKnight albums.
Nah, I'm just kidding.
It's probably like... No, it's Counting Crows, dude.
Counting Crows featuring Brian McKnight is like slightly off-center, so that's gonna have to be something we think about.
And notice that the blonde roast runs out more quickly than the dark roast, so if you have to, you want to be careful that they might splash that in your face, so make sure you're standing on the dark roast side.
Oh my god.
Casing the joint at a Starbucks.
Where's the fucking register?
Like are they gonna sneak in through an air duct?
Yeah.
No, they actually have a friend who is small enough that fits in the same box that the venti cups come in.
Tight.
Fits in there and he's gonna get delivered and then break himself out of the box.
Does he also just weigh 60 pounds?
He's also that character from Oceans 11.
Yeah, you don't have to break in if they take you in.
Tiny person.
Yeah, I love that.
Okay, so no armed security.
Okay, yeah, like every other Starbucks.
All right.
They actually had the cops call because they wanted to see how long it takes the cops to get there.
All right, go ahead, Tony, with this next one.
NGB.
Is there a GoFundMe page yet?
It's probably like a genuine comment, you know, like wondering.
Yeah.
And then Karen McIntyre.
I can't read white names.
That's good.
They're terrible.
Because you don't see color.
Karen McIntyre.
Ghetto Lottery.
It's just so stupid because like we all said, no, no, the lottery is the ghetto lottery.
Yeah, it's like poor people pay into it and they lose out.
Poor people love the lottery.
Yeah.
These folks need to have some dignity and play Lucky Seven Scratchers like the rest of us in humanity.
Final comment.
Do you want to read this one too, Tony?
This one's great too.
David Eastburn.
Barista, how would you like your coffee?
Black.
Is the response.
It's black!
Black!
The, like, what, would the black kid say that to him?
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, the black, yes, the black men, who are clearly grown men, would say that to him.
I think this is, like, a joke.
Like, black people like their coffee black.
Because they're black.
And white people like it the color of their skin.
I was going to say, the most casual racism I run into is people thinking they can make weird coffee jokes about how much cream is in my coffee.
Or, oh, my aunt used to love to tell me, you know, I like my coffee like your mom likes her men, right?
You know?
Yeah.
Strong and black.
And it kind of comes around endearing in the end.
It's really weird.
It's like, strong and black.
Well, I mean, if you like strong black dudes, it's tight.
I'm going to join those ranks right now, OK?
I am a giant glass of milk.
Is that why I can't handle you?
With one drop of coffee in me.
Cause that .75 Nigerian, baby.
Come on, baby.
Well, at least you're not a soy boy.
I'm not.
That's right.
No, I am.
I'm almond milk.
I just want to, I'm going to do a, I'm going to do a boomer joke.
Okay.
Let's hear these right wing boomer joke.
Um, Yeah, so a kid came in to order a coffee from me, a black kid came in to order a coffee from me, and accused me of a microaggression when I asked him if he wanted cream.
Oh God.
I did once have somebody tell me that they want their coffee Wesley Snipes Black.
Who?
It was a white person saying this.
Okay.
Yeah.
I had one of my- That's nifty.
One of my friends in elementary school had a black lab named Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and I was like, you know, I didn't even know who that was because I was like six or seven and he said it was the blackest name we could think of.
Oh god.
For their- Oh god.
Yeah, for their- By his mom.
No, my mom not thinking about it.
She did think about it, but now it's a joke she makes.
Her dog's name is Marvin.
He's a Black Lab.
And she's like, you think that I'm Marvin Gaye?
And I was like, I don't like Marvin Gaye that much.
And she's like, I don't know, he's just kind of like...
He's black.
He popped into my head.
I was like, alright, yeah.
And she's like, I think he's got soul.
I'm like, yeah, he does.
He has soul.
I think that was great.
I named my black lab Kenny G because I thought Kenny G was black.
Turns out, no, he's just like a really soulful white man.
Super soulful.
Playing that fucking telescope that he plays.
But the best part about this comment is, if this comment happened, then this whole scenario doesn't happen because they would have in fact bought something.
Yeah, no, no, no.
It's good.
Alright, that's it for the episode.
Mind if I do a little bit of housecleaning here at the end?
Yeah, sure, do it.
I like doing it, it's fun.
Please follow us on Instagram at MinionDeathCult.
Please like us on Facebook, MinionDeathCultPodcast.
Yes.
Please follow, or join our Facebook group, MinionDeathCommandos.
Please go to patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult for literally just as bulky episodes.
We have a bunch of guests on those episodes.
We don't get a whole lot of guests on these ones because we record them during the middle of the week and like it's kind of hard to get people here to do it.
But we're already slaves to the cult and people don't want to die with us so quickly.
Not during the work week when they have their jobs to get to.
That means we got an Inland Empire DSA meeting tonight.
Yes!
Yes, please fucking come tonight.
It is 418.
The date today is 418.
If it's that date for you, come out to Riverside.
Help us get this chapter off the ground.
We're working towards Inland Empire labor rights.
There's a lot of Distribution facilities in the Inland Empire that service Amazon and prime targets, pun intended, and we're also going to be discussing free women's self-defense courses that'll be happening every month and also a tail light clinic which is something that we are going to volunteer to do to Fixed taillights, huh?
Fixed taillights, which people get pulled over for having a broken taillight, and that is often their first encounter with the cops, and it's the first opportunity a cop has to arrest them, basically.
It often leads to greater and more terrible things, so we're going to be organizing that, and several other things in the works.
So, come out, help out, support the Inland Empire.
We need to have a Materialistic and direct sort of effect on our community.
That was terrible.
Well, and on government in general, and the only way we can do it is through grassroots organizing, which is what DSA is all about.
Yeah, well this is less on government and more on us to pick up the slack that the government is not doing.
Right.
There you go.
Yeah, so we're interested in electoral politics as well, but more importantly, we're going to be doing, you know, direct politics with the community.
So, Inland Empire DSA meeting tonight, if you're listening to this on 418, at 730 in Riverside, California at Back to the Grind Coffee Shop on University Avenue, right off the 91 Freeway.
We'll be in the basement.
Yeah.
Come say hi to us if you come out.
One more thing.
Engage us on Twitter.
We suck at it.
And so help us out.
Tony doesn't suck at it.
Who doesn't suck at it?
Tony's good.
It's hilarious.
Go follow him.
I'm going to speak for Flieldy, at Flieldy, who's Alexander Edwards, and it's Alexander Edward.
Edward.
There's only one of me.
Well, I do this every time.
Everybody does it.
Um, uh, so, guess your last name is Edwards.
Uh, it's at flieldy, at f-l-i-e-l-d-y, uh, at Tony Boswell on Twitter.
It's actually at wordisbond.
Oh, at wordisbond.
Word is bond.
Actually, just go follow, just go follow the Minion Death Cult one.
